Jump to content

Leaderboard

Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation on 05/07/2021 in all areas

  1. There are books out there on establishing relationship boundaries. I would read one or more of them. Yes, communicate with them how their comments are affecting you and upsetting to your children to hear the arguments. What can you do to tach them how to treat you? After you explain what you want to happen and what you want avoided, if you're visiting them and they begin their put-downs, don't respond and be reeled into a conversation that goes nowhere and say, "Well, it's time for us to leave." Same thing if you're on the phone. Cut the conversation short and say you have to f
    3 points
  2. Thank you everyone, all taken on board. I am meeting her this evening so am just going to be completely honest with how I feel, and will see how it goes, it’s the best I can do
    3 points
  3. 1) He was your counselor/therapist. Hugging you in your sessions is way way out of line and he should have been reported. Messing with his clients/patients is beyond crossing the line - he should be fired (imo). 2) He's married. Another reason you should stay away. Cheating on his wife and extremely poor work ethics. He's certainly no prize. 3) Be glad you haven't heard from him in 11 months. Listen to your mother.
    3 points
  4. Thanks so much for everyone's comment and input. It helps so much as it makes me feels not so alone. For four days I had panic attacks and felt really sick; guess my brain and body functions had to work through it all. Today I'm feeling better and was able to get up and made plans and managed to get counselling session in place, starting next Tuesday. I also looked into job and property options in another county. Starting to save every penny to start all over, somewhere new. Many thanks again to all of you, just needed a kick in the right direction!!!
    2 points
  5. Yes you are so right, fear everyday that I cannot be enough for someone that has major issues. The things he has said to me since this has happened. I have stood my ground though and will not break this time.
    2 points
  6. She has proven that she can not be trusted. Be done with her! You should have ended it after the first cheating incident. Block her! Expect more for yourself.
    2 points
  7. I skimmed over your post. You should break it into paragraphs. Anyway, teens are surrounded by the largest pool of single people their age they will ever be surrounded by in a lifetime. To expect a teen to stay faithful to someone they so very rarely see in person is highly unrealistic. Also, people who emotionally manipulate by saying they will commit suicide if you leave them are the last people on earth you should remain with. You have a lot to learn about what a healthy relationship is. Learn your mistakes from this one and vow to be wiser in future relationships. You can have ch
    2 points
  8. Rude and unacceptable. If she has any self-respect, she won't date you. No, the reason you don't like it is because you are very jealous and insecure. Are you serious? You are in no position to tell her how to be better, when you have so much work to do on yourself. Leave this girl alone, and work on your attitude. You have a long way to go.
    2 points
  9. Where did you go and why were you fighting, and so angry you left the house? Rather than focus on texting, focus on his drinking problems and how abysmal your marriage is. If you are already abandoning the house in arguments, it may be time to privately and confidentiality consult an attorney for advice on your options in divorce. How long have you lived together/been married? Was this an arranged marriage? Running away an ignoring calls is not dealing with the inevitable disaster your marriage is becoming.
    2 points
  10. This man is not your twin flame. More like a dumpster fire. He is a man who deeply violated professional protocol by getting involved with a client, and deeply violated his marriage vows at the same time. He's a dirtbag, OP. This is why people don't want you together. They see him for the creep he really is, even if you don't.
    2 points
  11. He confessed his love after a couple of months and you believed him? He is full of it, because if he actually loved you he would not want to be away from you, much less ghost you. He 's married? Nothing good will happen to you if you pursue guys like this. He sounds like a player and his behavior is completely inappropriate as a counselor. This guy is bad news!
    2 points
  12. Thanks everyone this was actually really helpful. To be honest i think being so close to the situation and all the emotions that cloud judgement I wasn’t seeing it the way I should have been. he’s a really great guy but unfortunately I think this is something we won’t get over. thanks again.
    2 points
  13. I understand it's very hard when you're part of a friendship group and all these dramas are going on, but the best way to preserve your friendships and your sanity is actually to stay out of it. If it was me personally, I'd be thinking do I actually want to be friends with this male friend? If he's suicidal then obviously he's struggling with his mental health and he really needs help. But to be honest he sounds very emotionally unstable and like a jerk. He treats his girlfriend so bad and emotionally abuses her. And the worst part is he does it all right in front of your whole friendship grou
    2 points
  14. According to your previous thread, you've already slept with him, (no judgment intended). With that being said, how can you be comfortable being naked with him, yet uncomfortable asking him a basic question? Why not get that straight before going any further?
    2 points
  15. Thin end of the wedge OP. Soon he'll be telling you you can't talk to your brothers (if any), male cousins, uncles etc. A 21 y/o kid is laying down the law to you! You are an independent human being. You do not have to tolerate this or any dictatorship.
    2 points
  16. You're right. I think he just loves the fact that he can control me. I don't really think he loves me. If he did, he wouldn't treat me like he does.
    2 points
  17. This may sound harsh, but you seem like a classic "friendzone" case. You can tell her but I dont really think she feels that way. I mean, dunno, maybe she does. But its clear she just wants to have fun. And that you are just her emotional support while she has fun with others. Girls that want you wont talk to you about other guys. Also, maybe you dont see now but you dont need that. How will you keep her if you start something? Is she still gona go around doing who knows what? What I am saying is, even if you do something that is not something you should aspire to. So I think you should back o
    1 point
  18. That push and pull is a passive aggressive method of hostility. You may not ascribe to open hostility but that kind of manipulation will turn off healthy individuals. Why she's interested in you even more when you engage that way is in a different realm altogether. Just end it if it's not right for you and wish her the best. I'm sure you're aware of what you're doing engaging in that type of interaction. It probably goes against your tranparency and openness also.
    1 point
  19. Oh, please. Yes, it is a problem for you. Stop lying to yourself here, man. You're jealous. We see right through you, and I promise she does too.
    1 point
  20. He's trying to make you feel guilty so you'll change your mind. He's going to use several tactics. Just be aware. And keep in mind, he won't try to lure you back because he loves you so gosh darned much. It's because he doesn't want to have to go through the trouble of finding another woman who will accept his abuse.
    1 point
  21. He's trying to get a rise out of you, a reaction. It's said in spite. No need to pay any mind. Just stay calm and get your ducks lined in a row to separate.
    1 point
  22. I agree with all of this.
    1 point
  23. I find it strange that a woman late into her twenties would have any interest in a 19 year old. Especially when men, in general, emotionally mature later than women. Anyway, the basic incompatibility of having different views of opposite sex friends should have been a dealbreaker and you should have ended it as soon as you found that out. Make a mental note when dating in the future to take that incompatibility more seriously.
    1 point
  24. Obviously he's flirty with her. He's smiling into an inanimate object and texting her. If they're in person they might have exchanged some extra "friendly" conversations. You can interpret flirty as extra "friendly". This will unravel itself on its own if he's being dishonest. If you want to cut to the chase and live a stress-free life, you can end it and make the necessary arrangements since you both live together. Ultimately it is your life you're spending with this person. Don't take it too lightly.
    1 point
  25. Basically he is barely adult yet. The human brain is not real adult until later twenties. Not all the cognitive apparatus is fully functioning yet. He is basically just beyond his teens.
    1 point
  26. He is 24 years old. Yes we live together. The issues were that we discussed if we should stay together or not, because we were not sure if we are compatible. The issues are resolved now, we solved it. But I can’t get over the uncertainty of the fact that I don’t know if he flirted with her ir no.. And yes, he’s working now, but somewhere else. thank you for your time, kindness and compassion
    1 point
  27. Sorry this is happening. How old is he? Are you living together? What were the issues about? Are those resolved? He lied so there's no reason to trust him. Is he working? You can't keep badgering about it, since you know he lied and was at least considering cheating. It would be best to reflect if you want continued headaches and heartaches with someone who is untrustworthy.
    1 point
  28. You are right, thank you. Do u know why he feels the need to deny that fact that he did txt her, and why he is sticking to the lie evendo all the profs are against him.
    1 point
  29. Possibly, but it sounds like your marriage has bigger problems than this. What did you argue about and why did you ignore him?
    1 point
  30. Believe me... he is not your twin flame 😕 . Him saying he loved you & can't imagine his life without you is sooo old. Love develops over time. He was most likely wanting to use you to try & get over his broken marriage. (rebound).. when his marriage wasn't even done. AND, yeah... he broke the rules, with getting involved with a client. I hope you know this. ( fps, YOU were there, relying on him - who is supposed to be a professional, because you had your own issues). ugh 😕 . So sorry you've had to experience this... please stay away from people like this. (Ones you
    1 point
  31. He sounds like a control freak. This is not acceptable. I would not give up a long-term friend due to my bf's trust and insecurity issues. Like La Hermes said, next it will be your friends and family. Don't you think this kid is a bit young? Does he have female friends?
    1 point
  32. You’ve hit a lot of good points. I did see it long term and so did he until this came to light. I’m quite secure and jealousy isn’t really a problem for me but he’s quite jealous. I think you may be right about the trust and different phases of life and ultimately maybe the maturity too. you’ve helped a lot. Thank you
    1 point
  33. Well if you weren't exclusive with this guy then yes it was fine to still date others. I think in dating you have to "play the game", so to speak. Unless the person actually asks you directly, I don't think it's necessary to mention you're dating other people. Also if you actually ended with him then why are you surprised he moved on? Also I think you need to think about why you decided to go back to the first guy. If after six weeks he wasn't opening up emotionally and the relationship was only physical, do you think he'll just change and become a different person? After six weeks you d
    1 point
  34. I personally probably wouldn't reply or even if I did reply, I'd just be friendly and polite and that's all. I mean, even if you're not in a happy marriage, after twenty years there is no guarantee that things between you and your ex would be the same. She's an ex for a reason and that's because it was obviously not working out. Sometimes people do get back together with their ex but twenty years is a very long time and that connection is most likely lost now. That's if you were single, which you're actually not.
    1 point
  35. It's very hard to say if this is flirting or not. There are some people who don't mind if their feet or legs touch others due to certain situations where they're in close proximity with others. Especially if it's a friend of theirs. E.g. If their feet happen to be touching a friend's under the table, they don't really care and don't think anything of it, so they don't move their feet. I think you'd need to look for more clues in this person's behaviour other than just touching feet.
    1 point
  36. That sounds absolutely perfect, Lo ❤️. We eloped a couple of weeks beforehand, too, still had the, "big day," but mostly so other people could celebrate. We celebrate our anniversary on the elopement date, though. It was very romantic just being us. I would never do it again differently ❤️.
    1 point
  37. Are there any other signs of controlling possessive and jealous behaviors? One of the earliest red flags of an abusive personality is control and isolation, are you ok with this? Do you live together? You mention his nationality, is he a working resident of your country?
    1 point
  38. If he is from a culture where women don’t have male friends I don’t think you are going to win this one. If it’s not acceptable to him it’s not. If to you it is it is. You are not easily going to overcome people’s culture.
    1 point
  39. With all due respect, you cannot be this naive, Rey. No self-respecting man is going to want anything to do with a woman who's just told him she's going to date another guy. Were you trying to get this man to commit by making him jealous? Because this is exactly what it looks like.
    1 point
  40. With her feeling everyone is out to get her,, and her history, yes, seems she has been deeply affected 😕 But, YOU cannot 'fix' her. That's on her to do. If you are uncertain about her actions & behaviour, this does not seem doable. 'Her lists of why you are a bad guy'? - Her insecurities? 'She explodes at you' - Not good. You, avoiding arguments... None of this is good on you. She is unstable and full of accusations & very nasty reactions. A couple should feel good when involved. Not fear communications or like you are walking on eggshells.
    1 point
  41. Self esteem comes from...SELF. Sadly, when you don't feel worthy of a healthy relationship, you end up attracting unhealthy people with unhealthy boundaries. This really boils down to you making excuses for her, rather than considering the possibility that she is doing what she wants. Meaning, that if she chooses abusive partners, there is something broken within her that needs fixing and the only person who can fix that is her. If she is carrying on with the abusive ex's, it's because she is choosing it because she is getting something beneficial out of that toxic connection. You can't c
    1 point
  42. You will have to make up your mind whether this is a dealbreaker for you: "corresponding, messaging, or hanging out with ex partners". If it is please do not bend yourself into a pretzel or some other convoluted shape accepting it in a partner. Why profess your love for someone who is not 100% invested in the relationship as much as you are and also, why has she seen you at your worst but hasn't seen you "flying". Did she help you at a low point in your life? Health issues or divorce? What's holding you back in other areas of your life?
    1 point
  43. No, he wouldn't. I'm glad you're getting help from reliable resources. They are experienced with abuse situations and can guide you through every step while providing valuable emotional support. Most of them have been where you are and have come through the other side healthy and well. You can too. Just resolve to do what's best for your children and yourself.
    1 point
  44. That IS abusing kids. I told you before I have a 50 year old memory of my mom being abused . My dad tried to run over my mother with a car that he was driving and I was a passenger in. I was 5 years old. My brother was 18 months and I was holding his head down so he couldn’t see anything. I remember screaming don’t hurt my mother don’t hurt my mother don’t hurt my mother please don’t kill my mother. And my father telling me shut the F up stupid. I will be 55 this year I still remember this. Due to his abusing my mother ,abusing me and his family abusing me I now have PTSD ,anxiety disorder
    1 point
  45. Another suggestion is to do something fun with your kids, something you don't normally do. Go mini golfing or take then to a trout farm for fishing or go to a regular farm to feed the animals. Take them to an orchard to pick fruit or road trip to the beach or mountains. Focusing on them and seeing their happy faces will make any struggle worth it.
    1 point
  46. I know it's hard to get rid of a toxic relationship and that it's a process. I really hope you do stay strong and keep leaning more and more into taking back your life and that feeling of relief. For the weak times, make a list of things you enjoy and things you have never done or put off because you put that time and energy into toxic relationships and when you hit that low moment - look at the list, pick one item and do it. Lift yourself up. As you keep doing it, you'll be surprised how quickly you won't miss that man at all and how great that feels.
    1 point
  47. Well I am sure you just have that sought after "youthful glow!" And I got married at 24 after 3 years of being engaged, D was 33 at the time. We had hardly any money, we were renting a beautiful, historic but in need to tender care town house that had been converted into a flat, the two top floors we were on. D's business, although running at that time for 9 years, wasn't anything near where it was now. We knew a lot of glamorous and very wealthy people through his work selling art, fossils, minerals and antiques and most of them had become friends. One of these ladies owned a house
    1 point
  48. No, I contacted the abuse hotline and they gave me the number to the resource center where I live. I'm going to call at lunch today.
    1 point
  49. You should leave this abuser immediately. ALWAYS choose your children over a partner at these ages.
    1 point
This leaderboard is set to New York/GMT-04:00
×
×
  • Create New...