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Showing content with the highest reputation on 08/04/2021 in all areas

  1. I've been in a relationship with my gf for about 3 years now. She is Bipolar and recently had an episode about a month ago and back on meds after being off meds for about 2 years. I told her from day 1 that I own an investment property with my ex husband and other investor and that it is purely financial with no emotional ties. She's never been accepting of that and feels like I am still being controlled by him. Today, we finally broke up. It was mutual. She recently went back on medication but is still elevated. I feel like I've been on a wild roller coaster ride. I don't really know what to believe...what words she said were true and what words were not. I feel very shocked and sad but also relived and not surprised. She tried to check herself into a rehab center today because she feels like when she is in a manic state, she abuses alcohol. I've never really thought of her as an alcoholic, but she shared with me that in her past, mainly when she was manic, she abused alcohol, to the point of blacking out. We had a pretty mature break up, but I can tell she is still in a manic state. She said that perhaps we can "see how things go" down the road, and only "if" I get out of my investment. She has always felt that I was still being controlled by my ex, even though, it was wholly my decision to get into it and for purely financial reasons. I did share with her that things got heated and "physical" towards the end between my ex-husband and I, but all in all, we had a good relationship without any physical or emotional abuse. The thing that I don't understand is, when the person you supposedly care about rubs more salt into an already tender wound, meaning instead of being compassionate, kind, understanding when sharing these vulnerable details, she accuses, controls, manipulates and makes me feel less than. Till the very end, she kept insisting I need to get out of my investment and continued listing all of these things that "I" needed to do to fix myself but never mentioned anything that "she" needed to do or own up to. She did say she needs a break and to just get away from everything for awhile. I'm learning my ex gf was very judgmental, critical, and frankly, still in the middle of her illness and probably projecting her own fear/past experiences. I feel shocked, but not. Now, I am sitting here trying to make sense of it all and pick up my own pieces to move foreword with my life. In some ways, I am relieved.
    2 points
  2. I know, deep inside you KNOW it is for the best.. You've come to see her a different way now. How challenging she is... how unstable she is, etc. None of this was any good for you 😕 ... She just keeps challenging you & it's draining. Give it time... to work through all of this and get yourself back.. to good ❤️ . And yes, you will come to see the light & relief soon enough. Toxic.. is never good .
    2 points
  3. This is telling because you've had the fear of judgment cease and you no longer have to keep defending your choices with someone whom you thought you could trust or who understands you.
    1 point
  4. After the initial shock you will start to feel relief. Yes, you will also feel hurt, a sense of loss and even some mourning. But that's normal in every breakup. I hope you know this was for the best. She is unstable and needs to focus on getting well. And you need to focus on dealing with your feelings of fear regarding being single. It will work out just fine.
    1 point
  5. ^ Just wanted to say that you did the right thing there. Please, please, whatever you do, do not start a family with him until all of these issues have been sorted. A child deserves a stable, secure and healthy environment, but right now, that's not happening. No babies until he gets professional help.
    1 point
  6. My mother used to date my uncle (my father's brother). It would have been basically impossible for her to go No Contact with her husband's brother. However my uncle was not contacting my mother behind my dad and his wife's back and he surely did not call her or send her letters asking how she was (no electronics in the 1960s and 1970s). I did have an ex reach out to me a few months ago. I didn't see why he needed to know how I was doing so I gave an abrupt and brief answer. He got the message and stopped. However...it doesn't matter what I did. The OP does not want to be in a relationship with a woman who communicates with exes. His current date communicates with exes because she wants to be "nice". Therefore they are incompatible if a compromise cannot be reached.
    1 point
  7. Understood. I don't think it's the best way for him to address his problem.
    1 point
  8. Which is what he wants. Had I done that I wouldn't have had the joy of becoming good friends with a woman, my child becoming friendly with her kids and -bonus - because of her we were able to meet a famous person who led an incredible life, before the person passed away. This woman dated my husband. I first met her before she was married, when my husband and I were dating a couple of months. We all had lunch. They also were connected professionally. Later, she married (same first name as my husband!) and had kids and we ended up living in the same city for certain summers. Great friendship. How sad it would have been had I missed that opportunity just because she dated my husband. One of several examples in my life.
    1 point
  9. Absolutely not. That would be napalming the whole forest.
    1 point
  10. But did you also tell him if an ex contacts him and says harmlessly hi how are you he has to respond with "please don't contact me anymore as it makes my girlfriend uncomfortable"
    1 point
  11. You meant to control her contact with her exes because she obviously didn't and doesn't feel the same way about it as you and you presented your rules and restrictions. I like what Boltnrun suggested.
    1 point
  12. I'm saying most of this mainly to play the devil's advocate. I myself wouldn't blithely accept my boyfriend chatting away with his exes. I'd have questions. But I wouldn't go right into defense mode, either. When my boyfriend and I got together, he had a couple of ex girlfriends who kept in touch with him. I had to do some serious weeding. But I didn't napalm the whole forest. He had options. We had discussions. It wasn't just my way or the highway.
    1 point
  13. "It's not fair for you to feel you have to change who you are fundamentally in order for me to feel comfortable. If you want to communicate with your exes you certainly have the right to do so. But I choose to date women who do not have any communication with their exes. Therefore it's best we wish one another well and go our separate ways."
    1 point
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