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  1. I think love4life has a very good point here and I've seen it happen. I would also say I've seen more women do this to dumpees. OK my theory? Bear in mind this is my experience of women from the point of view of a man and I've seen far more women than men do this and far more women than men do the rebound route in my humble opinion. The other way around may be different. I've dropped in here from time to time so I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents worth(oh oh) If the dumpee sticks around trying to be "friends" with the dumper, the rebound person has a much easier time of it. The rebound
    29 points
  2. Hello Everyone..... It has been quite a long time since I have posted here but I will tell all of those who do not know me, I have been through it all and this is the place to come....**A small warning to those who's hearts are broken and nowhere close to healing.... do not go on your FIRST instinct. It is usually wrong.** You must remember this...no matter what your situation, no matter how bad....or how insignificant....there are things you can NOT do to get them back... How many people out here have done things that seemed like a great idea, yet did not turn out as expected. (
    20 points
  3. This ‘guide’ has been written to give people here guidance on what to do after a break-up. This has been written using my own experience, and also drawing on the experiences of others in my personal life, and also from these boards themselves. This is the healthiest advice that I can give – both to help someone recover from a break-up and to give the best chance possible of being reconciled with an ex. There are no ‘games’ or ‘tricks’ contained here, it is not a quick-fix nor a magical solution – it is straight-forward and all about helping the dumpee heal and move on, with or without thei
    16 points
  4. Hi there, There really is no way to know if your ex will come back or not, and holding onto hope can be a dangerous thing for you, emotionally speaking. The key is to let go of that hope and work through your emptiness to realize that you can stand on your own two feet without your ex. This is going to be what you realize on your own in time, and right now it will very hard for you to accept it. Now, I am not saying that your ex won't come back -- I am saying there is no way to know, and you have to give up expectations while at the same time doing the right things. This might not make sens
    16 points
  5. Just wanted to put in one last moment here. I began with one level of awareness here and as I came to a new level experienced two things. One was that people seem to be on their own journeys at their own pace. And another was that as I came to a new understanding there was less support here. I think this to be natural now. The short story for me is that I lost my partner and used to spend some time on this board. When that happened it seemed she was being immature and unreasonable. Over time I discovered that I was just as nuts as she is. And I began a learning process that I was ch
    12 points
  6. The Grass Is Greener Syndrome (AKA; itchy feet, quarter life crisis, early-twenty-itus) I thought I would put together a thread here to provide some information on and a place to discuss this particular type of break up. I've had relationships end because of it along with a few of my friends. In addition, I've had friends be the ones stricken with this 'syndrome', so I've seen how it plays out from both sides. Hopefully, I can provide a little insight to help those of you going through this type of breakup. The more we understand something, the more comfortable with it we become and t
    12 points
  7. Four months ago my long term boyfriend of three years dumped me for another girl. It has been a long, hard and painful journey, but it does get better. I have learned a lot from my experiences and have actually become grateful for this in some ways. Being dumped is bad enough. You have to get used to life without your significant other. You don't have that support you once did and are now forced to rearrange your future that you once planned around your ex. You have to deal with going to places that remind you of them or hearing songs that take you back to the good times. It’s not an ea
    12 points
  8. For those, like me, who have difficulty maintaining NC, there are a couple of things to bear in mind: [1] All the time we are available to them, seeking them out, or reassuring them of our feelings, we are pushing them further away. [2] We can all remember how previous exes finally showed interest again the very moment we really had let go, moved on, and started focusing on other things - even though we had made all the terrible, needy, insecure, desperate, and downright damaging moves early on after the break-up. [3] Our exes almost always give us exactly the information we need to g
    11 points
  9. So, you’ve had your heart broken, probably begged and tried to convince your ex to get back together with you and failed. Realising that staying in contact is causing you more pain than you can handle, you take the step of implementing this ‘No Contact’ (NC) that we advocate widely on the forum. So what’s it about then? And what is going to happen? Hopefully, most of the answers will be in this thread What is No Contact? While a seemingly simple question, there are variations of what ‘No Contact’ can mean. 1) You tell your ex that you won’t be contacting them and that they
    10 points
  10. (I got this idea from another forum I visit frequently, if one like this already exists by all means ignore / delete this one.) OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "W-T-F" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release. What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it al
    8 points
  11. No, no. Let me try to summarize: He cheated on his wife because he is a moral man. His wife deprived him of sex out of unrelenting, unreasonable selfishness. The poor man is so religiously upright that he did the right thing by lying to her repeatedly and sleeping with random other women for only one year. One of the crazy ladies that he slept with lost her mind and texted him after several years of absolutely no communication from him, and perfect fidelity to his wife. He was just too irresistible, and the crazy lady couldn't help herself. His sneaky, snooping wife s
    8 points
  12. No, it's the hardest thing you will ever do. I was a stay at home mom with no marketable skills with two young sons. My ex threatened that I would sleep in my car and never see my sons if I left. I got myself into therapy and I slowly started speaking up for myself and asking for change. I was given the tools and support to handle my end respectfully with confidence and an objective 3rd party who helped me find my way. My ex always played the "how low can I go" game. But I was proud of how I learned to handle myself when faced with toxic conflict and not let him rattle me. Th
    8 points
  13. I never thought I would see such a day in my country. I pray for peace, compromise, and unity. I am not trying to start a political discussion, I am just so disheartened by everything.
    8 points
  14. Here's wishing everyone a safe and Merry Christmas! 🎅 ⛸️ ⛄
    8 points
  15. I've been thinking a lot about the situations that a lot of us are in where our exes began dating somebody very soon after the break-up. A lot of people classify these as rebounds, but sometimes they work out. I have a theory that if the dumpee remains in the picture, the rebound will become a successful relationship; while if the dumpee leaves, the dumper is more likely to become newly attracted to the missing dumpee, and return. To elaborate.... From reading some situations on ENA it seems to me that a dumper's "rebound" relationship is more likely to last if the dumpee remains in t
    8 points
  16. Hey all, After reading this forum as well as other ones. I've come to the conclusion that many people confuses rebound relationship vs. grass is greener syndrome (myself included). From what I've gather thus far, these following seems to ring true. Rebound Relationship This usually occurs a few weeks to a few months after a breakup. This can happen to all age group. A dumper has a hard time dealing with the breakup and jumps into a relationship without actually getting to know the new person. This person is usually someone they just met. They do this to fill a certain void that
    8 points
  17. He doesn’t have to “ mature “ . You can be entirely mature and not want children. You made a mistake In not believing when he told you in the beginning he didn’t want kids. This is not something to compromise on. If you want kids you need to divorce.
    7 points
  18. Sorry to hear this. After a few dates, unfortunately he was crystal clear about how he feels. You need to believe him and accept that not every dating situation works out. He's not "the one", if he just wants to be friends.
    7 points
  19. You need to ask yourself what you see in such a rude, demeaning little punk. Seriously, why are you still even giving this guy the time of day, much less explaining yourself to him? He is not a good person. I would have launched this weasel into the stratosphere by now, and long since blocked his number. You need to ask yourself why you haven't.
    7 points
  20. Please just delete his number and don't ever reach out or text him anything again. You've already texted him enough, including telling him that just ghosting you like that was uncalled for. There really comes a point where you have to accept that silence IS communication and what it communicates is that the person you are contacting doesn't wish to talk to you or be a part of your life anymore. Telling someone who doesn't care that they hurt your feelings isn't going to make them care. He knows what he did and meant to do it because that was convenient for him. He is showing you again and
    7 points
  21. This is not how healthy relationships function, OP. You can't make anyone buy you things, nor should you. That is plain entitled. if he isn't the type to keep his word on treating you, you end it. You don't try to force him to do things he isn't naturally interested in doing.
    7 points
  22. Cheaters are glib liars and they will always lie about their relationships in order to justify their cheating and excuse or even garner sympathy from you about their "plight". Aside from the world's smallest violin playing in the background as I read over his bs....you know what jumped out at me the most? He told you they are both such devout Christians, divorce not an option....and yet divorce became an immediate option once the wife found out he is a cheater. Can you see the glaring inconsistency here with what he claims and reality? Him telling you about it is really a pretty comm
    7 points
  23. This is a lot of thought on a guy you had one meeting with. I think its odd that people say they feel so appreciative of hearing some watered down version of the truth a person chose to share. Do I sound cynical? I am. And you should be, too. Just because he remembered you enough to recognize you on a dating app 6 months later. Should not be confused with knowing a person for 6 months. Rather he obviously hasn't had much luck finding women. And that's not a dig against him. That is how on line dating is. Most people on dating apps have the same problem you do...
    7 points
  24. Tinydance As you may remember I grew up with alcoholic parents. One admitted they had a problem and openly said they were an alcoholic and the other thought everyone else had the problem and she had it under control. Those last 4 words are the downfall of almost all alcoholics whether they are trying to stay clean or they are a functioning alcoholic. Once they think they have it under control they are doomed. It sounds like you have been able to stop drinking for periods of time which means you can stop. Your problem is that you say you are an alcoholic but you fail to reali
    7 points
  25. Cracks me up when people in their 40s convince themself that they can pass for their 20s. Nope, nada, no way! And even if you did, it does not excuse creepin on a high school kid. Who cares if he approached you first.
    7 points
  26. You sure did! I don't know if the love is dead, but you're certainly with a guy who thinks women are gold diggers. Don't bother putting any effort into figuring out why he would think that given the circumstances, because bigotry never make sense. It's a form of stupidity. You can love stupid, and stupid can love you. But you can't fix stupid.
    7 points
  27. Girl. Warning. Tough love ahead, but with kindness and respect: 1) What the heck were you thinking having a baby with a guy you'd never even lived with? You both put the cart way before the horse there, and I am wondering what your thought process was. Did you just want a baby really badly, or? 2) What the heck are you thinking drinking with him at all? You know he is an alcoholic. Why are you enabling his intake by having drinks with him? 3) Don't let him drive your car anymore. It's only a matter of time before he gets into an accident or arrested for drunk driving. And what
    7 points
  28. I hope you all have a great Christmas.
    7 points
  29. Our Christmas is going to consist of us three Covidites. But that's OK. We will see our kids when it's safe to do so, probably in a week. Happiest of Holidays and Merry Christmas to all.
    7 points
  30. In the end, the lingering thoughts of what used to be can be overwhelming. We try to make sense of something that happened so fast that we try to convince ourselves that we had no idea the inevitable was coming. All those red flags we chose to ignore. All the phone calls to your ex left unanswered…all the mysterious text messages that were sent to your ex yet they had to be answered in the next room…the nights out with the guys/girls grew later and more often than not. In the end, you are left asking what happened to us. P.T. Barnum once said “There is a sucker born every minute.” I used
    7 points
  31. Reasons why you shouldn't be friends/in contact with your ex or unrequited love. - it's another way to avoid dealing with the pain of a break-up or loss but you will have to deal with it sooner or later, like when your ex starts dating someone else... and it will happen - it shows your ex that you don't have the confidence to walk away from someone that has ALREADY told you that they don't see a future with you - it shows your ex that you are willing to settle for less than what you want - it shows your ex that you are not strong or confident enough to stand on your own two feet
    7 points
  32. There are so many out there that choose to hold onto something that isn’t there. I know this for a fact because years ago I did the same thing. I have written many posts about breaking up and getting back together but I wanted to bring something to light a little more detailed in hopes of helping someone that is having a tough time letting go. For the record, I want to describe what MY definition is of letting go. Letting go in my book is completely cutting all physical ties with someone BUT also attempting to cut all CURRENT EMOTIONAL ties. I know what you’re thinking. You are going t
    7 points
  33. I’ve had plenty of time to think about out where I’d gone wrong in my relationships, particularly the last one, and, rather than end up as subject matter for the follow-up to Swingers, I decided to do something about it. I decided to change. Now, that was easier to write than it was to achieve: I first had to accept that I wasn’t, as I had so long believed, perfect or infallible; I then had to learn how to go about improving myself; and then—the most difficult part—I had to actually become someone new, someone better. So far, despite at times stumbling painfully and embarrassingly along
    7 points
  34. I second the above. Breaking up wouldn't make her a terrible person but knowingly choosing to risk emotionally scarring another human being through full-on cheating, which is where she would be heading at if she doesn't clean up her act, would be a whole different story. Infidelity tends to create emotional scars and trust issues on the people that are cheated on. Personally, I have trouble excusing cheaters no matter their age. The vast majority of us have been taught as children that cheating is wrong and that one should not do to others what one would not want to be done to them, so on
    6 points
  35. Cheaters don't change. It's a fundamental character issue and unfortunately, whatever you've caught them at is usually just tip of the iceberg. Having a child is THE reason to talk to several top divorce lawyers and end this sham of a marriage. Children are not oblivious and the worst damage you can do to them is continue on and demonstrate that cheating has no consequences, that mom can run around and dad will just sit by all sad and turn a blind eye to the abuse. Basically, better to have one sane parent who can demonstrate proper values and boundaries, including leaving a cheater, than
    6 points
  36. You really shouldn't go with what they tell you. You should go with what they show you. For that, you need to take your time and not rush in. Remember: you don't know this guy, not yet. It's exciting when you feel a connection with someone, especially if you've been in a bit of a drought. But it's just a feeling. Keep dating him, but don't let yourself to get carried away by those feelings, and start to justify the things that are setting off those warning bells. He seems better than the last guy, but that doesn't mean he is better. You got over your divorce relatively qu
    6 points
  37. Here's a tip: when they offer up something without being asked what they call the "truth" , it's most likely a con, a sham, especially when there is so much detail revealed, it's to make the lies look convincing/believable, even to play the victim. As for him going ballistic...I suspect that his behavior is a sign that he is a bit of a narcissist. They can never be wrong and if called out on it they make you pay for judging them. Note* We are all truly relieved you ditched this guy. Always follow your gut instinct, it never lies.
    6 points
  38. Don’t ever put your dreams on hold for someone else’s insecurities. I think it’s quite selfish his worries of what if scenarios take presidency over your excitement. If he was supportive he wouldn’t let any amazing opportunities pass you by.
    6 points
  39. Cfrazier, you've just adopted your fifth and most spoiled child...you need to boot him out. Do not be that woman that needs a man at all cost, even to the detriment of your children's well-being. They have already suffered enough with the passing of their father and witness abuse in the household.
    6 points
  40. You need to ask him to move out. Put your kids first. He's bullying you and your kids.
    6 points
  41. This. All of it. I really feel like I need to comment on this. I don't date anymore, because I'm married now, but I was pretty cautious back when I did. I didn't live in fear of serial killers or anything, and I certainly didn't think every guy was a rapist, but...there's something to be said for being careful, and with all due respect to some of the men posting here, you really, really, really have no idea what it's like being a woman. I have a list of things I don't do by myself at night (I live in a fairly big city, and while crime isn't out of control, it's still an issue): Go to a
    6 points
  42. Excellent. Update so we know you weren't hacked to pieces and put through a woodchipper.😉
    6 points
  43. It took me almost a month to finally test negative after contracting Covid in early December. So glad you will be seeing your kids! I will be seeing mine tomorrow 🙂
    6 points
  44. I just keep saying what I was saying.
    6 points
  45. talk to a therapist for your unhealthy attachment towards a person who doesnt care about you. if you dont set up some standards for yourself all these bozos will keep creepin into your life and mess with your health. This is only a wake up call, your self worth and esteem is at a very low, get that confidence back by getting involved in some positive stuff like setting some new goals for yourself, learning a new skill , taking good care of yourself & family and one day just like that you will be free from all this.
    6 points
  46. I've been reading alot of posts on here.. and have been observing and learning from others mistakes. I've taken some notes and here are the things that I see that is keeping a successful reconciliation from happening. 1. I actually think it's a good thing that we pour our hearts out to our ex's when they first break up with us. It lets them know how we truly feel about them. 2. After you pour your heart out, you have to back off. Let the things you said to them marinate. When they're not feeling the pressure, and are able to relax and contemplate, they'll think of the words you said
    6 points
  47. I became single roughly around the same age. I also have a similar background. I asked some of the exact same questions. I eventually became fairly successful with women. But first I had to learn a few things. 1. My career is where it is, and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm happy here. I make O.K money and I enjoy my work. Women that are focused on what I do, aren't a good match for me. Period, end of story. 2. I arrived at the conclusion my life needed revolve more around me, then it did around women. I was responsible for my happiness, and having a partner became a prefere
    6 points
  48. I've spent quite some time on this board reading these threads. I've noticed it brought up a few times before, but feel the need to reiterate it, because I think a core message is being diluted. This is the "Getting Back Together" board. And yet, the majority of the posts here are "Forget About Him/Her" or "Strict NC. You don't deserve that. They'll come back if it's meant to be." In fact, the vast majority of posts on this forum, especially regarding those about NC, belong more appropriately in the "Healing" forum. Reconciliation is not born from negative feelings, ego stroking or some se
    6 points
  49. Yes that's right. This is no game. Just another thread for those unlucky lots who had to let go of their love for various reasons. Just another thread for the dumpee's to know what it feels like for the dumper. Just another thread for the dumpers to know that they are not alone in this world. I let go of my lady love last week because of family issues and I knew I could not marry her and so did she. But somewhere along the line before the whole relationship started a beautiful friendship blossommed which turned into love. Last few weeks it all turned ugly and led to last week's decision.
    6 points
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