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Showing content with the highest reputation since 09/19/2020 in Posts

  1. Hey guys, just wanted to update everyone. I retook my test today and PASSED! I remembered I came in here crying about it and figured I'd let you all know it turned out okay in the end lol. Thanks for all the uplifting and thoughtful, kind words. 🙂
    13 points
  2. You would think after being raped recently I will never want to date or look at another man again. It’s the opposite. I’m not ready to date by no means but I haven’t given up on the idea of love. I think I never will. I know inherihently, I have a lot to offer and will enjoy being with someone. Im looking at the spring for seriously finding someone and being back on dating sites. I have goals though before I can do this. My weight loss goals slightly changed. After the trauma occurred I decided I’m not in the right headspace for weight loss surgery. I took a month off of the gym to heal and I’m going back Tuesday for personal training. So I’m doing this the natural way. I’m being realistic about my expectations of what I want in life. To be honest I was never the one to set out a list of requirements about a guys appearance. Like he has to be 6’1 and have tattoos….no I was never that way. If anything I look more for the character of the person. He needs to have patience and be genuine, respectful and honest. Basic right? To me it means everything the guy have a lot of those basic traits. Looks honestly never mattered. I just want the one who makes me smile. so what I’m trying to say is I have and never will give up on love. I don’t think the Rapist could take that apart of me away. I still believe in the goodness of someone’s heart.
    12 points
  3. Words of wisdom worth sharing: 1.) You can be a friend to someone (phone them, message them, plan outings, etc, but if they're not a friend to you (reciprocating all of those things), then that's not your friend. That's you being a friend to them, but it's not being reciprocated. One way relationship, but not an actual friendship. Those that don't make efforts back, or don't treat you as well as you do them, just let them go. Find actual friends, not one way relationships. 2.) Tolerance in a group, or with an individual, does not mean friendship. They may be polite to you (even friendly), they may tolerate you, but that doesn't make you friends. There is a world of difference between those that just tolerate you and those that are genuinely happy to see you and happy for you to be apart of their lives and want you to be apart of their lives.
    12 points
  4. UPDATE: Haven't posted in awhile so thought I would write a little update Things have really been going smooth for me and my new Angel - we've been together a little over a year now - she's moved in and as cheesy as this sounds "she completes me." 🥰 She is one of the most caring and loving souls I have ever met. We are still taking things slow - but I think we may be ready to make this more permanent. She's simply amazing - hard to believe we spent all that time as classmates - only to fall in love later in life. What I love about our relationship the most is we have both been betrayed and we are both so sensitive to each others needs. She's always checking to make sure my fragile heart is okay. It's so many little things that she does for me to let me know my heart is safe with her and I make sure she gets plenty of attention as well. We just can't keep our hands off each other 😁 I love that we have so much in common - we spend most of our time just snuggled up on the sofa by the fireplace watching old TV shows and movies. We both want to move this forward - but we haven't set a date yet - maybe sometime before the end of the year. I went out and visited my EX FIL's grave the other day - I really miss him. Got a letter from the EX - won't go into great detail - it was more of the same apologies and confessions. She's back in therapy and going to school - says she's trying to get her life together and that she may have to put her mom in a convalescent home. I feel bad for her mom - but I honestly felt nothing for my EX - I could not tell if she was being genuine or just playing more games. I told Angel about the letter - we don't keep any secrets from each other. I asked if she wanted to read it - she just smiled and said she had a better idea and chucked it into the fireplace - I happily concurred. I also got a little karma news about the OM - apparently the guy was pulled over by the cops and busted with a bunch of Meth in his trunk - he got arrested and they towed his car. I think he made bail - but he's in a lot of trouble! Oh well - play stupid games - win stupid prizes My buddy is about to retire from the PI business to spend more time with his family - We go out together as couples almost every other weekend and have a blast. Overall I am doing OK - having a great time - loving life - business is still booming - and my heart is racing again. Well that's all for now - Thanks again for listening Stay safe out there.
    11 points
  5. When you are contemplating getting a third job so you can hang on to and support a leech....I think you've completely lost the plot on what a good relationship looks like. Sorry to be so blunt. There is nothing that you can say to him because he is not interested in getting a job and changing the status quo. Why should he? He gets to sit home and do absolutely nothing while you work 2-3 jobs to support him and pay his bills. You've got to admit that he has one heck of a good deal going with you and no matter what, you will not get rid of him. You whine a bit, he blocks you, you keep working paying his bills, he keeps living off you, you make bs excuses for him being a leach and a user and he keeps living high on the hog. Also, serious question - what does he do all day long when you are working that much? It's very clear he is not actually applying to any jobs and he is not taking care of his mental health either. Truly the only way is for you to tell him that you can no longer afford to keep him and he needs to move out by x date. See how quickly he gets a job or dumps you and moves in with someone else as you are no longer of use to him. I'm sorry, OP, but this relationship of yours is entirely parasitic. You really need to think long and hard why you are tolerating this and even defending it by asking people not to tell you the obvious - dump him.
    10 points
  6. Here's the thing.. when someone is ok with you coming in to take the reigns of their life, don't be surprised when they aren't independent. And if you want someone who is independent minded, you can't go in acting like a knight in shining armour. Acting as you did, jumping at everything she asks or needs, will attract to you women like this who are easily swayed by anyone she sees as having power to meet her needs.
    10 points
  7. For what it's worth. maybe you have anxiety about moving in because you know it's too soon. you're not very confident in the strength of the relationship. Can you keep your place for a while and see how it goes? I think it's reasonable to acknowledge given the circumstances of covid, moving in makes sense, but because you're kind of rushing a very serious step. it also makes sense to have your own place. Then give a time frame. like in 6 months, you'll give up your place.
    10 points
  8. "Why doesn't his wife care that he's cheating?". I think that the question which should be asked is: "Why don't I care that I am having an affair with a married man"?
    9 points
  9. Wow this is quite the about face, as you announced yourself to be a ‘too nice’ person in a previous post. You’re showing your lack of character and integrity here by first harbouring an interest in your friend’s bf and then wasting no time to jump on horse once they broke up. And none of this somehow registers as a problem in your mind. If anything, you think She is the problem! This shows a lack of empathy for your friend’s feelings and an utter disregard for your friendship with her. Honestly, if a long-time ‘friend’ did this to me, I would consider this a betrayal and sever all ties.
    9 points
  10. Thanks all. Would he stay with my friend’s daughter? Yes, but in the beginning he probably would be trying to rip open the door to my bedroom and stuff. When I am in the shower and such, no he doesn’t melt down. He is at the point where he keeps himself busy. I found out something awesome today at work - our museum got a very large grant. We will be seeing a (small) raise in 45 days, and apparently something I didn’t know is I can utilize the childcare even when I am not there. It’s part of the museum 90 day perk package for employees (im about to get my review in 2 weeks). You get a reciprocal membership, standard 90 day raise(this is separate from the raise coming from the grant) and access to childcare during museum hours as long as you are scheduled for at least 15 hours of the week that week(I always am). So this is really cool. The raise is not as big of a deal to me as the childcare. We can also watch remotely from our phones. So…I think picking up some flex gig or another PTJ is the way to go. Thanks again everyone.
    9 points
  11. OP, you agreed to ENA rules when you registered. Let me remind you of Rule 6: "Please post in letter style. Use paragraphs, punctuation, and capital letters appropriately. Netspeak and shortcutting (b4, str8, etc) are difficult to read and not permitted in posts." No-one is being rude (other than you), but if you want any decent responses, please have the courtesy to make your posts readable and understandable.
    9 points
  12. "I understand. Thanks for being honest. I'm dating because I want to find the right woman to have a relationship with. Since that won't be happening with us I wish you the best in the future."
    9 points
  13. My wife cheated on me after 20 years together. I caught her a few months in and have been divorced for over 10 years now. I actually owe her a big thank you but she will never hear me say it. She was a selfish lying person that put herself first even before our disabled son. I have been happier these last 10 years than nearly anytime with her. My advice. Tell your husband the marriage is no longer what it was and you are no longer in love with him and you want him to have the chance to find someone to share his life with that truly loves him. Be as gentle and fair about splitting everything up and hope your children never find out what you have done to their father. You have been a selfish lying spouse for 12 years, I think you owe him the freedom from you. He may not think you are doing him a favor at first but in time he will trust me. Don't be surprised if your bf isn't interested any longer after you are free... Lost
    8 points
  14. So, what's next, sex with you in the presence of his friends, may be? He has been absolutely disrespectful towards you and if you have some sort of self-respect, you should dump this jerk asap. He is 51, not 15, even teenage boys would think twice before disrespecting a girl/woman like that.
    8 points
  15. Update......I left. I packed my stuff and left. I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling and he flipped it on me and made me out to be a terrible person. So I left. I'm hurt and relieved at the same time. New Beginnings..... Thank you guys for your input.
    8 points
  16. That right there is the red flag the size of China. Don't waste your time and emotions on a guy who keeps you and your relationship a secret while making himself busy acting single with other women. It's not about the picture or whether he is holding someone around the waist, it's that he is presenting himself and acting single behind your back, keeping you out of sight and just as a convenience. Dump him and don't look back. Also, your instincts are correct in terms of being upset by it. Just....rather than trying to fight about it or "fix it" learn to observe, listen to your gut screaming at you, and walk away.
    8 points
  17. It sounds like a typical LDR... you enjoy all the fun and the visits but you're not there to actually experience life together. I don't think he's pulling your leg. taking care of a dementia patient, especially a parent, is hard work- physically, mentally, emotionally. But... if you can't go to him and carry more of the burden, you're kinda just left with a pen pal. You're not being realistic. When you're caring for a sick parent, there aren't a lot of opportunities for extended breaks where he can go across the country. I don't think you really seem to empathize with him. You're really just thinking of yourself and what you're missing out on.
    8 points
  18. I agree with your sister. I don't think you beer comments had anything to do with it. He wanted sex. That's it, really. I am not sure why you think you did something wrong. He just wasn't into this for the same reasons you were. As such, there is really nothing to say to him. His distance tells you what you need to know, unfortuantely. I would let it fizzle and not hook up with him again.
    8 points
  19. Today we got our RHU offer and I got everything I wanted . 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and central air and a recent renovation ( 2017). Only $100 more a month than we pay here. We move first week of September. Sad I closed my daycare early but it will give me a summer off.
    8 points
  20. Ahh, the kids. I think it has been mentioned many many times in your previous threads about being an alcoholic and trying to have kids. You need to be fully sober in every way before getting into having kids. It would be hugely irresponsible to bring a child into the world when you binge drink and get drunk and pass out etc. No child deserves that. Anyone who is aware of that could (should) report it (imo). As for trying herbs and supplements to stop drinking - that will never work and I think you know it too. I think you're clutching at straws because you really DON'T want to join AA (as you've mentioned before), so you try herbs etc to make yourself believe you really are trying to quit, knowing full well that it won't work. You need AA and a good long stay in rehab if you seriously want to stop this.
    8 points
  21. He's getting something of value from someone who is a high risk to his romantic relationship--doesn't care that he's risking a breakup with you. If she was a true friend, she would be a champion of your relationship unless you're a toxic person, which I assume you're not. He hid the truth from you so you would accept their "friendship." If he was a person of integrity, the moment she said she was interested in a relationship with him, in addition to showing jealousy on social media, he should've told her they could no longer be friends because it isn't healthy for his primary relationship. If you stay, you clearly possess very low self-worth. There are single guys with good ethics who would make decent partners. Free yourself so you can meet one of them.
    8 points
  22. Okay I am a guy so I will tell you straight. Don't make it a big deal. The bigger you make it the more nervous he will be about not knowing what to do. Keep it simple, nice and slow and make sure you communicate. Is oral on the table? Never to early to learn right? Maybe the next time you are over... Guide him. Guide his hands and his other part too 🙂 Be prepared for him not to last very long. If he doesn't don't worry he will probably be ready to go again in less than a half hour. He is going to worry he will not satisfy you so let him know that learning what each other enjoys is all part of the fun. Lastly I don't think you were pushy. He is a guy with a boner, you pretty much know what he is thinking right there. He has waited a long time for what ever reason so just tell him when he is ready you are. Oh and teach the guy how to kiss, you will be doing yourself a huge favor. Have fun and relax. I am happy you met someone that gives you butterflies Lost PS You are the something special, he doesn't need anything else.
    8 points
  23. If my SO was saying things like that, First I would go throw up, and realize I have been sleeping with and emotionally invested in a sexual deviant, then pack my stuff up, jump in my truck, and drive into the sunset.
    8 points
  24. I think you must force yourself to examine the dynamic between you and your daughter. This is for both or your sakes. Your level of responsibility is bordering on destructive. Actually, I think that is putting it lightly, for a couple of reasons. To be honest, it is destructive. Your daughter has not learned the skills she needs to become more independent, and is unprepared to fend for herself at this point. You have no job and no way to support yourself. Both of these situations have developed because you are managing her every need. In addition, your relationship with a man that you love has disintegrated. There are opportunities for your daughter to learn independence via trained professionals. And there are opportunities for you to become employed and support yourself (and her). But neither is possible if you continue to cling to such a high level of responsibility. It's also not possible to have an intimate relationship with another adult when you are so fully committed to somebody else. I think you should read about codependence. Your relationship with your daughter is damaging her chance to be independent. It's damaging your ability to be independent. It very likely did at least some damage to your marriage. And it's certainly damaged your current relationship--perhaps destroyed it.
    8 points
  25. No, no. Let me try to summarize: He cheated on his wife because he is a moral man. His wife deprived him of sex out of unrelenting, unreasonable selfishness. The poor man is so religiously upright that he did the right thing by lying to her repeatedly and sleeping with random other women for only one year. One of the crazy ladies that he slept with lost her mind and texted him after several years of absolutely no communication from him, and perfect fidelity to his wife. He was just too irresistible, and the crazy lady couldn't help herself. His sneaky, snooping wife spied on him and found this crazy lady's text message. She believed the crazy lady over her own religiously pious, wonderful, perfect husband. Then his wife went and divorced him because she is actually an evil and blasphemous heathen who doesn't understand that she caused this whole problem in the first place. All she cares about is herself. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.
    8 points
  26. No, it's the hardest thing you will ever do. I was a stay at home mom with no marketable skills with two young sons. My ex threatened that I would sleep in my car and never see my sons if I left. I got myself into therapy and I slowly started speaking up for myself and asking for change. I was given the tools and support to handle my end respectfully with confidence and an objective 3rd party who helped me find my way. My ex always played the "how low can I go" game. But I was proud of how I learned to handle myself when faced with toxic conflict and not let him rattle me. The turning point was seeing an attorney. That was the hardest thing I did and it took me about a year into therapy to make that phone call. I kept viewing that as a final fact, but I was encouraged to view it at as just seeking information. That's all. Information is power and whatever information I received I didn't have to act on it. I kept the appt and even with that I think I waited a few more months before I acted on it and put him on retainer. I no longer had the crippling fear of what leaving would look like, as far as finances and custody would look like. Because if fear was the only thing keeping me at that point, I need to know. I ended up with primary custody of the boys but was committed to them having a good relationship with their dad, because that's what they deserved. We did ultimately go to couples therapy. He went for the wrong to reasons. He attempted to negotiate that he would go if I stopped my individual therapy. He went if I would fire the attorney I had put on retainer on, but wasn't even using at the moment. He did it to control the situation. I said a firm no to both conditions, but he reluctantly went. Which is a sad way and a wrong way to go about marriage counseling. Sitting in front of a third party therapist who challenged us both, all the ugliness spilled out. In the end counseling didn't save our marriage. What it did show me is that is was irrevocably broken. I begged for change and he fought to keep things the same. From the time I started individual counseling to the day he moved out, it took about 18 months. It wasn't an impulsive decision. In the end, I do not have any second thoughts that I didn't do everything in my power to save the marriage. Though it's sad life changing experience, I have a clear conscience. He left me no choice. He on the other hand lives with regrets. I used to tell myself I would stay and fight for my marriage for my kids. In the end I left for them. I didn't want them to think it was ok for men to treat women the way he did. So, when you say it's complicated and we might not understand. I can safely say I understand. I think a lot of women in your place can. I went back to school and today I have an 17 year career, I am a homeowner having just paid off my mortgage and anticipating an early retirement. My sons are thriving, educated and have great jobs. I can't find the words to express what living in a peaceful safe home feels like. The boys have a good relationship with their father. And in spite of everything. . and it took a looong time, we all spent this last Christmas together, myself, my bf, my ex and his gf, the boys and my new granddaughter. If anyone asked me if I envisioned this happening, I would have fallen off my chair and fainted. I hope my story helps you in some small way. Hang in there. You only get one life. Take that leap of faith. But start with therapy and get yourself some much deserved support. People can easily throw out the 'just leave' comments. It's a process. Being aware that it's miserable and seeking advice is often just the start of your journey.
    8 points
  27. I never thought I would see such a day in my country. I pray for peace, compromise, and unity. I am not trying to start a political discussion, I am just so disheartened by everything.
    8 points
  28. Here's wishing everyone a safe and Merry Christmas! 🎅 ⛸️ ⛄
    8 points
  29. You underestimate men ability to do stuff for sex lol I tend to overanalyze stuff so if I would have to guess: Private Instagram profile where he chases women with it, getting 3 hours from home to get women? Married and doesnt want people at home to know that he cheated. Just a wild guess but would make sense.
    7 points
  30. He doesn't like her "that way" and he doesn't find her attractive but he had sex with her anyway knowing she has feelings for him, because you wouldn't have sex with him. He was drunk and horny and wanted to get laid so he called her. Sounds like he did it more than once, too. Does this sound like a quality individual to you? BTW, it wasn't a "mistake". He had sex with her on purpose. Especially since it happened more than one time.
    7 points
  31. One of the best pieces of advise I got (post divorce) is to ask yourself if your potential life partner is someone you would go into business with? Because after time when all the warm fuzzy feelings settle and you are left with the business with running a household and raising a family, you are essentially *in business with this person. If this was a business you would be bankrupt. You are well on your way emotionally and financially. You really aren't doing him any favors. My guess, without you propping him up, he might actually have to do something about his issues. Believe you deserve better. . . It's ok to love someone and at the same time recognize you are no longer good together.
    7 points
  32. Your use of the word "partner" is ironic as he is anything but. Don't even consider marrying someone like this. The chances of it ending in divorce are approximately 100%. You think it's easier said than done to break up NOW? Wait til you have to shell out for a divorce lawyer and give the ex half of your retirement and other assets because he has none.
    7 points
  33. You are involved with a compulsive cheater and liar, please stop kidding yourself. You seen the red flags right from the start. "little white lies"...are lies, nothing little about it. She showed you who she was right from the start. You chose to look the other way. She has cheated on you repeatedly and yet you keep bending back over and taking more. Where is your self respect? When are you going to stand up for yourself, and stop allowing this lying, cheating manipulator to continue to mess you over? Her suggestion to tell your mother "I love you", was a nice suggestion, but that was a moment between you and your mom, that YOU chose to do. Don't make it about her, at all. And a suggestion, is tiny in comparison to the crap she has pulled. No doubt there is even more men out there that's she been fooling around with. Most times when you find something out, it's only the tip of the iceberg. Please get a backbone, block her, put her stuff out on the porch and tell her it's there and if she doesn't come get it, it will be hauled away by the garbage men. Stop allowing her to use you, or have anything more to do with you. She has treated you like a dog, and it's high time you take your self respect back.
    7 points
  34. So, she may have given you solid advice at a key moment in your life, OP. She may have softened your heart enough for you to say the L word. Unfortunately, she is a liar and a cheater. She strung you and Mr. Guy along for quite some time. She is still stringing you along. She is not the one you will end up with. There is a better partner in your future who (1) is capable of giving solid advice during key moments, (2) will get you to say that you love her, and (3) is not a liar and a cheater. But for your current ride on the (ex-)partner's "will she, won't she" emotional roller coaster, you would realize that. I am with the "consensus" that you leave her and try to heal and move on. You mention you want to reconcile despite the consensus which advises against it. Even so, look at this situation strategically, OP. You two will never end up happy together if she does not respect you. You have always been willing to let her return no matter what she does. You let her treat you like a doormat. You do not even respect yourself enough to say "enough is enough." Accordingly, she does not respect you. She has shown you this much through the way she treats you. I do not see a way forward for this relationship/marriage, OP. I am sorry. But even if there is a way forward, it will not be found if you always let her back in each time she flirts with the idea of reconciliation. -- I hope this helps.
    7 points
  35. OP, you have described yourself as plain and overweight, dull and pedestrian. If those factors be true, well, they do not help your chances. Additionally, implicit in your descriptors (and dating experiences) is low self-esteem. Potential partners are attracted to confidence and put off by low self-esteem and desperate behavior. People can pick up on these attitudes even if you think you are hiding them well. I think working on the traits you do not like would help two-fold, as a practical matter. One, because you would be actually making positive changes. Two, because making these improvements would increase your self-esteem and confidence. A couple of questions for you, OP: Why do you think you are plain-looking? What does this mean? Could this be fixed with an awesome haircut and some new clothes/shoes? Do you or can you go to the gym? A gym membership at Planet Fitness around where I live (U.S.) costs around $10 per month. It is nice inside and it is relatively inexpensive as far as gym memberships go. Or, if you are not feeling a gym membership at this point, consider listening to podcast and walking a couple miles each day. You burn over 100 calories per mile (the more you weigh, the more calories you burn per mile). What are your hobbies, OP? Do you have any hobbies which include social interaction? My best relationships to date have started either (1) because a friend introduced us, or (2) because we met doing a hobby we both enjoyed (in my case, ballroom and latin dance). You have listed out some items to work on. Knowing is half the battle. Now, I vote you make a plan to work on those items and then take action. I hope this helps.
    7 points
  36. Cherylyn he is dumped. I tried to have a discussion with him and he got immediately defensive. I told him it is an issue if I am simply trying to express my feelings and he is angry about that. I'm not surprised however. He can be sweet and considerate, but that's very conditional and only if everything is going his way, otherwise he is selfish and inconsiderate. A few nights before this incident I had stopped by a grocery store to pick a few things up as we had been out of town for weeks and didn't have anything at home. He got upset with me in the store about something stupid (as usual), said he was calling and Uber and stormed off. I followed him and told him it was stupid to waste money on an Uber when he could wait in the car. He finally agreed to wait in the car and I finished up in the store. I came out of the store carrying multiple bags and I tapped on the window to let him know I was there. He unlocked the trunk from the inside and sat in the car while I struggled with the bags.......never even raised his eyes to look at me or got out to help. Not that I needed help, but when things are going his way he can't help enough. His kindness is very conditional and based on convenience. It's he's upset with me or if something is inconvenient for him, he simply won't budge. We broke up a while ago and now I wish I had never allowed him back into my life. He's given me multiple reasons to end the relationship previously, but begged and pleaded that he would be different, and here we are, right back at square one. I won't make the same mistake again. I'm done! I've asked him to leave and told him it was a mistake to get back together and I just want to continue my life now without him in it. He's packing his things and will be out by the weekend. Trust me when I say I will never allow him to so much as breathe in my direction ever again.
    7 points
  37. Not to be obvious but 30 has come and gone, if your goal was to be married or engaged by then, why was this not addressed at that time? If I were you I wouldn't hold my breath. Your boyfriend is taking you for granted because he knows you'll stay with him, marriage or not. There is no reason for him to propose. So he won't.
    7 points
  38. You don't have to teach people how to interact or have social skills. Both of you really could have just walked away, and refused to, "donate," anything. It's ok to leave crazy people alone, walk away from their demands on the street, etc.
    7 points
  39. I had someone who was a close friend try to get me fired. She was trying to be best friends with our supervisor so she thought she'd get kudos for tattling on me. Problem was, I didn't do what she'd claimed I'd done and I was able to prove it. I reacted by working my butt off. I performed over and above what was required. This resulted in me getting promoted. The ex friend? She got promoted too...2 1/2 years after I did. It's not easy when someone has it in for you. But it seems you are a valued employee. Try to let the petty BS roll off you and just go in there and kick butt. This job with it's accompanying child care benefit is way too good for you to leave it over an unprofessional buffoon.
    7 points
  40. I agree with TinyDance, it's harder to find someone as a "blank slate" in your 30s when you want to have a faily. Not impossible, but harder. He wants kids, you don't, there is no compromise when it comes to kids. None. If you have a kid you don't want - then you'll be miserable. If he doesn't have a kid when he wants one - then he'll be miserable. No one "wins" in this situation. I've never wanted kids. Actually, I got surgically sterilized in my mid 20s and I'm in my 30s now, very happy with my choice. I've broken up with partners for wanting kids when I didn't want them and trust me, it's the best decision in the end. Rip off the band-aid.
    7 points
  41. Do you mean he ogles them, cranes his head over his neck to stare at them, or that you get jealous when he peers up at the waitress to give his order, or that you expect him to stare down at his shoes while you two walk together in case he spots someone more beautiful and takes off after her, yanking the leash out of your hand?
    7 points
  42. He's a married man who has outright told you he intends to stay married in order to get something more from his wife. Run. Run and don't look back. Brace yourself because I'm about to say something you won't want to hear. This guy is not quality, he's a major user. He has at least 2 women on the hook to get what he wants regardless of how it hurts those around him, his wife and you. I wonder what he tells her! He can't propose marriage to you, he's married. That he'd even say that is so disrespectful to you. Good for you for not having sex with him while being reminded of his wife. Good, that's the healthy part of you, listen to that. You are worth more than being used by this guy. People make mistakes. Getting involved with a man still in a marriage was a mistake. BUT - you can choose differently at any time. You can leave this, learn from it, and give yourself the chance to be available for a really great guy who is available for you. This guy is not. So as long as you stay, you hurt yourself and close yourself off to that chance. Nothing is guaranteed, but wouldn't you rather know you did everything you could?
    7 points
  43. You need to ask yourself what you see in such a rude, demeaning little punk. Seriously, why are you still even giving this guy the time of day, much less explaining yourself to him? He is not a good person. I would have launched this weasel into the stratosphere by now, and long since blocked his number. You need to ask yourself why you haven't.
    7 points
  44. Please just delete his number and don't ever reach out or text him anything again. You've already texted him enough, including telling him that just ghosting you like that was uncalled for. There really comes a point where you have to accept that silence IS communication and what it communicates is that the person you are contacting doesn't wish to talk to you or be a part of your life anymore. Telling someone who doesn't care that they hurt your feelings isn't going to make them care. He knows what he did and meant to do it because that was convenient for him. He is showing you again and again that he will continue to respond to your texts with silence. At this point, you will start to look crazy if you keep reaching out to him. Most importantly, please don't get into this idea that his bad behavior is somehow about you or a measure of you and your value. It is not. HIs actions are not about you - just a reflection of him and who he is. You thought he is great, now you know beyond the shadow of the doubt that he is not. So stop dwelling on his behavior and move on in peace knowing that you just totally dodged a bullet. When people show you who they really are, believe them.
    7 points
  45. This is a lot of thought on a guy you had one meeting with. I think its odd that people say they feel so appreciative of hearing some watered down version of the truth a person chose to share. Do I sound cynical? I am. And you should be, too. Just because he remembered you enough to recognize you on a dating app 6 months later. Should not be confused with knowing a person for 6 months. Rather he obviously hasn't had much luck finding women. And that's not a dig against him. That is how on line dating is. Most people on dating apps have the same problem you do... lots of people like them, but they're not the a RIGHT people. It's literally a numbers game. So if you seem interesting to him, plus open to meeting, he's going to pursue you. Only you know what you will settle for. I do think dating a ton of new guys, disappointment & being lonely can cause us to settle... like all these rotten tomatoes. here's one only half rotten! yay! let me grab it up. But while you're getting invested with a guy that is questionable, a better one got away.... Is a cheater always a cheater? I don't know. Maybe. he has his reasons and only he knows the truth for sure. I think its a red flag and I think you're response is also one... of your own. Why would you want to bother with someone so openly willing to admit he has questionable morales? And to treat like admitting it is admirable? He does not know you. He was not confiding a shameful act to a trusted friend or paramour.... He was putting it out there- I'm a cheater and here's how I justify it. Let's see if she's OK with it. Don't be surprised if he cheats on you. Because well, you weren't married and his needs weren't being met... the relationship was over anyway. He's testing you and believe me, the truth just like on line dating photos- always worse in the light of day. You can do better.
    7 points
  46. Tinydance As you may remember I grew up with alcoholic parents. One admitted they had a problem and openly said they were an alcoholic and the other thought everyone else had the problem and she had it under control. Those last 4 words are the downfall of almost all alcoholics whether they are trying to stay clean or they are a functioning alcoholic. Once they think they have it under control they are doomed. It sounds like you have been able to stop drinking for periods of time which means you can stop. Your problem is that you say you are an alcoholic but you fail to realize that alcoholics cannot drink even one ounce of the stuff because they do not have it under control, the alcohol is in control. Simply put you are in one of the highest risk factor group. You could be clean for 6 years and have just one drink and be back where you are now in mere days. I have seen it and lived it. Until you accept that you can never drink ever again the rest of your life this cycle will continue. Most programs require you quit all at once because they simply know most alcoholics don't have an off switch so there is no weaning them off booze. It can be dangerous so going it alone is risky. My father died trying to stop drinking. Strange how the thing that is slowly killing you and your life ends up taking your life because you stop. Do you accept that you cannot drink at all ever again? You cannot just cut back to one glass in the evening, it has to be no more alcohol ever again. I know it isn't easy trust me but until you can admit that the alcohol is in control and you cannot drink ever again you will continue like you are until something really serious happens to you. It is the complex and that simple. The programs actually remind you that you do not have the addiction under control and you cannot just have one drink. PM me if you want to talk, I will help if I can Lost
    7 points
  47. Cracks me up when people in their 40s convince themself that they can pass for their 20s. Nope, nada, no way! And even if you did, it does not excuse creepin on a high school kid. Who cares if he approached you first.
    7 points
  48. You sure did! I don't know if the love is dead, but you're certainly with a guy who thinks women are gold diggers. Don't bother putting any effort into figuring out why he would think that given the circumstances, because bigotry never make sense. It's a form of stupidity. You can love stupid, and stupid can love you. But you can't fix stupid.
    7 points
  49. Our Christmas is going to consist of us three Covidites. But that's OK. We will see our kids when it's safe to do so, probably in a week. Happiest of Holidays and Merry Christmas to all.
    7 points
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