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Showing content with the highest reputation on 05/30/2021 in Posts

  1. Thank you everyone for your amazing yet brutally honest advice lol and insight on my issue. I needed that. I will take all of this in.
    4 points
  2. 2 years? BAHHHAHAHA, that's nothing and truth be told, no one will ever give a damn. I'm 6 years older than my husband. Don't see people running a muck in the time square with lit touches and pitch forks for over 30 years now. You are being silly.
    4 points
  3. It’s ok just a lesson learned not to give keys to my house out again
    3 points
  4. Yesterday, the SO and I were disagreeing about something and it got a little bit heated. Then he says "Cite your sources!" and I started laughing and next thing you know, we are belly laughing. It's become a sort of shorthand now for diffusing a disagreement when it gets a bit too hot, as our most epic argument we've had in this relationship devolved into a total farce of us frantically pulling up sources to prove our positions and "cite your source!!" being repeated by both us. The rare geeky argument aside, I've never been with someone I've worked so well with as him. We really do make a great team, and I'm feeling grateful today. We have managed to get through this past year, both of us home and can barely go anywhere, and our relationship is stronger.
    3 points
  5. So your choices are: 1. Take LSD so you can level the playing field or 2. Break up with her? That is what you are telling us? If those are the choices you must choose break up. She just might break up with you for thinking that was a good idea... How about cultivating better options. Lost
    2 points
  6. That should be a dealbreaker for you. You have low self esteem to put up with this. You're not fully integrated into his life, so you shouldn't be a part of his life. End of story.
    2 points
  7. The four musketeers? Seriously, good idea to move in some sort of house share off/on campus. It's the first step to socializing with college girls. Then join groups clubs sports. Coed is better . Take some classes that attract more girls than boys.
    2 points
  8. Well, how has that worked for you so far?
    2 points
  9. Yeah, don't move in with any of the three dudes who don't want to do anything social except lurk at the mall or go buy Pokemon cards. Enjoy all college has to offer, including the opportunity to meet lots of girls!
    2 points
  10. He isn't returning your things because that's the only connection he has to you and he still wants to be with you. It's somewhat surprising that you haven't figured this out. Either change the locks and give up your stuff if it's not that important or send a friend to go get it End.. of.. story
    2 points
  11. I agree cut your losses and give up on those things...buy new. Block/delete go no contact.
    2 points
  12. I'm a 57 year old woman, I'm an online gamer. I like fast cars and cold beer. Age is just a number, so you can't base someone's identity based on what it says on their driver's license.
    2 points
  13. Age disparity matters in a way that you are easier to connect because you have gone through similar things. My generation still read comic books, that was an actual thing. 8-10 years younger or older probably dont even know what comics are. Well they do now because of movies but still, my point is I do get generation gap. Not to mention that women are generally more mature ones so they usually go for little older guys. But that doesnt mean its a rule, my friends wife is 5,5 years older then him and they do just fine. I had a female friend that did find 10 years younger guy. That was kinda too much but she goes for looks so she didnt mind. But 2 years difference? That is like nothing.
    2 points
  14. This is YOUR decision. If you want to go, then go and take the precautions you feel are appropriate. If you don't want to go, then don't. The girlfriend does sound bossy though. 😞
    2 points
  15. BUT will you approach him about going for coffee? This is all in your head and may not matter if he isn't interested in you right? Ask him if he would like to join you for lunch after services. It would be the perfect time and place and lunch is a safe bet. Be brave and ask him to lunch. Lost
    2 points
  16. From a guys point of view you are a casual girlfriend. Meaning that there is a connection but it is purposely being kept at arms length or it could be this is all he has in his tank emotionally. I think it is the latter. He is devoted to his career and unfortunately you are a small part of his life he shares. Instead of wondering if you are his gf or fwb or whatever you should be thinking about compatibility between you two. It sounds like you would like more emotional and physical connection like more frequent passionate sex, non sexual contact (cuddling, hand holding, kissing, touching) but he is colder on that front. Think back to your other long term relationships and all the things you loved about being in them and then look at this whatever it is. How much do you see that you love? I don't think you two are a good match for a few reasons but it only matters what you think. You shouldn't ask him what are we until you decide if he is even the guy for you. You get to choose because it is your life. I think you want more than he could ever give, it just isn't in him to give. Lost
    2 points
  17. Your landlord does not need to be involved. I changed my locks when I had to kick someone out of my rental condo. All I was required to do was provide the owners with a copy of the keys. I bought the lock and my friend's husband came over to install it. It took him literally less than 10 minutes. Easy.
    2 points
  18. Unfortunately it's not just you that's affected by your "choice" but everyone you come into contact with. I got Covid from a family member. He didn't mean to give it to me but he didn't know he had it and I was unwittingly exposed. And I wasn't parading around mask-less or going to any gatherings. I was sitting at home minding my own business. I echo what the others have asked; are you vaccinated? Is your girlfriend? Are your family members? If you are vaccinated and your family members are not, it should be fine to attend as long as you stay outdoors and don't hug them or use communal utensils to serve food (use your own personal utensils). And I get why your girlfriend is concerned; lack of concern is why this damn virus won't go away. And people shouting about it being a personal choice are not taking others into consideration. But that doesn't mean you can't still be reasonably safe while not completely shutting yourself inside your home.
    2 points
  19. I think you need to admit to yourself that actually you are. This is bothering you to the extent that you think taking LSD is the solution to your anxiety about it. That suggests a couple things: 1) You don't have healthy coping mechanisms for your insecurity, and 2) You're letting her past influence your present choices. Taking drugs just to level the playing field makes zeo sense, by the way. I am not sure how you came up with that idea but it won't work. I personally feel you are letting your thoughts spin out of control. Listen to yourself: she dabbled occasionally in the past and has not done drugs for years, and you're here worried about filing for a hypothetical divorce from a hypothetical marriage because she might negelct your hypothetical children. Gently, you need to get a grip on your anxiety. If you are still bothered by it, though, and don't feel you can trust her nor extend the benefit of the doubt that she has changed - yes, break up with her. You won't be able to handle a relaitonship with her and it's not fair to her. In that case, you would need to find someone whose past mirrors your own.
    2 points
  20. Girl, where the fresh heck are your standards? And self-worth? This guy is a punk, throw him back on the heap.
    2 points
  21. The last two men I dated were 7 years younger and 8 years younger, respectively. No one cared. Does what "society" or your "community" think take priority over what you think? If so, why? And have you even dated this man or do you just find him attractive? Have you had conversations with him? Has he expressed interest in dating you?
    2 points
  22. OP, you asked why are you like this? Because you choose to be. It's your hang up. If it really is how you feel then forget the guy. He cannot change his age
    2 points
  23. I am 2.5 years older than my husband. No big woop. Never had an issue. My husband’s parents are almost 90,never had an issue. We met when he was a few months past 20 and I was almost 23. His parents were late 50’s then. Mine were early 40’s. Never had an issue.
    2 points
  24. I'm 13 months older than my husband. It's no big deal to either of us and it never has been. Age is just a number. You need to remember that. It has nothing to do with the person as a whole. My husband's mother was a few months older than his father. No biggie. I dont know why you think this way, it's certainly not the norm. Perhaps a session or two with a therapist could be beneficial. The big take away here - who cares what other people say! It doesn't matter. Nobody cares.
    2 points
  25. Are you and GF vaccinated? If not, that's the main issue I'd address, because once I was vaccinated I've felt liberated and free to avoid taking advice from anyone who won't take the shot. If GF refuses, then that's on her, but that's exactly what I'd tell her if she tried to use Covid as an excuse to come between me and my family, who are also vaccinated.
    2 points
  26. You do come off as a little bit nitpicky. This is somebody that you've never met and hardly know. It's ok to have standards, but it doesn't make sense to impose expectations on total strangers. You set yourself up for disappointment that way.
    2 points
  27. OP.....alcoholics never stop being alcoholics. He doesn't get dry, doesn't get help and uses excuses to avoid that. That right there should tell you that he has zero intentions to ever quit. Sure, alcoholics can binge drink. This is quite common. They can go days, weeks, even months not drinking BUT invariably they will get wasted again and again. This cycle doesn't stop unless they decide to stop it - meaning rehab, AA, counseling, whatever it takes. It's not a passive promise but real hard work that takes time. He'd have to be completely sober for several years for you to even consider that there might be some hope he'll stay that way and that includes ongoing counseling and support for life. He is telling you he won't do it. As if that's not enough, he has spent years cheating on you and ever after getting caught he continued on with the other woman and you stayed and put up with that? What on earth is going on with you OP? This is insane. Please stop hoping he'll become a decent man. Please stop dreaming about "family" because what you have in reality is a dysfunctional mess. Please stop dragging your children through this and leave this man once and for all. Get legal counseling, get a proper divorce and be done for good. Lose his number. As for the house, be sure you talk to an attorney before you close. You might need to keep it in your father's name so you don't lose it in the divorce as marital property. Be smart and stop dreaming. Start dealing with the reality that you've made a poor choice in men and let go of this circus already. Your kids need better than you clinging to a cheating alcoholic.
    2 points
  28. I'm turning 42, which means I am now the same age as my dad was when he died. It's an odd feeling. I've been thinking of him lots. He had a wife, a 14 year old and a 12 year old at this age. He was going to college, and I was SO proud of him. He was the person I was closest to in the whole world. I felt so lucky, having a dad that was involved in my life. Most of my friends didn't have that, they rarely saw their fathers as their families were rather old school in the way of "mom takes care of kids, dad works crazy hours farming and you don't bother him when he's relaxing". My dad wasn't a farmer, and wasn't planted to a piece of land in that way. Also, our family was egalitarian, there wasn't adherence to a set of gender or age roles like we were surrounded by. My dad liked to roam, he loved adventure. I'd go as far to say that he was a bit of an adrenaline junkie. His best friend was a bush pilot up north, and that was like the coolest thing ever to me as a kid. Dad worked mostly in labour jobs until his mid 30s. He would go away for weeks sometimes to work in camps, getting way up high repairing and building bridges and other structures. Later, he was hauling sugar beets in Canada and the states. Sometimes he'd take one of us with, for shorter trips, and I loved it lol. Besides that, he'd often take us on mini trips. Either hop in the car or the motorcycle, and just go. I absolutely loved those trips. We never knew either what vehicle we might have, as he'd be swapping out different cars and bikes regularly. We had a shimmering gold glitter beast of a car at one point. Ha. Also, my riding helmet was glittered, but of course! Dad was a bit eccentric, and a talented artist. We painted murals on our walls as a family. We created snow sculptures. We made wicked papier mache heads for Halloween. We always had art projects on the go. And he was so supportive of me, no matter what. He was a talker, a friend to anyone who might want one, no matter background or what people may think. I see the older guys on their fancy cruiser bikes, going for coffee cruises now instead of bar runs, and I think of dad. He'd be there. He'd be cruising around, chatting everyone up, in his retirement years. And if he were alive, we would be doing those cute father daughter bike rides for dad fundraisers, all the way. I miss him.
    2 points
  29. I don't think the OP wanted advice on whether or not he should be following the rules the government made up, he wants to know how to make everyone happy. Answer is: he can't. Period. His life, his decisions. He needs to do what HE feels is appropriate and do what makes HIM happy. If others (including the bossy girlfriend) don't like it they can bounce.
    1 point
  30. No. They’re looking to get laid. Not the same thing.
    1 point
  31. Precisely. How does this suggestion sound to you? "United in the same goal". So there isn't a chance of a date unless you 4 operate as a platoon.
    1 point
  32. Why is this suddenly turning into a hate circle-jerk against my friends?
    1 point
  33. Please do not buy her flowers or try to meet up. On the one hand, she sure was making the death in your family all about her! How about allowing you to grieve? On the other hand, just letting her know you were going to kind of withdraw for a short while until you could cope with the loss of your beloved grandma probably would have been a good idea. You now know there are communication issues and that she tends to be "needy" when the focus isn't 100% on her. Those things lead me to believe you two are not compatible.
    1 point
  34. You date and fall in love with whomever you want. You only live once so choose what will make you happy!
    1 point
  35. Hahaha we have had a few disagreements too, not as polite as yours.😣 But we know it is not meant and we apologize and move on. I just see this as practice for retirement . It is coming up quick. 5 years for me and 8 for hubby. Getting through the hard times proves a relationship’s worth and strength. The easy times are, well, easy, the test is the hard times.
    1 point
  36. Of course! If you're interested in spending time with someone but cannot on the day you're invited to you suggest an alternative - whether date or friend. Otherwise it gives the impression you're not interested. Most people won't try again in that situation.
    1 point
  37. I agree with the others - best to change the locks. It is super easy and fast and may not even require changing the whole lock just the key mechanism. Mentally write-off your stuff. Assume you will never see it again and bonus if you do.
    1 point
  38. I love food as rewards while also being mindful of moderation and portion control and whether I'm truly hungry. I'm also comfortable with my son seeing the connection -it's part of a celebration, part of a reward, not all the time and also not overdoing it. I gave him part of a snack cake my husband and I loved as kids but which is rarely available where we live now. Not even a whole individual cake. He was overjoyed -the whole experience -and didn't ask for more -because he also is mindful of his fullness cues. I've seen him decline or push away parts of desserts because he's full. Such a healthy mindset and yes he sees food as a reward at times. There's room for both.
    1 point
  39. Thank you @SooSad33 You've made some real solid points. I really appreciate it
    1 point
  40. This is the effects of trauma - could very well be PTSD. That is difficult to live with and yes, it affects you in many ways.. like this. You are affected, for sure & feel low about yourself.. understandable. 😕 It is NOT a fault.. It is an 'after effect'.. from your history ( childhood experiences). Yes, is up to you to seek help in dealing with your trauma. Professional help - therapy, to work on all of this, will help... help you understand your PTSD, coping skillls, etc.
    1 point
  41. I'm actually both shocked and surprised that you actually have to ask "what to do". Really? * First of all, you don't stoop to his low levels, on a par with his lack of decency. * You don't get involved with people already in a relationship. You have no place there. * You have some self-respect, some morals and values, and walk away from this. Block and delete all contact. * Find you own boyfriend and hope and pray he doesn't do this to you. Karma will eventually come back to bite you.
    1 point
  42. You ask yourself why you get so excited and turned on by an unavailable man telling you what to do. Can you imagine if he ends things with her and "commits" to you how awful it will feel when he's out of your sight more than an hour or so? Won't you wonder who else he's with, trying to be with??
    1 point
  43. Well.. for one, HE is controlling. And two, He's a loser! You do NOT want this one! Why would you? Give yourself some credit.. some self respect! Get away from people like this.. You CAN very well have friends.. guys or gals, fps 😕
    1 point
  44. OP you’re entitled to vent and complain but please don’t pretend you actually are thoughtfully considering any of the input given whether by me or anyone else. I’m not the right person to respond to a pity party largely of your own making so I’ll bow out - I’ve said and offered all I’ve got. I know a number of 20 somethings - personally - related and friend’s kids - and they’re all doing a variety of things both challenging and positive. One is pregnant with her third boy (she’s 25 and married ), one is 23 and about to go back to living on her own now that covid is subsiding - she’s pretty and single and working full time and part time grad school. One is almost 30 and divorced and working and doing a grad program. When I was 25 I started grad school (on my 25th bday), lived with my parents and had a serious and very hot boyfriend. Very Hot Boyfriend proposed to me a few years later. I declined feeling something wasn’t right. 15 years later we each got married - to men we were very much in love with. My son is 12 and thinks I am stunning and dazzling- his words - and I am neither on the outside. Thank goodness I’m able to be positive enough for him to see my spark at a difficult time for all of us. We all have our own adventures and struggles and challenges - I took the long way around to my bliss. It’s bliss because I worked my behind off for it and pity party would have meant me waiting even longer. And maybe never reaching my goals . How about having a five minute pity party - all at once - every day and restrain yourself the rest of the day and live your life. Pity how unfair Society is and how you’re so tired of doing All The Work and how all you’re asking for is for a pretty girl to ask you out and lead you by the hand to a bed so you can get laid. If she gets pregnant she’ll know what to do because heaven forbid you’re the victim of an accidental pregnancy. Just think about how wasteful it is to go on and on with the negativity. If you do the five minute pity party that’s only a couple of wasted hours a month. Isn’t that more than enough? That’s all I’ve got. .
    1 point
  45. You won't get any answers from us, only he knows why he's doing this. You need to bring all this to light, and discuss it. Get your answers, and express your concerns, work through it. that is how it's done. Not sneaking around, lying and snooping in each others phones.
    1 point
  46. Forget about it as soon as the date is over unless you have a time and place plan for another date. There is no other date unless he calls or you call and ask him out in the future and you decide at that time if you would like to see him again. That way you can move on. Why wait if you’ve had one date and there’s no plan for another. That means no date. Unless things change in the future. Decide when and if that happens. This mindset helped me so much when I was dating.
    1 point
  47. Sorry to hear that, please be strong.
    1 point
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