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Showing content with the highest reputation on 05/30/2021 in all areas

  1. Thank you everyone for your amazing yet brutally honest advice lol and insight on my issue. I needed that. I will take all of this in.
    4 points
  2. 2 years? BAHHHAHAHA, that's nothing and truth be told, no one will ever give a damn. I'm 6 years older than my husband. Don't see people running a muck in the time square with lit touches and pitch forks for over 30 years now. You are being silly.
    4 points
  3. It’s ok just a lesson learned not to give keys to my house out again
    3 points
  4. Yesterday, the SO and I were disagreeing about something and it got a little bit heated. Then he says "Cite your sources!" and I started laughing and next thing you know, we are belly laughing. It's become a sort of shorthand now for diffusing a disagreement when it gets a bit too hot, as our most epic argument we've had in this relationship devolved into a total farce of us frantically pulling up sources to prove our positions and "cite your source!!" being repeated by both us. The rare geeky argument aside, I've never been with someone I've worked so well with as him. We really do make a great team, and I'm feeling grateful today. We have managed to get through this past year, both of us home and can barely go anywhere, and our relationship is stronger.
    3 points
  5. So your choices are: 1. Take LSD so you can level the playing field or 2. Break up with her? That is what you are telling us? If those are the choices you must choose break up. She just might break up with you for thinking that was a good idea... How about cultivating better options. Lost
    2 points
  6. That should be a dealbreaker for you. You have low self esteem to put up with this. You're not fully integrated into his life, so you shouldn't be a part of his life. End of story.
    2 points
  7. The four musketeers? Seriously, good idea to move in some sort of house share off/on campus. It's the first step to socializing with college girls. Then join groups clubs sports. Coed is better . Take some classes that attract more girls than boys.
    2 points
  8. Well, how has that worked for you so far?
    2 points
  9. Yeah, don't move in with any of the three dudes who don't want to do anything social except lurk at the mall or go buy Pokemon cards. Enjoy all college has to offer, including the opportunity to meet lots of girls!
    2 points
  10. He isn't returning your things because that's the only connection he has to you and he still wants to be with you. It's somewhat surprising that you haven't figured this out. Either change the locks and give up your stuff if it's not that important or send a friend to go get it End.. of.. story
    2 points
  11. I agree cut your losses and give up on those things...buy new. Block/delete go no contact.
    2 points
  12. I'm a 57 year old woman, I'm an online gamer. I like fast cars and cold beer. Age is just a number, so you can't base someone's identity based on what it says on their driver's license.
    2 points
  13. Age disparity matters in a way that you are easier to connect because you have gone through similar things. My generation still read comic books, that was an actual thing. 8-10 years younger or older probably dont even know what comics are. Well they do now because of movies but still, my point is I do get generation gap. Not to mention that women are generally more mature ones so they usually go for little older guys. But that doesnt mean its a rule, my friends wife is 5,5 years older then him and they do just fine. I had a female friend that did find 10 years younger guy. That was kinda too much but she goes for looks so she didnt mind. But 2 years difference? That is like nothing.
    2 points
  14. This is YOUR decision. If you want to go, then go and take the precautions you feel are appropriate. If you don't want to go, then don't. The girlfriend does sound bossy though. 😞
    2 points
  15. BUT will you approach him about going for coffee? This is all in your head and may not matter if he isn't interested in you right? Ask him if he would like to join you for lunch after services. It would be the perfect time and place and lunch is a safe bet. Be brave and ask him to lunch. Lost
    2 points
  16. From a guys point of view you are a casual girlfriend. Meaning that there is a connection but it is purposely being kept at arms length or it could be this is all he has in his tank emotionally. I think it is the latter. He is devoted to his career and unfortunately you are a small part of his life he shares. Instead of wondering if you are his gf or fwb or whatever you should be thinking about compatibility between you two. It sounds like you would like more emotional and physical connection like more frequent passionate sex, non sexual contact (cuddling, hand holding, kissing, touching) but he is colder on that front. Think back to your other long term relationships and all the things you loved about being in them and then look at this whatever it is. How much do you see that you love? I don't think you two are a good match for a few reasons but it only matters what you think. You shouldn't ask him what are we until you decide if he is even the guy for you. You get to choose because it is your life. I think you want more than he could ever give, it just isn't in him to give. Lost
    2 points
  17. Your landlord does not need to be involved. I changed my locks when I had to kick someone out of my rental condo. All I was required to do was provide the owners with a copy of the keys. I bought the lock and my friend's husband came over to install it. It took him literally less than 10 minutes. Easy.
    2 points
  18. Unfortunately it's not just you that's affected by your "choice" but everyone you come into contact with. I got Covid from a family member. He didn't mean to give it to me but he didn't know he had it and I was unwittingly exposed. And I wasn't parading around mask-less or going to any gatherings. I was sitting at home minding my own business. I echo what the others have asked; are you vaccinated? Is your girlfriend? Are your family members? If you are vaccinated and your family members are not, it should be fine to attend as long as you stay outdoors and don't hug them or use communal utensils to serve food (use your own personal utensils). And I get why your girlfriend is concerned; lack of concern is why this damn virus won't go away. And people shouting about it being a personal choice are not taking others into consideration. But that doesn't mean you can't still be reasonably safe while not completely shutting yourself inside your home.
    2 points
  19. I think you need to admit to yourself that actually you are. This is bothering you to the extent that you think taking LSD is the solution to your anxiety about it. That suggests a couple things: 1) You don't have healthy coping mechanisms for your insecurity, and 2) You're letting her past influence your present choices. Taking drugs just to level the playing field makes zeo sense, by the way. I am not sure how you came up with that idea but it won't work. I personally feel you are letting your thoughts spin out of control. Listen to yourself: she dabbled occasionally in the past and has not done drugs for years, and you're here worried about filing for a hypothetical divorce from a hypothetical marriage because she might negelct your hypothetical children. Gently, you need to get a grip on your anxiety. If you are still bothered by it, though, and don't feel you can trust her nor extend the benefit of the doubt that she has changed - yes, break up with her. You won't be able to handle a relaitonship with her and it's not fair to her. In that case, you would need to find someone whose past mirrors your own.
    2 points
  20. Girl, where the fresh heck are your standards? And self-worth? This guy is a punk, throw him back on the heap.
    2 points
  21. The last two men I dated were 7 years younger and 8 years younger, respectively. No one cared. Does what "society" or your "community" think take priority over what you think? If so, why? And have you even dated this man or do you just find him attractive? Have you had conversations with him? Has he expressed interest in dating you?
    2 points
  22. OP, you asked why are you like this? Because you choose to be. It's your hang up. If it really is how you feel then forget the guy. He cannot change his age
    2 points
  23. I am 2.5 years older than my husband. No big woop. Never had an issue. My husband’s parents are almost 90,never had an issue. We met when he was a few months past 20 and I was almost 23. His parents were late 50’s then. Mine were early 40’s. Never had an issue.
    2 points
  24. I'm 13 months older than my husband. It's no big deal to either of us and it never has been. Age is just a number. You need to remember that. It has nothing to do with the person as a whole. My husband's mother was a few months older than his father. No biggie. I dont know why you think this way, it's certainly not the norm. Perhaps a session or two with a therapist could be beneficial. The big take away here - who cares what other people say! It doesn't matter. Nobody cares.
    2 points
  25. Are you and GF vaccinated? If not, that's the main issue I'd address, because once I was vaccinated I've felt liberated and free to avoid taking advice from anyone who won't take the shot. If GF refuses, then that's on her, but that's exactly what I'd tell her if she tried to use Covid as an excuse to come between me and my family, who are also vaccinated.
    2 points
  26. You do come off as a little bit nitpicky. This is somebody that you've never met and hardly know. It's ok to have standards, but it doesn't make sense to impose expectations on total strangers. You set yourself up for disappointment that way.
    2 points
  27. OP.....alcoholics never stop being alcoholics. He doesn't get dry, doesn't get help and uses excuses to avoid that. That right there should tell you that he has zero intentions to ever quit. Sure, alcoholics can binge drink. This is quite common. They can go days, weeks, even months not drinking BUT invariably they will get wasted again and again. This cycle doesn't stop unless they decide to stop it - meaning rehab, AA, counseling, whatever it takes. It's not a passive promise but real hard work that takes time. He'd have to be completely sober for several years for you to even consider that there might be some hope he'll stay that way and that includes ongoing counseling and support for life. He is telling you he won't do it. As if that's not enough, he has spent years cheating on you and ever after getting caught he continued on with the other woman and you stayed and put up with that? What on earth is going on with you OP? This is insane. Please stop hoping he'll become a decent man. Please stop dreaming about "family" because what you have in reality is a dysfunctional mess. Please stop dragging your children through this and leave this man once and for all. Get legal counseling, get a proper divorce and be done for good. Lose his number. As for the house, be sure you talk to an attorney before you close. You might need to keep it in your father's name so you don't lose it in the divorce as marital property. Be smart and stop dreaming. Start dealing with the reality that you've made a poor choice in men and let go of this circus already. Your kids need better than you clinging to a cheating alcoholic.
    2 points
  28. I'm turning 42, which means I am now the same age as my dad was when he died. It's an odd feeling. I've been thinking of him lots. He had a wife, a 14 year old and a 12 year old at this age. He was going to college, and I was SO proud of him. He was the person I was closest to in the whole world. I felt so lucky, having a dad that was involved in my life. Most of my friends didn't have that, they rarely saw their fathers as their families were rather old school in the way of "mom takes care of kids, dad works crazy hours farming and you don't bother him when he's relaxing". My dad wasn't a farmer, and wasn't planted to a piece of land in that way. Also, our family was egalitarian, there wasn't adherence to a set of gender or age roles like we were surrounded by. My dad liked to roam, he loved adventure. I'd go as far to say that he was a bit of an adrenaline junkie. His best friend was a bush pilot up north, and that was like the coolest thing ever to me as a kid. Dad worked mostly in labour jobs until his mid 30s. He would go away for weeks sometimes to work in camps, getting way up high repairing and building bridges and other structures. Later, he was hauling sugar beets in Canada and the states. Sometimes he'd take one of us with, for shorter trips, and I loved it lol. Besides that, he'd often take us on mini trips. Either hop in the car or the motorcycle, and just go. I absolutely loved those trips. We never knew either what vehicle we might have, as he'd be swapping out different cars and bikes regularly. We had a shimmering gold glitter beast of a car at one point. Ha. Also, my riding helmet was glittered, but of course! Dad was a bit eccentric, and a talented artist. We painted murals on our walls as a family. We created snow sculptures. We made wicked papier mache heads for Halloween. We always had art projects on the go. And he was so supportive of me, no matter what. He was a talker, a friend to anyone who might want one, no matter background or what people may think. I see the older guys on their fancy cruiser bikes, going for coffee cruises now instead of bar runs, and I think of dad. He'd be there. He'd be cruising around, chatting everyone up, in his retirement years. And if he were alive, we would be doing those cute father daughter bike rides for dad fundraisers, all the way. I miss him.
    2 points
  29. Are you again trying to go off on tangents to avoid facing truths ? I don’t think your friends are hateful or bad people. They’re just going to impede your stated goal of finding a romantic relationship. Doesn’t make them hateful. Just incompatible.
    1 point
  30. I didn’t date anyone who’d used illegal drugs. Trying pot once in college etc was ok (no I did not) or who drank to excess regularly. Yes I was friends with people who did. I just knew I wouldn’t want to be involved seriously in a romantic relationship with someone with those choices and values. I’m very happy with my choices and suggest you stay true to your values.
    1 point
  31. The past week has been so busy with lots of parties with other families, birthdays, end of year celebrations, etc. I've loved getting to see so many old friends again and celebrate together with them. Everything seems to happen in May ❤️ I'm so excited for summer... everything feels more beautiful when it's hot somehow lol. Our garden is exploding in blooms of different colors. The soft blue of the plumbago plants nestled underneath a white iron arch with artistic hearts decorating it (my husband bought it for me when he found out I fell in love with it... I think it's a wedding arch, very romantic. The diamond he picked out for me is a heart... so hearts are particularly special to us). The soft blue flowers look really great together next to the dark, glittering iridescent blue of the majestic sage plants. And the hummingbirds seem to be addicted to the sweet nectar of the majestic sage! They prefer it more than our feeder! And then of course the trenches I dug and filled with shrubs and flowers to encircle the trampoline in the back corner... it's looking nice, very happy with the result of all my projects in the yeard! And 5 spaghetti squash are growing, with 1 about to be ready to eat. We ate some of the yellow summer squash in a bean salad I made that came out really great! Black beans, onions, garlic, lemon juice, cilantro, Anaheim peppers, 1 tomato (that's all that was ready from the ones picked) squash and fresh corn off the cob. Most of the contents being from our own garden! The kids were proud of it since they've helped grow all of it together. Yesterday when I was trying to pick tomatoes, I saw a huge snake wrapped up and laying across two giant tomato plants (!!!). Terrifying for a moment that I almost touched him, even though I grew up in the country, I hate touching wild snakes. He ended up being caught in the bird netting... it was completely around his neck and my husband tried to get him out, but it was just too tangled and was strangling the life slowly out of him ugh! He put an end to it and we're left wondering what to do with a giant snake skin 4 feet long. Hm.... I bought an 18 month planner that was designed pretty well - this is so needed when juggling 4 kids and 3 of them being homeschooled next year, joining co-ops and teaching classes for them... I knew I needed to get something that I'll be able to plan better on. It also had to have spaces for weekends to write in plans. The planner I used this past school year was great, except for that one thing - no weekend space to write out plans, which ended up being difficult! But looking through the 18 months, it's overwhelming seeing how the kids, most of them at least, will pass 2 birthdays by the end 😮 and just seeing that far into the future, knowing how anything could happen and how things may feel or be so different in that timeframe, is a little intimidating.
    1 point
  32. Unless your belongings are of sentimental value, rather than stress yourself out, why not write it off and maintain your sanity. Since he seems to enjoy watching you squirm, let him find another toy to amuse himself with.
    1 point
  33. Should I have? Of course you should have. What do you think!! Getting back to the matter in hand it would be very advisable to spend some time on working on your self-confidence. You are very young OP. There is a great wide world out there. Get out into it. And my advice: once you have graduated go abroad (without the other three!), take a year, enjoy yourself.
    1 point
  34. It's your stuff, therefore your responsibly to go collect it. He does Not have to deliver it for your convenience. If you want to make a stand off out of it keep demanding he deliver it to your door. However if it's over, just get a friend and arrange a mutually convenient time to get it.
    1 point
  35. If it bothers you this much, don't date him. Find someone else who checks off all your boxes. Your discomfort will be translated to your interactions together and it's awful and discriminatory to be at the brunt of that. He doesn't need that. You're entitled to your preferences, by the way. Don't overthink this please. Follow your heart and be kind to one another.
    1 point
  36. My son has agreed to vaccination once we move .
    1 point
  37. Ask your parents to get you involved in things. Sports, groups, clubs, organizations, summer courses, advanced courses, camp, a summer job, etc. Being this bored and withdrawn could also be a situation a psychologist could address. Talk to your parents about loneliness, boredom and overuse of phone/social media.
    1 point
  38. Dump his a$$! He's got another girl, so that ends it right there for you. He has no business telling you to stop talking to other guys! What is thus BS about being in a committed relationship with him when he's already got a gf elsewhere! Wake up!
    1 point
  39. If he doesn't call you his GF then it's just FWB.
    1 point
  40. Well, I think bottom line is if you want to lose your virginity and have a girlfriend, you are simply going to have to make A LOT more effort. As I mentioned in my previous comment, we live in a world very largely run by social media and everything being online. From that perspective you can't really say "Oh I don't meet any girls". You can do online dating, I'm sure there are hundreds, if not thousands of girls online. If you're shy and inexperienced then your first step needs to be just chatting to girls and building your confidence. Don't put girls on a pedestal, they aren't some foreign species lol They're just normal people just like you and your male friends. Just talk to them on online dating and if the girl lives close enough, invite her for a coffee. Don't worry if she's not interested after meeting because most likely it's not anything bad about you. Not everyone is into everyone. Dating is unfortunately a long process. I think you are using a lot of excuses. It's OK to express you're upset but I think you should actually listen to some advice and actually start DOING things. Even if you were talking to a therapist, yes, they listen but they would also come up with strategies on what you can actually do. Hardly any therapist just sits there and nods and say literally nothing. For example, my therapist gives me homework to do at home. Then she asks how I want with doing the homework. You have to actually put effort in. The guys that got girls didn't just sit there and do nothing. It's true, girls can ask guys out too buy They're not going to ask out a guy who doesn't even speak to them. Also even being in COVID lockdown is not an excuse. I still did online dating and did video call dates with people. If it went past the first video call date then we did things like watch a movie together virtually and discuss it. I also did Zoom Meetup groups or Zoom speed dating. Even in quarantine there are still options. You also sound very negative, no offence. Saying at 30 you'll be old, bad back, hair will fall out. I know when I was a teenager, I thought 30 was old. But I don't really understand why at 25 you seem to have this impression that 30 is old. People don't just stop dating when they're 30. Plenty of people 30+ years old are dating, are married, have a family. Life doesn't just suddenly end when you're 30.
    1 point
  41. Tell him he can stick that idea up his butt. You ain't gonna be bossed around by some hypocrite. He don't like it then too bad..you are movin on.
    1 point
  42. College is absolutely full of young people. I have very fond memories of my college years. I lived on campus for two years and met so many people! It was pretty awesome. I met my husband there, we lived in the same dorm. What a great opportunity for you! But please, talk to some girls! You have an automatic topic, whatever class it is you are in, the coursework, the professor...when you see an interesting, cute girl in your class ask if you two can study together over coffee.
    1 point
  43. You dump him! Don't date guys with girlfriends. All you will do is break your own heart. Also never agree to exclusive with someone that is not willing to be exclusive to you. He is not giving you a straight answer because he is controlling you to have his cake and eat it, too. You really need to wake up and smell the coffee. You are disrespecting yourself by tolerating this.
    1 point
  44. Not that you may even have a future with your crush, you don't get to choose other people's partners, and I'm sure you don't badmouth or criticize others for their choices, so why on earth do you think anybody else has a say so in your choice? And that you'd live a life of being ostracized by society with a measly 2 year age gap? If people around me were that judgmental, I'd be moving to a normal town instead of staying in some backward crazy-town. But really, those unfounded thoughts are probably a product of your own mental jail. I'm 3 years older than my husband. We were born in the same decade, have fun talking about similar experiences growing up--the tv shows, the types of candy, being free-range children, and we like the same music. But if you can't get past these nonsense gender dynamics, then do him a favor and don't ask him for coffee. He doesn't need to be sitting across from a woman who feels uneasy about his age when it comes to the possibility of dating him. Relationships are hard enough to add that into the mix.
    1 point
  45. Oh, my heart. Very brave of you to write about this so honestly. You sound as though you might be a 'Swan' surrounded by ducklings. And that's tough when you are young. You are different, and not in a bad way, but probably more mature than your classmates--and that can rule you out as being in the 'adult' camp. What's your age, and are you in grade school, high school or college? You might need to target older people for friendships, and this can really help you to build confidence and aid you in embracing your true self rather than pretzeling yourself to try to blend in with 'kids' who haven't yet grown into a maturity that recognizes yours as relatable. It won't always be like this, but it sure can do something to your head until you find a friend more aligned with you. Older people can sense this and help to mentor you socially. Look into interests, classes and clubs that include adults. Learn from them about how to socialize in ways that don't depend on being included in groups of superficial or immature people. Also, stay on the lookout for fellow students who appear lonely, and get to know them to learn whether you might be good friend material for one another. Don't always shoot for people who already have friends--they may not be as receptive to new friends outside of their existing social circle. Seek out loners, as they may be more interested in a one-on-one a friendship.
    1 point
  46. That would be a waste of valuable time, OP. The toxic and dysfunctional are unable to think along those lines. In their insane world they are right and everyone else is wrong. That's how it goes, sadly, in toxic households. I feel immensely sorry for what you went through OP. And (I am thinking of another thread here) some people should never have children as they are not fit. I (and this is just me) I would simply block her and cut her out of your life. I tend to have zero tolerance for people who abuse their children.
    1 point
  47. There really is nothing for you to do except recover from surgery right now. I hope it wasn't anything serious and it all went well btw. Getting into the mind of the person you just met when they fade is impossible. I am sure you have had guys you weren't interested in after a couple of meets but couldn't put your finger on why. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right. At least he didn't try and get in your pants and then ghost you. If you look at the positive side: You attracted a guy you are interested in so if there is one there are more in the area right? Lost
    1 point
  48. I think unfortunately this "I won't drink Monday to Thursday" is basically just an empty promise. If he drinks up to 12 beers every day, most definitely he's an alcoholic. He won't be able just to stop. He would need to do a detox, go through withdrawal and do rehab. I think it's in your and your children's best interests if you left your husband. He cheated on you, he's a drunk and he's emotionally abusive. This kind of home situation is really not good for children to grow up in. Also, you know you are so much happier without him. People change a lot in 20 years and it sounds like sadly he's changed for the worst.
    1 point
  49. That is beautiful ❤️ I love beautiful relationships.
    1 point
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