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Showing content with the highest reputation on 05/02/2021 in all areas

  1. Sorry this is happening. how long have you been dating? How old is he? Is it nonsense bickering or does he have any point? If he has this many "problems", let him pay the appropriate professional for that. Therapist, lawyer, proctologist, whatever. If he gets snotty, just terminate the conversation. Don't let people complain, emotion dump, be abusive, etc. then complain they're a victim. Talk to trusted friends and family.
    3 points
  2. Cool! So you can go out with your friends as you say you've been doing and keep an eye out for any lovely ladies you might see on your outings.
    3 points
  3. Did you ask your kids what they want? Please don't make the mistake my mother did. She too had "hope" and stayed with my deadbeat, useless "father" "for the kids". Well, she didn't ask us what we wanted. When she finally divorced him (had no choice, he had a girlfriend) my brother and I asked her "what took you so long? You should have divorced that loser 10 years ago!" We were miserable because it was obvious their marriage was in a shambles. Please don't assume you know what your kids want. I guarantee they don't want a sad sack father who won't accept the fact their mother h
    3 points
  4. He does not satisfy you with oral (selfish), and he was cheating on you online. Why are you with this guy?
    3 points
  5. Excellent. Ok, give him proper notice and have him move out. He's draining you, playing you and basically just parking his butt there goofing off with his supposed "business". Talk with trusted friends and family. Research legal avenues to exterminate him from your home and your life. He will have to pay child support and you will be free to pursue a decent man.
    3 points
  6. Well, you are in his home, OP. So yes, I think you are asking for too much and have unreasonable expectations. If it's too noisy, either go home or find a quieter place.
    3 points
  7. Yes. Putting yourself in a stressful situation when you are already stressed out is unreasonable. You are setting yourself up for failure.
    3 points
  8. How long have you lived together? Who owns the place? Make arrangements to move out/have him move out. You have a long list of legitimate complaints. Nagging and complaining for 6 years hasn't helped. He is not going to change. It's odd you even want to sleep with him considering how checked out and abusive he can be. Talk to trusted friends and family. Research how to sever living arrangements. Do not threaten to leave, that's just escalating the pointless nagging. Make a cohesive plan to leave and do not tell him until it's final. Enlist help from friends
    3 points
  9. Wow! Is this the real deal then bliss? I think the best remedy for my stretch marks I got on the top of my thighs was just to stop eating 4 doughnuts on the regular hahahahaha x OP this would’ve been a bit more acceptable, or maybe if she had gotten you one of those lovely Mama to be gift sets with a candle, oils, face mask and pamper set something like that but we all know this was not her intention! X
    3 points
  10. He has been cheating, emotional cheating is even worse than physical. Does this guy work? What do you get out of this relationship, as you said the sex is almost nonexistent, doesn't leave the house or do his share around the house, and most importantly has cheated and betrayed your trust. Do you and your child a favor, leave this creep! This is who he is.
    3 points
  11. another alternative- unless you really want to go to the place that requires driving tell him you want to cut back on driving places and do more stuff where he lives where you said he doesn’t need to drive.
    2 points
  12. He can help there with cost of insurance. My son is under my name as occasional driver. Especially if he doesn't have a vehicle.. it's something at least.
    2 points
  13. Ya I keep thinking I need to do everything to save it ,but all he does is lie and even when I ask him do u want out of this marriage I don't want to fight for something that the other person doesn't even want ,and he said he wanted to save the marriage he was sorry and I was stupid enough to believe him . But I won't put up with this any longer.
    2 points
  14. Yeh. He refused to go to therapy because he knows full well what will happen there. A mirror will be put up before him to show him who he really is. You are just a soft touch, nothing more. He has no intention of saving anything, but he thinks you will stay on and put up with this stuff forever!
    2 points
  15. It seems like you wish to stay together so you want to believe him. Do you live together? can you afford your own place or move back home? You'll never know how far he has taken it. If he's telling you phone sex is a "free trail", surely however many times he's cheating with in-person sex is not something he's going to volunteer. First see a physician to test for STDs. Then reflect if this is someone you want to continue with whether it's camsex, phone sex, cheating, etc. This is not occasional benign masturbating to porn.
    2 points
  16. He is lying to you! Advertisements, indeed! And why is HE not going to therapy on his own, if he is sincere about addressing his problem? Why does it have to be you and only you? The person you have to save is you, and the children. This present existence is going nowhere and you know it.
    2 points
  17. Thank you 🙂 I'll always be buying my first house for myself and no one else, regardless
    2 points
  18. "Thinking about" seeing another attorney is inaction. Think of it this way; do you really think your kids want to be left in this limbo? Do you think they want to see you left in this limbo? They love you. I'm sure it hurts them to see you pining over their mother who doesn't give one patootie about you or them. Wouldn't you want them to see you being strong? Being decisive about what's right for you and for them? Yes, you can likely have the children remain in the home with you, especially since their mother abandoned them. You have a strong case BUT, keep in mind your ina
    2 points
  19. RS. Children are resilient creatures. As you say, they have accepted that she is gone. Why would they be upset about a divorce? You don't have to, nor should you, give them a blow by blow of the divorce proceedings or negotiations. When visitation rights have been thrashed out then they may (or not) see her. Meantime, just get on with it, for all your sakes.
    2 points
  20. Porn addiction should also be a deal breaker.
    2 points
  21. Please tell me you weren't "hitting on" her and you didn't put her in a difficult position to say no to you! What did you do, ask her to have sex with you? Ask to sleep in her bed or ask her to sleep in yours? Touch her in some way? Make sexual suggestions? I hope not! And yes, she is the property owner and you are a guest. It would be a good idea to regard her as you would a hotel owner. Keep to yourself and don't continue to try to get her interested in you.
    2 points
  22. Go to a doctor and get tested for STDs. He's cheating and you know this.
    2 points
  23. Ok, rather than chauffeuring him around, let him rent a vehicle for weekends, and uber for shopping, etc. Does he pay you for fuel, insurance, maintenance, etc.? The money he is saving is your money. Never let him drive or lend him your car. It's a huge liability for you.
    2 points
  24. OP, I cannot begin to tell you how relieved you will feel once you take the step of leaving. A better life awaits you, be sure of that. And never look back, ever. It's a real eye-opener that he distanced you from your family. A typical tact with such individuals.
    2 points
  25. This is very much on me and now it’s on me to do the right thing for myself and my daughter, you are absolutely right. It’s safe to say I barely have friends and he has driven me from my family, so I really had no eye-openers but always “little inklings” here and there telling me I’m crazy for allowing myself to be treated this way. My mother is convinced I deserve much better and is ready to support me with whatever help I may need. My support system is not vast but with all of your replies confirming what I was scared to realize I see that I have to leave.
    2 points
  26. As you should have all along. Stop asking nosy personal questions. She's your landlady. It doesn't matter what she does, where she goes, who she is with, what she drinks, what her cat does, etc. It's creepy you are documenting her trips to the bathroom etc. Almost as creepy as rifling through her bedroom and sex toys. If she knew you were making a mockery of her life on a public forum, you be out on your butt in a nanosecond. One day she may see your phone/laptop and come across this. You have zero respect for others and their privacy.
    2 points
  27. Girl, why didn't you lose this creep long ago? Half of this is on you for staying with this guy and allowing him to walk all over you. Does he contribute financially? Does he pay rent and half of the expenses? In the future, look for someone who is willing to contribute 50%, this guy is a complete waste of time.
    2 points
  28. That is called gaslighting. You know that he has been cheating for some time. Plus, he does not contribute to your home life. Not only is he a jerk and a cheater, he is also useless. Who paid for the house? Why would you want to marry this guy, much less live with him? This environment is terrible for your child, due to all dysfunction. He will not change.
    2 points
  29. First of all I will ask you RB, did you (as strongly advised by the posters on the other thread) consult a lawyer? And if not, why not? You know, your children are showing more sense than you, re Mother's Day, when they suggest buying the flowers for the grandmas. Do not push them at all! They have sensed, rightly, that she doesn't care about them, and it is you who are suffering from this malignant optimism. IMO their mother is not a "mother", she has no interest in them, or you, so please bring some clarity into your and your children's lives and see a lawyer immediately.
    2 points
  30. You could use noise canceling headphones when he gets into noisy games. Tho really it's his place so she should be able to do what he wants.
    2 points
  31. He will not "change". He has no reason to. You may complain yet you stay with him, so why should he "change"? I guarantee your child is picking up on the dysfunction in this relationship. I'm sure you want a happy, peaceful home environment for your child. This isn't it. And yes, children ALWAYS know, no matter how young they are. It's healthier for them to have two separate but peaceful and safe home environments than it is for the parents to force themselves to stay together. Give him as much notice to move out as is required in your country/province/state. At the same t
    2 points
  32. If you have an important deadline that requires full concentration, do not go to his house to complete your work. Stay home where you can have the peace and quiet you need. Expecting him to adjust his lifestyle because you have a deadline is unrealistic.
    2 points
  33. You see, that reads like you want to be the first person to say, "I told you so." If her marriage does fall apart, and if she does reach out to family or friends upon its failure, she will probably go to the person (or persons) who didn't prophecy imminent doom upon her relationship. She will probably avoid the naysayers. Nobody wants to be shown how wrong they were when they are in a time of pain.
    2 points
  34. 1.) No I don't think he's ashamed that you were married. But it does look odd for a new girlfriend to still be displaying her ex and their wedding. One might think you're not over your past. 2.) I personally wouldn't have had the pictures up to begin with. I am a firm believer in clearing the past so there is nothing in the way for the future. Once a relationship or marriage ends, then I put things away. I'm not saying I delete completely, because I don't. But I don't keep old pics of any ex's hanging around social media. It cramps a persons style. Keep the old pics in a file on your comp
    2 points
  35. Platitudes, surveys, highschool essay questions,etc. aren't going to help. What will help is researching "abusive relationships" and devoping an exit strategy. This rhetorical question and platitude is your mind rationalizing staying with an abuser because leaving an abuser is no easy task. It's also horrifying to learn that you are in a trauma bond, not a relationship. Google "cognative dissonance". It's your mind trying to wrap itself around the real horror of your situation by trying to normalize the abnormal.
    2 points
  36. My first reaction to BF telling me such a thing would be to ask him WHY he'd tell me this. I'd listen and ask him what HE wants to do about that. Then I'd inform BF that it makes no sense to tell me upsetting stuff about his family over which I have no control and can do nothing about. That's on HIM to manage--and keep it off my wave. Point is, it's BF's family, his problem, and it was dumb and manipulative of him to dump it on you in the first place. Would I have reached out to her over it? No way. I'd have moved forward living my life as a happy new mother, and that's exa
    2 points
  37. How long have you been dating? How old is he? It's his place so he can do whatever he wants there. If you have homework, that's your responsibility, not his. If his noise, gaming, etc. was bothering you, can go home. He's also not your tutor. If you are having difficulties, check with your professors, college, etc. and see if there's tutoring available. Next time,go to a library, get a study group together, don't wait until the last minute to complete assignments, see if some advanced students offer tutoring, stay home if you need quiet,etc.
    2 points
  38. "he says driving just isn't for him and he doesn't need one." All you have to do is mention that you're not comfortable doing all the driving and you're also not comfortable insuring him on your car. Leave it at that. Make other plans on your time off and balance out your time doing other things or meeting friends. Whether he ultimately has a vehicle is his decision. For all you know this is his one foot out the door of a relationship that isn't working for whatever reason for him either. This is about you and establishing what you will/won't do. Be clear with yourself and mak
    1 point
  39. Are you saying I should ask the kids if they want us to divorce? I am not sure that would be my approach. I have tried not to let them know anything is wrong. I have shielded them from this. She sent a picture one time of her at the bar with a bunch of coworkers and my oldest said well looks like mom is having fun without us. Then we visited her so they could see her and she didn't spend any real time with them. My oldest told the others that mom is too busy for us. All of this broke my heart but I did not do that to them.
    1 point
  40. Wow .. that's sad 😞 I would never act like this towards my kids.. If anything, mom has always been there, but their dad hasn't. Seems reverse for you- but sadly, we have all kinds. As long as they know dad is there ❤️ . I say to just lay low with pressures on her or them.. Carry on and do what YOU want with them. yeah, focus on your kids, upcoming B-day 🙂
    1 point
  41. Denial, type of defense. even though he knows perfectly well what he's been doing. This is a form of cheating 😕 . ( he is not treating them as true 'friends', is he? YOU are crazy for expecting more? He should have plenty of energy, sitting around all day 😕 I feel he is just a miserable, unhappy type person. Who has no real drive. You split up, IF he has enough drive to get his stuff together, you say enough! Get a place of your own and he can see her alternate weekends & pay child support.
    1 point
  42. I know of a few who don't - diff reasons. Didn't get to it, or show an interest, some are insecure. But, he does have his license, then either he help with driving. getting around as they do these things together, or yeah, get his own car & help her out. I have an ex, (2 actually) 1) lost his for 7 yrs- 2) had his license revoked for a cpl yrs, that only last 4 months. No more.
    1 point
  43. Look, OP, I agree with Wiseman. None of your business what she does or doesn't do. You sound like a gossipy old woman, for heaven's sakes! What's it to you even if she bathes in beer
    1 point
  44. At this point it's basically the same as bullying or harassment whatever you want to call it. For example my son hates to be tickled -always has - he even dislikes more than a hint of teasing to be tickled (although I know his exact boundary so he does like a little teasing!) - I know of adults who think children exist to be tickled and it's so disrespectful. I remind him when we're horsing around that I will never tickle him and he can tickle me. This is the same thing - when two people care for each other they respect each other's wishes about their bodies - everyone gets a pass for somet
    1 point
  45. Yes, in this situation you are asking too much.
    1 point
  46. Sometimes it takes flipping one's universe to encourage change. Yes it feels bad, because of the unknown. I know couples that built a new foundation, and have a relationship that became stronger than before. Going forward they are much happier with their lives together. There's always hope.
    1 point
  47. She does. Her husband. You are just a cyber chat buddy. You're not a priority.
    1 point
  48. Atlguy. I see many thoughtful and very well presented posts on here in reply to your initial post. People here are sincere, many with much life experience, and they give the best advice they can with the information they are given. In brief, I go with what Wiseman said: "It's a relationship of convenience. She expects US citizenship and you expect a wife." You remarked at one point and this jumped out at me. "My problem is that I don't trust my own judgment anymore, and that certainly is playing into my back and forth on my relationship." I feel, and I coul
    1 point
  49. It was never a committed relationship. You were hesitant half of the time and still exploring. On his part , he's a liar and a cheater. So if you're ready to be in a relationship, this guy will only bring you pain and drama. He could have told you that he was seeing other people but he chose to lie. That says a lot about him. Also, someone cutting himself is Not a sign of guilt and growth. It' a sign of extreme emotional instability and he needs professionnal help for that. Take time to be alone for a while. It takes courage but you will lean to be strong by yourself so it will be easie
    1 point
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