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Showing content with the highest reputation on 04/11/2021 in all areas

  1. You could pick a number, say $1000 as the amount you want him to spend on you. Don't give him any sex until he reaches the number. If he asks why you're holding out say that he hasn't bought you enough stuff. You could partially reward him, say with a handjob if he spends $125 and oral if he reaches 50% of the target amount of required purchases. Remember there's a calculator app on most smartphones to make the process easier. Don't forget to save those receipts!
    4 points
  2. This is not how healthy relationships function, OP. You can't make anyone buy you things, nor should you. That is plain entitled. if he isn't the type to keep his word on treating you, you end it. You don't try to force him to do things he isn't naturally interested in doing.
    4 points
  3. This is really disturbing - be honest with yourself. You feel entitled to be treated to material gifts from your boyfriend. Material gifts make you happy just like chocolate milk makes my son happy too. Nothing at all to do with fancy love languages. You like when people buy stuff for you. Of course he knows how to be romantic -he just doesn't feel like it and he senses that you're trying to manipulate him into buying you stuff because it's romantic. Huge turn off and it triggers my Ick Factor (which is far far more authoritative than any love language that translates too "I like getting
    3 points
  4. Hun he's just telling you what you want to hear and I feeling it in my bones. He can be on his best behavior on this trip, but that doesn't prove a thing. I think first impressions count. He took advantage of you first time around, was totally rude to you. That right there should have been the end of it. I personally think you are walking right into a trap. He's luring you with sweet words and gifts. Don't believe a word he says. This is your first relationship, and you are being very naive.
    3 points
  5. So do I have this right? He buys you things and in exchange you completely forgive him for the "horrible" (your word) way he broke up with you? If he does something "horrible" in the future should he make up for it by buying you something? That's a transactional relationship, BTW. As for how to "make" him to buy you things? You can simply pick something out at a store and tell him "either you buy me this or I won't forgive you for breaking up with me in a horrible way". Be honest about your expectations so he knows what's up.
    3 points
  6. If someone has to buy you things to make you feel valued or to pay you back for slights this relationship isn’t worth it for either person. Getting gifts just because someone makes more money than you doesn’t make a great relationship. And yes, it is entitled.
    3 points
  7. You say things like, "that's all" But here's the thing AmySher-- being under appreciated, taken for granted, etc is not something that can really be fixed by you. It's him. He has to decide and make the actions happen. If he does. that's great.... But the problem is, you are training him that you will take him back. That you can't do better. That you will put him above you. And once you do that, the other person doesn't have to appreciate you or do the right things. They know you will give them more chances. Sadly, sometimes the only thing you can do is teach a person
    3 points
  8. It's customary to delay answering such questions--from ANYone--until you are settled in the new position, so don't feel pressured into saying anything beyond, "I'll be happy to let you know when the time is right.
    3 points
  9. Then consider him as a friend only and nothing else. Since you're financially strong and independent, you're better suited with a man who is the same.
    2 points
  10. if he thinks he is not good enough for you, believe him. this is garbage.
    2 points
  11. After only 3 weeks? If this is him on his best behavior I'd shudder to think how he is when he's settled in.
    2 points
  12. Saying it's your "love language" is an excuse. "Gifts" don't mean spending lots of money. It can be as simple as something he makes for you (writing a poem or a song, for example). But if you think the man should be buying you expensive gifts you are probably involved in the wrong situation. You can find someone who showers you with pricey gifts but doesn't treat you well, or who expects certain "favors" in return. I doubt he'll be feeling a whole lot of love for you if you insist "buy me this!" during a vacation. Why not let HIM decide how much he wants to spend instead of m
    2 points
  13. Forcing him not to defeats the whole purpose here. You need to let him show you he won't go back on his promise. Without any prompting or "encouraging" from you. If he doesn't follow through, then you need to face the fact that he just isn't who you want him to be. You can't make someone love and care if they just don't. And if you really want a boyfriend who buys you things, and this one doesn't, then you need to break up again and find a guy who places the same importance on gifts as you do.
    2 points
  14. He's got one thing you probably don't. A significant lack of self esteem.
    2 points
  15. What does he do for a living? He sounds very insecure.
    2 points
  16. She had been the sugar momma and wanted a return on her investment.
    2 points
  17. Thanks, these last 48 hours have been particularly hard and I don't seem to be fairing too well. Unfortunately I've already caved once and contacted her regarding work. It's taking a decent bit of will power to refrain from any further unnecessary contact to the point of pouring all of my restless energy into composing a letter I don't have any intention of sending... For now...
    2 points
  18. Sorry this happened. next time rather than a series of lateral moves from Tinder to IG, etc. ask them out as soon as mutually possible. If someone can't/won't meet in a timely fashion, end it and move forward.
    2 points
  19. She is being a blatant cheater. It is not your anxiety. You need to kick her to the curb.
    2 points
  20. I don't know, OP. The more you write, the more unbalanced this whole relationship sounds.
    2 points
  21. Dump this guy. Don't waste your life on a guy 10 years older but 10 years less mature. Find someone your age & in your town, that doesn't need fixed. You're dating a project. I don't know your ages, but if he is 10 years older, he is probably unable to find a woman his age. Because an older woman would not be putting up with his crap. I know when I was in my first relationship, I stuck with it and put with a lot of crap. I thought that is what love is... sticking by someone. But that's not what love is. Happy, healthy, equally invested relationships don't have these kinds of p
    2 points
  22. I agree with the others... something is not right here. He may have meant those things when he said them, but the situation has changed. I think a person may stay in a relationship, claiming love and devotion because they are afraid to be alone. They think they won't find anyone else or this is the best they can find. It is odd that it took 7 years to rear it's head. Just as you have grown and changed, he probably has, too, and decided this relationship isn't for him. This is a big lesson to learn. You can't take words back. People use arguments and the inability to control
    2 points
  23. Off the hook for what, exactly? You are going to create issues if your approach is punitive.
    2 points
  24. I would lose the whole love language thing -loving is giving. Not receiving. you chose to spend money on him and you don't do that expecting something in return. What about the gift of his companionship? His caring? When he makes you laugh, when he points out something you didn't see before like a sunset or a cute cat photo? I have no clue what my love language is nor do I care -want to know what gifts my husband has given me before and during marriage - beautiful jewelry, lovely trips (that I gave him $ for and he never deposited), but you want to know the most outstanding gifts (other th
    2 points
  25. This. If you need to make him pay your way -is that something enjoyable to you? So what if he makes good money -maybe he wants to save his money for the future, his future family, his current family. Or wants to spend it on himself. It's not about how much money someone makes. With this exception. If he wants to go on a vacation you cannot afford on your own then you tell him you can go but you can't afford to pay all of your own way. If he's promised to buy you something he should keep the promise. That's also different. Why do you feel you deserve material things from your boyfr
    2 points
  26. If he cannot get over your past, then he's right to let you go. Yes, it was inappropriate of you to deliberately provoke jealousy in him by comparing him to your exes. No question. But, it appears you've tried to make ammends for that and have addressed these issues. It's also been 7 years, so it's a rather long time for him to hang on to this resentment if it bothered him that much. He should have left before now. But honestly? My guess is that he's using this as an excuse to cover the fact that he appears to have met someone else and is exploring that now.
    2 points
  27. I wouldn't recommend sending pics of your plumbing, most women don't respect that.
    1 point
  28. He probably thinks (knows?) you're out of his league.
    1 point
  29. It's a good idea to do a job search at your leisure. Do you think you will move again?
    1 point
  30. As you've probably noticed, there will always be a barrier to a 'good' time to break up. On the flip side, we never get any wasted time back to re-live over again. So decide how much of your own time you want to keep spending on catering to a ruse. Then make a better decision. No breakup feels good, but they happen every day. You get to decide when you want your life to start moving forward--and nobody else can decide that FOR you. Head high, and do what's right for you. You will thank yourself later.
    1 point
  31. While I agree with this, I'd stop telling the story. Don't feed the beast. It would have sufficed to say, "Covid impacts on the business." You've taken every responsible action toward moving yourself FORward and away from an emotional investment in gnawing an old bone. You've trimmed your resignation down to a liberating statement that requires no more involvement with this company beyond transitioning your project knowledge. It's up to them whether to take you up on that, or not. If not, walk free. If so, stop indulging your peers and step up to model a graceful exit. Each of them c
    1 point
  32. You know what....any man that talks like that is insecure (red flag) he's giving you the $h!+ test (red flag). I would ship his butt off to the curb. He's playing games...jerk.
    1 point
  33. 1 point
  34. I am assuming that you are not serious.
    1 point
  35. You certainly do sound demanding, expecting him to buy you things. Why does he have to do that? Cant you buy yourself things that you want? You sound very high maintenance.
    1 point
  36. You said he treated you horribly, then you said it's not that bad. Which is it? And why do you think making him buy you things will mean the relationship is better this time?
    1 point
  37. Sounds like there is a lot of resentment and bitterness on your end. If you have not forgiven this guy, rightly or wrongly so, why did you agree to get back with him? You feel he took you for granted. Does he know this is how you feel? How has he agreed to make amends? Did you just jump when he said he was wrong to break up with you and not use that as the opportunity to set the boundaries and expectations? If you just take someone back, but you never express what they need to do & hold them to it, nothing will change.
    1 point
  38. Is this a distance relationship? How long have you been dating? What was the breakup about? Let him pay for meals. No one can "take you for granted" unless you let them.
    1 point
  39. My accountant can talk the hind legs off of a donkey. Every tax season, I can expect one or two 30-40 minute calls from this man. But he's really good, so I can't complain. Yesterday, I sent him my most recent paystub so that he could check the withholdings for 2021. I mentioned in the email that my pay had been cut starting March 15. Twenty minutes later, my phone rang. My accountant said, "Do you mind telling me why they cut your pay?" I told him the whole sordid story about me digging my heels in on a design, refusing to sign the drawings, raising concerns about QC, and finally ge
    1 point
  40. Ok. Live and learn. This didn't pan out and you were most likely never that compatible if you wanted a clone of your ex.
    1 point
  41. You seem extremely angry. Just screaming rudely in capital letters. This has nothing to do with this guy. He was just being a friend. This has to do with your moods, anxiety and mental health. Get an evaluation from a physician for the anger, bad moods, etc. Also follow up with therapy to bring your expectations from people more in line with reality. Once you address your mental health, you'll feel better. Don't date right now or chase after guys.
    1 point
  42. You need to get to a physician and discuss your insomnia, chronic unhappiness, and general malaise. A complete evaluation for mood disorders could help you. With appropriate medical, psychiatric and regular follow up care with a therapist, you could begin to feel better.
    1 point
  43. thanks for all your kind insights, they really do help But , i dont know its kind of hard to get over this entire thing, also given that I have never been in a relationship, because I have never allowed someone to get so close to me as he was,and he knew about that. It just hurts , when you confess to someone thinking they ll be your first ever someone special and then this happens .I thought I was pretty sure about him, in fact even our common friends use to suggest him, maybe we should have dated and stuff(he told me that on the same night) but he never thought of it this way(as he cla
    1 point
  44. Perhaps on some level he did, but not in the way you did. It hurts, but it's time to realize that this isn't going to go anywhere. He should have been setting appropriate boundaries a while ago and not engaging in flirting of any kind with you.. However, a tough life lesson is that people sometimes act in their own self-interest without thinking (or caring) about how it will affect others. Keep your distance from him.
    1 point
  45. I guess I'm wondering what kind of job would require someone to meet at a strip club for clients? That seems unprofessional...and the conversation to even initiate considering that as a meetong place seems like it should gall under workplace sexual harassment... I thought this only happened in movies tbh. But to answer your question...yeah thats strange. Especially because there are SOOO many other places they could meet at. Bars and clubs aren't meeting conference rooms. They're probably not even doing business, they're probably drinking and having fun with work colleagues.
    1 point
  46. You say nothing! She made it clear she doesn't want to be in the relationship, so there's nothing more to be said. You send her on her merry way and you go in the opposite direction and move on. It's over. Her choice. Nothing more to be said. Let it go.
    1 point
  47. I forgot to mention the touch of providence that I've benefitted from over the last couple weeks. As previously mentioned, on February 22 Simon told me that he was cutting my salary. That meeting occurred halfway through a pay period, so I wasn't sure if he was going to retroactively cut my salary to include that week and the week before, or if he was going to start the pay cut on the following week. I got my next paycheck on March 8.* It was for the full amount. So, I expected to see the $200 decrease in March 22nd's paycheck.* I was NOT looking forward to seeing it, because I tho
    1 point
  48. It's always like this, when things happen they happen all-together lol 🙂
    1 point
  49. She has lied and cheated on you. You are having to play detective in your relationship. This is toxic and has no future. She has shown you that she cannot be trusted, stop making excuses. "I told her early on and have reminded her since that cheating is something I'd absolutely not tolerate" What happened to this? You will look back on this and wonder where esteem went.
    1 point
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