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Showing content with the highest reputation on 12/13/2020 in all areas

  1. You need to be strict with yourself and strict with him, and stay away from him for now. He sounds very confused and is going from one extreme to the next. That would be absolutely confusing and hurtful for anyone. Go no contact and stick to it! The best way for you and him to find out for sure where your hearts are, is to stay away from one another and to have that time apart to truly see what you want and what you need and how you fit in with each others lives (or not). But to be honest, it doesn't sound as though he is ready for a full commitment, such as a wife and baby. I think some part of him thinks he is missing out on something and trust me when I tell you, that, the thought alone of him thinking he is missing out on something, will more than likely never go away and will ruin a marriage if you two decide to try to go down that route. He needs to explore what he thinks is so great out there. He will never be satisfied completely if his curiosity isn't taken care of. You also need to stand back, realize your own worth and as upset as you might be, you also need to be strong enough to let him go if he isn't sure that you're the best choice for a life long commitment. You don't need to stay in a situation where someone is messing with your heart and emotions like this. You have a lot of value and would be a great partner (by the sounds of it), if he can't see that right now and is doubting it, you need to walk away and stop letting him mess around with you like this. But I still say, for the time being, stay away from him, don't allow him to contact you. Tell him you need space too as he is hurting you. And have at least 2 weeks minimum time apart. No messages, no emails, no phone calls, nothing. So you can both get in a better head space and know for sure what you want. You might think you want him 100%, but you should be asking yourself why you want a man who is this confused over if he wants you, or not. Did you ever think he might not even deserve you??
    2 points
  2. Times have changed, and people move all the time for a variety of reasons. I moved away as a military wife at age 22. My parents never made me feel guilty. My mom said she got to visit a lot of new places, visiting us, and was always positive. In fact, she told her daughter-in-law, whose grown daughter moved to another state to marry someone she'd dated in the past, "Kids grow up and move away. Get over it." (When the lady whined and pouted about the move). Your parents got to live where they wanted to during their lives. Now it's your turn to live where you want to. Just make a plan of how you will help out when they need you, and let your sister know your intent. I lived across the country to where my parents lived when they retired. I told them if they wanted me to take care of them when they were elderly and sick, that they would need to move by me. They resisted until it was really necessary. They didn't want to until it became absolutely necessary, 6 years ago. I don't feel guilty, as these are my prime years and I'm not going to sacrifice my happiness to live where I don't want to live. My mother passed away in August, and my father had a triple bypass in early November. I was glad he decided to move my way all those years ago, because I had to stay with him for 2 weeks when he was released from the hospital. He had to make the sacrifice to move by me for me to help out, and that's okay. You're not across the country from your parents, which will make it easier for you to help out and regularly visit. Let go of the guilt and enjoy the beach!
    2 points
  3. Any chance of moving your parents to Florida as well? I think you should pursue your dream to move where you want, as long as you keep in close contact with your parents. Are they capable of skyping or facetiming?
    2 points
  4. I think you did great! You set boundaries with what you were comfortable with. If he’s upset it’s on him.
    2 points
  5. I agree with the above. I'm sorry it wasn't the result you had hoped for and it hurts. Kudos to you for laying your cards on the table, but in this particular case I wouldn't waste too much time or energy into her anymore. Learn to accept it for what it is so that it frees you to look forward and not stay stuck on her. Look for someone local, someone you're actually able to physically see and be with - far more rewarding than a cyber "girlfriend" hiding behind a screen, imo.
    1 point
  6. Ok I have an ex husband in my past and he was the same as your bf, didnt know what he wanted. He asked me to marry him and I said yes and he broke it off a few times, basically cold feet, he said. The last time he asked me I said no as I didnt need my heart broken again. He begged and carried on until I said yes and I warned him to not do that again. We did get married and it lasted about 3 yrs before I left. I should have paid more attention to how I felt back then about being dumped and going back to him a few times. I could have saved myself a lot of grief. To you I say move on, let him work out his issues as he seems to have plenty. Work on yourself, dont settle for indecisive guys. Strengthen y our backbone and resolve to not get into a mess like that again.
    1 point
  7. Some people when they break up, need some kind of definitive "can't go back now" moment, so they have one -- kissing a new person is such a thing. Others, such as yourself, keep looking for ways for the break up to feel hurt and betrayed even more so. I'm sorry yo are hurting. Please find a way to move forward and away from your feelings about this guy. You have a bright future ahead of you. Looking back is just more ways to hurt yourself.
    1 point
  8. You've done really well standing up for yourself then, well done. If a guy is giving you heck for standing up for yourself and having higher standards, then he's not the guy for you. The right one will praise you for those things and will give you those things. This guy wants you to accept minimum. He's not worth it.
    1 point
  9. Completely agree Andrina. OP poster did really well setting her boundaries. But as a decent human being, she felt bad/guilt-tripped/gaslighted by his tantrum. Guys like that can really mess with your head and make you doubt yourself. Don’t fall for it, stay strong, and don’t beat yourself up about anything you’ve done.
    1 point
  10. Guilt is such a waste of time and emotion. You need to live your life as you see fit and do you really think 1/2 hour is far away? Do your facetime, Skype, use WhatsApp on your phone. There's loads of ways to keep in touch easily!
    1 point
  11. Really? If you want to move, then move! You get one chance at this life and if this is your dream you should go for it. A HALF HOUR away is nothing! I thought you were going to say you were moving 1000 miles away! Your sister's financial issues are not yours. She will have to figure out what to do for herself. If your parents need help in their home perhaps you can arrange a house keeper or cleaning lady etc. Start packing and go enjoy what should be your retirement years with good health and sunshine.
    1 point
  12. He only wanted sex from you. I do not understand why you reached out to him again, and why you would be "gutted" over this jerk. Thankfully, you did not let him in, that was good. Delete his contact info.
    1 point
  13. Since you back pedaled, expect him to contact you in the near future for sex. He's playing hard to get now to "punish" you for not having sex with him when he wanted you to, and he's manipulating you into begging for his attention. He will use your pursuit of him to get you into bed if you let him. Don't let him. See him for what he is, a manipulator who wants sex. Don't pursue him anymore unless you too are only interested in casual sex hookups.
    1 point
  14. He was trying to emotionally manipulate you, pouting. On one hand, you did good not inviting him in. On the other hand, his emotional manipulation made a dent in your psyche, as you sought his approval and attention the next day by inviting him to do something even after his bad behavior. Actually, you shouldn't even let a guy know your address on the first or even sometimes the second date, even if you've once known him as a co-worker. Sometimes it takes some time to figure out a guy is crazy, which wasn't immediately apparent. I know it happened to me when a guy seemed totally normal on the first meet up. His crazy came out on the second date, and I was really glad he didn't know where I lived. Keep tossing the losers back into the sea and hold out for the prize worthy of you.
    1 point
  15. Someone who believes "the world is against me" is a walking, talking, glaring red flag. Either he's full of BS or there's a very good reason why people don't like him. Probably both. I'm guessing you wanted to "prove" you weren't "against" him. As you found, that is an exercise in futility.
    1 point
  16. Don't worry. Like a tick, she'll just move on to the next warm body. Keep backing out until she finds someone else to babysit her.
    1 point
  17. Thanks Batyaa 33 and Adrina So I sent an "opening" text just re-iterating that the next few weeks are packed and I'm behind a few important issues hence the change to my schedule and maybe in January we can visit the restaurant that she suggested and reconnect, and I just got an emoji in response, which I've learnt she does when angry. So I decided not to give her the respect of trying to salvage our friendship since she sees me as someone to be used for her gratification and a workout buddy who HAS to be there at her beck and call. I will not engage in uneven friendships or relationships and I will not engage with people who feel entitled to my time. I feel better about accidentally bumping into her in the park- its on her how she feels if and when that happens. I have the freedom to choose and im choosing that she is out of my life. I was in knots about it last week but I figured she's not worth it. In this case someone who wanted to build a real friendship will not require that I inconvenience myself or jeopardise my studies to fit them, so I have not lost a thing. On the other hand, a friend who I have not seen in over a year and we've kept in touch via text here and there, is driving down to see me on the weekend and im looking forward to catching up. I guess I've learnt my frienship style will not be every body's but that doesn't mean I don't care or that I am a bad friend
    1 point
  18. Unfortunately he contacted you looking for a hookup. Don't text him again. Don't invite him to your place or continue unless you too are looking for casual sex. Sounds like he just got dumped or was having a dry spell so backtracked through his contacts. Just move forward.
    1 point
  19. Girl, yes, he did show you red flags. And you did not run the other way. You need to ask yourself why you clung on to someone who treated you that way to begin with. Lashing out, blocking, going no contact - that didn't just start. Stop making excuses for him, and start asking the tough questions: why do I measure my self-worth by some rude little punk? Why do I not have more self-respect, to have actually put money where my mouth is really run the other way when I first started seeing red flags?
    1 point
  20. You and I are fortunate regarding help from husbands. My husband helps me with everything so I've been very lucky. Even though he helps me immensely, I was extremely busy especially when my sons were younger. As for hobbies, I often worked on hobbies late at night whether it was sewing quilts, scrap booking, cake decorating, embossing greeting cards, stamping, making greeting cards for all occasions, knitting, crocheting, embroidery, cross-stitching, calligraphy and jewelry making. Or, during my sons' naps. Or, when my husband took the boys on outings and I had some time to work on hobbies then. What helps me is having routines, schedules, staying organized, remaining efficient, decluttering and being neat. I can't think straight while living in a state of chaos. When my sons were younger, I was very strict about their nap times. We awoke early, had breakfast, had our outdoor time, outings, park play dates and picnics. After that, we went home, cleaned up and they took a glorious 3 hour nap! I did quiet chores such as fold laundry and the like. As for cooking, I often cook double or triple the recipe so we subsist on warmed up leftovers during the majority of the week. It's an economic time saver. Even though you're going crazy now, savor these moments. "Long days, short years" as my mother used to say. Someday you'll look back on the best years of your life which is today. You will give anything to be with your little children again. When children are small, the days are so fleeting. You'll miss it one day so savor every moment no matter how exhausted you are. Your days and years with your small children will go by within a blink of an eye.
    1 point
  21. He's checking his list and you're on the " nice" list. 🎅🦌🦌🦌🦌🦌🦌🦌
    1 point
  22. This guy isn't interested in you as a person, he is only wanting to use your body now and then and it annoyed that you won't allow it and are pushing for more. It's a complete insult for him to treat you the way he is, knowing that you're wanting an actual relationship. There is no fixing this, he is not interested in treating you at all decent and only wants a shag now and then. Respect YOURSELF more and don't allow someone to treat you this way. Block him and don't look back.
    1 point
  23. It sounds like you recognize that your feelings of guilt in this scenario are absurd. That's good, because those misplaced feelings of guilt are what's getting you into trouble like this in the first place. Definitely don't act on those feelings! Just ride them out and they will eventually fade. In time, you will have more perspective on the situation, and you will be able to understand your feelings better--even the nonsensical ones.
    1 point
  24. I don't think a slow fade will work with her. She's like a barnacle and too demanding for that. I would send a final message saying that you enjoyed your friendship while it lasted, but now you no longer have the time a friendship with her would require. You can then block her number. It's up to you if you want to give her a chance to respond before doing that, but it likely won't be a pleasant one.
    1 point
  25. Sorry to hear this . How long were you dating? How old is he? Are you both working? Does he live with his parents? Do you both have your careers and financials in order? Why shop for houses when you haven't even rented an apt together, talked about engagement or marriage? Or worse, why is he talking about making babies as if it's a promise ring. Step way back from this, he's all over the place. Are you afraid he is trying to dial it back to a FWB situation by blowing hot and cold?
    0 points
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