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Showing content with the highest reputation on 12/05/2020 in all areas

  1. LOL, you phrase this like you'd be doing either girl a favor by being with them. Saving their poor little hearts. Oh brother. What's really happening is: you dislike being inconvenienced for even a month by long distance, and are actually 100% out for yourself and your own comfort. If you truly want to do either of them a favor, get real. Leave them both alone and get yourself together before you start dating again. It's not nice to take advantage of other people to make yourself feel better.
    2 points
  2. Yikes. You dodged a bullet. Cheaters often portray themselves as the victim. These are good insights to have. People who talk about exes too much, people with a victim mentality and people who prefer be nebulous relationships are too be avoided.
    1 point
  3. Sorry but I think you are sugar coating what actually happened in that first year. “ We dated for a year before he decided to make it official.” The operative word in that statement is “HE” When did you decide that it was up to him to decide on you being “official” ??? What in your mind does official even mean? Exclusive??? So basically for a year you were ok with him dating others? And vice versa? When you first found out he was in contact with his ex , you basically told him that it’s ok and that he can pursue her and you will be there for him regardless. Why? At that point in time you lied to him and he knew it , so he lied back. Basically you gave yourself up as an option. Again why? When you found out a second time that he was in contact with her , you renaged. The first time when you told him to go be with her if he wants and you would be there as a friend , ultimately came out as the lie it was and revealing the test it actually was. What eventuated and the duration of it was not all on him. You had a big part to play in it. Why were you ok with not exclusively dating him for one year? Why did you allow the decision to become official his? Why didn’t you make that decision when you wanted it? Why did you not set boundaries? Why give yourself as an option? Why not remove yourself from the situation? Setting boundaries is different to being controlling? You ignored major red flags. You can’t hold him accountable for that. Your time with him had an expiry date. That’s obvious. But it’s still up to you to recognise that.
    1 point
  4. I honestly don't think this has anything to do with a male psyche versus a female psyche. People who do this are truly selfish individuals. Yes he might have shown you a lot of affection and been there for you when you needed someone, but you have to understand that people are self-interest beings. If it benefits them, they will keep doing it. You were something he like/love having in his life, and so was his other lady friend. You asked why and I can tell you it doesn't matter...tomato tamato. Plain and simple, you dated a selfish cheater and liar who lied to your face for a year and a half. Count your blessings that you found out and you are now moving on to the next chapter without a conman in your life.
    1 point
  5. I think its almost impossible to understand a person to the level you are asking. Sure there are vast generalities that you might be able to apply.... But your ex's motivations are his. He might not even fully understand what he did and or why. I also think its a mistake to think he completely used you and never cared. All relationships are great. Till they're not. You know what I mean? You're processing a lot and it will take some time. You did the right thing. Stay away from him and focus on yourself.
    1 point
  6. That is what i am thinking. When i a kid and my next oldest sibling was tiny -- mom did not bring one penny of income into the home -- she created money by being frugal - the benefit to having her home with us far outweighed her working and "earning her keep". he chose to be a provider for his family - his child, his girlfriend and her first child. I am unclear how old the kids are. I don't know if she works part time or what, but I am darned sure if I lived with a guy and I had no ownership on the house and he constantly was bugging me to pay 'rent' i would be darned sure i scraped together a bit of money because if he drops me, i have nothing I was in an abusive marriage. My ex flushed the copies of vehicle keys so i could not go anywhere, picked up the vehicles with his family and because he had the keys, and he took the house phone also as punishment. Honestly, if she were smart she would leave YOU.
    1 point
  7. I'm no scholar on all this, but let's peg it at somewhere around 2013, really catching fire in 2015. Five years later that fire rages, burning up serious acreage of maturity and dignity. Is what it is. Support for this theory? This is when Instagram (launched in 2010) really became a thing, inspiring large subsets of the human population (their brains already tweaked by Facebook etc.) to start behaving like reality TV stars, validating our most base and basic instincts in peculiar ways, to the point where behavior that once got us shunned started getting us (some of us!) wild amounts of attention. Stir in Tinder (launched in 2012, seriously popular by 2014) along with its spawn (Bumble, Hinge, the swipe-ification of older dating sites), and you get a bit of a fun house mirror in which otherwise sane human beings get a little lost. I'm a guy, have never asked for such photos. But for what it's worth? I've received some, with zero provocation. Always curious, the impulse to break out the insta-sauce, but I guess it's a thing that works for some people, induces yawns and eye rolls in others. Shrug emoji, you know? All in all, though, it doesn't seem to be the "new normal," but just something that's always been part and parcel of dating (some cray-cray is out there! different strokes, different folks!) stoked into a more feral state by modern times, modern tech. My few cents, to spend how you see fit.
    1 point
  8. I am glad you are feeling better all around, and that you aren't reading too much into this stuff. Yes, things have changed quite a bit in a short amount of time! An assh-le is still an assh-le, though. Be careful out there!
    1 point
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