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Showing content with the highest reputation on 11/26/2020 in all areas

  1. It's worth it. Living alone, you can have a much smaller place and your utility bills will be lower as well. It's worth the peace of mind, IMO. I haven't lived with roommates since college. I'd rather live in a shoebox-sized apartment than deal with roommates again. The boost to your mental wellbeing is simply wonderful, can't recommend it enough.
    3 points
  2. Hi all, Hope all is well. I need some direction as I keep going back and forth on my decision. To give you some background: I have been living in my current shared apartment for the last 4 years. The first three years were fine as all 3 of us moved in at the same time and had pretty compatible lifestyles. One of the tenants decided to move in December of last year and it has since been a bit of a mess. We had a first replacement who proved to be completely reckless (unpaid bills, alcohol abuse, guests over during lockdown for a nights of drinking & smoking etc..). This
    1 point
  3. Hi guys, I need your advice. Sorry for the long text... I tried to keep it as short as possible. I find myself in a very complicated situation right now. I'm 33 years old and from Germany. I went to México for a one-year academic exchange. In June, I met my ex (34 years old) and we had been together for 5 months when she broke up with me 3 weeks ago. The first 3,5 months, the honey moon stage, were obviously very nice. We both enjoyed each other’s company. We were both really heavily into each other- on many levels: personally, sexually etc. There was a huge attraction between us and
    1 point
  4. Just want to chime in here and say... yes, a resounding yes, to living on your own... I decided to do this after my separation... splurged on a place that was in the neighbourhood I wanted, and had everything I was looking for... and while it was tight and sometimes I worried, I have to say it was worth every cent to have a space all to myself, a sanctuary that I could come home to... it was so peaceful and grounding.
    1 point
  5. Sorry about all this. If there's one thing that's pretty universal—spanning cultures, spanning continents, spanning centuries—it's that it really stings when something goes from being so enlivening and promising to, well, to the shattered mirror you're trying to piece back together today. It's also—no comfort here, I know—the more common story to romance. Like baseball, there are lot more strikes than hits, a lot more hits that don't end in a score than those that do, and so on. It's what makes it all so wondrous, of course, at least when it's not inducing whiplash. All of that is
    1 point
  6. Look forward now, Rivoli, better things ahead!. Not backwards, mulling over what these individuals did and said. They aren't even worth while discussing and who cares what their future holds. Wishing you every luck.
    1 point
  7. Yes cultural differences do exist for sure and sometimes the differences are huge! Maybe part of her behaviour is because of the culture but the rest is just her character. You can certainly find a woman in Mexico who is not a control freak. As you wrote she is actually the first woman you met there. Not good. Usually the first people you meet as a foreigner are not the best ones. If you are interested in dating women in Mexico, keep searching, this is not the one no matter how much fun you had the first 3 months. As a Greek I am very familiar with petty power struggles, I understand com
    1 point
  8. Oh God. That's insane. It's not fair at all that people are imposing their agenda on other people without their consent. The other tenant and I have not brought a single person over during this pandemic. We didn't even have to set "rules" or discuss it. Yet, this girl clearly didn't get the hint. She probably thinks we're just "loners" and started putting her agenda in motion. In any case, I want to preserve my health as health expenses are very steep and I certainly don't want to face any risk. She took a week long vacation to Italy and didn't even quarantine when she got back, so
    1 point
  9. Well, I'm not blaming cultural differences, but I'm saying that they do play a role. Before I went to Mexico, I hadn't been aware of the fact that there would be such profound cultural differences. I was aware that there would be some issues, but I wasn't aware of how different life is actually over there and I think that this is something people will only understand if they have actually lived in a completely different culture for a while. In Germany, I have never had issues like this at all with my ex girlfriends. My role as a man was never in question. I grew up in a society in which men an
    1 point
  10. I wanted to add, the stress of being on your own, I think, is a lot less. Yes, you are responsible for the bills but you aren't waiting on some twit to pay up. You are in control. That can be scary but it's also very freeing. You can adjust your habits and spending accordingly to make ends meet as well. You don't have to worry about a roommate blowing half of their rent money on alcohol and not paying up. And, of course, it's safer. You don't have to deal with guests you don't like and you don't have to ask anyone's permission about anything.
    1 point
  11. Yes, and be careful of this. It's an unconscious reaction that I've seen play out in otherwise mature and well grounded people during all kinds of job and home changes. It's a 'burn this down' mentality that seeks to villaininze those being left in order to hyper-justify a parting. My guess is, people do this because it's easier to walk away if we can be angry. But it's over-kill. It causes drama that's unnecessary and it harms your own stomach lining and mental state for zero 'real' benefit. I'd sign the new lease and allow current roommates to roll off my back. I'd be conscious of
    1 point
  12. Just do it!! Nothing gain without taking risk.
    1 point
  13. He's 20 years old. My ex husband pressured me to marry him when I was just 21. We got engaged and then married when I was barely 22. I did not want to get married, not yet, but he gave me an ultimatum; marry him or he'd break up with me. I sometimes think if we'd only waited a few years we might have made it. Or maybe not. But marrying him when I wasn't ready and when I was so unsure about life was a big, big mistake. Think about why you want kids NOW. Why? To satisfy some arbitrary deadline you made up in your own head? Do not try to force him to marry you when he is not ready.
    1 point
  14. His mindset is more common than not--men want to be financially sound before getting married. And you can't, plus shouldn't marry someone who isn't 100 percent confident in doing so. Therefore, your plans will likely have to change, whether that means staying with him or not. Sometimes you have to come to a consensus when it means taking your partner's wants and needs in to consideration. With life experience, which you're both in the process of tucking under your belt, you might find that you want to tweak your plans as well. I originally wanted four children, and wanted the second one t
    1 point
  15. Start packing! Sign that lease and get out of there! You are so very unhappy and you've done the math to know you can cover the rent at the new place, so go for it. Your mental health is at stake here. What are you waiting for???
    1 point
  16. Having your own space will be worth everything you have to sacrifice to have it. Trust me on this. It will improve your mental state and give you a new outlook on life. Go for it.
    1 point
  17. I think the controlling aspect of some of the women in this culture is something you should think about... Certainly not all of them are probably like that, but I think she's letting you know one of her major flaws upfront. She likes a man to be a man, BUT she also doesn't want to give up that control. Picking you meant she'd be able to control you easier (that's basically what she was telling you). I think relationships work better when both people treat each other as equals in a partnership. Be aware of people who tell you straight up, "I'm bossy/controlling/demanding," and the
    1 point
  18. I think you should definitely move. You are in a good position to do so, and take it from me, it's a great boon when you find a nice place for a reasonable price in an expensive area. You will make it work.
    1 point
  19. Well.... I think he's doing what most 20 years old do... he's figuring things out. You're not that much older in years but sounds like you could be experience wise. You have a degree... this opens more doors for you professionally. If you married him and had kids, you would probably need to continue to work full time. Even if he has a good job, I'm guessing its not enough to support a family alone. So in a way he is being more realistic about what he has to offer than you are, eventhough you're older and more educated. That's most likely because you're both young. I kno
    1 point
  20. Green flags. Words and actions match. He treats you with respect and you are inspired to do the same. He is local. You have common values and goals and standards. You both proceed at a comfortable pace and if one person is speeding things up too much the other tells that person plainly and directly that it's going too fast. Result is a respectful exchange. You are physically and sexually attracted to each other whether or not you act on it at that time. You feel a spark by the fourth date -where you feel like you'd want to kiss this person, etc. You have compatible senses o
    1 point
  21. I would do it for sure and find ways to save $ - I think Dave Ramsey writes great books on the subject??? Your peace of mind and comfort now is more than worth it. Good luck!!
    1 point
  22. Congratulations! This is awesome. I don't think you will regret this at all. Rather you would regret not doing it. There comes a time when you need your own life, your own space, your own choices and decisions. That starts with your own place in the world! I bet this is just the first step in a string of great new things supportimg the life you envision for yourself! cheers!
    1 point
  23. I agree about not dwelling on it all now ...look you have a very exciting plan to fill your thoughts now . But for the record ...it would have gone down big style had I been living there ..believe me I am so covid conscious , so you do have a right to feel none to happy . ..but just concentrate on you and your plans and keep out of their way .
    1 point
  24. Thank you, LaHemes!! It is correct. I don't feel at home at all anymore. I'm always tense, stressed out and angry. The last straw was when the new roommate brought her boyfriend over unannounced on Saturday (against lockdown rules) after their week-long trip during which they mingled with other households. I was having dinner at the kitchen table and they just stood there next to me watching me eat and waiting for me to vacate the area. I found this to be rude and inconsiderate. I pay my rent, I should be able to sit at the table to eat dinner peacefully. The other tenant was
    1 point
  25. He was 18 a couple years ago, Hannah. I'm afraid to tell you that the life plans I made at 18 are a far cry from where I am now at 39. In other words, at 18 he was in no position to be making long-term, "forever" plans. He was too young and inexperienced for that. He's been dating you since he was only 15. He's still figuring out who he is and what he wants from life, as most of us are at 20 (and at your age, too) I would nix the talk of marriage for now. He may be a little older but he's clearly not truly ready for that yet. He's right that marriage before he's established is not
    1 point
  26. Yeah I can see that. It’s definitely going to take some adjustment for sure. Yeah I made out good financially in all this. This is all still new, it’s only been about 2.5 months since the start of this so her “fantasy” hasn’t had time to fail yet lol
    1 point
  27. I would endorse this Wiseman. "Local. Seeing each other regularly. Goals and values in common. Physical chemistry. Good communication. Ability to get along well. Free and clear to date. Balanced temperament. Handles stress without the use of drugs, alcohol or behavioral compulsions. Emotionally, financially independent. Takes pride in work, doesn't want/need shoulders to cry on or cheerleaders. Mature, even keeled, good boundaries."
    1 point
  28. His plan is quite sensible. He needs to solidify himself financially first. You need to get out of your sisters house. You seem to be pushing and shoving forward with this married 3 kids ASAP plan, despite how unreasonable it is. Relax. Who is pressuring you to have 3 kids by age 26? And who's going to pay the mortgage and bills and for the kids?
    1 point
  29. You've been together since he was 15? Do you both live with parents now? Slow down. Don't live together. He needs to solidify his finances, job, etc. What's the rush? Is this an arranged marriage?
    1 point
  30. He is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. He has let you know that after about 40 days of meeting you. He is trying to do a slow fade but you aren’t getting his hints. Why aren’t you?? Sorry but this is not his depression talking , this is him with or without depression. Early dating people say all sorts of lovely things. Everytime. But once we start to actually know someone and realise that’s not the person for us we put on the brakes. Like he has. He did enjoy sharing his depression thoughts with a perfect stranger but that doesn’t mean he is int
    1 point
  31. It's a difficult situation. There's a fine line between "mothering" him and outright dismissing him. Speaking personally, the wife and I are among the incredibly privileged to essentially have our biggest economic consequence be having to work more from home. Our careers have been virtually untouched, and mine having in fact improved (by no effort for my part). Frankly, if I were in a position to where I was furloughed during the first lockdown, went back to work under very questionable circumstances, and then experienced yet another furlough during a second lockdown amid a double-dip rece
    1 point
  32. A lot of couples marry or date outside of their culture. It's good of you to want to bridge that gap but I think you already know that type of hot/cold and rollercoaster feel isn't healthy in the long term. I'm sorry it's been so chaotic. I think it's better to make a clean break and continue to heal after the break up. Your mind will be so much more clearer too once you're able to put some distance and space between you and your ex. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't limit yourself this way. One step at a time.
    1 point
  33. 1 point
  34. OK, but I'll tell you this. I have never in my entire life seen a woman who "lost her sex drive" that didn't have it resurrected upon introduction of a new and different man.
    1 point
  35. I am so sorry to hear about your cousin.
    1 point
  36. It's over. Don't feel guilty about being happy to move on. It's actually healthier to feel relieved about accepting an unsuccessful relationship as history and recover faster. It's unhealthier and worse to ruminate and dwell on "what could've been" or worse yet, pitifully beg, plead and implore to recapture a hopeless relationship. Don't fret about your ex. She's a big girl and can take care of herself. Let time do the healing for her. Someday, both of you will become a distant blur. Speaking of distance, make a complete and final disconnect with her including social media, apps
    1 point
  37. He still likes you and misses you, enjoyed the time you had together, but it's just bad timing. Both are at different places in your life, so it makes sense for him to break it off. Ya he thought he wanted kids, etc....that's the infatuation period where everyone feels they want everything the other wants, makes plans for the future. He came back down to reality...had a think and realized this wasn't right or fair...too bad he didn't have the nut sack to explain that to you like an adult, instead of dumping excuses on you. You don't need a guy like that, he's not a good communicator or honest.
    1 point
  38. So you've spent 7 months with no closure, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this issue on a forum. You're the one keeping yourself emotionally attached to a dirtbag. If you really loved yourself as you should, you would've block him from contacting you. Instead, you welcome the breadcrumbs, because subconsciously, you think that's all you deserve in life. The only way to heal yourself is to break free, so do it. Then be alone to work on boosting your self esteem so eventually you will attract, and be attracted to, mentally healthy men.
    1 point
  39. This from gov.uk "The average age at marriage continued to rise. For marriages of opposite-sex couples, the average (mean) age for men marrying in 2016 was 37.9 years, while for women it was 35.5 years. This was a slight increase for both men and women from the previous year and continued the overall rise recorded since the 1970s.28 Mar 2019" It has become unusual here to marry very young, although some still do. I don't know anyone among our younger relatives who married before age 30. And even in a different generation, my mother was almost 34 when she married, my father 40. First
    1 point
  40. Great Story! It's true - when you find a bigger problem to solve, you really learn what you are made of. Good job on pushing yourself!
    1 point
  41. Great story! When one door closes, not every door we face afterward will glide wide open, either. Congrats on your determination and your accomplishments.
    1 point
  42. Two success stories in two days on here is pretty cool! I love to see posters come back and give wonderful news like this. Well done and it just goes to show that not all paths are the same. NC comes in all shapes and forms but in the end the results are what matters. Thank you for your service and thank you for sharing your story of success. Come here when you can and pay it forward and help others. Lost
    1 point
  43. Great job, and PLEASE don't let extreme negativity and bitterness impact all the positive things you have done with your life.
    1 point
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