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Showing content with the highest reputation on 02/14/2020 in all areas

  1. OP abusers will never leave you alone until YOU put a hard stop to it. They aren't sorry, they don't change ever. The contact and you actually answering the phone is a power play for him. He still has power over you in his mind every single time you respond, every single time you humor his bs "I'm sorry" he is getting off on duping you. He already knows that you are weak and vulnerable to abuse, someone who can be manipulated. Yes, you walked away, but he also knows that eventually you'll have a weak moment and he can pull you right back into more abuse, so he keeps contacting you thinking that statistically some day you'll fall back into his trap. Please block his number. Do not talk to him, do not talk about him with any mutual friends or acquaintances and if they bring him up, tell them point blank you are not interested. This guy meant to harm you and he will harm you again given half a chance, his illness doesn't change a thing. Btw, people like him will lie to others as well, not just you. Only his doctor knows the truth and what is going on. A minor surgery and he might well be telling the world he is dying to get attention and use it to manipulate people. This is what abusers do. They are walking living breathing psychopaths and some can go to pretty extreme lengths to create believable lies and stories. I will say this again - block him on all fronts. Never ever ever speak to him again. Do not answer any numbers you don't recognize. Get additional counseling for yourself because as another poster pointed out, you are still not quite healed and not over the abuse you've suffered at this monster's hands. You still haven't accepted fully who he is and that everything he did to you was intentional and calculated. He meant to destroy you and he still means to destroy you - put that into your phone to remind yourself any time you get the urge to respond to him.
    2 points
  2. The best answer is here: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=548602&p=6975445&viewfull=1#post6975445 I don`t care he has cancer. I don`t care if he doesn`t have cancer. I also don`t care about your feelings or his right now. I care for the simple truth of how good he is at what he is doing. After all he did, he still got you thinking about him, caring about him, answering his calls, crying about him. I don`t judge you, believe me. But you have to wake up girl. I mean right now please. I said that I don`t care about your feelings because your feelings and your security and well being are completely opposite and you should really do a reality check. Shake your head, this man was a monster to you! Chin up beautiful! You have a new life in front of you!!! Bad for him, it`s not nice , it is sad but you DONT HAVE TO FEEL SAD OR ACT ON IT! Block him asap, focus on your loved ones and cut off any mutual "friends" and all communication with them. They are so concerned about him being ill, where were they when the saw how he treated you? I`ll pray for you, to find peace inside you. Don`t feel guilty about it honey.
    2 points
  3. I read your past thread and feel so much for you. 😔 He was a monster and you are finally free from this. You need to block this guy, you owe him nothing. Don't get sucked back in, please stay far away. Answering his calls only shows u have a soft spot for him. You deserve to feel safe.
    1 point
  4. He's trying to get that emotional pull and hook out of you. Don't succumb to his manipulating trick even though he's telling the truth about his cancer. You need to cease all contact with your ex-bf once and for and all. I agree with others regarding blocking and deleting. You can ghost him, too. However, if you wish to remain tactful,tell him gently but firmly that while you're very sorry to hear of his diagnosis, it's time to go your separate ways PERMANENTLY. Then end your relationship and correspondence with him immediately. As long as you continue to revert to your previous toxic, dysfunctional relationship with your ex-bf, you can never heal your mental and physical health. Avoid sociopaths, users, narcissists, manipulators, gaslighters and deviants like the plague! I too feel very sorry for certain relatives, in-laws, friends and acquaintances in my life. A great many of them are fraught with extreme troubles which pale to mine in comparison. They have major health woes, autoimmune disorders, financial fiascos and a whole laundry list of personal turmoils galore. Some are embarrassed and ashamed by their significant others due to their outlandish behaviors which will get them into legal trouble. There's even a pervert husband thrown in the mix and fortunately, she and her husband reside 400 miles away from my relatives and me. There's the dark side to their characters. Certain people are "package deals" warts and all. Their unsavory personalities are real deal breakers for me. I'm not the type to tolerate disrespect which is a form of psychological abuse and avoidable distress. This is why I keep certain people at arm's length, avoid them as much as possible, eliminate some of them if feasible and enforce strong, healthy boundaries with the remaining people whom I cross paths with periodically. When I was younger, people pulled at my heart strings easily. I'm a very compassionate person by nature. Then my naivete got the best of me and I felt used, hurt, discarded and ignored by some people who didn't appreciate all I had done for them and the cherry on top of this sundae was they habitually offended and insulted me. I was done and exited several relationships / friendships because of it. I even cut certain people out of my life if they CHRONICALLY interrupt me. They're OUT. There's absolutely no excuse for habitual rudeness. It's over. I'd be the first to race to anyone's doorstep with home cooked dinners in tow. I give away a lot of money to anyone whose lives are turned upside down. I'll knock myself out for others as long as they've treated me with respect, care, love, loyalty and consideration in the past. I repay them thousandfold for life. I'm very loyal and devoted to the core just as I've been to my local BFF ever since we were 9 years old. She and her family did a lot for me when I was a child and when I had nothing to give. She was my maid-of-honor and brought home cooked meals to me when I brought my newborn sons home from the hospital. I couldn't reciprocate long ago but since I have the means and time nowadays, now is the time when I'm doing a lot for her. Her son had major surgery. I've been bringing homemade dinners to her and her family, gave a very generous Visa gift card for her son and I'll continue to give of myself during her time of need. I care. However, I'm not giving nor generous of my labor, time, energy and resources to those who've tested me sorely in the past. I'm not a dog nor is my love unconditional. Love and respect is a two way street. Sure, I'm a peaceful person and will remain civil but I'm not nice if people aren't nice to me. I don't argue and my fighting days are over. I simply withdraw as should you with your ex-bf. I've since learned to pull back. If anyone I know is having a current bad situation, I pray for them and wish them well from afar but I don't bother them and they sure as heck better not bother me either. I don't trust people after they burn me. My sentiment is universal. If I must cross paths with certain unavoidable people, I still maintain a safe distance and any conversations whether verbal or written are polite, brief and superficial at best. I'm very cautious and hopefully you are, too. It's actually to your benefit and survival to be more cold and calculating because logic and reasoning consumes your brain as opposed to allowing emotion to cloud your judgment. Be sensible and you're less apt to suffer harsh consequences later. Take it from me. I've since learned the hard way. My conscience is clear as yours will be, too once you think logically.
    1 point
  5. Your poor gf. You told her and she laughed... she must really trust you and the relationship. Believe me, when I say this, that is a credit to her, not you. I find what you're doing despicable. The insecurity you are creating in your gf, will be a challenge for her for a long time. Stop being selfish. Don't cheat and if you don't want to be a relationship with your gf, then end it. Don't make it about the other woman. Be an adult. Don't use people satisfy your own ego.
    1 point
  6. Remember, he had it in him to tell you directly that he didnt want to date. You know he's capable of telling it like it is. Expect no less than him to be equally direct about his intentions for contacting you now, especially after you having asked him not to. Do you know for sure he's been single all this time? Is it possible he really met someone else and it didnt work out? I may be wrong but at the same time I wouldnt be surprised.
    1 point
  7. I still feel there is a deeper issue, but at least you got what you wanted in the end. It only took getting twisted out of shape, sulking, and the threat of ignoring him and he jumped in to rescue. Did you end up getting him a card in the end?
    1 point
  8. You can scream to the heavens you’re healed and over him but your quoted post ‘need to get this off my chest’ and this post scream the opposite. The fact that you not only allow your abuser to call you twice a year but answer the phone... Let’s not pretend. I was in an abusive relationship as well so I completely get what a mindf*ck it is and how emotionally damaging it is, I share a child with this man so I forgave him, recognized my own dysfunction and have moved forward. Want to know how I know I’ve moved forward? If he told me he was dying of cancer, beyond feeling grief for my child and figuring out that journey, I’d have no reason to be involved. That’s not me being callous or cold, it’s just reality, imagine going for coffee with every ex anytime anything bad happened to them. Of course you wouldn’t. I realize death changes the playing field a bit but it still doesn’t justify allowing him not only to call you but to contemplate meeting up with him. I think it’s time for you to move forward, admit you aren’t healed yet and begin that journey.
    1 point
  9. Famous last words, right here--this whole thing--of just about anyone who had an affair, ever. This is how it goes, every time. You can juggle around the pronouns but it's all the same: Her husband doesn't make her happy. My girlfriend and I are having problems. We know we shouldn't, and we both don't want to, but..... .....It just happened. If you read through some of the infidelity threads, just the original post, you'll see the same story. It's amazing how people trip themselves into the same trap over and over again when there are so many alternatives and resources out there.
    1 point
  10. So, you got the impression nothing was going to happen, decided not to buy him anything - or at least a card or note, which you claim is so important, then you kick up such a fuss about him not being thoughtful enough to do something for you. That's entitled behaviour. To buy him stuff and expect him to do things in return because of that is transactional, and entitled also. I do not think you understand love, as this entire thread is a reaction to a perceived slight against you need to feel special to him, which is a result of an infatuation at the beginning of the relationship. The intensity of this relationship would also suggest that too, and is not something that you feel with every partner. Love is being able to work through things together, not getting your back up because you didn't get what you want in the way you want it. Now that the intensity of this relationship is slowing down, the red flags are beginning to appear on both sides, and the 'love' is beginning to crumble. I feel it will take some effort to keep this relationship afloat.
    1 point
  11. It just doesn't sound like you two are compatible. You don't agree with her choices, which trigger your trust issues, so there really isn't much to salvage here once the trust has gone out the window. In terms of the stripper, some people might consider this a deal breaker, some not. What matters here is that you're both on the same page, which clearly you're not. The one thing I do take issue with though is you providing input on her divorce settlement. You'll never truly know what happened between her and her ex-husband, what she had to endure during the marriage, and what factors the parties relied on to reach this settlement. I.e. - What was his income? What was her income? Who was the main breadwinner? Do they have kids? Who has custody? Was she a stay-at-home mom? How long were they married? What was their lifestyle? Etc., etc. Plus, if the settlement was truly unfair and unjust, they wouldn't have settled the case; the ex would have pushed to have the matter heard at trial (I'm assuming it didn't proceed to trial since you referred to a 'divorce settlement'). I just don't think it's fair for any outsider to impose their opinion on something so personal. To you this settlement might seem unfair, but to her, she might feel as if she's barely keeping her head above water, even with the settlement. I doubt you'd appreciate someone criticizing you and how you managed your divorce proceedings - especially a third party who had no part in your relationship.
    1 point
  12. Personally, I’d chill with diagnosing people you hardly know. Leave that to the professionals, you know? If you’re dating someone who makes you anxious and insecure in your own skin—well, that’s a fine reason to call it a bad match. What good comes from turning it into an academic dissertation?
    1 point
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