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Showing content with the highest reputation on 08/23/2019 in all areas

  1. Sooo....basically he told you that he isn't interested in the relationship. That's the only important part you need to pay attention to. You are just a casual hook up. As for the baby talk....it's doing exactly what it's meant to do - confuse you, so you keep stringing yourself along hoping this will turn into a relationship....aka....keep sleeping with him. He is telling you what he thinks you and women at large want to hear and his purpose is simple - keep you having obligation, commitment, and relationship free sex. Also, if you happen to get pregnant....because you are willing to play w
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  2. Yep this is inappropriate and not subtle. I agree with the rest. Deal with HIM first and give him a chance to clean up. "I don't appreciate and am not amused nor interested in your advances or suggestiveness. If it doens't stop I will no longer be around when you're present, and pretty sure that (friend's name) will ask me why at some point - at which point I will tell her..." Sorry to hear this is happening. Good luck.
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  3. I am sorry but love languages and therapy would not be enough to keep me in this mess. I would be done with him. Life is too short. You owe it to yourself to find an honourable person .
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  4. My husband and I have different work schedules and I am a morning person and he is a night owl. But I'll share this story. We had to meet with our marriage officiant before the wedding -kind of a quick informal "counseling" session. He said to us "I'm not going to ask you two if you love each other. I know you do. But I want to know if you like each other - what do you like to do together?" We responded and I loved that he found that important so I share it with you two. Does your SO actually like to travel -meaning would he be willing to save up so he could travel? Or do you think it
    1 point
  5. Yes, I agree. I will tell her the next time I'm alone with her.
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  6. Away from all noise - do you love him and respect him and adore him? Be bold and start introducing him to people or talking about him without hiding who he is and see how it goes - and see how you react to how it goes. Keeping him so secret for so long might be what is draining on you more than the actual details about his lifestyle and his job. Especially if you are an external processor. You definitely won't be happy staying with somebody that you keep a secret. But he doesn't have to say a secret. That's a false system you've created. My guess - when you talk about him with people th
    1 point
  7. Hi Leigh, It sounds like you two are a great couple and appearances or society should not be what drives you apart. That being said, you mentioned something about your "lifestyles" not being compatible, and that's a different matter entirely. Are your interests/hobbies/pastimes starting to be different also? Or do you still have as much in common as when you got together? Ask yourself whether your "he has tattoos" objection is you covering for real, deeper issues you haven't addressed. And if not, if he's a great guy who loves you and you're in love with him, then I think 30 years from now
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  8. It's been about 7 weeks now. NC hasn't been easy but I've been doing it. I can't risk humiliating myself again and being rejected. I still think about you all day every day. But i'm not feeling that sharp pain so much now, it's much more dull. I still cry sometimes, but I've been having bad luck with my health the past few weeks so it just brings me down and then I miss you more. I'll be ok eventually. I hope you're happy with your gf. I assume you are still with her seeing as I haven't heard anything from you at all. I was driving myself crazy by checking your fb profile all the time.
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  9. Okay so only you know the full context, so I cannot give you a definitive answer. I asked you about his English level because I wanted to check if there was anything lost in translation and I asked you about the intimacy thing to get an idea for his motives. But based on what you have said, this guy was keen to have sex, but did not want to start a relationship, because he doesn't doesn't have a job yet. He also does not want to discuss things for a few days because his parents are around. Alarm bells should be ringing. Guys who want to have sex but not the responsibilities of a relation
    1 point
  10. Sitting at home drinking coffee is not dating. Sure, you're "tired". But, how boring! No wonder she lost interest.
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  11. It is not an excuse, I was just stating biological facts. It stems from the fact that humans are mammals. In all mammals, the male contribution to the act of reproduction commits far less resources than the female, from the moment of conception, up to pregnancy, birth, childcare etc. From the moment he does his business and impregnates a woman, his biology is telling him to move on and find more fertile women. So yes, the cost of promiscuity for men is much lower than for women, leading to that much lower bar for sex as you explained. That said, don't lose hope in all men OP. Most guys...
    1 point
  12. Don't have sex with guys who don't respect you or want you. Delete and block this guy and start dating decent boys.
    1 point
  13. I would pay you to be my therapist if I knew you, Catfeeder. I find your advice invaluable in that you’re exactly right in all that you say and this is really the crux of the matter. The “diffuse the focus” and “Teaching yourself that you are worthy and likable without immediate feedback is foundational for all else, because it teaches you a degree of INNER self sufficiency that sheds a need to please,” and literally everything else that you said is some of the greatest advice I have ever received and I am a big believer in the law of attraction and that is what they also teach (focus elsewher
    1 point
  14. I think the “maybe later” is just a way of softening a no. I sometimes feel bad saying no if I’m offered a cake or something more special that the host has prepared: I don’t want them to think I’m snubbing their cooking. I don’t think it implies people expect you to serve them at their whim, although if a friend at my home were thirsty I would personally hope they would tell me even if they’d initially not wanted a drink. As for the cookies, my guess is that it was a misunderstanding. Perhaps when you handed him the entire box to look at the ingredients, he thought you were giving him the
    1 point
  15. Toriana, please know there is a difference between seeing things optimistically and telling yourself a "story" because you fear being "real" with yourself, your boyfriend and the relationship would mean saying goodbye and leaving. Clearly you're not emotionally prepared or ready for that, hence this story you've told yourself casting yourself as the guilty party and taking most if not all the blame for the toxic nature of your interactions. It's very common I have done it myself. But it's very dangerous because you are denying/overlooking (1) the relationship's toxicity and (2) your
    1 point
  16. Sorry to break the news to you, but you are not in love if you have never met in person... Oh, OK, there you have it... You are NOT in love.
    1 point
  17. You said she is super athletic yet didn’t make the volleyball or softball teams. That doesn’t sound like someone that’s super athletic. You also said she gets decent grades but could do better if she studied? Maybe decent grades is her best? You say you want her to know that she is the smartest most beautiful girl ever. No offence at all , but perhaps she’s not the smartest etc but you have dreams of her being so? And she feels undue pressure to be that? It is ok for her not to be athletic or academic! It’s ok for her not to pursue sports etc But why is it not ok for you?
    1 point
  18. What's the big hurry? Don't give your ex the impression that you're a sex fiend. Be patient for however long it takes. Give her respect because this is what true love is. After NC, she wants to reestablish friendship and a relationship with you so give it a lot of time otherwise you will push her away and she will leave you permanently. Which scenario do you want? She's testing what type of person you are and whether or not you're a keeper. If you fail, you will lose. Tread lightly and be on your best behavior always. Be smart.
    1 point
  19. I realize that for now there hasn't been.....but it's on your mind and eating at you, so you are posting here.....so it's only a matter of time before it eats at you enough that it starts to come out to her as well. So that's where I'm saying get a serious grip on that and focus on the more important things. She is actually right to step back and see how things go with you and to take it slowly. You need to develop a healthier relationship before you can introduce intimacy into the mix. I don't meant that she is withholding intentionally, just to be clear. I think she is literally taking it ve
    1 point
  20. You may be slipping into unhealthy patterns again seeking validation where it's not (yet) appropriate to do so. If you've had a pattern of seeking validation constantly from a partner it shifts the burden maintaining the security and stability of that relationship predominantly to one person. It could be the reason why she's felt drained in the past and hesitant to commit to the future. It may help you to recognize when certain personalities and situations are not healthy for you. If you do seek validation quite a lot, it may be an indicator that your situations are cyclical and unhealthy.
    1 point
  21. I just wanted to get back here again to give an update to this story. So, I graduated from my Master’s which led me to a new job out of state. We did long distance for 8 months. And 4 months ago, he closed the distance and moved to where I am. We live together (again), and it’s been really, really good. Just wanted to share something positive to those who may need it :)
    1 point
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