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Showing content with the highest reputation on 03/31/2019 in all areas

  1. I agree with this, infact the excuses ( he’s a good man) while are understandable after 10 years of marriage, really attempt to minimize just how very serious all this is. This is dangerous, get out!
    2 points
  2. Why are you talking about marriage? A week ago you were planning to dump him. I like prenups and I will get one. I think it’s better to negotiate in love than bank on playing fair should it come to divorce.
    1 point
  3. It's all in the way you choose to confront. Calmly, rationally, non-accusatory. Just let him know your concerns and that you're worried about him, and your relationship. IF he gets defensive or aggressive and starts flipping it on you for any reason, end the conversation immediately. Calmly pack some things and leave.
    1 point
  4. I think that if you date because being single—for a day, a month, a year, a lifetime—sounds awful then odds are dating is going to be pretty awful too. It's just an extraordinary amount of pressure to put on it all—to swipe, match, meet, and so on hoping that you'll find the thing that eliminates singledom. Makes anything less than perfect a catastrophe, basically. Speaking only for myself, I generally enjoy dating—and generally find myself getting into relationships—when I'm genuinely thrilled and content being single. Hopes get raised, hopes get dashed, emotions get twisted—yeah, that's
    1 point
  5. Yes, at this point family support is important. I wouldn't suggest big confrontations alone as it could be dangerous for you. We don't know what a man dealing drugs and other shady business and taking steroids is capable of doing. Also, his friends are on it, so he has that network. It's important that you find friends who aren't involved with in him any shape or form or family that can help you and give you support while going through this.
    1 point
  6. This is really serious. Drug use, strippers, possible cheating, etc. It's not small stuff and I think you are right, it can't be fixed. Pleas be careful how you go about this. You say on the surface he is a good husband, etc, but that isn't the truth, he has been living a double lifestyle and it sounds like something you really need to be careful with. I think personally I would go stay with my parents for the time being, figure out with your Dad what you will do about the house and in the meantime let your husband know that you are moving forward with a divorce and that he will need
    1 point
  7. Your relationship is not necessarily a lie, he may have some more recent issues. It sounds like you have been married a long time and have a good foundation. You obviously have some issues to address, however - his drug use, his control freak attitude. It's unclear to me that he is cheating? It sounds like his friend was talking about hooking up with a girl, not him? It just sounds like locker room talk to me. Maybe you can rephrase that. You can talk about it or go to counseling if you wan to fix it - if he'll go. If that does not work you could try tough love. Cut off sex and when h
    1 point
  8. This woman is not interested in you any longer, OP. Stop trying to revive what she already told you she didn't want. According to your last thread, she told you she wasn't interested in making this into a relationship, and you only met her in person twice. You would be wise to take the hint and move on.
    1 point
  9. It's tough to say what she was thinking at the time, but it does sound like she's dodging you now. I'm not usually in favor of people trying to get their ex back for exactly this reason. The hot/cold game is exhausting and likely not worth the relationship you're rewarded with if you do get them back. Talking to her and spending time with her is confusing you and messing with your feelings. I'd go no contact for awhile and try to move on.
    1 point
  10. I could not agree more. DO not "work" or force recovery. Be glad you have a sober husband and focus on your kids, and if he is willing, ask him out on dates or start to rejoin the community as a couple - only going to sober places that do not serve alchohol or if they do, its not part of the experience of going (ie, a bar is a negative, a museum that has a little area where they serve cocktails in the evening but not all the time and you don't have to have one to have the experience, ok). Or yes, focus on recovering the family. Have you been to al-anon?
    1 point
  11. Thank you everyone for your advice and stories. I have listened and taken all of it in. I have decided not to purse the classes. His choice and feelings need to be respected and forcing this on him is making the situation worse from his perspective. My heart was in the right place but it was also coming from a place of fear and protection and that is not the way I want to live my life or teach my children to live their lives. I think I will focus instead on teaching him about the importance of being observant and making strong friendships. I will do as catfeeder suggested (thank you) and have
    1 point
  12. Obviously you were put on earth to satisfy his standards. What a gem. I'm sorry you have a child with him because it's going to make it more difficult for you to cut him out of your life :(
    1 point
  13. You're 19, you may not yet realize all of the future life options you have and you do not have to cling to a relationship that has this type of a significant bad sign. This is how it starts - sort of "joking" about being "king" and continuing from there the more you make excuses for it and do as he says. It is not uncommon to expand to verbal abuse to keep you in line and even eventually physical abuse. I assume you are in America where women have fought for decades for equality and are not in a country that women are viewed as servants. I have heard a lot of examples of these types of "kin
    1 point
  14. Your son along with your stuff shouldn't be in her house in the first place. Don't you have your own place? Where is the boy's mother? Why can't your parents take him once in a while? It's unreasonable and irresponsible to subject your kid to what you describe as an "abusive and unstable" environment. It's her house so unfortunately she can lock you out of it. Agree shoving youtube videos and ridiculous quizzes under her nose to "help" (change and control) her is about as hostile and passive-aggressive as it gets. Real therapy would help you a lot more than quack gurus.
    1 point
  15. Take the day after pill, ru486. You could be pregnant. It seems as if you gave the impression that you knew what you were doing, despite how drunk you were. What to do now? Forgive yourself, stop drinking because alcohol is a depressant and so it makes you feel worse, and find a counselor at school or your doctor who can help you deal with your depression.
    1 point
  16. You were both in the wrong. He should have stopped you and you shouldn't have got super wasted in the first place. He is indeed not a friend. However, it sounds like you are unhappy with your life in general. Getting super wasted and acting recklessly indicates that there is some deeper unhappiness working on the background. Imo, you need to address whatever made you turn to alcohol and had you crying in the first place. If available, do seek professional counseling.
    1 point
  17. I've done the exact same thing as you. I was head over heels with this guy. I absolutely did not want to deal with young children, and while his were still on the young side, they were old enough to be home alone, self-sufficient, and require a little less constant care. But he was busy. Work and extracurricular activities, every other weekend, time was sparse. Just hang in there, eventually we'll get to a place where we can meet each other's kids. It won't be this busy forever...why let this great guy go? My guy wanted to play the field, I think. He had been divorced for awhile, kids
    1 point
  18. I have been left very disappointed when I have had hopes that I had met someone special and found out that was not the case. :’( I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think rejection is one of the most painful emotions there is. You sound like a very intelligent and caring woman.You are worthy!! of a man who makes time for you during appropriate hours. I will be praying for you this week, for hope and healing. You are not alone.
    1 point
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