Jump to content

Leaderboard

Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation on 03/26/2019 in Posts

  1. I'll only speak for myself as each person is different in their likes and dislikes on potential dates. I know that when I was in community college, a guy named Doug I was interested in kept asking me to do things like playing racket ball with 2 other guys. On all these outings, I couldn't tell if I was his buddy or not. Even when we did one on one things, he didn't make any move like holding my hand or kissing me, so I was really frustrated. At a party, another guy was paying attention to me and he got jealous and started arguing with the guy. I don't know what the issue was, but the other guy at the party asked for my number and I ended up dating him. Yes, your inaction probably frustrated her if she was interested. Try to read a woman's signals to find out if that's the case. Compliment her. "You look so beautiful tonight." If she gives you an open relaxed smile, that's a good sign, because if she wasn't into you, her face would show, "Oh crap. I hope he doesn't want to be more than friends." Reach for her hand when walking. If she keeps it there and smiles, it's another clue she's into you. If she's not, you can digest that news and be able to place your emotional energy elsewhere. At this point in time, you don't "tell" a woman of your feelings. You show her by asking her on dates, complimenting her, and showing her you find her attractive and interesting and want to get to know her better. And confidence is a huge attractor for most people, so work on not being so nervous, holding back, second guessing. Believe in yourself, that you're a good catch, and women who share chemistry with you will be attracted to your confident positivity. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
    3 points
  2. Stay away from her permanently. The fact she appealed to your husband is disgusting and that your husband engaged in trashing you is unbelievable.
    2 points
  3. Wow. The actions your husband took were incredibly unsupportive and borderline cruel. Why would he engage with a woman who was going out of her way to discredit you? I am a strong believer that in marriage, partners should be fiercely loyal to each other. Blowing off steam from time to time may be necessary, but not to your enemy! Are there other issues present in your marriage? I find his behavior so incredibly offputting and your need to invade his privacy to be huge red flags that the relationship is unhealthy. I don't understand how you recover from this type of invalidation, especially when it seems like your husband doesn't feel any remorse for his actions at all.
    2 points
  4. Your husband has crossed the line here. He has shown you great disrespect by saying negative things about you to someone whom he knew you were having difficulties with. I don't know if your marriage is broken, but you certainly need to have a little 'coming to Jesus' session with him about it.
    2 points
  5. I'm gong to second option 4. And I don't toss that out easily. I'm all for forgiveness, all for the idea of two people going through fires, disconnecting, reconnecting, carving out some wild path together. But reading what you wrote a pretty simple question came to my mind: What, exactly, are you getting out of this relationship? Not what it once was, or what it could be in your head, or what you can will it into with more patience, but what are you getting now? I mean, do you think your gf is awake at 2am, turning this stuff around in her mind the way you are? Do you even feel that you could remotely trust her to support you? Look, affairs happen, and I applaud you for not reacting with complete rage. But in trying to work through it where have you ended up? What has she done to turn the page to a new chapter? She has basically continued on, lied, broken the same promise, and so on. She has, right there, shown you who she is, shown you what forgiving her mistakes gets you. She is not a mystery any more. You've known her for 7 years. You know what you're in for: more of the same. The qualities that have allowed you to be patient in this are great qualities, but I think they're being deposited in the wrong bank. Whatever is going on with her—and you can have compassion for her, which is not the same as commitment—it's clear as day that she's lost complete respect for you and the relationship. Reward that and you'll just get more of the same. You are so young. Yes, you have a kid and a house and imagining how it all gets dismantled and rebuilt alone is tough. But you also have only one life, and this does not sound like the way you want to live it or, really, the sort of environment you want to raise a child in. Breaking up will be a painful chapter—but a chapter, not a life—and from what you've written it's clear at least to these eyes that you are being cheated out of the level of respect and happiness that everyone deserves. Imagine someone treating you with the respect and patience you're treating her. It's out there, it really is. Sadly, it's just not the person under your roof.
    1 point
  6. Thanks for the reply. People do often tell me I'm too nice, and I know I am, but I also know that people do make mistakes. Thanks again :)
    1 point
  7. Wow, you are the most tolerant partner on the planet, and I am sorry this has happened to you. I would suggest Number 4. She disrespected you & your relationship by having an affair, got caught, promised to cut him off & now you find out she is still in contact. She likes the attention & lies to you about cutting him off. I honestly think there is nothing left once all trust is gone.
    1 point
  8. Absolutely , trying to contract someone for sex is cheating. It doesn’t matter at all that he planned on not going through with it . He still thought about cheating and planned it and talked to her about it. Personally ,you should have an STD check and I would tell him to pack his bags .
    1 point
  9. You need to let this guy go so he can have all the freedom he desires. It's time for a breakup. Obviously, his loyalty and devotion are not focused on you. You deserve a man who knows how to treat you with respect.
    1 point
  10. It's very individual. As long as your son's date is agreeable with "going dutch" (splitting the bill), then both sides cooperate with this arrangement. I don't think it's a turn off for women. I've known some boyfriend-girlfriend relationships where they take turns paying the bill. Dinner for 2 is paid by the man and next time, the lady pays for 2 dinners. It really depends on what they're comfortable with. When my husband and I were dating, we generally split the bill or took turns paying for each others dinners or lunch. Same with coffee, snacks, etc. It's only fair. Some people are on budgets and getting stuck with the entire bill can get expensive quickly. It's considerate to pay our own way. If either the man or woman insists upon paying the entire bill, each and every time, then that's fine, too especially if they can afford it! There should be a clear understanding about who pays for what from the beginning in order to prevent awkwardness and / or disdain.
    1 point
  11. OMG this guy is so far from ever being a successful "entrepreneur" it's laughable. He's a dreamer, and always will be. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just not your cup of tea and that's ok!! And now him accusing you of being a "commitment phobe" or whatever he accused you of - here we go with the guilt-tripping and gaslighting. Yeah you're afraid of commitment because you want better for yourself than some guy who talks out of both sides of his mouth! deedee, you sound like you have your shyt together, you know what you want (and don't want), you're strong, resilient and you WILL find a man who's on par with your values re career and everything else.
    1 point
  12. Please research codependency. Codependent people are constantly apologizing because they fear being left alone and unloved.
    1 point
  13. I just can't help but think of the first man I dated, post divorce. He was a dreamer and I bought into it for a little while. He kept telling me stories of past jobs, so at some point I asked him if he could account for all of them in writing. I was shocked when he was able to count over 40! The picture became painfully clear. His ex wife was the breadwinner and she left because she grew tired waiting for his ship to come in. Granted, he was a nice guy but between going through a divorce myself and trying to get my balance, who was going to take care of the two of us, if one of us fell? I realized I was better off single and ended it. Fast forward, he almost immediately marries an architect with 5 small kids. With his combined, a total of 7 kids. She has a very lucrative business remodeling homes, primarily kitchens and as no surprise to anyone who knows him, he's now the `office manager.' I smirk when I see his comments on their website promoting (his wife's) business. One would think it was his, but what do I know? (it was an amicable breakup and I was close to his daughters and we are FB friends today) As an adult man he's never been successful at any thing he tried. And he tried a lot. It's just part of his makeup and it's never going to change. I think his wife was grateful he was willing to take on her 5 small children. For them, it works. win/win
    1 point
  14. Because he hasn't always been forthcoming about it and I had to find out myself. Plus he has these two female friends in another country that he sees when he's there for work. And they constantly seem to be trying to hook him up with other people or make jokes about him cheating. Which makes me question what he must have told them about our relationship for them to act this way and basically not acknowledge our relationship
    1 point
  15. So you really only saw each other in person twice. Once was the first meet, which really should have just been a coffee for an hour, closer to where you both live. There was a lot of fantasy build-up here. The fact that he drove an hour, and you two turned it into a 4-hour night, on the first meet, led to some idealization and some projections of perfection, which simply didn't exist. The 2nd date was just that: a 2nd date. A normal, few more hours spent together. But after this, you declared yourselves a "couple" removing your profiles. This is unrealistic. My guess is, it's a combination of a lot of things, but bottom line, he just wasn't into it as much as you are. As much as he says he's not ready to date, he misses his wife, etc., don't be surprised to see him pop back up on the dating site.
    1 point
  16. Gift card to the Movies or Amazon. Can't go wrong. $15/$20 okay. Yes, bring a gift to her party. If you were already invited, and already said yes, don't back out. Worse for her thinking you didn't want to get to know her.
    1 point
  17. My husband was a chef for several years, and then left for school to become a draftsmen which he always wanted to do as a kid. He loves it to no end. Kids are resilient. So even if you take one day to have special time a week, it's great, so don't beat yourself up. I grew up in the restaurant industry with a dad who only had off on Mondays and Thanksgiving (Owned over 5 of them over the years), but I think he's the greatest dad in the wold, so it's okay. Figure out what you want to do. And take steps to get there. Even once class at a time.
    1 point
  18. It seems to me that you disappointed her because you created two opportunities in which you could clarify your intentions and you didn’t. Women, usually are disinterested in guys who don’t even find the courage to show their intentions. Or maybe you made her feel that you are not interested in her, so she broke every contact with you because she was (clearly, maybe) erotically interested in you; but since you weren’t, she decided to seek a potential boyfriend elsewhere. Learn from your mistake and do not repeat it the next time. If you, eventually, meet her again, tell her everything. Tell her that you are erotically interested in her from the first time. Tell her that you should have taken the first step and that you regret not doing it and that you are taking it now. Your chances are 50/50 (I think).
    1 point
  19. Thank you for your feedback, your concerns are duly noted... I totally get and agree with the wisdom of not pressuring kids to accept romantic partners before the relationship has been established.
    1 point
  20. He sounds like a bum. Get yourself a man that has their sht together.
    1 point
  21. Your husband went behind your back and betrayed your trust heavily and shockingly. I don't know how you'd be able to join e back from this sort of betrayal.
    1 point
  22. Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately he gave you the disclaimer upfront that three will be a crowd. Anyone who talks about an ex this much and leads with we are still friends , means that you are in a triad. She's not the problem. Your bf is. He encourages it and then lies about it. They may not get back together but you are a third wheel in their whatever strange relationship.
    1 point
  23. You feel bad about the email. Are you serious! She should have been out of your life, long, ago. She sounds awful! You want to call and apologize after she has spread nasty rumors about you. What are you thinking? Do you not have any other friends? I want to shake you! Your husband has deceived you and been very disrespectful. I strongly suggest marriage counseling, as there is something seriously wrong in your marriage. You apologized to him, too. Ugh. Time to stand up for yourself!
    1 point
  24. How come he has her contact info? Your husband is passive-aggressive. This means he's undermining you. Read up on this and how to deal with these smile in your face snakes.
    1 point
  25. No one has suggested this yet, but she may have also went distant because she was never interested in you romantically in the first place. She may have sensed you wanted more and backed off to discourage you. I would tread carefully here.
    1 point
  26. Both your husband and Jane are disrespectful. I would tell him to stop conspiring behind your back he is YOUR husband not hers. As for her good riddance.
    1 point
  27. So many people I talk to think yoga is the safest exercise there is... and yet I have heard many stories of people overextending muscles in their back, neck and injuring their knees doing yoga, especially hot yoga. I often get lectured on the dangers of CrossFit, however the reality is that any form of exercise can be dangerous if we take it to the extreme! It's important to listen to our bodies no matter what we are doing, even if it's just walking uphill.
    1 point
  28. Ah, some more layers are exposed. So basically you are frustrated with this woman in particular and dating in general because she/dating is not untangling you from your ex, setting you off on the sweet road to moving on. Well, as long as you outsource that work to new women and apps you're likely to stay in this loop. Sounds like it's just time to give yourself some space to continue processing your last relationship, to do that hard but needed untangling on your own. Do that—and you can do it—and you'll be free and open.
    1 point
  29. Hi Peeps, Found something interesting on the net, not sure who the owner is but this can help those going through something similar.. all credits goes to the blogger... Affairs have a way of completely transforming someone you used to trust into individuals incapable of uttering a single syllable without lying. Wandering partners have absolutely no business holding a single shred of your trust for years after discovering an affair. Wandering partners lie, lie some more and continue to lie so they can have what they want from their affair partner. The person you have known in the wandering partner is essentially gone once they have engaged in an affair. Once a wandering partner has stepped onto the yellow brick road of infidelity they are essentially different people. Wandering partners engaged in affairs lie, they weave a web of deceit and they often attempt to justify their actions for the affair after the affair discovered. If you take anything away from this post today it should be this; never trust anything a wandering partner say unless you can personally verify it. My first experience with a cheater was very hard and I was inexperienced in knowing what to do once I knew about the affair. As a good boyfriend and a good person I wanted to believe that my girlfriend was attempting to reform. She looked at me right in the eyes and stated that she wanted our relationship to work and that she would end the relationship with the affair partner. Soon after, the lies began falling like raindrops in a severe thunderstorm. When confronted on these stories I became the problem and she needed space. She needed time apart to think about us. What this actually means is I am messing around with someone else please allow me more time to rub salt on the affair wound. Addressing your concerns with an individual who cannot tell the truth is pointless because they just continue lying and often they believe their own conceited garbage from their mouth. I was soon bombarded with stories of lies, rumors of continued affairs and many of her stories did not add up to what she was telling me. What I want to convey for those individuals possibly experiencing infidelity for the first time is not to be lulled by a smooth talking wandering partner and do not let your guard down for a minute. I made this mistake in my attempt at reconciliation. I believed the first round of apologies and attempted reconciliation. As time went on and I had a few weeks of no major events in my relationship I became passive in my fact checking and slid back into the relationship as it used to be. I stumbled across more information weeks later that if I had fact checked her whereabouts weeks earlier I would have known she was lying and seeing her affair partner again. Wandering partners are very skilled at presenting a deceptive reconciliation. They say all the right things but many relationships have been violated by a false sense of security presented by an underhanded selfish wandering partner. It is easy to lie to the betrayed partner for the wandering partner because they have been so good at it for weeks, months and even years. Betrayed partners working towards reconciliation want to believe that the relationship is heading back in a positive direction and the wandering partner witnessing what they have done to the betrayed partner would not return to the affair partner once the affair is discovered; right? Wrong! The words of wandering partner mean little until their behaviors begin to change. A wandering partner focused on remorse, empathy and working together with the betrayed partner to repair the relationship is the only way that trust can be restored in some manner. A wandering partner interested in repairing the relationship opens up their life with full transparency and routinely asks what they need to do to assist in the process of reconciliation not attempting to cover aspects of their life. A wandering partner often has to work years to fully repair trust in a relationship they have broken and work towards proving they are worth the effort towards reconciliation. A wandering partner is willing to follow the entire itinerary set forth by the betrayed partner and doing whatever it is that will make the betrayed partner feel safe and secure. Despite these measures from a remorseful wandering partner the betrayed partner should fact check everything and verify all loose ends for quite some time. Link: http://goodbyecheaters.blogspot.com/
    1 point
  30. Kids (actually we all, I guess) always expect something on a bday celebration, so I think would be nice to get her something small, maybe a board game, some book, a small set of Legos if her dad says she is into it or a gift card. It will be nice and polite and not pushy at all since it's her bday. Good luck!
    1 point
  31. What he is doing to you is exactly what you did to him when he went away. It sounds like you bombarded him with texts (because you were insecure about his partying) and accused him of not giving a crap about you. While he was away you gave him nothing but grief. Now it is the other way around. You are feeling the way he felt. You are as bad as each other. Time for some good old fashioned communication. Doesn't sound like have any of it between you.
    1 point
  32. Agreed that this guy is not your friend. There is no love or respect in taking someone THAT drunk, who is clearly in an emotional state, to a parking lot to have sex with them. Technically, legally, if you were drunk to the point that your shoes were on the wrong feet, you cannot consent in this state. Even if you are the one to initiate. Frankly, I also question the «friends» you were drinking with. I would never let one of my girlfriends leave with some guy that we didn’t all know and trust. It’s up to you whether it’s something you want to pursue legally - but I do not share the view that it was your fault. I do think that it would make sense to find a counselor of some sort to help sort out all of the feelings, etc regardless. I’m sorry this happened :(
    1 point
  33. What you're feeling is shame for getting yourself into such a state. What's done is done. No he shouldn't have taken advantage of your drunken state, but you shouldn't have gotten yourself into such a reckless state to begin with. Allot of it is on you for consenting to it because you knew what you were doing. There is nothing you can do about it now, but learn from your mistake. In a way, you were lucky it was him and not some stranger that could've killed you in that state.
    1 point
  34. 1 point
  35. A decent guy would not have taken you a freakin' WalMart parking lot to have sex when you're clearly drunk out of your mind, no. He is no friend, make no mistake. But I have many questions - why did you ask him to bring you drinks to begin with? Why were you crying beforehand? How well do you actually know this man?
    1 point
  36. The only issue with the jewelry is that it might not be to her taste. I do like the craft kit idea, though.
    1 point
  37. OP, my ex was diagnosed BPD. By two different psychiatrists. An online quiz isn't going to do anything but confirm what you already know to be volatile and unhealthy behaviour. What do you intend to do with the results? Show her and try to convince her that she suffers from this personality disorder? Because let me tell you, you are not likely to get anywhere with that. What is it you feel a quiz can do for you? I get the extreme ups and downs you're describing. The difference is that I only stuck around for about a year before I finally called it a day. I couldn't do it anymore, and needed to take accountability for my own choices. I had more power to direct my own life than I realized. Rather than waiting and hoping he'd finally seek treatment (he didn't) I did what I needed to do and parted ways. You don't need internet quizzes to remind you how unhappy you are or how toxic this situation is. You don't need to wait for some "drastic" moment to end it. The longer you delay the break-up, the more you are prolonging your own unhappiness. You have a responsibility towards yourself, too.
    1 point
  38. I agree with this. Personally, I’d go with a small gift rather than a gift card. Not that there is anything wrong with a gift card... but a small gift is something you can connect and talk about. Especially - if you’ve met her - something you noticed she might like. I was going to suggest fake/fun costume jewelry as well if she’s girly, or my goddaughters loved those crafty kits you can buy to make keychains or bracelets or whatever.
    1 point
  39. If you want some gift ideas for a 10 year old girl, I'd suggest flavored lip gloss (no tint), and if her dad says she likes to read, a book. I think they still sell The Babysitters' Club series or any book that would appeal to a pre-teen. They also have cute, cheap jewelry at Claire's if you have any of those stores in a nearby mall. I think it's a little more fun to receive a small gift than money.
    1 point
  40. Please please please recognize you are an active participant. You take the drivers seat in this as much as she does, you are not a victim of her and you could leave at any point and if she is as you are describing and you recognize it and stay anyway you neeed to look within not at her, she’s going to be who she is but you have the power to fix you. Please remember that. also make sure you’re looking up codependence.
    1 point
  41. The reason she reaches out to him is simple: Because he responds. He can say all day long that she's only trying to be nice to check in on his dad, or that she's lonely, or that she's blue with purple spots. Doesn't matter. What matters is, he responds. If he's really on that good of terms with her, why doesn't he invite you, so that the 3 of you go grab a drink together? Thought not.
    1 point
  42. I'd leave it and if she contacts you then consider whether or not you're still wanting to bother with her. I think it's a given that if someone cancels and doesn't reschedule that you just write them off as flakes. If she's interested she'll contact you.
    1 point
  43. Did you ask him why he responds to her? If I were him and I had broken up with her I would probably just ignore her so that she would have a good reason to move on and find some other guy to keep her occupied.
    1 point
  44. Great advice -I'd do exactly this.
    1 point
  45. It would be a gracious gesture to bring a modest, inexpensive gift such as what you had suggested. I never show up empty-handed either.
    1 point
  46. I'm happy I'm not alone in this, maybe I'm just too old school for this Tinder thing.
    1 point
  47. I would definitely get her something (nothing extreme, but as you suggested, a simple gift card worth a modest amount is a great idea). Since you were invited to participate in part of her birthday celebration, I think the proper etiquette would be to get her something. I can’t imagine showing up empty-handed. I don’t think it could be interpreted as you attempting to buy her affection. It would only seem this way if your birthday present was extreme/extravagant, and your birthday gift idea sounds pretty reasonable. You’re just practicing good etiquette, if you ask me. It’s thoughtful.
    1 point
  48. So basically you decided your gf wasn't good enough for you "at your level" so you were open to meeting a replacement but unwilling to cut her loose so she could do the same. That is harsh wouldn't you say? By the way you weren't double dating, you were cheating. Most cheaters hardly every come out and speak plainly and factually about what they have done so don't feel bad. Until you can be brutally honest with yourself why you thought you valued her so little that cheating on her was okay then this will happen again. She also needs to value herself enough to walk away from any man that doesn't love her for who she is and not what her career choice is at that moment. I seriously doubt this can be saved because both of you have not faced the hard truths. From an outsider looking in I simply don't think you two are compatible enough for the long haul. The cheating was just proof that there is no true love between you, just love of convenience. Best to end this so you both can learn and grow and hopefully one day meet the person that is right for you. Lost
    1 point
  49. You're seriously making an issue out of contacts? He absolutely needed to go home because he would have to take them out and put them in specialised case with solution. Complaining about this is so petty.
    1 point
  50. I don't get why you'd keep dating him after discovering he had a "dead end job" you obviously hold to little regard. A lot of people willingly take on a cashier, server, or whomever as a partner with the accepted notion they'd end up being the caregiver / stay-at-home. That's quite obviously not something you'd consider, and that's fair enough.. But it's perplexing why you'd choose to keep seeing a guy working minimum wage when you admonish the idea of being the breadwinner. Dump him. In the future, do so before you've got time served as a bad excuse to disrespect your partner for the sake of not asserting your own standards.
    1 point
This leaderboard is set to New York/GMT-04:00
×
×
  • Create New...