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Showing content with the highest reputation on 03/26/2019 in all areas

  1. I'll only speak for myself as each person is different in their likes and dislikes on potential dates. I know that when I was in community college, a guy named Doug I was interested in kept asking me to do things like playing racket ball with 2 other guys. On all these outings, I couldn't tell if I was his buddy or not. Even when we did one on one things, he didn't make any move like holding my hand or kissing me, so I was really frustrated. At a party, another guy was paying attention to me and he got jealous and started arguing with the guy. I don't know what the issue was, but the other guy
    3 points
  2. Stay away from her permanently. The fact she appealed to your husband is disgusting and that your husband engaged in trashing you is unbelievable.
    2 points
  3. Wow. The actions your husband took were incredibly unsupportive and borderline cruel. Why would he engage with a woman who was going out of her way to discredit you? I am a strong believer that in marriage, partners should be fiercely loyal to each other. Blowing off steam from time to time may be necessary, but not to your enemy! Are there other issues present in your marriage? I find his behavior so incredibly offputting and your need to invade his privacy to be huge red flags that the relationship is unhealthy. I don't understand how you recover from this type of invalidation, espe
    2 points
  4. Your husband has crossed the line here. He has shown you great disrespect by saying negative things about you to someone whom he knew you were having difficulties with. I don't know if your marriage is broken, but you certainly need to have a little 'coming to Jesus' session with him about it.
    2 points
  5. I'm gong to second option 4. And I don't toss that out easily. I'm all for forgiveness, all for the idea of two people going through fires, disconnecting, reconnecting, carving out some wild path together. But reading what you wrote a pretty simple question came to my mind: What, exactly, are you getting out of this relationship? Not what it once was, or what it could be in your head, or what you can will it into with more patience, but what are you getting now? I mean, do you think your gf is awake at 2am, turning this stuff around in her mind the way you are? Do you even feel that yo
    1 point
  6. Thanks for the reply. People do often tell me I'm too nice, and I know I am, but I also know that people do make mistakes. Thanks again :)
    1 point
  7. Wow, you are the most tolerant partner on the planet, and I am sorry this has happened to you. I would suggest Number 4. She disrespected you & your relationship by having an affair, got caught, promised to cut him off & now you find out she is still in contact. She likes the attention & lies to you about cutting him off. I honestly think there is nothing left once all trust is gone.
    1 point
  8. I’m always hesitant to jump to “leave him” when there is a family and small children involved... I mean... I guess it’s possible that he was watching porn and was curious about what she charged or something... What is your relationship like? Have you ever had a reason not to trust him before? How’s your sex life? My advice would be to - yes - definitely get an STD test but also to go to marriage counseling (non-negotiable). You definitely have some stuff to work through (feelings, broken trust, betrayal, etc) - and a therapist can help you determine the next steps (which may or may not b
    1 point
  9. Absolutely , trying to contract someone for sex is cheating. It doesn’t matter at all that he planned on not going through with it . He still thought about cheating and planned it and talked to her about it. Personally ,you should have an STD check and I would tell him to pack his bags .
    1 point
  10. You need to let this guy go so he can have all the freedom he desires. It's time for a breakup. Obviously, his loyalty and devotion are not focused on you. You deserve a man who knows how to treat you with respect.
    1 point
  11. 3 months in and you are reliant on him to reassure you, when you should be using your coping skills to self soothe yourself. I have anxiety. I've dated someone with anxiety. I totally understand how it challenges relationships. Your anxiety is your issue to deal with. His texting less while at the same time starting a new job is very much to be expected. Instead of handling your anxiety you reached out to him to make it better. There wasn't enough of a foundation created for either of you to support each others mental health issues. Personally, having anxiety myself cause
    1 point
  12. It's very individual. As long as your son's date is agreeable with "going dutch" (splitting the bill), then both sides cooperate with this arrangement. I don't think it's a turn off for women. I've known some boyfriend-girlfriend relationships where they take turns paying the bill. Dinner for 2 is paid by the man and next time, the lady pays for 2 dinners. It really depends on what they're comfortable with. When my husband and I were dating, we generally split the bill or took turns paying for each others dinners or lunch. Same with coffee, snacks, etc. It's only fair. Some people
    1 point
  13. OMG this guy is so far from ever being a successful "entrepreneur" it's laughable. He's a dreamer, and always will be. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just not your cup of tea and that's ok!! And now him accusing you of being a "commitment phobe" or whatever he accused you of - here we go with the guilt-tripping and gaslighting. Yeah you're afraid of commitment because you want better for yourself than some guy who talks out of both sides of his mouth! deedee, you sound like you have your shyt together, you know what you want (and don't want), you're strong, resil
    1 point
  14. Please research codependency. Codependent people are constantly apologizing because they fear being left alone and unloved.
    1 point
  15. I just can't help but think of the first man I dated, post divorce. He was a dreamer and I bought into it for a little while. He kept telling me stories of past jobs, so at some point I asked him if he could account for all of them in writing. I was shocked when he was able to count over 40! The picture became painfully clear. His ex wife was the breadwinner and she left because she grew tired waiting for his ship to come in. Granted, he was a nice guy but between going through a divorce myself and trying to get my balance, who was going to take care of the two of us, if one of us fe
    1 point
  16. I disagree with all of this. He shouldn’t have told you about the woman coming onto him. That was oversharing and has done nothing but make you more insecure. A good man would’ve immediately shut her down and removed himself from the situation. No need to make you stress about it. And while he can’t control other people’s behaviors, he can absolutely control the situations he puts himself in and the way he’s perceived. Clearly he made this girl feel like she had a shot, otherwise she would not have confessed her feelings. A woman doesn’t just admit an undying love to a man that she knows
    1 point
  17. Because he hasn't always been forthcoming about it and I had to find out myself. Plus he has these two female friends in another country that he sees when he's there for work. And they constantly seem to be trying to hook him up with other people or make jokes about him cheating. Which makes me question what he must have told them about our relationship for them to act this way and basically not acknowledge our relationship
    1 point
  18. So you really only saw each other in person twice. Once was the first meet, which really should have just been a coffee for an hour, closer to where you both live. There was a lot of fantasy build-up here. The fact that he drove an hour, and you two turned it into a 4-hour night, on the first meet, led to some idealization and some projections of perfection, which simply didn't exist. The 2nd date was just that: a 2nd date. A normal, few more hours spent together. But after this, you declared yourselves a "couple" removing your profiles. This is unrealistic. My guess is,
    1 point
  19. My son is 10 and loves gift cards and being able to buy what he wants(he's also always loved coins and money). I would do a gift card and a small treat if she is not allergic to anything, etc.
    1 point
  20. All you need to know is that you haven't done anything wrong. You never did anything wrong. Your husband and that evil witch have been deceptive and cruel to you. Don't ever apologise to either of them. Never speak to Jane again, you don't owe her anything. I'd consider your future with him too because if he genuinely loved you he wouldn't go behind your back like that. My husband would never ever do something like that to me. Have peace of mind by knowing you're not the bad guy. You're a good person.
    1 point
  21. My husband was a chef for several years, and then left for school to become a draftsmen which he always wanted to do as a kid. He loves it to no end. Kids are resilient. So even if you take one day to have special time a week, it's great, so don't beat yourself up. I grew up in the restaurant industry with a dad who only had off on Mondays and Thanksgiving (Owned over 5 of them over the years), but I think he's the greatest dad in the wold, so it's okay. Figure out what you want to do. And take steps to get there. Even once class at a time.
    1 point
  22. It seems to me that you disappointed her because you created two opportunities in which you could clarify your intentions and you didn’t. Women, usually are disinterested in guys who don’t even find the courage to show their intentions. Or maybe you made her feel that you are not interested in her, so she broke every contact with you because she was (clearly, maybe) erotically interested in you; but since you weren’t, she decided to seek a potential boyfriend elsewhere. Learn from your mistake and do not repeat it the next time. If you, eventually, meet her again, tell her every
    1 point
  23. He sounds like a bum. Get yourself a man that has their sht together.
    1 point
  24. Your husband went behind your back and betrayed your trust heavily and shockingly. I don't know how you'd be able to join e back from this sort of betrayal.
    1 point
  25. Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately he gave you the disclaimer upfront that three will be a crowd. Anyone who talks about an ex this much and leads with we are still friends , means that you are in a triad. She's not the problem. Your bf is. He encourages it and then lies about it. They may not get back together but you are a third wheel in their whatever strange relationship.
    1 point
  26. How come he has her contact info? Your husband is passive-aggressive. This means he's undermining you. Read up on this and how to deal with these smile in your face snakes.
    1 point
  27. Both your husband and Jane are disrespectful. I would tell him to stop conspiring behind your back he is YOUR husband not hers. As for her good riddance.
    1 point
  28. So many people I talk to think yoga is the safest exercise there is... and yet I have heard many stories of people overextending muscles in their back, neck and injuring their knees doing yoga, especially hot yoga. I often get lectured on the dangers of CrossFit, however the reality is that any form of exercise can be dangerous if we take it to the extreme! It's important to listen to our bodies no matter what we are doing, even if it's just walking uphill.
    1 point
  29. Apparently the position is called "hollowback handstand." Didn't know the name until now, but saw my wife attempting that **** awhile back and put an end to that right away. There's zero reason to position your head like that, beneath a significant amount of weight and kinetic energy should your abs give out and you roll posterially like a Swiss cake roll. I can near guarantee that's what happened, resulting in the pressing and hyper-extension of her neck and the tearing of the artery, as SL mentions above. All it takes is one time, and the lady is fortunate. Accidents and injuries can
    1 point
  30. Good advice from the therapist. Much as we want closure to come from the person, it never really happens that way. It comes from within, one of those awful but true aphorisms, and something we get by leaning into that sadness, letting it pass through us, and realizing that we are resilient enough to handle it and come out on the other side. Been in your shoes plenty, as have most. There is a certain power that comes from holding onto anger, but it's a false power and one that, ultimately, keep us from moving forward, opening up again. Best of luck with the process. It's a tough one,
    1 point
  31. Ah, some more layers are exposed. So basically you are frustrated with this woman in particular and dating in general because she/dating is not untangling you from your ex, setting you off on the sweet road to moving on. Well, as long as you outsource that work to new women and apps you're likely to stay in this loop. Sounds like it's just time to give yourself some space to continue processing your last relationship, to do that hard but needed untangling on your own. Do that—and you can do it—and you'll be free and open.
    1 point
  32. In my opinion, you don’t sound ready to date again. You should be free of any feelings about your past relationships before stepping back out there. It can be unforgiving and you need a thicker skin - as I’m finding out myself and I was completely over my ex of 16yrs.
    1 point
  33. Hi Peeps, Found something interesting on the net, not sure who the owner is but this can help those going through something similar.. all credits goes to the blogger... Affairs have a way of completely transforming someone you used to trust into individuals incapable of uttering a single syllable without lying. Wandering partners have absolutely no business holding a single shred of your trust for years after discovering an affair. Wandering partners lie, lie some more and continue to lie so they can have what they want from their affair partner. The person you have known in the w
    1 point
  34. Kids (actually we all, I guess) always expect something on a bday celebration, so I think would be nice to get her something small, maybe a board game, some book, a small set of Legos if her dad says she is into it or a gift card. It will be nice and polite and not pushy at all since it's her bday. Good luck!
    1 point
  35. What he is doing to you is exactly what you did to him when he went away. It sounds like you bombarded him with texts (because you were insecure about his partying) and accused him of not giving a crap about you. While he was away you gave him nothing but grief. Now it is the other way around. You are feeling the way he felt. You are as bad as each other. Time for some good old fashioned communication. Doesn't sound like have any of it between you.
    1 point
  36. Exactly what I was saying. Not to harp on it, but I see it a lot on this forum, the extraordinarily high expectations of strangers and a venomous attitude when they fall short. Generally speaking, it's a really good skill to be able to allow others a margin of error—room to be, you know, human. Not only does it make dating easier, but it makes the thing most of us date to find—an actual relationship—easier too. Some of my best dates—including with the person I've been seeing for a bit—came about after a few cancelations. Life being life, people being people. The quicker you are to close
    1 point
  37. What you're feeling is shame for getting yourself into such a state. What's done is done. No he shouldn't have taken advantage of your drunken state, but you shouldn't have gotten yourself into such a reckless state to begin with. Allot of it is on you for consenting to it because you knew what you were doing. There is nothing you can do about it now, but learn from your mistake. In a way, you were lucky it was him and not some stranger that could've killed you in that state.
    1 point
  38. A decent guy would not have taken you a freakin' WalMart parking lot to have sex when you're clearly drunk out of your mind, no. He is no friend, make no mistake. But I have many questions - why did you ask him to bring you drinks to begin with? Why were you crying beforehand? How well do you actually know this man?
    1 point
  39. The only issue with the jewelry is that it might not be to her taste. I do like the craft kit idea, though.
    1 point
  40. OP, my ex was diagnosed BPD. By two different psychiatrists. An online quiz isn't going to do anything but confirm what you already know to be volatile and unhealthy behaviour. What do you intend to do with the results? Show her and try to convince her that she suffers from this personality disorder? Because let me tell you, you are not likely to get anywhere with that. What is it you feel a quiz can do for you? I get the extreme ups and downs you're describing. The difference is that I only stuck around for about a year before I finally called it a day. I couldn't do it anymore, and n
    1 point
  41. I agree with this. Personally, I’d go with a small gift rather than a gift card. Not that there is anything wrong with a gift card... but a small gift is something you can connect and talk about. Especially - if you’ve met her - something you noticed she might like. I was going to suggest fake/fun costume jewelry as well if she’s girly, or my goddaughters loved those crafty kits you can buy to make keychains or bracelets or whatever.
    1 point
  42. If you want some gift ideas for a 10 year old girl, I'd suggest flavored lip gloss (no tint), and if her dad says she likes to read, a book. I think they still sell The Babysitters' Club series or any book that would appeal to a pre-teen. They also have cute, cheap jewelry at Claire's if you have any of those stores in a nearby mall. I think it's a little more fun to receive a small gift than money.
    1 point
  43. The reason she reaches out to him is simple: Because he responds. He can say all day long that she's only trying to be nice to check in on his dad, or that she's lonely, or that she's blue with purple spots. Doesn't matter. What matters is, he responds. If he's really on that good of terms with her, why doesn't he invite you, so that the 3 of you go grab a drink together? Thought not.
    1 point
  44. Did you ask him why he responds to her? If I were him and I had broken up with her I would probably just ignore her so that she would have a good reason to move on and find some other guy to keep her occupied.
    1 point
  45. Great advice -I'd do exactly this.
    1 point
  46. Yay to everything moving along! Can very much relate to the shoes your in, as I'm in similar ones myself, right down to the time table and (at least for me) my first experience in dating someone with a child. But, yes, get her something! It's a bday, you're invited, everyone will appreciate it. And, of course, no need for it to be some massive gesture. Just a small, thoughtful gift. I'm sure her dad will say as much if you run it by him, and will appreciate you showing effort in navigating it all. Excited for you!
    1 point
  47. So basically you decided your gf wasn't good enough for you "at your level" so you were open to meeting a replacement but unwilling to cut her loose so she could do the same. That is harsh wouldn't you say? By the way you weren't double dating, you were cheating. Most cheaters hardly every come out and speak plainly and factually about what they have done so don't feel bad. Until you can be brutally honest with yourself why you thought you valued her so little that cheating on her was okay then this will happen again. She also needs to value herself enough to walk away from any m
    1 point
  48. Forget family vacation and get your apartment.
    1 point
  49. You're seriously making an issue out of contacts? He absolutely needed to go home because he would have to take them out and put them in specialised case with solution. Complaining about this is so petty.
    1 point
  50. I don't get why you'd keep dating him after discovering he had a "dead end job" you obviously hold to little regard. A lot of people willingly take on a cashier, server, or whomever as a partner with the accepted notion they'd end up being the caregiver / stay-at-home. That's quite obviously not something you'd consider, and that's fair enough.. But it's perplexing why you'd choose to keep seeing a guy working minimum wage when you admonish the idea of being the breadwinner. Dump him. In the future, do so before you've got time served as a bad excuse to disrespect your partner for the
    1 point
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