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Showing content with the highest reputation on 11/18/2018 in all areas

  1. You should have asked three months in. If I had gotten the answer you did, I would have moved on. If he did not know how he felt in three months months, it wasn't going to go further. You are not unlucky, you simply choose and STAY with the wrong people. Be a better dater and expect more.
    1 point
  2. You've been dating him for two minutes lol it shouldn't be this complicated, 3 weeks of in person time and two months of dating in total is barely passed infatuation soooo relax. Yes, 5 weeks of no in person hangouts IS way over the top regardless of how busy someone is. But ya know...Should have noticed the glaring red flags initially- love bombing is never a good sign. It's alarming and scary...But you seem to like the attention.
    1 point
  3. Eh, I used to feel that I had to have a phone conversation. And then, after about, oh dozens of awful in-person meets after great phone calls, I decided to just skip straight to the meet. I've had literally hundreds of online dates, several relationships, etc. What I've learned is that is simply no substitute for in-person chemistry. Has nothing to do with safety. You still meet in a public place, blah blah blah. Whether you had a delightful phone call or not, the safety issue is the same. But no, I'd rather just get to face-to-face, as quickly as possible.
    1 point
  4. People who love each other want to be together as much as possible and people who love each other in a healthful way also love themselves and are able to balance self-care with other-care/being with other people including their partners. When you date an ambitious, intelligent person (which you said you wanted) then sometimes being together might mean being in the same room but you're both teleworking or doing your own thing -maybe one of you is working, the other is reading a book/watching TV, etc. I actually don't think you want to be with him as much as possible. I think you want him to
    1 point
  5. ^^^ Please define he "goes quiet". What do you mean by that? Does he go days, weeks, without contacting you? Or does he shut down and avoid talking? Or something else? The answer to that question will help define my advice to you.
    1 point
  6. Sorry this is happening. Seriously consider moving back home if he's going to hold this over your head during arguments. Why did you move in with him? He can't just how you out, he has to give you written notice. Did you get a lease agreement? Or a cohabitation agreement? What are you paying for there? Yes it's his place and he can ask you to leave, with proper notice. Keep in mind living together is not a step toward anything, it's convenient sex and half the bills.
    1 point
  7. All of this is so inappropriate. She also talks to him about your problems. Yikes. She will go back to him. She is Still in love with him. You need to end this. Fast! She is playing you for a fool!
    1 point
  8. Horse by Kwstas papadopoulos, on Flickr
    1 point
  9. My mom has a family like this. You know what made her have peace of mind over it? Cutting them all off. It infuriated them that she was no longer around to abuse. If they're toxic, they're toxic. Get rid of them completely. Family is who you choose to surround yourself with.
    1 point
  10. This is great... don't play "victim" and campaign against them to your friends and family any more, and don't rely on them changing their ways in order to move forward in your life. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions.
    1 point
  11. I'd consider it in my own best interests to avoid the roller-coaster of extremes. That means finding my own balance. I can be kind whenever someone reaches out or our paths cross, but I don't need to invest in outcomes. So that also means skipping social media drama or concerns about whether their opinion of me on any given day is hot or cold. I'd maintain the distance with that stuff that I've created in the last year, and I would not discuss my sibs with anyone--good or bad--because anything said can be misinterpreted or carried into gossip territory by the pot-stirrers in the family or comm
    1 point
  12. My brothers have taught me so much, spoiled me, loved me to bits and pieces, and would do anything for me. My MIL is a horrendous person who spreads rumors, and alienates everyone with her narcissistic behavior. I haven't spoken to her in 7 years. I speak and spend time with my brothers reguarly. When someone or family is an a-hole to you, it doesn't matter blood related you are. Your siblings won't take accountability for the pain they've caused and didn't stand up for you. Forget them. Just don't write back or answer their calls. There's no book in the world that says you have to
    1 point
  13. Feeling for you, budddy. What you’re feeling now? It has a simple diagnosis: it’s called being a human, and this is the sharp edge to all the awesomeness. It sucks, yeah. But you’re so not alone. 2.5 months is an eyelash, the sneeze of a flea on the breakup radar. Feel what you need to feel—no rush. Sure, you’re probably picking at the scab a bit through contact, but you know this: you’ve been to the rodeo before. You’ll start cutting that down when you’re ready to get over her. Right now you’re simply not, and that’s okay. It’s a place to sit. The most scalding of baths turn warm,
    1 point
  14. It's a theory that people only do things that reward them in some way. Even in unhealthy addictive behaviors, there is some sort of payoff. If there wasn't a payoff, they wouldn't be doing them. An alcoholics payoff might be that they don't have to face some uncomfortable feelings that haven't dealt with, for example. I guess that could be a question for you. You recognize that your attachment to this guy is unhealthy. What might the payoff or benefit be? It's not an easy question to answer and takes some time and self reflection. I'll give you maybe one answer. It might
    1 point
  15. Wow, your response is very interesting to me. I’m not a therapist obviously, but I have been through my own personal therapy. I switched therapists because I originally had a therapist who did nothing but say something similar to what you said. That’s not to say that he was a bad therapist, because he wasn’t, he was just much more of a listener who threw our soothing words and I needed actual actions I could take to heal. Talk is cheap. Thanks for telling me I’ll be ok, but if I’m dealing with trauma that ain’t gonna cut it, that’s been my expierience and I doubt it will cut it for you.
    1 point
  16. I am late to this thread, OP, and first let me apologize that I haven't been able to read through it all, which normally something of this complexity and nuance requires, to register incisive comments. You also are clearly a deep and provocative thinker, so even moreso I don't know if this contribution will do your thread justice. Perhaps then, I will just stick to some sharing, more broadly, of things I have learned which you might apply here. I can completely relate to the draw to those who seem to be fighting demons in a proactive way. Is this what's referred to as "shade"? I think
    1 point
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