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Showing content with the highest reputation on 11/14/2018 in all areas

  1. OP has had 1,001 complaints over the 9-word text. Being addressed as beautiful wasn't one of them. It's an issue if you think enough to make it one, but no one with healthy dating expectations is getting put off by someone they've actually met and who they're interested in asking them out with a very mildly flirty demeanor. I generally avoid the phrase, but it really is one of those examples of it only being creepy if you don't like the person. I think some of us are wearing their third-party hats a little too tight.
    2 points
  2. Hello everyone, I've been here for a near next week. For those of you that are new and don't know me, I had a breakup that was just as bad as the one you're probably going through. In short my girlfriend of 3 years who with making plans with me to buy a house and get married had been cheating on me for about 3 months. In my heart I knew she was the one I'd spend my life with. I was even willing to forgive her transgression. I broke up with her immediately but realized she was still the one I wanted to spend my life with. we kept talking, ending with her finally saying a couple weeks later that she wanted to be alone and needed to be single and that her behavior was the result of her one thing to try the single life. It was obviously an excuse, but in my fragile state I couldn't see through her BS. I suffered for a long time constantly checking her Facebook, watching videos and games at getting back with your ex and going to sleep every night having dreams of reconciliation. It wasn't until I look at her Instagram on New Year's Day and discovered she was in a new relationship, complete with pictures of the new happy couple and several dagger lines about a new start fresh beginnings, and have the best was yet to come. I was miserable. I even considered checking myself into a mental health facility at my own cost just to be away from the social media I knew I was addicted to looking at and a strong desire to reach out and call her, and find some magical cure that would bring us back together and give me back what I thought we had. Around February of this year I went on Tinder, went on a few dates, I met some nice people but my heart was not theirs to have. After a couple of weeks I realized I was only hoping that she would see me with someone new get jealous and want me back. Friends and my conscience told me that was unhealthy and I decided to suffer on my own until I was ready to have a mature adult relationship again, whenever that may be. I focused on my time on avoiding her at all cost, and I built up a nice streak with no contact which was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but looking back was easily the most rewarding aspect of my journey. This June I met an amazing woman and we hit it off immediately. We were instantly very attracted to one another and couldn't get enough of one another. As time went on our bond only grew stronger and as we got to know each other I thought about my ex and the pain I had felt less and less. I remember how slowly the days past following the breakup and with each setback. However, these last 5 months have flown by in a blink. Coming up on the one-year anniversary I can finally say that I believe I'm Healed. I share this story to let everyone else in my position a year ago that the best is in fact yet to come for you. You are an amazing person and you're worth all the love another human being can give to you. Make sure that you're receiving it from the right person, the person deserving of Your Love in return. I recently watched a video that discussed the regrets people had on their deathbeds. Top five, was settling for the wrong partner, or making bad romantic decisions in general. You may have lost an unfit partner, but more importantly you've lost a regret, and long-term regrets are far worse than heartbreak. Good luck to all of you, you're going to be just fine. Tomorrow will be a better day than today was, but it's going to take tomorrow for you to realize it. Just as a footnote for anyone that's interested, my ex did finally reach out to me in September. Turns out she had been looking at my social media and decided to send out a message gloating about the new house she just bought with her new boyfriend of well under a year. This message came less than a couple of days after updating my profile picture to include myself and my new girlfriend. Of all the things I had wanted to say to her both positive and negative in the months leading up to that moment, my response was merely to smile and feel good about myself, because I no longer cared. Our roles has finally changed with her possibly being the pursuer and I the one moving on. I do wish her well, both and her new relationship as a homeowner and as a human being, but I have no interest and having her in my life.
    1 point
  3. Methinks youre doing it again. Romanticizing something that simply doesn't rise to the occasion. Dont get me wrong, its possible you feel things arent finished because they truly arent. But its also possible, she wants what she cant have and once she gets her toy back it'll be right back to the games. Its possible you both have this once in a lifetime love blossoming and you just need to see eye to eye. But its also possible, you are seeing things through rose tinted lenses because you dont want to let this go even though its the right choice. I dont know the reality, like I said, things are just too muddied with pretty words. I do wish you luck though.
    1 point
  4. Ya. It's called a forum. Kind of the point.
    1 point
  5. Perhaps but posters constantly challenge me too (before I do), so I respond. And I don't see it as "challenging" - just giving my opinion/perspective, again as we all do and have been doing on this thread and others. Can we please put this to rest now Sherry? I think enough has been said. If you have further to say to me, please send me a PM. Thank you.
    1 point
  6. I'd consider it in my own best interests to avoid the roller-coaster of extremes. That means finding my own balance. I can be kind whenever someone reaches out or our paths cross, but I don't need to invest in outcomes. So that also means skipping social media drama or concerns about whether their opinion of me on any given day is hot or cold. I'd maintain the distance with that stuff that I've created in the last year, and I would not discuss my sibs with anyone--good or bad--because anything said can be misinterpreted or carried into gossip territory by the pot-stirrers in the family or community. Over time, my kindness might be reciprocated or it may not. Mine speaks of me, and anyone else's speaks of them--NOT me. I would not extend 'help' that involves advice of any kind, because that positions you badly no matter how things play out: if you're 'wrong' it's held against you, and if you're right, you'll either get no credit and get hurt feelings from that, or you'll otherwise risk being misinterpreted in some way. So skip 'advice,' and just offer support 'in spirit', instead. I would not extend 'help' financially or in any way that involves carrying communication or offering opinions. Instead, I'd respond to any given sib's statements with, "What do YOU think about that?" or "What do YOU want to do about that?" I would limit my 'help' to activities like help with household projects, or meal prep or whatever. I tend to stay out of trouble when I keep my mouth shut and my hands busy. I would NOT make the price of doing business with me admission of guilt or seeking apologies from the past. Either someone grows to recognize that stuff on their own, or they don't. They'll either volunteer that or not. No argument in the world will ever change that, and neither will campaigning for other family members to be on 'my side'. I'd skip that stuff. Head high.
    1 point
  7. Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing. Are you attracted to "bad boys?" Guys that are kind of rough both on the outside and on the inside. Do they seem more exciting than nice guys with jobs and stable lives? Are you meeting them in pubs rather than through work or at social events? You're only 23, so I can see they may seem more exciting than normal guys, but you pay for it in terms of the trouble they give you. And when you say "acting out," do you mean your current boyfriend is violent or argumentative? I think if you go out and meet a nice guy, a lot of your problems will go away.
    1 point
  8. At two months in, it should be infatuation, with love taking longer to grow. But in my opinion, the infatuation should involve looking at her and thinking, "Oh my God, she is so beautiful." And that you have pangs of lust, at times, when you two touch, caress, hug, kiss, or she looks at you in a particular way. If those things aren't happening, then yes, the chemistry is lacking and you'll be settling if you stay.
    1 point
  9. Is there a troll hell in your belief system? πŸ˜ΎπŸ’€πŸ€•πŸ˜±πŸ€¬πŸ˜ΌπŸ¦ŠπŸ²πŸ–πŸ­
    1 point
  10. One of boyfriend was in 3,000 pounds worth of debt. I hadn't known this at the time. Was something that came to light 4 months into the relationship. I didn't think much of it as we all make mistakes and learn from them. 2 years down the line... Did he learn? No! He had been paying it off. But had also been spending like crazy doing things with friends ect. While I was making "cheap dates" and paying for dinners for him. All that jazz. He became a financial burden! We eventually broke up as I couldn't "support" him anymore. As I ended up finding out he has started using his credit card again. By the time I left he owed our 5k. Like you I am very particular with my money. I'm saving for my future! Being with him I wasn't able to do that. I wasted a lot of money behind him. Please do not do that to yourself! You are not compatible. She is a spender! People like that never really learn. Should you find someone else? Totally! This person is someone you can possibly plan a future with. It will hurt to end it to begin with. It hurt for me to walk away from my boyfriend at the time. Guess what... Does not hurt now. I feel so much better for it. Last I heard he is still in debt... In the same situation I left him in. If I had stayed I would have had to deal with that too.
    1 point
  11. Last week you contacted me from an unblocked email asking to meet for coffee...yeah right. You want to suck me back in to the toxicity. I deleted it and blocked that email too. Three years...heck, MORE than three years and you're still at it. I have been NC this entire time but you just don't get it. You can't control yourself and never could. You never could accept someone not liking you, but you messed with the wrong person this time. You gave me zero reason to believe anything changed. You were toxic and you know it. Hell, your family knew it. I still dream of your kids and sometimes you - that they're in college and asking me for advice. Those poor kids...those dreams used to ruin me for days but I woke up after you emailed me last week knowing I won. Next step is getting to the point where I don't care that I won. Indifference. Last night I dreamt of an incredible girl I've never met. I did the same two weeks ago. She wasn't you! Maybe she doesn't exist, but you are in my dreams less and less and it's amazing. I never thought I'd get to this point. I am in control and I know you hate it. I'm not at the point where I wish you the best because I still don't feel you deserve it after all you've put me and others through, but I AM at the point where I know I'm healing. You're in my thoughts always, but those are simply my thoughts. My actions are what define me and you are in no way in control of my actions. I no longer avoid routes that could intersect with yours on the way to work, for example. I don't even look for your car anymore. I'm still preparing myself for you to show up again but I feel very liberated knowing that you can no longer control me.
    1 point
  12. People *do* make mistakes and change from them. But they have to want to. When her debt is cleared, it could very well be that she learned her lesson (Because she didn't just walk away and declare bankruptcy or default on everything speaks to that she is paying back everything. If the former were the case, I would say she will never change). Living off $150 per month reinforces it every month. What I would worry about in regards to spending is her lack of boundaries with family. (If the parents decided to pay the Uncle's bill, its their thing or Grandma's thing, not hers, etc) Something like that is harder to crack and it would take a lot of gumption on her part to put her foot down on it. And she is not interested in even trying. And that's the crux of it.
    1 point
  13. All of my cats are adjusted now . :) And I got myself another client . Just for four weeks but whatever it’s extra Christmas money .
    1 point
  14. The kind of infatuated romantic love which makes new relationships such a joy cannot last. It just can't! Once the honeymoon stage is over, then you can start a relationship based on more realistic foundations - and shared values is an absolutely crucial one. By that I mean attitudes towards issues such as fidelity, personal responsibility and finances, and it sounds as though a relationship with this unfortunate young lady would be heading for disaster. Anyone with a committed relationship would quickly find themselves subsidising the rest of her family, and if you want to have a long term relationship with someone where you had a future together, she is not the one - no matter how wonderful she might be in many respects.
    1 point
  15. Yay!! My boss hired someone! Maybe she will leave me and J alone!
    1 point
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