Jump to content

Leaderboard

Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation on 11/04/2018 in all areas

  1. My issue is same as yours -he agreed to exclusivity and he's not walking the walk. Whatever gender and whether it's cerebral or takes 6 weeks or 6 days or 6 months doesn't matter in this situation. He agreed and he is not fulfilling his promise.
    2 points
  2. Well, even 10 or 15 years ago you could kick someone out and they'd probably just go "aw shucks." Today, with housing rights a 5 second search away, it's pretty easy for someone to see they're entitled to 30 to 60 days of notice on top of however long it takes for the subsequent eviction to be ordered, regardless of whether they've got a lease or are on the deed. If he's been there 30 days (read up on your local laws), is receiving mail, etc., and he wants to assert his rights, you're probably gonna have to serve him with a formal notice to vacate and prepare for the court proceeding to
    2 points
  3. Agree with you B, but have heard and read it takes longer than six weeks for some guys to get to that "she knocks my socks off" stage. They deal with exclusivity and relationships on a more cerebral rather than emotional level. Leaving options open and observing and evaluating so as to assure a particular woman is the right "fit" for them or right "quality" for them. Yes I've actually read and heard this! Which is fine, just don't agree to exclusivity, that's unfair, dishonest and disingenuous. Again, that's my issue with this, would be hard, if not impossible to trust a man like
    1 point
  4. Some people come through immediately, and some take a while. Consider thinking of him before you go to sleep. Keep a notepad handy near bedside so you can jot any dreams while they are fresh. My sister and I didn't hear from our Grandmother who taught us this kind of communication for a few years. But when we did it was during the same night and we both dialed one another on waking at the same time.
    1 point
  5. You know, I haven't felt this with relatives I wasn't close to. Just with my father and my grandmother, both who I was close to. But I guess I can't really tell you why. It's not an exact science. It's possible they were thinking of you while the last relative wasn't. It's difficult to say.
    1 point
  6. Yeah, what you described is a fairly typical scenario. She's probably insecure, you said she's depressed, and she's trying to use a passive-aggressive approach to try to control you and isolate you and keep you to herself. She doesn't realize that this winds up driving people away from her, just like it's starting to drive you away, and this feeds her depression even more by pushing you to have constant arguments with her, stirring up even more negative feelings, and making her (and your) depression worse. The relationship is becoming toxic and you can see it's getting worse. She's ma
    1 point
  7. Sorry to hear this. Are you the one always driving to him? Yes of course he knew you are a student when you started dating, so clearly the money thing was well known. Do not move to him. Do not become the live-in-help-with-benefits. Think long and hard if he is toying with you or stringing you along. Talk to some very trusted people about this. Whenever it's always "maybe later", "maybe someday", consider that you may be missing out on your youth so he can have yet another in-and-out live-in gf.
    1 point
  8. When he told me he wanted me to move in I told him I will not be able to help with rent until I am graduated from college (March next year) and working a full time job. He said that was okay as long as I helped with groceries and chores around the house. We had a very long discussion about finances and what would happen once I attain a full time job. Until I graduate though, he made it clear he was okay with not requiring me to pay rent. He was very understanding of my situation. After I posted this question this morning I decided it would be best to talk to him. I told him calmly that I nee
    1 point
  9. Of course, as long as he can tell her what his intentions are and what he is doing to resolve his issues. That he is still committed to being with her just postponing it. But that's not what is going on here. Right now he is getting the benefits of her love and commitment -she is not seeing other people -and not telling her what he is doing to keep moving toward their goals. If he said "I need another year, and I am going to [read books/see a counselor and/or do whatever actions] to get to the root of my doubts and fears then I would be all for her being flexible. I am not a fan of her be
    1 point
  10. I think it's arsey too, but I don't think he was intentionally being arsey. An important distinction imo. Agree he should have thought it through better, of course. But perhaps he needed to face the 'reality' of it before being emotionally able to do that. Not excusing it or justifying, just trying to 'understand' it which again I think is key if CR wants to move forward with him in a positive way.
    1 point
  11. I agree but he should have thought about that before putting it on the table. To suggest it, then say nah...after she starts making all sorts of plans, is pretty arsey. Imo.
    1 point
  12. Write it down, repeat it to yourself, even when it feels like nonsense. Because it's not nonsense. It's a hard fact, diamond strong. I am on the cusp of 40—just turned 39—so I'm in the same trenches as you, in my own way, wavering between lost and found. If you talked to me, say, three months ago I was feeling pretty found. I'd processed the end of a three year relationship—a relationship that really felt like a reckoning and a wakeup call. Time to start living differently, which I took to heart. Solitude and therapy over self-destructive flings. Travel, resettling in a new city, feeling m
    1 point
  13. Thanks to all of you for your replies ! :) BlueCastle, that's exactly what I needed to read, thanks :) I try as much as possible not to be hard on myself, but sometimes it's a little difficult ! Self-compassion is really something I need to cultivate ! Catfeeder, yes exactly. I have the feeling that I will always think of him that much until I meet someone else, that sucks. I am sure I am not pining over him, though. I genuinely have been interested in others guys and in hindsight, I can say we weren't really compatibles. He's just still on my mind everyday. You're right, therapy could
    1 point
  14. I'm sorry, OP. His behaviour must be confusing for you. How much time did you spend together in person last January? When you say you are about to fly to back to him, do you mean you're relocating to be with him? You mentioned that you quit your job so I am gathering this isn't just a vacation for you. He sounds like he is having second thoughts. You need to have an honest conversation with him, preferably on a video call. Don't be accusatory, as this will put him on the defensive, but tell him you have noticed that he is more distant and you would like to know how he feels about your
    1 point
  15. The thing is, Mike, you don't know what she is telling Sam. It could be the same line of bull she fed you. Telling him that she's not happy with you or that you don't satisfy her or she doesn't love you but feels the need to stay with you. Meanwhile she is keeping him on the line and enjoying his attentions...much like how it was with you and her ex I should imagine. This isn't anything new. People who do this have serious issues with being loyal and with being honest. They are incredibly selfish people who will do and say what they need to in order to have things the way they want it with
    1 point
  16. When I was 19, my bf's best friend didn't like me either, and it was very likely jealousy. I told my bf I no longer wanted to double date, and to spend time with his friend without me. I'd suggest doing that, and if your bf tells you something his friend said about you, ask him what his response was. If it was anything other than something like, "You're not to say anything negative about her ever again," then ask him why he's lacking a spine when someone is badmouthing someone he loves. Take care.
    1 point
  17. No - go and see him, suck it up, and be supportive. Don't later regret wasting this time arguing with him. Yes.
    1 point
  18. Serial cheater. She gets off on telling you this and she will do it again and enjoys your subservience. Hint: You will be more attractive to her if you walk away and she is only allowed back strictly on your terms. Serial cheater. Sounds like an excuse for doing it, despite the fact she volunteered herself into that bed where "its gonna happen". I don't believe it. She needed to keep you in your place of subservience so she could carry on like she always has. No, it isn't. By which I mean her attitude to sleeping around, isn't. A
    1 point
  19. It doesn't matter which it is other than for your ego. He wants a sexual arrangement and perhaps to hang out as friends too. He is not interested in a relationship with you and/or anyone. Result is the same -you want different things.
    1 point
  20. I don't agree -sounds like they had a long talk and he knows and wants to try again. I think they should date and take things at a reasonable pace- not together 24/7, wait before having sex this time. Very soon she will see if his actions match his words and she will be careful not to get too intense or too attached right away.
    1 point
  21. All of this pain and confusion would stop if you blocked and deleted him and had a real bf. Stop stalking his social media and instead get a good profile and pics up on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting men. You could be in a healthy happy relationship with someone by now. But instead you are this guys backup plan and booty call when he has dry spells. Invest in better dating opportunities and stop obsessing about this player.
    1 point
  22. Thanks for your sound advice. It's nice to hear someone say "have a go, what have you got to lose" for a change. Often in these boards and real life people say under no circumstances go back but I think it's easy to say when you are not in the position. And I would much rather see what happens then always wonder... nothing worse then regret. I guess as you said your experience was a little bit muddy but life is all about living and different experiences, be good or bad, I think it makes you a richer person. I feel like now I know ill at least give it a shot and see what happens having no gr
    1 point
  23. You can't believe the things someone tells you when breaking up with you or the reason they're breaking up with you. Nobody says the real reason I contacted you is I just broke up with a girlfriend and I only reached out to you for some sex and I don't want a relationship, or something like that. Don't worry that he's afraid of hurting you or himself. It's more like you gave him "the talk," which called his bluff, and now he's out of there.
    1 point
  24. Sorry about this—and apologies if my response to this sounded insensitive in the other post. Look, I think he's being completely honest with you—and, sadly, that's the problem. Whatever his initial intentions were, he's kind of in a panic state at the moment. Past stuff with you, past stuff post-you—who knows? That's not the puzzle you want to unpack, because it gets you nowhere. What matters is simply that this is where he is right now: wobbly, more so than you. It sucks. I've been there. I'm kind of there, in my own way, with someone as I write this. But the way to avoid bitterness is
    1 point
  25. I have to say that equating choosing unproven, alternative treatments and choosing not to be treated is not acceptable because they are two entirely different kinds of decision making. When one has been sick for a long time, it is reasonable to realize that there is not quality of life in continuing treatment. On the other hand, spending all of one's money on unproven treatment is a rebellion against a system, and is also a legitimate decision, but an entirely different one. These are not the same things. Also, as someone who has had stage III cancer and other life-threatening illnesses, t
    1 point
  26. You belong here in this world. Your worth is no less than anyone else's. Don't forget that. It can be hard to connect with people and to know where to meet them, but YOU MATTER. Try to put yourself out there a bit more, take chances and see if you can even make one friend. I say one friend, because truth be told, one genuine friend means so much more than 10 fake friends. It's difficult for many of us. You're not alone.
    1 point
  27. This bickering is unnecessary (between posters, I mean) OP hasn’t returned and there are still relevant questions (like why there were 3 people in the car but 2 tickets) that, once answered, will better guide our advice.
    1 point
  28. If you do go out with him, I'd ask him to take an STD test and then again in 6 months since he slept with Trampy McTrampington. If you go out with him, I'd mention my hesitation that your friend dated him. But i would also communicate with other guys
    1 point
  29. So, maybe in hindsight? I hope other posters learn a lesson about being the cool person playing games from this.
    1 point
This leaderboard is set to New York/GMT-04:00
×
×
  • Create New...