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Showing content with the highest reputation on 02/02/2018 in all areas

  1. Why don't you just ask him?
    2 points
  2. It seems like it could be a good fit since you plan on becoming pregnant at any time and will want time off initially to spend with baby and then do not plan to work full time hours anyways plus you will want hours that accomadate your childcare schedule. Being a new employee , depending where you are it varies, but generally you won't be able to pick and choose which hours you work ( speaking about when baby comes, if you take on a fixed role now). Pool work could give you experience, opportunity to make connections that could come in handy later, a chance to work in many different positio
    1 point
  3. Thankyou :( it really upsets me how inconsiderate some people are. This site is supposed to help people and make them feel NOT alone, not make them feel worse about the already bad situation :(
    1 point
  4. I left a career that I loved just so I could have the security of having benefits. Matter of fact, when they called to offer me the job and went on to list all the compensation, one of them medical after 90 days, I countered back saying I'd accept if they would consider medical benefits day one. They took a moment to think about it and agreed.
    1 point
  5. This makes sense to me, and I believe includes the bigger picture in your approach.
    1 point
  6. I wouldn't be having serious discussions or arguments like this after three weeks, period, whether in person, over the phone, or on WhatsApp. Respectfully, I'm noticing a trend with you and 1) putting way too much emphasis and interpretation behind text messaging and 2) over communicating both with picking bad battles and doing so too early, if ever there is a good time for it. Especially when it's quite early into dating, you should be taking in the person's character, not openly picking at or communicating flaws or incompatibilities along the way. To be fair to you (and I think this
    1 point
  7. I also meant to add... If it isn’t already, the question of “why?” may ring loudly through your mind. Hopefully she will seek counseling to find out what ails her internally. I am a firm believer that when someone cheats, there is something wrong within. There is something going on deep within beyond the excuses she gave you. I’m assuming that will be explored later after all this dust settles for you. Therapy for you both individually and together (if reconciliation is possible) will be extremely helpful.
    1 point
  8. No two situations are the same. Your story doesn’t necessarily have to follow the same path as anyone else’s. You don’t have to make a decision anytime soon. Take your time. I think you are taking very mature and wise steps to handle this in the best way possible regardless of the direction you decide to take in terms of divorce. I am amazed by how well you are handling yourself. As if you read about this in some sort of manual somewhere. I’ve gotten my heart battered a bit and it is only because of that experience I would handle myself in the manner in which you are doing now. You are
    1 point
  9. How eloquent! Very good advice. ^^ First loves are often something special and nice memories. My ex from high school said to me years later. "You will always hold a special place in my heart" Some do have one and only love in their life, but most people I know had several missteps before finding a great match for life. Good luck.
    1 point
  10. Although you thought this was kismet, notice after a 15 min chat including why you were in town, your home town, etc., he never asked for your number, suggested coffee etc. Keep in mind, you approached him, he was was just being a polite commuter.
    1 point
  11. I think it's a bad idea because he will know/find out that you went to all that trouble just to bump into him again and even if he were interested in you that would strike him as over the top creepy. The most I would do is possibly find him on Linkedin (because it's a professional site) and see if he will link in with you. Sometimes people post photos, etc.
    1 point
  12. "I am going to take my time before I make any decisions, I know some people might view this a weak" No, not at all. Take your time. And taking your time doesn't me she has a chance either. It just means you are too raw to do anything right now other than getting thru this shock one moment at a time. You will start to get your balance back and the actions you need to act on, though difficult while seem somewhat more manageable.
    1 point
  13. Couple of things OP. Seeing the signs and not wanting to believe them is normal. Nobody, and I mean nobody, ever wants to believe that the person they love is a cheating, lying, backstabbing filth. That's why so many people usually need concrete proof before they can accept that it really is happening. It's why your friend has a job. People do see the signs, they do know what it means, but.....it's so hard to accept and you want to make every excuse possible not to. On top of that, cheaters lie and will go to any lengths to cover their tracks, including making you feel like you are crazy.
    1 point
  14. I guess you can contact him but if you decide to keep seeing him no more texting or messaging unless it's to make or confirm a plan or you're running late. Talk on the phone or in person. Period.
    1 point
  15. "I didn't respond to his further texts because there was no substance discussion." I would find it rude for someone not to respond at all. If it were me, I would've responded and added, "I have such and such a thing to do now, so I'll talk to you later." I'd also have serious discussions or arguments in person or with a phone call. Texting lacks intonation and makes things worse than they were intended to be. I don't know if you can salvage things or not. If it doesn't work out, you can assume he might've been a jerk, after all, with his judgmental texts. With OLD, I ended things with ma
    1 point
  16. So, I would be taking his messages as banter. But since you have only given us a hint of what he said, it's hard to say. But when he apologies and chats more, you start judging him insecure? I honestly don't think that you two connect well via text as you are obviously WAY over thinking things and as has been already said, it is easy to misconstrue text messages. I honestly don't see this going much further.
    1 point
  17. If the communication is this awkward and difficult, you're just not a good match.
    1 point
  18. I don't know, feels like you should have thought about this a bit more before cutting her loose. I agree with danZee... I mean, when you find someone special, all that nonsense doesn't matter (money, life, etc.). I mean, if you two are right for each other you make it work. But you didn't do that, or give it a chance to. You cut her off and probably crushed her in doing so. Nothing worse than spending xmas with someone and things and then dumping them a month later. Furthermore, this was still pretty early on, I mean, I think people should date a few years before engagement/marriage/mortgage t
    1 point
  19. This has been an ongoing issue with many breakups, and honestly it may very well be over now. Whatever happens, you need to grab control of your life and get proactive and help yourself. That means getting into AA and sticking with it. Avoid triggers and people who make it easy for you to drink. You need to break this cycle even if your children's mother stays gone, because if you want to have any relationship with your children, you need to modify your behavior and be a safe, healthy, positive parent to them. What they see and how you act they will carry with them for a lifetime. It's
    1 point
  20. I think you both are getting too flustered over the text messaging game. I think there is a serious amount of over analyzing going on here with your responses, him not texting, and etc. And I also think it's just a little soon for some of the lovey-dovey messages but to each their own. I would still meet the guy if you two are on, if you really like him anyway. I just think it's not blowing over some stupid misread text messages. But if you really don't feel comfortable, then don't go. The choice is up to you. I think, if you are uncomfortable simply over text messages, that would be a sham
    1 point
  21. Not sure, but sometimes those words are meant in a playful way, not to be taken seriously when someone likes you. They can tease you like that. I don't think you texted anything wrong but I do think he's being careful as to what he says now because he knows he offended you. That's not a really great start to the relationship. You calling him "dear" would not scare him off, unless he took it in a sarcastic way, which when texting it's hard to determine the tone behind the words, because you aren't hearing them spoken, just reading them. You can call him , or if he texts you, tell him you
    1 point
  22. You're on the younger side for Fatal Attraction but it does start to sound like when the "mistress" that he slept with a few times starts imagining that he's actually in love with her and how connected they are. You're not "there" yet but your post was concerning in the path it was taking. It's really ok if someone is not interested in dating you and enjoys typing flirty texts to you. Many men will want to date you (and also flirt with you!). You don't need the silly ego stroking "it's because he's not over his ex" to move on. You're a strong career woman who's smart as you self-described
    1 point
  23. Some days are bad and I go through the feelings that you are going through. Some days I don’t experience them at all! It takes time to heal. I understand that it’s difficult to do the NC because of your children but I’d say when you do talk to her, only talk about your children. I’ve had many convos with my ex about our feeling and it always ended up with one of us confused, hurt or angry. You need time to heal. Go through the motions and the emotions. Feel free to rant if you need too. We’re all open ears. :)
    1 point
  24. Hung out with a few friends tonight, had a good time. I think I need to explain a little more about the watch. He put the watch in her office and she's waiting until, after his flight leaves in the morning for the conference to clean out her stuff, only a skeleton crew will be there so that's the best time. My buddy will be watching everything from a distance to make sure that's exactly what happens. That watch was a very personal thing for me, I have an old one that my dad gave me, but it's been falling apart over the years and I'm tired of taking it in to get repaired, I just want
    1 point
  25. Whoa, with you until up to this... regardless of what you think of him, don't badmouth him to the kids. I can speak from personal experience, thats not cool. Children identify with both their parents, mostly on a subconcious level. And it doesn't manifest as 'helpful, constructive criticism' usually, it's more like 'low self-esteem' kinda stuff. I would just apply the same rules to Dad. And if they ask, just say that the same rules apply for everyone. Just my 2 cents, T
    1 point
  26. How on earth can your friend know for a fact that this guy is still hung up on his ex? Has your friend met this guy? Had conversations with him? Ever even seen him in person? Yeah, it's soothing to think he isn't dating you because he still wants his ex. But there is zero basis for this assumption and only serves to give you an excuse to keep up the pointless texting.
    1 point
  27. Don't judge all counselors by just one. You may have to try several before you click with one. You've become a victim of faulty thinking due to his putting you down or making you feel bad for going out with friends. Don't fall for that. You made some mistakes as a partner but you've shown a willingness to learn from it and become a better partner. It sounds like he's only interested in punishing you. No matter what mistakes you've made you deserve to be happy and feel valued. Try another counselor and don't sit around hoping for the light to come on with this guy. Get out and have some fun.
    1 point
  28. Right, Knight, you brought your concerns to her and she pushed you away, denied there was anything going on. From the opening post:
    1 point
  29. We have seen a lot of people go through this on this forum. Do not doubt yourself. You are probably doing the best I have seen on here in the past year when I started being active on here. Don't let her make you doubt yourself either. I have been with my wife for 13 years. EVERY relationship has issues. EVERY ONE. She was the one who made the conscious choice to turn to another man instead of working on those issues with her husband. She chose to dive into a bull fantasy with another man instead of working on the real issues making her unhappy in her marriage. That is no
    1 point
  30. I missed all the signals she says she tried to send me that's BS. She didn't send you signals. She was having an affair and she used the times that it was actually showing to say she was trying to make you jealous. If she was giving signals, she would say take you by the hand to the bedroom, she would suggest places to go out on a date, etc. Her "signals" must have been so subtle that they were only in her head. maybe tell her that an affair doesn't make husbands jealous, it makes them feel rejected.
    1 point
  31. Really cool that this thread has come to this place. Honest questions. Honest dialogue. Lots of different perspectives. Kudos for keeping the conversation going. And nice that you've maybe learned something about yourself and your interactions in the world at large.
    1 point
  32. I don't think there's any way you can open him to it. I think when people feel good about a relationship, they feel naturally inclined towards doing things that will benefit their partner. I mean, you don't lose yourself in that other person by doing things that may actually harm you. But in this instance, it's just counselling. I wonder why he feels threatened by it. Maybe there's a way you can invite him to share that. Have you had a really explicit conversation with him about why it's important to you? Not why it might be important to other people, but why it feels important to yo
    1 point
  33. I agree with Wiseman. I would personally feel annoyed if you expected me to provide links to random funny things all day. Who has time for that? If you want to get to know him better, see him more!
    1 point
  34. I think she's not interested and that she has a boyfriend. Look for another girl at school to date. Simple as that.
    1 point
  35. I get the impression that you don't value yourself, that you want to hurt yourself. Maybe you feel like you deserve it.
    1 point
  36. Excellent post. The only thing I want to clarify for anyone reading this who is in the trenches who might feel a sting reading this - finding someone new isn't the 'I've healed' moment. It really kinda drives me crazy how it seems to always be portrayed in movies that a heartbroken person moves on by getting with someone else. True happiness within yourself is the goal.
    1 point
  37. There is no 'current' opportunity when someone is still living with someone else. Best you can do is preserve any future potential while you have THAT opportunity. If it falls through, then this was hardly a meant-to-be deal, and you've spared yourself some messy fallout. Think.
    1 point
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