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Showing content with the highest reputation on 02/12/2007 in all areas

  1. I think you possibly might have a point but in the mean time I'm trying to hope not. I'm trying to be positive, if she loves me enough then she will hopefully come back to me and if not then, maybe we're both better off out. That at least makes sense for a couple of minutes in between my 12 hour shifts of desperately wanting her back I think I have given her the perfect opportunity to get out, and I guess that'll make the getting over harder. I think it's a waiting game and I know it hasn't been long compared to most in here but it already seems an age.
    1 point
  2. Hey there, I was just looking at your past posts about Rachel and this jealousy towards her new toy makes sense to me. This goes beyond a "piece of plastic." From what I have read, especially in early December, there are many other issues coming into play. Basically I see a lack of trust, friendship, and respect in this relationship. Case in point, you both went to chruch concert and she was oogling another guy, then deserted you to be with her friends. And you mentioned on November 16th, you figured out she lied to you about her whereabouts. So the underlying issue here is that Rachel (that I know of) has not given you any incentive to trust her, nor has she shown you any respect or let you into important aspects of her life. So, in a way, this new sex toy can be another representation of her shutting you out her life and being somewhat secretive about it. That hurts. Now, if you both set up that foundation in your relationship properly, then this sex toy would not be an issue IMO. In fact, you may be intrigued with it and use it together, to explore and become closer. So my advice to you is to talk to her, ask why she keeps shutting you out, being disrespectful and lying to you. But you need to call her out on it, confront her about it, if you continue to let this slide, you are only permitting this type of behavior. I wish you all the best. Take care.
    1 point
  3. Ok, I would suggest the following: Send her a letter telling her you love her, you're sorry you said those things, you didn't mean any of it, you don't think a drunken argument is enough of a reason to break up and you'd still like the chance to make things work. Say that if she wants to give things another try then to get in touch but if she really wants to move on then its probably best if you don't speak for a while. Then do NC. don't beg, don't plead, just be clear about your feelings for her and your desire to make things work, but CALMLY does it. Don't freak out and smother her with emotion, you won't thank yourself later. If she wants to make things work, she'll get in touch. If she doesn't, she won't. NC might make her realise what she's missing, but any amount of weepy "come back to me!" phone calls/texts aint gonna do nothing and will probably have the opposite effect. All of this is covered a zillion times accross this site but I thought I'd lay it down just for you You have to ask yourself why you said you didn't think you should be together, no matter how drunk you are, learn not to play with words like that, especially those words, because as you can see, you might get what you wish for, however drunkenly you wish! Best of luck.
    1 point
  4. Seems like a pretty short time... since last weekend. It was said while drunk, and I would think that she would forgive you eventually... not too much longer. I wouldn't think of total NC necessarily just yet. Maybe, in the sense of giving her a little more time to heal. Hope this comes out alright... three years is a long time to toss because of one unfortunate evening. V-day... maybe a very nice card, modest box of candy and a beautiful heart to heart message in the card, asking at the end if she might forgive you and call you... But, in the meantime (what 2 days) I wouldn't call her everyday etc. P. S. I think Eva has some good advice for this also. Good luck Jeff
    1 point
  5. It depends. I dated a guy for 2 and a half years and I was the dumper and time to time I will email or text to say hi (it's been over a year). But I've not once wanted to go back
    1 point
  6. From your description of this guy, it is to no surprise to me that he told you he loved you...and heres why I think he did - because he felt something strongly, and for some ppl, this is nearly impossible to hide. I think that he said it thinking it would make you happy to hear it (and maybe he felt it too), but most definitely did not think it through. Your right when you say this is emotional infidelity and I personally think you've done a really good job at being clear with him about your intentions - from here it up to him to make the move - which I suspect will unfortunately never happen. I've met men like this - last summer a man who told me he loved me, constantly expressing his adoration of me (when I was the one who had the boyfriend) and after time it became clear to me that he had no intentions of wanting a relationship with me, but got pleasure out of making me feel good and knowing that I felt something for him - even though he'd never have to deal with it. Don't feel too much of a loss here, because he sounds like a loose cannon if you ask me. And with this mental disorder that you describe, (while i'm not saying that you should avoid ppl with menta disorders - i've been diagnosed with depression) I'd wonder...what would it be like to be his girlfriend?? From what you say - sounds like it would be pretty dam hard. you HAVE done to the right thing, and i'm sure he thinks about you - and i bet he'll try to make contact with you again...but whatever you do, stick to your guns, because you know what is right.
    1 point
  7. My ex texted me 2 days ago, inviting me to go to the bar where she was DJ'ing. She didn't told me how she was doing and didn't asked me how I was doing. Neither didn't told me she misses me or wants me back. I thougt maybe their friends were not there and she was feeling lonely, or she was expecting me to go without hesitation...or she just was hoping to put me in her bed....I texted her back saying "NO, thanks but I already have another compromise tonight." She never replied....This is minning all the hopes I had....maybe I will start to truly look for my self as they are gone forever...if they ever do completely.
    1 point
  8. Hey I felt that way last spring, but this spring I am taking very exciting classes so I am all fired up for the semester. Can you switch into more interesting classes? Apart from that, getting into fixed habits - i.e. getting up at X hour every day, working at X place from X time to X time helps me. If it's routine you don't have to think about it. Make sure you are getting plenty of rest and planning in some fun extracurricular/leisure activities. If you feel fulfilled in other areas of your life, maybe you will feel better about school. I also love studying in groups - even if you are not too motivated, the social side can get you more inclined to hit the books and actually look forward to studying. I wish the above suggestions were a little more-groundbreaking, but I'm afraid they're just the usual principles. I hope you gain your zest back !
    1 point
  9. Tronix, I recommend reading a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover. Yes, there are many reasons why guys are shy but reading the book it pretty much described why they are kind of made me scared because it literally described my background which is pretty common for guys that grew up without a father/male figure. It goes on about how early in the childhood, children set boundries, which I can't remember it has to do with gender roles or something related. But when this boy starts growing older he has the tendency to listen to women, often do what they want and basically worship them. I need to re-read the book again but it's very interesting to read. I highly recommend it. It maybe a great resource for your studies
    1 point
  10. Darkpumpkin, Believe me, I was in the position as you in the past. I had a bad track record of being co-dependent. I put my needs way last, did everything what the other wanted so I can show what a great, flexible, reliable, understanding person I can be. After I awhile, my needs were not being met because I was too busy meeting others' needs. It catches up, believe me it does. The resentments come out and they cannot be stopped. And others will push you around if you let them. If you were hungry before his hockey practice, then you should have eaten. I would say, "I am hungry, I am getting something to eat before we leave." If he does not like it, too bad. You need to eat and that was your need at the time. Why you would until after 10PM to eat?? I am sure your counselor can give you some pointers on getting your needs accross and met. I would work on that.
    1 point
  11. I agree. Let it ring. do not lose all the hard work you have done. If you need to contact her do it through text. It is less personal.
    1 point
  12. Just let it ring.... You don't want to break 40 days... well technically it is broken. But, I'd just let it ring... too much potential for past pain etc. to come about. If not... short and to the point. Maybe she could leave them for a friend to pick up... Jeff
    1 point
  13. Boy this is a co-dependent relationship if I ever saw one. You're so busy riding her roller coaster that you've lost yourself in the process. You must heal yourself my friend because this relationship is toxic to your very soul. First off, she's an addict. Addicts are simply not capable of a healthy relationship until they can kick their addiction. She needs to get treatment and get better on her own. There is nothing you can do about this except encourage her to get treatment. I'll say this with emphasis: you cannot fix her she must fix herself. Second, you are an addict. You are addicted to her. So you must also get healthy. You need to take time away from this person so that you can develop your own sense of identity separate from her. She treats you like this because you allow it and enable it. She knows she can always come crawling back to you no matter how awful she's been and you'll welcome her back. There are no consequences to her for her own actions. You call her your best friend - but what has this girl really done for you? Best friends are helpful and supportive of each other. They are there for each other and it's a mutually beneficial relationship. All I see here is a friendship going one direction - from you to her. What is she giving back? Don't you deserve more than this? Wouldn't it be something to have someone actually give you to just like you give to them? Bottom line, you need to break this cycle. Quit taking her calls. Tell her to get into treatment and that you'll only talk to her once she is there. Otherwise you are signing up for another heaping dose of abuse and misery and nobody deserves that.
    1 point
  14. Perhaps your dog peed because he was frightened? I see several red flags here. 1) A man who'd abuse a little dog is capable of anything, including abusing you, or kids. I would not associate with someone like that. As Scout suggested, leave him. 2) The breed of dog tells a lot about the dog owner. Men who own dogs bred for fighting are giving a plain clue to their personality. He likes dogs with violent capabilities and tendencies. That's psychological projection. i.e. - he has violent capabilities and tendencies himself. He likes violence, and that's why he is attracted to owning a Rottweiler. 3) His behavior is disrespectful to you. If you don't leave, this guy will eventually start beating you, or his dog will bites you. At least find a good home for your dog, if you won't save yourself. Why didn't you go downstairs and immediately investigate and confront him when you came back for cell phone and heard him abusing your dog? I'll tell you why. Because deep down in your emotions, and instincts, in the back of your subconsicious mind, you know this guy is dangerous and you were afraid to go down there and investigate and confront him. Please wise up. If your dog is your child, then protect your child and yourself and get out now. Obviously he is abusing your dog and doing God knows what to him when you aren't home. Take your dog to vet right away and have him examined for abuse and injuries. If you stay with this man, I predict it's only a matter of time before he starts abusing you.
    1 point
  15. If she decides to do this and you decide to stay with her, just remember she will always be the same person inside. She may look different, but she's not the same man (men) who abused you.
    1 point
  16. I know of many people who are big fans of "let's get together some time" and never follow through - I don't waste my time trying to make plans with them after the first time. All this woman said was that you all should hang out sometime - that is not making a specific plan - it's purposely vague so that she doesn't have to follow through if she changes her mind. Not a woman thing - she's just the type of person who is not into making plans in advance. When I was in the dating scene typically the way it worked was - the man called me and asked me out for a specific time and place- if I was interested, I would say yes with appreciation and enthusiasm, and we would either confirm plans right then or decide to talk the day of to confirm. That's all. If i wasn't interested I might say no, or say that I was busy and would call him if I ever had time - anything to signal "don't call me, I'll call you." I am sorry you have had bad experiences with women. You are not obligated to date, have relationships or marry - all of that takes work, effort, patience and a thick skin. For me it was worth it even with the unpleasant/bad dates, the rejection and the disappointment. I did not generalize from those bad experiences that "all men" were a certain way because I would not want people to generalize about me. Your way is far safer - extrapolate from the experiences you've had that "they" are "all" one way and thereforeeee you don't have to put yourself out there and instead can have this pity party/play the victim. It's also a bit lonely after awhile if you do want love and another person in your life in a meaningful way. but, it's up to you to do the balancing of what is worth it to you.
    1 point
  17. Hi, Eileen- I just wanted you to know that I, too, know what it's like to feel trapped in the narcissist's web. I have been in a tangled mess of a relationship for many years. Our relationship, especially since I've realized what he truly is, has been mostly a nightmare for me. I've struggled to get him to love me the way I need to be loved, only to end up feeling put down, let down, and that my needs are insignificant compared to his. Many, many times I've asked myself why I've stayed. The only reasons I can find mostly involve my own codependent tendencies. I just can't seem to stop myself from wanting to "help" him and make myself feel needed. Only problem is, no matter how much I work my tail off for him, all I get are crumbs in return. His needs come first, and they always will. I know that I'm ready to end it, but there's a hard road ahead, and it ain't gonna be pretty. Anyway, I wanted you to know that I support you, and I'm pulling for you.
    1 point
  18. Confusedandalone, I think that your first concern should be the safety of your 8 year-old-son. Is your stepson returning to the same house as your son after juvenile? If so, that's unacceptable. Most of these offenders do not change--that could possibly mean continual abuse to your son, if he were to return to your home after juvenile. Have you discussed living arrangements with your husband?
    1 point
  19. Hi Curtiplas, I've read your post and feel like I'm kind of in the situation that you imagine yourself to be in if your girlfriend was pregnant. I'm just about 17 weeks pregnant now and we're a little older but not much (i'm 22 and david is 23)...He works full time, but since he's not in school and doesn't have a degree, its not the best job but it's decent. I'm in school and have one more semester left (after the baby is born in July) and work part time...We've got our own apartment and let me tell you that it is not easy at all. Together we make pretty decent money but still with rent, car payments, utilities plus food and supplies for the apartment we don't have much money left. We're trying to scrimp and save now for the baby and though our parents are going to "help" its still going to be even harder once the baby gets here. And she's also assuming that her parents will do help her like that. But don't get me wrong, I'm so happy about this baby and so is my fiance, but it's still hard...Harder than I ever thought it would be and it's scary once you're pregnant and you have a little being growing inside of you. Basically I'm saying that I think you should really talk to your girlfriend about being on birth control or using some type of birth control. Because maybe you can handle it now, but why not at least try to hold off until you get through school because not even counting baby stuff, paying for books, rent, car payment, everything at the same time, basically, it sucks!...lol... So I guess basically what I'm saying is get yourselves together first, then you guys can have fun and "pleasure" without protection so you know you'll be okay if something happens. Good luck with whatever you do. Angie
    1 point
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