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  1. I was at a market yesterday and saw these beautiful ceramics. I can't recall seeing Turkish ceramics before although I do recall the glassware. link removed My great grandfather who I met when I was around 12 years old when he visited was a ceramics maker in Sicily. Very different type of ceramics but very nice.
  2. This is one of my poems that I wrote about my childhood sexual abuse. I hope that someone will read it and know that they don't suffer alone. Writing my feelings down seems to help through the darkest days in which I still have many of. So here goes. I was just an innocent child when the worst of my life began, My parents took me where they thought I was safe as I fell victim to my own kin. A loving grandmother who worshiped me and cuddled with me each night, Did not know that monsters would sneak in and force me to leave her side. They took me away in another room where there I became of their use, And I was just an innocent child, learning to suffer from years of abuse. They threatened me by saying that if I told, bad things would come my way, Like never seeing my grandmother again so I had to say okay. She was the one I thought loved me the most and was my keeper right from the start, So I had to endure the pain I was in to make sure not to break her heart. I can remember the fear inside of her catching them as they lured me away without denial, I tried to be quiet as they entered each night and touched the foot of this innocent child. Now I'm an adult but robbed of so much, like the knowledge of love that one should know, For me it's like a roller coaster ride, it goes up and falls below. I let people get close to me but there's a wall that won't come down and stay, Which has made me struggle with falling a victim to most everyone that comes my way. They took away my ability to be assertive and lowered my self esteem, But as I still fight, I will find the might to let go of those awful things. My road has been rocky but I'm still a Survivor and now the must fight the war, My need for recovery will continue I know but I'm not the Innocent child no more.
  3. Disclaimer: I am not a poet nor do I ever write poetry... This has been something ive been thinking about doing since i was inspired in March of 08...Its about a man(my friends grandfather) and his late wife who was taken away early by cancer. They were really nice people and i thought I owed it to them to write something to remember them by. snowy street, suffering cold this thirty by twelve cabin cell calls memories made mingling, haunting alone you sit, to die pain penetrating pillows you sleep an angry man, bitter at this hell you must go at alone hands hurting, back breaking, cackling cancer hysteria filled, hollow head do you see her at night like you say does she call for you waiting waiting, waiting for what for death to come whisk you away intertwined with your other half go now old man, shes waiting culling cries concentrated i wouldn't blame you if you left
  4. Mothers -- ! I used to be amongst you, at the very beginning when I was ushered in through the human echo. Wicked fiends and gracious saints, I came in and joined you. Mothers -- ! I used to be amongst you, surrounded by maids, other mothers on all fours, masks and gloves, vapors and herbs, all animals, all together now as one animal, Mother. ************ “She died in childbirth” -- As they did in huts of clay and thatch and woven walls, Arctic ice and out in fields of rice, in the crags of mountains, knees bending over stars and high noon. Their time has come, since the time rivers bathed us all, every last one. And rivers have lain at the feet of what Mothers’ bones know. “She died in childbirth” -- Crimson cries splitting the skies, every sphere shaking with chains of tears. Faces drugged in sweat, legs like jaws shudder silent -- while the stains soak through all of night and seep into the sun. A flare bursts, warm wailing is here intact, coursing veins are plucked pulsing from the No-longer-intact: lacerated, ruptured, hemorrhagic -- Her coal eyes turning from scarlet to grey to black. Mothers -- ! I once was amongst you, when I was five and I pulled plastic Suzie doll from my loins to bathe in the sink; when I fed her to my breast of ribs, inside a baby nightgown. Mothers -- ! I once was amongst you, when I was fourteen and joined your tribe in small pink blots. I rejoiced and clutched them secretly, washed them out in the sink. “Died in Childbirth”. I draw a finger ‘round nymphal navel. In the mirror, a firm and placid arc, I place my palm upon this circle. No one will ever kiss this spot for what it contains. I will never stretch here and pucker through tented garb. I will never swell with another, never awaken to your thumping pangs. My roots will not grow into that essential braid linking Our knots, end to end — blue, purple And strong as a white tide. We will never exchange The Elements, You will never breathe through me. And I will never seize those around my feet who know well by experience because now it’s my turn. No one will gather ‘round as I lower myself to the bottom of Ages. I won’t be Spring, nor Summer. I won’t be gathered into the center of the Earth, spread East to West a voice of peals and rockets, defying everything, allowed anything, howling free as the wilderness. I will never be scooped up and told to roll, I will never have the rough cloth dabbed against my temples, throbbing with shrill brain. I will never look over the hill of my own making, the bastion you are leaving, and feel my soul erupt. No, I stay safely closed. My entrance never to be an exit. Darkness falls upon my prepared bed, the bed I’ve prepared for you again and again. My deep and soft chamber you will never visit on the way to becoming. No, I will not be one of them, with battle scars, or marks of distinction, skin never the same. I will never be split, I am safe from your head ready between my pelves. I will never perish on the sands, in the paddies, on the dirt or the high bed, nor in a polished room of scrubs. There will be no drum, no sudden fury for me. I will never be a million years old in the span of one day. I will never perish with your breath severed from mine, and you will never love on without me because I gave my life that you be born. But I’ll perish of your never finding, never filling me. Without sisters and grandmothers, without forceps and cutting edges, desperate drips or fingers thrust inside, people with their hair up to help me live. I’ll stay back, untouched and tied. Clean. Composed. Barren. Nullipara, null and void. Non-gravida, a grievous seed. “They died in childbirth”, a grave dug and marked for heroines. I dig a grave inside myself for unused soil and rain, the dances that won’t be danced, the light I won’t bring you to, the nest that will never be flown. I dig a grave for my chance to die.
  5. I am not sure whether or not this topic belongs in Relationship Communication or not, but it does deal with me wanting to say something to my boyfriend, so... here goes: How can I politely tell my boyfriend that his grandfather annoys me to no end and that I prefer not to be around him? I know that sounds terribly mean, but let me give you some background information and examples so you can better understand why he annoys me. My boyfriend's grandfather is an ignorant, uneducated man who grew up in the poorest parts of a third world country- we're talking dirt-floored straw/mud huts with 18 kids type of poor. He's a nice man, but he is SOOOOOOOO annoying! He has habits that are nothing short of obnoxious and disgusting and he lacks normal mannerisms such as common courtesy. Example #1: Sometimes my boyfriend and I sit at his kitchen table when we are visiting, and play a boardgame with his little sister or maybe a game of cards. If his grandfather so much as hears us in the kitchen or sees us standing a centimeter near the kitchen table, he rushes in and starts harping loudly, "Time to eat! Dinner time! Time to eat! Dinner time!" in Spanish, over and over and over for at least 20 minutes. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that he sounds like a broken record. The man DOES NOT stop. It's ridiculous. He drowns out all conversation within the room with that idiotic charade. To top it off, he finds it humorous. Example #2 If we happen to be at my boyfriend's house past 9 p.m., he will barge into any room with people and start squawking like a parrot, "Bed time! Bed time! Bed time! Time to go to sleep!" for another 20 or 30 minutes, as he marches up and down the halls. It doesn't matter to him that people are talking or watching television or reading. He walks around continuously shouting those words. After he quiets down, if you so much as pass him in the hall on the way to the bathroom, he reminds you that it's "bed time" another ten thousand times. Example #3 My boyfriend's mother bought his grandfather a cell phone TWO years ago and the man STILL DOES NOT KNOW how to work it properly. Every single time we are there, without fail, his grandfather interrupts our conversations or movies or whatever else we're doing, to shove the phone in our faces and ask us to help him find such and such button. Example #4 His grandfather used to smoke a lot and quit many moons ago, but he still has bouts of coughing now and then and the man just hacks up nasty stuff wherever he is, instead of doing that in the bathroom. I have literally gagged before in his presense, because it's just so gross. There's no need to do that in the livingroom into your open palm. That is something you do in private in the bathroom so you don't disturb or disgust others. Example #5 The second his grandfather sees you on the phone, whether your cell phone or the house phone, he begins to make as much noise around the house as possible, on purpose, though no one else seems to notice. But I notice it, and it angers me. It's just so rude! I just CAN NOT stand the man. I've asked my boyfriend before why his grandfather feels the need to behave like that, and my boyfriend blames it on the conditions his grandfather lived in over 40 years ago. He always uses his grandfather's past as an excuse for his rude, idiotic behavior. That's bologna, in my opinion. What does one thing have to do with the other? My mother's parents lived under the same conditions and circumstances and suffered a lot of terrible hardships under a dictator's laws and they have always been perfectly polite, respectful people. They don't act like morons. So, I've decided that I have had enough of that old man's antics. You can't even ignore him- that's how annoying he is. I'd rather spend less time visiting if his grandfather is going to be home. How can I tell my boyfriend this? Or do I just have to suck it up and try my best to ignore his grandfather when we're over?
  6. Ok, they are splitting up my grandmother's assets/estate, even though she's not dead. She's in a nursing home. Background: My older sister received a sum of money for her books in college, my cousin is going to receive this same amount for her college books, and my sister is supposed to receive the same amount for whatever she might need. I've never gotten anything, so my mother wants to cut me a check for this amount. I don't know how I feel about it. My gramma isn't dead yet, and I feel like its a feeding frenzy on her. They sold her house and everything in it and her children are divvying it up as if she had just died. It all seems perverse to me. Granted, I am not financially comfortable in any way, and the money could help me a lot on my two loans (college and car), but I am perfectly capable of keeping up on these. I don't feel right taking the money. Like my grandmother's assets, I'm divided on this issue.
  7. Hi there, My mother, a wonderful person, was disowned about 10 years ago for no real reason from her father, my grandfather. He has disowned all of us, my beautiful nephews included. What is hard for my mother is that her only sibling, my aunt, still has a relationship with him and in the past has gotten in between my mother and her father. She is rather a manipluative aunt, who I personally am not fond of. Anyway, this is the only relative my mother has alive besides her sister (and of course kids grandkids). She has tried over the years to contact her father and he refuses her calls, Christmas gifts, everything. We have no idea why he is like this - he was always rather grumpy - but for some reason will not speak to my mother or any of her children. We have done nothing to this man! This of course has caused her a lot of grief. This holiday has been hard for her for some reason (she just turned 60 and her father is not getting any younger). What I think is particularly hard is that there is no explaination or incident. Very strange. We have all tried to find out why, even asked my aunt, my mother's sister, and have gotten just a lame answer that my grandfather just does not like us. It is horrible and confusing. I was wondering if anyone had some similar stories to share or resources I could point my mother to. I realize that she needs some help with this and, since her father may die one of these days soon, she needs to find some peace with this before his death. Are there books out there on this stuff? Support groups? Any resouces or tips would help. Thanks and happy holidays!
  8. My boyfriend have been dating for 6 months now. Everything seemed perfect, we never fought or had any major arguments. He's the male version of me. Two months ago while planning our vacation he accidently called me his ex's name. I didn't mind so much but I got annoyed that very day and never bought up the incident. However, last month we were in bed after sex and he was half asleep and rolled over and said ''I love you tiffany'' and my name is LINDA! I stayed silent for several minutes and confronted him. He claims he wasn't even thinking about her and its just its a name he was accustomed to saying for 2 years but they've been broken up for well over 13 months. I'm angry, frustrated, and no longer feel secure in my relationship. Now it seems like all we do is argue over this issue every week and he's getting tired of it. To make matters worse she was over his place but his excuse was she came to pick up pound cake his grandmother sent for her. The only reason I found out is because her screen name was the last to login on his computer. I feel betrayed and as if I'm second best. I don't know what to do should we take a break or go our separate ways? I don't feel as if I can get over this
  9. I know this is kind of a morbid subject, but I thought about this last night. What if something happened and you lost everyone you love? My parents are on a cruise right now and my sisters are at my grandparents house. My girlfriend is at her grandma's house out of town. Being alone in the house I just started thinking what I would do and how lonely it would be. I used to think that being alone wouldn't be so bad, but I can't handle it. What a horrible and boring life that would be. No one there for advice, love, or support. I don't think I'd want to go on anymore.
  10. am really embarrased about this and don't know what to do. My gf gave me my first hj and a came in liike 30 seconds. i didnt think too much of it since it was my first and you know im not used to it. well ive gotten three since then and each time i cum within a min. this is really bothering me and i dont know why this is. i feel that i just get to excited even before she touches me that when she does...i just explode. what shuold i do? i want to have at least a little control over when i cum. ive tried the whole think of your grandma thing but nothing works. please help. Edit/Delete Message
  11. So I'm nearly 20 and on the brink of a semi-life-crisis. I'll start at the beginning. When I was 5, both of my parents died (on the same day) in a murder/suicide situation. Dad killed mom. Last summer, while I was overseas in school, my uncle (who I lived with for a few years when I was earlier), died. It was a horrible ordeal, and everyone knew how close I was to him... I was the closest. I even made, and read, the eulogy at his funeral. So fast forward to a few weeks later when I move into the dorms in the new university. I had went to a different state university my first year... and I transferred to this one (for my major... and it's a better school). Both state schools, though, in Ohio. I did horribly my first quarter (not semester). I was taking 3 hard classes; and my advisor had advised me not to do that because I was in all new settings AND that I shouldn't take those difficult of classes all in one quarter. Side bar: In high school, I was always the "smart kid". I didn't graduate top in my class (it was a competitive class!), but I graduated honors and got mostly A's and only a few B's my entire school career. Learning came easy for me, and our high school wasn't easy either - it's one of the best high schools in the state. So enter my second year of university. My gpa from the other university was good, but it didn't transfer, only the credits transferred. So I started off with a brand new gpa... and failed 2/3 classes. I had such a terrible time my first quarter, and despite stuyding as often as I could without going crazy (and not partying at all), I still failed and got a C- in the other class. They were hard classes, but for as much as I studied, I should have not failed both of them. So now I'm on academic probation. One of the conditions is I have to get a 2.3 this quarter (2 C's and a B+ at the bare minimum). I can already tell that isn't going to happen, and I've been trying. I've gone and seen tutors and still, I can't seem to get the hang of the classes; and they aren't all hard subjects either. I've been trying, but when it comes to the midterm (where the majority of our grades come from), I don't do well at all. So I'm halfway through this quarter, and I'm afraid I'm have passed the point of no return. When I don't get the grades to get a 2.3, I'll be dismissed. And at first, I'll admit it, I thought about suicide because "I can't be a failure. I just can't." That's went through my mind. But my grandparents (who raised me), kept saying "don't worry, we'll be here no matter what, etc". They made me feel loved and safe. I also have... mostly one other person in my life who is supportive and I really enjoy this person. So I have that all going for me. I spoke with my grandparents last night. I said that "IF" I got kicked out, I think it'll be okay, and here's why. I can live at home still (as my brother who is in his senior year of h.s., and my sister who is commuting to college still do). And I can get a couple jobs and make some money. Now here's another thing: I can be reinstated back to the same university AFTER a full year. Of course, I have to go in front of a committee and explain why I failed out and what I am going to do to make sure it won't happen again. So here was my plan: get kicked out, live and work at home for a year. make money for when I do go back AND START SEEING PSYCHIATRIST to help me figure out and work through whatever it is that I can't deal with. Because I know there is something wrong; it's a lack of energy and a mental block. Side bar: when I was 15 I was diagnosed with depression, but they wouldn't put me on any meds because I was too young. So I'm wondering what people think. I feel like I need a break, and I'm failing out. I could transfer to a community college, but I don't want to do that. I do want to take a year off, chill out, and get some help. My aunt was of no help. I found out from my cousin that my aunt had called my grandmother and said to my cousin "I finally got out of your grandmother what XXXXX's grades are!" XXXXX being me. It's like she was happy to be gossiping that I'm failling out. I have to hurry up because I'm on my sister's computer, and maybe this is half rant, but I'm wondering what people think. Taking a break good? AND HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART: how do I deal with people who tell me I'm stupid and make fun of me for dropping out? I thought I'd be fine with it, but then my aunt said something and I feel like more of a failure than I ever have before. So when it goes public, then what? I feel like I'll go back to being suicidal. Thanks for listening!
  12. Hi, I have a question so I can give my sister-in-law some advise. Since it's such a delicate subject, I am tired of keeping my true opinion to myself and only telling her what she wants to hear. I don't want to hurt her feelings. My sister-in-law has a 10 yr. old son, let's call him "Jon". Jon lives with his parents, however his dad is not his biological dad. Jon does not know this. His parents have been married since he was a baby. He has recently been asking questions about families and even told another relative that his parents didn't have him together. No one has addressed Jon's comments whats so ever,so life goes on for everyone. It's just suppose to be this hush hush secret no one talks about but they do. My sister-in-law has talked to family members about when to tell Jon, and everyone just does the polite thing and really says nothing. My opinion is of course its her decision, but Jon's old enough to know the truth. Since they dont want to tell him for several years,I think he will only end up mad. That's a secret some kids may end up resentful about. Jon has never seen his bio-dad and his bio-dad hasnt seen him. Heres the worst part of the story. I would like to say Jon's bio-dad is out of the picture,but hes not. Not really. Jon's bio-dad is a drug addict with lots of problems. Let me remind you on something, Jon is 10 yrs. old. His bio-dad has lived with Jon's Grandpa (his mom's dad) for almost 11 yrs. His Grandpa takes care of Jon's bio-dad like thats his own son. Jon's bio-dad is even in some family photos that Jon's grandparents have. When Jon and his family went to visit Grandpa at his house last year, Jon had no idea his bio-dad lived downstairs. And may never know that. There are even a couple uncles of Jon's that occasionally hang out with his bio-dad. Jon's Grandpa is also a major alcoholic and is very link removed he has this lifelong buddy in Jon's bio-dad to drink with and whatever else. Like I said, this is a hush hush secret. But couldn't this secret hurt Jon someday? At what age do you tell someone their only dad isnt their biological one. Is he going to feel betaryed in countless ways? Is it more likely he will be mad later than now? Will he get mad that his bio-dad has lived with his grandpa his whole life...?...and his bio-dad's drug and alcohol problem is being supplied and supported by his grandpa? Should they ever tell him that? and if so when? Will Jon be upset if he found out he has relatives that occasionally hang out with him? One who Jon really looks up to! What if he ever goes back to his grandpa's and saw a picture of this guy in the background, what would they say then? Oh that's just so n so. The reason I feel so sick about the whole thing is when it gets talked about, we're all suppose to say nothing to my sister-in-law about our real feelings. I'd like to say what i really think to them. That the whole situation sucks, Jon is old enough to be told, and if that was my dad taking care of my kids bio i'd disown him.(especially because of the drug thing). I think Jon could be deeply hurt by this situation someday if it's not presented to him at the right time in the right way. Any advise for me or for me to pass on would be great. Any personal advise that could be passed on, or stories, feel free to e-mail me! email removed Thank you.
  13. I also put this in the replies of my first post. Thanks! Please don't get me wrong, I know it is not my place to make a decision here. And I surely DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT want this man in his life. My point is kids can be more emotional at 15,16,17, etc. They can have more aggression, blahblahblah. Telling a sweet, kind, smart 10 year old the truth seems easier. Especially if he's already asking weird questions, like I previously wrote! They live in a very small town, people gossip. Better it coming from both mom and dad. Because the man who adopted him at 1 yr. old is his only true dad. I don't ever want his biological dad in the picture, nobody does, besides he would never want in the picture. But ask yourselves this... seriously... If you were say, 16 yrs. old, and you found out that whoa, my dad isn't my biological dad. But you had heard that when you were 9-10 yrs old from a snotty little kid from school, and when you brought this up, your mom said "your dad's your dad", and never talked about it again till now. How would you feel? I say 16 cause that's when she is thinking about telling him. NEXT.... Then how would you feel if you found out your bio-dad has lived with your Grandpa your whole life. The Grandpa you see every summer, Christmas, birthdays, and talk with on the phone with once in a while. You have even been into his house. And your Grandpa is the financial supporter in every way to your bio-dad. Which means thats how he gets his drugs and alcohol. And when he goes to jail for something, Grandpa always bailed him out. How would you feel? This part of course may not be suitable for a 10 year old. But that's why I was asking for advise in the first place. When my sister in law talks to me about all this I want to tell her how I really feel, that the first part should be told now, he's old and smart enough. And the second can come later. Which I think should. I like to know the truth about parts of my life, and family, like Grandpa. Last thing... in case someone is wondering. My sister in law got pregnant at 18 by a 22 yr. old guy she barely knew, (it was a week fling), this guy did some work for her dad. That's how they met. Only she moved out and he moved in. They never spoke again. She thought he only lived there for a short while, but found out he stayed a couple years living with her dad. Now a couple years have turned into 10. Total disfunction if you ask me. Thanks for any feedback! Supermom
  14. Long story short. Was with my current gf for a year. Were living together, broke up last July/Aug, because we disagreed on where to move. (amongst a few other things). I moved away (5 hours), went into limited contact. She was always the one contacting me (she more ended the relationship than I did). She'd call every other day, with a million questions, about if I"m dating anyone, who Im hanging out with etc etc. Would tell me she still loved me, all the hoopla. Come to find out late Oct, she had been seeing someone (continued telling me she wasnt seeing anyone). I found out accidently (her 10 yr old sister slipped up on the phone). She immediately contacted me, tried to justify things, I simply told her good luck, and have a nice life. For the next 2 weeks I didn't hear a word from her. At work one day I get a call, from her, completely distraught, crying, and trying to muster words out through her tears. Her grandfather had passed away a few months before this (only father figure in her life), and the new "bf" turned out to be the I knew he was. She asked if it was still too late to come vist "I can't stop thinking about you, about us, I really want to see you". Reluctanely I agree. She visits for the weekend, we have a good time. She explains she'd never felt so strong before about someone, got scared, and wanted to forget about me. Yea, alright, whatever you say. She goes home, dumps the new guy, and starts calling me 3-4 times a day like usual, we SLOWLY start back up. Which brings us to now. We've been officially back together since xmas. I ended up moving back to my homestate, 1,500 miles apart. She came to visit over the holidays, we had a FANTASTIC time for 7 days. Before this we didn't really know what was going to happen with "us". I planned on staying here, she planned on going to college in another state about 10 hours from here. The night before she left, she told me she wanted to move here, and be with me. That she can go to school here, and she's positive this is what she wants. So that's where we stand now. Thing is, we've always had a "different" relationship. We'll bicker over the STUPIDEST things, yell, cuss, argue, then apologize and be fine. This was more so our "old" relationship. Things up until tonight have been GOOD, no fighting at all. Lastnight- she didn't call at all, which is weird for her, because we talk everything. My phone was messed up all day/part of the night, so I got her call earlier in the day sayin she was going to hang out with a friend, girl, who had lost her grandmother a few days ago. 2 3 4 am rolls around, still haven't heard from her. Wake up this morning, still no call, I call her she answers and I ask in a nice tone why she didnt call lastnight. She explains she fell asleep at her friends, and didnt wake up til 6am. I said that's fine, but why couldnt you of called me from there lastnight to let me know. This started an all day screaming match. She FREAKS out, and the convo goes something like this. Her: IM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW I HAD TO CHECK IN!!! Me: You don't have to "check in" you just never NOT call me Her: Like I said, I didnt know I had to check in daddy! Me: Taking 2 minutes to call me and let me know I wont hear from you tonight, isn't checking in Her: I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS ..BLEEP! Me: Why are you getting so upset? Her: CUZ I DIDNT KNOW I WOULD FALL ASLEEP!!! Her: Im gonna go cuz you're pissing me off!!! So the convo goes on like t his for another 5 mins, I let her go. I go out, come home around 8. I call her and she acts like everything is FINE. I ask her what was up with her freaking out over stupid things earlier, she says "Why do you gotta start all over again". I'm calm the whole time, make a couple jokes about it and say "If you just stopped lying about stupid things, I wouldnt have to ask ?'s" SHE FReAAAAAAAAAAAAAKS out again. This time cussing every word in the book, telling me to just "Shut the up" totally freaking out. Convo goes like this. Her: Seriously you're pissing me off, and Im gonna go Me: Why cant we just talk about it, get it over with, and move on Her: THERES NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT!!! GRRR BARK ROOF Me: I havent talked to you all damn day, and now you wanna go? Her: Alright seriously im gonna go, you can either let me go, or i'll hang up and we can argue about it tomorrow Me: Why are you so immature Her: Alright im going love you bye...click By this point, my blood is pumping, Im sitting there with the phone in my hand readying myself to call her, tell her Im not putting up with this bs, and Im DONE! Wouldn't you know, the phone rings 10 mins later, and she's fine. Tells me her emotions are just all over the place today, and shes sorry she took it out on me. ? Are you kidding me. Am I over-reacting or do I have a reason to be a little upset?
  15. my boyfriends grandmother raised him and his brothers, and i have respected and admired her for that. But she has done nothing but talk trash about me since i started dating him, she won't let him make his own desisions about anything. He is almost 20 years old. he just proposed to me on christmas and she does nothing but tell everyone that it was my idea and she told him that after we're married im gona make him quit school. she is telling everyone that i control his every move. on new years eve i was over there and she told me that he is always sick and has to see a doctor all the time which is a complete lie, and she said that we can't afford to live on our own and we make plenty of money. the worst part is HE WON"T STAND UP TO HER! he is making payments on a new car that she won't even let him have in his name. i have tried and tried to get her to like me. what should i do.. i love him so much
  16. My mother passed away in 2004. Some of you know this... Id like to share something with you that means alot to me. Its a poem, on her wall at her house. Next to the poem is a picture, of my mother, her three sisters, and my grandmother. They are out to lunch and they all are wearing purple, with red hats that dont go. Not long after that my grandmother got sick and she didnt come home from the hospital that time...... Mom went not long after that. Id give anything to hear them say 'southerngirl' just one more time. So, here it is...... if there is something you could do for me... Remember to wear purple. SG WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter. I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells And run my stick along the public railings And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain And pick the flowers in other people's gardens And learn to spit You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat And eat three pounds of sausages at a go Or only bread and pickle for a week And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes But now we must have clothes that keep us dry And pay our rent and not swear in the street And set a good example for the children. We must have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple. Taken from the book When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple
  17. Okay when i was 12 i lost my grandfather to lung cancer. As long as i knew him he always had a cigrette in his mouth. He was a nice man and very well known, and knew everyone. In december of 2001 i had travelled 4 and half hours to go visit my grandfather in the hospital. He was getting cancer treatment and before that he almost died on the table. He had burn marks on his chest from where the paddles burnt his skin. From December to August i watch his health go down hill from there.On August 16th 2002 he fell into a coma and he never woke up again. In septmeber my uncles mother died from lung cancer due to smoking, in november my neighbour died from lung cancer. When i was at my neighbours funeral i seen his granddaughter she was about 10 and all i could think was, i know how she feels. But this isnt about lung cancer or people dieing this post is about how i dont understand why people smoke. I could never smoke the pain i have been through and the pain i have seen my family go through. I dont want to put the people i love through that. So why do people smoke. It doesn't calm you down it actually speeds up your heart.i dont understand people who still smoke. Do they understand how bad this feels? My grandfather doenst get to see me graduate next year. He doesnt get to see my have my first child or see my wedding. He didnt even see what i have be come and how far i have come.
  18. Since I've broken up with my boyfriend I've been doing a lot of self reflection and a lot of planning for my future. I almost have my credit card paid off (it will be paid entirely at the beginning of February) I owe almost $7,000 on my car. (it's only worth about $5,000!!) I currently live with my grandma and uncle, and pay my uncle $140 a month plus running errands for my grandma and taking her places (she doesn't drive). I have a good job and make decent pay for only being 20 and not having gone to college. Now I can't stand living with my grandma and living out of one room - i used to have an apartment i lived in with my ex, and I loved having my own place. So starting in February I can either start saving around $500-$600 a month or putting it towards the principle on my car - or both. I just don't know what to do, save up or pay down debt? i'm trying right now to have my auto loan company lower my interest rate because my credit score has gone way up and when i filled out a refinance form they offered me a lower rate, but then i found out i can't refinance through them if i already have a loan through them. Any advice??
  19. My grandpa died yesterday. He had a heart attack about a month ago and was in the hospital all that time... Now the only person I want to run to is my exboyfriend who was always there for me and always made me feel better. I gave in and called him twice today - no answer, and he doesn't have an answering machine - he won't know i called unless he decides to look at his caller ID (which he probably won't). I feel so lost and confused. I've had someone in my family die every year for the past three years. I've had 5 people die in the last 8 years. My family is plagued. I'm miserable right now. I technically lost 2 people I love in less than 2 weeks, considering i haven't talked to my ex in 13 days. I know I shouldn't call my ex, but i'm hurting soo bad right now and i honestly have no one else. ...where do i go from here?
  20. I was making small talk with a customer at work today, and she told me that my ex-boyfriend's grandmother died a week ago. I checked the obituaries later, and it was indeed true. Now, we've been broken up since the end of July, and haven't had any contact for the last few weeks. I know it's an incredibly hard time for his family, especially since his other grandmother died at the beginning of the year. I'm thinking of sending the whole family a sympathy card...Should I? Should I just address it to his mom (it was her mother who died) or to the whole family? Also, by the time the mail goes out, it will have been 9 days since her death...is that too late to send a sympathy card? And would it be odd to send one, because I didn't send them a holiday card? Or should I just send him a quick email saying that I'm sorry to find out about her death and leave it at that? Or do I just ignore it altogether?
  21. My grandma keeps saying i've put on more and more weight. Last time i checked i'd lost some but i guess i've put it all back on. She keeps saying it over and over again. Telling mum i should cut down on my intake. She said that i shouldn't eat anything else cuz i'd had enough today and that really i'd eaten to much. I feel so horrible right now. But whats worse is that if i suggest a diet she says no i'm obsessing with my weight to much. Its like she wants me to stay like this so she can continually pick on me. I feel so huge right now and i was wondering if theres a way to lose weight quickly. So that i can feel good about me and not have my nan on my case.
  22. Just wondering have you all made a lot of friendships online? For me I have made a few guy friends from a few car forums I am on, we are going to hang out sometime. Also Have a friend from college up north, we still chat and are very close. Going to see him when I go up for vacation sometime. Also am friends with 2 of my neighbors (they are like my 2nd grandma and grandpa) and chat with a lot of people in my town (non friends). Also made a lot of friends in college here but dont see them anymore. And met several of my girlfriends online! So where have u met all ur friends?
  23. K given that thread.. I put all my wages into feeding this family and all the money that my dad left me when he died. To help my grandmother. I spend £120 ($240) on my brother I didn't even spend that much on my own husband. In the end.... I said to him would he mind if I kept one of the ps2 games I got because I spent so much money on him. He said no I don't mind. He then went and told my mum my nan and everyone what a horrible *B word* I was and blah blah blah. I don't know if you guys agree but isn't £120 more then enough for someone who steels from you and treats you like dirt? He'll probably just sell it all after Xmas anyway.
  24. My girlfriend recently lost her grandfather and I was there for her that day and she seemed a lot better we even went out the next day and I thought everything was okay so two later I went to my friends and she said I was the * * * *test boyfriend for leaving her to go to my friends and I should of been there for her and first I did when I woke up was went to my friend. She ignored me for 3 days then finally started talking to me again but later that night she said its not the same anymore and she really doesnt have any feeling. I am really upset cause I think she doesnt want to be anymore and we have been together for 1 year. She wouldnt talk to me after I said I was going to my friends and I begged for her to talk to me and never went to my friend but she still holds it agaisnt me and says I cant change something that already happen. She realizes I pick my friends over her and I tried to explain to her How could I even be there when she wouldnt talk to me and hangs up on me. She is so certain that things are more important than her and I care more about myself but I love her more than anything and I even wished that night that I could take all her pain. I would never choose anything for her but she thinks I wasnt there for her when I wanted to be she just wouldnt talk to me. Now this relationship is coming to an end and I cant even tell her I wanted to be there for her but she wouldnt talk to me. I dont know what to do convince her I care about her more than anything. She seems so hard headed that I didnt care but I did...
  25. my girl and i had plans to spend three days together this week, tuesday - thursday. she and her 2 little girls (4 and 6) were going to stay with me for the beginning of xmas break. i was really looking forward to this, as was she. we raved and raved about the opportunity to hang out when we finally had the free time to do so. i even cleared my schedule of work and play to make this happen. note that we have been dating for almost 9 months. however, this morning my girl said she thought this would be inappropriate because of her girls and she was not going to spend the night as planned but we would spend time together as planned. initially i was stunned b/c we were just talking about our plans the night before. i found it hard to believe that in just a few hours should totally would recant on things. i couldnt understnad why she would talk about this for weeks and cancel at the last minute... then tonight she said she was not going to be available at all on wednesday b/c she had plans and would be busy all day. i was stunned at her last minute reversal again and pressed for more info. she told me she was taking her girls to see their grandma and she would be unavailable the entire day. again, i was in disbelief b/c we had already made plans and i was so looking forward to this time together. i tried talking to her about this but she was more interested in the miss america paegant and the fact her cell phone was not charging properly. she tried saying i have to spend all of my time with her and she cannot give that to me. i explained to her that there is a difference between spending every waking minute with someone and then cancelling plans that have been set in stone for weeks at the last minute. i thought this was extremely insensitive and am at a loss for words. i dont know if i am being dramatic or not but this was a huge punch in the gut and has even made me re-think spending xmas with her. i am that distraught. what is your take? she does not have much free time. she works full time, goes to college, raises 2 little girls and of course there is me. i am totally selfless in this relationship, however, as i explained to her i just wish she would have given me a little more heads-up. she said this was the last time before the holidays that she could take her girls to see their grandma. again, i dont have an issue with that but the last minute changes after weeks of planning just kills me especially after i cleared my schedule.
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