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  1. Key Takeaways: Breakup emails can be a practical choice in certain situations, but they lack the personal touch of face-to-face conversations. Writing a breakup email requires careful consideration of words and tone to convey empathy and respect. Receiving a breakup email can be emotionally challenging, emphasizing the need for supportive networks and self-care. Responding to a breakup email should be done thoughtfully, prioritizing personal emotional well-being. Alternatives to breakup emails should be considered to ensure clear and compassionate communication. Understanding Breakup Emails Breakup emails represent a modern, digital method of ending romantic relationships. While traditionally breakups were conducted in person or over the phone, the advent of digital communication has introduced email as an alternative. This approach is often chosen for its convenience and the ability to carefully craft a message. However, it lacks the immediacy and personal nature of a face-to-face conversation. The concept of a breakup email is nuanced. It offers a way to articulate feelings and reasons for the breakup clearly, without the emotional intensity that might arise in a direct confrontation. It provides the sender with the chance to express themselves without interruption or immediate backlash. However, this method can also feel impersonal and detached, which may not be suitable for all relationships or situations. Understanding the dynamics of a breakup email involves recognizing its limitations. The lack of physical presence and immediate response can lead to misunderstandings and a sense of closure being unattainable. Additionally, the permanence of written words means that once sent, the message cannot be taken back or modified in real-time, as in a conversation. Another aspect to consider is the emotional impact on the recipient. Receiving a breakup email can be a jarring experience, as it often comes without the nonverbal cues and emotional context that a face-to-face interaction provides. This can leave the recipient feeling isolated and confused, struggling to process the sudden change in their relationship status. In the realm of digital communication, breakup emails stand as a testament to how technology has reshaped personal interactions. They reflect a shift in communication styles, where convenience sometimes takes precedence over emotional depth and connection. When to Consider a Breakup Email Deciding to end a relationship via email is a decision that should not be taken lightly. It's important to consider the specific circumstances and the nature of the relationship. A breakup email might be appropriate in long-distance relationships, where in-person conversations are not feasible. It can also be a viable option in relationships that have primarily existed online or for those who feel unsafe or uncomfortable with a face-to-face confrontation. Another scenario where a breakup email may be considered is when previous attempts at conversation have not been successful or have led to unhealthy arguments. Email allows for a more controlled environment, where both parties can take time to process the information without the pressure of immediate reactions. It's also crucial to assess the emotional maturity and communication style of both parties involved. If both individuals are comfortable with digital communication and have established this as a norm, a breakup email might be more acceptable. However, it's important to avoid using email as a way to avoid difficult conversations or as an escape from facing the emotional consequences of a breakup. Timing also plays a significant role. A breakup email should not be sent impulsively or in the heat of the moment. It requires careful thought and consideration, ensuring that the message is clear, respectful, and compassionate. The sender should take time to reflect on their reasons for the breakup and how best to communicate them. Finally, ethical considerations should not be overlooked. A breakup email should be a last resort, used only when other methods of communication are not viable or have proven ineffective. It's a tool for clear communication, not an escape from the responsibilities inherent in ending a relationship. In summary, a breakup email should be considered when direct communication is not possible or has been ineffective, and when it aligns with the communication patterns and emotional comfort levels of both individuals involved. Emotional Impact of Receiving a Breakup Email The emotional toll of receiving a breakup email can be profound and complex. Unlike a face-to-face conversation, an email delivers the finality of a relationship's end in written form, leaving the recipient to grapple with their feelings in isolation. The suddenness and impersonal nature of this medium can intensify feelings of rejection and abandonment. For many, the lack of closure is particularly challenging. A breakup email does not allow for immediate questions or the seeking of clarification. This can lead to ruminating over the email's content, analyzing every word for hidden meanings or signs of faltering affection. Such an analysis often exacerbates feelings of confusion and hurt. Surprise and shock are common reactions, especially if the email comes without prior indication that the relationship was in jeopardy. This can lead to a state of disbelief, where the recipient may struggle to accept the reality of the breakup. In some cases, this shock can manifest as denial, an emotional defense mechanism to cushion the blow of rejection. Feelings of loneliness and isolation can also emerge. The digital nature of a breakup email, devoid of human warmth and empathy, can make the recipient feel disconnected and unsupported. This can be particularly tough if the relationship played a significant role in the individual's social and emotional life. Additionally, there may be feelings of embarrassment or shame, particularly if the breakup email is unexpected or contains hurtful content. This can lead to self-doubt and a diminished sense of self-worth, making the process of moving on more difficult. How to Respond to a Breakup Email Responding to a breakup email requires careful consideration and emotional self-awareness. The first step is to allow yourself time to process the initial shock and emotions. Reacting immediately, while emotions are still raw, can lead to responses that may be regretted later. Once composed, it's important to consider whether a response is necessary. In some cases, especially if the email was hurtful or disrespectful, the healthiest option might be not to respond at all. This can be an empowering choice, signifying acceptance and the beginning of moving on. If a response is deemed necessary, it should be crafted with calm and clarity. The goal is not to persuade or argue but to acknowledge the situation. A simple, dignified response that expresses your feelings without blame or bitterness can provide a sense of closure. It's also important to use the opportunity to express any final thoughts or unanswered questions. However, these should be conveyed respectfully and without expectations of rekindling the relationship. This is about seeking understanding, not reconciliation. For those struggling with intense emotions, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be beneficial. They can provide a sounding board for your response, ensuring it reflects your true feelings and intentions. Finally, consider the timing of your response. There's no need to rush. Taking the time you need to respond thoughtfully can be a critical part of your emotional healing and journey towards closure. Avoiding Common Mistakes in Breakup Emails When composing a breakup email, it's crucial to avoid certain pitfalls that can exacerbate the situation. One common mistake is being too vague or ambiguous, which can leave the recipient confused and without a clear understanding of why the relationship is ending. Clarity and honesty, while maintaining kindness and respect, are key. Another mistake is over-explanation or justification. While it's important to be clear, delving into excessive detail or defending your decision can come across as insincere or even cruel. Keep the message concise and focused on the main points. Using harsh or blaming language is also a significant error. Breakup emails should not be a platform for airing grievances or attacking the other person. This approach only leads to hurt feelings and potential conflict. Aim for a tone that is firm yet compassionate. Sending the email at an inappropriate time can also be problematic. Avoid times when you know the recipient is likely to be busy, stressed, or in a public setting. The timing should allow them space to process the news privately and at their own pace. Lastly, reconsider the use of a breakup email if you've had a long, significant relationship. In such cases, a more personal approach, if possible, is often more respectful and conducive to healing for both parties. Alternative Ways to Handle Breakups While email might seem like a convenient way to handle a breakup, there are often more compassionate and effective methods. A face-to-face conversation, though potentially more difficult, allows for a more personal and sincere exchange. It provides both parties the opportunity to express their feelings and gain closure. If a direct in-person conversation isn't feasible, a phone call or video chat can be a good alternative. These methods still allow for real-time interaction and emotional expression, which are important elements in achieving a mutual understanding. Writing a handwritten letter can be another option, particularly for those who find it easier to express themselves in writing. A letter can be more personal and thoughtful than an email, reflecting a deeper level of care and respect for the relationship. For some, involving a neutral third party, like a counselor or mutual friend, can help facilitate a more amicable breakup. This approach can be especially useful in complex situations where emotions run high, and communication has become strained. Using indirect methods like social media or text messages for breaking up should generally be avoided. These platforms often lack the necessary depth and seriousness required for such a significant conversation. Ultimately, the method chosen should reflect the level of respect and care you have for the other person. A breakup, regardless of the method, should be handled with dignity, empathy, and consideration for the feelings of both parties involved. Professional Advice on Breakup Emails Relationship experts often caution against using emails as a primary means of breaking up, except in specific circumstances. Their advice is to reserve email breakups for situations where physical distance, safety concerns, or an online-centric relationship make other forms of communication impractical or impossible. Professionals also emphasize the importance of clear, honest, and respectful communication. A breakup email should be straightforward and articulate the reasons for the breakup in a compassionate manner. Avoiding ambiguity helps the recipient understand the decision, even if it's painful. Timing and preparation are crucial. Experts suggest taking the time to reflect on what you want to say, possibly drafting several versions before sending the final email. This helps in communicating your thoughts more clearly and prevents hasty, emotionally driven decisions. Another piece of advice is to avoid using email as a way to dodge the discomfort of a breakup. Relationship professionals stress the importance of personal growth and learning from the discomfort that comes with difficult conversations. An email should not be a substitute for personal interaction in situations where it is feasible and safe. Finally, they advise considering the post-breakup scenario. Think about how to handle potential responses or the lack thereof, and prepare yourself for moving on. Remember that the end of a relationship, regardless of the medium used, marks the beginning of a new chapter in your life. FAQ: Breakup Email Relationship Q: Is it okay to break up via email? A: While it's generally better to break up in person, email can be an acceptable method in long-distance relationships, or where safety or emotional well-being is a concern. Q: How do I write a breakup email? A: Write clearly and respectfully, stating the reasons for the breakup without blame. Be honest, but also be compassionate and considerate of the other person's feelings. Q: Should I reply to a breakup email? A: Responding depends on your comfort level. If you choose to reply, do so calmly and with dignity, expressing your feelings without engaging in blame or conflict. Q: How can I cope with receiving a breakup email? A: Seek support from friends and family, engage in self-care activities, and allow yourself time to grieve and process your emotions. Professional counseling can also be beneficial. Q: Are there situations where a breakup email should be avoided? A: Avoid using email for breakups in long-term, deeply involved relationships, or where a more personal approach is possible and appropriate. Q: How can I ensure a breakup email is received as intended? A: Be clear, concise, and respectful in your wording. There's no guarantee of how it will be received, but focusing on honesty and empathy can help convey your message as intended.
  2. Key Takeaways: Effective breakup email subject lines balance honesty with sensitivity, reflecting the complexity of ending a relationship. Crafting a compassionate breakup email requires thoughtful consideration of timing, tone, and personalization. Understanding the psychology behind breakup communication can guide the creation of more impactful and respectful emails. Respecting privacy and boundaries is crucial in breakup emails to maintain dignity and compassion for both parties involved. Understanding Breakup Emails: A Modern Approach Breakup emails, while a relatively modern medium for ending relationships, offer a unique blend of privacy and reflection. Unlike face-to-face conversations, emails allow both parties to process their thoughts and emotions without immediate pressure. This format can be particularly beneficial in situations where direct communication may lead to heightened emotions or misunderstandings. However, it's crucial to recognize that the impersonal nature of emails can also be perceived as lacking empathy or seriousness. Therefore, it's important to approach breakup emails with a sense of responsibility and clarity. One of the key aspects of breakup emails is the subject line. It sets the tone for the message and can significantly impact how the recipient perceives the content. A well-crafted subject line should be clear but not harsh, honest yet sensitive. It's a delicate balance, aiming to prepare the recipient for the content without causing undue distress. Understanding the nuances of this balance is essential for anyone considering a breakup via email. The rise of digital communication in relationships brings both challenges and opportunities. While it offers convenience and a certain level of detachment, it also requires a new set of etiquettes and understandings. Breakup emails are part of this new landscape, and navigating them effectively requires both emotional intelligence and digital communication skills. In the context of breakup emails, it's important to understand the recipient's perspective. How will they receive and interpret your message? This empathy can guide the wording of your subject line and the overall tone of the email. A breakup email is not just about conveying your feelings; it's also about acknowledging and respecting the feelings of the other person. Additionally, the cultural and personal context of the relationship plays a crucial role. What might be an appropriate subject line in one culture or relationship might not be suitable in another. It's essential to consider these differences when crafting your email. Cultural sensitivity and personal understanding can significantly influence the effectiveness of your communication. Another consideration is the longevity and intensity of the relationship. A long-term, deeply involved relationship may require a more thoughtful and detailed approach compared to a short-term, casual relationship. The depth of the email and the choice of words in the subject line should reflect the nature of the relationship to ensure that the message is received in the right context. Understanding breakup emails requires a modern approach that balances digital communication skills with emotional intelligence and cultural sensitivity. The subject line, as the first point of contact, plays a crucial role in setting the tone for the entire message. The Art of Crafting a Compassionate Breakup Email Crafting a compassionate breakup email is an art that combines honesty, tact, and empathy. The goal is to convey your decision in a way that is respectful to both yourself and the recipient. This starts with the subject line – a critical element that sets the tone for your message. A well-chosen subject line can ease the blow and show that you've approached this difficult decision with care and thoughtfulness. The body of the email should follow the tone set by the subject line. It's important to be direct yet kind, avoiding ambiguity while also steering clear of harsh or overly blunt language. The focus should be on expressing your feelings and reasoning without blaming or shaming the other person. This approach helps maintain dignity for both parties and can pave the way for a more amicable parting. Personalization is key in a compassionate breakup email. It should reflect the unique aspects of your relationship and the individual you are addressing. Generic messages can come across as insincere or indifferent. By personalizing your email, you acknowledge the significance of the relationship and the individual, even in its ending. Finally, it's important to consider the potential impact of your words. A breakup email is not just a means to an end; it's a message that the other person may carry with them. Choose your words with the understanding that they have the power to heal or hurt. A compassionate breakup email, crafted with care and empathy, can help both parties find closure and move forward. Top 5 Breakup Email Subject Lines: What Works Best Choosing the right words for a breakup email subject line is a delicate task. It sets the tone for the entire message and can greatly influence how the recipient perceives and reacts to the email. Here are five effective subject lines that balance clarity and compassion: "We Need to Talk: A Difficult Conversation" - This subject line is straightforward and prepares the recipient for a serious discussion, without revealing too much detail. "Reflecting on Us: Some Thoughts" - This line suggests a reflective and thoughtful approach, indicating a personal and considerate message. "A Heartfelt Goodbye: Our Journey's End" - This subject conveys a sense of closure and acknowledges the emotional weight of the situation. "Finding Our Paths: A Necessary Farewell" - This line hints at mutual growth and the need for separation without placing blame. "Cherishing Memories, Embracing Change" - It focuses on positive aspects while also implying a transition. Each of these subject lines is carefully crafted to initiate a difficult conversation with sensitivity and respect. They are clear in their intent, yet gentle in their delivery, striking a balance between honesty and compassion. It's important to note that the effectiveness of a subject line also depends on the nature of the relationship and the individual circumstances. What works in one scenario may not be appropriate in another. Therefore, it's essential to personalize the subject line to fit the context of your relationship. Moreover, these subject lines avoid common pitfalls such as being too vague, overly dramatic, or impersonal. They provide just enough information to prepare the recipient for the breakup without causing unnecessary anxiety or confusion. The best breakup email subject lines are those that respect the dignity of the relationship and the individual, while clearly signaling the nature of the email. They are a crucial first step in conveying your message with empathy and care. Balancing Honesty and Sensitivity in Your Subject Line Creating a subject line for a breakup email is a balancing act between being honest about your intentions and being sensitive to the feelings of the recipient. Honesty is essential in conveying the seriousness of your message, but it must be tempered with empathy to avoid causing unnecessary hurt. An honest subject line does not mean being brutally frank. Instead, it involves choosing words that truthfully reflect your feelings and the situation without being harsh. For example, a subject line like "Ending Our Relationship: My Decision" is honest but may come across as insensitive. A more balanced approach could be "Facing a Difficult Reality: Our Conversation Ahead." Sensitivity in a subject line means considering how your words will be received. It involves empathy, imagining yourself in the recipient's position. Phrases that acknowledge the shared history or the complexity of emotions are often more sensitive and respectful. However, being too sensitive can also be problematic. Overly vague or euphemistic subject lines might confuse the recipient or delay the understanding of the email's intent. Clarity should not be sacrificed in the pursuit of sensitivity. The key is to find a middle ground where your subject line is clear about your intentions but also shows that you have thoughtfully considered the impact of your words. It should invite the recipient to read your email with an understanding that it was written with care and respect. A well-balanced breakup email subject line is one that respects both the sender's need to be truthful and the recipient's need to be treated with kindness. It sets the stage for a breakup message that is both clear and considerate, paving the way for a more respectful and dignified end to the relationship. Avoiding Common Mistakes in Breakup Email Subject Lines When composing a breakup email, the subject line is your first impression. Avoiding common pitfalls can make a significant difference in how your message is received. Here are some typical mistakes to steer clear of: First, avoid being too vague or cryptic. Subject lines like "We need to talk" or "Something important" can create unnecessary anxiety. They leave too much to the imagination, which can be unsettling. Instead, aim for a balance of clarity and sensitivity. Secondly, overly dramatic or emotional subject lines can set a negative tone. Phrases like "Heartbroken and lost" or "Shattered dreams" can come across as melodramatic. They might detract from the seriousness of your message and could be perceived as manipulative. Third, steer clear of blame and accusations. Subject lines that imply fault, such as "You never understood me" or "Your mistakes," can start the conversation on a confrontational note. The goal is to communicate your feelings and decision, not to lay blame. Another common mistake is being too blunt or harsh. Subject lines like "Breaking up with you" or "It's over" lack the necessary tact and consideration. They can be hurtful and may close off any room for a respectful dialogue. Lastly, avoid clichés and overused phrases. Lines like "It's not you, it's me" are so familiar that they can come across as insincere. Your subject line should reflect the unique nature of your relationship and convey that you've thoughtfully considered your words. Personalizing Your Breakup Email: Tips and Tricks Personalizing a breakup email can make a significant difference in how it's perceived. Here are some tips and tricks to help you tailor your message for a more thoughtful and considerate breakup: Start by reflecting on the unique aspects of your relationship. What are the specific experiences, memories, or characteristics that define it? Incorporating these elements into your email can demonstrate that you value and respect the time you spent together. Consider the language and tone that your partner would resonate with. If they appreciate directness, be clear and straightforward. If they are more sensitive, choose softer and more empathetic language. Matching your tone to their communication style can show that you understand and care about them. Use specific examples or memories to illustrate your points. Rather than making vague statements, bring up particular instances that demonstrate your thoughts and feelings. This approach makes your email more relatable and genuine. Acknowledge the positive aspects of the relationship. Even though you're ending it, highlighting the good times can be a way to show gratitude and soften the blow of the breakup. It can help to leave things on a more positive note. Be honest about your reasons for the breakup, but do so with kindness. Your honesty will be appreciated, but it's important to frame it in a way that is respectful and considerate of their feelings. If relevant, express your hopes for the future – whether it's maintaining a friendship or simply wishing them well. This can help provide closure and set the stage for a respectful parting of ways. Finally, read and re-read your email before sending it. Consider how it might be received and make adjustments to ensure it aligns with your intentions. Remember, this email will likely be a significant communication in your relationship, so taking the time to get it right is crucial. Timing Matters: When to Send a Breakup Email The timing of sending a breakup email can be just as important as the content itself. Choosing the right moment can impact how your message is received and processed. Here are some considerations for determining the best time to send a breakup email: First, consider the recipient's schedule. Avoid sending the email at a time when they might be busy, stressed, or unable to process the information properly, like during work hours or late at night. The goal is to allow them space and time to absorb and reflect upon the message. It's also important to think about significant dates or events. Avoid sending a breakup email right before, during, or after important occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, or major life events. This sensitivity can prevent additional emotional stress. Reflect on the current state of your relationship. If you've been communicating regularly, it might be less jarring to receive a breakup email. If communication has been sparse, consider whether an email is the best approach or if another form of communication might be more appropriate. Consider the timing in relation to recent events in your relationship. If there's been a significant argument or discussion, it might be best to allow some time for emotions to settle before sending a breakup email. This pause can lead to a more rational and calm exchange. Think about your own readiness. Are you emotionally prepared to handle the potential responses or the finality of the breakup? Ensure that you are sending the email from a place of clarity and not from a reactive or emotional state. Lastly, remember that there is no perfect time for a breakup. While timing is important, focusing too much on finding the 'perfect moment' can lead to unnecessary delays. It's about finding a balance between being considerate and being decisive. The Psychology Behind Effective Breakup Email Subject Lines The subject line of a breakup email is more than just words; it's a crucial communication tool that reflects psychological nuances. Understanding the psychology behind effective subject lines can help you craft a message that is respectful and empathetic. Here's what to consider: First, recognize the power of first impressions. The subject line is the first thing your recipient will see, and it sets the tone for the entire email. A well-thought-out subject line can ease the recipient into the message, reducing shock or distress. Empathy plays a significant role. Putting yourself in the recipient's shoes and considering how they might feel when reading your subject line is crucial. A subject line that acknowledges the emotional weight of the situation can be more effective than one that is purely factual. The principle of closure is important in breakup emails. A subject line that implies a conclusion or an end, without being too abrupt, can help the recipient psychologically prepare for the content of the email. This approach can facilitate acceptance and understanding. Clarity and directness are also key. While it's important to be sensitive, being too vague can lead to confusion and anxiety. A subject line that clearly indicates the purpose of the email, without being harsh, is ideal. Consider the balance between brevity and expressiveness. A subject line that is too long may lose impact, while one that is too short may lack the necessary context. Striking the right balance can effectively convey your message. The psychology behind effective breakup email subject lines involves empathy, clarity, and an understanding of the impact of your words. A carefully crafted subject line can make a significant difference in how your message is received and processed. How to Prepare for Possible Responses When you send a breakup email, it's important to prepare yourself for various possible responses. The way your recipient reacts can vary widely, and being mentally prepared can help you handle the situation more gracefully. Here's how to brace yourself for the aftermath: Firstly, be prepared for a range of emotions. The recipient may respond with sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. Their response might be immediate or delayed. Understanding that their reaction is a natural part of processing the breakup can help you respond empathetically. Consider the possibility of a request for further discussion. Your recipient might want to talk more about the points raised in the email or seek closure in person. Decide in advance how much additional communication you're willing to engage in and set clear boundaries if necessary. Finally, be ready for the possibility of no response at all. In some cases, the recipient may choose not to reply. Respect this decision as their way of processing the breakup and focus on moving forward yourself. Respecting Privacy and Boundaries in Breakup Emails Respecting privacy and boundaries is crucial when sending a breakup email. It's not just about what you say, but also about how you say it, and considering the implications of sending such a sensitive message via email. Here are some guidelines to help maintain respect and dignity: First, consider the privacy of the content. Avoid including overly personal details or anything that could be embarrassing or harmful if the email were to be seen by others. Remember, once an email is sent, you can't control who else might see it. Be mindful of the tone and language used. Avoid accusatory or disrespectful language. The goal is to express your feelings and decision, not to blame or belittle the other person. Respect the recipient's boundaries in your email. If there have been issues of sensitivity or triggers in the past, be mindful of these when composing your message. This shows that you still care about their feelings, even as you're ending the relationship. Consider the implications of digital communication. Email can feel impersonal, so it's important to write in a way that still feels respectful and considerate. It's also permanent, so think carefully about what you write and how it might be interpreted in the future. Be clear about your own boundaries. If you're not comfortable with further communication post-breakup, or if you need space, communicate this in your email. Setting clear expectations can help prevent misunderstandings later on. Respect the recipient's response or lack thereof. If they choose to reply, engage with understanding and respect. If they don't respond, respect their choice and give them the space they need. Respecting privacy and boundaries in a breakup email involves careful consideration of the content, tone, and potential impact of your message. It's about ending the relationship in a way that maintains dignity and respect for both parties involved. The Role of Closure: Ending on a Positive Note Closure is a significant aspect of any breakup, and how you handle it can set the tone for both parties' post-breakup healing. A well-composed breakup email can play a key role in facilitating this closure, especially when it ends on a positive note. Here's how to approach it: Start by acknowledging the good times you shared. Mentioning positive memories or qualities you admire in the other person can soften the impact of the breakup and show that you value the time you spent together. Express gratitude for the relationship, even if it's ending. Recognizing what you've learned or how you've grown can be a way of showing appreciation for the experience, regardless of its conclusion. Be honest but gentle about your reasons for the breakup. Clear communication can help the other person understand your perspective and may assist in their process of moving on. Wish the recipient well for the future. A message of goodwill can help leave things on a more amicable note, offering a sense of hope and positivity. Encourage mutual respect and understanding as you both move forward. This can help in reducing bitterness and facilitating a more peaceful transition into post-breakup life. The role of closure in a breakup email is crucial. It's about ending the relationship in a respectful, considerate way that allows both parties to move forward with positivity and peace. FAQ: Answering Your Common Questions on Breakup Emails Many people have questions about the etiquette and effectiveness of breakup emails. Here are answers to some of the most common queries: Is it appropriate to break up via email? Breaking up via email can be appropriate in certain situations, especially if direct communication is challenging or might lead to conflict. However, it should be approached with thoughtfulness and respect. What should I include in a breakup email? A breakup email should include a clear statement of your decision, an explanation of your reasons (conveyed respectfully), acknowledgment of the relationship's positive aspects, and wishes for the future. How long should a breakup email be? The length of a breakup email can vary, but it should be long enough to convey your message clearly and respectfully. Avoid being overly brief, as this can seem dismissive, or excessively long, which can be overwhelming. Should I respond to a reply to my breakup email? Whether to respond depends on the content of the reply and your comfort level. If the response is respectful and seeks closure, it might be kind to reply. If it's aggressive or demanding, it may be best to maintain distance. How can I handle the emotional aftermath of sending a breakup email? Take time to care for yourself emotionally. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Remember that it's normal to feel a range of emotions after a breakup. Can a breakup email lead to a positive outcome? Yes, a well-crafted breakup email can lead to a positive outcome, especially if it's written with honesty, empathy, and respect. It can provide clarity and closure, helping both parties move forward in a healthy way. Next Steps: Moving Forward After Sending a Breakup Email After sending a breakup email, it's crucial to focus on your own healing and moving forward. The period following a breakup can be challenging, but it's also a time for personal growth and reflection. Here are some steps to consider: First, give yourself time to grieve. It's normal to feel a mix of emotions after a breakup, even if you were the one to initiate it. Allow yourself to process these feelings without judgment. Engage in self-care activities. Whether it's exercising, pursuing a hobby, or simply taking some quiet time for yourself, activities that nourish your body and mind can be incredibly beneficial during this time. Reflect on the relationship and what you've learned from it. Understanding what worked and what didn't can provide valuable insights for your future relationships. Establish a support system. Lean on friends, family, or a support group to share your feelings and experiences. Talking with others can provide comfort and perspective. Finally, focus on the future. Set goals for yourself, whether they're related to your career, personal development, or hobbies. Looking forward can help shift your focus from the past to new possibilities. Resources and Support for Post-Breakup Healing Healing after a breakup, especially one initiated via email, can take time and effort. Thankfully, there are numerous resources and forms of support available to help you through this process. Here are some suggestions: Consider professional therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space to process your emotions and offer strategies to cope with the change in your life. Read self-help books on breakups and personal growth. These can offer insights and advice on dealing with heartache and moving forward. Join support groups, either in-person or online. Connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can be comforting and enlightening. Explore mindfulness and meditation. These practices can help in managing stress, anxiety, and negative emotions that often accompany a breakup. Stay active and engage in physical activities. Exercise can boost your mood and is a healthy way to cope with emotional stress. Keep a journal. Writing about your feelings and experiences can be a cathartic way to process your emotions and track your healing journey. Lastly, don't rush the healing process. Everyone heals at their own pace, and it's important to be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this transition.
  3. Is it possible to love someone so much that if anyone speaks their name, you get so exhuberant that tears fill up your eyes and you just wish that that person was with you at that very moment? I tend to do that when I read emails from my boyfriend and I'm just wondering if I'm overemotional or if anyone else has experienced this.
  4. (to the tune of "The Rose") - by mfan 10/8/2012 Some say love, it is a website, that costs 5 bucks a week, Some say love, it is a profile, written completely in text-speak It's the guy who really likes you, who turns out to be a freak It's the girl who loves her family, who thinks that she's unique It's the photo in the mirror, taken with a cheap cell phone, And the girl who hardly knows you, who asks you for a loan It's the guy afraid to meet you, though you've been emailing for ten years; And the girl that you can't look at until you've had ten beers When the site has been too lonely, and the profiles have been too long And you think that winks are only for the lucky and the strong Just remember, in your sent mail, there is text you can reuse for the next girl you send a message to, when your account renews.
  5. Okay well some time last year I found a link on this forum to a poetry contest and entered this poem in and today I got an email that went like this Over the past several months, we have been reviewing the thousands of poems submitted to us, as well as examining the poetic accomplishments of people whose poetry has appeared on the Internet and in various editions released by other poetry publishers in America and Europe. After an exhaustive examination of this poetic artistry, The International Library of Poetry is pleased to inform you that you have been nominated for inclusion in ... The International Who's Who in Poetry It then went on to say things like you were selected for inclusion in this project based on your unique talent and previous poetic accomplishments. We believe you to be one of the most interesting poets we have encountered, I was all like "You wot??" This has go to be some kind of a scam, has anyone else gotten an email like this after submiting a poem? Can you tell me if they're for real or if this is just some money making scam?
  6. Recently photography has become a hobby of mine and am just a beginner wanting to start out. My first event is on March 24th, I emailed the bride and told her i am a beginner starting out so she knows. Its a vow renewal ! Me and a second student photographer are gong to be there. Because this is my first time, and going to be renting out an camera I really want to get something thats non-complicated. DSLR and SLR are camera's that I actually have to sit down and learn, are there any other digital camera I can use besides those ? That can take professional pictures ? That takes good quality pictures. There is also a point and shoot camera. Any advice would do because I have to get the camera by this week. If there are links out there can you please paste them on here for first time shooters ? Thanks
  7. I used to know this guy that would look outside the window ever few minutes around the time that I would pull up and would be waiting at the door to put his arms around me and hug and kiss me. - Where did he go? This guy would also grab my hand while we were walking anywhere or would put his arm around me and keep me close when we were in public. - Where did he go? Oh the butterflies I used to get when he would randomly grab me, pull me close and kiss me so passionately. - Where did he go? He would send me texts or emails all day long, telling me how much he wanted it to be 5:30PM where I'd be there next to him. - Where did he go? This guy would curl up behind me and hold me while I slept. I would joke about how his body heat would make me so hot at night. - Where did he go? Wow, he would look at me with so much love and desire in his eyes that I blushed ever time. - Where did he go? He made me feel so comfortable and safe from the moment I met him, I had never felt like that before. - Where did he go? This guy hated to see me stressed out because of work so he would joke and play around with me, making me feel so much better. - Where did he go? Now, I have this guy who just sits on the couch when I come home, most of the time he does not even say hello. - Who is this guy? I have to grab his hand to be close in public, but my hand is often avoided or he lets go quickly. - Who is this guy? His kisses are tight lipped and very quick, only offered in the mornings with a quick hug. I've not felt butterflies in a long time. - Who is this guy? Sometimes he will email me, but it will be quick and focused on how his day is going. No flirting, all business. - Who is this guy? He sleeps on the right side of the bed, but now puts pillows between us. - Who is this guy? He really does not look at me except when we are talking, and even then, the TV is usually the focus. - Who is this guy? I feel alone a lot of the times, even with him sitting there next to me. The silence becomes uncomfortable sometimes. - Who is this guy? If I am stressed or in a bad mood, he will go hide in another room to not deal with it. - Who is this guy? Tears fill my eyes remembering how happy that guy I used to know made me feel. Tears start falling when I think that this guy who looks like who I used to know, but acts completely different might be what I will be stuck with from now on. I miss that guy I used to know and I want him back more than anyone could ever know. Where did you go and will I ever get you back?
  8. I've been doing the "no contact rule" for close to 3 months now. It is harder since I still see her kids, but I've still tried. I must admit that I have broken the rule a few times and sent her an e-mail or two which in turn left to numerous e-mails being exchanged between us that day. Nothing serious in the e-mails - just generic stuff and some mild flirtation. In any case, her birthday is approaching and I would like to see her and spend some time with her. I understand that is a big no no, but we kind of share a special sentiment when it comes to bithdays. Is this a wise move or am I going to have to go back to square one again? Some of my female friends have suggested no, while others have said yes, but make it brief so that she'll know that you remembered her, to have her miss those past birthday moments, etc. Even link removed suggested not forgetting her birthday: link removed Some have even suggested to me that I should stop this no-contact rule. Why? Since we our both stubborn and ego/pride driven, it's like a game and we are both willing to see who would hold out the longest. It's as if we are just playing a cruel trick on each other - all for the sake of pride and holding out. I don't know...this is just an example of how difficult it can be going through the no-contact phase. People have told me to fight for her and knock that stubborness out of her head. I still want to see her though. She has said that I am welcome back to her house anytime and there are so many times where I just want to take advantage of that. I need reassurance.
  9. Okay I have written to this forum many times and I have met an answered prayer here on this forum but after six months of trying to heal from a two month little fling with a girl I still can't heal. I'm still grieving, I'm still in pain. I saw her on the road a couple of days ago, she smiled and waved, what did I do? Made eye contact for a split second, and then I turned and ignored her. Why? Because two months ago I e-mailed her and she hadn't returned an e-mail. So, that being said, I very stupidly checked the e-mail accounts that I know she knows and there was no e-mail there again this weekend. I mean absolutely nothing to her. Now I can't sleep. I'm crying and I'm hurting bad. I am convinced that this wound will be forever and maybe I'm weak or something for acting this way over something that lasted such a short time. She was unbelievably cruel to me over the summer tearing an already broken heart into a million more pieces by blaming things on me and being very condescending to me "you just can't get over it", sending her friend to bash me on my journal, etc. etc. (I have a Word Doc lining out the whole story, PM for it if you want it) and only calling for a truce after I exposed her lies. Why can't I just snap out of it? What is wrong with me? Is it time for me to check into an inpatient mental health facility as my friend suggested? I don't know. I am really really terrified at the moment. I'm sorry you all have to read this, I'm desperate for help. I have been trying to heal after six months and move ahead, but I don't know why I can't. As I said before, I feel like I'm drowning but I'm miraculously still being held alive. I don't know how to make this pain go away. I'm sorry that all my posts seem repetitious and stuff. I just, I'm messed up I guess. Should I just go into a mental health facility?
  10. My wife and I have been married for almost ten years. Our marriage is great, we have 2 great kids together. My wife is a natural flirt, I knew this before I married her, but thought I could deal with it, and for the most part, I have been able to look the other way when she turns on the charm. Lately I haven't been able to. What triggered it all was I found out she was sending emails to a man at her new job. I'm not sure how far the relationship had gone, but there was some sexual content to the emails. When I found out, I confronted her and she stopped emailing him. She is still working with him (at night no less!) and I can't stop feeling jealous. I want to believe that there is nothing to it. After all our marriage has been through, I can't believe she would jeopardize it. But I still can't stop feelling jealous and anxious. Any ideas on what to do next??? Thanks,
  11. Hey my name is Gabe and i am 17 years old. Ok there is this boy that I like a lot, well love, but i dont know if he is bi or gay. some of my friends think he is from what i tell him he does and stuff, but i am not to sure. I am also scared on telling him that i am bi. I met this guy when i was a freshman in H.S. When i first saw him i liked him i mean he is cute. I then started talking to him and his personality (the main thing i look for in someone) was awesome! me and him like the same things!!! but anyways.....i recently moved away and i didnt see or talk to him in a long time because we didnt have each others phone numbers or email addresses. Not until this past summer was i able to finally get his AIM screen name. i instant messaged him as soon as he signed on and said hey whats up and we talked for a long time. We were talking and he said that it was great to talk to me again and he misses me. About 2 months later (this past summer) i was in my old town where he lives and i gave him my cell number. I was with my friend Denise and my cell phone rang, and it was him. he said that his band had a gig tonite and he wanted to kno i could go. i told him i would try my best and he said "ok well please come man, i want to see you and i want u to see us play." (thats one of the things i picked up). Well i went and when we saw each other we hugged Back on messenger we still tell each other man we need to see each other again. He made a comment one time (sort of as a thank you) saying, when i see u i will rub warm oils all over you. (but he jokes around like that...freshman year and still now he jokes around like he is gay. he used to hug me and say that i gave him a boner and all this stuff) But OMG there r a lot of little things he says and stuff that makes me wonder if he is. i am hoping and praying that he is atleast bi because i want to be with him and just...i dunno i luv him a lot and I wanna kno so bad if he is bi or gay? what do u think? and what should i do? should i tell him that i am bi? Please help me i am so confused. (this was written kinda fast becuze everything was coming at me at once, if u want to talk to me i am always on AIM: SkoolHatr438 MSN Messenger: email removed)
  12. Hi, We have been in a committed relationship for almost a year, and I care a great deal about this girl. We have even been making plans to live together and eventually get married. However, I recently discovered an email from her exboyfriend that indicated they had been keeping in touch. I confronted her & she denied everything. The next day (Friday) she came over to talk and told me that they had gone out for coffee 2-3 times, and that the relationship was strictly plutonic. That same day we had makeup sex, and she stayed over the entire weekend. She assured me of her love for me and apologized profusely. She gauranteed me that she would immediately cut off all contact with him. We had a very passionate weekend to say the least. Well, it's the next week and my feelings of distrust have re-surfaced. It got to the point where I asked her to take a polygraph test yesterday to confirm her story and she is reluctant. This resulted in a fight. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
  13. I would like to hear from everyone but especailly some guys as to what they think about this situation and what this guy is thinking? Here it goes over 9 years ago me and this guy were almost engaged, we broke up because of the distance between us, there was no other problem. We both got married to different people 1 year after our break up. He married his high school sweetheart, I married a 'new person.' My ex and I continued to talk all the way up to when I got married, he got married a few months after me. (During these talks he was very 'distant' from me, he would only call me and tell me that he 'still loves me' when he had been drinking', but during 'regular hours' he would call me but would be so cold and mean) He is 30 and I am 31. SO we both got married and lived our lives and we are still both married with children. He tells me he is happily married and I am in a relatively happy marriage. Throughout the years I had never forgotten about him, and many things reminded me of him, well a few months back I received an email from him. Come to find out all these years he also thought about me as well. So somehow our talks turned into this very intense online/phone affair. We were both out of control like 2 teenagers. We admitted to each other that over the years we had thought of each other and he even said he wonders about the 'what if's and wonders if maybe all those years ago if one of us had maybe said one thing differently then maybe things would be different. So this contact continued for a couple of weeks and he finally said that as much feelings as he has for me, we have to stop contact. He said he feels he is living a double life and he believed thinking about me is ok but talking all the time was not right. He also said he had made his decision to marry his wife and was committed and loved her. He said If we were both single we know what the solution would be but at this point we need to be happy with what we have. Then he went further to say he was sorry he had hurt me, but he cared for me very much and wanted to keep in touch for life updates every once in a while but it should stop there. Infact I mentioned seeing each other and he said as much as he wanted to it was wrong and that seeing each other would be like making plans to cheat. These words from him hurt so much, just like when we had first broken up, but I tried to take it day by day, so a month or so past and we were emailing each other once a week, trying to keep it more on a friendship level and then things changed again, he started to contact me more not everyday, but the emails became more "i was just thinking about you', etc, a few IM messages etc., a few phone calls. So that is where things are now and I just don't understand him anymore. Can any of you esp the guys shed some light as to what this guy is feeling, what he wants and why he is doing this to me? I wish I could just get amnesia and forget I ever met him, because this is not how life is supposed to be. I mean I keep holding on to hope that maybe he does care about me and feel for me the way I do for him, and that is why he keeps coming back but I don't get it.
  14. sandrawg

    need help...

    My boyfriend and I have been together 6 mos. I should start by saying that I am somewhat insecure in general, but I went through a divorce last year that made me even more insecure (marriage of 10 yrs ended). In the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend did things that fed my insecurity...for ex., he tried to convince me to get breast implants, because mine are small and he preferred big ones. After we had been together a couple of months, he told me about this gorgeous girl (Jennifer) that hung out at this Internet cafe where he also hung out. (She had big breasts, looked like a porn star, but also had a brain, or so he said.) Anyway, he ended up getting her email address and emailing her. He swore to me it was meaningless. I didn't tell him how much it bothered me (I know, my bad.) Anyway, they emailed back and forth for about a month--it seemed to end July 4th when she went back east to visit family. Meanwhile, he and I were getting more serious. He seemed committed to me. He stopped mentioning my small breasts-seemed happier with me, and with my body. Said it was the best relationship he'd ever been in. So, I thought the email correspondence with this girl would just die off. It seemed to...until, late August. I was housesitting for him while he was on a business trip. I did what I know to be a bad thing, but I just felt like I had to know what was going on with this girl. He didn't have a password on his email account, and he had told me I could use his computer while he was away. I did NOT read his email. However, I noticed Jennifer was in his chat list. I then peeked into his chat record and saw that he had contacted her to chat on Aug. 26th--which was right at the time he and I were getting closer, talking about marriage, etc. The chat did not indicate he was cheating or anything, but it was very flirtatious and could have led to more. He referred to her beauty and brains a couple of times. He asked her if men were intimidated by her. At the end, he asked "Am I going to run into you this week?" she said "Maybe." Reading this made me very upset. Maybe he didn't cheat, but where did he think this flirtation was headed? Why did he never mention to her that he was seeing someone? Where did he hope his contact with her would go? And why did he contact a girl whom I was so obviously threatened by, during a time when he and I were so close (I was bending over backwards at that time to help him get through a difficult period.) He still swears it didn't mean anything. But you add that to his previous comments about my breasts, his comments praising her beauty, etc., and my general insecurity...it's a bad mix. I did not handle it correctly, I know. My jealousy and feelings of humiliation got the best of me. I left him angry emails, voicemail, and broke up with him. When he came back, we were trying to work it out. But he is still very mad and resentful I invaded his privacy. It has become all about me and what I did. And I am still having trouble getting my jealousy under control. Last Thursday, he mentioned that he was at an art gallery. There was a new girl there, sitting next to a painting he was interested in. He said out loud, "Who did this painting, the one next to the very attractive woman here?" I felt he was flirting again and flew off the handle. Once again, he thinks he didn't do anything wrong because he has had ample opportunity to cheat (women are giving him signals or coming on to him all the time--he is very handsome), and he hasn't. Now I fear he thinks he may as well do something because I am going to be jealous anyway. I am going to start counseling to get this under control, but I don't know what to do to handle his anger and resentment. Many of my friends don't think I'm being unreasonable (even though they say I shouldn't have gotten into his chat records.) What do you all think?
  15. I am curious to know what everyone's opinion is on your ex's birthday. I am interested if anyone feels obligated to send their ex a "Happy birthday" on their birthday. Has anyone ever regretted not sending their exes something, maybe not a gift but at least sent them an email? I am closing in a situation where its my exes birthday. I feel that she doesn't really deserve one from me after everything that has happened between us. She still wants us to be friends, but currently I am not in any place to want that to happen. But at the same time, am I being childish if I don't even let her know that I remembered by a txt or email. Whether it matters or not if I did or didn't I have no idea. I have never been in a situation like this before so I am not sure how to proceed. Anyone?
  16. Well here is my story. I recently started emailing/chatting with this guy online through link removed. I was a little hesitant to do this but I was just not meeting quality men at the bar or elsewher. He seemed really nice, we emailed each other for 2 weeks and then he asked me out to dinner. Last night we went out. He picked me up, acted all formal (i think this is how he acts when hes shy/nervous) We went out to a nice restaurant. After the initial nervousness, we talked and talked all night. I know we were both shy/nervous but we (or at least I) felt comfortable. After dinner, he dropped me off at my place. I asked him in and showed him my place just to talk a little further. I asked him to sit but he said that he needed to get home to do some work for work. He says his job is a 24 hr a day job. Anyway, we had so much to talk about/in common. The entired date lasted 2 and a half hours. That made me feel weird because I was hoping that it might last longer. He was much cuter than his photo and I really was attracted to him physically and through talking with him. I would really like to get to know him more. When he was leaving he told me to have a good night. I didn't want to sound persistent but I really wanted to know if we'd go out again. Thats how we left it. That night I saw him online and I told him that I had a wonderful time. He said that he did as well. I told him that I was going to go to bed (because I'm sick) and that we should get together again soon now that we aren't nervous as much. He just said good night. I sent him an ecard this morning, saying the same about having a good time. I asked him what he was doing this weekend or next and that we should go out again. I just thought he was great and couldn't wait to tell him that I was interested. WEll he received the ecard but hasn't responded yet. Hmmmm What do you think? He was always so excite in emails/phone that we should do this and that. Maybe I'm just paranoid and he was busy at work. He has been lately and hasn't emailed me back as quickly as a week ago. What should I do next, I'm going to see if he emails me tonight. uggg. Thanks for your anticipated help.
  17. I been feeling really ignored lately. I used to think i had good friends and people in my life, but now it seems they don't care. I rarely get phone calls from people anymore, and heck even when I turn to this thing I am lucky when I get one reply back from people. Same thing with emails and stuff, I hardly ever get emails from people.. and its like what the heck is the point on checking my email anymore. It just makes me want to run away, even if that means being homeless for awhile. I mean, like anyones even going to notice if i run away anyways. I don't think I did anything to piss people off but maybe I did. who the hell knows. No one ever tells me anything anyways. I don't want to kill myself, but I really truly do want to leave the country without telling anyone. No one would miss me, and then if I felt lonely at least it would be my own fault I felt lonely, cuz I ran away somewhere where I didn't know anyone. I think I'm going to finish my university degree (I'm done in 4 months), then leave the country, not tell anyone where I'm going, and just disappear. What do u guys think.
  18. I am not writing these words late at night 'cause I sleep like a baby and everything's sweetness and light I'm not hearing that heartbreaking song where the guy says, "Oh darling, I'm strong" and I'll get along The memory's painless when I think of your face which is nothing that special all that radiant grace... commonplace Do I fear for your safety? You know that I don't! Will loneliness drown me? I'm sure that it won't I have seventeen lovers two more in Japan so I hardly remember your name - Charlie Ann? No checking my email every hour on the hour and the lack of your soft words gives me infinite power Oh, I'm something not human my eyes are not blue they're not misting, they're sweating and for sure I'm not thinking of you Nothing was my fault my conscience is clear I would not beg forgiveness if you'd just reappear I'm better for losing and I don't need you back my door isn't open not the tiniest crack Such a happy and timely goodbye I will not, I will not cry cross my sore heart, hope to die and yes, I deny, I deny this poem's a wonderful lie
  19. Don't do anything Don't engage in anything. Don't decide what to cook for dinner Don't think you should be going to the gym Don't plan to pick up that guitar again Don't do anything Don't do those things you don't need to do Don't turn on the tv Don't check your email Don't look at your cellphone again It doesn't matter now. Don't do anything Don't engage in anything It's wonderful. It's not empty, because the effortless filling of the vacuum is rich But not forced Don't do anything Don't engage in anything It's so great.
  20. Hi there, I am a female wanting a opinion on cheating..... Sorry this is a bit of a long one but just want to get the full story in! Do you think a cheater ever changes, once a cheater always a cheater? I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a few months ago, I found a few posts on his computer about dating other women etc. Basically I don't know if you have heard of the book 'the game' but he is a pick up artist that tries to score with as many women as possible. I found this out a few months ago, and the hard way. I found posts all about me on this site, decribing everything we ever did, what I would say in bed, right down to the position we did that night...it shocked me and he was getting feedback from everyone as he goes. Now i can understand that we all need feedback, hence why I am posting this but he is an extremely good looking guy with a lot going for him. I accessed his email as he left it on the computer one night when we were in bed, i got up to use the bathroom and saw it on, so i searched his inbox and found messages from a girl saying she really enjoyed herself and misses him and can't wait to see him. Anyway so I confronted him with everything, he was so upset and ashamed that I had found out and apologise (he inever apologises!) and admited that he was a pick up artist who went out his way to attract women and wrote about it. He promised he has not cheated on me, just gone on dates and got numbers and followed up girls when he shouldn't of. He said onec you start its hard to get out of, you are so used to approaching girls, it come naturally..(ummm yeah) We decided to move on from this as he hadn't cheated and besides that we were very happy together. Anyway I pressed him about this one girl sending him the message, i miss you etc months after I found the email. After days of me asking what happened, he finally admited after I pretended i knew anyway, that he had slept with this girl more then once when we were together. He apparently did this when my ex boyfriend flew out to win me back and I was honest with him and told him everything, he said he cheated on me to get me back as he thoughti was up to no good with my ex (which I turned down cold, didn't want anything to do with again and he flew back very unhappy!) I took this well as at least we were moving forward, and he was being honest at last and he cheated when we first got together. Now i knew a lot about what he has been up to by his posts on this pick -up site. So I know he cheated on his ex girlfriend all the time, which he loved...because he was getting to master the art of seducing! and he even starting dating me while he was still in a relationship with her (which I only recently found out) Do you think he will ever change? He now included me in everything and it seems he is a lot more open after he has confessed, I love him and want this to work but I also don't want to be the one that gets hurt. All his friends say how much in love he is with me and how he has always been scared of commitment but has even said i may be 'the one' What do you think? Thanks guys! x
  21. I'm trying to figure out what's going on here. Here's my situation: A year and a half ago my high school sweetheart emailed me out of the blue. I'm trying to figure out where things are going, good or bad, I'm often confused by the situation. Here's background: We dated for 2-3 years in high school, lost our virginity together. I went off to college, met someone else, broke up with her. She got married, has been for 11 years. I've been married for 6. She has 2 kids 1 & 4, I have one on the way. We have not spoke since I broke up with her (1989?), I'm 35 she's 34. She moved out of the area, but has moved back. Since she emailed me out of the blue we have exchanged emails anywhere from everyday to once a month. The first few weeks were a bit rocky, we were working out things like why I cheated on her, healing old stuff..etc. Next we talked about telling our spouses we were communicating, ultimately, we decided not to. The past year has been talking about kid stuff, since were both going through life with newborns, spouse stuff, and just day-in day-out stuff. It has been nice and we get along quite well and see eye to eye on most things. It's been a nice friendship actually. Don't get me wrong, I am attracted to her, but I can't really see this turning into a affair. Also, her husband has made her a bit of a golf widow, and my wife is a workaholic. In the past months she has turned into a stay at home mom and I own my own business and work from home. When we first started emailing each other we said "this is not anything, nothing more than two old friends catching up" We have not mentioned anything about our relationship since. At this point we have nicknames, and talk pretty frank about most things going on in our lives. She wants to send a gift when my baby arrives, under an alias. I really felt weird about it, but she insisted and I said ok. My question for you all (I'd love to hear from females)- What is this? Why did she email me 15 years later out of nowhere? Where is this leading? It's so stupid, but I feel a bit out of control. Thoughts?
  22. Hi all - I was just wondering. For those of you who do or have done online dating, how long did it take for the relationship to progress from online to offline? How many e-mails were sent before meeting in person was suggested? If the person was local, how long before they asked you out or you asked them out? If you are interested in a local person, what do you think is a reasonable amount of e-mails before someone suggests meeting in person? What were the outcomes of your situations? I'd love to hear your stories!
  23. Wow... ok dont even know where to begin honestly here... I guess you can check some of my posts from back in jan / feb of this year for some more background. Point is me and my ex are back together - have been for 4 months and for the most part it has been wonderfull - better than it was for the last few years of our previous 8 year relationship.... but now its all gone to crap in a handbag. During our seperation she met a man (who she claims was her friend for the first couple months after our seperation and then sometime in the 2nd or 3rd month they became a couple - which was supposedly never her plan... I originally thought she hooked up with him immediately). She left him to come back to me and was clear about this! But went from him to me within about a weeks time. She had rules going into the new relationship (no hand holding for first month, no kissing for second month, no sex, etc). I had one rule... no communicating with this man cause i felt really jealous and insecure about there 3 month relationship and almost 6 month connection. I never said forever either... i needed several months of JUST US and not involving this interem person. She said she didnt like that restriction and I didnt have a right to ask that as she would never ask that of me. Needless to say I wasnt willing to start the new relationship without that need being met... i dont remember her answer after this lengthy debate but I took it as she would stop.... but it was unclear at the same time.... something like "well if thats what you need then thats your decision". So things go on... we start dating again... i ask her at least weekly if she is touch with this guy and she keeps saying "no". I have sneeking suspicions she is lying so i check her cell phone a couple times over a week... find she is calling him and he is calling her. I get mad... tell her im not happy about it at all and that I needed that concession from her to concentrate on us and find trust and security in the new relationship. She rages about me invading her privacy and how i have no rights.... conversation ends there.... we go on. Another month goes by... me of course asking if she is talking to him still and her saying now... me asking her if she is lying again and her saying no... So i start checking her phone again whenever i can... find that she is calling him and he is calling her at odd hours like 1am and stuff. So once again I confront her.. big argument about it... i say that im done with this crap and im leaving, i feel betrayed and lack trust... thanks for the good times, have a good life kinda thing. She talks me out of leaving her saying she had a lengthy conversation with chris the night before saying how she couldnt talk with him anymore cause it was upseting me. I agree to this and tell her that that was the last straw... next time im gone for sure. To make my point clear I even take the liberty of sending this guy an email expressing our conversation and her reasurance to me that the two of them had a conversation in regards to ending there supposed friendship (as thats all they both claim it is now). He emails me back with some harsh words... but non the less confirming that they had that conversation and that he would hold up to his end of the deal and stop communication (as "childish, selfish and immature" as my request is were his words). Time goes on... I dont check her phone anymore cause I believe they stoped talking late at night behind my back. But I continualy ask her if she has called him, texted him, him calling her (being clear on ALL the combinations so she cant use the excuse of "no i didnt call him... he called me" kinda thing)... everytime she would say no.. hadnt heard from him at all... Then I have to help my girlfriend move... and i notice her phone bill in one of the boxes... it had now been about a month since this last blowup and promise of no communication. Needless to say I stole the phone bill that was sitting right in front of me... couldnt help it... just such a strong urge as it had been a month of not checking up on her cell... was i shocked at what I saw. It took only 1 week before she was calling him again and it was right when I left town for 3 days... they talked everyday that I was gone... and almost every second day for the entire month (minus that one week break after our blowup). Always late at night it seems... and text messages that go on at like 2-3am. So I kinda let it go... thinking that by me trying to pin her in a corner with a question i might get the truth... but always it was just "no we arent talking anymore". So I decide to let it all go... it eats at me everyday... she obviously doesnt care for or respect my feelings but I try and find trust in the fact that she isnt doing anything like sleeping with this person.... despite the fact that she wont be intimate with me in any sense (not even aloud a decent makout session). A few days later she called me and asked if I took her phone bill. I of course lied cause I was quite upset and also was scared... she questioned me several times if i was lying... and well... I continued my lie. another 3 weeks pass... me not trusting, but keeping my mouth shut... hoping the pain will go away... but say nothing as we are about to embark on a 3 week trip together and I dont want to set a bad tone to the trip we were planning on for close to two months. We get back from our trip and I decide to make a phone call to a girl i spent 1 week with in the UK during our seperation. During this 3.5 months with my (ex)girlfriend and trying to work things out I must admit I did send 4 emails (1 a month... all short) to this girl in the UK just saying hello and telling her about me and the girlfriend. To be clear... me and the girl in the UK did have sex once after a drunken night out. Anyways... my girlfriend calls during this phone call and i dont answer cause at $1.20 a minute and over 4 months of not talking in person i wasnt going to hang up. When i called my girlfriend back about an hour later she asked why I didnt answer and I told her I was talking to this girl in the UK and she blew up on me in pure rage and slander. She called me a hypocrit for asking her not to speak to her ex... i tried to tell her it wasnt the same... we never dated, she never asked me to stop talking to people, i also waited almost 4 months before i made any real form of contact with this person etc..... but she cant seem to find the difference. And continually compares me to this girl and her to this other guy! Here is where it gets bad though... I did something really really stupid. I created a false PI report that I gave to her showing her how often she spoke and texted this interem guy that I repeatidly asked her to cease cause of the lack of trust and security it caused me and all the times she lied to me. I did this to cover the fact that I stole her phone bill and lied to her about.... stupid... dont get me going on that one.... i feel guilty enough. She knows it fake... and I have admited now to taking her phone bill and creating a bigger lie to cover my first lie. Anyways... we are now at a powerstruggle... cause we want to make this relationship work but I cant trust her at all regarding this other guy i dont feel... and she doesnt trust me not to invade her privacy (which i feel i had the right to do based on the circumstances... but she feels quite differently). She also feels that, and i qoute her, she "didnt owe me anything" and as such was not about to kick this guy out of her life just for me cause i felt insecure... where is the respect in that!! She claims that she was lying to me cause she didnt want me to get mad or upset!! * * *??!!! I have appologized for my actions... but it doesnt seem to mean anything to her... and she doesnt feel she has the need to really appologize to me for her actions.... She wants to work through this, as do I, but also said I am a little phsyco and should get some professional help. I dont know what im looking for here.,... just feedback... was i justified in looking at her phone? did I have any right to ask her to stop speaking with this man? does she have the right to not appologize to me for sneaking around behind my back and talking to this guy despite my feelings on it all? are we just cursed?!?! I know alot of my feelings on not wanting them to talk were because of jealousy... and alot to do with insecurity. She seems to have had had a very healthy sex life with this other person from her comments and yet she wouldnt have sex with me until almost the 4th month of dating again.... and our previous relationship had serious issues in this department as well.... she never wanted to be intimate with me for years..... there are far more issues than this... as there is apt to be after 8yrs together... but some extra clarity for all you readers!
  24. My circumstances are not important, you do not need to find similarities in my story to feel relevance in these words. You are reading this for the reasons we all read this site. Why? Because you don't know what the hell just hit you.. and you're trying to make sense of it all. The love of your life, the man/woman of your dreams just collapsed your world. You are consumed with a yearning for them, for how it was, tortured by thoughts of how they could do this to you, unable to accept that the person you shared all those intimacies with is suddenly the coldest stranger on earth.. this is bad enough, but you can't eat, can't sleep, can't smile. it doesn't get any more *Censored* than this. a few words to the wise: 1. know this, if nothing else.. All things must pass. no matter how bad you feel, no matter how convinced you are that the way you feel now is set in stone. you are wrong. all things must pass. how you feel now is not how you are destined to feel for the rest of your days. imagine your love like nuclear material. right now it's burning intensely – crushing you. but it has a shelf-life, soon it will be less intense, soon after a little less. after a while, you'll be able to cope, horrible realisations (that you're no longer with them, that you miss them, that life now sucks without them) will still hit you, but everything will be less intense. your current life without them will gradually take over, placing new memories in the way of your old ones.. 2. exercise. believe me, I am no fan of exercise. but it will help you no end. it will relax you, take the tension out of your stomach, give you an appetite, release endorphins. everything you need. yes, you're tired, yes you can't sleep, exercise is not appealing, but you must. it will help 3. keep your head straight. don't get drunk, don't smoke weed, don't take anything else – all these will make things ten times worse. to fight this grief, you need to be strong. get smashed/off your face or whatever and the crushing thoughts will take on horrifying proportions in your brain, magnifying your loss. 4. no contact. (this also means not replying to contact, or replying in a way that suggests you don't want any further contact) this is often referred to, rarely followed strictly. I don't want to get into any discussion on whether or not this can bring someone back. If it does, good luck to you. for me, I know that's not the case – no contact is self preservation. I do not want to hear the voice of someone I felt so strongly about talking to me like I'm someone who just called to sell them insurance. they won't call you by the name they used to when they loved you, you may hear no love in their voice, no warmth – this is crushing. don't put yourself through it. if they made a mistake, if they can't live without you, they'll let you know. the alternative is that they feel for you, but don't want to change their mind – this will also screw you. you'll seize on it, want to believe there's a chance. you will beg. don't deceive yourself into thinking that if they could only hear you cry, hear how upset you are, they would come back. wrong. they underwent a mental process to get to the point of ending it with you, often that is quite a step to take, they have now ended it and are in a completely different mental place to you – this contrast will often lead to a disastrous conversation that will set you back. press on. the less you expect contact, emails, texts.. the quicker you can move out of the grief you're in. 5. be cruel to be kind. I removed all numbers from cellphones, email addresses, deleted all old emails, got rid of photos, anything that could remind me. you don't need to see his/her name when you scroll through your numbers, don't need to see those emails or pics from a time when you were so happy together. it is too much of a contrast with what you're going through now. often you don't want to remove traces of them because this is tantamount to admitting its over. the problem is, it is over – look after number one. less reminders equals better mental state. be disciplined. 6. try and spend time with old friends, family, people who care, doing things that are easy going – movies, a quiet drink etc. give yourself time. you will still be gripped by the horror of it every 5 minutes and when you get back to your empty home!! no one said it was easy. but again, remember point 1 – all things must pass. press on. 7. expect this to be (PROFANITY DELETED BY MODERATOR). this is no party. when you wake up from a fitful 3 hours sleep with what feels like a blender in your stomach.. try and smile in the face of it. you are living life. life is glorious, but also more crushing than can be put into words. congratulate yourself for being out there in the thick of it. you are doing what you were meant to do in life – experiencing the pain that often comes with the pleasure. be brave. 8. all things must pass. one day, you won't remember exactly how you felt right now. the worst thing is, other bad stuff may well have happened by then. but guess what? you'll deal with that too..
  25. To make a long story short there was this girl that I worked with about three years ago and would always go out of her way to talk to me and would even go up to me and say "Poke" and poke me in the arm. I had a bit of a crush on her and wanted to ask her out, but she quit before I could get the guts to ask her out. Well today I'm on myspace searching for people and I think I may have found her. I'd like to email her to see if she remembers me or not, but not sure what to say exactly? I don't want her to think I'm just some random guy trying to hit on her or some creep. I only say this because I'm not sure if she will remember who I am.
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