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hello everyone ❤️ i will share my story below with some background about my mother, and the actual problem. id appreciate advice on what i can do and insight as to why my mom did what she did I was being raised by my grandparents (moms parents) until i was 5 when my mom wanted to move to a wealthy country for a better life. Prior to that my mom married a man and he legally adopted me when i was 9. but i was fooled by everyone into thinking he was my bio dad, when infact he was not and i learned this after my mom passed away earlier this year. my mom's mom (grandma) stayed with us , she was taking care of the house (cooking, cleaning, laundry, daily) and taking care of me in every possible way including being my tutor. My parents always made fun that grandma is coddling me but she was the only one who never said a bad word or hurted me. she loved me a lot and sacrificed her whole life; with her job, family, husband and friends to come and raise me. and unfortunately my grandpa passed away. Last June my mom found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer, given a year tops. At that time she had stopped working from a few years, and she was always the main breadwinner with her monthly salary being $10K where he didnt even earn half of that. He was stealing her gold, jewelry, heirlooms and either pawning them or selling them. His whole life he was in debts and problems, loan sharks, legal cases against him. hes a theif, a scammer and con artist and was involved in a major crypto front for money laundering too. he became abusive towards my mom before her sickness and even though i moved out, i came back and intervened and i personally would assault him to protect her. he was also cheating, and ruining her reputation in social circles. my mom was very attractive, smart, and people loved her as a person and leader. he was the opposite. he has no friends, hes not goodlooking, and people loathe him. he cant keep a job, he gets fired after the probation period or 6 months tops. . anyway upon her diagnosis my moms whole behavior changed towards me and grandma. at the time i had moved back in because my mom had asked me to, and i really didnt want to. My mom was abusive towards me since she married him, (both physically and emotionally in extreme cases) TLDR it resulted in physical scars and marks all over my body, and emotional trauma but now it was something different. It's like she hated me , she didn't allow me and grandma to be beside her.She was cussing us out daily, all the abusive words from wh*re to trash, and wishing death upon us and telling me I will die soon bc of my alcoholism. I was working very hard to provide for me and grandma, we lived together but ate and lived separately, i was also paying rent there. but I was drinking daily from the grief of seeing my mom dying and her behavior towards me. She even wanted to kick me out of the house. Also when she was on the hospital, my stepfather had punched my grandma in the face and she bled a lot. When I heard it I intervened, tackled him immediately and was about to kill him until my grandma pulled me off and begged me not to. When my mom knew about it she laughed and said grandma deserved it and worse . for those curious i am financially independent, i dont have a college degree because my mom pulled me out after my 3rd semester, even though my grades were all As (i was abroad in europe) and they thought i had too much freedom and wasnt mentally stable at the moment to continue studying. at 20, i got a job in sales, and worked as a private tutor. i also made my own start-up where we do assignments for university students, its very stressful but pays well too. i had ti be creative because i dont have a college degree and its hard to find work in the place where we lived, if not impossible without a degree. Even on her last birthday I bought my mom a cake and decorated and she dismissed me. if i gave her something, she shunned me and made fun of me even though she saw me crying and breaking down, she didnt listen when i begged her to go with me to PanCan. She chose to spend her last birthday, last Christmas and last new years with him. On my birthday she didn't even wish me, it was going to be her last with me. Now 3 months before she died I had a breakdown. I'm diagnosed with bpd and cptsd for years. I couldn't take the abuse and I started crying and banging on her door and begging her and asking mom why are u doing this I love u, she knew I was drunk but I wasn't going to hurt her. Even tho she would try to provoke me I can never hit a sick person. I was banging on the door and then she said she will call the cops. I got angry and began hitting the door with a stick. The cops came but didn't want to take me. This was the last time I saw my mother. Her telling the police that she has cancer and I am trying to kill her and she wants to sue me. I was detained for over a week. The public prosecutor said to transfer me to the state psychiatry where I was recovering for 2 months. Last thing was my mom cancelled my visa to get me deported back to my home country and soon after she went in the hospital for her final weeks. I wanted to see her but I wasn't allowed. People saw me for who I am in the police and the psychiatry and they felt so bad for me. Grandma visited me daily and my bestfriends took care of me by buying me clothes, sending food, leisure activities too. My visa was cancelled so I had to travel back with grandma and we did. I was devastated. i wanted to go back so bad, meanwhile the stepsh*t was poisoning people against me and grandma. i kept texting my mom until her last day, she passed 3 weeks after i was here. i kept messaging and trying to call her and tell her i love her and want to make amends. she was often online or on another call. we did the funeral, and piece of trash didnt come. later, grandma confided that he isnt my bio dad, and i wasnt suprised bc my whole life i hated him and i felt something off. and that I had a half brother and sister somewhere it was all so overwhelming. i lashed out at grandma for not telling me earlier but she said she made an oath to my mom that i must never know. i also knew there was a life insurance policy made by my mom but under my name with $100,000. it was all withdrawn last december 6 months post diagnosis )grandma herself had contributed to atleast 50% for that account . Now before my mom died, he kept hounding her to give him the 2 flats, if not the big one and she would say leave me alone, and hed say you promised. its important to note these flats arent my moms. she inherited them from her parents 30 years ago when she was 20, and wanted to get a US visa. back in the day my moms parents were very wealthy. they worked for the government for contra-awareness and had their normal jobs. so they invested in attaining 3 properties, a house we live in now which is grandmas, and 2 high-end flats that we give out for rent and the money goes in moms bank account. anyway stepsh*t has started harassing me since a few months, that he needs money and only he and i can withdraw from moms account. he was also telling me that moms last wish was for him and I to have 50% of everything, and grandma nothing. when i went to the agency of registation, i found out that my mom did not sign anything over to him nor did she make a will (and by law, i was told i receive her properties automatically). and he has no stake because they are seperate property and obtained before the marriage. (unfortunately theres no prenup, the prenup law came into effect in '09 in my native country, but they were married in '01) anyway he has since been harassing me, messsaging me across all platforms, even my work place. he forwarded an email between him and a new real estate agency, who are notorious for being scammers here. the agent there however told him "your daughter needs to sign the declarations before moving forward" and i caught a glimpse of two attachments giving my name as owner, and as co-owner. i kept ignoring him, until he gave my email to some lawyer without my consent. the lawyer claims he was my moms lawyer, and that me and my father inherited her properties. i was furious. i am stil grieiving and i will never allow that trash to inherit my grandparents hard work. my plan is to get it back and sign it over to my grandma. i also plan to sue him and remove him as a father i dont know what to do, he took everything from my mom. he sold her car, all her jewelry and possessions. hes living in a luxurious place with all the furniture and art my mother had bought. and to top if off he had the audacity (3 months after moms death) to post a photo of him and some cheap trash (who knew my mom), and he got a few comments of approval from his sister, and his sleazy perverted friends. he doesnt know i know but it made me very angry so far, he doesnt know why im ignoring him. he doesnt know that i know about the properties, or that hes not my dad. my bestfriend messaged him and told him to leave me alone, she threatened him too. he got very defensive and even lied and said he sent me a new contract of a new agency managing OUR properties. my blood was boiling. he also went on to insult me and call me irresponsible among other things.

Me & my ex was together for 3 years , during that time it was perfect in the beginning but I'm ngl I had a pill habit & when I tried to go into a year long rehab the first time she just switched up on me.i left after 3 days & she wasn't happy to see me she was drunk out all night acting different.she treated me like SH*T!! She would tell me she loves me & love balm me but then disappear for weeks barely text back then come back home love balm me again sleep, eat ,get treated like a princess then do the same thing all over again.long story short she ended up pregnant. convinced me to be around & accept the baby, the baby was born still born(dead).She was never the same.Then on new years she just went out and started her bull crap again.tellin me she loves me lying about her wear abouts getting drunk all day being in guys cars & being half naked twerking on social media she's a real exotic looking girl so she gets ALOT of attention. She would always play w/ my head while I'm sitting at home crying in the dark watching every single thing she post online, she would post about guys & then tell me to my face she posted it "just to post it" or "to get me mad" & I was the only person she loves she just needed space . I finally went into rehab to get myself together ,promised I wouldnt talk to her ever again & didn't tell her anything just disappeared..she started harassing my family & they would tell me whenever I called home.i finally called her to tell her I'm fine and to leave me alone & she said how torn she was without me.she started sending me money & saying how she's happy for me & wants to be together when I get out.i knew it was a bad idea & she wouldn't change. When I got out she was acting so perfect & trying to be home everyday but I knew it was an act & it was probably because she was all burned out from drinking & wanted someone to provide for her and take care of her like a princess until she's ready to hit the streets again. So I left after 2 days and she was blowing me up saying she cooked something special for me & etc I just ignored it.we start talking again & she says she doesn't speak to anyone but has a stalker she slept w once & he stalks her everywhere she goes. We would stay in a hotel for 2/3 weeks then she would disappear but i wouldn't care because I was focusing on myself even tho apart of me was hurt that she didn't want to be committed even after I got clean. So we kept seeing eachother off & on.then one day I go to pick her up & as she's walking to the car saying "babeeee" a guy pops out from behind a car and says"babe? Oh yeah b*tch" ,so I'm thinking this must be the stalker.. he starts chasing my car and I'm laughing at him then he goes to smack her & attack her..they walk off & go upstairs to her sister house. I stick around to make sure everything's ok.i see him walking & I'm like "ur that crazy after just f*ckin one time d*mn" & he replies "one time? I'm w that b*tch everyday she's pregnant w/ my baby right now" so I'm like ***.. he gets in my car and saying drive I'm like no ,so he can attack me plus he was staring at my chain..so she comes down w/ her sister and she's like get out my n*ggas car and the police show up.i said ur pregnant? & She says no I lied to get abortion money from him. Her sister is like"this is her baby father" to the police and she was confused to see me.i told her don't lock him up & we left. she stayed w me and was saying she loves me & he means nothing. & She's not pregnant.long story short I found her texting him & wrote him, he sent me baby shower invites & videos of them together showing her belly happy to be together. I showed her and said u lied? She goes "that's none of your business if I'm pregnant leave me tf alone". So I left after a big fight. She starts constantly texting me everyday saying she made a mistake I'm the love of her life & she will get an abortion.she did.i still didnt talk to her for weeks.finally I started back talking to her & everything seemed fine.he writes me and says are u with her because she disappeared on him, I said yes ya been talking again? He says yes she was with me all these weeks. So we break up again.long story short we get back together and she says she pregnant BUT THE BABY ISNT HIS and I get mad and she immediately starts texting him. At the same time I'm texting him because he's trying to befriend me, & telling him how I'm mad at her & leaving our home for good packing my things & he's like "yea I haven't been talking to her & I'm arguing with my ex so I'm going to bring my other b*tch to her job to get her mad" .. I get off work the next day and she's gone , moving weird not texting me, whole time she's texting him & I find out months later she was the girl he was bringing to his ex's job & was using me to find out if me & her was on good terms. So he kept trying to hang out with me, so we finally hung out , he was saying how he doesn't care for her he only uses her for sex and money but the entire time he kept checking her Instagram & posting with other girls to get her mad, also we were staying at her sister house. We started comparing our messages with her and saw she would tell us both the same thing at the same times & when she would disappear on both of us she was going to the other one. Me and her finally spoke on the phone and I some how told her what me & him was up too & she was FURIOUS.She started arguing with me him and his sister and was telling him how she wants to be with me and doesn't want him & the baby isn't his & etc. So we start talking AGAIN(WHILE SHES PREGNANT) & she's telling me it isn't his.but the whole time we together she seems off like she really wanted him & now she's pregnant she wants to be w him & is confused. So he stops talking to me I guess getting mad she keeps coming back to me and tired of me.she starts moving weird and saying she has an appointment and she'll be back even tho she said she wanted me to go w her the day before. She starts ignoring me and showing him so much attention on social media "I love my baby father he's so sexy I'm so obsessed" I tell her I knew she was with him and she blocks me everywhere telling him she only told me he isn't the dad to keep me around because I treat her nice and he treats her bad.i accepted the fact they started a new life. After around 2 months she starts texting me saying she made a mistake writing paragraphs but I would never answer.i would check her TikTok from an unblocked page I had and she would be crying saying he's treating her bad and sleeps with other women kept going back to his ex that he calls his wife and is disrespecting her while pregnant. He got evicted out of his house & they were no longer living together. Around 6 months later she calls me crying saying he's been beating her and cheating and punched her in the stomach trying to kill the baby. Stays with me for 2 months, trying to find apartments with me planning a future tells me he doesn't want me around the baby he hates me and he said he treated her this way while pregnant because all the stuff she did to him with me ,& really likes her in the beginning & could never trust her again.i get into her face book and see she's been telling him she hasn't been talking to anyone he's making sure she hasn't been with me saying they love eachother planning to go down south with his family and raise the baby and basically they can't be together because they have no house to be in. she changes her password so I know she knows I saw it.i hide this info from her still and go to Atlanta while she babysits my house.while in atlanta I tell her what I saw and she says she talks to him that way to keep him calm so he doesn't flip out , and I texted him telling him everything & how his child will be safe with me plus how she is still saying he isn't the dad and he was acting like he hates me saying "I'm her baby father we're stuck for life give it a rest she will always come back to me" & how he left his wife alone so he can focus on his child and she can't have a reason to keep him from his kid & he doesn't want me around the baby & it's always drama. So I knew I can never be an adult with him and talk to him again.she screams at me thru text and writes a paragraph as if she was going to screenshot it to him saying I'm trying to ruin their family and etc & then began being nice to me again.they kept arguing. Finally the baby was born and even tho she said he wouldn't be in the room he was there and she was treating me so different texting extremely late, said she would facetime me the entire time but wouldn't answer my calls,but was still planning a future with me sending me photos of rings even tho she would answer like once a day. So I started replying back hours later and she gets mad & says" ur mad he's here to watch his baby born Idk what to tell u or u can just leave me alone I don't need this I'm in labor & etc, I told her I will drop her cat off to Her dad and we never spoke again. I wrote her about 10 days later asking her why did she sign me out of her Hulu account i paid for and she said she didn't with attitude. I knew she was around him..So I said "are u mad at me? She says no I just didn't like what u did by writing him blah blah that's how I knew he got into her head and she was with him I just didn't know how they were together if he was homeless and her mom doesn't let any guys in the house EVER. AND then she starts telling me she wants to see me and a bunch of bull crap & she's Going thru post partum. Then I write her "are u feeling better?" She never answers .. so I said I will leave u alone for good, goodbye & she says please don't it's not me , so she says if I choose u will u accept my baby n etc & I say why are u asking this? Because you've been thinking who to chose she says yes because I see he's getting serious now that the baby is here and everytime I think of my future I think of us and when u text me about Hulu I got the old feelings back and he saw u text me and got mad & said he has his ex wife blocked and I'm still texting u and she told him well I didn't tell u block her and he says it's the principal and started treating her mean.he saw her texting me again and said I'm going to text my ex now and she said she would have a talk w him & they agreed they would both go back to their ex's. Now the next day she's leaving to come to my house & he pops out of nowhere and says"where tf u think u taking my daughter" and when she tried to stop him he says let her go before I punch u in the face b*tch & she didn't want to squeeze a 2 week old baby hard so she let the baby go. I knew it was something because she wasn't respond .she was chasing him in the street while he's holding the baby and she's pushing the stroller I said he wants her so bad let him take her and u come and she was HYSTERICAL, CRYING SAYING IDK WHERE MY BABY IS IM SCARED.. AND Im like if u was that scared u would've called the police .. and she was telling me how he's getting serious and saying she can sleep w random men but can't talk to me and I'm like that's because he knows u love me and wants to control u .if u get serious with anyone else he will do the same thing. So he sent a photo saying he left the baby in the streets and to find her and was screaming on the phone she cannot be with me and shes like but why i thought u was going back to ur ex and he said because it's always drama and whenever ya argue she text me and I don't want her texting me. I said that's a lie hes afraid to say he wants u to himself first it was he doesn't want me around the baby now the baby isn't around and it's still a problem. So he's saying he left the baby in the precinct then he has a girl answer his phone taunting her saying the baby in the precinct .so she starts telling him she loves him and doesn't want to fight "just to find out where he is" she's telling me how this is crazy and she will never talk to him again. I tell her just go home and wait for him & she said when he brings her she will have the police escort her to a taxi to my house,telling me she wants to get married and loves me and planning so much stuff with me. He brings the baby the next morning.she says" ok we're going to custody court on Monday we worked out an agreement & he's going to stay here for a couple hours w the baby" I said he just had the baby *** why does he need to stay & I thought ur dad doesn't let anyone spend the night she's like " what's the problem he wants to spend time with his child I'm not doing this with u" & I leave her there.. I tried calling her she kept declining it then turned her phone off , then I started calling back to back she blocks me then had answered it but had it on mute so i know he told her to answer it and see who is calling her.then had him answer the phone so I had my brother get on & she's like why are u doing this I know it's u stop calling me I'm spending time with my baby leave me alone. I was angry so I called her back to back private just to annoy her & she Kept turning her phone off. She lied and said he can't spend the night but he's been there all these days ,she disrespected me & talked about me Infront of him making it seem like I don't want him around his kid to stroke his ego & I know she's talking so bad about me trying to make me seem delusional and she doesn't want me. I stopped calling yesterday and will let her be.but I know for a fact she will soon contact me and try to say she wanted to keep him calm so he doesn't flip out or try to kidnap her kid again. I have no idea what to do.the plan was for her to runaway to my house since he doesn't know where i live then go to custody court but i was afraid he would get the baby and then taunt her.hes always pretending he doesn't love her and only around her for the baby and he loves his ex but I know that he loves her and it's all a front and he wants her to himself especially since the baby is here and he's so In love but I feel like it's a tactic to have somewhere to stay & to be able to control her every move now that he has a kid with her. Its SOOO STRESSFULL, I Can't get anything done,everyone around me tells me to leave her but I just can't..I find no interest in anyone else Im just so attached to her & she started a new life .I can go a couple weeks without talking to her but I will think of her every minute ,over thinking about what their doing hows their life going ,how they will end up, I literally be spaced out thinking.its so draining and depressing ,i know i should leave but it's hard when she keeps coming back.and I have a feeling this time she won't come back because she finally got the baby she always wanted and he gave it to her & he's finally acting like a boyfriend even tho they always say"they're not in a relationship" that's a tactic she uses "if we don't sit down and say we in a relationship then we not" & I always tell her but u move and act like ur in a relationship with people and get mad when they get mad at u for cheating. She says she knows she can't be faithful to him and everytime she looks at him she thinks of how he treated her while pregnant.but I know she only tells me the bad and not the good.iknow she wants to be with him but doesn't want to let me go and at this point I might share her but I know he will never allow that smh..I've read up on narcissist & I swear she's one..im a lesbian btw😔

I at my age (yes 33) have developed an insecurity problem. I have anxiety issues that have caused me major setbacks in my life. I have these issues and yet I give people hypocritical advice on how to deal with such problems. Ever since then, the thought of worrying about what others think and say about me has plagued me for 5 years. I do not know where it has come from. I even have created self doubt in my abilities as a whole. Since these thindgs have occurred, I am unable to maintain or develop long lasting relationships with others. I feel tormented by others who choose to wickedly harass me everytime they see me at my school with vicious comments that effect my way of thinking and I have tried to handle the problem but with poor results. Sometimes I would react by lashing out, through violent attacks, crazy outbursts or approaching them unexpectantly by slapping them or making them shut up instantly. However, this approach does seem exhausting and childish. I need an effective way to handle the situation. I have not done anthing to harm these people or said anything to cause them to treat me this way before (except harming them or threatening in self defense)but after awhile it makes me wonder what did I do to deserve this? Have I trained or taught these people how to treat me? It has gotten to the point of avoiding others while also treating people badly to get rid of them with erractic behavior and lack of trust. I thought that God should fight your battles for you. I thought that by showing that you are unmoved by their taunts or comments that they would eventually become bored and give up altogether in behaving this way. Or am I living in a fantasy world? Could it be that others hate you tremendously because you choose to be different and you won't change for anyone? Or is it because deep down they are truly insecure themselves and are going along with everyone else's attitude to avoid being left out of the fun? I have tried to go to church for answers on how to be more calmed and less panicky on this and other things, but it is very hard to be dedicated to the lord when the devil (negative people) tries your faith and brings you down. What is the best approach to this situation? WHAT is the difference between assertive and aggressive? How can I overcome this dilemma? Am I mentally unstable and truly sick for feeling and thinking this way? I need your help. I am very optimistic, but I do not need this kind of stress hanging on my head when there more important matters to be concerned about. Please help free me from my emotional prison. This is what has caused me not to move on from anything I needed to be removed from. I know as a grown woman I should be passed from this, but it is a lot more deeper and harder for me to deal with. Thank you to all opinons and all thoughts are welcomed.....

I am at my wit's end. I am being harassed by a manipulating, sick bully at work. I fight him off but cannot get away from him, my daughter also works there , she needs ehr job and the money, is about to undertake IVF and wants to get married, get a mortgage etc and I am the only person who protects her from him. He has ruined me, my reputation and told lies about me, accused me of things I have not done, he has even taken my job. Every day someone complains about him to the manager, but it's usually it's a third party complaining what he has done to so-and-so, or they don't want to cause trouble so the manager cant act so he gets away with it and has for many years. When I sensed he was going for my job I spoke to my manager and told him that he had made my life hell and hat I didnt want him to have my job, and because of that and becuase I have talked to other members of staff about the problems, he says the bully has been to him accused me of conspiring and plotting agaisnt him and it looks like I am victimising HIM and the manager has given him my old job. The manager knows 100% what type of man he is and I think the manager has now given him my old job for one of two reasons. He either backing him for fear of losing his own job for fear of the bully attacking him over victimisation (cos thats the type of man he is) or put him in a position where he thinks I will do his dirty work for him and make a formal complaint and get rid of him for him. He has harassed me in my own home, stalked me,slandered my reputation, turned all work colleagues against me.I am a widow and I have no one to turn to at night. This bully even came to my husbands funeral. I cannot walk away from the job as my daughter also works there, if I leave her there this subjects her to even more bullying by him which he is already doing and which the manager knows about, and isolation as he already has tried but I have intervented and warned him off her. I am her only protection. I fear this man is psychotic as well as deceptive, manipulative and sick. I have been off work for 2 months and I am returning soon and I fear for my psychological health and well being as well as my daughters. For those of you who have never been bullied, I think you should read carefully the site below before commenting. I, myself thought "meh, just tell him to eff off" or whatever before this all happened to me, but believe me, when you do, things get increasingly worse, as I have found out at the cost of my mental health... link removed I am at a loss of what to do and i am asking for some support and practical advice, please help me.

Hi all, Im a 15 yr old 9th grade bisexual male. Well I was harassed in school alot today. Well 1st, in english the teacher was handing out workbooklets and then she gave me mine. I opened it up on the 1st page and by my name someone had written fag and homo in black sharpy in big letters. Plus they drew a penis which I have to admit made me laugh cuz whoever it was didnt even know hot to draw one! Well i showed to my friend and she quickly got the book and took it to the teacher. The teacher then asked me if I knew who it was and happily replaced my book and told me to tell her if I found out. Then i was in detention and a boy who was a major kept on harrasing me and tried to throw things at me. Thank god the detention teacher (who is my best friend and also knows im bi) saw him and she threatend to take him tot he office if he didnt quite bothering me. the thing is I dont know why ppl are so mean?! I never bother anyone and Im nice to everyone why cant ppl be nice to me?! Also in 5th pd the principle told me to tell him who the person that wrote in my workbook was if I evr found out. I hope I find out who it was and they need to get what they deserve! Theres so many lesbian girls in my school and noone ever harasses them (the guys think its hot) why cant a guy be gay/bi? So thank god alot of the adults and teachers and sum of my TRUE friends got my back and are looking out for me. Has anyone ever here ever been harrased by ppl becuz of your orientation? Share your stories and what you did cuz I wpould like to hear them. Thanks, Johnny.

I have never tried any online dating site and don't really 'get it' so to speak. I was wondering if you could share the reasons why you have used online dating sites and the actual success you have had. Have you got into any serious long term relationships? Are the odds really stacked against men? The online dating info (including the online dating guide) that I have read seems a bit depressing I think. It seems like a lot of men without social skills would be harassing women, who would be receiving hundreds of messages from men who don't seem interesting at all. I wouldn't like to lump myself in with them. There's also the stigma that it is used by people with low social skills. My social skills aren't great. But I do like meeting people in person. It seems much less like a game than what I know in online dating. If you meet someone in person then you can have an instant reaction from them which just seems to make things so much more comfortable. Have I got the wrong idea about online dating?

I feel like I am trying to ruin my life by eating. I hate not being attractive. I hate being ashamed of my body. But I also hate being attractive. I hate the attention it brings - all the wrong kind of attention. I have never had any serious sexual trauma, but ever since I was 12, I have been harassed in school, the workplace, and on the streets. Teachers, coworkers, old men, young men...it seems they all find it okay to stare, to treat me like a peace of meat, to say crude things, to grab me and touch me.../shudder So I guess that's why I hate being attractive. Only thing is, being fat makes me so ashamed and uncomfortable in my body. I can't go out because I hate for people to see me like this. I feel like people are judging me everywhere I go because I'm fat and ugly now. I feel like my family members and friends get satisfaction out of it. And yet, every time I start to lose a little bit of weight, every time I have to go anywhere where it is a requirement to look presentable, I start binging. Eating pints of ice cream, boxes of cookies, containers of Chinese food, etc. I don't understand this. WHy am I trying to ruin my life? I have lost jobs because I was too ashamed to go to work in the mornings. I have lost friends because I am too ashamed for them to see me. I get moody and push everyone away. When I am with people and feeling ashamed, all I want to do is run home and eat some more. I am supposed to go on a vacation today, for four days, to see extended family and be in tropical weather....but I have just told some family I am probably not going. Guess why. I can't even let myself have fun anymore. My body gets in the way of everything. It is always in the back of my mind. When I was thinner, I was always paranoid about being harassed. Now that I am heavy, I am just so terribly ashamed of myself, and I am scared for my health too. The way I am eating cannot be easy on my body. I am seeing a psychologist and he just tells me not to eat It doesn't seem to work like that. Can anyone help?

Hey again all... Posted not too long ago about problems I was having with my bf. A brief rundown; Together on and off two years. He cheated 2 years ago and left me for the girl, we got back together and then I cheated. Things ended a couple weeks ago. Told him I cheated, we fought, he called me at 5 am harassing me and I changed my number. I am a waitress at one of the local restaurants and he showed up on Friday night with his friends. I brought food to a table next to his. I looked over and saw him. I did not say anything, I just walked away. He told his waitress to tell me he said "hi." She asked him who he was and he goes "Oh she will know, I just want to tick her off." I told her I had nothing to say, so when she went back to his table she said that I really didn't say anything and then he started getting angry with her. He said that her and I were talking crap about him, and that I am just mad at him because I can't have him. His friends were telling him to chill out and that the waitress had nothing to do with him and I. I just want him out of my life. Is this some form of harassment? Should I write him an email or just ignore him? Is he bitter?

Ok I will explain it as well as I can.... My ex.My abuser.Has been harassing me ever since we broke up.I fought back.Now I have Homeland Security on my tail.They want my computer.He hacked my fiances accounts on both Yahoo and Myspace.He has his mother trying to sue me for harassment to Waffle house (his previous job) and I might have called and told him he is going to prison and telling him his day is gonna come but he called my house to the point where we were ready to report him for harassment.He is sueing me for putting things in his name.They say I ordered $7,000 in merchandise,God knows how much of Pizzas and stuff,and harassment towards him. I did it in revenge.Is that wrong.I wanted revenge on him and that was just one way to lash out.Homeland Security has my IP address and they want my computer to prove it.I wont give them anything because they will get me on my school records for having a knife at a football game(I live in the Ghetto I have to have a knife for protection),then there are the scars on my arms,and the people in town who are scared of me.I was told they can put me away for that as well.So I will lose if I go.I will burn my computer before I do that.I am only 17 and I will not be in Jail.I have had to much mess go on.They told me as long as I clean my act up now I can be ok.Since I am 17.Well I have been.Now he has hacked my fiances account.I messaged him and said that's illeagal and you will be going to jail.Since he is 18. I had a major breakdown last night.It hit me.Everything he did to me.It fell on me like a rock.I have been so mentally strong for so long and I lost it.My mom told me she believed me.She also told me that I just have to let go.His day will come.Which she is right because he got fired from his job which was his pride and that was Waffle House (pathetic huh?).He got caught spitting in their food. He has a girlfriend.He has been with her since she was 14 and he was 17 at the time.Now he is 18 and she is 15.They have been together for a year.She has been harassing me saying I am lying about the abuse.Why are guys like this.She is so blinded like I was and when she finds out what he did to her...she will explode.I never did anything but talk to her about useless things.He likes to get them young and mess with their heads and make tehme the wrong ones.Now I am in a trap. I am scared he is going to edit everything I sent to him and her and try to get me locked up.What should I do?I carry a buck knife with me around the house because I am scared he is going to be there.i just need a little advice on how or what to do with this situation. Thanks for your help!

I filed for a restraining order from an exboyfriend who has been threatening me and threatening to send naked pictures of me all over. It was just approved today and is being sent to be served to him. He is harassing me really really bad tonight, and im just wondering how long until the restraining order is in affect? Will it not be until after the court date? Or is it when he gets served?

I was with someone for about four months when he abused me. I moved out, and pressed charges...he was ordered to pay restitution. I was stupid and continued to see him, we were together for about two years total and we just offically ended things in June. My question is this, he was ordered to pay me 600 dollars in restitution. I have received two checks in a year and half totally 200. When I looked up the sentencing papers, I realized he was supposed to be paying 100 dollars a month til it was paid off. He obviously has not been doing that. Now the problem is this. Do I A. Call him and try to be nice about it(theres a long story behind it, but basically we are not on good terms. He started talking to me after we broke up, behind his gfs back..she found out..his family thought I was trying to break them up and threatened to call the police for harassment..I have never harassed him, in fact, it was the other way around if anything.) B. Call the courts and let them deal with it, leading to court and possibly more jailtime for him. The choice that seems obvious would be B. But, I know that this could quite possibly land him back in jail, and to be honest, I really don't want to see that happen. Not because there are still feelings or anything, but I think it could be resolved without that. I know that either route I take, I am going to get heat for it. If I call him, his sister may possibly call the police(even though there is nothing to call for), his girlfriend may get the wrong idea, or he may even yell. But if I let the courts handle it, I am afraid of how they will all handle it, and they will all be even more angry at me then. The other problem is that when this went to court, he was given a no contact order, which he obviously has broken. Does anyone know how that would affect me? Could I get in trouble? Im afraid if this goes to court they will say Im just trying to get back at him for having a new girlfriend and that I am harassing them and that I broke the no contact order(Although I have phone records and witnesses to prove otherwise) I am really undecided about this situation. I don't want to be too nice, but I really would like to just end this, without court if possible. Any suggestions would be greatly appriciated.

As the thread reads I did woke up and wonder what took me so long to reflect. I had these three so called "friends" I used to consider only to realize they were just low-life people who like intimidating others. The only real friend I have is the older one whom I consider as my sister and thanx to her I have no record on my files while they now do (boy that's gonna affect them in work applications). It started way back in grade school (4th grade to be exact so we were either 9 or 10 years old). Every single day they would go bully other kids (including me as I wasn't their friend first and I got picked the most) and off course name callings. On one occasion, they almost got physical with me. Well three years later (so now we were in 7th grade), in which I assume they got tired of picking one me so often and they on telling me I could join them, they were like "Just bring a pack of cigar and from then on you're join in, we'll be on your side". So anyways that was it and from then on we would be playing "truth or dare" game (almost all the time we went for dare). The bad part would be when they would harassed and sometimes physically bullied this girl while I would either just stand there watching and smiling (fake one though) or just go along with the name-callings. One time they really beat her up and again I just stood there watching, went along with slurs this time and spit at her face. Though I would only go along with the teasing when they were there but when they were not at sight I would not say anything to her, I would just ignore her. Then as the years went by the dare game got a bit too serious, it went on from kissing another dude menaing cheating to trespassing on a cemetery and finally going to the same girl we harassed for years and pinning her down (well I only threw water and spit on her face along with calling her names again, but I was still part of it). So now I wonder what took me so long to break apart from them for good and realize they were not real friends.

I met a guy a month ago at work. He asked me for my phone number and I gave it to him. My coworkers thought I did a bad thing but I didn't think anything wrong of it. The first time he called me he had said he wanted to go out (movies, dinner, etc.). Of course I was excited, I haven't had a date in years lol. A few days later he called me and asked me to meet him at a park at 8pm. The whole idea was suspicious and I wanted to see him at least in the daylight around people. He goes and says "I don't want to be seen" okay.... Little naive me couldn't see pass his strange behavior and I made a date to see him after work (daylight), he agreed. First of all he doesn't drive, he rides his bicycle (he's 25 although he denies it). Second he wanted to walk me home, see the problem. Then again I agreed. We took a short cut home and here was the problem. He pulled me into the bushes and expected me to strip and have sex with me. I told him no but he kept pushing it. Then he asked me if I could blow him. Stupid me actuallly did for a little bit ](*,). After the whole ordeal he asked me to do it again but I denied, jerk. After that day he began harassing me 3 to 4 times a day on the phone. I decided not to answer three days later. It didn't solve anything because he showed up at work looking for me. I'm not even in a valid relationship with him! Everyday he would call me and demand to see me. Half of this is my fault too because I would lead him on thinking something good could actually stem from this. Anyways, one day I gave in and invited him over. I told him I wasn't feeling well because it was that time of the month. Over the phone he told me he didn't want to come over for sex, he just wants to hang out with me and watch a movie. He lied.... When he came over, he still wanted something from me. He even asked me for anal I drew the line at this point but before he left he said "Don't invite any other guys over". The nerve! He still calls me everyday but I don't answer my phone. I just want him to leave me alone. He's insulted, forced, and harassed me. Even when I decide to answer the phone and tell him to go away, he doesn't understand. He still forces himself on me and blames my mom for telling me things. Any suggestions?

Hello everyone on Enotalone. It has been a while since I have visited this site. I am having a new drama, see there is a woman whom I dated briefly during the summer. Well there was no possibility of anything further happening since I was not feeling it with her. She harassed me for a few weeks after I told her I did not want to date anyone. Well now I have started seeing someone else and somehow she has found out. Now she is bothering me in instant messenger and over the phone. I don't know what to do to let her down nicely even though I don't feelI owe her anything. How can you let someone who is crazy obsessed with me down in a nice fashion? I don't want to hurt her feelings as who knows what will happen since I think she is very unstable person. HELP!!!!

I'll try and keep this short. My husband of 17 years had an affair with his boss. I only found out after it had been over because she threatened to tell me and my children. She wanted him to quit so she could move on repairing her marriage of 26 years. She harassed my husband for over 10 months, doing everything in her power to get him to quit. When I found out about the affair, I immediately told him he must quit and find another job, but he wouldn't. (best job he has ever had) We went to counseling, found out he had another affair in the beginning of our marriage, and also got out of him he could not promise me he could be faithful the rest of out marriage (red flag). He also said he doesn't want to hurt me, the woman that has done more for him in his whole life, anymore. So he told me he is leaving, and wants a divorce. He told me I would never be able to trust him again, and he is probably correct. He will be moving out in a few weeks. He keeps saying that he knows this is the biggest mistake of his life, leaving me, but he can't hurt me anymore that he already has. My dilema is the continous desire to hurt the two of them like I have and will be hurt and well as my children. My husbands hurt will come in time. Losing everything. To hurt the OW, I have drafted a letter informing all the co-workers where they work what has happened between the two of them. (They mainly had sex before work in the conference room) I only stated facts and harassment charges that their HR dept. swept under the rug. (Husband filed harassment charges that the HR directed told him he was over reacting) If anything, I feel I will get closure, it will be the one thing that will stop haunting me. Everything else I have been able to deal with. Please respond if revenge for you was sweet!

Hi,I was raped a year ago by what is now my ex boyfriend.He aslo controlled hit me,as well as sexually tourturing me.I want to report him but I don't know if I can now since it has been a year.I don't know where to go or what to do.He has been harassing me lately and I fear for my life.I constantly watch my back.I need help and I want him put away but I am not sure if they can lock him away because I don't know if they have a limit on when to report rape.I am 16 now but I was 15 when he did it.He was 17 and is now 18.Please help me I need answers.

So I have a job interview this morning (which I posted about yesterday under the careers section), and an 'friend' of mine through my livejournal gave me advice on what to wear and what makeup to get. So I got it and put it on. I think it looks worse. This is why I don't wear makeup... Because everyone thinks fat women are ugly and hideous, and they look like cows with makeup on. So yes, I think I look like a cow as well. I've never understood other how fat women (who wear makeup and have the salon-styled hair) don't seem to notice how people stare and snicker or snarl at them. Being a fat woman myself without makeup or any other frills, at least more people seem to not notice me, which is what I want. I just think the makeup doesn't make the situation any better for a fat woman. I know what nasty things people are thinking and I don't want to draw attention to myself in any way. So yes, I'm asking for honest opinions here to see if people, men and women alike, are more (at least professionally) accepting of a fat woman who's wearing makeup or are you more disgusted by their face & body when they are wearing makeup? Does the makeup accentuate their size and ugliness or does it make them look more grown-up & professional the same as a thin woman? I really want to know. At my age I've been told to "grow up" for years and "be like everybody else" but I haven't ever been a girly girl or been feminin in the least for those reasons of not making myself look uglier and facing the impending harassment that would follow.

I am so absolutely lost. I have never known what stability felt like and I definetly want it to be different for my child. But it is not going well. I married the wrong person, got in some bad circumstances where these people in my extended family harassed me where the harassment followed me out of state. So I moved to another where I reside with my father. Well we moved into this house he was renting with the lease option to buy. Now he tells me he doesn't know if he'll meet the lease agreement and then they would have to sell this house again. which means we are gone again. I am dizzy from moving so much. And this isn't the life I wanted. and not the lifestyle for my child. I am going to get a job in July because it may take that long for the state to be able to assist me with child care costs. Then I could help him keep the house so we could stay put. But then I feel like I should buy my own house which I can't do because of bad credit. This whole "life" thing is quickly becoming a nightmare and out of control. I strongly want to hit the red "exit" button, but I can' t find it,lol. If I didn't have child, I would consider suicide. Even with I can consider, but fully know it is not a possibility. This is certainly not what I wanted for us. I want stability and safety and bright futures. I don't know what to expect, just to vent, or suggestions, whatever works...

My exboyfriend broke up with me back around october. We had been together for about 2 1/2 years, living together for most of it. So he said he didn't know if I was the women he wanted to marry, and he left me. He said we would be friends, but it didn't work out that way. I couldn't leave him alone, I was going crazy and it was out of my hands. I wanted to stop calling him but I would convince myself of some crazy reason calling would be a good idea. He changed his number. He started dating this girl in my circle of friends whom I've never gotten along with since I met her 7 or 8 years ago. She said a lot of awful stuff to our friends about me, trying to get people to stop talking to me. In turn, it caused a lot of people to stop talking to her. This was (I'm sure) much instigated by him. At one point a friend of mine saw how upset I was over her harassing me and trying to rub my ex in my face, and asked his new girlfriend to be civil. That we were all grown up now. That it was a little pathetic that she had nothing better to talk about than her boyfriend's exgirlfriend. My ex wrote me a letter completely turning it around on me, telling me I better stop harassing HIS girlfriend. Asking why I didn't have better things to do. While we were dating there was a lot of me crying. A lot of him yelling and telling me I was stupid and threatening to move out. But I couldn't leave him, I thought I was going to marry him even though at many times I felt trapped and didn't have the courage to leave. He was such a jerk and so because of this I thought I was over him. I had a dream about him last night. He came to me and we had sex. He told me he has been thinking about me all the time and couldn't be with anyone but me. I woke up happier than I've ever been. Til I realized it was a dream, and that I wasn't over him by a long shot. I don't know what to do, it's just getting harder. I'm dating this guy who's really great right now, but I don't want anything to do with him anymore. Everytime I try to date someone it just keeps setting me back. I just realized this now, but it's too late and I'm back to square one. I just don't know what to do.

I cant deal with this anymore.... I am 26 years old... I am such a wonderful girl... yes I was a b**ch at times with my bf... we were going to be married this June 10th... he left me 3 weeks ago.. after 6 years together... My mother is an alcoholic.. she has been since 1997... she gets violent and verbally abusive when she is drunk.. I have dealt with it and would just hide in my bedroom after school so she would leave me alone... the cops have been called probably 5 times in the last 9 years.... they all just say to get my own place... I want to have a good life for myself.. I dont want to go on welfare and have no money and not be able to do anything.... I am a casual employee for the Correctional Service of Canada.. I have been for 4 years and I am working so hard to get in permanently but its not so easy.. but i have always been able to live at home while I work.... I have amazing government experience.. and if jobs would just open up and competitions come out then I would be able to get something permanent... So for the last 9 months we have been planning a wedding.. after the wedding I would join my new husband on a base 4 hours away from here (he got into the military 7 months ago). These last 9 months I have had NO PATIENCE for my mom getting drunk.. seriously... I get so mad when she wont leave me alone.. she harasses and harasses me.. My fiance has been away with the military for 7 months.. my friends have all left town except for 1 who usually is too busy for me... so I have just had to put up with this stuff... it really gets to you when someone is screaming at you non stop and putting you down... i have begun to smash things... like frying pans and two weeks ago i ran through a door (not on purpose) and I have cuts all over my arms... So my fiance left me 3 weeks ago... thats pretty hard... my whole life feels like its over but i have been trying to survive... I have just wanted to be left alone and not be harassed and questioned by my mother so I have been in the basement.. watching tv and on the computer... you know.. My fiance left me... Its soooo hard to start my life over without him.. I was going to have everything I ever wanted... I was going to have childen in the next few years.. now its all gone... ripped away from me.... i have nothing and I am all alone.... I came home from work today and of course she is drunk.... she tells me that my uncles mother is dying (she isnt my grandma)... I was like "oh, thats too bad".... I care about this woman but I really dont know her.. I am more concerned about how my aunt and uncle are dealing... so she flips on me... tells me that I am alone now.. and I will be for the rest of my life... she said that I am out of here tomorrow... she wants me out once and for all.. I have NO WHERE to go and she knows that.... she said that she hates my face.... she never wants to see me again... I CANT HANDLE THIS!!!!!!! Its enough that I have been trying to deal with the fact that my life has been shattered.... my fiance left me to rot here... he knows what goes on here.. he has always told me to get out.. but i was waiting till we moved out together... I dont have a permanent job.. I only work until May 15th.. what am I suppose to do? If I had the guts I would have been dead years ago.. back in 1998 I tried to slit my wrists.. I slit up and down thinking that wouldnt work but then I find out if I had of cut something that would have been worse.... I have taken a load of pills before but not enough to seriously harm myself.. I am scared to die.. TERRIFIED ... BUT I DONT WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE... My mom said that at 4pm tomorrow she will have the cops here and I must pack my bags and get out of this house and her life.. She is drunk.. she has said things before.. but never follows through but she is serious... I am SOOOOO alone.. I have no one.. I have no where to go.. I have a two cats and a job until May 15th... Can I please just go to sleep and never wake up again... If I could find someone to take care of my cats and make them happy then I would gladly die in my sleep.. I dont want ot be here... As I write this she is screaming at me to start packing my things because I am OUT tomorrow at 4pm

I hate this...my BF badgers me about past relationships...or lack really of. He wants to know about how I was sexually harassed by a friend. I DO NOT want to name names about the old friend that harassed me...I do not want to talk about past relationships. Am I alone with this feeling that sort of thing in the past is best not told? I just get flashbacks about everything and it upsets me. I do not feel comfortable talking about who I've made out with...kissed...etc. It's just not something that is comfortable talking about...and my BF does not understand that. I feel like a fool talking about it...I just do not want to talk about it or anything! My BF will ask about it and I just flat out refuse to talk about it and he tells me that I never open up to him. He then won't drop the subject. I dunno what to do about it because he'll do it every once and awhile and it irritates the heck out of me. I decided I don't want to see him today because he just made me so mad last night with the pestering. Sometimes I think I was better off alone where I did not have to talk about past relationships and that sort of thing. Help? I pretty much think I am a horrible GF that just can't communicate with my BF....all because I refuse to talk about my past.

So I have cut all contact with my ex fiance for about a week and I actually have been feeling better since. However she still sends me an occasional txt here and there. All very weird and random. The last one she sent was her telling me "I really miss you ... riiiiggghhtt", implying that she doesnt at all. So I replied with a simple "Ok" and that was it. What is all this coming from. I was almost happy she found another guy to quit harassing me for a while...but she still does this cold hearted crap. Any thoughts? TheLostBird

I've been at my job three years. There is one woman there who has always acted strange toward me, but lately it's starting to become a real problem. I am a pretty quiet person, especially at work. I find that there really aren't many people worth talking to, so I don't talk much. But this woman always feels the need to talk to me, and every time she does she makes some snarky comment. The other day she came up to me and said "So I heard your taking some vacation time soon?" I told her she heard right. She asked where I was going. I told her back home for two weeks. She asked if I got my tickets yet. I told her I did. She said "So are they one way tickets?" in a really snotty way and walked off. I'm originally from Norway. I have lived here almost ten years. This seems to be the cause for her rudeness. Two years ago I was granted US citizenship. She heard about this, and walked right up to me and said "So now you can stop sucking up all our tax dollars and pay the governement like the rest of us." One time she said something to me and when I didn't respond right away she said "Hello? Do you even understand what I'm saying?" It used to be I just ignored her. But lately it's becoming more and more frequent. Before I go to the boss I want to say something to her. I don't really know what to say to her though. I feel like I am being harassed. How can I talk to her about this in a way I know she'll take seriously?

When it gets near the "anniversary" of my getting dumped, I always feel terrible for some reason. Today I feel really lonely and dejected whereas I've been feeling fine for the last 3 or so weeks. It's true that this is the first eveing I'll probably have to spend alone for ages. When I'm like this I get really clingy and start ringing all my friends in the vague hope someone will invite me to do something. I'm sacred to be left by myself when things get like this. It feels like I'm harassing them or something, and I'm sure people can sense ow desperate I sound. Any tips on what to do when life plays around with you like this ??

Me and my boyfriend broke up about a month ago. A week ago i decided i wanted NC. I havent contacted him since the last "argument" we had about getting back together. Like any girl i plead for him. Like all out comes i pushed him even farther away. The NC was really hard, but knowing he would miss me more if i don't talk to him made it all worth while. A couple of days ago he started IMing me on AIM. It was totally unexpected since he was the one who wanted nothing to do with me. At first i was really happy because he actually made a move trying to talk to me. I hesitate to write back.. after a while asked about 10 people about should i write back or not.. i decided i should. I ket it short.. He ask how i was doing, and i said good, you? He replied back i'm okay content. I felt like he was still fronting and i didn't know his intentions, so i told him to have a goodnight and signed off. The next day he IMd me again.. only this time he did it to harass me. He said he got his phone bill today and i owe him 245 minutes. Meaning he wants me to pay for the minutes i used when i called him after the break up. I was so mad, and confused i just blocked him. At that point i realize i want nothing to do with him. Later on that night i saw his friend at the club, found out he has been messing around with girls and not wanting anything to do with them afterwards.. this girl he was seeing three days after me was hurt because she wants something more and he just don't care about her. I guess i would be hurt much more if he did care about her, because obviously he doesn't care about me. I know i shouldn't be mad at that girl, but i think she is so dumb. Me and my boyfriend had been together for two years, she is so dumb for giving herself up. I am so disappointed in my ex. I really missed my boyfriend, and i felt like he died. This guy.. i don't even know anymore. I hate everything about him right now. What is he doing? How many time do a man needs to hurt someone who loves them to be satisfied? I can't even look at him as a friend knowing what a sllluuuut and a jerk he is. Why am i feeling this way? I feel like my emotions are being torn in two.. i have this addiction feeling of him from the past and a digusting sickening feeling for the him now. I have a class with him on tuesday, i don't even know how i should act. Why is he acting this way? why wouldn't he just leave me alone, and stop harassing me? Even if he thinks i owe him money, shouldn't he just wait until things arn't as messed up as they are. When will he ever realize??