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  1. Key Takeaways: Balancing love life with parenting Choosing partners mindful of children Effective communication is key Self-care enhances dating success The Unique Challenges of Dating as a Single Parent Dating as a single parent comes with a unique set of challenges and complexities. Unlike the carefree days of youth, single parents must juggle the demands of their children's needs while navigating the often unpredictable world of dating. This balancing act can be a source of both anxiety and excitement. In this article, we will explore these challenges and offer practical strategies to manage them effectively. One of the primary challenges is the guilt associated with spending time away from your children for romantic pursuits. Many single parents struggle with the feeling that they are somehow being selfish by seeking their own happiness. Moreover, introducing a new partner into your children's lives is a step fraught with potential complications and requires careful consideration and timing. Another significant challenge is finding a partner who is not only right for you but also accepting of the fact that your children are your priority. It's not just about chemistry and shared interests anymore; it's about finding someone who fits into your family dynamic. The fear of judgment from others, particularly from those in similar situations, can also add an extra layer of pressure. This article aims to guide single parents through the intricate process of dating. From understanding the impact on your children to balancing your time and finding the right partner, we delve into the heart of what it means to be a single parent on the quest for companionship and love. Understanding the Impact on Your Children When a single parent decides to enter the dating world, it's not just their life that is affected; their children's lives are equally impacted. Children often have complex emotions about their parents dating, ranging from excitement to resentment or fear of being replaced or losing their parent's affection. Younger children might struggle to understand why their parent is spending time with someone new. They may feel a sense of abandonment or confusion, fearing that their parent's new partner might replace their other parent. Adolescents might respond with open hostility, seeing the new relationship as a betrayal to the absent parent. These reactions are natural and need to be handled with empathy and open communication. It's essential for single parents to talk to their children about their dating life in an age-appropriate manner. This doesn't mean seeking their approval but rather letting them know that they are a vital part of your life, and their feelings and thoughts are valued. Children need reassurance that no one can take their place and that a new person in your life doesn't diminish the love you have for them. Another key aspect is setting appropriate boundaries. While it's important to be honest with your children, they don't need to know every detail about your dating life. This helps in creating a safe and respectful environment for both you and your children. Involving your children in the process can be a positive experience, but it's crucial to do so cautiously. Rushing introductions or forcing a relationship can have adverse effects. It's important to gauge your children's readiness and proceed at a pace that feels comfortable for everyone involved. Seeking professional guidance can also be beneficial. A family therapist or counselor can provide valuable insights and strategies to help ease the transition for both you and your children. This support can help mitigate any negative impact and guide you in making the most suitable choices for your family. Understanding and navigating the impact of your dating life on your children is a delicate process that requires patience, honesty, and empathy . It's a journey that must be treaded with sensitivity and understanding, ensuring that your children feel secure and loved, irrespective of the changes in your personal life. As a single parent, your priority remains the well-being of your children, and acknowledging their feelings is a crucial step in blending your dating life with your family life. Finding the Right Time to Start Dating Again Deciding when to re-enter the dating scene as a single parent is a deeply personal decision, and timing can be everything. It's about finding a balance between your own readiness and the well-being of your children. This section will explore how to identify the right moment to start this new chapter in your life. One of the first indicators that it might be time to start dating again is when you've fully processed your previous relationship. It's crucial to have reached a point of closure and personal growth. This often means ensuring that you're not looking for a relationship merely to fill a void or for reasons other than wanting to share your life with someone. Another factor to consider is your children's adjustment to the new family dynamics. If they are still grappling with the changes brought about by a separation or the loss of a parent, introducing a new relationship might be overwhelming. It's important to gauge their emotional state and resilience. For many single parents, the decision to date again also comes down to logistics. Balancing work, parenting responsibilities, and personal time can be challenging. Ensuring that you have a support system in place, such as family or childcare, can be a significant factor in deciding the right time to start dating. Finally, listening to your intuition is crucial. You know your life and your family's rhythms better than anyone. Trusting your gut feeling about when to start dating again is often the best guide. Remember, there's no 'right' time, only what feels right for you and your family. Choosing the Right Partner: Compatibility Beyond Just You When it comes to dating as a single parent, choosing a partner involves more than just mutual attraction or shared interests. It's about finding someone who not only resonates with you but also fits into your family dynamic. This section delves into the complexities of choosing the right partner when your decisions impact more than just yourself. Understanding your own needs and wants is the first step in choosing a compatible partner. It's important to be clear about what you're looking for in a relationship and to be honest with yourself about the kind of partner that would suit you and your family life. The next consideration is how a potential partner feels about children. Someone who loves kids and is open to the challenges and joys that come with dating a single parent is essential. It's not just about them accepting your children, but about them understanding the responsibilities and unpredictability that come with parenting. Communication is key in any relationship, but even more so when you're a single parent. A partner who is not only a good listener but also able to express their feelings and concerns openly is vital. This becomes increasingly important as the relationship progresses and more complex family dynamics come into play. Observing how a potential partner interacts with your children can offer significant insights. It's one thing to be child-friendly in theory, but their actual interaction with your kids can tell you a lot about their suitability as a part of your family. It's also important to consider how your values and parenting styles align. Conflicts in fundamental beliefs and approaches to raising children can pose significant challenges in a relationship. Remember, taking things slow and not rushing into a serious commitment is often wise. This allows you and your children ample time to adjust and for the relationship to develop naturally. Choosing the right partner as a single parent is about finding a balance between what works for you and what is best for your children. It's a process that requires patience, honesty, and a deep understanding of your family's needs. Communication Strategies with Your New Partner and Your Children Effective communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, but it becomes even more crucial when you're a single parent dating. It's about striking a balance between your needs, your children's needs, and the needs of your new partner. This section will cover strategies to foster open and healthy communication within your new family structure. First and foremost, it's important to establish a foundation of honesty and transparency with your new partner. Discussing your priorities as a single parent, your expectations from the relationship, and your boundaries are essential steps in building a strong and understanding partnership. With your children, maintaining an open line of communication is key. They should feel comfortable sharing their feelings about your new relationship. It's important to validate their feelings, whether they're positive or negative, and reassure them that they are a crucial part of your life. Creating a safe space for family discussions can be beneficial. Regular family meetings where everyone, including your new partner, can share their thoughts and feelings, can help in fostering a sense of unity and understanding. It's important that your children feel heard and that their opinions are respected. Finally, it's crucial to be patient and give everyone time to adjust to the new dynamics. Changes can be challenging, and it's normal for there to be a period of transition as everyone finds their footing in the new family structure. Balancing Your Time Between Dating and Parenting One of the most significant challenges faced by single parents in the dating world is balancing their time. Navigating the responsibilities of parenting while trying to build a new romantic relationship requires careful planning and consideration. This section will explore strategies to help single parents manage their time effectively. Setting priorities is essential. It's important to recognize that you can't do everything, and sometimes you'll need to make tough choices. Your children's needs should always come first, but that doesn't mean neglecting your own needs for companionship and happiness. Effective time management is key. Utilizing a calendar to keep track of both parenting responsibilities and dating activities can help you stay organized and avoid overcommitting. It's also important to communicate your schedule with your new partner to set realistic expectations. Finding quality time for both your children and your partner is crucial. It's not always about the quantity of time, but the quality. Even small moments can be significant if they're meaningful and focused. Lastly, don't be afraid to ask for help. Relying on your support network, whether it's family, friends, or a babysitter, can give you the breathing room you need to nurture your romantic relationship without compromising your responsibilities as a parent. Balancing dating and parenting is a delicate act that requires flexibility, understanding, and patience. By setting clear priorities, managing your time wisely, and leaning on your support network, you can navigate this challenging yet rewarding journey. Handling Introductions: When and How to Introduce Your Partner to Your Kids Introducing a new partner to your children is a significant milestone in the journey of dating as a single parent. This decision should be approached with thoughtfulness and care. This section will explore the timing and methods of introducing your partner to your kids in a way that respects everyone's feelings and readiness. The question of 'when' to make introductions is crucial. It's generally advised to wait until you are confident in the relationship's stability and future. Rushing this step can lead to confusion and anxiety for your children, especially if they're still adjusting to post-divorce changes. Before the introduction, have a conversation with your partner about your children's personalities, likes, dislikes, and any sensitive issues. This will help your partner to interact with your children more effectively and sensitively. It's also important to prepare your children for the introduction. This doesn't mean seeking their approval for the relationship but rather letting them know about the new person in your life and ensuring them that their place in your heart remains unchanged. Choosing an appropriate setting for the first meeting is key. Opt for a neutral, relaxed environment where your children feel comfortable. It could be a casual outing or an activity that your children enjoy. This helps to keep the atmosphere light and pressure-free. During the introduction, observe how your partner interacts with your children. Their approach to dealing with kids is not only indicative of their character but also of their potential to be a part of your family. Be mindful of your children's reactions as well; their comfort and feelings should be your top priority. After the meeting, have a follow-up discussion with your children to understand their feelings and thoughts about your partner. This shows your children that their opinions are valued and considered in your life decisions. Dealing with External Judgments and Comments As a single parent, facing external judgments and comments about your dating life is an unfortunate but common challenge. This section will discuss strategies to handle external opinions in a way that protects your and your children's well-being. It's important to remember that you are the best judge of what's right for your family. Trusting your instincts and not letting external opinions sway your decisions is crucial. The only opinions that truly matter are those of you and your children. Building a strong support system is key. Surround yourself with friends and family who understand and support your journey. This support network can provide not only emotional support but also practical advice based on their own experiences. When dealing with negative comments, especially from other single parents or your ex, it's important to stay calm and not engage in conflict. Keeping your focus on what's best for your children and your own happiness is paramount. Lastly, it's helpful to set boundaries regarding what aspects of your personal life you're willing to discuss with others. This helps in maintaining your privacy and protecting your children from potentially harmful gossip or judgments. While external judgments and comments are an inevitable part of dating as a single parent, handling them with grace, confidence, and a focus on what's best for your family can make your journey smoother and more fulfilling. Maintaining Your Identity: You're More Than Just a Parent In the whirlwind of parenting and dating, it's easy to lose sight of your own identity. As a single parent, you play multiple roles, but it's crucial to remember that you are more than just a parent. This section will explore ways to maintain and nurture your personal identity amidst the demands of parenting and dating. Firstly, it's essential to recognize and embrace your individuality. Your interests, passions, and aspirations are a vital part of who you are. Carving out time to pursue your hobbies or interests can be incredibly fulfilling and can help you maintain a sense of self. Setting personal goals outside of parenting and dating can also contribute to a strong sense of identity. Whether it's career aspirations, fitness goals, or learning a new skill, these pursuits can provide a sense of achievement and personal growth. Building a network of friends and peers who understand and support your individuality is important. These relationships can offer a space to express yourself outside of your roles as a parent and a partner. Remembering to celebrate your successes, both big and small, can boost your self-esteem and remind you of your capabilities and strengths as an individual. Additionally, maintaining a balance between your responsibilities and your personal life is key. While your children and your partner are important, it's healthy to have aspects of your life that are just yours. Finally, reflecting on your personal journey, acknowledging the challenges you've overcome, and appreciating your growth can reinforce your sense of self. Remember, your identity is a unique blend of many facets, and nurturing it is essential for your overall well-being. The Role of Self-Care in Successful Dating Self-care is often overlooked in the hustle of single parenting and dating, yet it plays a crucial role in successful relationships. This section will discuss the importance of self-care and how it can positively impact your dating life as a single parent. Taking time for self-care is not selfish; it's essential. It allows you to recharge and be the best version of yourself, both for your children and your partner. This can range from simple activities like reading a book to more involved practices like meditation or exercise. Emotional self-care is also critical. This means allowing yourself to process your emotions, whether through journaling, therapy, or conversations with trusted friends. It's about acknowledging your feelings and giving yourself permission to feel them. Maintaining physical health is another aspect of self-care. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can greatly affect your energy levels, mood, and overall health, which in turn can affect your dating life. Lastly, self-care also means setting boundaries in your relationships. This includes saying no when needed, asking for help when overwhelmed, and ensuring that your own needs are not always put last. Incorporating self-care into your routine is not just beneficial for you; it's also beneficial for your relationships. When you take care of yourself, you're better equipped to handle the complexities of dating and parenting, ultimately leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships. 5 Key Tips for Successful Dating as a Single Parent Dating as a single parent can be a rewarding yet complex experience. To navigate this journey successfully, certain strategies can be particularly effective. This section will provide five key tips to enhance your dating experience as a single parent. Tip 1: Be Transparent About Your Status as a Single Parent. Honesty is crucial in any relationship, and being upfront about your role as a parent is important. This sets clear expectations for potential partners and helps identify those who are truly comfortable with your life situation. Tip 2: Prioritize Your Time Wisely. Balancing parenting and dating requires careful time management. It's important to allocate time for your romantic life while ensuring that your children's needs are met. Quality time, rather than quantity, is key in both realms. Tip 3: Listen to Your Children's Concerns. Your children's feelings should be a significant consideration in your dating life. Engaging in open and honest conversations with them about your dating and ensuring they feel heard and respected is vital. Tip 4: Maintain Boundaries. It's important to set and respect boundaries, both with your children and your dating partner. This includes boundaries around time, privacy, and the pace at which your new relationship progresses. Tip 5: Stay Positive and Patient. The dating world can be challenging, but maintaining a positive outlook and being patient is essential. Every experience, whether successful or not, is an opportunity for growth and learning. Navigating Online Dating as a Single Parent In the modern world, online dating has become a common way for single parents to meet potential partners. However, it comes with its own set of challenges and considerations. This section will provide guidance on how to effectively and safely navigate online dating as a single parent. Creating an Honest and Attractive Profile: Your online dating profile is your first impression. It's important to be honest about being a single parent while also showcasing your personality and interests. Finding the balance between transparency about your family situation and your individual identity is key. Choosing the Right Dating Platform: There are numerous dating sites and apps available, and choosing the right one can significantly impact your experience. Some platforms are more suitable for single parents or those looking for serious relationships. Protecting Your Privacy and Safety: When engaging in online dating, it's crucial to protect your personal information. Be cautious about sharing details like your home address or information about your children until you have established trust with someone. Time Management and Prioritization: As a single parent, your time is precious. Be selective about who you choose to invest your time in and be clear about your availability, keeping in mind your responsibilities as a parent. Meeting for the First Time: When you decide to meet someone in person, choose a public place and consider informing a friend or family member about your plans. It's also important to manage your expectations and approach the meeting with an open mind. Dealing with Rejection or Disappointment: Online dating can involve rejection and disappointment. It's important to stay resilient and not take these experiences personally. Remember, finding the right match often takes time and patience. When Things Get Serious: Considering Blended Family Dynamics As a single parent, entering a serious relationship can lead to the creation of a blended family. This step brings its own set of challenges and considerations. This section will explore the dynamics of blended families and provide insights into navigating them successfully. Understanding the Complexity of Blended Families: Blending families involves merging different backgrounds, parenting styles, and personalities. It's essential to acknowledge and respect these differences while working towards creating a cohesive family unit. Communication is Key: Open and honest communication between all family members is crucial. This includes discussions about expectations, roles, and boundaries. It's important for everyone to feel heard and validated. Building Relationships at Their Own Pace: Each child will adjust to the new family dynamic in their own time. It's important to be patient and allow relationships to develop naturally without forcing connections. Navigating Discipline and Parenting Styles: Differences in parenting styles can be a significant challenge in blended families. It's important for you and your partner to discuss and agree on a consistent approach to discipline and parenting. Dealing with Ex-Partners: Co-parenting with ex-partners can add complexity to blended family dynamics. Effective communication and a focus on the well-being of the children are key in managing these relationships. The Role of Extended Family: Extended family members can play a significant role in the adjustment process. Encouraging supportive relationships with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can provide additional stability for children. Seeking Professional Help if Needed: Sometimes, seeking guidance from a family therapist can be beneficial in navigating the challenges of blending a family. Professional support can provide strategies and tools to help ease the transition for all involved. FAQ: Common Concerns of Single Parents in the Dating Scene This section addresses some frequently asked questions by single parents venturing into the dating world. These FAQs aim to provide clarity and guidance on common concerns and challenges faced in the dating scene. Q1: How Soon Should I Introduce My Date to My Children? The timing of this introduction is a personal decision, but it's generally advised to wait until the relationship is stable and serious. Ensuring that your children are ready for this step is also crucial. Q2: How Do I Handle My Children's Negative Reactions to My Dating? It's important to have open and empathetic conversations with your children. Listen to their concerns, validate their feelings, and reassure them of your love and commitment to them. Q3: Is Online Dating Safe for Single Parents? Online dating can be a safe and effective way to meet people if approached cautiously. Protect your privacy, choose the right platform, and always prioritize your safety and that of your children. Q4: How Do I Balance Dating with Parenting Responsibilities? Effective time management and setting priorities are key. Be honest with your dates about your responsibilities and find a balance that works for you and your family. Conclusion: Embracing Love and Family as a Single Parent Dating as a single parent is a journey that comes with its own unique set of challenges and joys. This article has aimed to provide guidance and support for those navigating this path. As we conclude, let's reflect on the key insights and the optimistic outlook for single parents in the dating scene. Firstly, remember that your desire for companionship and love is valid and important. Balancing your role as a parent with your personal needs for a romantic relationship is not only possible but can also be incredibly fulfilling for both you and your children. The importance of open and honest communication cannot be overstressed. Whether it's with your children, your new partner, or even with yourself, clear communication is the foundation of healthy relationships. Choosing the right partner, a person who not only resonates with you but also with your children and your lifestyle, is crucial. It's about finding someone who complements and enriches your family life. Self-care and maintaining your identity are also key aspects of successful dating. Taking care of your own needs and nurturing your interests and aspirations will make you a happier, more fulfilled individual and parent. Finally, patience and positivity are your allies in this journey. Every step, every challenge, and every success brings growth and closer to finding a harmonious balance between love and family. As a single parent, you have the strength, resilience, and capacity for love that can lead to deeply rewarding relationships. Embrace your journey with hope, and trust that the right balance of love and family is not just a possibility, but a reality waiting to be discovered.
  2. Embracing the Journey of Dating as a Single Mother Being a single mother has its unique set of challenges, joys, and intricacies. When combined with the complex world of dating, it can seem overwhelming. However, dating as a single mother is not just a challenge; it's an opportunity to discover yourself, your strengths, and the kind of partner you truly deserve. According to Dr. Linda Nielsen, a renowned psychologist specializing in father-daughter relationships, single mothers often underestimate their potential in the dating scene. She states, "Single mothers possess an inherent strength and wisdom that makes them alluring. Their life experiences have taught them patience, understanding, and a unique kind of love." But diving into the world of dating isn't always straightforward for single mothers. It's not just about finding the right person but also balancing the needs of your children and managing societal perceptions. This article will unpack the five unspoken rules every single mother should be aware of when venturing into the world of dating. As a single mother, diving back into the dating pool brings forth a whirlwind of emotions and considerations. There's the joy of meeting someone new, the hope for a meaningful connection, but also apprehensions about how this new chapter will fit into the established book of motherhood. One of the predominant challenges faced by single mothers in the dating world is combating societal stereotypes. There's a persistent, albeit outdated, narrative that single mothers are perpetually burdened, have too much "baggage," or are seeking a partner primarily for financial support or to fill a void. These misconceptions can create unnecessary hurdles and, in some cases, lead to discouraging experiences in the dating scene. Another challenge, and perhaps one of the most delicate to navigate, is time management. With responsibilities ranging from attending school events, managing household chores, to ensuring a steady income, finding the time to date can be daunting. And when a single mother does find the time, there's often a lingering guilt – should that time be dedicated to their children instead? Furthermore, there's the emotional aspect. A single mother, having been in prior relationships or marriages, may grapple with trust issues or emotional scars. Moving past these emotional barriers, while simultaneously ensuring they don't project past traumas onto new relationships, can be a delicate dance. Yet, amidst these challenges, it's crucial to emphasize the importance of balance. While motherhood is a significant and defining role, a single mother is also a woman with aspirations, desires, and needs that go beyond parenting. Balancing personal needs with those of the children doesn't signify selfishness. Instead, it's a recognition that a happy, fulfilled mother often equates to a happy, nurturing environment for the child. When a single mother pursues her happiness, she inadvertently teaches her children the importance of self-worth, setting boundaries, and seeking genuine connections. In the subsequent sections, we will delve deeper into strategies, insights, and expert advice to navigate the dating scene as a single mother. This holistic view aims to empower single mothers to seek love and companionship while always holding their children's best interests at heart. 1. Prioritizing Self-Care: Why It's Crucial Before Dating Dating as a single mother isn't just about seeking a partner; it's a profound journey of self-discovery. To navigate it successfully, you must prioritize self-care. Whether it's taking time for relaxation, pursuing hobbies, or maintaining a fitness routine, ensuring your well-being is vital. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2020 revealed that mothers who prioritize self-care experience greater life satisfaction and are more successful in their romantic endeavors. It's a ripple effect: when you're content and at peace, you radiate positivity, making you more attractive to potential partners. Remember, your children are intuitive. When they see you taking care of yourself, they feel more secure, and it establishes a healthy precedent for their future relationships. 2. Transparent Communication: Setting Clear Boundaries from the Start Transparent communication forms the cornerstone of any successful relationship. For single mothers, it's even more imperative. From the outset, you need to communicate your priorities, your roles as a mother, and your expectations from the relationship. In a survey conducted by eHarmony in 2021, 72% of respondents believed that open communication about one's parental status and responsibilities was critical in the initial stages of dating. This transparency allows potential partners to understand your commitments and respect your boundaries. But this rule isn't just about communication with your date. It's also about having open conversations with your children, depending on their age and maturity level. It's crucial they understand that while dating is an essential part of your life, they remain a priority. 3. The Timing Matters: Introducing Your Date to Your Kids One of the most nerve-wracking steps in dating as a single mother is deciding when to introduce your date to your kids. It's a delicate balance: too soon, and it might confuse or upset your children; too late, and your date might feel sidelined. Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in marital stability and relationship analysis, suggests a "gradual introduction" approach. According to him, "Children need time to adjust to the idea of a new person entering their lives. Begin with short, neutral activities and gradually increase their duration and intimacy based on your child's comfort level." Always prioritize your child's feelings and reactions. Each child is different, and while one might be excited about you dating, another might be apprehensive. Understanding their emotions and proceeding at a pace comfortable for them is essential. 4. Embrace the Experience: Accepting the Ups and Downs Dating, irrespective of your parental status, is a rollercoaster of emotions. There will be exhilarating highs, disappointing lows, and unexpected turns. As a single mother, these ups and downs might seem magnified, but it's essential to remember that they're a part of the process. A 2019 research paper from the University of Michigan emphasized the importance of resilience in dating. Resilience, defined as the ability to bounce back from adverse situations, is especially critical for single mothers who often face societal prejudice and unwarranted judgment. It's okay to feel vulnerable or disheartened after a disappointing date or a breakup. But embracing the journey means learning from every experience, growing stronger with each setback, and continually moving forward. After all, every failed date or relationship is a step closer to finding the right match. 5. Your Child's Perspective: Understanding Their Feelings Dating as a single mother isn't just about your emotions; it's about your child's feelings too. Their perspective, fears, hopes, and concerns need to be acknowledged and addressed. In a study conducted by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry in 2022, children of single parents expressed feelings ranging from excitement about their parent dating to fears of being replaced. Understanding these emotions is paramount. Engage in regular conversations with your child, create a safe space for them to express their feelings, and reassure them of your love and commitment. Their well-being and mental health are paramount, and as a mother, understanding their perspective will help you navigate the dating world more confidently. Conclusion: Embracing Love and Motherhood Hand-in-Hand Dating as a single mother is not a mere quest for love; it's a journey of self-reflection, growth, and balance. As you venture into this new phase of your life, remember to cherish every moment, learn from every experience, and prioritize your child's feelings and well-being. While society may have its preconceived notions and biases, dating as a single mother is not a limitation but an empowerment. As you embrace both love and motherhood, you pave the way for a fulfilling relationship that complements your role as a mother and enhances your personal growth. Your strength, resilience, wisdom, and love are unparalleled. By keeping these five unspoken rules in mind, you will not only enhance your dating experiences but also create a harmonious balance between your personal desires and the needs of your children. After all, as a single mother, you deserve love, understanding, and a partner who appreciates the incredible journey you've undertaken. So, step into the world of dating with confidence, armed with the knowledge and insights shared in this article, and open your heart to the endless possibilities that await. Recommended Reading Single Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood by Jane Mattes. The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self, and Raise Fabulous, Happy Children by Emma Johnson. Dating and the Single Parent: Are You Ready to Date? Talking With the Kids, Avoiding a Big Mistake, and Finding Lasting Love by Ron L. Deal.
  3. No one in this world loves me. I'm not close to my moms family and I live my life alone with no family around me. I got in contact with my estranged father after 20 years of no contact and found out that he has a 10 year old daughter. I made a mistake and looked him up on Facebook and his daughter is extremely beautiful. There are so many pictures of them out and about doing things and I developed this toxic jealousy against her and I feel terrible about it. I'm realizing he will never love me as much as he loves her. She's his little girl. Not me. He doesn't even know me. He attempts to message me almost every day but its normally just small talk. I want this relationship to work out but I struggle with the fact that he is very capable of living life without me. He did it for 20 years. What should I do about this?
  4. In an effort to find out where the problem of shyness originates from, I have come to the conclusion that: (1) there is a strong corelation between whether you were brought up by a single mother, a single father, or both parents. Those who were raised by a single mother tend to be the shy ones while those raised by both parents can be either shy or extroverted depending on which parent had more influence on them. (2) shyness is related to how possessive the parent was during the child's formative years i.e. whether or not the child was allowed to go out and play with other toddlers/kids or kept inside all the time. (3) a dominant older brother/sister who is opinionated, arrogant and loves to have the last say could also cause the younger siblings to become withdrawn and grow up to be shy and introverted. Edit: do to the overwhelming number of people who have stated this, I will also add (4) parents not having friends (i.e also shy), can unwittingly school their children to be shy. (5) a physically/sexually abusive parent can totally erode a child's confidence and make them shy. So shy guys (and girls) share your experiences and your thoughts on this one!
  5. Single Moms: Tips on Dating If you’re a single mom and you’re currently dating, wanting to date, and/or are in a seriously relationship, here are a few tips on how to interact with your guy/date: 1) Never, ever accept instant messaging and/or text messaging as the primary form of communication. After all, this is how your kid(s) communicate with their friends! Genuine, mature, and AVAILABLE guys will use the phone. Email is okay but he needs to use the phone too. 2) Don’t bash your ex for the sake of bashing. This includes the first, second, third etc. date. The only time you can bash your ex is when your guy/date asks about him or wants to know about him. Otherwise it'll make you look like just another bitter woman. 3) Be cautious of Emotionally Unavailable Men. They will probably bring out all of your insecurities and cause you even more stress that you don’t need. (They are the ones that send you mixed signals, come and go, and disappear without any notice) 4) If you want a relationship and/or a serious relationship step-up and let it be known. Don’t sit back and wait on him to determine when and if things will get serious. If you don’t have time for a manicure, then you don’t have time to wait around for him either. 5) Don’t let your child(ren) get attached if you don’t think the two of you will last. Only you can determine when it is the best time to introduce your child(ren) and how much time they spend with him. 6) When the two of you are out for dinner SLOW DOWN and eat your dinner at a normal pace. Savor every bite of your dinner and enjoy your time away from your child(ren). 7) Let him drive you around for a change. 8) If he wants to fix something in your home let him. You know if you don’t let him it will never get fixed. 9) If you’re out with him and the child(ren) and he wants to push the stroller, feed the baby, put coats on, wipe faces/hand, etc., let him because this shows he could be trying it out to see if he has what it takes to be in you and your child(ren’s) life. Besides, it’s nice every once in awhile to have a break. 10) Pay attention to the little things that he does. For example, if when you return from a night out by yourselves and the first thing he does is check on the child(ren), you know he's sincere and has a huge heart. Excellent qualities. 11) ALWAYS appreciate every single thing he does for you no matter how small, medium or large. Tell him “thank you” and how much he has helped you out etc. 12) Make sure you keep a balance between what he does for you and what you do for him too because you don’t want him to think you’re taking advantage of him. (This is where we get bad reputations as single moms because too many take advantage of good guys which makes other good guys reluctant to date single moms). 13) Don't freak out if your house is not perfect and crystal clean when he comes over. He shouldn't judge you because a sometimes messy, disorganized house goes along with having a child(ren). And don't clean up while he's there either. He might think you have OCD! NOTE: These tips come from my own personal experience. I've been a single mommy since the day my daughter was born and it's not easy to date and have a relationship when you have kids. I hope my tips are helpful. Let me know if I left anything out!
  6. Not sure why I haven't posted about this before... I'm a single mommy of a 3.5 year old daughter and a 6.5 year old son. They are Wonderful!!!!!!! Just wondering if there are any other single mom's or dad's around here? Also curious about things you do to cram everything into a day, to enjoy time with your children, to make things run smoothly! As I've said in many other posts, I truly think every child deserves a two parent home! Obviously, that's not always possible and unfortunately, I didn't make that happen for my children. Being a single parent is rough - I think I need a clone so I can stay on top of everything! Can't wait to hear your stories and to get to know ya!
  7. I'm dating a man who has joint custody of his daughter, a third-grader. He wants me to meet her, which I'm happy to do...but I don't have kids myself, and have had really limited contact with children. I'm afraid I don't know what to do or say. How can I make the first meeting easy on everyone involved?
  8. I think, that when two people are in a relationship, that they should be focused on making the other person feel good. Right or wrong? When someone communicates their needs, the other person should try to meet those needs. Right or wrong? Please answer those two first, then consider the following. When I'm sick or not feeling well, he gets mad that I am not being nice to him. I don't mistreat him. I'm just less responsive. In a healthy relationship, shouldn't he be trying to make me feel better instead of making the issue about him? It's frustrating to me - because that's when I need him to help me and be there for me. Instead, I feel like I'm being attacked when I need help. The entire conversation is always about me not being as attentive as I should be. So, I already feel bad because I'm sick, then I have to defend feeling bad. Then, I'm a little angry that I'm the one who was sick and needed help, and then it somehow becomes all about him. I've communicated that several times. It always ends up in a fight that was my fault for bringing the issue up. I've said "I want to do everything you want, and give you everything you need." "I want to be treated well in return." We still wind up a few paragraphs above. What do you make of that? Also, I come from two happily married parents. He comes from a single parent home with a bad relationship with his mother. Does that make a difference? Advice? I want it to work.
  9. hello i need some opinions from relationship experts out there about my situation... ive been in a relationship with a single mother of a 3-month old baby for almost 1 month now. reason she is a single mom coz her baby's father is underaged. the father as she said sometimes gives money for support, but she told me that their realationship is unclear long ago. all the father is doin now is give her financial support, which happens only if he has money and be there to drive her if she needs something to buy for the baby, or fetches her from work(because she is walking distance from her home and its quite unsafe for her to go home alone since her off-duty is 10pm which is late already).other than that, they both dont have any other contacts with each other(like dates or such).ok i gues the pciture can be ssen a bit already... what im trying to say is that IF i want this relation to really happen, and last long.. does it me she has to disconnect herself from the father?since she already said that she doesnt love him anymore? what would i do or say or how would i say this to her... btw, all of us are just neighboors, she is 20 im 28 so i gues thats old enough, i guess....
  10. I am a 44 year old single mother of a 15 year old daughter. i have been very blessed that my life has lead me to raise my daughter in a very beautiful place. I live in Santa Barbara California. It is so drop dead gorgeous here. There are so many great opportunities for my child here. Being a single mother with no childsupport and not the greatest education behind me, I am living under the poverty level. I make between 8-10 dollars an hour. The only way I can even survive in this expensive town is because I am on section 8 housing which lowers my rent. (The normal rent here for a 2 bedroom apartment is 1,600 a month) Santa Barbara is one of the most expensive cities in the US. I have not been in a relationship for 10 years. Im not a bad looking girl, I have a few pounds and should get rid of and am working on it...but I cant get anyone to even consider me as a mate because 90 percent of the guys in this area are looking for high $$ career women to contribute to the expensive lifestyle out here. the men are all into the theater, wine tasting, the oo la la of the rich...i am the poorest person I know here except for the homeless people. Ive realized that no guys in this town are going to be interested in me, and if there are a small few...the chances are pretty slim that Ill find any. ive even thought of moving to a less expensive area because I dont want to be alone for the rest of my life. But i just love it here! what should i do?
  11. I was having a conversation with a friend a few weeks back. She is in her forties, fairly nice looking, owns a business, and has been having terrible luck over the last few years finding someone to share her life with. She said that guys don't like girls who are independent and secure b/c they expect equal amounts of control over the relationship and most men need to be in control. Although I have seen this most of my life with my mom's disasterous marriages, I argued with her b/c I NEED to believe that equal relationships do exist. I went home and asked my b/f what he thought about it and this is what he said: Guys aren't attracted to strong independent women, they prefer them to be weak and insecure b/c men need to be in control of a relationship. Women who are independent expect more and can leave when they want. He said it is pure animal insinct and that is why men are attracted to looks and needs and women money and strength. Men need to be in control and women need to feel protected it is as simple as that. He even made a half-joking statment about dating single moms is kinda like taking care of "another man's garbage" and that is why guys won't usually date a single mom. I was appalled. Mind you I have been plenty weak and needy over the years, but I always thought the reason that a man stayed with me was b/c of who I am, and not how I look or what I need from them fiscally. I haven't had alot of experience dating I'm 32 and was married seven years and in a long-term relationship for six and a half years, but I am not a naive girl this is just something I never considered. Now I'm reaching my time for independance and security (graduating college) and my long-time b/f is ready to call it quits, how coincidental. Is he afraid that I might leave or that I might begin to demand or expect more from our relationship?
  12. If you're a guy thinking about dating a single mom, already dating, and/or in a serious relationship with a single mom here are a few tips: 1) You absolutely, positively MUST love kids (babies,toddlers, school age, teenagers etc.) You wouldn't believe the number of guys who say they love kids only to impress. 2) You must be understanding of the fact that being a mom is, at times, overwhelming and very stressful. thereforeeee, if it seems at times that we are "complaining" or "witchin" about something it's only because we are frustrated and stressed and need to vent. 3) Recognize that you may be the only adult conversation we've had all day long. thereforeeee, don't hold it against us if we talk your ear off every now and then. 4) Be sensitive when we try to be sexy (whether we initiate sex or wear something sexy). We don't feel as confident about our bodies as we did before we had child(ren). We need to know that we're still sexy! 5) We like it when you consider us as a "hot mommy." 6) Every now and then take us out on a date that requires us to "dress up" and wear something other than mommy clothes. This helps us feel sexy and let's us know that we're a desirable woman. 7) If there is something minor in our home that needs repaired offer to fix it or find someone that can fix it. Often we are too busy with other things that the small, simple things like missing trim around a door frame get pushed to the side. Many of us probably can fix them on our own but a simple gesture like this is greatly appreciated because it's one less thing we'll have to worry about! 8) Go grocery shopping with us. This task can be dreadful because the child(ren) can make the trip to the store either a good one or a bad one. Your assistance will make the trip more efficient because we can focus on the shopping list instead of keeping Little Johnny from crawling out of the cart! 9) Don't take us to a late movie because we'll probably fall asleep in the theatre. Shoot for the early evening show instead. 10) Always hold, hug, and kiss us so we know we matter to you. Sometimes we're too busy being mommies that we forget we are human too. This is also the best way to help us destress, relax, and makes us smile inside and out. NOTE: These tips come from my own personal experience. I've been a single mommy since the day my daughter was born and it's not easy to date and have a relationship when you have kids. I hope my tips are helpful. Let me know if I left anything out!
  13. I'm just wondering if there is anyone on the forum who has been though the I-130 file process as I am just about to file our petition. I'm so worried because I was told it can take from 6 months to a year and a half and we are worried that I can't have the baby in the US unless we can get me put on his medical insurance. We're worried he can't be there at the birth. I'm really worried right now and would really apreciate any advice from anyone who has been though this. I know I'm elegable for a K-3 Visa for seperation. But I don't know how long that takes. I was wondering if anyone can let me know if they have been down that road. I don't want to have to start my baby's life as a single mother away from my husband who I love so dearly. I'm so scared. Someone please let me know. Thanks, ~S.
  14. Hello I'm a single male, never married, 39 years old. I just recently (about 2 weeks ago) met a fantastic women who is 40, and has 2 children. We seem to be hitting it off real nicely. I haven't felt this way about someone in a long time. And I know she feels the same way too. And I know it's early, but it does seem like we share a lot in common. My dilemma is this, in that I would eventually like to have children of my own someday soon, and I'm not sure yet what her desires are. Being that she's a single mom, at 40, it would be hard for me to imagine that she would want to do it again. I know theoretically, it's probably still possible for her to have children, but I'm not sure how great the odds are. I have a lot of conflicting emotions right now...my heart says to go for it, but my mind says it probably is not in my best long-term interests. Am I worrying too much? Does anyone have any similar experiences to share? Would love to hear it... Thanks Larry
  15. Hey, I have a question, and maybe some single Mom's can give advice here or anyone dating a single parent. How should I handle my girlfriends daughter? She is three and I find her annoying. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now, and we have grown together well and the relationship is very good. She has a three year old daughter that has been kind of cold to me since the beginning (I admit, I was cold too in the beginning). At first, I gave her plenty of space because I was a stranger. But things have not changed too much. She is very moody with me and even when I am trying to be fun and playful, she is sulky. I am growing more and more annoyed with this little girl and am thinking that this could be a bad thing for the relationship. I have tried as best as I could to open up to this little girl and be playful and nice. She responds seldomly and usually reverts back to being moody in short peeriods of time. She is all about her mom. This has been going on since my girlfriend and I started dating. So for me, I am having a hard time envisioning being around this little girl if things got more serious between me and my girlfriend. I compare her daughter to other little children like my nieces and nephews who are about the same age, and my friends kids, and I think all these other kids are just plain nicer children than her daughter. I would like to make things work, but I do not know how to handle this situation. Any thoughts?
  16. so my girlfriend is a single mother (child is 5) and I am starting to realize that her child is the number one priority in her life. I guess that is normal or how it is supposed to be and I wonder how other people deal with a problem like this: For example I can get her to go with me on a date maybe only once a month. If I suggest to get a baby sitter for a saturday evening she calls me selfish. I love her child but I noticed that she does not seem to have the desire to spend any quality time with me. Maybe that is normal as well, after all a lot of her time is spent dealing with her kid. I do spend time at her house but of course everything revolves around her kid constantly. There are a lot of stepmoms/stepdads out there and I'd like to know how they are dealing with romance when there kids around all the time.
  17. Hello, I'm a single mother of a 6 year old from a heterosexual relationship. I've recently discovered my bisexuality and is having a hard time coping with it. Not so much because I'm in denial .. and quite frankly, I'm not even 100% sure as of yet - but because it's difficult for me to date because of my status, let alone be able to find women. Where are they hiding? I'm not a bar/club person but would like to meet someone to spend time with .. and maybe discover if I'm truly bi or not. These past few days especially have been difficult because I feel dormant .. I'm not able to talk with anyone I know about this so it's lingering inside of me. Not sure what to do about it. Any advice? I've always been an open-minded type person and the thought of potentially being bi does not scare me. It excites me actually .. but how will I ever know for sure?
  18. Hello Enotalone.I have posted on here a few times for different things, however i need some opnions. I have a 11 yr old son.Pretty shy however is easily liked.Im a single mom as his father passed away 5 years ago, however i have stayed very close to the other side of the family, still call my motherin law mom, was a maid of honour in my sister in laws wedding. I have never married to my sons father just togther for 8 years. being a single mom i have always had help, however my folks moved about 2 hrs away from me, so its really just me and my son know with visits to both grandparents. My sister in law has asked me to move with her and her husband about 1 hr from where i am now, a much bigger city, will be a better place for me to live, plus i will have more males around my son who will do things like hockey and bikerides and stuff all the things that i just dont have time for all the time, as i work full time.aswell in the end will be saving more money. I would have to take my son out of school and thsi worries me as he has gone to this school since he was4 and now is 11 and in grade 6.he would have to start all over again in Jan 2007. any feedback on this?postives and negatives? thanks
  19. I am so depressed. I feel like I wish I was dead sometimes just so that i can stop this neverending pain. Everytime I feel like I'm going to be okay, something else happens and at this point, i've given up on happiness. I go through my daily routine only because I have a daughter that I need to raise. On the outside, people would think I have it together....my own place, car, good job, single parent and I'm putting myself through school. Only thing is, I feel like an empty shell inside. My mother betrayed my by taking her husbands' side after he molested me. My siblings also turned their backs on my b/c that's their father and he told them I lied about what happened. I moved 3,000 miles away only to fall in love with a man that left as soon as I got pregnant. I'm in a state where I have no family or friends to confide in so I've turned here. Someone, anyone, how do you get out of this black hole once you've crawled into it so deeply?
  20. Hi! I can't believe I am posting this but here goes. I am in my 30's, single mom to a teenager and my boyfrirend is a single dad in his early 40's with two kids...pre-teen. He has been separated two years, divorce just became final this month. We have been a couple six months. He has his kids alot. When he has his kids, I don't spend time with him...his choice. I don't have a problem with taking that part of our relationship slow. He met my child (my son's eighteen), six weeks ago. I have meet his but only once spent time with them....both of us with all three of our kids went on an outing. It was a great day with no problems. I am his first relationship since his very long marriage ended. I understand him not wanting me to spend time with his kids until he was sure he wanted this relationship to go somewhere. Every single day he has not had his kids, we spend together.....have since the first date. The days I don't see him he usually phones me. He is so good to me and goes out of his way to make me happy doing little every day things that most people don't think to do or appreciate. I have been really understanding of the keeping the kids and me separate, being a single parent myself, I get that. However when's the point when that needs to change? This week he has to travel for business and every day he is not gone for business he has his kids. A few of those days were not to be his days with the kids but he has always swapped days with his ex if he is going to be out of town so he still has his kids the same amount of time. He has the kids way more then half the time. Five days this week and two days this week out of town. I have been patient with this but am thinking that by now, six months in, he would want to have me around some times when he has the kids. Especially when if he doesn't then he doesn't see me at all this week. The kids mom is not sitting at home thinking about her ex-hubby. She moved on long before he did and has even bought a house with her new partner. He is often with the kids as are his kids around them alot. As you can probably guess, I am wondering if I am asking too much to want to be in the picture with the kids once in a while? He is the best father and I love that about him but I can only be put on the shelf for so long. I don't expect everything to change overnight but I don't understand why I can't be around even one evening when there is not one "free" evening in the enitre week. I know it may sound like he really isn't that into me. But he truly is wonderful to me otherwise. I honestly can't believe I have met such a great man. Except this one thing....I'm tired of being patient. I haven't said anything to him and just hoped eventually patience would pay off. Thus far it hasn't and I am thinking it has been long enough. What do you all think? I am interested in anyone's thoughts but particularily interested in what any single dads who may be out there have to say. Thanks. Wanting off the Shelf!
  21. What is "normal" between girl friendships. I was raised with 3 brother & had mostly male friends. I have a few close girl friends (but not to close, since I'm a single mom & not much of a social life) so i'm not quite sure what is normal. I met this new girl, she is Awesome, we work together & she's a lot of fun. I've only known her a couple weeks & I can't tell if she is just an oddly friendly girl or hitting on me? she makes comments daily on what a beautiful bum I have. & how much she loves seeing it (my bum) everyday (I'm never sure how to reply?). How i'm *** hot I am. & how she thinks of me a lot. Is this fairly normal? I don't quite no how to respond to some of these either?
  22. I had this idea (well got it from elsewhere really) to get a rose, and put it under the windscreen wiper of her car, in the middle of the night, so she would discover it in the morning. However after I bought the roses I started to have second thoughts... The more I thought about it the riskier it seemed. Think about it for a second before reading on. (What would your reaction be?) Allow me to explain: We are going out together a few weeks, but we don't live together. I'm nearly positive she wouldn't see it as a stupid cliche (I'm not even sure it is a cliche), but she might see it as a bit of a violation of her home. I wouldn't be breaking and entering or anything, there isn't even a gate to open, but I am thinking maybe the idea of anyone sneaking around her house in the middle of the night might seem a bit scary or disturbing even if it's just to leave a rose. It means I have to walk into her driveway and up to beside her house. Furthermore she's a single mother, living in her house on her own with her kid, so she might feel a bit vulnerable. So what do you women think? Any quick replies would be great as it is in the next half hour I planned to do it. (I am meeting her tomorrow night and I may be a bit behind on my romantic gestures, so I want to do it before then if at all).
  23. Hi. This is my first post. I am a single mom of two, one each. My son has said/done some things to indicate that he may be attracted to boys. For instantance, last night while watching a movie with a boys locker room scene, he said "I want to watch this again just to see the boys in the locker room" and then immediately said "nevermind"! I think it's ok, but everytime I ask him to talk about it, he says the same thing. How do I get him to trust that I will accept ANYTHING he does in life? I am ok with it, but don't really know how to get that point accross to him and don't want to be too pushy or lead him in one direction or another. I want to raise an independent, happy man!
  24. I don't know what to do about my 5-year-old son. I just got a phone call from the camp that he is staying at for the summer and they told me that I needed to find another place for him. They told me that they spend too much time trying to calm him down and control him. What I dont understand is why isnt he like that all the time. Yes he is a hyper child and a bit ramunctious but he isnt aggressive or mean at home or with other children. I am at my wits end and reaching the point of break down. ](*,) I have tried everything with him (i.e. spankings, grounding, taking away things, rewarding for good behavior, etc). If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I am a single mom and that his father doesn't have much to do with him at all. I dont know if tha is part of the problem or not. I have thought about counseling and I just don't know what a counselor could do for a 5 year old. I really don't want to have to put him on medication. Does anyone else have a child like this that can lend a word of advice or encouragement??
  25. It's a long story, but I had a son while I was in high school (17 years old). The egg donor was not interested in being a mother, so I became a single Dad shortly after graduating high school. I wanted to be a good Dad and support my son, and I thought this meant that I shouldn't date and bring lots of women into his and my life. I lived with my parents while getting a degree at a community college. My parents watched my son while I studied, and then when I got a job after getting my degree. I lived with my parents until I was 28 to save up money for a down payment on a home... it was humiliating for me to have to rely on them like that for so long, but I'm somewhat free now in that I own a home and don't have any debt besides the mortgage. During the time I lived at home, I gave up having friends for the demands of fatherhood and a working life. There were a couple women who took interest in me, only to get bored with me because I was emotionally preoccupied with my son. When I went on dates, I could only think of my son and couldn't enjoy myself. Sometimes I wanted to cry because I missed him so much. Instead of developing a personality, I resigned myself to raising my son without doing anthing else to improve myself as someone who cold be interesting to someone else. I played video games and watched TV in the evenings to pass the time, and didn't miss actual human contact all that much. I had repressed myself. All my ambitions, my intelligence, my very personality... and I let them wither away while I was waiting for my son to grow up. When I see 'normal' people and try to talk to them, I have nothing to say. I run out of words after "How's it going". I have a poor memory, and forget new people's names right away. Well crap it's just easier to say nothing, right? I'm beginning to see otherwise. I was doing OK in this zombie state for years, and successfully avoided pretty much all relationships except family. This continues even today... but something happened last week. I met a girl who has seemingly made all the right decisions in life. She's my age, single, and beautiful. I was dumbfounded... how could someone like this be single still at 30, when most people seem to marry by then - unless there's trouble. This girl seems to me that she's so very far out of my league that I don't stand a chance even making intelligent chit chat with her. She's a very kind person, and I doubt she would turn down something as benign as a lunch invitation. Sounds easy enough. But here's the thing though: ever since I met her it's like I've been sick. My eating and sleeping habits have been altered, and I've been re-evaluating my life non stop. Video games, and net surfing... all the anti social things I once thought I enjoyed only offer boredom now. I have the sudden desire to improve myself, except I feel like I've missed too much time developing as a person to ever get myself to the point that I'd be merely acceptable - let alone loveable. Time had gotten to the point that it seemed like the weeks were flying by... but now it seems like time is standing still. This last week has been painfully slow, and I am beginning to feel emotions long repressed - with lots of solitary time to enjoy them. I'm agonizing over everything wrong with my life, while still trying to keep it together for my son and sanity (which is probably on the brink). I know I only have a window of opportunity to get to know this particular girl better... I guess I'm just sick that I haven't done anything to "enhance" my personality, and at this point I just don't think I have anything to offer except boring loneliness. If only I could tell her all of what I just typed above... of course it would be the last thing I ever said to her just before she RAN AWAY SCREAMING. I'm wondering if I should even ask to get to know her better. Why would she want to know me, when sometimes I don't even want to know myself. I sort of feel like I should go the "make friends" route before doing the "find a wife" thing... even though finding a wife is my ultimate goal. But then this girl sure seems like she could be the one I've been dreaming of. If you got this far, thanks for reading... this was mostly just for me to get this stuff out of my head and into the ether.
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