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About Me

  1. Your psychiatrist is counting down the months till retirement Twenty-seven He won't show you your file because it's nothing but grocery lists and doodles Two ball-point-pen girls playing beach volleyball The blue one is winning again Hipsters on the patio mispronouncing French cigarettes Mixing hard and soft G's Hard and soft drinks When you see an odd number of lights in the distance That means there's a bus coming God never creates just one of anything But he does seem quite fond of odd numbers You tell the bus driver you'll never complain about bus drivers in this city again Ever since you realized that the cops were worse The LED lights in her apartment window mean someone's home You think about 99 New York beat poets lamenting the ugliness of neon lights And wonder if any of them lived to see LEDs The door swings open You didn't even ring the bell but somehow she just knew you were there This might not be such a bad birthday after all Twenty-seven.
  2. not a poem.. this is a song, that im not sure is complete, its in 5/4. i wrote it for a friend of mine who plays drums and has struggled with heroin and coke in the past. let me know what you guys honestly think of it. I’ve seen the road you’re taking lately, man I’m proud Ain’t no shame in knowing what you’re about Don’t let it hold you down any more We know the direction it steered you in before Easy when it’s easy, won’t always be easy man But when you feel all alone and weak, I know you can Rise above and reach for so much, you can take it all And I’ll be there to push you back up if you fall Never forget the reasons You fought hard for your freedom You and I we see the road back to from where you came We don’t need no easy way to bring back all the pain We don’t need no crystal ball showing us how Ain’t really so hard to see man that it’s better now Temptation can kill, if you’re hand's in the cookie jar It’s a fast track to the way back, you’ve come this far Hundred thousand smiles to wait for, you could wipe away Won't you share them with a friend cuz I’m here to stay
  3. beacuse i didnt feel like pronouncing all of the language.... [chorus 4x] elusidative eruption defined thru chemicals formed...... outrageous assumptions refined thru hypnosis re-born.. broken particals mended only thru expensive super science.... spoken 2 b remarkable, but thats by their own alliance.... [verse 1] mussles relaxed from pills that will soon induce convulsants...... stong an powerful that can have one spittn blood like faucets.... dialating pupils, outrageous movements from ones torso..... these haulucinations seem to tear flesh apart so unremorseful..... force from sadantants, will have ure heart ripped n shreadded.... knew from the making, this can have minds lifted n embedded.... feels like coke n benzine wedded, to kill ure whole Inhibitory drugs do u in such as peircing ure lungs jumpin from da 3rd story salucadations to ure kidneys which crumble as if artificial....... cuz anxiety is ruining u from overdoseing on Secobarbitals...... the dendrits of the possesor cringe to use mo forceful antidotes..... n u wana live right? when u on ah binge struggle on ya lass rope..... [chorus 4x] elusidative eruption defined thru chemicals formed...... outrageous assumptions refined thru hypnosis re-born.. broken particals mended only thru expensive super science.... spoken 2 b remarkable, but thats by their own alliance.... [verse 2] faces of men twisted unorthodox parrallel to his existence...... yayo pipes from paradox promises de-swells reminisance...... bloody arms shaking from abrasive needles peirced in veins... sharing virus infected in colonies that seem to go n trains...... the horizon in their eyes closes, to show death in disguise..... these deamons come in surprise, to sho men their utter demise.... reach fo allies, held down to earth so u cant reach for the skies.... look in ya eyes, can't see anything but empty promosis n lies... premanition of premature xanax, flooding the upper level..... the brain becomes stagnant, reducing to influence from the devil... twitch in withdrawl, we see no activty from his lungs at all..... switch n appall, we pay respects for a man whos life has dissolved..... [chorus 4x] elusidative eruption defined thru chemicals formed...... outrageous assumptions refined thru hypnosis re-born.. broken particals mended only thru expensive super science.... spoken 2 b remarkable, but thats by their own alliance.... [verse 3] habitual practices deceived to feel licit reduce hypoxia.... the tissues decay n receive no oxygen its locked fo ya.... larynx sufferage, trachea place in throat to help him breathe... dis is from enveloped failed experiments to make humans bleed.... induce vomit the stomach cannot hold whats not meant to go in.... but u refuse to give up the ghost, to be dead n lifeless within.... pounding in the chest, shockwaves to help eyes rotate forward grounded in caressed, form ure seizures screamin help me Lord!!! da drugs are savage, they have no remorse on ure vital signs like thugs who r ravage, they beat until u can't think with ure mind.... [chorus 4x] elusidative eruption defined thru chemicals formed...... outrageous assumptions refined thru hypnosis re-born.. broken particals mended only thru expensive super science.... spoken 2 b remarkable, but thats by their own alliance....
  4. A week ago, my 2 year relationship finally ended. We were living together, but she liked to party a lot, and I couldnt handle it. She would get drunk 4 or 5 nights a week, and I mean really drunk. She has also done coke and used to be a heavy weed smoker. She was still very cool when she was not drinking though, which is probably why it worked for so long. I just could not deal with this though, since in the relationship it felt lot a lot of my affection was unreturned. I am still very sad about everything, but I think I know what I need to do to recover. I am starting to work out, and am trying to keep myself busy. I just dated and hung around heavy drinkers for long, that I do not want another one, so I am wondering if there is any place that is good to meet women besides the bar. I do not want to have a relationship or anything, but I think getting out there and flirting and talking to girls will help me get some of my "mojo" back, lol. I am a pretty emotional guy, so I know it will take me a while to get things together in my life. I am only 22, and everyone keeps telling me that I'll find someone else, I just hope they are right. Thanks for reading the whole post if you did, but if not, where can I go to meet girls besides bars/pubs? Thanks for any advice anyone can give
  5. Another day Another guy Looking for another high More close calls A different cop One more box Of pills to pop Thizz today Die tomorrow From waves of joy To pits of sorrow Flying's all good Till you fall and hit Bottom rock bottom And what you'd give To have your wings back. But suddenly your life is all flying And stealing and lying You're flat broke (and you're broken) And you're trying and trying To feel whole again When you’re not. You were brighter than boomers More vibrant than rolls And just like the E You’re melting holes In my head. More addicting than coke Babe, can’t you see? You’ve got me hooked And won’t be free Till I quit you. My love.
  6. Is it best to write a note or not to? Is it better to tell everyone and to scream and shout that it hurts and you dont know what to do and you cant do it anymore... Or is that just screaming for attention? and being melodramatic... if there was ever any intention behind it, it would have been a long time ago Is it better not to cause the worry not to say anything, and just end it without the drama? I guess, its all about the feeling, about how it hurts, and no one else can see that, or possibly empathise because no one has any idea what its like. Its like i am standing on the outside of everything.... and just watching... i feel like a mime in a glass box as corny as that image is.... i feel like in time things will get better, but i feel that is a naive view to have of things... or will things get worse before they get any better? Its like the world and me is shrinking. Putting out on the internet is like putting it out to the universe... to say hey... give me a break here... i am trying really really hard but c'mon the joke's over dude... I get it!!!! and I am not laughing!!! I feel like say okay okay, enough is enough... i get the hint and i should've left this party a long time ago but i keep just hanging around for that odd little chance something might change... someone might say, Hey tally... I remember you.... I wonder if any one says that or thinks that, ya know? Hey Tally, I remember her, whatever happened to her? You know this week at work, i helped a kid out with a college assignment, answered all the q's, did an interview, provided them with some policies and other papers.... they gave me a dinner for two voucher to someplace i havent been before... but hey, who do i take? I feel really sad... they called and asked if i had the dinner yet.... i just made up some excuse about being too busy... Its friday night, and i am sitting in my office cos i have no where else to go and nothing to do. I would love to go and have after work drinks someplace nice but hey... who with... people keep walking by my office and chatting to me saying Hey Tally, watchya doin on the weekend?... I just laugh and say a bit of this and a bit of that.... i feel really sad... people are wishing me a great weekend... and i just want to go somewhere and jump... or is that too violent? Maybe i should do something more peaceful.... like take something and go to sleep... or should i have a bath, have some champagne and strawberries and cut my wrists.... or is that violent too??? then what about my cat?? hmmm.... what do i do with him...its not his fault i feel like this so i dont want him to suffer alone in an apartment for days or whatever... i dont know what to do.... I am talking to much.... is that a sign? of what? is anyone reading this? i dont know. don't know where to begin don't want to hear it again I don't believe anymore and this is all I know I know I've heard it before I don't believe anymore Honestly, I will tell you honestly, what i want to do... I want a whole lot of drugs... give me some coke... ya know that pink coke... a pill or two, some goey.... something like that... I want to have a few lines, a pill... some champagne... and then i will work out what to do... i want to load myself up to the eyeballs. Because. Because its the only time i can let go. I actually relax and forget about all my * * * *... its like i can step outside my life for a few hours... and just relax... But you know... i dont know where to get drugs. I dont know anyone to get them from. Honestly. Its been a long time since i have taken anything and now i dont know where to begin at all. But i want to step outside my life and not come back in.... i want to get loaded and then i want to disappear into oblivion and fade away. Fade away from memory from the world... so many people have come in and out of my life... Normally what happens, is people go but then i meet more people... or my life evolves and changes... in about every four to five years my life completely changes... but in the last six years or so my life has not changed over at all.... people have gone out but no one is coming in... its just shrinking.... And i feel as i get older the opportunities and chances that are available are declining until soon there will be no new opportunities presenting themselves... but then what? Is one supposed to go out and find those opportunities... create them? but where? where to begin... i dont know. I feel like the jokes over. I get it already! And i am not laughing.
  7. This is kind of random, but is 1 diet coke a day a big deal? I have heard conflicting things about it. For the most part I drink water, juice, and milk, but I always crave a diet coke at lunch for whatever reason. I recently heard that even that is not healthy and I should give it up, so thought I'd throw it out there. Anyone?
  8. I seriously dont know what to do.. my boyfriend cheated on me in the 9th month of our relationship with a girl from his work.. someone saw them kissing at a party. We broke up.. but still kinda saw eachother.. they ended up getting together. At this point in time he was also doing coke..and was very depressed. I think he started to doing coke before he got with her but i dont know for sure. Anyways i helped him get off drugs and go to counceling.. a month later we decided to get back together..everything was great.. But latley we have been fighting so much because i keep bringing what he did up.. i keep getting reminded of it. I cant help but bring it up almost everyday.. i feel that im going to ruin this relationship for good. I love him to death and i want us to have a healthy wonderful relationship.. what am i suppost to do? Excpecially when she still works where he does. I need help. Im going crazy. I feel that im letting this take over.
  9. okay so im at christmas dinner last night. im not too big on family gatherings but i went anyway(my dad took my car where else was i gonna go) and we get there and my aunt shows up with no warning. my aunt is junkie. a complete heroin addict. she is also a lesbian. she just chose to come out to my grandparents at christmas dinner. her girlfriend just happened to be african american. and made countless jokes about our "cracker *** family" which in my oppinion was inappropriate. more than that they were both high. they were doing coke the whole night and i was the only one who noticed,(what a coincidence, me the former coke addict notcies lol who'd of thought) i even asked and she came clean when i she realized she was cornered and couldnt lie her way out. i didnt say anything to anyone because well it was christmas and im no saint but it sure was an interesting night. oh by the way my aunt is 37 her gf is 17(but looks 30) so yeah. now my question is, i know that everyone has stuff like this happen but does it normally happen all at once like this? i mean this is nuts it was fit to be a tv show. i dont think my family is normal lol
  10. Outta My Mind She makes it hard not to be a seducer, She makes me want to pretend I’m a loser. She’s got that fire in her eyes, Burning desire between her thighs. And I just can’t get her outta my mind. A little whisper in her ear, and some rum in her coke, Now this girl is all over me after one little joke. She makes it hard not to sin, There’s no way I can win, But I just can’t get her outta my mind. She shows me the bedroom, and I kiss her lips, Soon I’m tastin… every inch of her hips, And she moans, and she moans, and she moans yet again, I told her, “Change positions, and you’re in for a spin.” And I just can get outta my mind. She’s breathin and shakin, and makin a scene, So I go along with her and squeeze right in between, Her eyes roll in the back of her head, When she groan in satisfaction, I realize she’s not dead And I just can’t get her outta my mind. She blows my mind, It was all in her head, When I said we would wed, Now I can’t get her outta my bed. She makes it hard not to be a seducer, She makes me want to pretend I’m a loser. She’s got that fire in her eyes, Burning desire between her thighs. And I just can’t get her outta my mind. Yeah she blows my mind. Then I left her blind. She called me a demon. But she didn’t say that while she was screamin.
  11. dont hurt me i love you baby but i love me too i want to be with you but i am a little confuse cant tell what you say is all true what is it for me to do you stood me up once and you do it twice you even do it a third time why will forth be any different or is this is the way want us to end not even to be friends you say u never hurt me at lease not again you coming this week and i feel so weak it like i cant stand my own 2 feet i want that day to come but if you dont show, i know we will be done and lose all my fun your my dream and i dont have no tricks up my sleeve so why is it you going to leave but if u have to i just want to know why is it i am so blue why cant you just tell me the truth why full me with hope get me adicted like i was hook on coke my heart cried out my soul shout out and i am writing this peom to let me feeling out nomore i can be capture i need to be free from torsure i still love you but i love me but i need you to me as i love me only then i know you wont hurt me because i wont hurt me i love you, that true or wouldnt be blue what is left for me to do becuase all i want is you i love you as i love me but just dont hurt me please
  12. goodnite, sweet martyrdom. alone the cries shall be felt all things inside erase me erase existence. a gift from the savior a thousand wayward wrists wrapped in blood red ribbon faded pictures on the shelves sweet martyrdom our screams shall be felt -stitcheS comments and whatnot? (this is my " im fiending for coke and want to kill myself state of mind" poem) enjoy
  13. ok well im totally fiending. my xgf called, the crazy one. famous for her quote "i would rather you drive home drunk stoned and in the dark than get a ride with another girl, i dont want you spending time with another girl". and she was basically saying i need to kill myself because im such a loser. not a fun convo. well now an 8ball would feel pretty damn good. fortunately i am in love with the most wonderful girl in the world. i wont do it but god this is difficult. any encouragement would be nice -stitcheS
  14. ok i believe this is day 13 or so without cocaine for me. counting makes me think about it which makes me want it so i havent been counting. anyway last night after work im down at my store hanging out out side trying to bum a ride. one of my friends i have used with came up to me and said " hey, ill line you up, just you if you can find a place" and i said no. I TURNED DOWN FREE COKE! all i can think about lately is this girl i totally love,and she knows who she is, and when he said that i thought of my promise to her and i was able to say no. i just wanted to let you all know where im at with that whole issue. by the way if any one has any tips for quiting that dont involve therapy, or anything that would be really appreciated. thanks all. -stitches
  15. I don't have a question to ask this time, just thought I'd fill everyone in on my recent progress. You old hands here will probably get a good laugh at this, but for me it's exciting progress and I just had to tell somebody. Okay, I went to the Halloween festival in Little 5 Points in Atlanta tonight, and after all the entertainment was over, I got brave and walked into a bar for the first time ever. I thought it'd be scary, but it went surprisingly smoothly. I saw a pretty girl sitting at the bar, and I walked up and brazenly sat down right beside her. Then, in an uncharacteristic burst of courage, I attempted to start a conversation with her. I asked her if the food was pretty good there, and she said it was okay. I attempted a little small talk about the offbeat neighborhood, and her responses were polite but not very enthusiastic. Anyway, I asked for a hamburger (and I even asked for a beer! I've only ever drank soft drinks, I'm mostly a Dr. Pepper guy). And so I sat and ate my hamburger and very lightly sipped the beer, and when I finished I paid the bartender and left. And it hit me as I was returning to my little truck - oh my god, I, the fortysomething virgin, had actually attempted to pick up a woman in a bar! I thought, this one either didn't find me appealing, or was already involved, but if that hadn't been the case, I might actually have gotten a date. I also thought that if I kept trying this repeatedly for long enough, I might eventually find a girl who'd like me and wasn't otherwise involved, and it might really happen. Wow I'm so excited! I'm on my way now!
  16. I was, for lack of a better term, diagnosed with add/adhd when i was younger. I had alot of problems in school and developed a strong aversion to homework and generally anything anyone wanted me to do. If they want me to do it I wont do it because of that. Of course that's all pretty much ironed out (except for when my gf is pouring her heart out to me and i can't stop watching explosions on the tv). My question involves a peculular reaction i've developed to caffiene. Small amounts dont affect me, i can sleep with a can of coke. Larger amounts get me in a better mood, affect sleep patterns. Very large amounts (2-3 cups of black coffee) of course affect sleep patterns, make me a bit more jittery/sweaty/horny you name it, however it also focuses my mind like a fricken laser beam. Of course i dont care much for the jitters, but i'm not exagerating when i say laser beam mind focus. Normally when, say, i'm cleaning my room i gloss over alot of stuff i cant be bothered with. I sit down, lounge around, forget where i put things and generally take a long time. After a huge amount of coffee i'll spend 30 minutes cleaning my computer monitor until every single atom sparkles, i'll spend 2 hours cleaning my room and not how i normally do it, i can bounce around from one area to the other orginizing several different types of items, yet remembering what they are and where they went with perfect clarity. Again, not exagerating when i say every single square inch of my living space is perfectly clean. When i'm reading or studying and i've taken large amounts of caffiene it's like someone has put a clamp on my brain. I find it almost psychologically impossible to destract myself. What i'm doing has to be done, and has to be done completely with no interruption. If i'm interrupted i get upset. This is totally oppisite of how i normally go about things. Normally i welcome interruptions and get upset if i'm forced to do reading or studying. That's all fun and useful, but there's more weird things. I get emotionally distraught if my books arent *perfectly* straight. If there's a single paper out of order, a cd that's not rotated the right way with the rest of them, a penny that's not heads up like the rest of them it freaks me out. Hard to explain, but it makes me anxious and upset. Is this reaction to caffiene normal? Is there anyone else out there who reacts this way to it or am i alone in my freakishness?
  17. My Boyfriend and I both do drugs , We agreed we had to quit so we can have a happy future. I am doing very well but he on the other hand admits to being addicted to ectasy and can't stop drinking. When we first started going out is when I began doing drugs. I stopped after realizing the mood swings drugs gave me. My boyfriend was doing coke a lot after he got his job and had money and a friend of his and mine told me about how he would choke up blood , so as a concerned girlfriend i told him he HAD to quit or its over. He agreed to quit and all was well at this time I was using e and he was as well i decided i wanted to quit and he should to because he started doing it heavily. So we both decided to quit together. I was doing ok I slipped up every now and then but he was flipping pills like crazy ...He told me he would stop all drugs after he got to try acid. I didnt't want him to do acid at all after seeing what it did to a friend of mine , I told him no It's the acid or me . He got mad telling me i'm crazy and controlling and that I tried it twice even though I was supposed to do it once. I then argued back I made a mistake and I don't want you doing the same thiing. He then said well this is the last drug I want to do then i'm done even though he said that about coke and meth!!! His friends are telling me I'm crazy and controlling when all I want to do is protect him. Am I wrong in telling him he is not allowed to do acid or any drugs even though i had and am trying to quit and slip up once in a blue moon or should he be allowed to throw my mistakes in my face and continue to use until I don't lay a finger on a drug again? Am I actually controlling and crazy?
  18. Ok, I am really freaking out because a few of my friends have started doing cocaine. It really gets to me because my older brother used to have a bad coke habit and he truly believes he should have died because of it. One of my friends, a guy who actually likes me and I kinda like him, just told me that he also does it and I freaked out even more because I knew that some of my friends did it but I didn't know that he did. Obviously I can't date him for this reason but he told me he would stop, I just don't want him to do it for me, I want him to do it for him...he has a troubled past as do most of my friends who do it but that is no excuse. It is not a healthy way to deal with your problems. They say they will stop when the school year begins but can you really trust someone who does coke? I am just wondering if anyone here has had experience with this and what you did to help. It is really depressing me to the point where I can't sleep well at night because I really care about them but at the same time it freaks me out to be around them. Any advice would be appreciated.
  19. hey i was at a party last night and i think i may have had my drink spiked. i only had two vodka and cokes. i usually drink a lot more than that and i can handle my drinks very well. however, last night i felt really rough after that and i have been throwing up ever since (just stopped a few hours ago). i had this guy hitting on me the entire night and i do sorta remember leaving my drink to go to the bathroom at one point but i didnt get another one (my second vodka and coke)...he was sitting close by and i cant help but think it may have been him. i had that same drink when i came back and a couple of hours later i am feeling really sick and faint. the same guy comes over and he tries to ask if im okay and he starts to feel me up but i managed to push him away. i managed to get outside and he followed still trying to put his arm around my waist and he was acting really sleazy. thankfully i managed to get a taxi home but spent the entire night throwing up. i have never been like this before and it just got me thinking if my drink had been spiked or not....any opinions wud be good. sorry if this doesnt come under this forum...wasnt sure where else to put it
  20. hey. I'll just make this real short... I just need to vent a little. Anywho, I think I got hooked on coke. I've done it a few times. I'm not really easily addicted to things and I can usually control myself. I know I can control myself this time also, but it's just the constant thought of going out and blowing my money away for something I really don't need, but think I do. I'm more mad than anything else about the fact of getting myself into this. I have a girlfriend that I love dearly and with all my heart and I just don't know why I'm where I'm at now. I'll give it a couple days and just try and get things straight with myself and make sure this doesn't become an issue before I tell her... I couldn't hurt her like that. damnit I'm an idiot...
  21. I'm so against drugs and drug dealing because i used to be caught up in that mess. I dont like to hear about it, see it or anything because thats in my past and i avoid the drug scene at all costs. My boyfriend knows that too, but clearly didnt take it into concideration because for a week now he's been dealing coke behind my back. I found out just last night because one of his friends accidently "split the beans". I really like my boyfriend a lot... but I guess its time for me to move on eh? I can't believe he would do that He knew that it would make me upset if I found out but he did it anyways. We've only been going out for about 2 months now. I need some adivce on what to do about this... should I end it? am i over reacting? Iv seriously never been so upset
  22. Hello, this is my first post. I am a 31 y/o male having some problems dealing with life and sex. I am 5 years clean from cocaine too. My need for lust and sexual encounters has always been very high from a young age. I masturbate daily and get horny at the sight of many women. I have been know for spending a lot of time looking for casual sexual encounters days an nights, maybe once a week, in bars, streets, parks etc, especially in my drug years. But I still go out by myself trying to get lust and sex at least once a week. I do not have great needs in terms of sex but usually, some kissing mutual masturbation could be enough ;-) But it rarely happens so I get more frustrated. As an ex cocaine addict, sex was one of my main motivations. You could meet very needy women and have a good time with them without complications. They were VERY horny too. Now, I am off drugs but still feel this strong need for connection and relief. I recently broke off a 7 year relationship that started out well in terms of sex and felt relatively satisfied even in the end with a frequency of once a week or so. So now we broke up, and I want to have sex a lot but I don't want to go back to lurking the bars, doing drugs just to get with needy women. My high sex drive is impairing my ability to relate with the regular women I should be with. Women eventually sense that and dont like it obviously. There is a certain anxiety that builds up and kills my attempt at being a gentleman... I am capable of being patient but the fact is that on a weekly basis, I go on a binge hoping to get relief. I find women incredibly sexy and want them to want me too but they are not as needy as I am. I wonder if this ability to control the sexual urge makes the difference between a man and a wanker. Thanks
  23. hey; i made one of these forum account thingers, because i've been having a really hard time with things, and pretty much felt like i have had no where to go.. not a very great feeling, and im sure all of you know. I have been with my boyfrined, for seven months. He's 9 years older than me.. but it really hasn't been an issue.. until lately, im starting to notice how we are both dealing with different things.. and where it could cause problems.. When i met him he was severely into coke.. i've always been the type of person who's wanted to help people.. i dedicated pretty well my whole first semester of school to - waking up in the morning.. gettin dropped off at school.. detouring to his house.. put him to bed.. (after a long night of junking) .. i'd wake him up mid after noon, make him eat, then put him back to sleep... i thought this was a start.. i was pretty much wrong.. and i was just curing him, for another week of junking and drinking whatever he could.. the best lesson i've learned from this is.. you can't change somebody who doesnt want to be changed.. (you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink).. after a little while, my boyfriend told me he had a baby on the way, with a nother girl; he decided he owed it to his baby on the way, himself, and to me, to change.. so he left for about two weeks, and pretty much quit coke cold turkey.. he came home, and things were really good, he moved out of the coke dealers house he was living in, and moved in with his parents for a while.. then he slowly has been getting his life together.. on march 9th i do believe, his baby was born. and the lady he had him with, didnt even have the respect to call my boyfriend and let him know.. (and my boyfriends tried so hard through out the pregnancy.. askin her if she needed money, or anything, and she pretty much treated him like he was nothing but the sperm doner).. eventually after three week of the baby being born, she let him know that "he could see his son, but it was a supervised visit that HE payed for, and he could only see him for 30 minutes" .. my boyfriend was some upset, but he just swallowed all his pride, and went with it.. the baby is almost a month month and a half old. and he's only seen his baby twice.. an hour in total.. i thought that him having this baby, would be something i could deal with. and it's not that big of a deal, because i love him and i want to take him as he is. but some times i get a little hurt that, regardless of how much him the the mother don't get along. my boyfriend shares a life with somebody else. and i've been acting a little selfish lately.... it didnt even cross my mind really how bad my boyfriend was hurtiing, because he wanted to be apart of his son;s life, and she wasnt letting him be, all i could think about were other problems, the one that were coming into our relationship and i was expecting him to deal with, right at the moment.. or he'd go to the bar with a couple of his friends.. and i couldnt help but always think the worst.. (him cheating on me.. ) i wasn't really aware of any of my actions, really until we got in a huge fight on thursday, both of us yelling, crying, screaming. then friday we had a sleep over, and things were getting a little better.. then last night he told me he needed some space, and all i did was guilt trip him, and push him away more.. i feel like a complete idiot. im not good at expressing my feelings. or letting him know im upset, with out being childish, and because of our age diffence, this isnt really acceptable.. i want to give him his space, but im scared he's not going to come back, or he will find somebody else. i've noticed, now that it might be too late. how immature i've been acting, and i just need to know what i can do, i just want things to work out between us.. how can i control my unacceptable behavior.. how can i stop always just thinking the worst when he goes out with friends .. sorry for the length of this. i just really need help -brittany
  24. Please be honest as I haven't done it yet. Basically, there's a girl in my local sandwhich shop who I'm quite keen on. She might not know it, or know me apart from as one of many customers but I've taken quite a shine to her. I go in there some days and she's always friendly. I'm keen to ask her out as I've been single for quite a while, but the shop is always v. busy meaning I can never get her alone. What I propose is to go in buy my sandwhich and strike up some conversation, then leave only to queue up a few moments later, pick up a can of coke and say sorry, I forgot this. Then, as she hands me my change and receipt I slip her my phone number. Good or complete garbage. What do you reckon. Advice and similar experiences much appreciated. Ta
  25. Hi guys, I know I'm an ultra sensitive person. I don't know if this is affecting my relationship, or if I'm just in a relationship that isn't right for me. I'm crazy about my boyfriend M. We have been dating for the past few months. Those interested in the kind of bizarre backstory leading up to our relationship can read more here; . I don't always quite get M. We'll hang out at times and he'll seem really great. One weekend, for example, we spent a day outside together just taking a long leisurely stroll through the city park. The day seemed to be going great. Then later we went back to his place to watch a movie. As he set up the DVD player, I browsed through the 'help wanted' ads since I'm currently looking for a second job for the weekends. I was reading an ad aloud to him and expressed my disappointment that the ad stated experience was required. "Well", he quirked, "you're not a virgin." (I've only had sex with one guy, my ex.) I was really shocked he said that, and looked at him over the paper. I told him right away he had hurt my feelings, and that I felt I didn't deserve that type of comment. He apologized and we watched the movie but it seemed as if something was bothering him. He seemed agitated with me. Suddenly in the middle of the movie, he went into his bedroom, put on his pajamas, came out and announced he was tired and going to bed. "But", he added, "you're welcome to stay and finish watching the movie." I was flabergasted by this. He gave no indication all evening he was tired and suddenly I felt awkward and terrible for being there. We said goodbye awkwardly, and I left feeling very confused and hurt by the whole incident. Last weekend I met one of his friends for the first time. A big group of us all met each other out at a local pub. The first thing M did when I walked in was approach me to give me a hug and soft kiss on the cheek. I noticed the tall glass of dark liquid in his hand was almost empty and wondered if he'd been there awhile. He introduced me to his friend and they said they'd only arrived about ten minutes earlier. I asked M what he was drinking, and he replied, "Rum and coke." I was a bit surprised by this response since I have seen him drink, but rarely. And if he'd only arrived ten minutes earlier, I was worried he was drinking too quickly. Well, it turns out he had lied to me over something so trivial and stupid, and I still don't fully understand why. He was really drinking diet coke. I only found out when his friend ordered another two from the waitress. he has such a weird and bizarre humour, for example, he's Catholic but used to tell people he was Muslim all the time because he was tired of explaining to people why he didn't drink. This was at a time in his life he strictly didn't drink alcohol at all. Even now when he does have a beer, he will rarely finish it. I later expressed my disappointment to him over his little lie and he accused me of not 'getting him' and of being too sensitive. I have such a thing against liars. He jokingly told me it was only half a lie since he had been drinking coke. *rolls eyes* To make matters worse, his friend was being really obnoxious so it just turned out to be a bad night all around. Now all these small things may in themselves seem harmless, but little things like this keep happening and it's beginning to make me very sad and worried. I really like M and enjoy spending time with him. I know he considers himself a smart * * * *. He freely admits he's one and complains that of all the things for me to be sensitive over, why that? I don't know what to do at this point because I am crazy about him, but at the same time he almost makes me feel too needy at times. I've always considered myself to be probably one of the most independent people I know, but dating someone who constantly reminds me he's a 'lone wolf' makes me feel clingy and makes me begin wonder if this guy is really good boyfriend material after all. I don't know what to do at this point. I've been taking it moment by moment and trying to distance myself a bit more emotionally from things. I'm scared of making him feel overwhelmed. I don't know if it's necessarily healthy to 'freeze' my emotions though? I've talked with him about things feeling very impersonal at times in our relationship. He feels sad I feel that way, and I do believe he'd be upset if I broke things off. I just don't know if perhaps we're too different? Any advice?
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