Search the Community

As the title states, I'm Buddhist and she is Christian. Even worse, her father was a Pastor, now retired. He is a very religious person. She was also before we met. We've been together for over 6 years. Since we've met she is slowly been missing church, so on and so on. I feel bad as I feel it is my fault she is drifting away from her religion. I've never been a religious person. Just recently, her father has found out about us and has requested that we have dinner and speak about our future. We did, and he wants us to get married, and in the mean time, wants to educate me on Christianity with the hopes of me converting. I don't know what to do. In one hand, I do love her and am willing to convert if need be. But I don't want to lie to myself and to anyone else by saying that I believe. I recently found myself at her fathers house on a sunday for bible study. While they were reading, so many doubts and questions came into my head. I felt fake, as I did not believe in what I was reading. I put up a fake face as I did not want to offend anyone. In a really naive way, I felt as though I betrayed Buddhism, although I am not an avid follower. At the end of the session, her dad asked me if I was ready to accept Jesus. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I was not ready. And that I need to really think about things and learn more about Christianity before I decide. He agreed. Just yesterday, she asked me if I was going with her to her dad's again. I declined as I didn't feel comfortable and was tired. She got so agry, she started up an argument over nothing. We almost got to the point of ending it. I guess I didn't realize how important it was to her. But am I wrong for declining and being reluctant? I don't know what to do. Again, I am willing to convert, but if I do not believe in the religion, then how can I? Perhaps only time will tell if I can accept Jesus or not. Confused.

Hey there, I've been with my GF for two years now. I'm very devout (Roman Catholic) and she is a deist of sorts. I recently have been considering becoming a priest, (I'm taking Philosophy/Theology in University). But today I was posed with the question "Who do you love more, God or me? I couldn't answer and it got ugly. My GF now is not talking to me because she's upset that I could possibly abandon her for someone she believes doesn't even exist. What do I do? I don't even know if I WANT to become a priest, I was merely considering it, but now my relationship is on the rocks.

I am a very religious teenager. I follow the catholic church, and so does one of my friends. This friend has had a rough 4 years as she lost all of her grandparents and father. During this time, she has also been addicted to several drugs, and is now an alcoholic. She has been clean for 2 months now, and tonight asked me if I was willing to take her to church. Naturally, I relplied with a yes. I will follow through with my committment, but I was wondering if there are any precautions that I should take, anything I should talk to her about, or anything I should tell my priest?

Hello all. I am not sure if this is the appropriate forum to post this in, but I'll give it a shot. First off, I should make it clear that I since 2002 I was in an off again-on again relationship with someone that officially ended a year-and-a-half ago. I'm not someone who is interested in dating around, so I really haven't been on the look-out for a new relationship since then. I guess I feel a tad rusty in reading men's body language, which is essentially the point of this entire post. I have been attending a Church off-and-on for over a year. I started regularly attending this parish about six months ago and not long after I started attending regularly I was looking to see if the parish had some sort of an offering box since I had missed Mass the prior weekend and was thereforeeee unable to give my offering. As I was looking around, a male parishioner came up to me and offered his help. He took me into the secretary's office where we left the donation on her desk. At this time I had a male friend with me and it is fairly obvious that he and I are nothing more than friends. Afterward I would see this male parishioner (we'll call him Rob) at Mass and he would smile and give me a friendly wink. I soon found out that he was one of the DRE's (Director of Religious Education) there. During the Advent Confession service I had some questions and he was the closest familiar face, so I asked him if he would be willing to help me. At this point I just assumed he was married, though I have no idea why I made that assumption. He started to hand me a pamphlet and then paused because Fr. was preparing to read the Gospel. We stood side-by-side as the Gospel was read and I had the oddest thought strike me; "what if this is the man you could spend the rest of your life standing next to?" To me - now that I re-think the wording - it's not the sort of wording I usually choose. When I thought it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It instantly dawned on me afterward that I had assumed he was married, so I casually glanced down at his ring finger and there was no ring. After Mass and confession he and I chatted briefly, joked and laughed and then I left. After that he would (again) acknowledge me every time he saw me at Church. Always with a big smile and most often with a friendly wink, as well. Being that he is a DRE, I ask him some of the questions I have pertaining to Mass and other parish activities. Most of these conversations were only about five minutes in length, though I did notice that he would usually touch or sometimes pat me on the lower arm/elbow region when we were talking. A couple of weeks ago we ended up talking for about ten or fifteen minutes about how we both had an awful habit of purchasing new books even though we had stacks of unread books at our homes. Our conversations always result in us joking and laughing. I offered to let him borrow a specific book of mine that we had been talking about and he acted pretty excited that I put the offer on the table. He raised his eyebrows and said "Really? I'd love to read it; that would be great!" Last week I brought the book to Church for him and he was friendly again - big smile, wink and thanked me for the book. About forty minutes later, he got my attention again and thanked me for the book again. He almost always acknowledges me before I acknowledge him and he goes out of his way to shake my hand during the peace offering - sometimes leaning over two pews to shake my hand. Now here's the biggie: There is a seventeen year age difference between he and I. However, he doesn't seem to let this affect the way he treats me. I also spoke with my parish priest about the age difference and my priest told me he did not believe the age difference was a problem. I'm just confused. First off, I'm confused about my own feelings for him. I love spending time with him - so much so that I am perfectly content if he and I were to just maintain a friendly relationship. However, no matter how much I try to stop it, every time I see him I seem to fall a little more. I had even told myself I would just try to avoid him, which I basically did for the latter half of December and part of January because I didn't want to be interested in this man. It just continued to grow, though, and one day during Mass I was praying about it and I just felt like I should talk to him. I didn't even know what I would talk to him about, but when we started talking it all came so naturally. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would not meet a man at my parish because most of the parishioners are either married or elderly. This really didn't bother me, seeing as I don't consider Church to be a "pick-up" spot, though I will say that in our area there are so few Catholics that Mass is just about the only way you will find other available, devout Catholics. There are two other parishes I could attend if I was looking for someone, but this parish is the one that "fits" me and feels like home as soon as I walk in. It's just odd because I was not initially attracted to this man, but after getting to know him and spending some time with him, I am attracted to him both physically and spiritually. Trust me, my feelings for this man are no where near impure. I cannot describe how I feel about him. I admire how devout he is in his faith and how he seems to give up most of his life for his work in the parish. I also respect how he interacts with the children of the parish and purposely stays youthful for their benefit. I have spent half of December, all of January, and half of Feb. praying about this and I keep receiving "time" and "trust" as my answer, so I'm really not worried about the situation. I know that I am not going to make him aware that I am interested in him because I believe that if there IS something more to this, God will allow it to develop in a natural, pure fashion. The point is: winking, arm touching, making sure to acknowledge me, etc. What does this mean in Catholic courtship? Does this mean he's just a friendly guy or does it mean he may be interested? To be honest, I'm awful at judging "body language" and/or reading between the lines when it comes to situations like this.

Okay, the scenario....A new relationship, a couple in their early 40's ( a very CUTE couple too...) Very smitten with each other....in the early stages of considering marriage. I believe in hashing out everything before that step is taken..so I brought up his religiousity and my non-religiosity...namely...he is a christian and I am basically a spiritual person who believes in god, the great spirit in general..I have an open mind and will listen and learn from every religion. I do not believe that there is a chosen people who will only go to heaven. I think if you are a good person and affect the world in a positive way...you will be in a good place...(doesnt have to be "heaven" per se) I believe if you are an evil creep who hurts everyone...you will also get that coming back to you. I just do not put parameters on my beliefs....or house it with a cliquish church and think pastors or preachers are any better than anyone else. My boyfriend thinks I am damaged by my past experiences . I am afraid if I do not conform to his beliefs...we will not marry, thereforeeee ending this relationship. Am I wrong to stand by what I think and feel? I would be willing to accept his beliefs as long as he did not try to recruit or force me into his. (visa versa) His question to me was...Where would we marry? (Meaning I am sure, by a pastor or a witch doctor?) How could we solve this if it can be solved? I do love him.

Ok well i've been battling SI and depression for years. Its been so hard and a horrible time. I finally got over always feeling so bad and although i'd already seeked help from someone, it wasn't the help i needed. So i have now spoken to my school nurse and two of the closest people to me in this world Mike and his son (around 19) Isaac. I told them all about my SI but kept my attempted suicides between me and Mike and Isaac as i thought Mike would keep things confidential. Well Isacc told me that he thought i should tell Mike and so i did. The only problem was Mike decided that he was getting (not reached but getting) to the point where he couldn't keep this a secret any longer. He wanted to tell the priest at church and everything. I could not bear for him to find out so i decided that maybe people were right. Maybe i did need to see a councillor. I asked my school nurse about it all and she arranged for me to call Mike and talk to him and see if he would come with me. We are still unsure if he is able to (due to the fact that i'm a minor and his an older man and his had a bad experience before) but at least i know i am going and i won't be alone. My only problem now is that i'm terrified of this. I don't know who i am without it... I guess i just need reassurance that what i'm doing is right... I don't know but i do know i'm scared out of my mind. Sorry if nothing i said really made sense i'm just so confused and all over the place.

Why was I given such a crappy hand. When I was six my dad died, I got over it after a few years had passed. My mother remarried two years later to a man with two boys of his own, they then had a child of their own, my ten year-old halfsister.So overall I have two sisters, two stepbrothers and a halfsister. I am now 19 and I'm the bastard child of the family, plain and simple. All of my siblings are smarter than me and am repeatedly reminded of this when they point out that they got a 100 on a test they didn't study for. While I scrap by to find the motivation to study for a test I might achive a passing grade on, only to forget the material two months down the road making my efforts useless. I know where I got my brains from too, my mother, which sickens me because I hate to think of my mother as stupid and it feels like I'm betraying her with my thoughts. Not only that but I think she realizes that my family and myself think that and it's killing her. I'm not sure if it's ADD or what but I can't recall information or follow instructions for beans. I am also the ugly one in the family. My eldest brother, is the best looking one of all of the males and receives all the attention from the women and respect of the men. And it's so painfully obvious, for example, while talking to my pastor with my brother, the pastor kept full eye contact with my stepbrother even after I was the one that asked a question. And I can recall countless times where girls would look at me and pt on a disgusted face. I've never had a girlfriend and can never see myself being in a relationship. This was my sole motivation for getting good grades in school, to get a good job, so I could eventually get married. Now that my plans have gone up in smoke I have no motivation to try anymore. At first I didn't want to commit suicide because it would hurt my mother and it would be selfish of me, but now I wonder if it's selfish of her to keep me here. I mean it's not like it's my fault I'm choosing to do this and here's why; I never choose the brain I have, my looks or the environment I grew up in, all of which affect my subconscious, and my subconscious dictates how I act. I don't see why I should be held responsible for my actions by some God when ultimately he created me, whether directly or indirectly, along with my thoughts hence my actions. I'd like to think my life is worth it but maybe some are just worth more than others.

My fiancee and I had to go meet this pastor for our compatibility test at 6 oclock. Out of the blue my mother called me today and said that she needed a ride back from the airport at 4 oclock because she just got back from california. And mind you I work at the airport,so this morning when I let my fiancee know she started complaining and acting like a young child throwing a fit. She says that i put everyone ahead of her and she says i dont listen to her, and I dont care about us getting married and all of this stuff. Well due to traffic and a ramp being closed due to an accident, I got home at 6:15 and she tells me the pastor wasnt even there. Anyway she is crying right now and she says she doesnt want to be with me because I only think about myself. I think she is overreactting and making the situation more than it is so I am ignoring her. Do you guys think I am being to hard on her?

Its been a while since i have actually posted anything here, but i guess it would be nice to get a different perspective on my particular situation. Basically i have pushed any and all friends so that i can guarantee that i will not be hurt by anyone. Last year was a horrible year in terms of learning what friends are, and i feel that I have to step back and think about what i want out of people and hopefully what they want out of me. I guess this might have all started when my roomate/business partner told me, "Well if you think like that why arnt you a priest?".... that totally shocked me. I mean its like i was being put down for being an honest person. To say the least i moved out and ended our partnership. I saw that person for the his true colors, picked up and left. But that conversation with that chap, opened my eyes. I started to notice that the people i hung around with were only using me in their own ways. One never listened to my advice, now she is with some ghetto drug user and i will not have that, especially after all my warnings... i say let her learn on her own im done with that crap. i put in my 2 cents and she did not learn anything. NEXT. A few stopped talking to me simply because i would not mix money with friends, and the list does go on. some people were petty and deceitful, others just used me. In the end, i came out with a feeling of disgust and disbelief. I feel that people only really have you around to fill in some sort of need. well enough of my ranting and sorry for the poor grammar, its way after midnight here and i must get some sleep. what i would appreciate is some feedback. and i would be happy to answer any questions.

Hi everyone... If some of you have read my previous posts, you will know that I had a lot of stuff going on this year... well I think that going through some of the difficulties gave me a new perspective. Last year I was suicidal because I felt that I wasn't making progress in my life and was scared that I wasn't going to accomplish my goals. At the same time I was having family problems, and encountered other difficulties... but the main problem was this existential crisis I seemed to be experiencing, in short. I didn't know what to do with my life -- I felt stuck, dejected, disappointed with myself, etc. I have over the course of this year realized that my past preoccupation with success wasn't healthy, and I should have been less obsessive with it, and more lenient with myself. However, I was in a state at the time where I really wasn't thinking clearly... I just was presented with so much and didn't know how to handle it. I was overwhelmed, I felt guilty, embarrassed, and in both my personal and academic life, made some wrong decisions. I confided too many personal details to people who I shouldn't have, for ex. As a result, I now realize how I reacted and feel somewhat embarrassed... I mean, I can forgive myself for it, I'm not going to kill myself for the way I acted, because I realize I was going through a lot and some people naturally feel like they should purge their feelings. But at the same time, I just realize that I ruined some personal relationships and feel a bit embarrassed. I'm just wondering I suppose how to deal with these feelings. I don't necessarily want to just ignore them or get rid of them, but learn how to deal with them in a healthy manner, if that makes sense. I realize that I basically went crazy (in a benign sense of the word) at the end of last year... and some of the people who knew that I will have to see again (i.e. one of my professors in school.) I will have to take a class with one of them again. I'm not sure how I presented myself exactly because it was so long ago and during that time my mom was also very sick in the hospital and I sorta shaded out a lot of those memories, but I just feel a lot of pain and past embarrassment I guess. If anyone has any thoughts, that may help... I was thinking of going to see a priest because I've decided that counsellors really don't help. I'm not very religious but sometimes talking with religious people can help... I'm not really sure what else though. I think it's past the point of apologizing and I'm not sure if I even should apologize for anything, necessarily... Sorry if this post was a bit vague, if you want more details let me know... just a lot of stuff happened and I tried to keep it brief. Thanks, Lily

Hi, this is my first post and it's gonna be a long one. I'm going to start college in the fall, and my parents have been married for about 20 years. Lately, my mom has been coming home really really late from work. We own a business, and we close around midnight, but she hasn't been getting home until 2 or 3 AM. I'm usually still awake when she gets home, and whenever I ask her, she accuses me of being suspicious of her. She says things like, "Why would I be going anywhere?" or "Where else would I be but work?!" So the other day, I drove out to our sandwhich shop around 1 AM. Nobody was there. And when she got home around 4 AM, I asked her where she was. She said, "At work, where else would I be?" She goes to "Buy stuff for the shop," wearing high heels and nice clothes. Why the heck would she wear high heels to the store if she wasn't going anywhere but work afterwards. Oh, she also takes about 3 hours to buy a few items. Other times, she goes to "buy stuff" but comes back with nothing because "they didn't have what I needed." I know this is the kind of thing you read about in long soap opera type novels and see on T.V., but I have no reason to make this kind of story up. My whole family attends church very regularly, so it really really bothers me that this thing is happening. I also have an idea of who she is going to see at night, although it seems crazy to me. The other day the phone rang, and I answered it at the same time my mom did. She said, "Hey, I got it," but I kind of evesdropped. I heard her say (very quietly), something like, "Okay, I'll park my car at the book store." I did the *69 thing where you can get the last person who called, and it was my PASTOR. I know that he also comes home very late at night, since he tell us himself. His daughter is also one of my close friends, and when I was over at her house late one night, I asked said, "It's really late, when does your dad get home?" She answered "Oh, usually around 2, sometimes 3." A few months back, I also found some cards in my moms room when I was looking for a shirt of mine. They were written in Korean (I'm Korean and so is my Pastor), but I cannot read Korean very quickly or accurately. The english on the front of the cards said something like, "These moments with you are those which I cherish most." or some crap like that. But the handwriting was very familiar. I am about 95% sure it was my pastors writing, since his handwriting is very unique and easily identified. I asked my mom what they were but she threw them away. My pastor and my mom are really close, and he has helped my family in many ways. They spend a lot of time together. . . and this is why I have to come to the conclusion that my mom might be cheating on my dad with my pastor. I feel really bad about this entire matter, because I am fairly close with my Pastor and his family, and my family is close to his family. I was going to follow my mom to whever she goes one night when she got off work, to see what shes up to, but I'm afraid of what I might discover. If I catch them in some kind of act, this could destroy my family and my church, which is quite large. I really would hate for that to happen, but I don't think I should sit here and do nothing. I can't sit in his sermons and listen to the preachings of a hypocrite. I'm not a little kid anymore, and the thought of my parents getting a divorce is not terrifying, but the thought of a ruined relationship with people I deeply care about is terrible. If you read this all, I really appreciate it. I wrote it for the purpose of getting advice on what I should do next or what I should do if I catch them together. I have considered talking about it to just them. (19 year old confronting two older adults!) But I would be at a total loss for words. I hope I'm wrong about this entire situation, but I see no explanaton for the late nights. If she just wants to talk to him, why the lies? Once again, thank you, and I really would appreciate some feedback on this. - Rachel

So remember I was dreading switching churches cuz my ex goes there and I couldn't bare to see him?? well my pastor X-communicated him, so now I can go!! yay

ok so theres this girl at my new church, that ive been attending for 3 weeks now, and theres this girl, that im instrested in, well i kinda like her. and i KNOW she is instrested in me, but i dont think she likes me, yet. but i havent really talked to her yet, besides "Bye" "Hey" i want to start a convo with her, but im not sure what she likes, or is instrested in!! the other reason i cant really talk to her is because of my teeth, theyre kinda crooked, but im getting braces in august by the way, her dad is the pastor p.s. we're both 14 years old

Hello Friends, I may or may not be coming back. I kind of feel like being here and posting very much helps but I have come to the stage where I feel like I am just nursing the wound and not really letting it heal. I hope and pray for all of you that you make it through all your situations. Lets face it, most of us here got dumped and I know it hurts, trust me i'm right there with you. Let me just give some words that I think may help you 1. It has to click in your own head for you to be over it 2. Don't get with an old fling or a new person quickly to heal the pain. 3. Stick with NC, this includes no myspace checking, iming, texting,etc. 4. When you eventually do heal (and you will) don't compare the next person you are with to your ex. Don't hold the next person up to the same standards, get to know them and don't over analyze them. Yes you should be compatible and attracted to them, but in the long run, if they make you happy and love you and take care of you, all subtle qualifications are out the window. 5. NC is for your healing, not to show your ex how strong you can be and to make them miss you. 6. Have you felt that this is the crisis God is using to get your attention? Like a wake up call? If so go to a good local Bible Based church and talk to the pastor or priest. Steer clear of Jehovah's witnesses, Mormons, cultists etc. 7. I know a lot of you are suffering greatly, you were/are in love and it hurts. It wouldn't hurt if you weren't in love. I am so sorry my friends that you are going through this, I thought i was the only one. How silly I was. Sometimes it feels like you are the only one and that everyone else around you isn't going through anything. That is just a lie, everyone is going through stuff. Look forward to the day where you will be able to look back and go, wow, that really did hurt but MAN I AM HAPPY NOW! (or woman). That day will come, the stomach pains will subside, the emotional stress will subside, the guilt, condemnation, the daily pain to wake up in the morning, it will allll dissappear. That is the way God built us, he knew when, where, and how we were going to struggle and he knows that when the struggling is over that you will be super strong. There is a televangelist named Joyce Meyer who was sexually abused and emotionally destroyed by her own father for years. Now she is one of the most inspired and sought after evanglists in the country. Thank you all and again, you will be ok. If anyone needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to directly, drop me a private message and we can talk.

Hello, I'm new to this forum and i have a concern about a possible relationship. I've read lots of the topics in this section to read you views, but i thought'd i'd write my own problem to see what you say! (Oh, and im a christian from England if there are some things that sound weird to you!) I have recently found out about a guy that has developed feelings for me at the church i go to. i've known him for about 3 years now and we get along really well. He's 27 and i'm 17, and i think im quite mature for my age. I'm not sure that the age gap in itself is not an issue, and if anything did happen i would like to wait until im 18 (october) before anything happens, for my parents sake and mine. do you think this is unwise? Another thing, he used to be youth leader at our church, and now he is assistant pastor, does this/should it change anything? he's still human and has feelings like the rest of us. He sacrificed all relationships when he started work for the church for these past 10 years, so hes very much in the same mindset as me, just wants to have innocent fun and get to know eachother. I'm obviously going to give us time to get to know eachother and not rush into anything, afterall im not the person to mess around. I'm also going to spend a good deal of time praying. What are your thoughts? ~phoenix feather~

I am bisexual. Let me start with that. I am out for the most part.. Half my family knows.. Working on the other half. All my friends know and coworkers and such. I have been having a problem lately. I started trying to go to church to see what the heck I do believe. Honestly, church has never been anything but a tangle of lies and hurt that if you cut through enough you might be ok, or perhaps better.. I hate religion. Hate it. Love God tho.. Well anyways I started at this church. Its HUGE. Its 2000 people maybe all late teens and twentys. Its cool. Well the more I get to know people, the more alone I feel.. I just want to know where I stand in all of it. I am a good person, i think. I volunteer in many places and help people, and I know its not about good works but I do believe in God, as hard as its been for me to go back to churchs I still believe.. Just feel condemned always.. I guess I should backtrack a bit, when I was 12 I was raped by a principal at my school who was a pastor. He quoted scripture to me durring it.. Wonderful to do to a kid huh.. Well long story short I got pregnant and ended up having an abortion. I was 12, alone and just scared... It seemed best at the time. Well I went to church, crying, scared, broken hearted and I confessed to the youth pastor what happened. They called me a liar saying a man of God wouldnt do that and that I slept around got pregnant and thus the abortion.. well they kicked me out. When I needed someone and God the most the cast me out. I know God didn't but after all that its hard to not associate the church and God at times... A few years later I found a new church. I was about 15 now. It got out that I was bi (back then leaning more toward exclusivly lesbian) but again, I was kicked out. so this new place... I am scared to let people know the real me.. I hate lying about who I am... But I just want to be accepted with out condemnation. Thats what I really want. I just wanna know where I stand and what to do and how to deal with people that either the bisexuality issue condemn me or when talking about the past I mentioned the abortion. I don't want to have to lie about stuff or who I am... What do you guys think?

What's it mean to live again? Exchanging one cell for another? The air is different in the end The chain strains a little farther Days, weeks, months pass Still you can't get to it Nothing happens fast Unless you just do it Hiding in foxholes Missing the fight Closing off all doors Shutting out the light Sometimes a body needs rest The soul time to regroup But then you get to the test You start to recoup Magic, potions, elixir A secret I will tell Are not the ultimate fixer You fight a private heII There are no shining knights Who will magically appeer Stop all the fights The problems disappear It comes form deep inside A place we call our soul Where courage resides Fills the empty hole The mind is filled with ravage This has to mend Someone else did savage Pain that has no end No one can fix it for you The fight is all your own Not even the one that bore you It cuts to the bone I trust no angelic divinity Who promises joy and peace The fates know only longevity You own your own release Each man is on his own His own priest confessor Carrying his own stone And his own lifes tester Choices we all make Reap what we doth sow If it is a mistake Only we may know So today I say begin it Live each day anew As if there were no limit To what you can do Break the chains that bind Exchange the cell for air Release the ripped torn mind Live again and dare Climb a mountain up so high Travel to lands far away Write your name from the sky Don't give a damn what they'd say Sing out loud and let them hear Laugh till your belly hurts Let go of every fear Wear outrageous shirts Live your dreams be content Learn as much as you can Know there is no torment That can chain free man Only when you control destiny Spin your own web of fate Then you find your angelic divinity Mayhap your life mate.

How has religion (not spirituality) affected your life as a gay man or lesbian? I ask because, as I've mentioned before, I come from a very traditional Christian background. I've been raised under the Pentacostal Baptist faith since birth. And now, for the first time in my life, I am really beginning to question my beliefs and analyze things, a lot. My religious background tells me that my feelings and sexual desires are an abombmination toward god, and if I act on them I am sinning against the lord and all that other good stuff...But I continually ask the question, "If it is so wrong then why did god, in all of his(or her) infinite love and wisdom, decide to make me be gay?" A few years ago I would not have DARED asked myself that question, because I was too busy trying to be a straight(literally and figuratively)Christian person. But now, I have to second guess everything I've been taught. I still believe in an omnipotent and omniscent creator of the universe who loves me unconditionally...But what I no longer believe in is the religious dogma and hypocrisy that I've dealt with in church. Most of my family is very RELIGIOUS, meaning that they goto church all the time...But they sure don't mind sinning on everyday but Sunday. Case In Point: I've basically lived my life as a monk, by choice, because I was obeying the bible. I also made straight A's in school; I was on the art Honor's society in highschool; and I'm a straight A English major now. I've done volunteer work for needy children and all that other stuff...I don't have any kids(for obvious reasons)running around, and I've only had one speeding ticket...Basically, I have been a stand up citizen my entire life. However, the people around me have children scattered about, have been to jail, do drugs, goto the club and get trashed on Saturday but are in the church choir on Sunday singing about how much they love Jesus... And these are the same people who talk about gay people being sinful, and the reason we had such a terrible hurricane season... One Sunday, about six years ago, we had a guest Pastor at our church who hadn't prepared a sermon(obviously)so, expectedly, he preached a venomous homophobic sermon about how he thought Gay men and women were repulsive and he doesn't see how a man can want another man and a woman could want another woman...Fastforward one year, and this same upstanding minister was put in jail for using his wife's face as an Everlast punching bag. My former pastor was vehemently anti-gay rights, and preached about how horrible gays were as well. Our choir director, who was openly gay, was kicked out of church, by this particular pastor(who has just started leading the church) after working there for over 10 years...Against, fast forward approximately two years later. The same pastor was arrested on Child Molestation charges...He is a registered sex offender to this day. In the last year or so I have completely stopped going to church because I am so tired of being told that I am going to hell for something that I can't change. I would like to attend a gay friendly church though... I used to goto an ex-gay conversion therapy group(unbeknownst to my family), and all of it is such a big fraud. The only thing they could tell me was pray daily and believe that you can change and you will be changed...Well, I did that. I prayed and prayed and prayed...And the only conclusion I came to was that god wasn't listening or he didn't want me to change. Lately, I've been reading the bible a lot more and interpreting for myself. I was always told, in Sunday school class, that "I should never question anything about god...just believe it." Well, that is not good enough for me anymore, and now I have A LOT of questions. Like why does the bible say that we are free moral agents, but if we "choose" to be gay then it's an abomination? How can god give us free will and then put a stipulation on it? The Old Testament of the bible also says that eating pork is a sin. So I guess a lot of people are going to hell for that too... The bible also endorses slavery and abuse of women as well as marital infidelity and bigamy. And I hate when people quote that passage from Leviticus( I can't remember it)to condemn homosexuality...That passage was about a group of thugs who wanted to gang rape two men. How does that relate to me? I don't want to rape or humiliate anyone. I just want to find a nice guy to settle down with. I think the old Testament was written by a bunch of elitist, sexist, and homophobic men who wanted complete control of their "flock." Grant it, I still believe in the love of Jesus. For me I believe in that, because it has helped me personally...And I also believe that Jesus came to set us free from all of that. Ironically, I don't see Jesus saying ANYTHING bad about gay people...Yet, no one even listens to him about it. As far as my overall religion goes I don't really get the whole "church" thing anymore. Why would a god who loves everyone want to condemn everyone to hell for not being the prototypical christian? I kind of needed to rant about this because for so long I've felt like less of a person because my religion said it was bad. However, when I began praying for god's will in my life I came to the conclusion to accept my gay feelings...and that is when I felt the true love of god smile upon me. That is how I KNOW the way I am isn't wrong or bad, because I feel whole and complete... I still believe in god, but I don't believe in the dogmatic views of my religion anymore. How has religion affected your life? Has being gay made you more faithful or have you rejected faith completely?

I must be the biggest fool In 1993 I answered a personals ad and he and I got along fantastically, we spoke on the phone for long intervals over several days and decided to meet. We walked around a neighborhood park, ate tacos and played chess. A wonderful first date. 5 mos later we decided to get married and he proposed on July 4th. Our wedding was set for Oct 23. I discovered in Aug, I was expected our first child. The first week in Sept he was acting like he had MAJOR cold feet about the wedding and when I pressed him for what was going on he confessed to being a married man!! TAlk about being in shock!!! I was like a yoyo going back and forth from shock to being mad to feeling betrayed and all with this little miracle growing inside me. We had already been to 3 of our 4 premarital sessions with the pastor who was to marry us, so he went to our 4th by himself to confess to the pastor what he had done. He told me that their marriage was never consumated and that the priest had told them to get it annulled but that they didn't and continued to live together like roomates due to finances. I believed him...yup...big fool. Our pastor continued to councel us thru his divorce which I stood by him, going to the courtcases with him. The stress caused me to give birth prematurely at 25 weeks of pg...our daughter survived with mild cerebral palsy. She is 11 1/2 y/o today. We married 1 mos after his divorce was final. He promised me he would never lie to me again. I was a fool to think that he would not continue his lies. 12.5 yrs later he is still lying and deliverately deceiving me about everything, our finances, what he is doing. He had one affair on me. We're in our 9th separation because he again lied and deliberately deceived me over several issues starting in May of 2005 and I found out about the lies in July. I asked him to leave and he did as he had taken himself off his meds for his bi-polar and chronic depression sometime early May and kept telling me he was taking them. His behavior was so bizarre that I should have known he was not taking his meds, but wanted to believe him when he said he was. I found the full bottle of meds on July 15 and that was physical proof of his latest lie. We had a marriage agreement drawn up (oct 2004) in marriage counceling with our pastor (not the same one who married us) who helped us to outline a support system for him to stay on his meds - he had to attend weekly mental health meetings, see his doctor on a regular basis, and take ALL his meds as directed without skipping doses or stopping. I was to not hold his past against him and allow him to have a clean slate for our reconciliation which started Oct 2004. I wasa to do all I could to support him and give him postive reinforcement for achieving his support goals..going to the meetings, taking his meds, keeping his appts. I did what I was suppose to...only when he told me he was going to meetings, taking the meds and I gave him positive feedback he was lying and not really doing these things he said he was. Our daughters are 11 1/2 and 10 and they have had a childhood filled with daddy leaving us 9 times now because he can't handle life. The agreement was if he lied or deceived me or stopped taking the meds that he was by doing this, telling me he does not want our marriage as these things are uncompatible with a healthy marriage. I can't trust him when he openly lies to me to my face over a long period of time....seemingly with no remorse. We have been separated since July 15 and he says he is living in his van as he is giving us his paychecks for support and he only has $800 a month to live on. He eats fast food restaurant food for every meal..which is where most of the money goes. I feel like with winter weather on us, he is trying to make me take him back as he says he will freeze to dealth soon. I've called the suicide hotline twice now for him since he's left and he's called several times himself. I know that I am not responsible for the decisions that he has made, but am having a difficult time handling his ploys to get me to take him back. I enrolled in a online college to complete my bachelor's degree, so that I can find a job in the very depressed economic area I live in. There are basically no jobs and several major plants have closed in the area bringing more job seekers in the market for the few jobs there are. I can't move as we haven't owned our home long enough to have any real equity in it and it needs some major repairs before it would be sellable anyways. I've caved 8 previous times and I do NOT want to take him back anymore but feel that he is really putting the morals pressure on me...how can I let the man I used to love and the father of my girls freeze? if he is indeed living out of his van? UGH why is life so difficult? I keep thinking that I don't want my girls to be treated this way, nor to think that it's o.k., for someone to treat them this way. I cannot trust him. I cannot live with him How do I get him to leave me alone, when he has the right to see and talk to our daughters? I feel like I'm a uncaring person when he tells me he is homeless and will freeze to dealth. I have not filed for divorce because without being on the meds he is not stable enough to go thru the process and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if the girls lost their daddy if he committed suicide over our divorce. I feel like I'm in a really hard place right now and do not know how to heal and get on with my life when he is constantly pushing me to take him back

I am feeling disturbed about a dream that I had. I had a dream that I in a cave, with a priest, and he was marrying me off to Pamela Anderson. I am disturbed because the dream was all about lust and there was no romance involved. No love, no passion, no caring. It was all lustful. I wish I had dreams that were more romantic, more touchy-feely, and that when I wake up I feel happy, rather than just in lust.....

I'm just somewhat concerned. I have an essay due tomorrow for one of my courses, but this often happens. Something happened to me today, like I got in a small disagreement with one of my friends. It was hardly anything. But that seemed to overshadow any other considerations, so that it's 4:00 a.m. and I still haven't started my essay. I finally just wrote my friend a letter apologizing and explaining things, and now feel better, as if purged. But this often happens. I just can't concentrate until that guilt is lifted and sometimes it takes a while for me to figure how to solve it. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to move past whatever guilt I may be feeling and focus on important things? I'm just concerned because emotional triffles seem to really impact my academic performance, and I don't want it to really hurt my grades... Should I start seeing a priest or what?

my dad bought me a qu33r as folk episode guide. ok, cool. that was hard enough, having him flip through and go "yeah, this is alright" .. he bought it, no questions, no burning predicament all the way home, it was alright. i come home to my mom. .. the person most often that.. people like me can trust, the one parent that understands everything, because she's a woman, and apparently women know everything, according to her. so she flips through as well, since "no" from me means absolutely diddly to her. 9-9 she finds the rare pic of some dudes kissing. ... oops. i mean, come on. it's tv, and certainly not like.. a porn channel thing. (mind you i haven't seen an episode before, just pics and whatnot, and i liked it... hm.) so i have to return it tomorrow.. with her by my side..dammit. 30 bucks down the drain. ... the thing that got me though was the "i don't want this... TRASH in MY HOUSE! i don't care if you're 15 or 40, it's GARBAGE!" and.. so on. i could barely take the priest saying i couldn't have that.. communion bready junk anymore, because homosexuality is a sin, and i have to promise to stop doing it, and be normal, or it's unforgivable and i'm unworthy to receive it. ... BULL. i'm just in need of a friend right now, something that isn't ice cream and isn't a dog, and .. well, isn't a family member. heh.. it's so hard being lesbian, gay, bi.. AND transgender. frick. it's like.. the rebel of the rebels, you know? nobody wants me.. heheh or at least not 'till i pick one and stick with it.. o.O people these days. any.. thoughts? advice..? i'm pretty much going to just.. have a complete mental breakdown with all the pressure here anyway, so yeah. a little encouragement would be nice. be like "w00t, go you.. you're going to die when the sun comes up!" even. heheh.. at least she didn't find that "instinct" mag i have under my bed.. o.O that'd be overwhelming. two pieces of "garbage" in the same house?

we've been together for 14 months now... i don't know if you guys have the same situation with me...

My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months. He's 23 and a Seventh Day Adventist. He's also a resident of the US, but he's from the Dominican Republic. I am 25 and white. I used to be Catholic, but now I am not practicing any religion actively. He and I are completely in love. The race thing is not so much of an issue now. The religion and the cultural differences are causing major problems. I go to church with him almost every Saturday and twice now there have been services about how interfaith relationships are doomed to fail. The first time, the pastor pointed us out as an example. Now I'm thinking that maybe we shouldn't be together because of the differences. I want to marry him, but I know that there will always be problems. What if we have kids? He would want them to be SDA. IT has been brought up that I could convert, but I don't think my family would be happy at all if I did. I don't know what to do. Should I try and not make the religion such an issue? The cultrual differences are a big problem too. He's a little to touchy feely and flirty with all the girls that he knows. He says its a culture thing. And maybe it is, but I'm an American, and I don't want my boyfriend acting like that with other girls. Am I being crazy??? Please help. Any advice and comments would be greatly appreciated.

This might get kinda long. My mother hasn't been a real mother figure until last year when she found out that I lost my virginity to a 18 yr old. Now she is trying to make up for lost time and tell me how to live my life but she doesn't realize that I'll be leaving for college next summer and I'm the person who I am going to be. She is very religious and believes in everything that our pastor says and believes that he always knows what's right and I'm not downing that because I believe that he has a lot of wisdom but I think there are somethings that a parent needs to handle and not take to her pastor. Okay here is the real issue. I want to tell her that I'm dating this guy. He's my age and I don't plan on having sex for a long time, so that's not something she'll have to worry about. I want her to know that I am mature now, and I've learned from my own mistakes and that she needs to let me live or else I'll be gone once I go to college and I won't come back to see her and I'll go and live with my father. How do I tell her that in the most reverent, respectful, way possible and without her losing her mind and putting me on punishment and all that type of stuff. Jaiva