Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'selfishness'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Relationships
    • Dating Advice
    • Relationship Advice
    • Infidelity
    • Online Dating
    • Friendship and Friends
    • Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
    • Abuse and Violence
    • Long-Distance Relationships
    • Age Gap Relationships
    • Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
    • Trust and Relationships
    • Marriage/Long Term Relationships
  • Breaking up and Divorce
    • Breaking Up Advice
    • Divorce Advice
    • Getting Back Together
    • Healing After Break Up or Divorce
  • Personal Growth
    • Personal Growth
    • Career, Money and Education
    • Grief Loss and Bereavement
  • Families
    • Parenting and Families
    • Pets
  • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
  • Sex and Romance
    • Sex and Romance
    • Pregnancy
  • Emotions and Feelings
    • Emotions and Feelings
    • Jealousy
  • Journals's Journals
  • Journals's Private Journals
  • Off Topic's Topics
  • Book Talk's Topics
  • Travel and Culture's Topics
  • Poetry, Prose, Art & Photography's Topics

Categories

  • Abuse & Violence
  • Addictions
  • Adoption
  • Age Gap Relationships
  • Alternative Medicine
  • Astrology
  • Beauty & Fashion
  • Breaking Up
  • Career & Money
  • Dating
  • Depression
  • Divorce
  • Education
  • Exercise and Fitness
  • Food and Nutrition
  • Friendship and Friends
  • Grief Loss & Bereavement
  • Happiness
  • Health
  • Home and Living
  • Infidelity
  • LGBTQ+
  • Long-Distance Relationships
  • Marriage
  • Mental Health
  • News
  • Parenting & Family
  • Personal Growth
  • Pregnancy
  • Pets
  • Relationships
  • Religion and Spirituality
  • Self-Esteem
  • Sleep
  • Stress
  • Supplements and Vitamins
  • Toys & Games
  • Weight Loss & Diet

Categories

  • Relationships
  • Career & Money
  • Parenting & Family
  • Dating
  • Breaking Up & Divorce
  • Marriage
  • Personal Growth
  • Self-Esteem
  • Grief Loss & Bereavement
  • Depression
  • Mental Health
  • Happiness
  • Health
  • Pets
  • Infidelity
  • Friendship and Friends
  • Love

Blogs

There are no results to display.

There are no results to display.


Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


About Me

  1. It seems like everywhere you look, people are talking about self-care. Whether it's getting your nails done or taking a much needed nap, practicing self-care is something that our society encourages us to do. But what happens when we take it too far and become overly focused on ourselves? The question of whether or not self-care is selfish is something that has been asked and debated over time, but figuring out if your own practice of self-care is crossing the line can be difficult as everyone’s individual needs vary. Before exploring the issue further, it’s important to define what self-care actually means. Self-care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health, well-being, and happiness through various activities, such as physical health care, mental health care, relaxation, learning positive coping skills, and improving lifestyle and relationships with others. self-care is all about taking care of your own individual needs - whether physical, mental, or emotional - in order to be the healthiest and happiest version of yourself. That said, understanding when your self-care is becoming too “selfish” depends entirely on how it’s impacting your relationships with others and your ability to support their needs, too. Generally speaking, a healthy practice of self-care should never come at the expense of those around you. If it does, then it should be a red flag that things need to be re-examined. Along those same lines, beware of becoming so consumed with your own cares and concerns that it becomes difficult to focus on the needs of those around you. This could be demonstrated through isolating yourself from others or talking obsessively about yourself instead of being attentive to others. If a person is only engaged in self-care when there is an opportunity to put their own self-serving desires above everyone else’s needs, then it’s safe to say that self-care has crossed into selfish territory. From a practical standpoint, it can be helpful to ask yourself the following questions whenever you set out on a journey of self-care: Am I in a good place emotionally to focus on my own needs right now? How will this affect the other people in my life? Will this benefit them in any way? And finally, is this something that I honestly need right now, or am I just trying to give myself a treat? On a larger scale, self-care isn't always as much of a solo act as some people make it out to be. Sometimes it involves taking part in activities with friends or family that help to promote growth in relationships. This could come in the forms of shared hobbies, connecting on a deeper level, or taking part in group exercises like attending a yoga class together. Performing self-care in a collective manner does not only benefit the individual, but it also encourages learning, connection, love, and compassion and can help build deeper relationships with those around you. No two people are alike, and everyone has different needs and ways of practicing self-care. Knowing the difference between self-care and selfishness is dependent on how it impacts our relationships, both with ourselves as well as those around us. Though it is our duty to take care of ourselves and ensure that we are healthy and fulfilled, it’s just as important to remain aware of how our actions may be affecting those around us. The key is to strive for balance.
  2. A few months ago, boyfriend asked me to move in with him. Everything was going well until.. His ex and her new boyfriend show up, and that's when I find out they're going to be living in the camper next to the house? I knew they lost their home, but no idea of these plans until they unraveled before me. He claimed it's only temporary and there was zero romance involved. However, she has other options like living with nearby relatives. And the worst part is that he seems to be making no effort to get her out. They've been here for almost three months now. Not only is she his ex, but she was [is?] the love of his life! They've been known to do sneaky things together, after their relationship ended. Whenever I try to talk about things, he just says the same things everytime. That he will talk to them.. that he promised her he would always be there to help her because everyone else abandoned her. This has really changed our relationship.... Not so much at first, but as time goes by and nothing is being done, and my feelings are being ignored, I just feel sick to my stomach every day and I don't want to be at the house whatsoever. Having these doubts and questioning everything, having that awful guy feeling.. I should not feel like that in what is supposed to be my home. It's hard because she is also my friend and I would probably do something similar if the roles were reversed. 🎶Should I stay, or should I go now?🎶
  3. If I were to tell you 
 The things 
He’d say to me 
It wouldn’t be fair 
 You were in the mix 
 Unknowingly 
 If I told you 
I’d hurt you 
 Unwillingly 
 It isn’t fair 
See
 The choices I made 
Inconsiderably
 Could hurt you 
 Tremendously. 
 I was selfish then, 
 All i wanted 
 Was pleasure then. 
I wanted to make myself 
 Feel something 
 Dependent 
 On temporary 
 Obviously 
 Not lasting. 
 It’s left me broken 
 But I can’t imagine 
 The pain in your face 
 If you just knew
 What had to happen.
  4. To be honest at 1st I didn't want to post any of my poems here but im at my lowest and it feels good to know there are people out there who listen This one is about my battle with suicide I have thoughts everyday As the days go by I miss your touch so my dark suicidal thought are a must do I let the noose kiss my neck or the blade hold my vain some say my thoughts are selfish and vain but you not understand my pain should I let the gas shut my brain down or jump from the highest thing in town my lovely suicide my lovely suicide why wont your thought subside
  5. Looking in the mirror I stare at it. It, is something that wasn't meant to happen. It, is something that can't change. It begs for attention from us, And when it's unheard, The colour scarlet is prominent, From already lined wrists. It stares at the repulsive enemy, That is served up on a platter. Somethings screaming for feeding, Yet the bulge never wins. It's heart yearns for them, Only getting confusion in return. And multiple burning couldn't stop, Those long waking nights. It's head spins from that liquid, Which seemed to be a friend. It just wants to be good and gone, Yet there's always that selfish barrier. It promised never to happen, But childhood lies are all the fashion. And words that can't be unspoken, Now are just memories stored away. Looking in the mirror I stare at it. It, is something that wasn't meant to happen. It, is something that can't change.
  6. Hi, I am here because, I want to know how to overcome my dilemma of commiting suicide. I have had a hellish life, everday from, 1 to 24, I have seen hell. However it is not the hell, that is driving me to suicide. It is the absolute lack of purpose in life. No matter what I do, I just can't fill this emptiness inside me. I have tried everything, socializing, pursuing interests, academia, relationships, activities. Yet, no matter what I do, I am always feeling empty, chasing winds, running like a gerbil on a wheel, getting nowhere - a state that is not either living, or dead, somewhere in between. Absolutely nothing to drive me. It's painful to continue to live like this. For 2 years, I have gone into isolation, living with my single mother, I have not even stepped out of the house. I have become quite a burden on her, and she on me. I have told her, how much pain I am enduring by living, but she emotionally blackmails me, telling me, how much I will hurt her, if I commited suicide, how selfish I will be, and how she will do the same, If I do. She says she understands my pain, but whenever I discuss suicide, she lashes out at me instantly, and it's always the same selfish desire, "Don't hurt me, you hurt me when you say that" I have stopped discussing this issue with her, and this has given her some false sense of security, that as long as I'm not talking about it, everything is ok. It's not OK; it never was. The fact, that im confined in the 4 walls of my room, and that I am doing nothing, and that I am hurt is irrelavant to her. You know the extent, of how much she does not understand me? She brings food to me every few hours, sometimes fruit, sometimes dinner, sometimes take-away, and I tell her, I feel insulted, that she's doing this. Yet, she does it anyway, even when I repeat my words to her everytime. She's actually physically rendered me inert, as she mothers me, nutures me, that I cannot even amass the energy to do anything anymore. She is content in doing this, and continuing this, feeding me, keeping my alive, assuring herself, "I am ok" and playing on the role of mother for an indefinite period of time, when she cannot understand how it's actually hurting me, bruising my self-worth and ego, and making it much harder for me to end my life. She has even got me psychiatric help, and she naively believes, they are going to cure me. When there is nothing wrong with my mental health, something even they testify too. It is just my philosophy of life, that is not compatible with me leading a successfull life. Whenever I arise the will to kill myself, I am faced with the dilemma of my mother. Yet, if I live, im living, only to keep her content, but for myself, all I have to endure is pain, sustained pain, for the rest of my life. Then there is another part of me, that actually wants to live, and find meaning in life. I have researched extensively, into science, religion, consciousness, reincarnation, soul, to find the purpose in life. Yet, it has only further proved there is none. In fact, our very existence is just an illusion in an infinite space time continum, that consists of infinite realities and infinite parallel realities. I wish there was a switch, I could just flick, and cease to exist. It's just not that easy. I need to make an effort to commit suicide, and I just can't make that effort. Is there something I can do, that will just end me, instantly. I thought about jumping of a high-rise building, but I do not have the impetus to make myself do that. I want something that will put me to sleep, and from which I will never wake up again. I don't want to feel physical pain. I have endured pain all my life, and I don't want to willingly become a center of pain. I know I have to come terms with death, as it is a certain event in life, and it's easier when death comes to you, but I can't wait that long - I want to go to death myself. Yet making this choice is not easy for me, and I don't know how much longer I can take this. Please offer me advice.
  7. Not a poem, but I think this is a good spot for it. Missing that First/True Love; Thoughts of her don't leave me no matter what happens, or who I'm with and I cannot get away. I don't really need advice, I just wanted to post this somewhere. Thanks! Why, you may ask? I miss having a best friend of the opposite sex to joke, flirt and play around with. I miss having someone I can completely let go with and be myself. I don't trust easily so I miss being able to spend time with the one person I do trust. I miss having someone around I can be silly and goofy with and reciprocates with neither of us judging the other. There's a lot to be said about being totally accepted, and it's bloody rare. I miss having the best friend I ever had. A girlfriends great to have and so's a best friend. If you combine the two though, it's undescribable. She is such a gift to my life and really taught me how to love another person, being as slow as I am. It's cherished memories that outweigh the bad ones. I never had that before and now I know I need that confidant. It gives a worldly kind of confidence you can't get on your own. There was also the intense companionship. Having somebody to talk to about anything without fear cannot be compared to anything else. I also miss the physical connection. Sex is wonderful but the touches, caresses, KISSES and cuddles put it over the top. Not to mention all the sweet little things whispered in those situations. Waking up each morning and hating work because I'd rather stay in bed with her and keep warm. Missing her because nothing has ever made me feel so loved and special in my life. Who else can you tell your fantasies to and know it's ok, whatever they may be. Who else will be likely to try them out with you to make you even happier. I miss having what seemed like a psychic connection to her, ya know where we knew what the other was thinking without saying a word. All in a look. I like to believe it was and I miss it terribly. I miss feeling wanted, needed and loved and knowing for a fact it's for real. I miss being able to tell how I really feel and I can't tell anybody else how I truly feel because then most of them leave, but she stuck with me. I miss smiles. I really miss HUGS and those "looks". I miss waking up at night after a bad dream and going right back to sleep because I have loving warmth to snuggle up to for safety and comfort. Saftey and comfort.. I miss that vanilla SMELL. I miss THAT laugh. I miss having contact. I miss touch, feeling warm. I miss watching movies I didn't like even though I really liked em. I miss having someone to dote on. I miss having someone to give my love to. I miss feeling spiritually connected to anything or anyone. I miss the long slow love making that took hours and was bliss. I miss the spontanious sex that was exilirating. I miss love. I miss there being someone who could instantly make me feel better. who could wipe those tears away without much effort on her part. I miss making someone else feel that way too. I miss the smiles and grins and playfulness. I miss playing with and tugging on her hair ever so lightly. I miss the hidden person in me coming out and seeing the hidden person in her; the one no one else EVER sees. I miss feeling her have release. I miss seeing that face. I miss all the faces. I miss all the hopes and dreams that used to be and seemed so truly doable. Because I must be different and "feel" a little more emotional than most, since the hurt never did rival the peak of love. I miss my family (her). I miss christmas meaning anything. I miss valentines and easter being fun. I miss my birthday mattering to someone. I miss the best of life. I miss anything being possible. I miss her making things go easier without trying to. I miss having support. i miss that time in my life. I miss her and all that implies. I miss being thought of. I miss being missed. I miss doing the mundane things together and them not being as lame as they should be. I miss the taste. I miss the WARMTH. I miss the HEAT. I miss her laying on me on the couch watching tv going to sleep. I miss all the firsts. I miss the innocence there was. I miss the sleep. I miss the dreams of being awake and together. I miss arguing over dumb stuff and then making up for it. I miss having reason to hurry home. I miss passion. I miss having a home. I miss going home. I miss first true love. You never forget your first love because you went into it with no fears and no expectations. Every relationship that follows has expectations and fears. The expectations make you selfish. Selfishness and Expectations are what ruins everything. Letting go is to let go of your expectations and selfishness.
  8. Hi, I wrote this a long while back, just thought I'd share it.. There is a dignity in sorrow As in the patient accepting death, When left with only emptiness You discover the wholeness left You start to see a oneness A unity all around And wonder in the glory That in nature does abound When stripped of the lie of reality That supports the lie of the land You can appreciate the simple And be nurtured in its hand. And from this plateau of wisdom Comes the courage to forgive Accompanied by the knowledge that its for you that you must live But this is not a selfish wish For you must love yourself Ere you can ever love another Or live in mental health So in brokenness we find completeness A paradox for sure A spectator of the games they play A participant no more. And as your life continues Of this time; please don't forget Because now you're a bigger person And the evil must be met. And now you're a bigger person Compassionate, kind.. and yet Grateful for the pain of discovery Forever in HIS debt.
  9. .......................This ................. unforgiving ......................cello .............. of mine will not ..................... speak ..................... in its .......................rich, .....................earthy ......................voice ...................... if I ..................... come ...................... to it ......... in anger, selfishness, or .....arrogance. My cello is my teacher, ... requiring patience, love, and passion .....of me before it will sing. Its voice is ......more familiar to me than my own, ......and these strings have been under ........... my rough fingers for far, ............. far longer than I can .............. remember. I spoke .............with the music of this ........ instrument long before I ever ....used words, and even now after the ... hundreds of words that I have read or ..spoken, the things that I can say when I draw my bow accross the strings is far more .eloquent than anything I could ever speak ..or write of myself. My cello has a voice ..that sings alone in the darkness, crying .out its joy when there is no other comfort ....in the world. If I could not play, then ............ I would have no voice. .........................My ....................... cello ......................... is .........................my ..........................h ..........................e ..........................a ......................... r ..........................t
  10. You've told me the truth which I accept this notch upon my bedpost and I feel like a tool so maybe I am but just a fool I hate you, and I know its true Inside of me, no love for you No light that once shined so bright but inside myself its black as night I look around and cross the roads I see others, but I wont go, I wont call out, I wont mill I'll find my place, to just stand still I dont want them to come to me looking oh so pretty all of them with bad intentions I could say them all, could mention the fact their vain, and selfish and their beauty lies within their vision they dont peer inside for a trusting man they look below the belt, above the neck all they want is all they'll get broken hearted, complainers then the nice guys they'll run too are the guys that wont refuse to treat right to treat them fair to understand, to really care these people will settle down, because their there but not because they really care. And I hate to say that your with them I should of known, I cant pretend you've just as bad, if not worse I'm sorry we met, its been a curse. I'm sorry for these generalizations I know your not all this inane I know sometimes I get angry I'll lash at the world because I'm in pain.
  11. I have to face the fact that there are a million things I can’t undo I have to face the fact that I’m still in love with you And I wish could I would claw back the times when you hid the truth behind lies I got sick so of playing that game And said it was over and you were to blame I never knew why you couldn’t trust me and why you sometimes wore that frown but now I find it easy to see It’s because everyone you loved let you down I never let you down. And everything we had we had to fight for as the selfish tried to tear us apart It took just a moment for you to be taken away but love stayed to twist my mind and my heart. I have to face the fact That there are a million things I can’t undo I have to face the fact I’m still in love with you.
  12. I know that she's in a better place where there is no abuse outside of this world I want to find the fear for me the chance to talk to her the chance to tell her that everything here is worse without her and just like her my will to be died with her I want to conversate that everything turns out bad that I would reach for her given the oppurtunity I know that she feels better over there where there is no torture is it too impulsive? to use fear? to get to the unknown? to feel her beside me and to tell her that everything is worse and along with her my hope also died I want to embrace her and that everything would be the same my life is so meloncholic that it seems never to move on it would be so nice to remember I should remember and feel that it's best for the best not to believe in love the way I do I should hate her for leaving me like this but it isnt my choice I'm a simple lover a bit crazy but I'm learning my lesson that all here is worse that along with her my youth died I would love to see her and whisper to her that though I miss her my life goes on I miss u Su.
  13. A shadow casts over The light in her eyes It is her reflection alone No one else to blame After all, One can only perceive that which they be… We are all motivated by our own selfish needs It's the fool That lets their heart be played "You have to learn the rules of the trade" Interpret words spoken Catch the words unsaid Acknowledge the words We wish we heard How silly it all seems. We read meanings differently! Blinded by what we wish to see. Don't get mad, Laugh at your vanity, Your moralism, Your humanity… The problem is- we all can't win When we are all on different teams!
  14. I made this poem when I was 18. All I remember is that although it is very short, it is very profound. I am aware that it might not be very clear and easy to understand but it is full of details. It is also quite significative to me who knows its meaning. I also remember the intensity that I had put in this poem when I wrote it. So enjoy reading... LIFE’S MURDER Portrait of possessions Fills Paul of Protections Fading of old phases pulp up vivid pulses. crucible of his crimes Commits Perpetuity. cadence, calamity Cold Pair of Mimes Destined, done to whom ? portal; Discrepancy despair, disloyalty Pool of a selfish Doom
  15. My ego is big, and my ego is small. My ego is now gone, it is not there, But my ego is always there. It stares at me, angry for being exiled. It rages on and on, with nothing left to say and nothing left to do, But rage... It is here with me now Fearing and tearing at the thought that I spend my Waking moments plotting its death. So my ego plots back. My ego looks for wholes and half truths to combat my every move. But I know better, so much better. My thinking is done now and it has learned too much to go back. And yet some how my ego still does not know and does not see. It just sits there with its ego. Now that is okay, because we all do what we are meant to do. But I was meant to do something else that requires no ego, So for my own selfish reasons I banished him, and for that I am free, And doomed all at the same time. But once again that is okay, because for me to be free, and see is absolutely the best way to be.
  16. I am angry at my father. My father had many good traits, but he lost control to alcohol, and had no appreciation for anyone. He never appreciated me when I was younger, and had no respect for anything I valued. Even to this day, he has been emotionally avoidant of me. It is like he just does not know how to get close to anyone. Nothing hurts more than to know that I never had an appropiate male role-model growing up. I am angry at the fact that my parents had divorced. When I was growing up I needed a stable home environment; instead, I had to teach myself how to grow up while I was being neglected by my parents. I am angry at my stepfather. Not only is he a total loser, he is/was an abusive *******, a totally manipulative selfish *******. He did whatever he could to punish me when I tried to stand up to him. He tried to punish me by restricting my mobility when I was younger. He refused to take me places in the car, and even worse he has told lies to me and even intentionally beat me up once, actually more than once. I am angry at women ... I'm angry at the fact that there have been many girls in my past that have intentionally or unintentionally caused me to be hurt in one way or the other. I feel as though many of them have been against me, hated me even and then had the nerve to feed me reactive BS to try to comfort mewhile they were wounding me. They made me into a mean, selfish, egotisticle jerk, who has had no trust for women and has only sought to take from them because of this. I hate the fact that I have never found a girl that wants to make me feel appreciated. I hate the fact that I have had so many bad experiences with them. I hate the fact that I see many other people form good relationships, when I can only sit around and observe them being happy. I hate being so lonely. I am angry that I was born with abnormal tendencies. I was born with Aspbergers, I have trouble understanding people when they make certain faces or gustures, I say inappropiate things, and I always feel like I should be busy and if I am not I prance around like a restless lion in a cage. Maybe I could have been born worse I guess. I have an above average IQ and have developed more than a few noteworthy talents, but it's still a damper when it comes to forming relationships because I don't understand people. I am angry at God for allowing me to be born an empathy blind cripple. In fact, I am pretty much to the point to where I think that God should either fix this ******* mess he started or shut the hell up with his empty promises. I am not at fault for this sin business, so if he wants to allow people to suffer in result of some sort of salvation scheme, he can kiss my fleshy earthly butt until he keeps the promises that he made to man right after the introduction of sin without any run-around that takes 100s ot 1000s of years. And Satan can kiss my butt even more, jealous selfish bastard ... I am angry at the Seventh-day Adventist church. In fact, I feel like I have been cheated by the church. When I was younger I use to be so involved and serious about attending church, and paid my tithe. Well, what has the church given back to me? It's given me nothing but rejection. Rejection because of who I am and because what the church teaches. Not only has it given me rejection, I actually avoided people and situations be cause of my convictions in the church. I spent atleast 10 years avoiding girls who were interested in me because they were not seventh-day adventist only to find that my local church pastor had to leave to live in Alaska because his teenage daughter got knocked up by some local non-adventist hick. This is a cause of furious anger, and I will take no more of this crap from the church when it comes to forming relationships. I am angry at the fact that I have so much baggage that I am carrying around. It would not be fair for me to bring someone or children into my life and still be carrying around sickly emotional baggage. Either I find a way to drop it, or continue to avoid forming relationships. I am angry at my past. I am angry at the fact that it has always seemed like the world has been against me at the start. In fact, I feel like the world wants me to lose. I feel like no one really wants to accept me for the real me, and that I have to avoid the world to handle living in it. I just want to be accepted, I just want to feel like I belong somehow somewhere without games or living behind costumes or false barrier. But, I don't know if this would ever be possible ... I am angry at the fact that I feel like I have to give up on finding true love in this life time. Does true love exist? Maybe ... I just wish that true love would find me and not these horny superficial two-faced females who only want me for one day out of every month. I have had far too many flings with girls like these and everytime I end up feeling like I've had a really really sucky time. One night stands suck... I am angry at the fact that sometimes I have suicidal thought. Sometimes I feel like I have lived enough and just want to die silently and in peace. Other times, I feel like fighting out my anger and lashing out at the world. The only problem is that if I were to truly lash back out at the world, the world would not tolerate me. I would either die violently or go to prison for a very long time, and neither one of those show a sense of control. One thing I can always say about myself is that I have always had a very strong will and can maintain some very good control over myself; I hope I never lose that trait because I think that is what keep me alive, my strong will. There are many other things that make me angry, and for good reasons. I just hope that some day I can advance past my problems, before it's too late.
  17. You said it made your day just to hear my voice. You said you cared and that you’ll always be there. Wondering was I being selfish to the fact that you didn’t really care. Or was it I that didn’t want to care. Did I care that you didn’t want me, had your fun then left me. Or is it because I tried to change my whole perception to fit you where you didn’t belong all along. Was it me trying to fill that space. The space he left untamed. Am I really angry because you don’t want me. Or was it every time I looked at you, I wished it was him. Every moment, every second, every breath, every thought. It wasn’t you I wanted it was him. Was it that you didn’t want me or is it that I didn’t want you to want me. Every laugh, every smile, every kiss, every hug, every intimate detail of the life we lead . Was it meant to be or were you just a filler. Did I want you to want me or did I need you to want me. To take my mind off that empty space. The space you couldn’t fill the space you couldn’t touch. Was it that I wanted you to want me. Now don’t get me wrong I’m still a bitter * * * * * because you couldn’t be a MAN. The lie you told I seen right through you didn’t want me cause I didn’t want you.
  18. Greetings fellow travels, I have just recently joined this group. First off I want to thank all of you that have posted. Reading the posts has helped to show me that I am not the only one that is going thru a living hell, and I see others wanting to help others as well. There is a part of me that wants to find some magic cure to feeling bad. Yes, part of that is very selfish, yet, the caring part of me also wants to help others. I feel like I just want to explode and write everything that has lead me to this place. But, there isn't enough room. Instead, I would like to open with a simple and small cry for help. My life has been nothing more than a fight to stay alive since I was eight years old. I am now in my mid forties. I have been in and out of counseling and on meds since the 1984. My family says that they want to help, but they have their own drama. And the reality is, they actually bring me down. I have never had a relationship, yet I am told I am good looking and fun to be with. I am very good at my job, yet feel like I am ready to be fired each and every day. I am tall, in good shape, yet no one is interested in being with me. I am smart yet can't find a job that will allow me to do more than just get by each and every week. My birthday present to myself for my 39th birthday was a .357 in my mouth. I almost pulled the trigger....I now wish I had. Since then I have sold that gun, but wish I had it back. The self talk in my mind is destructive, yet I can't get the voices to stop. The physical and mental pain that I deal with every moment of every day, is over powering. I can not afford meds or counseling. I am, as I have been all my life....alone and lonely. The walls that I have built over the past 30 years are so high and think, I can't break thru them. I fear that I am too old to find someone to share what is left of life...and I will be forced to work jobs that don't pay enough to allow me to take care of myself. Is some of what I wrote above an absolute, yes. Are absolutes correct, hardly. I do know what I wrote isn't fully the truth, yet it is the way that I see it. My friends have been overkilled with my burdens to the point I can't keep any friends. All I want to do, is to wake up tomorrow dead. To those that feel that suicide is selfish....try living with the pain that I ( and others) deal with. Please stop telling me that there are paths to take that will help. I believe I have tried them all. I can't decide what I need more.....love, acceptance, or death. Thanks for listening...
  19. Seriously, I've been wondering about this. It feels like as I learn to stop being such a doormat for other people, I'm actually getting more irritable and demanding. It's like I've swung waaay in the opposite direction. I grew up being very dutiful, responsible, etc. Well, I'm still responsible, but somewhere along the way I realized that having boundaries is a healthy thing, and that people will take advantage of you if you let them, and that I'm often stressed out because I'm not taking care of myself. So now I'm trying to take better care of myself, and be more attuned to what I want/need, and I find myself getting way more irritated than ever before at people. With every little thing, I find myself thinking, "S/he's such a flake!" Or "how come s/he's not responding to me?" It's like I've unleashed a monster .... ! (sort of joking there, but only sort of!) Is this normal for when someone finally starts standing up for themselves? I half-fear that I'm going down a very selfish path and will never be happy because where, after all, will it end? It's like instead of a good healthy self-esteem, I've replaced my compliant nature with a sense of entitlement. What gives? I was just trying to become happier with myself, my life and others. Help.
  20. One thing I am going to have to add to my Guide when the mods put it back up, is that guys don't have to make that extra effort to show the Object of your Affection that you are a nice guy. Being nice should be natural, not an effort. Women are not stupid creatures. Not at all. If anything you do is controlled by the fact that you are trying to make her see you are nice, then you aren't letting the situation flow naturally, and likely she will see it for what it is. Yet I still see a lot of guys go overboard with the "niceness" stuff. No, I am not talking about just being nice, I am talking about going overboard. If you really are a good guy, a girl will know and you don't need to "show" her. There are many examples of guys who do this, and the guys I am talking about are guys who use this extra niceness for their own purposes. You might actually be a good guy and do this. I did this and I never thought I was a bad guy. I did this because of insecurity. I thought the only way to get a girl I liked was to prove that I was different, that I was a "Nice Guy". In my naiveness I didn't realize that I was so transparent, and that I was better off just being comfortable with myself. If I was truly the good guy that I thought I wasm then I didn't need to do this for her to know that about me. There's a difference between just being your self and trying to impress her. It's kind of like buying favors with niceness. You think that by doing these extra favors and proving your niceness that you show her how different you are from the rest, but she doesn't owe you for that selfish behavior. Not at all. You did it for you, not her. On another thread I unintentionally made an enemy out of a female mod (not a good thing!) because I was telling a guy he should not buy a rose for this girl he was going on a first date with. She disagreed with me and thought it was a sweet thing to do. I stand by my opinion. One, because I think I know the reasons behind his decision to buy the rose (I did it before too!) and two, because I never got anywhere in my romantic life with advice from women. I got a lot of advice for things that sounded good, but it never worked. Why? because my reasons behind it were really selfish, just like the guy in the post. The reason I thought it was selfish is because guys aren't doing this extra nice stuff for her but for himself. Guys can deny it all day long, and I would have too, but the fact remains is that you are buying her gifts or throwing out the extra niceness because you want her to think you are a good guy. Deny it if you want, but it is a bribe. Not an official bribe, but the purpose isn't selfless, it's selfish. It is one reason why I like to advise that you don't buy gifts for her unless she is your girlfriend. This doesn't apply for just gifts. It applies to favors, or anything else. Do you do this kind of stuff for everyone? Do you give everyone the same amount of attention that you do her? If not, then why do the extra effort? I think I made it clear why. You are trying to impress her with niceness, and it's not a natural thing. If you truly are comfortable with yourself, and if you are confident that you are a good guy, these things aren't necessary. She will know because she's not dumb.
  21. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 months now. i really like so many things about him, he pampers me and does anything for me, tells me how much he cares about me, treats me very good, and hes 24 which is 4 years older than me so hes more mature. well, most of the time.... for the past month or so hes just been very selfish in my opinion. right now im in nursing school 4 days a week and i work 2-3 days a week so im a very busy person. i dont get to see him a whole lot, maybe 2-3 times a week and i never have much money because i cant work very much and i have to spend about $60 a week on gas. so anytime that he wants to see me and i cant see him because i have no money or because i have something going on with school he gets angry and blames everything on me. for example, tonight i was supposed to come over and spend the night at his house but i have absolutely no money and i have a paper due tomorrow and an exam tomorrow. so i call him and tell him im very sorry and i explain the situation and he gets angry with me and goes into this lecture about how its all my fault and i must not want to see him. so i keep apologizing and saying how i really want to see him and ill get to see him the whole weekend and im saying "i love you" and "cheer up babe" but he just says he doesnt want to talk to me right now and he hangs up. last weekend i got into a huge argument with my parents and they didnt give me the money they owed me so i didnt have any money to drive to his house. i called him and explained the situation and i was about in tears i was so upset, but instead of being there for me and cheering me up he says its all my fault and hes getting sick of me doing this kind of stuff, and he says i have problems. he hurt me so bad that he made me cry and i said "fine, ill come over but you have to give me gas money." and only then when he got his way did he apologize and stop yelling at me. am i the one in the wrong here or is he really being selfish? thats one of the only things i dont like about his personality, i feel like he can be very selfish and disrespectful. but other times i wonder if there is something i can do better or do differently or if im the one thats wrong and i really dont make enough time for him?
  22. don't get me wrong, the sex is great.. most of the time. by that I mean, it is always great but sometimes he comes before I do, but I have to live with that. what is starting to annoy me is how he always wants oral, all the time, and I don't in the least mind doing it, actually I enjoy doing it, but sometimes it would be nice for me to get the same treatment without it being a 69. It's either, no oral for me, or try and enjoy it while i am on top trying to hold myself up and do what i have to do i to him at the same time.. sure, once every 6 months maybe we try me on the bottom of the 69, but while it gives my arms a rest it's not all that much better.. i know he said that sometimes the smell is stronger then other days, that's natural and i can understand that, but he has a stronger smell sometimes and i still give it a little bit of a go, if it's too much of a strong smell i try to do something else. the last time he gave me oral for more then 2 licks before trying to just have sex, (that wasn't a 69), was on our anniversary 2 years ago.. and man is he good with that.. i have asked if he hates doing it, and he said no, he loves it, but mentioned the smell thing, which is cool. i told him if he doesn't like doing it i just wanted him to tell me and i wouldn't care (at least i would have a reason for him not doing it very often) but he always tells me (via txt and email etc) that he can't wait to.. kiss me down there.. so yeah.. I don't think I am asking to much, just maybe once a month.. we don't see eachother very often, only every other weekend, sometimes every weekend, and i mean within that time we probably have sex 4 - 7 times, he gets oral maybe 10 times (sometimes less).. and i get oral(including 69)... once... if i am lucky.. anyway, we have just come out (slowly) of a 'break' we are taking things slowly, but i don't know if i can continue on for the rest of our lives feeling left out of our sex life, i don't want to bring it up with him right now, as we are still slowly sorting things out, is there anything i can do to give him subtle hints? sorry it's so long.. i ramble a bit.. and sorry if it's a bit too detailled, I'm sure mods will delete if necessary. - kr356
  23. Think this through before you do it. Are you really willing to risk never having that person in your life ever again? When you dump someone, you are in control...you think that the person you dump will love you, that you will hurt them, and if you come back, they'll jump for joy. That is rarely the case. When someone has been hurt that much, especially if you dump them for your own selfish reasons, the chances that you have just lost them forever are very high. Why would someone want to risk being hurt by you again? Make sure you are dumping them because of something that is wrong with them, something just won't work between you two, or something that cannot be reconciled. DO NOT dump them because of your own insecurities, selfishness, or confusion. You will usually regret those breakups...and the odds of that person opening themself back up to you is small. THINK before you break something that may never be repaired.
  24. Quite in shock. Just got back from having coffee with the fiance and live in of my ex. Ex....who was playing us both for a long time. Even though I was moving on from him - I didn't expect this. It's a blow. This day has been nuts. Too many deceptions and lies and betrayals. I feel physically sick. I feel especially sick, knowing, he hurt two of us. For so long. Lying about the most sacred of things. And she is a much worse place than I to recover. She lives with him. She got fed all the lines I didn't. Marriage. Family. Babies. He is the worse kind of loser. And I wasted so much of my life with him. Blind as a bat. I need to grow up. The self pity and doubts got me here. I couldn't see. One of Robowarrior's inspirational pep talks on when life gives you a blow, keep slugging back and living would be great. I looked him in the face and saw a selfish selfish man. Without regret or understanding of the damage he has done. And it makes me sick. I could only express myself bluntly, and even that much seemed too good for him. I didn't cry or get angry. I just said what was on my mind. To hear it outloud. Know it is real. It was for me. I found myself my worse nightmare in him. And I walked away from it tonight with my head helt high - walking away like that felt good - yet completely drained dry. Of all the times for this to come out, this is the stupidest time. It is like he baited for it. With the simplest efforts, he could have avoided it all and no one ever would have known. I mostly just want to puke. He doesn't have the right to do this. To tear at people's lives. To toy with them as though they meant nothing. He is weak. I am stronger. I've been through worse than this.
  25. Why is it that people assume all quiet, shy guys are nice? I find they are JUST as likely to be 's than the loud guys, and they do more damage becuase they are SNEAKY!!! They are quiet!! You dont assume they are manipulating you, but I was with a "nice guy" for two years, and I didnt realise how badly he had played me until a year after we broke up. EVERYONE thinks he is such a sweetheart, but he is one of the most poisonous people I know, the most selfish person I have ever been with. -rant ends-
×
×
  • Create New...