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  1. Introduction to "Boo Thang" Heard of the term "Boo Thang" and wondered what it's all about? You're not alone. This term has gained popularity in recent years and is a topic of intrigue and curiosity. A "Boo Thang" is more than just a casual fling but not quite a full-fledged relationship. It occupies a gray area, which we'll dive deep into in this article. The phrase "Boo Thang" has its origins in urban lingo and essentially refers to a romantic partner whom one has a significant emotional connection with but without the strings of commitment. Think of it as a middle ground between a casual hookup and a serious relationship. With the world of relationships constantly evolving, it's essential to understand such dynamics so that we can better navigate our own personal experiences. And the "Boo Thang" is one such phenomenon that's both fascinating and relevant in today's age. Historical Context and Evolution The term "Boo Thang" might seem contemporary, but the concept it represents has existed for a long time. While the exact origins of the phrase are unclear, it is rooted in the culture of the 21st century, where the lines between casual and committed relationships are frequently blurred. The dating landscape has been transformed with the rise of dating apps, social media, and shifting societal norms. As a result, traditional labels have sometimes become restrictive, leading to the birth of terms like "Boo Thang" to describe unconventional relationships. The trend of non-traditional relationships is not new. In fact, throughout history, there have been various forms of relationships that didn't fit the "standard" mold. The term "Boo Thang", however, has become an embodiment of the modern-day aversion to labels and an embrace of fluidity in romantic connections. Differences Between a "Boo Thang" and "Friends With Benefits" Now, you might be thinking, "Isn't a 'Boo Thang' just another term for 'Friends With Benefits'?" It's a common misconception, but the two are distinct in a few key ways. Firstly, a "Boo Thang" typically involves deeper emotional connections. While physical attraction is undoubtedly a part of it, the bond goes beyond just the physical. On the other hand, "Friends With Benefits" (FWB) is predominantly a physical relationship between two friends. The primary premise of FWB is that there are no strings attached and no expectations of a deeper emotional connection or commitment. Another distinction lies in the realm of exclusivity. While a "Boo Thang" may not have defined the boundaries of their relationship, there's often an unspoken understanding or expectation of exclusivity. In contrast, FWBs might see other people concurrently without any qualms. Lastly, the nature of interactions differs. With a "Boo Thang", dates, deep conversations, and emotional support are common, whereas FWBs might limit their interactions to just the physical encounters and casual hangouts. Emotional Connections in a "Boo Thang" Relationship The emotional dimension of a "Boo Thang" relationship is what sets it apart. It's a connection that's profound, filled with shared moments, understanding, and genuine care for one another. This isn't a relationship built solely on convenience or physical attraction. There's an undeniable emotional depth, making it richer and more layered. It's not uncommon for people in a "Boo Thang" relationship to share secrets, dreams, fears, and aspirations. But here's where it gets complex: despite the emotional bond, there's a lack of defined commitment. This ambiguity can be both liberating and perplexing. It offers freedom from conventional relationship pressures but can also lead to uncertainty about the future. Boundaries and Communication in a "Boo Thang" Given the nebulous nature of a "Boo Thang" relationship, clear communication and setting boundaries become paramount. While the relationship thrives on its undefined status, it's essential to establish some ground rules. Open conversations about expectations, feelings, and future aspirations help in navigating the relationship. Since the "Boo Thang" dynamic is not one-size-fits-all, every pair must carve out their unique set of rules and understandings. A healthy "Boo Thang" relationship requires mutual respect. Both parties should be on the same page about their relationship status and where they see it heading. It's crucial to ensure that neither party feels shortchanged or is harboring unexpressed desires for a more formal commitment. Moreover, regular check-ins can be beneficial. Given the ever-evolving nature of such relationships, periodic discussions can help gauge feelings and ensure that the bond remains harmonious. The Pros of a "Boo Thang" Relationship So, why would someone opt for a "Boo Thang" over a traditional relationship or a simple friends-with-benefits arrangement? Let's explore some of the advantages. Firstly, the flexibility is unparalleled. Without the weighty labels, individuals can experience the joys of a romantic connection without the pressures of societal expectations. This can be especially freeing for those who aren't yet ready for a full-fledged relationship but crave more than just a casual fling. Additionally, the deep emotional connection distinguishes it. This relationship offers a middle ground where intimacy and emotional bonding can coexist without explicit commitments. For many, this dynamic serves as a transitionary phase. It can be an exploratory space between casual dating and committed partnerships, allowing both parties to understand and define what they truly want from a relationship. Finally, the absence of rigid boundaries can make the relationship feel more organic. Without set rules, there's room for natural growth and evolution. The Cons and Potential Pitfalls While a "Boo Thang" comes with its set of perks, it's not without challenges. The very factors that make it appealing can also be its downfall. The ambiguity, for starters, can lead to confusion. Without clear definitions, misunderstandings are rife, and feelings can get hurt. There's a potential for one party to secretly hope for a more formal commitment, leading to disappointments. Moreover, the lack of clear communication can result in assumptions and unrealistic expectations. The absence of boundaries might be liberating initially but can cause issues if both parties aren't on the same page. Additionally, societal perceptions can play a role. Friends and family might not understand the dynamics, leading to external pressures. Navigating social events, introducing your "Boo Thang" to peers, and explaining the relationship can sometimes be tricky. Lastly, there's the emotional risk. The deep emotional connection, while rewarding, can also be a double-edged sword. If the relationship ends, the emotional fallout can be comparable to a break-up in a traditional relationship. How to Navigate a "Boo Thang" Relationship Navigating a "Boo Thang" requires finesse, understanding, and a lot of communication. Here are some practical tips: 1. Establish Ground Rules: While the relationship thrives on ambiguity, having a few basic ground rules can prevent misunderstandings. Discuss exclusivity, interaction expectations, and any potential deal-breakers. 2. Keep the Communication Open: Given the unique nature of this relationship, open and honest communication is paramount. Regular check-ins can help understand feelings and aspirations. 3. Stay True to Yourself: It's essential to recognize what you genuinely want from the relationship. If you're secretly hoping for a more traditional commitment, it's crucial to express that. 4. Be Prepared for External Reactions: Understand that not everyone will grasp the nuances of your relationship. Be patient and explain your dynamics as needed. 5. Know When to Move On: If the relationship no longer serves your needs or becomes a source of continuous stress, it might be time to re-evaluate. Recognizing When It's More than Just a "Boo Thang" With deep emotional connections and shared experiences, it's not uncommon for a "Boo Thang" relationship to evolve. But how do you recognize when it's transforming into something more? Signs might include increased future planning, discussions about formal commitments, or a desire to label the relationship. If both parties start viewing each other as potential long-term partners or talk about shared goals and dreams, it might indicate that the dynamic is shifting. Such an evolution is natural and can be beautiful. It's the testament to the depth of the bond that a "Boo Thang" relationship can foster. However, it's crucial to ensure that this transition is mutual. Both parties should be onboard with the shift to ensure harmony and avoid disappointments. Navigating Jealousy and Insecurities in a "Boo Thang" Relationship Like any relationship, a "Boo Thang" isn't immune to feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Given its undefined nature, these emotions can sometimes be heightened. How can one navigate these feelings without letting them sabotage the relationship? Understanding the root of these feelings is the first step. Often, insecurities stem from personal experiences or the fear of the unknown. Recognizing and addressing them can prevent them from overshadowing the relationship. Open communication is, once again, the key. Sharing your feelings and concerns allows for mutual understanding and problem-solving. It's essential to approach such discussions without placing blame but rather seeking clarity and reassurance. Moreover, setting boundaries can help. If certain situations or actions trigger feelings of insecurity or jealousy, having a candid conversation about them can lead to a compromise or a solution that suits both parties. Lastly, self-reflection and self-care are crucial. Understanding your worth and prioritizing self-love can go a long way in addressing and mitigating insecurities. The Role of Social Media in "Boo Thang" Dynamics Social media plays a pivotal role in modern relationships, and "Boo Thang" dynamics are no exception. From Instagram stories to Snapchat streaks, digital interactions can both enhance and complicate these relationships. On the one hand, social media can be a tool for connection. It provides a platform to share moments, communicate, and stay in touch. But on the flip side, it can also be a source of misunderstandings and insecurities. For instance, over-analyzing a partner's interactions online or feeling left out of certain posts can stir feelings of doubt or jealousy. Moreover, the public nature of social media can add another layer of complexity. How do you represent a relationship that's intimate but not labeled? To post or not to post becomes a significant decision. The best approach is to discuss social media boundaries early on. Understanding each other's comfort levels and setting guidelines can prevent potential pitfalls and ensure that the digital world enhances rather than hinders the relationship. The Impact of "Boo Thang" on Mental Health "Boo Thang" relationships, with their emotional depths and complexities, can have a tangible impact on mental health. The ambiguity, while exciting, can sometimes lead to anxiety, overthinking, or feelings of inadequacy. It's crucial to regularly assess your emotional well-being. If the relationship becomes a consistent source of stress or negatively impacts your mental health, it might be time to re-evaluate. Open conversations about feelings and mental well-being are essential. Both parties should feel supported and understood. Seeking external help, like counseling or therapy, can also provide tools and strategies to navigate the relationship healthily. "Boo Thang" in Different Cultures The concept of "Boo Thang" might seem predominantly Western, but variations of intimate, undefined relationships exist in many cultures. While the terminology and nuances might differ, the essence often remains similar: a relationship that's more than friendship but not quite a committed partnership. In some cultures, such relationships arise from societal restrictions on dating or pre-marital relationships. Here, couples might engage in "Boo Thang"-like dynamics to navigate societal expectations while fulfilling emotional needs. However, in other societies, these relationships might stem from modernization and evolving ideas about love and commitment. The global influence of media, pop culture, and increasing intercultural interactions play a role in shaping such dynamics. Yet, it's essential to approach the concept with cultural sensitivity. What might be acceptable or commonplace in one culture could be taboo or frowned upon in another. Always understand the broader cultural context before making assumptions or judgments. One fascinating observation is how local languages and dialects incorporate slang or terms for such relationships, reflecting societal shifts and evolving norms. Personal Reflections: How to Assess if a "Boo Thang" is Right for You Embarking on a "Boo Thang" relationship is a personal decision and should be based on self-reflection and understanding. But how do you determine if it's the right fit for you? Start by evaluating what you want from a relationship. If you're seeking a deep emotional connection without the pressures of a label, a "Boo Thang" might be suitable. Conversely, if you desire a clear commitment and future planning, this dynamic might lead to dissatisfaction. Consider your emotional well-being. Can you handle the ambiguity without it taking a toll on your mental health? It's essential to be honest with yourself about your emotional bandwidth. Lastly, reflect on past relationships. Patterns from previous relationships can offer insights into your needs, wants, and potential red flags. Always remember, there's no one-size-fits-all in relationships. What works for one might not work for another. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being. Success Stories: "Boo Thangs" That Led to More While "Boo Thang" relationships often reside in the realm of ambiguity, numerous anecdotes highlight couples who started as "Boo Thangs" and eventually transitioned into committed partnerships. These stories serve as a testament to the fact that every relationship is unique and can evolve in unexpected ways. For instance, Mia and Alex began as "Boo Thangs" during their college years, cherishing their bond without the pressure of labels. Over time, as they navigated life's challenges together, they realized they envisaged a shared future. Today, they're happily married and credit their "Boo Thang" phase for laying a strong foundation. Such tales underscore the importance of open-mindedness in relationships. Instead of adhering strictly to societal constructs, allowing relationships to evolve organically can lead to beautiful outcomes. The Future of "Boo Thang" Relationships As society evolves and the traditional definitions of relationships are challenged, it's intriguing to ponder the future of "Boo Thang" dynamics. With the younger generation increasingly valuing individuality and shirking traditional labels, it's plausible that such relationships might become even more commonplace. Furthermore, with the advent of digital communication, long-distance "Boo Thangs" might emerge as a trend. As global citizens interact and bond across borders, traditional relationship constructs might be further challenged. However, like any relationship form, it's essential for individuals to navigate it with understanding, respect, and a commitment to mutual well-being. Transitioning Out of a "Boo Thang" Relationship "Boo Thang" relationships, given their undefined nature, may eventually hit a crossroad where either party or both might consider transitioning out. The reasons can vary from seeking a committed relationship, personal growth, or simply outgrowing the dynamic. Open communication remains crucial during this phase. It's essential to express feelings and intentions clearly to ensure that both parties are on the same page and can transition smoothly without harboring resentments. It's also vital to respect each other's decisions. If one person wishes to transition out, while the other might want more commitment, it's important to approach the situation with understanding and empathy. Some choose to remain friends post the "Boo Thang" phase, while others might need time apart to heal or move on. Remember, there's no right or wrong way; it's about what feels right for both involved. Lastly, ensure that you take time for self-reflection and self-care. Transitioning out of any relationship can be emotionally taxing, and it's essential to prioritize your well-being. Communication Techniques for "Boo Thang" Partners Effective communication remains the cornerstone of a successful "Boo Thang" relationship. But how can partners ensure clarity without dampening the fun and spontaneity? Firstly, regular check-ins can be beneficial. Setting aside time to discuss feelings, expectations, and any concerns ensures that both parties remain aligned. It also helps preempt any potential misunderstandings. Active listening is another crucial technique. It's not just about expressing oneself but genuinely hearing and understanding the other person's perspective. Additionally, being open about boundaries, both emotional and physical, can go a long way in ensuring mutual respect and understanding in the relationship.
  2. In the realm of modern relationships, friends with benefits (FWB) arrangements have gained popularity as an alternative to traditional dating. These unique connections blur the lines between friendship and romance, offering individuals the opportunity for physical intimacy without the commitment of a formal partnership. However, understanding the intricacies of FWB dynamics can often be challenging, leaving many perplexed and seeking guidance. In this article, we will delve into the enigma of friends with benefits, providing you with 7 proven strategies to crack the code and create successful casual relationships. 1. Establish Clear Boundaries One crucial aspect of a successful FWB arrangement is establishing clear boundaries from the start. Communication is key in defining the nature of the relationship, setting expectations, and ensuring both parties are on the same page. Discuss topics such as exclusivity, emotional involvement, and potential changes in circumstances. By openly addressing these aspects, you can avoid misunderstandings and prevent potential heartaches down the line. 2. Honesty and Transparency The foundation of any healthy relationship, including FWB arrangements, lies in honesty and transparency. Both individuals should feel comfortable expressing their desires, needs, and limitations. It's important to communicate openly about emotional availability and any changes in feelings that may arise. Trust and respect are vital components, ensuring that both partners are aware of each other's boundaries and intentions. 3. Regular Communication Contrary to popular belief, friends with benefits should maintain open lines of communication beyond the confines of the bedroom. Regular check-ins allow for emotional connection and provide an opportunity to gauge the evolving nature of the relationship. Whether through text messages, phone calls, or casual outings, ongoing communication fosters a sense of camaraderie and reinforces the friendship aspect of the arrangement. 4. Mutual Respect and Consideration Respect and consideration are fundamental in any relationship, and FWB arrangements are no exception. Treat your partner with kindness and respect their boundaries. Show appreciation for their time, efforts, and the connection you share. Being considerate of their feelings and needs will help maintain a healthy and enjoyable dynamic. 5. Manage Expectations To crack the FWB code, it's crucial to manage your expectations. Understand that this type of relationship is not designed to fulfill all your romantic needs. It's essential to recognize the limitations and enjoy the benefits it provides without pressuring it to conform to traditional dating norms. Avoid getting overly attached and be prepared for the possibility that the arrangement may evolve or come to an end. 6. Practice Self-Awareness Knowing yourself and your emotional boundaries is essential in navigating FWB relationships. Regularly check in with your own feelings and be honest about any changes you experience. If the arrangement no longer aligns with your needs or starts to cause emotional distress, it's crucial to reassess and communicate your concerns with your partner. 7. Ending on Good Terms As with any relationship, friends with benefits connections may come to an end. It's important to handle the conclusion with grace and respect. Be open and honest about your intentions, ensuring that both parties are Aware of the decision and can process their emotions. Ending on good terms allows for potential future friendships and prevents unnecessary hurt. Cracking the code of friends with benefits arrangements requires a combination of communication, honesty, and self-awareness. By establishing clear boundaries, fostering open communication, and practicing mutual respect, you can navigate these relationships with confidence. Remember to manage your expectations, regularly assess your own emotional well-being, and end things on good terms when necessary. With these strategies in mind, you'll be well-equipped to unlock the secrets of successful FWB connections while prioritizing your own happiness and fulfillment.
  3. Hello all, I am new here so sorry if this is too long or if I mess up on something. I’m hoping I can get what I’m saying across lol. So I have been in a casual relationship with a man for just over a year, about 13 months. I met him initially 6 years ago when I was 19 and I was instantly attracted to him but he was my boss so I didn’t say or do anything the entire time I worked for him. The day he quit that company, he confessed that he liked me and he took me out for dinner that night and we slept together. On his end, it seemed like I was just a one, maybe two time thing, and I honestly didn’t care because I liked him so much, it was worth it… but we ended up continuing our causal relationship for the next year and half. Although it was causal, and mostly sexual, he eventually referred to me as his girlfriend and he always made me feel special and important, which is why I stayed with him for so long. But since it wasn’t going anywhere, I eventually got a real serious boyfriend and he completely respected that and we went out separate ways, but ended on good terms. This was in 2016-2018. So fast forward to Summer of 2020 and we’ve reconnected (my bf and I split). Initially it’s friendly on my end but he quickly regains attraction to me and eventually I do as well. We hit some road bumps at first because he wanted to jump into sex and I felt I needed to get to know him again (he’s the only casual relationship I’ve ever had). Because of this we ended up not talking for 2 months but in February 2021 we finally had sex again for the first time since we split years ago. And again, this seems mostly sexual for him which I wasn’t necessarily into but I was ok with us being casual again, but he’s the ONLY casual relationship I’ve ever had and despite it being casual, I’ve always had feelings for him. I’ve always known that but I never expressed it too much to him and I always kept in my mind that it would only go so far, so I accepted that and handled it well.. but since I had gone though this with him before, I figured although it’s casual, it would hopefully be like it was before. Like he would make me feel special and important and cared for like he did before. But since we’ve gotten back together, it just doesn’t have the same feeling anymore. Our relationship has evolved since we first had sex again.. like we talk more, we express more to each other than before, I feel like we both can trust each other but I just don’t feel special. Before, he would call me his girlfriend. He never calls me his girlfriend now. Before, he would kiss me hello or goodbye or both. But we haven’t kissed ONCE since getting back together. We lay together, we cuddle/snuggle, we have the most wild sex… We do all these other intimate things yet it’s lacking intimacy. Because of the lack of intimacy, I feel like I can’t be completely comfortable with him physically because I’m not comfortable with him emotionally. A lot of times I feel like just a friend or just an employee.. We’ve talked about this a bit before. I told him once that I don’t believe in “friends with benefits” relationships because To me if your having sex with a friend, they most likely aren’t just a “friend”. And There was a time where he would always refer to me as “friend” and it really bothered me. I didn’t tell him how I was feeling but one day he was a bit worried about my “friends with benefits” comment and he asked me how I saw him and I told him I saw him as more than a friend but that I had limited expectations of him (meaning, I’m not expecting him to marry me, have a baby with me, etc). He was relieved to know I was getting all crazy obsessed on him… and When I asked him the same question, “How do you see me?” he agreed he saw me as more than a friend as well. This made me feel better and I took this as a good sign but that was back in October or November. It’s now March and I still haven’t gotten that feeling from him that I got before.. and he STILL hasn’t kissed me. I don’t know why I’m so intimidated to talk to him about this.. I guess im worried about behind vulnerable and making him aware I have some deeper feelings towards him. I think im worried he doesn’t feel the same way, or that I’ll scared him off. If he doesn’t feel the same way as me, I couldn’t continue this with him. As much as I like him, I just can’t have sex with someone that doesn’t feel for me what I feel towards them. It’s a deal breaker… part of why I’ve been scared and hoping he’ll just do all this on his own like he did before. And it’s unattractive to me that he doesnt kiss me at all. I don’t want to come off desperate but not sure if I should say something or just let it go.
  4. Hi people, thanks for your time again, need to vent. I've posted my situation before, but after a walk in the cold night air I think I've thought more clearly and have something useful to go off to describe it. BTW I feel like I've burdened my real world friends enough thus is why I'm here, I hope I'm not looking like a whining type here, sorry if I am! Timeline in history: 1983=>2002 never had a girlfriend, Oct 02 Meet gorlfriend Dec 02 First night together March 03 Basically living together (kinda sorta) July 03 I go on trip to UK to see family July 03 Girlfriend gets lonely and almost gets with teammate of mine. July 03 I arrive back and hear her story: "I was afraid I was never going to see you again, because I know how much you want to relocate to England eventually. I was so lonely and cried almost every night. Then he came over and we ended up on my bed him on top, then I told him to go home." It took a long time to come to terms with it and finally saw reason to forgive her - nothing really happened, and it was an emotionally confusing time. Though I saw a more evil streak in the teammate that 'comforted her'. Sept 03 She's 'not happy with things', and talks about breaking up: I'm not sure if I was being a solid minded fighter or just a pathetic hanger-on, but I convinced her that there was more left in us, and that it was just a hard time. I felt like she was getting desensitised to all the good times, and was being negative and focussing on the bad points. Oct 03 Have 'remedial weekend away'. Loved it, had a slight feel of being 'necessary', but was mostly really cool and so nice and peaceful... Mmmm good memories. Oct 03 We both move our respective houses through necessity. Unfortunately we are now an hour apart on the crappy transport system. Christmas Eve 03 She's taken off on an unexpected trip to see her parents, I sense something's not right. I get in contact on MSN and quickly it becomes obvious that she's broken it off from a distance. Since: She's taken a fancying to her flatmate and, quite honestly of her, told me of all the nightly bedroom activities she's been carrying out. I've been an erratic mess that is constantly feeling like everything's my fault yet I don't know how. I feel like crap, get depressed, occasionally consider killing myself because I can't see anything good about myself worth carrying on into a long life. Notes on relationship: After July things are tough but it seems just like a hurdle on the way to a solid relationship, same with the breakup discussion, seemed like a 'what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger' sort of thing. In hindsight I think I might've seemed desperate after that. Up until July, everything's perfect, literally, most beautifully magical thing you can imagine. After it she feels very gulty and like she's oweing a great debt. I make it clear to her that I've accepted it and am happy to move on. After July too, she meets a friend of mine, they quickly become best friends. He only has female friends really and is a kind of effeminate guy. Though my general social shortcomings (I've posted to death about that, and I'm probably still not finished) do me no good here, and it feel like she's losing respect for me. When me and her were one on one, it was fine, no issues, but as soon as others came into the picture she'd take everyone else's side and treat me like crap. Example: I often used to drive to pick her up from work, and that'd be fine. But one day her new best friend - my old mate was in the passenger seat coming for a ride. When I pulled up, she looked in, got a really furious look on her face, thought for a second, and sent me to the back seat so she could drive instead. In hisdsight I should have been disgusted but I accepted it because it wasn't who she always was and the balance of good/bad was good. Though she started talking about me with all her friends and writing me off about everything. Eventually though I feel she lost all respect for me and decided to call it quits, then no sooner go and get 'friends with benefits' with her flatmate (10 years older, she's ~20). I feel ripped off because I gave everything I had, although that possibly doesn't amount to much, and she took the initiative to keep her complaints to her friends and not me, until she decided to give up and throw it away THEN tell me all her complaints. To me it feels like for the last 6 months of us she was just stringing me along until she felt like she had something better available. Meanwhile my self respect took a beating to keep things alive. I know in myself that it's a one in a thousand blue moons I get the opportunity to share my life with a pretty, clever, indepentent person, and I feel like a dose of death now because I let my fear of loneliness walk me along the line of being a complete toy. And I know now that I'm going to spend many more years alone before anything special comes my way again, and that I'm going to have to 'sit in the corner' of my mind as a sort of punishment. I find it depressing to think that I can't have my self respect and a close partner simultaneously. It's depressing to think that I'm so not worth having that I'll get so few opportunities to find someone meaningful to me that I have so sell my dignity to make it so. It's just generally depressing to think that the very person who knew me better than anyone else is the very person who's now happy to put a million miles space between me and her. It's like 'well, so that's what happens when people get close to me, they're repulsed', 'I spose the very core of my being is so undesirable that I thould keep it hidden well away and put on a facade, if I ever want to have companionship'. It's depressing to think that I'm that person that noone will ever want to spend time with. And more depressing is after I read that back it reinforces in my mind how pathetic I must be. I don't want to be like that but it seems like my curse and I don't know what I'm to do about it. Every time I try to be positive, and be who I want to be, it always comes crashing down and I feel like crap and want to isolate myself from the world all over again, and get more pessimistic about my chances of living a normal life. Arrgh, give me a reason to live other than 'because my family will feel bad', because that's a really bad reason to feel like living a crap life, 'just so other's don't have to feel bad'. Life sucks, TEJC I hope that post is repayment for the half arsed one I put up last night
  5. Alright, so I talked to my ex-boyfriend last night and it went surprisingly well. ' It was actually a lot of fun talking about old memories and poking fun of eachother's little quirks. We've challenged eachother to a one-on-one hockey game and flirted shamelessly. Honestly, no romantic feelings had rushed back to me. It's as if I've blocked those feelings completely from my mind and heart. He didn't have romantic feelings for me either, but had stated that he just hasn't been able to get attracted to anyone other than me. Which is fine. I guess in a sense neither have I. I don't want to get into a serious relationship until I graduate from college (I have a lot of moving around left to do), so this is actually a fairly ideal situation. He doesn't want a relationship with anyone, either. But I don't know... He wants to take me into the city for a day during the Thanksgiving weekend. He wants to take me to the aquarium. I know he's going to want to get sexually involved. He dropped those hints all throughout the conversation. Actually, he was pretty blunt about it. As ideal as this situation may be to us while neither of us want a relationship, I don't know if it's the right thing to do. Basically what's going on here is we're going to be acting as girlfriend/boyfriend, without any such committment to one another. I have a fairly high sex drive and never satisfy it myself (I just can't get into having sex with myself), so in that sense it would do me some good. This is much like friends with benefits territory, which I have done once before, but never with an ex. That was when I actually wanted a relationship, though, so things panned out a little differently. My romantic feelings didn't come back to me after/during talking to my ex, but I'm not too sure about what would happen if we started hooking back up. So, I don't know. It's always good to get a second opinion--especially when I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. Anything would be appreciated.
  6. Recently broke up with a girl who I'd been seeing for about a month. We called it off because I was looking for something more serious and she's not at that place right now. So I'm thinking, this should be pretty easy but I don't want to up the friendship. We're still on really good terms. Is this something I should even ask about beforehand? Should I just be honest and say exactly what I think without dancing around it? Is there some other way of putting it that doesn't sound so... blahy? Or should I just avoid talking about it until after the next time we hang out and I have a chance to make a move? Thanks folks
  7. Okay, for those of you who may have remembered my situation...Here is an update: My FWB and I got into an argument on Feb 3rd, and had NO CONTACT until the 19th. We got into an argument because one night while he was out with his friends and I was out with mine we had gone to the same bar and he had noticed a male trying to "talk" to me. Me and the other guy walked out at the same time but I swear it was coincidental. I would never mess around with someone else, my FWB means too much to me. (we have a unwritten contract stating that we cant have intercourse with ANYONE else). Anyways- Okay well while we were arguing the 3rd we said some pretty upsetting things to one another and cut off all ties. Well on Monday the 19th me, him and his 3 year old son went to lunch. His son said that he missed me and gave me a picture he drew for me...HOW SWEET! So we went to lunch and I was laughing and smiling I missed them. Then as our food arrived he said " I see you got your nails done, and your hair cut and colored...you look real good, who you trying to impress?" I said "nobody"...and he said you look really good and very happy I was going to say we should work things out and get back together...and I said oh yeah? And he said yeah, but I dont wanna ruin your happiness...I would LOVE to be with him. I love him- it is no secret...but I didn't tell him that. He has been joking around alot telling me that he loves me. Do you think he could mean it? Or do you think he is just tryin to cut the tension??
  8. Hi All, Well this is my very first post. I've been dating my neighbor for 15 months. He's 25 and I'm 45. (I look a lot younger than my age and I'm in great shape.) At first it was just FWB but like a dummy I ended up falling in love with him. Well in January he tells me he's met someone new and she's married! After he left I started the whole breakup, mourning thing. I started working on NC right then. 3 weeks later he comes back over and expects to continue seeing me! Told him no way. A few days later I saw the new chick - she's fat and ugly! Sorry to be so crude but there it is. It hurt so much to see him with her. I went a little crazy and yelled some nasty things at them. I tried talking to him last Sunday and he was SO ANGRY with me! I have no idea where that came from - we were always loving towards each other - never an angry word between us. So I started NC again. This morning while getting ready for work I saw them together. He must have taken the day off because he usually leaves much earlier. All the pain is back again! How do I handle this when he lives so close to me? I feel rejected all over again...I'm moving but not for another 50 days and counting! Why do guys take up with married women anyway?
  9. Hello. My Situation I'm right now in a relationship for 2 months. I know it's not that much. I mean we're both 18 years old. Anyway, we used to be friends and then we started liking each other and we decided to go out to see how it'll go. At first we both thought it would be like a Friends With Benefits relationship, but no, we started to like each other more and more every time and now we can call this a serious and official relationship. I'm the kind of girl of mind over heart. I don't like falling in love and getting hurt, and I'm not dumb and stupid in relationships meaning that I do not let a guy do whatever he wants with me. My dignity comes first than anything. I think I've never fall in love because I've never let it happen. Every time I feel I'm liking someone very much, I usually block myself and try not to feel anything more for the person. And this is what happening to me right now with the guy I'm dating. I'm scared, I guess. He's just like me in a guy version, me being much more in defense on falling in love. He usually tells me he's just letting things happen by its own and that he won't block himself and he wants me to do the same. But it's hard for me. Even more if he disappoints me and hurts me. His intentions are not hurting me or disappoint me, I think. He's really honest and he won't lie to me to make me feel better, and I like that, but I guess truth hurts sometimes. The Prob I've never found any problems against those who smoke weed or do drugs. I'm very open-minded about that, until now. I knew my boyfriend smokes weed and does drugs before I went out with him, and I didn't care at all. It's his life and I like him how he is and I'm no one to try to change him. But it's affecting me. He's smoking too much now and I found it not acceptable anymore. In fact, it disappoints me so much, HE disappoints me so much. It's a big let down for me now. And I'm trying so hard to accept him how he is, and accept his habits of smoking weed because I like him, and I want to be comfortable with everything he does, but it's so hard and it hurts, it hurts so much knowing he won't ever change for me, not that I would ever ask him to change for me because I don't want him to change, I mean, I would love for him to stop smoking but I know he won't and I won't ask him to stop. I don't want him to change for me, He won't change for me. He already told me he won't change for me and it hurts. VENTING It hurts because I'm not enough for him to change? I've told him few times this, about the disappointment and how it affects me, and you know? he tells me that if I don't like him for who he is, then I shouldn't be with him and this hurts me because I'm trying so hard to accept him how he is even though it affects me sooo much, and he tells me this and it hurts, IT HURTS SO MUCH. Am I not enough for him? Doesn't he care about my feelings? about how much harm he's making me? About how much he hurts and disappoints me? It hurts! How can I let myself fall in love with him without being scared, if he doesn't even think of me. I'm not saying he has to stop smoking (I wish, though) because I know he won't, but maybe he could talk to me and tell me he'll try his best to lower down or anything, but instead he tells me that if he slows down he won't do it for me, that he'll do it for him. Maybe he's right, but doesn't he think of me and how I feel? If he does it for him, he's doing it for me, too, but that isn't his intention. Doesn't he care about me? I'm so sad lately, and hurt, and disappointed, and I know I'm the kind of mind over heart strong girl with invisible barriers to protect myself from getting hurt, but I like this guy, I like him so much and even though it hurts I don't want to leave him, but there's always a limit. And sometimes I think I'm too much for him, and why should I be with someone who depends on smoking weed? That cares more about his weed than about his girlfriend's feelings? Bout how his actions hurt me? How his words make my heart break into 1000 pieces just when he says "I won't change for you, so if you don't like me then leave me." Someone who cared about someone wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that to him, because I wouldn't want him to leave me. If you say that it's because you really don't care about being or not being with the other person, because maybe I could've answer him "I don't want to be with you and I want to leave you" and he wouldn't mind. I shouldn't be with him, but I am, because I care about him this much and knowing he doesn't care about me as I do, hurts me. It breaks my heart.
  10. Hey All, they say 'it gets better in time'. It's been well over six months now, and I can still drop and cry at the flick of a switch. I miss her so much, it's eating me inside. I cry almost everyday... To make it worse, the end of our relationship was all my fault. We were a 'friends with benefits' relationship for over a year and a half. However, we were each others confidants, best friends, and lovers. Soul-mates for a time, if you will. We have so many things in common, it's uncanny. But life is about choices. When she demanded 'more' last summer (becasue she was being courted feverishly by a new guy) I balked/hesitated...I guess I thought I could continue this immature behavior a bit longer. For a week straight, she begged, pleased, cried for me to be exclusive with her, and I foolishly/nervously denied her. While she was being courted, by her now live-in bf, she would tell me about her 'sex' with him...as if I was just a guy-friend...for some reason I let her tell me these things...I knew when she pulled an all-nighter with him...and dammit it's eating me ALIVE even today. I loved her but never told her until it was too late. Because he was first, she suddenly chose to date the new guy. She tried to make small-talk with me at first, as if nothing had changed, and could remain friends. But I was crushed (I knew I'd made a life mistake) and commenced NC. Apparently a month later (October), he dumped her because she was so sad, and missed me so much. She told him that it felt like she was cheating on me. She told him that she'd slept with me while he was courting her...but he forgave and took her back...and I know she'll never leave him. Now that the dust has settled, I can see more clearly my error in judgment. I'm mad at myself, which is worse than being mad at someone else...I screwed up and am having a terrible time forgiving myself for: 1. letting her go 2. not making an honorable woman out of her She is such an awesome person and has such a kind caring soul...and I took her for granted. All she needed was a chance, and I'm guilt-written. She wants more than anything to be my friend again though the bf forbids her from talking to me. Deep down I'm HAPPY for her, and I know that her bf is an awesome guy. In many ways, as it turns out, he's even better than me (for her)...so my pride is shot to hell. But I cannot be her friend. She moved in with him and is very happy...and I feel so petty and jealous. And I feel like no one will ever again understand me like she did. The word 'idiot' keeps bouncing in my head..over and over. I will move on in time, but not just yet I guess. Thanks, I needed to get this sap story off my chest... G
  11. This girl that i have been crushing on for 2yrs + broke my heart! We went through so much, found each other after our own relationships fell apart, progressed as much as we could and than finally we made it official... 4 days in and she gives me the i have to be honest with you i feel like i rushed into this, i have been nervous and didnt know how to break it to you, i think i need time to be by myself, im not mentally ready to be serious with anyone... WoW!! Im so hurt, and to add insult to injury she led me to believe the entire 4 months leading up to the 4 days that we could make this work, she loved me so she said all the time and wanted to marry me blah blah blah....what happened here i don't get it... Did i mention the ex wrote her some emails recently that he wanted to talk to her, get some things out...did i also mention she became depressed after her breakup with him, with friends and school etc....is she that dumb to ruin a great thing to get sucked back in by the ex and his emails? He played her royally and i never let her down ....now she is doing what he did to her to me...what do I do? Wait it out? Never look back? NC for sometime? Did i also mention she wants nothing to change, go back to friends with benefits basically but without the title to see what happens from here...wow again am i missing something or is this really F-D up.... I just cant get this empty feeling to go away...im utterly shocked at this and dont know how to handle it.... Update 1 we talked and we talked some more and what i realized is that she has just turned off like a light bulb with me, now not even thinking being intimate without the relationship is a thing anymore, which makes me feel even worse...it was the intial attraction, the wow factor of how we clicked, how we jumped into something and now the reaction afterwards, well she doesnt know if it was lust she doesnt know if she really loved me, she admitted to holding back for the sake of fear from the past of getting hurt or being the one who hurt me, she wanted to do the right thing.... She made it very clear that the future will hold all the answers that she needed time to find herself again (if anyone is counting this would be the 2nd time)...but this is what happens and than she comes and finds me and round and round we go...do i just let it end for good here? How do i act when i see her? Its very hard for me and yet for her right now its not a thing anymore like it once was, how can females be so cold? If i did this to her it would be the end of the world, why doesnt she see it like that with me.... Im slowly coming to terms with all this and realizing that she has some soul searching to do, she also has alot of committment issues which stem back to her childhood i am sure and her not having parents to mold her .... Why is it so hard for me to let go? Yes she was beautiful and the girl made me laugh but she also broke my heart twice now, ....I need enotalone support now more than ever!! Update 2 Talked to her friend, not close friend but close enough, she thinks she used me as rebound for her ex without realizing it, and now that she realizes it might have turned her off from all the great things we experienced, whateverr that means... As well as hearing that i actually saw the girl in the parking lot and guess what not even a budge to look at me or say anything, wow so cold.... Its so F-D up to think after everything she said to me through the months we had together means nothing now.... Did I mention im getting emails asking why I never said hello to her that day? Does this make sense to anyone? You dont want to be with me, walk away from pretty much everything we had but you get annoyed when i see you and dont say hello? and make it a point to write me and tell me this in an email....
  12. This girl that i have been crushing on for 2yrs + broke my heart! We went through so much, found each other after our own relationships fell apart, progressed as much as we could and than finally we made it official... 4 days in and she gives me the i have to be honest with you i feel like i rushed into this, i have been nervous and didnt know how to break it to you, i think i need time to be by myself, im not mentally ready to be serious with anyone... WoW!! Im so hurt, and to add insult to injury she led me to believe the entire 4 months leading up to the 4 days that we could make this work, she loved me so she said all the time and wanted to marry me blah blah blah....what happened here i don't get it... Did i mention the ex wrote her some emails recently that he wanted to talk to her, get some things out...did i also mention she became depressed after her breakup with him, with friends and school etc....is she that dumb to ruin a great thing to get sucked back in by the ex and his emails? He played her royally and i never let her down ....now she is doing what he did to her to me...what do I do? Wait it out? Never look back? NC for sometime? DId i also mention she wants nothing to change, go back to friends with benefits basically but without the title to see what happens from here...wow again am i missing something or is this really F-D up.... I just cant get this empty feeling to go away...im utterly shocked at this and dont know how to handle it....
  13. I know that quite a few of you guys have been trying to help me and I needed to come clean about sending an email to my ex. I would have chickened out over the phone. I was mad, because I was always scared to just say how I felt used. Blender, I know you are going to be angry that I did not take the advice to not feel the need to prove anything to her and that the best thing I could do was to grow. I am going to grow. I just finally wanted to be bold enough to say what I felt. I will be better... Here is what I sent Hello, Sorry for sending you this at work, but I know you don't read your home email. I woke up angry this morning and thought that if I didn't send this, I would chicken out and dammit, I need to say this. You know I was thinking that you needed someone to move in with your family when your brother moved out and there I was. You ended up at my condo to be friends with benefits and basically lived there. You ended up at my town-home, basically moved in and I ended up living with you and your sister, which was fine because as hard as it is for you to believe, I actually cared about you two, but you never even offered to pay rent. I had to ask for it after I offered you the second room. So, finally you decide to get your own place, because you guys want your own place and you end up gravitating to my apartment, basically because all of the crud that was going on at your place. So, we store a bunch of stuff at my place, you basically live there and again you offer no help at all. You need help with your business and I gave you plenty of help to even include letting you know that I would answer phones or help you find a place to start your business in. So you decide you will buy a condo for your family, but for some reason, you don't want me to help or know anything about it. Your family backs out and you decide to do it anyway. I move in with you, because I don't want you to go under and leave my apartment. So you immediately tell me that I need to pay more than your sister, because I made more money than here. That makes no sense. A roommate is a roommate. Just another way I should have know I did not mean squat. Then, I start working the other job and am making the same amount that she does and am I paying less? No, I am not. So, I am worried about you going under and realize that you need help so I get someone involved to give you a loan on your property who then decides to buy it. So, they buy it and you walk away with enough money to pay everyone back. You got the loan to pay people off to begin with and then got to sell the place and walk away with enough to no longer need me. During this last year, you are living in the apartment that we had to get together and living with all of my stuff, while I am living with K-Mart furniture, sleeping on an air mattress and eating with plastic silverware for Pete's sake, all so you could have everything you needed. I grant you that I thought I would be coming home, but a part of me knew it was over. So I am now by myself, struggling, while you live in THAT apartment with your boyfriend and I didn't have the guts to say anything about it. I would say all this on the phone, only I know I would chicken out. All of this that I went through and even though I handled it poorly, with no heart and treated you bad, more than once, I had a huge weight on my shoulder in dealing with your family, whom you know did not like me (even when I tried to be nice) and with all the bills and everything else. Not once did you try to help or hug me or take my hand and tell me everything would be ok. Not once did you say, ya know, here...this might help. ...and not once, did you truly give me your heart. Sure, you call me on Valentine's Day. Of all days, when you know my heart is just smashed and that is when you call. That evening I was walking around and thinking of all the couples that were together and then you call, when you have a boyfriend. You will say that it was to be nice and you are still my friend; but that day? None of that matters now though, does it? I did all I could for you and never asked that you do anything in return, other than give me your true love and ask you to marry me once. I did and I did and did not ask for thanks. It wasn't like I was going to get it anyway. Oh, and by the way, you're welcome.
  14. So…Here’s the deal. I have been best friends with Amy (I’ll call her) for the last 6 year. We met at a pet store we were both working for. About 3 years ago, Amy was casually dating/sleeping with my current Boyfriend for about 4 months. My boyfriend ended up breaking up with her for some reason, and she soon started dating his best friend, and has been dating him up until a month ago. My boyfriend and her ended up being “friends with benefits” at one point in between when her and her now again ex boyfriend were broken up. Amy was still friends with my boyfriend and actually set him up with me about a year ago. She was fine with me and him until more recently, when her boyfriend dumped her. Ever since she has been broken up with her boyfriend, she seems to be trying to “sabotage” our relationship. She is my absolute BEST friend and I love her to pieces… but its just that when me and my boyfriend are having a small fight or anything and I go to her for advice, she just tells me to dump him… or tells me that he is probably cheating on me… its always negative… I am under the belief that she wants to sleep with him. It’s a long story, but their history was mostly just sex… and my boyfriend gets the feeling that’s what it is to. I feel bad for her because she just went through a really hard break up. Her boyfriend had cheated on HER while she was pregnant with THEIR child at least 3 times he admitted to. I don’t want to lose Amy as a friend. I understand that she is going through a tough time, but at the same time, I don’t want to ever second guess my boyfriends intentions with me because of what she says. I don’t have a lot of other girlfriends and I miss talking to her about stuff like this. Any ideas of what I can do?
  15. Oh be serious everybody! I keep reading these adventurous stories, and after so long I just have to stop and ask how much of the goings-on that I read about are really happening, and how much is really just fantasizing, urban legends, and wishful thinking. I mean, I've read stories about people who meet at parties and and jump in bed together the same night. Threesomes and moresomes. Friends with benefits, who pop over and visit each other just for sex. Teen-aged guys being seduced by sexually aggressive twentysomething, thirtysomething, or fortysomething women. People meeting from dating sites and sleeping together after just one or two meetings. And apparently practically everybody everywhere doing oral sex. It may sound like a silly question to all of you worldly, experienced, globe-trotting sophisticates out there, but this is coming from a frustrated guy who's never had a girlfriend in his forties. Really... on the level... this is an anonymous forum, after all... are people actually doing all these things?
  16. I have been involved in a FRIENDS WITH BENEFIT situation that started just as friends in June 06 and turned into Fw/B in October 06. Well anyways we had a falling out about me hanging out with other guys and so he dicided that he would get back at me by infact hanging out with another female on this past Friday. I was FURIOUS but I didnt let him know that. He told me about the date on Tuesday and Wednesday we did NOT contact one another at all, and on Thursday again NO CONTACT until ofcourse 3 am after he had been at the bar with his friends. He send me a text message ,lyrics from a song, talking about wanting to "work things out". He told me her heard the song and thought about me. Sweet??? Well he called me Friday when I got off of work (3:30 pm) and now I am usually one to answer it or call him back ASAP. But this time I didnt, I purposely called him back at 5 pm trying to be nosy about his "date" had he left yet if he was getting ready. And I told him that I wanted to drop off his sons sleeping bag and asked if I could do so on my way out. He said sure and that he would be home all evening with the kids...AHA! He said that he wasnt going to be going on the date and that he would be home all night and to stop by at my convience...That was the last time we talked . HIS CELLPHONE is disconnected. I miss him soooo much. What should I do?
  17. Hi, Relationship Commitment seemed like the only place to post concerning my situation... since there is no commitment... there's no breaking up, getting back together, etc. Long story short (I'll try to make it short). Met this man just over 3 years ago at a staff function. We went home together... had an amazing time... didn't leave my bedroom for the following 10 hrs or so... enough said. I hadn't (still haven't) met anyone quite like him. I can honestly say that I fell in love with him the very moment I saw him. He had me even before he said hello..........I wish I hadn't gone to that staff party. The 10 hour amazing session lasted another 3 years. And 3 years of a fwb relationship can really f*#k a girl up. Can get a little confusing at times. Casual sex is called casual sex for a reason. But 1, 2, 3 times a week for three yrs is not casual... and not healthy. Shortly after we first met, he became one of the most important people in my life. He is the only person who has seen the real me... no matter how ugly it is. I've never felt so safe with someone, ever in my life. We became great friends. We've seen the most intimate sides of each other... no matter how ugly, hairy, or w/ the bathroom door open... and have had the most amazing mind blowing moments that make you want light a smoke after. We never dated. Never became g/b. Always spent time together at each of our homes. He never made the effort to take me anywhere, impress me or meet any of his friends. I kept telling myself that it was because he was 5 yrs youger than me, and he would come to his senses. Then I came my 30th birthday. After countless discussions about why he didn't/couldn't be my boyfriend, and ending it for the 3rd or 4th time, I'd had enough. I met someone else and put an end to it. Although I couldn't see it at the time, the new guy was BAD news. I wanted a commited realtionship so badly. The new guy moved in w/ me after 3 weeks. 1 month later I discovered his crack addiction and I was preganant... AWESOME! And who was there for me? Guess who. Who kept calling, checking in on me and listened to me cry? Who moved me out of the apt? Guess who. It's funny, after he moved me out of the pit of hell, he asked a question. "Did you want to be with him? Or just any guy who would be your boyfriend?" My answer, any guy. WHY WOULDN'T YOU BE THAT GUY? I asked him to leave me alone for a while (december), and saw him twice this january. The second time he f$%ked me and we haven't talked since. He hasn't called. I feel like a * * * * *. I feel pathetic. I thought he actually cared about me, and was there for a reason, and that things might be different. I have never felt so hurt in my life. I am trying so hard to forget about him and let this go. Try to be strong. I remind myself that he is not willing to be my partner, my boyfriend, my friend. Although I love him dearly, it is not reciprocated, and if it hasn't been after 3 years it probably will never be. SO MOVE ON. Help me move on please. He will call me in a the next few days (patterns), someone tell me not to pick up the phone. PLEASE. I can't live like this anymore.
  18. For the past 6 weeks this guy and I have been hanging out alot. We're always texting back and fourth and he's always coming over to wherever I am to hang out or to party or to just fall asleep. We've had a few sexual encounters but it's nothing serious. He knows I like him, I've told him. As far as him liking me, I'm sure he does but all he has said to me is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. I said OK, whatever. We can just be friends. But these sexual encounters took place after he stated that. And after these things happen he states that he didn't expect it to happen but he does enjoy it. So does he want a friends with benefits thing or is he still wading in the pool? I last saw him Tuseday morning and then I went to work, he was still asleep. Then Tuseday after work I went to bed from 4PM-8PM. When I woke up he had texted me about 5 times asking what I was up to and then if I was ignoring him and if something was wrong because I wasn't texting him back asap. I figured if he's so used to me being around him and then I don't see him for a few days maybe It'd trigger something in his head that he wants to be with me. I know he misses me, being around me and such, but I'm unsure of his exact feelings. And he wont kiss me because he feels that kissing is something you only do when you're in a relationship But sometimes when we're out he has a tendacy to wave his arms around. I'll get knocked by his elbow, very lightly, but I say OW and he'll kiss me on the cheek and comfort me. And today we were looking at fridges for his apartment and he says "We should buy this one" and I said "Excuse me, WE?" And he laughed. I'm very fond of him but I got other guys who want to be with me, not just around me. Am I fooling myself? Or should I just give it time?
  19. I have been friends with a guy who I met on eharmony over a year ago. We met, we liked eachother...I discovered I wasnt ready yet for a serious committment. We stayed friends, talk pretty regularly and have been there over this past year for eachothers dating trials and tribulations. At the end of the day we just get along really well and make eachother laugh. Over the course of the year he's tried to date me numerous times but ive either been dating someone, not ready to date, or just scared to lose such a great friendship. About 2 months ago we were both single (him more recently then myself) and I mentioned that maybe we hadnt given US a chance. He agreed but said that he is so busy right now he doesnt have time for a girlfriend (and hes still hurting from his ex). I said thats fine and we stayed friends. Now twice TWICE....in the past couple weeks he's brought up a friends with benefits type situation. I feel so disrespected...he loves me friends wise as i do him...he wont date me...but he wants to just bang me? How can that NOT extinguish the friendship? I just feel so mad that he'd want to ruin our friendship for sex but not even give US a chance a couple months ago.
  20. Okay so I posted a thread discussin my current "relationship situation". I have been um, involved with a FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS situation for about 8 months. Here is the thing our children are involved and to me it is a full on relationship minus the title. We go to dinner with one another he is associated with my friends and family as I am with his. We have spent major holidays together. There is nothing I wouldnt do for this man and nothing he wouldnt do for me. Whats the problem you ask? Well, we don't mess with anyone else sexually and have a very good relationship as far as communication. He has told me he cares about me, and trusts me. Great right? The downside? He has been cheated on before with his childrens mom and has since decided (it happened a year ago) that he wanted to take a break from a commited relationship . I too was in a bad relationship where the man was controlling so I ended that quick. So we decided on the whole friends w/benefits thing. But I think we both may see it as more. We both get jealous when other people try to approach one of us. I sometimes get a little too jealous and it results in ugly arguments. His way of dealing with his jealousy is he acts like he doesnt care and then makes lil slick comments about 'my boyfriend'. I can't lie I have tested his feelings by mentioning other guys in hopes that he would realize that I do have other options and maybe it would make him want to commit. The biggest issue right now is I had been out with some girlfriends for one of their birthdays this past saturday and ended up at the same bar him and his friends were at. His friends approached us ladies bought us a drink and then went back to what they were doing. I soon left the bar and just so happened to walk out the same time an old male friend did. This male friend also bought me a drink/shot while I was in the bar and my Fw/B seen this and it made him furious! He called me and called me we argued and he came over...spent the night. I would have gotten upset too, but instead of discussing the situation he decided to get back at me by going on a date tonight with some other girl. It is killing me the thought of him with someone else!? But I tried to get a back bone and act as though I don't care. I had NO CONTACT with him for a few days and he texted messaged me at 3 am saying that he wanted to "WORK IT OUT". My thing is my jealousy has pushed him away before and now KNOWING he is going to dinner with another female this evening is KILLING ME! And I know if I accept his offer to WORK IT OUT, chances are I will start an argument regarding this date... DUMP THE LOSER? OR TRY FOR ROUND 2?? GUYS POINT OF VIEW ON FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!?
  21. Okay so here is my situation, I met this guy, he was in a previous long term relationship with this woman whom he had 2 beautiful sons with. Well that relationship ended when his ex girlfriend cheated on him. And I was in a previous relationship with the father of my 2 children but that ended because he was controlling. Anyways I had run into a high schools friend older brother while I was out and we exchanged numbers and started talking. Late night phone converstaions turned into dinners, drinks and occasionally dinners with all 4 children. We also became intimate. We decided to be "FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS". We even had a 'contract', we wouldnt sleep with other people and once one of us did the benefits were terminated. We spent Holidays together (Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years). Recently while him and I were at dinner I had run into an old male friend and his girlfriend and congratulated them on their new baby. The old male friend called me 2 days later to invite me to dinner to catch up on old things. And we hung out- strictly as friends and I let my Fw/B know this. He acted like he didn't care. A male friend from work invited me out for Happy Hour, I accepted the offer after first consulting my Fw/B. He said "I don't care that is up to you". My Fw/B would throw it in my face saying things like "Oh are you going out with your boyfriend from work tonight", and I would get upset and say that it wasnt like that at all. Well last Saturday I had gone out with some of my girlfriends for one of their birthdays and he was out with some of his male friends. We ended up at the same bar and he had seen guys coming up and talking to me buying me drinks. He was upset we left shortly after and coincidentally as I was leaving so was one of the guys who bought me a drink. My Fw/B assumed we left together and called me all upset yelling at me. I had gone home, and about 45 minutes later my Fw/B came over and everything seemed fine. But he went through my phone and called numbers back that he didn't recognize. We ended up fighting about this. And he has since told me (on Tuesday) that he has a date tonight. So I expressed that I was upset and that I was hurt by this and his thing was "You do it so why cant I". I told him that I was not ever attracted to those guys I hung out with them strictly as friends and I even asked him about his feelings first. I tried to reason with him and let him know that I was sorry but that I hadn't done anything. He told me flat out that he was through with me and tired of everything. Where we are from isnt a big city so he textd me and said if I was out with my 'b/f' not to come to this specific bar because he was there. We didn't talk until 3 am this morning he text messaged me (after he was drinking) and copied lyrics of a song to me. "I said im really tryin to work this out cuz tired of fightin, I said im tryin to work this out damn girl im tryin...its no excuse..." (Ice Box-Omarion). So I texted him back and with a ? and he said Nevermind...and I said Oh did you send that to the wrong person? And he said No that was for you, I heard the song and thought of you...and we texted back and forth a few times joking around and things seemed ok. But I dont know if it was because he was under the influence or because he really meant he wants to work it out. I cant lie, I have let him know on numerous occasions that I care about him and his children...I would never do anything to jeopardize our situation. Am I the idiot for accepting our terms and conditions? Or do we both want the same thing but we are just afraid of the commitment? What should I do? Based on everything does he care bout me more than he is letting on?
  22. Here's my strange story/problem. I'm a junior in high school halfway towards becoming a senior. In my freshman year a kid, Mike, I barely knew went out with this girl named Sarah(a girl I've known since grade school. we've been in studies together a lot so we talk on a regular basis and I've hung out with her before). One of my best friends, John, was Mike's friend and had told me about how Sarah and Mike had sex (we all 'd because we were freshman) but how Mike later broke up with her because she smoked weed. Flash forward to last summer: My other friend John, (John2), is a guy who lives for constant hook ups and no real relationship unless he likes the girl, which he is kind of picky about. John2 and Sarah became friends with benefits, which I don't feel like I need to explain to you guys. This ends a month or so after school (my junior year) starts and a few months later John2 got a serious girlfriend he likes and actually cares about. (From sophomore to junior year, Mike and I start to become friends, but nothing that I would call good friends. I've only hung out with him around 5 times in the whole 2 years I've known him so I wouldn't necessarily say we're close friend-wise. We talk in the classes he have together and we go running each Thursday, but that's pretty much it.) Last weekend: John2 texts me and says "Dude Sarah thinks youre hot." I am kind of puzzled as to why she would like me considering I know all the stuff she's done with John2 and Mike, and my relationships with them. John2 informs me that I can easily get in her pants if I just make a move and he keeps encouraging me to do so. I ask John(1) for advice and he makes no mention about how it would be weird if I did anything with her (he knows Mike and I are friends) and hasn't really said given me his opinion. Now right when John2 told me she liked me I asked him if he found it weird and he said that he didn't find weird at all, and I'm wondering what you guys think of this. -Part of me wants to try to do something with her because I haven't lost my virginity and I somewhat would rather like to do it with a girl I don't care about so when I am with a girl I do care about I won't be a total joke in the sack. -Another part of me finds it very awkward that if I did anything with her and Mike found out how he would feel about it, because I know over time he would find out. I don't want to ruin the friendship Mike and I have. (I've thought about asking him if it was cool if I went out with her) -And another part of me doesn't want to because she's had sex with two of my friends (one of them a best friend) so I'm not sure how it would be if I did have sex with her and all I could think about is how two of my friends had been there before me. -And a final part of me worries that I could fall for her if I did have sex with her simply because I've never had sex. I've heard it's hard not to get emotionally attached to someone after sex. So...suggestions? Sorry if any of that is confusing.
  23. Im writing this to get some support from people who have been there before. Im 27 years old and just recently broke up with my girlfriend after 5 years. Its been 15 days since not talking to her. She is the only person I've ever been in love with or had a relationship with. We were best friends for months before we started fooling around. She treated me like I was the greatest person shes ever met. We wernt really dating at the time, but we had no intrest in seeing other people. It was like friends with benefits. After a few months we were pretty much going out. I knew that she had some baggage in her life, but I didnt care because I was in love. Once she knew we were finally dating and together, things changed. I saw the other side of her. She would give me the mean and sweet cycle. I was verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day she become sweet, doing all those little things she did when we started dating. I was hoping each cycle would be the last, but it wasnt. I was in love and we were happy being together and I loved the way she treated me, but then she would become very "irrationall". Her temper would come out and she would do things she would later apoligize for. Sometimes it was minor other times it wasnt. Sometimes I wouldnt see this side of her for weeks at a time, but it was like I was walking on eggshells. I would see her treat others like this as well and would be embarrassed. I guess after so many years you kind of numb it out and get use to this behavior like i did. This side of her came out almost every time she drank hard liquor...which we both agreed on that she cant handle, but would slip up and happen. Im not sure if I can post a link, but I can relate to every single one of these on this "Loser" topic. "email me for url cant post it here" I know I can sit here and rant about all the bad things, but all that crosses my head day to day are the good things. Her energy, how happy she was to see me when I came home and how her smile could just light me up. Being in her arms and just holding her. Our sexual realationship was great. Even after 5 years. I sit and think about other guys she could be with and if she will be happy with them. Everyone I talk to is gald I am getting out of this relationship. I could go on and on about details. I guess its hard for me because this is my first realtionship and it SUCKS to be alone right now! Usually in the past she tries to call me to make things better or appoligize, but not this time. I have very mixed emotions and I wonder if I will ever find someone who makes me feel loved. I havent seen her since we had our last fight, but I think we both know its over. I think I would breakdown if I saw her with another guy. She would probally do this intentionally to make me jealous and see me missearable. Her son still calls me all the time, but I dont like to answer because I fear that I might here her in the background or hear her laugh or having a good time and that would make this whole process go alot slower. Mornings are the worst! I'm wondering if I should go on medication to get me threw the mornings, but I dont know if that will only give me false emotions and it will take me longer to get through this once I get off them. I could go on and on....I have alot to talk about after 5 years!~ Anything that will help me get throught this
  24. We've been chatting for only a month, but its been all day, every day (until today, which I'll get to in a minute). We never (well rarely) run out of things to say to each other and we have alot in common (also some very big differences too). We've cybered like twice, and even talked about meeting. So whats the problem, you ask? He refers to us as "friends with benefits" and says even when we meet (which he says will be 1-2 years from now he will travel here to see me, I'm in the US, he's in Australia) that we should stay friends with benefits until I can move to be with him (which he also plans to pay for). I'm extremly bothered by this and I want some kind of commitment before we do anything together, actually I wouldn't mind a commitment right now so much, even though I told him before he told me that I don't want a cyber relationship. Anyway like a little over a week ago I said why can't we be in a cyber relationship or something like that, and he said "I thought you didn't want one" and I told him I have no idea what I want and that I needed to think about it. And he said he didn't really want one but if I did he would think about it and seriously consider it. Since then things have kinda changed between us, I feel he doesn't like me as much, we still chat mostly all day but he seems more distant, much slower to reply now. Neither of us has mentioned that convo since and I don't know how to bring it up, and I'm not sure now I'll have to even Last night we were joking around about one of his female friends (who he's only met once and who is in a relationship) and I asked him who he would chose if I lived near him and if we were both single, and he said he didn't know and didn't want to think about it. And he's before told me she's like family and he wouldn't date her so I feel kinda lied to. Anyway I was so upset he didn't say me that I told him goodbye and put him on my block list. I have no idea what to do now, I miss him, but I'm not sure he'll even talk to me again after doing that. What do I do, do I take him off block, do I wait for him to email me, if he does should I just keep ignoring him? I feel like I really care about him (not love, I've been in love before so I know the difference) and that if I don't have him in my life I'll be losing at the very least a very good friend, on the other hand I'm very hurt that he wouldn't chose me over this other girl, and I don't think I can handle things going on the way they are, I feel I'm bound to develop some much stronger feelings for him if they do.
  25. ok, so about a week and a half ago i met this girl at a party, she was pretty and we were drinking and eventually made out and stuff. the night ended (at like 6 am) and we exchanged numbers and all this. a couple days later we went to the movies and then a couple days after that we did it again but went further this time. we went for a drive afterwards and she told me all this stuff about like 5-10 guys shes been with (take that in whatever sense you want to) in the last couple of years and just completely blindsided me, i just wanted to end the date right there...she also said one of the guys was a friend with benefits currently. so i was just about ready to drop her off, but felt like id keep it going, we went up to a mountain here and made out for awhile and then i just held her in my arms, i felt like she wanted to go further though, but i was not prepared...in more ways than one (condoms)...anyway, i dropped her off in the early morning and talked to her later that day, since then we havent done anything and i think its partially my fault. i wanted something more out of her and i but i dont think she wants that, does she just want more sex? id be down with that too i guess, but i feel weird doing it just for it, especially when we have these nice, romantic moments too, so what does she want? and if it is only sex should i go for it? thanks for any help
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