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  1. Dear eNotAlone: I'm having a really hard time dealing with my teacher this semester. I feel like he's out to get me. He always has something to say and it's never good. Whenever I turn in an assignment, he always finds something wrong with it and dock points from me--and everyone else in the class is getting A's on their assignments. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I've talked to him about it, but he just says that I'm not trying hard enough. He doesn't see how hard I'm working or how much effort I'm putting into everything. He just sees what's wrong and nothing else. What can I do? * * * Dealing with an unsupportive teacher can be incredibly challenging and it sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed. It is important to make sure to use your resources, both in and outside of the classroom. When it comes to classroom assignments, it may be wise to seek help from other students, tutors, or even your school's student support services. Doing extra research into what the assignment requires and extra steps you can take to make sure your work is up to standards. If talking with your teacher doesn't seem like it is helping, then it may be beneficial to talk to someone in an authority figure. Talk to the department head or academic advisor who may be able to provide further advice and help to mediate the situation. It could be that there is something you are not aware of that could be prompting your teacher's behavior and by talking with a knowledgeable person in the department, you could gain insight into what could be causing the continued conflict. It is important to find a way to cope with your teacher's criticism and think of constructive ways to address the issues raised. Taking notes on what your teacher has said and returning to look over your assignments could help identify potential areas for improvement. Utilizing any feedback given, no matter how negative, can help you better understand where you need to improve and how to avoid making those same mistakes in the future.
  2. When it comes to parenting, one of the most difficult situations you can face is when a former teacher leans on you for emotional support. Not only are you responsible for your child's well-being, but you also have an obligation to ensure their teachers' needs are met as well. It's an intimidating dilemma, but with the right coping strategies and a little understanding, you can handle it. Being a parent is both exhilarating and incredibly stressful. When a teacher enters the picture who honors you with their trust and confides in you, it can feel heavy in a different way. This weight is often compounded by the responsibility that comes with knowing the teacher's emotional health might influence the advancement of a student academically and psychologically. As such, the best approach is to balance your feelings of being weighed down with a sense of understanding. It helps to remember that all people need emotional validation and attention from time to time, even authority figures such as teachers. Of course, this doesn't mean your daughter's teacher expects you to provide psychological care, they may simply be reaching out in their time of need. The most important thing to do when a teacher turns to you for emotional support is to listen. Encourage healthy communication. Give your undivided attention and make it clear that you're available to offer any help that is reasonable and within your means. All relationships, whether professional or personal, require respect and trust, both of which can be demonstrated through active listening. If after listening to the teacher's worries, you consider appropriate, you can offer advice or perspective from your own experiences. You don’t have to have an answer for every problem, but your willingness to lend an ear can make all the difference. If the teacher would benefit from it, invite them to speak to a counselor or trusted relative in times of stress. In any case, it is crucial to conduct yourself in an unbiased manner. Avoid imparting your opinions on the issue. Keep your comments to a minimum and never make judgments. Your job is to listen and guide, not advise and criticize. Of course, there is a limit to how much you should help a teacher. While you should compassionately listen to their concerns, recognize when it goes beyond what you can handle. It’s ok to draw limits and stick to them. It's up to the teacher to identify their own anxieties and decide how best to address them. Your role as a parent is to provide the tools and resources they may need while they do that. If your daughter's teacher is someone you care about, then make sure that your relationship is mutually beneficial and based on trust and respect. When a former teacher relies on you for emotional support, start by practicing active listening, offer helpful advice if it is appropriate and comfortable to do so, and stand firm with your boundaries. Above all else, remember that the responsibility of finding a positive resolution lies with the teacher, and that you are only a facilitator.
  3. Haven't written in a long time, So this poem might be incoherent, But my feelings are clear, And my thoughts are fluent, On my quest to be a better person, I know I've slipped up many times, But the drive in me never stops, It climbs, The mind is dysfunctional, Poisoned by society, A dark muse for our ego, An enemy to sobriety, I want to be a better person, Burn bridges no more, I want friends not enemies, Be rich in the heart even if I'm poor, To change myself as a whole is a journey but, I'll never forget a saying by a teacher of mine, How do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time.
  4. It is just such a small world. I attended a songwriting workshop and ran into my college professor/adviser! He was more embarressed than I was but we both got over it. I know I learned a lot in the workshop and I'm sure he did too.
  5. Since I see there are other poets around this site...here's a poem I wrote when I was feelin' a bit cynical about school. The House of Academia Its got a high end paint job that’s for sure lines laser cut colors expertly chosen earth tones for the liberal arts black and white for the sciences behind the colors within the rooms words are prudently picked and spoken to the proper audience in the living room the undergrads speak excited words to everyone in the kitchen the grad students eat chinese take-out and speak serious words to the undergrads that drift in to cook Ramen the PhD candidates lock themselves in private rooms and mumble to themselves In the windowless attic The professors rehearse Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf? Over and over and over again as Elizabeth Taylor moves from room to room observes refuses to say i love you and pours herself another drink
  6. a maroon collared long-sleeve modern casual knit shirt. it looks velvety - he wears it well. vertical stripes conforming to muscles, pectoral curves, the sleeves pushed up over clean, robust forearms with fine blond hairs. masculine, skillful hands brush that gorgeous angular chin for a moment; those killer bow lips parted, barely, those straight rectangle teeth, those peculiar pensive blue eyes - i've been shot. I have a rather indecent crush on my art teacher. Shhh.
  7. .......................This ................. unforgiving ......................cello .............. of mine will not ..................... speak ..................... in its .......................rich, .....................earthy ......................voice ...................... if I ..................... come ...................... to it ......... in anger, selfishness, or .....arrogance. My cello is my teacher, ... requiring patience, love, and passion .....of me before it will sing. Its voice is ......more familiar to me than my own, ......and these strings have been under ........... my rough fingers for far, ............. far longer than I can .............. remember. I spoke .............with the music of this ........ instrument long before I ever ....used words, and even now after the ... hundreds of words that I have read or ..spoken, the things that I can say when I draw my bow accross the strings is far more .eloquent than anything I could ever speak ..or write of myself. My cello has a voice ..that sings alone in the darkness, crying .out its joy when there is no other comfort ....in the world. If I could not play, then ............ I would have no voice. .........................My ....................... cello ......................... is .........................my ..........................h ..........................e ..........................a ......................... r ..........................t
  8. Today i was int the lunch room in the morning like i usually am. The group of friends i was with these 2 guys had something. it was in one of their hododies, and then it spilled out... and they treid to get everything up. He was like we need to get all of it or we are all going to be suspened. that led me to think it was a drug so in 1st period i told the teacher about it. I was freaking out. I mean the drug was spilled under me. Well he took me to the school police. I told him, then i was taken to other police. It was about 2 hours. I was really scared and i was crying. Then later this other friend that had nothing to do with it was like what they had was something called skittles. She made me swear not to tell anyone, but i already did. They paramedics had to come later ... not much later. It was probably b/c of the skittles. Now they probably know who it was.... who told.... well i want to knokw exactly was "skittles" are. How harmful are they? i saved to guys' lifes today.
  9. hello all, I HATE MY JOB!!!!! I am a teacher, who has always loved what I do, th problem is that right now I am doing something that I did not "sign up" for! I feel like I got a screw job and the position that I have now is in no way what I wanted to do, what I got my 2 degress for, or what they said that it would be. Another problem that I am having with this job is that I always have people breathing down my neck and more or less talking about me for one reason or another. I truly believe that it is jealousy because I am a young, good looking, male teacher who has a dual masters degree and is getting paid very well considering that this is my first "real" job. I really don't know what it is, but this place is the pits!!!! I have already started looking for another job, and already my current job is asking me to get "notes" about what i am doing and when I am doing it like I am a .... I have to get out of here ASAP..........I want to burn this place to the ground, yuppie, rich folks......
  10. hello people. Long time no chat. well my friend lizzy is telling my how this teacher called Simon seems to be flirting with her. He's 29 she's 17 going on 18. We are leaving college and both got a yr book photo and a book for people to sign. On hers he put: To Lizzy! Besta luck in your exams! love always Simon x x x he signed mine and put: To Laura Ash good luck Simon He wrote on everyones book the same as what he wrote on mine, so I ask you why is lizzy so special? THEN everytime we alk accross the yard and pass the theatre room windows he looks straight at her and waves. I mean he holds his hand up to his chin winks then gives this silly little wave! What gives! He's there as a helper he actually works for a shop called Jessops. He's doing it to earn extra money. He always watches her and when he walks past he turns his head to see what she's doing. This other girl Nikki noticed to. She told me in private away from lizzy how simon was eyeing her up in theatre studies. She felt uncomfortable as simon and lizzy where laughing and talkng about whatever. lizzy assured me she's not attracted to him at all and she feels weird around him. so is he flirting or are we all paranoid? LA
  11. Waking up, she looks at her clock. I'm late again, she says to herself. She gets up, strikes along to the bathroom and clenches to her stomach. I ate again last night, damn it, she scolds herself. Leaning down against the toilet, slowly creeping her fingers towards the back of her throat, her stomach reflexs and the food comes up. She shuts her eyes and tears crawl down her cheeks. I need to get the calories out, the fat, the food, she says to herself. It's still in me. I have to get it out. She runs to her bedroom, plays some music, and runs around her room, searching for the rusty metal. Where is it? she asks herself. Opening her drawer, she finds the blade. Picking it up, she sits against her bed, turns the music up a bit louder, and looks down on her arm. Putting the blade against her wrist, she clenches it tightly and pushes down, sliding it accross heavily. The skin rips, and the blood drips out. The blood slides down her skin, running out. That's better, she says to herself. Letting it bleed for a few minutes, she puts the blade away, wraps up her arm, and gets dressed for school. Running downstairs, she grabs her keys and heads off to school. Arriving at school, she goes through the entrance and knocks on her classroom door. 'Come in', the teacher speaks. Opening the door, she looks down at the floor. 'Lucy, late again I see', the teacher says to her. 'I'm sorry Miss, I had trouble getting here', Lucy replies. 'Take a seat', the teacher points at her desk. Lucy walks to her desk, places her bag on the desk and holds her head in her hands. Behind her, three girls, Katie, Joanna and Kerry, giggle at her, directing insults at her, purposely making the remarks louder for her to hear, but quiet enough for the teacher not to hear. The teacher walks out for a few moments, and then it begins. Please, just leave me alone, please... she thinks to herself. The three girls get up, and Kerry goes infront of Lucy's desk. 'Well, well, well, lookie, it's the freak girl, how are you today freak girl?', Kerry asks, mocking her and pushing her tightly against the chair. 'I... please, just leave me alone', Lucy replies, lowering her head. 'Oh, look, the freak girl is being rude, we shall teach her a lesson', Joanna giggles. Kerry goes next to Lucy and pushes her to the floor, whilst Joanna and Katie hold her down as Kerry kicks her in the stomach and punches her in the face as hard as she can. Grabbing her wrist, Lucy flinches. 'Oh look, the freak girl cut herself', Kerry mocks, tightening her grip on Lucy's wrist. 'Aw, it's a shame she didn't die', Joanna giggles, Kerry and Katie giggle with her. They all start hitting her with rulers and kick her one last time. Kerry kneels down and whispers in Lucy's ear 'make it count next time'. They walk back to their seats, and Lucy regains her balance, sitting up and sitting back in her chair. The bell rings, and Lucy is the last to walk out of class. She walks outside, and attends to her lonely bench, she places her head in her hands and the tears crawl down her cheeks. 'Hey, Lucy', Abby quietly speaks, approaching her. 'Oh... um... hello Abby', Lucy stutters. Abby sits next to Lucy and look down. 'Look, I'm sorry what I did... we used to be good friends didn't we?', Abby says, putting her arm around Lucy's shoulder. 'Yeah, we did, I miss them times...', Lucy says, putting her arm around Abby's shoulder. 'Well, look, can we be friends again? I really do miss you...', Abby quietly says, looking up at Lucy. 'Okay, we can be friends', Lucy looks up, tears fill her eyes and they both hug each other. 'I've missed you Abby', Lucy tells her, crying. 'I've missed you too', Abby starts crying. 'Hey, remember this?', Abby says as she goes through her bag, getting out a big chocolate bar. 'Oh, I love that, you remembered...', Lucy looks at her, a smile speads accross her face. The pair of them share the chocolate between each other and then Lucy remembers... 'Uh... I need to go... to the bathroom...', she stutters, before running to the bathroom. Locking the cubicle behind her, she leans over the toilet and makes herself sick. Shutting her eyes, the tears crawl down her face. Standing up, Lucy gets some toilet paper, wipes her face and unlocks the cubicle.Abby stands infront of her, shocked. 'Uh... hey Abby, are you okay?', Lucy looks at her, wiping her face. 'Yeah, I am, are you?', Abby asks. 'I'm fine...', Lucy replies, walking accross to the door. Abby grabs Lucy's arm, she flinches. 'What's wrong with your arm Lucy?', Abby asks. 'Nothing...', Lucy then turns around and walks out. Abby comes running after her and pulls her sleeves up. 'No...', Lucy yells... but it's too late... Abby steps back, and she sees the scars, the cuts... 'L...Lucy... wh... what've you... done?', Abby stutters..., staring at her arm. 'It's nothing', Lucy says, covering her arm up. The bell goes. 'I'll... see you', Lucy runs off to her next lesson. Entering her next lesson, someone walks in and speaks to the teacher. 'Lucy, you're wanted in the counsellors room', the teacher calls out to Lucy. Lucy gets up, feeling all eyes on her, she walks out, and slowly walks towards the counsellors office. Knocking on the door, she opens it. 'Please, take a seat Lucy', the counsellor asks her. Lucy steps forward and sits on the chair. 'What is it you need me for?', Lucy asks, curiously, looking around. 'How is school Lucy? Do you find it hard? Is home life okay?', the counsellor bursts out with questions, one after another. 'I... school is fine... home life is fine... why?', Lucy asks. 'Someone has told us things, Lucy, do you do anything to yourself... perhaps, hurt yourself? Make yourself sick maybe?' the counsellor asks. 'I... what?' Lucy holds onto her arm. 'May I see your arm?', the counsellor looks down at her arm. 'I... may I be excused please? Toilet...', Lucy asks, looking behind her to the door. 'Of course, but please come straight back', the counsellor replies. Lucy rushes out of the office, runs to the bathroom and leans against the door. Crying, she takes out her blade and places it on her wrist. Make it count, she thinks to herself, make it count... Opening her eyes, she looks up at the ceiling... Huh... where... am I? she asks herself. 'Morning', a nurse speaks out.'Er... morning, ma'am', Lucy slurs. Tugging at her wrist, sharp pains shoot up her arm. 'I'd rest that if I were you', the nurse looks at her, sitting next to her. 'We have a visitor for you', she says, standing up and opening the door. It's the school counsellor. 'Hello Lucy', the counsellor says to Lucy. Lucy replies 'Hello'. 'You know, I never did tell you my name, it's Luke', he says, before sitting down beside her. 'Hello Luke... I'm... well... you know my name, Lucy', Lucy smiles at him. 'What happened?' Lucy asks him. 'Well, you pretty much didn't come back to the office, I came to search for you, and I found you, you were bleeding pretty badly, you've been in here for three days now, heavily sedated', Luke stops, looking down. 'Someones here to see you', Luke says, heading towards the door, opening it and opens, Abby stands there, tears filling her eyes, mascara has been washed down her eyes and her eyes are puffy. 'Oh Lucy, I've been so worried!', Abby runs towards Lucy and hugs her tightly. 'Oh, Abby, I'm so sorry', Lucy bursts into tears, hugging her tightly. Hours go by as they speak about anything and everything, then it is time to go. 'Lucy, I'll see you tomorrow, take care of yourself, and rest up, love you lots, best friends forever', Abby says, hugging her one last time before getting up and heading out, waving as she is out of sight, then Luke returns. 'Have a nice talk, I see?', he says, walking over to Lucy and kneeling down infront of her. 'Yes, we did, thank you', Lucy replies. 'Look, Lucy, we want you to get better, to get well again, we really want to help you, can you let us help you?', Luke says, looking into Lucy's eyes. Lucy looks up, looks him in the eyes and tears drop down her cheek. 'Okay, I will try, for you, and for Abby', Lucy says, smiling, with tears dropping down her cheek, hugging Luke tightly. 'I'll try', Lucy whispers.
  12. I have a test tomorrow and I am so stressed. I wouldn't normally be this worried about an exam but it is the final and I already have enough to pass with a C and I only need a 38% on the final to get a B. And a 88% to get an A (but that is impossible with this teacher) Why am I stressed? Because I have come to far to accept either of those! We had two TAs teach the course and the first one did just fine. The class did alright (low C...high D was the average) while I had a mid-A. The second TA has caused teh class nothing but stress. From him allowing a student to retake an exam because she didn't like her grade (couldn't concentrate supposedly but she still took the exam instead of schedualling a makeup like several other students!), to many other teaching no-no's. We actually got so fed up with him we wrote a memo about the crap we had to go through when he failed to show up one day to class (supposedly hurt his back too bad to come to class...though teh head said he slept in but did have a minor injury). A group of students also talked to the chairman of the department and then several more students including me spoke to the head of the department. The head of the department put the things we told him in two catagories...A and B. A in minor things...B is more serious that could cost the TA his job. Let's just say B was much longer than A. The teacher also has this teaching method that he doesn't help anyone. He blows us all off and tells everyone he "doesn't have time for [them]". He did come from Russia and was trained there. The head mentioned that people teach how they were taught so it explains a lot. The teacher seems to have this thing that only the strongest survive this summer course. Less than 1/4 of the students PASSED the last exam with a C or higher. He won't be determining our final grades so there is a lot of hope for a huge curve from his part. It's just stressful...I have the final tomorrow. I studied all this weekend. I feel like I know it but I know it well, I will still have a hard time. He will give us something he didn't lecture in class about...then again he doesn't really teach us anything. The whole class feels like they haven't learned a single thing. We don't know what to expect. The teacher doesn't know that great of English and doesn't understand that his questions don't make sense. If you want to give me some "welcome to college" lectures...let me remind you that the issue is not just a demanding teacher. It is pure horror! It was enough for the entire class to complain about this one teacher! Enough for students to visit the head...mostly because of how he was treating us. Not our grades. Right now the complaints have been written down and a paper trail is now there. I'm worried about my grade. I've worked hard...but it doesn't seem good enough to get a decent grade for his part...while the student that left a good many parts of the last exam BLANK received an A for that exam. ](*,) It's also frustrating because so much went on that it would be next to impossible to tell exactly everything that made this second half horrible. You gals and guys just have to take my word that this isn't just one problem with one student...the entire class is feeling the same way. Well, except the girl that got to retake the exam...but she's a huge suck up.
  13. Hi Guys: Ok I'm back with the same issue as before... After almost 2-3 weeks of working with my baby(2yrs) in order to stop him from bitting and pulling his classmates hair, we had another incident today. He has been doing really well and has responded positively to time-out and the "take him away from we're he misbehaved" thing. But today, I go to pick him up at his preschool and the fist thing i see is my baby crying unconsolable. I ask the teacher what happened and she says that he was repremended for bitting a girl and pulling another girl's hair (for no reason). I had to sign an incident sheetand they said that I have to control this situation. They are well aware of my proactivity towards this issue and it shows since the baby hadn't done it for 2 weeks since we started paying attention to this problem. I did tell the teacher that I do find it very strange that this conduct only appears in school. He never attempts this in the park when he is with many other kids or even in play-dates. Last week alone we had 3 of about 4-8 kids at the same time. Not once did my baby try to bite, pull or any other aggresion. So its not a matter of him being jealous or attention-needy like the teacher told me. I am worried though about how I picked him up today crying. He NEVER cries here in the house when I scold him. Today his eyes were red , i guess from crying for a while and when i held him, he still wouldn't stop crying and was whimpering and feeling miserable. It lasted well after we got home. He doesn't talk yet so Itsnnot like i can ask him what happened. I don't think they hit him but if so, I don;t find any marks that would show that this happened. Any input.... I'm worried! Why only in school? why was he crying so bad?
  14. I did this story a few months ago, just found it. It's long. Feedback would be nice. I also know the grammar is quite poor, but it was a while back. ------------------------------------------------------------------ A story of a girl trapped in her own mind. *Random title, I know* Oh not today, please not today , Sian says to herself. Sian looks in the mirror, staring back at her is the image she thought she would never see again. Fat reflects, all over her body. I thought i smashed all the mirrors in this room! she screams to herself. Quickly, as no one looks, she smashes it apart, and throws rapidly in the bin. There, that ought to do it!, Sian says to herself. The clock ticks, and tocks, Sian looks up at it, she gasps, time passed by as she stood in the mirror glaring at herself. She quickly grabs a grape or two, and rushes off to school. As she enters the classroom, the whole room stares at her. Sian stands in front of the teacher explaining she fell over on the way to school and was very sorry. The teacher dismissed her, and Sian quietly sat at her desk. The teacher hands out everyone there individual test and sets the timer. 'Ready, children?' the teacher asks. She clicks the timer on, and awaits the buzzer to go off. 'Bzzzzzzzzzzzz' the alarm screeches. 'Right children, please finish the question you are on and remain seated until the bell rings' the teacher shouts over the alarm. Sian sits, covering up her stomach with her hands, clenching it trying to pull the fat out. Thinking and wondering if others can see the fat through her jumper, she daydreams.... 'DING DING' the bell alarms. 'Right children, please pass your papers to the front of the class and you may then leave once all are collected' the teacher says. Sian collects the person behinds paper, and stands up to give to the person in front, suddenly, her stomach shows while straining to pass it to the person. She gasps at the sight of it, she quickly covers it, and looks around to see if anyone seen it. 'Here' she says quietly to the person as she passes the papers. Running into the playground, she sits alone at the steps, tears form and drop as she sees other girls skinnier than her doing gymnastics. 'Why me, why must I be this shape, I truly hate it!' she mumbles to herself. 'Hey, HEY SIAN!' Jess screams. 'Hey, Jess' Sian replies. 'Why are you so figity?' Jess asks. 'No reason, i just feel a bit edgey today, thats all', Sian replies with a smile. 'Oh ok, want to play on the skipping rope for a while?' Jess asks. 'Um, no, but you can, ill watch you', Sian replies with a forced giggle. Jess takes the skipping rope from the box by the school door, and runs back to Sian with it. 'I bet i can do 50!' Jess says and giggles uncontrollably. 'Lets see then, this should be a laugh', Sian replies, smiling with her teeth showing. Jess skips to 10, 20, 25, 28, she falls. 'Ha, almost, 2 more and you'd of done it, eh?', Sian says and giggles. 'I'd like to see you try and do better!' Jess angrily mumbles. 'What was that?', Sian asks. 'Oh, nothing', Jess replies with a cheeky smile. 'Bzzzzzzzzzzzz' the alarm sounds. 'Breaktime over girls, come on, chop chop, in you go!', the teacher shouts. 'Oh no, not math!' Jess moans. 'Go on, i'll catch you before lunch', Sian pats Jess' back. 'Ok, see you', Jess shouts at Sian running down the corridor to her next lesson. 'Your late, this is the second lesson you've been late to today, Sian, get a grip of yourself, if you are late next time you will be given detention, understand me?' the teacher strictly shouts as Sian arrives 3 minutes after due time. 'Yes ma'am, sorry', Sian looks down. 'Get to your seat immediately!' the teacher screams at Sian. Sian places herself in her seat, and awaits the assignment. 'Class, today we are going to learn about the human body'. Oh great, be thankful its not my body on the chart, the paper wouldnt be big enough for my shape, Sian whispers to herself. Time goes on as Sian daydreams about herself being skinny, and modelling. Sian says to herself I will not eat another single thing, until my body is skinnier than the models i see in magazines. As the days pass, the food fills the cuboards. 'Why are you not eating, Sian?' Sians mum asks her as she arrives from school. 'I do eat, i eat at school, and i just had a really big takeaway!', Sian replies. 'Oh, ok, well, be sure to eat breakfast tomorrow lovey, you need the energy' Sians mum says firmly. 'I will, dont worry', Sian replies uncertainly. 'Where are you going?', Sians mum asks Sian. 'Nowhere, just to Jess', we are going to bake some cookies for tomorrows funfair at school!', Sian replies. 'Be sure to eat some, they will taste lovely coming from my number one cook!', Sians mum smiles as she opens the door for Sian. 'Have fun!', Sians mums shouts. 'I WILL!', Sian screams back half way up the street. Slowly, Sian browses the shop. She says to herself, I cant believe i lied like that. She buys a load of junk, preparing for tonight. She runs home, sneaks upstairs into her room, taking the mirror out, putting it on the floor, grabbing the bin, scoffing the junk into her mouth, trying to shut her growling stomach up. She chews, and chews, and swollows. Oh god, im so scared, Sian says to herself. She gets her two fingers, opens her mouth, pulls the bin near her, and looks in the mirror... tears run down her face as she purges the food up, choking, instantly gagging at each purge she attempts. I swear, if its the last thing i do, i will be beautiful and thin! Sian says to herself. Getting rid of the contents in the bin from her stomach, she wipes her face and weighs herself. Why am i so much? Sian says to herself with uncertainty. Days, months pass, and the starvation continues, the purging continues, the weighing, the counting calories, the diets, the exercising constantly, all continues... 'Bzzzzzz' Sians alarm buzzes. 'Oh dammit, im late!' Sian shouts. She quickly puts her clothes on, and rushes to school. She enters the classroom, and suddenley, she feels dizzy. 'Im.. sorry.... im....' Sian passes out, and faints on the floor. 'Sian?' , the teacher asks Sian. 'Sian, this is no time for jokes!', the teacher says. 'Someone get the nurse!', the teacher shouts. 'NOW!', the teacher screams. The class all run to the medical room and shout that Sian has fainted and they need the nurse. 'Sian, Sian can you hear me?', the teacher asks as she kneels down next to Sian. 'What happened here?!', the nurse asks. 'Sian came in, and she fainted, i have no idea why!', the teacher explains nervously. 'Ok, stand aside', the nurse demands. The nurse kneels and checks for Sians pulse. 'Shes quite pale', the nurse says with concern. 'Her pulse is rapid... call an ambulance, NOW!', the nurse demands. The ambulance arrives, they strap Sian up, and take her to the hospital. She is placed in the ward, and is oberserved for the night. She awakes in the morning... where am i? Sian thinks to herself. She tries to get up, but her bones give in and she lies back down. Why cant i get up? What happened? Whats wrong with me? Sian questions herself. The nurses come and check on her. They smile, and ask how shes feeling. 'I feel... weak and sick', Sian replies.'Well, dear, you will for awhile, we know what your doing', the nurses say. 'What im doing? What am i doing?', Sian questions.'Sian, hunny, starving yourself and making yourself sick, you havent ate in months, thats why you are here today, like this', the nurses reply with a quick smile. 'How would you know? I made myself sick once, and its not been months, i counted, i remember counting, i dont miscount!', Sian replies with anger. 'You did, your mother has kept an eye on you, alot, shes heard you making yourself sick several times, she tries her best to take care of you sweetie, i dont understand why a pretty girl such as yourself would do this', the nurse replies with tears forming in her eyes. 'Well, pretty, no, fat, yes, have you seen the fat on me?', Sian replies with tears already dropping from her face. 'Hunny, you've lost so much, you are not fat, you weigh less than the average weight!', the nurse raises her voice with tears dropping. The nurse refills the fluids. 'What are you doing? Dont do that, get off them!', Sian screams. Sian hits the nurse and tries to escape. 'SECURITY!', the nurse shouts, as she buzzes the alarm. Security restrain Sian as she tries to get out of bed. 'GET OFF ME!', Sian screams. 'Sian, we are doing this for your own good, im sorry', the nurse quietly tells Sian as she sticks a needle in her arm and injects with fluid. 'You'll... regret.... this....', Sian says just as she falls asleep. 'Where is she? Is she ok? I want to see her, i need to see her!' Sians mum worriedly says to the nurses. 'This way, ma'am, your daughter, Sian, is sleeping, you may be with her for a bit, but when she wakes, we must warn you, she may be violent, but we will be watching her and you, dont worry, she will be fine', the nurse warns her. The nurse leads her to the bed Sian lays on. 'Oh hunny', Sians mum quietly whispers. Placing herself on the chair next to Sians bed, she takes her hand, covered with tubes, and holds. 'Sian, hunny, if you can hear me, im so sorry, i love you, your my special, beautiful girl, i didnt know this would happen, i should of helped you', Sians mum says quietly to Sian, blaming herself for all the problems Sian has. Time passes, and the medicene wares off. 'Mummy?', Sian says quietly as she opens her eyes. 'Sian? Oh Sian, my baby girl, my darling!', Sians mum says with shock and happiness that shes awake, and hugs her like theres no tomorrow. Oh god, my stomachs showing! Sian says to herself. 'Mum, please, its only been 3 days', Sian says sarcasticly, covering her stomach up, she asks 'Mum, whats happening to me? Why am i here?'. 'Hunny, rest now, you need it, ill go speak to the doctors', Sians mum replies. Sians mum kisses Sians forehead, and gives her hand a squeeze before leaving the bed. 'Love you hunny', Sians mum whispers to her. 'Nurse, whats happening to my daughter?', Sians mum asks. 'Im afraid we need to tell you something', the nurse replies. 'Please, do go through', the nurse leads Sians mum into the councilling room, where three doctors sit, awaiting her arrival. 'Ah, hello, finally we meet', the doctor says. 'Well, regarding Sians condition...', Sians mum interrupts 'Condition?', 'Yes', the doctor replies, 'Sian as you may see, has lost alot of weight, and has been doing it through certain worrying methods. Starvation, purging, ect. There is a name for this. Sian has Anorexia Nervosa', the doctor says directly to Sians mum. 'Your saying, that my daughter, Sian, has anorexia?', Sians mum replies. 'Yes, we are very sorry to do this, but she will need to be hospitaliazed until her weight is at least average, and she starts eating again', the doctor announces. 'Of course, Sians health and safety must be controlled, but, shes my daughter!', Sians mum says with a tear dripping down her eye. 'We understand that, but your daughter could die from this ma'am, and we need to do this for her safety', the doctor says with a frown. 'Ok, i understand', Sians mum says, crying in her hands. 'We will need to take her immediately, and she will need to have a say in this too', the doctor says. Sians mum sniffles, as she walks over to Sians bed. 'Sian, hunny, can you tell me, what you think of yourself?', Sians mum asks. 'I think im... i think im... fat... and ... ugly... disgraceful.. horrible..gross...', Sian pauses in disgust with herself, and closes her eyes to avoid looking at herself, aswell as her mum. 'Sian, sweetie, you have a disorder, you have anorexia nervosa', Sians mum quietly tells Sian. 'I have what? No way, im fat, look, cant you see it, im fat!', Sian shouts and pulls the covers off, as she does, she punches her mum in the face. 'Mum, im... im sorry, i didnt mean too, i didnt, i really didnt, im sorry, i am, im sorry!', Sian screams, and cries. 'Its ok, its fine, really, it is, your to weak to hurt me anyway hunny', Sians mum says reassuring Sian. Weak? What is she on about? Sian says to herself. Sian gets sectioned into the hospital the next day, and after 3 months of submission, she accepts her disorder. 'Im sorry for everything, i am, im sorry i didnt listen, i know im ill, but i cant see it', Sian says weakly. 'You will soon, dont worry, when you get better, you will see it', the nurse replies. Months pass, and each day is harder, but easier to see her true self for Sian. One day, she wakes up, goes into the bathroom, and she stares in the mirror. Her true image occurs. It flashes, back and fourth, to her true image, and the image anorexia has placed in her mind... the true image sticks for a while... and then flips back. What the... thats not me is it? Sian questions herself. She shuts her eyes, rubs them, and says to herself, this isnt happening, this ISNT happening! She opens her eyes, and she sees the true body image. She rubs her eyes, and blinks several times before staring at the image. Her ribs stick out, her stomach is flat, her cheek bones are visable, her hair has bold patches and straw thin, she sees her true self and her mouth drops at the sight of it. Im thin? I, i cant believe this, what is.. is this a dream? Or nightmare? Is this someone elses body? It cant be mine... Sian says to herself with worryness. She said id see the true me, but i never knew this was the true me. Sian then sees flashes of her anorexic mind, and she gasps, she cries, she stutters, she curls up in the corner of the bathroom, and she waits... 'Sian? You ok in there?', the nurse asks... 'Sian, im coming in', the nurse shouts. She opens the door to find Sian curled up in the corner crying and shutting her eyes tightly. 'Sian!', the nurse shouts. 'Sian, whats wrong?', the nurse asks. 'I... i.. i seen what i really looked like, i seen it, i look.. i look awful.. im thin... i am thin.. i am happy... and at the same time.. shocked... i... i... it kept.. it kept going back to another image of me, far bigger and fatter, and i.. i just.. i cant handle this..', Sian says bursting into tears. 'Its ok, Sian, its ok', the nurse says as she pats her back. 'You'll be ok', the nurse says reassuring Sian. 'Sian, do you want us to help you get better?', the nurse asks. 'Oh.. oh.. yes.. yes please, i cant.. i cant stand this.. i feel so weak.. and sick.. and urgh', Sian replies, sniffling and rubbing her nose. 'We will help you, Sian, everythings going to be ok, dont worry, you will be ok, trust us, and we can help you', the nurse asks Sian. 'I... i trust you', Sian replies. 'Do this for me and your mum, and especially yourself', the nurse tells Sian. 'I will.. i... i will', Sian says determindly. 'Ill do this, if its the last thing i do, i will do this', Sian says, smiling and proud of herself. She stands up, and smiles to the nurse. Sian walks out of the bathroom, and says to herself, i will defeat your anorexia, you can take my body, but you cant take my soul or mind, thats mine forever, i will beat you, i will do this, and nothings going to stop me, not even you.
  15. I'm not too great at getting right to the point but here goes... My problem is this: I crush on older guys a lot. And I'm not saying that I just crush on the older ones that are straight off gorgeous to begin with, I develop the usual crush through interacting with them and getting to know them ect ect. Now, I've heard the classic " you're searching for a father figure" thing before. I have a father. A great one in fact, couldn't get along better with him. So whats up with the old men? I'm sure that part of it is how I prefer them because they come off as more mature than guys my add (which I might add usually NEVER catch my attention) but what else? This really troubles me...I mean, here I am, 17 years old, and I have the habit of developing crushes on men usually 30 and up I don't get it... I feel wrong to have these feelings ( and I've also heard the one about dating guys your own age..yeah, let’s not talk about that one. Truth is the chance of me going out with someone my age is slim. Actually, I feel more comfortable around adults than anyone my age And no I’m not antisocial, faaaar from it, I just enjoy the company of adults as I like to feel understood better. So does anyone know how to help me out? And one of the main reasons I’m stressed about this is that it happened again and this time my crush is a teacher of mine. Rrrrgh it frustrates me so much! To like someone but realizing you can never be with them…boy does it suck.
  16. My girlfriend broke up with me last Wednesday and I went no contact from the beginning. I was faced with many of the same comments many members of ENA were faced with; I don't get the butterflies anymore, I don't look forward/enjoy seeing you (aka the relationship has become a chore), this isn't want I want in my life right now. Now keep in mind, we had a 3 1/2 hour "marathon" fight over the phone the night before. When she broke up she had said she had felt this way on and off for the past three months (lack of butterflies) and I shouldn't think the decision was rash. Now over the past few days I have bene trying to piece my relationship and problems into everyone elses but truly all of our situations are unique. She was my first long term relationship and vice versa. We dated for ten months and honestly had a really good time. I graduated in December and began a career as a teacher while she is finishing her degree. She is a chemistry major, extremely hard worker, and in the midst of finishing her senior thesis, an endeavor she began almost three years ago. I should also she can be quite stubborn at times. The fact of the matter is we are at very different points in our lives at the current moment. Did I become needy? Yes I did. Did I loose myself a bit and center on the relationship instead of myself? Sure did. Have I learned from it? You better believe it...and this is only five days out. Do I think that us being apart at the moment is a good thing? I actually do. I need to focus on my career (being a first year teacher is like being married) and she needs to focus on school and decisions for next year. Of course, a few weeks ago these included me, but not anymore. Again though, this goes both ways. I, unlike her, have had my heart broken before, and understand life does and will go on. I am enjoying single life and although I have my ups and downs, I have enjoyed the past few days. What I have come to the conclusion of though is this, what I am right now, is what she originally fell for, not the clingy, needy, boring guy I was last Tuesday. I find it quite interseting how many of us here have feel into those traps. I have passion back in my life for more than just my girlfriend. There is though a interesting difference in maturity of the relationship. Yes, the butterflies did go away, I felt it but never admitted it, because I knew it was going to happen. I had friends who have been in long term relationships and eventually (and perhaps sadly) the originally shine goes away. But my friends, this is a good thing, it means the relationship is growing into something deeper and commited. Other than becoming clingy I tried with all my heart and soul to make the relationship fun and enjoyable. I am one of those nices guys, through and through. Perhaps though I didn't understand her way of loving was different than mine but special nevertheless. I didn't get it. I did fall for Ann and that is why when she walked out my door I said well, I will always love and miss you. Ann might have been the first who ever really got me. Yes, I love my friends dearly and they are like friends but they do not want to make me be a better person. Ann, especially now, makes me want to walk into my classroom everyday and be the best teacher I can be. I teach Somali refugees who have come to the United States seeking education, healthcare, and protection. I want to go out running in the morning to clear my head and enjoy the sunrise. I miss her but when she left she said she needed time and space. I went NC not out of spite or anger, or hopes she would come back (maybe originally) but because I love her and respect what she needed. She said during the break up I loved having someone, not her. That was what hurt the most. If I didn't love her, I wouldn't have respected her wishes. I am not angry, I could never be completely angry at her. I know what I had was love and love is like soap, hold it in the palm of your hand and it will sit, clutch it in your first and it will be gone, perhaps forever. If nothing else makes me happy (which their are certainly many things) what I am happy about is I left with dignity, class, and most of all love. I know we all are here to support one another and have hope and that is extraordinary. The fact of the matter is though, is what you had was love, true love, the types we wish for on stars, it will come back. What I miss most about Ann is her friendship because that is what love truly is, the perfect friendship. My students know about her, have seen pictures, and were asking about her today. I was honest and told them what happened and they were honestly compassionate and felt for my situation. They offered to write letters to her saying how much I missed her. These are students who have difficulty writing for their English is moderate at best. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week, but eventually I think I will have my students write letters (it is actually a really good writing excercise). Am I trying to win her back, perhaps, but as I said, if I were trying to win her back I would have them write these letters tomorrow, not a month or two from now. It isn't about winning her back anymore. It is about letting her know that yes, I did love you, and my life was that much better when you were in it. My calmness over the past week has proven to me that yes, I did love Ann, with all my heart. Anyway, thanks for reading this. I know many of you have questions concerning NC but the fact of the matter is, if you really love the person you lost, and it was mutual, they will come back. My head is incredibly clear right now and if nothing else, I am a stronger and better person. That itself is a hell of a gift. If the love of your life does return, well my friend, you just won the lotto.
  17. Okay, so here's the dealo: I don't know what's up with me, but I have a serious problem comprehending what people are saying sometimes. I've noticed it happens a lot when I'm talking to my Math/Logic teacher. When I ask them a question I often walk away more confused then before. I usually get by in the class by looking at examples, but if someone would try to explain it to me verbally I would be completely baffled. This happens from time to time in my daily life too, just while taking instructions. I don't know if it's ADD, but I've noticed that I often worry about not understanding what someone is saying when they are talking to me, leaving me worse off. Anyways, it's worrying me because I don't want this problem to hinder my finding a job. Thanks for any advice in advance!
  18. When I got into my dream med school 2 months ago, I couldn't believe it. I was so happy, and felt so positive, especially since it happened recentley after a break up with a girl I was with for a year. So all was well until I get a letter from my school telling me that I have 1 more general education class I have to take before I get in, and the words in the letter spelled SPEECH101. All I could think to myself was NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! The one class I purposely avoided all of my junior college career is now the only thing standing in my way of getting in. So, ok I signed up for the speech class, I had a positive outlook going in. I get to the class, and I had heard good things bout the teacher off link removed, so I'm sitting there mingling with people, etc and the teacher tells us," After this video I put on everyone has to go on stage and introduce themselves for 5 minutes." I CHOKED! I freaked out! I walked out to go think what I should do, I couldn't believe the teacher would make us do this on the first day!! I just refused to do it, and instead I just walked away with my tail between my legs. I dropped the class and now I'm taking one that starts in the 2nd half of the semester instead, which might motivate me more as it is only a 1 month class. My question is, I'm utterly terrified of speech. I have given 1 before in junior college but the teacher turned the lights off and gave us powerpoint so I didn't feel like all eyes were on me. I just feel so psyched out over this, but if I dont do this I can say BYE BYE to my dream med school. I know im going to do this, but I just need advice on how to use the fear and transfer it into an energetic speech. Any speech students, or people who work in fields where they give speeches wanna help me out?
  19. ive been thinking about all this rubbish! ...and ive come to the conclusion that when you get dumped... it sucks! lol i feel like i have been training my g/f for life,,,, i'm a teacher ye i'm a teacher! she has used me as a lesson on life and moved on! it feels like ( i bet she feels like) she has moved on to a higher level, gone from school to college so to speak! that kills what does anyone else think... u agree?
  20. So my period is coming. I feel like a completely different person. I feel crazy like I'm going to flip out. I have exams coming up in a few days and all I can think about it how much I want to ask the therapist if she can ask my professors to extend the exam dates for just one week - until my period is done. I literally feel like a different person. I want to die. The world sucks. I'm horribly ugly. I feel obsessive. I'm in pain, crampy, grumpy, depressed, my back hurts and I can't sleep. Just yesterday, I was studying very well, I was proud of myself......my life seemed to be better. THEN, today, BAM, I feel like death warmed over. I don't want to cop out on my exams.....in fact, I feel incredibly ashamed and embarrassed. I want to do well. But when I read my textbook, nothing makes sense. My concentration is foggy. My body bloated. I feel like a gigantic swollen blueberry. This is hell and I don't know what to do. I really want to do well on these exams.....but I'm going nuts. If only I were off my period or the symptoms went away........Help. :sad: It is so hard to do anything, to enjoy life, to finish a task when your body is breaking down on you. I am like a different person on my period. Whiny. Moopy. Anxious. I wish there were days given off to female students and at work too for periods. I don't mind making up the stuff and hours at a different times......it's hard to function on these days though. Next time I will plan important tasks around my period. I will make a plan so I can manage these around this. But I forgot how painfully it affects me everytime and I didn't plan for it. What am I going to do?
  21. Hey everyone, I am currently working on my applications for law school. I have two professors that promised to turn in letters of recommendation, and both told me it would be a few weeks, but neither has turned them in. It's been over a month since I gave them the paperwork for it. I emailed one of them and she never responded back. I know our school email system is iffy, and bombards everyone with useless emails, so I'm not sure if she even saw the email....... Anyways, is there a polite way I can email both of my professors reminding them to turn them in? I'm not quite sure how to ask. I feel like I'm harassing them! Thanks..
  22. I just came out of a few weeks of being in the dumps and am trying to find the sources for my waves of depression and found this. I'm all for teacher's believing in their students and lending them support and motivation. But there is one teacher i have that believes in me a *little* too much. He has become like a mentor to me and has such hope for my future and sees me as someone able to achieve great things but its becoming overwhelming. Sometimes i catch myself feeling like I'm doing everything the best that I can just to live up to his expectations and prove him right, but this leads to panic attacks and stress since I'm a perfectionist and aim beyond my reach. I'm worried that my motivation to do things is becoming dependent on him being there and supporting me like this. Then when the time comes I'm not at this school anymore I'm going to lose my basis. So at what point does someone draw the line for motivation and support from teachers and what can I do about it/? It's too much of a good thing I suppose
  23. So theres this new guy in school. We are sorta friends. He has a better car then me. Has the same interests as me. Now everyone likes him but they've like forgotten about me. Even my tech teacher lowered my marks from a 100 to 85 cause he's building a model car. Now all my friends are his, I have no one but my girlfriend. What do I do?
  24. I often feel as if my mind makes too many strong connections between things that have nothing to do with each other. Have you ever felt that you automatically dislike activities, tastes, opinions, favorite songs, books etc. of people you don't like [anymore] just because it's them... and not because of the activity, opinion, song or book itself? I noticed that I'm actually regressing at this process. In the sense that as a teenager I was more open, I never made such strong connections... I recall when I was at school and I really liked a subject regardless of who taught it... but if a really really boring and annoying teacher came, I slowly started hating the subject as well (reason for which I did lot of self-learning!). After I broke up with a girl, whenever I wanted to do something that I had liked very much when we were together, I suddenly got the feeling of "dislike". Even if that specific activity had nothing to do with my relationship with her. I feel that this is limiting me very much. How can I solve this issue? How can I detach my feelings towards people from my feelings towards what they do?
  25. Hey everyone, My professor recently emailed us to say that the reason several of her classes were canceled was because her mother passed away a few days ago. I feel really horrible for her, and I would like to email her back with some kind words, but I'm having trouble finding them. I don't want to say anything that'll sound rude. Any suggestions?
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