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  1. Hello. I am writing here as I, honestly, do not know who else to turn to. I believe my boyfriend had feelings for his ex while we were in a relationship, and there are some pretty telling messages... Me and my boyfriend met in 2019, and have been together ever since and, honestly, our relationship has been a mess and I am only now coming to terms with all the boundaries that I let be broken without doing something at the time. Now I feel like I am completely stuck. I love him, and leaving him seems like the hardest thing on earth to do. I just need to hear peoples opnions on this, as I feel like I am going crazy. We met in 2019 while working together, and after knowing each other for 2 weeks, we slept together. Problem was: we were both seeing other people at the time. Not in a relationship, but romantically seeing other people. Before we even kissed, I sat down with him and asked him about the girl he was seeing and if he was sure he wanted to get involved with me and what he would do, to which he replied that "things with her were not going anywhere". I also told him about the guy that I was seeing. After he told me that things with her were not going anywhere, we got involved, as I took that as a way of him saying that he won´t see her anymore. After that, we spent 2 weeks working together and were envolved during that time, and after that I had to go back to my home country, I told him he should come and visit me sometime, to which he replied he would love to. But, a few weeks after that he messaged me saying he was going to spend two weeks with the girl he had been before. ( She had invited him a while back to go and see her at the end of summer, she invited him in May of 2019, and me and him met in July 2019). I am honestly not sure what I though at the time, but I think I just thought we were going to continue living our lives and seeing other people. They slept together on the first night he arrived. He says it was a mistake and that he got too drunk, and that he didn´t know how things would go with me. That he was terrified that I would reject him if he told me how he really felt about me, and he was also scared that I was still seeing the guy I told him about when we met. He said that on the second day, when he woke up, he regreted what had happened and that the same day he told her about me that he had gotten involved with me and that he liked me and wanted to see how things would go. He says that the rest of those two weeks they were there as friends, so he basically broke up whatever it is that he had with her. Fasting forward, I always knew they were still in communication, as they remained friends like he said. However, I have found out recently, that in 2020 he sent her a book with a letter. That book costs around 100 euros...So I snapped and asked him to show me the messages from 2019 with her. She sent him a message thanking him for the gitf saying "it was the best thing she received in her life, that he is the only man who has touched her heart, that she has missed him so much from her days, how his presence just makes her days better and how he completely knows her heart" to which he replied that she knows his heart too, and very few people do, that she understands him and very few people do and that she could say more to him with one look than one hour conversation with a lot of people. Also in 2020, he said to her "would be great to speak again soon, I do miss your voice". And this is not all, I guess at some points in the beggining of our relationship I felt insecure with him having a friendship with her so at some point in 2021, he mentioned her a few times and I freaked out and asked why and if he had any feelings, to which he replied he didnt. A few weeks after this, he told me he loved me for the first time when we got drunk at a party and he said that "there was still some attraction there for her". I confronted him the next day and he says that is not what he meant, that he meant attracton has in attracted to her as a person, as a friend. So I have been quite traumatised about their relationship since this one specific incited, ans this has led to me asking to see the messages. I know this is a super weird timeline, and probably a confusing story to understand. My biggest fear is that he had feelings for this person while he was in a relationship with me. I am absolutely shocked with these messages, I never thought they communicated in this way and I honestly dont know how to go on. I think I also have developed or have flared my OCD and I have repetitive, intrusive, constant thoughts about this every day. My menatl health is declining to a low point that I have never experienced in my life. I honestly just feel so stupid, I feel like I should have not even gave him a chance the moment after he met me and decided to go see her for two week, that I should have left him when he said that there was still some attraction there for her. I have undermined my feelings, I thoiught that I was beeing crazy, I thought why would he be with me if he still had feelings for her? But now after reading these messages? They seem romantic to me. It does not seem like what friends would text to each other. We have been talking about this for months now, especially since I found out about the book and the value of the book. I honestly do not know what to do. He swears on my life, he continues saying that he did not have feelings for her, that he went to see her those two weeks with the intention of breaking things of with her because he wanted to be with me. But I just keep having this feeling that he had unresolved romantic feelings for her, as it is the only way I can explain these messages between them, it is the only way I can explain that he would go out of his way to send her a meaningful, expensive book, with a letter. While at the same time, he did not sens me anything at that time. He says that for a long time in our relationship he was extremely insecure that I would leave him, that that is why he also took a long time to tell mehe loved me and that m,ight also be the reason he would focus on friends more. But i just dont believe it. Who is in love with someone and decides to send an expensive gift to an ex? I feel like during our relationship I overlooked things because I truly loved him, but now I just feel like I deserve something better. I know he truly loves me, that is not even a question, but I doubt his feelings in the beggining of our relationship, I doubt what his intentions were with me.
  2. (I got this idea from another forum I visit frequently, if one like this already exists by all means ignore / delete this one.) OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "W-T-F" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release. What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!!
  3. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and the relationship is great and healthy. His relationship with his ex was toxic and intense. She was his first love and he said it was obsessive and he went kind of crazy and they hurt each other emotionally. He was very wounded after it ended but he’s says meeting me was the best thing that happened to him, he loves being with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I’m so happy that I can love and care for him in a healthy way, but he also says this love is not as intense even though he loves me loads and it’s healthier. Sometimes he still gets sad thinking about her. She even tried to get back in touch and get back with him, but he blocked her and told me he would never do that which was reassuring. I just can’t shake this jealousy. He told me there will always be a small part of him that’s sad about that relationship, so how can I accept this and move on from it, and not feel jealous?
  4. Thread continued from here Hello everyone at eNotAlone, I suddenly had a great idea...( scary huh? ) Let's start the SuperDave 71 NO CONTACT CHALLENGE... Here are the rules: 1. When you accept this challenge, post here and your time/date stamp will be recorded for accuracy. 2. No Contact will be initiated for ONE MONTH from the date that you post. This mean NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER...and I mean NONE. (Including going to picture sites and myspace/or like sites) 3. If you work with your ex, you can still accept the challenge. You cannot do ANYTHING to contact your ex UNLESS it is work related ONLY. 4. If you accept this challange, I would like a post everyday on how you are feeling and what you are doing to pass the time. I am hoping by doing this, others will read and try to help themselves is they have a moment of weakness. **Remember** No Contact is for you 5. If you have contact with your ex BY YOUR DOING..YOU MUST POST WHY YOU DID IT AND HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT AFTER. No exceptions. 6. If your ex contacts you, UNLESS IT IS AN EMERGENCY, or there are children involved, you cannot respond. PERIOD. If you do, see rule 5. 7. If an ex comes over or tries to see you physically, this DOES NOT COUNT AGAINST YOU, BUT you MUST POST. 8. After the month of No Contact has past, you must reread all of yoru daily threads and write a conclusion based on what you felt when you started and how you feel 30 days later. 9. When you post daily, please put what day number you are on of the 30 day challenge so that other members can see how you are doing. NEW RULE SuperDave71 has permission to duct tape any breaker of NC to a chair and throw broken twinkies at your head. If ANYONE out there can come up with more rules, PLEASE PM me so I can update them. I will be happy to listen. I would like for this to happen because I want other to read the progression involved in the NO CONTACT process. If you do NOT feel you are up to the challange, ...wait until you are. I wish you all the best....and GOOD LUCK. If you accept my challenge, you will be very surprised at the end result. Your friend, SuperDave71
  5. Hi all I came here to look for advice as I feel like I've no one in my own personal circle to ask without being judged.. I have been having thoughts for the past few months on and off whether or not to stay with my boyfriend. He has a son who is amazing and a smart boy. My problem is ever since we started dating it has been a hell with the mother of the son. Without making this a novel I've had to endure stalking, harassment and bullying. She's found and spoken to my mum behind my back, ive gotten messages from her and her friends to basically kms, her and her mother have called me racial and deragatory terms (I'm black so you can guess what I was called), I was on Bumble which is an app to make friends and I told my bf about it. They saw the profile, screenshotted it and sent it to their grouchat calling me a wh*** and said i was looking for threesomes and other situations that she has caused but you get the idea. Now since then I've had to ask my mum to contact the mothers Mom (Grandma) to basically get my daughters name out their mouth. She apologised profusely and said it won't happen again and to be fair it has been quiet since and that happened in July. My question is, is it worth to stay? The reason I haven't left is that I've never felt a love so strong for him and vice versa and because he knows the crap I've had to endure he truly treats me like a queen and I know inside ill never be able to experience again the love he gives me. We never fight or argue and he listens to me always. Our relationship in itself is perfect. Just his baggage... Since the whole July incident (and other stuff happened, she threw her hands at him while holding son) my bf and the mother don't communicate. Only through the grandma which is working perfectly for everyone and I'm glad. I know for now it's fine but eventually in the months/years to come they'll have to communicate and I know there's gonna be more BS i'll have to deal with so long as we're together but i'm asking should i just hold on or leave ? We are all young. I'm 22 in final year of college I'm looking for advice or reassurance from anyone out there as I feel so lost and idk if I'm wasting my time being with him but I don't want to be alone again 😞
  6. Hi so I need help, I'm actually embarrassed to even be writing this - I struggle with saying nothing and bottling it all up or revealing every single detail and blowing my life up 🙂 i'm sure everyone is tired of hearing me go on and on and don't want my ex to have to take this everyday - so posting here anonymously - any advice would be great! Basically I met the man of my dreams, he was everything I've ever wanted and even some things I didn't, which I love - we fell in love pretty much straight away. I struggle to actually like someone never mind love, I have high standards and not easily impressed - but with him, i'd marry him anytime. Unfortunately, we have some personal issues that we never addressed as individuals and that took a strain on our relationship, I admit a lot of it was me and we found ourselves in a cycle of constantly breaking up over a 2 month period. One day I realised "what the hell am I doing", 'I'm going to lose him" so I called and poured my heart out - he said it was too late - about 3 days go by and I phone him saying look we have both done wrong but I get a lot of this is me - i'm not leaving this phone call without getting you back- this is ridiculous - he feels the same but admits he's slept with someone. Yeah we weren't together, we were arguing everyday - a lot (not all) but a lot cause of me. we are actually dating again and things are going good but I think about that a lot. I get people cope differently and all that etc. he actually ran out of said girls house because he was too upset to carry on but I just keep thinking about it. I understand all of the above, but its just the "How could he bring himself to do it?" I was struggling to look at other men without crying every time my friends tried to encourage me to move on and try have some fun. He tells me all the time that it could've been anyone, he just wanted his mind to shut off from us, that he didn't even find her attractive, that he was sick of the arguing, he couldn't even do it and hence why he left. But again, how could he? And yes, this doesn't sound great of me, but oh well - it isn't her fault - they were single - she doesn't know a thing - but god does it suck that she wasn't good looking -she is a certain kind of girl let's say - and I say to him, really? you couldn't have been more original? That's what also hurts, its the kind of person he slept with. my sister said its like the cheeseburger and the steak - steak is unreal, top tier - the cheeseburger looks nothing like the ad, no where near as good as steak but its easy. it's convenient. but that's just it - sometimes I think- that's the kind of girls the man I love, likes? Am I reading to much into this? Pls no, just get over it! I would really appreciate genuine advice.
  7. I remember this forum was really important to me when I was going through a breakup back in 2011 (check my post history for the play-by-play). It helped me process my thoughts and feelings, and it was great to read advice and share my viewpoint with other people going through the same things. It was like a form of therapy, and I remember learning some valuable lessons on this forum. I also remember sharing some really good advice IMO, and it felt good having people validate my thinking and concerns as it related to their own lives. Regardless, as I've gone through my life, I've wondered about posting back on here at various milestones. Needless to say, I got back with my girlfriend, who became my fiancee in 2016, wife in 2018, and we have a wonderful 1.5 year-old boy right now! Lots of ups and downs throughout our relationship. Some of the down periods were just as hard as anything I had ever been through (especially learning to become parents together). Overall though, none of that would have happened without some of the valuable lessons I took here on my journey. I don't know if this thread will have any staying power, but I hope that it gives a signal to anyone else looking for a success story as a sign of hope. Anyways, I probably won't check on this thread or have much to contribute back to this forum, but I wish anyone reading this the best of luck and the strength to persevere in your own journey!
  8. I'm a 32-year-old guy who got divorced four years ago. My ex-wife and only son live in the US, while I'm living alone in another country, far from friends and family. About a year ago, I started a new job in a management leadership role. In this new workplace, I met a 27-year-old female colleague. We struck up a friendship, but over time, it became clear that she was developing romantic feelings for me. I was hesitant at first, considering our age difference and my complicated personal situation. I had already shared with her about my past marriage and my son to ensure she didn't have any misconceptions. Despite my initial reservations, our bond grew stronger. She looked up to me, often seeking advice and guidance. I admired her for her vulnerability and gentle nature. Eventually, I encouraged her to explore better job opportunities because I felt she deserved more than our current workplace. She didn't initially want to leave, but I began distancing myself to protect her from any emotional attachment to me. Eventually, she decided to quit the job, which was my intention. After several months, she reached out to me once again. We began talking and eventually hung out. My intentions were always platonic, but during one of our encounters, she kissed me while she was intoxicated. Our phone conversations became deeper, and she shared more about her life with me. I listened attentively and offered support and advice. After a month, I took the chance and confessed my feelings to her. While she didn't immediately respond, I could sense that she had feelings for me too. We started dating, and our connection was strong. We had common interests, including music, and shared emotional experiences from our pasts. She had ADHD and anxiety issues, but I did my best to provide emotional support and care for her. Our relationship was intimate, and we were compatible partners in various ways. However, a pivotal moment occurred when she recognized the severity of her anxiety and decided to see a psychologist. Unfortunately, on the day of her appointment, we faced significant challenges. I was unwell with a fever, and it was raining heavily, causing us to arrive late. She blamed me entirely for the delay and accused me of intentionally sabotaging her appointment, even though it was beyond our control. This incident left me feeling disconnected from her and questioning her reaction. Later, during a dinner, I was unwell and asked her to order something for me to eat. Instead, she was preoccupied with her concerns about the psychologist's session. This situation compounded my feelings of isolation within the relationship, making me wonder if she truly cared about my well-being. I didn't express these emotions to her at the time but unintentionally showed resentment. I later apologized for my behavior. However, our intimacy seemed to diminish, and our connection became strained. During a subsequent encounter, she pointed out flaws in me that I hadn't noticed before. I calmly explained that I wasn't the person she described, but this left her feeling hurt. As time passed, I found myself unconsciously interrupting her during phone conversations, and I avoided confrontations or arguments, as I disliked anger. Despite my inner turmoil, I continued to prioritize her happiness, even suppressing my own feelings. During her menstrual cycles, she became moody and irritable, saying hurtful things but later asking me to ignore it. Despite these challenges, I remained committed to our relationship. I believed we respected each other and understood that no relationship was without its difficulties. I even asked her if she was tired or bored of me, as I had insecurities about my own perceived dullness. In the third month of our relationship, I faced work-related stress and struggled to maintain emotional balance. Simultaneously, she was preparing for her GRE exam and grappling with mental health issues. We usually spoke every night, with most conversations centered around her and her emotional well-being. However, she started skipping our conversations, which heightened my emotional fragility. I gently asked to meet her, but she didn't respond. Feeling ignored, I reached out persistently, which led to tension and ultimately a confrontation. We met, and the conversation was charged with her anger, sadness, and hurt. I expressed my feelings, shared my own issues, and encouraged her to open up about her thoughts and feelings regarding our relationship. She remained silent throughout. Frustrated with our inability to communicate effectively, I suggested that we use physical intimacy as a means of understanding each other. We ended up having sex, and I believed that everything had been resolved. However, in the final week of that month, I continued to sense emotional distance. When I asked her if she was okay and expressed my need for emotional support and reassurance of her love for me, she reacted angrily, saying that I was the one who had grown unhappy and suggesting that our relationship had no future. This confrontation ended with her breaking up with me over a call. I cried and pleaded but was met with her unwavering determination to end the relationship. In the second week post-breakup, I sent long messages, desperately asking for another chance or, if not, at least a conversation to gain closure. This only annoyed her further, and she partially blocked me. In the third week, I resorted to getting a new phone number and tried a different approach, seeking a conversation to understand our situation better and saying goodbye on amicable terms. In the fourth week, she called me, feeling lonely. In my confusion, I forgot that we had broken up and comforted her as we did when we were in love. She reminded me that we were no longer dating and indicated that our conversations didn't signify a romantic relationship. This unexpected call led to a misunderstanding, and she stopped contacting me again. When I called her once more, she asked me to respect her boundaries and work on rebuilding trust. However, she had already blocked me from several communication channels, leaving me with no means of reaching out. Reflecting on the situation, I recognize that she is a good person, and I still love her deeply. I've made mistakes, some unintentional, and she's had her own struggles and insecurities. However, I'm struggling with the way our relationship ended, feeling like I was used and discarded without proper closure. I don't hold any resentment toward her; I simply want an opportunity to have a final conversation and part ways amicably, acknowledging our time together. I've been in pain since the breakup, unable to sleep, eat, or focus on work. She meant everything to me, and I want her to be happy, even if it means not being with me. The lack of closure and the way she handled the breakup have left me feeling hollow. I wish for the chance to see her one last time, talk, and create a final positive memory together. Is there any hope for this to happen?
  9. Hi there, IANAL however I wondered what you told your ex initially when you first began seeing someone (seriously) new ? What things specifically did you tell them? How long were you divorced? I have a 4 year old son I mentioned to my ex prior to my gf and my son meeting that they would be meeting, but this has turned into a litany of questions from my ex - many of which dont deal with my son at all e.g. whats your intentions with (girlfriend) ... have long have you been together what has your experience been?
  10. It all began in July 2021 when we first met in person during a university group gathering. Prior to that, all our interactions were on Zoom due to the pandemic. I found him intriguing and later reached out, asking if he would like to go out for dinner sometime. He accepted the invitation, and at our first meeting, we shared our first kiss. As time passed, we had more meetings, and our relationship progressed to a sexual level. We began seeing each other around 1-2 times a week, and after three months, I felt the need to discuss the future of our relationship. During this conversation, he expressed his desire for our journey to lead towards a committed relationship, and he reiterated this sentiment multiple times in subsequent discussions. However, by December 2021, I decided it was time to have a clear definition of our relationship status. I told him that it had to be either a genuine relationship or nothing at all. He responded by saying he wanted to be in a relationship but couldn't fully commit at that moment, without being certain why he felt hesitant. I gave him a week to think things over, and he eventually called to tell me he didn't want to lose me. So, we agreed to label our connection as a relationship, and that was the state of things as of December 2021. Three months later, in April 2022, after nearly nine months of dating, he called me one evening to reveal that he had just ended his long-distance relationship of 500 km over the phone. He admitted that he had wanted to break up for a while but had been afraid to do so. He realized he had been leading a double life and acknowledged his selfishness in the situation. He said he was a coward and sorry for what he did to me and to his ex-girlfriend. Through our later conversations, I learned more about his previous long-distance relationship, which lacked a fulfilling sex life and was burdened by his partner's struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Since then, we've been together and living together for over a year. Our relationship has deepened, and we've become integrated into each other's social circles, traveled together, and experienced a lot as a couple. I've never been so invested in a relationship before, and I'm currently content and happy with how things are going. Given this background, I'm curious to know if anyone else would have given a second chance in my situation, and if so, what their reasons might have been.
  11. I'm in need of some advice. My ex is confusing me with how we broke up and how we are now. About 6 weeks ago my ex through me out. It was a shock but the relationship was having difficulties. We had 4 weeks of silence between us, any contact we did have was angry and argumentative. She also stopped me from having any contact with me son during this time. Then about 2 weeks ago we started talking, deep and long messages about how I hurt her, and how she was hurting me. We spoke for hours that one night. The next day I was able to see my son. From then we have spoken alot more and actually seen each other a few times. This last week things have changed. She finds alot of reasons to message me, and we talk most of the day. She keeps saying there is no us and she doesn't want a relationship with me. She tells me she doesn't love me but she also doesn't hate me. It's worth noting that I'm not asking her to start again with me, but I have told her I'm still in love with her. The last 48 hours we have been discussing sleeping with each other. She comes up with alot of excuses as to why we shouldn't but never actually says no we won't do it. In fact she has said multiple times she wants too, it would be comfortable but because I have feeling it best we don't. Tonight she invited me to stay for tea with my son. He had already eaten hours before I got there, but she cooked for me, and she ate tea with me at the table making polite conversation. She also dropping into conversation that she is going out, and hopefully she could meet a sugar daddy, or a toy boy. She knew how this would make me feel. But i sort of brushed it off. She then said well you might meet someone its going to happen sooner or later. I cannot say she is hot and cold, im really not sure what i should be thjnking or doing right now. I always let her message first. And althought she isnt giving me hope, her actions are not clearly matching her words. I would love to hear what people think is going on. Thank you James
  12. One of the hardest things to deal with after my break up was realising that the happiest moments of my life had become meaningless, unbearably painful, even. That's probably the hardest thing to conquer... Another was that absolutely everything I did or wanted to do to get my mind off of her actually reminded me of her. I couldn't watch certain movies that used to be comforting, because I associated them with her. I couldn't read certain books. Even certain parts of the house became too painful to bear. Certain words, phrases, references... they could make me sad for seemingly no reason at all. And it's amazing how often these things do come up in the course of a day. It does get better. After more than 2 months, I still have many bad days, but there are also many days when I can happily and comfortably watch those films, read those books, even think about the most beautiful day of my life -- the day we met -- without worrying that the pain is going to kill me. It's sad, now, not painful. Sometimes the pain returns, but not as it used to be. It still gets pretty bad at times, especially when I start wondering what she's up to, and if she's found someone else. If I start waiting for her to call, I know I'm going to be miserable. So I try not to do that. Strangely, I find that I still love her as much as ever, but at the same time, the pain is fading. I was afraid that when the pain faded, the love would fade too, but that hasn't happened. Quite the opposite, even...
  13. I decided to start this as a place to park my hodgepodge of thoughts and what's going on in my life. Had a great Easter yesterday- I had to drive a few hours to the airport to pick my son up from his trip to France and Spain. He had a great time and it seems like he grew up over night! It was so great to have both boys home and with me. Since I had them for Easter, I asked them what kind of meal they wanted and I went and bought the groceries for a nice Easter dinner. Then I get a text from my ex, saying his mom and dad are inviting me and the boys to Easter brunch at their house. Well I didn't really want to go because my ex and his gf would be there. But the boys wanted to go and they wanted me to come. So I told them I would drop them off, pop in to say hi to friends and ex's family, then pick them up later. It took a lot of courage. But Despite that, I actually had fun! My ex and his gf sat on the other side of the room, although at one point his gf complemented a necklace I was wearing. It was fun to catch up with people I essentially have not seen in 4 years since the breakup. Oh the things I do for my sons... Well afterwards I made that nice dinner and we had it by candle light- just before I had to take them to their dad's for the week.
  14. Fears of a passionate reunion after years have gone by can cause a great amount of anxiety in your relationship with your boyfriend. What to do if you are afraid your boyfriend is going to fall back in love with his ex? The angst of being re-united with an old flame, who has taken up residence in your current relationships' happiest and most vulnerable moments, can be quite intimidating. It's not uncommon for the nostalgia of the past to cause a person, especially one that was once connected to the fire of their former, to spark. This leaves many of us wondering what to do if we feel our partner may be vulnerable to feeling that love all over again. The truth is it's entirely possible your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex, even if he won't admit it or isn't immediately aware of it himself. You should take the time to spend focusing on yourself, your mental and emotional health is just as important as his. Keeping your self together in the midst of such heartache and fear can be difficult; but it's necessary. Firstly, talk to him. Express your feelings and worries. Don't expect to receive certain feedback from him; let him talk uninterruptedly and listen patiently and genuinely. Maybe take this opportunity to clarify any misunderstandings about where he stands before taking further action. He may have broken off on good terms with his ex and could be unaware of how you're feeling. Next, fix areas in your relationship that lack attention. Focus on repairing what needs fixing, like becoming more understanding and communicating better. If you inspire passion in each other then it will be easier to pry attention away from the ex while spicing things up at the same time! After all, the partnership between the two of you should be having fun, electric and safe. It's also helpful to be supportive and understanding if ‘accidents' such as contact or run-ins take place. You need to stay composed and make sure he knows you are still there for him as a strong emotional support system during these trying times, no matter what happens. It may also help to encourage him to reconnect with his family and develop new friendships that have nothing to do with his past relationship. If communication fails try using humour and spending more quality time together. If he opens up about the ex, don't react immediately and don't compare yourself negatively against the ex. Shake off any negative thoughts by making silent promises that whatever happens you will stay by his side no matter what. If you find yourself in this situation then you need to examine the relationship closely and determine if it's worth fighting for or if it's best to just move on. It can be quite tricky determining whether you have a fighting chance or not but with some patience and care you can make it work out in the end.
  15. I'm trying to make sense of it all I see the whole play finally I understand why I wasn't a concern 4 years is all time to hide a bond I remember wen I stayed in the alley n came in you 2 was in the bathroom of my apartment... I just wonder what was wrong with me that question will never go away, n as much as you would never believe a word I said it was drummed I'm ur head how ***Y I was till it stuck thing is I have ever had a relationship with my sister ever never hung around didn't n don't know her today I don't even know why she moved in on you n destroyed something that I can never look forward to no friendship love no affection I thought there would be a rainbow wen we finally got clean she cheated me out of this!!!! I don't love her I havent proceed anything but I know if I don't I won't make it half a year fighting the depression...I've decided to air everything out its the only way i think I might be able to cope I'm hoping for karmic reaction from God I want to wake up n forget you ever existed so I can heal
  16. In a perfect world, break-ups go smoothly, with everyone moving on gracefully. However, that is often not the case, especially when one former partner moves on quickly. When your ex has a new significant other, it can be challenging to find peace with it all. After all, it was only just a few weeks ago that you were still in love and when it’s suddenly all over, and your ex is already replaced, it’s difficult to deal with both your heartache and your anger. When faced with this type of situation, it’s important to remember that, at the end of the day, it isn’t for you to judge your ex and their new relationship. Allow yourself to feel your emotions of hurt and betrayal and then work towards letting it all go. The more energy you put into being angry and bitter about the situation, the longer recovery from your break-up will take – that’s why it’s crucial to start the healing process, however slowly, as quickly as you can. Take a step back and reassess the situation objectively. How did the break-up occur? What kind of emotional space have you been in lately? All of these factors contribute to how you feel about your ex’s new relationship. So whatever the state of your emotions, don’t let them fuel destructive behavior and reactions. Instead, practice self-care and focus on healing your heart. If you need to cry it out, do it. You don’t even have to know why you’re crying, just let the feelings course through you. Don’t judge it, or push it away – just allow it to be how it is. Next, try to forgive your ex. This is actually incredibly important – not only to help yourself move on, but also because if you want to ever be friends with them again, it’s something you will both need to do. This can be incredibly difficult, yet it’s essential for your healing process. To start, acknowledege the hurt and anger inside you and then ask yourself if holding onto it serves any purpose. Often, you'll come to the realisation that doing so won't make the situation any better or help you leave it behind in any way. It may even have adverse effects and the longer you hold onto it, the harder it will become to overcome it. Once you start to feel a sense of forgiveness set in, make sure you take the time to express it. Writing letters, meditating and journaling are three great ways to do this. Once you’ve forgiven your ex, you should also extend a bit of understanding towards their new partner. No matter what the circumstances, they’re an important and significant part of your ex’s life now, so show a bit of compassion and empathy. Challenge yourself to accept the new situation. Maybe look at it from a different angle. Instead of focusing on what you lack, figure out what you have. Maybe the two of you were wrong for each other in some way and are now with people who are better suited for them. This could be a learning opportunity for you to adjust and improve your future relationships, too. Seek out some kind of closure by spending some time alone and reflecting. Don’t take any action, just let your thoughts flow, naturally and unjudged. These will help you understand yourself and the situation better, and slowly you’ll start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Break-ups, especially those where one partner quickly moves on with someone new, can be very challenging to overcome. It’s not easy, particularly when there is so much anger and hurt, but it’s possible to heal. Taking the time to process, forgive and understand is the best way to start making peace with your ex’s new relationship.
  17. Falling in love is often described as an uncomplicated, passionate process, however these blissful feelings eventually give way to the reality that’s inevitable when two people decide to end their amorous relationship. For those who at one time shared a strong bond of intimacy with another, exploring the possibility of rekindling that flame can be quite a daunting situation; a situation steeped with confounding risk and uncertainty. Making the decision to reunite with an ex can be simultaneously freeing yet excruciatingly difficult, leaving us with a plethora of unanswered questions that can become difficult to reconcile—the most pertinent question being, “is it too soon to attempt a revival?”. The resolution of our answer lies within the understanding of our own capacity for self-reflection, our level of maturity, and the ability to pick apart our emotions in order to determine whether the foundation of lingering resentments is still in place. In some cases, attempting to revive a dissolved relationship can simply end up becoming another act of desperation, causing us more pain than the original rift created. Acknowledging if former disappointments remain unresolved and if the effects of past grievances are not completely healed must be taken with great consideration. It has been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder and it’s true in some cases, however it’s essential to delve into the depths of the underlying factors of past separation to determine whether a reunion would add slits of light and joy or further burden our hearts with darkness. Moving forward too soon can cause newly emerged feelings to become clouded, resulting in us trying to make ourselves fit into our old puzzle piece in order to fill the aching void created while our partner was away. Our minds can automatically link to fantasies and moments of nostalgia without taking the time to see if we have actually established any type of resilience or a different form of communication that comprises of belonging and mutual understanding between both of us—moments that will be vital sustenance in order for any fire to be refueled. An important misstep we can make during this period of contemplation is dismissing the emotions of all of those who might be impacted by our decision to reunite. Not only should we consider the dynamic of our individual relationships but also the risk of how those close to us could cope with the news. Taking on the fragility of others' wellbeing needs to be taken with poise and respecting. In addition, the proper precautions should be taken to protect ourselves from any potential repercussions that could arise from the path we choose. Partaking in a transition with an ex-lover can often feel like a rollercoaster ride, however, the intensity of its turbulence can be managed by seeking a better understanding of our prior union. Asking these integral life changing questions can prove to be a daunting task, however they hold the key to determining the viability of trekking the roads of reunion or paving a new one entirely. Despite reconnecting with an ex-lover being a challenge, it is ultimately upon our discretion to determine whether the risk is worth the reward. Oftentimes, no road ever follows a predictable trajectory; and in some cases, taking a chance on reconstituting something that seemed to be forever lost can be the cognitive jolt we need to reclaim what had been taken away. the answers we seek will always be rife with perplexity and agony, but as difficult as they may be, they can also serve as a pathway to self-discovery.
  18. Do you want to know if having an ex as a friend is a good idea? There are risks and benefits associated with this decision. It's not something to take lightly – and there are certain steps you should take before giving the go-ahead. The first thing to understand is that the situation is delicately balanced between love and hatred. When a relationship ends, it's natural for feelings of animosity to come to the surface. If a friendship follows, these resentments can linger underneath the surface, brewing and festering until it's too late. On the other hand, if handled correctly, an ex can become one of your closest confidantes. It's also important to recognise the power balance between yourself and your ex. Did you break up on your own terms? Do they still harbour some grudge or hurt over the end of the relationship? Going into a rekindled friendship without considering how the other feels could lead to sour relations. Be honest with yourself. Are you really ready to go back down that path with someone who broke your heart? Do you really want them in your life? Or is it simply that you feel obligated to be friendly? If you're feeling ambivalent, take stock of your feelings before you make a move. If your intentions are sincere, then it's worth remembering that boundaries are key. Don't allow them to monopolise your time, energy and attention. They don't have to be the only person you talk to about everything, even if it seems like the most natural thing to do when reconnecting. Your boundaries may also extend to situations such as parties or events where both of you will be present. Be conscious of the dynamic and language used between you. Subtle things such as using each others first names instead of nicknames can help to draw a line and redefine the relationship. Being around an ex comes with a set of dos and don'ts. Don't let things get too personal. This could involve avoiding, or at least moderating, conversations about previous partners. You should also be wary about taking trips together or planning regular group outings. This could blur the lines of your relationship which are already fragile. Don't also expect this to happen overnight. Adding someone from an old relationship to your new circle can be difficult and awkward. Declining requests to catch up in the initial days after reconnecting is perfectly acceptable. Perhaps the most important thing to bear in mind is that it's ok if things don't work out. Just like any friendship, it takes work and communication to maintain a strong bond. If it isn't meant to be and you decide to pull back rather than forcing it, that's ok. To conclude, having an ex as a friend can be beneficial, but it's not without complications. Before taking the plunge, ensure that you're doing this for the right reasons and that both of you are on the same page. Enabling a friendship to grow requires respect, understanding and clear limitations.
  19. It is not unusual for people to stay in contact with an ex. While it’s typically taken with a pinch of salt when someone’s partner contacts an ex—as part of catching up on old times and treasuring old memories—circumstances can get complicated when they start to show an interest in getting back together. In such cases, knowing how to handle the situation with maturity and grace can be tricky. If your partner is in contact with an ex and starts talking about getting back together, try not to jump to conclusion too quickly or react in haste. Start by communicating openly and honestly with your partner to understand the extent of their feelings for them and don’t be afraid to ask tough questions. Asking and understanding can help calm the situation and if you can approach the issue from the point of view of curiosity, you may be able to gain more insight into their feelings and emotions. It is important to ensure that during communication you maintain respect and avoid attacking your partner, regardless of how strong your own feelings are. When feelings are running high, it can be difficult to express thoughts and feelings coherently and hence, taking breaks when needed can help you both maintain focus and perspective. At all times, keep the underlying goal in mind, which is to come to a mutually agreeable solution that is amicable and beneficial to both parties. The level of understanding and maturity your partner shows during this exchange will speak volume about their character and commitment to the relationship. Therefore, the response to their rekindling of romance should be based upon how your partner has addressed the situation. Politely guide them through the decision making process and be empathetic to their point of view while also communicating what is acceptable to you. If things are out of bounds, it is safe to make them aware of this but do so in a manner that still expresses care and unconditional love. Having a mediator, like a professional counselor, family member, or trusted friend can be beneficial to help diffuse the situation. A trained professional can help both parties work through their feelings and emotions and encourage constructive conversations about the situation. They can facilitate a productive dialog and help you come up with creative solutions to issues that may have been previously overlooked. Lastly, remember to remain focused on yourself and pay attention to your mental, emotional, and physical health during this challenging time. Keep up self affirmations and practice self-care whenever possible. And at the end of the day, trust your own intuition and know that no matter the outcome, you are strong enough to move forward. By taking a moment to reflect and assess the situation, you can begin to approach it with maturity and grace. Once you come to a conclusion that works best for both you and your partner, this experience can be the spark that brings you both closer together and help build an even stronger bond.
  20. Breakups are often difficult, and sometimes, the lines between somebody being just an ex-partner and becoming a stalker can be blurry. If you’re dealing with a situation where your ex has a “creepy” interest in your life, there are a few steps you can take to keep yourself safe. The first step is to do an honest assessment of what your ex is doing that makes you feel uncomfortable. It may seem obvious, but it’s important to acknowledge their behavior objectively. Consider the frequency and intensity of their communication or attempts to contact you. Is it always unwelcome and inappropriate? Are they trying to find out too much about your current life and intruding on that? Do they act possessively and make intimidating comments? If your ex is escalating their behavior and is appearing more dangerous to you, approach the situation responsibly. Contacting your local authorities is always a safe bet when it comes to stalking or harassment. In some cases, a restraining order may be necessary. It’s best to consult with an attorney if you think this is warranted to understand your local laws. If you don't feel that the threatening actions necessitate police involvement, then having a direct conversation with your ex is another solution to consider. Demonstrate boundaries in this conversation by being assertive and specific about what you find unacceptable. This doesn’t necessarily mean being hostile or defensive, but instead expressing yourself firmly and confidently. Simply say, “I do not feel comfortable with this. This isn't acceptable. Please don't do this anymore.” Unfortunately, they may not respond well to this conversation, but it’s still important to establish clear boundaries. Above all else, remember that you have the right to feel safe and secure. While it may be difficult to deal with an ex having a ‘creepy’ interest in your life, it’s important to take every measure to protect yourself and give yourself time to heal. Bouncing back from a breakup is challenging enough, remembering that you have control over the situation and can stay one step ahead of them will empower you to move forward.
  21. Maintaining a friendship with an ex-partner can be a complex and emotionally challenging endeavor. On one hand, you may have shared memories, experiences, and a deep connection that you don't want to lose. On the other hand, there may be lingering feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment that make it difficult to move forward and establish a healthy friendship. While it's not always possible or advisable to remain friends with an ex, there are certain conditions that must exist in order for a friendship to be successful. Here are five necessary conditions for maintaining a friendship with your ex: Mutual Respect and Understanding The foundation of any successful relationship is mutual respect and understanding. This is especially important when it comes to maintaining a friendship with an ex, as there may be lingering hurt or negative feelings that need to be addressed. Both parties must be willing to listen to each other's perspectives and validate each other's emotions in order to move forward in a positive and healthy way. Clear Boundaries Maintaining clear boundaries is essential when it comes to maintaining a friendship with an ex. Both parties must be clear about what is and isn't acceptable in the friendship, and must be willing to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and boundaries. This may include setting limits on how often you communicate or spending time together, as well as avoiding certain topics of conversation that may trigger negative emotions. Time and Space Healing takes time, and it's important to give yourself and your ex-partner the time and space needed to process your emotions and move on from the romantic relationship. It's important to take things slow and not rush into a friendship too quickly, as this can be counterproductive and may even cause more hurt and confusion. Shared Interests and Values While it's not necessary for two people to have identical interests and values in order to maintain a friendship, having some shared interests and values can make the friendship more enjoyable and fulfilling. This can also help to establish a sense of common ground and mutual respect, which is essential for maintaining a healthy and positive friendship. Genuine Care and Support In order for a friendship with an ex to be successful, both parties must genuinely care for and support each other. This may involve offering emotional support during difficult times, celebrating each other's successes, and simply being there for each other as friends. If one or both parties are not genuinely invested in the friendship, it may be difficult to maintain a healthy and positive relationship. Maintaining a friendship with an ex-partner can be a challenging and emotionally complex endeavor. However, by establishing clear boundaries, giving yourself and your ex-partner time and space to heal, focusing on shared interests and values, and genuinely caring for and supporting each other, it is possible to maintain a positive and healthy friendship with your ex. Remember, it's important to prioritize your own emotional wellbeing and to be honest with yourself about whether a friendship with your ex is truly what you want and what is best for you. Whether or not you choose to maintain a friendship with your ex is a personal decision that depends on a variety of factors. It's important to assess the nature of your past relationship and to be honest with yourself about your own emotions and needs. While it may be possible to maintain a positive and healthy friendship with an ex, it's important to remember that this may not always be the case, and it's okay to prioritize your own emotional wellbeing above maintaining a friendship. Whatever you decide, remember to communicate openly and honestly with your ex-partner and to take things slow in order to give yourself and your ex-partner the best chance at establishing a successful and fulfilling friendship.
  22. Love can be an incredibly complicated and intricate experience, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and moments of immense joy and profound pain. And when we enter into a new relationship, we often bring with us the baggage of our past experiences, including the memories, emotions, and attachments we have formed with our previous partners. One of the most challenging aspects of starting a new relationship can be dealing with a partner who holds onto memories of their ex. Whether it's text messages, photos, or other reminders of their past relationship, it can be difficult to navigate the complicated emotions that arise when we realize that the person we are dating is still holding onto a piece of their past. There are a variety of reasons why someone might choose to keep reminders of their ex. Perhaps they feel a strong emotional attachment to the memories they shared, or maybe they simply haven't had the time or energy to go through and delete everything. It's also possible that they are still processing the emotions of their previous relationship and are not yet ready to let go completely. Regardless of the reasons behind their actions, it's important to remember that everyone's journey is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution to this situation. However, there are some steps that you can take to better understand your partner's perspective and work through any challenges that may arise. First and foremost, it's essential to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about how their actions make you feel. Be clear and concise about your concerns and ask them to explain their motivations for keeping these reminders. Try to approach the conversation from a place of curiosity and empathy, rather than judgment or anger. Once you have a better understanding of your partner's perspective, you can work together to find a compromise that works for both of you. This might involve agreeing to delete certain photos or messages, or it could mean finding a way to keep these reminders in a private space that doesn't interfere with your current relationship. Another important step is to take care of yourself and your own emotional well-being. It can be incredibly challenging to confront the reality that your partner is still holding onto memories of their past, and it's essential to take time to process your own emotions and seek support from trusted friends or family members. The most important thing is to approach this situation with empathy and understanding. Everyone's journey is different, and there is no right or wrong way to move on from a past relationship. By being patient, communicative, and supportive, you can help your partner navigate their emotions and create a strong, healthy foundation for your own relationship.
  23. Talking about past relationships can be a touchy subject in any romantic relationship. While some people believe that discussing exes is healthy and necessary for building trust and intimacy, others believe that it's a deal breaker that can lead to jealousy, insecurity, and even the end of a relationship. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of ex talk and whether it's really a deal breaker in a relationship. The Pros of Ex Talk: Building Trust: Talking about past relationships can be a way to build trust and honesty in a relationship. By sharing personal experiences and discussing what worked and didn't work in previous relationships, partners can gain a better understanding of each other's needs and desires. Learning From Past Mistakes: Talking about past relationships can also be a way to learn from past mistakes and improve future relationships. By reflecting on what went wrong in previous relationships, partners can make better decisions in their current relationship and avoid making the same mistakes. Building Intimacy: Sharing personal experiences and vulnerabilities can be a way to build intimacy and deepen a relationship. By opening up about past relationships, partners can create a sense of emotional closeness and understanding. The Cons of Ex Talk: Jealousy and Insecurity: Talking about exes can also lead to feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Partners may worry that they're not measuring up to past partners or that their partner is still emotionally attached to their ex. Bringing Up Painful Memories: Talking about past relationships can also bring up painful memories and emotions. Partners may feel hurt, angry, or resentful hearing about their partner's past relationships, particularly if they ended badly. Living in the Past: Focusing too much on past relationships can also prevent partners from fully engaging in their current relationship. If one or both partners are constantly comparing their current relationship to past relationships, it can prevent them from fully enjoying the present moment. Is Ex Talk Really a Deal Breaker? Whether ex talk is a deal breaker in a relationship ultimately depends on the couple and their individual preferences and boundaries. For some couples, talking about past relationships may be a healthy and necessary part of building trust and intimacy. For others, it may be too painful or triggering and may cause more harm than good. Tips for Managing Ex Talk in a Relationship: If you're unsure how to navigate ex talk in your relationship, here are some tips that may help: Set Boundaries: Communicate your boundaries with your partner and let them know what you're comfortable discussing and what's off-limits. Be Mindful of Your Partner's Feelings: Be sensitive to your partner's feelings and avoid talking about past relationships in a way that may make them feel jealous or insecure. Focus on the Present: While it's important to learn from past relationships, it's equally important to focus on the present moment and fully engage in your current relationship. Talking about past relationships can be a tricky subject in any romantic relationship. While ex talk can be a way to build trust, intimacy, and learn from past mistakes, it can also lead to feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and pain. Ultimately, whether ex talk is a deal breaker in a relationship depends on the couple and their individual preferences and boundaries. By setting boundaries, being mindful of each other's feelings, and focusing on the present, couples can navigate ex talk in a way that works for them and their relationship.
  24. Divorce is a difficult and emotional process that can leave a lasting impact on both parties involved. Even after the divorce is finalized, there may still be unresolved issues or lingering feelings between ex-spouses. If your ex-wife has asked you to visit her, it can be challenging to decide whether or not to do so. In this article, we will discuss some factors to consider and guide you in making the right decision. Your Current Relationship Status The first thing to consider when deciding whether to visit your ex-wife is your current relationship status. If you are in a committed relationship, it may be inappropriate or uncomfortable to visit your ex-wife alone. It could also be seen as a breach of trust by your partner. If you are single, the decision is entirely up to you, but it's important to think about how visiting your ex-wife could affect your emotional state and well-being. The Reason for the Visit It's important to understand the reason for the visit before making a decision. Is it a casual catch-up or a more serious discussion? If your ex-wife wants to discuss unresolved issues from your marriage or legal matters, it may be beneficial to have a mediator present or even seek legal counsel. If the visit is simply to catch up, it's essential to consider how this could affect you emotionally. Your Emotional Well-Being Emotions can run high during and after a divorce, and it's important to consider your emotional well-being when deciding whether to visit your ex-wife. If seeing her brings up painful memories or feelings of anger, it may be best to decline the invitation or suggest an alternative way of catching up. It's essential to prioritize your emotional health and well-being. The Impact on Your Life Another factor to consider when deciding whether to visit your ex-wife is the impact it could have on your life. If you have to travel a significant distance or take time off work, it's important to weigh the costs and benefits. Will the visit bring closure or healing, or will it cause unnecessary stress and disruption to your life? Your Intuition Lastly, t's important to listen to your intuition when making the decision. You know yourself and your ex-wife better than anyone else, and your gut feeling can often provide valuable insight. If you have a strong feeling that the visit could be emotionally challenging or inappropriate, it's essential to trust your instincts. Deciding whether to visit your ex-wife is a complex and personal decision that requires careful consideration. It's important to take into account your current relationship status, the reason for the visit, your emotional well-being, the impact on your life, and your intuition. Ultimately, the decision is up to you, and it's essential to prioritize your own emotional health and well-being above all else.
  25. The end of a romantic relationship can be a complicated and emotional time, especially when there are unresolved issues and hurt feelings involved. If you have recently ended a relationship with someone and you have concerns about their behavior or treatment of others, you may be wondering if it's appropriate to warn their new partner about their past. While it may seem like the right thing to do, there are several factors to consider before reaching out to your ex's new girlfriend or partner. Here are some things to keep in mind: Consider your motives Before you decide to reach out to your ex's new girlfriend, it's important to be honest with yourself about your motives. Are you genuinely concerned about their well-being and safety, or are you still harboring feelings of resentment and anger towards your ex? If your motives are not purely altruistic, it's best to refrain from contacting their new partner. Respect their privacy Everyone has a right to privacy, including your ex's new girlfriend. You should not go digging for personal information about her, and you should not share any details about your ex's past that could be considered private or confidential. If you do decide to reach out, be respectful and keep your message brief and to the point. Consider the timing Timing is important when it comes to warning someone about another person's behavior. If you contact your ex's new girlfriend too soon after the breakup, she may not be ready to hear what you have to say, and it could come across as bitter or vengeful. On the other hand, waiting too long may mean that the information you have is no longer relevant or useful. Be objective When sharing information with your ex's new girlfriend, it's important to be objective and avoid using emotionally charged language. Stick to the facts and be specific about what you're concerned about. Avoid making sweeping generalizations or assumptions about your ex's behavior or character, and don't let your own emotions get in the way. Consider the potential consequences Reaching out to your ex's new girlfriend can have unintended consequences, both for her and for you. It's possible that your ex could become angry or vengeful, and it's possible that their new partner may not believe you or may react negatively to your message. Be prepared for any outcome and be sure that you're willing to accept the potential fallout of your actions. Whether or not to warn your ex's new girlfriend about their past is a complicated decision that should not be taken lightly. If you do decide to reach out, it's important to consider your motives, respect their privacy, time your message appropriately, be objective, and be prepared for any potential consequences. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make, but it's important to remember that the way you handle the situation could have a lasting impact on everyone involved.
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