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  1. The Silent Scream of Domestic Violence Domestic violence is an all-too-common occurrence in households across the globe. Often, the visible scars heal, but the hidden wounds linger. The effects of domestic violence extend far beyond the physical realm, deeply impacting mental, emotional, and social aspects of a victim's life. With 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men having experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner, understanding the effects is crucial for support and recovery. According to the World Health Organization, domestic violence leads to a range of mental health disorders, health complications, and can even result in death. This article will shed light on 18 often overlooked aspects of domestic violence effects and what they entail for the victim. 1. Physical Impacts: More than Just Bruises Physical injuries are the most apparent consequences of domestic violence. However, the severity and longevity of these injuries can be understated. Bruises and cuts may heal, but they can lead to more serious health complications if not addressed. Broken bones, especially when recurrent, can pose risks of permanent disabilities. Concussions, often dismissed, can cause traumatic brain injuries. These injuries can result in memory problems, dizziness, and even seizures. Moreover, chronic pain syndromes, such as fibromyalgia, are observed in victims of domestic violence. As per a study published in the Journal of General Internal Medicine, there's a significant association between experiencing domestic violence and the development of chronic pain. Lastly, victims might face reproductive issues, including forced abortions, miscarriages due to trauma, or sexually transmitted diseases resulting from sexual abuse. 2. Psychological Trauma: The Unseen Battle Within The psychological effects of domestic violence are profound and far-reaching. Victims often suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a condition that can cause flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 63% of homeless women have experienced major physical or sexual assault in their lives, often a precursor to PTSD. Depression is another common aftermath. The feeling of being trapped, with no way out, can lead to hopelessness. Anxiety disorders, panic attacks, and even suicidal thoughts or tendencies may follow suit. Low self-esteem is a frequent side effect. The constant belittling, emotional and verbal abuse can erode a victim's sense of self-worth. Over time, they may start believing that they deserve the abuse, internalizing blame. This mental trauma also results in victims developing unhealthy coping mechanisms. Alcohol and drug abuse becomes a refuge for some, leading to addiction issues, complicating their path to recovery. 3. Social Consequences: The Chain of Isolation Domestic violence isn't merely a personal or familial issue; its ramifications echo through the victim's entire social existence. Abusers often use isolation as a tactic, distancing their victims from family and friends. This isolation can cause feelings of loneliness and further entrapment. The stigma associated with domestic violence can also be crippling. Victims, fearing judgment or disbelief, might choose to remain silent. This silence perpetuates the cycle of abuse and further isolates them from potential support systems. Furthermore, the trauma might result in trust issues, affecting the victim's ability to form or maintain relationships outside their abusive environment. This mistrust can lead to a life of solitude, depriving them of essential human interactions and support. On a larger scale, children witnessing domestic violence suffer in their social interactions. These children are more likely to experience difficulties in school, have lower social competencies, and face challenges in forming healthy relationships. 4. Economic Impacts: Financial Shackles Economic abuse is a lesser-known but equally damaging component of domestic violence. Abusers often control finances, limiting victims' access to money, or sabotaging their employment opportunities. This financial dependency can make leaving the abusive relationship extremely challenging. Moreover, the repercussions of domestic violence can render a victim unemployed due to physical or psychological incapacitation. The medical costs for treatments, coupled with potential legal fees, can further strain their finances. The societal cost is also significant. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimated that domestic violence costs the U.S. economy $8.3 billion annually, accounting for medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity. 5. Long-Term Healing: The Road to Recovery Recovery from domestic violence is a multi-faceted journey. Physical healing might be the first step, but addressing the psychological, social, and economic impacts is equally crucial. Professional counseling can offer victims tools to rebuild their shattered self-esteem, address their trauma, and develop coping mechanisms. Support groups play an invaluable role in recovery. Sharing experiences and struggles with others who've faced similar situations can be therapeutic. Moreover, they provide a sense of belonging and understanding, combating the isolation many victims feel. Re-establishing financial independence is essential. This might involve skill-building workshops, employment support, and financial planning advice. Economic stability is often the key to preventing a return to an abusive environment. 6. The Ripple Effect: Impact on Children Domestic violence doesn't just impact the immediate victim; it reverberates through the lives of children who witness it. Studies have shown that children exposed to domestic violence are more prone to emotional, psychological, and behavioral issues. Such children often grapple with feelings of guilt, confusion, and fear. They may believe they caused the conflict or may fear its escalation to the point of a parent's death. The emotional turmoil they undergo can manifest as aggression, withdrawal, depression, or even anxiety. Their academic performance can suffer, and they may face difficulties in social situations, leading to isolation from peers. Long-term, these children are at a higher risk of substance abuse, becoming involved in violent relationships themselves, either as perpetrators or victims, and struggling with self-worth and personal relationships. Early intervention and counseling are crucial for these young minds. Child therapists can provide coping mechanisms and tools for emotional expression, ensuring a brighter future for them. Moreover, ensuring a safe environment for them, free from violence, is the most significant step towards securing their mental and emotional well-being. Addressing the traumatic experiences they've faced, providing them with a platform to express their fears and concerns, and ensuring consistent support are crucial steps in breaking the cycle of violence. 7. Legal Consequences and Protections Domestic violence isn't just a personal issue; it's a legal one. Many countries have laws designed to protect victims and penalize perpetrators. These laws encompass restraining orders, custody and visitation rights, and even legal recourse for economic abuse. Understanding one's legal rights is crucial for a victim planning to escape an abusive environment. Having legal protections can provide victims with a sense of security and empowerment. However, navigating the legal system can be daunting. Legal professionals specializing in domestic violence cases can guide victims through the process, ensuring they get the protection and justice they deserve. On the flip side, falsely accusing someone of domestic violence can have severe legal repercussions. It's vital for all parties to understand the gravity of such accusations and the potential outcomes. Furthermore, integrating psychological counseling with legal proceedings can ensure a holistic approach to domestic violence cases, addressing both the immediate danger and the underlying trauma. Collaborative efforts between legal professionals and mental health experts can lead to more effective interventions and a higher chance of recovery for the victim. Lastly, continuous awareness campaigns can ensure that society at large is aware of the legal protections in place and the avenues available for victims to seek help. 8. Navigating Relationships Post-Trauma For many domestic violence survivors, establishing or re-establishing relationships post-trauma can be a challenging endeavor. Trust, once broken, takes time to rebuild. Intimacy might trigger memories of past abuse, making connections difficult. It's essential for survivors to understand that it's okay to take things at their own pace. Seeking professional counseling can provide them with tools to address their fears and rebuild their trust in themselves and others. Open communication with potential partners about their past can also be beneficial. Establishing boundaries, both emotional and physical, can ensure that they don't feel overwhelmed or triggered in the new relationship. Moreover, engaging in group therapy or support groups can provide survivors with insights into others' journeys, offering hope and techniques to navigate relationships successfully. It's crucial for partners of survivors to be patient, understanding, and supportive. Recognizing the signs of trauma, providing a safe space for open communication, and ensuring consistent emotional support can go a long way in building a healthy relationship. Lastly, it's essential for survivors to remember that their past doesn't define their future. With time, effort, and support, they can build fulfilling relationships, free from the shadows of their past trauma. Engaging in self-awareness and self-love practices, focusing on personal growth, and prioritizing their mental health are key steps in their journey towards healthy relationships. 9. The Role of Community and Society Community and society play a pivotal role in addressing the issue of domestic violence. Collective efforts can lead to prevention, support for victims, and rehabilitation for perpetrators. Awareness campaigns, community workshops, and educational programs can ensure that society at large recognizes the signs of domestic violence, understands its implications, and knows how to intervene safely. Moreover, community support can offer victims a safe haven, be it in the form of shelters, financial support, or even emotional counseling. Neighborhood watch programs, community helplines, and local support groups can be instrumental in providing immediate help. Rehabilitation programs for perpetrators, focusing on anger management, emotional regulation, and relationship counseling, can prevent recurrence and break the cycle of violence. Furthermore, engaging influential community members in awareness campaigns can ensure a broader reach and more significant impact. Collaborative efforts between law enforcement, mental health professionals, and community leaders can lead to a comprehensive approach to addressing domestic violence. Empowering women and men alike with knowledge, resources, and community support can make a tangible difference. Ensuring that every member of society is aware, educated, and proactive in addressing domestic violence is a step towards a safer, healthier community. Lastly, schools and educational institutions can play a significant role. Integrating domestic violence awareness into curriculums, providing students with tools to recognize and address signs, and ensuring a safe environment for reporting can set the foundation for a violence-free future. 10. The Importance of Self-Care and Healing For domestic violence survivors, the journey doesn't end with escaping the abusive environment. Healing, both physically and mentally, is a continuous process. Prioritizing self-care is crucial in this journey. Engaging in self-awareness practices, such as journaling or meditation, can provide survivors with insights into their emotions and triggers. Recognizing and addressing these triggers can ensure long-term emotional well-being. Therapeutic practices, such as art therapy, music therapy, or even physical activities like yoga and tai chi, can offer both emotional release and physical healing. These practices can help survivors reconnect with their bodies, rebuilding trust and love for themselves. Nutrition also plays a crucial role. Ensuring a balanced diet, rich in nutrients, can aid physical recovery, boost energy levels, and elevate mood. Coupling this with regular exercise can lead to a holistic approach to healing. Furthermore, engaging in activities that bring joy, be it reading, gardening, or any other hobby, can provide survivors with a sense of purpose and happiness. Prioritizing these activities, setting aside dedicated "me time," and ensuring consistent self-care routines can lead to a healthier, happier life post-trauma. Lastly, surrounding oneself with positive influences, be it supportive friends, family, or even pets, can provide emotional stability and support. Building a support system, leaning on it during challenging times, and celebrating victories, no matter how small, are crucial steps in the healing journey. Remembering that healing is a journey, not a destination, and giving oneself the grace to take it one step at a time, is essential. Celebrating every milestone, acknowledging every emotion, and prioritizing self-love and self-care can ensure long-term well-being and happiness. 11. Digital Safety: Protecting Oneself Online In today's digital age, the virtual world is as real as the physical one. For victims of domestic violence, ensuring safety online is as crucial as ensuring physical safety. Perpetrators often use digital platforms to stalk, harass, or even blackmail victims. Being aware of one's digital footprint, setting strong, unique passwords for every online platform, and regularly checking privacy settings can go a long way in ensuring online safety. Furthermore, being cautious about sharing personal information, especially location or routine details, is essential. Using anonymous browsing modes, regularly clearing browser history, and even using VPNs can provide an added layer of security. Moreover, recognizing the signs of digital stalking or harassment, and reporting them immediately, can prevent potential dangers. Law enforcement agencies are increasingly becoming equipped to handle digital crimes, ensuring that perpetrators are brought to justice. It's also essential to educate oneself about the various digital tools available for safety. Apps designed to send emergency alerts, provide safe browsing, or even erase digital footprints can be lifesavers. Lastly, just like in the physical world, building a support system in the digital realm can provide victims with resources, advice, and even emotional support. Online communities, helplines, and digital resources can be invaluable in navigating the challenges of domestic violence in the digital age. Remembering that one's online safety is as crucial as physical safety, being proactive in ensuring digital security, and being aware of the various resources available can ensure a safe, secure online experience for domestic violence victims. 12. The Power of Allyship: Standing with Victims Being an ally to victims of domestic violence isn't just about empathy; it's about action. Recognizing the signs, providing support, and even intervening safely can make a tangible difference in a victim's life. It starts with education. Understanding the nuances of domestic violence, recognizing its many manifestations, and being aware of the resources available is the first step towards effective allyship. Moreover, being there for the victim, offering a listening ear without judgment, providing emotional support, or even tangible resources like shelter or financial aid can be life-saving. Intervening safely is crucial. If one witnesses domestic violence or suspects it, it's essential to ensure personal safety before intervening. Collaborating with law enforcement, reaching out to community resources, or even providing anonymous tips can be effective ways of intervention. Furthermore, advocating for domestic violence awareness, participating in community programs, or even starting awareness campaigns can ensure a broader reach and more significant impact. Using one's platform, no matter how big or small, to shed light on this pressing issue can lead to societal change. Lastly, understanding the importance of self-care as an ally is crucial. Witnessing or even hearing about domestic violence can be traumatic. Ensuring emotional well-being, seeking counseling if needed, and ensuring a balanced approach to allyship is essential. Remember, being an ally isn't about saving victims, but standing with them. Empowering them with resources, support, and love, ensuring their safety, and advocating for change are the cornerstones of effective allyship. 13. Progress and Hope: The Way Forward While the challenge of domestic violence is monumental, there's hope. Global initiatives, community programs, and individual efforts are making a tangible difference, leading to safer homes and healthier relationships. Technological advancements are providing victims with innovative tools to ensure their safety. From emergency alert apps to online counseling platforms, the digital age is proving to be an ally in the fight against domestic violence. Legal reforms, stringent laws, and streamlined legal processes are ensuring that victims have the protection they need and perpetrators face the consequences of their actions. Moreover, societal shifts towards recognizing domestic violence as a pressing issue, destigmatizing the victim's plight, and focusing on rehabilitation and support, are setting the foundation for a violence-free future. Furthermore, individual efforts, be it in the form of community support groups, awareness campaigns, or even personal interventions, are adding up, leading to significant societal change. It's essential to recognize that every effort, no matter how small, contributes to the larger goal. Every rescued victim, every rehabilitated perpetrator, and every aware individual is a step towards a safer, healthier society. With collective efforts, unwavering support, and continuous awareness, the dream of a world free from domestic violence isn't just a vision; it's a tangible goal, well within reach. 14. Financial Consequences of Domestic Violence Domestic violence's repercussions aren't confined to the emotional and physical realms. It has profound financial implications for victims. Economic abuse, a less talked-about aspect, is a strategic tool abusers use to gain control and maintain power over their victims. Economic abuse can manifest in various forms: controlling access to money, sabotaging employment opportunities, incurring debts on a victim's behalf without their consent, or even manipulating household expenses. This form of abuse ensures that the victim remains financially dependent, making it challenging to leave the abusive environment. Beyond economic abuse, the immediate financial burdens related to domestic violence are daunting. Medical expenses, legal fees, therapy, relocation costs, and potential job loss can deplete savings and lead to financial instability. Furthermore, the long-term economic repercussions can be even more profound. Rebuilding one's life, re-entering the workforce, securing housing, and ensuring the well-being of children, if involved, requires significant financial resources. Community programs, government initiatives, and non-profit organizations play a pivotal role here. Offering financial counseling, providing monetary aid, ensuring housing, and offering job placement services can make the transition smoother for victims. Moreover, financial literacy programs tailored for domestic violence victims can empower them with knowledge, enabling them to rebuild their financial foundation. Understanding savings, investments, credit repair, and budgeting can set them on a path to long-term financial stability. It's essential to acknowledge the financial challenges that domestic violence presents, both for the victim and society. By addressing these challenges head-on, providing resources and support, a foundation can be laid for victims to rebuild and thrive economically. 15. The Connection between Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence Substance abuse and domestic violence are intricately linked, with each often exacerbating the effects of the other. Drugs and alcohol can act as catalysts, amplifying aggressive behaviors, impairing judgment, and increasing the risk of violence. On the flip side, victims of domestic violence often resort to substance use as a coping mechanism, leading to a vicious cycle of abuse and addiction. Substance dependency can further trap the victim in the abusive relationship, as they might become financially or emotionally dependent on the abuser for their substance supply. Studies have shown a significant correlation between substance abuse and the severity of domestic violence incidents. Alcohol, in particular, has been identified as a significant risk factor in the escalation of domestic disputes to physical violence. Addressing this intertwined issue requires a holistic approach. Rehabilitation programs for perpetrators should not only focus on anger management and behavioral therapy but also on substance abuse counseling. Similarly, support for victims should encompass both trauma-focused counseling and addiction recovery resources. Detoxification, therapy, and support groups can ensure that the victim breaks free from both the shackles of abuse and the chains of addiction. Collaborative efforts between substance abuse professionals, domestic violence counselors, and community resources can lead to comprehensive interventions, addressing the root causes and ensuring long-term recovery. Recognizing the deep-rooted connection between substance abuse and domestic violence, and addressing them simultaneously, is a step towards a comprehensive solution, ensuring both emotional and physical well-being for victims. 16. Myths and Misconceptions: Debunking the Stereotypes Domestic violence, despite its prevalence, is shrouded in myths and misconceptions. These stereotypes not only stigmatize victims but can also perpetuate the cycle of abuse. One common myth is that domestic violence is only physical. In reality, emotional, financial, and sexual abuses are equally damaging and pervasive forms of domestic violence. Another misconception is that domestic violence only affects certain demographics or socio-economic classes. The truth is, domestic violence knows no bounds, affecting individuals regardless of age, race, gender, or economic status. There's also a dangerous stereotype that victims could leave if they genuinely wanted to. The reality is, numerous factors, be it emotional manipulation, financial dependency, fear, or concern for children, make leaving incredibly challenging. Furthermore, the belief that alcohol, drugs, or stress cause domestic violence oversimplifies the issue. While they can exacerbate violent tendencies, they aren't the root causes. Abusive behaviors stem from a need for control and power. Challenging these myths, raising awareness, and ensuring factual information dissemination is crucial. Doing so not only provides victims with clarity and support but also educates society at large, leading to proactive interventions and reduced stigmatization. Every time a myth is debunked, society takes one step closer to understanding the complexities of domestic violence, paving the way for more effective interventions and support systems. 17. The Role of Law Enforcement: Protection and Prevention Law enforcement plays a pivotal role in addressing domestic violence. From immediate interventions to ensuring long-term protection, their actions can make a significant difference in a victim's life. Immediate response to domestic violence calls, understanding the gravity of the situation, and ensuring the victim's safety is paramount. Quick actions, protective custody, and emergency medical interventions can save lives. Moreover, providing victims with resources, be it shelters, legal aid, or counseling services, can offer much-needed support. Law enforcement agencies, in collaboration with community resources, can ensure comprehensive care for victims. Furthermore, ensuring that perpetrators face legal consequences acts as a deterrent. Swift legal processes, stringent laws, and proper sentencing can ensure justice and prevent repeat offenses. Law enforcement agencies can also play a preventive role. Community outreach programs, awareness campaigns, and educational initiatives can shed light on the issue, making society more vigilant and supportive. Continuous training for law enforcement officers, ensuring they are equipped with the knowledge, sensitivity, and resources to handle domestic violence situations, is crucial. Such training ensures that officers can provide the support victims need while holding perpetrators accountable. Recognizing the crucial role law enforcement plays, ensuring they have the necessary training and resources, and fostering collaboration between agencies and community resources is a step towards a comprehensive solution to domestic violence. 18. Conclusion: Collective Responsibility towards a Safer Future Domestic violence isn't just a personal issue; it's a societal one. The collective repercussions, from emotional traumas to economic implications, affect communities at large. Addressing it, thus, is a collective responsibility. It begins with awareness. Educating oneself, challenging stereotypes, and understanding the complexities of the issue can foster a supportive environment for victims. Active intervention, be it through community programs, law enforcement, or personal actions, can make a tangible difference. Ensuring victims have the resources, support, and protection they need can set them on a path to recovery and well-being. Moreover, rehabilitation and counseling for perpetrators can ensure long-term solutions, breaking the cycle of violence and fostering healthier relationships. Each individual, through their actions, advocacy, or support, can contribute to the larger goal. A world free from domestic violence isn't just a dream; it's a goal well within reach with collective efforts, unwavering support, and continuous awareness. Every step taken, every resource provided, and every victim supported is a stride towards a safer, healthier, and more harmonious future. Together, society can ensure that homes are sanctuaries of love, respect, and safety. The effects of domestic violence are far-reaching and multidimensional. As a society, recognizing these impacts and offering support, both emotional and tangible, is our collective responsibility. For further insights and support, consider the following resources: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse by Shannon Thomas
  2. PTSD and Marriage: Understanding the Dynamics When discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and its impact on personal relationships, the conversation often gravitates towards the negative implications. PTSD is, without a doubt, a daunting adversary. The disorder can manifest in an array of symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the triggering event. These symptoms can disrupt a person's life and their relationships, especially intimate ones like marriage. However, the narrative can be transformed by focusing on resilience, understanding, and strategies to strengthen the marriage amidst the challenges PTSD presents. This profound exploration of PTSD within the context of marriage will delve into the intricacies of maintaining a healthy relationship amidst such challenges. We'll learn the importance of understanding, patience, communication, and professional help, weaving a narrative not just about surviving, but about thriving in the face of adversity. This comprehensive advice aims to shed light on the complexities of a marriage impacted by PTSD, offering an empowering, empathetic guide for couples navigating this journey. Recognizing PTSD in a Spouse The first step in dealing with PTSD within a marriage is recognizing its signs and symptoms. It is important to understand that PTSD is not a sign of weakness. It is a response to an overwhelming event or series of events that often involved the threat of harm or actual harm. Soldiers, emergency service workers, survivors of physical or sexual assault, natural disasters, and serious accidents are among those at a high risk for developing PTSD. It can be tricky to distinguish between a typical stress response and PTSD. An important distinguishing feature is that PTSD symptoms persist long after the triggering event and interfere significantly with the person’s daily life. Symptoms often cluster into four main categories: re-experiencing the traumatic event, avoidance of triggers, negative changes in thoughts and feelings, and hyperarousal or reactivity. Identifying these symptoms can help you recognize if your spouse is struggling with PTSD. It's important not to jump to conclusions, however. If you suspect PTSD, encourage your spouse to seek professional help. It's critical for the diagnosis to be made by a trained mental health professional. PTSD’s Impact on the Marriage PTSD can significantly disrupt a marriage. The affected spouse may experience intense feelings of fear, anger, and sadness, which can lead to isolation. They might avoid social activities or anything that could trigger memories of the traumatic event. This can cause the spouse without PTSD to feel neglected, sparking misunderstandings and discord within the relationship. Nightmares and sleep disturbances associated with PTSD can also pose challenges. The affected spouse may feel exhausted and irritable, which can further strain communication within the marriage. Furthermore, the emotional numbness that often accompanies PTSD can make it difficult for the affected spouse to express love or affection, creating feelings of rejection in the other spouse. Despite these hurdles, it's crucial to remember that PTSD is not an insurmountable obstacle. In the subsequent sections, we'll explore practical advice and strategies to fortify your marriage, fostering an environment of understanding and resilience. Building Understanding and Compassion As a partner, one of the most significant steps you can take is to educate yourself about PTSD. Understanding the disorder’s nature, symptoms, and impacts can foster empathy and patience, becoming a cornerstone of your support system. Accept that there will be good days and bad days, and learn to differentiate the person from the disorder. The symptoms of PTSD are not a reflection of the person's character or a measure of their love for you. It is vital not to underestimate the power of empathetic listening. Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is simply listen without judgment or interruption. If your spouse wants to talk about their experiences or feelings, let them. You don't need to have solutions or advice – just offering a compassionate ear can make a world of difference. While you support your partner, don't neglect your own mental health. Caring for a spouse with PTSD can be stressful and exhausting. Ensure that you're also taking time for self-care, participating in activities you enjoy, and reaching out to your support network when you need a listening ear. Finally, remember the power of love. Expressing your love and commitment can help your spouse feel secure and understood, fostering deeper connection despite the trials you face. Communication: The Heartbeat of a Strong Marriage Effective communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, more so when navigating the complexities of PTSD. Communication in this context goes beyond everyday discussions; it involves expressing feelings, concerns, fears, and aspirations, and hearing your spouse when they do the same. Acknowledge the emotions behind your spouse's words, even if they seem irrational or overwhelming. Validate their feelings; this doesn't mean you have to agree with them, but acknowledge that these emotions are real and significant for your spouse. This form of empathetic communication can create a safe space for both of you to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or misunderstanding. Work together to establish boundaries and create a crisis plan. The crisis plan can include identifying triggers, symptoms of a PTSD episode, calming techniques, and when and how to seek professional help. Having this plan can help both of you feel more prepared and in control. Remember, communication is a two-way street. While it's important to listen and empathize with your spouse, it's equally important for you to express your feelings, concerns, and needs. This can help prevent resentment and misunderstanding from building up, which can further strain the relationship. Open, respectful, and empathetic communication is vital in maintaining a strong, resilient marriage when dealing with PTSD. It can foster mutual understanding, build trust, and help both of you feel seen and heard. Seeking Professional Help: A Path to Healing A critical piece of advice when navigating PTSD in a marriage is to seek professional help. Mental health professionals offer a wealth of knowledge and tools to manage PTSD symptoms and to improve communication and understanding within the marriage. Therapy can take various forms. Individual therapy can provide your spouse with coping strategies to manage PTSD symptoms. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE) are among the effective therapeutic approaches for PTSD. Couples therapy can be incredibly beneficial as well. It provides a safe, structured environment to express thoughts and feelings, discuss challenges, and work towards solutions. A therapist can guide you in developing effective communication strategies, understanding each other's experiences, and fostering empathy and resilience within the relationship. Furthermore, support groups can offer a sense of community and understanding. They provide a platform to share experiences, challenges, and victories, and learn from others facing similar situations. Remember, it's essential to choose a therapist or support group with experience in PTSD to ensure the advice and methods used are appropriate and beneficial. While it can be daunting to seek professional help, doing so can provide invaluable tools and insights to manage PTSD within your marriage. Remember, there's no shame in reaching out; it's a sign of strength and a step towards healing. The Role of Resilience in PTSD and Marriage Building resilience—both as individuals and as a couple—is a powerful strategy to navigate the trials that come with PTSD. Resilience is the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, or significant sources of stress. It is about 'bouncing back' from difficult experiences and creating and maintaining a sense of control over your life. Cultivating resilience requires effort and practice, but the results can be transformative. For the spouse with PTSD, resilience can reduce the impact of symptoms, enable faster recovery from PTSD episodes, and foster a sense of empowerment. For the spouse without PTSD, resilience can help to manage stress, provide strength to support their partner, and maintain emotional balance. Resilience within the marriage can foster a sense of teamwork, helping you face challenges together instead of allowing them to drive a wedge between you. It can reinforce the bond between you, nurture a sense of mutual respect and understanding, and pave the way for a healthier, stronger relationship. There are many ways to build resilience. They include maintaining a positive outlook, developing coping skills, practicing self-care, seeking social support, and pursuing personal growth. It's a journey of self-discovery and transformation that can not only improve your relationship but also empower you as individuals. Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms Together Developing healthy coping mechanisms is another crucial aspect of managing PTSD within a marriage. Coping strategies can help the spouse with PTSD manage their symptoms, while also providing tools for the partner to handle the stress and challenges that arise. Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation, can help manage anxiety and stress. Regular physical activity, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep also play an important role in managing PTSD symptoms and promoting overall well-being. Creating a calming and comfortable environment can help to prevent or soothe PTSD symptoms. This can involve minimizing exposure to triggers, creating a safe and peaceful space at home, and ensuring that both of you have space and time for relaxation and self-care. Another effective coping strategy is the use of distraction techniques. These can help the spouse with PTSD to divert their attention away from intrusive thoughts or memories. These can include activities such as reading, listening to music, painting, or any other hobby that requires focus and offers enjoyment. Working together to identify and implement effective coping strategies can create a sense of shared purpose and mutual support, reinforcing the bond between you. Remember, different strategies work for different people, so it's essential to keep an open mind and be willing to experiment to find what works best for you and your spouse. Leveraging the Power of Love and Connection Despite the challenges PTSD brings, love and connection remain the bedrock of a healthy and resilient marriage. Love can inspire patience, understanding, and resilience. Connection can foster empathy, mutual support, and effective communication. Love in this context goes beyond romantic affection. It involves demonstrating your commitment through actions. It's about being there for your spouse, both in their darkest moments and their victories, no matter how small they might seem. It's about reassurance during the tough times and celebration in the good times. Similarly, maintaining connection is more than just spending time together. It's about emotional availability, understanding, and mutual respect. It's about maintaining a shared vision for your future together, despite the challenges you face. The power of love and connection can't be underestimated in navigating the challenges of PTSD within a marriage. They foster a sense of security and mutual support, create an environment conducive to healing, and strengthen the bond between you, enabling you to face whatever trials may come your way. Understanding Your Spouse's Triggers and How to Help Every person with PTSD has their unique triggers—sights, sounds, smells, or thoughts that evoke memories of the traumatic event. Understanding these triggers can go a long way in helping manage PTSD within your marriage. To identify these triggers, open communication is key. Your spouse may already be aware of some triggers, while others may be less apparent. With consent and patience, you can assist your partner in identifying these triggers. Be mindful, though, that this process can be distressing for your spouse. Once triggers are identified, you can work together to manage them. Sometimes this might mean avoiding certain situations or stimuli. Other times it may involve developing coping strategies, such as grounding techniques or distraction activities. Here, the assistance of a mental health professional can be invaluable. Remember, the goal is not to create a life devoid of triggers—that's often unrealistic—but to build an understanding and create a toolbox of coping strategies to mitigate their impact. Celebrating Progress and Successes Living with PTSD is a journey, not a destination. Progress may be slow and sometimes punctuated by setbacks. It's important, though, to celebrate each step forward, no matter how small it might seem. Celebrating progress and successes, both big and small, can boost morale, foster hope, and strengthen your bond. It might be as simple as a hug and words of praise when your spouse manages to avoid a trigger or uses a new coping strategy effectively. Or it might be a special dinner to celebrate a month of successful therapy. Remember, success doesn't always look like a total absence of symptoms. It might be as simple as fewer nightmares, better control of emotions, or the ability to talk about the traumatic event without distress. Recognize these victories, for they are signs of resilience and strength. They are proof that progress is being made, that healing is taking place. Celebrating these moments can serve as a powerful reminder of the love and support that permeates your relationship, making the journey a little less daunting. Navigating Intimacy and PTSD PTSD can significantly impact intimacy within a marriage. Some individuals may feel detached or emotionally numb, leading to decreased interest in sexual activity. Others may avoid sex due to fear of potential triggers or anxiety. To navigate this sensitive issue, open, respectful communication is critical. It's important to discuss each other's comfort levels, fears, and desires. Remember, intimacy is not solely about sex—it's about emotional closeness, trust, and mutual respect. There are many ways to build intimacy without engaging in sexual activity, such as through deep conversations, shared activities, or simple physical affection like holding hands or hugging. If PTSD has caused significant issues with sexual intimacy, consider seeking help from a professional who specializes in sexual therapy. They can provide strategies and advice to help you navigate this aspect of your relationship. The Importance of Self-Care for Both Spouses Caring for a spouse with PTSD can take a toll on your physical and mental health. You may feel overwhelmed, stressed, or emotionally drained. That's why it's vital to prioritize self-care. Self-care is not selfish—it's necessary. It's about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health so you can be there for your spouse. It might mean setting aside time each day for relaxation, pursuing hobbies, exercising, maintaining a balanced diet, or getting plenty of sleep. It might also mean reaching out to your support network or a mental health professional when you need it. Likewise, the spouse with PTSD also needs to prioritize self-care. Managing PTSD symptoms can be exhausting, both physically and mentally. Self-care can provide the energy and mental clarity needed to effectively manage symptoms and engage in therapy. Self-care is a journey, not a destination. It's about creating a lifestyle that promotes wellbeing and resilience for both you and your spouse. Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle: Aiding Recovery Living with PTSD is challenging, but maintaining a healthy lifestyle can help manage symptoms and aid recovery. Healthy habits such as regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, adequate sleep, and abstaining from alcohol and drugs can contribute significantly to overall mental health and wellbeing. Physical activity is especially beneficial for individuals with PTSD, as it can help reduce anxiety, improve mood, and enhance sleep. Whether it's a daily walk, yoga, or a gym session, find an activity that both you and your spouse enjoy and make it a part of your routine. A balanced diet can also play a crucial role in managing PTSD symptoms. Consuming a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains, while limiting processed foods, caffeine, and sugar, can help maintain stable energy levels and mood throughout the day. Adequate sleep is also essential for mental health. PTSD can often cause sleep disturbances, including nightmares and insomnia. Establishing a regular sleep schedule, creating a calming bedtime routine, and ensuring a comfortable, quiet sleep environment can help improve sleep quality. Abstaining from alcohol and drugs is vital, as these substances can worsen PTSD symptoms and interfere with treatment. If your spouse struggles with substance abuse, consider seeking help from a professional specializing in addiction. Living a healthy lifestyle can support recovery and boost resilience, not just for the spouse with PTSD but for both partners. It's an integral part of the healing journey, fostering physical and mental wellbeing and enhancing quality of life. Building a Support Network: A Pillar of Strength It's important to remember that you don't have to face PTSD alone. Building a support network can provide much-needed relief, understanding, and advice. This network can include family, friends, therapists, support groups, or online communities. Involve people who are understanding and supportive. Let them know what kind of help you need, whether it's a listening ear, assistance with daily chores, or accompaniment to therapy sessions. Be open about your experiences and needs, but also set boundaries to protect your privacy and emotional wellbeing. Support groups can be particularly helpful. They offer a space to share experiences, advice, and encouragement with others who understand your situation. Online communities can offer similar benefits, along with the convenience of accessing support from home. Remember, building a support network isn't about handing over your responsibilities or burdening others. It's about allowing others to lend a hand, to provide emotional support, and to help you navigate the journey of PTSD within your marriage. Continuous Learning and Adaptation Dealing with PTSD in marriage is a journey, one that requires continuous learning and adaptation. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to managing PTSD, and what works for one person or couple might not work for another. It's a process of trial and error, of learning what works and what doesn't, and adapting accordingly. Keep informed about the latest research and treatments for PTSD. Don't hesitate to try new strategies or therapies. Be patient with yourself and your spouse, understanding that progress may be slow and punctuated by setbacks. Celebrate the victories, no matter how small, and learn from the challenges. Above all, remember that it's okay to ask for help, to seek professional advice when you're unsure or overwhelmed. You're not alone in this journey. With love, understanding, resilience, and the right support, it's possible to manage PTSD within your marriage and build a healthier, stronger relationship. The journey of PTSD and marriage can be challenging, but it's a journey you don't have to walk alone. With understanding, resilience, love, and professional help, you can navigate the trials and build a stronger, healthier relationship. Remember, every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory worth celebrating. Books to read for further insight: "The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook: A Guide to Healing, Recovery, and Growth" by Glenn Schiraldi. "Courage After Fire: Coping Strategies for Troops Returning from Iraq and Afghanistan and Their Families" by Keith Armstrong, Suzanne Best, and Paula Domenici. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk.
  3. Are you desperate for approval from family and friends? Are you finding that even when someone insults or hurt you, you still try to be nice? You might be suffering from something called "trauma fawning." Trauma fawning is a common symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It is an unconscious coping mechanism in which people who have experienced trauma seek validation and approval by being excessively kind and giving to those who have hurt them in the past. Trauma fawning can hinder people's ability to make healthy relationships with others in the future, and it can also prevent them from feeling good about themselves. Those suffering from trauma fawning may agree wholeheartedly with the opinions of others, even if they do not feel or believe them. They can smile when they are hurting, or be willing to forgive and overlook even the most damaging of slights. For victims of trauma, it can become a habit to bend over backwards to please, while quietly enduring the pain within. Trauma fawning can manifest in all areas of life – from work, relationships and parenting to social settings and friendships. To recognize trauma fawning in yourself, you must be aware of your own feelings and needs. Do you find yourself feeling insignificant or less than others? Do you put up with abusive behavior from those close to you? Are you constantly trying to win over those who criticize or take advantage of you? Recognizing you may be suffering from trauma fawning is the first step towards overcoming it. Begin by reflecting on your emotions and deciding if and how you need to prioritize them. Often victims of trauma fawning are too scared or ashamed to acknowledge their hurt feelings, but once they do they can start learning how to accept and appreciate their real selves. Be honest with yourself and those around you. Maybe it's time to learn how to say no without feeling guilty or obligated. You don't have to explain yourself; asserting your desires respectfully should be enough. Self-compassion is key––start taking into account your needs and feelings before trying to meet the needs of others. It is important to remind yourself that it is OK to make mistakes, or that things don't always have to go your way. Next time someone near you criticizes you, don't take their words to heart; instead, focus on what qualities make you deserving of acknowledgment and appreciation. Remind yourself of these qualities regularly and practice self-affirmation as often as possible. Surround yourself with people who will support and celebrate your successes, not bring you down. It might also help to talk openly about your traumatic experiences with a therapist or a support group. Working through your trauma can help reduce PTSD symptoms, such as trauma fawning. Having a network of people who understand your pain can also make all the difference in helping you build healthier relationships. Most importantly, learn to accept yourself: doing so will give you strength, courage and perspective to combat trauma fawning in the future.
  4. The loss of self-awareness due to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is often a topic that is often buried out of fear, shame, and confusion. It affects millions of people every year, leaving them unable to cope with the daily challenges of life and lead to depression, anxiety and an overall sense of helplessness. PTSD takes away the emotional capacity to recognize one's true feelings and reactions, resulting in an emotional void that can become a huge barrier to meaningful relationships and emotional security. For those living with PTSD, it can be difficult to take the time and effort to explore their emotions without being overwhelmed by the effects of their trauma or the magnitude of their distress. Along with difficulty recognizing their own feelings, individuals with PTSD may also experience changes in thinking such as feelings of extreme guilt, distorted expectations, conflicts between thoughts and feelings, and problems with decision making. For many, these issues are compounded by the feeling of physical exhaustion and lack of self-care that often accompanies PTSD. Individuals may find themselves unable to attend to tasks and obligations, let alone deal with the mental struggle of expressing themselves emotionally and connecting with others. This inability to care for the self can sometimes lead to unhealthy and destructive behavior in search of an escape from the overwhelming feeling of all-consuming despair. In addition to the physical and mental effects of PTSD, many survivors also lose their sense of self-awareness. Feeling completely isolated from all that could potentially provide comfort can leave one feeling stripped away from identity as a whole. Without a proper understanding of who they truly are or what they need, it can be almost impossible to construct a healthy plan to take care of oneself or break the cycle of false coping methods. Taking steps towards self-awareness through the support of counselors, other survivors, family or friends is critical for anybody dealing with the impacts of PTSD. Although it takes a considerable amount of effort, understanding the person you have become as well as your triggers is the first step towards working towards healing and resolution. participating in activities that bring a sense of joy into one's life can help reunite oneself with their authentic self as well as provide ways to cope with troubling thoughts. It is also beneficial to practice relaxation techniques such as meditation and deep breathing which help individuals transform their inner dialogue from negative to positive. Other exercises like journaling and controlled visualization bring more awareness to trauma survivors about how the mind and body are connected. Doing so not only creates more balance but also helps individuals recognize patterns and tendencies in order to create a game plan for managing life circumstances instead of allowing negative emotions to control behavior. No matter what kind of support system is put in place, it is ultimately up to the survivor to make it work for them. Loss of self-awareness due to PTSD is a complicated phenomenon that affects everyone differently, yet it can be overcome through dedication and perseverance. With correct support and an understanding attitude, those affected by PTSD can learn to once again walk down a path of understanding their own emotions and taking back control over their lives.
  5. Breaking up can be difficult for all involved and trying to get your mind off the ex can be a difficult task as well. The trauma and stress associated with a failed relationship can linger long after the breakup is final. Even if you've moved on, the presence of the former partner can still haunt you in moments of unhappiness, depression, and even PTSD. It is important to recognize the power of the former relationship and how it may be adversely affecting your life. This article will provide tips and advice on how to move beyond a breakup and get the ex out of your life. The first step towards recovery is to acknowledge that you had a traumatic experience and that you may still be affected by it. Acknowledging this is the key to taking steps forward. You must accept that the emotional trauma is real and that by moving on, you are taking a very important step towards healing. The second step is to completely remove yourself from any contact with the ex. Avoiding triggers is very important. As hard as it may be, avoid places or things in your life that remind you of the other person. Focus instead on the present. Take up new hobbies or activities that bring you joy and make you feel good about yourself. Staying busy with new activities will help keep your mind occupied and off the ex. The third step is to start looking upon any reminders as opportunities to re-affirm what a wonderful person you are. It's true that sometimes a break up can be a reflection of individual issues, but it is also a reminder that you are capable of love and happiness. Every time you look back at the former relationship, try to focus on the positive aspects and celebrate that you were lucky enough to experience love and companionship. Finally, recognize that the pain of a breakup will not last forever. If you find yourself struggling to cope with the event, don't hesitate to reach out for support. Seek professional help from a therapist who specializes in grief and loss. Talking about the experience can help you process it and cope better with the trauma and memories. Everybody experiences a breakup at some point in their lives, but there is no reason to stay stuck. By accepting yourself, staying away from reminders and projective emotions, and reaching out for help when needed, you can reduce the intensity and length of the pain and move on with your life. You are brave for facing the reality and be ready to take the next step in your journey. Don't forget to be gentle and compassionate to yourself throughout this process.
  6. sorry for the upsetting subject matter bellow. i don’t know if i’m allowed to post this here. i’ve attempted in the past and failed twice. i took a bottle of ibuprofen a few years ago but all it did was make me sick for a couple days. i have very little prescription meds as well as about 48,000mg (two bottles) of advil pm. would that be enough to kill me? ive been incredibly nauseous lately so i don’t know if i’ll even be able to keep down half a bottle. are there any faster at home methods? i don’t have access to a gun or that would be my option. there aren’t any tall buildings or bridges close to me either. any response is appreciated
  7. I've been dating this guy for two and a half months. We've made it official and had the boyfriend girlfriend talk. I've noticed that he has suddenly stopped talking about wanting me, or anything sexual and he's stopped telling me he wants to see me. He used to say he wanted to see me all of the time. Even if he wasn't being entirely serious, it was a cute way to flirt and show interest. We saw each other once or twice a week for the most part. There was one week where he hinted at us getting together but never asked. I finally told him I was trying to finalize my weekend plans and asked if we were going to hang out. He told me he had half a plan to see me. I felt disrespected by that but I just told him I would hang out with my friend instead. He was supportive of that decision. I told him later that I felt disrespected by this "half plan". Then about two weeks ago we went out with my friends and he and I were intimate that night and morning, Thursday and Friday. Then he left for a trip to see his friends a few hours away. He came back Sunday severely hung over as expected... but he really didn't seem to want to see me. I made a quick exit. There was a half hearted hug that I attributed to the hangover. So I gave him space. He knew I was off Monday and he didn't have work the next two weeks. He didn't try to make plans with me and he didn't buy plane tickets for an upcoming wedding he said he would buy before his trip and send me details. Wednesday came around and I told him I was worried he didn't really want me to go. He said he forgot. He lives in walking distance from a bunch of bars and he went out Mon and Tue. Told me met some cool people. Wed he got excited to hear that I was at his fave bar and said he was sorry he couldn't make it because he was streaming. Odd because I didn't invite him lol. Four days, and he didn't try to make plans to see me. Then Thursday he got sick. Then Monday rolled around and he finally bought the plane tickets and sent me a pic of one ticket without a name on it. He hammered out details with me. He's still feeling sick but much better; worried he's contagious. But he has only talked about how he really wants to go out again. He hasn't said he misses me, he hasn't said he wants to see me, no plans, no sweet talk. It's been two weeks. I told him it made me feel like he's losing interest but I wasn't sure if it was my anxiety. He asked if he was doing something wrong. I said no but told him his sudden lack of affection concerned me. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something isn't right and I don't know if I'm overreacting. Am I just traumatized and hypervigilant or is this something I should be concerned about?
  8. I am waiting on compensation which should have been here by now and was to be used to help me move interstate to go and study what I enjoy. The comp has been delayed and I just don't know what to do. I have PTSD and where I live is very isolated and I have NO friends because there are no like minded people. No matter what I consider doing I feel utterly terrified and am gripped by almost paralysing anxiety. I am lonely here but it is peaceful in nature. I have been so depressed here though that I haven't even been able to do work that I once found easy. The thought of moving scares me. With the comp I could have moved and had more security in the process but without the comp moving is scary because I may have to live in shared accommodation and what if my health cannot cope with that as I am very used to having my own space. I wanted to move though so I could go back to study and it could be fine it is just so scary to move while not well and with limited funds. Gosh I wonder if I am doing the right thing to move at this time but I am also distressed at the thought of staying here because I have had no income come in here for 2 months and am worried how to afford to live. Waiting on this compensation has been hell with no support, family or anyone to talk to. I have been sick of having my life on hold but maybe I should stay here until it comes through? All I know is my living situation must be secure and it feels threatened and I am ill with worry.
  9. Hi, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic stress disorder. It has been very isolating because noone understands. Little things can make me have a panic attack. I find where I live difficult because people don't understand and am hoping to move next year to a place I once lived and suits me better. This is a shocking thing to go through alone and I am interested to talk to others that may have been battling in this area.
  10. Tonight was simply a bad night. Good night is a bad night. If you understand this, I'm sorry. I know I am not normal, and that sucked today. Ok, I don't have delusions that cause me to glorify the normal but I am talking about being a fully functioning (or at least reasonably functioning) human being. That's what i mean by normal. In my quest for understanding PTSD and all the auxillary dysfunctions that can come along with it, I've been reading a lot, talking to a lot of people, and even gotten very interested in animals studies. Animals go into shock too. Animals can become scarred and messed for life too. In the animal world, it usually means death unless they are a particularly lucky or cunning or strong little creature. In social animals, including humans, the social aspect is the most devasting. It can mean a horrific life or death by lack of being able to exist in social groups. We need to connect! I was thinking of monkeys tonight after I found myself crying in a public bathroom, curled up on the floor and hugging my clothes to myself. I no longer function like a person who can just talk to people, just be, who can have fun and express my emotions openly and so have a normal life. this affects any work i set out to do, any friends i set out to make, any love, any trip or even a walk down the street. Everything everything is affected. And it sucks. I get sad hearing about people with PTSD because a lot of these people end up commiting suicide, or spiralling downward even years later and even after intensive therapy. Some become alcoholics or drug addicts, some have trouble staying in jobs, some can't form any close relationships, some get violent and become abusers or go loco. We humans don't even know all that much about it when it gets down to it: we're still experimenting, and how many go their whole lives with no hope and not even knowing what is wrong with them, why their whole lives are like a living surreal nightmare. Am I ever going to really get better? Is this damage permenant. How much progress can I make and am i ever going to have a normal life again. Already some of the best years of my life are gone in a blur of ugliness. I'm trying to keep putting one foot in front of another, it just seems like the garbage never ends. It's always something. I need my emotions, and they aren't readily available to me like they need to be. It's like i'm programmed for pain and anxiety and joy is a foreign thing; I want to rediscover joy again. I don't want to cry and I want to experience joy again, and i want to feel secure, and I want to be able to integrate in the world. Express myself without being numb, having the ability to let down my guard in normal life and truly BE. Listen, I listened to this dude tonight talking crap about how if someone isn't succedding it is their fault. Fault?! Let's try: maybe you don't understand everything in the whole bloody world, and maybe you have had some things and opportunities others have not had. Maybe you had a nice mother, or maybe you had the chance, love and security at a crucial time they did not. Maybe you're just an ignorant fool, not knowing how you are hurting other people with your supposed superiority in succedding. Maybe you don't realize that what is so easy for you, is a battle over years for someone else. Something as simple as smiling and feeling it. Or being able to reach over to someones hand and hold it, and not feel crazy inside. People can be extraordinarly compassionate, and also extraordinarily cruel and stupid. Whatever. It's all pretty simple but i fear this damage is serious and can't be healed. what then. It just sucks to not feel normal. to cringe when others are having a good time, and why, bc it hurts you, it hurts you to know you are having a reaction that is still stuck in your cells and brain chemistry and you want so bad to just laugh with them, to have a good time too. thanks for listening to my rant. Smile. It's good for you, and a blessing.
  11. Many members made serious efforts to overcome adversity which was rarely if ever selfmade. This thread is to commend and encourage members one their often long and stony road to recovery. Please initially post to commend members who initiated steps to recover or made substantial progress. Please encourage members whom were commended here. It would be good to look up their recent thread history. Thank you! ______________________ First I want to commend dregnought to have completed his first project. dregnought (15) has won his first battle on the long road to recovery. Some of his work is shown below. image removed Dreg's first project. Congratulations dregnought! ______________________ itsallgrand has graduated from her PTSD program. Congratulations itsallgrand!
  12. My ex GF has been sexually molested by her maternal grandfather for 16 years. her dad was in a wheelchair so the kids were really not looked after properly. My ex was on Paxil a SSRI (antidepressant) and was drinking heavily behind my back to self medicate herself. She is extremely paranoid and insecure. She heads a State agency and employs 50 employees who respect and worship the ground she walks on, so there she can function on a high level. At home she reverts to a little girl and I have taken the mother role which I absolutely hate. She has had 2 dui's in the last 5 years, one just recently and is learning her faith in 3 days. She decided to quit taking her Paxil (30mg) cold turkey because she says it makes her numb and during an international trip I had to take, she has since moved out and is dating others already. She wants nothing to do with me. She quit the drugs 1 month ago and is drinking again. Seeking playmates. We had an active life with camping, hiking, whitewater rafting and exercise planned for the Spring and Summer. She lived in My home in the Suburbs and felt like she was loosing herself and that I was controlling. Yes I have aproblem with her drinking and taking Paxil. I tried to gently stop her not to appear controlling and she gets a DUI. She now blames me for not stopping her more aggressively. Anyone ever experience anything like this. We had fun, laughed, travelled, had great sex and companionship. What do I do, I would like to be supportive but she is unreasonable and does not ant me to contact her. She will contact me in 6 months. This does not sound like her, she has many miserable friends who hated the fact that she was happy. They are all single and seeking. What do i do now. I have done NC for 4 days but Iam going nuts. Iam making new friends and will get busy with my new life as soon as I get over the jetlag. She didn't even call to see if I arrived safely from Israel. Please help, she was crazy about me, until 3 weeks ago. was she lying? she says she felt the feelings then, now she doesn't know how she feels, she is shut down. This woman could not leave my side for 2 seconds. it is very frustrating
  13. So, after much searching, I've finally found a guy I have a bit of interest in; this brings up a lot of questions for me... I had a first good two relationships, then I had a really bad one, moved to the east coast with him, i was pathetic and suicidal, came back, we were best friends for a while, though we only talk occasionally now. then, i had a relationship with someone who was emotionally abusive to me, followed by a subsequent "dating" with a guy that couldn't possibly care less about me that lasted for maybe two months, with lots of drama ending it. When I look back on this I get a sudden feeling of anxiety in my stomach. Am I incapable of a relationship? Is it something inherent in me? I feel so sick just thinking about it... I feel like I've learned a lot from my experiences, namely not to give myself up to a guy I'm with well emotionally, and definitely physically, at least for a while (I don't know how long). I know that what I've done by dating this people has caused a sort of PTSD worse than that I attained in my childhood with my abusive parents. It's scary, I think in all other aspects other than the most personal and intimate of relationships, I'm totally normal, capable, strong, lots of people compliment me on how fantastic I seem given the circumstances I grew up in, but in terms of my relationships, I look back on them and they went all wrong... Has anyone else felt the same way?? And that has also been in a relationship that was good after all that?
  14. I am writing this as I just need a little encouragement. I have had to go through so much alone and think it sux when people say that they will be there for you and they are not. They go to such lengths to talk you to tears about how much they want to be your friend but when it comes to the crunch don't give a rip. I have had to go through this car accident completely alone and not a single phone call to see how I am or a card from family. I accept that noone cares, but sometimes I feel so alone. I am so unwell and people wonder when I have posted in the past why I work and don't have a break. I simply don't wish to be destitute and have to pay the rent. I have to work until I get compensation, but I have constant panick attacks and suffer from ptsd and claustrophobia as well as the everyday pain I have to live with. I wish I could find just one single person on this earth that meant what they said . Sorry to sound so angry. I told my boss how sick I am today because I am past being able to cope.
  15. i feel so dirty. i want to bleed it out. the dirty disgusting feelings aren't going away. i feel a compulsion to scrub my skin. i think i have ptsd. i think it's coming back. i saw a therapist and she seems to want to use EMDR. i have no idea what that is. im not sure if she's any good or if she's a quack. im not sure if i should look for someone else. all i know is i have good days and i have bad days. days when the shame is flooding over me, overwhelming, burying me, shaming me. i feel so low and dirty, disgusted, disrespected. i want nothing to do with men anymore. it is truly better to have yourself than to be with any man just for the sake of it. i learned this too late. i am so disgusted. i am so traumatized. why cant i wash off the trauma? why cant i let the memories go? im so disturbed and disgusted. i regret so much. so awful. so gross. never again. kill me. i dont want to live with this. *scrub scrub scrub* i am so disturbed. i am so traumatized.
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