Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'online relationship'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Relationships
    • Dating Advice
    • Relationship Advice
    • Infidelity
    • Online Dating
    • Friendship and Friends
    • Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
    • Abuse and Violence
    • Long-Distance Relationships
    • Age Gap Relationships
    • Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
    • Trust and Relationships
    • Marriage/Long Term Relationships
  • Breaking up and Divorce
    • Breaking Up Advice
    • Divorce Advice
    • Getting Back Together
    • Healing After Break Up or Divorce
  • Personal Growth
    • Personal Growth
    • Career, Money and Education
    • Grief Loss and Bereavement
  • Families
    • Parenting and Families
    • Pets
  • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
  • Sex and Romance
    • Sex and Romance
    • Pregnancy
  • Emotions and Feelings
    • Emotions and Feelings
    • Jealousy
  • Journals's Journals
  • Journals's Private Journals
  • Off Topic's Topics
  • Book Talk's Topics
  • Travel and Culture's Topics
  • Poetry, Prose, Art & Photography's Topics

Categories

  • Abuse & Violence
  • Addictions
  • Adoption
  • Age Gap Relationships
  • Alternative Medicine
  • Astrology
  • Beauty & Fashion
  • Breaking Up
  • Career & Money
  • Dating
  • Depression
  • Divorce
  • Education
  • Exercise and Fitness
  • Food and Nutrition
  • Friendship and Friends
  • Grief Loss & Bereavement
  • Happiness
  • Health
  • Home and Living
  • Infidelity
  • LGBTQ+
  • Long-Distance Relationships
  • Marriage
  • Mental Health
  • News
  • Parenting & Family
  • Personal Growth
  • Pregnancy
  • Pets
  • Relationships
  • Religion and Spirituality
  • Self-Esteem
  • Sleep
  • Stress
  • Supplements and Vitamins
  • Toys & Games
  • Weight Loss & Diet

Categories

  • Relationships
  • Career & Money
  • Parenting & Family
  • Dating
  • Breaking Up & Divorce
  • Marriage
  • Personal Growth
  • Self-Esteem
  • Grief Loss & Bereavement
  • Depression
  • Mental Health
  • Happiness
  • Health
  • Pets
  • Infidelity
  • Friendship and Friends
  • Love

Blogs

There are no results to display.

There are no results to display.


Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


About Me

  1. The Emergence of Public Dating Discord Servers Discord, primarily known as a platform for gamers to connect, chat, and share experiences, has evolved significantly in recent years. The rise of public dating discord servers exemplifies this shift. Today, they represent a unique niche within the online dating ecosystem. But what brought about this change? Statistically, the number of people seeking online platforms for dating has skyrocketed in the past decade. A research study from Pew Research Center revealed that nearly 30% of U.S. adults have used online dating platforms, with many searching for connections outside the traditional dating apps. This shift has given rise to alternative spaces, including discord servers dedicated to dating. One might ask, "Why Discord?" Discord's unique combination of voice, text, and video chats provides an immersive and interactive environment. This layered approach to communication allows users to progress from text-based introductions to voice or video chats, mirroring the progression of real-world relationships. Moreover, the platform's server-centric model means communities are built around shared interests, fostering genuine connections. Users can join servers that cater to specific hobbies, interests, or age groups. Such a structure minimizes the 'randomness' seen in many traditional dating apps, where matching is often based on superficial criteria. Dr. Elisa Robins, a sociologist specializing in digital relationships, opines, "Public dating discord servers offer a refreshing break from the swipe culture. They encourage conversation, patience, and a deeper connection based on mutual interests rather than just appearances." However, as with all online platforms, there are challenges. Safety and authenticity are two significant concerns. Yet, with awareness and precaution, one can navigate these servers to find meaningful relationships. In the sections below, we will delve deeper into the intricacies of dating discord servers, offering insights, and guiding you to make the most of your experience. Understanding the Dynamics: Why Discord Dating is Different Dating on Discord isn't the same as traditional online dating. Here's why: 1. Community-Centric: Unlike Tinder or Bumble, where profiles are individual-centric, Discord is all about communities. Servers often revolve around shared interests, ensuring that members already have common ground. 2. Progression of Interaction: As mentioned, Discord's multi-faceted communication tools enable relationships to evolve naturally. You might begin with a casual text chat, gradually moving to voice, and eventually video. This progression mirrors real-world relationships, where interactions evolve in intimacy and depth over time. 3. Moderation: A unique aspect of dating discord servers is the presence of moderators. These individuals oversee the server's activities, ensuring that rules are followed and members feel safe. Such a system can significantly reduce unsolicited messages and other forms of online harassment. However, while there are numerous advantages, users must also be aware of potential pitfalls. Online safety is paramount, especially in public servers where the barrier to entry is low. Sharing personal information, for instance, should be approached with caution. Dr. Ethan Moore, a psychologist with expertise in online behaviors, points out, "The dynamics of dating discord servers can sometimes create a false sense of security. It's crucial to remember that, just like any online platform, there's always a risk of encountering individuals with malicious intent." Getting the Best Out of Dating Discord Servers Entering the world of dating on Discord can be exhilarating. However, to ensure a safe and fruitful experience, consider the following strategies: 1. Do Your Research: Before joining any server, research its reputation. Platforms like Disboard or Discord.me provide server reviews and ratings which can be instrumental in gauging the server's authenticity and quality. 2. Engage, But Stay Safe: While engagement is the key to building connections, ensure your personal information remains private. Avoid sharing sensitive details like your home address, workplace, or financial information. 3. Report Malicious Behavior: If you come across inappropriate behavior, report it immediately. Discord's moderation system is robust, but it relies on community members being proactive. 4. Attend Server Events: Many dating servers host events, including game nights, movie screenings, or voice chat parties. These events are excellent opportunities to interact with members in a group setting, making initial interactions less intimidating. Remember, as with all forms of dating, patience is key. Building genuine connections takes time, effort, and mutual respect. Don't rush the process. Allow relationships to evolve organically, and you're more likely to find lasting connections. Conclusion and Future Outlook The world of public dating discord servers is vast and varied. While they offer a unique alternative to traditional dating platforms, it's essential to approach them with an informed perspective. Safety, patience, and genuine engagement are the cornerstones of a successful discord dating experience. As the digital landscape continues to evolve, platforms like Discord will inevitably find new and innovative ways to foster connections. Being a part of this evolution can be exciting, but always remember to prioritize your well-being and safety. The journey of finding connections in the digital age is a blend of challenges and opportunities. Public dating discord servers are a testament to the ever-evolving nature of human relationships and our undying urge to connect, even in the vast, often anonymous realm of the internet. The Ethical Considerations of Dating on Discord Every innovation brings along its own set of ethical considerations, and Discord's dating sphere is no exception. Engaging ethically in online platforms is paramount for a wholesome experience for all involved parties. Firstly, understanding the server's ethos is essential. Some servers may be explicitly geared towards casual conversations, while others may be more relationship-focused. Ensuring that you respect the prevailing ethos is a primary ethical consideration. Respect is the cornerstone of any relationship, be it digital or real-world. Dr. Lillian Reeves, an ethicist, points out, "The ease of online communication can sometimes make us forget that there's a real person on the other side. Ethical online dating is fundamentally about recognizing and respecting that humanity." Another critical ethical aspect is honesty. Catfishing or presenting oneself under false pretenses is not just deceitful but can also cause significant harm and trauma. Honesty about one's intentions and identity fosters trust and genuine connections. Lastly, it's also crucial to ensure you are emotionally considerate. Ghosting, or the act of suddenly cutting off all communication without explanation, can be incredibly hurtful. If you feel a connection isn't working, it's ethically right to communicate your feelings rather than disappearing without a word. Navigating the Challenges: Overcoming the Downsides of Dating Discord Servers Despite their potential, public dating discord servers also come with challenges. One of the most significant challenges is the sheer volume. With thousands of servers and millions of users, finding a genuine connection can feel akin to searching for a needle in a haystack. Moreover, the vast nature of these servers means users might sometimes encounter individuals who don't share the same intentions. It's common to stumble upon users seeking fleeting digital encounters rather than lasting connections. Discriminating between genuine users and those seeking temporary engagements can be a skill that takes time to develop. Another challenge is the risk of echo chambers. Being in a server with like-minded individuals can sometimes result in a lack of diverse viewpoints, which might limit personal growth and understanding. However, these challenges aren't insurmountable. Being aware of potential pitfalls, setting clear boundaries, and being patient in your search can go a long way in ensuring a positive experience. After all, as the old adage goes, "Every pot has its lid." With perseverance, users can indeed find connections that resonate. Final Thoughts: The Ever-Evolving World of Digital Relationships The digital age has revolutionized how we form and maintain relationships. Platforms like Discord exemplify this transformation, offering innovative spaces for connections. Public dating discord servers, while relatively new, are rapidly gaining traction, reflecting our ever-evolving relationship paradigms. While these servers offer an alternative to the mainstream dating apps, they also require a nuanced approach. Safety, respect, patience, and genuine engagement remain pivotal. As users, it's up to us to navigate this space ethically and responsibly, ensuring that the digital world remains a place of meaningful connections and shared experiences. Remember, the essence of relationships, be it digital or real-world, remains unchanged. It's about two people connecting, understanding, and growing together. Platforms and mediums might change, but this fundamental truth remains eternally valid. Resources 1. Robins, E. (2021). Digital Love: A Sociological Exploration of Online Relationships. New York: Academic Press. 2. Pew Research Center. (2020). Online Dating & Relationships. 3. Moore, E. (2022). Psychological Behaviors in Digital Spaces. London: Thames & Hudson.
  2. Are you caught up in a whirlwind of ceaseless typing, countless emojis, and perpetual pings? Is your current affair characterized more by the cold, digital glow of your smartphone screen than by the warmth of human interaction? In this fast-paced, technology-driven world, it's easy to fall prey to the trappings of a 'textationship'. An impersonal romance, where text messages are exchanged more frequently than words, feelings, and emotions in person, can be both alluring and disconcerting. This article aims to guide you towards transforming such text-based liaisons into more substantive and meaningful relationships. Step 1: Recognize the Situation (and Its Drawbacks) The first step towards change is always awareness. Many find themselves entangled in textationships without even realizing it. It can start innocently with a friend or potential romantic interest, with texting being the primary mode of communication. With time, the texts become more frequent, the conversation more intimate, but the face-to-face interaction remains minimal. While this may seem convenient, text-based relationships can be inherently flawed. Non-verbal cues, which account for the majority of our communication, are absent, creating room for misinterpretation. the ease and anonymity of texting can foster a pseudo-intimacy that doesn't necessarily translate to a real connection. Step 2: Honest Self-Reflection and Evaluation Once you acknowledge your textationship, reflect on what you truly desire from the relationship. Are you content with the status quo or do you yearn for a deeper, more personal connection? Understand that converting a textationship into a meaningful relationship requires effort, time, and emotional investment. Are you ready to embark on this journey? Step 3: Establish Open, Honest Communication The next step is to communicate your feelings and expectations to the other person. This can be a daunting task, especially if you fear rejection or a negative reaction. Yet, honesty remains the bedrock of any meaningful relationship. Choose an appropriate time and medium to express yourself. Although you might feel comfortable texting, this conversation should ideally be had in-person or through a phone call. The sincerity of your voice or the earnestness of your expression will be far more impactful than a written message. Step 4: Gradual Transition Post-conversation, it's time to implement changes gradually. Rome wasn't built in a day! Suddenly ceasing to text or demanding more personal meetings can be overwhelming for both parties. Instead, try to decrease the frequency of texts while increasing face-to-face interactions. Begin by scheduling regular phone calls or video chats. Proceed to plan casual, low-pressure meet-ups. These efforts will not only help in fostering a real connection but also allow you to assess whether your textationship can truly evolve into a more meaningful relationship. Step 5: Embrace Vulnerability Embarking on this journey requires embracing vulnerability. Understand that by opening up, you're risking rejection or disappointment. However, also remember that vulnerability is the pathway to deeper connections and genuine love. A Word of Caution While it's commendable to strive for a more substantive relationship, remember to respect the other person's feelings and boundaries. Everyone has their own pace and comfort levels. Patience, understanding, and empathy are key in successfully transitioning from a textationship to a meaningful relationship. Textationships are a product of our digital age, offering convenience yet lacking depth. If you find yourself yearning for more, use this guide to turn your text-based dalliance into a tangible, fulfilling relationship. The path may seem arduous, but the rewards promise to be enriching.
  3. Dear eNotAlone: I've got a question I need some advice on. My girlfriend and I have been considering engaging in cyber sex since we're in a long-distance relationship. I'm just not sure about the legalities and safety concerns around this. Any advice would be much appreciated! * * * Advice: As a relationship coach with years of experience navigating the multifaceted world of relationships, I understand the complexities and challenges that come with maintaining a long-distance relationship. Your question is a manifestation of the digital age we live in and, it deserves an in-depth discussion. Firstly, let's address the legal aspect of your question. The law, like the weather, varies widely depending on your location. Generally, engaging in consensual cyber sex between adults is legal. However, this is a broad brushstroke in the canvas of legality, and the specifics can be more nuanced. It's crucial that both parties involved are above the age of consent in their respective locations, and that the activity remains strictly private and consensual. Ironically, while technology has brought us closer, it has also complicated our interactions. The internet is a vast, unending universe, and within it, your actions can have far-reaching consequences. Which brings us to the second part of your question: safety. When it comes to cyber sex, the curtain of the computer screen may provide a sense of security, a feeling that you're in a bubble. But this bubble is as fragile as a whisper in the wind. It's important to consider the potential risks and threats that could pop this bubble. One of the key safety issues is privacy. When engaging in cyber sex, you are sharing intimate moments that are meant to stay between you and your partner. However, the internet, much like a wayward echo, has a way of multiplying and disseminating information beyond your control. Once something is out there, it's virtually impossible to pull it back. This is not intended to scare you, but rather to paint a realistic picture of the digital landscape. Another concern is consent. Consent is the foundation upon which any sexual activity, whether online or offline, should be built. It's not just about saying 'yes' at the beginning, but also having the freedom and comfort to say 'no' at any point. It's like a dance, where both partners need to be in tune with each other's rhythm and boundaries. Now, let's explore some ways to mitigate these concerns. Firstly, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about your mutual expectations and boundaries. This conversation should be ongoing and dynamic, adapting to your changing comfort levels and desires. It's like a river that bends and flows according to the terrain, not a stagnant pond. Secondly, take measures to ensure your online privacy. This could include using secure and private communication channels, not sharing explicit content that could identify you, and making sure that any content shared is deleted after the session. the internet is a spider's web - it's easy to get entangled, but extricating yourself can be challenging. Thirdly, remember that just because it's happening online, it doesn't mean it's devoid of real emotions and consequences. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and cross boundaries. It's important to be mindful and respectful of each other's feelings and limits at all times. The safety and comfort of both parties should be the priority, not an afterthought. It's crucial to remember that the world of cyberspace is not a lawless land. Any form of harassment, non-consensual sharing of explicit content, or exploitation is illegal and punishable by law. If you ever find yourself in such a situation, don't hesitate to seek legal help. Navigating the digital landscape can feel like trying to find a lighthouse in a stormy sea. The waves of information and possibilities can be overwhelming, and the risks can seem daunting. However, with the right preparation and precautions, you can make it a safe and fulfilling experience. Engaging in cyber sex can be a way to maintain intimacy in a long-distance relationship, but it should be approached with caution, understanding, and respect. It's like a delicate dance on a tightrope - thrilling yet precarious, and it requires balance, trust, and open communication. This journey you're embarking on with your girlfriend is like a voyage into uncharted waters. There will be waves of excitement and undercurrents of uncertainty. But every ship can navigate the high seas with a good captain at the helm. Be that captain, be mindful of your actions, and respect the sea you're sailing in.
  4. Guys,guys listen. I know it might sound overdramatic,but here's my story. I met this guy on a language exchange app. We're both in high-school. We chatted for 3 months. He was shy but at the same time really funny and realistic plus he also sent subtle clues that he wants to be more than friends. We became really good friends. He's chinese btw. So one day,I casually told him that I like him and he replied that he likes me too! So yeah,we've been in a relationship for a month now THIS IS WHERE THE SWEET STORY ENDS,AND MY ANXIETY TAKES A TOOL ON MY BRAIN🥲🥲😶, lol still dramatic but anyways.. A few days,after we got into our "online relationship" I heard a spine curdling murder case of a girl by her live in partner,aka her boyfriend. Her story is really similar to mine and that makes me really anxious. Her parents didnt approve of her interfaith relationship so she decided to move in with her "online guy" and after 4 years of physical and mental abuse she was killed by the hands of her own boyfriend... Back to my story..... I'm always trying to frame Questions and ask him about his views on various topics just to find out if he's a psychopath or COULD HE POSSIBLY MURDER ME IN THE FUTURE and trick the Cops. In my case,I come from a Muslim background but I'm atheist and so is my boyfriend but he's from Christian background. If I were to be together with him in the future,I can't possibly tell my parents because I know the consequences. They'd either kill me(though I doubt it lol) but yeah,I can expect physical abuse,it has happened quite a few times..there was this one time my dad came in with a weapon and told me that he could go to jail but don't want a disobedient daughter 🥲😶. He can be really sweet at times but I know this is how manipulation works. The best I can do is going abroad to study and never coming back..but I also don't know if I could trust this online relationship too much. Though I love the guy and I think he's genuine. But anxiety tells me that he's playing reverse psychology. Guys,I really am feeling weird but at the same time,someone said that if you get a gut feeling that you're in danger,then you probably are and tbh even my gut feeling is indecisive 🙃 YEAH,ENOUGH RAMBLING...😂😂 REPLY KKK!!! SEE YA!
  5. I (f24) have two really good online friends. I have started to develop feelings for one of them(f23). Both of them live in different countries than me. I’ve told my one friend about my feelings and she has been very supportive of me. The one I like, we constantly flirt with each other but I fear telling her about my feelings. I don’t want to lose either of them as friends. But I also really want to tell her. How would you approach this?
  6. I thought I would give a go at this journaling thing. My friends do not partake in online dating and I don't really get feedback from anyone that does. Mostly my friends shake their heads and ask `why?' I've been out of a relationship since May '14 and without rehashing all that has transpired I will say that online dating has changed considerably in the past 3 years. I've taken several breaks, mostly after meeting men looking for casual sex and men who are too afraid to put themselves out there and seem to put me in the drivers seat to pursue them and breath life into the situation. Neither of which I am comfortable with. I am a young (as so I am told) 50 something yr old professional with a rich social life, so I am definitely not lonely. If I sense there is no momentum in a man that I meet I am quick to let it go seeing that I don't have a lot of free time and being with my friends is often a much better option. After my last fail .. well I can't really call it a failed attempt, maybe a valuable lesson with dating someone I mentioned here in previous posts, that I had dated earlier this year and he made a return visit in Oct. He is clearly not ready for a relationship but I am very taken by him and we have amazing chemistry. With that being said he is dating others and at some point these things run their course and I opted out, not wanting to be part of the `rotation' and finding myself engaging in an intimate relationship with someone I did not have a commitment with. Mind you this is the first time in my life I tried to do this and much like I already knew I am not cut out for it. He still texts once in a while and says he misses me, but it messes with my emotions so the more distance I get the better. I wish things were different . . but it is what it is. To keep my sanity during that time I continued to date others (not intimately) and the pace was wearing on me and creating all sorts of unneeded anxiety. During the holidays I pulled my profile but continued to communicate with one person who's schedule is opposite of mine for the time being so meeting was a challenge. During my time off during the holidays we met for breakfast and as much as I really didn't want to go, I was pleasantly surprised. Now 3 dates later my current challenge is to see if this man can open up and let me in. Apparently I make him very nervous and at times he shuts down. I tried dating someone like him sometime ago and I thought in time he might let me in. After several weeks I realized it was never going to happen. What I do like about my new friend is that he has some old school values much like mine, maybe a little more conservative. He noticed I pulled my profile (only for a break) and pulled his as well saying he typically only dates on person at a time to see where it goes. It's nice to not have to interpret someone's intentions and refreshing to know I am not part of someone rotation. We haven't so much as held hands yet which builds up that anticipation part that seems to be so fun and he's a good `dater'. I have met so many men who don't know how to date. .funny as that sounds, but true. I am enjoying this. He is showing me that he does have sense of humor and enjoys giving me a hard time (playfully) I am optimistic that there is someone that I am able to connect with behind the shyness. He has assured me that he is typically not this way and has promised to open up. I still have another friend I will see tonight. T and I have been dating for about 3 months now and as much as I like and I am attracted to him I just don't think we are relationship material. He's gone most weekends to see his son 8 hours away. He's so sweet and endearing but not very active, pretty much a couch kinda guy, very Christian and not much of a social drinker. (my social circle is!) He has a very naïve almost immature quality to him but I feel safe and cared for with him. I often wish I could see him as someone more than a friend but that certain quality is lacking. I don't see him often and have opted out a couple times lately, but I am looking forward to catching up tonight. So this it. . at least for now. I see my shy friend this weekend. M has invited me for a day trip to the local mountains and I am looking forward to it. For now my profile is down . .tomorrow who knows!?
  7. Just got this idea for a fiction book. It would be nothing but a list of all the opening messages that the main character, a man, has sent to different women over a 33-year period on a (fictitious) online dating site. No responses are printed (after all; there are never any; this is online dating The main character has, in fact, begun to use these messages as a sort of anonymous journal with very short entries. But each one is addressed to someone's username and makes references to something in her profile (thereby providing some humorous references to the kinds of things people on online dating sites tend to write in their profiles), and ends with a "confident" ending like "Write me back! Look forward to hearing from you." As the book progresses, the guy goes through different "phases" as to the kinds of messages he writes. Sometimes he goes through negative phases and writes insulting messages to people over a period of several weeks. Sometimes he flips the other way and tries to "win them over with kindness". He's always sort of trying to elicit a response, but at the same time knows it will never come and lets loose with the occasional deep personal tidbit. As he tries to be "spontaneous" in his messages, he will naturally mention various things presently going on in his life. The reader can learn about his backstory, interests, family events, triumphs and tragedies; etc. You will see him go through personal phases, life phases and changes of interests. For example, at one point you will realize that he has caught a serious disease, because he starts to include a sentence in all his messages like "In the spirit of honesty, I should inform you that I have cancer, but my doctor believes there is a likely chance that I can beat this. Here's hoping". In future messages you will find out the progression and end result of his struggle against the disease. Of course, over a 33-year period, there will be many changes to the dating website itself: new features, new search mechanisms, some of which he likes and some which he doesn't. You'll find out about them by reading his messages (e.g. "Please respond via email; I have an older computer which does not work with this site's brainwave thing - and I don't think that's real communication anyway.") - or something more realistic. What do you think?
  8. *************************** ~ online dating algorithm ~ *************************** 10 write to girl 20 wait for reply 30 goto 20 40 get married
  9. A poetic satire I wrote as a project for my English class portraying irony in the sense of the affects modern day technology, specifically internet has on our current generation. The underlying message is whether developing technology is for the better or the worse. [video=youtube;CxjGIe_ya84] ] Mindless mass of minute details In reference to vapid lives we lead. Brief one-liners and formal acquaintances With internet, we forget to "read". Lack of intimate communication, our only engagements occur online. Is this all really innovation or are we all just blind? Institution becomes obscure, we educate ourselves With Wikipedia and Google, who needs teacher help? Convenience is easy, even scary in a way... Access to all desires, becoming stranger's prey. Posting our identities, dating online... With Facebook and Twitter We lose track of "time". Forgetting who we are Engrossing ourselves in cyber drama When life passes us by, we'll know it was karma. I really thank those that read it. It means a lot to me.
  10. First off I know that people love how to guides and love to get guidance on different situations and how to handle things. Especially people who are shy we like to be prepared. I am/was a very shy person. Hell, you couldn't pay me to ask a girl out for the longest time I was afraid of rejection. I always read things about body language, minute changes in voice and positioning. Why did I do this it is because most people don't share their feelings outright! Also heck if you know how someone feels and know how someone is responding it's much easier to gauge how you are doing. Now to tell you the truth I did this because I was nervous and because I am a dunce when it comes to reading people (in a romantic sense). Hell I can tell when they are mad, sad, and pissed off but I can't really tell if they "like" me. Some people have this natural ability and sadly others do not. I am one of the do not's thank you. Preface Alright here's a sad little back story. It wasn't until my 20th birthday did I have my first intimate relation with a woman. To be quite honest I don't remember much of it as lots and lots of alcohol was involved. Heck I didn't even really like the girl. After this I decided to change my ways. Now, here is a caveat I am not was not looking for booty calls. Never have and never will. Any woman I have slept with aside from the first I have wanted a relationship with. Now this was a long slow process but let's delve right in. First off choose your personals site. There are soooooo many, but I only tried a select few I will say which ones are the best and what ones aren't. Now, link removed I have met one woman off of it. They don't have that many choices and they require a subscription to send and receive messages and their site is kind of funky. I do like their reverse match feature that takes your likes/dislikes and matches it to hers. It *could* be beneficial to you. For free you can wink to people, a non subscribed person can read your email, but if you use the @ symbol it's censored. NO IM SYSTEM.... link removed is another subscription service; I have been subscribed to them for the longest over a year actually. I have met four women off of there and it is fairly easy. Again you are required to subscribe to send messages, and to get IM names. Icebreakers are the free version of this they allow you to send short predefined messages that are pretty decent. They are plain Jane like link removed with their profile basically you put in what you want. Non subscribers can not reply to messages outside of an ice breaker (REMEMBER THIS). It has the 2nd largest amount of profiles at least in my area this could be different else where. link removed sucks. It has a chat system, but the site never works correctly and your profile is stolen and proliferated on other sites without your permission. I would shy away. link removed now this site sucks, but it does have some interesting features again I think your profile does get proliferated but I do like the features. First off their predefined messages are much more interesting then Yahoo’s and they have many more. My favorite feature is that a non subscriber can send emails, but only subscribers can read those emails. Now originally this would suck, but a non subscriber can read an email from a subscriber. Meaning they only require one of the two to be subscribed I like that feature it is very nice. I have not met any women from this site that I know of. Now we're on to link removed. This is my new personal favorite because it is free. It has the largest amount of user generated questions that are in your profile and they base the matching on your answers and the other people's answers. Now there matching appears to be pretty decent because I get along with the people that are ranked high up. The other sites there really isn't that feature. There is an IM system integrated into the site and outside of nudity the site isn't moderated really (ohh and you are required to be in any photo that you submit.) It is more of a portal site. Now, this site rocks because since it is free people are online constantly you can meet people all the time and you can message them and IM them. They are worldwide as well. (You Danish people have some very cute women!!!) In the 2-4 weeks I have been on the site I have met two women off of there. Why because it's free they can message people and take quizzes in general it’s a fun site to go to. The third might be Sunday. Profile Woot, we're moving right along. Now I hate to say this, and I did it sometimes but I always felt dirty. To have a good profile well to have a good anything you have to know the competition. What does that mean, *shiver*, go and look through some male profiles. Okcupid is great for this, when you are looking for "matches" or women you are interested in look at their comments field see who they commented on. Look at that person's (preferably a guy) profile. See what it looks like, and just take notes formatting style, and how far it goes. (DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT COPY) What do I mean by how far it goes, well look what kind of humor he is using look at what he is doing. Why do I say this? Here's the reasoning: Let's say you’re a sarcastic person. Sarcasm can be very hard to bring out in text. If you look at how someone else does it you can get an idea how to bring your own humor into your profile. (HONESTY IS KEY) Look at the way he does things, is he formal or informal. Basically if you are looking for a snobby girl a goofy profile won't cut it. Not saying to lie, but bring your humor out in your profile. Adding a caveat here. A profile is a definition of you. Be honest and people will respond to it. Maybe not right away but someday some time. These people you want to meet and date, etc yes? So you have to be honest, and open be yourself. Because that's all you can be. Now that you have an idea for how you want to right your profile do it. Don't be over share but at the same point don't under share. Here is an example: I like to take hikes, I like to throw balls, I like to have goofy conversations, and I like to play video games. That's rather boring isn't it? Don't just describe yourself make it fun like a story (always worked for me) or do it in an interesting way. Don't tell them about you; let them "see" you in your wording. Some more examples I will use my own profiles. First one which I can't remember was basically an advertisement for me. Yup it was all formal and professional not much to scuff at. I got no responses. None. Second one. I threw in some humor I remember this that I wrote, "I love long walks in the woods, and short walks to the convenience store." That was a joke that I made from a commercial that was played all the time in my area. I got a few responses. It's getting better. Third, I threw in some more humor a bit of goofy humor. A little story if you would basically I wrote an "announcer" and added some slapstick in the story. Read the last in this serious for an example. Fourth. This one I can quote. The title was: "Good News I've just gotten back from..." I've just gotten back from the hardware store, and I have a new industrial strength broom capable of sweeping anyone off their feet. Don't worry; I'll catch you before you fall. Well, I think humor is my best attribute, and honesty is my second. I enjoy spending time with that special someone, but I understand that there is time that we just can't be together. I'm a romantic, and a gentleman. If you're interested send me an icebreaker. Hope you have a wonderful life. Now this one got a quite a few responses, it has done quite well. Now it does need some work mind you, but overall it’s pretty solid I get contacted at least 2 times a week because of this profile. Fifth Revision. Dun dun dun. This profile has worked marvelously I have gotten contacted by over twenty women in two weeks roughly. It could be the site, and it could be the photo's more on that later. Here is the intro *Hops on spinning pedestal* *falls* *gets back on* This man is a 6'2 (3/4) is a walking contradiction. Not only is he a guy's guy, but he's the [[romantic]] type guy too. He's the only man I know that finds a show about prehistoric amoebas to be more exciting than NASCAR. When he's not fragging people in many of the most popular video games today. He likes leisurely strolls through state parks with his lazy mutt of a dog. Luke. *Hops off pedestal* Hopefully you all got a kick out of that. Basically I'm just a ninety year old man stuck in a twenty-one year cold’s body with the imagination of a three year old. What is that you say? Here's the Jist. I'm an old soul, I describe myself that way, I usually get along with people older than me, but I have the imagination of a three year old. Yes, that means that I can come up with some crazy ****. What else to say? Hmmm, I am currently leaning toward LAW as a major, yes yes that does mean that I love to argue but I put the fun in debate. (I know, I know the letters f u and n are not in debate) So, that's the short version of me. Since I don't like or want to right an autobiography I tried to keep it KISS approved. I just had to add a random pic of my dang cat, link removed . Yes, she’s defending my paper from myself." Now this profile is a hybrid of 1, 2, 3, and 4. It's goofy yet serious, and kind of fun to read. I get contacted by people all the time. Some just to say I love your profile, which of course gets into a conversation. Now as you can see a profile is MONUMENTUS to you doing well or not doing well. Am I saying that your profile has to be like mine NOPE NOT AT ALL, in fact I'll sue you for copyright infringement lol. I am saying is that your profile should show you, not in saying exactly what you do but "showing" it to the reader. Now, you should be honest and open and display your true self. You will attract the women that you really want. (Not all the time but most of the time.) Now you may be saying these profiles make you sound cool and stuff like that. Well I was being honest, this is how I am. I am a goofy man, and with my friends they find me a riot. It displays me; it does not just define me. Second to last point, sorry kiddos but grammar does matter. Yes even punctuation. I know I hate it too but run it through a spell check or three. Last point, I went and found people that I knew I'd never meet and got their opinions. Very easy to do on okcupid. Just ask what do you think can you give me some pointers? Most of the time they will heck you can even give them some pointers and make a new friend! PICTURE AHH the light the light, I'm blindedededed. I'm sorry guys but you have, HAVE to have a picture. Preferably 2 or 3. One of a close-up of your face, and one of your body. Basically a portrait and a landscape. Now there are a lot of ideas behind pictures but I will mention a few tips. One definitely has to have a picture of a semi close-up of your face. Should have it but not necessary. Second, have a picture of AT LEAST your torso. Yes, people do refrain from contacting you if you do that. Now, you might ask I'm fat and I don't want a picture showing that. Well, they will meet you eventually that's the goal. They'll find out, and they'll be pissed when they do. If you show a picture of your body, (not nekkid) you will get more responses. All right some additional tips. According to Yahoo personals a little article says that the opposite sex finds you more attractive if you have a picture of your animal. Remember that pic that I had on here (Why Dog's rock) Yup I put that picture in there and I got 3x the responses. Some just to say, "Oh your dog is sooo cute." My cat also made her way in there if you noticed. Now you say, "But she's just messaging you to say your dog is cute." Alas, she is doing that but it opens up the avenue of communication. She doesn't do it because she likes the dog; she does it because she likes you. It just gives her an excuse to message you. (She was browsing a personals site, remember that.) Others have mentioned or put thoughts on the idea of "group photo's” Well I think that is fine as long as it represents you and portrays you well. DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT USE A PICTURE OF YOU AND AN EX. (I have not tested this theory but I assume bad things) EDIT I think that having pics with Groups is now or might be a good thing. Maybe pics with Friends or Women is good. (no kissing), its considered Social Proof you're fun. I still get contacted a lot. So... I am getting good results by it. (look at my profile, I have pics with 3 different women I believe and I am still getting contacted) Reinforcing the thought. Ok, so I know some of you guys are thinking, "But what if they don't like me." That's the beauty of Online dating for the most part you never know. Or care, considering there could be 300 people, or 3000 people to talk to in your area (depending on the size) you can just keep going. Also, why would you want to sell what you aren't? You are looking for a girl; the girl will like your profile and not you if they don't coincide. ALSO, you must use recent pictures. YOU MUST HAVE A PIC, it must be clear, and your profile better be damn good. CAVEAT #1: You will notice that some of the women that you contact will have nothing on their profile and yet you still want to contact them. Go right ahead, but the better your profile the more likely they will respond. *Breathes* Contacting someone. Dun dun dun, ok so you got all of the stuff done. All of it, wow you're moving on up. Ok, just because you have a kickass profile, and a bad *** picture don't expect the women to fall all over you. (Because to be honest I think it takes time to hone the perfect profile mine isn't even perfect) Honestly you need practice in anything that you do. Ok now I am going to use okcupid because it is the easiest site in my humble opinion. You have one of two options. IM or Message. A few people respond to messages, and a few respond to im's. What I like to do, is send a message (Do not woo that pisses people off) and then later on (like two days) if I see them on I send them an IM. It doesn't seem stalkerish it seems interested. Your first IM convo Alright man, you ready? Ok now don't get all worked up and scared. It's just an IM convo I'm sure you've had one. Basically have fun. It's just a girl sitting at the other end of a computer in some unknown house bored out of her mind. Your goal my friend, is to unbore her. Now you say, but I want to date her! Yes, yes that is true but first you must incite her interest. Humor is the way to a woman's heart especially at the beginning. Now if you are not funny that's perfectly fine, find another interest to share with her. You both like Rock Music talk about that. Get her interested, and let her have fun. Keep the convo going, When she doesn't respond I like to do something I call the "tumbleweed" at times, basically I just type *tumbleweed* because it just says your bored, and stuff like that. Don't get too aggressive with it maybe once or twice, but this basically lets them know that you are actively paying attention to the convo and you want to chat with them. Usually this puts in the thought, "ohh he likes me and wants me to talk to him, and so I should say stuff like brb, and afk etc so he knows." I say this because I get an improved use of those valuable resources. Find your own experiment. Now, think of them as a new friend, have fun in the conversation. If you're having fun she's having fun remember that. (Never make fun of her, you can poke fun occasionally non hurtfully though.) In general it takes more than one person to have fun. If you are just having fun most likely you are making fun of someone. Have fun talk be humorous, you do have an ulterior motive but don't worry about it. In fact never worry about it, from this point on. Every time I have thought, "Ohh this girl is sooo cute, and I want to do this and do that," never works out; the conversations just does not play out well. Your convo's will be like pulling teeth. They are never fun. Next part, Roll with the flow man. Yes you noticed I said Roll instead of go. Let the flow move you and guide you. You may instigate it at times but you will after awhile get the idea of where the convo is headed. Roll with it, live with it, and learn to love it. Sometimes you can find the most wholesome innocent girl loves to talk about sex. Yes, it’s true (well maybe they appear to be anyway). So sometimes they will hint about it. Well you go with it, dance around the subject. Lure them in, and then go in for the kill. Here is an example: She started talking about the **** test on okcupid. I asked her a question on okcupid, "Ideally, how often would you have sex?" She answered, I rebutted. Then it rolled into talking about sexual fantasies. Yes it was an interesting conversation such a sweet girl. Hope the best for her. (Yes, you notice the quick subject change.) Just enjoy the conversation again bring your personality into it. I notice when I go nuts and type the weirdest **** in there (I'll have to post it when I get home) I get the best responses. For example: We were talking about messengers and how she hates them. I'm like practice safe messenger use, avoid mtd's. Messenger transmittable diseases. She told me she had to clean soda off the monitor. Be yourself and have fun to be fun. OLD outdated Now, I like to at the end of the first convo ask them, "May I talk to you later?" Now, I do this because it throws the ball into their court. To see if they still want to be contacted and most say yes. EDIT: NEW Info DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT say May I talk to you later (blah bad, bad bad bad bad.) (ya I was stupid) Always say I will talk to you later, never ever ever ever put the ball in their court on this. You will talk to them later, if not oh well. The point is, you will talk to them later. It's a show of confidence. Doesn't matter if its true or not. Why wouldn't they want to talk to you later? Exactly, you are awesome, they should want to! Ok now there are different time limits for different women. Some women will want to meet right away, and others will be more leary. One girl took 6 months (last night) where as another will take a day. Each girl is different. Time to meet! Ok now it's time to meet the girl. The time is perfect for it. You've gotten psyched up but where to go. Well first off safety is the primary concern. Yes for you and her. Always meet in a public place (I do not follow the "rules" whole heartedly but it depends on the people and the situation) Now it depends on the girl. If the girl is shy, do an activity. Like bowling, pool, or something else. It can help pull her out and it gives you something to talk about helps pull out a conversation. Now if the girl is outgoing I recommend a coffee shop. Because if you two can carry on a conversation that can be much more fun then the game. Let's look at just some of the possibilities. You are shy and she is shy (most people are on these things) If you go bowling. You have something to talk about, talk about the game have fun heck you can even comment on her butt (depending on the girl again roll with the flow.) Every time I have done this, it usually leads to something else with the girl. Why because she just spent an hour talking and flirting with you and having fun. So now you can have a conversation. (Don’t expect it, again roll with the flow) Shy girl Shy guy Coffee Now, you sit there, and are doing nothing. You are kind of staring at each other both wanting to speak and neither really able to. This is not good; this is not a good idea for first timers. I REPEAT NOT A GOOD IDEA. Especially if you are shy. Outgoing Guy Shy Girl Bowling (aka a game or activity one that you can talk while doing) The guy and girl can talk and if the guy is good at it he can easily bring her out of her "shell" because she has something to concentrate on other than the conversation. If you make a fool of yourself this can be a good thing (make a mistake have a blast etc) Outgoing Guy Shy Girl Coffee (again just talking mainly convo) Now this can work but again it’s going to be more difficult than the activity date. Mainly the entertainment is each other. If you can not hold a conversation it is a flop. Now if you are talented at keeping a convo going, try it, and work on it. Again if you are a first timer try to avoid this if possible. Outgoing guy/girl any Could be fun have fun! Ok, now there are some other situations so I figure that I will mention them. Two times now, I've met the parents of the girl I have met the day I met them (rather interesting it was) Now, I am fairly big 6'3 180 lbs and I know how to defend myself, and I figure you only life once right but I do not recommend this I may have the luck of the Irish with me. Some of my situations that I will leave up to you. Alright they can be awkward and a little uneasy but they can come up, especially if you roll with the flow so you may have to stop this if you don't feel comfortable. After the activity you both want to go and do something else. Now because most women are scared or might be concerned I offer to let them drive. It puts them in control of you. That makes it feel much easier on them. Two, there have been times where she rode with me, perfectly fine had fun. Three, you meet there parents VERY awkward. Very uneasy only one girl has told her parents that I was from the "internet" and that was the least awkward one of the bunch. Most people say and I would agree to an extent that you should not meet a woman at yours or her workplace. Now I have done this before sometimes your schedule just doesn't work out and you have to find a way. Usually I try to get there at the end of a shift. Basically the coworkers will start convo's with her and get involved you can't talk with the person you came to talk with. (Honestly if you are shy, you will try to carry on a conversation leaving a person out not realizing it. So I do not blame them.) Closing. Ok I will add and take stuff off and do this and do that because this is v.1 now, any addendums or suggestions feel free to post I will update accordingly, I love other input. Remember the goal is to have fun, have a goal but don't stress if it doesn't happen. The first few times you meet someone, your going to be scared whit less (Tami and Natalie oh boy I was stressed, Stephanie a little, Katrina Some, Lindsey none, Angel a bit, Lindsey #2 NONE, Sabrina absolutely none. You will be much less shy and nervous because you know you’ll have stuff to talk about. OK, if you want to make additions or anything like that please pm them to me and you will get credits. Please do not copy this. I took some time to write it and I will make changes and update this. Addendum #1 You may ask, “I will be embarrassed if anyone sees my profile on those sites.” First, you are using every available means to meet people what is wrong with that you are an explorer meeting people outside of your normal hangouts, a guy who let’s the wind guide him, an entrepreneur in love so to speak. You are expanding your horizons. Here are some things to say if people are trying (they won’t) make fun of you: Guy: Why are you surfing Guy’s profiles on personal sites? Dude you use it too? Girl: Well you were browsing too. Well do you want to hook up? Heck, even some of the girls I have met actually saw someone or met someone on a personals site. They are like, “You look familiar, and where do I know you from?” Usually that generates a conversation and it’s a pleasant experience. Don’t be embarrassed you are looking for love one of the most noble, and dreadful experience known to man. Addendum #2! (New!!) Ok, I figured I would give some more points on Indicators of Interest (I stole that from the pickup artist scene). An Indicator of Interest, Ahh yes, for the social rejects such as myself I have to pick up on these, and realize what they are. Yes, I am getting much better and it is becoming instinct to me, but I still pay attention to these. Ok guys, This one sounds simple enough but I didn't get it Hell I don't even know why. If she touches your leg, above the knee purposely. Yes, its true I didn't get that. Now I do! Alleluia! some more: If you are holding hands! If you are holding each others arms! If you squeeze her hand, and she squeezes back! If you can hug her without any uncomfortableness. If you poke her, or tickle her and she always comes back to you or stays near you. (HUGE) If her leg, touches your leg more than ONCE while your sitting at a table. Ohh, and here's a big big big big *insert 50 more bigs*, if her leg doesn't move, while your leg is touching it you're doing great she digs you. If you can put your face within 5 inches of hers Either front side or whatever. Addendum #3 (added this as well) Never be afraid to ask a girl to hold hands on the first meeting, or to go for a walk. If she says no, Be fine with it, if she says yes Jump for glee if you want to. Only do this if this is how you will be forever with her. If it is you. (I'm a touchy person so ya it will stay true.
  11. Hi all, I would like to dedicate this poem to a fantastic girl I met online, we shared what I felt was the most special relationship I've ever had, it had depth and quality unlike many of the "real life" ones I've had. This one I hope gives a sense of pride and power to the idea of meeting online and to those who are hoping to find that special someone...I know we all have our own ideas on that matter, but meeting this person gave me a whole new perspective on the idea. I hope you enjoy it, it's going at the front of a book of poems I'm planning on writing. SOMEONE SPECIAL, SOMEONE TRUE I woke up late one cool autumn morning, Unbeknownst that something truly special was dawning, Before I go through the motions of just another day, I wish to dedicate this verse to you in my own way. Your tone was soft and kind, your words tender and true, Just a photo was all I could see of you, Yet together we found a closeness I will not soon forget, Nor will the time or distance we endured ever make me regret. Arriving home from work I would gleefully pick up the telephone, The first sound of your voice taking us to a world of our own, The daily grind of the busy corporate world fading quickly out of sight, As cheerfully we chattered and chuckled long into the night. We shared stories beyond the ears of others, infinite secrets untold, An investment of grace and harmony held within two pure hearts of gold, Where many succumbed to seeds of doubt, we maintained our faith and pride, In a world constantly tested by the forces of time and tide. This world was our oyster, a universe that knew no bounds, Filled with hopes and dreams abound, From sipping Starbucks lattes to strolling underneath divine moonlit skies, This was a relationship mercifully removed from the grim realism of deceit and lies. And so I finally plucked up the courage to say, That I would love to come and visit you one day, For I would surely travel many a distant mile, To see the everlasting serenity of your smile. A spring was in my step and a gleam was in my eye, As I thought of you, a beautiful girl in a land beyond the far away sky, The technology that had united us still at the forefront of my mind, Which for weeks had produced a relationship of a very different kind. But sadly that inevitable time came when fate would again intervene, Bringing to an end a seemingly timeless yet wondrous dream, As our lives took us elsewhere, I hope you will find dreams anew, Yet still I will smile when I remember you, someone special, someone true.
  12. Hi all - I was just wondering. For those of you who do or have done online dating, how long did it take for the relationship to progress from online to offline? How many e-mails were sent before meeting in person was suggested? If the person was local, how long before they asked you out or you asked them out? If you are interested in a local person, what do you think is a reasonable amount of e-mails before someone suggests meeting in person? What were the outcomes of your situations? I'd love to hear your stories!
  13. A couple online dating related questions: 1. I've read stories that there are fake profiles on yahoo personals and link removed. You can almost tell the fake ones because they all seem 'too good to be true'. About what percentage of the women on those sites would you estimate are fake? 2. Guys - what is your batting average online? I just want to see what other people's experiences are like. fill in the blanks: For every ___ girls I message on the online personals, ___ message me back. For every ___ girls that message me back, ___ turn into actual dates. Thanks!
  14. But what about these girls that seem to be complete nymphomaniacs? They even have almost naked pics of themselves on myspace which is AWESOME! Do I focus and get more to the point of wanting to screw or do I do just the opposite? That is by saying stuff like "so what other fun stuff do you do other than girls and guys (or just say sex, it really depends)?
  15. Folks, I've come to the conclusion that online dating is a waste of time, money, and self-respect. I can't help but imagine that all but a few postings are arranged by the dating service to make you think there are a lot of women who might respond. I posted an ad for about a year and got just one response - from a woman who said she made a mistake. While I'm no movie star, I'm not a basket case either; not obese, have a Ph.D. and a well-paying, interesting career, and excellent financial position. I'm definitely not alone. I know others who have tried online dating and/or dating services and found them to be a monumental waste of time, money, and spirit. My advice is for men to seek women out the old-fashioned way, in churches, at work (carefully), and in organizations. Online dating is evil, degrading, and damaging to one's self worth, but great if you love to fuel your self-pity with rejection. While the bar isn't a great choice, it's still orders of magnitude better than the computer. Do yourself and your computer a favor - leave it to crunching numbers and words.
  16. Well, after 4 years, things have finally reached a breaking point between me and my wife. We met online, I flew her back and forth for some time till I asked her to move in. She made excuses why she couldn't work, social anxiety and past relationships, and I enabled her, I admit that. Things were OK, not perfect, I think we were both desparate at the time. Then, to add to an already so-so marriage we found out she had cancer. I personally feel that she got cancer because of her emotional state. When you are so negative about yourself and think everyone hates you, I think that takes a toll on your health. I supported her through a year of treatment and thank god she appears free of cancer now. However, she could never let go of her past and her the way her family is. She was a textbook co-dependent. I would get calls all the time because of fighting with her family. I just reached a breaking point, which ended up with my dinner throw in my face. It just goes to show you how life events and unresolved anger and emotional issues can tear apart a marriage. So, we're doing the typical fighting now, trying to hurt each other, saying things that will be hard to take back. Not fun stuff. I guess I'll look at it as a learning experience. One that will take it's toll emotionally and financially, since she never made a dime. Hopefulyl the divorce will go smoothly. I don't really think there are any options. I simply can not deal with an emotionally unhealthy person, and the most important thing is that we're all happy. I don't see any way to have avoided this outcome. I think I needed to go through these things to reach the point where I am at, so I don't suppose I can regret the last 4 years though part of me is furious about it. So there's my story I'm sharing, for what it's worth. Thanks for listening.
  17. Hi, I am 25 and I met a guy on a dating website. He is 28. He's only seen a head shot of me. The problem is I've put on some weight and I'm kind of fat. It doesn't bother me that much, but I am trying to lose it. I am worried though that he's going to be disappointed when we meet. I am wondering if guys can overlook weight ever? Also, what do you recommend to keep conversation going on the first date? Any help is appreciated. I am in med school and he is a lawyer. We are both well educated and both seem to have good sense of humor. Other than the fact that I am overweight, we may be a good match. But how much emphasis do you place on that? Thank you.
  18. Ok. I've thought about this for a while and feel maybe it would be helpful to share this story with other ENA's in case you guys have any advice on how to properly get back on track after dating what I think is a specific personality of a BAD man to date. Have you ever dated a man like this, and if so, how did you recover so that you did not lose your ability to trust? A few months ago, I met a man who at first I thought was the man I had been waiting for a long time. He was very smart, a great conversationalist, tall and gorgeous, seemed to be remarkably sane from a good family, cultured (had lived in 4 countries for a substancial amount of time), charming, sweet and even a bit shy. He seemed to really be taken by me, too, and he called me every night and emailed me every day. At first this was much for me, but we seemed to connect so well, we talked for long amounts of time on everything. The holidays were approaching, so we both had the extra time to get to know one another. We had met online, and I noticed he had deleted his profile right away after meeting me, so I deleted mine as well. I certainly had no interest in seeing anyone else. He made me believe I could fall in love with him. I was really, truly blissful. I had not been this excited about someone in EIGHT years. He talked about coming down to meet my family, and seemed completely smitten as well, calling me all sorts of endearments and again, calling me every single night of the week. I thought it was all too good to be true, but I felt relaxed and so thrilled to have met him. He seemed very shy, and inexperienced despite his age (26), and after a while I noticed how he was sort of self-absorbed and would liken a lot of things to himself...including me. He also talked about his father incessantly, as if he wanted to BE his dad. I later learned he did the same exact type of work as his dad. We spent a weekend together and the next morning (a Monday), he seemed weird when we said goodbye. I didn't think much of it, but he brought it up in conversation later that day, apologizing and saying he was in a weird mood because he was late to work and his boss had called him to yell at him for it. I thought nothing of it and was not concerned. I did not hear from him for a couple of days, and I started to get a really bad feeling, especially since we had just slept together for the first time. I called him one night during that week and he was getting into bed, with no intention to call me (when he used to frequently). I asked him if he was having second thoughts about us. He said no, not at all. I said ok and that was that. But then he did not call again that week. He sent me a short email saying he was sick and busy at work and would call me from the airport, because he was heading home to visit his family for the holidays (2000 miles away). By then, I was rather annoyed so I didn't bother replying to tell him I wouldn't even be home, because I was visiting MY family 300 miles north. But then I was going through old emails and I found one of his. It had a link in it to his old profile on the dating site we had met on. For some reason, I clicked on it. I was shocked to find out that his profile was back up! Not only that, but it revealed that he had been actively using it within the last day (you know, while busy at work and sick). I was shocked, so I called him. I asked him if he was on there to date other people, because if he was, then he should have told me about it. I said I didn't care if he dated other people, but don't lie to me and say you are not. He denied using it, I don't think he knew what to say. I then mentioned I was leaving town for a few days. He said he had to go and to call him back that night. I did call him that night, got his voicemail, and left a number where he could reach me at my family's over the holidays. Of course he did not call. I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas in tears. I thought we had a budding relationship. I thought I had met the man of my dreams. I thought he was sane, reliable and honest, and that he liked me. I'm not a stupid person. He seemed to have gone to too much trouble simply to sleep with me. This was something else. I didn't know what, but I was confused and very hurt. I felt I had let myself down by not judging him better. But there was no way for me to have seen this coming. When I got back to my home, I saw that he had called and emailed me. I called him back. I questioned him on what happened and he said 2 things. One is that he had talked to his dad (see previous part about that) and apparently, for some reason, his dad had talked him into moving accross the country back to their hometown and working with his dad or something like that. I thought that was weird since he had originally stated he left his hometown 6 months ago to pursue "something deeper" ie grow up and move on. But now he was moving back because his dad told him to quit his job at his current location? #2 was that he said, he could not explain why, but that pieces of conversation were falling into place for him, and I seemed "cynical". I almost laughed aloud when I heard that. I said I had no idea you had a problem with me. So he goes, "Surprise" with a ringlike tilt in his voice. He actually said "Surprise"! Surprise, I sleep with you, tell you I am falling for you, court you every night for the past month, make you my girlfriend, and then leave you out in the cold for the holidays. Surprise! Surprise, indeed. I choked as I was hearing this-- I didn't know to laugh or to cry. I had already cried my heart out over Christmas, so I had no tears left. Then he goes, well I might be moving but I still want to date you. * * *? I was angry by then but I was still in shock, so I just got off the phone politely. I didn't talk to him after that, and then it was New Years. He called me on New Years, from his taxi, on his way back from the airport, back from his demigod father's. I asked him why he was calling. I had written him a terse email ending things officially, but he had not read it (or so he claimed, but now I wonder). He wanted me to hang out with him that day! I was like, ummmm, no. 1 week later, I was leaving for a long trip out of the country. I was leaving from an airport in his city, not in mine (we lived about 1 1/2 hour away). I stupidly agreed to stay at his place for reasons beyond the scope of this post. He wanted to make out, of course. I guess by then I was still so upset about it that I figured it was my last goodbye. I didn't regret it (I regretted everything before it, so it didn't matter). After that, he emailed me once or twice, I answered half-heartedly, and then after a lapse in conversation, I just said he was not a stable person and I wasn't interested in dating him at all. He never wrote back. Now he is back on the dating site, but stated as living 2,000 miles away. I only noticed because I went back on the dating site, determined to date again and get past that awful experience. Of course I was very hurt and spent a lot of time feeling angry and remorseful. I realized this person is a Narcissist to the 9th degree, and it is most likely that the whole thing was an effort to boost his ego at my expense. Which makes me feel ashamed and stupid, for letting it happen. But when you are falling in love, do you ever stop to think the person you think you love is a total liar who is just out to make you love him because he lacks the security to feel good about himself unless he is using someone else? Really? The thought didn't occur to me, either. So, here's the real problem. I came back from my trip and started to date again, thinking I would ease into the dating field, have some fun, meet people but not get into anything too serious. I knew I had residual anger about this other person, but I figured it would go away as time passed. Then I met someone I actually liked. I thought, cool, we can have fun together, he seemed pretty laid back. But 2 weeks into dating me, he started to pressure me into going exclusive, and seemed to REALLY like me (seemed-- I can't tell if someone likes me now so I am confused on that). Then he mentioned he is leaving accross the country in a few months. What does this start to feel like to me? I completely flipped on him via email, reamed him out for wanting to be exclusive when he is leaving (he mocked me for not living life when I said no), and then put him in the role of the other guy, making it seem like he is just out to use me for his own benefit. Of course he does not take to that kindly, and I now feel absolutely mortified at how I have reacted to this. Obviously, I am scarred from the man before him, and I am trying to backpaddle as quickly as I can and not flip on someone who did not deserve it. He (the new guy) apologized for the misunderstanding between us, and seems to actually be a good guy-- I would like to at least get a friendship out of it. In the meantime, how do I redevelop the ability to TRUST again?
  19. Just a quick question for you all.. I linger here a lot when I should be working I come in this section as well and I am wondering: When you meet someone Online and it's awhile before you actually physically meet. If you consider yourself a couple, when do you establish the anniversary? When you actually met? or when you first met online? (even if it started as a friendship) Just curious
  20. Ok, so I have been back in the dating scene now for about 2 months. I've been on a lot of dates and have become comfortable with dating and asking women out. I've gotten much of my self confidence, charm and flirtatious nature back. Dating no longer scares and I am able to be interesting, outgoing and genuinely entertaining (if I say so myself I've been frustrated recently. I remember the feeling I had when I met my ex. She had so many qualities I look for in a woman. There was just something about her. When we talked, we were both engaged in the conversation and genuinely, truly interested in what each other had to say. She was pleasant, made eye contact and while I made sure to focus on her and her life, she did the same thing. The meeting, the conversation, even the goodbye was textbook romance. Each day we IMd each other, called each other and our times together were truly romantic...there was a genuine connection. Then, she said to me something that made me sure I wanted to be with her. She said "Orlander, I want to know everything about you." Where is that? I'm so tired of meeting women who are SOOO wrapped un in themselves, who talk only of themselves or who dont even show a phony interest in wanting to get to know me. I can't tell you how many emails I sent out to women on Match and have gotten back replies that basically answer the questions I wrote but didnt ask me anything. I think i am all but convinced that online dating services only work if you are looking to hookup or on the rebound. I feel like there are 100 guys trying to nail each single girl. Hell, even my ex managed to find someone almost immediately after moving back in town from college and I was SHOCKED when i learned that. Seems like these guys are coming out of the woodworks like cockroaches. I'll admit that I'm a little picky. I am looking for someone in her mid to late 20's, who isnt involved with anyone, doesnt have children but wants a family, is cute, who is active and is open to falling in love and being in a loving relationship. I admit that I tend to go for women on the slender side. I've tried to remain positive and have faith that when I am ready love will find a way. To be honest I was not in a good place to receive the love of a woman prior to recently, but now that I do know I am ready for it...where is it? It's been over a year and a half since I became single. I really hoped I would be engaged or married by now and my ex would still be looking. Now, I am sure she has the man of her dreams and the perfect relationship and I have nothing. Just venting, I guess. I hate to admit that most of my adult life I was surrounded by women who were eligible, cute and potentially loving and who wanted to get to know me, but I either blew them off or treated them badly. For so many years I was looking for the perfect woman. I thought I even found her once and after a few months discovered that I had lost interest even in her, just like the rest. I dont think i really understood what love was until recently. So, is it Karma? am I being punished by God for my past actions? It feels that way sometime. Everything happens for a reason, but I'm ready for love and would die to hear a woman say to me again "Orlander,I want to learn everything about you". So, this is part of the healing process? Am I just supposed to keep pursuing someone who may not show much interest in me initially in the hopes her level of interest will change? How many people have relationships that started out like the one I described with my ex? It seemed perfect. When we finally feel ready to be in a new relationship. I want to fall in love and get to know everything about someone and ive never felt that way before. Guess I just need to be patient and keep trying. Orlander
  21. Lol the best feeling in the world is finding something out about your ex that makes your day and changes you as a person. I wrote earlier this morning that I had seen his profile and on the dating site you can send what they call roses... he had sent (1) already. I thought they were little roses that show up at the end of a message. Well I was curiouse and I sent one to myself and what they actually are is these big pictures of a rose with a card saying be mine. LOL here I am feeling lonely and blaming myself for losing him and it's only been 2 days and he's sending "roses" to chicks. I should be upset but really Im happy. I'm not that pathtic that 2 days later I'm trying to hook up with the next guy I see like oh better start the haunt again. It also shows me that here I was holding on and feeling bad when he had no respect for me or our relationship to be on there so damn soon and to be doing that. I'm going to be just fine. And I think for now I will give the internet dating a rest (I deleted my profiles) I may be alone but I want to find someone in life not through a screen.
  22. What a long and unsuccessful journey it has been. I still have not found a reasonable partner since my last one about 3 years ago. That relationship was 4 years btw, but she left me for a much older guy and had his baby at age 21. Anyhow, here is what I did find online though..... (the complete list!) (and no, I have not found a date at all since that 4 year relationship unless I found the person online) May '04: Denise: I had gotten out of a 4 year relationship 6 months prior to meeting her and when I met her in person she was extremely desperate. She ended up asking me out the day I met her. She was somewhat bad looking, but not overweight so I agreed thinking that maybe she would look better the next time I saw her. She even kissed me that same day and it was gross, but I went with it for a month thinking that she might fix herself up. She ended up inviting me to her prom and I went since I had never been to one before. Shortly after that I left her because I just wasnt able to like her in that way. I figured that I would try to work things out with her initally since she was the first girl interested in me in 6 months. In other words I wanted to give her a chance and see if I could like her. That was a killer mistake. She was also a total prude. I gave her oral and she did not even return the favor, ever....She was kind of mean at times too. Jan 05: Amanda: hung out several times. Was attracted to her. Asked her out eventually and she said no and that she was not currently looking for that type of relationship. (This is where I took a little break from online dating. I guess you can say I sort of gave up. By '06 I resumed my journey.) April '06: Gena: Was very good looking. At first she seemed really into me but when we actually hung out things changed. She started playing crazy mind games with me so I could not figure out if she was interested or not. I never asked her out because she always acted more interested in other guys and not me. May '06: Janice: Hung out with her once and she was not that bad looking, but I decided I did not like her as a person. I feel she felt the same way as she got in her car and ditched me when she had the chance. I never heard from her again. May '06: Nicole: Was somewhat overweight, and not good looking but actually pretty cool. She was a little bit clingy and obviously was trying to get with me. I tried to show that I was not interested and eventually I lost touch with her. May '06: Ashley: was gross looking, but not overweight. I kept contact with her because she had a hot friend that I was trying to get with. I found out that her friend was whorey though, so I never asked her out because she was such a swinger. I did kiss her friend though at her own request, but that didnt last long as she said I was a "bad kisser." I still hang out with them periodicly. November '06: Jen : Hung out with her twice. I was attracted to her. The first time she seemed interested and made plans to hang out with me again. After the second time she stopped talking to me and I found out a couple days later that she had found a boyfriend. Febuary '07: Melissa: Was overweight and I was not attracted to her. Was extremely clingy and would not leave me alone. She would call me at 6am up until 2am multiple times a day. The text messages were even worse. I did not want to hurt her feelings and I totally would have hung out with her as a friend if she was not so clingy, but I had no choice but to ignore her calls since she was so annoying and I could not deal with it. I think she was obsessed with me. I don't find this pathetic since its impossible to meet my type of woman in a bar. Also, note that I will meet anyone in person regardless of how bad their pictures/profile actually are. I do this because there is such a thing as bad pictures or a bad profile. I give everyone the same opportunity. I feel that by the time I meet the 100th girl online things will actually work out Agree? Disagree?
  23. So i met this girl on a dating site. I sent her an email. She sent an email to me. We started emailing each other for about three dyas. She seemed great. Now I am not a shy person, and felt that the emailing was sort of killing what would be a very cool first date so i asked her to grab a drink one night. She was psyched and agreed. we made plans and she gave me her phone #. The first time we were supposed to meet she had to reschedule due to working too late, but we quickly made it for another night. Then the night we were supposed to meet.....she stood me up. I text'd her at the bar and got a text back saying she was sorry but she had just got out of work and that her scheduel was busy lately. I sent a text saying well how about a drink? Nothing.....then i sent a text saying no big deal, but if you want to meet up sometime let me know. Now I'm new to this stuff, and this is the only girl i have found mildly interesting. Should i let this go? Send her an email? She seemed so into it? Is this typical?
  24. Okay, just a little follow-up to my last progress report. Nothing as exciting as last weekend, but I did get another HI on the River Walk, from a very attractive young woman sitting on a bench outside a public bathroom when I stopped to unburden myself. Wow, the River Walk is a surprisingly friendly place! Having lightened my load, I started back. As I approached Uptown, in the semidarkness ahead I saw what looked like a very wide four-legged person standing in the middle of the bicycle trail. Hmmm... I was puzzled, until I got closer and realized it was actually two people standing so close together there was no gap between them. I got closer and realized that they were actually standing in the middle of the bicycle trail, hugging and kissing! Actually making out! Yikes! I'd heard rumors about people doing that, but I'd always doubted there was anything to them. But there it was, happening right in front of me, big as life. They were stuck together face to face, and the male one was actually reaching around and putting his hand on the girl's bottom. Blatantly touching her posterior! And she was letting him do it! I was amazed. Wow... I mean, fantasizing is one thing, but it boggles my mind to contemplate what it must feel like to do it in real life. God life is good for some people. And... there's also an update on my online project, my long-delayed quest for that one first woman to release me from my virginity. I've tried conventional dating sites with no luck. Having been a shy introvert for so many years, I don't know if I'm relationship material, but I still hope to try someday. So I've recently been using Adult Friend Finder, which is an adult dating website where people advertise expressly (and explicitly) for intimate encounters. I've been openly marketing myself as an adult virgin, and I've e-mailed well over 200 women so far. In the past few months, I've corresponded with several women who seemed interested, but with one exception, they've all fizzled. I did actually meet one woman for dinner, but we were mutually unimpressed. I've now decided that the women who corresponded with me did so only because they were intrigued. That surprised me, because I'd always believed there'd be plenty of women who'd enjoy having a clean, untouched male without having to resort to cradle-robbing. Or that maybe there'd be a little devil out there somewhere who'd get a kick out of introducing an unsullied country boy to the worldly vices. I haven't given up believing that, but I now suspect most of the women who got my e-mails either didn't believe me (why would they'd think I'd make up such a thing?), or thought there must be something wrong with me. (One woman actually e-mailed me and said, "If you're a virgin, I'm Mother Teresa, and she's dead!") So... with great reluctance, I've decided to stop promoting myself as a virgin. I'm a bit sad about that, because I felt great about being totally open and honest about my special situation, and I'd really, really been hoping to have my first time with a nice woman who understood, and was willing to be a virgin guy's first. I have a need to be understood that compels me to be more open about myself than a person probably ought to be. I guess I should really try to get over that. Oh, well... that's my progress to date. Stay tuned for the next exciting installment.
  25. Would someone please define the following term for me. I have apparently been out of the dating pool too long. "Casual Relationship" I see this term used on a number of online dating services but can't seem to put my finger on exactly what it is these folks are looking for. Thanks All!!
×
×
  • Create New...