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  1. I look on this forum a lot to see if there are any new stories about people getting back together with their ex's. I do it just so that I can have some hope, and I really hope someday I can post my story on here to give others confidence that having hope pays off. In the meantime, I am going to make a list of actual stories of people I know that broke up and got back together. Please post your stories here too and we can put a little bit of cheer into this forum. 1. My friend was dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years. They were broken up for a year and a half and he tried everything to get her back. One day he was with his friend talking about her and she called him right then to talk about something trivial, and he went over to her house. They got back together and now they are engaged. 2. My friend's sister and her husband broke up for four years and now they are married with 3 kids. 3. My friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when we were 19 and they got back together a few years later and have been together ever since. 4. My other friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when she was a sophomore in college and they just got back together and now they live together. 5. A friend of my ex's was so sad about a girl forever, talked about her all the time when we were out at the clubs, couldn't believe they broke up, etc....now they have been back together for over a year. 6. My friend and her boyfriend dated for a few years, broke up for 9 months, now they are engaged. She says their relationship is better than ever now they are back together. 7. My friend was hung up on this guy forever, he would go back and forth and never commit, now they are living together and she is going to have a baby. They are really happy and in the end it worked out great. That is just some of the stories I know off the top of my head. Please post any stories of reconciliation that you know of so that we can have some cheer in this forum.
  2. Hey everyone. I'm a 23 year old guy who just had his heart broken by his now ex-girlfriend after a one year relationship. She broke up with me two weeks ago. She is 21 and has been in a four year relationship, and then the one year with me. She recently broke up with me because she "really needs to be alone right now." She always told me how much she loved me, and she wanted to move in together. But all of a sudden she drops me like a bad habit. I told her I understood why she needs to be alone. But she is handling this much better than I am. I've been trying to leave her alone, but I did text her once yesterday telling her how much I miss her, and I hope things are going well for her. She replied to my text by simply saying "Hey, thanx for the text. I hope things are going good for u." Don't get me wrong. I'm not a smothering, obsessive boyfriend (honestly). I have several questions that I need answered. 1) Will she come back? What can I do to get her back? 2) Is the "I need to be alone" excuse just another way of saying I want to be with other guys? 3) What did I do that would cause her to drop me so suddenly? I'm not going to contact her anymore. But I was thinking about giving it a few months and then emailing her to meet me for dinner. Is this a good way to go? Can anyone relate to what I'm feeling/talking about? Any help /suggestionswould be greatly appreciated.
  3. My boyfriend's mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly 5 months ago, leaving him an orphan at age 36. His mother had raised him by herself and his father had remarried but died just a few years ago. His stepmother and half-siblings stopped talking to him after his father died, so it was as if he suddenly had no family left at all. When his mother died, I was the first and only person he turned to, and I held him all night and listened to him talk. He had to fly to another state to take care of arrangements and I offered to go with him. He tried to book a flight for me but nothing was available, so he asked me to come in the future to help him pack up his mother's house and be at his side at the memorial service instead. I tried to be as supportive as possible over the phone while he was away. We were in frequent touch and he told me everything about what he was feeling and going through. But when he came home 10 days later, he was very distant and strange. He seemed confused and said he didn't know what he wanted. He abruptly said he needed to take a break from our relationship and asked me to leave his apartment. He said I had been the most wonderful and sweetest girlfriend and that he loved me but that he just couldn't be in a relationship with anyone during this time. But he also kept saying that he didn't want to make a rash decision and to give it some time. I knew I had to set my feelings aside and allow him whatever he needed, even though I was devastated. I tried to give him space but also still be there for him, so I'd occasionally (every couple of weeks or so) send a short and kind email or text message. I did speak to him by phone for about an hour a few weeks later and he told me that he felt like a basket case and couldn't sleep. I tried to go help him with his mother's house but he turned me back home after our flight landed. Finally, 2 months later, he sent me a very terse and cold email that simply said there was not a possibility of us getting back together and that he felt there needed to be considerable time and distance before we ever talked again. No explanation or any words of kindness whatsoever. He sounded so different from the person I once knew. I'm having trouble accepting that this could really be the end. I keep wondering if there was anything I could've done to prevent or save this - whether I wasn't there for him enough in the beginning, if I gave him too much space or not enough, if it was a terrible mistake to get on that flight to try to help him, etc. Everyone tells me that doing that was an amazing selfless act of love on my part and wasn't inappropriate, but it seems like he was upset and disturbed by my gesture, perhaps due to his mental state while grieving. I only had the best of intentions and it doesn't seem like it should be a reason to push someone you care about entirely away and just completely refuse to talk. It was as if I had wronged him deeply but I don't know what I did that was wrong. Over the months I've read so much about grief and tried to understand what he is going through, but I still can't understand how his feelings could have changed so drastically when we had a great relationship before and he always seemed so deeply in love and sure of our relationship. I know he had to deal with a harrowing and traumatic experience, but why would he turn away from my support and cut me out of his life without explanation when he can still treat everyone else in his life as normal? How can he not miss the life that we had together? We were in a serious relationship and the love we felt for each other should mean something and not just evaporate into thin air. Can anyone help me with insight as to why he might have done this and whether it's likely he'll ever come around with time?
  4. This ‘guide’ has been written to give people here guidance on what to do after a break-up. This has been written using my own experience, and also drawing on the experiences of others in my personal life, and also from these boards themselves. This is the healthiest advice that I can give – both to help someone recover from a break-up and to give the best chance possible of being reconciled with an ex. There are no ‘games’ or ‘tricks’ contained here, it is not a quick-fix nor a magical solution – it is straight-forward and all about helping the dumpee heal and move on, with or without their former partner The Break-up and Reconciliation Guide Goal The goal of this post primarily focuses on two things: To maintain the dumpee’s self-respect and dignity To avoid being pitied by the dumper If these two (interrelated) goals are achieved, it will have a two-pronged effect. It will assist the dumpee in moving on It will increase the chance of reconciliation Stereotypical Post-Break-up behaviour When someone that you love unexpectedly, or even expectedly ends a relationship, then you may find yourself losing control of rational thought and entering ‘survival mode’. This can manifest itself in numerous ways, but the most common appears to be losing their inhibitions and saying *anything* in order to reverse the dumper’s decision. Begging, pleading and promises of change are high on the dumpee’s behavioural agenda. These behaviours do not work, and on the rare occasions they do, the second chance is generally short lived. Why? Because a dumper may return to the dumpee out of pity – and pity has no business in an equal, loving relationship. Another reason for failure is because the dumper may feel as though they are doing the dumpee a favour by returning, and thus it makes the responsibility they hold in making the relationship work significantly less – it is easier for them to walk away (again). It would be completely unreasonable to expect anyone, especially yourself, to be able to control the initial impulse to beg your ex for another chance. So if you have done so, forgive yourself – but vow that you won’t do it again. Today is the day that you take your first step forward in moving on. What to do differently If begging, pleading and promising change is the ‘wrong’ behaviour to exhibit, then it stands to reason that the ‘right’ behaviour is the opposite. So, what is the opposite behaviour? Well, let’s dump the begging, pleading and unreasonable demands you have made on yourself under a broad heading: “Undignified” – because that’s exactly what it is – undignified. So, the opposite is……that’s right, “Dignified”. As hard as it is, as much as your heart, head and soul wants to scream “Take me back pleeeeeaaaaseee…I’ll do anything….I can’t live without you…..” to your ex, you must NOT…and instead act dignified. By all means, let your ex know that you are upset and that you would like a second chance – there is nothing wrong with discussing your feelings and desires (initially). Once you have done so however, consider your side of the break-up complete. Do not rehash the conversation and do not throw things that your ex may have said back in their face. Telling your ex: “But last week you said you loved me, and wanted to be the mother/father of my children” will ultimately achieve nothing except cause conflict. An ex’s words are not a binding contract and as such, can not be used to tie them into an agreement that you thought you held with them. Arguing logic with someone who is making a decision based on emotion will prove fruitless. No matter how much logic you attempt to apply to an emotional decision, emotions will *always* win out. For whatever reason, your ex’s feelings have changed and they have made a decision based on that – respect that decision, just as you would respect decisions they made within the relationship….and accept it. “True love doesn’t need convincing, true love knows.” That means letting them go, and switching your focus to picking up the pieces and moving on – without them. What happens next? You will now find yourself at the crossroads – with a decision to make: Stay in Contact, or initiate ‘No Contact’. There are some situations where contact is a necessity (children are involved or you work/go to school with your ex). There may be others, but these are the primary ones. In these cases, keep contact to a minimum and remember that you have already told your ex about your feelings and your desire for reconciliation, so do not under any circumstances have these conversations again. Keep your interactions with your ex as brief as possible and keep any conversation completely related to your reason for being in contact (children, work, school). This will be hard, but again, you have to remember your goal – maintaining your dignity and self-respect and avoiding your ex’s pity. Do not compromise these for even a second. Stay strong, and prepare yourself for each interaction with your ex: “Proper preparation prevents poor performance”. If you have no obvious ties with your ex, you are still at the crossroads – staying in contact or breaking contact. In the majority of scenarios, your ex will suggest ‘staying friends’ – they may even do more than suggest it, they may actually start to beg and plead themselves. Some dumpees are willing to enter a friendship almost immediately and some are emotionally ready to do so. Some relationships were built on friendship and many successful friendships have been born out of failed relationships – BUT, and I must stress this – these are the *exception* to the rule. I will say this again – the moment that you poured your heart out to your ex and expressed your desire for a second chance was the turning point in the break-up. That is the moment that your actions became motivated by one thing and one thing only – what is best for YOU….not for your ex, not for the hope of reconciliation – but for you, and you alone. You should never enter a ‘friendship’ with an ex as a means to ‘get them back’. If you have *any* desire to get back with your ex…even if you try to convince yourself by saying “Well, maybe one day but I’m happy with being friends in the meantime”. Don’t do it. The truth of the matter is that you are lying to yourself, and the situation will end with more pain (for you). Relationships (including friendships) are founded on equality – equality of feelings and equality of expectations. If one party desires or expects more than the other, it will lead to conflict and quite possibly the destruction of the relationship. You’ve already lost your intimate relationship, so why enter another one (friendship) that is doomed to fail from the very beginning? Being friends with an ex means being happy to hang out with them and their new boyfriend/girlfriend/person they are sleeping with/husband/wife. If the thought of that gives you an empty feeling in your stomach, don’t do it….at least not yet. Despite these warnings, some may decide that they want to stay in touch with your ex. You’ll tell yourself that you’re strong enough, that you can handle your ex seeing someone new, and that you don’t care if you don’t get back together with your ex – and some of you will be right. Some however, will be lying to themselves: Before deciding to stay in contact, or stay friends with an ex – sit down and have a really hard think whether it’s because you genuinely want to be friends, or because you are scared of letting go. If it’s the latter, don’t stay friends with your ex. This is about what is best for YOU remember, and sometimes doing what is best for you is the hardest choice to make. Letting go is hard, but is also the healthiest thing you can do after a break-up. Everyone will let go at some point after a break-up – some people will do it themselves and heal quicker, whilst others will fight and fight – until, in the end, the decision to let go is taken from their hands – and they *have* to do it. Let go now, while you have a choice to do so – it’s empowering and it also links in with the goals stated at the start of this thread. If you do decide to take the: “I think I can win them back by staying in touch” route, consider yourself warned and then… No Contact (NC) If you’ve read this far, then you are at least thinking about No Contact (NC)…so, what is No Contact? That thread covers a lot about NC and various scenarios, however it probably doesn’t stress one point enough: No Contact is NOT a tool to win back an ex. Again, everything you are doing right now is focussed on what is best for YOU. If you want to use NC as a tactic to win an ex back then by all means try it, but you will find yourself praying, hoping and wishing for the day that NC finally has its desired effect…and that day may never come. So initiate NC knowing that it is NOT to bring your ex back, it is all about allowing yourself space and time to heal. If you enter this period knowing that, the results will come – if you enter it expecting it to bring your ex to their senses, you face disappointment – and you may even find yourself resuming the ‘stereotypical post-break-up behaviour’ covered at the beginning of this post. No Contact is difficult and at times heart-wrenching – but healing will occur if you tough it out and hang in there. Contacting your ex may bring you temporary relief, but it only makes things harder in the long run – it’s akin to scratching chicken-pox. You will have an almost overwhelming urge to scratch and scratch…knowing that while it may make you feel great momentarily, it will ultimately delay the healing. What happens if I break NC? Quite simple – you start again. You don’t beat yourself up about it or dwell on it – what’s done is done. If you contact your ex, and the conversation goes well – ask yourself: “What have I really achieved?”, “Am I ready to be just friends?” or “Am I closer to reconciliation?”. If none of your answers are positive – resume NC and don’t look back. If your ex makes promises, but provides no evidence that they are going to back them up with actions – resume NC and don’t look back. If you attempt to contact your ex and your attempt is ignored, do NOT follow up with another call/email – resume No Contact and don’t look back. If the ball is left in their court (via your attempt at contact), leave it with them – they know how to find you if they do wish to contact you. What if my ex breaks NC? If your ex breaks NC and expresses anything but a heart-felt, genuine desire for reconciliation, you resume NC and don’t look back. If your ex states that they miss you, are confused, want to be with you “one day” etc, you resume NC and start again. Your ex, if expressing things such as though as stated in the sentence above, has entered their own version of ‘survival mode’ – where they are willing to say (almost) anything to get what they want – you in their lives. This is the dumper seeking what *they* want – you in their life, but not a relationship with you. Remember again, you are no longer doing what is best for your ex – you are doing to what is best for you – and if your ex is offering false hope when you want a solid promise, you resume NC and don’t look back. If you have already explained your reasons for NC to your ex, there is no need to do so again (no matter what your ex says) – a simple “We’ve already discussed why I need to do this, take care *click*” will suffice just nicely. If your ex continually breaks NC against your wishes, and expresses no concrete desire for reconciliation (if that is what you are seeking), then block their calls, emails…take any step you have to cut them out of your life. Again, it is about what is best for YOU. Avoid getting into a NC/Breaking NC cycle (regardless of whether it is your ex or you breaking NC). You are the only one that will have the power to stop it, your ex will (more than likely) keep the cycle going for as long as you allow them to. Be strong, cut all ties and maintain NC. Even if it means being rude. What do I do to help myself heal during NC? Your options are limitless – you are now a single person with no-one to answer to. Meet up with friends, take up a new hobby, work-out, go on holiday…do whatever it takes to make you feel good, and whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself. Do not sit at home dwelling on the past and do not think of ways of ‘accidentally’ bumping into your ex. In my experience, Sunday evenings are the toughest – work/school beckons the next day and the weekend is over. Try to plan an activity to keep you occupied on Sundays if you can – even if it’s meeting up with a friend to get some dinner or watch a movie (preferably a comedy). Should I date others? Only when you’re ready. Casual dating is great and can build self-confidence and also show you that maybe there is someone else that is just as nice, if not nicer than your ex. However, do NOT enter a relationship unless you are certain that you won’t go running back to your ex at the drop of a hat if they reappear in your life. A new relationship introduces someone new to the scenario – a person with feelings and desires, just like us all. They deserve honesty and to be treated with respect – so do not use anyone else to make your ex jealous or as a replacement for your ex….someone is going to get hurt, and it could be you – physically You may find that dating someone new, instead of taking your mind off your ex, actually makes you miss them more – that is natural, and normal – and is your sub-conscious telling you that perhaps you aren’t ready to date just yet. Hang in there; the day will come where you will be. Should I break NC for important events? No, nope, negative. There is no reason to do so, unless it is life-threatening. No good will come of it. What about Reconciliation? There are no magic fixes to a broken relationship, no tricks, no secrets and no guaranteed methods to win an ex back, but there is plenty you can do to *decrease* your chances. For some guidance, look no further than SuperDave’s brilliant thread Successful reconciliation is something that will not happen for the majority of people who have been ‘dumped’ – that is the cold, harsh reality of break-ups and indeed life. We don’t always get what we want. I can tell you this however, those who do reconcile successfully with an ex are those who ‘get themselves back’ before getting their exes back. The people who maintain their dignity, self-respect and avoid being pitied by their exes are the ones that bounce back quickest and make themselves and attractive relationship prospect for the opposite (or same) sex. And that's why this guide has been so focussed on letting go and moving on - *genuinely* letting go and moving on, *really* taking back control of your emotions and your life - these are the things that give you the best chance of reconciling with an ex. Focussing on your own healing, rather than focussing on what effect your actions will have on an ex - these are the things that can bring an ex back. Sure, there are 'methods' that can be applied (The Perfect Plan Mach II) - and yes, some of them may bring an ex back. But this thread is about more than that - this is about *successful* reconciliation, not temporary fixes. Temporary fixes don't fix problems, they merely disguise them...and eventually, just like any 'make-shift' measure - they will fail. What if my ex wants me back? It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for – your ex contacts you out of the blue and says the words you’ve been wanting months to hear: “I made a mistake, I love you and I want you back.”. Brilliant – you grin from ear to ear, tell your ex that you love them and live happily ever after, right? Not so fast there kid – the hard work has only just begun. First things first – you have to evaluate *why* your ex has had a change of heart – is it because they genuinely miss and love you, or is it because they themselves were dumped and are returning to ‘familiar territory’? Or perhaps they are going through a but of a rough patch in their life at the moment? As with break-ups, each is unique but all have commonalities – and the above are seemingly the three main reasons that an ex ‘returns to the scene of the crime’. There may be all sorts of emotions to work through before it’s all smooth sailing. You may feel anger that your ex put you through such an emotionally draining, traumatic experience only to change their mind. You may be apprehensive – afterall, they dumped you before, what’s to stop them from doing it again? Some people can work through these issues, view the relationship as a new start and get on with it. Others may not be able to. Insecurity and anger are the two biggest issues to overcome (in my experience) when reconciling with an ex. Repeatedly bringing the past up in an (unrelated) argument can sound the death-knell for a second chance. Letting go of the emotions associated with the break-up (whilst not forgetting them) is the key to moving forward when reconciling. Only you know what you can deal with – and sometimes it won’t be apparent what you can and can’t deal with until you enter that ‘second chance’. As with reconciliation – there are no magic tricks to work through these issues, other than honest and open communication from both parties…and a resolve to work on the issues that lead to the first break-up. If you can’t work through them or get over them, that is not a sign of weakness on your part – it is a part of your sub-conscious that is protecting you from getting hurt again, and sometimes that sub-conscious has a point that should be listened to. Most importantly, if you do embark of a ‘new beginning’ – just as you should start any new relationship slowly, you should be extremely vigilant when reconciling. Jumping into the relationship too quickly, because you know each other so well, can see each party possibly falling back into the same old routine….and before you know it the issues that caused the first break-up are back. Slowly, slowly, slowly….that’s all I’m sayin’. Best of luck.
  5. THE CIVIL WAR The nation is rent asunder. Truculent factions marshal their arguments against one another. In one camp, the confident general maps her route relying on sheer gut. She hoists the banner of your nigh and certain return at the conclusion of your present engagements. She refuses to negotiate with her challenger. Across the battlefield encamps the anxious opponent. She is chary to trust the cries of her heart, for her troops sustained heavy casualties in the last conflict when she heeded such advice. She seeks to rely not on instinct but on intelligence-gathering. Your final words convince her of your desertion. The weary-limbed soldiers have seen pitched battle for days now.
  6. Here's a story that I've gotta let out, A boy and a girl is what this story's about. It started in the summer of 2006 Her first real boyfriend decided to hit it and dip She felt used and abused and wanted him back So she changed who she was to pick up the slack Upon recognising the New person she became She realized she could do better in the relationship game. And so came the boy whom she began to love They'd sneak off at night and watch the sky up above It turned into a ritual, that summer of 06 They'd walk into the night and end it off with a kiss. Summer came to an end but they kept their bond They then became intimate and grew more fond of each other And then a few months came and gone, The girl was quite mean Which made it less fun He did everything for her but she blew him off She thought she was better since he was too soft. About a year later, Christmas of 2007, She realized she needed to change and made a New year's resolution. "I'm gonna start treating him better" is what she told herself His resolution was to stop letting her damage his health And so they switched roles, she was nice and he was mean She figured she deserved it considering she used to play on that team So she put up with her majesty time and time again He would blow her off and instead choose other girls to befriend. That summer of 07, he had people at his mom's place Upon these people was this girl with a pretty face He kept his eyes and attention on her the whole time Forgetting his girlfriend was there watching him check this dime. And that's when their relationship went down the hill They would break up and make up, the usual drill. This happened for another year until they finally had enough They agreed to move forward and keep the past buried in the dust. Now here's the interesting turn that happened between the two, New year's eve 2008, they we're stuck to each other like glue They were wasted, woke up naked, all of which was a blur. The deed had been done, although none could recall what occurred. Then came Valentine's day and all was relatively good He lit candles, they watched movies and cuddled as close as they could Soon after his friends took over and changed their whole streak Upset, she informed him of her missed period and began to weap The girl took a pregnancy test and she held her breath... "If I'm pregnant I better be prepared for death." So there she was, peeing on a stick in front of her sisters As soon as she was done they grabbed it and started to whisper. For some odd reason she felt a strong warm sensation. Bubbles started to fill her chest and she waited to hear a confirmation. Her sisters started to cry and gave her a warm embrace They said "congratulations, sis." And smacked her a kiss on the face. Her heart began to melt and she felt her whole world flip 180 She told her sisters not to tell anyone that she was having a baby Immediately she told the boy and he began to freak out He told her to get an abortion or he would leave without a doubt "You're ruining my life, I hate you." He continually said Her heart was torn in two, she wished she would just end up dead. The man whom she loved threatened to leave if she didn't abort And all she aimed for was to get his love, attention and support. The two families conflicted- one was pro, the other not She hated being in the middle, she felt so distraught. Weeks went by and she locked herself in her room She would sing to her tummy and talk to it too She grew so fond of this little tiny thing in her belly She relaxed in her bed, cuddled up watching the tele. She read all these books about how to care for a child Her mind was up, even if it made the boy go wild But soon the girl began feeling lonely and scared To try to ease her pain, she met the boy whom baby she shared He convinced her to make an appointment to get it done She cried and cried the entire time, she wanted to keep her daughter or son The counselor informed her she didn't have to make this decision just yet She felt as though the girl was pressured and doing it would lead to regret So the girl walked out with a big enormous smile The boy asked how it went and she said she needed a little Furious, he stopped the car and kicked her out on her feet During this time it was winter and snow covered the street She felt abandoned, abused, and completely alone She went home, cried and picked up the phone She held her body tight and said "baby, mommy loves you so much, Oh how I wish you'll know, how I long to feel your touch." Just then she felt a flutter on the left side of her belly "Baby, is that you swimming around in there like jelly?" The girl began to cry, a little more subtly now She knew her baby could hear her so tried not to be loud. "I'm sorry little one, but mommy has to let you go... You'll like it where you go, it'll be the best of the best home." The girl kept her hand on the flutter and eventually feel asleep The next day she went in, her only love she will no longer keep. All she remembered was feeling drowsy, depressed and ashamed Everything was a blur, tears fell down her face untamed The boy took her home, put her to bed and went out to drink He left her by herself to celebrate while in bed she weaped Enough was enough and she decided to leave the boy for good He turned her whole world upside down like no other person could She lost all hope and joy, she felt suicidal She wanted to end it all, not just for a little while Seeing her child was the only thing she could ever think of She looked to the sky and wondered if she was staring from up above "Baby, mommy made the worst decision she's ever made, If I could be with you My entire life would be saved. Mommy doesn't know what to do and daddy keeps asking for her back, Baby give me the strength to start over, find a new path." And so months went by and the days were getting easier to bare Until one day the boy showed up- he just happened to be right there He told her he was sorry and he would never do that again He told her he loved her and that he would help her poor heart mend The poor, poor girl needed love so she embraced his offering She thought things would be different, he would help to stop her suffering Things would go great and out of nowhere he would fall Back into his old ways like she didn't exist at all They both went to a party and the boy was completely drunk The girl ended up taking care of him and woke up feeling punked You see, the girl put the boy to sleep on the sofa She even tucked him in and asked him to move over But he denied her so she went to sleep on the love seat instead When she woke up, boy, how badly she wished she was dead She seen the boy and a girl cuddling up beside each other They were both naked, asleep and under the covers The girl next to the boy was the same dime the boy crushed on Years earlier when they were all at his mom's having fun The two woke up and the girl had the nerve to ask her if She had seen her pants The boy tried to cuddle beside her, pretending like he had a chance The funny thing is the two girls were actually friends But after that incident their relationship would never mend. The boy repeatedly told the girl nothing happened and they were both drunk He said he thought the dime was his ex- what else would he have thunk He said she crawled up beside him and she looked like his chick So he put his arms around her and went to sleep. She felt so sick. The girl wanted nothing to do with the boy after that day But like the idiot she is, She took him back to everyone's dismay Like a routine, this vicious circle kept on repeating Years went by and still they both denied ever leaving Things were going okay, for awhile things seemed top notch The boy would work early, go home, shower, cook and fall asleep on the dot Every night, 630pm, is what he told her each morning, first thing She believed him and felt proud that he was so hard-working Until one day her friend called, and she heard the ugly truth again "Baby, I have to tell you, you're man's been hitting on my friend. When we mention you, he changes the subject and asks about her She'll tell him to stop- he's being unfair to his girl." So the girl and this friend whom the boy attempted to pursue Met up for some drinks to confirm what was true Confrontation arose and the girl decided to up and move away Better her life and to finally decide its not worth it to stay Back to school she went and did far better than she ever imagined She came back the next summer and managed to stir up past sins She got back together with the boy and they made love once again They did it without protection even when the girl recalled the time back then He said he didn't care and if they had a baby he would be there He wouldn't do that again, it just wouldn't be fair She protested and protested and then the deed was done Two months later she felt the side effects and wish she could run She took the test and kept it a secret from everyone she loved Except for the man and her God up above She knew she wouldn't be accepted if she came back pregnant She was doing so well and it would ruin the whole arrangement. The boy made it clear that he would be there but he would rather she did the deed "It would be better in the end, So You could finish school and succeed." So she booked another appointment and off to the clinic she went This time her emotions were drained- She couldn't even vent She went on late night walks to spend some time with her little bun She slept at the park and told the baby of nature and the kids at the park having fun She explained in detail the things get baby could not see She wished he could in time, but again she wouldn't plea She cried in pain and she could feel her heart tearing up inside She wished she ended her life So she wouldn't have life drain her pride Even more than that she wished she could take her baby's place She wished it was her who would stare death in the face She went through the procedure and her boyfriend supplied the drugs Alcohol and cocaine, She did it until she was completely numb After all, She was a murderer. She let her baby's die It was her choice to make, it was hers, not the guy's. She felt horrible and insane and wished she had an endless supply of drugs She thought of using her body for the benefit of thugs A few days later she left town to go back to school She became more depressed and felt like such a fool The boy was once again out of her life and she was alone She looked up the best method to commit suicide and picked up the phone She called numerous centers to try to get help But none understood her pain and her tears flew off the shelf She called the boy and he didn't know what to do He didn't even want to talk or listen to why she was so blue Finally she sought after advice from her teacher After he told her he was worried that he couldn't reach her Her teacher referred her to a place that he thought could ease her pain Which it did for awhile, but her main guidance was God. He made her sane. She started to feel better and worked hard at school Then she was ready to come home- after all she had been doing so good A few months went by and she was content with not seeing her ex But that soon changed after he fed her "I love you" texts She began seeing him and they would go for lunches and dinners They both agreed to be friends and see how things unwithered This was a horrible decision because he kept insisting on having her back "I wanna be your man, I wanna get it back on track." They would fool around and feelings came sprinting around the corner at full charge She fell back in love, and they made plans to work on living life large "We'll get a house and all support you while your in school All I want is to be with you and prove I'm no longer a tool" He sent her pictures of the place he was aiming to buy And told her they'd spend the day together, but instead hung with the guys She was upset, curious and confused altogether He called her and said he booked a romantic trip to make her feel better But she couldn't go, she needed him to prove he was being serious, So she asked him to talk to her parents and he grew absolutely nervous. At first he agreed as long as she initiated contact He didn't wanna sneak around even if her parents hated him for all the facts So although she was hesitant, she told her parents the truth Her mom said "fine, but he needs to talk to your father too." And so she told him what happened and he refused to do it. He said he was confused, hated them too, and caused a fit He said he'd always love her and she'd always have his heart But he was not happy and they needed to be apart She fell for him, even after she knew she shouldn't She told her parents and now she totally blew it She felt like an idiot and started feeling suicidal Everything she did, she was still sent to the dump, collecting in a large pile Unwanted and rejected she considered her whole life All she wanted was for him to one day make her his wife She felt like she threw her life away to make him happy But it was never enough and this made her feel real crappy He comes and goes when he pleases not knowing how much it hurts her She sits on the couch while her sight is nothing but a blur As tears run down her face, she sits there writing a poem about a boy She feels nothing but used and thrown it like a used, useless toy...
  7. I’m really getting tired of hearing it. I was just getting ready to plug in the vacuum to clean the apartment, but before I could ever turn it on, the noise starts. “Quantum…QUANTUM! We need to talk,” she said. “What? I’m trying to clean the place up. I just finished the kitchen and I need to do the carpets.” “That’s the problem!” she yelled. “You are way too motivated.” “What?” “If you’re not cleaning the house or taking pride in your appearance or paying all of your bills on time, then you’re neck-deep in some self-improvement task trying to expand yourself and become a better man.” She said. “I’m sorry, baby. Am I not paying enough attention to you?” “UGH! You make me want to SCREAM! You pay enough attention to me, too! And the imaginary sex is amazing. You never do anything wrong. Don’t you know that women do not date guys that are motivated and ambitious? They date slothful, unkempt, broke, unstable guys with drug habits and anger management problems. They date guys that keep jobs for 2 or 3 days. Women NEED this kind of drama so they can exercise their complaint muscles. You NEVER give me anything to complain about.” “You’re complaining now. In fact, you’re complaining about having nothing to complain about, which would make your entire hypothesis null and void.” At that moment, she picked up an imaginary glass vase and threw it accross the room at me. It shattered into a thousand imaginary pieces, all of which I promptly cleaned up. Upon her witnessing this, she became further agitated and stormed out the front door. I ran outside in my bathrobe as I watched her walk down the street. I said, “BABY! Can’t we talk about this?!” The next door neighbor was standing on his patio smoking a cigar. He said, “Dude, who are you yelling at?” “Sorry…my imaginary girlfriend is pissed. I’m trying to calm her down and get her to come back inside,” I said. “Whoa. Intense, dude. Well, why don’t you just imagine her back inside?” he said. “Oh, yeah,” I thought. So we were both back inside the apartment and we’re sitting on the sofa. I took her invisible ethereal hand and held it, although I was really just rubbing a pillow for effect. “Baby,” I started, “what is it that you want? Do you want to be with a less ambitious guy?” “How can I?! I’m imaginary. I was trying to go down the street and you just imagined me back in here. I have no free will to act like a real woman.” “Well, what if I imagine you with another guy…one like you think you should be with. His name is Lobo…he just got fired from Denny’s and he cooks crystal meth in his bathtub. Will that work for you?” “Wow. You would do that for me?” she said with a surprised imaginary look. “Of course, baby. I love you.” So with that, being the honorable man that I am, I kept my word and imagined her into another life with a guy that a woman is much more likely to call a boyfriend. Now I’m sitting at home alone and I miss her. Since I have to do all the imagining, I see her every time she kisses him, sleeps with him, calls him a big loser, but still goes running back to him because she swears she loves him. I’ve imagined they broke up six times already and they keep getting back together. Eventually, I’m going to imagine her posting on ENA complaining about the guy, but I know she’s still going to stay with him. I’m so sad about it, but what can I do? This is what she wants and I love her. Rick put Ilsa on the plane at the end of the movie, and I feel like I have to do the same thing. Oh, I tell ya. Of all the imaginary gin joints in the world, why’d she have to walk into mine?
  8. This is a very rough draft, sorry in advance for the depressing content. Read it with some rythm as if it were in a song, beacause I'm going to put it in a song. I know a pretty little girlie with some holes in her arms When she walks around in public they got security on her She’s only 18 but she’s already a goner As far as the worlds concerned Yeah Little lady done crashed and burned Happen to know that she was born into a busted home Got a brother who would touch her When nobody was home Now the brothers locked in jail, but the damage is done Set his sister up to crash and burn Yeah And nobody in the worlds concerned The boys will show her to the party Maybe get her acting naughty Give her some shiny pills And teach her how to act Never had no boyfriend Had a lot of Yeah Her only homies who have got her back She’ll get ‘em back when they hop in the sack Her bodies are a tool, and she’ll get what she wants to get Free bottles of gin, and she’ll drink ‘till she’s sick of it Drink till she’s drunk, then still drink a little bit Baby girls a long way from home But you know that she’s still on her own Yeah Hennessey, Ecstasy and Patron She’s next to me, so I’m jumping her bones Party dies, so hypnotize them Shake those hips, and lick your lips Got her Red dress on, and nobodies home Girl does what she can for me She’ll get what I got for free Yeah man It’s a up scene brother Turn south at Pipe Dreams that The needles cold but it heats her And she’ll give back Till the thing eats her
  9. I posted this message last night in the "Strategy for Getting Back Together w/ Your Ex" and it was ignored so I thought I would try starting a new topic in this community to see if anyone could offer any advice or words of wisdom. Thanks for your time! My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me Halloween night (how appropriate). I'll try to give a brief history so we're all on the same page here. She originally broke up with me in February because we were having a lot of problems and fighting all the time. Eventually when she was out of town, she got the courage to break up with me. After the breakup, we were still living in the same house and we actually communicated about our problems because, guess what, we had nothing to lose now. As we communicated, we both listened to each other and made great strides to fix the problems. Our relationship got stronger and stronger (probably the strongest it had ever been). We went out on dates often (a little wine helps you to open up even more) and took weekend trips to the beach almost every weekend. Things were really going great; she was about to move to start a postdoc in another state. We decided that we would keep working on things after she moved and put the label of "girlfriends" on our relationship. Two months after her move, things were still going great but on Halloween she called me up and broke up with me again. It hurt worse this time since I didn't see it coming AT ALL. I really thought we had worked all are problems out. There was one major problem I didn't know about. Apparently, some where along the way, my gf lost that romantic feeling that is absolutely necessary in a relationship and differentiates your relationship from that of a friend. She felt that when she kissed me, she was kissing a friend… OUCH! I can see why she didn't want to say anything. She feels badly for having kept it to herself for so long and she says that she tried to ignore it because she loves me so much and everything else was going so well. Obviously, that is necessary in a relationship and she has made the right decision. She sends me email every day asking how I am doing. On the phone a few nights ago, she told me she would always think about the possibility of being with me again when she was with other people. I guess that's always the case once you've fallen in love with someone. She did admit that she opened up to me more than she had anyone else in her life and she had never been this close to anyone else. So, my question is, what's the best thing for me to do in this situation? I know this is a very difficult time of the year for her. I want to be her friend but I don't want to push her away. I think, maybe, the no contact thing is the best thing for us at this point. I am not sure if she would ever want to be with me again but I don't want to let go of that possibility. I also don't want to hold on to something that isn't there. My gut feeling right now is that there is so much love there that if I let her go, let her have her space, date other people, and me date other people as well that, it's possible that romantic feeling may come back? Or is it gone forever? Did we jump back into the relationship too soon? Is it possible to start over a third time after a long period of healing and being independent for a while? Thanks for listening!!!
  10. Hi all, Just a question, in your views and experiences, how often do people realize that they left a good thing and come back? 50%, 60, 75% of the time? I have been in 2 relationships and once, did a girl come back to me. I am just ending a third, after 2 months of us talking 2 hours a night, hanging out and she wanting to date again, a week later she is done with me, a 22 yo virgo girl. We were together for 1 year and 7 months total. What is the percentage of hope? How long should I wait for her? is this summer fever on her part?
  11. Hey all. I am a college student and im sure that from other people looking at me they think that i have everything, well not everything, but i am well off. Not money wise... i mean i am in college, my parents are still paying for everything, im in a sorority, i have a boyfriend. Why am i not happy? I feel as though i dont know where i want to go in life, i dont know what i want to do. Im struggeling in my classes, sometimes i cant be bothered to go because i just dont want to be around people. Last year i went out all of the time and i had the time of my life! This year i never want to go out and be social. I just want to sit at home and think, stress, and worry. Although i hate to say it, i think that my boyfriend is playing a major role in this. We started seeing each other this past july and granted things have moved really fast. I stay at his house alll of the time and my parents dont know it, and im in love with him. Somteims i just wonder if he is who i should be with. He is an amazing guy and we are good for each other. He owns his own busieness, is sucessful, and good looking. However, his wife left him this past May. I know that they are never going to get back together, but sometimes i cant help but feel like the replacement wife. I know that he loves me, but i cant help bu t have these doubts. He has to drink at least three beers a day and he will even admit that he knows he has a problem with alcohol. It's not bad, it just gets aggrivating sometimes. He doesnt get drunk, he just likes to have a good buzz...................... i feel like my post is dragging and not getting my point accross... i wll just end it here because i could end up typing all night. Someone save me
  12. Hello all. I just found this forum about 5 minutes ago, it seemed there were some helpful people on it. Anyway, to my problem... I met this guy a while back, we became friends. I think it was, over 3 years ago. Anyway, he would always brag about his girlfriend who would "give it up" all the time, etc. Eventually he confided in me that he cheated on her, etc. He was pretty abusive, manipulative also. Anyway, I met her and we begin chatting online, he got jealous and asked her to block me. She did. Things went by for a while, then she found logs of him talking to a girl online, telling her he loved her etc. He asked me to lie and say I did it under his name cause I thought it was funny, so I did. Eventually I felt guilty and told her about how he really is, she kind of new but wasn't willing to accept it. I didn't really want to be the friend of a guy like that, so I didn't care anyway. But eventually me and her began to hang out and such, and she started to like me. We started dating and such not long after they broke up. He would call her and freak out and cry and he proposed to her etc, he seemed kind of insane about the whole thing. But she got through it, and we started a relationship. She was always a Very great girl. The nicest person i'd ever met, she even looked great. She always treated me way too good. We got along perfectly, never a disagreement about Anything (Even for like, the first year of our relationship). After about a month she told me she lied to me about something, not too big of a deal but kind of private. After that I realized she was capable of lying etc but I still thought of her as a perfect angel and thought she'd never do it again. It took another year or so before I found out that wasn't true, and she became very guilty, and started to try to remember everything bad she had done to me and every night she would come up with like 5 or 10 new things to tell me. I thought, if she cares enough to try to remember everything then she must be wonderful. So I was a bit bummed but I took it more well than I thought. Even at this point, we were insanely close. We got so close so fast (had sex on our first night together, and we didn't want each other for sex or anything, it was actually an accident, funny story, but, again, private. Anyway, we were inseperable, she moved in after about 4 months of us dating but moved out again, she told me it was because her mom was making her (turns out, she just didn't feel comfortable living with me yet and not her family -- she told me during the time that she began to confide in me about everything she did, a year or so after our relationship start, that she asked her sister to come pick her up, it was her own free will). Didn't bug me too much, still. She would go through these phases, where she would become, kind of... independent... She would try to get friends and such. For our relationship, that was odd. we basically sacrificed all of our friends so we could be together 24/7. Eventually we started hanging out with the mutual friends we had before we started dating (all guys, though...) Anyway... I'm sorry this post is so long, I haven't even got to any of the important parts yet! I'ts just, i'm trying to paint a good picture of what we were like, and I really need some help, so it would be great if someone could understand where i'm coming from. Anyway! we were together all the time, eventually we would hang out with friends and stuff, we went through a lot together too, a week or two after we started dating she found out she was pregnant, I stayed right by her. I was very serious about her. we thought it might have been ours, we realized later it was her ex's more than likely, she was too far along for it to have been mine. Anyway, she had a miscarriage so we never got to find out what would have happened (we would have stayed together, surely. Just wondered about what would have happened to her ex)... Anyway. she had issues, I think she is bipolar, and I think she has some strange chemical imbalance due to the fact that she goes through those weird "phases" for months at a time and her opinions about everything change, then a couple months later goes back to normal! or a couple weeks sometimes. She had a lot of problems, her ex and her had an abortion on their first pregnancy, it really messed her up. It killed her to think about. I don't blame her. She and I still got through everything beautifully though. We became very jealous, not wanting the other to hang out with people of the opposite sex (or sometimes, anyone). I didn't mind it, we were so close that it was great and normal for us. She did so many romantic things, she saved up a bunch of money for a guitar one time for me, on my birthday. and when I went to her house she showed me. and it turns out, although she had no musical knowledge she spent the last week or so trying to learn the birthday song on it, and tried to play it for me when I came over. It was possibly the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me, with the exception of other things she did for me as well. I was like that to her, too. And we were great. then after about 2 years of us dating maybe 1 year and 8 months or 10 months we started to argue pretty badly. I dont really know why, it's just that when you become more used to someone you tend to open up to them more, even in negative ways (kind of how like if you meet a new friend they won't really say mean things or argue a lot, they seem pretty nice and understanding, but then after theyve known you for a year or so you might argue every so often or have dumb fights)... Anywho... Sometimes we said Really mean things. nothing like I hate you or anything (Quite the opposite, ever since the first few months of our relationship we told each other we loved each other like every minute! It became like, something we would say after every sentence almost, sounds kind of crazy haha but we were like some crazy relationship out of a movie. Everyone admired us for being so close. Anyway, she had gone through some phases where she seemed to be attracted to other guys or really wanted some friend time (without me). She even thought she was a witch for a few months (it was a phase, I supported her through it even though I don't believe in that kind of thing). But anyway, we would sometimes have real bad arguments and say things we didn't mean, those things in a normal relationship are like every day I think though, i can't remember much of what we said. But anyway since like 6 months ago she told me to shut up once I think and we said it since then like a dozen times each. was weird for us. but we were still unbelievably close. We met this guy, a while ago. Maybe a month or so. He seemed pretty cool. Weird at first, takes a lot of meds and sees a shrink for mental problems etc, I thought he was pretty cool though. Actually I liked him a lot. he started picking up on my behaviour ( a lot of people do that, all of our circle of friends kind of act like me now, It's hard to explain but I act very specific and weird, just kind of goofy )... anyway. He started to act like me completely, and I found out we knew about all the same things, liked the same shows and movies and games and he was almost like a duplicate clone of me. it was weird, some core things were still different though, his beliefs, etc. So anyway, after about 2 weeks ago maybe a little bit more, she started talking about how she felt weird around him. She said she had kind of "feelings" welled up for him when she was around him, and she promised me she didn't like hiim though even her co worker and her mom and stuff said she did. Eventually she described it more, she couldnt stop staring at him, wanted to be around him etc. This was quite possibly the strangest thing that had ever happened to us in our lives. We were so unbelievably close, like wanting marriage and kid close (we weren't financially stable yet, though. so I convinced her to wait. I dont know if that was a mistake, though. =(.. anyway). I couldn't believe she liked some other guy. I told her, she did. I kept trying to explain to her she's just denying it because i'ts an unbelievable thing in our relationship. She eventually admitted it, and we agreed to stop seeing him because we didn't want it to mess us up. Well, I wanted her to wait a while and all because I didn't want our friends and family and such to find out, and it would be akward and I was embarrassed for him to find out, we hung out with him quite a bit (They both liked hanging out with each other, I should have let her cut it off with him right away) and we got closer to him, we would go swimming like everyday or watch movies or whatever and she told me the longer she waited the more she would grow towards him. Eventually it became very bad we would argue about it, she wanted to tell him soo bad that she liked him, I think a lot of the reason was because she needed to find out if he did too. Keep in mind, he's an overweight, not a handsome at all guy, with huuuuge coke bottle glasses, a social outcast virgin type of guy, lives with his dad, etc. Has pet rats who pee all over the place, has no job. Basically, most women would reject him. I'm kind of the same way. Overweight, live with dad, no job. Etc... So, she could definitely see past things like that, which just reinforced the fact that she was a good person, not caring about looks or money, when she could have. She was quite a looker, too. and just a great person. I was lucky, and now he is. Anyway, she would tell me all the time she was the lucky one and didn't deserve me, I felt like she was blind. Ever see the movie "Shallow hal"? I'ts like that. Anyway, like four days ago I told her to go see him and tell him, she asked if she could go alone because it would be her last time seeing him and she cared about him a little and it hurt a bit. I told her okay. even though it killed me (you have to remember how close and jealous and loving we were... her hanging out with any guy alone was pretty bad, but a guy she admitted to liking? ick). Anyway... she stayed there til late ( my brother and some friends were at a friends house with the guy, she was goiung to visit her mom who doesn't live far and she went there late to hang out with them (and to tell him, but our friends didn't know). They sat around on the couch, i'm sure she stared at him a lot, etc. And eventually they kind of fell asleep (They were both pretending I later found out, neither knew the other was). And they kind of layed with each other.. her arm around his waist, etc. Once again, unheard of for us. So anyway, they both heard one of our friends remark (I'm glad Jake isn't here, he wouldn't like this). The guy she liked probably started to realize something was up about then. I didn't get to talk to her that night, unfortunately. Things might be different if I did. she asked him for a ride home at like 3am and they talked til like 4. I was asleep. It might have been later. He told her he liked her too, since he met her. she went back to her moms and called me in the morning. I picked up the phone, relieved and glad to be through all of this and back to the amazing wonderful relationship we'd had for three years. She told me, just that last night she would never leave me, and we'd get through this. she was being so close, and wonderful. We even did some sexual things that night... Anyway, I forgot to mention.. we had been talking about breaking up and having pretty bad arguments for the last week or so, but we always said things we didn't even come close to meaning so neither of us took it seriously. Anyway, she called me up and told me she couldn't stand not to be around him and how bad she felt. She kept saying we should break up because we had so many problems (Arguments I guess). She didn't at all say anything about being with him. But she had told me if we did break up or take a break she would stay at his house, she felt weird being around her family during all of this. I guess it was kind of a big thing I didn't really realize it but that's not cool. Anyway, we broke up. She told me she couldn't do it, and I knew she needed to. Even as I said it I knew I didn't mean it at all (I figured we would be back together the very same night!) She told me she could never move on, even if i did. But that week she told me if I Did maybe she could.. with him...That hurt, a lot. Basically we had resigned ourselves to the fact that if one of us died we could never even consider moving on. We'd wait to die to meet the other one in wherever you went where you died (we were just a tiny bit religious)... Anyway, she and I hung up afterwards, and I couldn't stand it so I Called her back in a while. Her sister told me she was at his house. I freaked, I couldn't breathe, etc. I didn't know I would feel that bad. so I called. no one answered, I kept calling and it turns out he turned the phone off in case she didn't want to talk to me.. That messed everything up. If she had talked to me she wouldn't have done all this stuff, but I hopped on my bike and pedaled acrross town in the night and rain and finally got there. I was going to knock on his window but, although I trusted her completely, I decided I Wanted to look in to see how she was acting, even had a thought they would be doing something sexual or something and lie about it if I asked, and the only way i'd know is to see for myself... even if It was just a crazy thought in my opinion. I was going out of my mind though. So I collected myself and walked up to the window, I saw his head moving funny but that's all I could see. I freaked out. I thought this might be the end. I felt like I was going to die. so I walked back to the driveway and summed up the courage to go back and look inside, I was quiet and I got close enough to see them making out. I had never felt anything like I did just at that moment. I couldn't move, I didn't want to see it and I was almost pleading with myself for it not to be true. but it was, i couldn't stop watching. She was looking so lovingly and passionately grabbing his hair. Turns out, it took her a few hours to move on from her unbelievable 3 year relationship with someone who honestly was like a sibling, best friend (we both agreed) and lover and almost parent to her. The closest two people in the world we thought. It only took a couple hours to move on from that, to making out with some guy she has known for maybe a month. So. I couldn't believe it. Everything about her moving on, it was a lie. Even if she didn't know it at the time. I was breathing incredibly heavy and I almost fell down in his driveway. I collected myself for maybe 5 minutes and walked back to the window and tapped on the other side where I couldn't see them, I acted like I didn't know. She came out looking guilty and such, and told me right away. I was like yeah I know, I saw. She apologised, told me she didn't mean for it to happen. Basically she was acting pretty distant from me. I was quite upset. I had been kind of keeping things from her for the past 2 years, I would look at porn every so often. It made me feel better. But not in the way that it would seem. I just did it because It kind of made me feel like we were equal. I almost felt like she actually WAS a bad girlfriend (she told me all the time and I told her of course not). and I felt bad about it, more bad than anything the whole time I ever did it. But I did it to get back at her in a way, sometimes I felt angry. We had never said we were angry at each other, always denied it. Even at the end. But anyway, I kind of knew subconsciously I was doing it to preserve the notion that I don't deserve her, and she shouldn't treat me so good, a staple of our relationship was that we felt that way about each other. Also, she did this to me during the beginning. I was a tad bitter for it. I told her I have been doing that, she really freaked out. I thought she was ready to hear it because of her, you know, with another guy. It still upset her very much, and I felt very bad. She told me she had to go, and didn't want to hear any more about it. I asked for a ride him and she asked him so he drove me. We talked for hours. It made me feel better, I wasn't mad at him and I felt like i'd gotten over her. But I knew, as soon as I stepped out of the car I'd feel as bad as I did before I stepped in. So Eventually I went inside and couldn't sleep, or eat. I still haven't been able to sleep more than an hour or so a night. and all i've eaten is a couple of cheesy bread rolls and a third of a sandwhich(this is not normal for me, i'm a freakin' pig!) Anyway, the day afterwards I talked to her in the morning, she was very distant. I was hurt a lot, that night she wouldn't kiss me or tell me she loved me or anything. And when we talked, she was acting like either I was a stranger or someone she didn't like, but she was still being friendly. So anyway, I asked her what's happened so far, I guess she had slept in his bed with him that night, you know holding each other etc. She told me she wouldn't have sex with him or anything but I believe later that day she said she would do sexual stuff with him, not quite that much though. I think it is very wrong and not morally right (the word that comes to mind is S.L.U.T. even though I don't really think that of her, some of our friends do.) that she would be willing to go down on two different guys in like 40 hours. But anyway, the next day or so they told each other they loved each other. And the night after we broke up I think they decided to move in together. all of that stuff is insane for a normal person, I think... She was talking about moving her stuff out etc. So since then I've been calling up a lot and he is probably very annoyed. I keep asking her if they had sex or anything and she says no, finally though I guess they kind of fooled around last night. she told me he touched her chest, and they did something else but it wasn't a big deal and she wouldn't tell me. It kills me to think about. I wish I knew what it was. I wish she wouldn't be with him, at least. If she wasn't with ANYONE I wouldn't feel so rejected. I'ts funny how in like 6 hours someone can change from your mother sister best friend lover and soul mate to some distant harlot. I still feel the same way I ever have about her. And I feel like if true love is there then even if she does things like this I should forgive her for it. I know couples who have gotten through affairs etc. She keeps telling me there is no chance of us getting back together and when I say you sure? she says yeah kind of. so I keep getting the impression that there is a chance, and it drives me crazy. I hurt, all the time. Not like depressed, I've been that before. But a stabbing pain I can't deal with for more than one second before I have to get some alcohol or find someone to talk to to get my mind off of it. I don't know what to do. I want her back. I pray every day and I tell her that all the time, that we should be together I tell her that this is too much to throw away for stupid reasons like this. She feels like they are going to be together forever. and he's never even kissed a girl, he has never had anything like this. he feels like it's true love. although I had been terribly inexperienced when I met her as well. She took my virgnity. Her ex took hers, though.... Anyway... We met when I was 16, and she was 15. Turns out she went to school with me in 7th grade but we didn't know each other well. It was odd to think of, because we felt like we knew each other our entire lives. Now i'm 19 and gonna be 20 in jan. she's 18 and is going to be 19 in november. There is a million things I forgot to say, i'm really beat and tired and can't think well at all. I don't think I have began to describe the first half of our amazing relationship nor do I think I have listed all of our problems, no one could understand what we were like, the things we said to each other, promises made. Things that aren't even said in movies. It was more than that. We were meant for each other, so we thought. I still kind of do. Every time I think about one of the really sweet nice memories of her (all of them, very fond) It hurts the worst. Worse than when I think about her with Him even. We live in a pretty big town and the time we've spent together we have been to every square inch of it it seems I went downtown today and every bench on the way there for miles, every building, every tree seemed to hold a memory of us doing something romantic with each other, or even just being there (which is romantic seeming anyway). Every ten feet I would remember a new experience we had or time we shared. And it's not the fact that i'm reminded of her that kills me, it's the great memories, they hurt too much. Bad ones don't, if I felt she was a horrible person this wouldn't be as hard. But it is, and I have to remember the most warm and unbelievably good feeling constantly when i'm reminded of the great things we've done. I'ts too hard to believe this is close to being worth throwing all away for any of the reasons she might think (She keeps telling me she's doing it to keep from hurting me, but I've gotten over petty jealousy stuff now. I told her that, I was supremely happy even in our worst times or even when I said or thought I wasn't, but now she kind of acts like the reason to throw it all away is because she loves him. Anyway... Not even our friends knew what we were like although they had a decent idea, no one came close to understanding us. I loved every minute of it. I loved making her feel better, the spiritual guidance, the sexual things even, or the gifts or everything. We had names for our kids planned out, and all. Only reason we hadn't gotten married is because I wanted to save up some money first. Anyway, I have to go. I'm going to her work to meet her on her lunch break (The only way to see her alone without him is to surprise her...) I'm forgetting like 9 / 10ths of the situation probably so this is going to be very different seeming to everyone who reads it than it really is. I mean, she didn't have a job or anything until like 2 months ago, and when she got it she started to change a lot, "Grow Up" she calls it, I don't think so though. I'ts like she's been in one of those constant phases for the last year with about a month long break 5 months ago or so where we didn't argue at all. I don't know, I still need her, a lot. I'm trying to get my brother or one of our old friends to tell her she's making a mistake since she won't believe me. But anyway, I need some help. I don't know what to do, I can't let her go. I need more so badly. I wish she still needed me. I'm going to miss my bus. I'm very sorry for the long post (I always hear that on the internet but it always is like three paragraphs heh, I think this one is actually pretty long). I'm also sorry if i'm not making much sense, or if this is the wrong place to present such a problem. I'm just tired and worn out and not thinking very well. I'm going to try to have as good a time as I can though. i'm meeting one of our friends and my brother downtown to surprise her, she will probably be upset and so will her.. Boyfriend.. Well, anyway. I gotta go, thanks to anyone who actually read all of this! heh. it's basically as much of my life story as I can remember (the situation is so much more unbelievably complex, and goes back to before where I started, maybe another time i'll type the whole thing out but it would take months I think, heh). Anyway, if anyone has any advice on how I could get over her or even if it is a good idea to or how I could get her to see what she's doing or anything I would be eternally grateful. Any help is appreciated. Thanks very much, all. I'm going to try to make it down there to see her now. I emailed her a long letter telling her how much I love her and reminding her of our good times, etc. She's kind of upset now because it made her sad but maybe it made her feel better about me. She is possibly throwing away the dream life, with a good house and children and dog named spot and SUV in the driveway and soccer practice and everything we were going to have together. And she's taking my life with her, since she is my life. I've got to give it one more shot. I'll let you know how it goes if i'm still alive when I get back =/... Wish me luck! -Jake
  13. How do you handle a male Narcissist after you broke up and you are trying to get back together?
  14. OK well there is this girl I really like. we were never going out but we did everything couples did together, even the unmentionables. but the thing is, she has been hurt by alot of guys so she doesnt let guys ever get close to her. So I was really close to having her, and we got in this big argument and now she thinks of me as one of the guys she doesnt trust. obviously she doesnt understand how much I like her. so now we dont talk as much or chill as much, and its like were fading away. I was wondering if anyone can think of a really sweet way to get her back, or at least let her know how much I like her... and im not talking about something simple or cheesy, I need a really really good original idea. If there are any gals reading this, maybe you can tell me you would want a guy to do to you or for you in this situation. THANX
  15. Its me again, I wrote in here a while ago when my gf of 2 yrs broke up with me becaus eof my jealousy... I have been working at it, and we got back together, and we are going strong.... However now she is old enough to go out to nightclubs etc, and I have to let her go (because I am no controlling n e more), however I still feel so insanly jealous, (yet i can control it more these days) I don't like that fact that she is out and guys are trying to pick her up... How can I cope with this...? I need some good advice... PLEASE...
  16. My girlfriend of 18 months broke up with me about a week ago. She said that she needs time and space to figure out how she feels and that she just wants to be friends for now. Well we had something like this happen before and she went away for a few days and came back and everything was good but this time it feels a lot different. I'm trying very hard to give her the space she wants but it's hard to not talk to her and stuff. She said she misses me sometimes and there is a channce her and I will get back together but I dont know how i should go about giving her the space she wants. I IM her still and call her once and a while and she said that that is fine but I get the feeling she only talks to me to be nice. I decided to leave for the summer because it will be easier for me to give her the space she wants being almost 1000 miles away rather than four. I just dont know what i should do. People keep telling me to ignore her and what not and I have been trying to but I really want to be with her again and I'm afraid that if I ignore her she'll think I dont care and she wont want to try again, and I cant have that. She said she isnt looking to get involved in another relationship but she cant promise she wont. So anyone out there that has gone through this (I'm sure there are many of you) can you please tell me what it is that i should and should not do given my situation? any help would be highly appreciated. I just cant lose her.
  17. I recently stumbled accross this space in ENA (I have mainly been hanging around in Getting Back Together, since my breakup was the reason I joined ENA). But its amazing how well people can write. Some of those professionals out there should really look at the stuff here and feel ashamed for the sorryass stuff they dish out. This thread has no real purpose except that I wanted to speak out somewhere about how wonderful people here have written. It would have taken too long to go and appreciate each piece individually. I write stuff myself. I don't want to post it up here for certain reasons. Still, I know how difficult it is to come up with really really good stuff. More so if it is on varied subjects. Only when we have written stuff ourself can we really appreciate how lucky we are to have been around when people like Dylan have been active. I mean, to read some of his poetry just stuns me. Apart from astonishing quality, the sheer volume of work, and the topics he has covered, make me believe Bob Dylan is the name of a team of some 10 poets! Its really hard to believe one person has produced so much quality. Anyway, I am digressing. My main intention was to just express appreciation for all the people who have penned down things here. Maybe one day, I will be in a position to post my work here, so others can read it. Till then, my lonely blog has to bear with it. Thanks guys! Keep posting.
  18. My ex and I have been apart for 3 months now. There has been the occasional phone call, but for the most part it has been no contact. She called me out of the blue the other day to see how I was doing. I was actually able to have a conversation without falling apart, and it was good to hear from her. We hung up with no plans to talk again anytime soon. It was raining, so my afternoon was open. Against my better judgement, I called her back so see if she wanted to meet for a drink. She said yes. It was incredible to see her again- We went for a nice dinner, and caught up. I was very quiet, and she asked why. I told her that it was somewhat surreal to be there with her, but it was nice. Then the jaw dropper- She asked me back to her place. I knew I wouldn't have much luck listening to the small voice which told me not to go. We went back to her place, and talked for hours. I got to voice some things that had bothered me which I never had a chance to say before. I let her know that my feelings for her still ran very deep, and she cried and told me that she hoped we weren't making a mistake by getting together like this. I really couldn't think that far, as I was just enjoying being there with her. I spent the night, and we had an amazing time. The next morning, I joked about playing hookey. She said she couldn't. A short while later, she came into the room to tell me that she made a call, and took the day off. I felt on top of the world! We spent the day together, and talked some more. Although I could tell she cares a great deal for me, I also knew that the prospect of us getting back together scares her. We have a 13 year age difference- She is older. She is convinced that this will become an issue down the road. I told her that I love her, and her age is irrelevant to me. I didn't want to push things. Within 24 hours, we had gone from "Meeting for a drink to "Should we get back together". I certainly don't want her to feel forced into something she doesn't want. I told her is nothing to feel giulty about as far as us getting together for a night- It was a decision we both made. I have spoken to her since we got together, and can tell she was a bit shaken by it. We have plans to get together over the weekend. I told her to relax, that nothing has to be decided overnight. Obviously, this leaves me in the difficult position of limbo. I want to be with her, but not for the wrong reasons. If it doesn't work out, I told her that I can't handle the occasional get together like this right now. If anyone has any advice, I would so greatly appreciate it. Thanks!
  19. O.K. Well I have probably seen all of the web sites and e-books on the Internet about getting back your ex for the past 11 months now... Let me tell you, I know what works and what doesn't work. I cannot give personal advice to individuals, because all of our stories are different. I am personally going through a breakup myself, and 11 months later, it is my turn to share some advice. I have learned a few powerful methods that WORK!! (You may print this posting for future references). I am sending you web sites with excellent e-books that you can download and will be easy for you to reverse your breakup and win back your ex. Please do not ask me to distribute copies to you. These are probably the most powerful plans I have seen so far. Am I back with my ex?? No...but the tides are slowly changing and we are on speaking terms again because I used these plans. You need to use a new kind of psychology and weird techniques that you've never heard of... Believe me, these professionals know what they are talking about...I don't garantee that they will work for all of you, but at least, it gives you something to work with... link removed (FREE) link removed link removed link removed (best one in my opinion, but the most expensive...works even if you are NOT married...it works for ANY kind of relationship. link removed (FREE advice) link removed link removed
  20. Here is a link to my original thread, some of you may remember me. For a quick idea on my situation, read the first and last page. My girlfriend and I have been back together now for almost a month, things are being taken slowly. We have not even kissed yet since we've gotten back together, I wish we would. The furthest we've gotten is hugging right now. We are getting along great though. Don't get to spend as much time together as we'd like because she is very busy with the kids after work (cheerleading practice). She seems so stressed out now because it seems like there aren't enough hrs. in the day for her, but she handles it great. If we were living together again, things would be so much easier on her because I could help out with the kids. I don't want to rush things because I know moving back in together takes time. It is a little awkward being back together, not in a bad way though. This is the first time I've gone thru this so it's new territory. It's like completely starting over, but with someone you already know. Has anyone gone thru this and if so, how did you feel? I don't want to rush things. Is taking things slow the best way to go here?
  21. FOREWORD: I wrote this after a night spent hanging out with my ex... I love her with all my heart, and we would get back together if it made sense right now, but it's been two years since we dated (we're going to different colleges, and I'm the only guy she keeps in touch with). Anyways, the poem is about the abstract sensations I feel around her, and when I think about her, that I can only assume make up the foundations of love. She is my dearest friend, and the only girl I have ever felt anything close to a spiritual connection with. Like the tide at sea The feelings ebb and flow Love was lost to me, and This heartache only I know. Here, still, remains my soul Perched as a bird on a branch Waiting, Silent, Watching, Preparing for the Spring to return. Glimpses of bliss mingling With the scent of caring. Striking lights of heartfelt gold Pierce the gaze of my memory. What a fool I have been! To think that I could control this, My feelings, my thoughts, my heart, The emotional well I thought was my own. They are out of my control. They are hers now. She holds them, sifting through Like a child with sand. The love of my life is her, She and I are bound, completely, With the thread of God And something else more powerful than He. As I gaze out these sea-blue eyes I realize the truth of love. It is eternal and invincible, And it will always and forever remain. DEDICATED TO ALLIE
  22. Hi everyone, I've been turning this situation over and over in my head but finding no solution. Perhaps you friendly readers can give me an objective view. Please be warned my story is going to sound very Jerry Springerish I know... I had been going out with my ex for three and a half years, all long distance but we'd see each other on most weekends unless he went away since he was in the military. A year into our relationship he cheated on me with a prostitute. I'm certainly not proud of it, but shortly thereafter I ended up cheating on him with a friend of mine and continued to hook up with him a few times. We both told each other about our infidelities but I didn't tell him the whole story b/c he became very violent (not towards me but punching walls etc) and aggressive. After that, I never told him the extent of my infidelity but always wanted to but was scared of the outcome. For the next two and a half years, I was faithful to him but he cheated on me a few more time with more prostitutes. Throughout this all, he was abusing various drugs/had depression problem etc. I tried to get us into counseling but he didn't want to go and would somehow sabotage my efforts. He finally got booted from the military for drugs and moved back home. He went through rehab and stayed clean for ten months. We broke up for a month over a fight about a girl I thought he was hooking up with. During this time, I believe he messed around with at least one person that he told me about. I hooked up again one more time with my old friend from before but when my ex and I got back together I didn't tell him about it. My ex moved to a different state and began to go to school. Four months ago he started working at a place where a girl had a crush on him. I saw him four weeks ago and everything seemed to be going well, however I found out he was smoking and drinking again. While he was drunk he began to tell me about this girl at work and how she gave him her number and told him to come to her place for dinner. I was pissed. I didn't mention it until I came back from visiting him. We had an argument and hung up. Normally he'd call me every single night, but didn't call me for two weeks. Finally I called him and he was really mean and told me to move on and that we were broken up. He said that he could be really mean if he wanted to. I told him to not hold back and he said that he was seeing someone else and sleeping with them. My body went cold and into shock, I blurted out that if we were being honest with each other I might as well tell him the whole story about my infidelity. I told him about my friend (we don't speak at all anymore) and how it happened a few times way back when and once when we broke up for a month. He was pissed and told me he was seeing his coworker and that she wanted to call me up to tell me I lost my man, blah blah blah. We basically talked here and there throughout the weekend and from our conversations I found out: 1. this girl has two kids from two different dads 2. she said she had her first child on purpose to trick the baby's father into marrying her 3. she's still married to her first child's father b/c she can't afford a divorce (which is approximately $250 in that state) 4. she told my ex if he wants to get married/have a kid within a year, she is down for it 5. she has never gone to school and never plans on it 6. she is mean to her kids and tells them to shutup and she's mean to everyone else but nice to him and he knows she's a "good person" that she wants him to "love her" 7. she calls him 24/7 when they aren't at work together 8. she told him to give her his financial aid check to put in her child's saving account b/c he can't "handle his money" 9. she told him to move in with her and if he has too much stuff to sell some of it 10. she told him she doesn't think she'll like his mom b/c she feels like she's judging her for having two kids without even knowing her Basically the list goes on and on and whatever negatives I've stated above are the opposite of me, as far as I know his family loved me, I have an education, no kids, don't want him for his money, let him do whatever he wanted, supported him ALL the time, was kind and considerate to him, AND I have straight teeth! But two weeks ago he told me to stop calling him b/c it's causing problems with her and that he'd call me. I haven't heard from him, he didn't respond to my email and he wouldn't pick up his phone. I'm tempted to fly out to where he is but I'm actually afraid she'd try to kick my butt. I know I need to move on and that our relationship is so jacked anyways but I can't stop obsessing about him with her. I can't figure out why he wants her other than the sex but it totally grosses me out. I'm at the end of my rope, seeing a therapist, and even went to a psychic today that swindled me and told me some b.s. about cleaning his chakras if I charge up my credit cards for her. Hah! Anyways dear readers, I still love him and I want to knock some sense into him. There's been a lot of b.s. throughout our time together but I always believed he was a good loving person who had issues with drug dependency, naivete, and youth. I love him unconditionally, but I won't have him cheating on me and ruining my life. His mom says he'll snap out of it and come to in a few weeks but it has already been that long. I'm afraid he'll never call me. My friends and family think he's a dog and should have been kicked to the curb ages ago. Everyone says he'll call me when he's down and out in a few months but to not take him back. The sick thing is that all I want now if for him to call me. I guess I always believed that he did jacked up things but that he did love me. What do you guys think will happen? Thanks for reading this long, damn near a novel...
  23. Is this about them or is this about you? One thing that I am beginning to realize is "getting her back" might be more about my pride and ego than being with such a "wonderful" and glorious woman. I don't like to be rejected, I am used to being in control of my life. I consider myself a great catch and I think any woman would be lucky to have me. There were times during our relationship where I thought about breaking up with her and sincerely worried that I might destory her emotionally. During these times, which usually were fleeting, I decided to stick it out. Funny how when she dumped me, I was blind to those times. Like an amnesiac, I forgot who I was and all that was wrong with the relationship. I can't believe how once she rejected me and told me she was dating someone else, all of these automatic reaction patterns were activated in me -- rationalization, justification, bargaining, unrealistic glorification of our relationship, etc. All I could think about was getting her back. Like some crazed computer program, I could think of only one mission - must get her back. The algorithm - "If rejected, then do everything you can to make her yours again." My ego said, "Hey man, you are the one that was supposed to break up with her, how could you let her get away with this?" It's time to take back control of my mind and heart. It's time to stop running on automatic pilot. One thing that we always have, no matter what, is the choice of how to interpret and respond to any situation. Ahh, gettin down and dirty with personal growth.
  24. I'VE BEEN DIVORCED FOR A YEAR NOW. AND separateD FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS. BUT I'M STILL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH MY EX HUSBAND. HE IS THE ONE THAT WANTED THE DIVORCE. AND NOW THAT I LOOK BACK, I CAN'T BLAME HIM ONE BIT. I WASN'T THE GREATEST WIFE IN THE WORLD TO HIM. AND GOD KNOWS HE TREATED ME LIKE A QUEEN, UP UNTIL THE END. I GUESS HE GOT TIRED OF BEING TREATING BADLY BY ME. HE ALWAYS TOLD ME I NEEDED TO GROW UP. AND I NEVER REALIZED WHAT HE MEANT, UNTIL OUR SEPERATION. I NEVER HAD TO WORK, OR WORRY ABOUT MONEY WHEN I WAS WITH HIM. HE TOOK CARE OF ME VERY WELL. HE EVEN HAD MY MOTHER COME AND STAY WITH US. SO I WOULD HAVE SOMEBODY WITH ME WHILE HE WAS AT WORK. I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE WAS CHEATING ON ME. BUT COULD NEVER PROVE IT. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I WAS THE REAL JEALOUS TYPE. BUT AFTER OUR BREAK UP, WELL, MY HEART WAS COMPLETELY BROKEN. AND IT TOOK ALL OF THAT TO MAKE ME SEE HOW BAD I SCREWED UP. AND I KNEW HE LOVED ME MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE. SO WHY DID I MAKE IT SO HARD ON HIM? I HAD TO LIVE WITH THAT FOR A LONG TIME. I DIDN'T EVER SEE HIM AGAIN. AND I ALWAYS WONDERED IF HE STILL LOVED ME OR THOUGHT ABOUT ME. SHORTLY AFTER OUR BREAK UP, HE STARTED SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. AND MY HEART FELT LIKE IT WAS BREAKING ALL OVER AGAIN. SINCE THEN, I'VE TRIED TO DO BETTER BY MYSELF. I'VE DONE REALLY WELL FOR MYSELF. I HAVE A GOOD JOB, A GREAT HOUSE. AND MY KIDS THAT ARE NOT WITH HIM, ARE GROWING LIKE CRAZY. BUT AFTER ALMOST 2 YEARS, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE BUT HIM. I ALWAYS THOUGHT IN TIME, I WOULD GET OVER HIM. I KNEW HE HAD SOMEONE LIVING WITH HIM. BUT I STILL DREAMED ABOUT BEING WITH HIM AGAIN. I EVEN MOVED TO A DIFFERENT STATE THINKING THAT WOULD HELP ME GET OVER HIM. HE STILL LIVES IN THE SAME TOWN THAT ALL OF MY FAMILY LIVES. AND ONE DAY OUT OF THE BLUE, MY AUNT CALLED ME AND SAID MY EX HAD CAME BY HER HOUSE LOOKING FOR ME. I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WANTED AFTER ALL OF THIS TIME. I KNEW IT WASN'T BECAUSE HE WANTED TO GET BACK TOGETHER. I THOUGHT MAYBE SOMETHING BAD HAD HAPPENED AND HE WANTED TO LET ME KNOW. ABOUT THREE DAYS LATER, I GOT THE COURAGE UP TO CALL AND ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTED. NOW REMEMBER, I HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED TOO OR SEEN THIS MAN SINCE HE TOLD ME HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE. I WAS TERRIFIED OF HEARING HIS VOICE. WHEN WE TALKED, I GUESS HE GIRLFRIEND WAS ANGRY THAT I CALLED. HE WOULDN'T REALLY TELL ME WHAT HE WANTED. AND I LEFT IT AT THAT. BUT I COULDN'T HELP BUT WONDER FOR MONTHS DOWN THE ROAD. ABOUT 3 WEEKS AGO, I WENT BACK TO MY HOME TOWN TO VISIT. AS MY AUNT AND I WERE DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD, WE SEEN MY EX HUSBAND. I WONDERED IF HE HAD THE SAME CELL PHONE NUMBER. SO INSTEAD OF WONDERING, I CALLED IT. AND HE ANSWERED IT. HE ASKED ME HOW I HAD BEEN DOING AND ALL. WE TALKED FOR A WHILE BEFORE THE COMMENT CAME UP ABOUT US MEETING SOMEWHERE. HE SAID HE JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT OLD TIMES. SO WE ENDED UP MEETING. WE DIDN'T TALK LONG. I SHOWED HIM PICS OF MY DAUGHTERS AND TALKED ABOUT MY FAMILY AND HIS. AFTER ABOUT 15 MINUTES, WE BOTH SAID WE HAD TO GO. I DID ASK HIM IF HE WAS STILL WITH THE GIRL. HE SAID YES. MY AUNT WAS WITH US, SO WE REALLY COULDN'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING I WANTED TOO. BUT AS WE WERE STANDING OUTSIDE MY TRUCK, HE ASKED IF HE COULD SEE ME AGAIN BEFORE I WENT BACK HOME. I TOLD HIM YES, WE COULD MEET UP LATER AFTER I TOOK MY AUNT HOME. AND AS WE HUGGED, HE TRIED TO KISS ME. MY FIRST INSTINCT WAS TO MOVE BACK AND NOT LET HIM. AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID. HE SAID HE WAS SORRY FOR THAT. AND WE BOTH WENT OUR separate WAYS. AFTER I DROPPED MY AUNT OFF AT HER HOUSE, I CALLED HIM BACK. WE MET UP LATER. AND I GUESS WE DROVE AROUND ALL NIGHT TALKING. HE HELD MY HAND AND TOLD ME THINGS I HAD ALWAYS WONDERED. HE SAID HE USED TO DRIVE BY WHERE I LIVED JUST TO SEE IF I WAS STANDING OUTSIDE. AND THAT HE STILL LOVED ME VERY MUCH. WHEN I ASKED IF HE LOVED HER, HE WOULDN'T ANSWER ME. HE JUST SAID HE CARED FOR A LOT AND THAT SHE WAS A GOOD GIRL. BUT EVERYTIME HE WOULD LOOK INTO MY EYES, IT SEEMED LIKE HE WAS GOING TO CRY. I COULD TELL THAT HE TRULY DID STILL LOVE ME. AND I KNEW IT WAS WRONG, AND SO DID HE. BUT WE MADE LOVE TO ONE ANOTHER THAT NIGHT. I FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT IT. BUT I COULDN'T CONTROLL MYSELF. I'M STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN. AND HE TOLD ME THE MOST AWFUL NEWS THAT NIGHT. THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS PREGNANT. WE HAD MY TUBES TIED YEARS AGO WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. BECAUSE HE NOR I WANTED ANYMORE KIDS. AND I ASKED IF HE WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT. HE TOLD ME HE DIDN'T WANT ANYMORE KIDS, BUT SHE WAS VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT. AND THEN WE LEFT IT AT THAT. HE TOLD ME TO CALL HIM. BUT I LET A WEEK PASS. AND WHEN I WENT TO VISIT MY MOM. I CALLED HIM. WE MET UP AGAIN AND MADE LOVE. IT'S LIKE THE OLD TIMES AGAIN. I GUESS. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I FEEL BAD FOR DOING THIS BEHING HER BACK. AND SOMEHOW I THINK HE'S STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH ME. AND IS TRYING TO FIND A WAY OUT OF IT WITH HER. I GUESS HE WAS PROUD THAT I DID GROW UP. AND HE TOLD ME HE WAS PROUD. BUT I NEED HELP. SHOULD I KEEP SEEING HIM. AND HOPE IT TURNS OUT GOOD FOR ME. OR SHOULD I BACK OFF. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
  25. I had a pretty bad breakup in which my ex cheated on me. During that time there wasn a was a lot of confusion, lots of anger, lots of depression, lots of drama and a lost of the innocence of our relationship. We're both 30 - both late bloomers and this relationship was each of our first serious relationships. Dated for 3 years. Lived with one another. Talked about the future. Marriage. Kids. The dog we wanted to get together. So anyways - it's been almost 1.3 years since we've broken up and it still weighs on my soul from time to time. So... I forgave him a month ago. I sent him a simple card ' I forgive you (insert name here). (my name).' Now this wasn't a ploy to get him back. I would not be with him again. Once someone cheats then that's it. He's lost me and my friendship forever. But I think I did it to help ease my suffering a little. And honestly it had. It was a tough decision to make. He hurt me deeply. Screwed me up even. But I did it and for the past month I felt good about sending the card, hadn't really thought about it much until I mentioned it to a friend who was surprized and appalled at what I did. She loves me and has been a incredible friend to me so I know it was only out of concern and her protection of me as a friend. But this concern has put doubt in my mind and I don't think it should. I'm not very religious. More spiritual than anything else. I guess I just couldn't go through my life without forgiving him even though the act was horrible. I dont want to candycoat his actions not protect him - I know that his actions were a reflection of him and it's true he's a jerk but at the same time he was never one to be a "player" he's not a jerk in that way, a lifelong cheater i guess. I know that his actions weigh heavy on his soul - grapevine - and I was inclined to let him keep that. But then I woke up one day and wrote this note and sent it to him mind you this was before I knew that he felt bad about the way things happened - i only found this out recently. So what do you think gang? According to my friend I kind of let him off the hook because I forgave him. But by doing this (unitl she put a little doubt in my mind) I had finally started to feel good again. Whole. Complete. Like myself. It felt like the right thing for me to do to help myself move on. I feel like I let myself off the hook by trying to release the negative thoughts and feelings. I let go. People make mistakes. And honestly his actions allowed me to propel so much further than I ever would have most likely if I had stayed with him. My life in the last 7 months has been incredible. Just kind of happened that way and I wouldn't change it for the world. He did me a favor by releasing me to be honest. Anyways I didn't want a response so I did not include my return address (have a different email and phone number too). There is no way he could get in contact with me. I guess I just figured life is too short and I did love this man at one time. We shared some special moments together. I was trying to be a better person. And for me forgiveness was the key. Have any of you guys ever done something like this before? Is my friend correct? Should I have just let him ride the bullet forever? Or was letting go - forgiveness - the key?
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