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  1. Hi all. I've read a few posts to see anyone else had a similar situation but came up with no luck. I'll try and keep it short (I know it wont be ).. We've been together for 6 months and live about 90 miles apart. We got close real fast and grew to love each other deeply. Recently, the distance has gotten hard and we've had some problems. She is blaming me for not appreciating her. I can admit to some of that so I was going to surprise her for VDay. She had grad school so it was not possible for us to see each other on VDay. Well, I talked to her roomates and they gave me the ok to come up and surprise her. I got to her house at about 8 last night and she was supposed to be done with grad school at 8:30.... My surprise was individual cards telling her what I loved about her from her garage door to all the way to her bedroom where I would be waiting. While I was setting up my surprise, I noticed a 2nd boquet of flowers (I had sent some to her work also). I thought nothing of it as it could have been her roomates....well while in her bedroom, I noticed another VDay card from another guy. Right away my heart dropped and I started crying...I called her at 8:30 when she should have been done with school...no answer....time keeps passing so I turn on her PC monitor to check some basketball scores and there it is....an IM window, still on the screen, of sexual comments, flirting, etc. 9:30 rolls around and I call again...nothing. So I text her at about 9:50 saying, "You must be avoiding me, you need to call me asap...I'm in your room" She got home about 5 minutes after that. I've gone on long enough so to be concise, she denied sleeping with him. She admitted to talking to him and kissing him. She says she loves me and doesnt want to be with him and wants to be with me. I dont believe that she didnt sleep with him. I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm seeking here...maybe I just wanted to vent. I love her and want to be with her but I can't get the things I read on her IM out of my mind. I'm so confused
  2. It all began in July 2021 when we first met in person during a university group gathering. Prior to that, all our interactions were on Zoom due to the pandemic. I found him intriguing and later reached out, asking if he would like to go out for dinner sometime. He accepted the invitation, and at our first meeting, we shared our first kiss. As time passed, we had more meetings, and our relationship progressed to a sexual level. We began seeing each other around 1-2 times a week, and after three months, I felt the need to discuss the future of our relationship. During this conversation, he expressed his desire for our journey to lead towards a committed relationship, and he reiterated this sentiment multiple times in subsequent discussions. However, by December 2021, I decided it was time to have a clear definition of our relationship status. I told him that it had to be either a genuine relationship or nothing at all. He responded by saying he wanted to be in a relationship but couldn't fully commit at that moment, without being certain why he felt hesitant. I gave him a week to think things over, and he eventually called to tell me he didn't want to lose me. So, we agreed to label our connection as a relationship, and that was the state of things as of December 2021. Three months later, in April 2022, after nearly nine months of dating, he called me one evening to reveal that he had just ended his long-distance relationship of 500 km over the phone. He admitted that he had wanted to break up for a while but had been afraid to do so. He realized he had been leading a double life and acknowledged his selfishness in the situation. He said he was a coward and sorry for what he did to me and to his ex-girlfriend. Through our later conversations, I learned more about his previous long-distance relationship, which lacked a fulfilling sex life and was burdened by his partner's struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Since then, we've been together and living together for over a year. Our relationship has deepened, and we've become integrated into each other's social circles, traveled together, and experienced a lot as a couple. I've never been so invested in a relationship before, and I'm currently content and happy with how things are going. Given this background, I'm curious to know if anyone else would have given a second chance in my situation, and if so, what their reasons might have been.
  3. Infidelity, especially when it involves a married individual, often sends ripples of controversy, judgement, and guilt in all directions. I'm writing this not as a defense or an endorsement, but rather, as a way to bring light and understanding to a topic often swept under the rug. This isn't an attempt to simplify or romanticize the complexity of human emotions or relationships but an invitation to explore the complicated journey I took, the lessons I learned, and the insights I gained from having an affair with a married man. The Intricate Dance of Temptation and Guilt It all started subtly, a friendship with a man who was already committed. Our connection was intense and our chemistry undeniable. The beginning was a swirl of emotion, marked by intense guilt, fear, and uncertainty. I was cognizant of the emotional minefield I was tiptoeing through. The morality of our choices was never far from our thoughts and conversations, adding to the complex tapestry of our relationship. The Isolation and Emotional Struggles Relationships like these aren't just about clandestine meetings and stolen kisses. They come with a hefty price of emotional turmoil, isolation, and a silent struggle. As the relationship progressed, I found myself trapped in a bubble, unable to share my feelings with friends or family due to the fear of judgment. This isolation heightened the emotional intensity of the relationship and resulted in a stifling and lonely environment. The Endless Cycle of False Hope One of the most tormenting aspects of this affair was the constant swing between hope and despair. Every promise of change, of a potential future together, was followed by a crushing return to reality. The "other woman" often lives in a continuous loop of false hope, believing that one day her lover will leave his wife. This cycle caused an immeasurable amount of emotional distress and confusion. The Awakening and the Road to Self-Discovery Despite the pain and turmoil, the experience was a catalyst for significant personal growth and self-discovery. It forced me to confront my vulnerabilities, my fears, and my values. It made me ask tough questions about my self-worth and my role in the affair. The journey was anything but easy, but it was a necessary one that brought me closer to understanding my true self. The Consequence, the Healing, and the Lessons Learned In the end, the affair came with consequences. There was heartbreak, guilt, and a long road to healing. But within this painful journey, I learned invaluable lessons about love, self-respect, and the importance of honesty in relationships. It's not a path I would recommend anyone willingly tread, but if you find yourself in such a situation, remember that it's not the end. There is always a way out and a path towards healing. The journey was fraught with mistakes, regrets, and lessons. I would never glorify such a relationship, but I can't deny the profound personal growth it catalyzed. The experience taught me a great deal about my emotional strength, my capacity for forgiveness (towards myself and others), and the kind of love I truly deserve. It's a journey I wouldn't wish on anyone, but it's a part of my life that shaped the person I am today. References Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Harper. Lloyd, S. (2009). Having an Affair? A Handbook for the Other Woman. Mainstream Publishing.
  4. Breaking up is hard, but sometimes it's even more complex when the person involved was an affair partner. Understanding the intricacies of these relationships can be like navigating a labyrinth. You might find yourself asking, "Does my ex affair partner miss me?" This question isn't straightforward and is rooted in a cocktail of emotions, circumstances, and personal factors. While it's impossible to answer with absolute certainty, there are clues you can look for to determine if an ex affair partner may still harbor feelings for you. This article will delve into this perplexing topic, identifying five signs your ex affair partner might still miss you. 1. Lingering Contact: Post-affair, if your ex affair partner still reaches out, even for the most trivial reasons, it might indicate they miss your presence in their life. This could be anything from a text message wishing you well, a comment on your social media post, or a call to check in on how you're doing. While communication doesn't necessarily mean they want to rekindle the relationship, it can indicate a lingering attachment. 2. Emotional Transparency: Another tell-tale sign is if your ex affair partner remains emotionally open with you. Do they still share their highs, lows, dreams, or fears with you? If they are continually opening up about their feelings, it might suggest that they miss the emotional intimacy you shared. 3. They Show Signs of Jealousy: If your ex affair partner demonstrates signs of jealousy when you move on or start dating someone new, it could suggest they miss you. They might express this either directly or indirectly—through snide remarks, subtle jabs, or even overly enthusiastic support for your new relationship. Though this is a complex and tricky sign to decipher, it's a potentially telling one. 4. Revisiting Memories: If your ex affair partner frequently brings up shared memories or revisits places you both used to go, it could mean they miss you. Recalling past experiences or visiting familiar locations might be their way of feeling connected to you, even if you're no longer together. 5. They Seem Stuck in the Past: Does it seem like your ex affair partner is living in the past? Are they finding it hard to move on? If they appear to be stuck in the time when you were together and struggle to progress, this might be an indication they miss you. Navigating the post-affair landscape is complex and emotionally charged. Emotions can remain tangled for a long time, and it can be challenging to find closure. If you're asking, "Does my ex affair partner miss me?", these signs might provide some clarity. However, it's essential to remember that these are just potential indicators and not absolute certainties. Every person and situation is unique, with its complexity and variations. Bursts of feelings or sudden emotional surges are common after an affair ends. The emotions involved can be potent, making it harder for both parties to move on. Understanding these aspects can help you make sense of your ex affair partner's behavior and also help you process your feelings. It's crucial to focus on your emotional wellbeing. While it might be tempting to get caught in the whirlwind of deciphering your ex affair partner's feelings, the healthiest path forward involves prioritizing your healing and growth. It's perfectly normal to wonder if an ex affair partner misses you. It's part of the journey towards understanding, acceptance, and eventually, closure. However, it's crucial to remember that the most important thing is to take care of yourself and find emotional balance amidst the burstiness and perplexity of post-affair emotions. While the signs discussed can give some insights, every situation is unique, and it's essential to focus on your healing above all else. If you find yourself stuck in the complexity of these emotions, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can provide clarity and support. They can guide you through the challenging post-affair emotions and help you navigate the path towards healing and self-discovery. Healing is a process, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. After all, it's not about how fast you can move on but how well you can grow from the experience.
  5. Embarking on the complex journey of understanding why your significant other refuses to end their affair can be challenging and emotionally draining. To help you navigate this trying time, we will delve into the seven primary reasons your partner may be reluctant to sever ties with their extramarital connection. Armed with this knowledge, you'll be better equipped to make informed decisions about the future of your relationship. 1. The Appeal of the Affair Relationship An affair often serves as a source of comfort, providing an escape from life's challenges or conflicts within the primary relationship. The affair partner might represent a safe haven, contrasting the distressing situation at home. Letting go of this perceived refuge to return to a tumultuous relationship requires a belief in the possibility of rebuilding something more valuable in the long run. 2. Emotional Bond with the Outside Person If the affair has lasted for an extended period, your partner may have developed a strong emotional connection with the outside person. Relationships that began with infatuation can evolve into deep, caring bonds that are difficult to end. Your partner might feel responsible for the other person's emotional well-being, and guilt can play a significant role in their reluctance to break things off. 3. Uncertainty about the Future of Your Relationship Your partner's unwillingness to end the affair could stem from ongoing difficulties within your own relationship and pessimism about the possibility of improvement. Long-standing issues that contributed to their vulnerability to the affair can make committing to the primary relationship difficult. Your partner might base their expectations of the future on the current emotional state rather than the potential for growth and healing. 4. Struggles with Commitment Your significant other might be unwilling or unable to commit to a monogamous relationship with you. They may agree to end the sexual aspect of the affair but insist on maintaining a close, nonsexual bond with the outside person. Furthermore, your partner could verbally commit to exclusivity but remain susceptible to extramarital relationships due to a need for affirmation, poor judgment, or an inability to prioritize the primary relationship. 5. Fear of Loss and Change Ending an affair often signifies a substantial change in your partner's life, and the fear of loss can be a powerful deterrent. They may be reluctant to let go of the emotional support, excitement, or validation they receive from the outside person. The uncertainty associated with rebuilding the primary relationship can exacerbate this fear and make it harder for them to break off the affair. 6. Difficulty in Making Decisions Your partner may struggle with indecisiveness or a fear of making the wrong choice, leading to their reluctance to end the affair. They might be caught between the emotional turmoil of the primary relationship and the security of the extramarital connection. This internal conflict can make it difficult for them to choose a path and commit to it fully. 7. Lack of Accountability If your partner lacks a sense of accountability for their actions and the impact on your relationship, they may be less inclined to end the affair. They might not see the need to change their behavior, particularly if they do not fully grasp the depth of the emotional pain they are causing. Understanding the reasons behind your partner's reluctance to end their affair is the first step toward healing your relationship. It's crucial to communicate openly, express your emotions, and listen empathetically to one another. Depending on the severity of the issues at hand, seeking professional help might be beneficial. Therapists and counselors can provide valuable insights and effective strategies to help navigate through the emotional turbulence. It's important to remember that while you can influence your partner's decisions, you cannot control them. they must be willing to end the affair and commit to rebuilding the relationship. However, you are not helpless in this situation. You can express your expectations clearly, set healthy boundaries, and stand firm in your demand for respect and fidelity. During this period, it's also vital to practice self-care. Don't neglect your own emotional needs while trying to mend the relationship. Reach out to supportive friends and family, engage in activities that you enjoy, and prioritize your mental health. There are multiple reasons why your partner might be unwilling to end their affair, ranging from the comfort they find in the relationship to fear of change, difficulties with commitment, and a lack of accountability. Understanding these reasons can help you make sense of your partner's actions and decide on the best course of action. It's a challenging journey, but with patience, empathy, and determination, it's possible to rebuild trust and restore your relationship.
  6. Dear eNotAlone: I recently ended a months-long affair I was having with someone and it's been incredibly hard. I feel terrible and guilty and can't seem to cope with the shame of what I've done. I'm married, so what I did went directly against my vows. But I feel like I'm stuck in an endless cycle of throwing myself under the bus for all kinds of things that either lead up to this affair or resulting from it. How do I manage to find peace with myself in the wake of such behavior? * * * It's understandable to experience guilt and shame after ending an affair. And it's important to remember that your feelings about what you did are totally valid—you have every right to be feeling such emotions. However, it is possible to break the cycle and move forward in a way that allows you to accept your decisions and still find peace with yourself. Here are some suggestions to help you do just that. First off, know that everyone makes mistakes—it's a perfectly natural part of life. You're not the first or the last person to make them. You may feel incredibly guilty and ashamed now, but that doesn't need to be your constant state or existency. As difficult as it may seem right now, you can come out of this experience with a newfound understanding of your own strength and will. The next step is to forgive yourself. This is arguably the hardest yet most important step when attempting to move on from any mistake. Guilt is a heavy emotion and it won't just fade away on its own. Instead, look at the self-blame head-on and accept that although it's a harsh reality, what's done is done. Now, you need to move on and focus on finding peace and closure. You also need to look inward and attempt to figure out what led you down the path of an affair in the first place. Was there something in your relationship that was missing or that you were searching for? Understanding and recognizing why the affair happened can help you find a way to make sure it never happens again. Once you've identified the thoughts and feelings that contributed to the affair, it's time to start mending the relationships in your life so that you can begin to find peace. Make sure to communicate with your spouse or partner, letting them know that you are willing to work on the marriage and open to doing whatever it takes to restore what's been broken. Explaining why it happened in the first place can also help, as it shows them that you've taken the time to understand what led to you to the affair. Focus on returning to the values that are important to you. Many affairs are instigated by powerful emotions that, in the moment, overpower our better judgment. In order to protect against this in the future, define the values most important to you and hold yourself accountable to them. That way, regardless of how situations may play out in the future, your values remain in tact and you can rest assured that you'll always make sound and moral decisions. Living with the guilt and shame of cheating can be incredibly difficult, but it is possible to move on and live a happier—and more honest—life. Make sure to use the tools provided here to forgive yourself and begin to work towards fully reconciling with the affair. The peace you'll eventually experience will be more than worth it.
  7. When a friend finds themselves in the middle of an affair with a married man, it can be difficult for their closest confidants to handle. Even more challenging is the situation when you don't trust their married partner after the affair has run its course. So what should you do if you find yourself in this complicated situation? Here are some tips to help you handle the situation appropriately. First and foremost, it's important to realize that the situation between you and your friend's partner has nothing to do with you. It is wise not to become involved in this issue or make too many assumptions. As an outsider, it is only prudent to take care not to make overly intrusive comments about someone's love life. It is natural to have concerns, but it's better to offer a supportive ear and kind words than to judge or criticize. Second, it might be helpful to take a step back and listen to your gut feelings. If you get the sense that something isn't right, your instincts may be warning you. If that is the case, approach your friend as soon as possible to make sure they are aware of the situation and are taking steps to address it.It is important to remain calm and composed when discussing this sensitive issue with your friend. Third, if you feel comfortable enough to talk about the situation, it's important to be up front with your friend. Let them know that you have been feeling uneasy about the situation and ask for their opinion. Even if it means having an uncomfortable conversation, it is important to address the issue. Be honest and open with your friend and explain your concerns in as much detail as possible. By being honest and upfront, you can potentially help your friend make the best decision for their own relationship. It is important to remember that it is not your responsibility to monitor your friend's relationship. After talking to your friend, it is best to leave the situation to their discretion. You cannot always control what decisions others make but the best you can do is to offer a kind word of advice and stay present and available as a support system if needed. Amid a situation such as this, it can be difficult to come to an understanding of how best to help your friend. With these tips, however, you can take the necessary steps to ensure that your friend and their partner have the guidance and support they need.
  8. When it comes to making choices about infidelity and its effects on relationships, many times the most difficult ones are the hardest. This is especially true when the involved parties must decide whether to stay together or whether to break up in the wake of a partner's infidelity. It's at this point where many couples turn to websites like enotalone.com for advice on the next step and guidance on how to best grapple with the aftermath of cheating. It's understandable to feel overwhelmed and uncertain when faced with the possibility or reality of a partner's betrayal. Not only are emotions running rampant, but the fear of unknowns can be paralyzing, causing confusion as to what choices to make that might offer a real solution instead of just a temporary Band-Aid. But make no mistake, getting through a difficult period in which one's partner cheats is a process that requires strength, compassion, understanding, and trust. Sometimes, the difficult decision to make involves staying together in spite of what happened. However, the choice to stay must include a mutual commitment to rebuilding the relationship, increasing communication, and mending any hurt feelings that have emerged due to the infidelity. Although it'll likely take time for tensions to subside, decisive action such as seeking counseling to properly address any underlying issues should be taken if both parties decide to remain together. Compassion is key, as each member of the couple needs to be sure that he or she can empathize and understand each other's feelings. Only then can a sense of safety be created within the relationship and a commitment to rebuild begin. Further, rebuilding trust is critical if two parties choose to stay together after breaking under the pressure of infidelity. Take a step back and think honestly and objectively about exactly what went wrong, what could have been done differently, and why things occurred the way they did. If the path forward looks bleak and continuing the relationship appears too challenging, separation can serve as an alternative and viable solution in some cases. Unfortunately, this kind of permanent severance doesn't always guarantee the absence of hurt feelings, anger or resentment. A broken relationship caused by infidelity may result in confusion as to how to proceed after the dissolution. In any case, taking time for personal growth and reflection is an obvious necessity in order for an individual to move on from their struggles and embrace future milestones. Building a strong foundation for any relationship is of utmost importance, particularly when patterns of similar hurtful behavior emerge in the form of infidelity. Once trusting relationships are destroyed, it can take a great deal of effort to repair the damage caused. Seeking aid from friends, family, or professional counselors and therapists can provide valuable insight into facing the choice of either continuing a relationship in spite of infidelity or choosing to part ways. Whichever choice you make in the face of unfortunate events, it's important to remember that these decisions will lead to a different outcome depending on how they are handled. But with strength, trust, and personal growth, it is possible to come out the other side a wiser, more compassionate person.
  9. The pull of a passionate, romantic relationship is undeniable. It's exciting, exhilarating, and often intoxicating to be in love with somebody, especially if, even more intriguingly, that person is off limits. So it’s no surprise that having an affair with someone who is married can feel like one of the most thrilling, tempting experiences a person can have. You can almost feel the gravitational pull of the forbidden affair drawing you in. Your mind and heart may both race as you replay moments you've shared, desperately trying to relive the highs and contemplate what will happen if and when you do go further. You imagine a passionate, clandestine love affair and see yourself living in a Hollywood movie– until reality comes crashing down with the sudden realization that this person isn't actually yours to keep. You are acutely aware of the complicated and tangled relationship that the other person has with their spouse, children, friends, and family. That may feel like the deepest kind of betrayal and cause tremendous guilt.These feelings of shame can paralyze you from taking action, especially because an affair carries such heavy and long-term consequences. It may be difficult to acknowledge these realities when your heart tells you otherwise, but it’s important to keep them in mind. Remaining in an extramarital affair for an extended period of time can be emotionally damaging for everyone involved. Although taking action may feel impossibly hard, consider how you would feel if you were in the other person’s position. As you think through the consequences at stake, you may notice that your passion has ebbed away and reality is prevailing. The most responsible thing may be to walk away and focus on taking care of yourself instead, allowing the magic and mystery of life to show you something else – something that’s available and accessible if you’re willing to take the right steps. An affair with someone who is married can sound like an exciting exploration, but as with all experiences,it’s important to remember that every venture carries certain risks. You may be trying to escape from your own pain and emptiness, or searching for excitement from the thrill of it all, but eventually, it may all come crumbling down. So before you choose to take that fateful first step, examine the facts and be honest about the situation. Your temptation desire might be strong, but so is your sense of self-worth for being able to be honest with yourself about your motivations, and realize that there are greater things at stake. To truly love yourself and others, it may mean in this instance that stepping away from this affair is the most loving and responsible thing to do. As hard as that may be, it ultimately comes down to choosing between what feels good and what’s right.
  10. People are complex; relationships are complex; affairs of the heart can be the most complex of all. Whether the affair was on-going or just a one-time lapse in judgment, it can be incredibly embarrassing and hurtful to a person’s sense of self and their relationship. Understanding affairs of the heart and reconciling them can seem nigh impossible, but even if it seems like you're dealing with something impenetrable, there is hope. It's possible to find resolution after an affair. The urge to have an affair could come from a variety of places, including feelings of insecurity or loneliness, high stress levels, a need for validation, or a decrease in the feeling of being appreciated. An affair can change the course of a relationship forever. Both members of a couple may feel devastated; betrayed by one’s partner and distrustful of the relationship itself. But at the same time, it's important to not jump to conclusions and make assumptions as to why the affair happened. Without compassionate self-reflection, both parties can end up feeling more isolated and misunderstood. An affair can bring up a wealth of emotions in us, some of which might be uncomfortable. We may feel shame and guilt, anger and hurt, embarrassment, sorrow, and frustration. With any intense emotion comes the risk of acting out those feelings in destructive ways. It is essential to take responsibility for our own behaviour and express our emotions in healthier ways. One way to better understand and reconcile an affair is to talk openly and honestly with your partner. Developing strong communication skills can be difficult, but an effective way to do it is to be as specific as possible. In order to avoid misunderstandings, ask yourself if you’re being clear, open and nonjudgemental about your feelings. If not, take a step back and practice some self-awareness. It’s important to realize we may not have everything figured out either so carving out space for the other person to communicate their feelings without fear of judgement can help both of you gain insight. It’s also important to recognize that an affair could be part of a bigger picture. Looking at your relationship as a two-way street and thinking critically as to how you and your partner can work together to improve the relationship would be beneficial. every relationship is unique; it's up to the two people within it to figure out what constitutes success and happiness in their partnership. Affairs may be painful, but they don't always mean the end of things. It’s possible to create trust and intimacy within your relationship and come out of the experience wiser, if both partners are truly invested in finding resolution. Letting go of anger and distrust is a tall order, but it is possible. After an affair, seek out counseling, spiritual guidance or other sources of support. Resolve not to repeat the same behavior and invest in positive steps for the relationship going forward. Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes in affairs of the heart. This is life. But with care and effort, it is possible to have meaningful and fulfilling relationships, regardless of the past. Understanding and finding resolution after an affair can lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of your relationship, of yourself and of what really matters.
  11. We all have dreams of understanding the deeper meaning of love, ultimately leading to a fulfilling longterm relationship. However, sometimes the realities of our circumstances can prevent these types of relationships from forming. You may have found yourself unexpectedly attracted to a married man or in a relationship with someone who is already committed to another. Oftentimes, these issues can be ovewhelming and lead to feelings of helplessness, despair, and guilt. It’s important to understand that you can still form a healthy relationship, even if you’ve found yourself in an unexpected situation. Life can often bring us interesting twists and turns, leading us places we never expected to be. When navigating through a relationship where one partner is married, it’s normal to experience a range of emotions. The truth is, when two people feel a strong connection that surpasses common relationship boundaries, it can be hard to resist the temptation - even if one of those two is someone else’s spouse. This type of infidelity obviously carries a layer of complexity, making it difficult to fully understand how to step back, respect the commitments others have made, and move on with life. Knowing when to separate and make the decision that’s right for you is something each person has to decide for themselves. Learning to put your own mental health above the situation is a long and sometimes painful journey. It’s important to recognize the fact that you’re not doing anything wrong by allowing yourself to feel attracted to someone or giving in to their advances. More often than not, your feelings are beyond your control and no amount of guilt can change that. Instead, focus on accepting the feelings you’re having as valid and real, and be honest with yourself about what you need in order to heal and let go. Emotional healing and understanding are common paths to take when it comes to recovering from the pain of an illicit affair with a person who is married. Sometimes, the intensity of these types of relationships can cause added stress, leading you to make decisions without considering your own satisfaction. When this happens, it’s easy to feel unsure and clouded by mixed emotions. That raw and complex energy can become a distraction and prevent you from welcoming any type of new beginning in the future. It’s important to remember that space is key when it comes to healing your trauma. Taking the time to reflect and evaluate your situation will help guide you to the right path. Unrequited love can often bring about feelings of desperation, but it’s important to remember that loving someone does not always have to manifest itself through physical touch. In the same way, freedom can still be found in the form of closure, even if it doesn’t come from the other person directly. To free yourself from the constraints of being with someone who is unavailable, try going to therapy or talking to a trusted friend. Healing isn’t always linear and doesn’t always happen overnight, but you’ll eventually find that it doesn’t have to be a lonely venture. You might find a sense of peace in understanding that your situation is more complicated than ever expected. These complicated stories can be difficult to accept and even more complex to explain; however, it’s possible to come out of it a better person if you remember to keep your mental health in check throughout the journey. Your story could very likely be the stepping stone needed to experience a new, beautiful chapter of life.
  12. It can be hard to escape the thrill and adrenaline rush that often accompanies a burgeoning relationship that pushes boundaries and crosses certain social boundaries. This certainly is a reality for some men and women who find themselves entangled in an extramarital affair. If you met a married woman at the gym, one who's caught your attention and you’re considering entering the complex landscape of an extramarital relationship, it can be difficult to know exactly how to navigate it without causing serious damage to all those involved. There’s no way around the fact that any romantic entanglement outside of a committed relationship puts both people involved in extremely vulnerable positions. While it may seem like a thrilling and exciting prospect, it can also be a risky endeavor if not handled delicately and with respect from all parties. If you’re caught up in an affair with a married woman, there are some things you should consider before you make any rash decisions. What Are Your Motivations? In situations like these, it’s important to ask yourself a few questions before making any sudden moves. Why did you enter into this relationship in the first place? Was it because there is genuine connection between the two of you or because you were rebounding from another relationship? It’s essential to acknowledge these feelings and give them thoughtful consideration first before deciding whether or not you should pursue a relationship with this woman. Of course, it’s possible to have a fulfilling connection with a woman who is already married. But is it worth the potentially complex situation it could create down the line? What Happens After? No matter what, there will likely be consequences to such a risky venture. An affair with a married woman is treated very differently than a normal relationship. It’s no secret that society tends to view extramarital affairs under a morally questionable light, which could put either person in a difficult position if it were to be discovered. It’s important to ask yourself: Are you prepared to deal with the consequences? Familial response could also be an issue. Depending on the severity of the relationship, it could lead to the dissolution of the woman’s marriage — something that could cause massive rifts in the family’s dynamic. Even if she was the one who initiated the affair, her and her husband’s response could severely impact how her family views your relationship. It’s also important to consider where the relationship is going. Is it simply a casual fling, something more serious, or potentially even leading toward marriage? Even if she ends her current marriage in order to be with you, this does not necessarily mean she will be ready for more commitment. Take some time to consider the implications of each potential outcome and think about whether or not you could actually handle that situation. Setting Boundaries Affairs with married women can be especially tricky due to all the unspoken boundaries that must be established. Since you are both aware of the limitations of the relationship, it’s essential to ensure that both of you are on the same page when it comes to establishing boundaries. You both need to be upfront and honest about the extent to which you are willing to take the relationship, and accepting the fact that there may be certain limits you cannot cross. Setting these boundaries could help avoid potential frustrations in the long run. Taking the Necessary Time One of the most important tips you can take away from this editorial is to take your time. Affair’s like this can seem infinitely thrilling in the moment, and it’s very easy to get lost in a whirlwind between to two of you. But it’s important to remember that you have only just begun this journey. Take all the necessary time you need to ponder, evaluate and think about your decisions. Ask yourself the important questions, weigh out all the repercussions, and if you are still interested in continuing with this relationship, then take it step-by-step, reassuring yourself and your partner along the way. When it comes to considering a relationship with a married woman, caution and thoughtfulness are key. The decision to take on an extramarital affair, while legally permissible, is still one that should be taken with a degree of respect and responsibility. By entertaining these possibilities and examining the consequences, you are in a much better place to confidently move forward and make sure everyone involved is taken care of — without sacrificing respect and dignity in the process.
  13. When I was young, my dad said a lot of because of me, he stayed in the marriage with my mom. He wasn't appreciated at all by her. He was not happy with my mum... Could that be called love or is it a cheating? Of course, he was dating with a woman when I was very young and my mother was very angry and they fought a lot on that but in the end, the marriage eventually stayed. I very much stood by my mom, but after many years, my auntie revealed that my mom once brought a man that she held hands with to visit my auntie. I feel my parents are in the end staying together for me, but I feel they both are cheaters.
  14. Hi So ya, to start with my mom found out that that my dad has an affair with another woman and they always meet. Almost every day actually. To be honest I am torn with respect toward my father and hatred. Now my father wanted to take that woman as a second wife ( my country allows polygamous relationship ). Of course, I hate that woman and to make it worst, she went to my house and bang on the door this morning because my mom won't let my dad take his phone or take a step outside without her this last few days. I mean how shameless can she be. My maternal grandma said that mom should go back to her house if dad decided to take that woman. Jokes on you, I hate that woman so much. You see my father was one of the biggest shareholder in a company and that mean he has this tons of authorities in this company. My mom found out that my dad is trying to take that woman as one of the staff there. So my mom went to see the company CEO and well at that time she could not control her anger. You know what my dad did? She scold my mom. That woman also blame my mother's friend for telling her about their affair. I mean she goes around with my dad calling her honey and stuff. They even met each respective family to get blessings and she goes around telling everyone my dad is her boyfriend and they are waiting for my mother approval. Are my mom a jokes to you? It broke my heart to see my dad acting like nothing ever happen and mom keep on crying. You see my mom is a housewife. She said that she become a housewife when my dad coaxed her to take care of the children. If not for dad, she will have a brighter life. After she married my dad she got an offer in one of the biggest company in my country, but she turned it down because she said that she does not want a long distance relationship, later she fell into depression then she got better, then she got a job somewhere closer and later she quit to become a housewife. I am the eldest out of 5 siblings and I am a first year in college with full parents support. So I could not do anything except for the mental support to mum. I am still living with her. Mom said that she is trying to hold herself and ask me to study and get good job, so she can be at ease. My mom is well she is crying almost every day and she only slept for a few hours last night. I am thinking of getting a job, but I know mom and dad will object. I just cant focus and my younger siblings does not know anything. It pain me seeing them and mom. Well I am venting here since I'll stay anonymous here. My mom only told me, her parents and some of the close friends. I will take any advice on what can I do now. Thank you.,
  15. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world - the two of us have so much in common and are uncannilly linked in so many ways - however, we have this one nagging problem... When I first met him he told me about how he used to watch porn all the time which I figured was something all guys do from everything I've ever read on the subject. Not soon after we met and started being boyfriend/girlfriend did I notice something odd happening. First of all he lives in Canada, and I in the US, so when we aren't together we have "sex" on the webcam. Basically we masturbate for each other and it is a lot of fun and makes me feel better as I'm sure it does him. However, after we had been together for a few months, the frequency of these video escapades started to drop off. In the beginning it was every night or every other night, then it was more like every two-four nights. Now, from what he's told me time and again about the frequency of his desires, he needs to *take care of business* in some form or another every other day at least. If he's not doing this with me the only thing I can think is he's pleasuring himself to porn like the old days. He gets very upset and very defensive when I bring this up saying he never does that, that he saves himself for me. He basically turns the tables and starts blaming me for being untrusting. He says he doesn't do stuff by himself because he wouldn't want to "ruin things with us" by doing things on his own and then not being able to with me. I think this would be a very nice gesture, if it were really true. He also claims to have low testosterone levels even though he's never had them checked, and thinks he has some sort of erectile dysfunction stemming from stress or whatnot. He is perfectly healthy, and how much stress could someone like him have? He basically has no responsibilities, financial or otherwise! Please help me, I don't know what to do here. He will never admit looking at porn even if he did it all day long - I know this because I know how he is. I can't stand the fact that he may be lying to me. We want to get married someday in the not too distant future and I don't want a lying or maybe even *god forbid* cheating boyfriend grrrr. The guy I was with before him cheated on me numerous times with cyber sex relationships. If anyone has any advice or experience I'm all ears. - Frustrated in New York
  16. I came accross this link and thought it was beautiful. There are some letters and poetry between Rupert Brooke, the famous poet, and Phyllis Gardner, the painter - and also an image of a self-portrait which captures her feelings for Brooke. link removed
  17. It’s 3AM, and here I am almost 2 years later to the day.... Sitting alone on this lonely beach. The same beach where we went out on our third date, where we had a picnic, drank some wine, and ran through the water together like two kids in love, like something out of a cheap romance novel. This is same beach where I began to fall in love with you. Where we began our journey together. I’m sitting here like we once did, but it's not the same as before... It's so lonely, desolate and quiet, not like it once was. The waves, they're taunting me, like they know. The beach is so cold and oh so unwelcoming. I sit here thinking, afraid to go home. Afraid to go back to sleep. Afraid to wake up. Sitting here, asking the same questions over and over. Questions that I don’t have the answers to, questions I may never have the answers to. I know I’m just tormenting and exhausting myself by running through my head over and over, trying to figure it all out. But I can’t help it. Should I try to move on? I can’t, I don’t want to...I don't want to fade away. I know soon I will head home, back to my now empty bed. I’ll go and smoke one more cig before I finally lay down, trying to sleep. And I know as I lay motionless, I’ll just dream and prey for you to come through that door like you use to, and you’ll come lay down next to me, tell me you love me and missed me. I’ll wrap my arms around you, holding you tight and kissing you and we'll fall asleep like old and I’ll finally wake up, wake up from this nightmare like nothing ever happened. I’ll dream and prey, knowing it won’t happen. I keep on telling myself one more day, I wish I had one more day or one more hour or one more minute with you. Just one more minute of looking at you or one more embrace or one more kiss or just one more moment feeling your presence. I know that's not true though. One more will never be enough with you. I don't remember being so selfishly happy as I was when I was with you. It knocks the wind out of me how in just days of being with you could suddenly make the world without you be so unfamiliar. Everything is exactly the same as it once was before you. Same bed, same route, same people, same work but somehow it's different. “They” keep telling me to pick myself up, each day will get easier. Just go out and keep busy, and even to just go get laid. I keep busy but the moments when I am alone it all comes flooding back like the unwelcoming waves on this ocean beach. And how can I go out and get laid. It feels like I’m cheating on you, cheating myself. It won’t help. Trying to fill that huge empty void with meaningless sex isn’t going to do it. Nothing can do it but maybe time itself. And maybe they’re right, maybe each day may get easier. Maybe the day will finally come when I'll wake up and I won't look over to see if you're there, one day I'll wake up and I won’t think it was all a bad dream, one day the tears will stop flowing from my eyes, one day I will stop hurting, one day I won’t wake up and feel the anger over everything that has transpired. And maybe one day I will be learn how to love someone else and let myself go again but I also know I'll never love anyone as much as I did love you. I feel like destiny is laughing in my face, like our story got cut short. Maybe it didn't, maybe fate brought us together, only to rip us apart. But it feels like it, there's so many things I had planned, so many things I wanted to do, so many questions I had, so much I wanted to tell you, so much I wanted to experience with you. Maybe fate will bring us back together one day….or maybe in 2 days or 2 weeks or 2 months or 2 years or even 2 decades. .. Maybe the day will come. It'll be like we never left. We’ll come back to this same beach, and we’ll run around through the sand like the kids we once were. In the meantime, I’ll just try to keep pushing myself and keep busy. Try to push myself further and further, harder and harder. Try to find out what I am made of. Try to stay strong, but also vulnerable because I have to be. I have accepted what has happened and grow. Just keep my mind free, grow and experience who I am and what this life, my life, is all about. You know, for that hour to two hours when play basketball or football, I focus on myself and lose myself. For that hour to two hours I am fully excused for not caring about anything else in the world but my own body. Just to focus on my breathing. Just putting one foot in front of the other. Focus on running, making the shot, jumping up and grabbing the rebound. It gives me an excuse to yell, to curse, to push, and even to even cry. It gives me that excuse I need to live. I’ll keep strong. I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I need to do and what changes I need to make. I figure that this is the life I need to re-adjust to. I just need to find the energy, the appetite, and the patience. No matter how strange it feels, I need to find my courage to live this life again. I will keep on missing you, I am sure of that. I am longing for you so bad it pierces my skin and shatters what's left of this heart. Maybe I will just remind myself to breathe in and breathe out as steadily as possible and wait for the day until it comes naturally again. It is hard though...to go back and leave that place. I miss all the trivial things about you…like the lines of your tattoo, the way you fall asleep with her head on my stomach, the way you snore and take up the entire bed, you little mannerisms. Of course I miss the much bigger things as well. And I do love you; I do love you with all my heart like I always have. I do await the day we may be together again like we never left. My love for you will last a lifetime my love. But for now, it's time to head back to that same car, take that long empty drive back home, make my way back to the same home, take that one last smoke and make my way back to the same, now empty bed so I can lay my head down and dream. Where I may finally sleep. Where I may begin to finally wake up. This beach will always wait for us my love.
  18. Married 8 years; 2 Children ages 3, 5. Very light drinkers. No hitting or yelling at each other. No real deep conversation at all. Wife has been slowly falling out of love with me and has been admittedly faking feelings of intimacy for me for 2 years. Physical relationship has never been a problem - Mental connection is what we are missing. We haven't given each other any together (couple) time since the arrival of our first daughter. Also, my wife is a very poor communicator. She feels that I am too controlling and there is some truth there; I am critical and tend to overthink everything. I can be negative too often but I always to try to act in the best interests of the family. She works nights (large hotel manager) 3-11pm and most often gets home at 12:30 or 1:00am. I work days and am always home with the girls when I am not working. Pretty typical so far huh? She has dieted and lost 40+ pounds. She has become a Vegan (Full vegetarian) and works out alot. She has begun taking online classes to get her bachelors degree, and she has been buying very attractive clothes and is looking better than ever. I am proud of her and have repeatedly told her so. All of her actions are geared towards her. Her feelings came out a month ago while I was being playful one night with a copy of Mens Health comparing her thoughts to a magazine poll. Since then she wants us sleeping in separate beds with no physical contact of any kind except a peck when she leaves for work. We started reading Dr. Phil Relationship Rescue and I really respect his mehods and think he knows his stuff. I was optimistic about working things out by using this book together but she quit reading because she says it was hitting too close to home and her feelings are too far gone for the book to help. She had one session with a councelor this week and she says she will let this (hopefully) specialist figure it out. I hope this person is qualified to help us. My wife admits to the following: She has thoughts of cheating but insists she hasn't. If another man shows interest in her, she may not resist his advances. She pictures us divorced. She wants to make this work only because it is best for the girls. She is not sure that she can (or even wants to) love me the way I expect us to - mentally and physically through communication and closeness. She admits that she is only interested in her needs right now and that is what feels right to her. She is very tired of me asking her about infidelity and the consequences it would have on our family but she WILL NOT promise me that she won't allow it to happen while we are together. The thought is eating me but is out of my control. All she wants is space - alot of it! I feel the more space I give her, the further we will drift apart and the greater the chances of cheating. I have never considered her the cheating type until recently. She seems fine with this situation which has me all knotted up inside. My thoughts are totaly consumed with feelings of how did this happen, infidelity, lonliness, divorce, child custody. It is affecting me at work and my ability to keep a positive attitude around others. I want to see a lawyer to protect the girls and I (I cannot live without them - they are everything to me - especially now) should the seemingly inevitable happen. Nothing positive about resolution or loving acts of kindness come from her (Loving acts were never really something she did anyway) but I am actually asking her for something positive or hopeful which is pushing her away. She says she can't continue to make up feelings for me that aren't there. I will do anything (legal) to give us a long happy family life together but that turns her off. She is the only one I want. Wow I've laid alot out and sure I've missed some important facts but I've got to go - The girls are awake and I value time w/them more than ever. Any advice or good (easy reading) books? I'm feeling very lonley and insecure right now (I hate admitting that). Any good books on divorce might be helpful too. I should be educated on the possibility. Many thanks-
  19. This is my first post on here. I can honestly say I don't want to be here anymore. Im 18 and my life doesn't seem to get better. My life gets worse daily. I have friends but because of prior things that happened in my life I feel I can't trust anyone. I have so much inside of me but don't trust anyone to talk to. I have no emitions because of being hurt in the past/present. I put up a wall and let no one in. I hate college. My parents might even being taking me out of college and I don't know why. My dad is cheating on my mom and my whole family knows about this. My mom cheated on my dad with my sisters, friends, dad. I can't talk to my parents cause I feel I can't trust them. I hate being home in my house. I get angry and the littlest things and I can't stand it anymore. Why go through all of this? Doesn't seem worth it to me... p.s. Sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes. Don't feeling like proof reading right now.
  20. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. There are no problems in our relationship. However recently I found out that he is cheating on me. He is dating another girl behind me... I was really sad, disappointed and stunned when I found out... I don't believe that he will cheat on me! But when I confronted him, he admitted to the affair... My tears just flow down and I cried and cried and cried... The feeling is really terrible... I am really hurt... He messaged me and say that he is really miserable and regret doing that. He is willing to let go of the other relationship and for us to start afresh... I know that relationship works on forgive and forget. But I am worried that if I go back to him, will he cheat on me again? Will we maintain the same level of trust as before? Is it possible for a shattered relationship to start afresh? I still love him thou...
  21. Hi all. I have a big problem I need to work on. Any advice or thoughts you have on the subject will be greatly appreciated. I am extremely jealous of my boyfriend's past relationships. He has lots of experience - you name it, he's done it, with as many people as possible. Also, he had an "arrangement" with an ex-girlfriend, after they had already broken up, where they would get together for sex whenever they could. By the way, given how clingy this girl was and how badly she took it when they broke up, this shows very bad judgement on his part I think. No matter how horny you are, it is not a good idea to keep having sex with someone who is still in love with you. It doesn't seem fair to the girl, it probably confused her alot. But back to my problem. I can't stop thinking about his past. I react emotionally as though he cheated on me even though he clearly did nothing wrong to me. For example, I keep thinking now, in retrospect, about when we first met. We got together - I think we both suspected this may lead to something romantic - but nothing was clearly stated. Nothing romantic, we didn't even kiss. A day after meeting with me like this, he went and slept with this ex girlfriend. I KNOW he had no obligation to me at that time. So why do I always remember it and let it bother me? Similarly, I find myself judging him harshly for sleeping around so much. I believe there is nothing morally wrong with that, as long as you don't lie to anyone, and sexual experimentation can be a wonderful thing. So why am I so terribly jealous?? It must be me, my own insecurities. And THAT is what I need help with. I have no idea how to become more secure, and stop thinking about my boyfriend's past. He never lied or cheated, not to me, not to anyone as far as I know. All the poor guy ever did was sow his wild oats... Please help! Thanks
  22. This is quite a dumb problem but it happened to me. i never thought it was possible for me a 16 yr old gurl to feel so terrible. i have recently cheated on my boyfriend i promised him i wouldn't. i lied and committed a sin. OMG! i need sum help from anyone on this: how can i get my ex to forgive me and to forget what happened to be happy with me again? i know that i have learned my lesson and i don't even know why i did it. he keeps on telling me that i deserve every minute of torture and u know what i am. i have had enough. i really feel terrible and i have tried everything to say that im sorry. i have emailed him, called him, and sent him ecards, and he won't talk to me. he's the one that suggested friends and he's not even talking to me anymore! HELP ME! plz ~sorry~
  23. You GOTTTAAA BEEEE KIDDINGGG MEEEE! My father gave me his old cell phone and i have been using it for the past 2 months now... out of the BLUE before my father and mother are leaving to go on vacation i get a txt. msg from a FAMILY FRIEND!!!!! NO i didnt misinterpret it!! it said "i can't take it that ur no lnger spking to me" "didnt i mean anything 2u?" "i nd 2 see u agn" At first i was about to call back and scream.. or drive to her and punch her in the face. How dare she???? SHE WAS EATING DINNER AT MY PARENTS HOUSE NOT MORE THAN 2 MONTHS AGO? I txtd her back and pretended i was my Dad. i said "well how long has it been now since we've been 2gther anyway 4u 2b so upset?" the *** responded "oh God, im srprsed u responded" "we hvnt spoke 4 months" "u alwys ignore me and it hrts to much" "i dont want people 2 suspect, its scandalous" (yes.. she used the words scandalous.. ) I didnt txt back and i cried and cried. Guys.. my mom and my dad.. are like.. the happiest couple everyone's ever saw. he always takes her on dates.. buys her things.. hell i HEAR THEM HAVING SEX ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they just left to go on a 2 week VACATION together CELEBRATING THEYRE 25TH ANNIVERSARY!!!!! i want to drive to this womans house NOW and BEAT THE EVER LIVING SNOT OUT OF HER!!!! SHE COMES TO THE FAMILY PARTIES.. SHE PLAYS WITH MY CHILDREN!!!!!!!! SHE SITS AT THE SAME TABLE WITH MY OWN MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO KILL MY FATHER OR HER!!!!!!!!!!!! Theres NO NO NO NO NO NO way i can tell my mother!!! i CANT!!! Oh My GOD it would kill her!!!!!!! how can i hold this in for 2 weeks till he gets back??? It's already 10:15 now ET in ny.. i know where this woman works.. i swear im going to meet her at her job and confront her... oh WAIT.. she WORKS WITH MY FRKN DAD!!!!! fine.. ill just wait for her at her house. can someone please calm me down before i get arrested
  24. My boyfriend and I have been together for ten months. I love him very much and were planning on moving in together in a couple of months. We spend every night together in one of our homes or another. About a month ago I was at his office surfing on his computer and came accross a website specifially designed to meet people for sex. When I first asked him about it he denied it. I then decided to create a fake screen name with a fake photo on this site. He responded to my ad which horrified me. I confronted him again and after a little while and me almost walking out he confessed and cried saying that he was bored one day so he created a bogus screen name. He said he never intended to meet anyone and that he felt embarrsed to tell me the first time I confronted him. He hasnt visited that site anymore nor any other related sites, I've checked. He constantly tells me that I'm the only one for him. Last night I found a number on his floor from a local bar. He told me it wasnt his and that he hadnt been there in months and had never met anyone there. I had just cleaned his apartment that week and found no such item so I find it hard to believe it came out of nowhere. He let me rip it up and that was that. I'm a little concerned that hes cheating on me and a little more concerned that I'm too jealous and theres nothing to worry about. Any thoughts?
  25. kamurj

    What to do?

    I am a really jealous person. Everytime my boyfriend even talks to another girl I get upset. I hate being this way. He promised me he would never cheat on me. What should I do?
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