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  1. So, it seems I will always be lonely, and never find love because of my disability. I'm often bedridden, and too tired to do much in life. I'm also suffering from chronic pain. The question is why do some people claim anyone can find love? How if you can't be an asset to a future partner but a liability? If you have no money, no own place (care facility) no energy, no health, no special looks, nothing? That's my question, why do some people insist anyone can find love?
  2. Finding love is a universal desire, but the journey to it is a maze of emotions, expectations, and challenges. For individuals with disabilities, this maze can feel more like a labyrinth, laden with unique challenges. But love is not about perfection; it's about connection, understanding, and acceptance. With the right mindset and strategies, dating for disabled can be just as rewarding and joyous as for anyone else. Understanding the Landscape: Dating with a Disability Navigating the world of dating is already a challenge for most. When you introduce a disability into the equation, you're also adding a layer of complexity. However, understanding the landscape can help in creating meaningful connections. The digital age has ushered in a slew of dating apps and platforms. This proliferation means there's something for everyone, including disabled individuals. Many mainstream dating apps now offer features catering to the disabled community, while niche platforms cater exclusively to disabled daters. As per a 2019 study by the University of California, Berkeley, individuals with disabilities experience almost identical rates of desire for companionship and romance as those without. This finding shatters the stereotype that disabled individuals aren't interested or equipped for romantic relationships. However, the study also highlighted that disabled individuals faced higher rates of rejection and stigma. The key is not to be disheartened by this but to approach dating with resilience, understanding, and self-worth. It's crucial to remember that the dating landscape isn't a monolithic entity. It varies based on culture, region, and individual perspectives. While some societies are more accepting, others might still harbor prejudices. Online platforms provide the convenience of finding like-minded individuals without the initial awkwardness. Yet, they can also bring about challenges like misrepresentation, and one might encounter individuals who fetishize disabilities. Dr. Laura T. Smith, a psychologist specializing in relationships and disabilities, opines, "Individuals with disabilities often face a two-fold challenge in the dating world: confronting personal insecurities and combating societal stereotypes. Yet, with authenticity and confidence, they can find meaningful relationships that go beyond physicality." The 5 Unspoken Rules To aid in the quest for connection, let's delve into the five unspoken rules of dating for disabled that every dater should know. 1. Communication is Key Open up about your disability when you feel comfortable. It's essential for your potential partner to understand your unique challenges and experiences. The right person will appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. However, remember that you owe no one a detailed account of your life. Share only what you're comfortable with and at a pace that feels right for you. Transparent communication isn't just about discussing disabilities. It's also about stating your intentions, expectations, and desires in the relationship, ensuring both parties are on the same page. Active listening plays an equally important role. Paying heed to what the other person is saying, understanding their concerns, and addressing any questions can pave the way for deeper understanding. It's also beneficial to communicate about potential barriers or challenges you might face in daily activities or in specific scenarios. This proactive approach can help in avoiding misunderstandings. Avoiding over-explanation is essential too. While it's important to communicate, overloading someone with information might be counterproductive. Find a balance that works for you. Moreover, it's crucial to establish a foundation of trust. Ensure that your partner feels comfortable asking questions, and do the same. A relationship thrives on mutual trust and understanding. 2. Self-worth Above All Recognize and celebrate your self-worth. You are deserving of love, respect, and happiness, just like anyone else. If someone cannot see past your disability, they don't deserve a place in your life. It's essential to separate your identity from societal perceptions. Your disability is a part of you, but it doesn't define you. Celebrate your achievements, strengths, and qualities that make you unique. Remember that seeking external validation is a slippery slope. While it's natural to want acceptance and love, basing your self-worth entirely on others' perceptions can lead to a fragile self-esteem. As per a 2020 study by Harvard University, individuals with a strong sense of self-worth and self-awareness were more likely to find lasting, fulfilling relationships than those who relied on external validation. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community can also reinforce a positive self-image. Engaging with friends, family, or support groups who understand and uplift you can be invaluable. Furthermore, taking up activities or hobbies that boost your confidence can be beneficial. Whether it's painting, writing, or any other form of expression, let your talents shine. Lastly, always remember that you are your best advocate. Stand up for yourself when needed, and never settle for anything less than what you truly deserve. 3. Know the Platforms In the age of online dating, being aware of the platforms can be a game-changer. Invest time in researching apps and platforms that cater to disabled daters. Such platforms often offer a more inclusive environment, making the dating experience smoother. With countless platforms available, it's essential to pick those that align with your intentions. Whether you're seeking a long-term relationship, friendship, or casual dating, there's likely a platform tailored for you. Reading reviews and testimonials can offer insights into a platform's credibility and user experience. This can guide you in making an informed choice. Moreover, prioritize platforms that prioritize safety. Features like profile verification, reporting mechanisms, and stringent privacy policies can enhance your dating experience's security. Engaging in community forums or groups can also provide insights. Many disabled individuals share their dating experiences online, offering valuable tips and platform recommendations. Experimenting can be the key. While you might find a platform you love immediately, it's also possible that you'll need to try out multiple options before settling on one that suits your needs. Lastly, while online platforms provide convenience, remember the value of organic, face-to-face interactions. Consider joining local groups or attending events tailored for disabled individuals to expand your social circle. 4. Be Resilient Rejection is a part of dating. It's essential not to take things personally and to remain resilient. Remember that every rejection brings you one step closer to finding someone who truly appreciates and understands you. Building resilience can be challenging, but it's crucial. Adopting a growth mindset, focusing on self-improvement, and understanding that failures or rejections are learning experiences can aid in developing resilience. Moreover, leaning on your support system in tough times can make a world of difference. Sharing your experiences, venting out frustrations, or simply talking to someone can provide relief. Engaging in activities that enhance mental and emotional well-being can be beneficial. Consider meditation, journaling, or therapy as avenues to build resilience and maintain emotional balance. Additionally, setting healthy boundaries is essential. Understand your limits, and don't be afraid to step back if dating becomes overwhelming. Furthermore, recognize the importance of self-care. Taking breaks, indulging in hobbies, or simply spending time with loved ones can rejuvenate you, ensuring you're in the best mindset when dating. Lastly, remember that it's okay to seek help. If feelings of rejection or disappointment become overwhelming, consider seeking professional help or counseling. Your mental well-being should always be a priority. 5. Look Beyond the Surface Physical attraction is just one aspect of a relationship. It's essential to look beyond the surface and connect on deeper levels. This approach is vital not just for disabled daters but for everyone. Engaging in deep conversations, understanding each other's aspirations, values, and dreams can create a bond stronger than mere physical attraction. Moreover, recognizing that everyone comes with their baggage and insecurities can foster empathy. Understanding and accepting each other's imperfections can pave the way for a lasting, meaningful connection. As per a 2018 study by Stanford University, relationships built on mutual respect, understanding, and emotional connection were more likely to last than those based purely on physical attraction. Furthermore, engaging in shared activities can enhance bonding. Whether it's reading a book together, taking a class, or exploring a new hobby, shared experiences can foster deeper connections. Being open-minded is also crucial. Broadening your horizons, being receptive to different perspectives, and accepting cultural or personal differences can make dating a rich, enlightening experience. Lastly, remember that true love transcends physicalities. It's about finding someone who resonates with your soul, understands your essence, and stands by you through thick and thin. Embracing Your Identity Your disability is a part of who you are, but it isn't the sum of your identity. Embracing your whole self, with all its complexities, can pave the way for genuine connections. Understanding and accepting your disability can empower you to navigate the dating world with confidence. Remember, confidence is magnetic, and your potential partner will likely be drawn to it. Your unique experiences, stemming from your disability, offer a perspective that can enrich a relationship. It provides depth, resilience, and strength. By being authentic, you attract individuals who value the real you. This authenticity ensures that connections formed are genuine and lasting. However, embracing your identity is a journey, and it's okay to have moments of doubt. Seeking support, whether through therapy or support groups, can be beneficial. Celebrate your achievements, passions, and dreams. Let potential partners see your vibrant personality, your aspirations, and the love you have to offer. In essence, your disability adds a layer to your identity but doesn't overshadow your essence. Cherish who you are and seek partners who do the same. Breaking Stereotypes Dating for disabled often means confronting and breaking societal stereotypes. These can range from misconceptions about your capabilities to patronizing attitudes. Educating potential partners can be a path to understanding. Many misconceptions stem from ignorance. By offering insights into your world, you're breaking barriers. However, it's also essential to recognize when to walk away. Not everyone is worth the emotional labor of education. Prioritize your mental well-being. Joining advocacy groups or participating in awareness campaigns can also provide a platform to break stereotypes on a larger scale. Share your experiences, both good and bad, with the community. By doing so, you're not only creating awareness but also fostering solidarity. Remember, by confronting stereotypes, you're paving the way for a more inclusive and understanding society, not just for yourself but for future generations. Moreover, challenge yourself to break internalized stereotypes. Embracing a positive self-image is a radical act of defiance against societal norms. Finding Accessible Date Spots Choosing the right location for a date ensures that both parties can focus on the connection rather than logistical challenges. Research is your best friend. Before proposing or agreeing to a location, ensure it's accessible based on your specific needs. Many modern establishments prioritize accessibility. Platforms like Yelp or TripAdvisor often have reviews that can shed light on an establishment's accessibility features. Consider alternative date ideas. A walk in a park, visiting an accessible museum, or even a cozy coffee date at home can be just as romantic as a fancy dinner. Communication is crucial. If a potential partner suggests a spot, don't hesitate to voice any concerns or propose alternatives. Remember, the essence of a date is the connection. Whether it's a picnic in your backyard or a movie night at home, what truly matters is the bond you're building. Also, by advocating for accessible date spots, you're raising awareness and potentially making it easier for other disabled individuals. The Role of Family and Friends The people close to us play a significant role in our dating experiences. Their support, or lack thereof, can influence our relationships. Sharing your dating experiences with loved ones can provide a safety net. They can offer advice, be a sounding board, or simply provide a listening ear. However, it's essential to set boundaries. While loved ones often have the best intentions, their protective instincts can sometimes be overwhelming. Engage your family and friends in your dating journey. Introducing potential partners can lead to valuable feedback. But remember, while feedback is essential, the ultimate decision lies with you. Trust your judgment and instincts. Additionally, your loved ones can be a source of potential connections. They might know someone who could be a good match for you. In essence, while family and friends play a pivotal role, it's essential to strike a balance between seeking support and maintaining autonomy. Navigating Intimacy Intimacy is a vital aspect of romantic relationships. For disabled individuals, this might come with unique challenges, but they aren't insurmountable. Open communication about your needs, boundaries, and concerns can lay the foundation for a satisfying intimate relationship. Educate yourself. There are resources, books, and counselors specializing in helping disabled individuals navigate intimacy. Remember, intimacy isn't just physical. Emotional and intellectual connections can be equally fulfilling. Experiment and discover what works best for you and your partner. Every individual is unique, and what might work for one couple might not for another. Never compromise on your comfort. Intimacy should be a mutual experience, and both parties should feel respected and satisfied. In essence, while navigating intimacy might require extra effort, it can lead to a deeper connection and understanding between partners. Building Long-Term Connections Building lasting relationships requires effort, understanding, and mutual respect. Prioritize open communication. Discussing future goals, aspirations, and potential challenges early on can provide clarity. Engage in activities that foster deeper connections. Whether it's traveling together, adopting a pet, or even taking up a shared hobby, these experiences can cement your bond. Always prioritize mutual growth. As individuals and as a couple, growth ensures that the relationship remains vibrant and fulfilling. Seek couples counseling if needed. It's a proactive approach to address any potential issues before they become major hurdles. Celebrate milestones, no matter how small. Whether it's an anniversary, a personal achievement, or even overcoming a challenge, these celebrations foster positivity. Lastly, remember that every relationship has its ups and downs. The key is mutual respect, understanding, and the willingness to work through challenges. The Digital World of Dating In today's technologically driven world, online dating platforms provide an excellent avenue for those with disabilities to meet potential partners. These platforms often allow users to specify their needs, ensuring a better match. Moreover, they provide a space to get to know someone before meeting in person, offering a comfortable pace for connection. However, it's crucial to approach online dating with caution. Ensure the platform you choose has a strong privacy policy and a good reputation for security. Always meet someone new in a public, accessible location. And inform a trusted person about your whereabouts, ensuring safety. Also, don't be discouraged by online dating mishaps. It's a journey filled with ups and downs, but the right connection is out there. In essence, while online dating offers convenience, it's crucial to prioritize safety and trust your instincts. Addressing Overprotectiveness One challenge faced by many disabled individuals in the dating world is dealing with overprotective family members or potential partners. It's crucial to communicate your need for autonomy, respect, and space. Engage in open dialogues about your capabilities and boundaries. Consider involving a mediator or counselor if discussions become heated or repetitive. A third-party perspective can offer clarity. Always remember that you are the best judge of your capabilities and limitations. While advice is valuable, decisions should be yours to make. Education is key. Sometimes, overprotectiveness stems from ignorance. Sharing resources or engaging in awareness sessions can be enlightening. In essence, while dealing with overprotectiveness can be challenging, it's crucial to stand your ground while fostering understanding. Importance of Self-Love The foundation of any healthy relationship is self-love. Cherishing and understanding oneself can pave the way for deeper, meaningful connections with others. Indulge in self-care routines. Whether it's meditation, pampering sessions, or merely reading a book, prioritize yourself. Avoid negative self-talk. Replace critical thoughts with affirmations and positive reinforcement. Celebrate your achievements and milestones. Recognize your growth and resilience. Seek therapy if needed. It's a space to address any deep-seated issues, fostering a more positive self-image. Remember, a relationship should complement your life, not complete it. Prioritize self-love, and the right connections will follow. Effective Communication Techniques Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Effective dialogue ensures mutual understanding and growth. Actively listen to your partner. This involves not just hearing but understanding and empathizing with their perspective. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming or accusing. This promotes a non-confrontational dialogue. Practice assertiveness. This means expressing your needs and boundaries clearly, without being aggressive or passive. Engage in regular relationship check-ins. This can be a dedicated time to discuss any concerns, aspirations, or simply appreciate each other. In essence, honing your communication skills can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Preparing for Relationship Challenges Every relationship, regardless of circumstances, faces challenges. Being prepared can ensure that these hurdles strengthen the bond rather than weaken it. Educate yourself. Books, workshops, or couples counseling can offer insights into navigating common relationship issues. Develop a support system. This could be close friends, family, or support groups that offer a listening ear during challenging times. Remember that it's okay to seek help. Whether it's therapy or mediation, external assistance can offer a fresh perspective. Always prioritize mutual respect. Even during disagreements, it's crucial to respect each other's boundaries and feelings. In essence, while challenges are inevitable, with the right tools and mindset, they can be navigated successfully. While dating with a disability comes with its unique challenges, it's crucial to approach it with positivity, resilience, and self-worth. With the right mindset and strategies, everyone, regardless of their abilities, can find the love and connection they seek.
  3. Trying to support a partner dealing with a chronic illness or disability is an emotionally and emotionally challenging journey. Every  individual  will handle their health situation differently and have unique needs that require different levels of attention, so it’s important to remain flexible and respond rather than reacting. It’s also essential that both partners show understanding, communication, and trust as they settle into their new way of life. It’s difficult to provide the kind of unconditional support and care needed if you don’t have an understanding of what your partner is experiencing. Read up on the condition to get a better understanding of the scope of their symptoms, how the condition might vary overtime, and what day-to-day life looks like for a person living with the illness. Patients often report feeling heard and respected when their partner has taken the time to understand their condition. Accepting the changes that come with a chronic illness or disability can be hard for both partners. Be sure to make time for each other, in whatever shape that takes, even if it’s just expressing gratitude for the present moment together or sharing little moments of joy. It’s also possible that your partner may need more help or physical assistance than before, so be prepared to take over certain responsibilities if you can. In many cases, patients feel guilty of overloading their partner with chores, so be sure that they understand that when you’re helping its out of love, not obligation. The stress of living with a chronic illness or disability can have a profound effect on mental health. Make sure that open channels of communication remain available at all times and help your partner seek professional support if needed (specialized mental health services have been adapted to aid those with chronic conditions). Learning to cope with change and difficult emotions through healthy activities like mindfulness, journaling, counseling, or art can be highly effective. It’s also important to make sure that both partners recognize the need to take time for themselves and not forget about self-care. When working with medical professionals, having someone familiar with the day-to-day management of the illness can help make the process easier. Volunteering to attend medical appointments with your partner can be beneficial for both of you. Being there for them to answer questions, listen to the doctor, and remember details can lighten the burden. When it comes to treatments, make sure that you are up to date on any necessary precautions and be prepared to intervene/advocate if it becomes overwhelming. Living with a chronic illness or disability can be an isolating experience, so organizing activities with friends, family, or support groups can be extraordinarily helpful. Many organizations have implemented virtual social activities, so find ways to stay connected to people outside your home, like with video call game nights, online support groups, and virtual yoga classes. Supporting a partner with a chronic illness or disability takes time, understanding, resilience, and patience. your partner will appreciate anything you do with kindness—even just listening. Even when life feels unpredictable, know that you’re not alone in this journey of adversity and growth.
  4. Dating someone with a disability can test even the strongest relationships. But if you have met someone special with whom you would like to develop a bond, there are some specific tips that can help you bring your relationship to the next level. It is possible that your partner may experience different barriers in social situations, so it’s important to familiarize yourself with any potential risks. The first step is to be aware of any laws or restrictions that might create limitations for your partner to interact socially. Learn about the rules and regulations surrounding activity, travel and protection that could affect the kind of activities you can do together. Communication is key in any new relationship. Make sure to ask open-ended questions about what your partner wants and needs, and communicate clearly about how their disability affects them on a daily basis. Also, keep in mind that your date might experience exhaustion or sensory overload more easily when out and about, so plan your activities accordingly. Your relationship should also be an open and honest dialogue between the two of you. Don’t be offended or take any comments too seriously if your partner brings up something they don’t like or need help with. Their disability can affect different areas of their life and your understanding and willingness to listen and work together can strengthen your bond. Don’t forget to laugh! In difficult times, laughter can help break the tension, and while a disability may differ from person to person, it’s important to maintain a sense of humour and look for the silver lining. Being too focused on the challenges of dating someone with a disability can be overwhelming, so instead find moments of joy and be supportive as your relationship develops. Wow factor aside, love is not just an emotion, but it also requires effort, commitment, understanding and patience. People who manage to look past a disability and still find a spark of warmth within will inevitably be rewarded.
  5. I came accross this article online and I think it makes some very good points: link removed With MySpace being so popular, many people don't think twice about what they put in their profiles. Employers & law enforcement are starting to search sites like MySpace. I recently had a problem with a family member who thought it was "cool" to post photos of himself drinking and smoking weed on MySpace. Even more recently, a "professional" person I have worked with in the disability field has a MySpace page with photos of himself drinking and with comments that degrade people with disabilities.... calling them "retards". We are still trying to figure out what to do about it at work. People really need to think twice about how they present themselves to the world. I hate to sound like a conservative old lady: But being half naked and portaying oneself as a party animal or drug/alcohol abuser is probably not a good idea. Neither is disclosing your favorite sexual positions.](*,) I'm astonished at how many people have MySpace accounts that do just that- and you can find them so easily by searching for their name and location. Don't put anything online which you would not want your boss to see, especially if your page is so easily found. I can't believe how many people have their first and last names on their MySpace, and want to advertise such things about themselves. BellaDonna
  6. Hi everyone. The past few days I've been posting because I have been so stressed and depressed at the same time and needed to get it out. However, I have investigated things a bit more deeply...talked with others, for the first time a psychologist who was actually willing to listen and not judge (I have had very negative experiences in the past with counsellors.) And I came to a tentative conclusion: I am intelligent.I am driven. I can do well. The reason why I have been able to enlist the help of so many in and out of school had been somewhat due to this reason. But the question always plagued me: WHY does it take so long for me to finish things? Is it because I am not intelligent (a conclusion I have been suggested since I was 5 years old, and my teachers wanted to fail me in grade 2.) But I am possibly one of the most complicated case examples and resist stereotypical generalizations, so you cannot conclude something that is equally simplistic in its explanation. In high school I was then placed in advanced standing classes and graduated with a 91% average. How do you account for this discrepancy? I have received different answers. In any case, now I am determined to prove them wrong. Everyone who suggested I wasn't intelligent. I have dealt with some extremely painful situations as a result, and have come a long way... but I am led to question why. WHY is essay-writing such a painful experience in the interim? Why do I underperform on tests? I can't answer the latter right now. However, regarding the former I feel encouraged because I don't believe it is due to my learning disability entirely. Or even much at all. It may contribute to some extent but the more I think about it, the more I think it is a case of perfectionism. This is what my psychologist suggested in our meeting last week as well, and I am really inclined to believe it. I cannot give up. I become paralyzed because I feel like I never have enough information. I can delay things for months because of this. Nothing is ever satisfactory. But I realized that it is possible. I can write essays. They may not be A-quality upon submission, but who cares? I got it done. The significance of this realization was highlighted today when I received an e-mail from a course group asking to meet. I didn't intend on meeting until next week. But it was necessary now and I had been delaying. As a result, EVERYTHING is screwed for this week. And as a result of this essay, EVERYTHING is pushed back, so it will be very difficult to focus on that meeting. But I have to do it, I don't really have a choice. The realization was that if I had just finished the essay I would have been in a much better situation with regard to this week, and everything. I cannot delay things to this extent. It pushes things back... I have to just move forward, and accept interim disappointments as a result sometimes. So I may not get an A. I am still capable of writing, I just refuse to. I refuse to acknowledge that I can assimilate information, and label it as a 'learning disability' problem. Well I'm not going to do this anymore. Tonight I have a challenge, albeit a hard one because it is 2:00 a.m. right now. But my challenge is to finish this essay. Even if it is not an A. It may be the most difficult challenge because I am knowingly writing something that is not my best shot. But I have to accept it. I have to do this. So my tentative schedule for tonight is as follows: Schedule 2:10-2:40 -- Intro. 2:40-4:20 – Arg. #1 4:30-6:00 – Arg. #2 6:20-9:00 – Arg. #3 9:00-11:00—Arg. #4 11:00-12:00 – Conc./review Thanks for all your support. It will be tough because I don't have an outline yet. I don't know exactly what I am arguing. In the past I would be paralyzed right now and would e-mail my professor telling him it is impossible for me to submit the assignment under the circumstances. But I am not doing that tonight. I may ask for extensions in the future if I see necessary but if so, I will complete them by then because they're reasonable not because it's what I had to do to ensure perfection. Thanks, Lily
  7. Hi guys, So this is a really big step for me... after having an initial consultation (or meeting, whatever the term) last May, I have finally got a call for an opening to see a psychologist at my school (I could have gone sooner actually, but scheduling difficulties over the summer, etc.) In any case, I know some of you know my rantings/difficulties last year. Thus far this year I have been able to manage my life (school, work, family, etc.) better because of a more manageable workload, but I still feel generally stressed. And when I told my best friend that I was thinking of dropping the appointment altogether she said I shouldn't... because what if the same issues come back, and keep re-appearing? I should learn to deal with them at some point. So I thought that was a good point and decided to go. That said, it has been hard for me to even get to this stage because I don't really know why I'm going. Everytime I think of what to say to the psychologist I draw a blank. So I'm going to create a mental checklist... of things I might bring up. I believe it's an hour appt. for now, but since I'm on the roster I could see him/her regularly in the future if need be I suppose. If anyone has any suggestions/thoughts on this, perhaps because you know me/my posts, or have been to a psychologist before and can lend some insight that would be greatly appreciated as well. Here are some potential issues: - I have an obsessive compulsive disorder. I've had it since I was around 11/12 years old (trichotillomania -- pull out my hair.) At the beginning of the year, from Sept -- end of Oct. I was actually doing very well with this, I think a more manageable life really helped me deal with this and my hair started to grow, now shoulder-length. But I notice when I am depressed/stressed I really start to pull... I used to pull for no reason I have a better control and am more aware of that now. But I still pull and my hair has become thinner in the last 2 weeks... so this is a continuous issue. I am also not sure exactly why I pull, I think it may be biological (i.e. chemical imbalance, I am pretty sure it's this) but I don't want to take meds. So...I don't know. Maybe coping strategies? I don't have much hope for this, I realize that it's mostly self-cure at this point as doctors don't know what causes it and remedies aren't known. - This leads to a greater issue: my anxiety. I do not have GAD (I don't believe) but I really feel a lot of anxiety in new situations. I also have a learning disability and apparently this contributes to it (one of the symptoms is extreme anxiety in novel situations..lol.) But I tend to feel things really deeply...I tend to overanalyze and that causes stress for me. Like today a small thing at work caused me to set my schedule back for 4 hrs. because I was deliberating how to problem-solve the situation and the emotional effects of it -- I felt really inadequate. - This leads to another point: Feeling of inadequacy. Perhaps because of my perfectionism, but I have a really low self-esteem at times. I used to be overweight. Now I am actually underweight but I still feel like I should be better... I constantly question my abilities, my appearance, my attractiveness, and there's a history for why this is... teasing when I was younger, introversion, my learning disability and prejudice by teachers because of it when I was younger... but always feeling above-average in intelligence at the same time. Then when I was in high school, I was moved to an enriched program and I was *so* confused, I didn't even know I had a learning disability, so my grades were all over the place. I was winning achievement awards at a provincial level and then failing subjects others thought were so easy....but this still strikes me. I still fail assignments and have fortunately learned to deal with it and not get too down on myself... but then I always think: why is this? Is it me, my innate intelligence, or what are the contributing factors? Why do I respond in such a way, etc... - Also, a practical problem: assignments take me forever. I am getting better at this but I can work for days on something and feel like I still don't know anything, I don't have the "true" understanding of something, I haven't come to the core of whatever I am studying. So I keep reading......for hours on end. It's like information overload. I don't sleep for days sometimes or eat. It's really not.. healthy. I hand in assignments months after the duedate because I feel I simply don't have enough information or enough perspective. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not processing the information correctly/analytically enough, BUT I have learned to deal with this better. But starting assignments is still SO difficult. I can stare at the screen for hours not knowing where to start, there's simply so many ideas......it seems so abstract but putting the abstract into a tangible form is so difficult for me. That's what it feels like. These are just some issues that first come to mind... if anyone wants to comment or add something, that would be cool. Otherwise it's just a personal checklist for myself so I am a bit more organized instead of just splurting out my personal history or something lol... Thanks, Lily
  8. The other day I went to my little girl's daycare centre. She is 2.5 and she is taking "playball" classes. They teach the little ones how to balance and handle all kinds of ball related activities. These activities teach them about taking turns, about teamwork, self discipline and lots of other good qualities. Anyway, they were doing a 3 session evaluation of the kids, and the teacher split them up in groups of 5. I was allowed to watch through a nearby window where the kids could not see me. The teacher would show the kids the activity, and then she would ask if anybody wanted to try it first. Being toddlers they all just looked at her, too scared to go first. She would then call on by name to see if they would go first, and my little Alexis with her extroverted personality (trait she got from her dad) goes first. I felt a little indignant after the 3rd or fourth time that they called her to do it first, since it is sometimes a bit difficult, although she always got it right….. Because the other kids had the benefit of watching this activity being done over and over before getting their turn, where she only got to see it once. But she was fine. However, what go to me is a little boy in her group, The teacher told me he's shy, He never made eye contact with anybody, would wonder off all the time, and had to be called back to sit. When called for his turn to do the activity, he would just stand there and no amount of coaxing or pleading would make him take part. The teacher would then loose interest and focus her attention on the next child. One activity was she would roll the ball and the toddler would have to run after it and stop it by placing two hands on it. The teacher rolled the ball, the little boy did not respond, and then she focused on the next child. While they were focused elsewhere, to my amazement I saw the little boy stroll to the ball and do the exercise. Nobody saw. This kept happening with a few exercises. My question: do you guys think he has a disorder of some kind, is he just shy, and will this go away by itself? I felt so sorry for this poor child. Just because he didn't respond as quick as the others, he was really not getting the kind of attention that he needed, instead of loud encouragement, and repetitive insistence, in my opinion he needed quiet loving guidance and gentle encouragement. It was very obvious that he could not focus on the activity at hand, but it was also very obvious that he knew exactly what was going on around him while seeming like he was not paying attention.
  9. Out of curiosity.... you go to a relationship site, put up an ad, and try to meet people. When would be a good time to reveal a disability? Too early, and you look vulnerable to the predator-types or you lose prospective mates who assume the wrong things. Too late and you look like you're hiding things. Any ideas? (not dating yet - but I am wondering about this)
  10. I posted about a job I had received here a week ago, well I today I lost it and i felt it was unjustifiable and here's why... 15 minutes after I had arrived, I was working dilligently when my supervisor and the manager called me into the office. They sat me down and told me I was terminated. They said the reason why they came to this decision was because they felt that I was "overqualified" for the job and I would eventually get bored and lose focus and end making a critical error. They said that they picked from my deameanor that I found the job mundane and below my skill level. Which is kind of true however I always do the best at everything. I decided even though i found the reason kind of dodgy and just decided to let it go. But then I get home and about an hour so later I get a phone call from the temp agency that placed me there. According to the temp agency, the company that I working for said I had fallen asleep on the job!!! WHICH IS NOT TRUE What the hell happened?? I put everthing I had in that in that job, did everthing they told me do,and they still give me the sack as if I totally screwed them over. I am beyond furious right now, how can people justify doing something like this! What do you guys suggest should I pursue legal action or just let it go. I think I should also mention I have disability that I never disclosed and I feel I may have been fired due the attributes that go with the disability. So as right now I am at a loss,frustrated and back to square one with job search.
  11. My girlfriend has to go in for tests today at her psychiatrist's office. They're testing her for learning disabilities that might have come from a car accident like… ten years ago. She doesn't remember what it's called but she said it has something to do with the order of things and how she gets things out of order and orders things or something. She says she doesn't think it's dyslexia. Does anyone know what they could possibly be testing her for? Thanks so much for your help.
  12. I have been with my boyfriend for six months now. We communicate pretty well, I think. We always talk our problems out. It's a long-distance relationship, so we have to trust each other a lot. One of his social activities is going to strip clubs with his buddies. It's really the only way that he can feel included by the guys (he has a disability, so it's been hard for him to make friends), so he doesn't want to jeopardize his "guy time" by saying no. I absolutely HATE the idea of him paying skanks to take their clothes off so he can oogle at their naked bodies. In my opinion the entire point of being in a relationship is to be committed to one woman. That includes saving anything sexual for HER! He says it's just a part of who he is, but I can't buy that excuse. It honestly really hurts me that he'd purposely go out and do something that he knows makes me feel unworthy and unwanted. He doesn't see it like that. What can I do to fix this problem?
  13. hey people, i am in my teen years, but i am mature and have had sexual intercourse and things related to this. it is all good and well but i am disabled and in a wheelchair. i have a problem called Athrogryposis this means (muscel disformatey) my boyfriend enjoys sex with me but i am starting to feel really down about it all, because he would like to explore new things and i would too, but things tend to go wrong a lot and thereforeeee kills the moment completley. and this is getting me depressed and loss of all self confidence, like when we have sex missionary everything is good and goes well but, on valentines day i went to his and his parents went out and he was kissing me on the couch and asked me up to his room so, yer we went to his room but obviously i cant just run up the stairs, i have to go hands and knees, and he was like removing my clothes ect... but it took a few mins to get up the stairs which made me feel worse, then when we got in his room i sat on his bed with him and it kicked off from there, he wanted me to strip but i can't do tht well so we agreed to make it fun and do each other so he took off my remainin layers, and i atempted to make me takin his off 'fun' if you could call it that, i can't really use my arms and shoulders so everything i done went wrong. he didn't mind but i did, i felt useless and horrible. he then wanted to change position while havin sex and that was a mess too, he ses he dont mind but i cnt take how usless and crap i feel, please help me feel better i'm crying out for help here, i feel sick when i look in the mirror i hate the way i am, how can he love me??? i can't do nothing proper/sexi/good x x
  14. Hey everyone, This may seem off-topic, but I was wondering if anyone else has a physical disability, and if so .. how does that affect your sex life? (In case you were wondering, I am asking because I have a physical disability...) Thanks!
  15. I have this friend. He is a really sweet guy. I had been dating my current boyfriend for about a year or so before I met him. He always made it clear that if me and my boyfriend H, ever broke up, that he would want to date me. It gets sort of complicated in that he has muscular distrophy and is in a wheel chair and can't really leave the house, or if he does its pretty much only for drs appts and stuff... Well me and H decided to get married. I love him so much.. But now my friend is hurt and upset and really short tempered with me lately.. I know he liked me, but he has known for as long as I have known him that I am in a relationship and it even then was pretty serious. He keeps saying how depressed he is, that he will never find someone. No one wants to deal with his disability. That is totally not the case though.. If I had not been with H and in love with him, I might have ended up dating my friend.. He is so depressed though and no matter what I say its wrong.. He keeps saying he is sure now he will never get married and have a family and all that.. And I want to listen to him and help him all I can, but indirectly he keeps blaming me.. He has never said it right out, but certian comments makes me feel that way.. He really is a great guy, smart, cute, funny.. I know he could easily find a Gf if he didn't act like your dating his disability.. instead of him. It is a big complication and does effect his life a lot.. But he is a great guy. I just don't know what to say to make him know he is and that I can't be with him.. Not because of a disability, but because I love someone else. I have said it pretty much like that several times.. But always the same thing that he is going to be alone forever, no matter what.. And he always says if me and H break up he would love to date me.. I don't want him waiting around for me to end it with H because I am not going to. And I don't want to feel guilty, that he doesn't have anyone.. And I don't want my friend wishing I would break up with my bf all the time.. I just don't know what to say or do anymore..
  16. My mother keeps saying she's thick. This isn't just a one off, said in jest, as in, "Oops, I've made a mistake, am I thick or what?" - she's very serious. It's mainly that she thinks she's thick because she says she can't spell. She can spell but like many of us, she occasionally gets some letters transposed or if it's an unfamiliar word, it may be wrong but it's nothing huge. I have to add here that it's her who is always making an issue of her spellings, it's not coming from anyone else. In addition to her spellings, whenever she wants to do something, for instance such as her wanting to download a free Sudoku program she'd read about in a reputable computer magazine. She's asked me to do it for her, suffixing her sentence with "... I can't do that because I'm thick." She's perfectly capable of doing this herself and she's downloaded things from the Internet before. I've refused to do it for her but, like on the other occasions, I've said I'll be there with her while she does it herself. Whenever she's said things like, "You're going to have to do that for me because I can't," or "I can't do that because I'm thick." I've encouraged her because I know she can do the task and I've said that she isn't thick. But this keeps happening with alarming frequency and I'm wondering if I should now start to change my response since what I'm saying is only serving to increase her claims. I've even wondered if I should actually agree with her and tell her to sort herself out! But that's not in my nature yet, I know Mum is perfectly able and capable. She has no obstacles such as disability, she's up to date with her visual prescription so there's no problems there. It's crossed my mind that she's trying to keep me 'emotionally close' although I'm not going anywhere or it's some form of attention seeking. She's only 55 by the way. I despair! She sounds like the pupils who I work with at school who give up on a task before even trying but they stop short of calling themselves thick. Any input will be gratefully received. Thank you
  17. I have recently been diagnosed with one... a "non-verbal learning disability." I'm not really sure how it has affected me... I graduated high school with a 90% average (4.0) GPA, received a scholarship to a top university, was president of various things in high school, etc... but now in university find it hard to keep up. I'm not sure how much is attributed to my learning disability... apparently I should have a hard time with reading comprehension but I'm a good reader... it seems very paradoxical for me and hard to understand. I've talked with a learning strategist and psychologist at my university, but they're more than happy to just shove stereotypes at me, and basically questioned my desire to pursue law school... I did take a learning disability assessment and my IQ was only said to be "average" with many components "below" (I suppose due to my learning disability... i.e. my memory was relatively weak, although some components were also above average, some verbal & arithmetic skills.) My sessional GPA last year was sufficient to graduate "with high distinction", but cumulative merely average due to a rough first year adjustment... I know successful people with dyslexia, one of whom is an amazing student politician and friend of mine, but I don't really understand how dyslexia affects people's intelligence, if it does at all. It makes you see words/letters backwards, but is that it? It doesn't seem that bad, does it affect your reading comprehension, verbal skills or math abilities? Supposedly Einstein even had it.. and Stephen Speilberg and many other successful people... If people feel comfortable and would be willing to share their experiences in work and/or academic settings, that might help me out... I feel very much at a crossroads and don't know who to believe -- the counsellors who don't seem like they want to try to understand or assist me with my goals, or my professors who see potential in me and encourage me to pursue things I'm not sure are possible...
  18. Hey My names martyn, I am 17 years of age I'm having a couple of problems and I just want to get some advice, the problem is I feel depressed alot and I can't help it it makes me so I cant concentrate at most thing people would be able to do easy such as put things together for example I have to do things slow which makes me feel worst when offer people are watching I try to hide my problems from public but by doing so I cant really act myself, my social life aint very good I used to be able to just talk to people freely now its like I have to think deep for what to say instead of a natural reaction (like most people do when u talk together) I have little self confidence if any and because of that well round hear (yes I really do hate it) allot of people who meet me for the first time think im gay or something I just don't no what to say so I try being polite so as not give away my depression but somehow on first meetings people do get the wrong idea is just like that round hear (your meant to be tough act something your not) allot of people do that act tough and just say thing that..just aint happened I don't no why but I don't ant to chat big act like something I'm not im constantly having to try prove myself and no matter how hard I try I just cant seem to do anything like for example my m8s aren't the type of mates u can talk to about problems and stuff there just average lads even if I did speak to just 1 of them in like to days the rest of them would no and just make fun..i think the reason I care so much for over people is because I no what its like having no-one to talk to when u have problems makes me soft hearted I dont no if this is a good or bad thing maybe both cuss people always take advantage of yah when ur weak..I'm always feeling left out all people round hear show off with football tricks and stuff like that..(I cant play football) so I just feel left out I don't no if its something to do with my dyslexic disability or what foot and ball coordination, but anyway I just feel worthless I spent last year at college I failed my course I just couldn't concentrate, my best m8 passed I can talk to him well I think I can but I just wouldn't its non of his business hes got his own things to worry about. When ever I talk to somebody I find it hard to look them in the face and if I do manage to get the courage to do so it feels like my eyes just want to automatically turn away so sometimes I turn away when I'm talking to someone I just cant help it, if someone tells I joke I usually don't find it funny I just put on a fake laugh, most of the time when I talk I stutter I no what to say but I just stutter this makes me feel like a prat and most people makes jokes sometimes so I just focus on not stuttering then I forget what to say if it was up too me I'd just sit in my house allday and do nothing but go on my pc but I've learned from experience that will only make me worst so I just try and get out and just talk to people try have a joke, sometimes I can make it through the day actually chatting to someone and somedaya I just don't have a clue what to say well that's all im going to write the story goes on but that's just long... well thanks for reading my life story lol hope u can help me out And thanks
  19. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my kids around here before but I've never gone into much detail. I have a 5yr old son and a 3yr old daughter. My kids are both awesome shorties (their nicknames, big shortie and little shortie). They are generally fun to be around, totally crazy, and make me smile everyday. My son can be a challenge though, and reading the articles that were on the front page the other day sorta brought all of it to the front of my mind again. See D has some sort of developmental disability. We have no exact diagnosis, despite the many docs he's seen. It's gone from PDD (pervasive developmental disorder) to outright autism, to his latest doc saying the autism diagnosis for him is bunk and that it's severe developmental dyspraxia with a speech delay and maybe some adhd thrown in. All I know is that he's been in special ed for over 2 years now and isn't making close to the progress that was projected when he started. He can talk, but not to the level that my 3yr old can (though she's a total chatterbox anyway), he can write his name, and he kicks my butt on any videogame we've played, heck I use him to figure out the puzzles that I can't. At the same time he hasn't been able to pottytrain, he can't understand almost any concept that isn't completely concrete (if I can show it to him he gets it, if it's something that can only be explained with words it's hopeless), he has trouble controlling any sort of impulse he gets, he's generally speaking way behind kids his age and even those a year or two younger. The thing is that I feel like I'm always dealing with two kids. There's the D I know, who when we are at home or just hanging out is a really cool kid. He sports a mohawk after begging for one and I probably have the only 5yr old who I can bribe with a promise of letting him wear the mohawk up. He loves to play drums and listen to music. He can be a handful and hard to control at times but it is my norm that he is like that and it's never so bad that I can't deal. In fact as he's gotten older he's become the more mellow of my two. Then there's the D who I deal with when talking to the school or his docs. The one who isn't meeting anyones expectations, the one who is broken and needs to be fixed. The one who I have no clue what will happen to him when he moves to his special ed kindergarten this year. The one who is defiant and hard to control because he doesn't do well in group settings and needs one-on-one attention but it's hard to get because apparently his disabilities don't quite warrant that. And then I cry, because this isn't what I pictured. And because I want everyone else to see the awesome kid that I see. But no one else sees that, they just see his disability. No one deals with him as closely as I do so they never seem to learn to really relate to him. Like how someone will ask him a question and he won't be able to answer (he has almost no grasp on answering why or how type questions) but I know how to word it in a way that he can. Or how he so badly wants to play with other kids on the playground but because he has trouble talking with them they run away or tell D to go away. Because of his lack of speech he can be hard to get to know. He seems standoffish because he can't interact well, but he loves hugs and playing pretend, he thinks it's hilarious if someone burps, if his sister is being a pest in the car he'll tell her to stop or that I'll turn the car around, he loves for me to snuggle him to sleep each night, and so many other things that you can't see unless you look past the lack of speech and impulse control to the kid who is really there. Then I cry because I don't know what to expect for him and I just want to keep him home with me and around people who do understand him. I worry everytime we get into a new situation because I know I'll have to explain and then people will treat him differently. Or I will just not be able to bring him along because no one will understand or even try too. I also cry because there are so many things I wish I could do with him but while he's the right age he's not emotionally or mentally able to do that stuff. And I worry about what will happen down the road? Will he really get past this like I keep being told or will he always be so far behind and never able to normally interact with society? I keep reading articles and books where parents learn to accept this and move on but I just have never been able too, not completely anyway. I mean when it's just D at home it's not even an issue. It's just everytime we have to go to yet another doc or another IEP meeting that these issues come up for me. I just want everyone to know the kid inside, the one who seems trapped by his lack of speech. I know that kid and he's awesome, but almost no one else does. And I hate that, I hate everything about it.
  20. Hi everyone, I'm sot of hoping someone can give me some prespective. I'm a girl with a physical disability, who has always excelled at everything. My life has been great up to this point. Sure, it was hard to accept in the beginning, but eventually I didn't give my disability the chance to limit my dreams. I recently got into my dream university, and everything was perfect. However, this being the first time living away from home, it has been a horrible experience. Getting around campus has been a real challenge, and I often found myself getting stressed and thus, sick. This brought about me missing classes and thus, getting behind. To sum it all, this has been the worst I've ever done in my academic career. In turn, my confidence is shattered, and I find myself wondering why I am even here. My career goals don't seem realistic anymore, because this year's marks are definitely not going to help me get there. I don't know what to do. I feel as if I should just give up. I find myself getting depressed and sort of giving up on things before I even try. Can anyone tell me how to get out of this phase of my life as the person I was once?
  21. I need some place to vent and I haven't done it in about 5 months, so to all of the people who feel like I do tell me what explinations do you have about why life sucks. I think it sucks because you are supposed to fit in a certian category or be an outcast. Finding love is about as easy for us as algebra to a 3 year old. There seems to be a lot more downs than ups. Now I can hear the none believers doubting me now. For example why is it you can have a nice attitude and smile everyday, and still be dateless, while the nastiest attitude having smuck who treats people like trash just has to have good looks and every "looks doesn't matter to me" liar just gravitate towards that kind of person. Why when somebody in your family dies 1 or 2 good things happen, and then the rest of the time 30 more bad things happen? How does that even out, and it be really insignificant; like you get shot and never walk again but look at the good side you just got court money ever though you can't walk and your probably going to have to spend most of it on your disability. Yeah ain't life grand. Now I'm probably going to hear from some obvious mug say "Life isn't fair" You have to live with it. All I can say to you is No s*** sherlock how did you manage to stumble on to the answer everybody already freaking knows.
  22. Hello. I met my husband in high school and we have been together for almost 10 years now. For the past 10 years he has never been able to keep a job. His parents and brothers have the same problem. We have a son who is now 6 and for the first 4 years of his life he stayed home and took care of him while I went to work. 2 years ago I found out that I suffered from manic depression and I had to quit my job. I began collecting disability and he worked for a short time. I became pregnant again and when my daughter was born 1 year ago he was laid off, ever since he has not returned to work, so he worked all together for about 6 months! So we are both living off of our parents and my disability money. I have been thinking about returning to work but Im scared of getting really sick again, I need my health to care for my children. Also, I dont think I could make more money now than I receive with disability since I can't work in such a stressful environment. He doesnt have any friends, he doesnt go out, he just wants to be with us all the time. He's not a bad person, he is very good to my children and me. I don't know what to do to get him motivated. My children deserve better financially! Please help!
  23. Hi I'm a guy I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I'm nit the kind of person to come on a board like this and post my problems. but here I am. Ok here it is I have a disability I only have one eye and I'm kinda ugly. that makes getting a girl real hard. I'm 17 and I have never had a girlfriend. most of my best friends are online they all tell me the same thing oh your going to find a great girl someday and she will be so luck to be with you and all that. well what about all those people who grow up and die and never even find a girl to settle down with. what about them hu? I mean I'm sure some of them were told the same thing. of you will find a girl don't worry. But did they? no. so what makes me any different. oh well anyway I don't know what I'm going to do but I'll figure something out...I mean I'm a nice guy I'm not one of those Ass grabbers I treat girls with respect. there are girls that I really like and one that I like a lot but none of them ever like me the same way in return. well pleas feel free to reply say anything you want. if anyone knows the secret to finding the secret to what ever I am doing wrong please by all means tell me. Thanks.
  24. I'm looking for any previous or current litigation where a Plaintiff diagnosed with ADD/ADHD has filed a complaint of disability discrimination. Specifically, I'm interested in how the courts consider ADD/ADHD as a disability - where there has been recognition that the disorder can be an impairment to a major life function. I have filed such a discrimination complaint in the US District Court in Denver, Colorado. Any sharing of information would be appreciated. John W.
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