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  1. My question is for anyone. Why does a guy wish to share his wife/girlfriend with someone else.? we are not taking about swinging here but the pleasure of watching him wife with another men. for ever my husband has asked me to have sex with some of his Friends and i always said no way well 6 month ago i said OK and to my surprise it was Very good. I have had several partners and many repeats,i feel super,not slutty at all, i am far more sexual then i ever thought i was, i have sex all the time,i lost 10 lbs lol. i feel great and it shows.My relation with my husband is equally great, our sex life is hotter then ever,we are closer then ever as well,we talk and hell we even listen.. many of our Friends know about our lifestyle and it sure add to the trill,we dint put it in your face but we don't over hide it as well. i am one of those that has to understand the why for everything, so why is our relation so much better now,why i feel so in control and so...alive your thoughts please. Susan
  2. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 5 months and i’ve been doubting the relationship for 3 of them (we first met in 8th grade). i have no female friends so it’s hard for me to get perspective, but i don’t feel like my girlfriend would ever be my wife. she’s only my 2nd relationship, but i think i already know behaviors that make me feel most loved. i feel she filters out the nuance of who i am as a person, and she seems unaware of how i really think. for starters, she dosent hear/filters out/dosent respond to a lot of what i say, and it’s soul crushing. my comments and attempts at conversation feel meaningless 70% of the time, and it’s soul crushing. i ask her if i talk to much and she insists i don’t, so it’s probably out of her control. she claims she has ADD, and i understand that may be why, but i have diagnosed ADHD, and likely autism or at the very least am an HSP, and am hyper aware of her every word and action down to minute body language. it’s possible we’re both autistic but maybe different types? she’s also not comforting at all, and has told me she has issues with comforting others. for example when we were talking about high school, a girl who sexually assaulted me came up. this girl was known to be weird and mentally ill. i told her how deeply uncomfortable i feel every time i think of the incident, and her response was “then don’t”. again, totally crushed me. she’s also talks a lot of *** about others and has friends that do too. as far as the bedroom, i’m not really satisfied, and when i try to express to her what i want, she goes into a depression and shuts down. i don’t know how to teach her how to get on top how i’d like, and i think her scoliosis may be a factor. i can’t help but fantasize about what’s out there. i don’t have an explicit type, but i go crazy for hip sway and larger jiggly butts, and hers is not overly small, but stiff with rigid hips (i know this is stupid and specific) tl;dr i could go on and on into more issues i have but i just want a girl that’s nice, comforting, and attentive. i feel like im tormenting myself by staying in the highs and lows of my relationship, and am afraid i’ll go into a depression/regret if i break up. i plan to get a therapist soon. my gf wants to get married and talks about our future kids at least once every two days in passing. i just want to cry because i don’t know what to do, i crave the type of love i’ve been wanting and can’t go the rest of my life without it.
  3. Something I have noticed and have wondered about. I notice alot of guys including my ex have high regard and admiration for Porn Stars such as Jenna Jameson, Tera Petrick, etc. These women have countless sex on film with anyone and will do anything sexual like gang bangs with 20+ men. Yet I hear guys have talk about them with alot of respect for these women and see them as godesses, alot of guys in entertainment date and marry them.. Yet the same men will call a regular girl who sleeps the worst names,, the S and W word etc and would never date them and look down on them and make fun of their sexual looseness. So can someone please explain this to me?
  4. My partner is generally pretty sexually open and kinky (he enjoys giving me oral, has received anal from me, likes being tied up, tastes his own semen after masturbation, has a golden shower fantasy in which he is the receiver, and is happy with me bringing sex toys into the bedroom), but I really enjoy deep penetration and he has a small member (about 4 or 5 inches). He is also very overweight (to the point where he has to hold the lower part of his belly up before PIV insertion). We've found the best position we enjoy is the my legs on his shoulders one, because he gets to go a bit deeper and I get to feel him a bit more. The problem with this position, however, is that my thighs and hips start to ache and hurt; I think because he is so overweight We bought a penis sleeve / extender but it was a bit too big for me, and we also found that it wasn't very firm so couldn't really be used. I also don't think I've found my "perfect" dildo, as it were, as they just feel uncomfortable for me I was just wondering whether anyone had any specialised knowledge and advice for good penis sleeves / extenders, as well as a possible solution for the pain I get in my hips and thighs from the legs on shoulders position We are in the UK, incase it is relevant
  5. In a rough situation as we moved in together only around 4 months ago, but been dating for more then 7 years, both in our first serious relationship. Trying to be factual as I can, but this could be a novel. Having some real issues in some topics before proposing, but we are communicating about them. We are both in our mid 20s. Our sex life was low after the beginning, because of her having a low libido, and only meeting once or twice a week. She said once we move in together sex will be better as we will be more and more together. I know 4 months is not much, and this brought big and fast changes in our life as we just started full-time jobs and leaving everything behind, but sex didn’t change, we had intercourse about twice a month since then, only on weekends and I was the one initating it, as most of the time over the years. She says that it is because we don’t have quality time for each other because of work, tiredness and etc. Also no real passion or care regarding blowjobs, as she don’t like it, only sometimes. We have intimacy, but mostly that won’t lead to sex. Her parents were not into this topic and were strict, so she were shy, and still can’t be fully chill about it, so I had to show and teach her things. I’m the opposite, as this wasn’t taboo in my life, I can easily communicate about it with anyone. Now that we are in a conflict, there is no sex at all, as her idea is that I’m not commited enough because of our ongoing issues and she don’t want us to sweep our problems under the rug. We talked, she thinks we can resolve this, if we really want to and meet each other needs, missings. My opinion that in unconditional love, I believe that this is valid, that everything can be solved even if it takes a lot of compromise or letting go’s. That’s how we are still together. This whole topic came up because some pressure of engagement, and why am I not ready for it. I honestly told her about all the topics which are in the way since moving together, sex was one of them. She says she feels the same way regarding engagement, as I am about sex. She wants it for years, but since we started dating young, I tried to be realistic and wanted to finish our studies, have a steady income and move in together then engagement and marrying. All and on, I was faithful and commited to her, even when she broke up with me before, because I can’t take the next step in our relationship. Then she acknowledged that she made a mistake and she is deeply in love with me and understands me and my points. At this point I talked about sex issues again, but she said it will be good. I moved on through it, but here we are, as pressure regarding engagement talks are on, again. Our latest talk was as I said previously that she wants to resolve it, so am I, and we should meet each other wishes and decide and commit. Problem is that even though she thinks she will suddenly be a sex champion and I will engage her someday, I don’t think long-term this will be enough, from both of us. I know she really loves me and I love her as well, and somehow we would manage to work it through as we did in these long years, but we will fall back right into it as it is usually. Pressure won’t be less from either side. I’m simply lost and can’t make a decision, and reading through a lot of threads last night, I think my gut is right about it. Even though she will fulfill my needs regarding sex, I don’t think she can be passionate and happy, just because of forcing herself, when she simply just can live without it. I managed also, but I changed and feels like it is really important. This should be an easy-going thing to do and should not create this much stress in my opinion. Part of me is breaking and hers as well, I don’t think we can have this conversation over and over, and have to take a decision soon, but I don’t know if making a quick and unwise one will be the right solution. There is no guarantee, I know, but I have been waiting and waiting for years just like she for me in the other thing, and I don’t think a possible engagement will resolve this, even though she will change. I can still imagine her as my wife after all of this, and willing to fight for us, but I don’t know it will be enough. What is your opinion about this somewhat “special” case regarding the details? Do we really have a shot and can resolve this somehow, or we are just sticking to each other and giving each other false hopes?
  6. I wouldn't say I have been seeing this guy, but we have been out to dinner a couple of times. And we talk/text pretty sporadically. It seems to me, especially based on the memes and content he sends me, that he is looking for a casual sex partner. Which I am perfectly fine with. I like sex. And having someone on tap whose company I enjoy to pursue sex with, when I am in the mood....I am totally game for it. What I am *not* okay with is the whole booty call situation. A quickie in some bathroom somewhere. Or...an 11:30 pm hookup when I am expected to drive home at 2 or 3 in the morning. Those are things that...just aren't my thing. Casual sex, sure. But, last-minute sex? Not so much. A big part of it is I am not always....almost never actually...."ready" for sex. Maybe I ate a lot of garlic and onions all day. Or maybe I was busy working in the yard all day and I am a sweaty mess. More than likely, I haven't shaved my legs....or other things. So, when this guy....or any guy really....wants to hang out on a dime....it's just not that easy. It's like...at least a 3 hour thing for me to get ready. At least. It's not like...."Oh yeah, I'll be there in 15." So, I like to make plans. So that I know what and what not to eat that day. So I know if I need to shower and shave. So that I have enough time for my hair to dry. So that I can make sure to have my lingerie clean. So...over the last couple of months, I have made a number of attempts to get together. Usually very simple and very casual. "Hey I am back in town, so just let me know when you want to get together." This one came after he suggested a get-together but I was out of town, so I let him know I was back in town. Or..."I am free this Sunday, if you don't have any plans." Or things like that. In all these cases....he didn't decline my offers. No, that would be too simple. He would just ignore me. He would ghost for a few days. Maybe a week. "Do you have anything going on, on xyz? I happen to have the day off." Crickets. Nothing until 4 days later. Then, he will reach out, but never actually address my previous questions or suggestions. Okay, he's not interested in hooking up. Fine. Only then...a few days later, he will be like, "Are your roommates home? Want company?" or "Come on over." (at aforementioned 11 o clock at night) I guess I just don't get it. Like....if he isn't available....why not just say you aren't available? And maybe suggest another day? Why just disappear entirely with no response? Why ghost?
  7. Hey guys It's me Lucy again, so basically I started talking to this new guy name Adrian he's a senior at my school super cute and super sweet (or so I thought). So me and Adrian had sex and he treated me so gently and sweetly and kindly, He took me to the park afterward and we chilled and flirted and had a good time, we enjoyed each other's company I can tell he felt very comfortable with me. He even wanted to continue to meet up bc he was talking about giving me kids in the future etc. So then a few days later we were flirting and texting and we were planning on meeting up again and in the middle of our planning he ghosted and left me on sent and he turned off his activity off on Instagram. He even kept looking at my posts whenever I would post on insta but didn't text me back. So I confronted him in person in the halls at school and It didn't go well at all he would not make eye contact with me whenever I tried to ask him If I did anything wrong to cause him to not want to talk to me. He would just shrug it off and say oh i didn't feel like responding but not look me in the eye whenever I tried to make eye contact with him. Then the situation escalated and he literally ran away from me in the halls and then his friend tried to help me out to help me get my answers, so his friend gave me Adrian's number and I called him and he picked up but hung up on me when I asked him whats up. So his friend called Adrian from his phone for me and Adrian picked up and told me over the phone the cowardly way why he ghosted me. So then today I confronted him again wanting to why he did all that *** for no reason and once again he kept avoiding eye contact with me and kept trying to distract himself from looking at me. I don't understand this why ? Do yall think he feels a least some type of guilt??
  8. I need some advice and do not know who to turn to. Firstly I am a guy (bottom) who has a boyfriend for almost 3 months now. My boyfriend is extremely experienced when it comes to sex. He always talks about his sexual past and history and also erotic things that he wants to do with me. However, I find my self in a situation where I constantly have to beg him for sex or even foreplay. He shows me that he is not interested however when I get upset about it which is almost daily, he apologies and say that he wants to and it is all in my mind. I am 25 and he is 41. I really like him, but I also want a sexual relationship. I have broken up with him twice and as soon as I do so hours later, he will travel to another city to have sex with someone else and it is always the same guy. Every time I ask him why it is so easy for him to do it he say the issue is I am way too tight for him. He says that he feels like he is struggling to have sex because it is hard for him to slide in easily but this is not my fault. Also I must add that he is a narcissist like really really bad but I am trying to accept him for who he is Can I get some advise because I really do not know what to do.
  9. It all began in July 2021 when we first met in person during a university group gathering. Prior to that, all our interactions were on Zoom due to the pandemic. I found him intriguing and later reached out, asking if he would like to go out for dinner sometime. He accepted the invitation, and at our first meeting, we shared our first kiss. As time passed, we had more meetings, and our relationship progressed to a sexual level. We began seeing each other around 1-2 times a week, and after three months, I felt the need to discuss the future of our relationship. During this conversation, he expressed his desire for our journey to lead towards a committed relationship, and he reiterated this sentiment multiple times in subsequent discussions. However, by December 2021, I decided it was time to have a clear definition of our relationship status. I told him that it had to be either a genuine relationship or nothing at all. He responded by saying he wanted to be in a relationship but couldn't fully commit at that moment, without being certain why he felt hesitant. I gave him a week to think things over, and he eventually called to tell me he didn't want to lose me. So, we agreed to label our connection as a relationship, and that was the state of things as of December 2021. Three months later, in April 2022, after nearly nine months of dating, he called me one evening to reveal that he had just ended his long-distance relationship of 500 km over the phone. He admitted that he had wanted to break up for a while but had been afraid to do so. He realized he had been leading a double life and acknowledged his selfishness in the situation. He said he was a coward and sorry for what he did to me and to his ex-girlfriend. Through our later conversations, I learned more about his previous long-distance relationship, which lacked a fulfilling sex life and was burdened by his partner's struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Since then, we've been together and living together for over a year. Our relationship has deepened, and we've become integrated into each other's social circles, traveled together, and experienced a lot as a couple. I've never been so invested in a relationship before, and I'm currently content and happy with how things are going. Given this background, I'm curious to know if anyone else would have given a second chance in my situation, and if so, what their reasons might have been.
  10. Hi I slept with an r& b singer from the late 80s til late 90s. He's in a famous group from back then. We started chatting yrs ago.We didn't live in the same state but mos later I just happen to move to the same big city he is in. We met face to face for the first time in Jan.I met him at a 5 star hotel. Once we had sex he made up the bed so I wouldn't get back in. So we were going hook up again. We still keep in touch. I know what you will say.Anyway he only will hook up if he could come to my house. Now why can't he get a room like before? He is the one with the money. When asked if I'm home alone I said no. He stopped replying. I even said I'll come meet you he ddnt reply.
  11. The question on your mind, and perhaps on the tip of your tongue, is "Do steroids make you horny?" It's a tantalizing topic that has stirred many debates, raising eyebrows, and provoking countless locker-room gossips. However, the answer isn't as straightforward or salacious as you might think. Let's embark on a journey, tackling the science behind the influence of steroids on sexual desire, and the myriad of ways these potent substances can affect your libido. I'll also be sharing a personal story, where a close friend found herself caught in a tumultuous sea of steroids and libido alterations. Understanding Steroids: A Quick Primer First, it's essential to clarify what we mean when we discuss "steroids." The term is often colloquially used to describe anabolic-androgenic steroids (AAS), a group of synthetic substances that mimic testosterone, the primary male sex hormone. AAS is commonly associated with athletes and bodybuilders for their performance-enhancing capabilities. However, "steroids" can also refer to corticosteroids, a class of drugs used for their potent anti-inflammatory properties in the treatment of conditions like asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, and lupus. For the purpose of this article, we'll focus on anabolic-androgenic steroids, the testosterone-mimicking substances frequently implicated in discussions around libido alterations. But remember, this isn't just a simple A leads to B scenario. The relationship between steroids and sexual desire is as complex as the hormonal systems they interact with. Unraveling the Complexity: Steroids and Your Sex Drive Given that testosterone plays a significant role in sexual desire in both men and women, one might surmise that substances mimicking testosterone would naturally increase libido. However, the reality is much more complex. The effects of steroids on sex drive can vary, depending on a range of factors such as dosage, individual physiological differences, duration of use, and even the specific type of steroid used. These substances can potentially increase libido in some cases, yet equally, they might decrease or have no impact on sexual desire in other circumstances. Let's delve deeper. A good friend of mine, a fitness enthusiast, decided to experiment with steroids in a bid to enhance her performance. Early in her steroid use, she reported a noticeable increase in her libido, consistent with the idea that anabolic steroids can have a testosterone-like effect on sexual desire. It seemed to validate the claim that steroids could make you hornier. However, this phase didn't last long. As she continued to use steroids, her libido began to fluctuate wildly, and she started to experience periods of low sex drive, challenging the initial notion. It was a stark reminder that our bodies are finely tuned machines. They thrive on balance, and disrupting this balance, such as through the introduction of artificial hormones, can lead to unforeseen and often contradictory effects. Steroids and The Paradox of Hormonal Balance This paradox isn't just a peculiar one-off experience. It's deeply rooted in the complexities of the human endocrine system. The body's production of hormones is a tightly controlled process, functioning within a delicate feedback mechanism known as the hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal (HPG) axis. When levels of certain hormones rise, this axis signals the body to slow production, maintaining a precise balance. Ingesting anabolic steroids can cause an influx of hormones that resemble testosterone. The HPG axis interprets this increase and sends a signal to reduce natural testosterone production. When the body's natural production drops, it can lead to a host of unexpected outcomes, including changes in mood, physical appearance, and yes, libido. Highs, Lows, and Everything In-Between: The Impact of Steroid Use on Libido Initially, steroids can indeed boost libido due to their testosterone-mimicking properties. This increase often accompanies other short-term effects such as enhanced mood and energy levels. But, the key phrase here is "short-term". This honeymoon phase can quickly give way to less desirable consequences as the body attempts to recalibrate its hormonal balance. In the medium to long term, continued steroid use can lead to decreased natural testosterone production. This decline can manifest in reduced libido, a stark contrast to the initial boost. Moreover, the body's attempt to restore balance can result in mood swings, anxiety, and depression, all of which can further dampen sexual desire. My friend's experience aligned with this pattern, her initial increase in libido eventually giving way to periods of low sex drive and mood instability. The Aftermath: What Happens When You Stop? One might assume that these effects would simply reverse once you stop using steroids, but unfortunately, it's not that simple. The body's endocrine system can take weeks, months, or even years to recover fully. During this recovery period, users can experience a prolonged slump in libido, alongside other withdrawal symptoms like fatigue, restlessness, and depression. My friend experienced a roller coaster of emotions and physical changes during her withdrawal phase. While her libido gradually returned to normal, it was a challenging journey filled with a host of unexpected twists and turns. Steroids and Women: A Special Mention While this article focuses on the general effects of steroids on libido, it's important to note that these substances can have distinct effects in women. Women produce lower natural levels of testosterone than men, and introducing a testosterone-like substance can lead to a range of unique side effects, including changes in menstrual cycles, deepening of the voice, and increased body hair, alongside changes in libido. This is yet another layer of complexity to consider in the steroids and libido discussion. If you're a woman considering steroid use, be aware that these substances can cause a range of gender-specific effects, some of which may be irreversible. Concluding Thoughts: More Than Just Libido at Stake In the quest to answer the question, "Do steroids make you horny?", we've journeyed through a landscape of endocrine system intricacies, personal experiences, and complex realities. It's clear that steroids can influence libido in ways that are both surprising and unpredictable, defying simple explanations. More importantly, this journey highlights the complexity of our bodies and the potential risks of introducing potent substances like steroids without a thorough understanding of their impacts. Steroids can have a wide range of effects on our physical and mental health, extending far beyond changes in libido. As my friend learned through her experience, it's crucial to approach the use of substances like steroids with caution, informed awareness, and preferably under medical guidance. Our bodies are finely balanced systems, and what might seem like a simple solution to one problem can often introduce a host of new challenges. At the end of the day, sexual health and overall wellness are not standalone aspects of our existence. They are interwoven into the complex tapestry of our physical, emotional, and psychological health. Be sure to consider this interconnectedness when making decisions that could significantly impact your wellbeing. Recommended Resources 1. "Anabolic Steroids and the Athlete" by William N. Taylor, MD 2. "Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big" by Jose Canseco 3. "The Adonis Complex: How to Identify, Treat and Prevent Body Obsession in Men and Boys" by Harrison G. Pope, Katharine A. Phillips, Roberto Olivardia
  12. Embrace the Unconventional The term 'freak in bed' can be quite perplexing, laden with negative connotations and often misinterpreted. But what if we could redefine it? What if being a 'freak in bed' means embracing your authentic self, exploring your desires, and creating a unique, shared experience that's bound to set the sheets ablaze? In the end, it all boils down to knowing yourself, understanding your partner, and breaking free from the shackles of 'normal'. Let's embark on this journey of sexual self-discovery together and explore 7 unconventional (yet effective) strategies to becoming a bedroom dynamo. 1. Open Communication: A Springboard to the Unknown Open communication is like the solid foundation of a mighty skyscraper; it keeps everything together. It's not just about asking what your partner likes or dislikes, but also about expressing your desires without fear or shame. It involves constant feedback, active listening, and genuine respect for boundaries. Whether you want to try something new or just express your wildest fantasies, a hearty, judgement-free conversation can be the key that unlocks the door to the unknown. 2. Unleashing the Power of Imagination If you think about it, our mind is the biggest sexual organ we possess. In the throes of passion, it's not just our bodies that intertwine, but also our fantasies, desires, and even fears. There's no limit to the vast landscape of sexual imagination. Role play, erotic literature, or simply sharing your fantasies - these are potent tools to stimulate the mind and ignite passion in the bedroom. 3. Experimentation: Your Ticket to Pleasure Island Sex is not a one-size-fits-all experience, it's more like a smorgasbord of sensations waiting to be explored. Each of us has different tastes and preferences. Embracing that diversity and nurturing curiosity can open up a whole new world of erotic possibilities. Different positions, incorporating toys, or venturing into a bit of kink can inject novelty and fun into your lovemaking. Remember, experimentation is about exploration, not expectation. The journey is just as important, if not more, than the destination. 4. Senses: Your Gateway to Ecstasy Often in our quest to reach the pinnacle of pleasure, we forget the journey that leads us there. The five senses - touch, sight, taste, smell, and hearing - are your faithful allies in this voyage. Slow down, take time to explore, and utilize every sense at your disposal. From a sensual massage to a seductive whisper, the magic of senses can elevate your sexual experience to new heights. 5. Emotional Connection: The Invisible Thread Despite what mainstream culture often portrays, sex is not merely a physical act. It's a potent form of communication, a language spoken by two bodies and, importantly, two souls. An emotional connection can turn a good sexual encounter into an unforgettable one. This connection might be borne out of love, trust, respect, or even shared vulnerability. Emotional intimacy can make you feel safe, allowing you to let go of inhibitions and truly express yourself in bed. 6. Be Present: Here and Now The bedroom is no place for a wandering mind. It's easy to get caught up in thoughts - worrying about performance, dwelling on insecurities, or contemplating tomorrow's to-do list. The key is to ground yourself in the present moment. Focus on the feel of your partner's skin, the taste of their lips, the sound of their breathing. Being fully present not only enhances your senses but also creates a profound connection between you and your partner. 7. Prioritize Pleasure Over Performance Perhaps one of the most perplexing notions we have around sex is the focus on performance. The constant pressure to 'perform' can take a heavy toll on our sexual experiences. Remember, sex is not a test or a competition; it's a celebration of pleasure. Prioritize pleasure over performance, listen to your body, let go of unrealistic expectations, and savor every moment of the journey. Personal Experience: The Shift from 'Normal' to 'Freak' I remember the time when the term 'freak in bed' used to frighten me. For me, like many others, the bedroom was a realm of routine, a dance that followed the same steps, over and over. It was comfortable, but it lacked the spark. One day, I decided to take the plunge. I started to communicate more openly with my partner, not just about our physical needs but also our fantasies, our insecurities, our hopes. It was scary at first, letting down my guard, but it was also incredibly liberating. Then we began to experiment, starting small and gradually trying new things. We began to focus on our senses, slowing down, savoring every touch, every sound, every moment. We allowed ourselves to connect on a deeper level, emotionally, mentally, and sexually. And most importantly, we began to let go of the idea of performance and started to celebrate our pleasure. And you know what? It changed everything. Sex became something more than just a physical act. It became an adventure, a connection, a celebration. Being a 'freak in bed' no longer seemed like a daunting idea but an exciting exploration of my own sexuality. Own Your 'Freak' So there you have it, my friends. 7 unconventional ways to become a true bedroom dynamo. But remember, this journey is not about becoming someone else; it's about embracing your authentic self. Each of us is a 'freak' in our own unique way. And that's something to celebrate. So take the plunge, be a 'freak', and revel in your sexuality. Remember, there are no rules, only guidelines. What works for one may not work for others. Experiment, communicate, connect, and most importantly, enjoy the journey. After all, being a 'freak in bed' is not a destination, but a lifelong journey of sexual self-discovery. References Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. HarperCollins Publishers. Joannides, P. (2012). The Guide to Getting It On. Goofy Foot Press. Mintz, L. (2019). "The Art and Science of Slow Sex". Psychology Today.
  13. Have you ever looked at your boyfriend and felt a chilling wave of guilt because, despite his many wonderful qualities, you don't find yourself sexually attracted to him? If so, you're not alone. This challenging situation has been experienced by many people, and it's a testament to the complexity of human emotions and sexual attraction. Over the course of this article, we'll dive into five unconventional insights about this issue, exploring potential causes, implications, and actions you can take. Insight 1: Sexual Attraction Isn't a Switch Despite what romantic comedies might lead us to believe, sexual attraction isn't a light switch that can be flicked on and off at will. It's an intricate interplay of emotional, psychological, and physical factors. You could have a great emotional connection with your boyfriend, enjoy his company, and even love him dearly, yet still lack a strong sexual desire towards him. To illustrate this, let's consider my own experience. I remember when I found myself in a similar situation a few years ago. Despite being madly in love with my partner, something felt off. I couldn't help but feel an unspoken gap between us, a disconnect that no amount of effort or time seemed to fill. It was then that I realized the missing piece of the puzzle: I lacked sexual attraction towards my partner. It was a daunting realization that led me to question everything I knew about love and attraction. I came to understand that sexual attraction isn't binary, but rather exists on a spectrum. Just because it's missing in the present moment doesn't mean it's gone forever. Nor does it immediately invalidate the love you have for your partner. Insight 2: Lack of Sexual Attraction Doesn't Equate to a Lack of Love One of the most perplexing aspects of not being sexually attracted to your boyfriend is the misconception that it equates to a lack of love. This couldn't be further from the truth. Love and sexual attraction, while often interconnected, are distinct elements of a relationship. One can exist without the other, as confusing as that might be. In my case, my love for my partner was deep and genuine, yet the sexual attraction was absent. This led to a myriad of emotions: guilt, confusion, and even shame. I felt like I was somehow betraying my partner by not being able to reciprocate his sexual desire. However, through self-reflection and emotional maturity, I realized that my lack of sexual attraction didn't diminish my love for him. Understanding this distinction can be liberating. It alleviates the guilt and the pressure that often accompanies the absence of sexual attraction in a relationship. Acknowledging this difference can also help you navigate your feelings more effectively and take the necessary steps to address the issue. Insight 3: Unearthing the Root Cause If you're not sexually attracted to your boyfriend, there could be several underlying reasons behind it. It might stem from emotional issues, hormonal imbalance, stress, or even past trauma. It's crucial to unearth these root causes to navigate your way forward. In my journey, I spent months trying to pinpoint why I felt the way I did. It involved numerous self-reflective sessions, therapy, and open conversations with my partner. It was during one of these introspective moments that I discovered my feelings—or rather, lack thereof—were rooted in past emotional trauma. My past experiences were affecting my ability to feel sexual desire towards my partner. Understanding this was a game-changer; it gave me clarity and a sense of direction. Exploring the root cause isn't about assigning blame, but about gaining clarity. This clarity can empower you to make informed decisions about your relationship and how to move forward. Remember, it's okay to seek professional help in this journey of self-discovery. Therapists and counselors can provide invaluable insight and tools to help you navigate this complex issue. Insight 4: Communication is Key If you're not sexually attracted to your boyfriend, communication becomes more critical than ever. This isn't an easy conversation to have—it requires vulnerability and honesty. However, it's also a conversation that could potentially strengthen your relationship. I remember the day I decided to share my feelings with my partner. The fear was overwhelming, but so was the need for honesty. To my surprise, he responded with understanding and patience. The conversation was not easy, but it was a turning point in our relationship. It opened up a path to potential solutions, deepened our emotional connection, and ultimately brought us closer. Each relationship is unique, so the reactions can vary. However, communication remains a crucial element. It provides your partner with an understanding of your feelings and offers an opportunity to work together towards a solution. Insight 3: Unearthing the Root Cause If you're not sexually attracted to your boyfriend, there could be several underlying reasons behind it. It might stem from emotional issues, hormonal imbalance, stress, or even past trauma. It's crucial to unearth these root causes to navigate your way forward. In my journey, I spent months trying to pinpoint why I felt the way I did. It involved numerous self-reflective sessions, therapy, and open conversations with my partner. It was during one of these introspective moments that I discovered my feelings—or rather, lack thereof—were rooted in past emotional trauma. My past experiences were affecting my ability to feel sexual desire towards my partner. Understanding this was a game-changer; it gave me clarity and a sense of direction. Exploring the root cause isn't about assigning blame, but about gaining clarity. This clarity can empower you to make informed decisions about your relationship and how to move forward. Remember, it's okay to seek professional help in this journey of self-discovery. Therapists and counselors can provide invaluable insight and tools to help you navigate this complex issue. Insight 4: Communication is Key If you're not sexually attracted to your boyfriend, communication becomes more critical than ever. This isn't an easy conversation to have—it requires vulnerability and honesty. However, it's also a conversation that could potentially strengthen your relationship. I remember the day I decided to share my feelings with my partner. The fear was overwhelming, but so was the need for honesty. To my surprise, he responded with understanding and patience. The conversation was not easy, but it was a turning point in our relationship. It opened up a path to potential solutions, deepened our emotional connection, and ultimately brought us closer. Each relationship is unique, so the reactions can vary. However, communication remains a crucial element. It provides your partner with an understanding of your feelings and offers an opportunity to work together towards a solution. Insight 5: Finding a Path Forward So, what do you do if you're not sexually attracted to your boyfriend? There's no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Your path will depend on your unique situation, feelings, and the underlying causes of your lack of sexual attraction. In my situation, understanding the root cause—my past emotional trauma—was the first step. From there, I sought therapy, not just as an individual, but as a couple. Together, my partner and I worked on bridging the gap in our relationship. It was a long and challenging journey filled with ups and downs, but it was worthwhile. Our relationship emerged stronger, and while it wasn't perfect, it was real and honest. For you, the path forward might involve individual or couples therapy, self-reflection, open communication, or even taking a break. The key is to make these decisions from a place of understanding and love, both for yourself and for your partner. Conclusion Not being sexually attracted to your boyfriend can feel like an insurmountable challenge. It's a complex issue laden with guilt, confusion, and fear. However, with understanding, patience, and courage, you can navigate this challenge. Remember, it's okay to seek help and lean on others. You're not alone in this journey. Resources Perel, E. (2007). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. Harper. WebMD: Understanding Sexual Attraction Psychology Today: How to Grow
  14. Few conversations elicit more confusion, discomfort, and awkward giggles than those that delve into the topic of sperm. Yet, in many aspects of our lives—ranging from intimate relationships to popular culture to forensic science—the importance of understanding this biological material cannot be overstated. This article will explore a question often asked but rarely answered with the clarity it deserves: What do sperm stains look like? We will deconstruct the misconceptions and stigma associated with this topic and provide you with scientifically-backed information. This way, the next time you encounter a suspicious stain, you'll be armed with knowledge rather than perplexity. We're about to embark on a journey of discovery, so brace yourself for some surprises! Demystifying Sperm Stains Sperm stains can often go unnoticed due to their nature of blending in with the background. Initially, these stains might appear as a slightly glossy, wet mark with a translucent to white color. However, as they dry, the moisture evaporates, leaving behind a less noticeable residue. Over time, dried sperm stains may adopt a yellowish hue and a crusty texture. Depending on the fabric type, color, and texture, these stains may look different. On darker fabrics, sperm stains may be visible as lighter spots. On lighter fabrics, they might be more challenging to identify. the stain's size and shape can vary depending on the volume of semen and how it was deposited. One common myth is that sperm stains glow in the dark, an idea popularized by crime TV shows. The truth is, they do not. What glows under ultraviolet light is a substance called phosphorus. While human semen does contain trace amounts of phosphorus, it's not enough to produce a glow. Therefore, to detect semen stains in a forensic setting, more specialized techniques are employed. The Significance of Sperm Stains In intimate relationships, recognizing sperm stains can have different implications. For some couples, it might just be a matter of cleanliness and hygiene. For others, it might bring up conversations about sexual health, intimacy, and trust. Understanding what sperm stains look like can foster open communication about sexual habits and health. Couples can use this understanding to discuss contraception, the risks of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and other intimate matters. In the realm of forensic science, sperm stains hold substantial evidential value. They can provide DNA, contributing to solving crimes, particularly sexual offenses. This potential to offer definitive identification and conviction of criminals underscores the importance of understanding what these stains look like and how they can be properly collected and preserved. Practical Steps for Dealing with Sperm Stains Just as understanding what sperm stains look like is essential, knowing how to clean them is equally important. Contrary to popular belief, hot water is not your friend when it comes to removing these stains. Proteins in semen can coagulate under high temperatures, making the stain harder to remove. Instead, opt for cold water and a gentle, enzyme-based cleaner. Soaking the stained fabric for a few hours can help break down the proteins and lift the stain. After soaking, wash as usual, and remember to air-dry the fabric. This way, you can ensure the stain is completely removed before it sets in the dryer. Sperm Stains and the Social Stigma The social stigma attached to sperm stains is something that needs to be addressed. Society tends to label sperm stains as 'dirty' or 'disgusting', a perception fueled by a lack of understanding and open conversation about sexual health and male sexuality in general. The result? A cultural discomfort around the topic, leading to confusion and misunderstanding. However, just as we have normal bodily functions like sweating or shedding skin cells, ejaculation is also a natural physiological process. By normalizing the conversation around these topics, we can challenge the prevailing taboos, remove the stigma, and create a society more accepting and understanding of our bodies. Educating oneself about sperm stains is not only a personal matter but also has a wider societal implication. An informed society can lead to better sexual health practices, more respectful attitudes towards intimate partners, and an improved justice system regarding sexual offenses. Conclusion Recognizing and understanding what sperm stains look like is more than just a forensic or cleanliness concern—it's a relationship matter, a social issue, and a step towards self-empowerment. Whether you are part of a couple navigating through the intricacies of shared intimacy, a parent seeking to educate your teenager about the realities of adulthood, or just a curious mind wanting to grasp the world better, comprehending the nature of sperm stains can enrich your perspective. Now that you are armed with the knowledge about what sperm stains look like, and the significance they hold, it's time to challenge societal norms. Start a conversation with your partner, educate your peers, or simply share this article with others. By doing so, you're playing a part in shattering the stigma, promoting understanding, and fostering healthier relationships and societies. There's much more to sperm stains than meets the eye. They are a testament to our biology, a crucial piece of forensic evidence, and a topic worth understanding. So, let's leave behind the discomfort and confusion, embrace knowledge, and foster open, honest conversations about our bodies. Resources: Erzinclioglu, Z. (2000). Maggots, Murder, and Men: Memories and Reflections of a Forensic Entomologist. London: HarperCollins. Gaensslen, R. E. (2008). Sourcebook in Forensic Serology, Immunology, and Biochemistry. Washington: National Institute of Justice. NHS – Sexual health information and advice.
  15. I’m 24 years old and I met a guy a couple months back we started talking and started dating we didn’t have sex till 5 months into us dating he tells me he never usually waits that usually happens with the first 1 or month in a half but because I’m different and special to him he doesn’t mind taking it slow and going at whatever pace we finally had sex after 5 months and the first 2 we were still exploring and I’m not experienced in sex so he didn’t cum he made it about exploring and seeing what I like how I handle things etc was good tho but the the next 3 times he’s cum not inside me but literally on my p***** and last week I officially spent my first weekend with him and we had sex for the first time that night and he asked if he can cum inside me and I said yes and he did we had sex multiple times during that weekend in which he claimed my vagina as his and was saying sweet nun and it’s been nice and slow in some occasions as well and has said he enjoyed making love to me while we are intimate but during that weekend he’s cum inside me multiple times and when he does he brings me into him as close as possible hugging me tightly and he is like dip up inside he’s planned future dates ahead of time and has had a conversation with his relative about postponing a move to another state because of me before this happened. I’m kinda of confused by the whole thing I don’t want to get ahead of myself but I do like him maybe even falling I love with him. The way that he looks at me sometimes I’ve never been looked at like that he makes me happy. But I want to know what all of that means I don’t want to be played for a fool . I don’t want to be naive and I am on birth control but he didn’t know that before he asked or had sex the first time. But he’s stated that when we have kids I would need to take that out. Forgot to say he’s 11 years older then I am I am not sexually active before this but I still went and got checked for any stds and so was he.
  16. The Psychology Behind Male Sexual Frustration When a man reveals that he is sexually frustrated, it may initially conjure images of a bedroom scene gone awry. But, when we delve deeper, we uncover a myriad of complex psychological factors and emotions, all entwined in this bold confession. The journey towards understanding begins with recognizing that expressions of sexual frustration often extend beyond the physical realm. One common misconception is that sexual frustration in men is solely tied to a lack of sexual activity. While it's true that lack of sexual satisfaction can lead to frustration, it's essential to note that the causes can be more intricate, encompassing emotional needs and even broader relationship issues. Men, like anyone else, crave emotional intimacy and connection. Their sexual frustration can often be a way of expressing an unmet need for emotional closeness. There's also the influence of societal expectations and norms. Men are often conditioned from a young age to suppress their emotions and instead demonstrate strength and resilience. These societal norms may contribute to men expressing their emotional needs through a sexual lens. By saying he's sexually frustrated, a man may be indicating a need for emotional validation and connection that he finds challenging to articulate otherwise. To further complicate matters, our digital age, with its relentless torrent of idealized sexual imagery, can lead to unrealistic expectations. Men, subject to these influences, may experience performance anxiety and dissatisfaction, leading to sexual frustration. Understanding these complexities helps us to empathize and respond more effectively when a man in our lives confides his sexual frustration. The Intricacies of Sexual Frustration and Relationship Dynamics The statement "I am sexually frustrated" can reverberate through a relationship like a clap of thunder. It's loud, sudden, and can be slightly alarming. However, just as understanding the atmospheric conditions leading to thunder helps alleviate fear, comprehending the nuances of sexual frustration can help improve relationship dynamics. Sexual frustration often signals a discrepancy in sexual desire within a relationship. This discrepancy can result from various factors, from changes in routine and stress levels to more complex issues such as health problems or emotional disconnection. It's also crucial to recognize the critical role of communication in mitigating sexual frustration. Open dialogue allows couples to discuss their needs, desires, and concerns, fostering a more satisfying sexual relationship. However, in a society where sex often remains a taboo topic, many couples struggle to discuss their sexual lives openly, leading to unmet expectations and frustration. Societal norms and expectations about masculinity can exacerbate the issue. If a man feels he is not 'performing' as expected or desired, this can add an additional layer of frustration, impacting his self-esteem and overall relationship satisfaction. The Ripple Effect: Implications of Male Sexual Frustration on Emotional and Physical Health Sexual frustration doesn't exist in a vacuum. It often spills over, impacting various aspects of a man's life, including his emotional and physical health. Emotionally, unresolved sexual frustration can lead to feelings of rejection, self-doubt, and inadequacy. These negative emotions can further exacerbate feelings of frustration, creating a vicious cycle. Moreover, this emotional turbulence can also affect other areas of life, including work performance and social interactions. Physical health is not immune to the impacts of sexual frustration either. Chronic frustration can lead to stress, which, if left unchecked, can result in a host of health issues, including high blood pressure, heart disease, and a weakened immune system. The key to mitigating these impacts lies in addressing sexual frustration in a healthy and constructive way. This may involve seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, to navigate emotional distress. Moreover, open communication with partners, regular exercise, and mindfulness practices can also be beneficial in managing sexual frustration. To understand male sexual frustration deeply, one must recognize the intertwining threads of physical desires, emotional needs, societal influences, and relationship dynamics. The more we shed light on these facets, the better we can understand, empathize, and support men when they express sexual frustration. Resources: Perel, Esther. "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence". Harper Paperbacks, 2007. Buehler, Stephanie. "What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know About Sex (Second Edition)". Springer Publishing Company, 2017. "Men and Sexual Health". American Sexual Health Association.
  17. Dear eNotAlone: I love my partner and we make a great couple, but lately we've been having problems in bed. We just can't seem to get it right when it comes to sex. It's incredibly disheartening and I don't know what to do. The chemistry we had when we started our relationship has vanished and now its one awkward experience after another. It's getting hard to stay positive about our future. Can someone with experience please help me? * * * When things aren't going right in the bedroom it can be a demoralizing and frustrating experience. You are not alone in this feeling, and you should know that there is a way through it. Before we tackle tips and advice, it is important to acknowledge why this problem has arisen in your relationship. The biggest cause of issues in bed is communication. This doesn't mean that you should be talking the whole way through, instead it's about having an open dialogue outside the bedroom about your likes and dislikes. This helps to build a stronger understanding of what turns you both on and how you can create that magic in the bedroom. It is also essential to remember to take things slow. Pressure on both parties to perform can ruin the experience for both and cause feelings of self doubt. Rekindle the desire by focusing on the non-physical sides of the relationship. Reconnect through conversation and activities you both enjoy, it will build a stronger bond that can reignite that feeling of closeness and intimacy which often fades in long term relationships. You shouldn't try radical changes all at once. Small tweaks like good quality lube, different positions or a light massage can have significant effects. Most importantly, have fun! Relax, trust each other and allow yourselves to experiment and explore. Don't take it all so seriously, enjoy the journey and who knows, you might just find some unexpected pleasures along the way. If you continue to feel uncomfortable and lose sexual confidence, talk to your partner about it. Communication is key for any relationship, especially when it comes to tackling issues in the bedroom. If this still doesn't help, don't hesitate to seek professional advice from a therapist or qualified doctor who can support you both during this difficult time.
  18. Hi soo I'm Lucy..I have been talking to this boy named Zay for four months now. he and I would talk for hours and he would always put the effort into texting me and being the first to show up and make the move. He was always interested in me and always flirting with me and always wanting to meet up at school and hang out. But for awhile I kept trying to keep him at a distance to keep my heart from getting broken since it had from the past. He and I had convos about him committing to me and him trying to prove to me he wanted to be in a relationship but then we had sex and then few days later he friend-zoned me so that hurt bc it felt like he used me. So then I ignored him after we had a big fight about it and he didnt like me ignoring him so after awhile he came back and claimed he wanted to be something more and I was no longer friend-zoned. BUT for the past few weeks he's been standing me up and breaking his promises and then kept swearing he'll try harder but then acts like a hypocrite and turns around and does it again. On top of me developing pregnancy symptoms he's worried about me possibly being pregnant but then when I told him I refused to have him be a deadbeat father he doesnt respond then goes off the grid. But then stay looking at my stories and post instagram smh wht do i do??
  19. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. We met at work and everything went very slowly, but it's meant we have a strong foundation. She has pretty much every quality I would look for in a partner if someone asked me to make a list of what I wanted. But the sexual side of the relationship has been lacking - right from the start. In the first year I just thought it was because she wanted to take things slow. But I've realised now I don't think it will ever improve - and now any sexual attraction or chemistry that was once there has gone. Obviously a relationship is not just about this - but it is a factor - and although many other parts of the relationship are really strong, this feels like a big problem. Meanwhile - I've known my friend - let's call her B - much longer as we went to university and subsequently lived together. I'd never really seen her in this way - she doesn't have lots of the relationship qualities I'd usually look for, and I always just viewed her as a best friend. But in the past year - since we were no longer living together - she started being much more romantically interest and flirty with me, and I was surprised by this but did like the attention and played along. She has been with her partner for 5+ years so is also in a long-term relationship despite all of this. We went on a couple of dates, held hands, kissed, etc. but I still never thought for a moment that I would see myself in a relationship with her. But recently I've been feeling very down about the whole situation (and I'm aware this can't be good as everyone involved is being hurt here) - and I suddenly realised that actually I am in love with my friend, B, and that I wanted to do things properly and be with her. She'd even said she wanted this too - over message, though it was while she had been drinking. I told her the next day that I felt like this and that I was ready to make the leap and go ahead with ending the relationship I was in to be with her. But then she decided that - although she wanted that future too - she didn't want to hurt her partner in that way, and that her decision was to stay in her relationship. However she's asked to keep everything exactly the same between us - so the flirty messages etc. and talking about being together she wants to continue, even though she's told me she doesn't want to end her relationship to actually be with me. I'm so confused by all this. I genuinely have this really strange feeling of being broken hearted but at the same time I don't know if I've just got carried away because I got a bit of attention from someone I have a sexual attraction to, and that it's all snowballed from there. Equally I know I need to be open with my girlfriend about how I am feeling - and I will have that conversation with her. But I am seeking some advice on what to do about my friend, girl B. She is a really close friend and I would absolutely hate to lose her by blocking her because I'm confused and hurting. What am I feeling? I genuinely don't know - but right now all I can think about is being in a relationship with her, and the fact that she's led me to believe it could happen and then crushed that from actually happening. All comments welcome, thank you
  20. Falling in love is often described as an uncomplicated, passionate process, however these blissful feelings eventually give way to the reality that’s inevitable when two people decide to end their amorous relationship. For those who at one time shared a strong bond of intimacy with another, exploring the possibility of rekindling that flame can be quite a daunting situation; a situation steeped with confounding risk and uncertainty. Making the decision to reunite with an ex can be simultaneously freeing yet excruciatingly difficult, leaving us with a plethora of unanswered questions that can become difficult to reconcile—the most pertinent question being, “is it too soon to attempt a revival?”. The resolution of our answer lies within the understanding of our own capacity for self-reflection, our level of maturity, and the ability to pick apart our emotions in order to determine whether the foundation of lingering resentments is still in place. In some cases, attempting to revive a dissolved relationship can simply end up becoming another act of desperation, causing us more pain than the original rift created. Acknowledging if former disappointments remain unresolved and if the effects of past grievances are not completely healed must be taken with great consideration. It has been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder and it’s true in some cases, however it’s essential to delve into the depths of the underlying factors of past separation to determine whether a reunion would add slits of light and joy or further burden our hearts with darkness. Moving forward too soon can cause newly emerged feelings to become clouded, resulting in us trying to make ourselves fit into our old puzzle piece in order to fill the aching void created while our partner was away. Our minds can automatically link to fantasies and moments of nostalgia without taking the time to see if we have actually established any type of resilience or a different form of communication that comprises of belonging and mutual understanding between both of us—moments that will be vital sustenance in order for any fire to be refueled. An important misstep we can make during this period of contemplation is dismissing the emotions of all of those who might be impacted by our decision to reunite. Not only should we consider the dynamic of our individual relationships but also the risk of how those close to us could cope with the news. Taking on the fragility of others' wellbeing needs to be taken with poise and respecting. In addition, the proper precautions should be taken to protect ourselves from any potential repercussions that could arise from the path we choose. Partaking in a transition with an ex-lover can often feel like a rollercoaster ride, however, the intensity of its turbulence can be managed by seeking a better understanding of our prior union. Asking these integral life changing questions can prove to be a daunting task, however they hold the key to determining the viability of trekking the roads of reunion or paving a new one entirely. Despite reconnecting with an ex-lover being a challenge, it is ultimately upon our discretion to determine whether the risk is worth the reward. Oftentimes, no road ever follows a predictable trajectory; and in some cases, taking a chance on reconstituting something that seemed to be forever lost can be the cognitive jolt we need to reclaim what had been taken away. the answers we seek will always be rife with perplexity and agony, but as difficult as they may be, they can also serve as a pathway to self-discovery.
  21. The desire to feel love and connection to another human being is part of what makes us human. Hostess with the mostest, Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty; as different cultures, civilizations and traditions have personified romantic love over centuries, they all agree that it is one of life’s greatest treasures, offering joy, meaning and pleasure. The experience of a beloved can bring a heightened awareness of our own heart, mind and soul. So when we try to find this feeling with a partner and find out we have different sexual preferences, many couples are at a loss for what to do. First of all, it is important to be honest with yourself and your partner about what you want out of your relationship. What do you both expect from each other regarding sex, intimacy and physical touch? Every relationship is different and there is no “right” answer, or requirement for how often you should be having sex and what types of activities are acceptable. This kind of open dialog with your partner will create a safe space to better understand each other and make sure both of you feel heard. Now it might be difficult to communicate honestly with your partner without feeling judged or misunderstood - especially when talking about something as personal as sexual preferences. But it is crucial to work on your communication skills, since these conversations ultimately lead to trust and understanding. Deep, meaningful conversations will not only help you to explore your feelings, but also make sure both of you are comfortable with what’s being asked and discussed. One way to help get started is to ask the other about their thoughts and desires in a non-judgmental way. In cases where one or both partners prefer a type of sexual activity that the other isn’t comfortable with, you will need to come to an agreement about what fan aspects of the relationship both parties can enjoy. Maybe you decide to be adventurous and try a few new things together, or maybe the two of you agree to abstain from sexual activities until both are ready. No matter which route you take, it’s important to remember that different sexual preferences don’t mean either one of you is right or wrong. It doesn’t necessarily reflect levels of attraction or compatibility. Instead, it’s just a matter of understanding that everyone has different preferences and needs in their relationships. Respect those differences and aim to have mutually beneficial conversations so you can learn more about each other and arrive at a mutual understanding. Above all else, if you truly care about your partner, be honest, open and understanding. Don’t be quick to judge or criticize your partner for the choices they make. Nothing is worse than feeling unheard or judged for who you are and what you want. As long as both partners are engaged in a respectful dialogue, different sexual preferences should not be a barrier to enjoying a fulfilling and exciting relationship.
  22. On a first date people often experience a mixed bag of emotions. Whether it be joy, nervousness, or even fear, the feeling of anticipation toward what may come next can be nerve-wracking. This is especially true in the case of a man paying for the entire date – a cultural practice that has been perpetuated since the beginning of time. However, with the rise of recent feminist debates, this practice has become increasingly controversial. Where some see it as an act of generosity and chivalry, others have noted that it can imply the man feels he is entitled to sex for the evening. At the core of this entitlement is an ancient idea: the notion that men are expected to pay for dates because women are not legally or economically equal. While we have come a long way since then, centuries of gender inequality remain at the core of this outdated mindset. And as such, many men still carry these expectations and may unknowingly perpetuate them. As a result, they often use money as a form of power to get what they want, believing that if they pay for a woman’s ticket, drinks, or dinner then they should receive something in return. To further complicate matters, some men feel that the woman must feel indebted to him in some way due to his generosity. This not only perpetuates the belief that money equals power in relationships and situations, but it also places a huge emphasis on the woman to “show her appreciation” in some capacity. Therefore, many feel obligated to comply with the man’s advances which can lead to them feeling frustrated or guilty. This sense of entitlement can even go so far as to affect the conversation. For example, some men may expect their date to be docile and submissive, responding to questions with what he wants to hear. This can compel the woman to play into stereotypes in order to appease her date and make him feel better about himself, as well as prove that she is worthy of his patience, effort, and money. In order to combat this type of behavior, it is important for both men and women to have honest conversations about the expectations of their dates. In cases where the man pays for everything, it would be wise to set boundaries and ensure both parties understand the arrangement before going any further. This could include agreeing to split the bill or agreeing that the man pays but will not expect anything in return. It is also important to address the underlying issues at play in order to prevent more of this type of behavior from happening. Men should be aware of the implications of their actions and of how their privilege can shape their perspectives on dating. Women, too, should be aware of how their own self worth can make them susceptible to certain damaging dynamics. It is essential to remember that money does not equate to power or sex. No one should feel entitled to these things just because they paid for a date. All people should be able to express themselves freely, without having to comply to someone else’s expectations or perceptions. Money should never be used as a manipulative tool, and all people should always strive to maintain respect and equality in their relationships.
  23. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. It is often associated with symptoms such as difficulty focusing, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. While ADHD can have a significant impact on daily functioning, its effects on sexual functioning are often overlooked. However, research has shown that individuals with ADHD may experience difficulties with sexual functioning that can impact their overall quality of life and relationships. ADHD and Sexual Dysfunction Sexual dysfunction is a term used to describe any problems with sexual response, including desire, arousal, orgasm, and pain. Research has shown that individuals with ADHD may experience sexual dysfunction at higher rates than the general population. One study found that women with ADHD were more likely to experience sexual dysfunction, including difficulties with arousal, orgasm, and pain during sex, than women without ADHD. Another study found that men with ADHD were more likely to report difficulties with premature ejaculation. There are several potential explanations for why individuals with ADHD may be more likely to experience sexual dysfunction. One possibility is that ADHD symptoms such as impulsivity and distractibility may make it difficult to focus on sexual experiences or to engage in sexual activities for extended periods of time. Additionally, some individuals with ADHD may experience anxiety or depression, which can further impact sexual functioning. ADHD and Sexual Behaviors In addition to difficulties with sexual functioning, individuals with ADHD may also engage in risky sexual behaviors. Research has shown that individuals with ADHD are more likely to engage in casual sex, have multiple sexual partners, and engage in unprotected sex. These behaviors can increase the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unwanted pregnancies. There are several potential explanations for why individuals with ADHD may be more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors. One possibility is that impulsivity and sensation-seeking tendencies associated with ADHD may lead to impulsive sexual behaviors. Additionally, some individuals with ADHD may have difficulties with social skills and may struggle to develop healthy relationships, which can lead to engaging in casual sex or having multiple partners. ADHD and Relationship Satisfaction Finally, ADHD can also impact relationship satisfaction. Research has shown that individuals with ADHD may experience difficulties with communication, emotional regulation, and impulsivity, all of which can impact relationships. Additionally, the sexual difficulties and risky sexual behaviors associated with ADHD can also impact relationship satisfaction. It is important to note that not all individuals with ADHD will experience sexual difficulties or engage in risky sexual behaviors. However, for those who do, these difficulties can have a significant impact on their overall quality of life and relationships. Treatment Options Fortunately, there are several treatment options available for individuals with ADHD who are experiencing sexual difficulties or engaging in risky sexual behaviors. Some potential treatment options include: Medication: Stimulant medications used to treat ADHD have been shown to improve sexual functioning in some individuals. Therapy: Therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy or couples therapy, can help individuals with ADHD address underlying issues that may be impacting sexual functioning or relationship satisfaction. Education: Education about healthy sexual behaviors, including safe sex practices and communication skills, can help individuals with ADHD develop healthier sexual habits. ADHD can impact sexual functioning, sexual behaviors, and relationship satisfaction. Individuals with ADHD may be more likely to experience sexual dysfunction, engage in risky sexual behaviors, and experience difficulties with communication and emotional regulation in relationships. However, with proper treatment, many of these difficulties can be addressed, leading to improved quality of life and relationship satisfaction. If you are experiencing sexual difficulties or engaging in risky sexual behaviors, it is important to speak with a healthcare professional who can help you develop an appropriate treatment plan.
  24. Excerpted from Is It Love or Is It Sex; Why Relationships Don't Work By Carla Wills-Brandon Sex and food. Both are necessary for the continuation of our species. Both are very powerful and have the capacity to change the way we feel about our lives and the world around us. If used in an addictive manner, food and sex can distort our reality just as effectively as alcohol and other drugs, and the consequences of addiction to food and sex can be just as devastating as alcoholism or drug dependency. Many people in our society escape the realities of life by hanging out in front of the refrigerator when facing the problems of being an adult in our world. As I described in my earlier bOOk, Fat Like A Lady: Guide For Overcoming Bulimia eating disorders are survival skills that have enabled many of us to function and they come from our dysfunctional families. As a bulimic I could insulate myself from pain, shame and other feelings with food. Food allowed me to escape the feelings I had as a child and as an adult, it provided me with a false sense of security. But as with all addictions, my eating disorder backfired by protecting me from reality. While in addiction, I never learned how to live life in the real world. I never really grew up. Many individuals escape the world of reality through fantasy relationships. The fantasy of what a relationship should be is an illusion based on sexual acting out. Sex replaces intimacy, giving the relationship a false sense of well being. When sex diminishes or is not an intense part of a relationship, the perception is that the relationship is bad. If we have good sex, we have a good relationship. Sex will make it better. These ideas belong to the cycle of sexual addiction. The sexual acting out becomes the fix, just as alcohol is the illusionary fix for the alcoholic. More and more information has begun to surface on sexual addiction, starting with Patrick Cames' book, Out of the Shadows. He describes three levels of sexual addiction and discusses how each affects the addict's ability to perceive the world as it really is. Each level has a set of specific characteristics and behaviors which interfere with the ability to establish healthy, intimate relationships with the self or others. Our Shaming Myths As a society, we have a lot of shame around issues of sexuality and we believe a number of myths associated with appropriate versus inappropriate sexual behavior. I was watching a talk show on television recently when the discussion was about what the legal consequences should be for an adult woman who had sex with a teenaged boy. Half of the participating television audience thought the sex act between the adult woman and minor boy was all right. They stated further that the boy had consented to the sexual act by not saying no to the adult woman. They argued that he must have wanted to have sex with the woman because he didn't say no and that he probably learned a lot about sex. The other half of the audience (the side I applauded) stated that this was a form of sexual abuse, that the teenager did not have the maturity to stand up to the adult and say no. They further argued that as an authority figure (as an adult), the woman was in a position of power over the young boy, making it impossible for him to say no. I cheered those who saw this incident as one of sexual abuse but was saddened at the same time. I was amazed at the amount of conflict in the audience over this issue. I was also surprised at the lack of information among the majority of these people regarding basic child development and sexuality. It impressed upon me the extent of sexual abuse in our society that is based on ignorance. At the core of sexual addiction, as with all other addictions, is the dysfunctional family system. I believe that society as a whole plays a large part in perpetuating family system dysfunction and many of the addictions we see today. It is still important to look good, be positive and not talk about unpleasant things, even at the expense of our emotional well being. For many who have eating disorders, losing weight at any cast to fit society's dictum that thin is beautiful or thin is sexy can be life threatening. Anorexics will starve themselves to dangerously low body weights to be perfect. Exercise bulimics will jog, pump iron and exercise past their bodies' endurance, injuring joints and bones, to Fit in and be beautiful. Our society reflects this point of view in newspaper ads, magazines and television. As a result, children as young as nine and ten are obsessed with their bodies and with fear of being fat. I know of a nine-year-old whose mother told her she was too fat and put her on a diet. This child, in my opinion, was weight appropriate. Her mother had her counting calories and keeping a list of what she ate. This weight appropriate child believed she was fat. In our society, we also expect our children to grow up too quickly. This too is reflected in the media, where sex is the name of the game in rock music videos and in advertisements where having a pimple is a sin. Young people are experimenting with sex at earlier ages, but contraception and sex education are still in the closet in many parts of the country. As a result, pregnancies are common among all races, religions and social positions. With AIDS on the rise, we are finally being forced to make some decisions about confronting sexuality among our youth. We are finally doing this from an educational standpoint rather than the way we did in the past when sexual messages were based in shame. We, as a society, spend many- dollars on products to make us smell sexy, taste sexy, look sexy, feel sexy and act sexy. We have grapefruit diets, liquid diets, pills, shots, wired jaw and surgical procedures for weight reduction to guarantee a beautiful, sexy body. As a culture, we are beginning to develop an obsession for exercise. Exercise gyms are filling up as they never have before. Even gyms use sex as a way of selling memberships. Before you primp, you've got to pump some iron. Beautiful, well proportioned, scantily dressed women make such comments while lifting weights, reinforcing that in order to be acceptable, one has to buy the fantasy. The Illusion How does all this affect our concept of what a relationship should be? Do we really know what intimacy is or are we looking for the perfect illusion? How many of us open our monthly department store bills to find advertisements for women's nightgowns and undergarments? Who are these ads directed at, or should I say, who in the average American family usually opens these bills? In newspaper and magazine advertisements, we find that sex sells everything from chewing gum for "that sexy smile," to cars for those looking for "a sleek, sexy look." Not only are females used as sex objects to entice the male buyer but since the women's liberation movement, well built, perfectly proportioned, sexy males sell per fume "to drive him mad" and blue jeans "that will drive her mad" to our female population. The truth about all the advertising that uses sex as a hook into the buyer is that it is not the gum, perfume, blue jeans or car that is being sold. What is being sold is a fantasy — the products just happen to be part of the fantasy, the illusion of per feet kin, and we, as a society, have bought it. Men learn to look for that perfect woman and women learn to look for that perfect man. So, many of us look for the fantasy relationship because we believe that is the way things are supposed to be. How many of us are really content with our bodies, our mates, our lives? How many of us strive for the fantasy of perfection in hopes that we will someday be happy with who we are? How many of as, as one perfume advertisement put it, really do want to "share the fantasy" with someone we think will make us feel complete? Many of us walk around feeling inadequate, lonely and empty. We use food, sex, drugs, alcohol, work, religion, relationships and more to cover up our feelings of insecurity and inner shame. We have a horrible fear of people finding out just how imperfect we are so we are constantly looking for that one drink, drug or relationship that will fill us up and make us feel whole. We know almost nothing about what true, honest, intimate communication with others or even self is all about because nobody ever taught us that it was okay to talk about our hurt, shame and anger. Most of us are totally unaware that we need to learn how to fill ourselves up from within before we can experience a healthy relationship with another human being. As a society we are obsessed with looking good on the outside, moving forward financially and keeping up with the neighbors. It is as if we believe that when we accomplish these goals, somehow our feelings about who we are will get fixed. But I believe many of us are suffering on the inside and feeling very inadequate and wondering why. Many of us are divorcing, having life crises, living in loveless relationships and feeling unsatisfied. Or we are settling for second best by not doing what we really want to do because of fear and lack of confidence in who we are. Maybe we are in a relationship that just isn't working and we feel as though we are missing some great secret about life and love. And on top of it all, we cannot get this thing called life right.
  25. ENA

    Married Sex

    Excerpted from Grown-Up Marriage: What We Know, Wish We Had Known and Still Need to Know About Being Married By Judith Viorst "Routine" is a word that is often heard when married-a-while wives and husbands discuss their sex lives, even when their sex lives are as enjoyable as hitting a good golf shot. "There is no way around routine sex," says thirty-something Betty Jane. "It's reliable but predictable and routine," says Kim, after fourteen years of marriage. And Albert, eleven years married, observes, "We do it well. We've got the routine down pat. But there are no surprises." On the other hand, notes Mary, married fifteen years longer than Albert, "Routine has a safe, reassuring, and very comfortable side." And Lainie, whose sexual history has allowed her, she says, to "make plenty of comparisons," happily observes that "no more intense sex ever existed for me than this familiar everyday married sex." What's good-what can be good-about routine, familiar, everyday married sex is being able to please and feel at ease with each other. "We know' what turns the other on," says Nan, "and we each can say what we want during sex." Adds Sascha, "So even though there isn't the newness and the discovery-and the frequency-that we had at the beginning, what my husband and I have instead is more freedom and honesty." While everyone seems to agree that sexual frequency decreases the longer a married couple is together, some husbands and wives insist that their familiar married sex offers more satisfaction than the sexual fireworks of their early days together. Because, says Stan, "It's less hungry and more loving." And because, says Irene, "The 'Ooh, can I actually say this? Ooh, can I try this?' fear-of-embarrassment factor is gone from our bed." There's a "closeness, a trust, an openness that comes with familiarity," says Rhoda, "and that makes us feel safe to completely relinquish ourselves, for a little while, to another person." There's also a certain confidence, a growing and a grown-up recognition, that good sex is simply what good sex is for us, although it may in no way resemble what was good for Lady Chatterley and her lover or what Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland did with one another in Don't Look Now, an otherwise grim movie with the sexiest married sex scenes you'll ever see. Good sex is what satisfies a couple's exquisitely specific physical, spiritual, and emotional needs-and if both partners like it more tender than lustful, more playful than earnest, more kinky than straight, more straight than kinky, more cool than hot, or even more "wham bam thank you ma'am" than slow and sweet, then that is exactly what good sex is for that couple. Time and familiarity can help us figure out what's good for us. Familiarity need not breed contempt. "I have grown accustomed to your face, and other sections" ends my poem "Familiarity Breeds Content," which affectionately suggests that longtime married sex indeed has certain benefits. One woman, married fifty-one years, cheerily informs me, "I don't understand what people mean when they talk about having bad sex. The only kind of sex I've had"-and it's all been with her husband-"has been good." When I ask her what keeps it good, she even more cheerily replies," Enthusiasm and imagination." As another long-married woman, I could elaborate on the benefits of enthusiasm and imagination. I could, but I won't. A friend of mine, married twenty-three years to a man she met when both of them were teenagers, also sings the praises of longtime sex. "One of the real benefits of marrying your high-school boyfriend is that he is always your high-school boyfriend," she says. "Kissing him, I connect to hot summer nights and teenage lust. Inside that three-piece suit is the guy who made me"-and continues to make her-"melt." As most married people know, there are-from fairly early on-peaks and valleys in sexual desire and in sexual pleasure. Some of this has to do with our stage of life. Some of it has to do with the emotional weather between a husband and a wife. And some of it has to do with unconscious aspects of our past which have-uninvited, unwanted, and unrecognized-climbed into bed with us. If our stage of life is new parenthood, there may be a serious slump in sexual interest, especially (husbands complain) on the part of the wife. If our stage of life is building a career, time once spent making love may be spent making partner. (As one outraged wife complained to her working-late-every-evening husband, "I'm fed up with being your Saturday-night lay.") If our stage of life is later life, husbands may begin having problems with potency or wives may experience diminished desire. And at many stages of life, if we are doing-as couples often do-far too much and are chronically trying to manage on minimal sleep, we may be too exhausted to think about sex, make time to have sex, or give ourselves over wholeheartedly when we have it.
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