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  1. My parents didn't have a good marriage. My father was from a deprived family and had a difficult life growing up. My mother was brought up with love and care, and she knew how to raise good kids. My father had difficulties, i.e., anger issues and whatnot. But don't want to say anything bad about him because he had a very difficult life which reflected on how he treated us, his kids. He had no help. So anyway. I was always the prime target of his anger. Compared to my siblings, I had too many difficult situations with my father. I worked hard to get my siblings and mom out of his life. And luckily, he wanted that too. Our new house is so comfy. I and my family feel so safe and secure here. No threats. No more shouting, libel, fighting, threats of getting burned down alive. No more cutting off power, water, and any other supply. No more struggles to perform prayers. Everything is so good, thanks to the Almighty. It's been more than a year of living a good life here. The thing is, I am constantly having nightmares where my father is threatening me and is ready to harm me (just to be clear, his misbehavior and threats don't include anything sexual or any sexual offense). I never had nightmares like this before. It's been over 15 days of these nightmares. I came to know that subconsciously I am stuck at that age where my father was a huge threat to me. The dreams are like I am doing something normal, and my father comes up in his signature furious style, and I start running away with my full energy, and boom, I am up, exhausted, and no longer sleeping. Q: Is this something that will go away with time? This is just troubling me that's why I am posting it here. So many nights of sleep deprivation.
  2. Dear eNotAlone: I have noticed a recurring pattern in my relationships where I tend to push people away when they become too close or express their genuine feelings for me. This behavior has led to a string of failed relationships and heartache. Can you provide guidance on understanding and addressing the root causes of this behavior? * * * Like a ship navigating the turbulent seas of emotion, we must first chart the course of our journey by exploring the depths of our past experiences. Delve into the murky waters of your memories, seeking the sunken treasures of understanding that lie hidden beneath the waves. What experiences have shaped your perception of intimacy and vulnerability? Have you been wounded by the jagged rocks of betrayal or disappointment, causing you to retreat into the safety of solitude? As you journey through the caverns of your mind, consider the role that fear plays in your actions. Like a thick fog that shrouds our vision, fear can cloud our judgment and hinder our ability to forge meaningful connections. Reflect upon the specific fears that may be driving your behavior: Are you afraid of rejection or abandonment? Or is it the fear of losing yourself in the all-consuming fire of love? In the garden of our souls, the seeds of self-worth and self-love are the fertile soil in which the roots of connection can take hold and flourish. Nurture these seeds by cultivating a deeper understanding of your own value and worthiness. Acknowledge your strengths and celebrate your accomplishments, for it is only when we can truly love ourselves that we can open our hearts to the love of others. As we traverse the meandering paths of self-discovery, we may encounter the towering walls of defense mechanisms that we have erected to shield ourselves from pain. Like a fortress designed to keep the enemy at bay, these defenses may have served their purpose at one time, but now they stand as barriers to the very connections we seek. Identify the specific defenses you employ and the situations that trigger their use. By shining the light of awareness on these mechanisms, you can begin to dismantle them, brick by brick. To forge a new path through the tangled forest of intimacy, we must be willing to embrace vulnerability and take the leap of faith required to open our hearts to others. Like the first tentative steps of a fledgling bird learning to fly, this process can be both exhilarating and terrifying. But with each small act of vulnerability, we strengthen our emotional wings, enabling us to soar to new heights of connection and intimacy. Consider seeking the guidance of a trusted therapist or counselor, who can serve as a compass to help you navigate the treacherous waters of your emotions. Through the exploration of your past experiences, fears, and defenses, they can provide valuable insights and tools to help you break free from the patterns that have held you captive and guide you towards a future filled with the warmth of connection and the joy of love.
  3. Dear eNotAlone: I am a high school student who is struggling with the idea of moving to a new town and attending a different school. I am scared of the new people I will meet, the new experiences I will have, and the uncertainty that comes with switching to a new place. It's overwhelming, and I'm having a hard time dealing with my fear of the unknown. I don't know what to do and don't feel like I can ask anyone for advice. * * * Moving to a new place can be overwhelming, and it's understandable that you are feeling scared and uncertain. Fortunately, there are things you can do to help ease your transition into a new school. First and foremost, it's important to remember that everyone is afraid of the unknown, and everyone feels those same natural worries about meeting new people, having new experiences and leaving behind their comfort zone. It helps to remind yourself that no matter how much pressure you feel, ultimately you alone get to decide how much risk or change you want to take on. That knowledge can be incredibly empowering! It can also be helpful to start thinking about what you do know about the impending transition. Talk to family members and friends who have already experienced the move to get an idea of what to expect. Even if the details of their experience may be different than yours, it can still be comforting to know that they made it through, and that you can too. If there is an activity you enjoy doing, look into organizations in your new area where you can take part in it. Finding shared interests with people in the new community you are moving to can help you form connections and bonds as you move into a new school and make new friends. Remember, sometimes the smallest connection is all it takes to spark a friendship. Consider checking out online communities for teens going through similar transitions. Doing research and connecting with peers about what it might be like to move to a new school can help make the whole situation appear less daunting. From there, you can even reach out to people from your new community or school and get their perspectives ahead of actually making the move. While moving to a new school can be intimidating, it can also be exciting. Embrace the possibility of unknown and newness, and look forward to the opportunities and experiences that await.
  4. Dear eNotAlone: I've just entered my first serious relationship and I'm feeling scared. I mean, relationships bring so much to the table - commitment, vulnerability, trust - and it's a bit overwhelming to take everything on. What am I supposed to do? I want to be in a successful long-term relationship but I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure. How can I navigate a successful long-term relationship when I'm scared by its potential? How can I make sure that I don't enter the relationship with unrealistic expectations (on both sides) and stay positive about the outcome? * * * Entering a serious relationship is an incredibly exciting, yet daunting period of your life. It's natural that you'd be feeling a little trepidation. However, with the right mindset and approach, there's no reason why a successful long-term relationship can't be achieved. The key is to be honest with yourself and your partner about your fear and negotiate any anxieties whilst making sure to keep the lines of communication wide open. Discuss specific concerns and make meaningful agreements around them – be sure to back each other up and stick to common agreements. You may only be able to think of your own worries right now, but you should also remain mindful of how your actions might be seen by your partner. Try to imagine things from their perspective – this will help you to stay an empathetic and understanding partner. It's also essential that both of you foster feelings of positivity within your relationship. While it's normal to experience moments of difficulty and uncertainty, leave room for surprise and adventure. Rather than becoming overly possessive or full of rigid expectations, aim to foster an air of playful discovery. Utilise activities and time together for exploring each other's interests, learning about new cultures, and practicing appreciation and gratitude for each other. No one knows the future, so attempt to enjoy the present without wishing for either more or better. When you focus too heavily on outcomes, you will undoubtedly miss out on small moments of joy in your relationship – such as warmth and connection built through intimacy and shared laughter. Do your best to appreciate small wins, no matter how seemingly insignificant. Talk to your partner about progress you notice and tell them how grateful you are for what they bring to the relationship. Try to avoid becoming intimidated by societal expectations of true love. Over time, as trust, understanding and appreciation develop between you, you'll gain a better sense of being able to work through any difficulties you encounter. You will learn how to address issues calmly and kindly – in addition to weaving strong bonds of loyalty, support and fondness over time. Aim to step back, recognize all the ways your relationship is progressing, and reflect on where you've come from. Whether or not you reach your goal of a long-term and successful relationship, don't forget to celebrate the milestones along the way.
  5. Dear eNotAlone: I'm so scared of being loved and I don't know what to do. Being with someone who loves me just doesn't seem comfortable or familiar; it seems uncomfortable, threatening and alien. I feel like the idea of being fully emotionally exposed terrifies me, and lingers in the back of my mind however hard I try to push it out. Every time someone expresses a level of genuine care for me, I push them away as if I don't deserve it or take it for granted. I don't really know why I have this fear, it just seems to be there when it feels like somebody is taking an interest in me. It's like my brain - or heart - puts up a guard before I can even think about how I feel. I don't know how to open up anymore. Is there something wrong with me, or am I just scared? What can I do to get over this, and let somebody in? * * * It sounds like you have been through some very difficult experiences which have left you feeling scared of being truly loved. This is understandable, but the good news is that there is a way forward. First and foremost, it is important to remember that everybody experiences fear and vulnerability, but that it is nothing to be ashamed of. Fear of being loved is a very common issue that many people struggle with, and it is normal to feel scared and anxious in this situation. The best way to start facing and dealing with your fears is to practice self-compassion and self-acceptance. Accepting yourself, flaws and all, is key to feeling confident and loving. You need to learn to love yourself before anyone else can. You could try writing down all the things you love and appreciate about yourself, or find affirmations on the internet that speak to you, and repeat them to yourself every day. To help you develop more trust towards people and towards relationships, try spending time around people who are supportive and make you feel safe. It is absolutely OK to take your time when it comes to trusting someone, and letting that person into your life. As long as your feelings are respected, letting people get to know you better can be a great way to learn how to open up and be vulnerable. In addition, therapy can be of great help if you need someone to talk to. Therapists provide a space for us to process our thoughts and feelings, and gain a better understanding of what is going on. We can learn how to manage our feelings and better cope with whatever challenges come our way. Take it one step at a time. Try to be kind to yourself, because this is part of the journey towards becoming more comfortable with being loved and finding love.
  6. I'm at my wits' end. I've been with my partner for 12 years. We have two children, no marriage license and we both believe that our relationship works even though there are times when we don't agree. Recently, I find myself suspecting my partner is cheating. But I've never caught him, nor found proof of any kind to suggest it - nothing concrete. The thought of him having an affair with someone else has taken a toll on me. Every day I can feel the fear inching further into my heart. I just can't shake these thoughts from my head. I'm needing advice on ways to handle my growing suspicious mindset and underlying fear of losing him, as well as finding out the truth without over stepping boundaries. * * * It sounds like you have a lot of difficult feelings and fears surrounding your partner's potential infidelity. Acknowledge the fact that you may never know the full truth, but by setting aside some time to examine your emotions and come to terms with the possible outcome, you may be able to take power back into your own hands. First and foremost, it's important to focus on improving your individual mental and emotional wellbeing. You've spent a significant amount of time being worried and afraid, but it's essential to start placing your energy into rebuilding a strong foundation that will help you get through whatever you eventually discover about your partner. A good lplace to start is to commit to self-care including spending quality time on activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as yoga, healthy cooking, painting, reading, going for a walk, etc. Secondly, consider talking to someone you trust and can talk freely to. It might be a close friend or family member, a counsellor or a mentor. Make sure you know what to expect before you go so you feel in control and prepared for the session. Talking about your experiences can often bring relief and fresh perspectives. Depending on how hot off the press the issue is, find out if insecurity or jealousy could be contributing to this. Perhaps it's a reaction to an unconscious pattern that's been brewing in either yourself or the relationship a while. Doing some research can give you more insights, such as reading books or articles, taking part in a support group, or having another conversation. You need to confront your initial feelings while accepting that having trust and respect always begins with yourself. You don't have to make any big decisions straight away - that final step is up to you. But you do have the power to heal, regain control and make peace with your situation.
  7. I never thought in a million years I would find myself where I am now, frantically searching for answers or someone to speak to. I'm 39 years old and relatively new to the concept of therapy, but if opening up to strangers is the only way to make sense of what I'm feeling, it's worth a try. I suppose it all started when my grandfather fell ill three months ago. Everywhere I read says he's going to make it, that survival rates are incredibly high. But despite these words of comfort, I can't help but feel an overwhelming and constant presence of dread gnawing at my core. I'm so scared he won't survive so much that I'm paralyzed with fear. My days are filled with stomach pains, crying fits, and self-loathing that I just can't seem to shake. The worst part? He's been conscious this whole time and aware of the severity of his illness and in the short amount of time available, I want desperately to make our remaining days together meaningful and happy. How though, when I'm crippled by terror and unable to communicate any of my feelings? My mom and dad have been walking on egg shells ever since we received the news and our conversations are limited. When we talk about the future I want to ask questions, to learn more about their thoughts, but out of some skewed sense of loyalty and respect, I choke back the hard ones – the ones that scare me most: "What if he dies?" Outside of my family, I'm surrounded by people who don't know my story, who I have to face day in and day out...on the worst days of my life. I do still manage to go through the motions, as if my ability to pretend nothing's wrong will bring him luck and make it all disappear. But, I'm exhausted by the facade and drained after every encounter. My friends, while they're sympathetic and kind, don't quite understand why I'm so anxious. They tell me I worry too much, that he's doing better than ever…but I can physically feel the fear inside my bones and because of it, I'm crippled and stuck in place. I've tried meditating and forcing myself to get out of my head, to exercise and journal and recognize I'm not alone. However, nothing works to take away the fear; the fear that I could lose him at any moment. All I want is to feel normal again but it's hard when even my faith rings hollow. Can you give me hope? Are there things I can do to save him and myself? * * * It sounds like you're absolutely terrified of losing your grandfather and with good reason. To be in such a situation can cause much abstraction and mental pain. But despite the challenges that come with having an ailing loved one, it is important to remember that there are strategies you can use to cope and get through this difficult time. First, remind yourself that although the situation is very real, it is also out of your control. Acknowledging that the passing of a loved one is part of life that no one can avoid can help provide some peace of mind. Although you may feel an unbearable sense of urgency, your ultimate goal should be to savour the time you have left and express your love for your grandfather. It is also ok to remove yourself from the situation occasionally. Even if your family does not completely understand it, focus your energy on what you need to do in order to keep yourself emotionally healthy. This could involve exercise, listening to music, or something else that helps clear your head and distance yourself from the uncertainty that this disease has created. Life can be unpredictable and although your present situation can seem like it will last forever, it will eventually come to a close. There is a certain comfort that comes with preparing for the future and planning for the road ahead. It will be painful, but talking to professional counsellor or joining a support group will also help in dealing with all the emotions that you have pent up during this time. They can provide you with the support and knowledge needed in order to work through your grief and agony and provide you with a safe space to process your conflicting emotions without judgement. And remember not to lose the optimistic perspective. In times like these, it's easy to forget that there are successes to be grasped. Focus on the positives like having family who will ride out the storm and stand by your side, no matter what. Also use the lessons from our past experiences in order to strengthen us and make us more resilient for future hardships. You are not alone in this process and if you continue to stay safe and self-care, there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Best of luck--it will be alright in the end.
  8. Dear eNotAlone: I feel like I'm in an impossible situation. As a child, I always felt like I was living someone else's dream. Growing up I thought when I became an adult I would be able to overcome this feeling and create my own dream and the life I wanted to live. But, now it feels like I'm stuck in a different scenario than I had envisioned. Over the years, I have gotten closer to my goal, but now I have hit a huge wall. I need advice on how to break this wall down. I think in order to get to where I want to go I need to take a risk that I am scared of taking. I need to take a step away from my comfort zone, but the thought of it feels overwhelming and intimidating. I don't know if I'm brave enough to do this on my own. I am struggling to figure out the best way to start my journey, but I'm afraid that it might all be for nothing. I'm constantly worrying about failure and I can't seem to find courage or motivation to take the plunge. I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing but I feel like so much of this journey is a complete unknown. All my life I have wanted to reach my goal, but with this big roadblock I feel like I'm switching back to old habits. What's the best way to break away from the fear and keep going? Is there any advice on how to leave my comfort zone and build up the courage to take a risk? Can you provide insight on ways to focus on the positive and reprogram my mind to ignore the fear of failure? * * * Facing fear can be daunting and overwhelming, but it can also lead to personal growth and joy. When it feels like you're in an impossible situation, remember that no problem is too great to overcome. Taking risks and leaving your comfort zone may make you feel apprehensive, but it's possible with the right mindset and strategy. To keep going and break away from the fear, it's important to focus on the positives that challenge you and offer potential. Start by thinking through what makes you unique and what skills or strengths you have that can be utilized. Highlighting these positive attributes can be a powerful tool for building up self-confidence. When determining the best way to start your journey, make sure to break down your goals into manageable chunks. It will help to have a list of smaller steps that you can use as milestones along the way. By working incrementally, it will make the task at hand seem like more of a challenge than an insurmountable wall. It's also essential to create a supportive network of people around you. Find trusted individuals who you can confide in about your fears, doubts, and hopes. Discussing your struggles and ambitions can help to provide new perspectives and provide encouragement when the going gets tough. utilize resources available in your community such as mentors or groups related to your goals. Conference calls, webinars, and books can help to guide you in the right direction. It can be difficult to break away from old habits and reprogram our minds to ignore fear of failure. Don't be deterred by potential setbacks and stay optimistic. Rather than fixating on the fear of failure, remind yourself why you are pursuing this challenge. Visualize the outcome and try to see yourself conquering obstacles head-on. Focusing on the ultimate reward can be motivating and give you the strength and courage to continue.
  9. Dear eNotAlone, I am in a troubling situation that I need help getting out of. I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost a year and we live together. He's amazing – kind, funny, and most of all, endlessly supportive. However, he isn't comfortable committing in any way. Everywhere I turn, whether it be my friends or family, I'm constantly reminded about how commitment-phobic he is. I am terrified of losing him and the thought of us breaking up petrifies me. We've discussed this issue many times, yet he still won't change his mind. I love him, but his noncommittal attitude has made me miserable. I'm desperately searching for ways to make him see that a committed relationship is not something to feae. I don't want to give up on us just because of this one problem, but I'm at a loss as to how to approach it. I need advice; what should I do? A Troubled Relationship-seeker Dear Troubled Relationship-seeker, It sounds like you are in an incredibly difficult and frustrating situation. Finding someone who loves and cares for you as much as your commitment-phobic partner does is a great blessing, so it is understandable why you're hanging on, hoping for a positive outcome. The first step towards finding a solution to your dilemma is for you to clearly understand your own needs. Re-evaluate yourself and try to identify why you want a committed relationship. Once you have a better understanding of what you want and why, it will be easier for you to communicate your needs to your partner. It is important that you also make sure you understand your partner's perspective. Fear of commitment can stem from various backgrounds, and there could be certain aspects in their past that have caused them to be hesitant to take things further. Compassion and patience can go a long way in helping you to get through this situation. Communication is key. Talk through things calmly and explain your feelings and your needs. Try to remain neutral and talk to your partner from a place of love, not frustration. Be open to discussion and ask your partner questions to gain insight into why they are afraid of making a commitment. Making progress towards committing to each other can take a long time, so it is important that you both remain patient and genuine in your attempts to overcome the fear. It may help for both of you to take some relationship counseling sessions, and if possible, speak to a therapist or a psychologist together, who can give invaluable advice on how to work through the impasse. It is understandable that the thought of the relationship ending petrifies you, but it is important to note that only your partner can decide what they are comfortable with, and they may not be able to give you the commitment that you need. Good luck, Troubled Relationship-seeker.
  10. Dreams are enigmatic and mysterious, offering glimpses into our hidden thoughts and feelings. But what happens when a dream involves getting back together with an old flame? What do you make of it, and more importantly, what do you do with it? The dreamer’s dilemma is a tricky one. The urge to follow through on the dream and reunite with the loved one can be strong, while the fear of getting hurt again can just as easily linger. When that happens it’s important to consider your options carefully, and think realistically before taking a leap into the unknown. It’s easy to gloss over the fact that relationships don’t always end for a single, simple reason. It can stem from multiple issues, from a lack of communication to incompatible lifestyles. These are all things that could still exist come reunion time, and need to be discussed openly in order for everything to move forward. Of course, this requires both you and your partner have the courage to honestly face all the reasons the relationship ended in the first place. Otherwise, solving conflicts might result in the same pattern of unfulfilling arguments and cycles of negative behavior. You need to look at the evidence and circumstantial facts, such as living in different cities, or past issues that you didn’t manage to tackle while being together. Then, compare them to your feelings, to understand how either of this factors in. Do you feel strongly enough about the relationship that these matters can be handled and solved? Are you sure these feelings are genuine and not borne out of loneliness or irrational hope? Because the truth is, getting back with an ex is an emotional journey, and nobody can predict the outcome. One thing’s for sure though, if you’re unable to talk clearly and objectively and get closure with the help of someone objective and impartial – a therapist, for example – then trying to revive the relationship isn’t appropriate. If anything, you’ll find yourself as painful stuck as when it ended. Dreams, however fleeting, have a powerful capacity to inspire and stir deep yearnings. This is why it’s important to explore the symbolism behind the dream, because it holds important clues as to how to handle reality. Taking the dream further can reveal your own hopes and ambitions, your strengths and weaknesses as well as motivations. If, after careful consideration, it’s determined there’s still something between you and your old flame, trust in it rather than your fears. As life’s unpredictability can’t ever be predicted or controlled, the only thing one can do is go for it. Own up to the changes and uncertainties in your life, and use them to figure out what’s best for you. So, go ahead, take a look back and see if it could work. With humility and judiciousness, you may be able to recreate the love and start something new. However, if your tests get inconclusive results, don’t be too hard on yourself. Maybe the dream was only wishful thinking that had to be experienced so that it can be tucked away, cozy and secure within your heart.
  11. Trust is an incredibly important element of any healthy relationship, especially those involving fearful avoidants. Without trust, it can be difficult to take the next step and fully open up with your partner. While developing trust takes time, this article will focus on the key ingredients or steps necessary for a fearful avoidant to trust their partner. It is important to remember that for trust to exist in any relationship, there must be an element of safety. Fearful avoidants have typically been through various traumas, so it is essential that you feel this sense of security in the relationship. This does not happen overnight and requires patience and understanding from the other person. Consider talking about past experiences that left a lasting impact, as this serves as a reminder to both individuals of the importance of showing compassion and unconditional support. Second, trust requires mutual respect. Mutual respect means having an appreciation for the differences between two people while still validating each others thoughts and feelings. By creating a safe space to talk openly and honestly, this can bring couples closer together, remove doubts, and create understanding. Respect also involves being able to listen without judgment and without giving unsolicited advice. Instead, offer comfort and support in any conversations that are disturbing or make the person uncomfortable. Third, trust takes consistency and commitment. Observing how the other person behaves in different scenarios gives the fearful avoidant a good indication of whether their partner is consistently dependable. Commitment is evidenced through following through on promises and providing ongoing support when needed. It is essential that both people are willing to work hard and make sacrifices even when life events become difficult or challenging. Trust requires self-awareness and inner strength. Each individual should strive to become more aware of any underlying fears or worries that may interfere in the relationship, and utilize any healthy coping techniques such as exercising, meditating, talking with friends/family, or journaling as needed. Taking time out of your day to reflect on your values, beliefs, emotions and working on building emotional resilience is important, as these measures help to greatly improve relationships. Above all else, practice self-love and accept yourself for who you are, including the areas you would like to work on. Though developing trust is a long journey, it is by no means impossible. With patience, consistent effort and dedication, a fearful avoidant can regain the trust of their partner and experience the connection, love and happiness that comes with trusting someone fully.
  12. Have you ever been in a relationship and noticed yourself changing? Maybe it’s someone who makes you so antsy and anxious that all of your negative behaviors start to come out, pushing this potential love away before it even had a chance to take off? Well, that’s fear. Fear has the potential to cripple our spiritual growth and ruin any intimate connection we could have with another. Fear can have us doing things we never thought we'd do—living in the shadows of sadness, watching other couples in awe, wishing upon a star to make our dreams come true. But, perhaps there’s more to it than just simply wanting something that isn’t being achieved. Have you ever caught yourself in an act where you’re pushing away the love that is right in front of you? If so, these are the bad habits that may be blocking it from growing. For some, they might look down on themselves whenever they’re in a relationship, feeling so unworthy that they don’t want to invest their time or energy into something that may not work out. Under those circumstances, self-pity consumes the individual and limits any chance for love to come in. This is a very common problem for many, and it’s worth noting that if love isn’t welcomed when it comes knocking, then it won’t stay for long. Another bad habit which often cultivates fear within a relationship is the inability to trust. It’s almost impossible to make something work when one person doesn’t believe in the intentions of the other. It could stem from lashing out, reading too far into things, or simply not understanding the complexities of communication—all things that can cause an individual to become excessively paranoid. And the worst part is, this paranoia leads to a vicious cycle wherein any chance of freedom is erased and thus, suffocating the relationship into oblivion. The lack of communication is also something that can paint a cloudy picture and push love away. Whether it be due to shyness or just a general mismatch of communication styles, people need to talk through their thoughts and feelings in order to create a safe environment to express themselves and build trust. If speculation begins to fill the space between two people, fear will begin to consume and the flames of love will be extinguished—leaving only smoldering ashes in its wake. The people around us—family, friends, co-workers, etc.—can often play an instrumental role in whether or not a relationship works. Sometimes, individuals will become attached to a security blanket of support and forget how to find strength within themselves; other times, people allow their inner circle to influence their decisions which could ultimately leave one feeling vulnerable and scared of what the outcome could be. Bad habits, in different forms, can often creep their way into relationships before they begin, but they also have their way of presenting themselves afterwards. It’s important to recognize them in order to break away from the cycle of fear and use that energy to create something beautiful with love. It won’t be easy because self-reflection takes courage, but with the help of trusted witnesses and understanding, we can learn to live and love anew. The sky's the limit!
  13. The search for a meaningful relationship is an age-old quest. Whether it's driven by a desire for companionship, companionship or even a need for validation, the quest for lasting love can be filled with pitfalls. But when the result of a quest is a relationship based on loneliness, not love, individuals can find themselves in a barren wasteland filled with alienation and despair. Finding a balance between companionship and independence can be difficult, but it's essential for all relationships. A relationship based on loneliness is often marked by insecurity, fear, and neediness. Here are three signs that the relationship might be based more on fear and loneliness than trust and love. The first sign of a lonely relationship is a sense of jealousy. In a healthy relationship, jealousy is natural, but it's usually fueled by some insecurity in the relationship or a fear of abandonment. If one or both partners feel the need to constantly check up on one another, control who they speak to, or become overly possessive and demanding, it could be a sign of deeper issues. Another warning sign is a need for constant companionship. When someone fears being alone and finds solace in another person without making sure there is mutual value and attraction, it could be a sign of loneliness driving the relationship. Much like a dependency on drugs or alcohol, loneliness can lead to an addiction of sorts where individuals rely on other people for their happiness and well-being. If individuals don't feel like they can be completely genuine and vulnerable, it could be another sign. When two people in a relationship suppress their true desires and dreams in order to maintain a self-image that pleases the other person, it could be a sign of insecurity and fear. When individuals can't be open and honest with each other and don't support each other's passions and interests, the foundation of the relationship is unstable. While relationships build on fear and loneliness might provide certain comforts, it's important to remember that they are built on an unsustainable foundation that can eventually lead to sadness, hurt, and even depression. Authentic relationships require honesty, trust, and an understanding that there can be different opinions without forfeiting respect. Before leaping into a relationship, it's important to take the time to build the connection and make sure that both partners' needs are met equally. Love is the ultimate fuel for a relationship and it might take a certain amount of courage to admit when a relationship isn't what it's supposed to be. Though it can be easier to stay in an unhealthy connection than to face loneliness again, it's important to remember that a non-fulfilling relationship will only lead to resentment and bitterness. With courage, strength, and the ability to be honest about what one wants and needs, individuals can find the authentic relationships they desire.
  14. For many guys, approaching a girl and making a move to get her phone number can be intimidating and often times terrifying. Many men remain stuck in the same place they’ve always been—too afraid to take chances, no matter what the consequences might be. If this sounds like you, then this advice article is here to help you take those first steps towards getting a girl’s phone number. The goal of this article is to help you become more confident when it comes time to talk to girls and make a move. To do this, you must become aware of the fear that holds you back and learn to work around it so you can become the best version of yourself when talking to the opposite sex. By learning to conquer your fear and take chances, you will find yourself well on your way to getting a girl’s phone number. The first thing you need to do to overcome your fear is to recognize it. Once you become aware of the fear, you can take steps to overcome it. Acknowledge that it is there and decide whether or not it is worth bringing into your newfound confidence. Instead of being overwhelmed by fear, use it as motivation to prove yourself wrong. Once you’ve identified your fear and accepted the fact that it is there, the next step is to determine what it is exactly that is preventing you from taking action. Are you terrified of rejection? Are you afraid of looking foolish? Are you unsure of what to say? Once you have determined the source of your fear, you can take steps to overcome it. To start, if you’re afraid of rejection, practice putting yourself out there in other environments. Go out to meet new people, join a club, volunteer your time for a cause—anything that helps you gain comfort in a situation where people can turn you down without any major consequences. This will also give you an atmosphere where you can practice introducing yourself and having conversations with strangers. This will help you build confidence and learn how to carry a conversation. If you are afraid of looking foolish, give yourself a reality check. The truth is, sometimes we all look foolish. No matter who you are, there are going to be moments that won't go your way. Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes and be a bit awkward—everyone experiences that. That being said, if you aren’t exactly sure what to say, practice by engaging in conversations with family and friends. Now it’s time for the fun part—making the move! You’ve come a long way in overcoming your fear and gaining confidence. Remember, you don’t necessarily have to ask for a girl’s phone number right away. Instead, start off by simply introducing yourself and having a conversation. During the conversation, bring up something interesting or ask her about a hobby or topic that she is passionate about. Being yourself and having an enjoyable conversation will make it easier to eventually make the move to asking for her phone number. When it comes time to finally ask for the phone number, don’t be scared. Stay in the moment and don’t think too much before making the move. Instead, just go with your gut. Remember, be confident and don’t be afraid of what might happen if you don’t ask. Things could go your way, and you could end up with a new phone number. No doubt, you will feel overwhelmed and nervous when putting yourself out there, but this is part of the journey. The only way to conquer your fear and take the first step is to try. By allowing yourself to take chances and getting comfortable with the idea of failure, you will discover an inner strength and confidence that will help you take those all-important first steps to getting a girl’s phone number. So, take a deep breath, trust yourself, and just do it.
  15. Having the courage to break free from comfort zones and take a new path can be daunting. Even the most prepared individual can get overwhelmed by the feeling of uncertainty that follows this decision. But making such a leap is often necessary for personal growth. If you have recently decided to leave the safety of familiarity, especially because you are scared, it is vital to pause and assess how much of what you feel is actually fear and how much of it is truly a justified reaction. Fear and anxiety are essential tools that your body uses to keep you safe, so they should not be disregarded or discounted. Differentiated from a real survival threat, however, these feelings can also be created to protect an emotional state or mindset that our belief system holds dear. It is often easier for individuals to stay within their comfort zone and even become accustomed to certain sources of pain, discomfort and insecurity then to face the unknown. When making a life-altering decision, you should remember that people rarely regret taking a risk, but will often regret deciding to stay in an unfulfilling and stressful situation. You must reflect on whether or not your decision to leave is rooted in the fear of letting go of something or “fear of the fear” itself. Fear of the fear refers to the fear of the unknown that comes with taking a risk, while fear of letting go involves the dread of being without something familiar. No matter how frightening it may seem, know that it is better to take a leap of faith and explore a new world rather than staying in an environment that no longer serves you. Understand that breaking free from anything that confines you is difficult and perhaps the scariest thing of all. This bravery is not measured by others, but by your own capacity to overcome your inner struggles and doubts. It is natural to anticipate every risk to your physical or emotional wellbeing as a potential cause for failure. That is why it is important to define what success means for you personally and to focus on that rather than the need to meet someone else’s expectations. Consider the joyous and freeing feeling of conquering something or reaching a goal that seemed too far away. Every step you take beyond your comfort zone is a step towards greatness. Symbolically, the sun is our representation of new beginnings and fresh starts. While a ray of sunshine will not necessarily make all of your fears disappear, new beginnings will bring about a change of perspective and perspective is everything. The strongest courage you will ever possess is embedded in your willingness to adjust your attitude and to create your own vision of success. Take a deep breath in and let yourself wander in the possibilities that unfold before you. Become aware that it is acceptable to feel scared but to always look at the brighter side of things. Remember that neither fear nor hope can help you to achieve success, but they can both weaken or strengthen your resolve. Approach the journey of facing life’s fears on a one day at a time basis if needs be. Break it down into achievable tasks, rewards and milestones and don’t forget to appreciate every small accomplishment along the way. Know that you have courage beyond measure. Having the strength to reassess your current state will help you to make a sound decision and eventually find relief. You left your comfort zone because you are scared, and now it’s time to open yourself up to new and exciting opportunities. Celebrate your bravery and the enjoyment that awaits you.
  16. The fear of abandonment can be a harrowing journey to overcome. It’s a fear that is embedded deep in our brains and so easy to throw ourselves into. Once someone has left or shut us down in a moment of vulnerability, it's so easy to believe that this could and will happen again. We allow it to fuel our fears and start to believe that others too may do the same. Unlearning these fears however, can be an intensely difficult process, one that takes time and trusting yourself. The first thing to remember when you’re on the road to recovery is that it's okay to take your time. Panic and anxiety about situations and individuals can help fester the fear of abandonment, so it's important to stop when you need to and check back in with yourself. Ask yourself ‘where is this fear coming from? What are the triggers?’ This process can be incredibly therapeutic and self-reflective. It's important to take the time to reflect and trust yourself that you can change these thought patterns in time. Despite the fear of course, it's also important to open up and trust as well. It's a delicate balance, but one that is achievable. This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships, it applies to family and friends too. Opening yourself up to people, being vulnerable and sharing stories can create huge connections and help ease the fear. Being honest with yourself about how you feel, whilst allowing for mistakes and imperfections in conversations and relationships, can be huge steps towards unlearning this kind of fear. Having a support system around you can also give great comfort and help to alleviate feelings of abandonment. Friends, family, and therapists, who can provide a platform to talk through these issues can often help to ease the fear. Having an understanding, non-judgmental person to talk to can feel like a weight lifted – it's amazingly reassuring to have someone tell you that it's ok and that you can move through these fears one step at a time. Reward yourself too, along the way. Track your progress, acknowledging what it must have taken to get out of your own head and make a change. Think of all the small but strong things you’ve done, that you are doing, and those that you wish to do along the way. Celebrating yourself, your dreams, and your progress can be a powerfully comforting process. Learning to let go of external validation and pressing the reset button of self-love and self-respect can bring to light how resilient and worthy you actually are. Moving away from the fear should never be seen as giving up on vulnerability. Allowing yourself to be emotionally exposed can create powerful and long lasting relationships with those around you, and once we become aware of it, can be so helpful in moving on from the fear of abandonment. With patience, self-love, establishing a strong support group, and having faith in the process, it's possible to work through these pains of fear and learn to be happy and liberated. Have courage and trust that no matter what, you can find inner strength to build on.
  17. The Hardest Part of Asking Her Out Asking out that special girl can be one of the scariest, most nerve-wracking moments of a man’s life. It doesn’t matter if you’re a seasoned veteran of the dating world or a novice looking for your very first date, the hardest part is mustering up the courage to ask her. Even when you have that perfect little speech all laid out in your head, doubt and fear can cripple your willpower. Knowing how to handle this kind of pressure can be difficult. Everyone has different methods of dealing with anxiety, and it’s important to find the method that works for you. Practice makes perfect though, so only repetition can fix your fear. Asking out as many girls as possible is one way to boost your self-confidence. Even if every attempt fails, you’ll eventually become self-assured and get the courage to ask out that special girl. However, even if you do manage to find the nerve to really go for it, you could still face rejection. Girls may accept or decline your invitation to go out. Ironically, the one person you really want to like you could very well be the one who rejects you. Knowing that possibility exists can make it especially hard to actually follow through on the request. Still, there are ways to do it without being too forward or creepy. First off, you should make sure you two run in the same social circles. That way, there’s already a connection between you two and she won’t feel like a stalker is hitting on her. Once you’ve established some common ground, you’ll be in a better position to ask her out. The key is to be straightforward, but not too aggressive. Don’t beat around the bush, but don’t come across as demanding or entitled either. Start by inducing some interesting conversation with her. When she shows interest in talking to you, it’s a good sign that she’s interested in getting to know you better. When you get that feeling, suggest something casual like having lunch or going for a walk. Make sure you take into consideration her preferences and interests. By doing that, she’ll see that you’re taking the time to listen and understand her. That will subconsciously fill her with romantic thoughts and by then, it should be easy to suggest something more adventurous and fun. Lastly, be polite and patient when it comes to asking someone out. Don’t be too pushy or insistent if she declines your offer. Every person has the right to say no to any invitation. Simply respect her decision, thank her for her time, and move on in a graceful manner. The toughest part of asking out a girl isn’t just saying the words, but finding the mental strength to do it. Accepting the reality that rejection is a possibility helps to alleviate the fear. You just have to stay strong, find courage within yourself, and take the initiate. With patience and understanding, you’ll eventually be able to break that wall and ask her out.
  18. Strength begets strength. How many times have you heard that phrase as an encouragement to keep going, even when the path ahead seems long and hard? But what if strength itself was something that was hard to come by? What if you feel not only depleted of resolve and power, but also weighed down by the knowledge that those around you don’t truly respect or esteem you? The truth is, seeking the approval of others to feel worthy and respected can be a heavy load to carry. We can put off building that strength until we’ve “proven” ourselves and earned respect from important people in our lives. But, actually, the opposite is true—nothing builds true strength like giving yourself permission to simply be who you are and own your life. This is where self-esteem and respect come from, first and foremost. Naturally, this isn’t always easy. Everyone has their own version of an “inner critic,” that little part of the mind that over-analyzes and second-guesses. It can be difficult to stand up to that part of our brains and convince it we are worthy of esteem, respect, and pride in our own endeavours. But here are a few tips that can help open the mind to the idea of looking inward for self-assurance and true strength, rather than outward for validation. Start With Gratitude When feelings of insecurity and low self-worth creep in, it’s easy to forget that life can and does bring wonderful things without our needing to seek out outside approval and validation. Take a few moments each morning to think about, acknowledge, and appreciate the things you are and have in this moment. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not being flatteringly perfection yet—it’s a process, not a switch to be flipped instantaneously. Celebrate small victories, and don’t try to achieve greatness all at once. Forgive Your Mistakes Everyone makes mistakes, everyone slips up, everyone feels riddled with doubt, stress, and anxiety. Rather than burying or ignoring your missteps and self-doubt, learn to recognize and forgive them. Make sure to acknowledge the underlying reasons why you made the mistake or why you were feeling negative emotions. You could also use this as an opportunity to learn how to pivot onto a more productive mindset. By recognizing our personal flaws and mistakes, we can learn how to work on better ways to engage with our mental space and more easily refocus our attention onto the positive. Acknowledge Fear While Moving Ahead We know fear is inevitable. It’s natural and nothing to be ashamed of. That said, it is important to understand when fear is stopping us from growing, and to take steps to counter it. Start by recognizing your fear—name it and then create a plan to tackle it! By accepting what scares you and understanding it, you will become better equipped to confront it and overcome it. Be Kind To Yourself Finally, a practice of self-gentleness is key. Too often people criticize themselves that they would never say to another person. When uncomfortable thoughts enter your mind, simply observe them and recognize that those negative voices or judgements need not define who you are. In its place, replace those messages with things which encourage or support your own growth. For example, try verbalizing an affirmation like “I am capable and I can do this,” or “I’m strong, I’m resourceful, and I won’t give up.” Show yourself the same level of kindness, patience, and understanding you might extend to someone else that you care about. Gaining respect involves developing a foundation of esteem and respect for yourself. When the focus shifts away from seeking the good opinion of others and back to nourishing your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, you begin to build true strength.
  19. When one is faced with making a hard decision such as a break-up, the subsequent uncertainty of the future can seem overwhelming and a precipitous decision can be made much worse by the feeling of being alone in the situation. The unanswerable questions swirling in one's head can seem absolutely paralyzing. How do you know if a break-up is right for you? Will your life improve or be worse off? If this break-up is necessary, how do you go about doing it? What will the fallout look like? It’s easy to become so preoccupied with these out of control thoughts that you can't make any progress. It’s ok to recognize that a break-up is complicated. Acknowledging that making a decision of this magnitude will have far reaching implications can prevent knee-jerk reactions. There are many people who have gone through this journey before you and knowing that there is hope from their shared experience can give you the courage to take that first step towards creating a better life for yourself. Take time to thoughtfully consider why you believe a break-up is right for you in the long run. You don't need to be perfect and have all the answers, but having a basic understanding of what led you to this point can help you remain grounded while considering the biggest question of the moment: should I stay or should I go? Looking at the big picture instead of simply responding to what’s going on in the present can bring clarity and direction. Giving yourself space to be honest about how a break-up would affect your friends, family, and other relationships is important. Confusion arises when we isolate ourselves and only look at the role of the two people involved without considering the impact on everyone else. Is the change worth the remaining pain? Could a different course of action create the same future outcome with less disruption? Consider these questions mindfully before proceeding. Once you've taken all this into consideration, think about who you can turn to for support during this time. Everyone processes grief differently, and it's okay to get extra help when needed. Talk to trusted friends and family who will listen and provide invaluable guidance. Though difficult conversations will be necessary, having someone there to guide you through the difficult moments can reduce fear and anxiety and significantly increase your sense of well being. If all else fails and you still don't know what to do, offer yourself kindness. Mistakes will be made and emotions often fluctuate, but that doesn't mean you're wrong or that you can't recover. Allow yourself to move forward, even when it's uncomfortable. Remind yourself that life won't remain the same and no matter the outcome you have the capacity to take it day by day, step by step. Breaking up isn't easy, but preparing for it doesn't have to be daunting. Taking the time to be honest and thoughtful, assessing both the options and the possible implications, and considering all the people involved can give you invaluable insight and provide perspective on how you want to move forward.
  20. The idea of being vulnerable – especially when it comes to sharing our insecurities with our partners – is one that makes most of us uneasy. But what if it were the key to deepening emotional intimacy in a partnership? It may seem daunting, but experts suggest that making yourself vulnerable can lead to much greater connection and intimacy. Opening up and allowing yourself your partner to observe your vulnerabilities can bring you closer than any other interaction. The truth is, revealing our insecurities in a relationship is essential for emotional safety. Though it may feel scary, sharing your fears and anxieties helps your partner understand and appreciate your true self, fostering trust and opening the door for more emotional intimacy. Keeping our partners in the dark about our feelings contributes to feelings of disconnect and defensiveness, resulting in a tense and unfulfilling environment. All of us, at some point in our lives, have experienced the loneliness and alienation of an environment of mistrust and misunderstanding. When we begin to understand this concept of vulnerability in a relationship, we must also consider how it is expressed. Telling your partner when you’re insecure requires courage as, often times, our insecurities don't manifest in clear terms. Rather, they tend to show themselves subtly and indirectly, through techniques such as avoidance, arguments, passivity, or aggression. In a situation such as this, couples can succumb to paralyzing fear or blame and shame, creating an atmosphere of silence, deflection, and confusion. That's why the courage to be direct and honest about feelings of insecurity is crucial for healthy interpersonal relationships. Instead of compounding our own worries and criticisms upon each other, honesty creates a space where both partners are comfortable in expressing who they really are. This is especially important in relationships that require more freedom and understanding. For example, if you’re a creative person struggling with your work, having an authentic (even if uncomfortable) conversation about it, allows your partner to help motivate and support you without feeling like the source of criticism or scrutiny. Love and emotional closeness are based on mutual acceptance, understanding, and emotional support; this foundation will help keep the relationship strong, despite any struggles or frustrations that arise. When we allow ourselves to love and trust freely, it gives us the opportunity to create an emotionally fulfilling and intimate relationship with our partner. The journey of uncovering our insecurities isn't always easy, but it’s one that has immense potential to bring oxymoronic warmth and clarity. The transparency of understanding our own true selves, and allowing others to get to know them too, leads us towards a path of deepened emotional intimacy.
  21. There is nothing more awe-inspiring and daunting than the moment when a man stares death in the face. It is a rite of passage unlike no other, and those who strength to take it will never be the same again. It is a sobering yet incredibly real experience that comes out of nowhere. Whether it’s a life-altering accident, a serious illness, or just a brush with mortality, men are tested in a manner that can leave them forever changed. It is a moment rife with fear and uncertainty, grappling with mortality, and leaving a lasting mark on the passer-by. Like a mighty chasm, the divide between life and death is an internal battle that will challenge everything within the individual. No single act can prepare a man for this surreal experience, but it's a journey everyone must make. The moment itself is often a confusing haze of emotions, thoughts and memories, flooding into a soul and pulling you towards an inevitable conclusion in a way that no one can truly understand unless they experience it themselves. As terrifying as this solemn moment may appear, most men agree that there is an undeniable comfort when facing death. Everything falls away and what remains is purely instinct. One’s world is simplified, worries seem paltry, and material possessions become meaningless. There is a certain peace that pervades in such moments when a man confronts his mortality and comes to terms with his own mortality. In a way, men are tested on the grandest level and may find that their weaknesses—fears, anxieties and inner demons—finally get revealed. Only by overcoming these daunting mental barriers can a man reach true liberation from the anxieties he has felt all his life. With this realization, he is able to recognize himself in a different light and accept what lies ahead. Staring death in the face is not only a moment of liberation, but it is a rite of passage into a different plane of understanding. As old paradigms of thought and feeling melt away, a man can finally understand himself in ways unseen. There is no greater journey than one of self-discovery and when a man chooses to stare death in the face, he can finally find the courage to pursue it no matter the outcome. So although the thought of such a journey may be intimidating, it can also lead to great discoveries, newfound courage and ultimately a form of serenity that awaits those brave enough to take the plunge. The final passage may come all too soon, but it is the ultimate rite of passage for a man.
  22. Falling in love with your friend is a vulnerable situation. After all, friends know us best and, due to the level of comfort established between you both, the relationship can slide into a more intimate direction with ease. But boiling emotions can cause anxiety and lead to burning questions like “what if I get hurt?”. Your heart feels courageous and free and scared all at the same time – it’s a wild ride with no clear destination in sight. The truth is, you can't predict what will happen when romantic feelings blossom between two people. Unfortunately, there's no accurate guidebook for navigating this frequent, confusing human experience. Wonder, second-guessing and uncertainty are normal – yet difficult to handle – emotions. It can be tempting to avoid taking a risk out of fear of getting hurt, but that would leave you in an even worse position. By waiting, by clinging to the fear, you are inadvertently limiting the chances of connecting deep with someone and instead throwing yourself closer to loneliness and emptiness. One way to cope with the feelings generated by this overwhelming situation is to go inward and pay attention to the conversations you have with yourself. It’s important to recognize how your thoughts shape your reality. Many of us are trapped in unhealthy mental loops set to pessimism mode and reticent to positive change. Consequently, the longer we entertain these toxic beliefs, the weaker our decision-making capacity becomes. When we take the time to analyze and evaluate our inner dialogue, however, we can create alternative perspectives and make better decisions. Even though it can be hard, don’t be afraid to challenge yourself by asking tough questions, such as “How can I turn this situation into a positive transformative experience for myself?”. It also helps to remember that, although humans rely deeply on relationships and connections with others, our identities should not depend solely on them. The relationships we establish can provide valuable warmth, understanding and comfort; however, it's important to remain true to ourselves and keep our sense of self intact. There’s nothing wrong with relying on people to help us make sense of things or shoulder the burden of sadness when necessary, but it's equally important to accept full responsibility for the person we become in the process. Furthermore, focusing on building tenderness toward yourself—rather than for someone else—is essential. Deepening personal relationships can offer a sense of belonging and connection, which helps in facing life’s struggles with courage and resilience. To achieve this we must be patient with ourselves and eager to forgive mistakes, as no one is perfect. Nurturing self-compassion can help you move forward as you undertake the challenge of accepting who you are and where you are right now. Self-love has the same base of compassion that we extend to our loved ones, but its soil needs to be tended to daily and nurtured through various paths of learning, practicing and discovering the many aspects that characterize us as unique individuals. Falling in love with a friend can be a powerful journey full of highs and lows. At times, it can feel like riding a rollercoaster. Fear and anxiety can stop you from embracing the adventure and trusting that everything will fall into place as it should. Allowing yourself to consider the possibility of something new, allowing yourself to take risks, allowing yourself to be vulnerable in order to fill the emptiness–this is the key to healing. It comes down to deciding what kind of joy you want in your life. Taking blind leaps of love with someone you care about may hurt; it may also bring beautiful and meaningful moments. Authenticity and growth come from living with an open heart, but only if you are willing to push back the dark veil of fear to see what lies beyond. ---
  23. Most everyone experiences feelings of abandonment at some point, sometimes sparking a fear of future relationships or engagements. This fear of being left again can cause us to become anxious and stressed, and ultimately, sometimes lead us down a dark path of loneliness, doubt and fear. But all of these emotions can be alleviated with the right knowledge, understanding and resources. There are several factors that can trigger a fear of abandonment. Past relationships might have left a negative imprint, leaving us feeling unnamed and unworthy of love. A fear of abandonment may also stem from our need for parental approval or acceptance in childhood—perhaps feeling let down due to our parents’ lack of presence. Even today, a particularly harsh word from a partner, boss or friend can cause us to think that we are not being accepted or wanted, heightening a sense of abandonment. All abandonment-related anxieties don’t typically come about overnight; it requires effort and time to gain awareness and understanding of the root of our feelings. So, how do we take action and move past these unwelcome feelings that hold us back from greater successes? The first step is to work on building the self-confidence needed to cope with the vulnerability that is frequently experienced in any situation that involves the potential for abandonment. This can be done through finding supportive people around you who build upon a positive self-image, talking to a therapist and focusing on your inner strengths. Learning how to “unplug” when emotions begin to manifest and teaching ourselves how to effectively manage our emotions will also help us take control of our fear of abandonment. In addition to gaining control of our responses, it is important to maintain a level of healthy detachment. This does not necessarily mean refraining from investing ourselves wholeheartedly into relationships, but rather, finding security in our own ability to feel complete as an individual before needing validation from someone else. This means not displacing our sense of self-worth onto another person, which can backfire by stripping away their own autonomy. Making a conscious effort to establish healthy boundaries and know when it is time to put ourselves first is key to allowing us to take care of ourselves emotionally without sacrificing our deeper social connections. It helps us feel in control of more delicate aspects of our life and relationships, such as allowing us to be vulnerable without fear. Enacting behaviors that employ careful collaboration between both self-care and intimacy allows us to form meaningful relationships while using the tools and knowledge necessary to keep our anxiety balanced. Taking these steps will not only ensure you are on the correct path towards loving yourself, but provide confidence and support to protect yourself from debilitating fears or grievances of abandonment. With these strategies to confront a fear of abandonment, you can navigate the tumultuous waters of the psyche and find peaceful sailing ahead.
  24. When it comes to trust in a romantic relationship, it’s natural to be cautious. Relationships require you to open up your heart and allow someone else to come close, even when your life experience has left you careful. Most of us have been hurt some way in the past, and so many people are hesitant to trust that kind of vulnerability to another person. The thing is though, relationships are an essential part of life - a way to grow and evolve, to learn and strengthen yourself. They can add value to our lives, and offer us companionship, love, and support. But even when we know those things intellectually, it's still hard for some of us to accept that kind of vulnerability in practice. It’s important to remember that we should never dishonor our intuition, but at times our anxieties over likely future experiences can cloud our judgement and lead to mistrust. The first step when you’re feeling doubt or fear creeping in is to take a step back and try to view the situation objectively. Taking a moment to pause and think can remove some of the emotion, giving us a clearer perspective. If the feeling persists, try to explore if there’s something deeper behind it. Ask yourself what’s causing the mistrust or worry. Is it the actions of your partner, or is it a learned pattern of behavior within you? If the issue resides within you, you must look longer and deeper than the moment of doubt to determine where it originates from. Don’t be afraid to take a deep dive into understanding the issues behind your emotional reactions - that’s a key part of trusting yourself. In some cases, it’s possible that you may have been betrayed or investigated in SOME women's past, whether through a partner or through another relationship in your life. Those instances can cause you to have deep-seated feelings of distrust and insecurity. In those cases, it's optimal to accept the feelings you have, but to reevaluate them and face them in the present day. It may be necessary to take care of your emotions with qualified professionals like a therapist or psychotherapist. Building trust in relationships takes time and patience - like everything else in life. It involves observing if your partner’s words match his behaviour, being vulnerable, forgiving mistakes, and believing in the positive outcome. With honest dialogue and a combination of rational thinking, emotional understanding, and hard work, you will eventually be able to trust wholeheartedly. It’s normal and natural to feel some clouds of worry in relationships. It’s important to remember that ultimately, we’re responsible for our own feelings and to take the time to make sure we’re being a fair judge of ourselves and our relationships. Doing the inner emotional work, taking a few steps away from a stressful emotional state and looking at it objectively, and being able to forgive and accept both our past and our current partners are all integral steps in allowing ourselves to feel secure and trust again.
  25. Dating someone online who seems to be “the one” can foster an intense level of excitement and hope. Yet, when they won’t agree to meet in person, the thrill can quickly turn to apprehension. The urge to question the authenticity of the relationship can become overwhelming and the underlying fear of rejection hard to ignore. Online romance can often leave us guessing, worrying, and struggling with our own choices. And with all things, it is important to remember that caution with both our hearts and finances is key. Before committing emotionally to a relationship that may not exist it’s best to practice healthy skepticism. When seeking love online it’s frequently necessary to make certain compromises. The ability to meet in person should not be one of them. To truly get to know someone a face to face meeting is necessary. It is worth pausing long enough to acknowledge that a refusal to meet in person could be a red flag that needs careful consideration. No one should ever accept an excuse which implies an inability or unreadiness to meet. Examples may include vague messages regarding family obligations, health issues, lack of resources, fear or anxiety. It’s essential to look carefully at the substructure of such excuses. Are they hiding something unexpected or unusual such as: * They are married or living with someone else * They don’t have a valid passport * They live far away * They are under age When we’re met with reluctance from someone we don’t know well the hesitation is usually justified. Before making any attempt to push the situation, take a step back and research further. Begin by taking a look at their social media profiles for extra clarity. Look for details like job status, access to funds, other connections. Evaluating these connections could help confirm whether or not a physical meeting will happen. It’s also beneficial to accept that sometimes things don’t move forward when we hope they will. Allowing forces of change to take place is sometimes necessary. This includes a wide array of things such as location, time, lifestyles and relationships. If a refusal to meet persists considers getting the assistance of a third-party mediator. When the person declines, this can signal the need for a professional. Hiring a private investigator may be difficult to accept but can be necessary in certain cases. Dating someone online can instill a deep yearning for intimacy and connection. It’s important to recognize that when there are signs that this connection will never evolve in to something more tangible, it’s time to not make excuses for the situation. Accept what is, and put forth the effort to begin exploring other possibilities.
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