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  1. Key Takeaways: Unusual availability signals interest. Deep emotional connections are telltale. Secretive actions hint at hidden feelings. Priority shifts often indicate love. Navigating the Complexities of Unspoken Love In the realm of human emotions and relationships, few scenarios are as fraught with confusion and moral dilemma as recognizing the signs a married man is in love with you. This article embarks on a delicate exploration of this sensitive issue, aiming to illuminate the subtleties of unspoken love. The complexities involved in such situations are immense, often entangled with societal expectations, personal morals, and the inevitable emotional turmoil. The journey into understanding these signs is not just about identifying them; it's about connecting with the myriad of emotions you, as the reader, might be experiencing. It's about feeling seen, understood, and guided through a labyrinth of feelings that no one prepares you for. The acknowledgment of these signs opens up a Pandora's box of questions about love, loyalty, and personal happiness. With empathy and expertise, we delve into the nuanced indications of a married man's affections towards you. From the subtle to the overt, these signs are navigational beacons in understanding his true feelings. However, recognizing them also brings about a significant emotional burden, one that requires careful navigation and introspection. This introduction serves as a prelude to a comprehensive guide designed to help you decipher the intricate signals of love from a married man. While the signs themselves are a focus, the emotional journey they represent is of equal importance. It's about finding clarity amidst confusion and making informed decisions that align with your values and desires. As we venture deeper into this guide, remember that the situation you find yourself in is unique, and so are your feelings. The signs of a married man in love with you are not just indicators of his affection but also mirrors reflecting your own emotional landscape. This article aims to be a beacon of understanding and support as you navigate these uncharted waters. Embarking on this journey requires courage and honesty, both with yourself and with the complexities of the human heart. It's a path that may lead to unexpected revelations about love, relationships, and ultimately, about yourself. This introduction is but the first step towards understanding the depth and breadth of unspoken love, inviting you to explore with an open heart and a clear mind. Let us begin by exploring the first and perhaps most telling sign of a married man's love: his unusual availability. 1. Unusual Availability One of the first signs that a married man is harboring deeper feelings for you is his unusual availability. This behavior transcends the norms of casual friendship, hinting at something more profound. When a man goes out of his way to be there for you, sacrificing his own time that could otherwise be spent with his family or fulfilling personal commitments, it's a clear indicator of his interest and affection towards you. This availability often manifests in his willingness to communicate at odd hours or to meet up at times that are inconvenient for him. It's in these moments, when he prioritizes your needs over his own, that his true feelings begin to surface. This unusual availability is not just about the quantity of time spent together but also the quality of that time. Understanding this sign involves recognizing the sacrifices he's making to be there for you. Whether it's staying up late to talk, skipping social obligations, or finding ways to be near you under the guise of coincidence, these actions speak volumes. They are the silent declarations of his affection, ones that he may not be ready to vocalize but clearly exhibits through his actions. However, while unusual availability is a significant indicator of a married man's feelings, it's also a sign that comes with its own set of complexities. It raises questions about the sustainability of such affection and the potential impact on his existing commitments. As we navigate through these signs, it's essential to approach them with both empathy and a critical eye, understanding what they mean for both you and him. 2. Intense Emotional Connections When a married man is in love with you, one of the most profound signs is the development of an intense emotional connection between you two. This connection is characterized by a depth of understanding and empathy that goes beyond casual friendship. It's in the way conversations flow seamlessly, filled with shared confidences and vulnerabilities that are typically guarded. This emotional bond manifests through a mutual inclination to share personal thoughts, fears, and dreams, creating a private world that belongs only to you and him. It's an intangible link, felt in the ease of silence, the comfort in being together, and the sense of completeness it brings. Such connections are rare and often develop over time, subtly weaving into the fabric of your interactions until they become the backbone of your relationship. The intensity of these connections can be overwhelming, often leading to a profound sense of attachment and affection. It's marked by a feeling of being deeply understood and valued, possibly in ways you've not experienced before. This unique bond is further highlighted by an innate desire to support and uplift each other, transcending the boundaries of mere friendship. However, the beauty of this emotional connection is not without its complexities. It raises ethical and moral questions, considering the man's marital status. Navigating this connection requires careful reflection on its implications for all involved parties. The intensity of the bond, while affirming and soul-stirring, can also lead to emotional turmoil, especially in moments of introspection about the relationship's future. Understanding and acknowledging this emotional connection's depth is crucial. It serves as a clear sign of his feelings but also as a reminder of the need for careful consideration of everyone's emotions involved. It's a delicate balance, requiring honesty with oneself and the courage to face the potential outcomes of such a profound emotional bond. 3. Secretive Behavior Another telltale sign a married man is in love with you is the onset of secretive behavior, especially concerning his interactions with you. This behavior might manifest in various ways, such as hiding his phone screen when messaging you, being vague about how he spends his time, or even deleting messages and call logs. It's a sign that he feels the need to conceal the nature of his relationship with you from his spouse and others. Secretive behavior often extends beyond digital communication. It can include clandestine meetings, secret gifts, or any form of interaction that he insists on keeping under wraps. This need for secrecy stems from the inherent understanding that the relationship crosses the boundaries of platonic friendship, entering a realm that society may not accept or understand. This behavior, while possibly thrilling in its initial stages, carries significant emotional weight. The secrecy required can lead to feelings of isolation, guilt, and the strain of living a double life. It places both of you in a bubble that, while intimate, is separated from the rest of his—and potentially your—life, creating a fragmented existence. Recognizing secretive behavior is essential not only in understanding his feelings but also in confronting the practical and emotional realities of the situation. It prompts a crucial evaluation of what this secrecy means for the relationship's future and the emotional toll it may take on all involved. While secretive behavior is a significant indicator of a married man's love, it also serves as a cautionary tale. It underscores the complexity of such relationships and the importance of navigating them with both eyes open. Understanding the reasons behind the secrecy and its impact can provide valuable insights into the relationship's dynamics and the path forward. 4. A Shift in Priorities A profound sign that a married man is in love with you can often be seen in the subtle yet significant shift in his priorities. This shift might not always be conspicuous at first but becomes more apparent as his feelings deepen. It involves reallocating his time, attention, and emotional energy towards you, sometimes at the expense of his previously unshakeable commitments to family and personal responsibilities. The change can be as simple as him choosing to spend more time with you over his family or as complex as reevaluating his life's path and future. It's a gradual process, where each decision reflects a deeper consideration of his feelings for you, underscoring the seriousness of his affection. This shift often brings with it a sense of guilt and conflict for the man, as he navigates the dichotomy between his commitments and his desires. The emotional turmoil involved in such a transition can be intense, as he struggles with the implications of his shifting priorities on his life and the lives of those around him. For you, observing this shift in priorities is a clear indication of his feelings, but it also places you in a delicate position. It requires you to consider not just the authenticity of his feelings but also the practicality and morality of acting on them. This shift, while validating, demands a thoughtful response, recognizing the potential for significant impact on multiple lives. It's also important to watch for how this shift in priorities affects his well-being and yours. The emotional weight of managing two worlds can lead to stress, anxiety, and an unsustainable balancing act. This period of transition is crucial for both of you to assess the feasibility of a future together and the possible repercussions of these changed priorities. Understanding and empathizing with the complexity of his situation can help navigate this delicate phase. It's a time for open communication, honest reflection, and, most importantly, heartfelt consideration for all involved. A shift in priorities is a clear sign of a married man's love for you, but it's also a call to tread carefully. It heralds a period of profound change, requiring wisdom, patience, and compassion to discern the best path forward for everyone affected. 5. Subtle Public Displays of Affection Subtle public displays of affection (PDA) are another significant indicator a married man is in love with you. Unlike overt actions that might draw attention, these are nuanced gestures that communicate his affection in a way that's meaningful yet discreet. It could be a lingering look, a secret hand squeeze, or a knowing smile that speaks volumes about his feelings for you. These subtle PDAs are particularly telling because they demonstrate his desire to express his affection despite the constraints of his situation. They represent a bridge between the private intensity of his feelings and the public facade he must maintain. Each gesture, no matter how small, is imbued with significance, serving as a silent acknowledgment of the depth of his affection. Recognizing these gestures requires an attuned sense of awareness, as they are often cloaked in normalcy. They are moments designed to fly under the radar, visible only to you and him. This covert communication adds an intimate layer to your relationship, reinforcing the emotional connection shared between you two. However, the subtlety of these PDAs also underscores the complexity of your relationship. They highlight the need for discretion and the limitations imposed by his marital status. While these moments can be incredibly affirming, they also serve as a reminder of the boundaries that exist within your relationship. In understanding these subtle public displays of affection, it's important to grasp their dual nature. They are expressions of love, certainly, but also markers of the intricate dance between desire and duty. Navigating this aspect of your relationship requires sensitivity to the context in which these gestures occur and an appreciation for the depth they add to your connection. 6. Emotional Support and Understanding The bedrock of any deep and meaningful relationship is the emotional support and understanding it harbors. When a married man is in love with you, his willingness to provide unwavering support and demonstrate profound understanding of your feelings and needs becomes unmistakable. This support transcends the ordinary, becoming a sanctuary of trust and empathy that stands in stark contrast to more casual interactions. This heightened level of emotional support often manifests in his readiness to listen to you, offering comfort during times of stress or uncertainty. It's in the way he makes himself available to you, prioritizing your emotional well-being above his own. This commitment to supporting you is a testament to the depth of his feelings, showcasing a level of dedication that extends beyond the superficial. Understanding your perspective, he becomes an ally in your struggles and a confidante for your thoughts and fears. This deep level of understanding is built on a foundation of genuine care and affection, indicating a connection that is both rare and precious. It's not just about being there for you; it's about truly getting you, in a way that perhaps no one else does. However, the significance of this emotional support and understanding extends beyond the comfort it provides. It signifies a commitment that is emotionally profound, highlighting the serious nature of his feelings for you. This form of support is not offered lightly; it comes from a place of deep emotional investment and a desire to build something meaningful with you. Yet, with this level of emotional involvement comes the responsibility to recognize the implications it has for both of you. It necessitates a careful consideration of the future, weighing the depth of this emotional connection against the practical realities of your situation. The support and understanding he offers are indicative of his love, but they also underscore the complexity of your relationship. Navigating this aspect of your relationship demands a balance between appreciating the emotional support provided and understanding its implications. It's a delicate dance between acknowledging the depth of your connection and being mindful of the challenges it presents. This support and understanding are precious, yet they carry the weight of decisions yet to be made and paths yet to be chosen. 7. Expressions of Jealousy or Possessiveness Jealousy and possessiveness, while often viewed negatively, can manifest as telling signs of deeper feelings in complex emotional landscapes. When a married man shows signs of jealousy or possessiveness over you, it's an indicator of his fear of losing you to someone else. This emotional reaction, though fraught with its own set of problems, is a stark admission of the value he places on your relationship. These expressions can vary from subtle discomfort at the mention of other men in your life to more overt actions aimed at keeping you close. While such behavior needs to be approached with caution, it underlines the intensity of his feelings. It shows that he is not indifferent to the idea of you with someone else, highlighting a possessive streak that stems from his emotional investment in you. However, it's crucial to navigate these expressions of jealousy and possessiveness carefully. They can indicate a deep-seated love, but they also raise important questions about trust and freedom within the relationship. The balance between caring and controlling is delicate, and it's important to ensure that his feelings don't lead to behaviors that are manipulative or unhealthy. Understanding and addressing these expressions of jealousy and possessiveness involves open communication and setting boundaries. It's about recognizing the underlying feelings that drive these behaviors while ensuring they don't overstep into territory that undermines your autonomy or well-being. These emotions are complex, but they are navigable with empathy, clarity, and mutual respect. 8. Plans for a Future Together When a married man starts to weave you into his future plans, it's a profound testament to his feelings for you. This forward-looking mindset is not just about daydreaming; it's a tangible sign that he's considering a life where you play a central role. Discussing or making plans for a future together, even in hypothetical terms, reveals a desire to integrate you into his life in a significant and enduring way. These conversations might range from subtle hints about future vacations to more serious discussions about living arrangements or life changes required to be together. Each of these discussions serves as a piece of the puzzle, illustrating his willingness to think beyond the present and envision a shared future. This level of commitment and foresight speaks volumes about the depth of his affection and the seriousness with which he regards your relationship. However, the implications of making plans for a future together are profound, especially given his married status. These discussions are charged with the potential for both hope and heartache. They require you to consider not just the possibility of a future together but also the practical and ethical challenges that such a future would entail. It's a sign that necessitates careful contemplation of what you both want and what sacrifices might be necessary to achieve it. Navigating this territory demands a delicate balance between optimism and realism. While it's affirming to be considered in his future, it's also crucial to critically assess the feasibility of these plans. This aspect of your relationship is a clear indication of his feelings but also a call to carefully evaluate the steps forward, bearing in mind the complexity of extricating oneself from existing commitments. 9. Increased Communication An increase in the frequency and depth of communication is a hallmark sign of a married man's growing feelings for you. This escalation is not merely about the quantity of messages or calls but also about their quality. It encompasses a range of interactions, from more frequent check-ins throughout the day to longer, more meaningful conversations that delve into personal and emotional territories. This enhanced communication signifies his desire to integrate you more fully into his daily life. It's an attempt to bridge the physical distance that may exist and to create a sense of closeness and intimacy. Each message, call, or instance of communication becomes a lifeline, connecting you two in a world of your own making. Moreover, the content of these communications often shifts towards more personal and vulnerable topics. Discussing fears, hopes, and dreams or sharing aspects of his daily life that he might not share with others indicates a level of trust and emotional intimacy that is indicative of deeper feelings. However, this increase in communication can also bring about its own set of challenges. It can lead to a heightened sense of connection and dependency, raising questions about the sustainability of such intense communication over the long term, especially considering his marital status. This aspect of your relationship is a double-edged sword, offering both a deeper connection and potential for complication. Navigating this increased communication requires an understanding of its implications. It's crucial to maintain boundaries and ensure that this heightened level of contact is conducive to healthy emotional engagement. While it's a significant sign of his feelings, it also necessitates a careful approach to avoid undue emotional entanglement. The frequency and depth of your interactions are a testament to his interest and affection, but they also underscore the need for clarity about where this path may lead. It's a component of your relationship that offers profound connection and insight into his feelings but demands careful consideration of the broader implications for both of you. Increased communication is a clear indicator of his feelings for you, representing both the potential for deep emotional connection and the challenges inherent in navigating this complex relationship dynamic. It's a sign that calls for both appreciation of the present and cautious planning for the future. 10. Personal Sacrifices for Your Well-being One of the most compelling signs a married man is in love with you is his willingness to make personal sacrifices for your well-being. These sacrifices can range from small acts of kindness to significant changes in his life, all aimed at ensuring your happiness and comfort. It's a profound demonstration of care, showing that he values your well-being above his own convenience or even his own needs. These personal sacrifices often manifest in ways that require him to step out of his comfort zone or alter his routines. Whether it's adjusting his schedule to spend time with you, foregoing personal pleasures to support your needs, or making tough decisions that favor your relationship, each sacrifice is a testament to the depth of his feelings. It's an unequivocal signal that you hold a special place in his life, one that he is willing to make significant adjustments for. However, recognizing and appreciating these sacrifices is only one side of the coin. It's equally important to consider the sustainability and ethical implications of such actions. These sacrifices, while indicative of his love, also raise questions about the balance and fairness in your relationship. They require a thoughtful evaluation of whether this level of sacrifice is healthy and whether it places undue pressure on either of you. Navigating this aspect of your relationship involves a delicate balance between gratitude for his sacrifices and a realistic assessment of their implications. It's about acknowledging his dedication while ensuring that the relationship does not become one-sided or built on a foundation of sacrifice alone. Understanding the motivations behind these actions and their impact on both of your lives is crucial for moving forward in a manner that is respectful and considerate to all parties involved. Conclusion: Reflecting on Your Situation and Next Steps Recognizing the signs a married man is in love with you is a journey that carries a wide array of emotions and ethical considerations. From the joy of feeling cherished and understood to the complexities of navigating a relationship with someone who has existing commitments, each sign discussed offers insights into the depth of his feelings and the challenges you both face. As we reflect on these signs, it's crucial to approach your situation with a blend of empathy, realism, and ethical consideration. Understanding his feelings for you is important, but so is considering the impact of your relationship on everyone involved. It's about finding a path that honors the genuine connections and emotions at play while being mindful of the broader implications. The next steps in your journey require careful thought and introspection. This involves assessing your own feelings, desires, and values, as well as considering the potential outcomes of continuing or altering the course of your relationship. It's a time for honest conversation, both with yourself and with him, about what you both want and need moving forward. Moreover, it's essential to seek support as you navigate this complex situation. Whether it's confiding in trusted friends, seeking guidance from a professional counselor, or engaging in reflective practices, finding avenues for support and clarity can be invaluable. Ultimately, the decision on how to proceed is deeply personal and varies significantly based on individual circumstances. It's a decision that requires not only a careful evaluation of the signs and their meanings but also a profound consideration of your own happiness and well-being. In closing, the journey of understanding a married man's feelings for you is fraught with nuances and complexities. Yet, it's also a journey that offers the opportunity for profound emotional growth and self-discovery. As you reflect on your situation and contemplate your next steps, remember to tread with kindness, courage, and integrity, ensuring that your decisions align with your heart and your highest ideals. FAQs Can a married man truly be in love with someone else? Yes, it's possible for a married man to develop genuine feelings of love for someone other than his spouse. Human emotions are complex and capable of evolving over time. While societal norms and marital vows emphasize monogamy, the reality of human relationships can sometimes diverge from these expectations. Recognizing and understanding these feelings involves navigating a complex web of emotions and moral considerations. What should I do if a married man confesses his love for me? Facing a confession of love from a married man requires careful thought and consideration. It's important to reflect on your own feelings, the potential impact of this relationship on all parties involved, and what you truly want. Open and honest communication with him about the situation, along with personal introspection and possibly seeking advice from trusted individuals or professionals, can help guide your next steps. How can I protect my emotional well-being in this situation? Protecting your emotional well-being in such complex circumstances is crucial. It involves setting clear boundaries, maintaining a support network of friends and family, and possibly seeking professional guidance. Recognizing the potential for emotional turbulence and preparing to navigate it thoughtfully can help safeguard your mental and emotional health. Is it ethical to pursue a relationship with a married man? The ethics of pursuing a relationship with a married man are deeply subjective and vary based on personal values, cultural norms, and the specific circumstances of the relationship. It's a question that involves considering the feelings and well-being of all parties involved, including the married man, his spouse, and yourself. Reflecting on the potential consequences and moral implications can help clarify the best course of action.
  2. Key Takeaways: Emotional affairs often lack awareness Duration varies, typically months to years Impact significant on primary relationships Recovery requires time and effort Understanding key to prevention Understanding Emotional Cheating: An Overview Emotional cheating, a complex and often misunderstood aspect of relationships, differs significantly from physical infidelity. While lacking a physical component, it involves forming a deep emotional connection with someone outside the primary relationship. This connection often leads to sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences typically reserved for a significant other. Unlike physical affairs, emotional affairs might not initially be recognized as cheating. This ambiguity arises because these relationships often start as platonic friendships, gradually evolving into something more intimate. The emotional investment in these relationships can sometimes exceed that in the primary relationship, leading to feelings of betrayal and hurt. The challenge with identifying emotional cheating lies in its subtle nature. It's not about the time spent with another person but the depth of the connection and the secrecy surrounding it. Key indicators include prioritizing the other person's needs, hiding the extent of the connection, and emotional withdrawal from the primary partner. Understanding emotional cheating is crucial for both prevention and healing. Recognizing the signs and acknowledging the impact on the primary relationship can lead to proactive measures to safeguard relationships. Open communication, setting boundaries, and regularly checking in with one's partner are essential steps in this direction. Lastly, emotional cheating raises important questions about unmet needs and desires within the primary relationship. Addressing these issues openly can foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship and prevent the likelihood of emotional affairs. The Typical Duration of Emotional Affairs Emotional affairs, by their very nature, are difficult to quantify in terms of duration. Unlike physical affairs, which often have clear beginnings and ends, emotional affairs can develop over time, making it hard to pinpoint their onset and conclusion. Generally, these affairs can last from a few months to several years. The longevity is influenced by various factors, including the emotional needs being fulfilled, the level of attachment formed, and the circumstances of the individuals involved. In some cases, emotional affairs may persist even after they've been discovered. This persistence can be due to the deep emotional bond formed, making it challenging for individuals to detach themselves completely. The affair's continuation can cause ongoing strain on the primary relationship. It's also notable that the duration of an emotional affair doesn't necessarily correlate with its intensity or impact. Even a short-lived emotional affair can leave a profound impact on the primary relationship, leading to trust issues and emotional distress. Interestingly, some emotional affairs may transition into friendships or end abruptly due to external factors, such as changes in life circumstances or the realization of their consequences. However, the emotional residue from these affairs often lingers, affecting future interactions and emotional health. Finally, recognizing the duration and the closure of an emotional affair is crucial for healing. It requires honesty, introspection, and often professional guidance to navigate the complexities involved in ending such a deep emotional connection and repairing the primary relationship. Early Signs of an Emotional Affair Recognizing the early signs of an emotional affair is crucial for addressing issues before they escalate. One of the first indicators is an increased amount of time spent communicating with someone outside the primary relationship. This communication often happens secretly or is downplayed when discussed. Another sign is the sharing of personal or intimate details typically reserved for a significant other. This sharing creates a private world between the individuals involved, excluding the primary partner. Emotional affairs often start innocently, but the depth of sharing gradually crosses boundaries. Changes in behavior towards the primary partner can also signal an emotional affair. This might include decreased intimacy, emotional withdrawal, or unexplained irritability. The person engaging in the affair may also start comparing their partner unfavorably to the person they are emotionally involved with. Lastly, a clear sign of an emotional affair is the protective and secretive nature regarding the relationship with the other person. Defensiveness when asked about it or reluctance to discuss the nature of the relationship are common indicators. Recognizing these signs can help in addressing the situation early and preventing further damage to the primary relationship. Comparing Emotional and Physical Affairs: Key Differences Understanding the differences between emotional and physical affairs is essential in grasping their impacts and dynamics. Physical affairs are characterized by sexual encounters or physical intimacy with someone outside the primary relationship. In contrast, emotional affairs involve a deep emotional connection without physical intimacy. Emotional affairs are often more challenging to detect than physical affairs. They can start as friendships and gradually evolve into deeper connections, making them less obvious and more insidious. Physical affairs, on the other hand, usually have clearer boundaries and are more straightforward to identify. The impact of emotional affairs on the primary relationship can be profound. They often involve a significant emotional investment that can lead to neglect of the primary partner, whereas physical affairs might be more fleeting and less emotionally involved. One of the key differences lies in the recovery process. Healing from a physical affair often focuses on rebuilding trust around fidelity, while recovery from an emotional affair requires rebuilding emotional intimacy and connection. This process can be more complex and time-consuming. Emotional affairs might not always lead to physical relationships, but they can be equally, if not more, damaging. The betrayal felt in emotional affairs is often deeper because it involves sharing a part of oneself that was supposed to be exclusive to the primary relationship. Finally, addressing either type of affair requires honesty, communication, and often professional help. Understanding these differences aids in the healing process, allowing couples to navigate the complex emotions and rebuild their relationship. Factors That Influence the Length of Emotional Affairs The duration of emotional affairs is influenced by a myriad of factors, each contributing to their complexity and variability. One primary factor is the level of emotional fulfillment obtained from the affair. When emotional needs that are unmet in the primary relationship are fulfilled elsewhere, the affair may continue for an extended period. Another significant factor is the nature of the connection between the two individuals involved in the affair. A deep, intellectual, or spiritual bond can lead to a prolonged emotional affair, as these connections often provide a sense of understanding and acceptance. The personal circumstances of the individuals involved also play a crucial role. Factors such as marital status, family responsibilities, and career pressures can impact the duration and intensity of the affair. For instance, those with more to lose might be more cautious, potentially shortening the affair's lifespan. Secrecy and the thrill of an illicit relationship can also extend an emotional affair's duration. The excitement and adrenaline associated with keeping the affair hidden can be addictive, leading to its continuation even when it's emotionally draining. External interventions, such as discovery by the primary partner or friends, can significantly impact the affair's length. The resulting confrontation and need for decision-making can either shorten the affair or, in some cases, intensify the emotional bond. Individual psychological factors, including personal values, guilt, and attachment styles, also influence the affair's duration. People with certain attachment styles may find it harder to end the affair, especially if it provides a sense of security or belonging they feel is lacking in their primary relationship. Finally, the potential for a future together, whether realistic or fantasized, can prolong an emotional affair. The hope or desire for a life with the affair partner can lead to a reluctance to end the relationship, despite its impact on the primary partnership. The Role of Emotional Connection in Affairs Emotional connection plays a central role in the initiation and continuation of affairs. An emotional affair typically begins when individuals seek understanding, validation, or companionship that they feel is missing in their primary relationship. This search for emotional fulfillment often leads to the formation of a bond with someone who provides the missing elements. The connection might start innocently but can evolve into something more intimate, as shared experiences and confidences deepen the relationship. In many cases, the emotional connection in an affair can be more powerful and damaging than physical infidelity. This is because it involves sharing aspects of one's inner world and emotions that are typically exclusive to the primary partner, leading to feelings of betrayal and loss. The role of emotional connection in affairs highlights the importance of nurturing emotional intimacy within the primary relationship. Open communication, mutual understanding, and shared experiences are key to maintaining a strong emotional bond, thus reducing the likelihood of emotional affairs. Navigating the Aftermath: Healing and Recovery Healing and recovery after an emotional affair is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and commitment. The first step is acknowledging the affair and its impact on all involved parties. This acknowledgment is crucial for moving forward. Open communication between partners becomes the foundation of the healing process. Discussing feelings, fears, and expectations honestly helps rebuild trust and understanding. It's important for both partners to express their emotions without fear of judgment or retaliation. Setting new boundaries is another critical aspect of recovery. These boundaries should be clear, agreed upon by both partners, and designed to rebuild security and trust in the relationship. This might include limiting contact with the affair partner or being more transparent with each other. For many couples, professional counseling is an invaluable tool in the healing process. A therapist can provide a neutral ground for discussions, help navigate complex emotions, and offer strategies for rebuilding the relationship. Finally, recovery involves a recommitment to the relationship. This recommitment might look different for each couple, but it often involves renewed dedication to spending quality time together, prioritizing each other's needs, and continually working on the relationship. Impact on the Primary Relationship: Trust and Intimacy The impact of an emotional affair on the primary relationship is profound, particularly in the areas of trust and intimacy. Trust, once broken, can be challenging to rebuild. The betrayed partner often experiences a sense of loss and betrayal that goes beyond the physical aspect of infidelity. Intimacy, both emotional and physical, can also be significantly affected. Emotional affairs can lead to a withdrawal of emotional energy from the primary relationship, resulting in a feeling of distance and disconnection. Re-establishing intimacy requires effort and understanding from both partners. The process of rebuilding trust involves consistent, transparent actions over time. It requires the unfaithful partner to be open about their feelings and actions, and the betrayed partner to be willing to forgive and move forward. Rebuilding intimacy often starts with small steps, such as spending more quality time together, engaging in meaningful conversations, and showing appreciation for each other. Gradually, these actions can help restore the emotional closeness that was damaged. Ultimately, the impact of an emotional affair can either break a relationship or serve as a catalyst for growth and strengthening. With the right approach and commitment, many couples emerge from the experience with a deeper understanding and stronger bond than before. Expert Advice on Preventing Emotional Cheating Preventing emotional cheating involves proactive efforts to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Experts recommend regular and open communication as a cornerstone. Discussing feelings, concerns, and needs with your partner helps in understanding each other and prevents the need to seek emotional support elsewhere. Another critical aspect is maintaining and respecting boundaries. This includes being aware of how close friendships can potentially evolve into something more and being transparent with your partner about these relationships. Setting clear limits on how much personal information to share with others is also vital. Experts also emphasize the importance of continually nurturing the relationship. Regular date nights, shared hobbies, and meaningful conversations keep the emotional connection strong. Acknowledging and addressing any issues in the relationship promptly is also key to preventing emotional affairs. Lastly, self-awareness plays a significant role. Understanding one's own needs, vulnerabilities, and past patterns can help in recognizing situations that might lead to emotional cheating. Seeking professional help or counseling can also be beneficial in addressing these issues before they impact the relationship. Personal Stories: Learning from Others' Experiences Personal stories offer valuable insights into the complexities of emotional cheating. One common theme is the gradual nature of how these affairs start. Many individuals describe their emotional affairs beginning as innocent friendships, with the emotional intimacy developing slowly over time. Several stories highlight the initial denial of the affair's significance. People often don't recognize the depth of their emotional involvement until it's deeply entrenched, making it more challenging to disentangle themselves from the situation. Impact on the primary relationship is another recurring topic. Narratives frequently reveal feelings of guilt, confusion, and hurt experienced by both the involved partner and the betrayed one. The sense of betrayal felt by the primary partner is often deeper than anticipated. Recovery and healing are also central to these stories. Many share the challenges and successes of rebuilding trust and intimacy in their primary relationship. The importance of open communication, professional counseling, and a strong commitment to the relationship is often emphasized. Some individuals recount how their experiences led to personal growth and a better understanding of their needs and boundaries. These stories often include reflections on what they learned about themselves and their relationships. Lastly, the stories show that while the journey through and beyond emotional cheating is fraught with difficulties, it can lead to stronger, more aware, and more fulfilling relationships for those who are willing to put in the effort to heal and grow. Professional Help: When to Seek Therapy Seeking professional help is a crucial step in addressing emotional infidelity. Therapy can be beneficial when the emotional affair has created significant distress or when attempts to resolve the issues independently have been unsuccessful. A therapist can provide a neutral perspective and guide the couple through the healing process. Individual therapy can be beneficial for understanding personal emotions and behaviors. It helps in exploring the reasons behind the emotional affair and addressing any underlying issues. For the betrayed partner, therapy can assist in processing feelings of hurt and betrayal. Couples therapy is essential when rebuilding the relationship. It offers a safe space to explore the causes of the affair, communicate effectively, and develop strategies to strengthen the relationship. A therapist can help in setting realistic expectations and guide the couple in reestablishing trust. Timing is crucial for therapy to be effective. Seeking help early in the process can prevent the escalation of negative emotions and misunderstandings. However, it's never too late to seek help, even if the affair has been ongoing for a while. Finally, therapy should be considered when there are repetitive patterns of infidelity, emotional or otherwise. It indicates deeper issues within the relationship or individual psyche that require professional attention to resolve. Moving Forward: Rebuilding After Emotional Infidelity Rebuilding after emotional infidelity is a process that requires time, patience, and effort. The first step is mutual acknowledgment of the affair and its impact. This acknowledgment paves the way for honest discussions and healing. Open and honest communication is crucial. Both partners need to express their feelings, fears, and needs. This communication should be ongoing and involve both listening and speaking. It's important to create an environment where both partners feel safe to share their thoughts. Re-establishing trust is a gradual process. It involves consistent and reliable actions, transparency in interactions, and a commitment to the relationship. Trust rebuilds slowly, and setbacks are common, but perseverance is key. Rekindling intimacy is also essential. This might involve rediscovering each other's emotional needs, spending quality time together, and engaging in activities that foster closeness. Professional guidance can be helpful in navigating this process. Forgiveness, both of oneself and one's partner, is a vital part of moving forward. It involves letting go of anger and resentment and understanding that forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. Lastly, focusing on the future rather than dwelling on the past is important. Setting new goals and dreams together can provide a sense of direction and purpose for the relationship. Conclusion: Understanding and Overcoming Emotional Cheating Emotional cheating is a complex and challenging issue that can significantly impact relationships. Understanding its nuances is essential for both prevention and healing. Recognizing the signs, acknowledging the pain it causes, and taking steps to address the underlying issues are crucial. Overcoming emotional infidelity requires a commitment to honesty, communication, and rebuilding trust. It's a journey that involves both partners working together to strengthen their relationship. While challenging, this process can lead to a deeper understanding and a stronger bond. Professional help can be invaluable in navigating this journey. Therapists can provide guidance, support, and strategies for rebuilding the relationship. They can also help individuals understand their emotions and behaviors, facilitating personal growth. Ultimately, the journey through and beyond emotional cheating is about growth, understanding, and commitment. With the right approach and effort, relationships can not only survive but also thrive in the aftermath of emotional infidelity. This article has provided comprehensive insights into emotional cheating, offering advice and strategies for dealing with its complexities. We hope this information helps you navigate your relationships with greater understanding and resilience.
  3. As the world turns, so does the wheel of love. And within the confines of a marriage, that wheel sometimes veers into unexpected paths. Take, for instance, the tale of Daniel, who found himself entangled with two women - both of whom he held in his heart, albeit differently. Caught in a complex web of emotions, Daniel's intimate connection with Lisa wasn't quite consummated. Yet, it ignited a flame that spilled over into his marital home with Rebecca. Rebecca, unaware of the brewing storm, found herself pleasantly surprised by the sudden spark in their relationship. Daniel was more passionate, more spontaneous, breathing new life into their relationship that had long settled into a comfortable routine. This newfound intensity added a playful dimension to their relationship. Daniel's unexpected shows of affection made Rebecca feel as though she had somehow unearthed a potent charm that irresistibly drew him to her. But the flame that burns twice as bright often burns half as long. After a passionate encounter with Lisa in a town far away from prying eyes, Daniel's interest in his wife began to wane. Rebecca, puzzled, noticed their relationship falling back into the monotonous rhythm of routine intimacy - something Daniel had once scoffed at. His spontaneity seemed to evaporate, and even when Rebecca initiated, he would sometimes decline. The shift was subtle but noticeable. Simultaneously, there were other minor changes in Daniel's demeanor that Rebecca noticed but did not find alarming. Every relationship, she believed, had its ebbs and flows, and long-term marriages were no exception. What did disappoint her, however, was the lack of initiative on Daniel's part to plan romantic escapades for the two of them, something he was always keen on doing before. The most significant change Rebecca noticed was Daniel's heightened emotional volatility. His temper seemed to flare more often, and his mood oscillated between being warm and considerate to being irritable. On occasions, he would pick a fight over something trivial and storm out of the house, leaving Rebecca bewildered and teary-eyed. But time proved to be a great healer, and he would return after a few hours, remorseful and eager to mend things. Unbeknownst to her, he was reaching out to Lisa during these absences. Caught in this emotional whirlwind, Rebecca wondered if Daniel might be involved with another woman. The only possible contender was Lisa, his friend who rarely featured in their conversations. There was that one suspicious early Sunday morning call from Lisa, but nothing more came of it, and Rebecca dismissed her doubts. Their marriage, like a crumbling fortress, was held together by their shared responsibilities as husband and wife and as parents. There were still things that Daniel shared only with Rebecca, such as their summer vacation plans, discussions about their children's education, their financial investments, and personal matters. Rebecca had become his confidante, while Lisa had become his lover. He would say that he loved Rebecca, but he was no longer "in love" with her. The emotional and physical high he felt with Lisa was something he no longer experienced with Rebecca. Long-term relationships often suffer from the unfair comparison to the excitement and idealization of a Stage I relationship. The initial stage of love is always thrilling. However, marriages progress beyond this stage into a reality-based love that involves shared histories, common goals, and acceptance of each other's flaws. This transition is challenging, and affairs rarely retain their rosy aura when they step out of the shadows into the light of everyday life. Despite his affair, Daniel maintained a protective barrier around his family. He took his responsibility as a father seriously and was fiercely protective of his children's well-being. He bristled at any criticism from Lisa about Rebecca's mothering skills, feeling that Lisa had no right to pass judgment on his wife. He still cared about Rebecca and wished for her happiness. The possibility of her having a lover, and potentially losing her to another man, was unbearable to him, although he convinced himself that his situation was different because he believed he could manage the complexities. In contrast, his connection with Lisa was more guarded. He was acutely aware of her vulnerabilities and cherished her noble character. He wished to protect her from her indifferent husband and the harsh realities of her job. In his mind, he envisioned an idyllic escape for the two of them, away from their daily obligations and intrusive scrutiny. His relationship with Rebecca was akin to peering through a foggy window. At times it was wide open, and at others, it was barely ajar. He felt guilty when he was with Rebecca because he knew he was concealing a significant part of his life from her. This guilt made him distance himself from her emotionally. It pained him to see Rebecca still confiding in him as if nothing had changed, and he wondered if she noticed his lack of reciprocation. With Lisa, on the other hand, the window was always wide open. They shared everything, except for the mundane details they deemed insignificant and the unsettling reality that their romantic interludes were built on a foundation of deception. They saw each other in the best possible light. Ralph knew more about Lisa's concerns regarding her marriage than her own husband did. Lisa felt unheard by her husband, but with Ralph, she felt seen and understood. Ralph didn't discuss Rebecca with Lisa, feeling a sense of loyalty towards his wife and wanting to keep his worlds separate. When an emotional affair evolves into a sexual relationship, the stakes change. Relationships that start with sex are less likely to develop the deep emotional intimacy that comes from a friendship first. The introduction of a sexual element in a relationship that was initially emotionally charged amplifies the emotional bond. Today, more men are engaging in sexual affairs with women they share an emotional bond with. This shift poses a more significant threat to marriages and increases the likelihood of divorce. Traditionally, men have been more likely to engage in extramarital affairs due to sexual attraction, while women tended to prioritize emotional connection. Affairs primarily based on sexual attraction are less likely to threaten a marriage unless discovered. However, women who engage in extramarital affairs tend to be in love with their affair partners. This emotional attachment is one of the reasons why these affairs often result in lower marital satisfaction and lead to divorce. Societal norms discourage emotional involvement for men and sexual involvement for women. Therefore, affairs involving both these elements are more threatening as they violate societal norms and trigger intense jealousy.
  4. So really quick. My gf for eight years and mother to 3 of my children had an affair with a man who was my friend, but I stopped talking to him due to his disrespect. I could see how he was always trying to get with my girl. But permanently hide his alternative motive, a real covert narcissist to the letter. So I did express the concern throughout the year to g/f. And she said they were only friends, and she just wanted to be able to have friends, making me feel like I was controlling because I asked her not to hang out with guys who were not supportive of our relationship. For background, we knew this guy for about five years. I met him right before his g/f overdosed, and I was there for him, making sure he was ok and not alone and keeping the lead from his head. We lived with him for three years, moved away for a year, then moved back to the house across the street after one year of voicing my concern and six months of fighting because I was no longer comfortable with their friendship. She cheated on me with him on Xmas in the woods and again, but this time they just made out two days before my birthday. With all that being said, I had accused her that she was having an emotional affair before she cheated. She claimed they were only friends and only saw him as a friend until they ***ed. Is that possible? Now keep in mind she left me for him, but he didn't want her, etc., but if we take it as truth, how, if at all, is possible, or what do you guys think is happening here besides lying
  5. Recorded with an mp3-player, so please excuse the quality! BEAUTIFUL link removed (Verse 1) I know you have this theory that if you just shove things Under the carpet, they will not emerge No, they just lay there and linger I can't even explain how I'm wrapped round their finger And you, don't you ever feel the need to f***ing talk 'Cause let me tell you, I sure do And you, don't you ever wonder why You put me through the cruel things that you put me through (Hook 1) But I am not a saint 'Cause all these thoughts running through my brain Need an outlet (Chorus) And every time he calls me beautiful I feel beautiful I feel beautiful But isn't also quite so pitiful That I feel beautiful Only when you're far and gone (Verse 2) I know you have this theory that if you can't explain Any of your actions, then you cannot be blamed No, just because you're stupid Doesn't mean in any way that you can excuse it And you, don't you ever wonder if I'm still bitter Well, let me say, you've got no f***ing clue And you, don't you ever wonder what I'm thinking 'bout When I am silent, if you only knew (Hook 2) But I am not a w**** It's just not the same anymore I need an outlet (Chorus) (Hook 3) But I am not in love With him, he's just someone Who's become my outlet My outlet (about my very troublesome last relationship, and the emotional affair which ensued between me and my boss whilst still in the relationship)
  6. My supervisor turned in his resignation a month ago and leaves tomorrow. His manager and upper management have outcasted him due to an emotional affair that developed with another work contact, his co-supervisor. I never knew about it until recently and from my perspective, he has done a tremendous job and has remained completely objective in doing his job. I don't have regular conversations with upper managment but I will say that essentially his boss and the one above her are not people I would confront on this matter after giving me poor reviews for two years in a row in order to stifle my growth and prevent me from moving to another project. Having said that, I am scared of going three tiers up to upper management to defend my supervisor, but I feel it is the right thing to do. I just wonder if it will hurt me instead. I have been quiet and easy-going here at work over the last several months because I just want to get through the day happy and I try not to get my head too wrapped around the BS, but I feel he has been wronged and I want to defend him. In doing so in the past, I have had my head served on a platter in my performance review, so I am VERY VERY hesitant to do anything. I firmly and wholeheartedly disagree with the assessment and see through it as an oppressive attempt by management to intimidate me into just doing my job and shutting up, but my moral fibers are coming apart knowing that my boss's boss and her boss are kicking another VERY GOOD employee out of the door. The solution long-term is to leave. But I so want to ... attempt to give my perspective. I just don't think it will be in my best interest.
  7. my wife of 12 yrs told me she cheated on me with my best friend(at that time) 6 yrs ago. she just told me 3 months ago abou it but the whole time she was telling me she was talking to another guy. she said the guy was just a friend. she hide it from me and locked her cell phone account so i couldn't see her records. well i found her records and found shes been talking to the guy for over a year. she says they have only talked on the phone and thats it. when i try to talk to her she tries to push the blame on me and won't talk about it. i am to blame some because i don't show her the attention and time i should. i will admit my faults but i still can't get this out of my head. oh and by the way we do have a 3yr old son that is making my situation dealing with this even worse because he is my life. can anyone please help me with some input on my problems and situation? thaanks for any help i can get.
  8. Ok so my wife, says that because I talked to my sister behind her back (because she hates her and hates me talking to her) that I am cheating. That it qualifies as emotional cheating. yes I did talk to my sister about our relationship and how messed up it was. I told her details that my wife would find personal and damaging to her as far as being a good person/wife/spouse. So telling my sister these things naturally would make my sister, just like most of the people here say get away from her and protect yourself. So by definition emotional affair is talking to someone else behind your spouses back, keeping it secret because you are afraid of what would happen if they found out etc. Here is the offical definition: An emotional affair occurs when one member of a relationship consistently turns to someone else for their core, primary emotional support in life. So with that in mind is she right? I mean its a weird question but im starting to think she is right which is unfortunate.
  9. Hi folks...Im lost here and dont know what to do. sorry if this is a bit long but Im trying not to leave anything out... I've bee nmarried for 7 yrs in december. my wife recently enilsted in the coastguard and went away for 4 months training. In that time, i became friends with a co-workder and apparently it became to close but I didnt notice. We would talk on the phone at night. she would call me - I would never call her, unless I missed her call or she left me a VM. The majorit of the conversation was her complaining about her boyfriend/husband and I was giving her advise. In my mind we were just friends..She has a daughter and came to my house 2 times with her to play with my kids - a play date. I told my wife she was in the house. she got a little upset asked if anything was going on and I said no..you have nothing to worry about she was here with her daughter- we are just friends. Her boyfirend kick her out and she calls me hysterical. I said she can come over to relax for a few minutes...then my wife calls. I tell my wife she was theer and what happened..the you know what hit the fan. I explained to her i was being a friend and nothing happened. I told her if it bothers her that much I would stop talking to her completey. and I have...I work with her so unfortunaltely we have to have some type of communication..Im in IT. My wife came back on Nov 10th. she claims i was having an emotional affair with this person - we started going to counseling. Until yesterday i could not see why she would say this since i had no feelings nor a desire to be with her. I say yesterday becuase i did some research and realized my definition of an emotional affair was WAY OFF... I spoke to my wife last night and told her I realize what i;ve done and Im so sorry...I feel horrible.. My wife is an awesome woman. I love her to death - Im still in love with her. I feel horrible for what I did. I feel more horrible becuase she doesnt trust me and I unknowingly destroyed the awesome reltationship we had. What can I do to help her get over this...im gonig crazy...i didnt realize what I was doing...if i did I would have never done it...any advice will be GREATLY appreciated it..
  10. This is probably the 6th or 7th time i have been at this stage with my partner/husband. We met at work and were friends before we dated, after i split with my ex. He was my first 'one night stand' which turned out not to be as we went out with each other after and then got married. Basically, he is a lovely bloke, very clever, well presented, kind - all the things you could want on paper. But something is wrong and I spend alot of my time unhappy. When we got together, I loved the fact that he was driven and such a sweet person but I wonder if it's just that although he is a good man, he's just not right for me. I have never felt like i wanted to rip his clothes off and never initiate sex. We have sex but it is not emotional for me. I feel unconnected somehow. I have left numerous times in the past - last time was last year - because of the way i feel. I haven't been able to put my finger on whats wrong and I look at my life and think 'what have i got to complain about - whats wrong with me?' So here I am again, in a spot where I feel very little. We have a beautiful little girl but our relationship seems very platonic in my eyes. Should i shut up and get on with it? I'm terrified I am just postponing the inevitable. Am i just unrealistic about what a relationshipn should be? I know i am in danger area - i have had an emotional affair in the past and i am embarking on one currently. I don't want to become the person i see evolving.
  11. my boyfriend and i have been going through some difficult times lately, i try to talk to him about the problems, but he keeps bringing up past issues and saying they are relevent to the argument at hand (which most of them are not). as a couple we never go anywhere together. i offer to take him to dinner, or ask if there is something he would like to do and it's always no. when he would go and race at the local race track on saturday's i always went there and supported him. but he doesn't support me when i bowl on my league on wednesday nights, he says why should he because out of his 25 races i missed 3 (that was due to me having no money to get in). i am not blaming him for all the problems/arguments in our relationship, but i am one to talk thing's out and not go to bed angry. he on the other hand tends to hold grudges and carry resentment, also likes to bring up past hurts. now to the part where i think he may be unfaithful or thinking about it. one day i came home from work and saw his computer on the table half open, like he was hiding something. he was on the phone at the time with his back to me so he couldn't see me. i opened the computer a little bit (yes i was being nosy) and noticed he was on a site called "craig's list." i also noticed he has typed in 'erotic encounters.' i was speechless . he got off the phone and knew i looked at the computer screen. he said he was "looking for a sofa on craig's list and came accross that by accident." he has done this type of thing before in the course of our relationship. he has gone on escort sites, porn sites, yahoo personals, and sexual chat rooms. i told him how i felt about him doing that the first time i found out, and he said he didn't mean anything by it and he was just curious, also he wasn't looking for anyone to do those thing's with. then when i found out he was doing it again (erotic encounters) i tried talking to him again about it, how i feel that is emotional cheating but he just kept bringing up how I hurt him in the early stages of the relationship. the hurt he is talking about is when we were first intimate (but we hadn't begun dating yet, just were "seeing each other" briefly) he asked who was more endowed he or my ex b/f. i was honest and told him "although my ex may have been a little bigger, you are more passionate, make me feel thing's i've never felt before, you are definitely more better and you know what you are doing." i honestly didn't think we were going to begin fully dating, as he said he wasn't ready for a full blown relationship. anyway, he and his ego has been hurt by what i said (which was over 2 yrs. ago) i apologized to him for hurting his feeling's and i never meant to. i know i should have thought before i spoke, and considered his feeling's and i do regret what i said to this day; as he NEVER lets me forget it. ever since then i ALWAYS praise him in everyway possible, which is true. anyway, i never cheated or gone on those kinds of sites. he said "you hurt me, now it's your turn so deal with it." he blamed me for him going on those sites, he said that if i was there for him more (not intimately speaking) he wouldn't have to do those things. then later on he said that it wasn't me, it was him just being curious. i try my butt off to be there for him in everyway, but it isn't good enough. if he wants to discuss something, he says i don't say the "right things" at the "right time." i'm constantly working at that. i told him that i was doing everything i could to be there for him more in every way, and i'm trying to strengthen our relationship. with him going on these type of sites i can't help but wonder if he may cheat. i also feel this is emotional cheating. i can understand men liking the nasty movies, but escort sites and looking up erotic encounters is a different story. i think if he is looking on those types of sites he may cheat, or is thinking about cheating. i don't believe he came accross "erotic encounters" by accident. this really hurts me. i came home 2 days later after it happened and i was still upset and he said "i will not be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home." i told him i don't like to feel uncomfortable either, then he told me "get over it, just like i had to get over the hurt you caused me." how would you feel? do you think he is or may cheat? any advice is appreciated, thank you.
  12. This has been on my mind recently, and I would love some input. I few weeks ago, I met someone and we're now a couple. Prior to meeting my gf, I became close with a coworker of the opposite sex, who has now become a good friend of mind. While we "are just friends" I know that my friendship with her stemmed from being attracted to her. When the two of use hang out, it's a lot of fun, and there are things that my friend does, that my gf doesn't really have any interest in doing (like snowboarding, going out partying). I feel like my friendship with her, coupld possibly be stiflying my budding relationship with my gf. Then again, I wonder why I'm not 100% gung-ho about my new gf. My gf knows about my friend, and after reading up about emotional affairs, I want to talk to her about the bond my friend and I have formed because I am a person of integrity, and I don't want to be ashamed of my friendship. I know I'm walking a slippery slope here, but I'm torn. I don't want to sever ties with my friend, nor do I want to risk hurting a budding relationship. I want to find a balance--but I'm struggling; I love hanging out with my friend, she is a lot of fun to party with and in many ways was helpful in my recovery from a rough spot. But I also think that my gf is an amazing person and our relationship deserves 100% of my focus and energy. Please help.
  13. Well, I never thought I'd actually say those words, but I really am starting to feel like giving up. My husband emotionally cheated back in november.....and it could have been physcial but he would never admit to it. We use to spend lunches together......now he doesn't want me anywhere near his work place. He swears he doesn't talk to this girl......but tomorrow I will have to go to his work to get his check....he wants me to do it before his lunch so this girl wont see me. We were just speaking of and it burns me because I cant come by his work to get his check because of the other woman that he swore he doesnt' talk to anymore? But thats not what even made me feel bad....it was the fact that he doesn't understand AT ALL how it would hurt me any. I wouldn't even say anything to this girl. But all he did was get mad on the phone......make me feel like im an idiot and thank me for ruining his lunch. I wasn't even mean, I just wanted to talk to him about how that would make me feel..... I just give up. I asked him if the only reason he is with me is because of Savannah. ( he cheated on me when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant) He makes me feel like im crazy for even saying this stuff. But isn't it normal to think this way? After 9 months, I have finally given up. Its hard to try and get over something like this when the other person doesn't even understand the hurt and sends you a message asking what is wrong with you??? I keep telling myself I dont deserve this & its not suppose to be this way. Anways, i told him over the phone that if he doesnt understand how him wanting me to stay away just because of her would hurt my feelings then i didnt want to be with him. Mainly because if he can't understand anything they put me through then he just doesnt' care about me. Hes always the injured party.
  14. Is his ex-girlfriend up to something when she shows up at event he has gone to for 10 years and is she disrespectful to the new girlfriend if he told her he can't get together with her w/out new girl? To give you better idea - it's something that he has down consistently on the same day every few weeks. She could've scheduled anyday of the week to go, and she had been emailing him recently wouldn't it be funny if she ran into him at "blah" (to which he kind of ignored) cause he goes every few weeks. She had tried to "run" into him on previous occasions and there just happened to be mishaps those days and he had to reschedule. To which he got emails "what happened" to you. He ran into her a few days prior to the above event at a fav haunt and neither went up to greet each other (him out of respect to his girl who wasn't there) but they knew each other were there. The ex brought up "hearing" he was there when she showed up at his reoccurring event. Then tried to email him for the following weekend to go out for drinks and didn't mention bringing the new girl. Is this innocent after he told her they would not be getting together w/out new girl? She obviously doesn't understand and but I think issue maybe her - about her needs and wants (ie in this instance she had uncomfort level with him not acknowledging her at this "haunt" so she tried to insinuate herself to try and regain some importance/control in his life?)... She's gotten better and tries to contact him less but when something in her love life goes awry she is always back to contact him (does this make him the fallback guy in her mind?). New girl's issues with her too numerous to list but suffice to say that she has hard time letting go and realizing she platonic friend (that their friendship had to chg and evolve cause they aren't a couple anymore). Questionable morals as believe guy was married when she pursued him. He divorced before he cheated, but there was some type of emotional affair. Guy has gotten very good about understanding what an emotional affair is and avoids getting caught in that at all costs. Has been upfront but is not a jerk and doesn't want it to get ugly (new girl doesn't want that either). Will time be the best medicine (been about 1 1/2 yrs now)...she had gotten much better....? p.s. sry in third person started typing that way and too much to go back and change
  15. Basically I do not completely understand why most women would have difficulty understanding an so called "emotional affair" or when your partner starts falling in love with another girl and tend to forgive more the sex act, especially one night stands the most. With guys it tends to be the other way around. I dunno, I'm a girl and to me there is nothing worst than my man sharing his body with another girl, I wouldn't tolerate that. I told him if once if I ever found out he screw another girl or even told me that, he would be out right away before I start throwing up. A kiss, well maybe that would be forgivable, if he tells me offcourse and depends. Online thing, well maybe. I would understand these things but definitely not full blow sex, yuck!!!!!!!
  16. It will be my one year with my GF this month. We are really happy. Around the four month mark, I almost cheated on her. If anything, I emotionally cheated on her, (nothing physical, althought I may have wanted it). We were going through a rough time and I was an idiot. Today she asked me if I had every cheated on her in any way, or wanted too. I of course lied, and said No. I know she would be heartbroken and lose all her trust in me. I love her so much, and I made a stupid mistake (even though nothing actually happened). I feel really guilty, we've come to this thingy today where we both agree that the past doesn't matter, etc etc. But I have a feeling this guilt is going to get to me. I cannot ever tell her what happened, so please don't suggest. I know right now that I will never be able too, nor bear witness to her reaction. I guess all I want to hear is that, "I really didn't do anything. She's better off not knowing." Words like that.... Even if you have words that may not be exactly comforting to me, please reply and tell me what you think. Thanks in advance.
  17. I am back to give another update if anyone cares to read it. Some of the stuff I have to say may make more sense if you read my previous posts. It has been two weeks to the day since my on & off girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. I can honestly say I am feeling a lot better but not good about everything and I will tell you why. I spent the first 1 1/2 weeks beating myself up, saying to myself that everything was my fault and i put her through torture for 8 years. I treated her like crap and that I used her for 8 years. I am starting to realize that I was buying into what she has been telling herself and others in order to disassociate herself from me and make herself feel better about her decision. Don't get me wrong, I know what i did was wrong, I couldn't see it then but I do now, and have for a long time. Everyone has regrets, I have always felt guilty about it and I always will. I take full responsibility. What i am not going to buy into anymore is that times were ALWAYS bad. I am also not going to buy into everything she has to say now because she was the one hiding phone conversation with another guy from me, wanting to move to the same city as him and asking abut people in his life..etc.. I was completely devoted to her for a long time and now she is the one "emotionally cheating". I admitted to things I have done wrong in previous posts. Things that I was not proud of, stuff that disgusts me to this day. I was young and dumb, and had communication issues, mainly with problems in the relationship. I do feel however that we communicated on a much deeper level in regard to ther things than she is letting herself believe. There were times when we did a lot of soul searching together. I do want to stress HAD communication problems. I have been very open and honest with people about a lot of things even when it comes to admitting the dumb things I have done. I have not been holding anything back. I feel like I am finally free after being locked up for 16 years. (we were high school sweethearts for those of you that did not read my previous posts) Not that I think it is any better but I never physically cheated, It was never in my mind to do so. I guess a good way to put it is that I emotionally cheated and she never got over it even though she never mentioned she was still struggling with it until 6 months after SHE picked out her engagement ring!! We had looked over house plans, we had talked about when we wanted to have kids, what part of town we wanted to live in and this was all long before we even went together to look at rings. Can someone really fool themselves that well into thinking they are happy and want a future with you?! I guess what it comes down to is she is making me feel like crap in order to make herself feel better about what she is doing. She has not accepted any responsibility for things that have gone wrong, especially when it comes to letting me by a ring, making me think we have a future, etc.. Some of the reasons she gave were from many years in the past and if she can not let go of some things that happened in the past then we were doomed to have no future. We are both very different people from what we were back then and it sucks that I am payng for mistakes now that I made along time ago. I am sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense to you, Hopefully people can understand where I am coming from and if you think I got what I deserved then tell me, maybe that is what i need to hear. I hope I didn;t bounce around to much for every one lol just kinda writing as it comes to me.
  18. Most of you know the relationship i put myself into, but in case, I have been in a emotional affair (being honest with terms there) for over two years and she decided things were stagnant and werent' going anywhere. So she went back to an ex- bf and in short order told me two weeks ago they were getting married, and they indeed got married on Christmas Day. I just got off the phone with her this morning and it's like she wanted me and still loves me but felt she would never get me, so she settled for her ex. My question is how do you get over thinking of someone all the time? I mean for the lack of a better term i almost obsessed over this woman. She was everything to me, still is. I mean the times we spent were precious. I mean how do you stop thinking about someone? I know i have to but I seriously am not sure how to stop the constant thinking of her and the times we shared. She was my dream come true. For those of you that know, I am trying to deal with the issues at home , but find that very difficult when my heart there is so cold. It's like now since this has happened i resent her even more. So any ideas on dealing with a COLD heart? I'm open for suggestions.
  19. Hi. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now. (see old posts for more info). anyways, he's doing a rotation right now in south america and right before he left, i finally asked him about what's going to happen when he leaves for residency and i finally shared with him the pain i feel when he talks of his future and says I and not we. well, he was very quiet and said, i can't change things. you know that. he said, "whatever you need to do to be okay..." basically implying, if you need to break up, fine. and then he says, well, who knows what will happen, i may end up staying here- implying, well, the only way we can stay together is if I stay here. So, we both said to think about it. and he's evading the topic now, pretending the conversation didn't happen. Well, I recently found out that one of my good friends, who I had a crush on likes me a lot and has developed feelings for me. I, too really like him. We are so much a like, have similar values, etc... I can talk to him better than my boyfriend. I can share things with him without him judging me. I'm never like that with my boyfriend for fear. I know my friend would be an incredible boyfriend. all the framework is there. the only thing is, I'm pretty much ready to look for marraige (26 now) and at this point. my friend is two years younger than I, hasn't gone to college and is unsure of his goals, future- he's not where he wants to be and is working a dead-end job. he's sort of lost. But he's super intelligent, cultured, has the potential for great things, just kinda lost at the moment and has dated girls who have used him in the past. We were supposed to go out Saturday with friends and the others ditched us, so it was the two of us. We were a little tipsy, and we danced and flirted together all night- very nicely and I gave him a kiss on the cheek and forehead- that's it, but I felt extremely guilty and told him that I think I emotionally cheated on my boyfriend. I told him that I've liked him from day one and he told me the same. anyways, do I tell my current boyfriend or no? Was that emotionally cheating? what do I do. do i break up with my current boyfriend if he can't give me a straight answer about our relationship? thanks!
  20. First of all, what exactly do people define this to be? And how can you determine if someone is cheating emotionally or just being friendly and a having a friend of the opposite sex?
  21. I'm new here and looking for some feedback and support... please feel free to give advice if you can. My husband was having an emotional affair (I Guess) It involved his friends wife, all 3 claim to be best friends. They have been hanging out together for about a year but my husband and she developed feelings for eachother within the past few months. She started to fall for him but has placed it in a brother type love as she says and he fell hard for her. He said he loved her and wanted a sexual relationship as well. They mostly all 3 go drinking together and to Nascar races, etc. I'm not a drinker and prefer not to go because they are out to all hours. We have 2 kids a 16 year old girl and 14 year old boy. They have 2 girls a bit younger than mine. They would party about 3 nights aweek and most often would pass by our house after last call and continue on to their house and drink more and then proceed to spend the night because he was to wasted to come home. This happened alot. He began to talk about her alot Gail this and Gail that ... like Gail wears shoes like that or she has perfume like that. Then he called me by her name a few times and denied it. He even called and asked her and her girls to lunch one day while he was with his daughter and I. Her husband was working but he could get away with this because we have had dinners together out as families. He had to see her. Well one night I saw on his cell phone a text message that said Are you going out tonight? I love you. I confronted him and he said you know I love my friends ...etc. Well he then admitted it and he felt terrible and cried and etc, etc. He was planning on talking to her about this the next evening and he did and then proceeded to party with her and her husband until 3 a.m. Imagine how I felt waiting to hear from him. When he came home we fought and he was rotten. They stopped it he said quickly and knew it was wrong and are now back to just being friends. He said in fact he can just turn this right off for her because he wants me. They want to all remain friends , he talks alot with her and can communicate with her. Her husband knows everything and he worked it out with my husband and want to remain friends after expressing how he feels. All good right? No... I'm still hurting . He didn't talk to me about any of this , I talked he answered. He didn't share his feelings or say he was sorry. He said he was sorry only when I asked why he has not told me so. He won't break it off with her even if just long enough for us to heal. He says he doesn't want to give up his friends and it's no big deal what happened and never really was. he doesn't hug me or kiss me or say I love you. He did before all the time. He said he's tired of feeling bad and will not discuss this no further. I don't talk with him about it much. We've taked a little each day. I've spoken to her with her at great length about 3 times. She keeps saying how very he loves and adores me. Says he always was yammering on about how wonderful I was. She said he admitted how awful he felt about himself because of this ordeal and how sorry he was to have hurt his family so bad. Also how he should own up to it. He didn't come to me with this. He complained alot about how I should be out with them but honestly I'm not doing it, if he wants to do things with me it's got to be other things and I will not go anywhere with them again because I can't bear the pain of seeing them together. They all understand. I should say that my husband has been loving and a good man but does have the tendency to be emotionally abusive due to his past. Also I gained alot of weight in the past 4 years after quitting smoking , he hated that. We have drifted apart quite a bit. He blame me not being out with him , I blame him being out too much and being so involved with them. Go figure. I don't know what to do. He says he may end up resenting me if I ask him to give his friends up and I feel what kind of man can't make a sacrafice for his own wife he supposedly loves so much. He says that it's silly of me to think that they are more important. She said she would stay away from him if it would help although she says it can only be friends of course, but he would be mad I know he would. I feel if they all stay close this could eventually happen again.What advice can anyone give? My heart is breakining. I know I sound like a fool, I certainlly feel like it. It's been 19 years together and 16 married. Please help! Sorry to be so long.
  22. I would like others opinion about something that is really bugging me. My husband hired this woman to work for him. She has been very hateful to me in the past but I told him to go ahead and hire her if she would do a good job for him. I accidentally (really!) came accross lots and lots of emails he had sent to this woman over a matter of months. One email was from this woman who told him that she had tried this lotion and it made her so soft all over. Well my husband said he would pay thousands of dollars to rub lotion on a body such as hers. Other emails were from my husband to her saying things like how gorgeous she was, how sexy, smokin' hot, how her husband was the luckiest man in the world (yes she is married), how he was smiling at work because she was there, etc. He also started telling her private things about me, about our marriage, which he went into great detail about. He also sent her flowers to her, gave her candy at valentines day, . He got to where he emailed her about everything in his life (he never told me anything ) at about 10 min. intervals all day and night. He would always be working at his office he said. I wonder how much work he was getting done when he was spending so much time emailing her or text messaging her. When I told him that I knew what he had been doing he got mad and then said he was just joking around. I guess I just don't understand how he could have anything to do with someone who was so mean to me in the first place if he truly loved me. I would never do that to him, I feel protective of him because I love him. Do you think I have a right to feel that he cheated on me, maybe not physically but emotionally? Also, he said that he never thought about her in a sexual way. What do you think?
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