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About Me

  1. I've been feeling a bit of anxiety lately. I don't know how to really describe it maybe it's my depression (I was diagnossed a few years ago) I'm trying to be a better person. I just feel like I have these negative emotions bottled up inside me and I have to let them out. It's like overwhelming pain and anger combined with OCD. I can't help how I feel and no matter what I do I always feel trapped. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs more often then not. It's like a bottomless void of pain and with darkness seeping out has replaced my heart.
  2. One of the hardest things to deal with after my break up was realising that the happiest moments of my life had become meaningless, unbearably painful, even. That's probably the hardest thing to conquer... Another was that absolutely everything I did or wanted to do to get my mind off of her actually reminded me of her. I couldn't watch certain movies that used to be comforting, because I associated them with her. I couldn't read certain books. Even certain parts of the house became too painful to bear. Certain words, phrases, references... they could make me sad for seemingly no reason at all. And it's amazing how often these things do come up in the course of a day. It does get better. After more than 2 months, I still have many bad days, but there are also many days when I can happily and comfortably watch those films, read those books, even think about the most beautiful day of my life -- the day we met -- without worrying that the pain is going to kill me. It's sad, now, not painful. Sometimes the pain returns, but not as it used to be. It still gets pretty bad at times, especially when I start wondering what she's up to, and if she's found someone else. If I start waiting for her to call, I know I'm going to be miserable. So I try not to do that. Strangely, I find that I still love her as much as ever, but at the same time, the pain is fading. I was afraid that when the pain faded, the love would fade too, but that hasn't happened. Quite the opposite, even...
  3. I'm 6 Month Pregnant, my partner admitted to cheating on me a few weeks ago giving me an STI. I have caught atleast 2 STI's waiting for further results to come back. He slept with someone a month ago only telling me now Because the female he slept with told him she has somthing. He would have never told me untill he was scared for himself and then maybe felt bad because I am pregnant. What do I do? This is my first baby, I've lost 2 in the passed due to Eptopic and Miscarriages, One being his and now I feel that he's put me at risk again. Even if the STI's hes given me arnt threatening he could have caught ANYTHING from her and given it to me, him cheating and not protecting himself is now effects me and my Child majorly. The fact he stepped out of our relationship should be enough for me to leave him. I don't want my pregnancy story to be daddy cheated one me, but that is my story now. Do I stay, do I leave him? I have a good family around me, who would be so helpful for me and my baby in the future. But I never wanted a 1 parietal house, I grew up in one although my mum was amazing I needed my dad there and didn't get it. We just got a house together.. just before he cheated on me. So that adds to everything I need to think about, 1 year lease Help, please. Sincerely, Sadgirl2023
  4. The concept of a crush may seem innocent and fun, but the truth is that it can be all consuming and detrimental to our ability to move on. It can prevent us from exploring relationships with other people because we can't let go of what isn't there – and the longer we hold onto the fantasy, the harder it is for us to break away. If you're struggling to come to terms with the end of a crush and move on, the following advice can help you to work through your feelings, put your mental health first, and start to look forward to a better future. Allow Yourself to Feel Sad It can be easy to push your sadness away or try to ignore it, but by avoiding these strong emotions, you'll only perpetuate the hurt. Try to accept that whatever it is that you’re feeling is an entirely natural reaction to the situation. Give yourself permission to mourn the loss and take time to lick your wounds, cry if you need to – whatever it takes to process and heal the pain. Remind Yourself That Love Takes Time Love can be a powerful emotion, so allow yourself to feel it, but also don’t forget that it takes time to develop. Start thinking about what qualities you know to be true of “true love” and believe that, as soon as you’re ready, you’ll find someone who encapsulates all of those same feelings. Focus on Your Self-Care When a crush comes to an end, it can be challenging to keep motivated, but the key is to focus your energy into self-care. Take a step back from social media and throw yourself into developing your own interests and skills, even just simple things like cleaning the house, baking a cake, doing some arts and crafts or gardening. Anything that creates a sense of accomplishment and gives your brain a chance to release endorphins and simply enjoy the moment. Turn Your Attention Outwards Instead of daydreaming about what could be, spend some time exploring new relationships or deepening existing ones with your existing friends or family. Reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while, or sign up to activities where you can meet new people. In this way, you’ll gradually build your confidence and start to feel secure in the knowledge that finding fulfilling relationships doesn’t necessarily hinge on someone deserving your adoration. Build Your Self-Esteem Sometimes, when we’re struggling to come to terms with a broken heart, it’s easy to slip into negative thought patterns that simply stop us from going out and enjoying life. Start to make small changes to your every day habits - like trying to think more positively and feeling confident about your dress sense – until, eventually, you’ll have gone from doubting your own worth, to actively noticing – and liking – your own uniqueness. Reaching the Point of Acceptance The truth about crushes is that, for most people, they don’t last forever in the same vein – which is why it’s important to remind ourselves not to dwell too much on the past. Instead, focus on the progress that you’re making as you slowly learn to become your own companion and grow content within your own company. The journey towards self-acceptance isn’t easy, but it’s essential if you want to make space for something even better than the crush.
  5. I’m 26, just got dumped, truck driver/business owner. I’m away from home a lot and my ex ended things two weeks ago. im upset because idk what to do. I don’t have the ability to hang out with my friends or see my family and I have can’t go home because I’m building my business and I have bills to pay. I miss my ex as she was the only person I spoke to while out on the road. Im taking the break up very hard and I feel like giving up. I miss her and there’s nothing I can do to get her back. im scared of her moving on which I know she will. Im above everything scared of the loneliness that comes from her leaving and my field of work. It’s hard dating in this field and I need some guidance on how I can get by. My plan was gonna be run hard for 6 months then step back and start enjoying myself more. Now that my ex is gone I feel like I need to go home more, I worry about dating and stuff because I feel like I’m gonna get left behind. All I can do is think and think because I’m just stuck in this truck. It’s killing me and it’s so hard not calling my ex. i started lexapro today cause I’m extremely anxious and depressed to the point where I can’t sleep and I’m just so scared of these next few months. Any kind words/advice?
  6. I always put in so much effort for other people. Why doesn't anyone ever want to put the effort in for me? Why am I not worth the effort? Why am I always the second choice?
  7. Looking for advice but also needing to vent and let out some of the hurt. My bf and I are going on 3 years together, we're both 30. We haven't been truly intimate in almost a year. I'm open with him about how it hurts me and how I don't feel like he's still attracted to me even though he says he is. I try to initiate intimacy but it gets met with changing the subject, moving away from me, putting focus on something in the room like the TV or the dog, making jokes. I've lost track of how many times we've fought over it and I end up depressed, feeling worse while he makes empty promises that he'll make an effort to try more. But he never does. Then yesterday he told me he has a p**n addiction and he thinks it's easier to handle himself that way than to actually involve me in it. Ouch. I don't have an issue with him watching it, hell, I watch it, but my heart hurts that he would rather do that than to make an effort with me. And he didn't seem bothered to tell me. (I'd also like to point out that during past intimate moments I'm very involved so it's not like I'm asking for an arm or a leg). He tells me often that I'm his soul mate and he would do anything for me but this issue is still so prevalent and no action actually gets taken to work on it. It's like all the effort that gets put into avoiding it could be put into actually working on it...ugh. I hate to admit it but I consider cheating on him a lot, but I know that I just want the feeling of being wanted by someone and it wouldn't be anything of substance... but I really want that feeling again... Idk I feel like I'm losing it and wanting to throw in the towel. Intimacy isn't everything in a relationship and I understand that but it's one of the ways I enjoy connecting with my partner and I thought he did too and it wasn't an issue before. I know addiction isn't personal but I can't help but feel self conscious... is it my body? My hair? Do I smell bad? Is my conversation a turn off? Really does have me looking in the mirror different... thanks cardi. Any advice for this hurting person? Anyone been through something similar? 💔😔
  8. So I've written a few poems on here before, but not in a few years... Upon reading through some of the other poetry on this site I was inspired to write again, so here it goes. Oh, an all feedback is appreciated This mask has cracked. A character of false joy, a smile that hid my sadness and pain. This mask has cracked. Eyes full of hope peeking out from those which held nothing but fear and suffering. A piece falls from the mask. My head rises slowly, the weight lifting from my body and my heart. A piece falls from the mask. The same hands which put on this mask now pull and claw desperately to remove it. The face behind the mask. It bears a smile which hides nothing, the sadness and pain crumbling with the mask. The face behind the mask. The man I wish I never hid away, afraid of the world and afraid to be hurt, but no more. No more hidden by the mask. I show myself finally, a heart ready to love and no more afraid of falling. No more hidden by the mask. I show my true tears and my true laughter and my true smile, no more afraid of anything. No more trapped by the mask. Able to trust and believe and enjoy. No more trapped by the mask. Able to love and live and laugh. I am finally free; Of these chains Of this fear Of this sadness Of this mask This mask has cracked. A piece falls from the mask. The face behind the mask. No more hidden by the mask. No more trapped by the mask.
  9. It's a short tale i wrote back in November. I got inspired to write it while walking through my town.. English is not my native language , so i hope what i wrote is all right! ^_^ Do you know what autumn really is? It is not a sad tale of aging's curse... It is not the harbinger of feeble farewells and the last dance of happiness rose! On the contrary, it is a message of love from natures womb, wrapped in a present of a beggars soul...When i walk the streets in the twilight dusk of this autumn days, everything i see smells like love, and everything i feel, echoes for passions presence. Even the trees have put on their tender lips a shade of redness grove, and what are the falling leafs, if not the kisses of natures bliss, sent to us travelers, as solace, while we look for warmth of a November hug? And the puddles on the brilliant sea of pavements floor... In their eyes baths the sky covered in the softest clouds. So the puddles, like a flying carpet out of 1001 Night, have been putted there so that we could easier get to the clouds and stars! To give the might to dance on the clouds, their only purpose is! Isn't that wonderful ? Autumn days yearn for love from the very depths of their soul! There is nothing sad in that tale! It has been just told wrong from ever since...
  10. I'm extremely tired Of being wired With all this **** When I get bit, Want to be rid of it To soon, not yet Years of waiting left Those years have great heft, I just want to die Tell them all goodbye Goto heaven or nothing Dammit just do something, Im tired and sore This lifes a bore I want more for myself Ended up by myself All alone Got damn boned, im so ****ed This ear got shucked I cant cry I cant lie I cant die Music is my only friend Itll be with me till the end, God im glad theres music Makes some stuff less useless. Though sad it may be This is all me, Will somebody ever love me Will somebody ever care My guess is no I need to go, Go where There There There Nope here is where I must stay Im trapped; kept at bay I feel so hopeless The hole has no bottom I always feel lonely and rotten, I feel like a run away train Everythings a drain My life is ****ed; put on hold Think my balls are growing mold This world had no true gold No matter what, no matter how bold I just feel old And worn out To tired to shout, So here I lay me down to take it Maybe ill luck out Maybe I wont make it, I really do want to live But my souls run out of me like a sieve I have lots of holes Searching for a lonely shoal, Theres none to be found Problems compound Things get worse With every verse Why do I keep typing Why do I keep thinking Cuz I keep smelling the world Stinking, It burns my soul Hurts my heart Damages my self confidence Puts me on defense Pain makes me wince, Trying to dull the pain Trying to calm my brain Going down the drain Crashing like a plane Wish I never came My soul hurts, got a band-aid ma'am?
  11. I wrote this poem and it basically describes how i feel right now... This is the first time i've put any of my work out to rhe public. I appreciate any feedback and any advice or help as to my mental "situation"... SHATTERED Scream. There is a yell, of pain, of sadness, of misery... Cry. The darkness is everywhere, i feel it within me... Dream. Dream of a better place, where i can finally be free... Lie. I tell the people around me i'm content and happy... Stake. Put my heart on the line, because i always do... Again. Stabbed in the back, by someone i thought i knew... Break. Reach that point where my soul gets snapped in two... Pain. Always left behind, left alone, so sad, so blue... Pray. Just keep trying, hoping for something, but what? Spoken. Words that rip my heart, while my soul gets cut... Stay. Here waiting where you told me to go... Broken. I guess you were lying, was it all a show? Useless. Me, that's how i feel now i'm just part one of two... Run. From my problems, from the world, it's true... Heartless. What other word can i use to describe you? Done. With all the pain and crap you put me through. Wait. With a knife pressed against my wrist. Debate. Whether my life is really worth all this. God. Can somebody out there hear me? God? Is there anybody up there really? Someone? I'm sick and tired of all those people who degrade me... Anyone. I've been shattered apart, and i need someone to save me...
  12. Continuing on with the sad stuff, just feeling it at the moment. WHERE HAVE YOU GONE Where have you gone, I miss you so, The midnight calls and early morning chats, It's starting to feel so long ago, Now it seems that time has passed, Another day, another life, Your welcoming voice alone, Made me feel true and alive. Where have you gone, The closeness of what we had I miss so much, Whatever it was is all academic now, But still I long for the feel of your touch, Whether or not my feelings were wrong, I was never ashamed to admit or confess, That no matter how hard I tried, My thoughts of you would never digress. Where have you gone, The long drives that I wished would never end, Lengthy heart to hearts about all of life's tribulations, The hallmark of a lifelong friend, Now I see you've had a change of heart, It's hard to work out where we really are, Perhaps I am asleep in a dream that won't come true, Or perhaps we are now simply worlds apart. Where have you gone, Yet still I await your return one day, I know you haven't forgotten the moments we shared, From dinner and a movie followed by an enchanted evening stay, Even if now these memories mean little to you, And the events of recent times have drifted us towards pastures new, I still proclaim to any soul who questions why, That you were one of the best I ever knew.
  13. WHO YOU REALLY ARE Struggling to find the words to describe you, Wishing you would open up a little, Sometimes you make me feel so distant, so far, When all I want is to know who you really are. The close friendship we formed, You've not always been able to find the words, But I know you can do it, you can raise the bar, You can tell me who you really are. A beautiful girl shrouded with so much beauty and intrigue, I've stood by you when you've been mocked and ridiculed, I've told you how I've felt, I've admired you from afar, Wishing I could see who you really are. Where others have lied, I've been true, Where others have given you empathy, I've given you sympathy, Where others would cast judgment, I would consider you a star, Searching far and wide to find out who you really are. It's been nearly a year since you came into my life, Rarely before had I known a person with whom I could share, So many of life's up and downs, all the while keeping that door ajar, That one day I may find out who you really are. There are moments when you make life seem complicated and confusing, Yet moments when you make life feel enriching and enchanting, Your zest for life conquering past pains and scars, As you continue to show the world who you really are. Each day I'm grateful for your presence alone, Whether it's happiness, heartbreak, sadness or serenity, Wherever you may be, be it near or far, I will forever be proud of you for who you really are.
  14. When you smoke when you drink, and you drink too much, and you live undercover, under blanket, under pillow With no direction with your life; A plan's here you're sure Some emergency escape, some hidden plot hole Somebody to guide you in a certain direction Holding your hand, smiling with affection Some love to rely on, lean and confide in Until you decide to curb stomp again. But there's nothing there, no happy ending No horse ridden sunset, no great epic conclusion All the life lessons that served as your tools, crashing down in front of you,unused, The gates breached, the soldiers slain, the warmth of the battle, no time to dig graves Stretches to a courtyard, you're reluctant to cross, the silence of death, pain and of loss. You crawl through the courtyard, and fall into mud, sinking deeper and deeper, mistakes piling up over your stupid, ignorant head. Until you drown in your guilt, sadness and shame You've hit rock bottom, and you need to take blame You've hit rock bottom, and you need to take my hand I'm angry, because you keep falling, again, and again, and again.
  15. Hi ENA, I found a very nice and positive poem and would like to share with you. Also I would love to read your nice, positive, heartfelt poems. Let's share some smiles. “This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”
  16. It hurt to the soul when she said we'd never have a relationship It makes me sick to think that she never actually gave a * * * * Towards the end it probably seemed I was compacted with crazyness I am remorseful, No excuse for acting the way I did It felt like she took my heart and started hacking away at it I've never been that low, was tempted to slash away at wrists I try not the think what life would be like with her by my side I try to hide these feelings but they just collide inside my mind What happened to us? She was cold hearted. Did she grasp a tear? Cloudy eyes... with no emotion in her atmosphere She was my world... and I never needed an atlas near Fork in the road, now i question, is the passage clear? Although a metaphor, she's never been a beast at flesh I lost the key to her heart that lies beneath her chest Now I've got so much bottled up emotion That it'll leave you under more pressure than the bottom of the ocean So sadness elevates, as I see a decline in us And love hestitates shape and redifines as lust If we could fund our thoughts, maybe build our minds to trust Sharpen metal feelings just to silverline the rust But the time is up, I understand the reason, my remorse is true It's like water to my body, but the source is you
  17. Its what you do best. Your words shrink to nothing as I drift away. I wont tell you not to reach for me because I know you don’t want to. The truth is in plain sight but my eyes avert its location. I don’t need you’re “tough love,” as you like to call it. I need a hug, a shoulder for my tears to land on, the feeling that I’m not a bother. I need my emotions recognized, not dismissed. “There’s nothing to be sad about.” There’s so much to be sad about. I wish you knew me as much as you say you do, but you don’t. If you did, you’d know I’m A b**** because I’m sad, distant because I feel pain, detached because the one person who has spent 3 years with me still doesn’t know how I feel, how I act or how to comfort me. I wish you knew how often I hide my emotions. You’d be surprised how many times I go to the bathroom to let out a few tears. How many time I bite my tongue to suppress my sadness. But you don’t know me so I know it’s not hard to Forget me.
  18. In the corner of the dance floor exists someone who watches simply slunk, standing still In the corner of every classroom is someone who watches the world around simply slunk, sitting still In the corner of every heart is a piece that hesitates, always watching simply slunk, simply still In the corner of every love is a heart that hesitates, always waiting simply slunk, simply sad In the corner of every heartbreak is a piece that wishes it could have last simply slunk, sitting sullen In the corner of the mind exists a fragment where memories attach simply slunk, simply still Slunk in my chair, slunk on the stair, slunk in my room, slunk, slunk, slunk Get up! Raise yourself Make a stand Be a man. But I can't Fate's too great I've slunk too long Now it's too late.
  19. I've been dating and looking, for what seems like far too long. I want to take a break, to heal and move on. But I feel a sense of urgency, to keep going while I'm in the zone. Like I'm being pushed to keep dating, when I want to leave it alone. Maybe, no most likely, the push is because of you. I thought I found what I was looking for, I think you did too. So now you've left, and while I try not to admit it, I'm sad that you're gone. I need to keep dating, keep pushing on. I'm sure in time, the thought of us will nearly be gone. But I really wish you'd call, and say you were wrong. ... Damn I wish you'd call, and say you were wrong.
  20. There was a time when I could have said It feels like we’ve known each other forever. Now, I might say It feels like we’ve never met. Friendships That feel like dreams— Did we really Once flop over in the yard, sitting cross-legged, sharing different shades of pink nail polish? Was it real when we Played hide and seek and hid in strangers’ back yards, feeling clever and triumphant and mischievous and hoping we weren’t still waiting to be found when the sun went down? Can you remember when we Argued over who got to be the pink Power Ranger? Isn’t it funny how we Wrote notes to each other in sparkly gold ink and folded them into cute little origami shapes? Wasn’t it weird when most of our conversations Were about boys and kissing and wanting to be all grown up? Wasn’t it strange when we Started getting into trouble?—not the kind of trouble where our parents grounded us, but when the police caught us and the judge sentenced us? Wasn’t it surprising When we realized they were all just memories, buried, fading, the way dreams begin to fade upon waking? Isn’t it sad how we Share these memories but It feels like we’ve never met?
  21. My heart is heavy, so my soul is empty My head has 1000 memories that will not disappear and the eyes, full of tears Nothing can be said or done to try and erase these last few years. So long I spent saying I was fine, when really I carried on walking that fine line If only you could make your dreams a reality. If you could get rid of the hidden pain and hurt with a click of a finger or a blink of an eye. Your happy, and you’ve moved on.. so why cant I be happy? is it not enough my heart was ripped out and you turned my world upside down Now I have to stand from a far knowing your with someone else. And for some reason am still stuck like this, sad, depressed. I have no smile or laugh. It’s a like empty void has replaced any happy emotions I once had. I’m so fed up of this loosing battle. I get so far, and get knocked back down. I give up Done in Dead. x
  22. Behind the locked doors There’s so much pain You never asked You never wondered You never cared The cry for help was silent You weren’t there to listen You missed all the signs The sadness in her eyes And the dried tears She died slowly She hoped till the end, when The pain it took to wait for you Became greater than the pain it took To tell you goodbye
  23. Fill this emptiness with a pill. Wash these sorrows with one swig. its hard to stay level, its hard to stay sober, when every other god dam word out of your mouth is sorry. Blow away these images with a bullet. Slit the pain with a knife. Its hard to stay calm, its hard to stay stable, when all your lies come undone. Drown these sobs with gasoline. Suffocate the sadness with a pillow. its hard to stay happy, its hard to stay a live, when all you do is hurt me. (its a work in progress, still not perfected. Tell me what you think. criticism welcomed!)
  24. I also posted this on my journal but i thought a good poem so I'll put it here. The mirror by Mark Parkell ----------- kill me with your apathy and spite me just for agony like selling souls to the devils left to bid. tempting are those shiny things we all see on such hallowed screens and laugh away, just laugh away as we sit. And watch the clouds float by. it's been such a long long time my friend, now enemies till the bitter end. Look dimly in the light, hear a calling, hear the plight A reflection calls out, calling me in you A sound as such is crisper, be it only just a whisper that the mirror yes the mirror yet be not so cruel. Will you find it there? hide your face from it's glare guilty conscience be damned for you to go? Then hold on ever deeply to the nothing that you know, find the strength inside you, slay the hand that sheathe you, yes defeats you, he that never let you grow. That beast inside often say he"no". Forget his words and may you forever know The mirror's not so cruel when you unsheathe the sword in heartfelt tow. May you find your power, your strength , and find your spirits glow. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I wrote this poem a while back. To try and remind myself not to fight who I see in the mirror, but to shape what I see into something better. It kind of brings me hope to have found the piece of paper I jotted it down on 5 years ago. When I have nothing left...its neat to find my past speaking to my future. I think something good can be learned from that. Admittedly... I feel sad.
  25. As the little bird stood on his branch He saw his love fly by And as she landed and started her beautiful song The little bird began to sigh... He sang, "And there was you... Standing in fields of green A beautiful robin Singing your beautiful song Waves of beautiful sounds Rainbows filled with velvet notes emeraldscapes of beauty, sunbursts of brilliance Music nearly as beautiful as the musician herself. But the song pierces my heart Because I know that you love another Im sure that if I told you how I felt My heart would be torn asunder. I am just a little bird. I am not a great bird with wonderous plumage like he He can sing symphonies All I can sing is tweedle-dee. I think you are so pretty The prettiest bird in the sky But I am so plain and drab I shouldn't even try. Why must I be in so much pain? Bittersweet happiness and sadness within me Knowing that there is no hope That you and I will ever be." A little bird stood in on a tree branch. And these feelings were his trade Carrying reminders of his heartache And the knowledge that pained him Knowing that the match had already been made. And as he took flight he said to himself, in his tears and shame I am leaving, I am leaving, But my heart will still remain.
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