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  1. Key Takeaways: Identifying narcissistic personality traits Recognizing manipulative behaviors Understanding narcissistic relationship dynamics Strategies for dealing with narcissists Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a complex mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism. While it's natural for individuals to exhibit some narcissistic traits occasionally, NPD is a persistent condition that affects various aspects of life. This disorder impacts relationships, work, and mental health, leading to significant distress for the individual and those around them. It's important to distinguish between healthy self-esteem and narcissism, as the latter often results in destructive patterns of thinking and behavior. The exact cause of NPD remains unclear, but it's believed to be a result of a complex combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Childhood experiences, such as excessive pampering, unrealistic expectations, or neglect, may contribute to the development of narcissistic traits. This early shaping of personality is crucial in understanding the behaviors of a narcissistic male in adulthood. Diagnosis of NPD involves a thorough evaluation by a mental health professional. The criteria for diagnosis include an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. However, self-awareness in individuals with NPD is often low, making it challenging for them to recognize their condition and seek help. Understanding NPD is essential in comprehending the traits of a narcissistic male. It provides context to their behaviors and offers insights into the underlying factors driving their actions. While dealing with a narcissistic individual can be challenging, recognizing the disorder is the first step in managing the relationship effectively. The Grandiosity of Narcissistic Males The grandiosity of narcissistic males is a hallmark trait, often displayed as an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority. They typically believe they are unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other high-status people. This grandiose self-image is meticulously maintained and often projected to others to gain admiration and validation. Grandiosity in narcissistic males manifests in various ways. One common expression is through boasting and exaggeration of achievements. They often inflate their accomplishments, talents, and skills, sometimes to the point of blatant lying, to impress others and position themselves as superior. Financial and social status are key areas where grandiosity is frequently displayed. A narcissistic male may flaunt his wealth, connections, or lifestyle, using these as metrics to assert his dominance and superiority. This external show of success is crucial to their self-esteem and how they wish to be perceived by others. Another aspect of grandiosity is the expectation of special treatment and excessive admiration. Narcissistic males often expect to be recognized as superior, even without commensurate achievements. They believe that they are entitled to special privileges and can become impatient or angry when they do not receive the treatment they think they deserve. The need for constant attention and validation is also a part of their grandiosity. They seek out situations where they can be the center of attention, often dominating conversations and social gatherings. This need for attention can strain relationships, as it often comes at the expense of others' needs and feelings. Grandiosity also affects their perception of relationships. They may view relationships as opportunities to enhance their status rather than for emotional connection and support. Partners are often chosen based on how they can elevate the narcissist's status or serve their needs, rather than for mutual affection or compatibility. Understanding the grandiosity of narcissistic males is crucial in recognizing their behavior patterns. It helps in identifying the underlying insecurity that drives their need for admiration and superiority. This insight is vital for anyone involved in a relationship with a narcissistic male, as it provides a framework for managing expectations and interactions with them. Need for Admiration: A Key Narcissistic Trait The need for admiration is a central aspect of narcissistic behavior. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies have an insatiable desire for the attention and validation of others. This trait is not just a preference but a necessity for their self-esteem and identity. This craving for admiration manifests in various ways. Narcissistic individuals often engage in behaviors designed to attract attention and accolades. They may frequently share their achievements, however minor, seeking recognition and praise. Social media has become a fertile ground for this behavior, providing a platform for constant validation. The need for admiration also influences their interpersonal relationships. Narcissistic individuals often surround themselves with people who are willing to continually affirm their greatness. These relationships are typically one-sided, with the narcissistic individual receiving the bulk of the attention and admiration. At its core, this incessant need for admiration stems from deep-seated insecurities. Despite their outward appearance of confidence and superiority, narcissistic individuals often have fragile self-esteem. This vulnerability drives their constant search for external validation to bolster their self-worth. Sense of Entitlement in Narcissistic Men A sense of entitlement is another prominent characteristic of narcissistic men. This entitlement manifests as an expectation of preferential treatment and an assumption that they are deserving of the best without necessarily earning it. This sense of entitlement often leads to unrealistic expectations in personal and professional relationships. Narcissistic men may expect others to cater to their needs and desires without reciprocation. They often believe that rules and standards that apply to others should not apply to them. In relationships, this entitlement can create significant challenges. Narcissistic men may expect their partners to revolve around their needs and desires, often at the expense of their partner's well-being. This dynamic can lead to imbalanced and unhealthy relationships. At work, their sense of entitlement can manifest as an expectation of undeserved promotions or recognition. They may feel aggrieved when they don't receive what they believe they deserve, regardless of their actual performance or contributions. The entitlement of narcissistic individuals also affects their reaction to criticism or feedback. They often react negatively to any perceived slight or challenge to their sense of superiority, which can lead to conflicts and strained relationships. Understanding this sense of entitlement is crucial for those who interact with narcissistic individuals. Recognizing this trait can help in setting boundaries and managing expectations in both personal and professional relationships. Manipulative Behaviors: A Narcissist's Tool Manipulative behaviors are a hallmark of narcissistic personalities. Narcissists use manipulation to control and influence others for their benefit. These behaviors can range from subtle to overt and are often employed without remorse or consideration for the impact on others. One common manipulative tactic is gaslighting, where the narcissist sows seeds of doubt in a person's mind, making them question their memory, perception, or sanity. This insidious tactic undermines the individual's sense of reality, making them more dependent on the narcissist for validation. Narcissists also often use emotional manipulation. They might express extreme emotions or play the victim to elicit sympathy and manipulate others into compliance. This emotional blackmail can be particularly damaging in intimate relationships. Another tactic is triangulation, where a narcissist brings a third person into the dynamics of a relationship to create competition, stir jealousy, or foster reliance. This strategy not only manipulates the primary target but also the third party involved. Financial manipulation is another aspect, where narcissists control or exploit financial resources. This can be particularly debilitating in a relationship, where the narcissist may use financial means to control their partner. Manipulative behaviors in narcissists are not just limited to personal relationships. In professional settings, they may use charm, deceit, or coercion to achieve their objectives, often at the expense of colleagues or the organization. Recognizing these manipulative behaviors is critical in dealing with narcissistic individuals. Awareness and understanding of these tactics can empower victims to set boundaries and seek help when needed. Lack of Empathy: The Narcissistic Void A profound lack of empathy is another defining trait of narcissistic individuals. This void in emotional understanding and sharing significantly impacts their relationships and interactions with others. Empathy involves the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. In narcissistic individuals, this capacity is often markedly impaired or absent. This lack of empathy is not necessarily due to an inability to recognize emotions in others, but rather an indifference to these emotions. The absence of empathy in narcissists affects how they relate to others. They may disregard the feelings, needs, and well-being of those around them, focusing solely on their desires and interests. This self-centered approach can cause significant distress and damage in relationships. Understanding the lack of empathy in narcissistic personalities is crucial for those who interact with them. Recognizing this limitation can help in managing expectations and interactions, protecting oneself from the emotional toll of a one-sided relationship. Narcissists in Relationships: Red Flags Relationships with narcissists are often challenging and can be characterized by numerous red flags. Recognizing these early warning signs is crucial in understanding and managing a relationship with a narcissistic individual. One of the first red flags is the speed at which a narcissistic individual moves in a relationship. They often rush intimacy, making grandiose declarations of love or future plans very early in the relationship, a phenomenon known as 'love bombing.' Another warning sign is their constant need for admiration and validation. Narcissists require excessive attention and compliments, and their mood may significantly drop if they don't receive this level of admiration. A narcissist's tendency to talk about themselves excessively, often neglecting or showing little interest in their partner's life and feelings, is another red flag. This self-centered behavior highlights their lack of empathy and interest in a balanced relationship. Manipulation is a prevalent trait in narcissistic relationships. Narcissists may use emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or gaslighting to control their partners and keep them off-balance. Narcissists often exhibit jealousy and possessiveness, perceiving their partners as extensions of themselves rather than as independent individuals. This can lead to controlling behaviors and an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. Lastly, narcissists are often hypersensitive to criticism, even if it's constructive or minor. They may react with rage or contempt, a behavior that can create a walking-on-eggshells atmosphere within the relationship. Gaslighting: A Narcissist's Signature Move Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic commonly used by narcissists to gain power and control in relationships. It involves the deliberate sowing of doubt in a person's mind, causing them to question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Gaslighting typically starts subtly. The narcissist may dismiss or trivialize the victim's feelings, contest their version of events, or blatantly lie about what occurred. Over time, this persistent doubt erodes the victim's sense of reality and self-confidence. Victims of gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust their own judgment. This state of uncertainty makes them more dependent on the narcissist, thus increasing the narcissist's control over them. Recognizing gaslighting is vital in countering its effects. It involves acknowledging the tactics used, trusting one's own perceptions, and seeking support from trusted individuals or professionals. The Fragile Ego of a Narcissistic Male Despite the outward appearance of confidence and superiority, narcissistic males often have a surprisingly fragile ego. This vulnerability lies at the core of many narcissistic behaviors and responses. The fragile ego of a narcissistic male is hypersensitive to criticism, real or perceived. Even constructive feedback can be perceived as a personal attack, leading to defensive or retaliatory reactions. This sensitivity stems from their inflated self-image, which is often disconnected from reality. This fragility also manifests in their constant need for admiration and validation. Narcissistic males rely heavily on external validation to maintain their self-esteem, making them susceptible to any fluctuations in how others perceive them. The disparity between their grandiose self-image and their inner sense of vulnerability leads to a range of defensive behaviors. These can include denial, projection, or aggression, all aimed at protecting their fragile ego from any perceived threats. Narcissistic Rage: When Things Don't Go Their Way Narcissistic rage is an intense and often disproportionate anger response by narcissistic individuals when they perceive a threat to their self-esteem or self-worth. This reaction can be triggered by events that others might perceive as minor or insignificant. This rage is different from typical anger as it arises from the narcissist's need to protect their ego from perceived insults or criticism. It can manifest as verbal abuse, physical aggression, or passive-aggressive behaviors. One common trigger for narcissistic rage is the experience of being contradicted or challenged. Narcissists may perceive these situations as personal attacks or disrespect, leading to an explosive reaction. Narcissistic rage can also occur when a narcissist feels they are not receiving the special treatment or admiration they believe they deserve. This can result in aggressive attempts to reassert their dominance or superiority. The unpredictability of narcissistic rage makes it particularly challenging for those in close relationships with narcissists. It can create an environment of fear, walking on eggshells, and constant anxiety about setting off the next outburst. Understanding and recognizing the signs of narcissistic rage is crucial for those dealing with narcissistic individuals. It allows for the development of strategies to manage these situations and protect oneself from potential harm. Breaking Free from a Narcissistic Relationship Leaving a narcissistic relationship is often a challenging but necessary step towards personal wellbeing. The process requires careful planning, support, and a strong resolve. The first step in breaking free is the recognition of the relationship's toxic nature. This awareness often comes after enduring prolonged periods of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse. Preparing to leave involves both emotional and practical planning. Emotionally, it's important to detach and reaffirm one's self-worth, often eroded in a narcissistic relationship. Practically, this might involve securing finances, finding a place to stay, and planning for life post-breakup. Seeking support is crucial. This can come from friends, family, support groups, or professional counselors. These support networks provide the emotional backing and advice necessary to navigate the complexities of leaving a narcissist. Setting firm boundaries is essential. When dealing with a narcissistic partner, clear and non-negotiable boundaries are necessary to prevent further manipulation and to start the process of healing. During the breakup, it's important to communicate clearly and concisely. Engaging in long discussions or arguments can open the door to further manipulation and emotional entanglement. Finally, self-care and patience are vital during this transition. Healing from a narcissistic relationship takes time, and it's important to be kind to oneself throughout the process. Recovery and Healing: Life After a Narcissist Recovery and healing after a relationship with a narcissist is a journey that involves rebuilding self-esteem, learning from the experience, and moving forward with resilience. The first step in healing is acknowledging the impact of the relationship. This may involve processing a range of emotions, including grief, anger, and relief. It's a time to reflect on the experience and recognize its effects on one's life. Rebuilding self-esteem is crucial. Narcissistic relationships often leave individuals doubting their worth and abilities. Engaging in activities that reinforce self-worth and reconnecting with one's values and interests can be tremendously helpful. Finally, moving forward often involves setting new boundaries in relationships and being mindful of red flags. The experience of being with a narcissist can provide valuable lessons in recognizing unhealthy patterns and advocating for oneself in future relationships. FAQ: Understanding and Dealing with Narcissistic Males Q: How can I tell if a man is narcissistic? A: Identifying a narcissistic male can be challenging, as they often present a charming and confident front. Key signs include a need for excessive admiration, a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and manipulative behaviors. They may also react negatively to criticism and have a grandiose sense of self-importance. Q: Can a narcissistic male change? A: Change in narcissistic individuals is challenging but not impossible. It requires self-awareness, a willingness to seek help, and a commitment to therapy. However, the success of these efforts largely depends on the individual's dedication to personal growth and change. Q: How do I deal with a narcissistic partner or family member? A: Dealing with a narcissistic individual involves setting firm boundaries, protecting your mental health, and seeking support. Communication should be clear and assertive. It's important to recognize and avoid being drawn into their manipulative behaviors. Professional counseling can be beneficial for both parties involved. Q: Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? A: Maintaining a healthy relationship with a narcissist is challenging due to their lack of empathy and tendency to prioritize their needs over others. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, empathy, and give-and-take, which are often difficult for a narcissistic individual to provide consistently.
  2. Key Takeaways: Identifying traits of malignant narcissism Effects on relationships and mental health Strategies for coping and boundary-setting Importance of seeking professional help Understanding Malignant Narcissism: An Overview Malignant narcissism is a complex and often misunderstood psychological condition. It represents an extreme form of narcissistic personality disorder, characterized by traits like grandiosity, a lack of empathy, and a strong desire for admiration. Unlike traditional narcissism, malignant narcissism encompasses additional antisocial behaviors, making it particularly challenging in relationships. This condition is not officially recognized in many clinical settings, making diagnosis and understanding a challenge. However, experts in psychology have identified key characteristics that help in identifying this behavior. It's crucial to understand that malignant narcissism is more than just self-centeredness; it's a deeply ingrained pattern of behavior that can have destructive effects on those around the individual. Understanding the root causes of malignant narcissism is vital. It often stems from a combination of genetic predispositions and environmental factors. Childhood experiences, particularly those involving trauma or neglect, can play a significant role in the development of this condition. These early experiences shape an individual's personality and coping mechanisms, potentially leading to the development of malignant narcissistic traits. One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with malignant narcissism is its impact on personal relationships. Individuals with these traits can be manipulative and often engage in gaslighting or emotional abuse. Recognizing these behaviors early on in a relationship is crucial for maintaining personal well-being. It's also important to differentiate malignant narcissism from other personality disorders. While there are overlaps with conditions like antisocial personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, the unique combination of traits in malignant narcissism sets it apart. This differentiation is essential for effective treatment and support. The treatment for malignant narcissism is complex and requires a multifaceted approach. Therapy can be challenging, as individuals with these traits may not readily acknowledge their behavior or seek help. However, with the right therapeutic approach and support, change and improvement are possible. Understanding malignant narcissism is the first step in addressing its impact. Awareness of its signs and symptoms, along with professional guidance, can help in managing relationships with individuals exhibiting these traits, and support those affected by them. Signs and Symptoms of Malignant Narcissism in Relationships Identifying malignant narcissism in a relationship can be challenging, but certain signs and symptoms are indicative of this condition. Understanding these can help in recognizing and addressing the issue early on. The first sign is an extreme need for admiration and validation. Individuals with malignant narcissism often require constant praise and attention. They may become irritable or aggressive if they feel they're not receiving the admiration they deserve. This need for validation can strain relationships, as it places an unrealistic expectation on the partner. Another symptom is a lack of empathy. Malignant narcissists often fail to recognize or care about the needs and feelings of others. This lack of empathy can lead to manipulative and abusive behaviors, as the individual prioritizes their needs over others' well-being. Manipulation and control are also common. Malignant narcissists may use various tactics to maintain control in a relationship, such as gaslighting, emotional blackmail, or financial control. These behaviors can create a toxic environment, making it difficult for the other person to leave the relationship. Finally, there's often a pattern of exploiting others for personal gain. Malignant narcissists may use their partners to achieve their goals, showing little regard for the consequences of their actions on their partners. Recognizing these patterns is critical for those in relationships with individuals exhibiting these traits. The Psychological Roots of Malignant Narcissism The origins of malignant narcissism are deeply rooted in a combination of psychological, biological, and environmental factors. Understanding these roots is essential for comprehending the behaviors and attitudes associated with this condition. Genetically, there may be a predisposition to personality disorders, including malignant narcissism. However, genetics alone does not determine the development of this condition. It's the interaction between genetic factors and one's environment that plays a crucial role. Childhood experiences often significantly influence the development of malignant narcissism. Traumatic events, inconsistent parenting, excessive pampering, or neglect can all contribute to the formation of narcissistic traits. These early experiences can lead to a distorted sense of self and an excessive need for admiration. Another factor is the influence of societal and cultural norms. In a society that often rewards self-confidence and assertiveness, individuals may develop narcissistic traits as a means to succeed. When these traits are reinforced and celebrated, they can evolve into malignant narcissism. Lastly, psychological trauma and unresolved issues from the past can lead to the development of malignant narcissism. This might include unresolved conflicts during key developmental stages, leading to a fractured sense of self and an inflated ego as a defense mechanism. 5 Ways Malignant Narcissism Can Affect Your Relationship Malignant narcissism can profoundly impact relationships in various detrimental ways. Understanding these impacts is crucial for recognizing and addressing the challenges it poses. Firstly, the need for control and dominance can create an imbalance in the relationship. A malignant narcissist often feels the need to control their partner's actions, thoughts, and feelings, leading to an unhealthy dynamic. Secondly, the lack of empathy in malignant narcissists can result in emotional neglect for their partners. They may be insensitive to their partner's needs and feelings, causing emotional distress and a sense of being undervalued. Thirdly, manipulation is a common tactic used by malignant narcissists. They might use guilt, gaslighting, or other manipulative tactics to maintain power and control in the relationship, often leaving their partner confused and disoriented. Fourthly, the constant need for admiration and validation can be exhausting for the partner. The relationship may revolve around the narcissist's needs and desires, leaving little room for mutual growth and support. Fifthly, trust issues often arise in such relationships. Malignant narcissists may lie, cheat, or deceive to maintain their façade, leading to a breakdown of trust and security in the relationship. The cumulative effect of these behaviors can lead to a toxic and damaging relationship environment. It's crucial for those involved with malignant narcissists to recognize these signs and consider seeking help. Understanding how malignant narcissism affects relationships is key to addressing and mitigating its impact. Awareness, coupled with professional guidance, can aid in navigating these challenging dynamics. Coping Mechanisms for Dealing with a Malignant Narcissist Partner Dealing with a partner who exhibits malignant narcissism requires specific coping strategies. These mechanisms are vital for maintaining one's mental and emotional well-being in such challenging relationships. The first step is recognizing the situation for what it is. Understanding the nature of malignant narcissism and its impact on the relationship can help in developing appropriate coping strategies. Setting firm boundaries is essential. This involves clearly defining what is acceptable and what is not in the relationship, and consistently enforcing these boundaries. It's crucial for preserving one's sense of self and personal space. Seeking support from friends, family, or support groups can provide much-needed emotional respite and perspective. These support systems can offer validation and understanding, which are often lacking in the relationship with the narcissist. Engaging in self-care activities is also important. This can include physical exercise, hobbies, or therapy. Self-care helps in maintaining mental health and emotional equilibrium in the face of challenges posed by the relationship. Another vital coping mechanism is developing an exit plan. In some cases, leaving the relationship may be the healthiest option. Planning for this possibility, both emotionally and practically, is key. Lastly, it's important to avoid engaging in the narcissist's games. This means not responding to provocations and manipulations, and maintaining emotional distance. Keeping a level head can prevent further emotional turmoil. The Impact of Malignant Narcissism on Mental Health Malignant narcissism can have profound and lasting effects on mental health, both for the narcissist and those close to them. Recognizing these effects is crucial for understanding the full impact of this condition. For partners of malignant narcissists, the constant manipulation and emotional abuse can lead to anxiety, depression, and a loss of self-esteem. The unpredictability and toxicity of the relationship can create a pervasive sense of insecurity and distress. For the malignant narcissist, their behaviors can lead to isolation, relationship failures, and a deep-seated sense of unhappiness. Despite their outward appearance of confidence and self-assuredness, they often experience a profound lack of fulfillment. The impact of malignant narcissism on mental health is significant and far-reaching. Understanding these effects is key to addressing and mitigating the damage caused by this condition. Resources and Support Systems for Victims of Malignant Narcissism Finding resources and support is crucial for those affected by malignant narcissism. These systems can offer guidance, emotional support, and practical advice for navigating the challenges posed by this condition. Professional counseling is one of the most valuable resources. Therapists who specialize in narcissistic abuse can provide targeted strategies for coping and healing. They can also offer a safe space to process emotions and experiences. Support groups, both online and offline, offer a community of individuals who understand what it means to be in a relationship with a malignant narcissist. These groups can provide empathy, shared experiences, and coping strategies. Books and online resources can also be helpful. They offer insights into the nature of malignant narcissism, strategies for coping, and stories of recovery and empowerment from others who have experienced similar situations. Legal advice may be necessary, especially in situations involving divorce or custody disputes with a narcissistic partner. Legal professionals familiar with these cases can provide crucial guidance and support. Lastly, building a personal support network is important. Friends, family, or even colleagues who understand the situation can provide emotional support and practical help during difficult times. Conclusion: Empowering Yourself in the Face of Malignant Narcissism Empowerment in the face of malignant narcissism involves recognizing your own strength, value, and the ability to make positive changes in your life. It's about reclaiming your sense of self and moving forward with resilience. Understanding that the problem lies with the narcissist and not with you is fundamental. This realization can help shift the perspective from self-blame to self-compassion, paving the way for healing and growth. Setting and maintaining boundaries is a powerful step towards empowerment. It's about knowing your limits and protecting your emotional and mental well-being. Investing in personal development and self-care is also key. Engaging in activities that boost self-esteem, foster resilience, and promote emotional health can be transformative. Seeking support, whether professional or personal, is essential. You don't have to face this journey alone. Support systems can offer strength and guidance when it's most needed. Facing malignant narcissism is undoubtedly challenging, but it's also an opportunity for profound personal growth and empowerment. With the right tools and support, it's possible to emerge stronger and more resilient.
  3. Introduction to Narcissism Narcissism is a term that has been part of the human psyche and cultural lexicon for centuries. Rooted in Greek mythology, it refers to excessive self-love and self-centeredness. When it comes to understanding a male narcissist, it's essential to recognize that while narcissistic tendencies can manifest in anyone, there are specific patterns and behaviors associated with male narcissists that make them distinct. At its core, narcissism revolves around an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. However, beneath this façade often lies a fragile self-esteem vulnerable to the slightest criticism. The concept of the "male narcissist" focuses on how traditional societal norms and gender roles might influence and shape narcissistic behaviors in men. For instance, men have historically been conditioned to suppress emotions, exude dominance, and maintain control, factors that can exacerbate narcissistic tendencies. Scientifically, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). It's a condition characterized by patterns of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. However, not every male narcissist will have NPD. For many, the term "male narcissist" conjures up images of a charismatic yet manipulative individual who can charm and harm with equal ease. While this may be true in some cases, it's vital to approach the topic with nuance and understanding. As we delve deeper into the world of the male narcissist, we will explore their traits, the impact of their behavior on others, and how society perceives them. Historical Perspective on Narcissism The term 'narcissism' originates from Greek mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his reflection in a pool of water and, unable to leave the allure of his image, eventually turned into a flower. This tale, at its essence, captures the nature of extreme self-love and vanity. Over the years, the concept of narcissism evolved, moving from mythology to a recognized psychological phenomenon. Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, introduced the term "narcissism" into psychological discourse in the early 20th century. He emphasized its role as a natural part of human development, noting that it could become pathological under specific circumstances. With the progression of psychological and psychiatric studies, narcissism was further dissected, and its negative and pathological aspects came under scrutiny. By the late 20th century, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) was included in the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III) in 1980. Historically, narcissism was often seen as a trait more prevalent in men than women. This perception might stem from societal structures that have, for centuries, equated power, control, and self-importance with masculinity. As such, men exhibiting excessive self-regard or dominance were sometimes simply seen as fulfilling their 'natural' roles. However, as society progressed and gender norms began to shift, the understanding of male narcissism became more nuanced. Researchers began to differentiate between healthy self-esteem and harmful narcissistic behaviors, recognizing that these traits, when unchecked, could lead to toxic patterns in relationships, workplaces, and broader societal interactions. Today, while narcissism is understood as a spectrum that can be present in anyone regardless of gender, the male narcissist remains a subject of particular interest due to the interplay of historical, societal, and psychological factors. Characteristics of a Male Narcissist When discussing male narcissism, it's crucial to distinguish between healthy self-esteem and the damaging traits of narcissistic behavior. While everyone might display some narcissistic traits occasionally, a male narcissist exhibits a consistent pattern of behaviors that center around self-importance, entitlement, and a lack of empathy. 1. Grandiosity: This is perhaps the most defining trait of a male narcissist. They often have an exaggerated sense of their abilities and achievements. This isn't mere confidence; it's a belief that they are inherently superior to others. 2. Seeking Admiration: A male narcissist thrives on admiration and validation from others. They constantly seek compliments and get easily offended if they don't receive the praise they believe they deserve. 3. Lack of Empathy: They often struggle to recognize or understand the feelings and needs of others. This lack of empathy makes them seem cold and uncaring, especially in relationships. 4. Entitlement: Male narcissists often feel they deserve special treatment and are quick to exploit others to get what they want. They believe that the world owes them, leading to unreasonable expectations and demands. 5. Manipulative Behaviors: They use manipulative tactics, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and playing the victim, to control and dominate others. This behavior is particularly evident in romantic relationships, where they may belittle or control their partners. 6. Envy: They often envy others' achievements or believe others are envious of them. This can result in competitive behavior and resentment towards perceived rivals. Narcissism vs. Confidence: Differences It's essential to differentiate between narcissism and confidence, as the two are often misconstrued. While they might appear similar on the surface, they stem from different motivations and have distinct impacts on an individual's relationships and interactions. Origin: Confidence is rooted in genuine self-assurance and a positive self-image. It's built over time through experiences, achievements, and personal growth. Narcissism, on the other hand, is often a mask for deep-seated insecurity and self-doubt. It's a defense mechanism against feelings of inadequacy. Interactions with Others: Confident individuals can recognize and celebrate the achievements and worth of others. They are secure enough in their self-worth that they don't feel threatened by others' successes. Narcissists, conversely, constantly compare themselves to others and often diminish others to elevate their own status. Empathy: One of the critical differences between confidence and narcissism is the ability to empathize. Confident individuals can understand and respect the feelings of others, while narcissists struggle with this, often prioritizing their feelings and needs over everyone else's. Reception of Criticism: A confident person can accept criticism and use it as an opportunity for growth. They understand that they are not perfect and are open to learning. A narcissist, however, perceives criticism as a direct threat to their self-image and often responds defensively or aggressively. Relationships: Relationships built with confident individuals are often rooted in mutual respect, understanding, and trust. On the other hand, a narcissist's relationships tend to be transactional, where they seek constant validation and may manipulate or belittle their partner. Self-awareness: Confident people are often self-aware and acknowledge their flaws and strengths. Narcissists, despite their bravado, often lack genuine self-awareness, refusing to recognize their detrimental behaviors or patterns. Causes of Narcissism in Males Understanding the causes of narcissism, especially in males, requires a multifaceted approach. It's a blend of biological, social, and psychological factors. Genetic Factors: Research suggests a genetic component to narcissistic personality disorder. Individuals with a family history of NPD or other personality disorders might be at a higher risk. Parenting Styles: Childhood experiences play a pivotal role in shaping adult personalities. Overly permissive parenting, where a child is excessively praised and seldom held accountable, can contribute to narcissistic tendencies. Conversely, excessively strict or neglectful parenting can also result in narcissistic behaviors as a defense mechanism. Societal Influences: Society's emphasis on individual success, achievements, and competition can foster narcissistic behaviors. In cultures that prioritize personal achievements over community or collective well-being, narcissistic traits can be amplified. Childhood Trauma: Traumatic experiences, such as abuse or extreme neglect during childhood, can result in narcissistic behaviors in adulthood. These behaviors can serve as coping mechanisms to mask deeper emotional pain or insecurities. Gender Roles: Traditional masculine roles emphasizing power, dominance, and emotional restraint can contribute to narcissistic traits in males. Societal expectations that equate emotional expression with weakness can lead some men to overcompensate with narcissistic behaviors. Brain Structure: Some studies suggest that individuals with narcissistic tendencies might have variations in the brain areas related to empathy, compassion, and emotional regulation. However, more research is needed in this area to draw definitive conclusions. The Narcissistic Relationship Cycle Relationships with a male narcissist often follow a recognizable cycle. While individual experiences may vary, many partners find themselves trapped in a repetitive pattern characterized by highs and lows. 1. Idealization: The relationship often starts on a high note. The narcissist showers their partner with attention, affection, and praise. This "love bombing" phase can make the partner feel incredibly special and cherished. 2. Devaluation: After the initial charm wears off, the narcissist starts to devalue their partner. They may resort to belittling comments, passive-aggressive behaviors, or outright criticism. The partner often feels confused, trying to regain the affection they received during the idealization phase. 3. Discard: At this stage, the narcissist may pull away, either emotionally or physically. They might cheat, become distant, or end the relationship abruptly. This leaves the partner feeling used, hurt, and bewildered. 4. Hoovering: Just when the partner starts to move on or seeks closure, the narcissist might attempt to "hoover" them back into the relationship. They might use sweet words, promises of change, or play the victim to pull their partner back in. Many partners find themselves stuck in this cycle, oscillating between hope and despair. The intermittent reinforcement—alternating between positive and negative behaviors—can create a powerful bond, making it challenging for the partner to break free. It's essential to recognize this pattern and seek support, whether through therapy, counseling, or trusted friends and family, to navigate and, if necessary, exit such a relationship. Emotional Impact on Partners The emotional toll of being in a relationship with a male narcissist can be profound. Partners often experience a range of emotions, from euphoria during the initial phases to despair and confusion as the relationship progresses. 1. Reduced Self-Esteem: The constant belittling and criticism can wear down the partner's self-esteem. Over time, they might start doubting their worth and questioning their perceptions. 2. Anxiety: The unpredictability of the narcissist's behavior can create a heightened sense of anxiety. Partners are often on edge, unsure of when the next bout of criticism or anger will come. 3. Depression: The devaluation and discard phases can lead to feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and depression. Partners might internalize the narcissist's criticism, feeling as though they are the problem. 4. Emotional Exhaustion: The constant cycle of highs and lows can be emotionally draining. Partners might feel fatigued, finding it hard to muster the energy to address the relationship's issues or even to carry on with daily tasks. 5. Isolation: Many narcissists isolate their partners from friends and family. This isolation can leave the partner feeling trapped and alone, without a support system to turn to. 6. Trust Issues: The manipulative and deceitful behaviors of a narcissist can lead to trust issues. Partners might find it challenging to trust others in future relationships or even trust their own judgment. Male Narcissist in the Workplace A male narcissist doesn't restrict his behaviors to personal relationships. The workplace can become another arena where these traits manifest, affecting colleagues, subordinates, and organizational culture. 1. Dominance: They often strive to be in positions of power and control. They are typically competitive and might undermine colleagues to climb the corporate ladder. 2. Exploitation: Colleagues and subordinates might be used as pawns to further the narcissist's agenda. They are known to take credit for others' work and shift the blame for their mistakes. 3. Lack of Empathy: Their lack of empathy becomes evident in their interactions. They might be dismissive of others' feelings or needs, focusing solely on their goals. 4. Resistance to Feedback: Like in personal settings, male narcissists in the workplace are resistant to criticism. They might react defensively or even aggressively to feedback, making it challenging for them to improve or collaborate effectively. 5. Manipulation: They are adept at office politics, using charm or deceit to manipulate situations to their advantage. This behavior can create a toxic work environment, breeding distrust and unease. 6. Impression Management: Despite their behaviors, male narcissists are often concerned about their image. They might go to great lengths to present themselves in a positive light, sometimes at the expense of truth and transparency. Parenting with a Male Narcissist Parenting alongside a male narcissist presents its unique set of challenges. Understanding the dynamics at play can help mitigate the potential negative impacts on children and ensure their well-being. 1. Control and Domination: A male narcissist might attempt to dominate parenting decisions, believing that his way is the best or only way. This can lead to conflicts, especially if the other parent has differing opinions or concerns. 2. Using Children as Pawns: In situations, especially during separations or divorces, the narcissist may use children as pawns to manipulate or hurt the other parent. They might feed the child negative narratives about the other parent or create loyalty conflicts. 3. Lack of Empathy: Their inherent lack of empathy can affect their parenting style. They may be dismissive of the child's feelings or needs, emphasizing their own wants and perspectives. 4. High Expectations: The male narcissist's need for external validation might transfer onto their children. They might have unrealistically high expectations, pushing the child to excel in academics, sports, or other fields, often at the expense of the child's own interests or well-being. 5. Inconsistency: Children require consistency for a sense of security. However, the narcissist's alternating cycles of idealization and devaluation can create a confusing environment for the child, not knowing which version of their parent they'll encounter on a given day. 6. Emotional Unavailability: Emotional connection and support are pivotal in child development. The male narcissist's preoccupation with himself might render him emotionally unavailable, leaving the child feeling neglected or unseen. Seeking Therapy and Recovery Overcoming the effects of a relationship with a male narcissist, or addressing one's own narcissistic tendencies, often requires professional intervention. Therapy can offer valuable insights and coping strategies. 1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can help individuals identify and challenge the negative thought patterns associated with narcissism. For those affected by a narcissist, it can help rebuild self-esteem and establish healthier relational patterns. 2. Individual Therapy: For narcissists, individual therapy can help them gain insights into their behavior, develop empathy, and address underlying insecurities. For those affected by a narcissist, it offers a safe space to process trauma and develop coping mechanisms. 3. Group Therapy: Group settings allow narcissists to receive feedback from others in a structured environment. For victims, sharing experiences with others can provide validation and support. 4. Couples Therapy: If both partners are willing, couples therapy can address the dynamics of the relationship, fostering understanding and promoting healthier interactions. 5. Family Therapy: In situations involving children or extended family, therapy can help address familial patterns, ensuring the well-being of children and facilitating healthier family dynamics. 6. Recovery and Self-Care: Recovery is a journey. For those affected by a narcissist, prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support are crucial. Building a support system, whether through friends, family, or support groups, can aid the healing process. Conclusion: Understanding and Compassion While the behaviors of a male narcissist can be damaging, it's essential to approach the topic with understanding and compassion. Many narcissists have developed these patterns as coping mechanisms for deep-seated pain or insecurities. 1. Not a One-Size-Fits-All: It's crucial to remember that not every male narcissist will exhibit all the mentioned traits or behaviors. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and individuals may display varying degrees of these traits. 2. The Importance of Boundaries: Understanding doesn't mean tolerating abusive or damaging behaviors. Setting clear boundaries is crucial, both for those dealing with narcissists and for narcissists themselves to understand the consequences of their actions. 3. The Potential for Change: With awareness, therapy, and a genuine desire to change, narcissists can work towards healthier patterns and relationships. 4. Compassion for Victims: Those affected by male narcissists require compassion and support. Recognizing the signs, seeking help, and prioritizing one's well-being are essential steps in the healing journey. 5. Societal Role: Society plays a role in shaping behaviors and mindsets. Promoting awareness, understanding, and emotional intelligence can help mitigate the development or endorsement of narcissistic traits. 6. Ongoing Education: Continued research and education on narcissism can provide better tools, resources, and strategies for individuals, families, and professionals dealing with this complex issue. The Underlying Causes While the behavioral manifestations of male narcissism are often evident, it's essential to understand the underlying causes to address the root of the issue effectively. 1. Childhood Experiences: Many narcissists have experienced trauma, neglect, or excessive pampering in their childhood. Such early-life experiences can instigate a deep-seated need for admiration or an inflated sense of self-worth in later years. 2. Genetics and Brain Structure: Scientific studies indicate a possible genetic predisposition towards narcissism. Additionally, variations in brain structure, especially in areas related to empathy, emotional regulation, and self-awareness, might contribute to narcissistic behaviors. 3. Societal Influences: Living in an era characterized by social media and the "selfie culture" can exacerbate narcissistic tendencies. The constant need for validation through likes and followers might fuel an already fragile ego. 4. Adaptive Defense Mechanism: For some, narcissism might be an adaptive defense mechanism to shield against deep-seated insecurities or feelings of worthlessness. This facade, though detrimental, serves to protect them from perceived threats or criticisms. 5. Fear of Vulnerability: Delving deeper, the male narcissist's behaviors might be a facade to mask a profound fear of vulnerability. By keeping others at a distance and maintaining a grandiose self-image, they prevent others from seeing their perceived flaws. 6. Reinforced Behaviors: Sometimes, narcissistic behaviors are inadvertently reinforced. Being rewarded for such behaviors, whether in personal relationships or the workplace, might strengthen their prevalence. Narcissism vs. Confidence: Drawing the Line It's crucial to distinguish between narcissism and genuine self-confidence. While they might seem similar on the surface, the underlying motivations and manifestations differ significantly. 1. Source of Self-Worth: While a confident individual derives self-worth from intrinsic values, a narcissist's self-esteem is often contingent on external validation. 2. Handling Criticism: Confident individuals can accept constructive criticism and use it for personal growth. In contrast, narcissists often react defensively, perceiving it as a personal attack. 3. Empathy: Genuine confidence doesn't come at the expense of others. Confident individuals can empathize and celebrate others' successes, whereas narcissists might feel threatened by them. 4. Flexibility: Those with genuine confidence are adaptable and open to change. Narcissists, on the other hand, might resist change, especially if it doesn't align with their viewpoint. 5. Authenticity: Confident individuals remain authentic, not feeling the need to exaggerate or lie. Narcissists often mask their insecurities with exaggerations, lies, or boastful tales. 6. Relationship Dynamics: Healthy confidence fosters mutual respect and equality in relationships. Narcissism, however, can lead to power imbalances, manipulation, and a lack of genuine intimacy. Recognizing and Addressing Narcissism in Oneself Self-awareness is the first step towards growth. If one identifies narcissistic tendencies within themselves, it's pivotal to acknowledge and address them proactively. 1. Introspection: Regularly engaging in self-reflection can help individuals identify problematic patterns in their behavior and relationships. 2. Seek Feedback: Encourage trusted friends, family, or colleagues to provide honest feedback. While it might be challenging to hear, it offers valuable insights for personal growth. 3. Therapy: Professional therapy can provide the tools and strategies to address narcissistic tendencies. Therapists can offer guidance, coping mechanisms, and strategies for fostering genuine relationships. 4. Mindfulness and Empathy: Practicing mindfulness can cultivate a genuine presence in interactions. By genuinely listening and trying to understand others' perspectives, one can develop empathy and strengthen interpersonal connections. 5. Accepting Imperfection: Recognizing and accepting one's flaws is an essential step towards authenticity. By understanding that nobody is perfect, one can navigate life with humility and openness. 6. Prioritizing Growth: Adopt a growth mindset. Embrace challenges, learn from failures, and continuously strive for self-improvement, not for external validation, but for intrinsic growth and well-being. Dealing with a Male Narcissist in Relationships Engaging in a relationship with a male narcissist can be challenging, requiring patience, understanding, and clear boundaries. 1. Setting Boundaries: Establish and maintain clear boundaries. By defining what's acceptable and what isn't, it's easier to navigate the complexities of the relationship. 2. Avoiding the Blame Game: Narcissists often deflect blame. Recognize this trait without internalizing the guilt or allowing it to destabilize the relationship's foundation. 3. Prioritizing Self-Care: Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Prioritizing one's mental and emotional well-being is paramount. 4. Seeking Therapy: Couples therapy can be beneficial in addressing the power dynamics and fostering understanding. Individual therapy can also provide support and coping mechanisms for the non-narcissistic partner. 5. Avoiding Escalation: Engaging in arguments can lead to escalation. Instead, approach conflicts calmly, rationally, and assertively without resorting to blame. 6. Understanding, not Enabling: While understanding the reasons behind narcissistic behavior is crucial, it's essential to avoid enabling such behaviors, which can perpetuate the cycle. Long-Term Impacts on Victims The prolonged effects of being in close proximity to a male narcissist, whether in a romantic relationship, friendship, or familial bond, can be profound. 1. Diminished Self-Worth: Continuous belittlement or manipulation can erode the victim's self-esteem over time. 2. Trust Issues: Being subjected to lies or manipulative tactics can lead to generalized trust issues in future relationships or interactions. 3. Mental Health Concerns: Prolonged exposure can result in anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 4. Isolation: The narcissist might isolate the victim from friends or family, leading to feelings of loneliness and vulnerability. 5. Dependency: Some victims might become financially, emotionally, or psychologically dependent on the narcissist, making it challenging to break free from the toxic relationship. 6. Recovery and Healing: While the impacts can be severe, with support and therapy, many victims can rebuild their lives, rediscovering their worth and establishing healthier relationships in the future. Preventing Narcissistic Tendencies in Future Generations Addressing and preventing narcissistic tendencies from developing in the next generation requires awareness, education, and proactive measures. 1. Fostering Emotional Intelligence: Encouraging children to recognize, understand, and manage their emotions can lead to healthier self-images and interpersonal relationships. 2. Teaching Empathy: Encouraging children to place themselves in others' shoes can cultivate genuine empathy, countering self-centered tendencies. 3. Promoting Genuine Achievements: While praising children is essential, it's vital to commend genuine efforts and achievements rather than offering hollow praises. 4. Establishing Healthy Boundaries: Teaching children about boundaries – both setting their own and respecting others' – can lead to healthier future relationships. 5. Role Modeling: Children often emulate adult behaviors. Demonstrating humility, empathy, and genuine self-confidence can serve as a positive model for them. 6. Open Conversations: Engaging in open dialogues about feelings, self-worth, and relationships can equip children with the tools to recognize and address narcissistic tendencies in themselves or others. Recommended Reading: Narcissism: Denial of the True Self by Alexander Lowen. This book delves into the complex world of narcissism, explaining its origins and offering insights into healing. Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T. Behary. Behary provides strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is narcissistic. Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists by Dr. Craig Malkin. This book offers a fresh approach to understanding narcissism and provides guidance for recognizing and coping with narcissistic behaviors.
  4. Narcissism is a term that refers to an ongoing pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and an exaggerated sense of self-importance. It is imperative to note that there are many different forms of narcissism and each one has unique characteristics. This article will provide an overview of the different types of narcissism and how they can manifest in various aspects of life. Relationships: People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) have a pervasive pattern of excessive self-regard and a need for admiration that make it difficult for them to build lasting relationships. They may exhibit aggressive and demanding behavior toward loved ones, resulting in feelings of guilt and inadequacy. They may also idealize people and expect to be idealized in return. Career and Money: People with NPD may be admired in their careers due to their ambition, charm, and persuasiveness, but may also struggle with feeling entitled or aimless when times are challenging. They may relentlessly pursue money, power, or status, leading to an endless cycle of achievement without satisfaction or fulfillment. Parenting and Family: People with NPD may seek praise from children as a source of validation, viewing them as mere extensions of themselves. This makes it difficult for them to form close and collaborative relationships with their children. They may also use guilt as a form of manipulation and have difficulty understanding boundaries when providing love and support. Dating: People with NPD may be seductive and charming when dating and may idealize the other person, believing that they are perfect in every way. However, their love and admiration are often conditional, expecting the other person to be able to meet their often unrealistic expectations. If this does not happen, they may become abusive or controlling in an effort to maintain the relationship. Breaking Up and Divorce: People with NPD may feel abandoned and worthless when a relationship ends. They may attempt to win back their former partner with promises of grandiose gestures or even become vindictive by trying to take away joint assets or assets they believe they are entitled to. Marriage: When married to a person with NPD, there may be a lack of emotional connection, communication, and reciprocity. The non-NPD partner may feel trapped and may suffer feelings of worthlessness. There may also be a tendency to overcompensate for their partner’s deficient behaviors, leading to an unhealthy imbalance in the relationship. Personal Growth: People with NPD have difficulty understanding their own motivations and emotions, and therefore have difficulty recognizing the needs and feelings of others. Therefore, therapy is necessary for growth and advancement. Through therapy, individuals with NPD can learn to identify and accept their struggles, engage in healthy relationships, and develop a sense of empathy. Stress: People with NPD experience a great deal of stress when it comes to feeling inadequate. They may experience fear of abandonment and fear of failure, both of which can cause them to act erratically and impulsively, further intensifying their feelings of stress. Pregnancy: People with NPD may feel inadequate in regards to protecting and caring for another life. They may feel helpless and overwhelmed, and become easily frustrated or overwhelmed while pregnant or during postpartum symptoms.
  5. I went to a counselor and found out that my ex might have some sort or borderline personality disorder. I was wondering if any of you have dealt with a bf/ex that might have borderline personality... I would like a little more info about it. Any input or feedback would be greatly appreciated. I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I'm using the no contact rule, because I want him back, but i don't know because according to the counselor they see or perceive any little thing as rejection. I don't know if i'm ruining my chances of getting back considering he has this disorder. My story is here for details
  6. I was reading about it, and... I think I match most of the symptoms!!! I was diagnosed as a "maniac-depressive" or bipolar, but most of the symptoms match me, and also those of a bipolar disorder. Are those related? Wow, I think I'm even more looney than I thought. Psychiatrists are going to make a lot of money from me...
  7. I found a website tonight after looking up this term and it opened my eyes to my past, present and future. This website describes link removed and I couldn't help but get completely emmersed because it describes my brother to a tee... and my mother to some extent although I suspect she is borderline moreso... and my last relationship regarding how I have been struggling to just let it go but there were so many things about him. I was trying so hard to make it work. I can see so many things that now I know why I've been trying so hard to win him over... and why it won't ever work. I grew-up struggling with difficult mother and brother. It has always been my fault for so many things all these years. Until now. Tonight my eyes opened up to the sheer personality conflicts and endless tears I have shed trying to figure out what the heck is so wrong with me. Everything suddenly makes sense. This is the missing puzzle piece. Thanks for letting me share all this with you because I can't tell you how this knowledge affects my life... but in a good way now that I have answers, can make better choices and can get over things that have happened in the past because it really wasn't ME all along. I'm not to blame. I'm okay!! I'm free! Halleluah!! wow. I finally understand my family. I feel like I need to see a counselor NOW
  8. This might be getting worse Or has it always been the same? I watch them all around me Wishing I were they Whilst always trying to tell myself that I am me. And that 'me' can be beautiful. I always need someone near me A kind of constant reassurance that I am not alone. Without it, I feel like I do now. I am empty, scared and helpless. This feeling creeps up on me. And grows over my mind like grass. I'm only a six year old inside Hearing so many things Those things have been frozen And now lie within my soul. You told me I was worthless And now I finally believe you.
  9. My step sister is dating a guy and she told my family that she can't stand him because he was diagnosed as having narcisstic personality disorder. Sounds like one mental illness that I wouldn't mind having, what's so bad about loving yourself? From what the little bits of info I've heard it sounds like these people are just very assertive, have high standards and love themselves just the way they are, and this guy isn't even that good looking and he has this disorder. So what's so bad about narcissism???
  10. I have been involved with the same person for 7 years. He is reeeeeeaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllly abusive. Of course over time it has gotten worse, I keep hoping that it will change. He actually has a personality disorder. NPD,(Narcisistic Personality Disorder) he is aware that he has this disorder but will not do anything about it and I have dealt with it for a very long time. I keep breaking it off but I keep going back. I know that I have issues as well or I would not continue to be with someone who treats me so badly but I don't know how to finally stop all contact. For example today I am fine and I know that I won't try to see him or talk to him but tomorrow it could be totally different. I end up having an over whelming feeling of loss and I end up making contact with him or I cant say no when he contacts me. We were never married but we have two children together also. I just want to change my life and get back to a tunnel with some light at the end of it. I am so tired of being sad and empty from being with someone who is so very hurtful. I know that he does a lot of the stuff intentionally TO hurt me and for some reason I tolerate a lot of it and I DONT KNOW WHY> I really need to find some earth shattering advice so that I can make this time stick!! I want to get on with my life without him in it. Someone tell me something!!
  11. I recently broke up with someone who suffers from histrionic personality disorder (HPD). Prior to this relationship, I was really not familiar with personality disorders in general, and certainly not this one. What I can tell you is that having a relationship with someone who suffers from this is a very bad idea. I knew he had this ... it's been diagnosed a few years ago, and he shared that with me. At the beginning it just didn't seem to have much of an impact on him, at least I didn't think so. It was clear that he had certain needs for attention and so forth that I didn't have, but I hardly expect everyone to have the same personality type and needs, in any case, so I didn't see it as an issue. Well ... it became a significant issue over the course of a few months time. The thing with histrionics is that they have a nearly desperate need for attention, and often sexualize that need ... in other words, they will often use sex and 'false' intimacy in order to get their needs for attention met. And they are constantly looking for new, fresh sources of attention .. in a word, to "attract" attention. It's ... he was unfaithful. That was bad, but it isn't something that only HPD people do. However, what was surprising was what I was told when I confronted him about this. Things like "Fact is: you're there, I'm here, and I don'l like feeling alone, so I'm going to do what I want and what pleases me" ... and "it's easy for me to forget who I love without a constant reminder" ... to which I replied with the question of why he did this when he knew it would hurt me, and the response was "I just didn't even consider it ....". I told him he had a choice: clean up his act, or it was over, because I couldn't be in a relationship like that ... and he refused to restrict himself in these things and so I dumped him. In the aftermath of that, he admitted that "[he] found comfort in finding 'new intimacy'" .... basically he needed to be unfaithful because if he doesn't find new intimacy his needs aren't being met. Meh! It's not the infidelity that's the thing, it's the underlying issue that leads to it. HPDs don't see what they do as wrong. For example, he told me afterwards that he thinks the concept of monogamy is simply the result of collective social brainwashing ... They know their actions hurt people, but they don't care because they have very little empathy for the feelings of others. In a way, it's like a narcissist in terms of being self-focused, with the difference being that the HPD person needs other people to have their needs met, whereas a narcissist may not. So the HPD person actively seeks out relationship after relationship so that they can have their own needs for attention, affection and approval met, and then constantly move to new sources of attention that they can "attract". If you find yourself starting a relationship with someone who fits the description of HPD, or you know someone who is doing so, do yourself or that person a favor and reconsider. It's almost impossible to make a relationship with an HPD person work unless they go through therapy and change their behavior (and according to clinical studies, the success rate for HPD therapy is low because patients generally do not follow-through on life changes and the personality type is often very ingrained by the time therapy is sought). Just a warning. Do not make the same mistake I made.
  12. I have a suggestion for everyone who has been in a relationship, or in a relationship, or at sometime plan on being in a relationship. Please educate yourself on the following, especially if something don't feel right or you just cant put your finger on whats wrong or dont understand whats going on in your relationship. Read up on NPD-Narrcissitic Personality Disorder..... BPD- Borderline Pesonality Disorder.....HPD- Histronic Personality Disorder. Educate yourself on these disorders ( read with an open mind) They say 10% of the population have one of these disorders. I can almost bet that some of the posters will point at the screen and say thats her, thats him. or I'm reading about my ex. You will be surprised how the traits they describe will fit into your situation with uncanny accuracy. It all has to do with an individuals lack of empathy and or conscious. They cannot be fixed. Sometimes it helps with closure when you have a break-up and dont understand what happened. Believe me if you have never heard of these disorders your in for an eye opening experience. It will probally explain your last relationship!! and roller coaster experience. They are emotional predators.
  13. I wasn't sure where to post this so hopefully someone can 'insert' my post in the right place. There has been a lot of talk in this forum about significant others having a personality disorder. I have (or had) this problem until a few days ago. Have I been naive about this subject altogether???? Absolutely! I read a book online "Malignant Self-Love" and feel like I've been in a relationship with an alien..... he's not human! I don't want to offend anyone here, but based on my experience and what I know about my ex, he can't possibly be of this world. Has anyone in this forum read the book or has been in a relationship with an NPD/HPD? If so, I would love to chat with you. This is not a joke ... this is a real condition that affects many, including the victims (me). Please respond soon. Thank you.
  14. After he physically assaulted me, I was confused, had a head injury and only had my family and friends to push me into court to get a restraining order. I went back into therapy myself and began to see it all unravel: all of his behavioral patterns and the way our relationship went made him the poster-man for borderline personality disorder. I am an extremely understanding person, especially about the ones I love but at the same time I still feel disposed, used, scared, angry. I am relatively young, in my late 20's and the internet and internet mediums of communication (AOL instant messenger, link removed, blogs, pictures posted on-line) are so prevalent and a part of our everyday lives. I don't want to let him control me anymore, that is to say, I don't want to have to hide myself or block him in fear of him reading my words, but is there anyone out there that has BPD? What would anger you if you saw something about one of your ex's, who you were deeply involved with? I do and did care about him deeply and don't want to upset him for him and I want him to get better. But I am also worried about myself. Please, I'm desperate for any advice.
  15. The Loneliest Inner Child I am empty. I am nothing and I know it. I am worthless. Why would anyone want anything to do with me? I am below everyone and I...all I can do is try and pretend. I am the loneliest and I cling to everyone around me whilst pushing them away because I can't get too close. If they get too close they'll see the real me. What I really think, what I really do. When they get too close, I get scared. I think sex will bring me intimacy and love So I can't say no. I think sex makes me special. He must really like me. Sex proves I am beautiful. It proves I am worthy. Someone out there wants to be with me, If only for one night. I risk my life all the time For confidence and passion. I am impulsive and addicted There's no other way to block out these thoughts. I don't care. In this moment I am invincible and In this moment I'll do anything to please you. I am bad. I do bad things which I don't feel guilty for. I'm bad because my mom says I am. I'm bad because I'm undeserving. You will someday abandon me Sooner or later You say you care but I can see what will happen. I am unstable. Who am I? I am so many people. I'm always trying to be someone else. Because 'me' is someone I don't recognise Someone I hate. 'Me' isn't good enough. 'Me' won't get me where I want to be. I want to be somewhere else. Everyone's forgotten what happened to me Especially you. You are the one to blame But blaming you will do nothing. Everyone thinks its over now And thankgod it doesn't continue. But it does continue Because I remember and it's a part of me now. I remember the words and the looks you gave me. I remember the pain and the prolonged fear. I remember when I was thrown around. I remember when I thought I deserved it. You told me I deserved it. And now that its over It still goes on Inside my head. I am the loneliest inner child.
  16. Hi everyone So I was diagnosed yesterday with having Borderline Personality Disorder. Apparently BPD affects 2% of the population and mostly women. Symptoms include: instability in moods, intense bouts of anger, chronic feelings of emptiness frantic efforts to avoid abandonment impulsive, risky behaviour I have many symptoms and have been suffering with them for as long as I can remember. If any of you have read previous posts of mine, you'll know I cling on to boyfriends and act very impulsively concerning sex in that I can't say no because it helps my self esteem. Because I'd never heard of this illness before, I wondered if any of you have it or know anyone that does? I would really like to talk to some people who are like me or even just to know that they are out there. Thanks http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm
  17. Well i dont know if anyone has ever battled with this at my age,22. I think i have a probelm with really deciding wat kind of person i want to be or who i am,sometimes i feel religious n thats the way i want to go, then something happens and i want to be so liberal n do 'everything' and these change of personality really takes charge for while. at other times i want to be outgoing and i do it for a while( i enjoy it),then i also fell at other times am supposed to be reserved,alone and am also happy with this!!!!!!!!!! Then i usuallly get emotional at time,become sensitive etc,at other times i feel nothing for anyone Whats up wit me?????? most people say am complicated coz i can suddenly switch off,or switch from one personality to another,ive had problems with people ecspecially women on this isue. sometimes am so depressed am almost crazy then a few moments later i am the most joyful person u can ever meet and i make people around me so happy coz i can be really humorous. Sometimes i can open up to a person (open up really) then at times i just keep everything to myself,i tell nobody nothing?? A friend once told me several girls in campus were attracted to me but cudnt approach me coz they were scared of me?(i happen to have a very serious face!!!) Help me,advice people! Do i have an identity problem?
  18. I've been really depressed the past 3 weeks, and my pyschologist was letting me off school for it but now he feels me being mostly solitary is not healthy for me, but the only real difference I'm seeing is there's no forced small talk with all the people at school, mostly because about 1 person doesn't get on my nerves frequently at school. Sometimes I've wondered if I have Schizoid Personality Disorder, most because research on personality disorders in health class show me as having a handfull of the symptoms, as well as some internet quiz thing, which I am aware is not a good basis of diagnosing things like this, but that said I would most likely have SPD, or, which was not a possible answer, Anxiety Disorder. the test is here if anyone wanted it link removed EDIT: I should probably mention I only feel bad while I'm at home, or in town sort of. When I go to my cousins' house in Indiana, about 2.2 hours from where I am now, I just feel good and I all of my good friends are there, my two cousins being my best friends. The good news is that I'm moving (EDIT: about 1.5 hours from my cousins) and going to a different school in a few weeks, we're thinking we'll be able to move into the new house during the American Thanksgiving break, but until that time I really do not want to go back to that school. He's also concerned about me sleeping so much, but when I didn't have to wake up for anything (like on weekends or breaks or something), for the past 5 years I've slept like I do now.
  19. Ok so this tuesday I am going to visit my ex boyfriend in his state. And I was really thrilled to do this. We have been talking like crazy. And we last saw each other 3 weeks ago and I thought it was amazing.....before then I hadnt seen him for 6 months! Recently though....I have been thinking that he might kill me when I get out there....or get someone to hurt me..or secretly have a girlfriend there and humiliate me badly.I think it is kind of psycho to think like this...why I think I have been thinking like this is before he left my state we really got mad at each other and I scratched his car that he realllly cherished so he got mad...and then he told me he never loved me..but after all that I think were okay now...especially with all the talking but I feel like it could be staged like hes wasting all his time talking to me to trick me in to going there so he can do something...which is paranoia in the works again?.where have all these bizarre thoughts come from? I also thought he wouldnt even show up to pick me up at the airport....lol I think it is so silly...he told me he wants me to be there and thinks hes "still inlove" but I feel like hes lying.....I dont know why I am acting like this.....when he came 3 weeks ago to visit I felt like something bad was going to happen but when nothing did I felt so crazy.....I heard about paranoia personality disorder...and the symptoms are pretty crazy...why do you think I am acting so afraid like this?
  20. I've been dating this girl for a year, now and she is wonderful and amazing. At the beginning of our relationship she told me that she has more than one personality disorders which I do not want to list here because I don't want to embarrased her if she sees this. Anyways, I think we have a healthy relationship, we both do love one another, and care for one another and want what is best. Usually when her disorders get out of control, she says she has a "bad day" and cuts contact with me until they're back under her control. I'm not with her day by day due to colleges and stuff like that. So, I don't know what it's like living with her on a daily bases. However, I am afraid of what I will experience if we do get that far. I do love her, and I want to help her, if she'll let me. I don't know, I've dated girls who were bi-polar, but they never got this serious. My girl means alot to me, and I would do anything to help her, and make sure she is happy most of the time, I just don't know how to go about it.
  21. (MPD=multiple personality disorder....for those that didnt know). Hi, I hope this is the right place to post this. Anyways, I'm very confused about this one person in particular...a coworker. She is a pretty lady, but I don't really have any interest in her and I've never really hit on her. The reason this concerns me is because she is my boss. Normally we get along and she laughs at all my jokes (even the really stupid ones). She also compliments me on my job. But then she just changes with the snap of a finger, she'll give me 'mean' looks and become aggrevated with me even though I've done nothing. And it seems like it's not my work she's mad at, it seems personal...like it's only me she's mad at. I don't know what I've done to make her mad. Then two days later she's all nice again. And round and round we go. I find myself trying to avoid her as much as possible and if I do speak to her I keep it on a professional level. I know I should probably confront her, but I don't really know how to go about doing that. I know work isn't supposed to be fun, but do I have to put up with this too?
  22. i posted yesterday under heading of "problems with new girl". reference it if you like. anyway, my therapist has said in 2 sessions that she can't diagnose her long distance but she sounds like someone with a personality disorder like borderline or anti-social. has anyone ever dated someone or been involved with someone with such a personality disorder? what was your experience like? thanks
  23. I'm Candy from South NJ, 39 and I have MANY traits of Borderline Personality Disorder but have never been diagnosed. I thought I was just depressed until I saw the symptoms of BPD on another site and my jaw dropped. It was like looking into a mirror because many MANY symptoms of BPD are exactly what I have been suffering from over 20 years now. I can't believe I have found information on my problem that I could never find a name for. My symptoms I have been suffering from include intense and constant fear of abandonment/rejection, mood swings on a daily basis that can change many times within one hour even, I see things in either one extreme or the other for instance with friends if they say one negative or bad thing about me, I will then go from seeing them as my best friend to seeing them as evil incarnate. I often think my friends don't give enough or help me enough. I have terrible interpersonal friendships with people. I have also felt like I am no one, I suffer from terrible self esteem so I don't know who I am, I feel ignored all the time and hate being ignored very much. I fly into bursts of anger for no reason and feel terrible afterward. I have a very bad temper. I have been suicidal many times. I seek attention because I hate being alone! When I am left alone online for instance I think my friends don't like me or that they are going to leave me. Four years ago after being suicidal, depressed, suffering panic/anxiety attacks among other symptoms I was given samples of Paxil CR and had very brief therapy which was free by the state. I do not drive and my twin sister simply refused to take me to the free therapy anymore. You can imagine how I felt..I had no other way of getting there not even by bus. Taxi would have been way too expensive. When I was on Paxil CR life was terrific! I was very very mellow, I didn't suffer from feeling a million different emotions all in the space of an hour, no feeling rage one minute or feeling happy the next..I was completely level and content. I could think very clearly, no mental fog, I didn't have any fears of intense abandonment, I just felt normal for the first time in my life. The free samples ran out and I moved to my parents place where I still am now. I once again when I was off the medication didn't seek help at all and have been living a crappy life. I always quit my jobs! I can't keep one! I have been out of work for 2 years now. I feel no motivation to do anything it seems. The only reason why I've felt a need to seek help after 3 years or so again is because I felt suicidal again and I prayed. I know if I don't get help...I feel I could be successful with suicide. I did call a local mental health center so hopefully I can get on their waiting list! I'm determined to get help because I'm sick of being crazy, sick of hurting friends and I'm sick of my life being at a standstill. I had a huge fight the other day with my best friend, we parted ways (although I have chatted with her since very briefly both times) and I had feelings of rage towards her even wanting to hurt her in my mind. Thanks for listening..not sure what else to say. I'm a very friendly person and wanting to chat with others. Please feel free to message me on msn messenger or email. I just need to vent or talk to others.
  24. I know I have an Illness, it comes and goes and some times I’m fine and some times not. I know that I get Obsessive, hyper, and depressed and have a nice little personality disorder that shuts down my emotions very now and then. My mind runs like a freight train 24/7 which means I have to keep it doing things or it starts playing tricks. Being on this site has helped a lot but what next where do I go now. How do I push me self to become more rounded and self understanding human. Or do I wait until like kicks off again and I fall once more into the dark and try and find my way out once more.
  25. help this is quite long --------- hi im new here so please forgive me if i am in the wrong place am under the care of our local mental health services because of depression which goes from being quite mild to quite scary i also have to cope with a partner who is quite difficult also my son suffers from asd at the moment i am coping with a lot and its really affecting me my cpn thinks my partner may be suffering from a personality disorder because of the way he behaves towards authority figures she has been at my house and experianced him having one of these episodes and at our consaltation yesterday sudjested i look up personality disorders this is a exaple of what can happen i recived a phone call on monday 9th jan from our sons school it is a special needs school sudjesting a contract of behaviour and that a meting to discuss this was aranged the next day through the post a contract signed by our son and his teacher arrived to which my partner went balistic i agree the school were in the wrong and we should have been consulted but he went way over the top in his reaction he phoned the school and just went into a triad of aggression towards the staff he wasnt abusive but very forcfull when he eventualy got a call back the teacher found the situation amusing which only fulled his rage to end was our son didnt go to school on the next few days to cap it all on the friday morning my partner still feeling beligerant was going on about how disgusting the staff at the school were in front of our son he actualy said to our son not to abide by the contract of behaviour and that if the staff picked on him he was to go to the head teacher at 9 15 we recived a phone call to say our son had walked in to class and told the staff his dad had told him not to do any thing the teachers told him so they wernt prepared to have him at the school they requested we take him home as we have no transport they brought him home to which my partner started going on about kidnapping and how they arnt alllowed to take a child of the school premisis without our permission this is not a isolated incident everytime he gets a lettrer or someone speaks to him in the wrong tone its as if he becomes some one else but if you met him he is mr charming its self i dont no what to do as a result of this he was about three or four years ago actualy seeing someone to help him but the support from that quater is no longer availible this has made me very unsure about things now and i am at the point where i panic if i think i have done something wrong i hide letters that i think may annoy him when i am shoping i am scared that i will buy the wrong things and i am beginning to hate myself for being like this i constantly think of leaving but am to scared to try please can you give me some advice
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