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Hey everyone. I'm a 23 year old guy who just had his heart broken by his now ex-girlfriend after a one year relationship. She broke up with me two weeks ago. She is 21 and has been in a four year relationship, and then the one year with me. She recently broke up with me because she "really needs to be alone right now." She always told me how much she loved me, and she wanted to move in together. But all of a sudden she drops me like a bad habit. I told her I understood why she needs to be alone. But she is handling this much better than I am. I've been trying to leave her alone, but I did text her once yesterday telling her how much I miss her, and I hope things are going well for her. She replied to my text by simply saying "Hey, thanx for the text. I hope things are going good for u." Don't get me wrong. I'm not a smothering, obsessive boyfriend (honestly). I have several questions that I need answered. 1) Will she come back? What can I do to get her back? 2) Is the "I need to be alone" excuse just another way of saying I want to be with other guys? 3) What did I do that would cause her to drop me so suddenly? I'm not going to contact her anymore. But I was thinking about giving it a few months and then emailing her to meet me for dinner. Is this a good way to go? Can anyone relate to what I'm feeling/talking about? Any help /suggestionswould be greatly appreciated.

There is a lot to the story here that I'd like to flesh out. - Got out of a relationship almost 3 months ago, met a guy called Reece online two weeks after the breakup who asked what I was looking for, I told Reece nothing serious/something casual because I'm freshly single and he agreed to get to know me and meet me on whatever terms I want - Reece texted me everyday for at least two weeks before we met IRL and sent me posts/memes/asked for my opinions about things in his life - I started building somewhat of a friendship with Reece, we talked about our childhood trauma lol, upbringing, friendships and hardships in life and I started questioning whether I was developing feelings but I wanted to see how it was in person first - Met him in person for milk tea and the vibe was good, it didn't flow like it did online which is why I think it was also slightly awkward but more so because I built up this image of him over text so I was also nervous. My rule of thumb was if I was genuinely interested in him, I wouldn't sleep with him but because I talked myself into not seeing him in that way, we ended up sleeping together. He said if we were going to be FWB if we could be monogamous and I told him my last monog fwb turned into a 4 year relationship so I refused for now/said it was too soon for me to make that call. - After initial meet, he still continued to message me everyday/most days, he has this habit of also starting conversation and then disappearing in the middle and answering hours later/leaving me on read but it didn't matter to me too much as he always started conversation again soon after. Also, I never would initiate conversations so it was 95% him starting. - He would ask me when I'm free and we'd plan at least a day or so in advance before our hookups to see each other/for me to come over. - A bit of context/Reece does everything at home (started building his own business online) and is a massive gamer so he hardly leaves the house. He comes online (Instagram) like maybe once a day. On this one occasion, he asked me if I liked him messaging me everyday and if I minded if he'd go 2-3 days in between not talking to me. In an attempt to protect myself and to seem detached, I told him I like him messaging me but I had no problem if he didn't talk to me also. Since then, the messages were less frequent but I still would at least see him messaging me/sending me posts most days. - I was out drinking one night and messaged him late night asking if I can come over after. He responded asking what time and I responded about an hour later saying about 2am. He was offline since his last message and didn't resurface until next morning where he just left me on read and didn't say anything. This hurt me because I'd think at the very least, he'd apologise for not getting back to me/falling asleep. I didn't say anything for a few days until I sucked up my pride and asked why he never got back to me. He apologised and said he'd been quite busy/tired and fell asleep by the time I responded and didn't see a point in explaining the next day. He said I could come over but with at least a days notice so he can fit me in his schedule. I suggested another day and he agreed and we didn't talk until then. - Two hours before the time I set to meet, he messaged me asking if we were still on and that he'll come pick me up. When we met, he asked where I've been(?!?!) and explained that he's been busy with his business/unofficial job in his game. We spoke and cuddled for hours until early morning and he told me he enjoys my company and wants me around more but feels guilty trying to fit me in in the minutes between when he finishes up work/goes to bed. He asked if I could sleep over and said I could come and stay whenever I want so long as I don't mind watching him do his work. He also said I could just show up?? at his door and he'll let me in since he doesn't go on his phone much. I told him I was not comfortable doing that and I will always ask in advance. He said he's going on a trip with his best friends next year and asked if I wanted to come? Additionally, on more than one occasion, he asks how dating app life has been but then insists he doesn't want to know/doesn't care when I talk about any other guy?? (then why ask in the first place). Then I asked him back how his was doing and he showed me but he pretty much had no other matches/anyone he's talking to besides me. Out of nowhere, he asks if I want him to delete it to which I said no, I didn't ask for that at all. He then insists he'll delete it and deletes the app in front of me. However in another stupid attempt to prove I was detached/didn't care, I grabbed his phone and installed it back for him. I know this was stupid of me because it's taken me time alone to realise I do care a lot lol. - The day after this last meeting, he asked me to get lunch but I was busy at the post office. We texted like regular for a bit until I was out for drinks again one night when he asked when I'd be free to grab dinner. (This was kind of new as we've only ever spent time in his bed, late at night, hooking up so it was new for us to even go out and get food lol). I was out so I responded a bit late and said I could do Wednesday or Thursday. He said he'd be busy for Wednesday but might be able to make the other. I responded the next day saying I was happy to make the Thursday to which he left me on read again?? The next day, he sends me posts like regular and asks for my opinion on something. One of these posts was pertaining to bedroom performance ranking to which I joked around and said he was ranking poorly. He responded to his with "I see". I noticed he sounded dry/hurt so I said I was joking and that his performance was more than satisfactory lol. He didn't address this. The next day he sent me another post and I left me on read when I responded to it. - He didn't message me for an entire week after this to which I kept questioning whether I hurt his feelings about the bedroom comment. I then decided to message myself as I rarely ever initiate and asked when he was free. He said he could do Saturday night after 7 and I said I'd come around about 9pm to which he agreed and said he'd see me then. - Saturday morning, he sends me another post and leaves me on read when I responded to it. I let him know at about 9pm when I was coming to see him and I parked outside his place. I messaged again and called when I realised he wasn't responding but he didn't pick up. I saw his car was in the driveway so I drew it up to him falling asleep again so I left and hung out with another friend expecting him to wake up and respond. Fast forward to the next day and presently, he came back online for 5 minutes a whole day later and hasn't responded or messaged me back. I'm honestly furious as I respect his time when he says he's been busy and try to work with him but he hasn't given that same respect back. I also have places to be or people I could be seeing and I at the very least expected a response the day after apologising for his lack of response. I know we haven't put a title on anything so I don't have many expectations but I expect him to respect my time and energy at the bare minimum or for some kind of notice/apology when he can't make a time. I'm not sure if this comes into play but he has told me before that his brain is scattered because of his ADHD (he's medicated for it) and he forgets important events e.g. his best friends birthday and such. He told me if he doesn't have a reminder constantly in his face, he will most likely forget to do something but he's trying to be better. After getting to know him on a deeper level emotionally, I honestly entertained the thought of dating him at some point (I never told him this) but it's hard when it feels almost impossible to organise seeing him and I'm not sure if this is how dating someone with ADHD feels like. - Sorry for the suppppper long rant, I just don't know what to make of this. He's the first person I've ever met quite like this. He's different than other guys in a good way but bad in this sense. I don't know whether to block him. I honestly want to go off at him but I don't want to give him any more reaction when he's stonewalled me for an entire day. But at the same time, I am a human being with feelings and it's not nice being stood up when he and I are meant to be friends to an extent. I've apologised when I've left mid conversation when I've fallen asleep so these are just things I expect back.

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. We met at work and everything went very slowly, but it's meant we have a strong foundation. She has pretty much every quality I would look for in a partner if someone asked me to make a list of what I wanted. But the sexual side of the relationship has been lacking - right from the start. In the first year I just thought it was because she wanted to take things slow. But I've realised now I don't think it will ever improve - and now any sexual attraction or chemistry that was once there has gone. Obviously a relationship is not just about this - but it is a factor - and although many other parts of the relationship are really strong, this feels like a big problem. Meanwhile - I've known my friend - let's call her B - much longer as we went to university and subsequently lived together. I'd never really seen her in this way - she doesn't have lots of the relationship qualities I'd usually look for, and I always just viewed her as a best friend. But in the past year - since we were no longer living together - she started being much more romantically interest and flirty with me, and I was surprised by this but did like the attention and played along. She has been with her partner for 5+ years so is also in a long-term relationship despite all of this. We went on a couple of dates, held hands, kissed, etc. but I still never thought for a moment that I would see myself in a relationship with her. But recently I've been feeling very down about the whole situation (and I'm aware this can't be good as everyone involved is being hurt here) - and I suddenly realised that actually I am in love with my friend, B, and that I wanted to do things properly and be with her. She'd even said she wanted this too - over message, though it was while she had been drinking. I told her the next day that I felt like this and that I was ready to make the leap and go ahead with ending the relationship I was in to be with her. But then she decided that - although she wanted that future too - she didn't want to hurt her partner in that way, and that her decision was to stay in her relationship. However she's asked to keep everything exactly the same between us - so the flirty messages etc. and talking about being together she wants to continue, even though she's told me she doesn't want to end her relationship to actually be with me. I'm so confused by all this. I genuinely have this really strange feeling of being broken hearted but at the same time I don't know if I've just got carried away because I got a bit of attention from someone I have a sexual attraction to, and that it's all snowballed from there. Equally I know I need to be open with my girlfriend about how I am feeling - and I will have that conversation with her. But I am seeking some advice on what to do about my friend, girl B. She is a really close friend and I would absolutely hate to lose her by blocking her because I'm confused and hurting. What am I feeling? I genuinely don't know - but right now all I can think about is being in a relationship with her, and the fact that she's led me to believe it could happen and then crushed that from actually happening. All comments welcome, thank you

Last weekend, I went to a hotel with friends. One of them knew a girl who lives nearby and suggested that we hang out with her, which we did. I kind of liked her. We did not interact so much personally since she was sitting far from me. She is single and I after we returned to the hotel, I asked my friend about her and he told me that they are only friends and it's ok to go for her. We didn't exchange numbers or anything but I ended up following her on Instagram (still waiting for her to accept the request). I was wondering if it's ok to text her something like '' Hey, it was nice meeting you the other day ''. Or maybe that will be weird since we barely talked to each other that much ?

We work together on a couple of projects. Known each other for 2 years. We are in a sense best friends at work, where we have breakfast lunch and occasionally dinner together. Both of us are married. We acknowledged the existence of our partners and do talk about them in passing comments. We talk a lot, work and personal, on both work chat and texting since we exchange numbers. Started out only during work hours and business days, but weekend we give each other space. As we get to be more comfortable with each other’s presence, conversations increased… past work hours and on weekends. We talk about random things through out the days; some days, he became my ears when I’m frustrated with work, and vice versa; while some days we share things we found online that makes us laugh and discuss the plan for the day when it’s worth sharing. We go out for drinks after work every chance we got, just the two of us. We are comfortable with each other where we prefer to just hangout without the others. A few weeks ago before I took leave of absence for carer leave, I confessed to him that I am developing feelings for him. I explained in such a way that hopefully makes sense as to why it is what it is. However, I don’t want to/ feel comfortable to discuss this with him beyond my confession but I figured it’s best if we talk and he agrees, with confusion written all over his face. I fear even acknowledging whether he dislike or like me. Just the thought of what may come of it scares me so I babbled my way out of this, and did not let him speak to the point where we both have to engage some other way to be coherent. I told him that I am uncomfortable to even talk about this because this confession brings trouble to our friendship, but I am in a state where I want to share without expecting anything back. It is relieving, and I felt comfortable sharing given how transparent we are to a degree that felt safe. I have not chatted him since, and he respected my privacy as per my request to not talk about it until we see each other… unsure when that will be given that my carer leave can be anywhere between 2-4 weeks, depending on situation. What should I do, and what should he do? I am definitely in the wrong to confess, but I’m also looking for some affirmation that our relationship at work has surpassed what is normal, and in a sense want an escape hatch whenever things get stressful at work/home. I hope what I shared provide some perspective to have your help to either reason out of this mess or help me consider trialing fwb - if the latter, how should I approach?

A girl from college (23F), who I see every wednesday, actually asked for me and gave her number to one of my classmates so he could give it to me... We texted and set up a first date right off the bat... But you all know I am me... I can't just set up a friggin date and forget about the girl until the day of the date... So I ended up texting her all weekend before the first date... She clearly indicated at the beginning she doesn't like guys who message her all the time... ffs.... My excessive eager texting turned her off, made her lose the interest and she texted me today cancelling our date with some lame excuse about her work... and said we would have to reschedule... Tried rescheduling to thursday... she told me she wasn't sure she would be available that day... Took the hint, deleted her number... but texted "In case you want to chat... hit me up..." And forgot about her... Yet, some 4 hours later, she actually hit me up, suddenly with a renewed interest for me, asking how I was... asking about my weekend... and for the first time she liked one of my IG stories... Not sure if she is still interested, feels bad for cancelling our date, or is just seeking attention.

I want to chronicle my journey, post-breakup so that hopefully ENAers current and in the future can use my story as a point of reference. I'll do my best to post here each day with how I'm feeling, doing, interactions, etc. My story? Senior in college. Mutually broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years six weeks ago. Neither of us were happy in the relationship anymore. We basically spent most of our free time together and over-time, that led to a toxic dynamic. We neglected our friends to be together. We just agreed that we loved and cared about each other and didn't want to totally ruin our dynamic by continuing at our current pace. We wanted time to work on ourselves and find happiness alone again before ever having a healty relationship again. Don't get me wrong. Our relationship was based off of a lot of love. She has still told me that she knows that she's going to marry me one day and that no one will ever treat her better than I did. Do I believe her? Well, I did and still somewhat do. No such thing as false hope because hope doesn't mean success. We've been through everything together from swine flu, to pregnancy scares, deaths in the family, mental breakdowns, hospital visits, going grocery shopping on a Friday night. We've pretty much experienced much more than you should in a 2.5 year time frame. The last six weeks? Hellish. I've asked for her back on four different occasions to only be rejected each time (Three of them were alcohol-enduced). After a few days passed by, I felt like we could handle the problems while in the relationship. Well, she didn't agree. She kept saying that she needed 'space'. So I've been in and out of NC. My longest period was for three weeks and I felt so much better. However, after I saw her at a bar and I was really drunk, I started to text her and ask for her back. This didn't go over well and I called and apologized to her today. Basically, my fear of loss has compelled me to do a lot of stupid things. I've out of character on more than one occasion. I can't cook, either. So that has sucked, a lottttt. Is there a rebound? Nope. She's not interested in dating anyone else. She has spent a ton of time with her friends, who are all single. Most were very envious of our relationship because it was so damn comfortable. Definitely could be a phase. Has she contacted me? Yep. The most recent time was last Wednesday. She texts me late at night. Like 12:30 am. And mind you, she is not a drinker. So these aren't drunk texts. These are 'I put my head on the pillow and think about you' texts. She's just a better actor than I am when disguising her feelings. I know she still cares about me. One of her last texts to me? 'I'm starting to feel like a normal person again'. Just goes to show that they hurt just as much as we do, post-breakup. Misc I removed her on Facebook awhile back. I don't take my cell phone when I go out to avoid drunk texting (bit me twice in the past). Her family absolutely loves me. Her brother still talks to me and often asks for my advice. Her mom came to visit two weeks ago and wanted to come over to see me. However, I was at work. She has 'checked in' on me a few times. I didn't really give her much information, but I didn't exactly blow her off. I feel like that is not productive if you want someone back who doesn't have a current boyfriend/fling. What Have I Done? Re-connect with old friends. Met lots of new friends. Go out, a lot. Meet new girls. Exercise like crazy. I've dropped 15 pounds over this six week period. I've really worked hard at my job and with my college work. Tried to do everything in my power to not think about her. Final Thoughts I miss this girl like crazy, but I'm slowly letting go. That's the only way you can get yourself back. I'd like to have her back someday, but not until I'm 100% happy again and she gets this whole phase out of her system. Hopefully this gave you an intro to my situation and feel free to chime in whenever. Just remember, when you love someone, you never give up. That doesn't mean you'll get them back, but if you truly love someone, you'll want them to always be happy. Your happiness, however, is always the top priority. Don't forget the push-pull dynamic. The more you push, the worse things will become. You can never 'pull' too much. The best gift you can give an ex? The gift of missing you. Go away. If you envision positive things, they'll happen for you.

New to this forum but have actually read quite a lot on the ex back and NC topics. Long story very short... 6-year relationship, she's 19 years younger... call me a cradle-snatcher, but we really understood each other for most of those 6 years. Lived together for 2 years. I should have seen it coming as all the signs were there and she actually tried to tell me many times - only I didn’t (want to) hear it :-(. She moved away in March this year but we saw each other every couple of days and she’d spend at least one night of each week. 8 weeks ago she just called it quits. Was a very cold shower and total surprise. I was upset at first and didn’t talk to her for two days, then we texted some there and back. But she was suddenly a different person - cold, non-understanding, not willing to talk about anything. All the usual stuff that you read about that a dumper does after the fact. I called her once but all I got was a brick wall. Sent a long email asking for some explanation and if we could work it out. Not sure she even read it. As I suspected, there is also a guy at play that she has been seeing / flirting with (maybe) since April. Not sure I would call this a rebound but I believe at some point in June, she would be torn between the two of us - more inclining to the new guy (for all the obvious reasons). She did keep in irregular contact a few times a week after that - saying she wants to stay friends as she cares too much for me and I mean a lot in her life. Kept telling her I am not her friend because simply I feel more than that. I went and read tons of stuff (never really been dumped in my life, haha). Went NC 4 weeks ago. Immediately started doing stuff - I’m not short of hobbies - do lots of sports but added a gym and personal trainer to occupy the mind and tire the body. Been playing the piano and guitar a lot lately (after many many years), been playing computer games in the evenings, reading advice on this forum and elsewhere. She contacted me after 2 weeks, asking to see me, which I (a bit reluctantly) agreed to, I said I would bring her magazines that were delivered for her to our place. I was never mean to her, only a bit cold I’d say. We met at Starbucks and I was trying to be upbeat and not display any sense of urgency, pleading or anything. Tried to look real busy at work (which I actually am now). She didn’t say why she wanted to meet - maybe she didn’t feel the situation was good or maybe she just wanted to meet as buddies over coffee, don’t know… She acted a bit annoyed, especially later when she asked if I was going to come to our sports trainings and events and I said I didn’t plan to. She also seemed a bit pressed for time towards the end, though she said she had plenty. I am sure she went to see the other guy right after that and maybe didn’t want to keep him waiting. We parted ways with a hug. I wanted to kiss her like I used to but she just wanted a friendly kiss, which I said no to. So we just hugged a bit more and she left. I texted her later saying it was good to see her and she should stay in touch if she wants to. She texted back that obviously I can’t have contact with her now so it’s me who needs to stay in touch. I said maybe she could come over one night to watch our favourite TV show. She said she’d like that. I left it at that and went back to NC. She texted again a week later (yesterday actually), calling me my sweetheart name and saying that a new series of our favourite show would be screening next Monday. I replied (nicely) that I would definitely watch! And she said - “you definitely should”.

Heyho, I've (F18) recently met this guy (M23) when I was on vacation like 6h away from my home. I developed a crush on him and responded to his Instagram story. He answered pretty quickly for a few times (we were chatting via Instagram direct messages) and then he just stopped and didn't answer for like two days. I was bummed. But then, he replied to my Instagram story and asked me something about it, he complimented the drawings I upload on my insta and he even commented something on an old drawing of mine. Then I texted him back - he saw the message pretty quickly but hasn't responded for around five hours now. He's just giving me mixed signs, leaving me on read but then being interested and complimenting me? What do you guys think about that? Also, I'll probably get the chance to interact with him over discord soon (in a group) since he's 'gaming friends' with my sister. I didn't talk to him a lott on vacation so do you think it'll help if i talk to him more? Thanks in advance 🙂

It has nothing to do with charm.
 Just the honest truth. 
You fed my ego with lines like 
“You’re a gorgeous being” You don’t need it. You look good just like that. 
I believed it. 
 I stopped hiding behind bold lips 
 And winged tips. You once told me,
You wanted me make you come
 Alive, I told you I didn’t mind.
 I enjoyed tasting you, 
 You told me you liked my taste too. “It’s going to be good!” You said. 
 Happy thanksgiving, Merry Christmas 
 The rhythm we held In the backseat of my car, Hips thrusting, hearts caving. "We had a good thing going" Was it though? We were two halves of a greater whole.
 Never mine, not yours. I once told you,
 I trusted you, 
 You were the exception. 
 You said it meant a lot 
You didn’t know why. 
 I felt it all, 
Lies. You always asked me to text you when I left,
To make sure I made it home alright. 
 You told me my driving was gold, 
 There was no way to avoid that bump. 
 You were right. One night, one stroll, 
Our chemistry was weak. 
 Where was your soul? 
I walked away 
For the very last time. This time you didn’t ask me to text you. 
 I didn’t even try. I told you, 
I apologized for the mess I was 
That night. 
You told me 
You were traumatized. “I think it’s time to move past this experience”

(to the tune of "The Rose") - by mfan 10/8/2012 Some say love, it is a website, that costs 5 bucks a week, Some say love, it is a profile, written completely in text-speak It's the guy who really likes you, who turns out to be a freak It's the girl who loves her family, who thinks that she's unique It's the photo in the mirror, taken with a cheap cell phone, And the girl who hardly knows you, who asks you for a loan It's the guy afraid to meet you, though you've been emailing for ten years; And the girl that you can't look at until you've had ten beers When the site has been too lonely, and the profiles have been too long And you think that winks are only for the lucky and the strong Just remember, in your sent mail, there is text you can reuse for the next girl you send a message to, when your account renews.

my boyfriend (of 4 years) and i have decided to split and jsut be friends while i am gone to school because of the distance between us. we still love each other very much and it hurts to be away from him so ive put my grieving into this quilt i started to make. i am painting each square and will eventually sew them all together. each square is something that we had together or enjoyed together. once it is done i want to send it to him to let him know ill still always be there no matter where life takes him. background on the 4 squares. the little dinosaur one is because i used to say *rawr* instead of i love you to be cute, ice cream one because we used to always go out in the summer and get icecream together, hugz is well for hugs and love rocket is because instead of just putting a

*This disclaimer tells you that there is no set way or structure to what I write, just an assembly put into text, it isnt poetry or a short story, it just..is* Your bloodstream was laced with alcohol, you threw yourself onto me, I picked you up, carried you home, tucked you into bed, and placed a cold compress on your head, "YOU'LL FEEL BETTER IN THE MORNING KNOWING YOU NEVER SLEPT WITH ME" I said "C'MON MAKE ANIMALISTIC LOVE TO ME" remarked the girl with the soft, cold, watery towel on her head I tucked her in, kissed her cheek, and watched eager-eyde as she drifted to sleep. Hours later her eyes opened with a small peep. "Thanks for getting me home safely" she said with a curious smile All the while, fighting denial "Did I push myself onto you"? yes you did, but I didn't take heed, I wanted you to be in a clear frame of mind should you choose to sleep with me, no regrets, no "good lord what I have I done", just clarity. She looked at me, pained and hungover "Nobody I know has ever respected me like you have done, I dont even know you but would have regretted the fun, I dont sleep around, never wanted to and never will, and for you to resist me on a plate, shows great character and will" I smiled She remarked "I have this song stuck in my head, it's real relaxing" It was the lullaby I had sung her whilst tucking her in. I looked worn, keeping vigil to make sure she didnt swallow her tongue made me tired "Come under here, hold me, and tell me about yourself" Said the girl with the now-warm-compress on her throbbing head.

I started working on a book this weekend. It's a Non Fiction book about Demonology. I spent yesterday doing research and coming up with a pretty good outline. I decided I want this whole book to be graphic heavy. I'm an artist after all, and I do want it to be nice to look at instead of just page after page of meaty text. I would also love to give some unknown/little known artists like myself a chance to be published in a book. I just don't know how to go about that. I know, I personally would jump at the chance to have my work in a book and I wouldn't even care about being paid. But not everyone thinks like I do. I would like to start putting out word on different forums that I am seeking contributions, but I can't afford to pay my contributors, so it would be kind of pointless. I also would love some feedback on my outline. But I don't feel right posting it here in the open. So, if anyone wants to see the outline feel free to ask. It was hard to figure out the best way to put the whole thing together and break everything down in a way that makes sense. Thanks in advance...

What to make of this, Distance and text which disappeared and its, Bringing me down, And I'm falling to bits. What is this negativity, Coming from everything you see, It all started off with your intensity, Now there is nothing left but me. In a distant place where no one likes to be. I'm nothing like any of the people you 've been, seeing in the past so whats wrong with me? Your love escalating into fear. Your love which brought us here, Your love finally made me shed a tear, After my locking heart away for so many years. I know you are damaged and faulted. From the past of a pain You don't want to be, with anyone else but me. You invited me to see your family, Who approve genuinely. What more do I have to be? Where do i stand? Why do I bleed? Will the doctor help me? Or will I become just a memory?

You leaned, depended, and weighed on me I replied time and time again Comforting, reassuring, caring We grew close, only to pull apart A friendship barely begun is dying I still feel bonded, in some silly way I remember the good times that we had The $40 worth of text messages sent during class The endless IM's, PM's, phone calls Struck by guilt, we cut it down SO's do not approve. I did not approve Such a thin line between friends and more We nearly crossed it. I panicked, and you withdrew Now "we" have nothing Now you have a new life, new friends, a new girl You don't need me anymore You don't seem to even want me anymore And in the end, all I've gotten Is yet another fair-weather friend And I am left in the dust, once again

Here's my previous post, which also contains a link to my first post: So, I've maintained strict NC since Friday, when we broke up. She texted yesterday, asking how I was doing. She texted again today, it said: "Ur never going to talk to me??" I feel like I should let her know I am planning on talking to her again. My plan was to get my head cleared, take care of some things, and call her sometime next week. Thoughts anyone?

Wow... ok dont even know where to begin honestly here... I guess you can check some of my posts from back in jan / feb of this year for some more background. Point is me and my ex are back together - have been for 4 months and for the most part it has been wonderfull - better than it was for the last few years of our previous 8 year relationship.... but now its all gone to crap in a handbag. During our seperation she met a man (who she claims was her friend for the first couple months after our seperation and then sometime in the 2nd or 3rd month they became a couple - which was supposedly never her plan... I originally thought she hooked up with him immediately). She left him to come back to me and was clear about this! But went from him to me within about a weeks time. She had rules going into the new relationship (no hand holding for first month, no kissing for second month, no sex, etc). I had one rule... no communicating with this man cause i felt really jealous and insecure about there 3 month relationship and almost 6 month connection. I never said forever either... i needed several months of JUST US and not involving this interem person. She said she didnt like that restriction and I didnt have a right to ask that as she would never ask that of me. Needless to say I wasnt willing to start the new relationship without that need being met... i dont remember her answer after this lengthy debate but I took it as she would stop.... but it was unclear at the same time.... something like "well if thats what you need then thats your decision". So things go on... we start dating again... i ask her at least weekly if she is touch with this guy and she keeps saying "no". I have sneeking suspicions she is lying so i check her cell phone a couple times over a week... find she is calling him and he is calling her. I get mad... tell her im not happy about it at all and that I needed that concession from her to concentrate on us and find trust and security in the new relationship. She rages about me invading her privacy and how i have no rights.... conversation ends there.... we go on. Another month goes by... me of course asking if she is talking to him still and her saying now... me asking her if she is lying again and her saying no... So i start checking her phone again whenever i can... find that she is calling him and he is calling her at odd hours like 1am and stuff. So once again I confront her.. big argument about it... i say that im done with this crap and im leaving, i feel betrayed and lack trust... thanks for the good times, have a good life kinda thing. She talks me out of leaving her saying she had a lengthy conversation with chris the night before saying how she couldnt talk with him anymore cause it was upseting me. I agree to this and tell her that that was the last straw... next time im gone for sure. To make my point clear I even take the liberty of sending this guy an email expressing our conversation and her reasurance to me that the two of them had a conversation in regards to ending there supposed friendship (as thats all they both claim it is now). He emails me back with some harsh words... but non the less confirming that they had that conversation and that he would hold up to his end of the deal and stop communication (as "childish, selfish and immature" as my request is were his words). Time goes on... I dont check her phone anymore cause I believe they stoped talking late at night behind my back. But I continualy ask her if she has called him, texted him, him calling her (being clear on ALL the combinations so she cant use the excuse of "no i didnt call him... he called me" kinda thing)... everytime she would say no.. hadnt heard from him at all... Then I have to help my girlfriend move... and i notice her phone bill in one of the boxes... it had now been about a month since this last blowup and promise of no communication. Needless to say I stole the phone bill that was sitting right in front of me... couldnt help it... just such a strong urge as it had been a month of not checking up on her cell... was i shocked at what I saw. It took only 1 week before she was calling him again and it was right when I left town for 3 days... they talked everyday that I was gone... and almost every second day for the entire month (minus that one week break after our blowup). Always late at night it seems... and text messages that go on at like 2-3am. So I kinda let it go... thinking that by me trying to pin her in a corner with a question i might get the truth... but always it was just "no we arent talking anymore". So I decide to let it all go... it eats at me everyday... she obviously doesnt care for or respect my feelings but I try and find trust in the fact that she isnt doing anything like sleeping with this person.... despite the fact that she wont be intimate with me in any sense (not even aloud a decent makout session). A few days later she called me and asked if I took her phone bill. I of course lied cause I was quite upset and also was scared... she questioned me several times if i was lying... and well... I continued my lie. another 3 weeks pass... me not trusting, but keeping my mouth shut... hoping the pain will go away... but say nothing as we are about to embark on a 3 week trip together and I dont want to set a bad tone to the trip we were planning on for close to two months. We get back from our trip and I decide to make a phone call to a girl i spent 1 week with in the UK during our seperation. During this 3.5 months with my (ex)girlfriend and trying to work things out I must admit I did send 4 emails (1 a month... all short) to this girl in the UK just saying hello and telling her about me and the girlfriend. To be clear... me and the girl in the UK did have sex once after a drunken night out. Anyways... my girlfriend calls during this phone call and i dont answer cause at $1.20 a minute and over 4 months of not talking in person i wasnt going to hang up. When i called my girlfriend back about an hour later she asked why I didnt answer and I told her I was talking to this girl in the UK and she blew up on me in pure rage and slander. She called me a hypocrit for asking her not to speak to her ex... i tried to tell her it wasnt the same... we never dated, she never asked me to stop talking to people, i also waited almost 4 months before i made any real form of contact with this person etc..... but she cant seem to find the difference. And continually compares me to this girl and her to this other guy! Here is where it gets bad though... I did something really really stupid. I created a false PI report that I gave to her showing her how often she spoke and texted this interem guy that I repeatidly asked her to cease cause of the lack of trust and security it caused me and all the times she lied to me. I did this to cover the fact that I stole her phone bill and lied to her about.... stupid... dont get me going on that one.... i feel guilty enough. She knows it fake... and I have admited now to taking her phone bill and creating a bigger lie to cover my first lie. Anyways... we are now at a powerstruggle... cause we want to make this relationship work but I cant trust her at all regarding this other guy i dont feel... and she doesnt trust me not to invade her privacy (which i feel i had the right to do based on the circumstances... but she feels quite differently). She also feels that, and i qoute her, she "didnt owe me anything" and as such was not about to kick this guy out of her life just for me cause i felt insecure... where is the respect in that!! She claims that she was lying to me cause she didnt want me to get mad or upset!! * * *??!!! I have appologized for my actions... but it doesnt seem to mean anything to her... and she doesnt feel she has the need to really appologize to me for her actions.... She wants to work through this, as do I, but also said I am a little phsyco and should get some professional help. I dont know what im looking for here.,... just feedback... was i justified in looking at her phone? did I have any right to ask her to stop speaking with this man? does she have the right to not appologize to me for sneaking around behind my back and talking to this guy despite my feelings on it all? are we just cursed?!?! I know alot of my feelings on not wanting them to talk were because of jealousy... and alot to do with insecurity. She seems to have had had a very healthy sex life with this other person from her comments and yet she wouldnt have sex with me until almost the 4th month of dating again.... and our previous relationship had serious issues in this department as well.... she never wanted to be intimate with me for years..... there are far more issues than this... as there is apt to be after 8yrs together... but some extra clarity for all you readers!

I just made a bad bad mistake to call my ex boyfriend. It was his birthday last week, and I was in the same town where he lives, but I did manage not to call him, thanks to my friends' support. I've been doing fairly well and moving on with my life. I kinda got stood up by my date tonight, and I felt so invisible and insignificant. I tried to call my friends to talk, but I couldn't get hold of any of them. A moment of weakness got me, I dialed my ex's number. ex: Hello me: hey, it's me, XXXX ex: what's up me: I'ts a bit late, but I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday ex: thank you. How have you been? me: the same, hang in there ex: good. me: how about you? ex: not bad. I'm quite happy me: good. the weather here is quite depressing ex: it's very cold here me: I was there last week ex: Really? I didn't even know me: cause I didn't tell you ex: of course me: are you angry with me? ex: no, not at all then I heard a woman's voice, and then he said he gotta go. And that's it!! I just feel so afweful. I just want to die. I said I was doing fairly well, because I've been dating a new guy for over a month, and he came to US to visit me while I was there for holiday. I started to really like him after the trip, cause we had such a great time together. It was romantic, and fun. We are supporsed to meet on Wednesday (two days) ago, but he canceled on me at the last minutes over text since he got a sore throut, and I didn't hear from him since, although I called him and sent him few text. So I called him today, and he told me he has been sick. I asked him what he's doing tonight, then he said he was thinking to go to a gym, but maybe we could meet up afterwards for drinks. I told him to call me after the gym, and he said he will call me after work. It's 10:45pm and I haven't heard from him. I left a voice message, but I just felt so frustrated that and hurt. Then stupid me ended up calling my ex. What the heck was I thinking to call my ex. I just got hurt again and again. Why am I doing this?

Please help. I am not feeling very well I have not slept properly for the last 4 or 5 days. I wake up early in the morning worrying about this. Basically my long-distance boyfriend told me unexpectedly that he wants to take a distance and wants to be less involved. I know he has been extremely unhappy with the fact that I am so far and he has been quite upset about it. Anyway, he told me that something has to change if we should stay together. So we both agreed that within the next 6 months, we both will try our best to move closer to each other. He is coming over to see me next weekend as he has got an interview here. The thing is I did not expect that he would tell me that he needs distance. I asked him what he means by that. He said that this is the only way he can continue our relationship and deal with the distance. He said he knows it's very hard but I should try to respect it. He said he does not want to communicate over the phone or text messages so much, not so often. I asked him if it means we are broken up, he said it does not. I asked him if there is someone else, he said there is not and if there would be, he would have told me. He also said that he has big problems at work with his boss and he wants to find a new job and stabilise his job situation so he said he needs time for that. He said he is sorry for neglecting me but I need to accept this. He said he is doing this to save us. He said to me to be sure that he still loves me and that his feelings have not changed. But I cannot help feeling worried about it. I asked him to call me 2 days ago, he did. He said that he though he had already explained everything to me. I told him that it worries me and that I don't understand it. I said to him that I worry that he is meeting someone else. He told me that he is not. He got a bit upset that i don't seem to be able to respect his feelings. He said that he does not want to talk about this anymore. He said that he has so much to worry about right now and now he has to worry about me as well. He told me that I only add to his stress with my worries. He is coming next Saturday but I am not sure if I am strong enough to stay away from my phone? I don't want to ruin things but I am feeling uncomfortable with the way he has pulled away from me? I texted him during the night that I miss him but he is not replying to me. We have had a few occasions when he has pulled away like this normally if he has stress at work or if he is upset about something. However, this time it feels different as he said to me that he needs this to stand our distance situation? And he added that I should not worry that it's only temporary until our situation changes. But our situation will not change until 6 months later or so.. He also told me that he is upset when he see all of his friends with their girlfriends and he is always alone. He said that I cannot expect him to be the pefect boyfriend, who is waiting for me all the time. He said that he has done this for too long and he cannot make such efforts anymore? This is what worries me the most. That's why I asked him if it means he was interested in someone else. I don't know what to do. I keep crying. I cannot concentrate. I feel like this is the end but then he said that to me that if I am not happy with it and I want to break up, he will go. so we are still together but I feel like he is not "there" and it makes me feel anxious and sad. What should I do? I am so upset about this.

Does anyone feel that texting ruins relationships? I feel that it is easier for someone to be meaner on texts than in person. I have heard so many break ups happen over text. Thoughts?

This is my first post and I feel silly for even putting it on here, I mean, I have friends I could bounce this off of, and have, but I'd like some unbias opinions.... I am engaged to be married in November. I have a daughter, he has two sons.. we have all three full time. We have our moments, lots of competition in our relationship, not by me, but him. I'm no picnic on the beach from time to time, but you get the drift. So, for whatever the reason.. I called his cell phone on Monday on my way home from work. He didn't answer, I hit pound and his passcode, and checked his voicemail. There it was. A message left about 10 minutes prior to me checking, from some random girl, saying "Hey, it's so and so, I met you on Friday, you gave me your number so I thought I'd call you and give you mine, give me a call". So, I did what any female does.. I called my best friend. She told me to call the girl. So, I did. I called her, she answered and I said "Why are you calling my fiance' ". She said "I did not know he had a fiance, I met him Friday at my job, he gave me his card, and told me his cell number was on it". Then she told me that right before I called her (he must have just checked his voicemail) he sent her a text message that said "What would you say if I told you I was seeing someone". She said she responded with "I would say it was nice meeting you". Then he responded "It was nice meeting you to". So, as I am talking to her, I asked her to please not mention that I had called, and she apologized, and was actually very nice". For whatever reason, I called her about 30 minutes later (I was in traffic on my way home from work and had still not talked to him yet) and I told her I just wanted to call and thank her for her honesty. Then she said "He actually just sent me another text". I asked her if she would forward it to me and she did. It said "It was indeed very nice to meet you, and I wouldn't mind talking to you but since you are not okay with it then this is how it is then. You are very attracive I might add, before you cut me off". Okay... so I did what any other female in my position would do. I confronted him. His story.. she is a liar. I handed her my business card to give to her boss, she called me for whatever reason, not the other way around. My response to him on that was "Well, okay, I'll buy your story because who initiated it is irrelevant when you are sending her text messages that "you'd like to talk to her but since she's not okay with it......" What should I do? I feel like an * * *. I called her back and said that he said he did not give her his number for her and she said "He is a liar and immature.. why would my voicemail say "Since you gave me your number I thought I'd give you mine". Then she said "He got caught and I feel bad for you". Truth is... I need advice.

I sent her a valentines day card, it was pretty funny I must say ( as I am humorous and awesome) . She sent me back the following. hey long time no see hey! thanks for the valentines card, just checked my emeails then, i ve been away at kangaroo island all last week. only one i got apart from a chain text, it made me feel special heheheheh. what are u up to this yr? ive got a house - back to finish my 3rd yr of uni hopefully other than that not much happening just got back from 2 months in - BIIIGGG holiday! was awesome. better go now its LUNCH TIME and i am starving!!! keep in touch. i deleted a bunch of things like locations and names. Should i invite her for cofee ??? CONSIDERING - I have asked her out before.

I recently re-entered the dating scene after a horror of a 2 1/2 yr relationship which ended last week. Ok so I met this guy and on the first night we hung out talked about our goals and etc we really hit it off,he asked if he could hold my hand and i said I don't think i would be ready for that yet because i'd like to be friends first, to feel him out and he was fine with that. 2nd night/date we had a great time again talking and what not and he kissed me at the end of the date, thats when i felt abit strange because i was sure if that would ruin getting to know him better as a person but we talked about it and it didn't change anything really 3rd night/date had fun again this time we made out quite abit there was alot of hugging and he told me that he doesn't want to push me away or rush me and that he loves spending time with me and looks forward to it.He asked me where we "stood" and i said i didn't know i assumed we where "dating" he took it well, but was just at a lost as i was at how to apporoach what we where doing. Ok after that date we spoke briefly online and he hasn't made contact since.did something go wrong?.I don't want to call or text him because i don't want to come off as "clingy" I just want to know if he's alright or still interested.What would you do

This is my story of my love. Oh I still love her. It sounds surreal, I know. I want to tell the story properly so sorry if its a little on the lond side. This one still has a lot more to it but it is more to the point. Comment are welcome but thats not the point of why I am doing this, this is something dearly close to me and I need to let it out. It is a long read so sorry to those whom don't like reading long threads. My apologise to you. For the rest of you who want to know my story, then read on. Oh and Happy X Mas everyone too. Next yr the dead will be born again. I was in love, with a lady that I met over texting. I Was in a wap room when she caught my eye and I started texting her. She sounded really nice, warm, funny and down to earth. ANyway, we started chatting that evening and I really liked her, I gave her my number and said that id text her sometime. That night once I left, I was full of warm feelings. I can remember now, laying in my bed, feeling the cold, wrapping my duvet around me to keep the cold out and having the mobile in my hand not knowing whether to text her or not. I eventually gave her a text, something like "hi u there?" just as an ice breaker really to see if she would actually reply. It was exciting. I wanted to get to know her a lil bit more, she seemed nice, down to earth and someone who you could talk about things with. I can remember the feelings that I felt, I didnt really know what to say but I did want to chat to her. Well I relaxed and we ended up chatting all night. A few weeks past and we were still texting, every minute of every day, it was the first thing I did when I woke up and the Last thing I did when going to bed. We did it when doing washing, going to work, at work, around friends, when shopping - anywhere! we were inseperatable. I can still remember now, our first fall out, it was over something that I had said to her, I can't remember exactly what I said but it came out as if she was a loose woman. By this time it was about 6 months since we had met and we were getting close. I had feelings for her as a friend. She got angry and I was devastated, I even cried! I know how this sounds but I really felt for her, she was just like any other woman, telling me things, me telling her things, just like two best friends. Anyway, we started getting very deep, she always asked me why I was so happy? She kept asking there must be something that makes you unhappy? Well to be honest I didn't even think I was unhappy, I was too chilled a person to think about anything like that, life is too short for moaning anyway. We started to know things about one another, day after day, week after week we built up an overview of each others life, some things that we told each other we would definitely not tell anyone else. I found that she had a rough life, she was extremely beautifu, with black hair and blue eyes and rather down with her bf passing away. She had a bf currently, who she adored. Thinking about it she was more interested in me though than him. He was within her ethnic group, was smart and had a good career. They both were extremly well off, is the way I put it. She would text me morning, noon and night. Sometime she didn;t text me but I knew that was cos she was working, or with him. I didn't mind, two lovers eh, nothing to worry about, it happens. Then I started getting confused. Feelings, feelings that I had never experienced before came to life. I think I started feeling for her. Her parents, as she told me, were persisting her to get married to this lad, he was beautiful and well presented and had a good career to - he would fit nicely into the family structure. She told me that her parents were pressurising her to get married, as like I said, they probably did this as they knew her ex commited suicide and past away, which left her devasted. It made me feel for her more. She asked for my help and I said basically go with your heart. She left him, saying it wasnt what she wanted. Which I knew was the truth anyway. 6 months had passed now and we really did know each other a hell of a lot more. We still didn't know we felt so much for one another but it was going perfect as it was, tbh love with her was the last thing that was on my mind. She was my friend, my best friend. She told me a lot of things. That a man came onto her, he couldn't resist her beauty and when they danced he had a erection which made her laugh. She told me they had sex. A few nights after that everything changed. I remember it clearly. I was at univeristy, I had gotten home was relaxing and had a text from her. She was upset, which made me upset as I am the type of person who likes to please everyone. Anyway, I asked what was wrong, why she was upset. She had been drinking, which made her emotions more highetened than before. Anyway, she told me that she thought she was in love with someone who she shouldn't have been with. Someone who she didn't know what to do or to say. Suddenly, a surge of excitement and adreneline had hit me, I was outside having a cigarrete pacing like a mad man lol. I wanted to know one thing. Who was this man? More importantly, was this man me! How my sense realised what had happened. I was wishing she would say me. I was hoping she would say it. But she didnt. She didnt know what to do. I wasnt willing to wait and ask her another time. I was too damn curious by now. I wanted to know, and I wanted to know right now. Was it me!? Oh please. I picked up the courage to ask, knowing that if she had said no that everything would have collapsed, our strong friendship would never be the same again. I asked her remembering going under a bridge at night, the glowing yellow lights under the street tunnel shining over me and I asked her. "precious, is it me who you love?". She was shocked. By this time I knew how to read peoples emotions by the words that they used. It was a gift that I developed. She laughed "haha omg! moo. erm erm". (I dont know the exact phrase she used but it was similar to that, nothing too harsh but something just a lil joke, like we used to play with each other). I asked again, "come on precious, is it me? oh have I made a fool of myself?" then I got a reply. I couldn't wait to read it, i was like a kid in toysRus at xmas wanting that gift. If that makes sense. I closed my eyes and read the text. It said one word. "yes". THat was the most amazing word that was said to me. Yes. Yes I love you. I couldn't believe it. What was I doing, its over text for gods sake, but then I did know this lady, very well. She had been hurt in the past, had a traumatic life, I loved her so much, she was smart, witty and knew what she wanted to do. Plus she had many businessess and clubs which I was just so gawed about, she was fantastic, a smart funny, beautiful women with businesses, I love a women to have independance its fantastic. For the sceptics right now, I know how this sounds but I have back up of everything, so I know what she told me was the truth. Anyway, that night, we just talked, told each other we loved each other, well I did. But she was reluctant to say it as "those three dreaded words" meant a lot, especially asher ex had passed away which she was mad over heals in love with, they would still be together right now if he hadnt died. It did make me think sometimss, but I understood. She told me about how they had met and what he was like, was hard to listen to but it helped so much in understanding her situation. I loved her more and more. We got REALLY close emotionally and bonded like glue. Anyway, over time, we didnt even think of meeting, with hignsight I know she wanted to meet me now, her brother texted me telling me she couldnt wait to see me and hold me. He told me that he hadn't seen her like this over a boy ever. But it was never to be. Pain and suffering was to come. It was about a yr that we were still texting and one night she suddenly seemed distant, as if someone had taken her mind to a far away planet in shock, awe and confusion. Like a brick had just hit her. I asked her what was up, that I was there for her whenever she needed me - a promise that I kept up until recently, as you shall see. I asked her again, and again, and again. It was odd, she kept quite. Didnt want to tell me as she was scared what I would think and be ashamed. I asked her that nothing would happen, "tell me precious, whats wrong lovely? whats on your mind!?" I said. There was a sudden pause and she said things. things like "oh Im scared, i dont want to lose you;-( Im worried sick, oh i dont know what to do moo I dont!!!". I knew something serious had happened. She was never like this before, not that I can remember. Anyway, I asked her and told her everything will be fine, just tell me. She did. She said that her twin brother had been hitting on her. I moved back, WHAT!!!! did I hear that correctly?? twin brother what, how, eh, why, OMG. that is what went through my mind. I just couldnt seem to sink it in. It hit like a rock. Making sure that I was there for her I comforted her, told her to tell me the full story. She did. She told me how he had been after her for a few weeks now, how she had resisted him, knowing full well how disgusting it was. She was very upset, confused and I guess traumatised with what was happening. Worse was still to come. Pain, suffering and sacrifice. I remember when she told me, I was coming back from work - I didn't know what to do. I wasn't going to lose her, well not without a fight. I knew at that time how much she cared and loved me. It was impossible to let go. The next few days, the next few weeks even were very emotionally draining. I was excellent at giving advice, but this was something that I had not come accross. Incest was something that I didn't even know at that time, it was an alien concept to me. Why, oh why would someone want to do that. It was disgusting. Anyway, he kept coming on to her, slowly, bit by bit, step by step. I could see he was tryingto influence her, change her mind into his way of thinking. It was extremely upsetting, I didn't want to lose her, she was special and I knew we could have had a long term relationship living happily together. It was just so surreal. My best friend, my special friend - what was happening! Anyway, a few days had past and she was getting more upset, she told me that they were play fighting and that he had tried to kiss her. My mind, my heart was being plummeted. Surely she wouldnt be the same, think the same as he did. Oh the rest will take too long, I will finish it another time. "> said her twin brother was trying it on with her. I was shocked and yet I stil cared. She said she loved me and wanted me. Said she could see us grwing old together. I tried to help her with the twin issue but he was so persistent. He wouldnt let go. I texted her other bro and he said they always were close, eventually i got his number from my love and she wanted me to ask him to stop saying these things. I tried my best but he wasnt having any of it. Time went buy, days, weeks and he started doing things like when they play fight he'd kiss her or when she was having a shower he would go inside naked or when he would constantly tell her how beautiful she was and oh you get the picture. She tried to commit suicide because she felt so depressed. I still loving her, loving her so much that I could do anyting in order to stop her from hurting, I helped her as best as i could. We still hadnt met. But he was getting closer and closer, he was playing real mind games with her trying to change her to his way of thinking. A few weeks past and she was upset. . she said they were play fighting and that they kissed;-( that really hurt me. THey kissed and she was confused, she said she didint know what happened. ANyway, time went on and he kept on persisting. She was my loved one, my best friend who was also who i loved. i owuld do anything for her. not let a pulse in her body feel pain is what i wanted, i wanted her to be happy, if that meant me not being. Anyway, cutting it short, a few weeks past by this time id known her for nearly 1 and half to 2 years, still madly in love and still not met. One night she came all off on me, i knew she had something on her mind but wasnt quite sure what, i had a very good idea what but i wasnt going to say it, in case it hurt her. I asked and I asked her what it was that was on her mind but she neglected to tell me saying it was tooooo personal. I persisted in asking, she still didnt say and thinking hte worse had happened i finally asked her did she sleep with her twin. she said no and got very angry. i apologised knowing that she was lying and that she was very upset. she finnaly said it;-( she said she was upset, went to her bed room and in came the twin;-( she said that he comforted as she was crying and that oh i rememeber these words clearly, i dont like them but i have to say them. She said htat he kissed her on the forehead;-( then on the cheek;-( and that on the lips with which she replied in the moment of it all and they had intercourse!!!!! with her own brother, her twin. I was shocked and i, for the first time was speechless. I still loved her, my heart, it was as it wanted to come out of my chest. It stung. again we were still only texting, but i knew she was the one and thoguht she thought the same, which she said numerous times and her older brother said numerous time that she told him that she couldnt wait to meet me in person. all i wanted to do was to hold her close, touch her lips with mine and give her a long long warm hug. anyway, she said she was upset and was really panicked about the situation. she said she felt awful, disgusted and that she wanted to be dead. She also said that the first thing that came to her mind when they finished intercourse was me and how she had blown any chances of us ever being together. i said it was ok and that i still loved her dearly. She was so upset but i stood by her, even then. saying that we will get through this. i was still very hurt and coming to terms with things. my mind went a bit love blind. i said, short term pain for long term gain. we could and would get through this, i had enuf love in us for the two of us to get through this. she wasnt having it she said she knew it was over. anyway time went on i was still texting and so was she. we went on and off going into a relationship and again we not met. She contiued having intercourse with her brother, her twin. I didnt know what to do, i couldnt take itanymore, it was too much even for me, knowing that the one i loved was being held by another man that happenede to be her brother. oh. i went along with things hoping that she would see sense. she didnt. she was getting really upset as she was really confused by now, not knowing whether to go for me or her bro as she started faliing in love with him. She started comparing us both. me still in with the long term i stayed with it knowing that we would get through this. eventually she got really depressed and i knew something or someone had to back down. not one of us wanted to, i loved her for all the world and more. my heart pounded everytime i talked to her and thought about her. again we did not meet. I knew that i had to do something so knowing that I would lose my gem, maybe for good i, i said i couldnt text anymore and she was really upset. I did it for her, it was the most hardest thing i ever had to do, i cried and wept all night for a long long time. A few months past and i was seriously heart broken, not knowing how she is, was she ok? did she miss me? did she love me? all those things. My mind was a mess i couldnt think properly and i just wanted her, beside me in bed, around the table, in the park holding hands, whatever. I picked up corouge and texted her, she was overjoyed it was me. found that she was still with her twin and that something new happened. they had had a baby boy that they put up for adoption for obvious reasons. I just couldnt take listening to that firstly because she was still with him and didt bother finding me and secodnly because she was stupid enough to have a kid with her bro. I know the answers to both of these as i know her very well but thats too deep to say. ANyway, we texted for about a month and i couldnt take it nor could she as she still loved me. I left again and again i was heart brocken, wounds opened up. this was like 3 years since we knew eachother. again a few months past and last october i texted again for the same reasons of missing her. And again the same, she was still with him, which made me both annoyed and angry as i thought she would have seen sense and be with me. but i know the reasons y she scared and probably just sees me as a nother blike now. Anyway since last october 05 i aint texted her and she not me as the last time i did she started lying and saying that the time under the bridge when she was scared to tell the person who she loved was really me and that she used me ot get her bro jealous, she said that to make me go. she changed but i knew the lady who i knew was still there, all confused with the persistent twin and that she couldnt breathe with all the emotions. I left and from then i aint talked to her again. I still love her though and everyday since we met iv thought about her. why is she still with him!!! why? WHY! why does my heart still seek her, why does my heart still feel her pain? i keep thinking that did she really love me? that since we never met should i pop into her life? that will she still be with him? is she ok? is she happy, truly happy. The answer is that I dont know and it makes me very upset and longing to know. I still feel for her and love her but its too hard to talk to her. i dont know, i guess i am as confused as she is. All i know is well i wish i had another chance and i wish that she didnt do what she did. it hurt. i could get over it but she was scared saying that she knew that if we slept together id be thinking of him and that wud i ever think of them two, u understand? my heart answered that question, i loved her with every inch of my body and there was nothign to worry about. I know that its left a dint and that im finding it hard to let people in. The reason why i did this is that i needed to let it out. its my way of dealing with it i guess. And no commmetns about that she didint love me as it is extremely hard to explain that she did unless uv actually been in a similar situation. Anyway i cant stop thinking about her, my heart is recovering but slowly, im worried about her and me, will i love again . . only time will tell, will i love as much as i loved her, i dont think so. she was my one and only. with respect