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  1. The Enigma of Dreams – Our Mind's Unconscious Theater Dreams. The canvas on which our minds paint scenes of extraordinary, sometimes bewildering narratives. While we sleep, our subconscious embarks on a journey across an unpredictable landscape of emotions and experiences. For many of us, these dream sequences often feature people from our past, most notably ex-boyfriends. Why does this happen? You've moved on. You've grown. Yet, that familiar face, that echo from your past, appears in your dream world, sparking curiosity, anxiety, and often, confusion. However, dreaming about an ex-boyfriend is more commonplace than you might imagine and can reveal significant insights about your emotional health and personal growth. It's not simply a manifestation of yearning or regret but rather an intricate tapestry woven by your subconscious mind. Dreams, according to Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, are the "royal road to the unconscious," an essential portal to our deepest desires, fears, and emotions. What we dream about, therefore, can often be a reflection of unresolved emotions or subconscious messages our minds are trying to convey. So let's journey together into the realm of dreams and their meanings, specifically those that involve an ex-boyfriend. The Unconscious Mind's Cast of Characters – Recognizing Your Ex in Dreams In dream analysis, people symbolize aspects of our own identity. Seeing an ex-boyfriend in your dreams doesn't necessarily mean you consciously yearn for them; rather, they could represent characteristics or experiences you associate with that person. 1. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Sometimes, your ex may symbolize traits you see in yourself—both positive and negative. Their appearance may serve as a reminder or a warning about these traits, prompting you to self-reflect. 2. A Time Machine to Past Emotions: times, dreaming of an ex-boyfriend could symbolize emotions you felt during the relationship. This doesn't mean you wish to rekindle the romance, but it could point to unresolved feelings or patterns. 3. The Ghost of Relationships Past: are in a current relationship, the ex-boyfriend could represent fears or concerns about your current partner or the relationship itself. It might be a subconscious comparison between past and present relationships. The Seven Key Insights – Understanding the Meaning of Your Dreams Dreaming about an ex-boyfriend can have various interpretations. However, keep in mind that these interpretations are not set in stone. Everyone's dream language is uniquely personal. Here are seven insights into what these dreams might mean: 1. Closure Needed: might indicate that you still need closure from that relationship, implying unresolved issues or feelings. 2. Personal Growth: symbolize your growth since the relationship ended. Seeing your ex-boyfriend in a dream can help you realize how far you've come. 3. The Comfort Zone: dream represents comfort and familiarity, especially if you're going through a challenging time. 4. The Warning Sign: relationship was toxic, your ex might symbolize a warning sign against repeating negative patterns. 5. Wounds to Heal: breakup was painful, dreaming about it might suggest that there's a wound that still needs healing. 6. Fear of Recurrence: reflect a fear that the problems from your past relationship could recur in your current or future relationships. 7. Time for Forgiveness: could be a sign that it's time to forgive your ex—and yourself. Waking Up – Turning Dream Insights into Action Your dreams are essentially an introspective dialogue with yourself. If your ex-boyfriend frequently appears, consider it an invitation to introspect, to understand what your mind is trying to convey, and then turn those insights into actions. Perhaps it's time to forgive and let go of past resentment, or maybe it's a nudge to avoid falling back into toxic patterns. Whatever the message, listen to your subconscious. You might find it has wisdom to share. You are the author of your life story, and dreams are a tool to help you write the next chapters. Embrace this opportunity, and turn your dreams into a catalyst for growth and self-understanding. Resources: "The Interpretation of Dreams," Sigmund Freud – A deep dive into the complex world of dreams from the father of psychoanalysis himself. "The Wisdom of Your Dreams: Using Dreams to Tap into Your Unconscious and Transform Your Life," Jeremy Taylor – Offers guidance on interpreting and benefiting from dreams. "Dreams: A Study of the Dreams of Jung, Descartes, Socrates, and Other Historical Figures," Marie-Louise von Franz – An exploration of dreams from a Jungian perspective.
  2. The Unexpected Contact Life often throws us curveballs that we never see coming, leaving us in situations that we never expected to find ourselves in. One of these perplexing scenarios can be when your ex-boyfriend's best friend reaches out to you out of the blue. It may seem like a plot twist from a complex romantic drama, yet here you are, living it in reality. The intrigue, confusion, and even anxiety this situation can evoke are not insignificant. However, there's a way to make sense of it all, and it begins by understanding the intricate psychology of human relationships and friendships. Your immediate reaction to such contact could range from mild surprise to outright alarm. Such an unexpected turn of events can unsettle anyone. However, the first step towards understanding what's happening is to approach the situation with a calm mind and a clear perspective. Surprisingly, this situation is not as uncommon as you might imagine. People, after all, are complex beings with a myriad of thoughts, emotions, and motivations. There are various reasons why your ex-boyfriend's best friend could be reaching out to you, some straightforward, some not so much, but all revealing some aspects of human behavior and relationships. In the quest to comprehend this unusual occurrence, the importance of context can never be overstated. It's easy to jump to conclusions, to let our minds weave stories of conspiracy or betrayal. However, it's crucial to remember that every situation is unique. It deserves to be treated as such, analyzed based on the particular circumstances, individuals, and dynamics at play. People's motives can be influenced by an array of factors. Without understanding these factors, any attempt at deciphering the situation may lead to more confusion than clarity. Reason 1 – They're Conveying a Message The first, and possibly one of the most straightforward reasons why your ex-boyfriend's best friend might be reaching out to you, is to convey a message. This is not as cloak-and-dagger as it might initially seem. Sometimes, it's just about being a bridge between two individuals who aren't communicating – in this case, you and your ex-boyfriend. The message can range from a simple apology to a piece of crucial information, to even a profound confession. It might be something your ex wants to tell you but is unable, or more likely, unwilling, to say it himself. Perhaps your ex-boyfriend's best friend is trying to mend fences, to soothe ruffled feathers, to clarify a misunderstanding that has lingered for far too long. This situation doesn't have to be a negative one; in fact, it can often lead to closure, particularly if the breakup was tumultuous and left a lot of things unsaid or unresolved between you two. However, and this is crucial, when interpreting this message, it's important to apply a grain of salt. The best friend, after all, has their loyalty towards your ex, which can and will influence the delivery and tone of the message. It's not a case of shooting the messenger, but rather understanding the inherent biases they might carry. Reason 2 – They're Concerned about You Another potential reason, and perhaps one that speaks highly of the best friend's character, is genuine concern for your wellbeing. It's no secret that breakups can be emotionally draining and can leave people hurt, confused, and lonely. Friends are not immune to this fallout. If during your relationship with your ex, you developed a good rapport with the best friend, they might be concerned about how you're coping post-breakup. They could be reaching out to check in on you, to offer emotional support, or to simply lend a friendly ear. It's not uncommon for people To feel a sense of responsibility or worry for those they care about. While such gestures can indeed be comforting, it's equally crucial to ensure that these interactions don't lead to more confusion or emotional turbulence. You have every right to set boundaries, to determine what's comfortable for you, and what's not. The aim is to heal and move forward, not get entangled in emotional knots. Reason 3 – They're Interested in You This reason is perhaps one of the more complicated ones, but it's not unheard of. It could be that your ex-boyfriend's best friend has developed an interest in you, romantically or otherwise. It might be that they've had feelings for you while you were dating your ex, or it could be that these feelings have blossomed after the breakup. While such a scenario might sound straight out of a rom-com movie or a soap opera, it happens more frequently than we might like to admit. Relationships and emotions are complex, and the heart often wants what it wants. However, it's essential to tread very carefully in such cases. Navigating this dynamic can be extremely tricky and, if not handled with sensitivity and openness, could potentially lead to strained relationships or worse, hurt feelings. Reason 4 – They're Trying to Maintain Friendship Life after a breakup is rarely simple. Relationships change, dynamics shift, but sometimes, the bonds that you've formed with your ex's friends persist. This could be another reason why the best friend is reaching out. They might be trying to maintain the friendship that you had built during your relationship with your ex. It's not necessarily a bad thing to want to keep friendships alive, but it's vital to ensure that this doesn't open doors to discomfort or a relapse into old feelings. A clear understanding and an open conversation about where everyone stands might be necessary to maintain a healthy balance. Friendships are precious, but they should not come at the expense of your emotional wellbeing. Reason 5 – They're Seeking Closure And the best friend might be reaching out in search of closure, just as you might have been at some point. Breakups don't just affect the two people in the relationship; they often have a ripple effect on the people around them as well. If your ex-boyfriend's best friend was close to both of you, they might feel caught in the middle. Speaking with you might help them process their own emotions, deal with their confusion, and find some peace. Sometimes, offering understanding and empathy can go a long way. It's important to remember that people process situations differently, and if helping them achieve closure doesn't impede your own healing process, it might be worth the conversation. Dealing with an ex-boyfriend's best friend reaching out to you can be a puzzling and challenging situation to navigate. However, by considering the possible reasons, you can better understand the situation and respond appropriately. it's okay to set boundaries and communicate openly about your comfort level. After all, in the grand scheme of things, your well-being should always be the top priority. Resources: Gray, J. (2017). "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships". HarperCollins. Levine, A., Heller, R. (2012). "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love". TarcherPerigee. "The psychology of 'backburner' relationships" - ScienceDaily, available online
  3. Is it ever possible to get back together with an ex? With so much advice, wisdom, and scuttlebutt floating around on the topic, it can be hard to know where to start. The answer is simple: there’s no single solution; instead, you may find a variety of strategies work better for certain individuals. When it comes to relationships, there's no right or wrong way of winning back your ex-boyfriend. Some may try date nights, texting, talking to mutual friends, or even going out of their way to make nice gestures, while others may simply focus on picking up the pieces and beginning anew. If you want to take a more traditional route in trying to win back your ex-boyfriend, you can start by expressing your feelings and admitting that you still care. Whether you decide to do so through a letter, face-to-face conversation, or over the phone, it’s important to make sure that you’re completely honest about your thoughts and feelings in order to have any chance of success. It’s also important to give your ex some space. People need time and distance after a breakup to reevaluate the relationship. If you try to push your ex too soon, it will only serve to create more distance between the two of you. And remember, it’s not just about saying the “right” things—it’s about showing your ex that you’ve grown since the relationship ended and that you’re willing to put in the effort to make things work. If your ex does decide to give you another chance, it’s important to keep certain expectations in check. Every relationship takes time and effort to rebuild, and it won’t happen overnight. Be patient with each other and respect each other’s boundaries, as this is key to establishing a strong foundation. Acknowledge that you both have made mistakes in the past while committing to focusing on making things better going forward. As you work on rekindling your relationship, it’s important to remember that if things don’t work out, it’s OK to accept that as well. Moving on can seem difficult after a breakup, but it can also bring closure and allow you to start fresh.
  4. I dated a guy for 3 and a half years. I left him about 3 months ago. Mainly because I felt ignored and I was no longer happy in the relationship. When I first broke up with him, he took it pretty bad. He was everywhere- I have since moved, changed phone numbers etc and for awhile I hadn't talked to him. Well, he called me at work earlier this week (one number I can't change) and was being very nice and calm so I talked to him, as friends, for about 15 minutes. Then he decided he was going to show up at work on my lunch hour. I was not very thrilled by this, but went ahead and talked to him. He was telling me how much he missed me, how beautiful I am, and how he wished he had done things differently. Part of me wants him back because I do love him, I always will. He was my best friend (even before we dated). I am however involved in another relationship (he does not know this- only because I know how hard our breakup was on him in the 1st place and I don't want to make it worse.) The guy I am with now is absolutely wonderful. He would do anything for me and vice versa. What should I do about the ex? He keeps e-mailing and calling me asking me when he can take me out. I don't want to hurt his feelimgs, but I know that he needs to let go. The more I talk etc to him, the harder it is. Please help.
  5. My ex-boyfriend hurt me in more ways than one. The day that I broke up with him, I didn't shed a tear, I really wasn't upset. That was 3 weeks ago. And for some reason it's hitting me now. He was my first true love. We dated for 2 years, but within the 2 years, we had more bad times than good. He was extremely verbally abusive and a severe esteem attacker. But now, I find myself upset, feeling that I will never find anyone better. I don't want him back. He hurt me to many times, but I still have that feeling of emptiness. He didn't waste anytime, he's slept with more girls to count since we've broke up. I want to get on with my life but how can I get over this person? How can I wake up and realize that I'm a better person than that and I CAN do better??
  6. Hi everybody. My girlfriend and I have been going for about 1.5 yrs now, so everything is pretty strong and secure. There is one thing that has been bugging me for a while, and I want to see what people think about it. FYI, we have an open relationship, and talk about anything bugging us so it doesn't get bottled in. Everytime we want to do something, it seems that her ideas stem from her relatioship with her last boyfriend. For instance, when we want to go for dinner, we usually have thai food. But the thing is that she has mentioned before how happy she was her ex intorduced her to thai food and that its her favorite food now. Other examples: let's go on a trip? she picked a place that she had a 2 wk romantic vacation with him. ideas for a sunday? taking pictures around boston harbor, which she has done before for fun with this guy. go to museum? see exhibits where the displays were designed by him (not the artwork, just the presentation). watch a movie? she has tried to make me a huge fan of a couple movies that he introduced to her and he loves. SO ANNOYING! But I deal with it, and don't read into it too much. I don't always go through with the ideas, but it is starting to get frustrating. Any thoughts? Opinions? Thanks.
  7. So, a little less than a month ago my boyfriend - of only about two months- said he wanted to take a break. Obviously I was upset because he was the one who wanted things to move so fast and I had been reluctant about that. I end up giving my heart to him only to have it crushed. He said I shouldn't be so upset and that he only wanted to figure things out, blablabla. Well we ended up getting into a huge fight and didn't talk at all for almost a week. Then he started texting/calling me again telling me he missed me and if I would come over. I did, we slept together and then watched a movie, he cooked me breakfast. It was just like we were never apart. Well, I felt like crap after that and vowed to myself not to do that again. Well about three days later he asked me to go out to dinner which I did and we had a great night together again! I was just over there yesterday and last night also. We haven't discussed anything though beyond the agreement that we're not sleeping with other people. He, like a lot of men, finds it hard to talk about relationship "issues" but I know I need to ask him what we're doing. How do I go about this in a good way? Or is that even the talk I need to have? Is he just lonely or could it be he's realizing he made a mistake and we're going back to dating and taking it slow this time? These are a lot of questions but any advice you could give would help me out! Thank you!
  8. I found out what a pig my ex boyfriend is on Saturday.. again. I won't go into details again but I felt I had to go none-contact this time properly. Having been together almost three years this is proving to be very hard. At first it wasn't too bad but it's been five days now and it's really affecting me. I can't think about anything else except him. I can't do my work, I even caught myself justifying getting in touch with him a few hours ago. The withdrawal symptons are proving to be rather unbearable, I keep checking my phone etc etc. I don't even understand why cause he has behaved unforgivable towards me. Just wondering when all of this will settle down?
  9. I can't write a short post for anything! Please see the most important piece of this at the bottom in bold if you don't have time to read. I bury my head in shame as I start this post. I've been writing about my relationship issues for the past four months. I'm over him. I'm not over him. I broke up with him. We're still together. And on and on and on. I'm ready now. I'm really ready now! My bf (ex bf) and I have been through many ups and downs. The main issues are his lack of ability to treat me with kindness, respect, and consideration. Although it's been a rough road, I've been here to support him through much including the birth of his daughter by and ex. There's not many advantages for me in this picture. It's truly all about him. And I am better off away from him. You see my bf (ex bf) has constantly criticized my every move. A couple weeks ago I told him I was done. After I got off the phone, I knew I'd hear from him again. And I did, the next day. He reminded me of a party I agreed to go to. So everyday for that week, he contacted me while I focused on the important things and people in life. I was over him but a selfish part of me decided to go to the party, meet his co-workers, stay out of town for a night with him. The next day, he insisted we spend the whole day together. Our first time really hanging out for a day and I met his mother. In a sense it was great; finally he was treating me how I deserve to be treated. However, I was pretty sure it was just an increased attempt at kindness - but part of the pattern we constantly go through. He stopped by Sunday after my kiddies were in bed. I had locked my bedroom door and closed it by mistake. I had to take the doorknob off to get it open from the outside. Couldn't figure out how to put it back on. (all b4 he got there.) He proceeded to call me an Idiot. Then Wednesday, he stopped by (without calling first.) A girl that has posted disrespectful remarks on his myspace had posted a comment "He called me just didn't want to post on his page) on a mutual friend of ours page. I don't care that he's friends with her. However, I'm not happy about her flaunting "he called me." So I pointed out that's why I did not like her calmly. He pointed the finger at me - I should not look at other peoples myspace pages. (nib) A few minutes later I told him to have a good night and sent him on his way. Sent him a text message saying something like "thanks for the slap in the face." And left him a voicemail the next morning. I noticed he deleted his Myspace account that night. Something I am surprised he did. I have not heard from him since he left my house that night. I have set small goals for myself. Like yesterday: I promise I will not call him before noon tomorrow and I will not answer his calls. I'm setting 24 hour increments because if I promise I will never call him, I personally am more likely to give in to the pressure. I'm doing good right now. But worry that I will need support in not contacting him. So please if you have any words of encouragement, post away.
  10. Hi, I was wndering if maybe somebody (even better if they're female) could give me some feedback on a current dilemma I am currently facing. Two weeks ago, completely by surprise, I met a young lady who, being honest, is everything I have ever wished for. She is both beautiful, incredibly intelligent, and speaks her mind, which is something I've always admired. For the first week, we would talk for at least three hours each night over the 'phone, discussing our life stories, experiences, likes/dislikes, and I'm pretty sure there is nothing we don't know about each other. We've both been in relationships where we've got hurt before, and it seems that neither of us were particularly well supported whilst growing up. It's almost like we were destined to meet, and I really don't want to lose this girl. I am quite an introveed person, when it comes to sharing my feelings, but I do feel, even at this early stage, that I could happily spend the rest of my life with this wonderful person. However, things have gone awfully quiet since the weekend, when we couldn't meet up, and as it turned out, she spent the evening in the company of her ex-boyfriend's father (who is gay, apparently, so I'm not too worried!) and they have always been close. Furthermore, upon receiving a phonecall from her on Monday, my new friend asked me what name I thought of, what I thought of her; either her Christian name, or her nickname I have for her, which has stuck. I became quite tongue-tied at this point, but replied honestly, as I always think of her nickname, as it's the one special 'link' that she and I have, as nobody else knows her by this name. I don't know if this was what she wanted me to say, and maybe a few of you ladies could give me your opinion? The main reason I'm so worried is that I haven't heard from her since. I know she is very busy this week (she works in a teaching hospital) and said she would call on either Wednesday or Thursday, and I'm scared I've upset her, and won't hear from her again. I don't want to become a nuisance, so is not calling her/texting her, for a few days, and giving her some time and space, a good idea? I'm also worried that, after we last spoke, I didn't hang the phone up correctly, and I think that she may have one of those phones which, if the other person hasn't hung up, will make hers start ringing. and as bad luck would have it, I noticed my mistake, and hung up, just as I heard "Hello?"-or at least I think I did-coming down the line. The last thing I want is to freak her out, and ultimately lose her. Meeting her was the best thing to happen to me in a long time, and I genuinely am very scared. Please help!
  11. I've recently been dumped by my ex boyfriend a little over two months ago. I used to dream about him a lot. However, now I'm having dreams about my FIRST boyfriend from high school, who I dated for over two years. (We split over three years ago.) I rarely think about him in my waking life, but now I dream about him all the time instead of my most recent ex. Sometimes I dream the three of us are together, but other times it's just my old ex. Why is this happening??
  12. I have been posting bits and pieces of this relationship I have hadiin various forums, so I have decided to edit this post and tell the entire story. Please, bear with me. I met this girl in the fall of 2006. Things began slowly, as I guess most relationship do. As the weeks went on I began to fall for her. I was a bit anxious and forward in the beginning and tried to kiss her twice- both times she rejecteed me. But I was patient and things began to blossom. We had never talked about a comitted relationship, so i guess I shouldn't have been surprised when, on Christmas Eve, while in her room, I found a used condom wrapper on the top oof the trash can. When I asked her, she admitted to having had sex with her "ex-boyfriend". I left, only to return about an hour later (she called me and asked me to come back). Anyway, after a bottle of wine and some talking, I spent the night, and she told me she loved me. She also asked if I wanted to be "exclusive" with her. I don't think I responded at that point. Now that my eyes were open about her ex in the picture, I started to feel a bit guarded when I went to her apartment. He'd call her cell at times while I was there. Fair enough, since we never spoke about a monogamous relationship. Then, the first week of 2007 something happened. She seemed to open up to me, and we became really close. She asked me again about being "exclusive" and I said yes. I let my guard down, opened up to her and we were on our way. About 3 weeks later I receive a text message from her saying "I can't do this anymore. Something has to change". I asked her why and she said I was too suffocating and that she wanted to take a step back. I agreed. Then the following day, she calls me and asks me to spend the day with her. She grabs my hand, and said something about being my boyfriend. I spent the night and the next at her place. That Friday, I didn't hear anything from her. Saturday, nothing. And Sunday, nothing. So I called her and asked her how she was doing, because I hadn't heard from her. Once again she told me that she couldn't do this anymore, etc. She said she liked it better when we used to study at school together, that she would like to be friends. So, i asked to see her the next day with the intention of ending the realtionship entirely. The following day, I met up with her and we talked. I told her that I couldn't see her anymore. This is when she asked me why it had to be all or nothing. So I told her that this was a difficult decision for me, but I didn't know what else to do. I drove her to her apt. and I said goodbye. (I thought it was a final goodbye). Anyway, as i was getting myself back together emotionally in the car, I see this guy walking down the street. I knew I recognized him. It was her ex-boyfriend! I watched him enter the apt building. Ugh, I felt really sick at that point. I broke up on Tuesday with this girl i was seeing for a while, and I get a txt message from her today asking me "How are you doing?". I didn't respond. Then, I checked my email and see that she sent me an email. It was a two page email about how she is struggling greatly in her studies and that she doesn't know what to do. She also said that she happened to see me walking on campus at school the other day and that it was "nice to see your face". Well, I have to admit, I broke down and sent her a text message. I told her I was fine and that I read her email. However, I haven't responded to her email or sent her any other messages. Should I go back into "no contact" mode again? Should I just be cordial and respond to her email? Why is she asking me for advice or even texting me and sending me emails? This has got to be the most confusing relationship that I have ever had. I love her and want her to be happy- why is she reaching out to me for help? Or is it just a trap? Additionally, that very day she txted me.. she sent me an additional two text messages asking if I was going to respond to her email. Then she called me and left me a voice mail.. She wanted to know how I was and once again asked me why i didn't respond to her email... Then said said "you can call me if you want..you don't have to feel weird about calling me" I still haven't spoken to her, except for that one small txt message. I think thats it. I didn't include a lot of emotion in this post, but I will tell you, I'm dying on the inside. I keep fighting the urge to pick up the phone and call her. I really fell in love with this girl. It has been really tough trying to maintain no contact for the past 5-6 days. Any advice? HH
  13. Today marks two months of NC from my drug-addicted, suicidal ex-boyfriend. It's also been about two and half weeks since I spoke to one of my ex best friends- she is dating my ex-boyfriend. I hate it when she drops his name in conversation or talks about him (what's the point of NC?) and when I try to talk to her about it, she says "why do you make me choose between him and you?!" I've blocked her on AIM, but she doesn't know it yet. She figures I am just busy with sorority stuff and Vagina Monologue rehearsals and haven't had time to long on. I want to delete her off my myspace friends. I don't want to see pictures of them together or read her stupid bulletins. I reallly don't want to talk to her for a loooong time, but she's going to be suspicious if I don't talk to her soon. More importantly, I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I'm angry about their new relationship. I don't want it to get back to my ex boyfriend that I care about who he's seeing now. In some ways, I suspect she's just with him to get a rise out of me because she has something I "want" but "can't have." If I get angry or jealous that she's seeing him/sleeping with him, I'm just giving her more power to make me unhappy... I don't know how to handle this. She's going to contact me soon and ask how I am doing, I'm sure, but I don't want to talk to her. But if I DON'T talk to her (or if I tell her I'm angry), she'll tell everyone (including my ex) that I'm just incredibly bitter about the break up. Help! PS: This post is probably really incoherent. I'm sorry! I'm flustered.
  14. I finally ended a relationship with a woman and I am really hurting inside. Actually, I had spoken to her on a Friday and then I didn't hear anything from her until Monday to which she told me that she needed to take a large step back. So I met up with her on Tuesday and told her that I cannot see or speak to her anymore. What does she tell me? She says "Why does it have to be all or nothing?" Amazing. As I said my final goodbyes, who comes down the street? It was her so called "ex" boyfriend. Ugh, it was like a knife through the heart. Everything made sense. It's a really horrible feeling being used as I was. Sigh, this sucks. HH
  15. my ex bf and i are best friends but today i got asked out on a date by another guy. i want to tell my ex that i still care about him and ask him if he still cares about me becuase if he doesnt then im going to go out with this otherguy. do you guys recommend doing this or not? if so, how do i say it without seeming like im going to rub it in?? what do i say?? thanks
  16. Hello Everyone, I have asked for advice several times in the last 3 months. All about my ex boyfriend and how to get him back. We went through a really bad break up after 3 years. To sum it up, I broke it off and he started seeing someone a week later. I went crazy and harrased him for a month straight. He told me he hated me yet he would still come around when he wanted sex. I finally got fed up and broke into his cell phone account online and got the new girls number. I called her and told her everything that happened. Of course since i was the pyscho ex girlfriend she didnt buy it. I cut off all contact with him. It was hard but every day that passed got easier. Well a month passes where I hadn't seen him or talked to him. I met someone really nice and i was really moving on. Then it happened, two weeks ago I get a phone call at 4 am from none other than my ex bf. At first he starts the converstation off casually. Like how ya doing blah blah blah. Before you know it he is crying on the phone telling me that he loves me and that the past two months were just as hard for him. That he missed me everyday. You know basically the things i've been dieing to hear since we broke up. So he ends up coming over and crying some more. We end up spending the whole weekend together and its great. Then I ask the most important question. Are you still seeing her? And his answer is yes. He trys to explain to me that he just wants to be friends so we can build our trust for eachother. The last two weeks he's come over almost everyday. My problem is how can i learn to trust him when he is sleeping with me and her but she doesn't know about it. I mean hello he cheated on me when we were together. And it's obvious he hasn't changed his ways. I do love him very much and I agree that we need to start off slow and build a strong relationship. But how can we do this when we are seeing other people??? Should I give him an ultimatium?? I cannot share him with anyone and I don't think I should have too. Yes I did make his life a living hell for awhile, but I don't deserve to be put on the back burner. Please let me know if you have any experience with this .. Thanks
  17. Hi group After my gf brake up our relation I have been analysing it so that I can do the "balance" between the pros & cons. I could identify some issues which I must work on so that I can enjoy more my next relationship. However, some things are not clear yet for me and I would like to know your oppinion and, above all, what would you think and what would you do in case this happened to you. So, let's say you meet this girl and, as soon as you start a relation with her, the following things happen: - On your first night of love she says to you that, until that day, she has been sleeping with her ex-boyfriend altough she doesn't want any relationship with him anymore. - She tells you she doesn't want a long term relation - She tells you that I can not find what I want in a relatioship with her (I came from a marriage that ended almost 7 years ago) - She don't want you to be seen, by her friends, together with you. The justification was that she doesn't wants to do that until she knows that the relation is strong (their friends might start to think "Oh, another boy friend!") - She tells you if someone do her something that she wouldn't do to another person, she would finish the relationship right there (ex, getting late to meet her without call her (It never happened to me but this was an example she told me) - etc, etc Now, imagine she tells you these things in the first two weeks of our relationship and it was told, not in a caring way, but with a "warning" tone instead. Looking back to the relationship, all these things made me fell insecure enough to spoil the relationship, by being always acting with extreme caution, and that made show a person who is cold and affraid to take a more intimate gesture like hold her hand, give her a hug, give her a kiss, etc. Basically, it seems that while I was looking to find the good things in her, she was looking to me trying to find the bad things. How many of you can identify with me? What would you think? What would you do?
  18. So my girlfriend and I have been going out for a couple of months now and I got to tell you there is no one else like her. The sex is great and the relationship is as well. My only concern is that every now and then her ex boyfriend will stop by to visit (he’s in the army and is often away). I had no problem meeting him at first, but the more I heard about him from my girlfriends friends I found out that he treated her badly when they were together and it makes me wonder why she even still sees him. I know she is trustworthy and there is nothing going on between them. Anyways the more I have been thinking about it lately the more pissed I get about seeing some ex boyfriend every time he comes to visit and anytime she even mentions him I get mad and sometimes it will lead to an argument. It’s come to the point where I don’t even want to be around when he visits. Am I just over reacting about this ex boyfriend situation? Any advice on how either of us are acting would help. Thanks.
  19. Hi, I have been seeing this girl for about a year now. We both are in love. We started casually, but it grew into love. We have been living together for a year now. She has had 3 ex bfs and all were quite serious relationships. Now she has gone to her parents for a month and this weekend her ex has flown down to meet her over the weeked. They both are friends now , thats what she says and she also says that hes not totally over her. Flying down to see an ex and he was also planngin to pay for her tickets to come down to his place. Thats definitely not a good sign from his side. She is totally over him, and I know that. But I cant help from thinking about him goin to meet her. I just hate that guy to my roots. Thats natural. She knows that this worries me and she asked me many times not to think about it and not to worry about it. She does care for me. But, its just that guy. I dont trust that guy. What if they go out drinking and he starts mis-behaving ? u know what i mean... that he gets all sentimental n all..my gf dumped him...they were in LDR that didnt work. And she dumped him coz she wanted to be with me. She wants to be friends with this guy coz hes an ex bf. I cant ask her not to be friends. She'll be back next weekend. I know she wont cheat on me or anything like that, coz we are very close. But how do I deal with this Ex-BF ? Should I call him ? that will upset my gf, coz hes her friend now. Should I threaten him ? And this meetup of theirs is just this time. After this , she'll be here and he'll be thousands of miles apart. He was in US sometime back and was willing to pay for her tickets for her to travel and meet him. I found that outrageous. I wouldnt do that for a "friend". What do I do with this guy ? I have gone through her emailsm he hasnt said hes still in love with her , just once he mentioned that he misses her.
  20. This is so weird it's like out of a movie. My original story can be found here: I had not had closure at all and thought I had moved on after not having any contact with my ex for about 8 months. Then bizarrely I met him at a nightclub and I just kinda went blank. Still I spoke to him. He was very "pally" and kept insinuating how great his life was and how he now has a new place in London with his "friend". Upon probing I found out it was actually his boyfriend he was referring to. (Who wasn't with him incidentally). I found it odd that in the 5 minutes I spoke to him he did not ask once about how I was - it was just...oh I got a new job, Ive stopped smoking, I've got a new place and so on and so forth. Needless to say I was a tad crushed and envious and felt as though my life hadn't progressed at all and heck I was still single. Anyway a few days, ago I sent out a mass text to everyone in my Phone Book about something on TV. It was a spur of the moment thing and I didn't realise the consequences it would have. The next day I received an e-mail from an acquaintance of mine (someone I kinda know and flirt with occasionally when I see him out and we have been friendly for some time and I've slept with his best friend!!!)...asking if I was Paul's ex? I said thats weird why do u ask that. Because it turns out this guy is actually my ex's boyfriend!!!! And he was ever so eager to chat to me which I was bemused by. It turns out there is no place being bought they are just going to be renting and pretty much everything my ex said was utter rubbish! Anyway this guy has been e-mailing me since. And I find that really odd. Would you contact your boyfriend's ex??? I have been evasive about any questions asked about my ex purely because I do not wanna be the stalker ex but at the same time pleasant enough. Its so strange. Now I know what this closure is. It's when you dont care. If I want to I can wreck this relationship to smithereens. But it's not my style. Anyway to cut a long story short...why is this guy contacting me? It's all a bit weird and incestuous dont you think? And why is he fishing for information about my ex? I do not want to divulge anything should it blow up. Goes to show what a small small world we live in eh?!
  21. Hi Guys, for those following my posts. I split up with a girl who ended things, I did the needy ex boyfriend bit (oops). She messengered me the other day and we were back on speaking terms after a month and a half, then she ended the conversation over a joking comment. Then I sent a text asking if she was feeling better, because she had the flu. And this was ignored. Where do women get off with treating people this way ! They all say they want someone to care about them, but when you do they ignore you ?? So why should I bother, I am the one getting hurt, so I have deleted her details and blocked her on MSN. I dont know if its the right thing, but its ripping me apart to care so much for someone and knowing its meaninless to her. Shear ignorance and rudeness not to reply. Whats your thoughts guys? Especially the women out there?
  22. I have had a very hard month since splitting from my ex. I was head over heels in love with him, we are very similar, etc. Our friendship group is very tight, so I either go out with my/our friends on the weekend, or I stay home alone. I saw him twice this weekend which has left me feeling wretched, but literally ALL my friends went out to a club where he was going to be. I sometimes have no choice if I want to stay active and sociable. He has been saying and doing things which make it very clear that he has moved on, like "oh well, it's always nice to have a new girlfriend" (he hasn't got one - it still makes me feel very disposable). I don't think he is being intentionally nasty - he is just emotionless. A mutual friend agreed that it was bad for me so asked him to be more careful, and I also blocked his emails. Then we exchanged a few texts as he wants to meet up. He wants me to take a list of all the things that have hurt or upset me, and he said it's very important I include everything. So I have two questions: 1. Meeting him goes against all rules of no contact, but we see each other all the time and it's becoming really destructive for me. No contact in itself is not realistic if I want to see my friends. Should I accept the olive branch he seems to be offering? I told him I thought it was a constructive idea but I think I need a bit more time to think about it. 2. Are there any tips people have for actually physically meeting him? As in: how I should act, how I should approach it. I don't want to be miserable but I am aware I could go in there, be really positive, enjoy seeing him and start missing him all over again.
  23. my ex-boyfriend wants to meet me again for a coffe.. but i think i still like him.. when he was suggesting that casual date he was flirting me someway... and he didn't make it to come yesterday so he told me i'll call you tomorrow.. so he seems as he really wants to meet.. and we haven't spoke for ages.. in fact that we're only 17 do you think h might still like me..? p.s. he broke up with me.. s.o.s.
  24. Hello all. I just stumbled onto this place. First of all, Merry Christmas to all. I will jut get right into it. I am 20 yrs old. My gf is 20. We have been dating for awhile. Well, we both agreed to get married in the temple. (were Mormon). So I buy a ring and I get ready to propose. Then she changes her mind. Things have gone downhill. She keeps changing her mind back and forth. She is moody all the time now. She was always talking to her ex bf too, and she said she might still have feelings for him. Well, I told her I will give her 30 days to decide. If she doesn't I told her Id break up with her. I didn't want to do this, but I feel as if its my only choice. Things were real bad before and I never stood up for myself. At the end of 30 days I am also going to be in another state for 4 months with limited contact w/ her. Am I wrong for doing this? Any suggestions to fix the relationship? Why is she getting cold feet? I think I'm a damn good BF, and she is a a very good gf. Why are we fighting so much? We do almost everything right. I do love her with every fiber of my being, but sometimes I just wonder.
  25. After he physically assaulted me, I was confused, had a head injury and only had my family and friends to push me into court to get a restraining order. I went back into therapy myself and began to see it all unravel: all of his behavioral patterns and the way our relationship went made him the poster-man for borderline personality disorder. I am an extremely understanding person, especially about the ones I love but at the same time I still feel disposed, used, scared, angry. I am relatively young, in my late 20's and the internet and internet mediums of communication (AOL instant messenger, link removed, blogs, pictures posted on-line) are so prevalent and a part of our everyday lives. I don't want to let him control me anymore, that is to say, I don't want to have to hide myself or block him in fear of him reading my words, but is there anyone out there that has BPD? What would anger you if you saw something about one of your ex's, who you were deeply involved with? I do and did care about him deeply and don't want to upset him for him and I want him to get better. But I am also worried about myself. Please, I'm desperate for any advice.
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