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  1. I feel alone and isolated with no-one who understands me. I feel like I'm invisible to my peers, family and society. Despite my best efforts, I am just overlooked and ignored. It's like my life is constantly passing by, yet I cannot seem to find a place to exist. I'm growing more and more cynical, uncomfortable and bitter as the months go by. I'm even struggling in me academic studies, something I should know and be good at. I don't think I'm a difficult person, yet more and more I find myself consumed by self-doubt. I can't help but feeling like it's all a figment of my imagination, that none of it is real. I often think of giving up, like admitting I'm his. I desperately try to change it, but it all feels too hard, too challenging. I really need someone to understand and appreciate me. What can I do? How can I make people take me seriously, and take me for who I am? * * * It sounds like you are feeling frustrated and overwhelmed at being dismissed. You may feel like no one really sees your struggles or what you're going through, even though you're trying your best to overcome them. The first step is to take a step back and acknowledge the feelings of invisibility and isolation that you are experiencing. It's important to give yourself permission to feel these emotions without judgment or expectations. Acknowledge that it is okay to feel this way. Take some time away to reflect on your feelings, and ask yourself: why do I feel invisible? What have been the triggers that cause me to feel this way? Once you have gained clarity on your emotions and thoughts, it is important to identify ways to cope. Self-care activities can help boost your mood and self-esteem. Create a list of positive self-talk statements that can help building your confidence levels. engage in hobbies that bring you joy and make you feel valued. Another way to gain visibility is to nurture relationships with family and friends. Spend quality time talking about matters that are meaningful for both parties. Ask for feedback and incorporate their advice into your decisions. Serving others will also help you gain visibility, so seek out volunteer opportunities or mentorship gigs that suit your values and interests. Remember to take things slow and steady. Change does not happen overnight and it doesn't matter if progress is gradual. Set one or two small, achievable goals each day and celebrate your wins. The process of becoming visible will become much quicker if you maintain a general sense of positivity and resilience.
  2. We can all relate to a situation in which our thoughts spiral quickly and uncontrollably, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and full of unhelpful emotion. From minor dilemmas, such as what outfit to wear to a date, to more complex issues, such as dealing with a job, our lives can be infiltrated by overthinking. Feeling powerless in the face of an internal barrage of questions or thoughts can lead to a sense of desperation, like you’ve fallen into a rabbit hole, where stepping back and viewing the situation objectively or moving forward seems nearly impossible. You may be asking yourself, ‘Am I trippin’?’ Relating to this situation, and having experienced it ourselves, we are here to offer our advice and provide hope that even the deepest and most difficult of thoughts can be gently slalomed through without needing to get stuck in the middle. To begin, it is important to understand why you’re overthinking in the first place. Questions of how to approach a problem often become suffocating when our initial reaction is to react at once. Our instinct is to immediately move into fight-or-flight mode, casting aside a more measured or logical response. Although this type of reaction is understandable and helpful in certain situations, it is often not the most helpful long-term approach to problem solving. When we are in fight-or-flight mode, we are essentially closing down our ability to think clearly because our autonomic nervous system has taken over, generated a quick response and hijacked the driving wheel from our conscious thought processes. When this happens, consider pausing, taking a step back, gathering your thoughts, calming down, and reorienting your attention towards the problem at hand in a more mindful state. Additionally, if we start ruminating for too long, our thoughts can become warped and convoluted, making it difficult to separate what requires action and what is unfounded doubt. In these occasions, it can help to separate fact from fiction by bringing other likeminded people into the conversation. Even though you may generate the same pattern of erroneous thoughts, talking over the situation with compassionate friends or professionals who are not caught up in the same immediate emotion or thought, can provide a more critical or impartial viewpoint. Once the issue has been clarified it can be easier to visualise a path out of the rabbit hole and back to a clearer mind. Try to make a plan step-by-step, breaking the situation down into achievable mini-goals that allow you to gain back some control, as there may be obstacles on the journey due to the complexity of the issue. This plan of action should also include obtaining appropriate support, whether it be professional, social, or familial. This external support can help condition the overthinking, providing a different opinion to yourself and an outlet for venting emotions. Reaching out to those who care can offer solace, allowing us to take the time needed to process ordinary and overwhelming thoughts alike. And it helps to remind yourself that being able to form thought and feeling around any situation is an opportunity to demonstrate strength in yourself – so try not to drown yourself in guilt for doing so. Finally, remember that it’s also important to nurture yourself- just as a garden needs tending to before its blooms, tend to yourself too. Ensure your needs are taken care of, in whatever form that may arrive, as it can be very easy to forget basic wants or needs while focusing on pressing issues. Give yourself the permission to do this; self-care can be a show of courage and compassion to yourself. Returning to the question, ‘Am I trippin’?’, the answer is no. Overthinking our emotions, decisions, and experiences can be an unavoidable stage during problem solving. With a bit of effort, though, we can come out of the rabbit hole feeling stronger and more content in the knowledge that we can and will survive those turbulent thoughts.
  3. In the psychological study of behavior, gaslighting is a term coined to describe an insidious form of manipulation used by someone in a position of power to distort one’s perception of reality. Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, whether it be with a parent, spouse, co-worker, boss, or even a friend. While this manipulation technique has been discussed in relation to abusive relationships, it can also happen on a much smaller and more subtle scale -- especially within ourselves. Self-gaslighting is when a person denies their own reality or version of events. This can include convincing oneself that something didn’t really happen, dismissing personal thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, and downplaying or outright denying personal successes. Often, those engaging in self-gaslighting have a tendency to adopt the perspective of someone else -- especially someone of whom they feel intimidated. Self-doubt and guilt often drive people to engage in self-gaslighting because truthfully facing our reality is a scary proposition. It’s important to note that engaging in self-gaslighting does not always mean that a person is consciously trying to distort their perception of reality. In fact, many people are completely unaware they are doing it, as it often happens subconsciously. That said, it’s still crucial to be aware of the signs and how to overcome them. First, those engaging in self-gaslighting need to cultivate a sense of self-compassion. When we practice self-compassion, we’re less inclined to dismiss or deny our own experiences. Instead, we learn to accept ourselves and become aware of negative thoughts and feelings without resisting them. This gives us a better understanding of our own reality, helping us recognize areas of our lives that need work and celebrating our successes in an appropriate manner. Building self-awareness is also key. Self-gaslighting thrives in environments with low self-esteem and emotional instability, so tuning into and validating our thoughts, feelings, and needs is fundamental. Becoming aware of our collective strengths and weaknesses, as well as what triggers us, will help us develop greater self-comfort and increased emotional resilience, enabling us to resist manipulation in both healthy and unhealthy relationships. It’s imperative to remember that our emotions and perspectives are valid. Self-gaslighting often stems from feelings of guilt and low self-worth. We must learn to trust our own instincts and remember that voicing our thoughts and feelings is valid, regardless of the context. Once we accept and trust ourselves, we can begin to identify unhealthy relationships and seek out support from friends, family, or professionals to advocate for ourselves and our truth. Gaslighting can be a difficult subject to tackle, no matter its severity or the person it's happening to. It’s so important to recognize the signs of self-gaslighting, as it can have dire consequences for our personal development and relationships if left unchecked. By practicing self-compassion, increasing our self-awareness, and always believing in our truest forms, we can make strides in overcoming self-gaslighting behaviors.
  4. LONG STORY! So I (23F) recently broke it off with my fiancé (27M) of 1.5 years. I am still trying to process how I feel about it; everyone in my life is glad that I ended it and I can clearly see times where I was wronged, and yet I can't help but feel lost and lonely. My ex was a good man, in that he was an independent and deep thinker, unique, very smart, and a "C" type personality.He was also religious and we had all the same values. I, on the other hand, am a very soft and emotional introverted girl. Throughout our relationship, there were a couple rough patches in which our chemistry and connection needed work: we would discuss that we needed to talk more, he would often make me feel bad for being quiet in new or uncomfortable situations (even though we are both listeners and equally to blame), and in general compare me to my more extroverted and lively family. As an insecure person, this made me slightly more insecure, but I plowed through, giving him my all and treating him with so much respect, love, spontaneous gifts, kisses, and what have you, and tried to change to become a better fiancee. He is basically an emotionless guy, his love for me was never expressed in words, but more so through his actions (taking me to dinner, paying for small items, listening to my problems) etc. Over time however, he got more stressed due to social problems from feeling neglected by friends. He also was worried that his chances of getting into med school were slim. When he finally got an interview, he only focused on the negative in that scenario and would self deprecate about himself being a loser and having no friends and that everyone else was rich and perfect etc etc. “I only got one interview, I’m such a failure” . I took on sort of a motherly role and helped him through these struggles which lasted months and are still going on. Over time though, he would take out his frustrations on me: I was never enough for him. My teeth were a major turn off and I needed to get them fixed, my photos weren't as attractive as the real thing "not all angles are worth sending"/ "maybe I just have a low libido", I wasn't fluent enough in his "comfort" home language although I expressed that I was trying to learn and that it would take lots of time. He hid the fact that I have hearing loss from his father for months, as though it was a taboo subject. When his family finally found out, he was so scared and nervous and started overreacting about the chance of my and his future children inheriting it (its just a moderate loss, nothing else). His father started poking fun at intermarriage and the issues it could cause (my parents are cousins, so I guess he was mocking that intermarriage was still in practice and thus I was a byproduct of such a catastrophe). My ex asked for my genetic tests repeatedly, wanting to see what genes I carried and what possible diseases I could pass on. When I was depleted and upset about this and withdrew, he got angry that I had ignored his calls and texts and told me that I needed to stop withdrawing from him anytime I was bothered. So small incidents like this were more commonplace, and it got to a point where every other week these same couple issues that I couldn't change were cropping up over and over again. I just forgave him every time because I loved him, but it chipped at my self esteem over time. A month ago, he wanted to take a break and said that he wanted to explore his options and that I was never engaging enough and that he was bored with me and that he wanted to find someone more clicking. I was of course destroyed. The next day he came back and apologized and said he was just feeling rejection from life and that we would try again. After this recent event, my anxiety was through the roof, i was crying more than I ever have in my life, and I had lost 20 pounds from all my stress. I wasn’t eating a thing! But this is when the relationship really went south and finally ended: What happened was that about three weeks ago he came over. We had a great time, played board games, even got intimate afterwards. The next night, over text just after a silly conversation, he tells me he’s too young and immature for a relationship. Out of the blue. I was like “What the hell..are you serious, you can’t just spring that on someone!” He said, “Yes, I can’t maintain a relationship and I don’t wanna get married for at least five more years” (we were engaged and I was discussing wedding plans for the following year). My heart was shattered, I tried to reason and he started self deprecating and saying that I deserved better and that he was narcissistic and a loser and that he wanted his freedoms: the freedom to do random things with his brothers or potentially move far away and not have to deal with all the crap life was throwing at him. Now I was plenty used to the self pity by this point, but the fact that he had blatantly told me that I deserved better and that he was narcissistic and young and immature and that he didn’t even have prospects and that he feels like an imposter in the relationship really hit the nail in the coffin for me. This was different. This looked to me like the absolute end. I was very upset. He asked me “Why are you sad?” I said “Basically you’re telling me you’re done.” He said “No, but now that you know what’s in my head you can make your own judgment. I went to bed. This was different than all the previous self deprecating night text convos, this one seemed for real, he mentioned that he wanted to reach success then pursue a relationship and that he didn't want to be with anyone. Then the next day I cried to my parents and they saw the texts with their own eyes: they were furious that he had done this. Hours later I texted a long and respectful breakup message through tears. He replied shortly with “No way, I never insinuated I wanted to split. You made it all about you when I was just self-deprecating the whole time. Have my actions never shown you I love you? Yeah I’m young and immature but I can still change, please, you just misunderstood me, you never get me the first time”. I was forced into an apology but before that, I exploded a bit and called him delusional and not normal. He love-bombed me and told me to please think about it and that it was all just some misunderstanding. He begged me to stay and told me he had problems but that he still loved me. The next morning he woke up MAD. He said, “You called me not normal yesterday, you and your mom and your whole family never think straight; why did you even drag your parents into this? I don’t want to deal with your behavior anymore. Think about what you’ve done.” I was flabbergasted. He then gave me the silent treatment for three days. I broke the silence after a day because it was childish to me and I wanted to just talk. He insulted me when I retracted my apology (for calling him delusional) because I realized I had been too kind and I wanted to stand up for myself. That is when he got very violent and abusive and called me very bad things and insulted my intelligence. I was rude, completely lost, beyond repair, and he felt indifferent towards me, saying that I was acting like a boss woman and that me calling him “toxic” was just me and my “stupid buzzwords from TikTok”. THIS is when I finally ended it for good. He immediately tried to switch back to the love bombing to bring me back, but that didn’t work. Then he tried to guilt me, saying, Just remember that you’re going to end a man’s entire engagement just over a few texts and stuff like that. Omg. Just a whirlwind. I can't help myself from going back over the old texts. I don't want to make excuses for him but I love him so much and I keep thinking to myself, maybe it was just self-deprecation, maybe he really does love me, maybe this really DID have nothing to do with me.. my heart and head are being pulled in opposite directions! And recently I heard from his younger brother that my ex is so butthurt over the whole thing and never truly wanted to leave me. I have no idea what to do. I just want to be able to sleep and eat again.
  5. Dear Reader, a little about your mind , a little about your thoughts is all you need to put yourself in a hole of never ending doubt. how it makes you feel less , how it makes you feel incomplete and how your mind rips the very chord out of you. self doubt ,suicide and dropping down to your own floor , never wanting to get up again. These are my demons , these thoughts holding me back theses dark days in a mind which is a dark sky that never seems to lighten up. How there would be a wish of just clearing it all, if it was only possible to turn a switch off in a mind strangling your very YOU and telling you how you will fail... This YOU is a mind of self doubt and restriction on possible freedom of becoming more but it makes you rip every happy , every luck and replace it with shroud and self conflict. How i would wish to find another to see thru this non stop darkness...
  6. Alrighty well quite a while ago I came on here and wrote a few poem-type things that were really happy and everything was going great. For some reason I've been having quite a few issues lately, not with anyone else really just within myself... I decided to write down how I feel so this is what I came up with. It was longer then I thought, but you never really know how these things will turn out... I appreciate any and all feedback, whether it be constructive criticism or just a reflection. Without further ado, here it is: Everyone else believes it. Everyone thinks they see. Everyone else believes it. Everyone else but not me. I stand on the stage of the world, And as the cutain rises I gasp. I reach for a spotlight to claim, But they all slip away from my grasp. I sit in the dark and I ponder, why somebody else stole the show. My mind starts to race and I curse at myself Why them and not me? I don't know. Perhaps it was flaws in my singing, a few little notes out of key. Perhaps I was just bad at dancing, and they were all laughing at me. I sit and I think and I question, too occupied to notice or realise That as I sit in darkness and question myself, Chances are passing before my eyes. Then I notice too late and the questioning stays A viscous cycle which seems without end. I sit and I wait and I think and I curse Not budging not willing to bend. I search inside for answers Ingnoring every kind-hearted hand. Inside I question if the moment in light is even worth starting to stand Because the moments I feel confident And rise to reach out for the light The times that I fail settle into my head and the failures just fill me with fright. My mind ignores the victories, the losses fill my heart I don't even stand as often stopping myself before I start. Every drip of self doubt is another piece of hay upon the pile on my back which broke along the way. Everyone calls out to me "Don't give up keep trying" 'What use is it?' I answer before breaking down and crying. They tell me all these stories all these things that I could do. They tell me tales of happy endings and how to make them come true. They try and try to show me but I still just cannot see. I sit alone in darkness and I cannot believe in me.
  7. I think there's a few of us here that do music; either write songs or play an instrument. I though I'd create this thread for us to share our ideas and encourage each other as most creatives are faced with self doubt quite often We can also exchange tips on various areas such as promotion, web links, putting a cd together, live gigs and the most dreaded of all: music software!! Please share
  8. One night about two months ago, I went to bed and I lay there and cried solidly for an hour. I felt so worthless I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I stayed up till four in the morning, talking to someone on eNA, trying to save my sanity. To this day I'm not sure if I succeeded. I wrote this to express how I felt that night. How do you explain to God, That I’m not the man you think I am? I'm not a piece of your masterplan. And if we all die in the end Then take me tonight I’ll just lie here Take me, I won’t fight. These days I only breathe in To scream it out I only believe in myself So I can self-doubt. And if we all leave in the end Then take me tonight I’ll just cry here And will the end with all my might. I don’t even know What it is I’m here for now This life is so meaningless, so cruel, so cold I’m losing a grip of what I used to hold. I’m a ship chained to the dock I once was the key that fit that lock I want to drift and slip beneath the waves In to the darkness, I’m what it craves. So won’t you take me tonight? Does the world even give a damn? I’m not the man you think I am.
  9. I at my age (yes 33) have developed an insecurity problem. I have anxiety issues that have caused me major setbacks in my life. I have these issues and yet I give people hypocritical advice on how to deal with such problems. Ever since then, the thought of worrying about what others think and say about me has plagued me for 5 years. I do not know where it has come from. I even have created self doubt in my abilities as a whole. Since these thindgs have occurred, I am unable to maintain or develop long lasting relationships with others. I feel tormented by others who choose to wickedly harass me everytime they see me at my school with vicious comments that effect my way of thinking and I have tried to handle the problem but with poor results. Sometimes I would react by lashing out, through violent attacks, crazy outbursts or approaching them unexpectantly by slapping them or making them shut up instantly. However, this approach does seem exhausting and childish. I need an effective way to handle the situation. I have not done anthing to harm these people or said anything to cause them to treat me this way before (except harming them or threatening in self defense)but after awhile it makes me wonder what did I do to deserve this? Have I trained or taught these people how to treat me? It has gotten to the point of avoiding others while also treating people badly to get rid of them with erractic behavior and lack of trust. I thought that God should fight your battles for you. I thought that by showing that you are unmoved by their taunts or comments that they would eventually become bored and give up altogether in behaving this way. Or am I living in a fantasy world? Could it be that others hate you tremendously because you choose to be different and you won't change for anyone? Or is it because deep down they are truly insecure themselves and are going along with everyone else's attitude to avoid being left out of the fun? I have tried to go to church for answers on how to be more calmed and less panicky on this and other things, but it is very hard to be dedicated to the lord when the devil (negative people) tries your faith and brings you down. What is the best approach to this situation? WHAT is the difference between assertive and aggressive? How can I overcome this dilemma? Am I mentally unstable and truly sick for feeling and thinking this way? I need your help. I am very optimistic, but I do not need this kind of stress hanging on my head when there more important matters to be concerned about. Please help free me from my emotional prison. This is what has caused me not to move on from anything I needed to be removed from. I know as a grown woman I should be passed from this, but it is a lot more deeper and harder for me to deal with. Thank you to all opinons and all thoughts are welcomed.....
  10. well for the longest time, i saw myself as a 1-woman man, i see myself as the devoted family man type, but due to recent events, i'm beginning to question/doubt myself.... i'm trying to take into consideration of some of the advices ive gotten so far, and perhaps inform my g/f of my doubts. we are 2000 miles apart, been a long distance relationship from the get-go (6 yrs), though we get along well and seem to be quite compatible, and it's always been the understanding that once i'm through with school we'd get married and live together. however, we've never honestly been TOGETHER up to this point. i've virtually enjoyed a true single guy's lifestyle without the "hindrances" that sometimes a significant other would cause. i do "crazy" boy stuff like spending my paychecks on my car and motorcycle, i go racing (both), i'm no stranger to last minute up-and-go roadtrips with buddies, and other little things from eating dinner at midnight to spending all day sitting around doing nothing, to having a messy pigstall of a room. i've basically been free to come and go as i please. and all the while i have been faithful to my lady, which haven't been an issue until recently. more and more of our friends are getting married, and as recently as last week with my sister's wedding, she has been talking more about "our future". we have talked about in some details in the past, and i've always looked forward to "it" -whatever "it" is. but in a recent conversation we had about living together, she said to me (verbatim) "you know your lifestyle will change greatly." at the time it didn't have much effect on me as i understand exactly what she meant. but more and more that phrase is running through my head the more and more "scared" now i'm becoming. and as i mentioned in the other post, she has had similar doubts about if we're staying together for the sake of it, because that's just what we've done and we haven't tried anything different. although she has since retracted her statement(s) but the fact that i know she has at one point questioned "us" doesn't calm my doubts either, however, i am in no way trying to "pin" this on her. she's always thought highly of me, she thinks that i'm the greatest, that i would be a great dad (despite some of our conflicting views/believes on various issues), and i don't know if it's just my guilty conscience, but it seems as though she's been praising me more and more this last couple weeks....how special i am, how much she loves me and how great i'll be and such. before i took those kind of comments as true compliments (as they are intended to be), but i'm beginning to feel pressure from them. i don't know/think that i can live up to her expectation, i fear i'm doomed to become a disappointment to her. i haven't done anything TOO regretable with this other girl (from the other thread) to consider myself as a cheater, dishonest perhaps. so i'm not only questioning the faithfulness aspect, i'm simply doubting myself as a whole, am i really a "family man"? i mean com'on, a girl that i barely know for 5 months can derail my thinking this easily, im a much weaker person than i could ever imagine. can i really sacrifice the lifestyle that i've become so accustomed to? not saying that married life is a prison, but let's admit it, it's a world of difference and sacrifice is inevitable. and most of all...how could i even begin to bring this up? esp. when she thinks that we've made up and everything is "dandy"? and i know for a fact that the slightest mention of what's going on in my mind will completely devastate her. i really am not sure if i should bring this up also because i'm not sure that i'm not going to be fine. i'm not sure either way, that's why i'm hesitant on even mentioning, hoping perhaps this is just a small bump that will work itself out (or i'll work myself out) and would become a non-issue and not worth bringing it in the open and cause head/heartache and pain from what could be a moot point. what do i do????
  11. Well, I'm not sure how to go about this. Literallly everyone has experienced what I'm about to write about so I hope at least someone can offer some helpful advice. I've come to the conclusion that if you can't stop thinking about someone (in a good way) then surely you must have feelings for them. If they are easy to talk to and are warm towards you then you build the confidence to share how you feel. There is someone who I think I have fallen for (I just cannot stop thinking about them) and although it felt artificial, I told them I fancied them by email. It was a very brief message (hi, it's me. It's past 1 o'clock. I think I fancy you, what do you think? Share this information and die). I don't like to be overtly sentimental so I tried to exercise the darker side of my sense of humour (I don't know why). I am now playing 'the waiting game' so to speak and waiting for some sort of response. I just wish there was an easy way to 'initiate' a relationship instead of going through the motions of exposing how you feel, waiting for a response, combating the feelings of awkwardness and low self esteem, thinking of what others will think... I just get so excited at the thought of being with them. I'm sure people can relate to that? You meet someone and you just feel so happy. I might be utterly alone in saying this but I have a tendency to create my own reality where I imagine what it would be like to be with someone and I just dwell on it so much that I think everything is possible. That is what gave me the confidence to share how I felt in such a low-key fashion. It's a bit hard to explain. How does everyone here ease (or rush) or flow into a relationship? How do you help the friendship morph into what you desire - something more. I am female and considering that maybe some guys would find it too brash for the girl to make the first move. The more I think about that though the more I find it to be bull * * * *. I feel something and want make it into a reality and not something that 'could have been'. That shouldn't be gender-orientated. Sorry, I have blabbed. Sometimes I feel so different from people and thereforeeee unable to initiate things like relationships without the rush of imaginative excitement, the fear, the self-doubt and thinking I'm an idiot who should have kept quiet. Whoa! Too many words. I'd really like some responses though, cheers.
  12. Hey everyone ok a bit of background first i am a rugby league player, i am very passionant about it, as in i dont think anything is better then it. any way i havent been able to play for the last 2 years because i had my knee reconstruction. and because of this i missed my chance to trial for some representative teams. my dream, and i havent told anyone this , is to make it professional. people are always putting me down saying im not good enough. anyway so im finally back to playing, i found a new team and was hoping for a new start (i trained on tuesday), new shot at reps. my mate who does play reps plays with a guy who watched me train, anyway it got back to me that he said i wont have a chance of even making that team (which is local). and that kinda hurt, i dont know why, and for the first time in my life i began to doubt myself. now im thinking of giving up. if that many people tell me im not good enough , it must be true. so im obviously finding a new club but i have lost all confidence in myself. normally id get inspiration from this quote "it is better to try and fail, then not to know at all". and i believed that once. i guess what im asking is, should i give up, i know its not the end of the world, but it hurts to have something you want soo badly ripped away from you. what do you all think i should do anyway.
  13. I have a tendency to overreact to things... i.e. tend to extremes. Something minor will happen but I'll often blow it out of proportion. Another poster here said that to be more confident in myself I have to learn to make the right decisions, and I'll eventually learn to be less paralyzed. But I still tend to seek advice a lot. I guess how do I know when I am making the 'right' decision, and I'm not being too dramatic/tending to extremes about it? How can you develop that confidence? I always doubt myself so I'm not really sure... I'ev never really possessed that confidence I guess.
  14. hey people, i am in my teen years, but i am mature and have had sexual intercourse and things related to this. it is all good and well but i am disabled and in a wheelchair. i have a problem called Athrogryposis this means (muscel disformatey) my boyfriend enjoys sex with me but i am starting to feel really down about it all, because he would like to explore new things and i would too, but things tend to go wrong a lot and thereforeeee kills the moment completley. and this is getting me depressed and loss of all self confidence, like when we have sex missionary everything is good and goes well but, on valentines day i went to his and his parents went out and he was kissing me on the couch and asked me up to his room so, yer we went to his room but obviously i cant just run up the stairs, i have to go hands and knees, and he was like removing my clothes ect... but it took a few mins to get up the stairs which made me feel worse, then when we got in his room i sat on his bed with him and it kicked off from there, he wanted me to strip but i can't do tht well so we agreed to make it fun and do each other so he took off my remainin layers, and i atempted to make me takin his off 'fun' if you could call it that, i can't really use my arms and shoulders so everything i done went wrong. he didn't mind but i did, i felt useless and horrible. he then wanted to change position while havin sex and that was a mess too, he ses he dont mind but i cnt take how usless and crap i feel, please help me feel better i'm crying out for help here, i feel sick when i look in the mirror i hate the way i am, how can he love me??? i can't do nothing proper/sexi/good x x
  15. Two hours ago, I was smiling. Two hours ago I felt a glimmer of confidence. Two hours ago I had an open compassionate conversation with the former.. We miss eachother. We do have love for eachother. We both, are having a hard time being apart, and understanding it fully. We plan on seeing eachother this week, and are really looking forward to it. So why is it, two hours later, I lay on the couch, and cry? We understand eachother. We care so much for eachother yet we are parting ways. I am filled with feelings of self doubt. I lay here, and wonder what it is, that makes me inferior. Why am I not good enough? I know I am far from perfect, but my love has always been true and unconditional with only pure intentions. I would do anything, to keep her smiling. She's not perfect either, but the way she's made, makes me so sure that she's perfect for me. How does it happen. It seems like yesterday, we were so excited to be around eachother. NOTHING else mattered. Through troubling times, at the end of the day, we had eachother. So I'm supposed to learn something from this.. but I cant find the lesson. The only thing that sticks out at the moment, is to not allow myself to be vulnerable. To always keep my guard up. And I know, that is wrong. So what then? Do I need to seek some sort of definate answer? An answer of some sort that maybe im not prepared to hear? We dont want to lose eachother for good. And that I guess, brings me a little peace. But will not being eachothers all, not being partners.. ever be enough? I miss her so much. I miss the person I was, when we were right. Im a stranger to myself.
  16. Ok. I sort of diagnosed myself with narcissism after reading some of the 'malignant self love' exerts on this site. I just want to know really the experiences of any other sufferers on this site because I don't know much about it........I mean..Is there any kind of cure?? I get the feeling that its not really possible to change yourself so much that you are no longer narcissistic...but i just dont know. If anyone had any ideas I would try them because i'm really sick of being like this and I feel that narcissism has taken a lot of the good things out of my life. On the other hand i get an overwhelming feeling that i can't change myself that much. Some of my symptoms, as i percieve them anyway, are a desire to be cynical and creul in conversation,massive illusions of intellectual superiority, social withdrawl, hateful to parents, a desire to cut ties with people(even good friends) and self doubt. I dont know what to expect really but any help would be appreciated. thanks.
  17. I am a very insecure person. My self-image collapses daily. There need be only a small external stimuli, say a negative comment, and I will spend the rest of the week inside my head filled with shame/guilt. Or I would, but inside one day there are many shame triggers so my mind will stop obsessing about one failure only when a new humiliation appears. The pain and anxiety is effectively multiplied if a similar negative comment has been made in the past - anything can trigger my old hurts. I have started to seriously consider suicide as an option, because my daily life has become so unbearable. I go to counseling, but it's redeeming effects only last for a small time before a new incident throws me back to rolling on shame and self-doubt. To make matters worse I hate myself for being so insecure, which in turn doesn't do any good to my self-esteem. Is there a way to stop self-doubt and build self-esteem in a way that lasts?
  18. wow...i havent been on here in months. Can't say that things have gotten much better or worse. Some of you might remember me and my situation. Well, my ex and I broke up after 2.5 years...it was ugly...i crushed on a guy at work...we eventually hooked up. Wow that was a long drawn out story...nothing happened there. It was fun...I was just soo freaked out. I've never had that big a crush on someone and actually hooked up with them. I think I've completely scared him off. I still see him round, but now it's real casual and I'm pretty sure he's dating this chick. I found out recently that my ex that I was with for 2.5 years is engaged to a girl who is 19 he is 24. They have been together for like 5 months. I don't get it...he really must be crazy. I seriously think the guy needs therapy. He has never NOT had a girlfriend. I'm still single. Some days I'm cool with it, some days I wish I had someone to cuddle up next to. The fact that my ex is getting married doesnt bug me much at all. The fact that he is jumping into something so soon with someone so young only proves my point. The guy aint the brightest crayon in the box, but who knows maybe THIS TIME it will be different. Just like his ex of 5 years before me thought when we hooked up. She and I are good friends now. It's really crazy. So...I guess I'm not looking for advice really. I'm doing OK. I'm really focusing on school. Somedays I feel like the world is out to get me other days I feel like the world is one big adventure. I can't complain...i think about all those poor people down south and I realize how good I've got it. I guess I'd take some words of encouragement if anyone's got any. I'd like to fall in love again...I'd like to open myself up to that energy...I need to let go of a lot of self doubt and self hatred. Somedays I think I'm crap. I dunno...I'm just livin'
  19. I guess this will be my online journal of sorts. Finally got some sleep last night and actually slept well. Woke up feeling pretty good this morning, but the more I think about it the more my mood starts to sink. At least I have had some rest and feel stronger about myself today. Yesterday was massive self-doubt and why? So ok the self doubt is still there to a point, and why, while still there isn't quite as strong as it was. I can analyse this to death but I have to take her for her word as to why she broke it off. The reasons many of you have given me do make some sense. I am not going to contact her. I don't know when I will. I think I will get an email from her in the next couple of weeks to see how I am doing. I do miss her very much. I miss talking on the phone, I miss her laugh, I miss everything about her. In my heart of hearts I would like to think that given time we can start this over and using some of the advice given here, see if she responds differently. Intellectually though, all I see is a woman who has made up her mind and is gone. Does the fact that she "cares about me deeply" and is "everything I am looking" help even though there is "something missing" give me a chance? I could use all the help I can get folks. Your feedback yesterday was very much appreciated. I never thought I'd come to a site like this to pour out my soul to anonymous people. I'm not sure I would have done as well if I hadn't. My friends while supportive are in different parts of the country or have families and their own problems so it's hard to dump on them. I'm somebody though that needs people around me when I'm hurting. Loneliness right now is difficult. I had my daughter with me last night and I didn't want to take her back to her mom's at the usual time. Just having her around to occupy my mind until I was tired enough to go to bed really helped. Anyway, I think I'll be here for awhile until I can get a grip on my emotions. I've been through a lot the last 5 years with my health, divorce, job loss, and now this and it really wears on a person. I'm not as strong as I used to be and each time I go through something like this it seems to just get more difficult. I know I shouldn't have put all of my eggs into her basket so to speak, but the way we met, the way we hit it off, the way it went until I said the "L" word all pointed in one direction to me, and it's difficult to accept that it's over. Part of me, once my head is clear and I can approach this with some distance would like to use some of the techniques proposed by Beec in the PM he sent me to try and see if I can restart this. I know you are looking at this from afar probably thinking what a waste of time, and it probably is, but I would kind of like one last shot. Maybe I need to accept that what we had and what she wanted was just a nice relaxed, uncomplicated relationship. It wouldn't be the first time somebody has wanted me just for the physical part of the relationship. To the gal who thought that maybe I wasn't that attractive, YOU ARE WRONG about that! OK, so I got this mornings short story out of my system. Any and all thoughts and feed back really are welcome and appreciated.
  20. I work six days a week nine hours a day, i come home relax sleep and continue on. I just lost my girl of two years and am in debt seven grand, my dads really sick and my mother takes care of him so neither of my parents work, it's me who pays the rent, i just turned twenty by the way. My ex called me a couple weeks after we broke to tell about our child she aborted, (without telling me of course) and is annoying the hell outta me. I think of all this day in and day out, but i still have aspirations, i want to achieve things and i'm in the midst of it but i sometimes feel unsure, or self doubt, like i wanna do something but i'll think "naw i won't work out or what if i screw up" and it ends up happening, i screw up, so what causes this self doubt, why are people and myself so unsure of things? Is it my situation or lack of something or is it depression?
  21. What is it that causes a person to doubt themselves. why is it I doubt myself from succeeding in just about everything, I try hard to discipline myself to work hard, do school, stay physically and mentally strong, and move forward in life but i keep making the same mistakes and I keep falling behind in everything, if it's work or school which i have'nt finished or debt and especially relationships, i feel to insecure to get involved because i keep screwing up. So how do i overcome my own self doubt, and what causes it, any relation would be nice, I don't wanna feel like i'm the only one going through this cause i know i'm not.
  22. I am about as frustrated as it gets right now. Why? Because of a girl. A girl who i like so bad much it hurts, and yet a cant have her. It not that i cant, but its that i think i cant. I dont know if she really likes me beyond friendship, or if the line is drawn at "a good friend." She is sending me signals that she wants me to take the initiative and ask her out, but i have no confidence in my signal reading ability. Also, I absolutly love having her as an ally in this ***ed up world and dont want to loose her by asking her out. On top of it all, she is friking beautiful, and everytime i see her i think more so. She kills me with her eyes, but i just tough it out so she doens't think i am interested. I cannot stop thinking about her for more than 5 minutes strait unless i am doing somthing extreamly physical. The frustration comes from me wanting her as a friend, and a girlfiend. I sense her frustration as well when i talk to her because i will not take the initiative and tell her what i think of her. I think she know but the longer i go without telling her the more she probobly doubts herself. I want her so bad, and there is yet another thing stoping me, above all, her brother is my best friend. He has said previusly that he wouldnt mind, without me even asking if he minded, but in my eyes there is no way i can keep this friendship strong if i am seeing his sister. I have utmost respect for her borther though, so i think this situation is pretty much ***ed as it gets. For christs sakes, i dont even want another girlfriend, because i dont think i can care this much about anyone else. i cant forget her. what should i do...
  23. Hi everyone: I hope folks can help me with your input and suggestions. I was dating this guy for about a week and the first date was just absolute fun! I now know that CommitmentPhobe (CP) was written all over our date from his side. Well anyway -- in keeping with his CP characteristics, suddenly in our subsequent phone conversations, I sensed a holding back - I felt a "friend" vibe of sorts - mixed signals coz he would still say the things to make me feel "special." No kissing or sex happened - just good conversation and seeming "connections." In subsequent conversations, he had invited me to a performance he was doing in a local bar in town, he wasnt sure about the time and said he would get back to me. Well the day he would have gotten back to me was the day I got the "friend" vibe over the phone. Anyway - we finally saw each other earlier this week and of course in keeping with the mixed signals CPs give, he was very "friend-ly" in tone during our get together but would do these little affectionate non-verbal touching while we were listening to a lecture at a bookstore...it felt really good. I also had given him a card that evening, non threatening -- very supportive regarding his decision to pursue his music career, a new place, new job wishing him luck with all of it. he again asked me if i was going to his performance next week and i said yes, well what are the details? what time -- i knew where it was going to be. i found it odd that he said "i dont know" and didnt go any further (thinking back now, maybe he was trying to see if i was going but secretely hoping i wouldnt for whatever reason.) that night, he also invited me to an event the next day and said he would work out the details with me when he got them. i agree to go with him. anyway -- when he walked me back to my car, I decided that evening that before I left, I would kiss him. we said our goodbyes and he was really nice and when he hugged me -- i laid a smacker on him ---- i think he was really shocked - the kiss lasted for maybe 5 seconds and he was unresponsive and then was and then pulled back maybe abruptly? he didnt say anything about it - just mumbled about having a good night , blah, blah and i left...i had an odd feeling about it more than ecstasy...felt like i has kissed a young, inexperienced boy (but he isnt) so anyway --- i wait the next day for the call about the event at night he originally invited me to...no call. i was sad of course that evening and was so tempted to call him but i stood firm -- he invited me -- he should call...its been the 3rd day since our last meeting and he hasnt called. so in effect, he stood me up right? and on a larger level -- do you think that he's made the big CP leap and ended things? that's where i need input-- 1) Should I just let go already? I havent called him or anything -- I dont like the idea that I was stood up. 2) One camp of friends I have say that he probably was shocked by the kiss and in CP mode, stepped back by flaking. So, do I initiate a phone call to see what happened? Or would that just make me look desperate? 3) My other camp of friends say -- he is trouble and to just let things stand as they are -- stop any kind of contact. Basically he's a jerk. 4) Now about his performance in a couple of days -- I had already told him that I was going and even in that card I gave wished him well for that evening. I dont know why I feel this need to go considering the circumstances- here I am saying good luck for all these new things happening in his life then I promised to be there for an important event in a card and then not showing up. It's kinda like proving the idea that I wasnt reliable after all in his mind...and I kinda wanna show him that I am but then again I dont want to look like a doormat. Geez, I really hate the confusion CP's do to one's psyche. I think maybe for me to go to the performance is to get somekind of closure from him -- It's really difficult for me to process this whole thing --- honestly, I would rather be dumped outright then having this non-closure or non-knowledge of what went wrong. Then again - there's the possibility that he might just outright ignore me when I go to the performance or worse yet -- be all over a girl in front of me -- I dont know. Self doubt, self doubt, self doubt. I so totally want to call him but wont. What do folks out there think? How do you deal when a CP leaves you with no closure and disappears into the night? Also, I was curious -- how do you talk or interact with a CP who leaves you no closure and disappears but you have to see them again. I know that he will be at a couple of events that I have to attend relating to my sister (they're friends-not close but part of the same circle) in the next couple of weeks. Do I ignore him? Say Hi? Wait for him to say Hi if he does? If folks can provide some encouraging affirmations I could say in my head while he's circulating the room - that would be great. I'll just be dying inside I know when I see him again. but thanks all - just getting all of this down on a post has made me feel much better - kinda takes away the power of his abandonment.
  24. Allright here it goes im really starting to doubt myself here i usually am an extremely shy guy but recently started asking people out that I enjoy being around but within the past 4 days ive been rejected like 6 times three times by the same girl but i really enjoy this girls company and im not quite sure she is just lettin me down easy or telling the truth because she doesnt want to hurt me or she really had stuff to do because everytime i ask her the next day something always comes up and i told her that if she doesnt wanna hang out just to let me know so i stop asking and she says we will but again im almost postive its gonna be put off any advice from poeple out there cause i have know idea what to do
  25. I have told you guys that i had broken up with my girlfriend but i have neva explained the reasons and i need your input. From the start things were perfect..as with every relationship. after the first few weeks she just really turn me way off with what she used to say like: i know guys who could do it all night, this guy this, this guy that, calling me insecure and saying that i doubt myself (by the same person trying to make me jealous and insecure), and joking or not said things pertaining to getting with my best friend and roomate. I don't know her thought process behind these statements but more than hurt me, they made me look at her in a bad way....these were whorish comments...and yes i liked her but deep down i would neva wanna be with this person, she said i'm too sensitive, i don't think so. Don't let me say something though or she gets sad and i get guilty thinking i hurt her, but why should i care about how she feels. Telling me this about all these other guys trying to threaten only made me not want to call her, ask to see or go out with her, it just turned me off to her no matter looks. I neva would throw other women in her face, because then its like well why are you with me? And i hear all this garbage and she approached me to get to know me, which is rare for guys. People all i want to know is, what the hell could she have thought she was accomplishing trying to get with me and bring me down as well?
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