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About Me

  1. Over the past six months, my wife has lost a friendship, our house of worship, is estranged from one of our kids and is barely talking to the other. The two kids aren't talking to each other either. Now she's in the hospital having just had brain surgery and she tells me that she doesn't want to go on. Dizzy all the time from the surgery. Also tells me that I'm not there for her, that I just don't have it in me. Right now it's just awful being me. Thanks for listening.
  2. Swallowing anything before a procedure, especially a surgical one, can not only be both dangerous and irresponsible, but it could result in hormonal issues that are difficult to predict – and even harder to solve. A variety of medications, supplements, and foods can have unexpected impacts on the balance of hormones once they get into the bloodstream. Before exploring the risks associated with swallowing before a pre-op, it's important to break down what hormones are, and why they are such a critical factor in so many average people's lives. Hormones are chemical messengers of the human body. The purpose of hormones is to send messages between cells, organs, and tissues. Depending on the type of hormone, it will either tell a cell or organ to start or stop a certain activity. The body relies heavily on the delicate balance of hormones; too much or too little of any one hormone (known as hormone imbalance) can cause serious issues with physical and mental health. For those considering surgery, it's important to ask your surgeon about food, drinks, supplements, and medications that should be avoided pre-op. It's also advisable to avoid drinking alcohol the night before and taking any kind of antihistamines. If you are uncomfortable asking these questions, you should make sure to speak to your primary care physician first. One of the more common medications that has shown to cause a hormonal imbalance when swallowed before a pre-op is oral birth control. Taking this hormone-altering medication before surgery can cause an unexpected shifts in hormones, depending on the patients’ particular body chemistry. Symptoms of a hormonal imbalance caused by this can include extreme fatigue, disturbances in sleep, mood swings, and changes in appetite. Unfortunately, treating these symptoms with medication after the fact can often be a try and error process. Plus, with regards to surgery and medications, the goal is always to lessen the amount that the patient has to take prior to their procedure. An experienced surgeon will speak with their patient to determine what medications must be taken before an operation and if necessary, suggest alternative methods. It's also important to remember that oral supplements can do just as much damage as an entire bottle of pills. Many treatments which happen orally – such as herbs, oregano or cinnamon, for example – can disrupt the natural balance of hormones once they've made their way into the bloodstream. Oftentimes, this can means lost energy, out of sync menses, and extended PMS, making it difficult to go through the day-to-day grind until the issue corrects itself. The best option is to proceed with caution when deciding what to swallow before a pre-op. It's always a good idea to consult a medical professional, shake up your diet a bit, and be mindful of drugs, supplements, and vitamin intakes.
  3. I am a C-cup, and none of my boyfriends have ever complained about my breast size, but recently, my boyfriend has started to mention sometimes that he finds larger breasts attractive. Sometimes when I look on my computer's browser history, I see porno websites dedicated to huge breasts that he has been visiting. I don't mind him looking at porn, but lately it seems that he has been less and less satisfied with my breasts. He has even asked if I would consider taking some kind of pill to increase my bust, although I told him that I doubted that those "supplements" even work. Then I found information in the mail about breast augmentation surgery that he had requested in my name! I have never told him to change any physical feature about himself, nor have I ever expressed dissatisfaction over any of his attributes. I love him very much, but this is worrisome. Is it my responsibility to try to satisfy these urges? Should I look into any of these breast enlargement things? Is a c-cup really too small? My friends have told me that my breasts are large enough, and I get attention for them all the time now. Am I wrong?
  4. I don't even know if it exists but I would imagine it does somewhere! I tried searching for it but I can't find it...if anyone knows any sites where I can ask someone in the medical field I woudl greatly appretiate it! Incase anyone here knows....I am looking for a tube or something that could be inserted into the uretheral opening (female) to direct urine away from a certain area. (recently had surgery). ANYTHING would help! In much pain even with pain killers!!
  5. I found this REALLY good article and wanted to share. ---------------------------------- You Are What You Think - The Power of Positive Thoughts Marty Varnadoe Dow, LCSW “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 Thought has been the subject of many wonderful books. My earliest exposure to the power of thought was through James Allen's book, As a Man Thinketh. In this little book the author reveals how your thoughts create harmony or chaos in every aspect of life. Thoughts affect us in a number of ways. Thoughts are a vital tool in creating the reality we experience. They create our emotional states. They affect our bodies and, thereforeeee, our health. Thoughts influence our responses to life and our relationships. Thoughts determine our choices. Take a moment to write down three thoughts you have had today. Do not make this too complicated. Simply write down three thoughts you have had in the last 24 hours. Any three thoughts will do. Please do this before you read the next section. It will help you to apply those ideas to your life. Record these thoughts in your journal. Categories of Thoughts Thoughts can be divided into three broad categories: what I want, or positive thoughts; what I can do, or action thoughts; what I don't want, or worry thoughts. Most thought is about the future or the past. Very few of us are able to stay centered in the present moment. For the sake of clarity, let us assume I have an upcoming surgery that is occupying most of my thoughts. If I am thinking about how fortunate I am to have an excellent surgeon, I am thinking positive thoughts. If I am thinking about the activities I need to do to prepare for the surgery, I am thinking action thoughts. If I am thinking about what can go wrong in surgery, I am thinking worry thoughts. Worry Thoughts If you were surprised to find most of your thoughts were worry thoughts, you are not alone. Most people are not aware of their thoughts. They go through the day with uncensored mental programming playing in the background of their minds. They experience feelings and reactions that they do not understand. They believe their emotions and thoughts are something that happens to them; something over which they have little or no control. Many people feel it is their duty to worry. They adamantly defend their worry thoughts. They believe that if they do not worry they have not done all they could to prevent something negative from happening. These people resist positive thoughts because they see no value in them. In their mind thoughts cannot affect the outcome of a situation, so why waste time thinking positive. It is almost as if the negative thoughts are preparing them for the worst possible scenario. For most worry thinkers, such mental activity is learned behavior based on faulty information about the power of thoughts. Let us examine some of the premises upon which worry thinking is based. Note which of the statements listed below seem true to you. These may be some of the beliefs out of which your worry thinking has developed. My thoughts are a reflection of who I am. I cannot control them, they simply happen to me. You are not your thoughts. Thoughts are an activity of your mind. You have the right and the responsibility to choose your thoughts. Your thoughts are based on the things you believe about the world. They are a perfect reflection of your core beliefs, not your True Identity. At some point in your life you accepted certain belief systems out of which your thoughts are formed. You can change your beliefs and your thoughts. Many of my thoughts are unconscious; thereforeeee, I can not know what they are. Thoughts are readily available in your mind. You may not easily see them because you do not consciously listen to your thoughts. You allow them to play repetitively in the background of your mind. When you focus your awareness on your thoughts you will be amazed at what you spend your time thinking. My thoughts have no effect on my emotions or the events of my life. Emotion follows thought. If you are thinking positive thoughts you will feel hopeful and uplifted. Worry thoughts create fear and anxiety. Worry thoughts inhibit the flow of energy blocking you from taking action in your life. Positive thoughts stimulate activity, assisting you in transforming your life. Worry thoughts keep you from seeing options, blinding you to possible solutions to your problems. Positive thought relaxes your thinking processes allowing you to see new ideas and recognize opportunities. The fear and anxiety caused by worry thoughts will flow into your personal relationships, creating discord and conflict. The joy caused by positive thinking will improve every aspect of your life. Positive thought enhances the body's immune system, while worry thoughts inhibit the body's natural healing response. If I do not worry, I have not done all I can to prevent disaster from happening in my life. As I mentioned earlier, worry thoughts inhibit action. Action thoughts are fundamental to preventing disaster. When you have taken all the action there is to do, thinking positive thoughts is the most productive action you can take. There is no positive benefit to worrying. If I spend all my time thinking positive thoughts and disaster comes anyway, I would have wasted my time. I believe faith and positive thought create positive events in your life; but, even if that were not true, thinking positive thoughts has tremendous benefits for you. Positive thoughts create healing, produce enjoyable emotions, and reduce the stress in your life. Positive thought stimulates you to look for solutions to your situation and increases the energy you have to take action. Positive thought makes the journey worthwhile no matter what the outcome. Someone once asked Patricia Sun, a spiritual teacher, what would happen when she died and found out she was wrong about the philosophy of joy she was teaching. Patricia laughed and said, “You mean what would I do if I discovered I had been having all this fun for nothing?” I am sure you can see the absurdity of the question! If I don't worry, I won't be prepared for the worst possible scenario. If the worst possible scenario does happen, you will have plenty of time to be upset when it arrives. Spending months in anxiety does not prepare you for anything. You can not pre-experience emotions caused by a disaster. Worrying ahead of time will simply weaken you, limiting your natural ability to cope with crisis or loss. Thoughts As A Tool of Creation If you want to learn to soar above every situation in your life, you must learn to use your thoughts to create the reality of your choice. Earlier we discussed the way thought affects our emotions, responses, and our ability to see options and take actions. Thoughts, combined with emotion, create specific outcomes in your life. You can use thoughts to create the events in your life and not simply to affect how you respond to events life brings to you. Thoughts combined with emotion are fundamental to creation. When people first learn about the power of thought, they fear every passing thought. It is not random thoughts which create your reality; it is those thoughts you predominately have which produce such a powerful effect in your life. Creating reality with thought is similar to the process of hypnosis. You must focus all of your attention on the thoughts of what you want to create. Combined with an intense feeling, your thought goes forth to produce what you desire.
  6. If you've had it are you happy with the results? Was it worth it? I have contacts and hate them, I really want to get it done, even though it's really expensive.
  7. Hi guys Warning: This is a Rant and I'm just writing down everything without actually processing what I'm writing. So here goes: I am very very miserable right now in my life. I am currently a college student and life seems downhill and I seem to be waiting for my life to end. Why? I don't know. But Here are a few things that frustrate me and have been frustrating me: 1. My boyfriend dumped me in June 2006 and I still think of him even though I immediately started no contact when he dumped me and he was a jerk and a cheater but I already mentioned that in a past post. 2. Any guy that shows interest in me seems to lose interest as soon as they start to attempt to get to know me. It must be because of my shyness and their lack of patience in actually taking the time to wait until the other person feels comfortable enough to open up. Oh well...too bad for me. 3. I am a broke joke. I have no money to do certain things. One of the things that I have been waiting to do is get my chemical peel on my face (as recommended by dermatologist) because I suffer from hyperpigmentation and I get acne scars from all of my acne...so you could imagine all the dark spots on my disgusting face. My parents don't help either because they're always criticizing me for it but as stated by my dermatologist, my acne is genetic....so that frustrates me even further. Well, the insurance doesn't cover the chemical peel so I have to wait until I or my parents have money...(I'm planning on using my income tax to do this) So yes...finally...but I'm honestly tired of waiting. Because of my acne problem, I tend to look down a lot because I guess I'm mentally trying to hide my face (even though it doesn't really work). I also have acne on my back and acne scars and I can't wear spaghetti straps or any clothes that is revealing because it would be disgusting to even see my acne. 4. I am also waiting to have a reduction mammaplasty. I just finished my physical therapy sessions and now my physical therapist has sent me to get an Xray and an MRI done so I am taking all of the steps needed to have the insurance approve my surgery. The reason why I am having my surgery is because I actually do have back pains because of the size of my breasts so it causes me to hunch over. I am also not comfortable by the physical appearance of my chest so I try to hide it by wearing loose fitting clothing. So here I am waiting. Waiting to have my miserable surgery. 5. I have gained weight..not too much...just about 15 pounds a while ago but I am a petite girl so it is quite obvious. I started going to the gym this semester but after a stressful situation with my previous roommates and my appointments with the physical therapist, I have stopped going. Now that I'm done, I haven't been able to force myself to go back to the gym...and I actually did start feeling really good when I was going. I guess the reason why I haven't been back is because I know that since I haven't been there in such a long time, it will be harder and I won't be able to workout as easily and as long as I used to. 6. I have slight orthodontal relapse that bothers me and that I see as temporary ( A small gap in between my two front teeth). I had braces when I was younger but due to my tongue thrusting, this gap formed. I went back to my orthodontist and he gave me a video that would correct my tongue thrusting and I haven't been doing the exercises. It is supposed to work in 3 months. I am a lazy, pathetic person. 7. I can't wear revealing bathing suits (if I ever did decide to go to the beach) because I have stretch marks. Yes..I have stretch marks and it's genetic and its simply that the dermis is stretched and if the elasticity (caused by collagenous and elastic fibers in the skin) is not sufficient then you will end up with these nasty scars. I got mine during puberty. Lucky me. So it's not like it's disgusting to have stretch marks...they're simply scars. That's it. Well, I guess that's it. That's the temporary end of my rant. I've revealed everything but who cares. Like I said before, I've grown tired of life and I really feel like I should just sit here and wait for it to be over. I'm miserable and I feel hopeless. Thanks for listening.
  8. I need to know ... Has anyone ever had a fibroid removed from inside their uterus? Has anyone been pregnant while in the process of preparing before such surgery as removal of fibroids? Has anyone had their uterus removed and what happened afterwards once the procedure was done?
  9. I know that I have posted on here how DH has been good to me but, I must confess that I was stretching the truth a little bit. Heres grits of it all: It all started on 12/29/2006 We had tickets to Vegas to party out there for the new year. My brother also was going with us. DH promised me that he would be on his best behavior b/c he has a habit of getting obnoxious. Since the weather was bad we rented a car and drove through the the 12 hr drive. My DH and brother partied in the back of the luxurey rental car. I was DD. I didnt mind. We made it into Vegas around midnight. The 2 boys wanted to party some more but I was road worn and stayed in. DH came in drunk around 5am. He wanted some action. I was tired, to tired to just say no so I gave in. We went into CA to see my hometown. I drove there and back b/c the boys were partying in the car. DH was so obnoxious to me and my brother. I had to basically tell him off like a child to quiet down. Nothing would shut him up, he just kept on like none of us mattered and he was going "balls to the walls" in partying. We got back to Vegas arounds midnight and the boys wanted to party. Again I was DD so I was tired and stayed in. New Years eve I was ready to have some fun but had some reservations about it due to DH's behavior on the proir days. We went to this club in Ceasar's Palace. DH was being a jerk. I told him that I was going to use the ladies room and would be back. I set my jacket and wallet down right next to me and before I finished drying my hands my wallet,ID, check card and money was stolen!! I ran back to the club and was not allowed in due to no ID. I asked the security to go get DH and I told him what happened. We cancelled the check card immediately and let the cash go. DH had an expired ID of mine in his wallet. During this time DH was being a total jerk to me. I did not want to go back into the club so I asked DH to get my brother and lets get some alcohol and walk the strip until midnight, it was 10pm by then. I told DH I would go back into the bathroom and ask the bathroom attendance if they found my wallet and I would wait outside the club for them. DH went back in. NOW REMEMBER he had the expired ID of me in his wallet. I waited til 1130pm. He never came back out. At 1130 I went to the cab line and the only thing on me was my room key and $10. I got a cab and was in my room by 1145. DH called me around 3am and told me how much fun he was having, I hung up on him. At 6am DH came rolling in and started yelling at me that I took off on him and that I probabley left with some guy. Needless to say I called my brother and chewed him out, he told me that DH said that I didnt want to party so I was back at the room and not to worry. He said he was sorry had he known he would've ditched DH and came and got me. So I drove us back home. On 1/8/2007 I had a surgery. During this time DH had to take some work off and take care of me, his dad (alzheimers) the kids and the house (welcome to my world). He was so mean to me. He was short tempered and would ignore me. I was literally helpless. I needed help to do anything. Yes he would help me but he did it the worst attitude. He made fun of me. During this time it was both SD's b-days(2 days apart) he would drag me out of bed to participate for their Bdays. This happened 3 days after my abdominal surgery. NOt very fun!! About 1week ago was the first time I got out of the house and was in public. We hooked up with my brother for a couple of cocktails. around 11pm I was worn out and went home DH decided to go back out and party some more. I got a call from my brother and he told me that DH had taken some of my prescribed narcotics( i'm talking like morphine based drugs) and was partying with them and so he kicked him out of his house at 3am. Again Dh came home yelling at me. DH is a button pusher. He is an extreme kind of guy. It has never bothered me until he stole from me , verbally abused me and just all around been a jerk to me. Most people we meet will only hang with us once b/c DH extreme behavior. I had hid $300 for me, I used $100 to open my own checking account. The other $200 I bought 2 pairs of fab. shoes. Next week my DR. is going to clear me for work. I have been on leave for about 8 weeks. I cant take his dad anymore, his children dont listen to me and his behavior is off the scale. As soon as I am medically cleared I have a major decision to make. I have to say DH has NEVER been this way before. This was not the man I married. I am at a very difficult cross road. I filed my taxes and I am going to receive about $6000 back, I had them direct deposit it into my new account. So the money is there if I leave. I dont know what to do any more. I dont even see him in the same way I did b/f we went to Vegas. Something inside me changed towards him. Right now I have no feelings towards him except frustration. Its almost like I dont want to be around him. Do I need time to recover from all the hurt or should I just get out b/c this might be a BIG idicator of coming behavior on his part?? I need some good loving advice. Please help me here.
  10. to calm me down... I broke up with my ex bf because of his weed problems....two weeks later, he called me saying he will have a nose surgery this week...pre-op check up was this monday and surgery will be on Friday...He said he wanted me to go with him since he didn't really have any close friends here...So, I think I don't really have a choice but to go with him... Monday, I lent him the car (his car is not good for long distance driving) but didn't really go....But Friday, I have to go....all these just triggered all my resentments against him..such as his selfish addictive personality,his lies,broken promise...It's always me who have been helping him out, supporting him...and he blames me for leaving him...some times I really hate him...I really don't want to go...I am so mad at myself for not being able to control my emotions...I have a big job interview tomorrow, but I just can't calm my anger to focus on the preparation...I really need some help here...
  11. I have a good friend who just got a huge inheritance from a dead family member. She's buying land to build a house, planning a trip to LA, etc, along with starting a trust for her sun. She has struggled all her life with her weight. She does get a decent amount of excercise and she doesn't eat too much. Tonight we were talking and she told me she's decided to get lyposuction. (I hope I spelled that right.) Now, comes the weird part... She doesn't want to do this alone. She wants me to do this with her. She called it "unconventional girl bonding." I have also struggled with my weight a lot. I lost 50 pounds and I am now thinner then I have been in years. But I still have some fat on my stomach and my hips that I can't seem to get rid of. PArt of me thinks its a good idea. Part of me doesn't want to be one of those women who has plastic surgery. I haven't decided if I'll do this or not. I just want to know your thoughts. I know it's a strange question.
  12. I recently broke up with my G-F,, she is the love of my life ( I knew it since the first time I saw her eyes.), We broke up because, she lost her phone!! Yes that’s right,, of course it wasn’t exactly because the phone but, it was the breaking point. The last month together, we only could see each other like 2 hours a week, because I had to work from 3.am to 8 am,, and in the afternoon I slept, she felt lonely, but can’t say nothing because I was working hard for money for my school, then one day, we had a little fight nothing serious, the next day she had laser surgery in her eyes, and I call her every day to her cell phone, she never answer, then I call her home, her mom said to me that she was fine, and that she was sleep at 2 Pm, because I (thought ) I knew her, I knew that she can’t sleep with sun, I assume that day that she didn’t want to talk to me, so next day I call her phone, no answer, I call her home, no answer, I call her phone again, the phone was off, I really thought she was really mad with me and I leave her a message telling her that I was not mad,, that I was really concern about her eyes, that I wanted to see her, and that if she is still mad then I will wait for her to call me when she feel better. one week passed not one call, I felt very down, then a mail from her!!! , The mail said “ If I lost my phone it means I’ll not see you ever?”. Well she lost her phone the day of operation, she was under medicine and she used to sleep during the day, she told me that she spend three days inside her room, in darkens waiting for me, to call her, to visit her. That those three days where eternal that she had never felt like that, and that she don’t ever will let anyone to let her feel like that again. She didn’t understand my point, I try to send letters and things like that, well it just make it worst. I don’t know what to do I already ask her to forgive me, she said she forgive me but don’t want to see me right know, I don’t know what to do!. It doesn't sound that bad,, well it feels like hell.... Somebody help please, I would appreciate any advising. I really want her back... I never told her I love her, even when I felt it.
  13. I'm generally a very stable and rational kind of guy, or so I'd like to think. I don't suffer from any incontrolable emotions, phases etc. Apart from one... This is my neurosis, and I can't shake it. It's my physical appearance - namely my face. Starting literally since I was in primary school, I have been unable to judge how attractive I am - today, I'll look in the mirror one minute and see a genuinly handsome lookin face, but the next minute, I'll see the most awkward ugly mug on the planet. It even seems to differ hugely depending on the freaking mirror I'm looking at, or the light levels/directions. 90% of a year I'll be cool with my appearance, even confident - and then, I'll plunge into self-pity over it. I'm at the point now where I don't care whether it's psychological or not, I want to do something physical about it for my own sake. The biggest thing I have is with my nose, which I am convinced is just slightly too big and slightly too blocky to not look awkward - combined with my chin which I am convinced is just weak enough to make my nose look even worse. Now, to you guys, if I showed you a pic, I'm betting the majority of you wouldn't notice these things unless you really analysed it. But I really think these subtle things detract from the rest of my face, which I'm totally cool with. I was thinking about spending the rest of my savings for my year out on a minor nose job and perhaps a chin augmentation. That probably sounds rash, but I've literally come to this conclusion every time I've thought about it for the past 4 years. I've already paid for about 5 months of round the world travel. Cosmetic surgery is so insanely expensive it'd take up all the rest of my cash, and even then only with my parents going halves. So, what do you think? If anyone has had nose/chin cosmetic surgery I'd love to hear from you particularly.
  14. Cancer runs rampant on my mother's side of the family. My gynecolologist moniters me closely due to this and the typical discovery of the pre-cancerous cells in my uterus. I had surgery for endomitriosis three years ago. Other than irregular/short periods, I've been great. Now, I'm preparing to leave for London in April so I went for my pap. He thinks there's a new cyst on my left ovary and I have to get an ultrasound done next week. At best it's just a byproduct of the endomitriosis at worst....ovarian cancer.
  15. My girlfriend and I have recently been discussing different options for birth control and have been doing some research on the subject. We both agree that it's not a good idea for her to be on hormones for a long extended period of time and we both don't want children. I was just wondering if anyone here knows or has any first hand experience with the "essure" method. It sounds like it could be an option for us because we have also discussed surgical methods but neither one of us are completely sure at this point if we want to have an invasive procedure performed. If we did, I would probably be the one getting the surgery because it would be medically less complicated. Just wondering if anyone has any first hand knowledge of potential drawbacks or benefits of nonsurgical sterilization for the woman. Thanks! Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
  16. Just visited this site and am amazed at how many people share their stories! Mine is also a sad one.... My boyfriend of 4 years and I just broke up. He came into my life at a time I was just getting over my second long term relationship (cheater #2). He came in like a knight in shining armor, said everything to get me to trust him. To make a long story short, he had bariatric surgery, lost 140 pounds and has now moved on due to my trust issues (so he says). Come to find out, he has been in touch with an old "friend" and they have started a relationship. His side of my bed isn't even cold yet. To have this guy do this after he knew what lying and cheating did to me in the past is the most devastating thing to happen. I can barely get through each day. He has a 5 year old son who is like my own so I still must have some contact with him because I still want to see the little guy. He honestly thinks he did nothing wrong!!! I found out that he had been hanging out with her now if it was so innocent why didn't he tell me? Why do guys (no matter how old, he's 50!!) think that it's ok to go from one relationship to another before the old one is even over!!!!!!!!
  17. My mother is having two large tumors (non cancerous) in her ovaries removed next weekend. She says it's going to be fine, but that is a 'major surgery,' and it's scary when it's put like that. Could she die? That's all I want to know. Because it's scary to know it's a major surgery even though it's not on a major organ. Martha
  18. What does it say about you if you are someone who has no difficulty making friends, is very likeable, talented, ambicious, has no problem talking to women and has many attrative female friends, and yet is completely ignored by women when it comes to sex or relationships, never hit on by women, never receives reciprocation when he hits on someone, and gets turned down for dates by virtually every girl he aks out? I would tend to think this has a lot to do with looks. My friends (male and female) inisist that I am not unattractive, but I have a very hard time believing them. My friends are hit on by girls all the time when we go out, but I never am. It makes me feel truly awful to be rejected like this all the time and I've been very depressed for the last several months. I'd totally get plastic surgery but I'm in grad school right now and can't afford it. Has anyone here ever experienced anything like this? Was/is it because of your looks or is there something else that I'm not seeing?
  19. It's interesting to note all the variations on what people feel rape is. Simply put, rape is non-consensual sex. We've had everything from rape being: A). sex without consent obtained verbally and throughout the act B). rape being what a "reasonable person" would consider it to be C). sex that the perpetrator knows is against the will of the victim In the latter case, of course, rape is only what the rapist defines it to be. Convenient for the rapist, not so good for their victims. However, consider that some of the posters may come from areas where women have few legal rights, and laws against rape may be new to those societies. Those people do not understand a legal tradition that springs from a culture where women have had rights for hundreds of years. Both traditions will feel they are "right;" both will be sure they are occupying the moral high ground. So, without expecting consensus of opinion, it is worth considering our personal idea of what rape is. Even within a single culture, there will be differences of opinion. For example, some people may feel that rape is impossible in a marital relationship; the battered wife in hospital with a perforated intestine would beg to differ. Can we imagine a man who uses sex to hurt his wife? Can we then agree that rape is possible within a marital situation? I define rape for myself as sex that is non-consensual at any point in the act. For example, if I went in for a surgery, signed the papers, willingly went under the anaesthetic, and then the surgeon went to town on me and did all kinds of horrible things, he would be thrown in jail. If he removed the wrong organ, he would be again be liable. My consent to surgery did not imply consent to him doing whatever he wanted. My body was my own at all times during the surgery; thus, he didn't have the right to do whatever he wanted, and it was incumbent on him to obtain consent for the actual procedures he performed. Similiarly, my consent to be in the same room with a man, does not imply consent to sex. In some cultures, it does. My consent to sleep in the same bed with a man does not imply consent to sex. To some people, it does. My consent to begin sex does not imply consent to finish, or do anything the other person wants; I have control over my body even then, and if my partner wants to do something I don't want to do, I have the right to say no. Even if I have already begun having sex. Many people question, is it rape: If you're compensated for it afterward, with money, gifts or favours? If you're unconscious, and unable to feel anything or give/deny consent? If you're married, or s/he's your boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have had a prior sexual relationship with this person? If you don't say no? If you don't fight? If you had an orgasm? If the rapist is a woman and the victim a man? For me, rape is that act that denies that we have the right to take control of what happens to us at all times. Consent is an on-going event, not a one-time thing. Consent to one act does not imply consent to others; many women who enjoy straight or vanilla sex would refuse to be tied up and gagged, or to engage in a threesome. We all, men and women, have the right to refuse, at any point, anything that we do not want. I am taking personal rights to the furthest extreme in this regard, but ultimately, if anyone feels that they do not agree, and that they would happily cede control of their body to someone who would hurt them or debase them, that person may argue in good conscience with me.
  20. I posted earlier this week that my mom and three of my siblings were in a car accident. It turns out that they found out that my sister has a broken jaw. She is going to have surgery after Christmas. For now, she is in the childern's hosiptal in Halifax for now.
  21. I had another checkup at the doctors today. I am 37 weeks and 5 days along. All looked good and CSection is scheduled for next wednesday, in seven days. The doc did another ultrasound and the she looks to be about 6 lbs 11 oz and he said that we can expect her to gain another half pound putting her to 7 lbs roughly in another week. I cant wait to see her and hold her and count her fingers and toes! We have been busy washing all her clothes and doing last minute things to get ready. Like, I realised that i had no infant tylanol in the house so I went out and bought it, also a brand new medical type kit that has thermometer, nasal aspirator, finger nail clippers, file... medicine dropper etc. I feel better knowing at least that is on hand. The doctor went through all the possible problems that can happen with the surgery. All this stuff that he has to tell me about and freak me out Like, he said that 3 in 1000 or something, this being my 3rd time of it that there could possibly be damage to other organs that are near there...(bladder intestines etc) Oh trying to think happy thoughts, he has to tell me that stuff... doesnt mean it is going to happen. So keep me in your thoughts. I sure am hoping I dont go into labor. The other day I felt strong contractions and even started to watch the clock. Three within an hour and then they stopped. I did tell the doctor that and he said that is okay and I could have 100 contractions in the next week so long as I dont go in labor! Geez thanks doc.. I plan to get my tubes tied, going to 'fix' me so that I wont have anymore babies after this. Im really looking forward to freedom. Not to worry about it ever again in my life. So having just turned 29, it will be protection free sex for me and husband from now on! woooooooooohoooooooooo At the same time, its like closing a door forever. There wont be anymore, its bittersweet.. Kinda makes me sad too.
  22. Hi, I am a suffer of hair loss. Male pattern baldness. I am looking into traetment and I have researched the available treatments. Has anyone undergone Single Folicular Unit Transplant from the DHI institute and what were the results. Has anyone had experience of hair transplant surgery and what was the results, both good and bad. Would you recomend it ?
  23. Has anyone on this forum ever gotten the procedure done before? Or maybe has a friend or family member that had it done? If so, do you guys mind sharing your experiences? Were you please with the results? Did you have any complications? I've been thinking about it for a while now and I am seriously considering having it done in the near future. For those of you with 20/20 vision, I envy you! You guys have no idea what it feels like to wake up everyday in the morning and not being able to see a thing! I'm gonna start doing some research for potential doctors and maybe try to set up a consultation with them.
  24. link removed this is a really good article in this week's Savage Love. he has good information on all those so called "penis enlargement pills and surgeries." one word: DON'T!!!
  25. Ok, I posted a while back about a little problem: I used to weigh 195lbs and I thought I'd look better by the time I reached that weight, but it wasn't the case (I mean, I know most of the time we never look as good as we wish we did, but you know what I'm talking about in this case, right?). Anyway, I used to weight 250 lbs before I started working towards a healthy weight, then I weighed myself a while back and was at 195lbs and now I weighed myself for the first time in quite a while (or actually I was weighed by a nutritionist) and I'm at 185lbs as of now. It's a healthy weight for me (or so I've been told by the nutritionist) and I'm 6'1", btw. Thing is, I still look pretty bad, and I think I know why. Having lost 60+ lbs I realize that maybe all this excess fat is more like excess flab (I dunno if there's supposed to be a difference, but I'm just gonna call flab that less thick, lighter and sort of overly soft and annoying kind of fat). Anyway, this "flab" I dunno how to get rid of. Actually I started lifting more seriously and on my upper body things are starting to look better. The thing is I dunno what to do about my thighs and buttocks. My arms are especially improving, but my chest, thighs, buttocks and also my lovehandles and belly a little, are not improving a whole lot... And I dunno what to do. I don't wanna lose any more weight (if anything I might lose those 4 lbs to make it an even 180lbs, but while still lifting and trying to gain muscle but I don't plan on going lower than that), yet I've read that people usually get their body-fat percentage really low and if it's still there they get surgery. Thing is: 1- I don't wanna get my body fat percentage much lower, cause it might be unhealthy, given that I'm really in a healthy range, that is. I've already been told that I shouldn't lose any more weight and that if anything I might gain weight cause I'm lifting. 2- I don't wanna have any type of surgery So maybe I've been reading the wrong fitness sites for advice. I guess I'll just learn to live with the flab if nothing can be done... But I would like to know if someting CAN be done, though. Thanks in advance and best wishes.
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