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  1. My boyfriend told me he had a problem with smoking cigarittes, marijuana and drinking alcohol in the past before we got together. He told me when he got with me i had made him to want to quit that.(i know he tried) and he wanted to be a better person for me b/c i never had any dealings with drugs, alcohol or smoking. Just about 10 weeks ago he got busted with some others during school and was sent to a drug center for 7 weeks at the end he barely passed the drug test for marijuana. And on may 8th he broke up with me and he wanted to be just friends b/c he said he didn't want to get me to change in personality b/c of his drug problem. We had been together for 7 1/2 months almost. But now he is so depressed and quick to get angry when i call him now when we used to talk for hours. At school he's just his regular self. But when i call he has an angry tone and say's hes busy and can't talk and one time his mom said she didn't know where he went for most of Sat. I'm just so worried about him and he don't want to go back to the drug center but i don't know if he wants to quit and its worrying me to death b/c im so scared that my ex/first boyfriend is going to get sick and/or possibly die. I saw him on the webcam and he looked like he hadn't slept well, and was sick looking when earlier he was all smiles, happy, and talkative at school during lunch It made me cry the when i saw him like that and he won't talk to me about it. I love him so much and his problems are just making his anxiety disorder worse also. i just can't help but cry at night b/c he's suffering through so much and i don't think his parents are helping eaither, i think they are buying him cigarettes and letting him drink at his house, in fact i know his stepmom buys him cigarettes and she know he smokes marijuana. So if anyone has any help to get him to talk to me or at least some ideas on some ways i could help him think about quiting more seriously b/c seeing him like this and thinking about what could happen is really killing me. Please Help if you can. Jen_Jen
  2. Key Takeaways: Empathy reduces relationship conflicts Anger often stems from misunderstood emotions Emotional intelligence aids anger management Improving empathy enhances relationships Introduction to Empathy and Anger in Relationships Understanding the dynamics of empathy and anger in relationships is crucial for maintaining healthy emotional connections. Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, plays a pivotal role in how we interact and respond to those around us. This article delves into the intricate relationship between empathy and anger, exploring how a lack of the former can potentially lead to increased instances of the latter in various types of relationships. Anger, a natural and often misunderstood emotion, can significantly impact relationships, particularly when it's not managed effectively. It's essential to comprehend that anger isn't inherently negative; rather, it's the expression and management of anger that can lead to problems. Here, we examine how empathy, or the lack thereof, influences our anger responses, potentially leading to conflict and distress in relationships. The interplay between empathy and anger is more complex than it appears on the surface. While it's easy to assume that simply understanding others' emotions can prevent anger, the reality is often more nuanced. This complexity necessitates a deeper exploration into the nature of both empathy and anger, their origins, and how they affect our interactions with partners, friends, and family. In this introduction, we set the stage for a comprehensive exploration into these emotions. We aim to provide valuable insights and practical strategies for enhancing empathy and managing anger, thereby fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Understanding Empathy: More Than Just Understanding Others Empathy is often misconstrued as merely understanding others' feelings, but it encompasses much more. It involves an emotional component where one actually feels what another person is experiencing, creating a deeper connection. This section explores the multifaceted nature of empathy and its critical role in human interactions. Beyond emotional understanding, empathy includes cognitive aspects. This means not only feeling what others feel but also understanding their thoughts and perspectives. It's this combination of emotional and cognitive empathy that allows us to fully engage with others, fostering deeper connections and understanding. Empathy is not an inherent trait that one either possesses or lacks. It's a skill that can be developed and enhanced over time. This development is crucial for improving relationships and managing personal emotions, including anger. By enhancing our empathetic abilities, we can better understand and respond to the emotions of those around us. The role of empathy in conflict resolution cannot be overstated. When we empathize with others, we're more likely to approach conflicts from a place of understanding and compassion, reducing the likelihood of anger-driven responses. This approach not only helps in resolving conflicts but also in preventing them from escalating. However, developing empathy is not always straightforward. Various factors, including upbringing, culture, and personal experiences, play a significant role in shaping one's capacity for empathy. Recognizing these factors is the first step towards cultivating a more empathetic perspective. This section aims to break down the complexity of empathy, providing readers with a clear understanding of its components and how it can be nurtured. By doing so, we pave the way for more empathetic interactions and healthier relationships, free from the constraints of unmanaged anger. The Psychology Behind Anger: Triggers and Responses Anger, a complex and often misunderstood emotion, is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. It serves as a natural response to perceived threats, injustices, or frustrations. Understanding the psychological underpinnings of anger involves exploring its triggers and how individuals react to these triggers. This section delves into the multifaceted nature of anger, uncovering the psychological processes that underlie this powerful emotion. Common triggers of anger include feelings of helplessness, disrespect, or unfair treatment. These triggers can vary greatly among individuals, influenced by personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, and individual temperament. By identifying and understanding these triggers, one can begin to manage their anger more effectively, recognizing the signs before it escalates. Responses to anger triggers are also diverse. While some may react with outward aggression, others may internalize their anger, leading to resentment or depression. The manner in which we express anger is often learned behavior, influenced by family dynamics, societal norms, and personal coping mechanisms. It's crucial to understand these responses as part of a broader strategy for anger management. This understanding of anger's psychology is not just theoretical; it has practical implications for everyday life. By comprehending the triggers and responses, individuals can develop strategies to anticipate and manage their anger more effectively, leading to healthier emotional responses and interactions. Linking Lack of Empathy to Increased Anger The connection between a lack of empathy and increased anger is a critical aspect of emotional intelligence. When one fails to understand or share the feelings of others, it can lead to misinterpretations and miscommunications, often resulting in heightened anger and conflict. This section explores how deficiencies in empathy can exacerbate anger issues in relationships and personal interactions. Lack of empathy often leads to a failure in recognizing the emotional states of others, which can result in inappropriate or disproportionate responses. For example, without understanding a partner's stress or sadness, one might respond with anger to their withdrawn behavior, exacerbating the situation. This cycle of misunderstanding and miscommunication often fuels further anger and resentment. In a broader societal context, lack of empathy contributes to a culture of intolerance and impatience, where quick judgments and anger responses become more prevalent. This societal trend underscores the importance of fostering empathy, not just on an individual level but also collectively, to mitigate widespread anger and conflict. Developing empathy involves not only understanding others' emotional states but also recognizing the impact of one's actions on others. When empathy is lacking, individuals may inadvertently cause harm or offense, leading to defensive anger responses in others. This dynamic highlights the interconnected nature of empathy and anger. Enhancing empathy is a proactive way to address anger issues. It involves active listening, putting oneself in another's shoes, and practicing compassion. By fostering empathy, individuals can more accurately interpret others' actions and responses, reducing the likelihood of anger arising from misunderstandings. This section concludes with practical tips and strategies to enhance empathy. From simple daily practices to more structured approaches, these tips aim to help individuals develop a deeper understanding of empathy and its role in managing anger, ultimately leading to more harmonious and fulfilling relationships. The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Managing Anger Emotional intelligence (EI) plays a pivotal role in managing anger, equipping individuals with the skills to recognize, understand, and regulate their emotions effectively. This section delves into the aspects of EI that are particularly relevant to anger management, including self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy. By mastering these components of EI, one can better handle situations that might otherwise lead to anger. Self-awareness, the first component of EI, involves understanding one's own emotions, including anger. Recognizing the early signs of anger and understanding its triggers is crucial for effective management. This heightened awareness allows for proactive measures to be taken before anger escalates. Self-regulation, another key aspect of EI, refers to the ability to control one's emotional responses. This skill is particularly important in managing anger. It involves techniques like deep breathing, pausing before reacting, and reframing thoughts to respond to anger triggers in a more balanced way. Empathy, integral to EI, also plays a significant role in managing anger. By understanding and relating to the emotions of others, one can prevent misunderstandings that often lead to anger. Empathy promotes a more compassionate and understanding approach to conflicts, reducing the likelihood of anger-driven responses. This section emphasizes the importance of developing emotional intelligence as a means to better manage anger. Through practical tips and strategies, readers are guided on how to enhance their EI skills, leading to more effective anger management and improved relationships. Case Studies: How Lack of Empathy Fuels Anger in Relationships Real-life case studies provide valuable insights into how a lack of empathy can fuel anger in relationships. This section presents several cases, illustrating the direct impact of empathy deficits on interpersonal conflicts and anger issues. Each case study highlights different scenarios, offering a deeper understanding of the complex dynamics at play. The first case study focuses on a romantic relationship where a lack of empathy led to frequent misunderstandings and escalated conflicts. It demonstrates how the failure to recognize and validate a partner's emotions can create a breeding ground for anger and resentment. In the second case, a family dynamic is explored. Here, the absence of empathy within the family unit resulted in ongoing conflicts, with anger becoming a common response to minor disagreements. This case underscores the importance of empathy in maintaining harmony in family relationships. Another case study examines a workplace scenario. The lack of empathy from a supervisor towards employees led to a hostile work environment, characterized by frustration and anger. This case shows how empathy in leadership roles is crucial for maintaining a positive and productive workplace. Additionally, a case involving friendships is presented. The breakdown of empathy among friends led to a deterioration of trust and an increase in anger-driven conflicts. This case study highlights the role of empathy in sustaining healthy and supportive friendships. Finally, a case involving community interactions is discussed. It illustrates how a community's collective lack of empathy can lead to widespread anger and social discord, emphasizing the societal implications of empathy deficits. Through these diverse case studies, readers gain a comprehensive understanding of the critical role empathy plays in preventing and managing anger in various relationships. The section concludes by drawing lessons from these cases, offering readers practical advice on fostering empathy to mitigate anger and enhance relational well-being. Strategies to Enhance Empathy in Yourself and Others Developing empathy is a key factor in improving personal and interpersonal dynamics. This section provides actionable strategies to enhance empathy both within oneself and in interactions with others. By implementing these strategies, individuals can foster a more empathetic approach to their relationships, thereby reducing anger and conflict. Active listening is the first step towards enhancing empathy. It involves fully concentrating on what is being said, rather than just passively hearing the words. This practice allows for a deeper understanding of others' perspectives and feelings, paving the way for more empathetic responses. Another effective strategy is to practice putting oneself in another's shoes. This means imagining oneself in the other person's situation, trying to understand their emotions and reactions. This exercise can significantly increase one's ability to empathize with others, particularly in conflict situations. Empathy can also be enhanced through open and honest communication. Sharing one's own feelings and experiences can encourage others to do the same, creating a more empathetic environment. This mutual sharing fosters understanding and reduces the likelihood of anger arising from misunderstandings. Lastly, seeking diverse perspectives is crucial in developing empathy. Exposure to different cultures, backgrounds, and experiences broadens one's understanding and acceptance of others, which is essential for empathy. This expanded worldview can dramatically improve one's ability to connect with others on an emotional level. Empathy and Anger: A Two-Way Street The relationship between empathy and anger is complex and bidirectional. This section explores how these two emotions influence each other and the implications of this interplay for personal and relational health. Understanding this dynamic is key to managing both empathy and anger effectively. Empathy has the power to mitigate anger. When one person in a relationship demonstrates empathy, it can defuse potential anger in the other person. This calming effect occurs because empathy communicates understanding and respect, which are often all that is needed to alleviate anger. Conversely, anger can hinder the development and expression of empathy. When someone is consumed by anger, it becomes challenging to understand or consider another's feelings or perspective. This barrier to empathy can escalate conflicts and prevent resolution. In some cases, a lack of empathy can lead to anger, and this anger can further reduce empathy, creating a vicious cycle. Breaking this cycle requires a conscious effort to manage anger and cultivate empathy simultaneously. The role of self-reflection in understanding this dynamic is crucial. Reflecting on one's own experiences of anger and empathy can provide valuable insights into how these emotions interact and influence one's behavior and relationships. Empathy training and anger management techniques can be complementary. Techniques that enhance empathy, such as mindfulness and perspective-taking, can also be effective in managing anger. Similarly, anger management strategies often involve developing a better understanding of others' emotions. The impact of this two-way relationship extends beyond individual relationships to broader societal interactions. In a social context, promoting empathy can lead to a reduction in collective anger and vice versa, contributing to a more harmonious and understanding society. The section concludes by emphasizing the importance of balancing empathy and anger. It provides guidance on how to maintain this balance, ensuring emotional well-being and healthy relationships. The Impact of Technology and Social Media on Empathy and Anger Technology and social media have significantly transformed the way we interact and empathize with others. This section examines the complex relationship between these digital platforms and the emotions of empathy and anger. It explores how technology can both hinder and enhance our capacity for empathetic understanding and how it can act as a catalyst for anger in certain contexts. One of the key ways technology impacts empathy is through the reduced face-to-face interactions. The digital communication often lacks the non-verbal cues essential for empathetic connections. This can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations, potentially escalating into anger. Additionally, the anonymity and distance provided by social media can sometimes encourage harsher expressions of anger than would occur in person. Conversely, technology also offers unique opportunities to foster empathy. Social media can expose individuals to diverse perspectives and experiences, broadening their understanding and empathy towards others. Digital storytelling and virtual reality experiences, for instance, provide immersive ways to experience life from another person's perspective. This section discusses the need for mindful and responsible use of technology. By being aware of its impact on our emotional lives, we can make more conscious choices in our digital interactions, using technology as a tool to enhance, rather than diminish, our capacity for empathy and to manage anger effectively. Professional Advice: When to Seek Help for Anger Issues Understanding when and how to seek professional help for anger issues is crucial for emotional health. This section provides expert advice on recognizing the signs that indicate a need for professional intervention and the types of help available for managing anger effectively. One of the key indicators that professional help may be needed is the frequency and intensity of anger episodes. If anger becomes a frequent, intense, and uncontrollable emotion that disrupts daily life, it might be time to seek professional advice. Similarly, if anger leads to physical aggression, threats, or destructive behavior, immediate intervention is necessary. Another sign is the impact of anger on relationships. If anger is causing significant problems in personal, professional, or social relationships, it might be indicative of underlying issues that require professional attention. This can include persistent conflicts, breakdowns in communication, or feelings of resentment and hostility. Professional help can take various forms, including individual therapy, anger management classes, and support groups. These interventions provide strategies and tools for understanding and managing anger, improving emotional regulation, and enhancing empathy. The role of healthcare professionals in diagnosing and treating any underlying mental health conditions that may contribute to anger issues is also crucial. Conditions such as anxiety, depression, or trauma-related disorders can significantly impact anger, and addressing these underlying issues is key to effective anger management. Additionally, this section highlights the importance of seeking help not as a sign of weakness but as a courageous step towards self-improvement and healthier relationships. It encourages readers to view professional intervention as a positive and proactive approach to managing their emotions. The section concludes with advice on finding the right professional help, including tips on selecting therapists or programs that align with individual needs and preferences, ensuring the most effective and personalized approach to managing anger. FAQ: Common Questions About Empathy and Anger This FAQ section addresses common questions and misconceptions regarding empathy and anger. It aims to clarify these concepts, providing readers with a deeper understanding and practical insights into managing these emotions in their daily lives. One frequently asked question is about the nature of empathy and whether it is an innate trait or a learned skill. This part explains the elements of empathy that are inherent and those that can be developed through conscious effort and practice, offering hope to those seeking to enhance their empathetic abilities. Another common query revolves around the ways to manage anger effectively without suppressing it. This response delves into healthy expressions of anger and strategies for channeling anger in constructive ways, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and understanding this emotion rather than denying it. The relationship between empathy and different types of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior, is also explored. This question highlights the complexities of emotional responses and the role empathy plays in interpreting and managing these various forms of anger. Finally, this section addresses questions about the impact of cultural differences on empathy and anger. It discusses how cultural norms and values shape our understanding and expression of these emotions, and how awareness of these cultural aspects can enhance empathy in a diverse world. Concluding Thoughts: Building Healthier Relationships Through Empathy This article emphasizes the profound impact that empathy can have on our ability to manage anger and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. It reiterates the central idea that empathy is not just about understanding others, but also about building bridges of emotional connection and understanding. The importance of self-reflection in developing empathy is highlighted. By regularly examining our own emotions and reactions, we can become more attuned to the feelings of others, thereby enhancing our empathetic skills and improving our relationships. Empathy's role in preventing conflicts and resolving them when they arise is also underscored. By approaching situations with empathy, we can often avoid the escalation of anger and foster a more supportive and understanding environment, whether in personal relationships, workplaces, or communities. The article also points out that while empathy is a powerful tool for managing anger, it is not a cure-all solution. It needs to be coupled with other emotional intelligence skills and, in some cases, professional help, to effectively manage complex emotional situations. For readers seeking to improve their empathy and anger management skills, the article suggests starting with small, everyday practices. These can include active listening, expressing understanding, and putting oneself in another's shoes, gradually building a more empathetic approach to life. Finally, the article closes with a message of encouragement and empowerment. It asserts that by enhancing our empathy, we not only improve our own emotional well-being but also contribute to creating a more understanding, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent world.
  3. Key Takeaways: Recognizing BPD anger triggers Effective communication strategies Importance of professional support Managing relationships with BPD Setting healthy boundaries Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition characterized by emotional instability, intense interpersonal relationships, and a distorted self-image. BPD affects the way individuals think, feel, and interact with others, leading to significant difficulties in personal and professional relationships. The disorder is often linked to early childhood experiences, genetic predisposition, and environmental factors. People with BPD experience a wide range of symptoms, including fear of abandonment, frequent mood swings, and a persistent sense of emptiness. These emotional struggles can significantly impact their daily lives, causing them to act impulsively and struggle with self-identity. BPD is also associated with high rates of co-occurring mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, further complicating their emotional and psychological challenges. The diagnosis of BPD can be challenging, as its symptoms often overlap with other mental health disorders. Mental health professionals use specific criteria, as outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), to diagnose BPD. This process involves a comprehensive evaluation of the individual's history, behavior, and symptoms over time. Treatment for BPD typically includes psychotherapy, medication, and support from mental health professionals. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is particularly effective in teaching skills to manage intense emotions, reduce self-destructive behaviors, and improve relationships. Other therapies, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can also be beneficial. Understanding BPD is crucial for both individuals living with the disorder and their loved ones. By recognizing the signs and symptoms of BPD, it becomes possible to seek appropriate treatment and support, which can lead to better management of the condition and improved quality of life. The Triggers of Anger in BPD Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often experience intense episodes of anger, which can be triggered by a variety of factors. Understanding these triggers is essential for managing the emotional volatility associated with BPD. Common triggers include feelings of abandonment or rejection, perceived threats to interpersonal relationships, and situations that evoke feelings of loss or failure. Abandonment, whether real or imagined, is a significant trigger for anger in people with BPD. This fear often stems from past experiences of loss or betrayal, leading to intense reactions when they perceive someone is leaving or neglecting them. Even minor separations or changes in routine can evoke strong emotional responses. Criticism and perceived rejection are also potent triggers for anger in BPD. Individuals with this disorder are highly sensitive to negative feedback and may interpret neutral or constructive comments as personal attacks. This sensitivity can lead to defensive reactions, including anger and hostility, as a means of self-protection. Unresolved trauma and stress are other factors that can trigger anger in BPD. Past traumatic events, particularly those involving abuse or neglect, can heighten emotional responses and contribute to the development of intense anger. Additionally, high levels of stress and overwhelming situations can exacerbate the emotional dysregulation characteristic of BPD. Lastly, interpersonal conflicts, whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, can trigger anger in individuals with BPD. These conflicts often arise from misunderstandings, communication breakdowns, or unmet emotional needs, leading to intense emotional reactions and anger outbursts. Physical and Emotional Signs of Anger in BPD Anger in individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can manifest in various physical and emotional signs. Physically, a person might experience an increased heart rate, muscle tension, and a rush of adrenaline, often described as feeling 'on edge.' These symptoms can escalate quickly, leading to an intense physical response. Emotionally, anger in BPD is often characterized by rapid mood swings and intense, sometimes disproportionate, reactions to perceived slights or conflicts. This emotional volatility can result in outbursts of anger, frustration, and irritability, which may seem sudden or unpredictable to others. Facial expressions and body language can also be telling signs of anger in BPD. A person might display a furrowed brow, clenched jaw, or a stern, intense gaze. Their posture may become rigid or aggressive, signaling their emotional state without the need for words. Verbal cues are another indicator of anger in BPD. An individual may raise their voice, speak rapidly or sharply, and use harsh or accusatory language. These verbal expressions of anger can be a response to feelings of being misunderstood, rejected, or threatened. Internal experiences of anger in BPD can be particularly overwhelming. Individuals might feel a sense of inner turmoil, helplessness, or despair. These feelings can lead to negative self-talk, self-criticism, and in some cases, self-harming behaviors as a way to cope with the intensity of their emotions. The Impact of BPD Anger on Relationships The anger associated with Borderline Personality Disorder can have profound effects on relationships. It often leads to a cycle of intense conflicts followed by desperate attempts to avoid abandonment, creating a pattern of instability and distress for both parties involved. In romantic relationships, BPD anger can manifest as jealousy, possessiveness, or rapid shifts between idealization and devaluation of a partner. These dynamics can create significant strain, often leaving partners feeling confused, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained. Family relationships can also be impacted by BPD anger. Family members may struggle to understand the intense emotional reactions and may feel like they are constantly 'walking on eggshells' to avoid triggering an angry response. This dynamic can create a tense and unstable home environment. Friendships are not immune to the effects of BPD anger. The fear of abandonment and sensitivity to rejection can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, making it challenging to maintain stable and lasting friendships. At work, BPD anger can manifest in conflicts with colleagues or supervisors, difficulty handling criticism, and challenges in managing stress. These issues can lead to strained professional relationships and potentially impact career progression. The unpredictability of BPD anger can lead to a breakdown in trust and communication within relationships. Partners, family members, and friends may find it difficult to predict how the individual will react, creating a sense of uncertainty and instability. Finally, the emotional toll of managing BPD anger can lead to isolation. Individuals with BPD may withdraw from relationships to avoid the pain of potential rejection or conflict, further exacerbating feelings of loneliness and misunderstanding. Navigating Communication During a BPD Anger Episode Effective communication during a BPD anger episode requires patience, empathy, and a clear understanding of the individual's triggers and emotional needs. It's crucial to remain calm and avoid escalating the situation with confrontational or dismissive language. Active listening is key in these situations. It involves giving your full attention, acknowledging the person's feelings, and responding in a way that validates their experience. This approach can help de-escalate the situation and convey your support and understanding. Setting boundaries is also important. While it's necessary to be empathetic, it's equally important to communicate your own needs and limits clearly. This helps in maintaining a healthy dynamic and ensures that both parties feel respected and heard. Lastly, it's essential to avoid taking things personally. Remember that the intense emotions are a symptom of BPD and not a reflection of your worth or the individual's feelings towards you. Maintaining this perspective can help you respond more effectively and compassionately. Long-Term Strategies for Managing BPD Anger Managing BPD anger in the long term involves a combination of personal strategies, professional support, and a supportive environment. Recognizing the early signs of anger and implementing coping strategies can significantly reduce the intensity and frequency of episodes. Therapy, particularly Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), is a cornerstone in managing BPD anger. DBT focuses on skills like mindfulness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance, which are crucial for individuals with BPD to navigate their intense emotional experiences. Establishing a routine can provide stability and predictability, which is beneficial for individuals with BPD. A consistent schedule helps in reducing stress and anxiety, which are often precursors to anger episodes. Regular physical activity and a healthy diet play an important role in managing BPD. Exercise can help in reducing stress and improving mood, while a balanced diet can positively impact overall emotional well-being. Building a support network is vital. This includes friends, family, and support groups that understand BPD. Having a reliable support system can provide emotional support and practical advice during challenging times. Medication may also be a part of the management plan. While there are no medications specifically for BPD, certain medications can help in managing symptoms such as mood swings, depression, and anxiety. Self-awareness and self-care are crucial. Individuals with BPD need to be aware of their triggers and actively engage in self-care practices that promote emotional well-being and resilience. Finally, it's important to focus on building and maintaining healthy relationships. This involves open communication, setting realistic expectations, and working on strategies to manage conflicts constructively. Supporting a Partner with BPD Supporting a partner with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) requires understanding, patience, and empathy. It's crucial to educate yourself about BPD to better comprehend the challenges your partner faces and how the disorder affects their thoughts and behaviors. Effective communication is key in any relationship, but it's especially important when your partner has BPD. Engage in open, honest, and non-judgmental conversations. Listen actively and validate their feelings, even if you don't always understand them. Encourage and support your partner's treatment and self-care efforts. Whether it's attending therapy sessions or practicing self-help strategies, showing your support can make a significant difference in their journey towards managing BPD. Take care of your own mental and emotional health. Supporting a partner with BPD can be challenging, and it's important to have your own support system and self-care practices to maintain your well-being. Setting Boundaries with a BPD Partner Setting boundaries with a partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is essential for maintaining a healthy and sustainable relationship. Boundaries help define what is acceptable and what is not, providing a framework for respectful and supportive interactions. Communicate your boundaries clearly and consistently. It's important that your partner understands your limits and the consequences of crossing them. Be specific and direct in your communication, avoiding ambiguity. Boundaries should be set from a place of love and respect, not punishment. Explain that boundaries are meant to protect and enhance the relationship, not to control or hurt your partner. Be prepared for pushback. Setting boundaries can be challenging, especially if your partner is not used to them. Stay calm and assertive, reiterating the importance of these boundaries for the health of your relationship. It's crucial to enforce the boundaries you set. If a boundary is crossed, follow through with the discussed consequences. Consistency is key to ensuring that boundaries are respected and understood. Recognize that setting boundaries is not just about saying 'no.' It's also about defining what you're comfortable with, what your needs are, and how you can mutually support each other in the relationship. Seek professional help if needed. Setting boundaries with a BPD partner can be complex, and guidance from a therapist or counselor can be invaluable in navigating this process effectively. Finally, practice self-compassion. Setting boundaries can be emotionally taxing, and it's important to acknowledge your efforts and care for yourself throughout this process. Seeking Professional Help: Therapy and Counseling Seeking professional help through therapy and counseling is a crucial step in managing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) for both the individual and their partners. Therapists trained in BPD can provide the necessary guidance and support for navigating the complexities of the disorder. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is one of the most effective therapies for BPD. It focuses on skills like mindfulness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance, helping individuals manage their symptoms more effectively. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is another helpful approach. It assists individuals in recognizing and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors, contributing to better emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships. Couples therapy can be beneficial for partners of individuals with BPD. It provides a safe space for both parties to communicate openly, address relationship issues, and develop strategies for a healthier partnership. Family therapy is also recommended, as BPD affects not just the individual but their entire family system. It helps family members understand the disorder and learn how to support their loved one effectively. Seeking a therapist who specializes in BPD is important. They can offer tailored strategies and insights specific to the challenges of BPD, providing more effective support than general therapy might. Finally, therapy is a commitment to long-term well-being. It requires patience, persistence, and an openness to change and growth, both for the individual with BPD and their loved ones. Coping Mechanisms for Partners of Individuals with BPD Partners of individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) need effective coping mechanisms to manage the challenges of the relationship. Self-care is paramount. Taking time for yourself, engaging in activities you enjoy, and maintaining your own mental health are vital. Education about BPD is crucial. Understanding the disorder helps in comprehending your partner's behaviors and emotional responses, making it easier to navigate the relationship with empathy and insight. Building a support network outside of the relationship is important. Connecting with friends, family, or support groups can provide emotional support and a sense of perspective. Setting realistic expectations is necessary. Recognize that managing BPD is a process, and there will be ups and downs. Patience and realistic expectations about the relationship and your partner's progress are key to maintaining your own emotional balance. Finally, consider seeking your own therapy or counseling. Having a space to discuss your experiences, feelings, and challenges can be incredibly beneficial in managing the complexities of being in a relationship with someone who has BPD. The Role of Medication in Managing BPD Anger While there are no medications specifically approved for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), certain medications can be effective in managing symptoms like anger. Psychiatrists often prescribe a combination of mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and antipsychotic drugs to help regulate emotional responses. Mood stabilizers can help in reducing the intensity of emotional reactions and mood swings, common in BPD. They work by balancing the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain, contributing to a more stable mood. Antidepressants can be prescribed to address co-occurring symptoms of depression and anxiety, which can contribute to anger and emotional dysregulation in BPD. These medications can help in improving overall emotional well-being and resilience. Antipsychotic medications, in some cases, can be beneficial for managing severe symptoms of anger, especially when they're linked to paranoia or dissociation. However, it's important to closely monitor these medications due to potential side effects. Understanding and Avoiding Codependency Codependency often arises in relationships where one partner has a disorder like BPD. It involves an unhealthy level of emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often at the expense of one's own needs and well-being. Recognizing the signs of codependency is crucial. These can include sacrificing your own needs for your partner's, feeling responsible for their happiness, or having difficulty making decisions without them. Establishing boundaries is key to avoiding codependency. It's important to maintain your own identity, interests, and friendships outside of the relationship. This helps in creating a balance between supporting your partner and taking care of yourself. Self-awareness is essential. Reflect on your behaviors and motivations in the relationship. Are you enabling unhealthy patterns? Are you neglecting your own needs? Being aware of these tendencies is the first step in changing them. Communication is important in addressing codependency. Discussing your concerns and feelings with your partner can lead to a better understanding and healthier dynamics in the relationship. Seeking individual therapy can be very helpful. It provides a space to explore your own patterns, develop healthier coping strategies, and learn how to build a more balanced and fulfilling relationship. Remember, codependency is not just about the partner with BPD. It's a two-way dynamic that requires both partners to work on creating a healthy, supportive, and mutually satisfying relationship. Finally, focusing on your own growth and happiness is crucial. Engage in activities that fulfill you, pursue your own goals, and maintain your emotional health. A healthy relationship involves two individuals who are whole and content in their own right. Frequently Asked Questions about BPD and Anger Q: What causes anger in people with BPD? A: Anger in BPD is often triggered by fear of abandonment, feelings of rejection, or perceived threats to relationships. It's also linked to past trauma and heightened emotional sensitivity. Q: How can I de-escalate a situation when my partner with BPD is angry? A: Stay calm, use active listening, validate their feelings, and avoid confrontational language. Setting clear boundaries and providing reassurance can also help in de-escalation. Q: Are there effective treatments for managing anger in BPD? A: Yes, therapies like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are effective. Medication may also be prescribed to manage co-occurring symptoms. Q: Can lifestyle changes help in managing BPD anger? A: Absolutely. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and stress management techniques can all contribute to better emotional regulation. Q: Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has BPD? A: Yes, with mutual understanding, effective communication, appropriate boundaries, and professional support, it is possible to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Personal Stories and Experiences Personal stories offer valuable insights into the realities of living with BPD or being in a relationship with someone who has the disorder. These narratives provide a deeper understanding of the challenges and triumphs involved. One story involves Sarah, whose journey with BPD began in her late teens. She describes the intense emotional turmoil and the struggle to maintain relationships. Through therapy and support, Sarah learned to manage her emotions and lead a fulfilling life. Mark shares his experience of being in a relationship with a partner with BPD. He talks about the initial confusion and distress, and how learning about BPD and engaging in couples therapy helped them build a stronger bond. Lisa, a mother with BPD, details the challenges of parenting. Her story highlights the importance of seeking help and the impact of her condition on her family. With professional support, she learned to navigate motherhood more effectively. Another story comes from a mental health professional specializing in BPD. They share insights from their clinical experience, emphasizing the importance of personalized treatment plans and the resilience of their clients. Finally, a story from a support group facilitator illustrates the power of community and shared experiences. They discuss how support groups provide a safe space for individuals and families affected by BPD to connect and find solace. Resources and Support Groups for BPD There are numerous resources and support groups available for individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and their loved ones. National and local mental health organizations often provide information, support services, and referral options for therapy and counseling. Online resources, including websites and forums, offer a wealth of information about BPD. These platforms can be a great starting point for understanding the disorder, finding treatment options, and connecting with others who share similar experiences. Support groups play a crucial role in managing BPD. These groups provide a safe and understanding environment where individuals can share their experiences, learn coping strategies, and offer mutual support. Books and publications on BPD can also be valuable resources. Many books are written by mental health professionals or individuals with BPD, offering insights and strategies for managing the disorder and its impact on relationships. Lastly, workshops and seminars focused on BPD can be beneficial. These events often feature experts in the field and provide opportunities for learning, discussion, and community building among individuals affected by BPD. Moving Forward: Building a Healthy Relationship with BPD Building a healthy relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) requires commitment, understanding, and continuous effort. It's important to focus on open communication, empathy, and mutual respect. Education about BPD is vital. Understanding the disorder helps in developing compassion and patience, which are key to navigating the challenges that may arise in the relationship. Setting and respecting boundaries is essential. Boundaries help in maintaining a healthy balance in the relationship, ensuring that the needs of both partners are met. Encouraging and supporting your partner's treatment and self-care efforts can significantly contribute to the stability and health of the relationship. Be an active participant in their journey towards managing BPD. Developing coping strategies for managing stress and conflicts is crucial. Whether it's through individual therapy, couples counseling, or self-help techniques, finding effective ways to cope can enhance the resilience of your relationship. Remember the importance of self-care. Maintaining your own mental and emotional well-being is just as important as supporting your partner. Ensure you have your own support system and engage in activities that nurture your well-being. Finally, embrace a growth mindset. Building a healthy relationship with someone who has BPD is a journey that involves learning, adapting, and growing together. With patience, love, and support, it's possible to build a fulfilling and lasting partnership.
  4. While relationships should ideally be the source of joy and comfort, they can sometimes feel like a riddle wrapped inside an enigma. It's not uncommon to ask questions like, 'why is my boyfriend always mad at me?' If you're asking this question, it means you are in a perplexing situation. Understanding the answer requires a deep dive into relationship dynamics, human behavior, and effective communication. With that said, let's unravel seven surprising reasons for your boyfriend's constant ire. 1. Unmet Expectations (And Unexpressed Ones): Often, people enter relationships with a mental checklist. These expectations range from shared chores to emotional support or even how much time they spend together. If your boyfriend's expectations are not being met, it could be a source of his constant anger. However, a crucial question to ask is, are these expectations communicated? Miscommunication or lack of communication could be the root of the issue. Try having an open conversation about your individual expectations to solve this mystery. 2. The Emotional Armor: Surprisingly, the anger you're experiencing might not be about you at all. Men, often due to societal norms, find it difficult to express emotions like sadness, fear, or vulnerability. These emotions get masked as anger, the more socially acceptable 'male' emotion. If you suspect this could be the case, encourage your boyfriend to express his feelings freely, making him understand it's okay to be vulnerable. 3. Past Trauma or Unresolved Issues: Past traumas or unresolved issues can act as a ticking time bomb in relationships. If your boyfriend has unresolved issues from his past relationships or even his childhood, it might be causing his perpetual anger. This is a tricky situation as it requires delicacy and empathy. Seeking professional help from a therapist could be beneficial. 4. Stress Outside the Relationship: Relationships don't exist in a vacuum. External stressors like work pressure, financial troubles, or family issues can seep into your romantic relationship, manifesting as constant anger. Recognizing this can help address the real issue, rather than misinterpreting the anger as a personal attack. 5. Insecurity and Fear: Insecurity, fear of abandonment, or fear of being emotionally hurt can sometimes lead to anger. Your boyfriend might be trying to protect himself emotionally by being perpetually mad, creating a protective barrier. If you notice patterns of insecurity, it's essential to reassure your boyfriend about your feelings and commitment towards him. 6. Lack of Personal Space: Everyone needs some 'me-time.' If your boyfriend feels his personal space is constantly invaded, it could lead to resentment and anger. Balancing quality time with personal space is critical in maintaining a healthy relationship. 7. Manipulative Behavior: It's important to address that constant anger can also be a form of manipulation, maintaining control in the relationship. If you feel this might be the case, it's crucial to acknowledge it. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professional help. Understanding these possible reasons can be the first step towards resolving the problem. However, remember that each relationship is unique, and there's no 'one-size-fits-all' solution. Open and empathetic communication can go a long way in dealing with such issues. Take your time to assess the situation, communicate with your boyfriend, and figure out the appropriate course of action. But you're not alone in this journey, and it's always okay to seek help. Relationships are complex, sometimes overwhelmingly so, but with patience and understanding, they can be the most rewarding aspect of life.
  5. The guilt and anger that I'm feeling is consuming me and it's hard for me to cope with. I don't even understand why I'm feeling angry and guilty, but that only leads me to feel even more out of control. I'm so overwhelmed by these emotions that I find myself lashing out at my family and friends and I'm not sure how to stop. How can I learn to deal with this anger and guilt and find a way to express them without hurting those around me? * * * The feelings of guilt and anger that you are experiencing can be some of the most difficult emotions to deal with. It is understandable that you are beginning to feel overwhelmed and unable to express yourself in a healthy way. Although the situation may seem hopeless, there are several steps you can take to cope with your guilt and anger in a constructive manner. The first step is to identify how you are feeling and work to better understand where these emotions are stemming from. Ask yourself what may have caused you to feel this way and examine if any external factors have been playing a role in your current state of mind. It can be helpful to make a list of all the factors that can be contributing to your experience of guilt and anger, so that you can better understand where these emotions are coming from. When you have identified the sources of your guilt and anger, you can then decide on how best to manage your emotions. You may feel an urge to lash out at the people who you feel have wronged you, but it is important to remember that bottling up these feelings or expressing them inappropriately, is not a healthy approach to take. Instead, take the time to assess how your anger and guilt may manifest physically, such as by writing in a journal or through physical activities. This can help to reduce your stress levels, as well as allow you to adequately process your feelings. When your emotions have settled, consider speaking to someone you trust and can confide in, such as a close friend, family member or counsellor. Having an outlet to talk through your feelings can help you to gain more clarity and perspective on the situation. Sharing your feelings with another person can also bring relief and having somebody to lean on and provide support can aid you in further processing your emotions. No matter how overwhelming the guilt and anger may feel, it is important to remember that you are not powerless over these emotions. Taking the time to understand and process your challenges in a constructive and positive manner can bring security and comfort in the long run. Drawing on resources such as therapy can also aid in your emotional wellbeing. Most importantly, always remember to be kind to yourself and to reach out for additional support when needed. Meta Keywords: Meta Description:
  6. In a perfect world, break-ups go smoothly, with everyone moving on gracefully. However, that is often not the case, especially when one former partner moves on quickly. When your ex has a new significant other, it can be challenging to find peace with it all. After all, it was only just a few weeks ago that you were still in love and when it’s suddenly all over, and your ex is already replaced, it’s difficult to deal with both your heartache and your anger. When faced with this type of situation, it’s important to remember that, at the end of the day, it isn’t for you to judge your ex and their new relationship. Allow yourself to feel your emotions of hurt and betrayal and then work towards letting it all go. The more energy you put into being angry and bitter about the situation, the longer recovery from your break-up will take – that’s why it’s crucial to start the healing process, however slowly, as quickly as you can. Take a step back and reassess the situation objectively. How did the break-up occur? What kind of emotional space have you been in lately? All of these factors contribute to how you feel about your ex’s new relationship. So whatever the state of your emotions, don’t let them fuel destructive behavior and reactions. Instead, practice self-care and focus on healing your heart. If you need to cry it out, do it. You don’t even have to know why you’re crying, just let the feelings course through you. Don’t judge it, or push it away – just allow it to be how it is. Next, try to forgive your ex. This is actually incredibly important – not only to help yourself move on, but also because if you want to ever be friends with them again, it’s something you will both need to do. This can be incredibly difficult, yet it’s essential for your healing process. To start, acknowledege the hurt and anger inside you and then ask yourself if holding onto it serves any purpose. Often, you'll come to the realisation that doing so won't make the situation any better or help you leave it behind in any way. It may even have adverse effects and the longer you hold onto it, the harder it will become to overcome it. Once you start to feel a sense of forgiveness set in, make sure you take the time to express it. Writing letters, meditating and journaling are three great ways to do this. Once you’ve forgiven your ex, you should also extend a bit of understanding towards their new partner. No matter what the circumstances, they’re an important and significant part of your ex’s life now, so show a bit of compassion and empathy. Challenge yourself to accept the new situation. Maybe look at it from a different angle. Instead of focusing on what you lack, figure out what you have. Maybe the two of you were wrong for each other in some way and are now with people who are better suited for them. This could be a learning opportunity for you to adjust and improve your future relationships, too. Seek out some kind of closure by spending some time alone and reflecting. Don’t take any action, just let your thoughts flow, naturally and unjudged. These will help you understand yourself and the situation better, and slowly you’ll start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Break-ups, especially those where one partner quickly moves on with someone new, can be very challenging to overcome. It’s not easy, particularly when there is so much anger and hurt, but it’s possible to heal. Taking the time to process, forgive and understand is the best way to start making peace with your ex’s new relationship.
  7. Anger is a natural human emotion that we all experience from time to time. In a romantic relationship, however, anger can be a particularly tricky emotion to navigate. While some degree of conflict and disagreement is normal and even healthy in a relationship, chronic or intense anger can quickly become dysfunctional and damaging. In this article, we will explore the different types of anger that can arise in a romantic relationship and how to distinguish between healthy and dysfunctional expressions of anger. Types of Anger in Romantic Relationships: Anger in a romantic relationship can take several forms, each with its own unique characteristics and implications. These include: Constructive Anger: Constructive anger is a healthy expression of anger that focuses on the behavior or issue at hand rather than attacking the person. This type of anger can be a useful tool for communicating one's needs and boundaries in a relationship, and can lead to greater understanding and growth. Destructive Anger: Destructive anger, on the other hand, is characterized by attacks on the person rather than the behavior. This type of anger can be harmful and damaging to a relationship, and can lead to feelings of resentment, hurt, and mistrust. Repressed Anger: Repressed anger is anger that is suppressed or denied, either because it is considered unacceptable or because the person fears the consequences of expressing it. This type of anger can lead to passive-aggressive behavior, resentment, and a breakdown in communication. Chronic Anger: Chronic anger is anger that is frequent, intense, and often disproportionate to the situation at hand. This type of anger can be a sign of underlying issues such as unresolved trauma, anxiety, or depression, and can be particularly damaging to a relationship if left unaddressed. Distinguishing Between Healthy and Dysfunctional Anger: The key to distinguishing between healthy and dysfunctional anger in a relationship lies in understanding the underlying motivations and outcomes of the anger. Healthy anger is focused on the behavior or issue at hand, and aims to communicate one's needs and boundaries in a clear and constructive manner. It is characterized by a desire for resolution and growth, and is typically followed by a period of reconciliation and forgiveness. Dysfunctional anger, on the other hand, is focused on attacking the person rather than the behavior, and is often driven by underlying emotions such as fear, insecurity, or resentment. It can be harmful and damaging to a relationship, leading to feelings of mistrust, hurt, and resentment. Dysfunctional anger is often followed by a period of withdrawal, avoidance, or retaliation, rather than reconciliation. Managing Anger in Romantic Relationships: Managing anger in a romantic relationship requires a combination of self-awareness, communication skills, and a willingness to work through underlying issues. Some strategies for managing anger in a relationship include: Practice self-awareness: Becoming aware of your own emotions, triggers, and patterns of behavior can help you to better manage your anger and communicate more effectively with your partner. Use "I" statements: When expressing your anger, focus on the behavior or issue at hand rather than attacking the person. Use "I" statements to communicate how the behavior makes you feel and what you need in order to feel heard and understood. Practice active listening: When your partner expresses anger, practice active listening by acknowledging their feelings and reflecting back what you have heard. This can help to defuse the situation and promote understanding and empathy. Seek outside help: If anger in your relationship is chronic or intense, it may be beneficial to seek outside help from a therapist or counselor. A trained professional can help you to identify underlying issues and develop strategies for managing your anger and improving communication in your relationship. Take a break: If the situation becomes too heated or overwhelming, take a break to cool off and regroup. This can help to prevent destructive behavior and give you time to gather your thoughts and emotions before re-engaging in the discussion. Address underlying issues: If chronic or intense anger is a persistent issue in your relationship, it may be important to address any underlying issues such as unresolved trauma, anxiety, or depression. Working through these issues with a therapist or counselor can help to alleviate the intensity of the anger and promote greater understanding and communication in your relationship. Anger is a natural human emotion that we all experience from time to time, and can be a healthy and constructive tool for communicating our needs and boundaries in a romantic relationship. However, chronic or intense anger can quickly become dysfunctional and damaging, leading to feelings of resentment, mistrust, and hurt. By understanding the different types of anger that can arise in a relationship and distinguishing between healthy and dysfunctional expressions of anger, we can better manage our emotions and communicate more effectively with our partner. With self-awareness, communication skills, and a willingness to address underlying issues, we can navigate the complexities of anger in a relationship and build a stronger, more fulfilling connection with our partner.
  8. Anger is a natural human emotion that can be powerful and protective, but it can also be destructive and blinding. When we experience anger, our perception of the world around us can become distorted, and we may lash out and blame others for our problems. In some cases, anger can lead to prejudice and bias towards the object of our anger, further blinding us to the truth. In this article, we will explore the ways in which anger can stop awareness and growth and discuss strategies for overcoming this powerful emotion. The Protective Nature of Anger Anger is often a protective emotion, serving to alert us to potential threats and injustices. When we feel angry, we may be motivated to take action to protect ourselves or others. Anger can be a healthy response to situations that are genuinely threatening or unfair. However, anger can become problematic when it is excessive, inappropriate, or misdirected. For example, if we become angry with a loved one over a minor disagreement, this anger may be excessive and misdirected. If we hold onto anger towards someone who has long since apologized or changed their behavior, this anger may be inappropriate. The Distorting Nature of Anger One of the dangers of anger is that it can distort our perception of the world around us. When we are angry, we may see others as the cause of our problems, even when this is not accurate. We may blame others for our own shortcomings or failings, or see them as enemies rather than allies. This distorted perception can be harmful not only to our relationships with others but also to our own personal growth and development. When we are unable to see our own role in a situation or acknowledge our own weaknesses, we may be unable to learn from our mistakes or improve our behavior. The Biasing Nature of Anger Another danger of anger is that it can lead to prejudice and bias towards the object of our anger. When we are angry with someone or something, we may be more likely to view them in a negative light, even if this is not accurate. This bias can further blind us to the truth and make it difficult to see things objectively. Overcoming Anger to Promote Awareness and Growth While anger can be a powerful and protective emotion, it is important to learn how to manage it effectively to prevent it from stopping awareness and growth. Here are some strategies for overcoming anger and promoting personal growth and awareness: Slow down and examine your anger: When you feel angry, take a step back and examine why you are feeling this way. Is your anger justified? Is it an appropriate response to the situation? Are there other factors contributing to your anger? Examining your anger can help you gain perspective and prevent you from overreacting or misdirecting your anger. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment. When you practice mindfulness, you can become more aware of your own emotions, including anger, and learn to observe them without reacting to them. Use “I” statements: When communicating with others about your feelings, use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying “You make me so angry when you do that,” say “I feel angry when you do that.” This can help prevent you from blaming others for your emotions and promote healthy communication. Practice forgiveness: Holding onto anger towards others can be harmful to your own personal growth and well-being. Practicing forgiveness, even in situations where the other person has not apologized or changed their behavior, can help you let go of anger and move on. Seek professional help: If you are struggling with anger and it is interfering with your ability to function in daily life, seeking professional help may be necessary. A therapist or counselor can help you learn healthy ways to manage your anger and promote personal growth and awareness. While anger can be a powerful and protective emotion, it can also be blinding and harmful to personal growth and awareness. By slowing down, examining our anger, and practicing mindfulness, we can learn to manage our anger effectively and prevent it from stopping our personal growth and awareness. By using “I” statements, practicing forgiveness, and seeking professional help if necessary, we can learn to overcome the blindness of blame and promote healthy communication and relationships with others.
  9. Hello, Recently I have noticed patterns of irritability and anger. I try to control it, but each time I fail. Yesterday, I lashed out at a woman at the Drivers License center because she was very rude to me. I was so upset afterwards and cried in my car because I’ve never stuck up for myself like that. Although I did that, I let it get to me the rest of the day. There’s other situations where I feel angry and I want to blow up, so I go into a quiet place to cool down and take deep breaths. I do consider myself to be communicative, but sometimes I feel like I am not heard when I express myself, which is probably why I feel angry. I have noticed that some situations in the past have made me an angry person. I didn’t always use to be this way. I was always the nice person, but I’m now the complete opposite and have a zero tolerance/patience level. My anxiety has worsen and I let the small things get to me. I want to know if anyone is going through this and if you can give me any helpful tips to control my anger? Thank you.
  10. Aaaarrrggghhhhhh Would help right now "Anger issues. You have anger issues". Ok. And? Did I have anger issues before you started telling me I had anger issues? How do you get angry with someone who is trying to make you angry? Who feels pleasure when you are angry. Even when you're not in front of them. When you're angry alone. They still see you. Happy. Being calm. "You're too calm". Being angry. "You have anger issues". You need help. Get help. Then come back. You were supposed to help me. What's going on? Google. Google. Google. Google. Porn. Alcohol. Google. Google. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Google........ search results: Gaslighting. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!
  11. Pain, betrayal, lies Cry, cry, cry Pain without stop Rapid pain Cry, cry, cry Where are you? Where is him? What did you do? Why?! Cry, cry, cry My head is spinning Laughs, laughs, laughs Vengeful laughs Laughs of power Laughs of humiliation Cry, cry, cry I go there, all them are there I come here, all them are here Oh, where to go? Cry, cry, cry In the middle of the anger and sorrow Cry, cry, cry JUSTICEEEEEEEEE!!!
  12. This is another installment in this story I posted last night. ( ) I may take it or leave it. Not sure yet. I hope starting another thread for this won't be a problem. This is just a first draft, continued. Comments are welcome. ***** "How many god damn times do I have to tell you Kimberly, brush your *beep*ing hair!" his voice was loud and biting. Why did he need to yell? She was standing right in front of him. "I did!" she snapped back, hotly. "Well you didn't brush it good enough. Brush it 150 strokes." She lifted the brush slowly and started brushing her hair on the right side. "Brush it all over, not just in one spot." "Well you want me to brush it 150 strokes don't you!? I could do my whole head in 5!" "Get up to your room and don't come down until your hair is brushed... now!" She turned sharply and ran up the stairs into her room, slamming the door behind her. Setting down on the bed she lifted the brush. 1...2...3...4 148...149...150. She walked confidently down the stairs and entered the living room, where her father sat reading the paper. "Let me see," he said standing up. A look of anger and frustration came onto his face. "You didn't even touch it! You went in your room and sat there for ten minutes! You brat! Why can't you do what you're told?" "I did! I swear to God I did!" "What's I tell you about swearing to God? We don't swear to God in this house." He snatched the brush from her hand and grabbed her by the shoulder, forcing her to turn around. For a split second she was afraid he would hit her with it. But she felt the plastic bristles, rough on her scalp. He hair wasn't tangled, at least there was that mercy. He was finished in under a minute. "Now get your ass upstairs and stay there. You lied to me." Once again in her room, she laid on her bed, crying softly. She rolled over and flipped on the radio. Loud rock music filled the room. She thought again of the man she met at Dr. Shmidt's office. She wondered how long it took him to brush his hair.
  13. I have had this idea for a while now... These two characters are pretty well developed in my head. This is kind of a prolog to later events. They will meet again. And, this is only a first draft, written tonight in all of an hour. Enjoy. (And if you don't enjoy, feel free to rip me apart. I love a good critique. ***** "So I'll see you in two weeks, Kimberly." Dr. Shmidt smiled at the adolescent girl, seated accross from him in the small office. She was a thin girl with chin length hair dyed blue-black. She wore all black clothing and black Converse tennis shoes. "Yea." Kimberly said softly. "I'll need to talk to your mother for a few minutes before you go." "Ok." she answered, smiling back at him. Her mother was outside the door waiting to go in. Kimberly passed without speaking, on her way to the waiting room. The waiting room appeared empty as she exited the long hallway. The receptionist had gone home and an eerie quiet had settled in the office. The she noticed a dark clad man, seated in the corner. He wore black jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt. The hood was pulled up, slightly concealing his face, but long blond hair spilled from beneath it like a golden waterfall. She could not see his eyes but wondered for a second if he was asleep. He sat so perfectly still, his head tilted down. One of Kimberly's favorite things to do was make up stories. She was told she had a vivd imagination by, well, everyone. She didn't see anything wrong with it, but others did. In the past when she was waiting a long time to see Dr. Shmidt, she would alleviate her boredom by making up stories about the people in the waiting room. There was the grown wmoan she saw once, who was morbidly obese, with her hair in ratty pigtails, carrying a cabbage patch doll. Kimberly decided she must have killed her husband, but got off on an insanity plea and now thought she was a child. And then there was the man who sat in the office quietly rocking back and forth and holding back his tears. She imagined his wife just left him for another man and he was crushed. But, most people in this office seed normal enough. Se wondered if anyone sitting there ever made up stories about her while she sat waiting. But this man seemed different. It would be hard coming up with a story for him. She kept her eyes on him and she made her way to a seat, watching for some sign of life. She sat accross from him. As she sat, he lifted his head slightly, and for a split second their eyes met. She almost was startled by the site of his face. His eyes were so strikingly blue, framed by an angelic, handsome face. She stepped back and stared for a second or two, then felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her. Now that he had seen her she felt like she had to speak. Impulsively she blurted out, "Your hair's really long. Mine used to be that long but my Mom made me get it cut." He looked at her inquisitively, "That stinks." His voice was deep, but his way of speech was odd and foreign. "You talk funny." she said quickly, and then put her hand up to her mouth. What was she thinking? "Yes." he said softly, "I am from another country. I didn't grow up speaking English." "Where did you grow up?" "accross the ocean." "You're really handsome. Does everyone accross the ocean look like you?" Now it seemed he was the embarrassed one. He laughed softly and looked away. "I'm always afraid of coming here because I'm afraid of being locked up in a home." "I wouldn't worry about that, " he said, leaning forward a little, "They only lock people up who are dangerous." "My Mom and my teachers say I have an attitude problem." "Well I don't see one." He said, giving her the slightest hint at a smile. She smiled back, flattered and mildly swooning. "Kimberly!" Her mother"s voice shot off like a canon. She jumped up from the chair. "Let's go." She turned around and waved while walking away. "I told you to never talk to anyone in this office didn't I? Why can't you listen?" She hung her head and her face flushed red. She knew the man could hear her mother. She turned around one more time to see him walking toward Dr. Shmidt in the doorway. As they walked out the door she knew she would probably never see this stranger again. She sat in the passenger side of her mother's car, watching trees and buildings go by. Suddenly her mother's voice broke the silence, "Kimberly, I don't want you talking to anyone in that office from now on. Some of the people Doctor Schmidt sees are nuts. Now I'm not going to tell you again." "But he was nice." she pleaded. "How do you know he wasn't a pedophile?" "I..." she trailed off, searching for words. "See. You don't know. He could have kidnapped you and molested you Kim." "Don't call me Kim. I don't like being called Kim." "I birthed you. I'll call you what I want." She reached accross the seat and patted Kimberly's dyed black hair. "We're going to wash all this color out of your hair this weekend." Kimberly liked her black hair. Though her mother was furious when she dyed it. "Twelve is too young to dye your hair. When you're 16 you do what you want with it. You can shave your head for all I care. But now you'll follow my rules." Kimberly nodded slowly. Frustration building deep within her. "And no more talking to people in the shrink's office." She waited a few seconds and then asked the question she had been dying to ask, "Am I nuts?" Her mother turned her head sharply, with a look in her eyes that could have been surprise or anger, "Why would you think that?" "Because I see a shrink. And you even said the people Dr. Shmidt sees are nuts." Her mother took a deep breath, "You're not nuts. You're different. You just need a little help." She turned her head to look back out the window, tears forming in her eyes. Her thoughts drifted back to the stranger in the office. She wondered why he was there. Was he nuts too?
  14. By the moon and star of ethereal light A solo Harbinger rides through the night This sombre horseman's sempiternal quest For ultimate peace and panacea To seek the means in dominions near and far For the incipient end of all Conflict and War Kings and Queens and Generals learn surreptitiously From servants and mercenaries, of a foolish ephiphany For ineffable peace, for calm and serenity On their own beleaguered war-torn territories The War Pigs laughter turns to outrage and anger And murderous demands for the nemisis rider The mysterious horseman pursues his ebullient mission Erstwhile the Generals plot to thwart his ambition The rider more resolute to aggress his dream to fruitition An assemblage of Armies push to frontline position Five thousand men encircle the solitary figure Abiding their orders to compress the trigger In the field five thousand bodies are burning Evocative warning, as the War Machine stops turning The insouciance horseman rides further and farther Unearthing the hideaways of the Generals, and Queens and Kings His true self revealed to the War Pigs cowerings Satan laughing and spreads his wings Oh Lord Yeah! Edit: A nod to Sabbath, Lord Strummer and modern war pigs everywhere
  15. I used to be a fool, Thought guarding my soul, With naught but a single row of thorns, The only way to live. I would waste away days, months, years, Convincing myself that love, It did not exist. That only those weak at heart, Proclaimed sharing their lives, The only way to know happiness. I believed myself strongest alone, independent, self assured. I believed myself to need not others, For to rely on another human being, Is nothing more or less of an action, Of those with a fragile heart. My heart, i believed it beat simply for myself, Now however i realise, The only fools, are those who believe, That love does not exist. Even in your darkest moments, Where anger, disloyalty, frustration, saddness, tears, depression, Become your tragic story. I dare you, Take a look around you, Just for a moment.. You will see, Love? It is everywhere. Those who surround you, They love you. Even if they use not their words, Even if they use not their actions, Even if they use not their thoughts, They love you. I love you. Listen to these words, Believe all that i say, To you, i would not mutter a lonesome lie. I love you.
  16. When you smoke when you drink, and you drink too much, and you live undercover, under blanket, under pillow With no direction with your life; A plan's here you're sure Some emergency escape, some hidden plot hole Somebody to guide you in a certain direction Holding your hand, smiling with affection Some love to rely on, lean and confide in Until you decide to curb stomp again. But there's nothing there, no happy ending No horse ridden sunset, no great epic conclusion All the life lessons that served as your tools, crashing down in front of you,unused, The gates breached, the soldiers slain, the warmth of the battle, no time to dig graves Stretches to a courtyard, you're reluctant to cross, the silence of death, pain and of loss. You crawl through the courtyard, and fall into mud, sinking deeper and deeper, mistakes piling up over your stupid, ignorant head. Until you drown in your guilt, sadness and shame You've hit rock bottom, and you need to take blame You've hit rock bottom, and you need to take my hand I'm angry, because you keep falling, again, and again, and again.
  17. A Pathway Remembered I lay my head in the water and simply breathe Blue skies, sing lullabies and I begin to dream I remember plans pondered, and pure. I remember love so honest and sure, but like such things so beautiful and free; sometimes such things aren't ever meant to be. and blue becomes a gray, and the light becomes a haze, and we run out of things to say, and clear thoughts become a maze, and everything changes The smiles become sighs. The laughs become cries. The distance simply grows until there's nothing to revive, and lord knows the pathway blurs until we cease to survive. Please forgive me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- To Pray Dear Whoever exists so high in the heavens. Please change my life, help me see the errors I make Help break the angry so deep in my veins Help me understand why it is that I pray Dear Whoever exists so high in the stars Who watches, without reacting, who watches afar Who makes me so angry, who leaves me to plea Who watches me frustrated, dead on my knees. I claw and I creep, and I seek and I pray I wish and I thank, and I try to obey I've reaped what I've sown and for that I must pay, Look Lord, I'm sorry for breaking the promise I made, and I'm sorry I've fallen so far from your grace, and I'm sorry that I've resorted to crawling to you. Lord, I'm sorry I didn't simply have more faith in you. Why am I here, deep down on my knees Why have I come back to piety? Nothing seems to put me at ease Nothing seems to make me feel peace Maybe it'll take eternity to see Why all these things are happening to me or why it is that I can't keep happy But until then I guess I'll just sleep. Amen.
  18. A flaming tidal wave pours into my heart A hurt seared the kindness, and its cruel teeth devouring my love with hate Oh, I hate the hate and I hate your happiness/ I hate the fact that I am truly miserable/ Simply being swallowed by the darkness. I clench my teeth, seething, always seething Why must I be so angry? Why am I so wounded? Rage, pure unadulterated. Nothing seems to quell the flames Water evaporates liquor makes it worse talking just spreads the flames and thinking burns, oh it burns! I escape the darkness but like a bug on a wall I linger too long SMACK and then I fall and then I fall
  19. I walked through woods back home through feelings, emotions, pain, and anger of fighting, and crying, and defeat I walked through drunk, forgetting How is it that I still remember when I'd die to forget How is it that I can still love you, when we haven't truly spoke in ages. How if I could I would still hang onto to each of your last words But I'll never have that chance again, and it bothers me so much that though we've had closure I just want to open that chapter again and relive I could go on and on about what I wish, and what we did and I could live with what I've done and what you did but truth is that I feel utterly alone, and with you... at least there was someone I knew I could count on.
  20. necessary invigorating awkward irritating disillusioning painful tearful hopeless disheartening heavy draggy hard numb distracted normal unsatisfying frustrating crazy determined wounded hopeful lost happy crazy crazy crazy angry apologetic angry apologetic apathetic forgiving logical safe happy advantageous "normal"
  21. A little poem I wrote in English. I had to use words that rhymed with "be". It was something I did in about 5 minutes but I was just wondering what you all thought. I was hoping I wasn't the only one to understand it. To be here is to be free from immaturity like alonedom is free free like a bee in nature and prosperity Happy when I am in fact lonely and angry when I'm crowded without empathy flee to tranquility and subside with glee.
  22. I censored out the cuss words since the board will message them out but feel try are necassary to the poem since there is a lot of anger and other emotions expressed in this poem. Wad inspired by a mistake I made to have sex a few times with my ex and the last time I was mostly angry at myself for letting it happen but this poem kinda throws my anger onto him. An hour in the life of a broken soul She lays there letting him f--- her again She is his piece of a-- She means nothing to him She lays there screaming into the night A scream so loud it burns holes into his skin Yet so quiet there is no sound She moans with all of her being With the sharp knife of agony carving into his soul * She aches with soft and deep dispair She scratches his back with her nails They have blades of hatred Underneath it all lays the nakedness of a broken heart *
  23. We've been together about six months and had a few problems along the way, but they are always just the way we react to each other. We are getting better at that. I have a big problem though. Fairly recently I found out that she had been with 2 guys at once a few years back. This was way before I even met her but when she told me I was completely crushed. It made me look at her in disgust and now any time she initiates intimacy I am turned off and think of her as a slut. It makes me think that she is this sexual deviant who couldn't go a week without sex if we were to break up. On the other hand, if i am feeling in the mood and initiate something, it is absolutely incredible... in the car, on the floor, wherever. Completely passionate and intense. It's just that when she really gets into stuff and starts talking dirty, or afterwards says "well that's something I've never done before", I just start thinking that she is dirty and is surprised when there's something we do that she hasn't tried before. When she talks dirty it makes me think sex isn't special to her, that it's only for pleasure. Why am i so critical of her and her past? I am working on my own issues relating to self-esteem etc. because I know much of it starts there, but what do I do to get rid of the anger and resentment that arises in these situations?? Please help!
  24. The right she has is the right she's given from herself. Surrounded in her world you deemed yourself her creator when you lied to your internal demon. He begged you for light but your darkness was blinding. Dictating empowered her love into the birth of her sight. I laugh with her while you pawn your existence. My rally is furious when I feel her rape from your commitment. Heaped glory is the trash she smells when I comfort her scorn you embossed. Bold strength, bonded into one, intimidating your glee with fortunes towards your pitiful well. We pride our fear in delicate broken glass that pierced your soul when our blood grew. Death before birth is your Mantra and its clinging web illuminates our soul. You created her from myself and you killed me into her outer womb. Negating the curses, I love you until a fool reanimates your creative destruction. Only tears will fall when boundaries destroy my confusion. I will care if we are not the eye, nor the heart, only the sand that will never be a mirage. She loves me and I her. Simplistic treasures will complicate the speed of our time, with or without your implicit bondage.
  25. Something There is something in the hum of a house that makes it a home. Something in the high pitched voices of young children and the chatter and laughter of play. The swish of running water, the clink of dishes coming clean, and baths being drawn. Something, in the click click click of the dog crossing the kitchen to lie on the cool floor. And there is something in the arguments about folded socks and lost shoes and too little time. Something in the quickness in which we dismiss each other and our selves. There is something in the silence too, the exchanged looks of love and anger the embraces, a kiss, and yet even in this quiet, there is a constant buzz like a hive of bees constructing, forming, creating, something beautiful like a honeycomb in your heart.
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