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  1. Title of this thread is the same as my blog... except the after dark part. I added After Dark because I most likely will write about things here that I don't write about in my Blog. Here I am anonymous... there I'm not. So, now it's time to work my nerves a bit... To M... Posting on facebook that you started your rag... Really? While your at it why don't you just post pics of some used tampons for all our enjoyment. To B... The things you do that used to annoy me so much are starting to annoy me less and less. But, it's not that I've had a change of heart and see the error of my ways or anything... It's just that I CARE less and less. Also to B... While you are sitting on your ass talking/typing about all the things you want to do, I am actually out doing the things I want to do. But you continue to criticize me. To AZ, Would you be my friend at all if I didn't make good money? I love hanging out with you, but anymore every time I see you you expect me to spend it on you. To A... this isn't working my nerves. But I still want to say it. Thank you for making me feel the way you have these last couple days.
  2. Well ,it looks like my hand may be pushed faster then I think . I heard a rumour ,yes ,you have to love the rumour mill that our new building is going to be condemned . I had to talk to my boss today and yesterday she told me we plan to re-start in 2 weeks and today she tells me we don’t know what we’re doing yet . So obviously the rumour mill is true . Thank Jesus I applied for unemployment ! A friend added me to all the Facebook child care sites and buy and sells. Unfortunately, my boss is on all the childcare sites . She’s going to know my plan eventually .
  3. I look on this forum a lot to see if there are any new stories about people getting back together with their ex's. I do it just so that I can have some hope, and I really hope someday I can post my story on here to give others confidence that having hope pays off. In the meantime, I am going to make a list of actual stories of people I know that broke up and got back together. Please post your stories here too and we can put a little bit of cheer into this forum. 1. My friend was dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years. They were broken up for a year and a half and he tried everything to get her back. One day he was with his friend talking about her and she called him right then to talk about something trivial, and he went over to her house. They got back together and now they are engaged. 2. My friend's sister and her husband broke up for four years and now they are married with 3 kids. 3. My friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when we were 19 and they got back together a few years later and have been together ever since. 4. My other friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when she was a sophomore in college and they just got back together and now they live together. 5. A friend of my ex's was so sad about a girl forever, talked about her all the time when we were out at the clubs, couldn't believe they broke up, etc....now they have been back together for over a year. 6. My friend and her boyfriend dated for a few years, broke up for 9 months, now they are engaged. She says their relationship is better than ever now they are back together. 7. My friend was hung up on this guy forever, he would go back and forth and never commit, now they are living together and she is going to have a baby. They are really happy and in the end it worked out great. That is just some of the stories I know off the top of my head. Please post any stories of reconciliation that you know of so that we can have some cheer in this forum.
  4. My question is for anyone. Why does a guy wish to share his wife/girlfriend with someone else.? we are not taking about swinging here but the pleasure of watching him wife with another men. for ever my husband has asked me to have sex with some of his Friends and i always said no way well 6 month ago i said OK and to my surprise it was Very good. I have had several partners and many repeats,i feel super,not slutty at all, i am far more sexual then i ever thought i was, i have sex all the time,i lost 10 lbs lol. i feel great and it shows.My relation with my husband is equally great, our sex life is hotter then ever,we are closer then ever as well,we talk and hell we even listen.. many of our Friends know about our lifestyle and it sure add to the trill,we dint put it in your face but we don't over hide it as well. i am one of those that has to understand the why for everything, so why is our relation so much better now,why i feel so in control and so...alive your thoughts please. Susan
  5. Understanding the Emotional Impact of Breakups When a friend is going through a breakup, it's crucial to understand the complex emotional turmoil they're experiencing. A breakup can lead to feelings of grief, loss, and uncertainty about the future. Recognizing the depth of these emotions is the first step in offering meaningful support. It's essential to acknowledge that everyone's emotional response to a breakup is unique. While some might display overt sadness, others may appear fine on the surface, masking deeper feelings of hurt. As a friend, being aware of these varied emotional responses helps in tailoring your support effectively. Empathy plays a key role in this process. It involves more than just understanding their feelings; it's about genuinely putting yourself in their shoes. This empathetic approach allows you to offer more personalized and sensitive advice, aligning with your friend's emotional state. Lastly, it's important to remember that the healing process is not linear. Your friend may have good days and bad days. Patience and a non-judgmental attitude are vital in helping them navigate through these ups and downs. Key Takeaways: Recognize the wide range of emotions associated with breakups. Understand that every individual's emotional response to a breakup is unique. Empathy is crucial in providing effective support. Be patient and non-judgmental, as the healing process is not linear. Listening: The First Step in Offering Support Effective support in the aftermath of a breakup begins with listening. It's not just about hearing the words your friend says, but truly understanding the emotions behind them. Active listening involves giving your full attention, acknowledging their feelings, and refraining from interrupting or judging. Body language plays a critical role in active listening. Maintaining eye contact, nodding, and leaning in slightly shows your friend that you are fully engaged in the conversation. These non-verbal cues can be as comforting as words, letting your friend know they are in a safe space to express themselves. Encouraging your friend to share their thoughts and feelings can be beneficial. However, it's essential to respect their boundaries. If they're not ready to talk, let them know you're available whenever they feel comfortable opening up. This approach helps in building trust and strengthens your bond. One of the key aspects of listening is to avoid the urge to offer solutions immediately. Sometimes, all your friend needs is a sympathetic ear, not advice. By allowing them to vent and process their emotions, you provide a much-needed outlet for their feelings. Refrain from sharing your personal experiences or comparing their situation with others. While it might be tempting to relate to their story, it can unintentionally shift the focus away from your friend's needs and feelings. Remember, listening is an ongoing process. It's about being there for your friend not just in the initial stages of the breakup but throughout their journey to recovery. Regular check-ins can make a significant difference in how they cope with the breakup. Ultimately, the art of listening is about empathy, patience, and understanding. It's recognizing that your friend's experience is unique and deserves to be heard without any preconceptions or judgments. Avoiding Common Pitfalls When Giving Breakup Advice When offering breakup advice to a friend, it's easy to fall into certain traps that can do more harm than good. One of the most common mistakes is giving unsolicited advice. Remember, your role is to support, not to dictate how your friend should feel or act. Avoid minimizing their feelings by using phrases like “You'll get over it” or “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” Such comments, though well-intentioned, can invalidate their emotions and make them feel misunderstood. Resist the urge to demonize the ex-partner. While it might be tempting to take sides, doing so can create a negative space and prevent your friend from processing their feelings healthily. It's important to remain neutral and focus on your friend's well-being. Another pitfall is pushing your friend to move on too quickly. Everyone heals at their own pace, and what worked for one person may not work for another. Encourage them to take the time they need to heal without feeling rushed or pressured. Finally, ensure you don't neglect your own emotional well-being while supporting a friend through a breakup. It's crucial to set boundaries and practice self-care, so you can be an effective and empathetic supporter without burning out. Helping Your Friend Rediscover Their Independence Post-breakup, one of the most empowering steps your friend can take is rediscovering their independence. It's a process of redefining self-identity without the context of the relationship. Encourage your friend to revisit old hobbies or passions they may have set aside. These activities not only offer a sense of accomplishment but also help in re-establishing their individuality. Suggesting new activities can also be beneficial. Exploring new interests can lead to the discovery of untapped passions and talents, offering a fresh perspective and a break from past routines associated with their previous relationship. Independence also means learning to enjoy one's own company. Encourage your friend to spend time alone, reflecting on their personal goals and desires. This can be a time of significant personal growth and self-discovery. Traveling solo or joining groups where they can meet new people can also aid in this process. It helps in building confidence and understanding that they can enjoy life independently. Financial independence is another crucial aspect. If the relationship involved financial interdependence, guiding your friend towards financial autonomy can be incredibly empowering. Simple steps like budgeting, saving, or even financial planning for the future can instill a sense of control and independence. Remember, the journey to rediscovering independence is personal and varies from person to person. Your support should be tailored to your friend's pace and comfort level, encouraging them to embrace their newfound freedom in their own way. Encouraging Healthy Coping Mechanisms Adopting healthy coping mechanisms is vital for anyone going through a breakup. Encourage your friend to express their emotions in constructive ways. Writing in a journal, creating art, or engaging in physical activities are excellent outlets for processing feelings. Maintaining a regular routine can provide a sense of normalcy and structure during this tumultuous time. This includes regular sleep patterns, healthy eating habits, and maintaining social contacts. It's also important to encourage your friend to avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as excessive drinking, overeating, or other forms of escapism. While these might offer temporary relief, they can lead to more significant issues in the long run. Mindfulness and meditation can be incredibly beneficial in managing the stress and anxiety that often accompany breakups. These practices help in staying grounded and can offer a sense of peace amidst the emotional turmoil. Lastly, remind your friend that it's okay to seek professional help if they're struggling to cope. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore and understand their emotions, aiding in a healthier and more comprehensive healing process. Navigating the Conversation: Dos and Don'ts When having a conversation with a friend going through a breakup, certain approaches can be more beneficial than others. Here are some dos and don'ts to keep in mind: Do: Listen actively. Show that you are engaged and empathetic to their feelings. Active listening involves nodding, making eye contact, and providing feedback that shows you are genuinely interested in what they are sharing. Don't: Rush to offer advice or solutions. Sometimes, your friend may just need someone to listen and validate their feelings, rather than immediately jumping to advice or solutions. Do: Acknowledge their feelings. Let them know that it's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Validation can be incredibly comforting during times of emotional distress. Don't: Dismiss their emotions or experiences. Avoid making light of what they are going through or comparing it to other situations. Each person's experience with a breakup is unique. Do: Encourage open and honest communication. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything without fear of judgment or criticism. Don't: Pressure them to share more than they are comfortable with. Respect their boundaries and let them open up in their own time. When to Suggest Professional Help While friends can provide invaluable support during a breakup, there may come a time when professional help is needed. Recognizing when to suggest this can be crucial for your friend's well-being. If you notice your friend struggling with persistent sadness, anxiety, or depression that doesn't improve over time, it might be time to consider professional help. These could be signs that they are having difficulty coping with the breakup on their own. Another indicator is a significant change in behavior, such as withdrawal from social activities, neglecting self-care, or using substances to cope. These changes can signal that they are not managing their emotions healthily. When suggesting professional help, it's important to do so with sensitivity. Express your concern in a non-judgmental way and offer to help them find resources or support services. Remember, the decision to seek professional help is ultimately theirs to make. Staying Present: The Importance of Ongoing Support Continued support is crucial when helping a friend navigate through the aftermath of a breakup. The initial stages often receive the most attention, but it's the ongoing support that truly makes a difference. Regular check-ins, whether through messages or meet-ups, can help your friend feel less isolated and more connected. Staying present also means being there during the less obvious, yet still challenging, moments. This could be during holidays, anniversaries, or other times that might be particularly difficult for your friend. Just knowing someone is there for them can be incredibly comforting. It's important to balance your support with respect for their independence. Encourage them to take steps towards their own emotional well-being, but also be ready to step in with support and guidance when needed. Remember, recovery from a breakup is not a linear process. There will be ups and downs, and your consistent presence can provide a sense of stability and comfort throughout this journey. Helping Your Friend Redefine Their Self-Identity After a breakup, one's self-identity can often feel lost or diminished. As a supportive friend, you can play a vital role in helping them rediscover and redefine who they are outside of a relationship. Encourage them to explore interests and hobbies that they may have neglected or not pursued while in the relationship. Engaging in self-reflection can be a powerful tool. Encourage your friend to think about their values, goals, and what they want from life. This can be a time for profound personal growth and development. Reconnecting with old friends and making new connections can also help in redefining self-identity. These social interactions can remind them of their qualities and strengths as an individual. Lastly, remind them that it's okay to evolve and change. The end of a relationship can be the start of a new chapter, where they can redefine who they are and what they want from life. Dealing with Social Media Post-Breakup In today's digital age, social media can significantly impact how one copes with a breakup. Advising your friend on how to manage their social media presence post-breakup is crucial. It might be helpful to suggest a temporary break from social media to avoid the constant reminders of their ex-partner and to prevent impulsive or emotional posts. Discuss the benefits of unfollowing or muting their ex-partner. Constant updates about an ex's life can hinder the healing process. It's essential for your friend to focus on themselves, rather than what their ex is doing. Encourage them to avoid the temptation of posting about the breakup or their feelings towards their ex-partner. Such posts can lead to regret later and might not provide the closure or reaction they are seeking. Lastly, remind them that social media often presents an idealized version of reality. Comparing their healing process to what they see online can be misleading and harmful to their emotional well-being. Encouraging New Interests and Activities One effective way to move forward post-breakup is to dive into new interests and activities. Encourage your friend to try things they've always wanted to do but never had the chance to. This could be anything from learning a musical instrument to taking up a new sport or hobby. Joining clubs or groups that align with their interests can also be beneficial. It provides an opportunity to meet new people, which can be a refreshing change and help them build a new social circle independent of their past relationship. Volunteering is another excellent avenue for them to explore. It not only allows them to give back to the community but can also be a source of fulfillment and a way to gain a new perspective on life. Traveling can also be a transformative experience. Whether it's a solo trip or a group adventure, new environments and experiences can be incredibly liberating and offer a sense of renewal. Encourage them to set personal goals related to these new activities. Achieving goals, no matter how small, can boost their confidence and sense of self-worth. Lastly, be supportive but not pushy. While it's great to suggest new activities, it's also important to respect their pace and readiness to try new things. Recognizing Signs of Healing and Moving Forward Identifying signs of healing in a friend post-breakup is essential to understanding their progress. One positive sign is the return of interest in daily activities and hobbies. This indicates a resurgence of personal joy and engagement with life. Another significant sign is when your friend begins talking about the breakup with less emotional intensity. This shift often means they are starting to process their emotions more healthily and gaining perspective. A change in language, from focusing on the past to talking about the future, also signifies healing. It shows they are beginning to look forward and make plans that are not centered around their past relationship. Improved self-care routines, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep, are practical indicators that your friend is taking better care of themselves and prioritizing their well-being. When they start socializing more and showing interest in meeting new people, it suggests they are ready to rebuild and expand their social network, which is crucial for emotional recovery. Lastly, the ability to reflect on the relationship and breakup without overwhelming sadness or anger is a strong sign of emotional healing and maturity. How to Support Your Friend in Future Relationships As your friend heals and considers entering new relationships, your support remains vital. Begin by encouraging them to take things slow and to understand their needs and boundaries in a relationship. Remind them of the lessons learned from their past relationship. These insights can be invaluable in guiding them towards healthier relationship choices in the future. Encourage open communication in their future relationships. Being able to express their needs, fears, and expectations is key to a healthy partnership. Help them recognize red flags and deal-breakers. This awareness can prevent them from entering potentially harmful relationships and guide them towards more fulfilling connections. It's also important to support their independence. Remind them of the importance of maintaining their individuality and interests outside of any romantic relationship. Be a sounding board for them when they need to talk about their relationship concerns, but avoid becoming overly involved or taking sides. Finally, celebrate their successes and be there for them during challenging times. Your consistent support can help them navigate the complexities of new relationships with more confidence and clarity. FAQ: Addressing Common Concerns in Post-Breakup Support 1. How can I help my friend stop obsessing over their ex? Encourage your friend to focus on their own life and interests. Suggest activities that keep them engaged and provide little time to dwell on the past. It's also helpful to gently redirect conversations away from their ex and towards positive topics. 2. My friend keeps going back to their ex. What should I do? Remind your friend of their worth and the reasons why the breakup happened. However, be empathetic and understand that breaking emotional ties can be challenging. Encourage them to set boundaries and focus on self-healing. 3. How do I handle it when my friend talks about the breakup repeatedly? Be patient and listen, but also encourage them to express their feelings in different ways, like through journaling or art. This can help them process their emotions more fully without relying solely on conversation. 4. What if my friend starts displaying unhealthy behaviors? If your friend shows signs of unhealthy behavior, such as excessive drinking or self-isolation, it's important to express your concern and suggest professional help. Offer to assist them in finding the right resources or support groups. 5. How long should the healing process take? There is no set timeline for healing from a breakup. It varies greatly from person to person. Encourage your friend to take the time they need and remind them that it's okay to feel better at their own pace. 6. Can I suggest my friend start dating again? While it's natural to want to see your friend move on, it's important to let them decide when they're ready to start dating again. Encourage them to focus on their personal growth and healing before jumping into a new relationship.
  6. So, this is going to be unusual to 99% of you. I'm sorry its going to be long text and im going to spend at least 1h writing it. So our story begins on video game, particularly very old one but still popular Counter Strike 1.6 and that game is like 32 players in game and there is this chat thats very live unlike any other game. Like people actually talk with each other its not your common mw2 lobby or anything, its actually way more passive aggresive and toxic but there is good also. Anyway so i met this girl there and u know we were playing and chating and we kinda hit it off just joking around making fun of admins etc. So 4 weeks later she msgs me on messenger something regarding the game anyway , suddenly she just starts talking about her cat and it progressed into her talking about herself. Since that day we ve been in contact for now 2 and half years. There were times where we both spent both morning, day and night just messaging and talking about real life stuff. I mean that litterly. Anyway she would tell me all about herself , her friends, her brother mother grandma , her problems and all that. She would litterly send me screenshots from the msgs with her friends and we would talk all about it. She also had similar online friends and she always talked to me about them , complained sent me sc of their chats and i always sided with her cuz she was right i mean for real. Then 6 months in we started arguing about our views on certain matters, take a note we share alot of similar views except this ones and arguments got heated and i was kinda trying to explain myself to her and she took it like i was attacking her view. So i got blocked eventually and next month she unblocks and msgs me and i try to remedy situation before but she just didnt bother about it. So similar things happaned atleast 3 more times before true disaster. So year and half in our relationship, we are friends she didnt block me recently and i thought we truly became friends often.she would often say i am important to her. So as you know in a game a giant douchebag appeared, and i just wasnt having it i was enjoying my playing time i had fun joked around and now this guy comes in starts insulting everyone guy litterly spams chat all the time. So i tryed telling him to shut up , i mean other player were like pfff imma just go elsewhere or they were silent. So i told him couple times to shutup , and guy just started cussing my dead mother all of sudden. So i kinda got really pissed of, i can tolerate everything but when u cuss my mother and i say i don't have one and u still continue yea its on. She was there some of time , she saw lad saying all kinds of things to me. Things got heated up for 2 weeks untill admin banned me. Now what happaned is she actually messaged me and insulting me and defending the other guy and i was kinda flagbastared like ***. I asked why u protecting him , why u attacking me, why u doing all this u saw things he says to me, shes like idc u started it and u deserved it. I mean i might be stupid or in denial but what ? Little did i know in this 2 weeks she became friends with him and spoke non of it to me. So after that argue i said what i saw and explained everything she didnt belive me she kept repeating her story that neither the other guy agrees with. And since that day she blocks me , unblocks me we speak somehow that argue ends up in our discussion again i get blocked etc etc. There is even point when she complained about him and sent me sc of their chats. Tbh i feel like i should have cut her loose long time ago, but thing is she became very dear to me and im very worried about her she has depression, she does self harm , she is anorexic, she idk has split personality or something. She has dark days and good day. And im unblocked on her bad days and i listen i try to talk to her cheer her up when those dark days start ending quess who is on block list xD. Anyway recently we ve been talkin alot i mean 2 months recently is our record in last year. So she was looking for games and stuff and i suggested few , and i said we can play together her response was nah i dont want games anymore. 2 days later she says she gonna play same game i suggested with guy i was fighting before. I mean 3 days ago u said he was idiot and retard and u blocked him. She says oh well he apologized right after the block. Im still in shock so i ask why not play with me , i mean i asked u dozen times to play anything with me u wanted to learn chess i could teach u. U refused. She says whats the problem if i dont want to play with you? And im just in shook so we start arguing again and she admits she is on his side she accused me of things even that guy knows arent true but in her mind im bad guy there. So whole this 2 years i thought we were friends and i feel i just got stabbed in the back , when fight between me and other guy started. I mean u shared all ur secrets with me and i shared alot of mine , keep in mind i dont talk to anyone about myself not even my best friends she knows more about me then my family, my friends combined. I known her for 2 years and only a month ago i learned how her face really looks like, she often sent me pics of her eye or chin etc. Nothing full picture untill month ago. Meanwhile that guy knew all that since first week of them talking, she even followed him on social media. She also added me few times on snapchat but next day i was gone in excuse i deleted it, actually i believe i was just blocked lol. So at the end of this argument i told her all about how i feel idc about that other guy as much as care how u treat me. She said i dont know what to say i said its ok u have month from now to figure it out. I kinda feel used like damn chat bot, like talking tom app. I feel betrayed since she first sided with guy she barely knew and she defends him meanwhile guy is nut job aggressive , impulsive, she chases every girl on game, he even seduced girl from game to strip for him on camera and she knows all that she know and still...She often sent me msgs of people she met online and talked and them saying " i kinda feel you are going to betray me someday" and i kinda wish i had same thinking in the begining. Idk anymore maybe i shouldnt have given her that month. Maybe i should just end it here. I mean when i recently asked her did i ever mean anything to you she said not anymore. Idk i am stupid i wasted 2 years into this relationship ups and downs ups and downs always and now.... I really dont want to be her Chat bot anymore if we are going to be friends i need her to act like im one. Eh i wrote too much not many will bother to read but i just had to say this somewhere and hopefully have some give me advice or plain tell me am i retarded or am in the wrong here. Sorry for bad English and grammar i kinda rushed to get this off my chest really. I will try to correct everything.
  7. Many of us will have experienced being at a social gathering, only to be surprised when one of our friends reveals that they are engaged or married to someone new. It can be an exciting moment, but sometimes it can also be daunting if we feel as though we don't know much about the new person in our friend's life. This can be especially true if our friend's new husband has two deceased wives on his resume. How do you move forward in a situation like this? First, let's talk through some of the options available. The most obvious solution is to simply step back and let your friend be. It is often the case that we can feel protective of our friends, particularly those who are in new relationships. We want them to be happy, of course, and so we may feel uncomfortable about expressing our concerns about the person in their life. But self-restraint is key here; your friend is an adult, and ultimately it is up to them to make their own decisions. It is entirely possible that your friend is aware of the implications of their partner's marital history and has made an informed decision to continue the relationship anyway. But let's say that you can't shake off the nagging feeling that something is amiss. In this case, it is important to remember that you don't necessarily need to "say" something right away. Depending on the strength of your friendship, it might actually be best to stay silent and just observe the new relationship for a while. This can be an excellent way to form your own judgement about the new husband without forcing yourself into a position where you have to immediately confront your friend about it. If you do observe something that looks suspicious or a behavior that doesn't appear to be genuine, you still don't necessarily have to outright tell your friend. You can always find respectable and objective support for yourself, such as talking to counselors or talking to organizations that specialize in handling such matters. This can be beneficial in and of itself, as it can help to provide guidance and support and may help to give you clarity when it comes to deciding what to do next. However, if worse comes to worst and your friend's new husband is found to have malicious intentions, then it is best to take swift and decisive action. If you can't discuss the matter with your friend in an objective and understanding manner, then it might be best to reach out to the right authorities who can handle the situation. This could involve contactings law enforcement, or the local domestic violence support center. Of course, not all hope is lost; it is entirely possible that you misjudged the situation and that your friend is happier than ever with their new spouse. In any case, it is important to take as much time as you need to form your own opinion before taking any kind of action, whether that action is silence or further investigation. Your friend and their new partner should be respected, trusting that you can all get through this together. The messiness that can occasionally be associated with close friendships can be overwhelming, but it's important to remember that we need to love and accept each other even when things don't go quite as expected. how you deal with the situation will depend largely on how closely you and your friend are connected. If your bond is strong enough, there may be some room to talk candidly and objectively about the situation, and address whatever doubts or worries you may have. After all, friends look out for each other, no matter what.
  8. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. We met at work and everything went very slowly, but it's meant we have a strong foundation. She has pretty much every quality I would look for in a partner if someone asked me to make a list of what I wanted. But the sexual side of the relationship has been lacking - right from the start. In the first year I just thought it was because she wanted to take things slow. But I've realised now I don't think it will ever improve - and now any sexual attraction or chemistry that was once there has gone. Obviously a relationship is not just about this - but it is a factor - and although many other parts of the relationship are really strong, this feels like a big problem. Meanwhile - I've known my friend - let's call her B - much longer as we went to university and subsequently lived together. I'd never really seen her in this way - she doesn't have lots of the relationship qualities I'd usually look for, and I always just viewed her as a best friend. But in the past year - since we were no longer living together - she started being much more romantically interest and flirty with me, and I was surprised by this but did like the attention and played along. She has been with her partner for 5+ years so is also in a long-term relationship despite all of this. We went on a couple of dates, held hands, kissed, etc. but I still never thought for a moment that I would see myself in a relationship with her. But recently I've been feeling very down about the whole situation (and I'm aware this can't be good as everyone involved is being hurt here) - and I suddenly realised that actually I am in love with my friend, B, and that I wanted to do things properly and be with her. She'd even said she wanted this too - over message, though it was while she had been drinking. I told her the next day that I felt like this and that I was ready to make the leap and go ahead with ending the relationship I was in to be with her. But then she decided that - although she wanted that future too - she didn't want to hurt her partner in that way, and that her decision was to stay in her relationship. However she's asked to keep everything exactly the same between us - so the flirty messages etc. and talking about being together she wants to continue, even though she's told me she doesn't want to end her relationship to actually be with me. I'm so confused by all this. I genuinely have this really strange feeling of being broken hearted but at the same time I don't know if I've just got carried away because I got a bit of attention from someone I have a sexual attraction to, and that it's all snowballed from there. Equally I know I need to be open with my girlfriend about how I am feeling - and I will have that conversation with her. But I am seeking some advice on what to do about my friend, girl B. She is a really close friend and I would absolutely hate to lose her by blocking her because I'm confused and hurting. What am I feeling? I genuinely don't know - but right now all I can think about is being in a relationship with her, and the fact that she's led me to believe it could happen and then crushed that from actually happening. All comments welcome, thank you
  9. Being in any kind of relationship can be challenging, particularly when it comes to having a friend who claims to “hate” your personality. It's easy to internalize negative opinions and feel discouraged, but it's also important to take a step back and look for healthy ways to move forward in your relationship. Though hate is a strong emotion, it doesn't mean there aren't any solutions to explore. Deciding what to do in this situation may become a frustrating balancing act, as each of you will confront diverse fears, hopes, and values that must be addressed. It requires complex communication, self-reflection, and active understanding of how other people may hold beliefs and perspectives that vary from yours. When you're stuck in a no-win situation with a friend who has clearly expressed dissatisfaction, first identify the source of those feelings. Ask yourself if there are any values or feelings of yours that the other person might be responding to, even in an indirect way. Understand that their response to your behavior may be their own way of trying to adjust to a changing dynamic in the relationship. Oftentimes, when people can't make sense of things they said, they respond with strong emotions. If this is what’s happening in your case, try being patient and understanding until both of you can reach a better understanding. If your friend is sufficiently candid, it’s possible to explore the issue together. You may both benefit from discussing different aspects of the relationship that you each think need adjusting or clarifying. Equally, it's worth considering how you are both communicating to one another. Try starting with these three steps: 1. Understand what your own needs are. 2. Understand where your friend is coming from. 3. Show respect for each other's views. It's also important to respect yourself. If you feel that your friend does not have your best interests at heart, take some time to think about why this may be. It's important to remember that deep-seated feelings of hurt can block your ability to communicate effectively. If there are underlying issues in the relationship, address these by taking a few moments to talk about things beyond the surface level. Developing a sense of respect and trust for each other despite differences of opinion builds the foundation for a stronger, more secure friendship. This can ensure both of you remain open to constructive criticism, new ideas and ways of solving problems together. In the end, being able to establish a balance between two distinct perspectives is key to moving forwards in any relationship. Aim to find a middle ground where you can discuss things objectively and honestly. The goal should be two-way understanding that enables your friendship to last, while also respecting your individuality.
  10. I've recently got closer to a guy in my course, he is married but polyamorous and openly dating/ seeing new people. He is an incredibly confident and sociable person, in social situations he can be flirtatious. At first I accepted that this is just how he is, but I began to feel like he is particularly flirty with me. Lots of little touches on the thigh or arms, prolonged eye contact even in group settings, and teasing, plus he always seems to end up sat next to me or across from me. I recently joined a dating app and the following day a bunch of us were going out for drinks and when I saw him he told me he had seen me on there and he commented one some of the pictures, much later on he saw me open the app and asked if I had seen him. I hadn't, but then I swiped and he popped up, I closed the app quickly and laughed but he teased me for this and asked me if I wasn't even going to look at his profile. I opened it, and we matched. But Bumble has a 24hr window for the girl to message the guy and I copped out and didn't because I didn't know what the vibe was. Fast forward to the other night, I invited him and his partner out to some drinks with a group of my friends. They don't know my friends too well but I thought it would be nice. His partner wasn't feeling well, so the guy came on his own and automatically we gravitated towards each other again, conversation flows really easily with us. I noticed that I am beginning to feel a little shy around this guy, and on this night as we spent more time together I noticed he was a lot more reserved than usual. He engaged a lot less with the group than he usually would and we ended up speaking alone a lot. He did a few little things that made me suspicious; leaning his body and head on me to look at the drinks menu, offering to share a blanket with me (we were on a terrace). But he was far less outlandishly flirty than he usually is with everyone, it was like seeing a different side to him. Last thing happened when this morning I woke up to a text from him, with a screenshot of my dating profile which had popped up on his feed again. We made some jokes etc about it and I joked about actually needing to message people instead of ignoring them. Out of curiosity I swiped to see if we would match again and we did. Why would he feel like matching with me a second time after it had expired the first? I am confused about his behaviour and what it means and whether I maybe did something to make him more nervous the other night? Also should I message him on the app this time? I feel like I would like to get to know him in that way but I am worried I am misreading him.
  11. I want to chronicle my journey, post-breakup so that hopefully ENAers current and in the future can use my story as a point of reference. I'll do my best to post here each day with how I'm feeling, doing, interactions, etc. My story? Senior in college. Mutually broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years six weeks ago. Neither of us were happy in the relationship anymore. We basically spent most of our free time together and over-time, that led to a toxic dynamic. We neglected our friends to be together. We just agreed that we loved and cared about each other and didn't want to totally ruin our dynamic by continuing at our current pace. We wanted time to work on ourselves and find happiness alone again before ever having a healty relationship again. Don't get me wrong. Our relationship was based off of a lot of love. She has still told me that she knows that she's going to marry me one day and that no one will ever treat her better than I did. Do I believe her? Well, I did and still somewhat do. No such thing as false hope because hope doesn't mean success. We've been through everything together from swine flu, to pregnancy scares, deaths in the family, mental breakdowns, hospital visits, going grocery shopping on a Friday night. We've pretty much experienced much more than you should in a 2.5 year time frame. The last six weeks? Hellish. I've asked for her back on four different occasions to only be rejected each time (Three of them were alcohol-enduced). After a few days passed by, I felt like we could handle the problems while in the relationship. Well, she didn't agree. She kept saying that she needed 'space'. So I've been in and out of NC. My longest period was for three weeks and I felt so much better. However, after I saw her at a bar and I was really drunk, I started to text her and ask for her back. This didn't go over well and I called and apologized to her today. Basically, my fear of loss has compelled me to do a lot of stupid things. I've out of character on more than one occasion. I can't cook, either. So that has sucked, a lottttt. Is there a rebound? Nope. She's not interested in dating anyone else. She has spent a ton of time with her friends, who are all single. Most were very envious of our relationship because it was so damn comfortable. Definitely could be a phase. Has she contacted me? Yep. The most recent time was last Wednesday. She texts me late at night. Like 12:30 am. And mind you, she is not a drinker. So these aren't drunk texts. These are 'I put my head on the pillow and think about you' texts. She's just a better actor than I am when disguising her feelings. I know she still cares about me. One of her last texts to me? 'I'm starting to feel like a normal person again'. Just goes to show that they hurt just as much as we do, post-breakup. Misc I removed her on Facebook awhile back. I don't take my cell phone when I go out to avoid drunk texting (bit me twice in the past). Her family absolutely loves me. Her brother still talks to me and often asks for my advice. Her mom came to visit two weeks ago and wanted to come over to see me. However, I was at work. She has 'checked in' on me a few times. I didn't really give her much information, but I didn't exactly blow her off. I feel like that is not productive if you want someone back who doesn't have a current boyfriend/fling. What Have I Done? Re-connect with old friends. Met lots of new friends. Go out, a lot. Meet new girls. Exercise like crazy. I've dropped 15 pounds over this six week period. I've really worked hard at my job and with my college work. Tried to do everything in my power to not think about her. Final Thoughts I miss this girl like crazy, but I'm slowly letting go. That's the only way you can get yourself back. I'd like to have her back someday, but not until I'm 100% happy again and she gets this whole phase out of her system. Hopefully this gave you an intro to my situation and feel free to chime in whenever. Just remember, when you love someone, you never give up. That doesn't mean you'll get them back, but if you truly love someone, you'll want them to always be happy. Your happiness, however, is always the top priority. Don't forget the push-pull dynamic. The more you push, the worse things will become. You can never 'pull' too much. The best gift you can give an ex? The gift of missing you. Go away. If you envision positive things, they'll happen for you.
  12. Since more than 1 week, my friend is really mad at me and don’t want to talk to me for now. I did a lot of wrong thing, I was too attached to her….I said things about other people that I shouldn’t tell, my behavior towards her but also towards my other friends chocked her. I am not a good person… she did a lot of things for me…and I didn’t know how to say her thank you. I love her a lot and she feels like I love her TOO much. It’s really recent, I wrote a lot of letter drafts that I will give her in a future but I don’t know when. It’s now too recent to give her and come to talk to her. I feel so miserable and guilty, because it’s my fault. I hate my uncontrollable feelings and words ruining everything like it often did. I feel bad because I hurt her and the others and I maybe lost one of my dearest friend. we spent good moments together….Why should I do? I feel so bad…see her distant and angry makes me sad…and mad at me. should I wait to ask her to maybe chat but out of school, just the two of us? How much time it will takes for her to calm down…She doesn’t hate me actually, she is just mad and angry…. I feel like she is hesitant talking to me sometimes, she stares at me or walk by me when she thinks I don’t see her and then leave after hesitated a moment. Maybe she is sad and lost too? Maybe she feels like she was too rude…I don’t know… i know she loves me, or used to..she talked to me like a sister…I ruined everything…I try to becoming a better person now…but it’s hard. any advices ?
  13. I thought I would give a go at this journaling thing. My friends do not partake in online dating and I don't really get feedback from anyone that does. Mostly my friends shake their heads and ask `why?' I've been out of a relationship since May '14 and without rehashing all that has transpired I will say that online dating has changed considerably in the past 3 years. I've taken several breaks, mostly after meeting men looking for casual sex and men who are too afraid to put themselves out there and seem to put me in the drivers seat to pursue them and breath life into the situation. Neither of which I am comfortable with. I am a young (as so I am told) 50 something yr old professional with a rich social life, so I am definitely not lonely. If I sense there is no momentum in a man that I meet I am quick to let it go seeing that I don't have a lot of free time and being with my friends is often a much better option. After my last fail .. well I can't really call it a failed attempt, maybe a valuable lesson with dating someone I mentioned here in previous posts, that I had dated earlier this year and he made a return visit in Oct. He is clearly not ready for a relationship but I am very taken by him and we have amazing chemistry. With that being said he is dating others and at some point these things run their course and I opted out, not wanting to be part of the `rotation' and finding myself engaging in an intimate relationship with someone I did not have a commitment with. Mind you this is the first time in my life I tried to do this and much like I already knew I am not cut out for it. He still texts once in a while and says he misses me, but it messes with my emotions so the more distance I get the better. I wish things were different . . but it is what it is. To keep my sanity during that time I continued to date others (not intimately) and the pace was wearing on me and creating all sorts of unneeded anxiety. During the holidays I pulled my profile but continued to communicate with one person who's schedule is opposite of mine for the time being so meeting was a challenge. During my time off during the holidays we met for breakfast and as much as I really didn't want to go, I was pleasantly surprised. Now 3 dates later my current challenge is to see if this man can open up and let me in. Apparently I make him very nervous and at times he shuts down. I tried dating someone like him sometime ago and I thought in time he might let me in. After several weeks I realized it was never going to happen. What I do like about my new friend is that he has some old school values much like mine, maybe a little more conservative. He noticed I pulled my profile (only for a break) and pulled his as well saying he typically only dates on person at a time to see where it goes. It's nice to not have to interpret someone's intentions and refreshing to know I am not part of someone rotation. We haven't so much as held hands yet which builds up that anticipation part that seems to be so fun and he's a good `dater'. I have met so many men who don't know how to date. .funny as that sounds, but true. I am enjoying this. He is showing me that he does have sense of humor and enjoys giving me a hard time (playfully) I am optimistic that there is someone that I am able to connect with behind the shyness. He has assured me that he is typically not this way and has promised to open up. I still have another friend I will see tonight. T and I have been dating for about 3 months now and as much as I like and I am attracted to him I just don't think we are relationship material. He's gone most weekends to see his son 8 hours away. He's so sweet and endearing but not very active, pretty much a couch kinda guy, very Christian and not much of a social drinker. (my social circle is!) He has a very naïve almost immature quality to him but I feel safe and cared for with him. I often wish I could see him as someone more than a friend but that certain quality is lacking. I don't see him often and have opted out a couple times lately, but I am looking forward to catching up tonight. So this it. . at least for now. I see my shy friend this weekend. M has invited me for a day trip to the local mountains and I am looking forward to it. For now my profile is down . .tomorrow who knows!?
  14. I have been in a relationship with the most wonderful man for the past 6 months. When I met him he had been separated from his ex for about 18 months. Neither of us were expecting it but when we met we just clicked from the start and decided to go with it. We’ve always been very open with each other. I was aware that it wasn’t long since his ex left him and always wanted to be sure that he was ready for something new so we have always talked about it. He asked me to be his girlfriend after a couple of months and our relationship has been incredible. We have met each other’s families, spent weekends away together and our relationship has been progressing well. He treats me really well, my friends think he is great and we are very well suited. He is also an incredibly loyal, genuine and nice person (in massive contrast to what I’ve been used to before!!). However, it seems he’s been having a bit of a wobble recently. He’s about to start a brand new job/career and he says that meeting me has urged him to sort his life out in that respect. He says that his life is a bit of a mess at the moment. I’ve also noticed that he’s been holding back a bit more whereas before he has always worn his heart on his sleeve. We had a long talk about it a couple of nights ago and he explained that although he is over his ex, he’s not yet fully over the hurt that the break up caused (she left him). And whilst he cares about me very deeply and even loves me, he has also been reflecting on why he has been more distant recently. He says that when he met me he had spent a lot of time healing and was just ready to start really enjoying being single but then I came along and he wasn’t expecting it or looking for it. Our relationship is very different to the one he had with his ex as he says he basically lived a single life alongside her. Whilst we are both very independent people, we enjoy spending time together which, in hindsight, maybe means the relationship has progressed quite quickly. He confided in a friend recently about how he was feeling, who asked him if maybe it was too soon and I think he’s been reflecting on this. It came as a bit of a shock to be honest as he’s always been so open with me I was surprised to realise that he had been feeling like this. I’ve asked him whether he wants to carry on and he says he absolutely does. That he is fully committed to this and wants us to continue enjoying getting to know each other and building on what we have. He says he doesn’t want to wreck the possibility of being with somebody who could be ‘the one’ just because he’s at a weird time in his life, and that he just wanted to be completely open with me. But at the same time he’s been worried that recently I’ve overtaken him with where we are in our relationship and that although he does see a future with me, he just wants to concentrate on the present for now. The funny thing is, since talking about it he has actually become more affectionate again. We saw each other again last night and I asked how he was. He said that since being completely open with me about everything, he actually feels closer to me and feels good about everything going forward but is worried that he may have pushed me away. I’m currently going through the motions of reflecting on all of this. It has made me worry...what if it is too soon for him?! Everything he has done has shown me that he very much cares for me and I really don’t want us to give up on this. But at the same time, I also don’t want to get hurt if he suddenly realises that he’s not ready. My gut is telling me to just slow it down and take it at his pace. But if I’m being honest it has made me feel more emotionally insecure around him. I have been hurt before and I don’t want to be in that position again. I guess I’m just trying to work out the best way forward so thoughts and comments would be appreciated. Sorry for the long post and thank you to anyone who had read this far!
  15. So this is an interesting story. I went on a forum last year because I was struggling with loneliness and depression. I just expected to talk to people and help them with their problems. What I didn't expect was to find a true friend! We became buddies over the course of our messages and we genuinely care about each other. I've even met him on Zoom so I know he's legit. He's the kind of person I know I can depend on even though we live in totally different states. Originally, he found me attractive. While I was flattered because I had never gotten male attention like that before, I knew I didn't feel the same way in return so we've just stayed friends. That hasn't changed for me, but I want to know, do you have a friend that finds you attractive but you don't feel the same about them? Are you still friends? And how do you deal with not reciprocating the feelings? Sometimes, I feel a little guilty, especially because he's a great person and I think he'd make a great partner. But I'm also glad I don't because I wouldn't want to lose my friend if a romantic relationship didn't work out.
  16. New to this forum but have actually read quite a lot on the ex back and NC topics. Long story very short... 6-year relationship, she's 19 years younger... call me a cradle-snatcher, but we really understood each other for most of those 6 years. Lived together for 2 years. I should have seen it coming as all the signs were there and she actually tried to tell me many times - only I didn’t (want to) hear it :-(. She moved away in March this year but we saw each other every couple of days and she’d spend at least one night of each week. 8 weeks ago she just called it quits. Was a very cold shower and total surprise. I was upset at first and didn’t talk to her for two days, then we texted some there and back. But she was suddenly a different person - cold, non-understanding, not willing to talk about anything. All the usual stuff that you read about that a dumper does after the fact. I called her once but all I got was a brick wall. Sent a long email asking for some explanation and if we could work it out. Not sure she even read it. As I suspected, there is also a guy at play that she has been seeing / flirting with (maybe) since April. Not sure I would call this a rebound but I believe at some point in June, she would be torn between the two of us - more inclining to the new guy (for all the obvious reasons). She did keep in irregular contact a few times a week after that - saying she wants to stay friends as she cares too much for me and I mean a lot in her life. Kept telling her I am not her friend because simply I feel more than that. I went and read tons of stuff (never really been dumped in my life, haha). Went NC 4 weeks ago. Immediately started doing stuff - I’m not short of hobbies - do lots of sports but added a gym and personal trainer to occupy the mind and tire the body. Been playing the piano and guitar a lot lately (after many many years), been playing computer games in the evenings, reading advice on this forum and elsewhere. She contacted me after 2 weeks, asking to see me, which I (a bit reluctantly) agreed to, I said I would bring her magazines that were delivered for her to our place. I was never mean to her, only a bit cold I’d say. We met at Starbucks and I was trying to be upbeat and not display any sense of urgency, pleading or anything. Tried to look real busy at work (which I actually am now). She didn’t say why she wanted to meet - maybe she didn’t feel the situation was good or maybe she just wanted to meet as buddies over coffee, don’t know… She acted a bit annoyed, especially later when she asked if I was going to come to our sports trainings and events and I said I didn’t plan to. She also seemed a bit pressed for time towards the end, though she said she had plenty. I am sure she went to see the other guy right after that and maybe didn’t want to keep him waiting. We parted ways with a hug. I wanted to kiss her like I used to but she just wanted a friendly kiss, which I said no to. So we just hugged a bit more and she left. I texted her later saying it was good to see her and she should stay in touch if she wants to. She texted back that obviously I can’t have contact with her now so it’s me who needs to stay in touch. I said maybe she could come over one night to watch our favourite TV show. She said she’d like that. I left it at that and went back to NC. She texted again a week later (yesterday actually), calling me my sweetheart name and saying that a new series of our favourite show would be screening next Monday. I replied (nicely) that I would definitely watch! And she said - “you definitely should”.
  17. ... My faraway, dear one, you're fading from my mind as long as I'm active, busy, creating, content with what life gave me. I can go through a day, two days, a week even- without your name drifting though my consciousness. I rejoice in the one who loves me, Comforting, committed, familial. ... Though every so often, I hear of that state on a map- yours, that place only two days of a drive, and it pulls me back to longing. Sometimes it's a glance at the sky, knowing that your time zone is one hour from mine, and you're seeing darkness while I watch the sunset. ... Sometimes it's a name- yours, hers, the child's, your town's. A song I frequently heard, during the times I ached for you. I've moved on, sweet one. It's okay, keep living your life. I'll always be here, Your 'someday' friend, whose soul loves yours. Eternally, forever.
  18. Back and fourth. I go back and fourth in my thoughts and feelings. I feel the crisis of choosing one path or the other. When this side is tough and nasty I try and look over to the other. Sometimes I'm convinced I should turn around and go back around. Maybe this is the farthest I've made it, but I still think about going back toward the other. Friends and enemies they seem the same sometimes. One minute to the next what I thought I believed suddenly feels delusional, and I remember the peace I felt before. I guess this is the way it's supposed to happen, easily translated into metaphor and archetypes . Classic story. I don't think I'll turn around anymore, but I'm sure I will definitely think about it.
  19. Ok all... this is a story I wrote mostly in my down time at work. I have all these characters that I've developed in my head over the years. Some of them are inspired by people I know in real life, others aren't. But lately I've been writing a lot about them interacting with each other in different ways. I know a few people read the story I posted last week about a 12 year old girl named Kimberly in a Psychiatrist's office waiting room. ( ) Well, the guy she was talking to is Kristian from this story. This is all part of a longer, story. I just want some feedback on this scene. I wanted to practice writing in third person omniscient point of view. It's not a POV I have much experience with. Please be brutally honest in your replies. If it sucks, tell me, but be constructive and tell me why. I love a good critique. Please feel free to rip me to pieces on this one is you feel it's necessary. I know it needs a lot of work. I'm pretty sure I fixed all the spelling/grammar/typing errors, but I apologize if I missed any. Also, I'm pretty sure I edited out all the cuss words. If I missed any, hopefully I won't get an infraction. ************************************ Val stood with her back to him, pouring water from a pitcher. Her long hair was down, flowing to her waist. It was that hair that first attracted him. She had come home from work happy today. Just minutes earlier she was laughing, telling him what some old man had said to her. He stood timidly, on the other side of the kitchen. He knew she didn't have much time before she had to go to work at her other job. As she turned around to face him he became aware of his own anxiety. He had already started to shake. "Val" he said softly. "Yea?" she smiled back at him. "I..." he stumbled over his words for a second, then took a deep breath, "I think we should break up." Her jaw dropped and the smile that had been on her face was replaced with an expression of bewilderment. She stood perfectly still, holding the glass of water. "Why? What is it now?" He looked down at the floor, unable to handle the site of her face right now, "It's nothing you did. And it's not that I don't love you." He was choking up, which made it hard to speak. "I just don't want you to suffer anymore." Her shock was replaced with anger, and her stillness with sudden movement. She sat her glass down on the counter, so hard that water splashed out of it. "I don't ing believe this." She stormed passed him and down the stairs. He followed. He didn't see her in the TV room, so he turned sharply into the bedroom, where she was pulling several articles of clothing out of the dresser and tossing them in a laundry basket. "What are you doing?" "What's it look like?" she gave a small sarcastic laugh, "I'm packing my and getting the hell out of here!" "Come on Val', please don't leave like this. I'm doing this for your own good." "I can't keep doing this Kristian. All this ing drama all the time. And just when I think it's all calmed down you pull something else. Why the hell can't you make up your mind?" As she was speaking she entered the bathroom and came out holding her toothbrush. "It's not that I can't make up my mind. My mind is made up. I can't keep hurting you." He took a few steps toward her and put his arms loosely around her waist. She noted the pallid look in his blue eyes and wondered if he was thinking straight. "Please don't make this harder than it has to be." "Get your hands off me!" she snapped, backing up. "You're asking me to not make this harder. Wow..." she shook her head in disbelief and continued adding things to her basket. She picked up the basket and charged past him, out of their bedroom and back up the stairs. He followed. "You don't have to leave." he called to her. "I'll leave." When he reached the top of the stairs he saw Tim coming in the door from work. Great, he thought, wondering if Tim was going to ignore this conflict or get in the middle of it. Neither would surprise him. "You know what kills me about this?" Val's loud voice interrupted his thought pattern. He didn't say anything. He stood at the top of the stairs waiting for her to finish. She was in front of him now, her green eyes full of fire and tears. "Five *beep*ing years! I supported you when you lost your job. And when you tried yo kill yourself I--" he voice faltered for a second as she choked back a determined sob. She took a deep breath, "When you tried to kill yourself I was at the hospital every ing day. And now that you've gotten help you're just dumping me!" He didn't have anything to say for himself. Tears were burning in his own eyes now and all he wanted to do was grab her and hold her. He noticed that Tim had left the room, thankfully. She picked up the basket of clothes from the chair where she had left it and pushed her way past him, back down the stairs. He followed again. He saw her go into the bedroom. He planned to follow her and try to speak to her rationally. But when he reached the bottom of the stairs she slammed the door shut. He could hear her crying from the other side of the door. He stood for a long moment, staring at the door, thinking what a mess he'd made of things this time. Eventually he heard muffled speech coming from inside the bedroom. "Hi Brenda, it's Val." ... "Hey, I'm really sorry to do this to you, but I can't come in tonight." ... "Just some at home I have to deal with." ... "You can get someone to cover for me right?" He felt awful. He knew how much she had called off from work when he was in the hospital. She was lucky to have such an understanding boss. "Alright, bye." He waited a half a minute or so and slowly opened the door. She was curled up on the bed, her red hair hiding her face like a funeral shroud. He walked accross the floor to the bed and touched her hair lightly. "Can we at least talk about this?" "I can't do this right now." she sniffled, "I'm too upset." "Do you think this is easy for me?", he said, "I don't want to lose you but I can't handle seeing you suffer anymore." "That should be my choice, not yours." She was still laying with her back to him, curled up. Her body was shaking. "Val, I'm sorry, I--" "Just get out." she said, "You said I could stay." He stood up slowly. She didn't turn to face him as he left the room. He felt nauseous as he left the bedroom and began climbing the stairs. The room seemed to be spinning. There was a trash can that Tim kept at the top of the stairs in the atrium. When he reached the top of the stairs he sat clumsily, grabbed it, and puked in it. Tim came into the atrium to see what was the matter. He watched, not knowing what to do. He entered the kitchen and grabbed a paper towel. He walked into the atrium and handed it to his friend. Tim had never been good at this sort of thing and had no idea what to say. Finally he spoke, "What'd you do this time?" Kristian looked up at him and rolled his eyes while wiping his mouth. He then stood swiftly and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. Tim stood for a second, "What the *beep* just happened here?" he thought to himself. The smell of vomit hit his nostrils. He immediately opened the door and sat the trash can outside. Kristian could take care of it later. It was his mess, after all. And Tim had cleaned up plenty of his messes over the years. Downstairs Val was still laying on the bed. The tears had stopped. She tried to convince herself that she'd cried herself dry and wouldn't cry anymore over him. But she knew deep down that wasn't true. She reminded herself that mental illness was not a get out of jail free card. She remembered all the times she defended his strange behavior, because "He can't help it. He's sick." But, she also helped him through every rough patch over the years. When her thoughts landed on the day he attempted suicide she felt a tug deep within her and her eyes began to burn again. No. She thought, I won't think about that right now. She stood up and walked into the bathroom. Her face in the mirror was haunting and ominous in the dim light. She flipped on the light and immediately noticed the redness in her eyes, and the stark, dark circles beneath them. Five years, she thought, everything he put her through, for nothing. She quickly grabbed her brush and ran it through her long red hair. She noticed all the blond hairs entangled in the brush with her own hair. He used this brush also. She turned on the cold water and splashed some on her face, then patted it dry with a towel. Her cell phone was on the table by the bed. She picked it up and dialed a familiar number. "Hello." the voice on the other end said. "Kali?" Val said, "Can you come over?" Kristian was two blocks from the house before he even gave a thought to where he was going. Alan's house was the most logical choice, even though Jay lived closer. He felt weak and anxious. He felt in the right pocket of his jeans and was so relieved he had his phone. How awkward would it have been to go back to the house after it? He called Alan. No answer. Figures. But he decided to head to the house anyway in hopes that Alan would be there with his ringer turned off. The taste of vomit was still lingering in his mouth. He tried not to think about that, among other things. For the last five years she was one of the few constants in his life. She really did keep him going for a long time. He wondered if she knew how grateful he was... how grateful he would always be. She slept in the hospital room for five nights in a row when he was in the ICU after his suicide attempt. Unfortunately he was too out of it to notice. Morphine mixed with who really knows what else made those days a haze. He had vague recollections of bright lights, nurses, and pain... but he didn't remember much else. Then came the psych ward... He was held there on an involuntary hold. He was considered a threat to himself and to others. He found it mildly amusing... how they could label him a threat while having no idea what he'd been through. All the hallucinations... white dogs, delusions, how did any of that make him a danger? He had never been a violent person. He was a danger to those around him in other ways. He knew this. The emotional pain he had caused Val alone could rival anyone in jail for domestic violence. His multiple assaults on her may have never left a single bruise, but the scars would never fully heal. His phone vibrated suddenly in his pocket, startling him out of his grim thought pattern. It was Alan, "Hello." "Hey bro, what'd you need?" He brushed long hair from his face as he spoke, "I need a place to sleep tonight." "Why? What happened?" "Val and I split up." "Again? Why?" He took a deep breath, "Because I'm crazy." Tim heard a car in the driveway, followed by footsteps on the porch and a light knock on the back door. He rounded the corner into the atrium and saw Kali standing outside, a bag in each hand. "Hey." he said, opening the door. "Hi." she said, stepping inside. "Is she downstairs?" "Yeah." "I got wine, Ben & Jerry's and scary movies." she smiled, holding up both bags. "I'm sure she'll appreciate that." "So do you think it's really over this time?" "Don't know." he said, scratching his head, "I don't know all the details." "He's a good guy and all, but he's a little bit nuts. Don't you think?" "Well he can't really help it. No one chooses to be nuts." "Yea but he keeps choosing to hurt my friend." she roles her eyes. "Maybe." She turned and headed down the stairs. It was getting dark when Kristian got to Alan's place. Alan had a Guinness ready for him when he went inside. "So what happened man?" he asked, concerned. Kali and Val had already killed a whole bottle of red Moscato and were on the second bottle. Tim could hear their voices and occasional laughter downstairs in the tv room. He debated on going down there and hanging out with them but figured it was a bad idea. He had to show some level of neutrality here, out of respect. They were both close friends. He had no idea where Kristian was, if he was coming back tonight or coming back at all for that matter. As much as he wanted to be loyal, he couldn't help but feel like a certain darkness and negativity were gone from the house. At least for now.
  20. You have my heart but she gets in between my legs at night. You are who I think about, who I pine for, she makes me sweat, moan, writhe. I love you. Everything you say, the way you are, the music you play – fits into my existence. You understand me on a level beyond words. All we have now is words. Maybe one day I’ll touch you again, taste the salt of your skin, and maybe I never will. For now she’ll make my nipples hard, she’ll make me wet. But when I think about you I feel weak in the chest. My heart beats faster, sometimes pounds. Maybe I can know that I love you and you love me, and maybe that can be enough. Maybe friendship will be what we have, and maybe that’s okay. My body will be enjoyed by her, and I’ll like it. But only you have my heart. Only you. june 21
  21. Hey all, a friend of mine's birthday is coming up. This friend is a photographer by hobby. My friend told me once that she wanted these butterflies for her pictures that she just can't seem to find. I thought this would be a perfect gift, but I don't know what they are. I saw them in a picture and they seem like fake butterflies that are like accessories for a photographer. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? If you do, what is it that I am looking for? If no one knows could anyone please help me out with a gift idea for a photographer that is under $50?
  22. Haven't written in a long time, So this poem might be incoherent, But my feelings are clear, And my thoughts are fluent, On my quest to be a better person, I know I've slipped up many times, But the drive in me never stops, It climbs, The mind is dysfunctional, Poisoned by society, A dark muse for our ego, An enemy to sobriety, I want to be a better person, Burn bridges no more, I want friends not enemies, Be rich in the heart even if I'm poor, To change myself as a whole is a journey but, I'll never forget a saying by a teacher of mine, How do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time.
  23. I just bought a book about Machiavelli that my best friend, now boyfriend, has been after for ages. I'm giving it as a gift (for no particular reason), and trying to think of a good inscription. We've only been 'officially' dating for a few weeks, and the book IS about Machiavelli- so I feel as if anything too lovey-dovely/mushy is out of the question. I also want it to be relevant to the subject of the book to some degree, but nice as well, being a gift for my boyfriend. Here's what I came up with: Dear -----, 1) Let us remember that where the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be great. -or- 2) Truly, it is better to be loved than feared. Yours, Myself (haha) So... 1) refers to some of the issues we've dealt with going from close friends to boyfriend/girlfriend, especially that he has wanted to date me for years and only recently realized how much I felt for him. Also, that any difficulties we have can be overcome if we are willing. But I'm not sure if it's maybe a bit too cold/scholarly as a gift for a boyfriend. I like 2), especially because he does make me feel VERY loved (my past boyfriends did the opposite), but we haven't yet gotten to the 'I love you' stage, so I'm not sure whether it's going too far in that respect. Is it innocent enough to write in a book after dating for less than a month, or does it imply that I'm seriously in love? (He would love it though, no worries about it scaring him away- it's more about me taking relationships very slowly). What do you guys think? I like the second one, but is it appropriate? Any other ideas/tips? Thanks!
  24. Somebody loves me. Nobody cares. Nobody listens. Everybody stares. Somebody asks. Nobody tells. Nobody helps. Everybody takes. Somebody waits. Nobody stays. Nobody's my best friend. Somebody is almost my friend. Everybody doesn't even know me.
  25. Something we can all relate to at some stage in our lives, hope you enjoy it, my latest. No Shame in Crying To those who plead for another go, And the many who crave for a chance to grow, Tears of despair and hope filling their eyes, How admirable they may be for trying, There sure is no shame in crying. To the man on the street corner pleading for a simple dollar, Yearning for the donation of a passing by scholar, Aimlessly they appear to wander without a single care, Whilst the man's hopes of redemption are slowly dying, He sees no shame in crying. To the girl who simply seeks to eradicate adversity, a star in the making, Slowly her hopes and dreams are awakening, The whole world her stage, she's relinquished her lifelong facade, As her friends occupy their materialistic minds with each pair of shoes they are buying, She sees no shame in crying. To the men and women who witness the changing of lives, Of mothers, fathers, children, husbands and wives, Each day a symbol of persistent pride and triumphant tenacity, Their courage and service to humankind never denying, They see no shame in crying. To the teenage romantic who's doing it tough, Tired of being belittled and told they aren't good enough, The genuine battlers whose hearts are made of pure gold, Forget the doubters and keep on trying, Because there really is no shame in crying.
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