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  1. Key Takeaways: Recognizing and processing emotions post-breakup is crucial for healthy future relationships. Rebound relationships can offer temporary solace but often lack long-term sustainability. Understanding the risks of rebound relationships helps in making informed decisions about new romantic endeavors. Setting realistic expectations and boundaries is key when entering the dating scene after a breakup. Self-care and personal growth should be prioritized before starting new relationships. Understanding Your Emotions Post-Breakup Experiencing a breakup can be an emotionally turbulent time. It's natural to feel a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to relief and confusion. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step towards healing. It's important to give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship and what it represented in your life. During this time, self-reflection is vital. Ask yourself what you've learned from the relationship and how it has changed you. This can be a powerful opportunity for personal growth. Understanding your emotional needs and how they were met—or not met—in the relationship can provide valuable insights for future relationships. Be wary of the temptation to suppress or ignore your feelings. While it might seem easier in the short term, unaddressed emotions can resurface later, potentially impacting new relationships. Finding healthy ways to process these emotions, like talking to friends, journaling, or seeking professional counseling, is crucial. It's also important to recognize that healing is not linear. Some days will be better than others. During this time, prioritize activities and relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment. This is not just about moving on from the past, but also about building a foundation for your future. Lastly, don't rush into dating right after a breakup until you feel emotionally ready. While the timeline differs for everyone, ensuring that you have genuinely moved on from your previous relationship is key to forming healthy new connections. The Risks of Rebound Relationships Entering a new relationship soon after a breakup can be appealing as it may provide a distraction from the pain of a breakup. However, these rebound relationships can carry significant risks. They often serve as a temporary bandage rather than a solution to underlying emotional turmoil. One of the main risks is the lack of emotional availability. If you haven't fully processed your previous relationship, it's challenging to be fully present and invested in a new one. This can lead to a superficial connection that lacks depth and genuine understanding between partners. Rebound relationships can also cloud your judgment. The desire for companionship or validation can lead to overlooking red flags or compromising on essential values and boundaries. This can result in a relationship that is not aligned with your true desires and needs. There's also the possibility of unintentionally hurting others. The person you're dating might be more invested than you are, leading to potential emotional harm if and when the relationship ends. It's important to be honest with yourself and your partner about where you are emotionally. Finally, rebound relationships can impede your healing process. Rather than confronting and processing the pain of your breakup, you might find yourself avoiding it. This can hinder personal growth and delay emotional healing, impacting your well-being and future relationships. Setting Realistic Expectations When Dating Again After a breakup, venturing back into the dating world requires a shift in mindset. Setting realistic expectations is crucial for a healthy approach to new relationships. Understanding that each person you meet is different, and not all dates will lead to lasting connections, helps manage expectations and reduces potential disappointment. It's important to remember that your next relationship doesn't need to mirror your previous one. Each relationship is unique, with its own dynamics and challenges. Acknowledging this can open the door to more fulfilling and authentic connections, where you appreciate individuals for who they are, rather than comparing them to your ex. Give yourself the freedom to explore and understand what you truly want from a partner and a relationship. This clarity can help you make better choices and avoid repeating patterns from past relationships. Knowing your non-negotiables and deal-breakers is as essential as recognizing what you're flexible about. Another key aspect is to take things slow. Rushing into emotional intimacy or commitment can be tempting, especially if you're used to being in a relationship. However, taking the time to genuinely get to know someone can build a stronger, more stable foundation for a potential relationship. Communicating your expectations and boundaries with those you date is also vital. This ensures transparency and understanding from the start, reducing misunderstandings and misaligned expectations. It's okay to be upfront about where you are in your healing process and what you're looking for in dating. Finally, be prepared for setbacks. Not every date will be a success, and that's perfectly normal. These experiences are part of the journey and provide valuable learning opportunities. Embrace them with patience and an open mind, and remember that each step brings you closer to the relationship you desire. The Importance of Self-Care During Transition Transitioning from being in a relationship to being single, especially after a breakup, can be challenging. This period is an essential time for self-care, as it helps in healing and prepares you for future relationships. Self-care isn't just about indulging in your favorite activities; it's about taking care of your overall well-being. Physical self-care, like maintaining a healthy diet, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep, can significantly affect your emotional state. These practices not only keep you physically healthy but also contribute to a sense of normalcy and stability during times of emotional upheaval. Emotional self-care is equally important. This might include activities like journaling to process your feelings, seeking support from friends and family, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. It's about doing things that make you feel good about yourself and help you reconnect with who you are outside of a relationship. Last but not least, consider seeking professional help if you find it difficult to cope. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and offer strategies for managing them. Remember, investing in your well-being is not a sign of weakness but a step towards a healthier, happier you. Recognizing Signs You're Ready to Date Knowing when you're ready to start dating again after a breakup is not always clear-cut. It's a personal decision that varies for everyone. However, certain signs can indicate that you might be ready to explore new romantic possibilities. Recognizing these signs is crucial in ensuring you're emotionally prepared for what lies ahead. The first sign is feeling content with being single. If you're comfortable with your own company and no longer feel the urgent need to be in a relationship for fulfillment, it's a good indication that you've moved past the immediate loneliness that often follows a breakup. Another sign is when thoughts of your ex-partner are no longer all-consuming. It's natural for them to cross your mind occasionally, but if these thoughts don't bring intense pain or longing, it may mean you're healing. This emotional distance allows you to focus on potential partners without constantly comparing them to your ex. Being able to objectively reflect on your past relationship is also key. If you can acknowledge both the good and the bad without overwhelming emotions, it shows a level of detachment and understanding that's important for moving forward. Lastly, feeling excited about the prospect of meeting new people is a positive sign. If the idea of dating feels more like an adventure than a chore, it indicates a readiness to embrace new experiences and connections. This excitement is a healthy foundation for entering the dating scene. Navigating the Dating Scene Post-Breakup Once you've determined you're ready to date again, navigating the dating scene can seem daunting, especially if you've been out of it for a while. The landscape of dating may have changed, but some key strategies can help you ease into it. Firstly, consider what kind of dating experience you're looking for. Are you interested in casual dating, or are you looking for a more serious relationship? Knowing what you want can help guide your decisions and the types of people you choose to date. Online dating can be a great tool, but it's important to use it wisely. Create a profile that reflects your genuine self, and be clear about what you're looking for. Be cautious and remember that not everyone's intentions will align with yours. Don't feel pressured to stick to online dating if it doesn't suit you. Traditional methods of meeting people, like through friends, hobbies, or community events, can be equally effective and might feel more comfortable for you. When you do go on dates, focus on getting to know the person without the pressure of immediately finding a new partner. Keep conversations light and enjoyable, and try to avoid heavy discussions about past relationships in the early stages. It's also important to trust your instincts. If something feels off, it's okay to step back. Remember, you're not obligated to continue dating someone if you don't feel a connection or if you have concerns about their behavior or intentions. Keep in mind that rejection is part of the process. Not every date will lead to something more, and that's okay. It's all part of discovering what works for you and what doesn't in a relationship. Finally, remember to have fun. Dating should be an enjoyable experience. Embrace the journey of meeting new people and learning more about yourself in the process. Each experience is a step towards finding what you're truly looking for in a partner. Creating Healthy Boundaries in New Relationships Establishing healthy boundaries in new relationships is key to their long-term success and your personal well-being. Boundaries help define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others. They are an essential part of any healthy relationship. Start by reflecting on your past relationship experiences. Identify what made you feel uncomfortable or unhappy and use these insights to understand your limits. It's important to communicate these boundaries to your new partner early on in a clear and respectful manner. Remember that boundaries can be emotional, physical, or even digital. Emotional boundaries might include your need for personal space or time alone, while physical boundaries pertain to your comfort level with physical affection. Digital boundaries could involve social media interactions and the sharing of personal information. It's also crucial to respect the boundaries of your partner. Mutual respect for each other's limits creates a healthy environment where both partners feel valued and heard. This respect builds trust and fosters a deeper connection. Be prepared to adjust your boundaries as the relationship evolves. What may seem appropriate at the start of a relationship might change as you grow closer. Open and honest communication about these changes is essential. Don't ignore boundary violations. If your partner repeatedly crosses your boundaries, it's important to address the issue directly. Ignoring such violations can lead to resentment and erode the trust in the relationship. Finally, remember that setting boundaries is not a one-time event. It's an ongoing process that requires continuous attention and communication. By consistently respecting and adjusting your boundaries, you can build a strong, healthy relationship that meets the needs of both partners. Dealing with Ex-Partners and Mutual Friends Navigating relationships with ex-partners and mutual friends post-breakup can be challenging. It's important to approach these relationships with a clear mind and respectful boundaries to ensure your emotional well-being. If you share mutual friends with your ex, it's essential to avoid putting them in the middle of your breakup. Respect their relationships with both you and your ex. It's unfair to expect them to take sides or relay messages between you and your ex. When it comes to social gatherings, decide what you're comfortable with. If you're not ready to see your ex, it's okay to skip events where they'll be present. Alternatively, if you do attend, plan how you will handle any interactions with them in advance to reduce stress and anxiety. Regarding direct communication with your ex, set clear boundaries. If you decide to remain in contact, define what topics are off-limits and the frequency of communication. If you choose no contact, communicate this decision respectfully and stick to it. Finally, be mindful of your emotional health. Constantly seeing your ex or hearing about them through mutual friends can impede your healing process. If necessary, take a step back from certain social circles to focus on your well-being. The Role of Social Media in Post-Breakup Dating Social media can play a significant role in how we navigate dating after a breakup. Its impact can be both positive and negative, depending on how we use it. Being aware of its potential effects is important in managing your post-breakup journey. Firstly, social media can provide a sense of connection and support through friends and online communities. This can be especially helpful if you're feeling isolated after a breakup. However, it's important to engage with these platforms mindfully to avoid negative impacts. One of the challenges is the temptation to monitor your ex-partner's activities. Constantly checking their social media profiles can hinder your healing process and lead to unnecessary pain. It's often healthier to consider unfollowing or muting your ex, at least temporarily. When it comes to sharing details about your own dating life, discretion is key. Oversharing can lead to uncomfortable situations, especially if mutual friends or your ex are part of your social media circles. Consider the potential consequences before posting. Using social media for dating purposes can be beneficial, but it's important to be cautious. Online profiles only show a curated version of someone, and it's essential to get to know the real person behind the profile before forming any serious attachment. Remember, social media is just one aspect of your social life. Relying too heavily on it for emotional support or validation can be detrimental. Balancing your online interactions with real-life connections is crucial for a well-rounded social experience. Lastly, be aware of the potential for comparison. Seeing others' seemingly perfect relationships on social media can create unrealistic expectations for your own dating life. Focus on your journey and remember that social media often showcases a distorted version of reality. Learning from Past Relationships for Future Success Reflecting on past relationships can provide valuable lessons for future romantic endeavors. By understanding what went right and what went wrong, you can gain insights that help you build healthier, more fulfilling relationships moving forward. One key aspect is identifying patterns in your past relationships. Are there recurring issues or types of people you tend to be drawn to? Understanding these patterns can help you make better choices and avoid repeating mistakes. Consider the role you played in the dynamics of your past relationships. Self-reflection helps in recognizing your strengths and areas for improvement. This self-awareness is crucial for personal growth and building better relationships in the future. Finally, remember that every relationship, no matter how it ended, contributes to your growth. The lessons learned, both positive and negative, are invaluable in shaping who you are and what you want in a partner. Embrace these lessons as part of your journey towards finding a fulfilling relationship. Balancing Independence and New Relationships Balancing independence while entering new relationships post-breakup is a delicate act. It's crucial to maintain a sense of self, even as you connect with someone new. This balance is key to ensuring both personal fulfillment and a healthy relationship. First, understand the value of your independence. It's what allows you to bring your true self to a relationship, rather than relying on a partner to define or complete you. Keep up with your hobbies, interests, and friendships outside of the relationship. These aspects of your life are important for your individuality and happiness. Communicating your need for independence in a relationship is also important. This doesn't mean distancing yourself from your partner, but rather explaining your need for personal time and space. A supportive partner will understand and respect this need. Lastly, find ways to grow together while maintaining your independence. Shared interests and experiences can strengthen your bond, but don't lose sight of your personal goals and aspirations. A balanced relationship is one where both partners can thrive individually and together. FAQs on Dating After a Breakup How soon is too soon to start dating after a breakup? There's no set timeline for when to start dating again. It depends on your emotional state and how you've processed the end of your previous relationship. It's important to feel emotionally ready and not to rush into dating as a way to avoid dealing with your breakup. Is it okay to date someone similar to my ex? While it's natural to be drawn to familiar types, be cautious of repeating unhealthy patterns. Reflect on what didn't work in your past relationship and consider if dating someone similar might lead to similar issues. How do I handle my ex dating someone new? Seeing your ex move on can be challenging. Focus on your healing and growth, and try not to compare your journey to theirs. Remember, everyone moves at their own pace and this doesn't diminish the progress you've made. Should I stay friends with my ex? This depends on your individual circumstances. If remaining friends doesn't hinder your emotional healing and you both can maintain a platonic relationship, it might be possible. However, it's often beneficial to have some distance, at least initially. How can I tell if I'm ready to date again? Signs you might be ready include feeling comfortable being single, not being overwhelmed by thoughts of your ex, and feeling excited about meeting new people. It's important to feel emotionally stable and ready to open yourself up to someone new. What if I'm nervous about dating again? It's normal to feel nervous. Start slowly, perhaps with casual dates, and build up your confidence. Remember, there's no rush, and it's okay to take your time easing back into the dating scene.
  2. So this is my story: To make it short, I dated this guy for about a year. Beginning, he was great and a perfect gentleman! He moved in after a few months with me and my preteen son. At first, everything was great but with time he behaved like a princess and acted like everything was due to him. He was also very insecure and would have outbursts of jealousy for nothing. Also, his financial situation was horrible. I had to help him out a lot. I sometimes felt like he was using me, especially by the end, which I called him out for. I also felt like he was pulling away. I stupidly stayed because I thought we shared a complicity but now I know I was holding on to a lot of resentment as I started to gain a lot of weight and couldn't lose it (crazy how the body responds). We ended up having a big argument (a rare one for us) and he left the next day. He only reached out a few days later to figure out when he can pick up his ***. He acted very cold but even though I was hurt, I responded calmly and packed everything for him, and made sure I wasn't there when he came. For the 2 weeks that followed, he was blowing up my phone for us to meet and talk with the typical I miss you and I love you. He ended up losing me, his job, and staying with his mom at the same time. I chose to move on because a man who behaves like this has no room in my life and decided to not give it a chance so I blocked him. Ever since I´ve been healing and moving on. We broke up during the summer (I know, how common) so I enjoyed myself by going out with my friends and just finding myself again. I also lost all the weight I´ve gained and took care of myself. Really, I was proud of myself because I also never reached out to him nor cared to know what was going on in his life. So overall, I did everything that they said to do during a breakup. But this is the thing: Last week, a close friend of mine shared that he´s been posting on social media with another woman. It´s basically him and her going out to dinner and taking cute pics together. I saw the pics and not to be mean but he looks like *** and I was shocked by his facial expression: the like sucked out of him. I´m not going to talk about the girl bc I don't want to be mean but... And I don´t know why but this doesn´t sit right with me. From my friend´s investigation, they started to date not even 2 months after we broke up and half of my friends still follow him on social. I haven't reacted nor cared to reach out but what´s bothering me is that I feel like he´s using this as a way to get back at me. I´m also wondering if he was monkey-branching before we broke up as it happened pretty fast. I´m just curious to get an opinion on this. Also, apart from continuing to heal and live my life, is there anything I could do to get back at him? (yes, I´m being petty)
  3. I(34m) met her (34f) last year at work. She came into my office frequently and we had chemistry. However, I had heard she had a boyfriend of 6 years who she lived with. I made sure not to flirt with her or do anything inappropriate. She kept coming into my office to talk, and it got to the point that she told me personal life stories. Eventually, she told me that they broke up and he has anger issues. She told me that she had feelings for me and eventually told me that she loved me. I knew it was a red flag, but I was in a really vulnerable place after being habitually single for so long, so i told her i loved her too. However, I told her it couldn't work because she still lived with him and hadn't taken time to heal. She agreed, but kept pursuing me. She got my phone number from a co-worker and it just escalated from there. She started love bombing me and talking to me all the time via phone and at work. She was hiding all of this from him. She said she was over him, that she didn't love him anymore, and even his scent turned her off. She also said the intimacy wasn't good and they hadn't had sex in 2 months. They had another post breakup fight one night, where he threatened suicide because of the breakup. She didn't feel safe, and asked if she could stay with me. I was hesitant, but I obliged because I cared about her. She came over that night and we became a couple. While she was living with me, he threatened to stalk her, emotionally blackmailed her, and was calling/texting her constantly. I told her I thought it was strange that she wanted him to admit all the trauma he caused her, being that she said she was over him. Her seeking validation from him post breakup was another red flag. After 2 weeks of living at my apartment, she said she wanted to go back and be with her 4 pets and in her own house. I told her if she goes back, it's a deal breaker. She went back and I was devastated. Once she got back she told me, she's still loyal to me and she's sleeping in the guest bedroom. For the next 6 months I was in a relationship with her, while she lived with her freaking ex. She kept trying to leave, but said she felt stuck. She ALWAYS said it wasn't about him, it was the logistics of moving and selling the house that overwhelmed her. I always called bs on that. It caused a lot of drama because of course I was insecure that something was going on. However, she was very transparent and was texting/calling me frequently so I wouldn't assume the worst. Another problem was she hid our relationship from him the whole time. I told her I didn't appreciate that and she always responded that it's none of his business. She did try to kick him out a couple of times, but he would have a breakdown and she said she felt numb to the trauma of it all. We both got deployed to work out of town, and during that time she told me she was depressed and fearful of everything. I was lashing out in unhealthy ways myself, because she put up crazy boundaries that I had to adhere to while she couldn't even respect my one boundary of getting away from their living situation. We finally decided on a date where she would kick him out once and for all, and when that day came she broke up with me and said she wanted space while she went to therapy. She said she wanted me to give her another chance when she got her mind right. I was so upset, the next day I did the worst thing I've ever done. I called her ex and told him that she was sleeping with me behind his back. I guess I just panicked and felt so used. Apparently, he threw her phone in the swamp behind their house. Everyone always tells me how kind I am but obviously I'm no angel and I know I messed up. I just felt so used being the nice guy archetype. She went NC, and after 6 weeks I reached out to her but she didn't want to talk. I finally had the talk with her a month ago, and she told me they are back together. She said after I did what I did, she was in a really low place, and he was there for her. She said hes doing better,they're both going to therapy and they're trauma bonded. I've been so heartbroken about it, so I just came here for advice. I did pour my heart and apologize for hurting her. I started going to therapy for the first time in my life over this.Did she even love me? She constantly said she wanted to marry me and have kids but I feel like I got catfished. She's actually a sweet and sensitive girl which makes it more confusing. I know she grew up with ***ty parents and maybe that's why abusive relationships attracts her. Will their relationship work out with tons of therapy? I have a hard time believing that he can fix his abusive patterns so quickly.It's a crazy feeling because I would never take her back but part of me just wants to vent to her on how she hurt me.
  4. Life is full of disappointments. At some point, we all have experienced someone special who hurt us deeply. Whether it was a wanton act of betrayal, the end of a beautiful relationship, or a unreciprocated love - being thrown away by someone you care about can be one of the most difficult experiences we go through. Those emotions can be overwhelming, leading us to feel a mix of both sadness and anger as well as confusion and loneliness. But no matter how hard it may be in that moment, it won't last forever. We mustn't remain stuck in that place, or else it might even paralyze us from feeling happy again. You must find a way to rise above and rediscover your capacity for love. The first step is recognizing that although this person has rejected you, their opinion of you does not define who you are. Don't waste time reliving unfortunate memories, constantly asking "what if" and trying to make sense of it all. These will only take you further away from the potential of real healing. Instead, allow yourself space an opportunity to recognize and accept that pain as a sign of strength and growth. It's essential to remember that while the experience of separation can be painful, it doesn't mean the end to such feelings altogether. By allowing the pain and suffering of this situation to shape your future, you are opening yourself to some of the best possibilities out there. It is important to remind yourself that you were brave enough to open yourself up to those possibilities, and that its never too late to do so again. Put your needs at the very top of your priority list. Dedicate some time each day to pamper yourself, reconnect with old hobbies, or even gain new experiences. Embrace moments of solace and peacefulness, whether they're spent journaling, listening to music, meditating, exercising, or laughing with friends. Take advantage of life's luxuries and treat yourself when possible; this is your reminder to never take yourself for granted. Always remain open to chances of meeting more people and going on new adventures. Don't be afraid to take risks, try something different, and discover new sides of yourself. When you let those walls down and make those genuine connections with people, you create new meaning in your life. Whenever you meet somebody who makes you smile and laugh, their presence has the power to eventually bring you back to the potential of loving again. Just remember - love is worth fighting for, but not if it comes at the cost of our well-being. Accept your situations for what they are, and move on with your head held high. We must learn to trust ourselves enough to pursue what makes us fulfilled and genuinely happy, regardless of any fear we may have. Learning to love again after being thrown away by someone you care about isn't easy - but it's possible. The most important step of all is recognizing that you have the courage within yourself to take control of your happiness, and that you are never alone.
  5. Hi, so 10 months ago the mother of my kids seperated with me one evening after I had confronted her about her strange behaviour. She had been cold, distant and had been going away to the coast with friends every other weekend. She stated she'd not been happy for a while and that I'd not been making her feel like I wanted her anymore, that she had been telling me for so long that she wanted to do stuff together like we used to but I would just dismiss her and she has given up. I must admit I wasn't the best, I had been through a bit of a metal health issue and let it get to me and was using my hobbies as a way of getting over it so wasn't giving her and the kids time like I used to. My world fell apart, as the man I was now looking at a life as a part time dad, alone and with little money to find somewhere else to live added to the fact I'd lost the love of my life. She agreed that we could stay living together as long as needed and we continued as a family just eventually we stayed in seperate rooms. She told me she still loved me and for the first month I begged and pleaded with her to reconsider and I just pushed her further away it seemed, she continued to go to the coast with friends and seemed to have a new lease of life as I spiralled into a quite severe depression, but kept hope that she would come back to me. 2 months after our split she went away and I was looking for somthing in the bedroom and found that some peticular items of clothing i had bought her had gone missing, my heart sank but I convinced myself that maybe she had thrown them away, but when she returned I took another look and they were back, I couldn't control myself, I didn't say anything but she soon noticed my behaviour and I eventually told her what I had noticed. She initially made up some bull*** about how she did it on purpose and in the she caved and told me she had planned on wearing for a guy who lived where she had been visiting. I was heartbroken all over again, but this time I felt a little more like I didn't want her back anymore and think that was the beginning of acceptance where she was concerned. As the weeks went by i saw her relationship with this guy continued to develop, she would sit on the phone to him for hours and go to see him every weekend. it killed me to hear her on the phone to him. She would ask me to close my door, obviously so I couldn't listen to her conversation but she maintained they were only friends, I had stopped hoping we would get back together at this point and started to focus on my kids, work myself and my work. my self esteem was through the floor, I was depressed and anxious at the thought of what my life was to become as a seperated dad, and I feared she would fall for this guy and move to be with him taking my kids with her, I was all messed up, every time she went away I would enjoy relaxed time with my kids and I feared it would be the last and that she would come home and ask me to leave. Things got strange when after about 5 months I started to feel better about the situation, my depression had lifted and I was starting to feel good about myself again, I had worked on all the things that I felt caused my relationship to fail and was spending lots of time with my kids, I noticed that she seemed to be getting more and more depressed and I asked if she wanted to talk, bit she was emotionally unavailable and heavily walled off, she became very upset and angry and slipped that I had become all she ever wanted and why I couldn't have done it for her while we were together. I had started to notice that her phone conversations with him had become less than positive, I could hear they were were heated and she would appear very upset and distressed afterwards, but I had learned not to ask anymore and just continued on my path to recovery. One weekend she had and intense argument with him over the phone and I decided to see if if she was OK, I didn't ask anything I just went in and gave her a hug, she came with the kids and I out to an event and we had a really good day, like old times. That evening she told me she was going out to see friends and would be staying there, after she had gone she began to message me telling how nice the day was and the conversation moved to talk of sorting things out, I said that it'd be best if we discussed it face to face and told her I lived her and she said the same, but by tue end of the weekend she seemed cold again and told me she didn't want to talk about what we'd discussed right now, I told myself not to hold my breath and carried on. I had become indifferent and distant from her, I had lost around 50 lbs, tidied up my image and had a wardrobe change, and began going out myself and meeting up with old friends, this lead to me meeting someone new, and we began talking regularly and meeting up every now and again at her place, my ex began to question me about what I was doing but i didn't tell her, as I didn't feel i had to. My ex came to my work place one day to drop my youngest child to me as I was finishing the day, as she was going away. When she arrived I was talking tona woman and we were laughing and joking, I said bye to her and walked over to my ex and I could see immense anger in her face, even her teeth were clenched. I asked what was wrong and she just said "you know what's wrong" and she seemed incredibly jealous and it baffled me, she'd made me feel unwelcome in my own home at times and here she was, showing more jealousy than I ever did to her over just seeing me chat with a woman. She continued to probe me about if I was talking to or seeing someone, I just kept denying it and leaving it there, then one evening when I was in bed she came into my room and seemed upset which wasn't uncommen at that time as she was obviously depressed, she asked if she could have a cuddle before she went to bed and I agreed. It felt nice to cuddle her again, we spooned and both fell asleep together. She woke and got up and left giving me a kiss on the cheek and left, but returned moments later and got back in bed and cuddled again, I could feel us drawing and shifting closer and eventually we just engaged in a very passionate kiss that went on for a few minutes until she withdrew and became upset, I asked what was wrong and she said she felt terrible and that she isn't like that (I assume because she was with another guy now) she left again and I followed and said that there was a reason it happened, because we still love eachother. The next day was awkward and she withdrew again, I kept my cool and went back to focusing on myself. I sensed things were getting worse between her and this other guy, and any time we were together things were light hearted and fun, we began watching TV, eating dinner and even chatting about random things together again in a relaxed way which hadn't happend for a long time. One evening I was in bed and she returned from an event she'd attended with friends, I was woken by her climbing into the bed with me and she gave me a cuddle, this lead from one thing to another and we went at it for hours, afterwards she questioned me again about if I was seeing anyone and I finally admitted it. She flew into a jealous rage which lead to me getting lots of stuff off of my own chest to her and it concluded in the small hours with her telling me to leave. I broken heartedly left, I had got to a point where I knew I just had to take the leap and see where I landed, not long after I had left she was calling me and I eventually answered, she ended up asking me to come back to talk, I went back and she said she had told her rebound everything and he had forgiven her and that she loves me and wants me but isn't ready yet, asked me to stay living there and that she just needs time, but she didnt feel good about me talking to other women, I told her that I was single and what I do is my business and I have no reason to stop (kind of trying to get her to be that reason) she explained that she never lied to me about her situation and that I did lie to her, that's why she was asking me not to, or at least not lie about it to her anymore. Since then she has continued her relationship with him and its still not great from what I over hear, and we seem to have a nice time together, apart from her finding out I was chatting to a girl again and she asked me to leave once again, I agreed and packed a bag but she wouldn't let me leave and fell into my arms apologising for how she'd been to me over this time and we laid together and fell asleep. I'm not sure what to do tbh, i feel hopeful one minute and then like I'm being used and played the next, I want to stay forever and leave and not look back. Has anyone else been through this, what happened what did you do and how did it work out, I'm so confused, pleas help me!!! TIA
  6. I broke up with my girlfriend after 8 years of relationship around 4 months ago. I wasn't so convinced about the relationship and I wasn't in love so it was the right thing to do. The problem is that 1 month before breaking up I met a girl at the office and we started to connect. He was in a 10 years old relationship with his boyfriend but we slowly started to play and increase the connection. We've been meeting and sleeping together for about 3 months and around 1 month ago she decided to break up with his boyfriend since she couldn't handle the infidelity (although she wasn't so convinced). I fell in love with this girl and started to have a needy approach. She was very comfortable with me and we had an intense and romantic connection. She was terribly sad and depressed for a couple of months and didn't contact her boyfriend for about 3 weeks. 2 weeks after the breakup she started to do better, but after that her boyfriend contacted her and they met. He suggested her get back together and she said she needed time to find herself. But at that moment she recognized that she was considering getting back into the relationship with his ex. She also told me she needed time and space for herself. At that moment I felt sadness, and anxiety and I wrote her a letter of gratitude and farewell. Although I told her that it wasn't a farewell and that if she was ready to close the relationship with his ex and open to keep knowing me, I had no problem. But at the same time, I said we should have a bit of distance and not contact for a while. For the first days, I was in agony and obsessed and I couldn't accept the reality. I even called her one day asking if she was going out for the weekend with his ex (I couldn't accept that when she told me she wanted to be alone to think. Now I know I was wrong and it was a mistake). A week after that and without contact, I was looking the things differently. I realized what happened and what made the relationship wear out. I was also more relaxed and with less anxiety. I knew she was feeling sorry for me so I decided to write her and tell her if she wanted to meet to talk. She told me she wasn't ready yet so I told her by WhatsApp that I was looking at things differently and now I was focusing on myself. A couple of days after she contacted me and asked if I still wanted to meet. We met and she was distant. I told her the details about my change, how I was seeing things now and what I thought were our mistakes. She also saw me as more confident and not sad and needy as I was before. But then she told me that a couple of days before our "date" she met again with his ex and they were discussing the things they should change if they wanted to get back together. She also emphasized that she was telling me that because she still had doubts about what to do: get back with her ex, be alone or keep dating me. When she told me that I told her that I thought that the best way to keep the distance and no contact between us. I also suggested to her that she should work on herself before trying to get back with her ex or joining a new relationship. I also told her that I didn't want to have a friendship with her and that I thought I deserved a person who fully wanted to know me. When we said goodbye it was emotive, she was sad and cried and it was like none of us wanted to leave. She is gonna leave the job since her employment contract is expiring soon. But in a couple of weeks, we will still have to see each other at the office for a week before she leaves. I plan to keep working on myself and don't contact her, but inevitably we will see each other in a couple of weeks at the office. I like this girl and would love to keep dating her and I know right now she has a lot of doubts, although she's maybe pulling more of returning with her ex. Any suggestion is appreciated, and sorry for the spelling, my English is not that good.
  7. I've just met someone via a dating app and we've been on a few dates. We get on very well, have shared values and there is a lot of chemistry, but he happened to mention that he had just got out of a 6.5-year relationship (after ongoing issues for a couple of years in the relationship, she broke up with him a month ago and moved out of the city). We were both open about our dating history and I mentioned that I had been through a bad break-up last year and that I am keen to find the right person this time for something long-term. After that date, I sent him a message saying that I wasn't sure that we were both looking for the same thing and that I wondered if it was too soon for him, so perhaps we should stop seeing each other. I said that casual relationships didn't make me feel fulfilled and I thought that was perhaps more what he was looking for. He said he understood my being hesitant given my recent break-up, but that I shouldn't worry because he thought we were on the same wavelength: he isn't sure it's really "as casual as that," he likes me and the time we spend together is great. He said things are well and truly over with his ex and that if we cease being on the same wavelength, we can just stop seeing each other so we should "go with the flow." He has since gone out of his way to come and see me, not just for "Netflix and chill," but I'm unsure whether to take it slow and give it a chance, or to cut it off now to avoid any misunderstandings later down the line. Any advice please?
  8. I'm worried I might be rebounding... My ex and I broke up and I started seeing this guy at work shortly after who I was never really attracted to but had always really liked me and is super kind and sweet but not the typical guy I date and wanted to see. He likes me a lot. I think about my ex everyday still and we had a very connected albeit rocky relationship... I was talking to my ex alot still and sleeping with him when I was starting to date this new guy. I had also hooked up with my exes best friend right after we broke up and he forgave and tried to move forward, but he works a long way away and I was still hanging out with this new guy alot. I had told me ex to come and visit and we hooked up... but things got messy because I hooked up with the new guy when my ex was in town... I told my ex I hooked up with him and he finally had enough I guess, told me to tell this new guy what had been going on between the two of us... or he was going to do it himself. I had rejected this new guy once when I was starting to hook up with my exes best friend.... and then I had to tell him that I had been hooking up with my ex when we were first starting to date. I'm also the first girlfriend he has ever had. The new guy has forgiven me and we are now dating.... but I still think about my ex everyday. Mostly I am just curious... Do you guys think I'm in a rebound relationship? Has anyone ever had any good experiences with rebounds?
  9. Hello... I'm 34y old and I met a very cool and beautiful 31y old girl on a dating website, I really liked her a lot but I was emotionally unavailable due to my previous relationship, I was with a crazy person who were telling lies all the time, menacing me of suicide etc... I lost tons of weight, could not eat because of this bad person... So when I met this new girl, I let her know about the crazy relationship i had before, and I told her that I was feeling "empty" and needed time.. We started our relationship and It was awesome at first, we both loves anime, manga, movies etc... after a few months she even talked about our futur etc (and in my head I though It was kinda fast to talk about this). Well months passed but i still had some issues, "feeling empty" I wanted to be alone the week and wanted to see her only on week-end... (She didn't like that, and I agree with her). I was still feeling empty, and she was telling my stories that didn't help me like : "I got rid of my best friend because she said that and that, I got rid of this person too, My mother is lucky to be my mother because i'd like to get rid of her too, I got rid of the guy because he did that and that." She got also very angry at me one day because she was waiting for me in her car and i came 15mins late, she was really really upset that it almost killed our day. I was thinking to myself "wow, If I open myself too much, and she get rid of me..." Wasn't helping me AT ALL... And after 6 months, she decided to get rid of me lol ^^ We had an argument about a silly joke I made, I like to make jokes all the time and she said "too much jokes, not enough of love", saying jokes is sometimes a way to get closer to the people I appreciate, but it's another story. She said my jokes are getting annoying, I don't show enough and I don't see her enough, and we always pay half/half at the restaurant... I did my best to show her my regret, I told her I'll change, i bought her a gift, I said that I don't want to loose her, that I love her, I kissed her hands (I cried too, It's bad I know) but no... She said we should remain friends because she doesn't want to cut contact because she likes me... After 2 weeks chasing her, she didn't even want to see me in person she said she was not ready, so I said "ok I give up" she replied "ok 😞 sorry to be annoying, wish you the best" and she deleted me everywhere... I tried NC for 10 days and came back she replied to me but it was a bit cold, I tried NC again for 10 days more, came back, I just said that I was thinking about her and wanted to say hello she replied "oh 🙂 " "you can come saying hello anytime you want to", then we talked a bit, about some series on netflix, but it was just being polite, I was saying 3 sentences she was replying two words... So I stopped talking and i'm back in NC for 10 days now... and I feel bad again, I miss her... After all this chasing, i'm thinking myself that I should leave her alone and see if she decides to give another try with me later, but since she left because I was "neglecting" her, I always feel I should try to show my interest more and more... She is a military, and a VERY stubborn person, if many people tell her a movie is good she won't see it just to do the opposit of what people think lol If i still have a slim chance, what should i do ? trying again or let her go ? thanks...
  10. I'm Better Than This I dont deserve to be used, My hopes, my fears, you chose to abuse, I dont deserve the way things are, I could sit all night in this bar, All I ever wanted, was to be wanted back, But alas there was never any chance of that, And now I realise it's time to go, I'll trapse away through my minds snow, Wondering how things might have been different, If I was stronger, and not so belligerent, My head is small, my mind is closed, And yet from this my instinct arose, It knew it would happen, I knew what you wanted, So why oh why do I feel so stunted? All I can say is I'm better than this, My head knows that, and in that I can dismiss, The need to be near you, to feel bliss, So from now I'll go on, I'll feel no regret, Because you are the one I know I'll forget. I'm better than this, I'm better than you, I'm better than a rebound, I'm better than random sound, Goodbye to you, Because now we're done, I walk away in to a brighter sun A bit more rhyming than my usual style, but it's how I feel.
  11. hey guys.... and gals... havnt done this before but i am a bit strapped for ideas lol... i'll start from the top its a bloody long story lol... Myself and my mates ex hooked up on new years eve this year... just a very drunken kiss nothing more and he caught us and wasn't too happy about it.. which is fair enough.. A few weeks later she came back up (she moved back home a cpl of hours away) to sort some sh!t out with him and met his "rebound" and wasn't to impressed so she messaged me and told me to go out that night... I did go and didn't do anything... they got into another fight that night and i messaged her the next day after she went home to make sure it was all good... apparently i had been used to just get back at him which i wasn't too happy about but i got over it... A month or so later we were still calling and messaging each other when she told me she liked me... which floored me to be honest.. but after thinking i came to the realisation i liked her too... She was absolutely certain she was over him as well.. We were planning on going to see one another without him finding out (mind you this is totally out of character to me.... i would normally never ever do anything like this) when she was offered a job back here to start ASAP... Before she moved back i asked her 5 or 6 times if she was 100 percent sure she wanted to keep going with it and she said she was... She came back... we were alright for a week or so ... seeing each other and that sort of thing and up until tuesday afternoon it was all sweet... not even too hours after i see her tuesday afternoon she says we cant do this and it can't happen.... I wasn't very happy.. .she came around and we talked about it a bit.... as much i could because i'm still pretty pissed off about it lol... she said that she likes me ... but it just cant happen that she needs to be single for a while and its not normal... we still kissed a few times but every time she kept saying it just cant happen and it wont.... We talked about it some more a bit later and she said that she doesnt want to be a b!tch by saying yes now and then turning around and saying no because i will only be her rebound.... I asked her if she even ever did like me at all or whether i was just a rebound ... .she said she does like me... thats why she doesnt want me to be her rebound... Hopefully someone can be bothered to read it and give me their thoughts... i got no idea what to do.. .or what she means....
  12. My break up was messy. If you don't know it I will recap it quickly. It was a 4 year relationship. Last April she kissed my roommate a few weeks before I was planning to propose. We were working things out and right as things were getting better she met a guy at work and broke up with me. We got back together a week later but she never stopped seeing him like she said she would. She had an emotional affair with this guy for 4 months before I ended it with her in December because I found out, and she wanted freedom. We tried to work things out, but nothing worked, and she would not stop seeing him. I have been on NC for 13 days now, and am doing well. I only want to talk to her to yell at her. I don't miss her because she treated me so poorly. Anyway, since breaking up with my ex, I have gone out with a few girls. I have gone out with one girl 2 times, and am really starting to like her. I am very worried about this being a rebound relationship, but we have a TON in common and I enjoy spending time with her. I can do things with her I could never do with my ex, and feel like a whole new world has opened up to me. What can I do to prevent this from turning into a rebound? I don't want to hurt her, and I can't get heartbroken again this soon. I'm doing my best to take it very slow, and trying not to call her too often. We have already planed a third date, and I know we both see this turning into something. Any advice or examples on rebound relationships would help me. Thanks!!!
  13. I posted the other night about my ex breaking NC after almost a month with a 5 am phone call. I told her to get a hold of me when she found my W2's and let me know when she could send them. Well she got a hold of me, here's the message I received on myspace a few hours ago... I can look today, but it would be easier if i could fax them from my office at the tax place i work. And oh yea, your girlfriend XXXX aint got on me !!! When do you know you are coming back to the west coast? And who are you moving in with ? well give me a shout. I love you. XXXXX LOL. Yeah, alright. The girl she is referring to, is not my gf, and the ex knows that. She's a girl I had a little "rebound" with last summer after we broke up the first time, and we've kept in touch. We comment back and forth every couple days. So I really didn't think too much of it, until this other girl. The rebound girl, send me a message saying "Why is your watch guard leaving me messages?" and sent me what my ex send her. Which said... You don't got on me XXXX! That's why he didn't have sex with you last summer when you guys met. Yeah, I know all about you! You're M's cousin right? So, I officially feel like I'm back in high school. We don't talk for a month, I'm sure she has a little "make me feel better" bf, because she hates being alone, and now she's trying to find reasons to start something? Seriously... !
  14. Hello all, Fist post here.. I've been reading a bit as a guest and thought I'd share some info and seek some advice. Kind of a lengthy story. Anyways, I met a girl in September. We got to know each other as friends and she had a boyfriend ... I was never real close to her ... just more of a fun acquaintence. In December, she ended it with her boyfriend of 5 years. I never ever considered dating her and was pursuing someone else, which didn't work out at about the same time. In January, we started actually hanging out and went on a few dates and things just sort of happened. After a few dates, we were getting intimate and I stopped her and told her the truth. I was a virgin and was waiting for someone special to share that part of my life with. She seemed shocked at first, but that didn't scare her away. We also talked about the fact that she had just gotten out of a long term relationship and how if I was going to be a rebound, I wanted nothing to do with her. After a few more times, we talked more about what sex meant to each of us and we had similar views. Then that's when I decided that I was ready... if it happened ... it happened. We had sex not long after... A week later, on a Tuesday, towards the end of January, she told me it was getting serious and she wasn't ready for that... it hurt, but I told her I understood. She then wanted to plan going out on Sunday. I agreed. On that Sunday, we went out and had fun. I ended up back at her place and that evening she said she wanted to date me exclusively. I was a little reluctant because she had just told me she wasn't ready and just got out of a long relationship. After talking for a bit, I agreed. After a little over a month, we spent more time together ... a couple of times or more per week. I got to know her more and she got to know me more and I have to say I fell for her... again. There were qualities I didn't like, but noone is perfect. I even sort of liked the qualities I didn't like haha We had our own interests, but shared common important ones like family, goals in life, having fun, a healthy lifestyle, etc. Anyhow, After a little over a month, we didn't see each other for a week. I went on a mental health trip and she went on a trip to see family. Her family had told her before that they felt it was too soon to be involved with another person. After I got back, I talked to her on the phone and she said that it wasn't going to work out because out personalities were different and we want different things. I had a gut instinct that she was lying... you know how sometimes you can just tell.... the way something is said?? I was devastated. I asked her if I was just a rebound to her ... and her response was when you are dating, you just don't know. so I haven't talked to her for a while and ran into her a couple of times and had a fun conversation with her. I haven't called her or plan on calling her. Anyone that has been in this situation or hasn't, if she called me and wanted to date again, would I be stupid for saying yes? if so or not, why? I thought about the situation, and feel I would end up saying yes. ... and no, I am not waiting around for her to call. I feel that it does make it more difficult because she was the first woman I have made love to. Thanks for your insights
  15. Question: If you were on the rebound, would you hook-up with an ex or a stranger? With a stranger, there's no chance of getting hurt or attached, but sometimes meaningless sex can make you feel worse. With an ex, well, I don't know - never had the guts to try that (although I am on good terms with all my exes) .. comments, anyone? If this has been a previous topic, I apologize - I am a newbie!!!
  16. I haven't been on here for a while, but I wanted to update you guys who have been following my story and offering me advice. Brief Recap: High school sweetheart cheated on me and broke up with me after 2.5 years together, saying she didn't love me as a boyfriend anymore. Went through weeks and weeks of tears, depression, laziness, did NC for a month, wanted her back more than anything. After 2.5 months a former teacher of mine emailed me and said he had a student who wanted a date for Valentine's Day, so he wanted to set me up on a blind date. I still didn't feel like I was completely over my ex, but I had been doing better recently, so I actually agreed. The blind date was wonderful! The girl was cute, funny, smart, lots of similar interests. We've gone on two dates since then and we are going on another this weekend. I'm trying to take things slow (we haven't even kissed yet) because I don't want to rush into anything. I have so much fun whenever I am with her. The best part is, I think I have truly grasped that my ex and I were not meant for each other. NC was helpful in making me realize I could live without her. I tried to limit myself from checking her Facebook profile online, but I got weak from time to time and checked. As much as it hurt at the time (and believe me, I can't even describe how much it hurt) I think seeing her send messages/take pictures with other guys helped me move on. I still have the occasional bump along the road and lots of things still remind me of my ex, but I can now talk/think about her without experience all of that pain and hurt. The new girl has a lot to do with it, too. She has made me realize that there are other girls out there just as fun, pretty, and engaging as my ex. My relationship with my ex was my first relationship ever, so I'm not really sure how rebounds work ... maybe this new girl is a "rebound". All I know is that I am 100% okay with the idea that I will never be with my ex again and I can't wait to see where things go with this new girl. Thanks for all the help and support from you guys when I was going through the roughest of times. You guys are the best!
  17. So how do you know if you're the "rebound" for someone who broke up with his/her ex? What if any signs do you watch out for? I've been thinking about it since a guy friend of mine broke up with his ex, then pretty much immediately started paying more attention to me. After a few dates I didn't feel comfortable with continuing, so I told him I'd rather be friends. To his credit, he took it well and still is a good friend. But really, if I HAD been interested in him, I still wonder if it would have been wise to date him so soon after. (I'm talking dating that would lead to a long-term relationship, not just dating for fun.) Do you guys have any rule of thumb about how long to leave a person alone after they've broken up with someone? It's an interesting situation, 'cause if you leave them alone for too long, they may start dating someone else!
  18. I'm just wondering what you all think of this. I didn't think I was the rebound, but some people have speculated that I might be. I'm dating a guy who is about 4 years younger than me (not a problem, because I look and act younger than my age). His girlfriend broke up with him last October over the phone. From the story he tells, I think she broke up with him to set off a reaction. As in, "let me break up with you so that you can see how life is without me and come back and ask me to marry you." She really wanted him to marry her. Well, he wasn't ready to get married just yet (he's only 23), but he wanted to continue the relationship. She said basically it's all or nothing and broke it off. Now, he went through the random hook ups (he admitted it to me), the drunken nights, the partying, and got it all out of his system. The ex has since tried to show up wherever he is, tried to hook up with his best friends, and is basically hanging out with all of his friends...which sucks and I feel bad for him because now he doesn't even want to hang out with his close guy friends because she might be there. He's very blunt, sometimes too blunt, and has told her basically to F off....and she has backed off a bit. Now here's the question: I really think he's over it...I think he rebounded with the girls he hooked up with after his ex broke up with him. He only talks about his ex when I bring it up so it's not like he's talking about her all the time. Yet, some people have come up to me and said that they're worried that there hasn't been enough time passed since his break-up and that I'm probably his rebound. I was wondering what you guys think. Am I the rebound? Should I be super careful?
  19. I am totally over my ex-boyfriend after finding out that he has been engaged and he was resentful towards me. I had two short relationships over the past 4 months after our breakup. I guess I was on rebound, because I wasn't remortolly attacted to them but I forced myself to like them. Now I am completery over my ex and I am feeling a lot better on my own, I have to admit that I am scared to start over. I don't know what I want. I miss having someone close in my life, but at the same time I don't want to get involved with someone who could hurt me. Is this normal? Is this a part of healing process? For example, I met someone who is a lot younger than me few weeks ago. I was very attacted to him, but my brain told me stay away from him because he could hurt me. In fact he was the first person I felt the spark and chemistry after my ex. I didn't feel those with the two rebound guys. But I kind of pushed him away by telling him that we want different things because I want to get married in 3-4 years. Then I asked myself, is this what I want? Should I just forget about relationship and enjoy the moment? I'm quite busy for my school work, and other activities that I have started (swiming, belly dancing etc). Why am I worrying so much if the person has a potential to have a long-term relationship with? Am I overly protective? Am I not ready to date? Thanks for reading!
  20. Hi folks, About a year ago, my ex and first love dumped me after around 2 yrs together. I'm nearly certain he wasn't over me even up to two months after we broke up, since the tone of his voice would still soften when he talked to me (yes, I did a horrible job of NC at first). It took me a while to realize it, but I think he was in nearly as much pain as I was when he dumped me. It surprised me a bit when I found out that he was with someone new, only 4 months after the breakup. They went from zero to relationship in less than day, according to what I've heard. I was totally sure his new girl was a rebound, and sure enough, they broke up just 2 months after they started dating. I felt a bit sorry for him then, although I also wondered if he finally realized how badly he'd hurt me after we broke up. But what really takes the cake is that 3 months after THEY split, he's (somewhat shakily) back with the rebound girl. Is he rebounding on his rebound? His friends all think this is a bad idea, even the ones who were glad to see him happy with this new girl at first. I don't know many of the details, but I do know he was the one who was dumped last time. He himself told a mutual friend it's something like a "yo-yo relationship" - I wonder if he isn't in denial about how unhealthy it is. I'm also worried about me - why is this rebound-on-a-rebound (if that's what it is) making me think about him so much? Is it my silly brain telling me that if he's willing to reconcile with her, he might reconcile with me? I'm pretty sure that even if he did come back, I'd have to think long and hard about it, and probably say no, given how different our maturity levels are. And it doesn't help that I keep wondering what he sees in her that he didn't see in me... Is it normal to feel this way? Is it possible to rebound on a rebound? And after trying all this time to let go, forgive and forget, move on, why am I still caught up in wondering what he sees in her and not me? I'm not terribly distraught about it, just horribly confused.
  21. Well I found out today that my ex has met a new guy and is seeing him. It only took her 3 weeks to meet this guy after our Break-up of a seven year relationship. Isnt this a little soon. He does know about me and her situation (He was there when I talked to her on the phone and she said we just were not workin and that our relationship is over) WOW.. SO......NC and than LATER? Advice please? Is this just a rebound?
  22. I am very new to the rebound relationship. I've never had a rebound that I didn't marry the guy (my X hubby). So I don't know how to deal with flux of emotions and what I'm feeling or what I SHOULD be feeling/doing... I thought that it would be short lived and that eventually I'd be over it and move on. I seem to be wrong or something. The guy that essentially made me "wake up" and realize I needed to divorce has become incredibly important to me. I feel like he shouldn't be. He's not right for me. There was incredible chemistry and things were fun. Then, one day, he says things are too complicated and he's got excuses galore! I am having a terrible time letting go. It feels like he suddenly finds me repulsive... And he's as confusing as all heck! Last night as we're chatting in our usual "racy" fashion, and I asked if a BJ would be a good b-day present, to which he replies, "As long as it's not from you." OUCH!!! And seconds later I try to clarify saying, "So... you are no longer interested, is that right?" and he says, "Nope, you are not correct"... UGH! I am so confused. I thoght for sure that was it! That I was done. I can finally let go. And yet, I am still wishing to GOD that he would come after me... WHY can't I just let go? WHY is it soooooo important to me? Is this normal? Are rebounds usually THIS intense and confusing? Is anyone willing to share their experiences?
  23. I was wondering what everyone else thought about this.I was married for 9.5 yrs together for 13yrs.We got divorced it only took a month and she was dating a guy pretty much right after the ink was dry so maybe a month and a half all together.Had my daughter meeting him and everything,they are still together 8 months later is this still considered a rebound or have they made it through the initial getting over phase.I think but am not sure they were seeing each other before the divorce alot of signs anyway,but she denies it.Is it normal for people to move on this quickly?There was no physical abuse,or drugs and alcohol.I felt like we had a pretty good marriage I had my faults like anyone else but nothing really major to deserve not trying or moving on so quickly.
  24. Hey all! Its been over two months since me and my ex (dated for 5 years) broke up. When the whole thing started, she told me that she was seeing this guy from work, but only as a friend. Of course I was suspiscious as the breakup came totally out of the blue. Before that we were so happy together, and then one day she told me she thinks we should see other people. She kept insisting that this guy was just a friend and nothing more. But he did tell her he had feelings for her and asked her on a date a while back and she said no. Well in the last week or so, people have been telling me that they have seen her with him at the bars, and referred to him as her "boyfriend". This obviously leads me to believe that they saw something that would make them think that. I really started to heal well and she assured me that she would let me know if she started something with someone else. In reality though I had to find out for myself online when he posted a note on her wall saying how he was so glad to be with her and he was glad she was sitting on his lap when he wrote the message, and thanked her for being the best girlfriend ever. That was so hard to read and today I feel back at square one. I cant stop thinking about her and her new BF. I wish she would have told me 2 months ago and saved me a lot of emabrassment and pain. But anyway here is what I am wondering. Its obvious that this would be considered a rebound relationship. I was hoping to get some advice, stories, facts, anything that can help me understand why someone would start a relationship this quickly after dating someone for 5 years. I would appreciate some advice from both the men and the women. Women: if you've been in a rebound what did it accomplish, how long did it last, did you stay with him? Guys: Have you had an ex ina rebound, what were your thoughts, how did you cope? Things like that. I know there are plenty of people on here who have experienced this so I am looking to you for help!!! PLease let me know what rebound relationships amount to in the end? Do the ever actually work? Please help!! I started to heal the last week or so and have initiated strict NC, but today is her birthday and I cant stop thinking about her. I want so badly to send her a text wishing her a happy birthday. But I just dont know if it would help anything. I dont want to be rude or seem mean but i just dont see it benefiting me at all. so please some help on this would be great. Anything you can give would be great. Thanks a ton. This is really the only place I can go for advice right now and you guys are the best. Thanks
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