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About Me

  1. I decided to start this as a place to park my hodgepodge of thoughts and what's going on in my life. Had a great Easter yesterday- I had to drive a few hours to the airport to pick my son up from his trip to France and Spain. He had a great time and it seems like he grew up over night! It was so great to have both boys home and with me. Since I had them for Easter, I asked them what kind of meal they wanted and I went and bought the groceries for a nice Easter dinner. Then I get a text from my ex, saying his mom and dad are inviting me and the boys to Easter brunch at their house. Well I didn't really want to go because my ex and his gf would be there. But the boys wanted to go and they wanted me to come. So I told them I would drop them off, pop in to say hi to friends and ex's family, then pick them up later. It took a lot of courage. But Despite that, I actually had fun! My ex and his gf sat on the other side of the room, although at one point his gf complemented a necklace I was wearing. It was fun to catch up with people I essentially have not seen in 4 years since the breakup. Oh the things I do for my sons... Well afterwards I made that nice dinner and we had it by candle light- just before I had to take them to their dad's for the week.
  2. I’ve not been very good at journaling this year! I’ve been dating someone for almost a year - we met last December. I do wonder if we’ll make it into the new year due to a few issues. He’s a single dad, first one I’ve ever dated, and I’ve spent a bit of time with his son but he has behavioural issues at home so not sure how I would handle this if I become step-mum. There’s also the topic of if I want my own child - I’m still not made up and honestly I don’t think he wants another one. He (my boyfriend) is currently living with his dad saving money and helping out (dad is registered disabled but mobile for short periods). The dad is also going deaf and I don’t click with his sense of humour so I find any time visiting really testing trying to hold a normal conversation with him. I also have been living with my parents while I look for a full time job and now appreciate how much space they give me and boyf when he visits! I have one close friend in this town who I have known since school - and she’s been driving me nuts lately. I think we’ve grown apart and don’t relate on the same level anymore. I even hate texting her to organise anything - all I get are “ok” as responses and that on it’s own does my head in! And on the subject of work - I had two part time jobs in this town but one has now finished due to being a fixed term contract on a small team. The idea was to use that as a CV filler to move onto something else but I’ve been lazy of late applying to jobs. On the plus side I have noticed more ‘interesting’ roles being advertised which gets my hopes up. In the meantime I have a part time job in retail. Half of my department is off sick so there’s a lot of overtime going but it’s been frustrating with a rubbish new manager who isn’t on top of anything. I’m supposed to get a weeks notice of shifts with 24 hrs notice being the exception but lately every week my shifts have only been confirmed the day before or I get a message begging me to work the next day. This doesn’t seem like a very positive opening post, want it all off my chest before the year end haha!
  3. Must I accept all of Dad's women? Growing up in a house with only my father and no mother had its challenges. For one there often felt like a void in our home, one that was difficult for me to fill. When I was about ten years old my father started dating again and the women never stopped coming. Some would be around for a couple of weeks, their presence faint at first, before slowly becoming more regular features in our lives. As I got older I started wondering if I should accept all of Dad's women, or if some could be left behind. My father always seemed excited to introduce his new partners to me, his voice filled with enthusiasm when he did so. At first I welcomed them in, taking comfort in their presence and appreciative of any semblance of family. I adored their compliments and the little gifts they brought, feeling like I was being spoiled by yet another mother-figure. But as the years passed by, it felt increasingly like Dad was using each woman to fill a void created by the goodbye of the last one. Many of the relationships were relatively short-lived and as a result I found myself caught between welcoming them in and protecting my heart from getting hurt. It was difficult not to feel connected to the women after they had lived with us a while and become a part of the family dynamic. Yet many of the relationships ended abruptly and I felt myself pouring energy into something that wasn't meant to last. Watching the flash of joy in my father's eyes as each new partner moved in and then just as quickly moved out began to erode away at my spirit. I stopped believing in love lasting forever, instead seeing it as something temporary; something to be experienced only fleetingly. And yet, despite knowing it might not last, I also began seeing these women as teachers. Each one taught me something valuable about life, love, and relationships. There was the woman who taught me how to enjoy life's simple pleasures and always shared her sweet treats with me, like her homemade brownies. And then the one who taught me how to care for other people better and even showed me how to knit my own scarf. These women were a reminder that even those fleeting moments can become valuable memories if we allow them to settle into our hearts and minds. For these reasons, I eventually decided that while I could not accept all of Dad's women, I could learn something important from each of them; whether that be patience, creativity, or respect. In doing so, this also allowed me to accept my father for accepting them in his life, too. That is when I finally realized that sometimes we must step forward and open our arms wide enough to welcome those who can help us understand ourselves – no matter how fleeting their presence may be.
  4. Research shows that a strong paternal connection helps young people to manage their emotions and deal with mental-health crises. The role of fathers in children's lives has evolved over the years. In the past, fathers were considered the breadwinners and the disciplinarians, while mothers were responsible for nurturing and emotional support. However, research has shown that fathers play a crucial role in their children's emotional development and mental health. In this article, we will explore why children need nurturing fathers and how fathers can provide this support to their children. Fathers Provide Emotional Support Fathers provide a different kind of emotional support to their children than mothers. While mothers tend to be more nurturing and affectionate, fathers tend to encourage their children to take risks, be independent, and solve problems on their own. Fathers provide emotional support by being available, engaged, and supportive. They listen to their children, validate their feelings, and help them navigate through difficult situations. Fathers Help Children Develop Positive Coping Strategies Research has shown that fathers who are nurturing and supportive can help their children develop positive coping strategies. Children who have a strong paternal connection are better able to manage their emotions, cope with stress, and deal with mental health crises. Fathers can provide children with a safe and secure environment where they can express their emotions, ask questions, and seek guidance. Fathers Help Children Develop Self-Confidence Fathers play a significant role in their children's self-confidence. Children who have a nurturing father tend to have higher self-esteem, are more self-assured, and are less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. Fathers can help their children develop self-confidence by praising their accomplishments, offering guidance, and providing a positive role model. Fathers Help Children Develop Healthy Relationships Fathers play an essential role in helping their children develop healthy relationships. Children who have a positive relationship with their father tend to have healthier relationships with others, including their peers, romantic partners, and their own children later in life. Fathers can help their children develop healthy relationships by modeling positive communication skills, respecting their children's boundaries, and fostering a sense of trust and respect. Fathers play a crucial role in their children's emotional development and mental health. Children who have a nurturing father tend to be more confident, better equipped to handle stress, and have healthier relationships. Fathers can provide emotional support, help children develop positive coping strategies, build self-confidence, and encourage healthy relationships. So, fathers, take an active role in your children's lives, be supportive, and watch them thrive!
  5. No one in this world loves me. I'm not close to my moms family and I live my life alone with no family around me. I got in contact with my estranged father after 20 years of no contact and found out that he has a 10 year old daughter. I made a mistake and looked him up on Facebook and his daughter is extremely beautiful. There are so many pictures of them out and about doing things and I developed this toxic jealousy against her and I feel terrible about it. I'm realizing he will never love me as much as he loves her. She's his little girl. Not me. He doesn't even know me. He attempts to message me almost every day but its normally just small talk. I want this relationship to work out but I struggle with the fact that he is very capable of living life without me. He did it for 20 years. What should I do about this?
  6. Hello. I will try to explain myself as simply as I can. I had some relation problems in July and I asked help from here. Firstly, let me summarize that relationship: I had an online relationship, then we have seen each other several times in reel life, we had some jeaolusy problems and someday i couldn't give enough care and time to him because of my own problems. Then, on June, he decided to end our relationship, and I tried to get him back with a trick: I wanted him to be jealous of me. I wanted him to regret his decision about ending this relationship and I wanted him to try to win me back. This childish idea obviously didn't work and he left me completely, and I couldn't win him back. Until last week, I begged for 3 months to win him back, but no mather what I did, it didn't work. Finally, I got tired and gave up. I deleted him on everywhere and I didn't see him later. And I made a promise to myself; I won't see him ever in my whole life. At this point, I tried to focus on the other things in my life. Like my family and my school. But hey... there was a problem. I was so preoccupied with my relationship problems that everything else was "secondary issue" to me. Even myself and my mental health was a "secondary issue" to me... I thought that if I could get my boyfriend back, I could handle everything else. And now, I have to face and deal with that crooked idea. First of all, I explained the whole story to my mother (firstly I have to admit I had an online relationship, yes I prefer "admit" word because it is a "no-no" in her opinion). I did this to end all my feelings for him and create a point of no return... She was very angry (as always) and she threatened me with my father. She said "I will tell everything to your father and he will beat you. Because by talking to people you don't know, you put not only yourself in danger but also us." I begged her a lot and finally she changed her mind. But my father already understood the tense atmosphere at home and kept asking what was going on. So I made a deal with my mother : We told him a fabrication lie about one of my girl classmates and my mother acted like "an overprotective mother", and I acted like "a stupid girl who believes to everyone so quickly". We said "my girl classmate wanted to meet me at a very suspicious place, and my mother was damn right to not allow me to go." We never mentioned that there is a man or love in this story. My father didn't believe at first, but my mother and I kept pretending and eventually "case closed" on the very same night. I also had to deal with my school problems. Today, I went to my school and I "learned" that I would be dismissed from the school, because I could not complete my classes on time. I thought I still had a year to finish my school, but it wasn't. Problem is about my lessons, not about my thesis, actually. If I had completed all my courses in 2 years and had to submit only my thesis, I would have had 1 additional year. But I could not complete my courses and my thesis in 2 years. And because of my failed courses, they won't give that additional 1 year to me. So I had to first deregister at the school and then re-register. And it means we have to pay extra "money". Actually, I've asked my school-advisor about this topic before. But maybe I didn't ask correctly, or maybe he misunderstood me... Somehow, here is the situation. I can't do anything to fix it. I came home, trying not to throw myself in front of passing cars... Because, only 4 days ago, my mother literally told me these very sentences : "This is the second and the very last chance I'm giving to you. There won't be a next chance. So make up your mind and don't do other stupid things anymore." -- Additionally, that first chance was my first relationship in the university and she said for years that I'm so lucky for she didn't kick me out of the house. -- [I have to describe my relationship with my mother right now: It always scared me that she was so tough and angry. She had literally minimal tolerance for me, because of the problems she had with his own family and my father. I remember very-well, I was a primary school girl and my mom told me about her marital problems and wanted me to "understand" her and not tire her. She always said that, I was the only reason she was still married, and it always made me feel on edge. I had no right to make mistakes, I just had to be grateful for the opportunities my parents gave me, go to school and get a job.] Anyway. Luckily I was alone at home and had the opportunity to think about the situation. Unlike other days, today my dad came home first and I explained my school problems to him in my mother's absence. I wanted his help. I suggested keeping it a secret, but firstly we had to create "a believable lie". Thus, for the first time in my life, I shared a problem with my father. Surprisingly, he didn't react like my mother had told me for years. He didn't hit me. He didn't shout. He was even not angry. He did not humiliate -or- insult me. All I saw was disappointment, though he didn't say that, but I could tell it by the tone of his voice. He just listened to me with patience and offered me a way out when I finished my speech. I told the first part of the lie we prepared tonight, everything went well so far. I hope my mom will believe me when I say the other part and I can get away with it without she messing with it anymore. [By the way, I'm not as bad as you probably think... I feel so ashamed and regretful in my deep. I will never ever lie to both of them anymore, because all of this process is so painful and all I can feel is remorse, guilt and fear.] Now my question is... If I can get through this situation before my lie is exposed, should I tell both of them what they don't know after it's all over? Should I explain everything in the end? Or is it best to be dishonest and stay in the shadows for a lifetime? Or do you have any other ideas? Please feel free to share your thoughts with me, it would be really appreciated, because I need all different viewpoints in my situation. Thank you for your precious time. I hope you never have to lie to your parents because it really feels so guilty, especially when your last activity before sleeping is give them a good-night kiss
  7. This is another installment in this story I posted last night. ( ) I may take it or leave it. Not sure yet. I hope starting another thread for this won't be a problem. This is just a first draft, continued. Comments are welcome. ***** "How many god damn times do I have to tell you Kimberly, brush your *beep*ing hair!" his voice was loud and biting. Why did he need to yell? She was standing right in front of him. "I did!" she snapped back, hotly. "Well you didn't brush it good enough. Brush it 150 strokes." She lifted the brush slowly and started brushing her hair on the right side. "Brush it all over, not just in one spot." "Well you want me to brush it 150 strokes don't you!? I could do my whole head in 5!" "Get up to your room and don't come down until your hair is brushed... now!" She turned sharply and ran up the stairs into her room, slamming the door behind her. Setting down on the bed she lifted the brush. 1...2...3...4 148...149...150. She walked confidently down the stairs and entered the living room, where her father sat reading the paper. "Let me see," he said standing up. A look of anger and frustration came onto his face. "You didn't even touch it! You went in your room and sat there for ten minutes! You brat! Why can't you do what you're told?" "I did! I swear to God I did!" "What's I tell you about swearing to God? We don't swear to God in this house." He snatched the brush from her hand and grabbed her by the shoulder, forcing her to turn around. For a split second she was afraid he would hit her with it. But she felt the plastic bristles, rough on her scalp. He hair wasn't tangled, at least there was that mercy. He was finished in under a minute. "Now get your ass upstairs and stay there. You lied to me." Once again in her room, she laid on her bed, crying softly. She rolled over and flipped on the radio. Loud rock music filled the room. She thought again of the man she met at Dr. Shmidt's office. She wondered how long it took him to brush his hair.
  8. You have to see the world through rainbow colored glasses, My mother once said to me, Because if you don’t, the world is plain, But with them on you see… The colors in the sky, instead of just the blue, The rainbows in the clouds, shining there for you, But pay attention now, cause this is also true… It’s possible to see, the colors of LOVE too... What is love? I asked my mom, Oh honey I hope you see, Love is everything around you, Starting with you and me. Love can be your kitty curled up at your feet, Love can be your teddy bear, you even named him Pete. But love is also Mom and Dad, brothers and sisters too, It can also be Mom and Mom, or Dad and Dad, it’s true. You see, like a rainbow, the colors blend, There aren’t any clear lines, So no matter where you fall on the curve, Honey, that’s just fine. Imagine a world of black and white, Where love was not so free, I want to be able to love you, I want you to be able to love me. Take a look through rainbow colored glasses, There’s more than what you see, Because Love is still Love, Whether them, you, or me.
  9. Do you awaken with a smile yet fall asleep in tears? Or is it just indifference towards that which isn't clear? Can you sing redundant lullabies without knowing what they mean? Are your dreams just gifted mysteries showing you all that I've seen? If green is truly yours does blue belong to me? Do you represent the earth while I hold favor with the sea? And when you begin to tremble does it comfort you that I'm near? Does your tectonic disregard for us spawn from truths of which you fear? With time being our sacred father does he have to keep a wife? Didn't I hear them call you mother while you rid yourself of life? If the sun no longer shines for us is everything a blur? You told me it's a new day but how are you so sure? How could you be so bold? You're growing far too old How could you be so bold? You're growing far too old
  10. Written in Def Poetry Style... Hey yo, I thought I forgave, I thought I was free These things from my past just won't seem to leave I cry out to God, I'm beggin him please These things from my youth just won't seem to leave Why didn't I just do it Suicide my option, but I couldn't go through with it. And I'm still cryin out hoping one day I change Hoping one day God rids me of this heart ache and pain Molested twelve years.... Equals a life of fear and a whole lot of tears. But I'm not crying now least not in defeat gave my life to Jesus Now I bow at his feet But it ain't finished yet I strayed off the path the devil had set He had a plan for me it ended six feet below But it started in a good or a "Functional home" Mom and dad were working while my brother raised us kids No one ever thought to think of what the problem is... I'm cryin when you leave, I'm cryin when you come home Still no one seemed to listen in our so called "Perfect home" Until police came to our door and opened up your eyes Now for once we finally see behind the dark desguise A life of lies to hide behind, A life of secret sins A man a child in our home, when did this begin? Did you know the pain you'd cause, brotha did you think? Did you know how mom would cry how often dad would drink? Did you know you'd leave that child lost hurt and confused? And everything we've ever known in one day we'd lose Did you know the drugs I'd use just to numb my pain? And how many times I'd come so close to a bullet in my brain? Did you know the choice you made would bring me to know Christ? And what the Devil meant for wrong would give eternal life? That's life it's just not perfect Some times I wonder if it'll ever be worth it?
  11. Dad, I’m writing to let you know I’ve forgiven you. I used to loathe you. I wished that mom would divorce you, but each morning I woke, I saw you reading the newspaper. I used to dread coming home from school. I sat in my room all day, hoping you wouldn’t come find me. I thought if I pretended not to exist, you wouldn’t look for me. So many times you made me feel worthless. But I’ve forgiven you. It’s been over three years since you left and it’s taken me a long time to get to this point. It’s taken countless alcoholic bottles, several scars along my arms, stomach and legs, various calls to drug dealers for multiple pills, and, most importantly, hours of breakdown with feelings of hate and love. But, Dad, I’m finally writing to let you know I won’t let you hinder me any longer.
  12. This is my first post on here. I can honestly say I don't want to be here anymore. Im 18 and my life doesn't seem to get better. My life gets worse daily. I have friends but because of prior things that happened in my life I feel I can't trust anyone. I have so much inside of me but don't trust anyone to talk to. I have no emitions because of being hurt in the past/present. I put up a wall and let no one in. I hate college. My parents might even being taking me out of college and I don't know why. My dad is cheating on my mom and my whole family knows about this. My mom cheated on my dad with my sisters, friends, dad. I can't talk to my parents cause I feel I can't trust them. I hate being home in my house. I get angry and the littlest things and I can't stand it anymore. Why go through all of this? Doesn't seem worth it to me... p.s. Sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes. Don't feeling like proof reading right now.
  13. As the title states, I'm Buddhist and she is Christian. Even worse, her father was a Pastor, now retired. He is a very religious person. She was also before we met. We've been together for over 6 years. Since we've met she is slowly been missing church, so on and so on. I feel bad as I feel it is my fault she is drifting away from her religion. I've never been a religious person. Just recently, her father has found out about us and has requested that we have dinner and speak about our future. We did, and he wants us to get married, and in the mean time, wants to educate me on Christianity with the hopes of me converting. I don't know what to do. In one hand, I do love her and am willing to convert if need be. But I don't want to lie to myself and to anyone else by saying that I believe. I recently found myself at her fathers house on a sunday for bible study. While they were reading, so many doubts and questions came into my head. I felt fake, as I did not believe in what I was reading. I put up a fake face as I did not want to offend anyone. In a really naive way, I felt as though I betrayed Buddhism, although I am not an avid follower. At the end of the session, her dad asked me if I was ready to accept Jesus. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I was not ready. And that I need to really think about things and learn more about Christianity before I decide. He agreed. Just yesterday, she asked me if I was going with her to her dad's again. I declined as I didn't feel comfortable and was tired. She got so agry, she started up an argument over nothing. We almost got to the point of ending it. I guess I didn't realize how important it was to her. But am I wrong for declining and being reluctant? I don't know what to do. Again, I am willing to convert, but if I do not believe in the religion, then how can I? Perhaps only time will tell if I can accept Jesus or not. Confused.
  14. Hey everyone. I found this awesome thing on the internet that allows you to edit a video with a picture that you wish. It makes for a very fun and nice surprise or gift for a family member, like your father or something. Or even a nice surprise for your significant other (boyfriend/husband). Have a look it is really cool: (And lol.. the picture I have on this is from my father at my sister's wedding back in 1994 lol It is so hilarious so I had to use it) link removed P.S: He was extremely happy and laughing for a good 5 minutes over this lol.
  15. You GOTTTAAA BEEEE KIDDINGGG MEEEE! My father gave me his old cell phone and i have been using it for the past 2 months now... out of the BLUE before my father and mother are leaving to go on vacation i get a txt. msg from a FAMILY FRIEND!!!!! NO i didnt misinterpret it!! it said "i can't take it that ur no lnger spking to me" "didnt i mean anything 2u?" "i nd 2 see u agn" At first i was about to call back and scream.. or drive to her and punch her in the face. How dare she???? SHE WAS EATING DINNER AT MY PARENTS HOUSE NOT MORE THAN 2 MONTHS AGO? I txtd her back and pretended i was my Dad. i said "well how long has it been now since we've been 2gther anyway 4u 2b so upset?" the *** responded "oh God, im srprsed u responded" "we hvnt spoke 4 months" "u alwys ignore me and it hrts to much" "i dont want people 2 suspect, its scandalous" (yes.. she used the words scandalous.. ) I didnt txt back and i cried and cried. Guys.. my mom and my dad.. are like.. the happiest couple everyone's ever saw. he always takes her on dates.. buys her things.. hell i HEAR THEM HAVING SEX ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they just left to go on a 2 week VACATION together CELEBRATING THEYRE 25TH ANNIVERSARY!!!!! i want to drive to this womans house NOW and BEAT THE EVER LIVING SNOT OUT OF HER!!!! SHE COMES TO THE FAMILY PARTIES.. SHE PLAYS WITH MY CHILDREN!!!!!!!! SHE SITS AT THE SAME TABLE WITH MY OWN MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO KILL MY FATHER OR HER!!!!!!!!!!!! Theres NO NO NO NO NO NO way i can tell my mother!!! i CANT!!! Oh My GOD it would kill her!!!!!!! how can i hold this in for 2 weeks till he gets back??? It's already 10:15 now ET in ny.. i know where this woman works.. i swear im going to meet her at her job and confront her... oh WAIT.. she WORKS WITH MY FRKN DAD!!!!! fine.. ill just wait for her at her house. can someone please calm me down before i get arrested
  16. I love my father For he gave me life And I love my mother As he loves his wife For if ever there was evil it surely must be The curse that can run through a family Holding back truth and hiding ones heart Awkward on meeting and empty we part, If never given love you can never give love If you never stop to realise and look to above, So we build up our alibis and they seem to fit In the world which we live in and the way we live it, So who is the man? Who will stand up and say- "I know this evil; For I've lived this pain".
  17. Leaving Us With Love As you lay down to a lovely long sleep, Still ever present in our hearts as we weep, Dear little Kitty, looking down from above, We know you are leaving us with love. We shall not soon forget the warmth you spread, Nor those soft cuddles each night as I put you to bed, Dear little Kitty, the memories of you, forever our own, Shall never leave this our humble home. For many years we smiled at that twinkle in your eye, Your soft purrs as you longed for that last piece of pie, How you loved to stretch and play in the yard outside, Now a permanent shrine in which your spirit shall reside. How soon you became part of our family name, A mother, father and a little brother, we were all the same, Blessed we were to just know you were always there, Our little bundle of furry joy, with everlasting fun to share. As we awake tomorrow to a brand new day, We will surely still feel your presence in a very unique way, Dear little Kitty, looking down from above, We know you are leaving us with love.
  18. I wrote this tonight. He broke into her life again He told her that he'd changed. He swore that this time around He wouldn't cause such pain. He said he wasn't angry He cried that he was sorry He begged for one more chance to write The ending of their story. Enamoured by his looks, she fell for his charm. She'd missed the way she felt when she was laying in his arms. But pretty faces always make They make the best of masks. And sweet nothing's are easily faked So she vowed to shield her heart. This girl was full of patience He gave excuses, she gave chances She'd fought for everything she had So she'd die for what she wanted. It was getting hard to tell Who meant ill from who wished well But guarded in her wounded heart She set herself to fail. He said he couldn't take it Her distance was too blatant He was really hurting His will quickly fading A pair of would -be lovers That could never trust another His insecurity caused by An unknown, absent father. A pair of would -be lovers That could never trust another Her shrewdness brought by A weak and smothering mother A pair of could -be lovers Really perfect for each other. Too bad they never learnt to trust. It would have been much better. It could have been forever...
  19. God is second to this - my mind. Darkness at core teaching survival My negativity was born here soon replaced Cynics call me cynical in their wretched way Hurtful heros; buried deep my chest, my hole I dreaded the day... you hated my ways But you saw none of what I am what I've become Is shaped by you, through you by you, I am Failing and falling and sinking my hole, my trap my cave. Your dust it taunts me To be more or less; the same. My mind's eye shows you unblemished but the bottle took care of that In your last breath you were as absent as I Where are you Daddy?
  20. oh my god my dad has cancer what am i gonna do im gonna die HELP!
  21. I have lost. I have lost and gained more than anyone could know. I lost my father. I lost my father to alcohol and another family and distance and age and misunderstanding. I gained my mother. I gained unconditional love, and wisdom, and tolerance. I lost my childhood. I lost ignorance and peace and belief that fairytale endings were a right and not a privilege. I gained adulthood. I gained growth and responsibility and the realization that the world turns in ways that suit purposes grander than my own. I lost God. I lost the faith, the security, the eternal, mitigating hand of ultimate justice and reward, and belief that someday it would be rendered unto me. I gained humanity. I gained belief in my role as a member of the human race and the need for conviction and action and the enduring nature of the human spirit. I lost loves. I lost joy and passion and a state of suspended bliss in which I believed that nothing, nothing could touch me. I gained myself. I gained resolve, and faith in who I am, as a human being; I looked into the darkest depths of depression, stood bare in the face of my troubles and found a heart still beating, still alive.
  22. After 9/11 His classmates didn’t understand Why he joined the Army That sent him to Afghanistan He wrote to his father “We got the Taliban on the run” Proudly serving his country Getting the dirty job done Two tours of duty Three medals and honorable discharge He moved west to Stockton Took a job down at the lumberyard He called his father “don’t you worry none” In this land of promise One day his reward would come It was late one Tuesday He saw her at the end of the bar She was rich and sexy She caught his eye and then she took his heart They went down to Palm Springs Ready for a life of fun He moved into her condo Life was heaven in the sun But their love was fleeting As many great loves do When your heart is beating You can’t recognize the clue He shot her dead On a California road When they caught him all he said She wouldn’t wash and fold his clothes In jail sits our hero Waiting for his own parole He found Lonesome Valley Searching for the pot of gold
  23. Ok I still no excuse for hitting a partner, that just degrades their self-esteem and the hitter isn't the winner, instead she/he's the loser. Now i'll share my story for the first time about my parents and yes at times I was made to be a witness, now thats silly, i know, they should solve, not have the kid as a witness. So here goes my story which had always happens ever since I was a kid and yes I still feel that's wrong. My story: Ok I wasn't raised in a violent environment, no, it was good loving parents. But see there was at times when mom would get piss and start scremaing and cursing, most of the times she would start it, and yes it got annoying and yes at times dad would lose it. I was a witness, I would hear her cursing and screaming and he would tell her "calm down" until it got to the point were he would say "SHUT UP ALREADY", not the right thing for a man to do, now I know better. And most of the times she wouldn't, thats when he would then spanked her, on few occasions it was with a belt, or a brush, or just a shove, but he never got to the point of actually slapping here or punching her in the face, it wasn't real serious. But still, I don't feel a man should put his hands on a woman just cuz she talks back or curses. Esp, he would do it when she would use slang word. This would go on at times. Some of the times dad was trying so hard but then he losses his temper if she persists on not shouting, which then off course it'll lead to her crying when he hitted (spanked her). And well, I used to be so blind for a long while manily cuz I would hear mom was the one who started witht he screamings. I use to think that he had already put up with mush and that it was time for her to shut up and that he did right, until when I turned 16. I started disagreeing when I read on article on the correct way for a man to win a fight when the g/f or wife is shouting and starts cursing. It say that the guy shosuln't raise his voice nor be abusive towards her cuz of that. Then I also start thinking that yes couples do fight. Another is at times as a joke he tells he "Oh shut up" when he feels she's saying something unimportant. And off course when at times both fought they would give me different versions, I don't go along with any. Mom tells me of how he's so abusive and dad says the same and tries to justify why he lose his temper and shove her or kick her. I still say thats no excuse, if she yells or screams, he could have walk out or counting system, anything to keep him from feeling like hitting her. And yea there's been few occasions last yr, when I had to intervined, he told me "You're witness here, look at the horrible things she's saying, look at the language, I'm about to or I feel like slapping her. I would tell him not to and that it's not the way u solve things. Well I would to continue but now I gotta go to college, just want to hear ur points. And no he didn't do the right thing is responding by getting physical when she got verbally. Though it happened a few times, I still feel he like low down her self-esteem.
  24. The writings of an 8 year old, aspiring to be like her talented father. I am joyful and fun Though I have only had one boyfriend it makes me sad so come please the one lad that I need.
  25. I cant believe things have come to this... I have a 13 year old daughter, shes very stubborn, strong and intellegent. I left her father in 2000 because he was abusing her and her brother who's ten now.. Anyway, she and I have always had a strained relationship, even when she was a toddler it seemed. Ive been forced to move in with my mother, and things are tense. My mom is constantly in every argument I have with my daughter. Not only that, my daughter ust abide by her rules as well as mine. She was a straight A student last year and her greats are mediocure at best these days. Shes been distant, angry and disrespectful to everyone in my household. She says things a 13 year old should not say. My mom will tell her to clean something up and she will tell her to get of her fat -you know what- and do it herself. We were going to church on Sunday and she notice my mom was coming along and said, "oh great SHE'S coming?" She spends hours apon hours on the internet (yes I have blocks on it). Yesterday I told her to give her brother a turn on the computer and she was angry about it and took twenty minutes to log out of her name. She called her brother a name and I told her she would not be using the computer today because of her attitude. She then came after me, demanding a better explaination and I told her I had nothing else to say and I started to shut my bedroom door, she then pushed me back while sticking her foot in the door. I pushed her back and held her there against the wall. ok.. so today she doesnt come home from school. She calls from a friends house, I dont know where this friend lives. She tells me she is not coming home after what I did yesterday. Her dad has partial custody, he is no longer abusive to them. I am seriously considering sending her to her dads. I feel as though I have already failed as a mother.. I dont know what to do.. Im a wreck.. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated... I am going crazy..
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