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Well I've never ever done this before, but I wanted people to tell me what they think about this.... it's my life story and how I came to be. My parents I believe from what my mother told me met in (an exotic dancer place... yeah T.M.I but it's true) through a friend we'll just say. But they dated one another for their 'good looks'. My dad just came out of the gulf war/ army. They acthually got married at the church of which I still go to, up to this same very day! But my father couldn't handle my mothers "crazy party life style" and she smoked, and dranked, etc. They got a divorce before I was ever born, and when my mom found out she was pregnant with her (second child in the last 11 years, which was me!!) my dad (and i kinda agree on this) was dumb enough to believe that my mother got pregnant with another man, and he wasn't the father. Now thats pretty much what she had told him, that he wasn't the father. So he went back to the gulf war. Well my mom raised me okay, we lived in Wisconsin. And I was pretty much cared for by her boy friend (awesome man), they had my little brother taylor when I was about three years old. She was always out some where so I never saw her. But from what I was told she had to go to a "special people" institute (i don't say mental!). I was sent to a foster home at the age of only four!, then I went to live my great-grandma, and believe me... she really fixed me up! ( she was extremely religious) Then I went to a social worker and he made a video of me playing I acthually stil have the tape!! (i was so little!!) and he sent it to my real father, who at the time was in the "sunshine state" with his brand new wife. Later after that, they had to wait for a really long time until they could come see me, I got to meet them. My grandma said I looked JUST like my dad no doubt (lol). They came back another time, and eventually I went to live with them in florida. I traveled about 5,000 in a three passenger truck with my dad and my new step mom, THATS ALOT FOR A 4 YEAR OLD CHILD TO GO THROUGH!! I'm to lazy to go into details, but I had an VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY ROUGH LIFE, and I got through it. Today my mom is juts fine and doesn't drink any more and HAS TOTTALLY CHANGED, I acthually talked to her yesterday and she is doing jsut fine. She does rackie (some kinda massaging, i don't really know) Well I see her every single summer, she doesn't spank me or my little sister and brother at all! (it's a recent break through) As for me right now, well I have A.D.H.D, anxiety issues, and some kinda problem where I have to take prozac. My step mom is practically my whole entire world!! My parents don't smoke, so I guess you could say we "look" like I a normal functioning family. I have one little brother, who's mother is my mom (my step-mom, BUT WE DO NOT SAY STEP MOM, GOT THAT!! sorry). I'll post much more later, there is ALOT more to the story. Tell me what ya think, please?!

Hi all, I know I'm only 15, and I realize I have a long way to go before I find love, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it. For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted that 'special someone,' but now, I feel as if I'll never find that person. Heck, I'm a loner at school, so who would ever even notice me? No one. As hard as I try to talk to people, or to make friends, I only seem to make people mad or annoy them. I've even tried to lay low, and wait for someone to come to me. None of this works, and I'm tired of it! Am I so unlovable that people can't even stand to look at me? My own step mom hates me and doesn't want to get close to me (she's told me that herself). What can I do? I feel so helpless right now, I can't help myself and others can't help me, either, it feels. What the heck is wrong with me?!

I've never posted on here before, so please bare with me. I am 19yr old girl who has liked a 39yr old guy for the past year and about 8months. And that is pretty much as long as I have known him. I met him through work, and nothing really has happened between us, although I would really like it to. He is single, and has the best personality, although he can be a jerk at times, but there has never been anything I couldn't tolerate. He is not particularly attractive but he isn't ugly, and he is VERY charismatic. I have asked myself a million times over what I see in him, and I still can't give a straight full answer, because honestly I just don't know. I love to see him happy, and I love how he can always make me smile, even on my worst days. I love how he doesn't care about what people think and always says what's on his mind. My best friend knows I like him, and so does my step father. My mom had it figured out a long time ago, but she doesn't press the issue because she really thinks nothing will happen because she knows how shy I am. My friend doesn't mind that I like some one so much my senior, and even tried to hook me up with a 30yr old, but the 39yr old from work can't get off my mind. (BTW the 30yr old had 3 kids and is still technically married whereas the 39yr old is single with no kids) I have always been with someone older than me, but never more than a couple of years. I thought it was weird when I started liking him, but now it's just common nature. Rumors went around my work right after we both had started claiming that I liked him, and although they were right I denied the whole thing, besides then I was only 17. People still occasionally say things but that's because we blatenly flirt infront of them and claim things have happened which clearly have not. My problem is I know he is interested, but I don't know what to do to advance anything. I think he finds a lot of problems in the possibility of being with me. My step dad says that he probably does like me the way I like him, but he doesn't think that a pretty and young girl would like him. I think that work is probably one of the big things because he is my "superior". A worker and their superior are not supposed to date. Sry if this is soo long, I have more details if you want them, but I just would like to know first off if this is a bad thing, and second off what I can do to make things move forward. At one point I tried to get him off my mind and to space myself from him because I didn't think I could handle nothing happening with us with my efforts so hard, but I think that lasted about a week and then he caught me with his smile, and his jokes. I know it sounds sappy, and I hate myself all the time for saying these things, but now that I met him, I really don't know what I would do without him.

What do you think of this letter my ex wrote to her step mom about the guy she cheated on me with after a 1.5 year relationship. Keep in mind that she met him in A BAR IN MADRID! Now the response back from her step mom. Tell me what you think of this, and if I am in the wrong to think of her as a little materialistic (and her step mom too!). Thanks!

ok, I know being a step-parent automatically puts me in a category of being evil. I feel like I have given everything to my 11 yr old step daughter. Her mother is a low life who could care less what grades she has or if she gets pregnant at 12 yrs old.. and here I am , I step in the picture and now in my househould we have rules, discipline, direction and love.Love absolutely means that I will ask how your day went.. so shy do i get a " mind your own business" attitude when I ask questions. Love absolutely means I am going to ask you to pick up your stuff off the floor and make your bed. so why do I get a "roll my eyes at you" attitude then? Her father is my husband and he is very active in her life, but there are some things that dont bother him as a man that bother me.. as a woman. I am tired of picking up after her and tired of being an ATM machine for her. She is so nice and sweet when we buy her things and do what she wants but when it's time for tough love and guidance. She gives off this absolutely unacceptable attitude that makes me feel like giving up on her. Although I cant, It just hurts me. HELP!

So yesterday I was so nervous that I would see that my baby has two heads or no heart beat or something terrible like that. I could see it so well. Its so cute, it made me and my sweetie cry. Only one head, only one baby, and a really fast little heartbeat. It turns out I am only measured at 9 weeks (I thought I was 11)! So my due date is officially May 30th, 2007. Its crazy actually. The significance of that date is insane. When I was 8 I lost my older step-brother. His birthday was May 30th. A year later my step dad and my mom gave birth to my little sister Sandy on May 30th. That step dad turned out to be a weiner, so my they divorced. A few years later my mom met my present step-father. He is the best father I have ever had, and believe me, I've seen my share. He is the ONLY man who has ever been a father to Sandy. He is officially adopting her after her biological father passed away. Anyways, his birthday is the May 30th also. I still havent officially told my familiy, I am sure they will be shocked that we are having another baby, sort of in memory, of my step brother. Weird huh? I am so happy guys. You were right, my ultrasound was the happiest day of my life. It makes hunching over the toilet all day a little easier when I think about the little dude's (or dudette's) beating heart. I love my baby. Sarah, 9wks, 1 day

More will come about my situation. I recently discovered that my fiance was molested by his own mother. Along with being abused by his step father she didn't exactly provide a wholesome, morally correct family life for him. She is 62 years old (he is 23) has lots of health problems and is dependent upon me for cleaning her house (she actually pays really well and our financial situation is HORRIBLE). When he was 12, she was busted for selling heroin. His real father died when he was 3 and we're not even sure what happened there, all we know is that his own dad was supposedly abused by his grandmother. B (my fiance's mom) was divorced at the time and encountering ongoing custody battles with his real dad and just happened to meet his step dad who was retired from the military as a delta CW5. (Who was a real ahole to him when he was younger, trying to wash his mouth out with bleach for saying "duh" at 5 years old). I often wonder if she made some of these stories about his real dad up, to cover for her own abuse. Apparently, she has a brain tumor and dosn't remember most of the abuse that definitly occurred between him and his step father and although I know she loves her son, she often makes him the scapegoat and feel like crap about himself). However, his stepdad is trying to make up for all that and my man seems to be getting along with him great. Also, he has yet to confront her about it. She'll deny everything anyways, being it only happened one time and he pushed everything out of his mind completely. Did I mention he is an only child? So, needless to say, with both of us being ADHD suffering from mental instability and {mod edit} up childhoods we argue constantly and it even gets real bad, even violent, with both of us lashing out at each other...(which I completely regret because I was the one who started the physicality) at times. I am beginning to think he is Borderline Personality Disorder or PTSD or BiPolar as a result of all this madness in his life. So, in my experience so far and two days without sleep I still have yet to encounter any helpful resources. He is commited to getting help, but we are financially unable to pay for extensive care and can't get away from his family yet. My family has NO IDEA either (and I'll never tell them). I love him alot and despite ALL of this he is still the smartest and greatest guy I've ever been with. Birds of a feather, I guess... In closing, does anyone know of any resources to help men who suffer from abuse? What about charity organizations that could offer counsiling? What about specialty counsilors who deal with abused men in particular in North Carolina? Has anyone ever encountered a situation of maternal abuse? What can I do to help? Please be understanding and don't judge. I have yet to meet anyone who has experierenced similiar circumstances, and not try to kill themselves as a result! I want my man to be able to focus on our future and try to look back as little as possible...

I haven't heard from my bf in a week. The last time I saw him we had a great day together. He let me know that he'd be really busy during the week so he wasn't going to be able to see me, but he'd call. I haven't heard from him since. I finally gave up waiting and called him Friday. His mother said he wasn't home and she didn't know where he was. I tried a few more times this weekend to contact him and he was not home. His mother told me last night that he left in the morning and hadn't come back. She had no idea where he was. I know he gets in these moods where he doesn't want to talk to anyone and I'm hoping that's what this is all about. He's been having problems with his step-father recently and I'm thinking maybe that's why he's been staying away from the house. He doesn't have a cell phone so I have no other way of reaching him. Could someone just tell me I'm being paranoid? I tend to get worked up about stupid stuff. I don't know what to think. I haven't eaten since Friday and I can't sleep at night. I'm worried.

Okay well i have a friend, (you know who you are) that has a drinking problem she just amitted it to me lastnight, i have never seen her drink but i always here about her drinking from people, i was talking to her lastnight on msn i manged to get her to poor her drink down the drain, i want her to stop but i dont think she will just stop just like that. She drinks because her mother and step father dont trust her and are always keeping an i eyes on ang spying on her where ever she goes, her step father has even hit her once but her mother didnt care but she said to her step father hit me again i will ring the cops. And she doesnt like her body, she hates her boobs, and to make it worse everyone talks about how big they are all the time, its like nobody cares that it might hurt her feelings. This friend she is one of the most amazing people alive, one of the kindest people i have meet, will always be there if you needed someone to talk to, never in my life i thought she would go down like this, she doesnt deserve this crap. She is also 14 and she steals the drinks from her down stairs bar at her house, her mother or step father doesnt know she is drinking and well doesnt want them to know, they will only make her life harder for her Could someone please help me? it would mean so much, shes a friend shes asked for my help and i cant let her down. Thanks

Where to start with this problem...First off I’ll give you a little bit of background...I’m 17 years old, and my girlfriend is 16. Some may call me young and naive, but I do love her, and I do intend on spending my life with her, after all its not that uncommon hearing about marrying high school "sweat hearts", but that’s besides the point...I’ve been with her about 7 months now... (I know what your thinking, im in for the long run)... the first 2 or three months went fairly good, she got along with my parents great, but her parents seemed a little distant, understandably so, it does take time to get to know someone. Well after about 4 or 5 months went by, my relationship with her parents was just like it was when we started going out, they wouldn’t take the time to get to know me, and any conversation ever started, was triggered by me and I would get a few words out of them if I was lucky. I was under the impression that they simply did not like me, I was just confused as to why not. First impressions are obviously everything, and I was polite and kind with lots of "please" and "thank you"s...they have known me from the church I go to because they also go there, and ive gone there my whole life, so right there should let them know im a decent kid in the 1st place, i mean i make honor roll in school, I intend on going to college, and last time i checked, there were no outstanding arrest warrents on my record...anyways, i was simply myself when i would go to her house, i wasnt fake, but just acted like the generally nice kid i am...they acted like the general they are........................ im going to give a little background story of when things really started to go down hill....: we were going out for about 4 months when this happened....for their summer vacation, they took a family trip to colorado for 2 weeks in a big 5th wheel pull behind camper... her parents promised her that we would have atleast an hour to talk per night (we were always polite and waited until the cell phone minutes were free and when everyone was getting ready for bed so we werent interrupting the vacation)....the one night while talking on the phone for about an hour and 5 minutes, her step dad comes screaming and telling her to get the of the phone and all that lovely stuff and they got into a big fight...i was raised in a family that taught me to always have respect for my elders, no matter how big of asses they are, so i called back to apologize to her step dad about the situation, which i thought was the right thing to do...the conversation when roughly like this....ME sorry about what just happened...HIM: i don’t want your damn apology, i don’t want anything from you, i don’t even want to talk to you, your ruining our family vacation....ME: well, im sorry for the incident, please try to enjoy the rest of your vacation, then he hung up on me. so i basically got kicked in the for being polite...so things didn’t start off too good, and he has never apologized for the incident since.................. back to the story... after a while i figured that they simply didn’t care for me for some reason or another, and i didn’t feel welcome at all when i would go to their house because they would act like i wasnt there, even when i tried to talk to them... so i simply stopped spending time with my girlfriend at her house, and she would just come to mine. everything was great for about 2 weeks, no problems, we were happy, and then, out of the blue, her family starts complaining because i don’t go over to their house, and they cant get a chance to know me...so , i bit my lip, and decided i would start going back to their house and slip the time spend 50/50... i was still very kind and polite...the exact same thing happened when i started to go back to visit, i was like the invisible person, they would walk by and not even look at me... so i decided that the way things were going wasnt good because my g/f would always get into fights with her parents about this, and i really did want to have a good relationship with them, so i decided that i would talk with them and try to work things out so i gathered her parents together and started to talk with them...within the first 5 words her step dad interrupted me and stated that he was going to say what he had to say first...and the outcome of the whole conversation was that "things are like they are because of me, but they were willing to give me another chance"... or so her step dad stated...and of course, there was no change in the relationship on their part... so at the point we are at now, her mother will constantly make up other plans at the last minute so we cannot see each other on the day planned a week in advance...such as a camping trip for our six month anniversary, or a trip into town that she has to go along with her. My girlfriend has asked her parents if they have any problem with me, and they claim they don’t, and her mother will even admit that she’s just playing mind games with out relationship and that she needs to stop, but then she’s back to her manipulative ways..... right now things are to the point where it is hard for us to enjoy ourselves when we are together because we are always worried about what is going to be said when she goes home, and what her mother is going to fight with her about the next time she sees her..... I stand up for what i believe in, and i will not lose my girlfriend to her parent’s malice. I’m simply tired of trying to make things better and then getting shot down time after time. Like I said, I stand up for what I believe in, but if I do in this matter, then things will only get worse, so I just keep quiet and its really starting to take the toll on me because it seems like everyday I’m stressed out with the situation. I will not let her parents rip us apart, but I can’t deal with the way things are now. I need things to get better because it’s starting to cause problems with our own relationship…if anyone has any advice for me in this situation, I would greatly appreciate it…. thank you…

Ever since I started dating my boyfriend, his step mom has not liked me. She is still friends with my boyfriend's ex, and she has spread all kinds of nasty rumors about me and told her. Rather than being a responsible adult and not believe the bitter graveling of a jealous ex, she sends my boyfriend an angry email telling him all the lies. As this point in time, I had only met my boyfriend's dad and step mom once and had spent about one hour at their house. As I left, I could tell something was wrong and that they didnt like me. Well, when I heard about the rumors I was really upset and was ready to call his step mom and give her a piece of my mind, and the rest of the people involved in it as well, but I knew doing that would only get my boyfriend in trouble with his family. So I said nothing and held my tongue. Until yesterday, Id said nothing bad about any of the people that have caused so much drama in my life. I was feeling anxious and felt like I was being attacked by people who didnt even know me. I wrote something about my boyfriend's step mom and her parenting skills in a myspace blog that was posted only for my friends to see. Somehow, my boyfriend's step mom found this and called me at 7 am to confront me about this, but she just started screaming so I just hung up. Then she called again but I didnt answer. Then she called my boyfriend at work and yelled at him and called me all kinds of names and said that Im not allowed to come to their house and all this other junk! So, what do I do about his step-mom and what do I do about the supposed "friend" who ratted me out?

My recent exgf, was abused physically/sexually/emotionally throughout her childhood. Her step father (her sisters dad, who is still in both their lives), molested her when she was 8. Her mother ended up finding out, and stayed with the loser because "She was pregnant and had no where else to go". My gf was taken out of the house, until her step father was removed from the situation. Her mother stayed with this for 5 years after. My ex has a 3 inch scar accross her face, from her father pushing her into a table as a child. She watched him beat her mother daily. Her mother to this day, still dates these type of losers, 3-4 at a time. Has them around her 10 yr old daugther. My ex who is 18, was in a very abusive relationship before me, she ended up having to get a restraining order. But told me I was the first guy she had been with who didn't abuse her in anyway. It's so hard to understand, because this girl is absolutely gorgeous, and has always dated these complete losers. We broke up because of location issues, but the year we were together she'd break down on occasion, tell me about her father, how her mother just let it happen etc. Told me I made her realize how beautiful she is, and she hadn't felt that "whole" as a person since she met me. I don't get it. Her step father still comes around, and even tho when he's not around she cries about it, she still calls him daddy, it makes me sick to my stomache. When I ask her why she does this she'll say "What he did hurt me, but he was there for me when my mother wasn't" ??? I realize all this abuse has completely messed up her train of thought. But she really thinks these people care about her. Although her mother doesn't hit her, she emotionally abuses her in plain view, and its like she doesn't even see it. She just brushes it off and says 'She's always been like that'. I used to live there, and her mother wouldn't do it as much with me around, because she knew I'd lay into her. But when I was at work, she constantly talked down upon me, for no reason at all. It's like her mother was mad that her daughter was happy with a GOOD guy, and she wasn't. Like if her mothers not happy, her daughter shouldn't be either. Why do people let others do this to them? And where is the point of breaking, and realizing all this?

Midightmares On Handles Close your eyes and let reality fade The colors cease their darkening As the picture seeks a shade The oil smears of nightmares Are playing 'cross shut eyes The hidden parts of day fears Are dancing through your mind The corpse stock in your memory Where you lock so much away Has allowed a few demons to now come out Out from where they lay So now the spiders fall like rain Crawling accross your skin As you slowly go insane A child's smile is far more sinister Soon the babe's no child at all Hovering over safety No safety...and you fall Below shadows reach for you To pull you further down Which doesn't really matter For there isn't any ground When you open your eyes Will everything go away? Hidden back in the corpse stock Where they'll rot and decay **I whipped this up for my step mum. She needed it for some picture contest that needed to be submitted with a bit of literature describing it. Now the guy with the contest wants to use it for his CD of images on the inside cover (my poem that is)...and i said that was okay....not all too happy with the poem though...specific stuff I wanted to still mess with, but oh well. site: link removed That's the site where it was posted. It has the picture too. Also, the title was not my choosing so I won't take the credit for that. It was titled that by default for my step mum had titled her picture that.**

Alright here goes…I've been with my boyfriend for 1yr and a couple weeks now. I love him to death, and I'm even having his child. The biggest problem right now is that we do not live together. I still live with my mom, not really by choice but because I'm pregnant I'm currently unemployed. Anyways, I did have a job before, and I had a wicked crush on my superior. He is 20yrs older than I am. (My current b/f is 10yrs older than me) I never really had the guts to say anything to my superior while working with him, but I knew he knew I liked him. We flirted constantly and I stayed after work all the time with him, and even went down to the park where he was fishing when I was bored just to be around him. I asked him plenty of times if I bugged him and he always told me he enjoyed my company. I worked with him for just over 2yrs until I got let go for not being able to get to work because my car was broken. That was October of this past year. Last June is when I started going out with my b/f and I kept it a secret for a while and then finally some co-workers knew but as far as I know the guy I liked didn't know I had a boyfriend. I still flirted with him but I tried harder not to for my b/f's sake. Soon enough the guy I liked got a g/f and finally I wrote an e-mail to him to tell him my true feelings. The e-mail never got responded to, and he acted as if he never got it. He still flirted with me even though he had a g/f (who worked with us too, just in a different department). After I got fired that was it. (He wasn't my boss so he didn't fire me) I never e-mailed him again or anything even though I told myself at times that I wanted to stop by while I knew he'd be fishing, but I always stopped myself. Oh and I should mention that my stepfather used to pick me up from work when I first started there because I didn't yet have my license (I was 17 though). When he would pick me up he started talking to the guy I liked. Now it's June and that is like 8 months since I worked there. But I have never stopped thinking about him! I have a boyfriend and I love him with all my heart, but I even turned him down when I first met him because I was still holding out for the older man. He knows I liked him, and every now and again he brings him up as a big joke, but all it does is hurt my feelings and make me feel really uncomfortable, like he's going to find out I still like him and get mad at me. The problem now is that today my step dad told me he saw the guy I liked about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I asked where and he said he went out of his way and stopped by my old work just to say hi, because he was his friend. I don't know if my step dad could tell but I know I felt like I lit up, I started smiling and then I was trying not to, and that was probably worse. I asked what he talked to him about and he said that he wants to go fishing together. Then my step dad joked with me and told me he told him that maybe they shouldn't because if he starts hanging around I might cheat on my boyfriend. Although I know this was just a stupid statement that wasn't really said between them it made me nervous. What happens if he does start hanging around with him? I know I still like him, but I have a boyfriend and I don't know if he has a g/f anymore. I know that staying away from him is my best option because I really don't want to ruin things with my boyfriend especially since we are having a child in a couple of months. The only reason I think anything could become a problem is because I currently live a half an hour from my old work, but we are moving, and we are going to be a lot closer. I will have access to my step dad's car so I can visit my boyfriend but I have to practically drive right by my old work, the park he fishes at and his house just to get back and forth to get my boyfriend. I know that people probably will think I'm scum for even thinking I'm going to cheat on my boyfriend, but I don't know if I will. I have been able to control myself for this long, and even though I've liked this man for longer than I've even known my boyfriend I'm pretty sure it's not worth the risk of losing him. (And just now while I was writing that last sentence my b/f IMed me from his cell phone because he just found out that it can do that, so now I feel even worse.) The other thing I wanted to say is that I know people say if you would cheat on your spouse, or b/f or g/f, you don't love them as much as you say you do or something like that. The thing that keeps running through my head is I guess it seems to me that the only reason I got together with him was because I liked him just not as much, and I knew there was like no chance with the other man. So I don't know…what should I do? I don't even know if I should mention the situation to my boyfriend because I think it would just cause more tension than what is needed. But on the other hand if I do tell him maybe it would help me to stay away from the other man… I just don't want to be tempted, I'm really afraid to ruin something great.

ok well countinued from my old post "depressed but weird". im currently at my mom and step dads house because my younger siblings wanted to see my "mom" so i said we could go.my step dad and i are already having some problems though and i dont really feel comfortable here...

Well, I have never done this before. I see how wonderful people treat one another here, so here it goes..I hope you will pardon if it is too lenghthy. All I ever wanted was a Daddy. Mine left at age of 5. My step father was extremely physically & psycologically abusive. One day my dream came true, my Daddy showed up when I was 15. It was like prince charming had arrived to rescue me! When he would hug me & put me on his lap I loved it! I had never been hugged my my step father and rarely Momma. One day he called me into his room and gave me a shot of Cocaine I fell back on the bed. I loved this free feeling. The next thin I know he is on top of me inside of me. I cried and said NO NO NO. He just kept on. When he finished raping me, he looked at me and said you are just like your mother, you will never please a man, you don't have a sensuous bone in your bidy. I am now 42 God help me there is so much more. This went on & on. I ran away, when my baby sister was murdered I came back for her funeral. Daddy was there. I confronted him about everything. He apologized. I eventually came back to this town and he always seems to violte me. kissiing, inapproriate touching. I HATE IT I JUST WANT HIM TO LOVE ME AS A DAUGHTER. None of my sisters or Momma can understand why have have such a need to be loved by him. Am I sick?

I've had this problem most of my life: I'm not able to talk to my step-mom(about anything!). Even when I really want to talk to her about something. She's very strict and we've never really gotten along. She even kind of frightens me sometimes! But that's probably most parents huh! I just have a really hard time talking to her about things that bother me, things I want to do, or things that I'm excited about doing, etc. If anyone has been in this situation and can offer some advice, please do. There's something that I've been aching to talk to her about, it's good too, but I never know when to bring it up because she's always in a bad mood, or so it seems. -Nikolean

Hello yall! How is everyone doing? For the past few months, I've been understanding more about myself, and how I have become what I have become. I'm traumatised by a past that might have never have happened. I'll get to the point. I'm 17 and I'm traumatised with guys. Can't trust ANY and can't be alone in a room with a man, no matter his age and worst is I even don't feel confortable with my dad. I've nearly been raped, and been followed home after a night-out by 4 guys in 4 different nights. When I was 9 I was molested by a "really good friend" who was 10. And now, this past few weeks I've been wondering if I was molested in any way by my step father, because, even though I was 5, I cried and cried when left alone with him. Those are basically the only memories that I have when living with my mom and step-father. Worst is, he was an alcoholic and argued a lot with my mom (i don't know if he was violent). The thing is, I remmeber these moments very well, and it has to be for a very strong reason why, to still remmeber these days as if it was yesterday. Now, I'm really really scared to have the memories or to find out that I've been molested, because I know I will start feeling the feelings I felt. And the more I think about it, the more I feel it, and the more I'm scared and the more I'm not confortable with men or guys. Resulting into lack of concentration, anxiety and what ever else. What could I do?

Ok, this is my very first post, so please bear with me!! I started looking at this site about a week ago and realized there are some things that I could do better after the breakup. Now I am in need of some encouragement. Here are the particulars: I was in a nine-month long relationship with a woman that I felt (feel) is the person made for me. She made me forget that I was ever married before. We connected on so many different levels it was almost scary to look back at it. During the realtionship, it was 95% utter happiness: sharing a bottle of wine on the beach at sunset once a week, cooking dinner together nearly every night of the week, etc. After a few months, everyone gets into a routine and this was no different. At the same time, she began to go through a lot of family problems. She often considered her step-mom to be the major force in raising her and her sister (birth parents divorced when she was 7). In November, her step-mom started going through a mid-life crisis of sorts and walked out on her dad. She became a woman that my gf did not know nor understand. The separation and divorce became so ugly my gf's father came to live with her for a while. In the meantime, I am the ever-supportive bf, offering my shoulder to cry on, my ear to listen, and my support and love since the same sort of divorce happened to me almost five years ago. Meanwhile, I am new to outside sales and was having a down period in business that lasted about 3 months (finally, coming out of it now!!!). Although, I never complained about my job and tried to hide the fact that things were slow, this obviously added to the pressures that she was feeling in her own life, in addition to having to listen to her fathers' cries every day that she came home from work. So, on the day before New Years Eve, she asks me to go to the beach to share a bottle of wine. You know that gut feeling that you get sometimes when you know something major is about to happen? Well, I had that for 4 hours leading up to our "date". I even stopped to see one of my clients (who just happens to be her best friend) and when the subject of her came up, I said, nonchalantly, that she was going to break up with me that afternoon! After a divorce and several other breakups (some of which I did), I came to the realization that if it ever happened again, I would just play it off and say,"OK, that's fine" and act like it didn't bother me. That Friday afternoon, I was like that when she gave me a note saying that if things were different in our lives that we would be much better off. I told her that while I was disappointed and would be hurt a little, that I understood that she was caught up in a whirlwind of life and probably needed the time to sort things out. Aslo, I must point out that I have a 5 yr daughter (who is my little princess!!) and in her note she said that she did not want to hurt her any either. I respect that. I truly do. Cut to New Years Eve evening. She calls. She wanted to tell me a funny story about how her dad met somebody on the beach that afternoon and was going to have a drink with later. Finally, I broke down and got emotional. THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT I TRIED MY BEST TO FIGHT. I never wanted her to feel that I was not in a position of control. She finally admitted that the reason she called was that she had not talked to me that day. At that point, I realized that there was a chance and that I would let her have her time to get her life straight. A week later, it's a beautiful Sunday afternoon, I ask her to play tennis. She says no. I immediately go over to her house and sit down for another long conversation. We both cried, held each other, and admitted feelings, but she kept going back to the fact that because of what her step-mom has done to her and her father, she was afraid that she might be that way years down the road and did not want my daughter to feel the same pain and disappointment that she has felt. I respected that but tried to make sure that she understood that she was her own person with her own choices and decisions. Again, no use. A couple of more tears and I left. I have seen her once since then. We both happened to be at the same bar one night. Everything was amicable, though no long runs from accross the room to a huge embrace. I have forwarded a few emails her way that I was used to doing anyway with all of my friends. That has since stopped after reading the advice of NC from this website. My question is this: From anyone's experience out there, is there hope for us? I know that no one knows for sure, I just happen to be in a down moment and wanted to find out who has been through the same thing. I could be with her forever, but only God Himself knows if that's meant to be. Sorry, for the long post, but it's nice to get things off your chest sometimes.

Hey, the inevidable occurred.. I was caught by my step dad sleeping at my girlfriends house (secretely) Unfortunately my step dad is a cop, so he knocked on the door hard, and came in asking for me..at that point i ran out the window to my car, but my dad already saw my car which was hiddin around the block... My step dad is grounding me, my gf's aunt was the one who answered the door and she now knows that i snuck in the house.. She will probably tell her mom, which im afraid will result in me not being able to see my girlfriend... I prey to god this does not occur, i love my gf very much and i want us to be able to spend time together. My gf's mom will most likely freak if she finds out because we cant even lay on the couch together when shes around..so the thought of sneaking in her bedroom is just ..bad.. Im feeling really empty.. I dont know what to do, i cant get in contact with my gf she doesnt have her cellphone with her its in her moms car..I have no clue of whats going to happen now... Its up to god.. Any tips? i know there isnt much to give a tip on..but any type of reasurance of to whats going to happen would be good.....

I am a stepmom of about a year now. I have found help on message boards because being a stepparent is not an easy thing to do. Anyway I came accross this today and I would imagine it can be or step moms or dads but it is great. I printed it out and hung it on my fridge. You might like it too!!! Stepmother's Bill of Rights You're angry, confused, depressed. You think you're alone - but you're one of millions of women married to men with children. As the stepmother, you've taken responsibility for making it all work out - but it isn't. As a woman and a wife, you're feeling resentful, powerless and deeply disappointed. Compromise and compassion are no longer the solution. Starting now, you need to set some rules; your own Bill of Rights. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together

I just cannot communicate with my ex-husband. Without going into all the gory details, the relationship is not good. He lives in another state and for the most part, we just don't communicate a lot. Here's the latest. I have our 15-year old son during the school year, then he spends the summer with his dad. For my son's birthday in April, my ex bought him a 1985 Toyota 4-Runner. This last weekend, my son was at the gas station and had reached into the passenger side to open the gas tank lever... then forgot the door was open and got back into the driver's side to get closer to the pump. You guessed it, he caught the door on a pole and bent it and the fender pretty badly. Anyway... my step-father and my other son tried to bend the door back to get it to close, to no avail. For a new door and fender, I'm sure the damage to repair the vehicle would be well over $1000. My step-father recommended that we bolt the door closed so that the car is still driveable. This is what we did. Now... my ex is furious! He has called me every name in the book and says I will be responsible for the holes drilled in the doorjam. His new wife also sent me a nastygram informing me that THEY still own the vehicle and that I should have notified them before altering THEIR car. I am so pissed I can't even see straight... Any advice?

when i was younger my step dad used to beat me up and my mum stayed with him. we had the police at our house a lot because of him, and he also perved at me a bit. but the problem is even though i have denied it but it has effected me. i dont let anyone touch me ( even hug ) and i cant talk to anyone about my personal problems. i really admire anyone who has been through what i have and even worse and not let it affect them. but its really starting to get to me i do want to let ppl get close, but i just cant. thanks for any help

Hello, I am not really sure how to bring this up considering i am brodcasting to anyone that can read this website, however; my GF has gone through child abuse experiences at a young age and has had many instances of problems with her real mother abusing her in the past. I dont think it is nessacarry to get into detail, however she seems to always say shes okay with it, however; im not sure if this is a symptom of (maybe its my fault). She occasionly breaks out and talks about it but she seems very upset. She also tells me she bottles it up inside her, and i always try to encourage her to talk about it (am i doing the right thing???). She has been telling me she has been under tremendous stress lately with her Family (Father, Step-mother, 2 brothers, cats, dogs...) And recently her step-mother is having a child, which she was told that she was going to be the "Second Mother" too. After what i have seen, i do realize that she will indeed be a second mother to this new child. But as a concerned boyfriend i have listened to her problems, but having no real way to relate or help her, other than listening, is there any other way that i can do to help? Aparently she has gone through councelling earlier in her life, but with no real success of dissapating the dilemmas of her childhood with her real mother. Thank you for your input in advance, Concerned BF

I am sure there is postings in here about this, but I don't really want to go thru all these posting to look for them. I am in the process of coming out to my family. I ahev only told my brother and sister. I have not told the two people that mean the world to me, yet. My mom and dad. How do you start a conversation that would lead to me telling them? My parents are dviorced and both remarried. So, I will have to do this twice, but I know that they will be two different conversations. My mom is very open-minded and laid back, and so is my step-father. I know that they will be very supportive, but very shocked. I am pretty sure they have no idea that I am a lesbian. This conversation will be a little easier for me to do. My dad and step-mom are very conservative. I am daddy's little girl, and I know he has all these dreams for me. To get married to a nice man, have children, etc. He jokes with me about paying for my wedding when ever I meet him. So, you can see how this one is going to be more difficult for me. I am very confident that this is the lifestyle I want for myself, and that I want them to know. However, how do you know when the right time is to tell them? I have been out to a few people for over two months now. I am not dating anybody either. *Questions* 1. How do you know when the right time is to tell them? 2. How do you start the conversation? 3. Should I have my brother and sister there, who know, to support me? 4. What kind of environment should we be in? (dinner, their home, my home, ???) 5. And any other suggestions on this subject?