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  1. Breaking the Silence on a Taboo Topic Let's face it: addressing the issue when your boyfriend drinks too much is anything but simple. It's an emotional minefield, fraught with misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and, yes, often a good deal of denial. But brushing the issue under the rug can have serious repercussions, both for your relationship and for your boyfriend's well-being. So, we're breaking the silence on this taboo topic. Consider this article your comprehensive guide, your reliable map through the jungle of emotions, questions, and even societal judgments that come with having a boyfriend who drinks excessively. Why is this a topic you can't afford to ignore? For starters, alcohol abuse doesn't just affect the one who's drinking. Its tentacles reach into the lives of everyone around the person, especially those who care the most—partners, family, and close friends. Your life can be turned upside down, and if children are involved, the stakes get even higher. Secondly, we're not just talking about the occasional binge on a weekend. No, we're diving into the murky waters of frequent, heavy drinking—where 'too much' starts becoming a foggy line but definitely exists. Lastly, there's you—your well-being, your peace of mind, your happiness. All of which can take a major hit if you're constantly worrying, arguing, or feeling emotionally drained due to your boyfriend's drinking. So, are you ready to tackle this head-on? Great, let's get started. The Elephant in the Room: What Does 'Too Much' Really Mean? The term 'too much' is elusive, isn't it? It's a line that seems to get redrawn every time you want to confront the issue. But here's a cold, hard fact: there are clinical definitions of what 'excessive drinking' means. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), heavy drinking for men is defined as having 15 or more drinks per week. Now, of course, you're not here for a lecture on statistics or clinical definitions. You're dealing with real emotions and real-life situations. But numbers and expert opinions can offer a framework, a foundation on which to build your understanding of the issue. They provide a reality check when your emotions are running high. On the emotional and practical side of things, 'too much' can mean different things in different relationships. It might be when his drinking interferes with his job or your joint social commitments. Or perhaps it's when his mood shifts dramatically after drinking, leaving you to deal with the fallout. 'Too much' could also be defined by the impact on your own emotional well-being. Are you constantly anxious or unhappy because of his drinking? Does it trigger arguments or lead to neglect or abuse? The bottom line is that 'too much' is not just a numerical value—it's a multi-faceted issue that includes behavioral, emotional, and health impacts. Therefore, you have every right to define what 'too much' means for you, in the context of your relationship and your own well-being. So now that we've laid the groundwork, let's delve deeper into the immediate and long-term consequences of excessive drinking. Trust me, it's not a pretty picture, but it's one you need to see. ```html The Health Consequences: More Than Just a Hangover So, let's cut to the chase. When your boyfriend drinks too much, the impact isn't limited to the emotional sphere or the social awkwardness it might create. We're talking about real, tangible health risks that can't be ignored. I'm not just a scaremonger here; the science backs this up. According to the World Health Organization, alcohol is the seventh leading risk factor for premature death and disability globally. First on the list is the liver, the body's filtering powerhouse. Chronic drinking can lead to conditions like fatty liver, hepatitis, and in severe cases, cirrhosis. The liver might be a regenerative organ, but there's a limit to the abuse it can take. But let's not forget the heart. Long-term excessive drinking has been linked to cardiovascular problems like high blood pressure, heart disease, and even strokes. And no, red wine is not an exception to this. Despite the myths about its health benefits, it can still be damaging when consumed excessively. The damage isn't only physical; it's also neurological. We're talking about cognitive decline, memory loss, and even a higher risk for dementia. It's a ripple effect that can touch almost every aspect of health, from bone density to the immune system. Then there are the acute risks—like accidents and injuries, often a result of impaired judgment or coordination. Whether it's a stumble down the stairs or a more serious car accident, the immediate dangers can be just as consequential. In a 2019 study published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, researchers found that alcohol is involved in a higher percentage of emergency room visits than you'd like to believe. So, this isn't just a 'he'll sleep it off' kind of issue. The health consequences can be immediate and dire. So there you have it, the unvarnished truth about the health risks. These are not trivial issues; they're life-altering and potentially life-threatening conditions. You and your boyfriend need to take them seriously. The Emotional Toll: When Love Gets Lost in the Bottle Now, onto the intangible yet painfully real emotional toll that a boyfriend's excessive drinking can take on a relationship. If the physical health risks are the tip of the iceberg, the emotional damage is what lurks beneath the surface. It's that nagging feeling of discontent, the constant tension, and the endless cycle of arguments and apologies. At its core, excessive drinking often creates an emotional void. It becomes a third wheel in the relationship, stealing moments that could have been spent connecting, laughing, or simply enjoying each other's company. Instead, those times are filled with worry, anger, or resentment. This is where love gets complicated. You may find yourself taking on the role of caretaker, crisis manager, or even a therapist. Your emotional reservoir starts to run dry as you expend energy managing crises instead of building a healthy relationship. Moreover, communication, that vital lifeline in any relationship, starts to break down. Important conversations are either avoided or erupt into arguments because tackling any serious issue is almost impossible when alcohol is in the equation. The lines between rational discussions and emotional outbursts start to blur. The sad reality is that many people who struggle with drinking can become emotionally unavailable or erratic. This could manifest as mood swings, irritability, or even bouts of depression. It's like walking on eggshells, never knowing what version of your boyfriend you'll encounter. So, for those thinking that love will conquer all, let's get one thing straight: love is not a magic eraser that wipes away the complexities or the hardships. Love has to be nurtured and respected by both parties, and excessive drinking is a blatant violation of that mutual respect. Setting Boundaries: When Enough is Enough By this point, you're probably wondering, "What can I actually do?" Well, it's time to talk boundaries, my friend. This is about defining what you can tolerate and what you can't, and then communicating these boundaries clearly to your boyfriend. Trust me, it's not just about setting limits for him; it's about safeguarding your own emotional health. First, identify what specific behaviors linked to his drinking are unacceptable to you. Is it the broken promises? The neglect? The financial irresponsibility? Whatever it is, get crystal clear on your deal-breakers. Next, have a heart-to-heart talk with him. This isn't the time for vague statements or sugar-coating. Lay out your boundaries, explain why they're important to you, and discuss the consequences if they're not respected. For example, you could say something like, "If you choose to continue drinking excessively, I'll have to move out." Remember, boundaries are not about controlling your boyfriend's behavior; they're about managing your own life and well-being. You can't force him to stop drinking, but you can control how you respond and what you're willing to accept. Boundaries aren't just verbal agreements; they need to be backed up with action. This is where the real test begins. Will you stick to your guns and enforce the boundaries, even when it's difficult? Will you stay consistent, or will you bend the rules? If he chooses to disrespect the boundaries, you'll have a difficult decision to make. But at least it'll be a decision grounded in self-respect and a clear understanding of what you deserve in a relationship. Setting boundaries is not an easy task. It takes courage, emotional intelligence, and a fair bit of grit. But remember, these boundaries are not just for your boyfriend's sake; they're crucial for your own emotional health and happiness as well. The Conversation: How to Approach the Subject with Tact Now, let's discuss the elephant in the room: the conversation itself. How do you even begin to approach your boyfriend about his excessive drinking? It's often the most dreaded part of dealing with this issue, but it's also the most crucial. Your approach matters a lot here because a poorly handled conversation could lead to further estrangement or even hostility. First of all, timing is everything. Choose a moment when both of you are sober, calm, and free of distractions. This isn't a conversation to be had in passing or during a commercial break. It requires dedicated time and emotional space. The key is to aim for a 'safe zone' where you both can be honest without the conversation spiraling into an argument. Next, let's talk about your tone. Be compassionate but straightforward. This is not the time for blame or for sweeping statements like "you're ruining your life," even if it feels that way. Instead, try using "I" statements to express how his behavior is affecting you. For instance, "I feel anxious when you drink so much" is much less confrontational than "You make me anxious when you drink." Expect resistance and even denial. It's almost a given when you're talking to someone about a behavior they're not ready to change. But here's where your preparedness kicks in. Have some concrete examples to share. Specific instances where his drinking had a noticeable impact will be much harder to dismiss. Don't expect a miraculous turnaround from just one talk. This is often an ongoing dialogue that will require patience and possibly several conversations. As Dr. George Koob, Director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, points out, "Confronting an issue like excessive drinking is a process, not a one-time event. Be prepared for setbacks and for periods of resistance." Lastly, be open to a two-way conversation. This shouldn't be a lecture. Encourage him to share his thoughts and feelings as well. You might uncover underlying issues or triggers that contribute to his drinking, information that could be invaluable going forward. Experts Weigh In: Medical Opinions and Advice It's crucial to understand that while your love and support are invaluable, you're not a substitute for professional help. I reached out to a couple of experts to get their take on what to do when a boyfriend drinks too much. Dr. Sarah Allen, a clinical psychologist specializing in addiction, stresses, "Alcohol misuse is a complex issue, often deeply rooted in emotional or psychological factors that require professional diagnosis and treatment." The medical consensus is clear: If alcohol consumption reaches a point where it affects physical health, disrupts daily life, or impacts relationships, it's a signal for intervention. Dr. Allen recommends starting with a general physician for an overall health assessment, which can then lead to more specialized treatments if needed. And if you're wondering whether Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or other support groups are effective, Dr. Allen states, "While AA and similar groups provide valuable emotional support and community, they're often most effective when complemented by evidence-based treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or medications specifically designed to assist in alcohol reduction." So, while your emotional support is critical, a multi-faceted approach often yields the best results. This might include medication, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes. It's like a jigsaw puzzle where every piece plays a part in creating the overall picture of recovery. You might also consider couples therapy, which can offer you both techniques to improve communication and address the emotional toll that the drinking takes on the relationship. This isn't just his problem; it's a challenge that you're facing together, and sometimes an objective third party can provide valuable perspective. Remember, however, that therapy and medical treatments can only work if he is willing to engage in the process. Your role is to support, not to enforce. It's a fine line but an important one. He's Not Listening: Now What? Okay, so you've tried the sensitive conversation approach, maybe even more than once. You've laid down boundaries and sought expert advice, but he's not listening. What's the next step? First, let's acknowledge how profoundly frustrating and hurtful this can be. It feels like a slap in the face, doesn't it? All your efforts, your emotional labor, and it feels like it's for naught. Now, it's time to consider tougher measures. This could range from taking a break in the relationship to asking him to move out temporarily, or even permanently. Your emotional and physical well-being have to be your priority, especially if you've made every effort to address the issue together. If you're financially entangled, now's the time to start disentangling. Whether it's shared bills or a joint bank account, reducing financial interdependency can give you the freedom to make tough decisions if you need to. Consider involving close family members or friends who are also impacted by his drinking and who he respects. Sometimes hearing it from multiple angles can act as a much-needed wake-up call. But be cautious about how you do this to avoid making him feel cornered, which could be counterproductive. You might even want to consult legal advice, especially if you're considering more drastic measures like eviction or separation. It's essential to know your rights and responsibilities in your jurisdiction, as well as the possible financial or legal ramifications of such decisions. If, after all these measures, he still chooses not to address his drinking problem, you face a harsh reality. At this point, you have to consider whether this is a situation you can continue to live with, which naturally brings us to the next topic in our discussion. Co-Dependency: Are You Enabling His Habit? Co-dependency is a term we've all heard, but what does it mean in the context of a relationship where your boyfriend drinks too much? Essentially, it refers to a relationship pattern where you might be enabling his drinking habit, perhaps inadvertently. You could be making excuses for him, covering up for his mistakes, or even financially supporting his habit. It's a challenging aspect to confront because it requires you to take a hard look at your own behavior. Are you picking him up from the bar every night, so he doesn't drive drunk? That might be an act of love and safety on your end, but it also makes it easier for him to continue drinking without facing the consequences. You need to question whether your actions are actually in his best interest—or yours. Denial is a common trait in co-dependent relationships. You might find yourself minimizing the problem, thinking it's not as bad as it seems, or that you can "fix" him eventually. Co-dependency often creates a vicious cycle that exacerbates the drinking problem. He drinks, you cover for him, he faces no repercussions, and the cycle continues. Breaking free from co-dependency is tough, and it may require professional help. A therapist can guide you through this emotional labyrinth, helping you set healthier boundaries. Support groups for partners of alcoholics, such as Al-Anon, can also offer invaluable insights and community support. Co-dependency can be a blind spot, and you might need an outside perspective to even recognize it. Open up to trusted friends or family and listen to their observations. Sometimes, it takes an external view to illuminate the dynamics that are too close for us to see. Finally, educate yourself. The more you understand the psychology of addiction and co-dependency, the better equipped you'll be to change the patterns. Books, academic papers, and even online courses can provide a wealth of information that can empower you to take constructive action. Is Professional Help Needed? Signs You Shouldn't Ignore So when do you know it's time to escalate from conversations and personal boundaries to professional intervention? There are telltale signs that the situation has become severe enough to require expert help. If your boyfriend is missing work regularly, getting into legal trouble, or experiencing severe health problems due to his drinking, it's time to consider professional intervention. The type of help needed can vary. For some, outpatient treatment that allows him to continue working and maintaining some semblance of his regular life might be effective. For others, an inpatient rehab facility that offers an immersive treatment experience could be the more appropriate route. As per Dr. Sarah Allen, the psychologist we consulted earlier, "If there are instances of violent behavior, immediate emergency intervention is critical, both for his safety and yours. Alcohol-induced violence is a glaring red flag that the situation has reached a crisis level." But, before making any decisions, ensure you have a thorough understanding of his health insurance, what it covers, and any pre-authorization requirements. Also, research different treatment facilities or experts; not all rehab centers or therapists are the same. Word of mouth, online reviews, and even direct consultations can help you find the right fit. You also have to be prepared for the financial aspects. Treatments can be costly, and insurance might not cover everything. Look into financial aid options, payment plans, or scholarships that some facilities offer. This is not just an emotional investment but potentially a significant financial one as well. It's a daunting step to take, but remember, you're doing it for both of you. A healthier, happier life for your boyfriend also means a healthier, happier relationship for you. The Recovery Journey: What to Expect Let's say the professional help is sought and your boyfriend is on the path to recovery. What should you expect? First and foremost, understand that recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), the recovery journey is "a process of change through which people improve their health and wellness, live self-directed lives, and strive to reach their full potential." Detoxification is usually the first step, followed by some form of behavioral therapy and medication. Treatment plans are often customized based on the individual's specific needs and might also include family counseling. In essence, it's a multi-pronged approach. You should also prepare for setbacks. Relapse is common in the recovery journey and should not be viewed as a "failure" but as a stumbling block on the road to recovery. When it happens, it's important to reassess and adapt the treatment plan. From your end, adjust your expectations and be patient. Recovery affects not just him but also the dynamics of your relationship. It's a seismic shift, and both of you will need time to adapt. Work on rebuilding trust, but also give him the space to focus on himself. It's a delicate balance to strike. Consider joining a support group for families and partners of recovering alcoholics. They provide a safe space to share experiences, learn from others, and gain emotional support. The road to recovery can be long and taxing, and you'll need all the support you can get, too. Lastly, celebrate the victories, no matter how small. Every milestone is an accomplishment that brings you one step closer to a healthier relationship and a happier life. Whether it's 30 days sober or a successfully navigated social event without alcohol, acknowledging these achievements can provide much-needed encouragement for both of you. Your Own Well-being: Self-Care Amidst the Chaos Let's pivot the focus back to you for a moment. In the whirlwind that is a relationship where your boyfriend drinks too much, it's easy to lose sight of your own well-being. In fact, many partners of alcoholics find themselves so consumed with fixing the "problem" that they forget to take care of themselves. So, what does self-care look like in this context? For starters, it's about setting healthy boundaries, as discussed earlier. You need to establish limits that protect your emotional and physical well-being. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. You might need to dig deeper—perhaps speaking to a therapist about your own anxieties and fears related to the relationship. Physical health is equally critical. Stress can manifest in many physical forms—insomnia, high blood pressure, and even weight fluctuations. Exercise regularly, eat balanced meals, and get enough sleep. It might sound like generic advice, but under stressful conditions, these basics can make a world of difference. Find your own support network, independent of your boyfriend's recovery journey. Friends, family, and even online communities can offer comfort and advice. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone can lift a heavy burden off your shoulders. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. It's not selfish to take time for yourself; it's essential. Whether it's a hobby, a weekend getaway, or just a night out with friends—these 'breaks' can rejuvenate you mentally and emotionally. Lastly, keep your own goals and ambitions in focus. It's easy to get sidetracked when you're preoccupied with someone else's problem, but remember, you have your own life to live, and you should be living it to its fullest. To Stay or To Leave: Making the Hard Decision We've navigated through setting boundaries, initiating conversations, seeking professional help, and even focusing on self-care. But what if, despite all your efforts, your boyfriend's drinking habit doesn't improve? You come to a crossroads with two stark choices: to stay or to leave. It's a deeply personal decision and one that only you can make. While there are no easy answers, consider your own well-being and the quality of the relationship. Is it enriching your life or causing more harm than good? You also have to think long-term. Alcoholism is a chronic condition and even if your boyfriend recovers, the risk of relapse will always be there. Are you prepared for the challenges and uncertainties that come with it? Also, let's not ignore the elephant in the room—love. It's the glue that's probably held the relationship together so far, but it's worth scrutinizing its quality. Is it a healthy love or a love mired in toxicity and co-dependency? If you choose to stay, be prepared for a long, uphill battle. If you decide to leave, understand that it doesn't make you a 'bad' person. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone—and for yourself—is to walk away. Regardless of your decision, it's advisable to seek professional guidance. Therapists can offer coping strategies and help you work through the emotional turmoil that accompanies such a monumental decision. Conclusion: Hope Beyond the Bottle We've covered an extensive ground in understanding what it means when your boyfriend drinks too much. From setting boundaries and initiating conversations to seeking professional help and focusing on self-care, each step is crucial in its own right. While it's a tough journey fraught with challenges, it's also an opportunity for growth—for both you and your boyfriend. Whether the relationship survives or not, the experiences can offer invaluable life lessons. Moreover, remember, you're not alone. Support is available in various forms—friends, family, professionals, and even strangers going through a similar ordeal. Tap into these resources and don't isolate yourself. At the end of the day, it boils down to two people with their individual complexities trying to make a life together. And like any aspect of life, it comes with its share of hurdles. The key is to face them head-on, armed with knowledge, support, and a whole lot of love. So, even if the bottle has cast a long shadow, remember, there's always hope beyond it. Life offers us multiple chances to rewrite our stories; perhaps this is yours. Wishing you all the strength and courage you'll need on this challenging yet enlightening journey. Resources "Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie "Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism" by Dr. James R. Milam and Katherine Ketcham "The Recovery Book: Answers to All Your Questions About Addiction and Alcoholism and Finding Health and Happiness in Sobriety" by Al J. Mooney M.D.,‎ Catherine Dold, and Howard Eisenberg
  2. Hey. I lost my Dad earlier this week after a long battle with illness and I was present when he died. I have been sober for 14 months and as you can imagine this has caused so many triggers. I haven't touched a drop but in all honesty scared that I do. I just want these feelings to stop but know that I need to feel them in order to deal with my grief. Only problem is I know alcohol will stop them for a while. I do have a good support network around me e.g. husband, younger sister, friends but dreading the funeral. I won't bore you with the dynamics of family but I have a strained relationship with my mum and older sister so it makes this more challenging. I know the funeral will be a massive trigger and of course where we are having the wake there will be a bar. But to be honest this whole situation is a trigger. I've even started smoking again. Anyone been in this situation or have advice?
  3. So, my roommate sat me down today to tell me that she thought I had a problem with drinking and that she was worried that I was turning into an alcoholic? On a crazy week I'll drink no more than 3 days out of the week. Usually it's only once. I don't think that drinking 2-3 times a week as a 21 year old should be considered a problem? I pay my bills, go to class, have a full time job, do my share of the work around the apartment... but since I went out on tuesday and ended up crashing at my buddy's house, and then went out friday and saturday night because I didn't feel like sitting at home with her and her boyfriend I guess I'm an alcoholic now? She says she's seen a change in my drinking habits since we moved in in november to now... well that could be because when I moved in I wasn't 21! I couldn't go out to bars and alcohol was not as accessible. I dunno... am I being unreasonable or does she have a point?
  4. This is a quote I came accross online today about guys stuck in the dreaded friend zone. "A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired." Discuss: I find it to be very ammusingly accurate.
  5. Small smoked room, filled with toxic fumes. Trying to look past the irrationalizations which consumes. It's difficult to resolve the problems If the problems were caused by Us. I told you relationships were built solely on trust. But you were too afraid to take responsibility for your actions, That's why it's so hard not to find a new attraction. You knew what I wanted, and you exposed it with ease, Now you've lost your sanity, and I'm becoming difficult to please. You can call me a stoner or even an alcoholic, But you can't look at your own addictions, it seems a bit ironic. Don't think I didn't love you for a while once before, But now it's been lost, just to call you is a chore. Maybe when we're healthy, we can be together, But you must know that, right now, we just aren't good for each other. I'm sorry it had to happen without a warning sign, but for some reason lately, I don't want you to be mine.
  6. I took an alcoholic test on the interenet the other day and it said if you tick one or more of these ur an alcholic. I ticked two. that i drink alone and that i drink to get rid of problems. I dnt drink that often. Only like once a week? am i an alcholic?
  7. my dads always been an alcoholic since i was young and my mom and dad would always fight because my dad would always come home drunk from work and bother my brother, mom and myself. But, my dads a really sweet, and respectful man when he's not drunk, and we all love him a lot. However, when he drinks, he goes crazy; he like basically turns into a different person. My mom and dad are not separted but however my moms with me in Seattle because my schools here and my brothers in college in Michigan, but my dad stays in Korea because he engineers a company there. I've written numerous letters to my dad and we've basically tried everything to make him clean but nothing works, and i think the last and the most helpful resort will be seeking for professional help but he strongly refuses. And when he gets drunk, he like pisses everybody off, and he won't let us sleep because he makes a lot of loud noise and just won't stop talking and now my mom's getting sick and I'm a sophomore in high school and i really don't want my parents to get sick and die.I'm so sick and tired of this life style and i really want my dad to be healthy again and i just want to help my family.please, help me.i'm so lost and scared and worried and i really need help!
  8. I am a very religious teenager. I follow the catholic church, and so does one of my friends. This friend has had a rough 4 years as she lost all of her grandparents and father. During this time, she has also been addicted to several drugs, and is now an alcoholic. She has been clean for 2 months now, and tonight asked me if I was willing to take her to church. Naturally, I relplied with a yes. I will follow through with my committment, but I was wondering if there are any precautions that I should take, anything I should talk to her about, or anything I should tell my priest?
  9. My girlfriends mom is an alcoholic and we both cant deal with it anymore i fear she will soon becmoe violent and then in return i will do something bad trying to protect her. I want to get her out of her house but her mom had "trash" on every one... (sister's a crackhead, brothers in and out of jail 24/7, dad owes billions in child support). I feel like shes trapped and i could really use some one that knows or has gone through this... PLEASE!
  10. I'm 16 and as sad as it is true, many teens my age are heavy drinkers religiously. Which leads me to my boyfriend who's 17, we've been dating for 7 months. When we first started dating I knew he was a heavy drinker...I drink, but it's like once or twice a month. I don't have a problem with my boyfriend being an alcoholic, he's just drunk at night, but whenever we hang, he's completely sober...he comes over sometimes after he's gotten drunk with his buddies and he's not really a different person, it doesn't bother me that every night (literally) he's out getting drunk with his buddies because he's always there for me and I know what he's like drunk...I do get drunk with him on occasion. Leads me to my question...what happens to him and people like him who are alcoholics at a young age? He's very bright and he's a good guy...you couldn't even tell he was an alcoholic...and i've asked him this...why do they get drunk EVERY night? and he says it's fun... just want your thoughts on teen drinking...
  11. I had a terrific friend in college that was always something of an alcoholic, even when we were that young. He's a really great guy - smart, funny, clever, handsome - but a terrific drunk with a terrifying urge for alcohol. I haven't seen him in person since a friend's wedding in 2002. We ended up sleeping together (I was drunk, too). We called each other occasionally because we remained friends. Never any romance between us - always just a great friendship with one silly mistake. Flash forward to last year. He began calling me ALL THE TIME. I was involved in a serious relationship, so it was weird. He would call me late at night when he was drunk. I got sick of it and just stopped taking his calls, no explanation. Now he will call me once every six months. I never pick up. So NOW he found me on MySpace. He sent me two messages, one of them asking if I was ever going to talk to him again. Do I owe him an explanation? I CANNOT be friends with him until he cleans up his act. I don't need someone drunk-dialing me. It makes me nervous and a little offended. Plus, the guy just depresses me at this point. He's 30 years old and still acting like an 18 year-old frat boy. It's really scary. Should I tell him that I won't be friends with him until he recognizes he has a problem? Should I tell him I don't like it when he calls me when he's drinking? Should I just say nothing at all? What do I owe him? What do I do????
  12. Dont know where to post this, figured its kind of self injury. Yeah so im a typical teenager, likes a drink etc. . . but recently ive been craving it. The other night i was drinking wine like water . . and then port, then last night i have quite a bit of whiskey (for my age) and beer. . . i dont drink alone, socially, but i dont know if this could perhaps make me alcoholic when i get older. Need some facts and some advice on how much, is too much.
  13. my friend's dad is an alcoholic and has been fighting with his wife for nearly 2 years. my friend thinks his parents might divorce...he's only told this to me though. what should i do?
  14. I'm an recovering addict and my boyfriend is an alcoholic. We started dating in September and we were both drinking a lot, I was taking pills, etc. My drug of choice is pot, which I haven't smoked in 18 months, but I was using other methods thinking I was still "clean." I made my views on pot apparent to my bf on our first date. He had a hotel room that weekend so of course being the horny addict that I am, I went back with him and we had sex. I had taken an overnight bag with me and left it in my car haha. I went to get it and when I came back he told me he had just smoked a bowl. I flipped out and told him the entire saga of me and weed (long story short, I lost a job, was unemployed for 8 months, tried to kill myself and ended up instituionalized). After I told him that he took his bag of weed, took me into the bathroom and I watched as he flushed it and he promised he would never smoke again. Things were going really well (except for the fact that I had to take 2 weeks off of work to go into a day hospital which he was very supportive of) and he was staying at my apt for weeks at a time without going home, so he moved in with me and my roommate on Dec. 1st. Normally I wouldn't have done this, but I've been strapped for money and splitting the rent 3 ways f-ing rocks! Last week his drinking got out of control. Monday night he stayed up all night and drank 12 beers and some wine. I woke up twice and told him to go to bed but he said he couldn't sleep. He ended up not going to work the next day - duh! He works with his father in the family business and around 9am tuesday morning he called his dad and told him he was on his way. Then he decided to lay down and take a 15 minute nap, which of course he didn't wake up from until 4:30PM. In the meantime, his family was freaking out with worry so his mom emailed me, and his dad and his brother both called me. I called him reapeatedly but he didn't answer. So I called our other roommate and she said he was asleep. His father was PISSED. When I finally talked to my bf again that afternoon I told him all of this and he was very upset with himself. I watched as he poured out all of the alcohol...which was a LOT. He said he needed help and he was never going to drink again. I told him to call his Dad and straighten things out. He said he called Wed and then he told me that his Dad said he couldn't trust him, etc and not to come back to work until he gets himself together. Then he told me that he wanted to go in and talk to his Dad on Fri...he told me after that it was more of the same conversation. One thing you should know is he is petrified of his Dad. He's messed up many many times because of alcohol and his Dad used to beat him when he was little. Saturday morning comes and his mom calls me. She told me that no one had heard from him since Tuesday. So he lied to me. He blatently LIED to my FACE!! So I went and woke him up after my convo with his mom and I proceeded to rip him a new one. I told him that I felt taken advantage of and really stupid. I mean I'm an addict, I should be able to spot lies when I see them. So at this point he feels awful and decides to come clean with all of his lies. So he tells me that he smoked pot once in October and once LAST WEEK with his brother. I flipped out, had an anxiety attack and told him that i made myself perfectly clear that I cannot be with someone who smokes weed. I'm still not sure he understands actually. But he told me that he's not going over there anymore and when his brother is feeling lonely he can come to our place. Anyway, we went to AA that night and Sunday night too. He *says* he hasn't had a drink since that binge monday night, I haven't had a drink since then either. Am I being really stupid for hoping that he'll get better? We're so in love and everyone who knows us says we're absolutely perfect for each other, even the ones that know he's an alcoholic. But how can I allow myself to trust him again?
  15. Hows it goin everyone. When at social gathers with tons of people and im sober, I'm naturally a bit shy and can't think of things to say quickly. However once I get a good amount of alcohol in my belly I change completely. I open up and feel like myself saying things i'd say if I felt comfortable. It might sound like i'm turning into an alcoholic or something but it's not like that. Anyone else like this?
  16. Hey as a 15 year old i kinda am stuck with this. I live with my nan and pop and apaerently i make their lives a misery and ruin everything they've got. (If you ask me pop did a good of that being an alcoholic for so many damn years but finally stopped about nine or ten years ago.) So anyway aparently sometime they are selling up and i need to find somwhere to live because they don't want me and mum to come with them this time and theres no way in all of hell that im living with mum alone. She needs more help then what i can give and i want to do my best in school. If all this happens i think i'll find an institute i can put her in so they can look after her and then if she will let me i can go visit. I don't really know. What i'm asking is how hard is it for a 16 year old (My birthday is only 4 months away and nothing will happen before then.) to move into a flat or apartment and how much am i looking at. My sister said i'll never be able to afford it and i kinda believe her but i might be able to if i have my youth allowence and stuff as well. I don't know. But i know i need to get a little place. So yeah any information would be good.
  17. Hi everyone, As I just came accross this site I see how there are so many helpful and caring people. I thought I might share my story as I am looking for any type of advise to help me get through my recent break-up (1 month ago). Here is my story (sorry if it is long). My bf and I dated for 3 1/2 years. Although at the beginning it was mostly long distance. At the beginning of the relationship I was done school and starting my profession as a teacher. But my bf, who is 2 years older than me, decided to put the rest of his schooling on hold and go work in the middle of now where - because he liked the out doors. Needless to say I was not impressed, but I had realized that he was indeed someone special to me so we stayed together. He came home for a small spurt but then again left - totally breaking my heart. We did break up for a while. About a year ago he decided to come home because he wanted to make a life with me. He wanted to go back to school and focus more on our relationship. I was excited, but scared at the same time because he had broken my heart before already. Things started really well...or atleast I thought. About 6 months ago he moved in with me. He was taking classes at university and working part-time. Now...here is where trouble started. I'm not sure how... He became lazy, hardly did things around the house, took naps everyday (he is twenty-eight), and complained when I was tired after working all day. I did become a nagging * * * * * because everyday when I got home from teaching, coaching,, working out, etc..the house was a disaster and he had done absolutely nothing all day - sometimes not even classes. I think I became to resent him and I never wanted to have sex. I felt bad for this...and he hated it. He felt like I wasn't attracted to him...and I felt like I was always just angry at him. I think I knew deep down that I deserved more. He began calling me selfish and getting angry that I never had time for him. I tried to make things better. Then I found that he began to drink a lot. I had suspected earlier that he did have a drinking problem but I think I had just put it into the back of my head. Earlier in the relationship he would drink and not be able to stop - binge drinker. While this became more frequent. I also suspected drugs...which I later did found out he had been doing cocaine. As I read more now I see that he had displayed alot of qualities of an alcoholic personality. Has anyone dealt with alcoholism?? I am finding it really hard. Because now I find he is blaming everything on me. He says he drank because he was unhappy in the relationship. I am trying to focus on my self and I realize that I have become somewhat of a codependent. Has anyone ever dealt with this? I need help. I need to focus on myself but I am having alot of trouble. I want to move on but at times I feel like it is all my fault that the relationship did not work. My self-esteem is so low. I do blame myself alot. I love him so much, and it hurt. My heart is broken. I am so afraid that I may take him back...and I don't think it would be healthy. Please...can someone shed light on this for me.
  18. I have been wanting to talk to someone about this for so long now, but i never knew who i could confide in. none of my family members know, they all love my him, and wouldn't expect it. We have two children together, we have been with each other for three and a half years. Before me he was married to a women for 9 years and he says she always used to yell at him and lecture him for drinking too much. he said she used to call him all kinds of names and pretty much verbally abuse him. But from all hes told me, it was a pretty unstable marriage to begin with. Anyway, because of this, i feel like i really can't confront him about it. Hes got such a complex about it anyways, and i feel like if i did confront him, he would only try to hide it even more. Its to the point where every night when he comes home from work, hes gotta have half a bottle of brany and two 20 oz bottles of beer(at least) Hes spending around 60 dollars a week on alcohol. We really don't have that kind of money, especially with two babies. I love him so much, but i am really scared for him. And i know no matter what he says, he knows he has a problem bc he tries to hide it from me, like if i;m in the bathroon he'll practicall run to the cabinet where he keeps his brandy and suck some down before i get out, or just whenever he thinks i won't catch him he does this. I just have no clue what to do. I want him to be around for our children, i mean hes not a big man at all. Hes probably 140 lbs soaking wet wearing working boots. What should i do?
  19. I'm aware the title is going to make people think of alcoholism, but this isn't quite the case (for he's not an alcoholic, in any sense of the word) It's just, when my boyfriend (of three years come january) and I go out to pubs and clubs with our friends, I don't like his attitude. Granted, we don't actually go out to clubs much (I'm not exactly miss social, and prefer alternative music and dress code, rather than RnB and stuff they play at clubs) Our 'friends' all go to uni, I used the little " marks because they only ask us to come out every 4 months or so, and hardly ever contact me (they contact my boyfriend, they're more his friends) Anyway, when we do go out, he insists on getting blind drunk, which always ends up with me in tears, and a argument because his attitude is just too laid back and 'whats your problem?!' when he's drunk. He was just diagnosed with diabetes and although taking care of himself in every other aspect of life, he seems to think he can drink and drink, when he should stay within the reccomended limits. It was around 2 am in the morning, and we were still at a noisy, crowded club. I wanted to go home, but he wanted to stay and get more drunk (nevermind the fact he was staying at my house that night) He kept spilling beer on me, because people kept pushing past. It got me in one of my infamous moods. I wasn't drunk enough nor was I confident enough to dance that night (the people we were out with i would call aqquantances, though they're my BFs best friends) Anyway, bla bla, we got separated because he was on the dancefloor and I wasn't, I spent about 40 mins on my own feeling so miserable, whilst he was having fun. I'm depressed anyway and I felt so alone, watching all these people having fun and having no one to comfort me, not having any close friends. I started bawling, so went up to the toilets. Came back down, found my boyfriend, had an argument, started crying again, hysterically, upstairs in the private rooms until someone found me. (someone being a nice, complete stranger, instead of the arses i was out with that night) Eventually persuaded boyfriend to come home. I'd had a few drinks, but not enough to not be able to string thoughts together. I think our 'friends' think I'm pathetic, and that I rule his life, and nag him. I can see it in there eyes, the way they look at me like 'chill out' and 'whats the problem?' I know I'm waffling, but this always happens when he's drunk. People couldn't care less where I take myself off to, despite them having a good time. I should've been enjoying myself with my boyfriend, but I can't, because of the way he gets. I've tried to explain this to him, but he as well, doesn't see the big deal. I feel mean, as if I'm ruining his fun, thereforeeee have decided a few times not to go out with his friends. I have so much to write, but I can't put it down into words. The way I feel is gut-wrenching, because I can't get it accross to him. Its not often he does get drunk, but when he does, I can't handle it. And at that rather blunt ending, I ask for your advice. Am I being an irrational bint?
  20. Single forever….Yes that’s right, I will be single forever. And I will tell you why. Some guys are just naturally good at picking up women. I knew a guy like this, we always went over to his place and there were women there, it was amazing. They always exhibited confidence, class, and a lot of guts. And that was never me. From growing up with an alcoholic, while my parents were in a crappy marriage. I hated my life, and still do to some degree. I am happier than I was, but I still feel lost somehow. A lot of how I interact with women came from my father. He was an alcoholic and would emotionally and sometimes physically abuse us. The whole nightmare finally ended when my mom had the guts to divorce his , but even then it took a long time for that to happen. Now granted my father was not all bad, there were many fun memories in my old house, yet somehow I seem to only remember the bad. My dad would say horrible things about people and especially my mom. He was also very good at belittling us and making feel like dirt, all the while keeping us under his thumb. He had several issues and the alcoholism only made it worse. He was very angry inside, very vindictive. And basically that’s what I learned, anger, spite, vengefulness. For a long time I was very hostile to women, for no reason, this was a big part of it. And for a long time things compiled on top of each other, making dating and meeting the right one very difficult. I was very shy, and maybe even socially inept in Jr. High and High School. This complied with the hatred brewing within me made everything worse. And because of this, I never learned those skills of dating. I have had 2 relationships in my life, 1 long term relationship and 1 shall we say ‘casual’ relationship, and both came from being asked out. Today the hatred for women is not there, I have calmed in my 20’s and am now at a point where I am indifferent. Oftentimes I think about the possibility of a new relationship, and I know in my heart that it will never happen, because I know the truth. And the truth is; I am a loser. I am terrified of meeting women, I don’t know what to say or do in situations like these. Women sometimes do not understand this, as all they have to do is flirt a little and the guy is just supposed to pick up on it and ‘spit game’. Well I can usually pick up on some of the signals, but the words never come out; I’ll never know what to say or how to say it. Sex is nice, but a relationship is better. I don’t want sex per se, but something meaningful. However with my own shortcomings I don’t think anything will happen. My family knows better than to ask me if I have a girlfriend because they know the answer. I have been single since my last ‘causal’ relationship ended when I was in school at metro community college. I don’t recall the exact length of time, but lets say its been about 8 years or so. So there you have it. You may think I’m a whiny loser, but it has felt good to get this out and to post it for everyone to see. I estimate I will indeed be single forever since I have zero self esteem when it comes to women. So i posted this on my blog on myspace the other day, and my friend told me that I needed to just relax and be carefree. That I should just be happy i'm single and not tied down by a relationship. I love it when people think they know what your going through, and that its reallly no big deal. But the reality is, i'll be single for the rest of my life, so yeah, sorry if that depresses me a bit, or even a lot!!
  21. If you know of someone who suffers from alcoholism or is alcohol abusive, please do the right thing and help them get over it. In the crazy world we live in today, being a liability is all too common. The last thing anyone wants is to see someone destroy one's life with the potential of tearing apart someone else's through carelessness or blurred inhibitions. Alcoholism is a diease in which the user has a constant craving for alcohol. Alcohol is a depressent that affects the body in so many ways. Anything from cardiomyopathy, which destroys the heart muscles, to fatty liver (and eventually cirrhosis), which deteriorates the liver, to significantly increasing your likelihood of doing something stupid like killing yourself (and others) in a car accident. Alcohol has a tremendous affect on the immune system. It does not get digested, so it goes straight into the blood stream, which influences the way the major orgrans operate. You may not see the damage done early on, but over time it can become shockingly clear. For women who are pregnant, drinking alcohol altogether increases the risk of the child having FAS, or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, which is the leading cause of mental retardation among children. Thus, drinking excessively while pregnant skyrockets the potential for it to develop. If you truly care about the health and well-being of your child, you will do whatever it takes to ensure that any serious health problems do not come up. Alcohol abuse, which stems from binge drinking, is equally as dangerous as alcoholism. Many users who abuse alcohol are using it as an outlet as a result of stress, anxiety, or negative emotions like feeling powerless. It is a terrible way to deal with problems. It only creates more problems, not only for the user, but for his or her loved ones and friends. With the holiday season in session, it is even more important to watch out for things like this. There are more car accidents due to being intoxicated during the holiday season than during any other time of the year. Please, be responsible. Happy Holidays!
  22. I have been in a serious relationship with a woman which I adore and love for 6 months now. My problem is that I don't trust her because of the way she behaves. First, let me say I am not or have not been perfect, which no one is. She is an alcoholic that is very much in denial, she is insecure, she sets double standards, she is controlling and is an admitted(yesterday) flirting moneychaser that has cheated on her previous boyfriend. I know, that should be self explanitory of what choice to make but I love her. On the other hand I'm tired of being told that I am out of line and our problems are my fault. For some reason this has happened in two of my relationships in the last five years. Please someone give me some advice on what I should do..........................................
  23. This is something I've just never understood... My girlfriend drinks socially at college (which I hate), and I've just never been able to comprehend the point of consuming alcohol when there are no positive effects of it. I understand that it can cause people to relax, but if someone is at college and with friends that they already know, what do they need to alcohol to relax for. My father was an alcoholic, so I've always promised myself that I would never drink, but I would like to know what the motivation is for drinking, when the intent is not to get drunk.
  24. OK so she promised me that she wouldn't drink..which she knew was basically a prerequisite to us dating cuz I can't have that ish in my life (pops was an alcoholic)..and she ended up getting piss drunk a couple weeks ago...i'm too worn out at the moment to type it all out so i'm just going to copy and paste the story i type to my friend in AIM..i dont even know if i want advice or if i just want you to wish me luck or words of wisdom or whatever..idk i just needed to get this out.. Me: like 5 months ago jackie promised me Me: that she wouldnt drink Me: cuz i had told her my whole whole lifes story about how my dads an alcoholic and that if she were to drink it would really hurt me and blah blah blah Me: and she promised me that she would never drink because she knew it would really hurt me Me: and i was talking to her on the phone last night and she told me that like 2 weeks ago she got * * * *-faced drunk Me: so now im just like * * * Me: cuz she broke her promise to me Me: so we were on the phone for like 4 hours last night Me: and she was crying alot and she said that she only did it because of peer pressure and she really didnt mean to hurt me Me: and she promised that she would never ever do it again Me: and i believe that because she was really crying and i could tell in her voice that she was being real Me: but its like we've had 8 months worth of trust built up Me: and now its back to square one Me: i understand that she's a human and all humans make mistakes Me: she i told her that i forgave her and shes only getting one other chance Me: and if she does anything remotely similar to this again then we're over Me: and she promised me that she would never drink again Me: but now its like i really want to believe her but she already broke one promise so now its hard for me to believe this one Me: its not like she drinks all the time or anything, cuz this was the first time she's drank in like the past 5 months Me: but its just like damn
  25. Ok... I'll just start from the beginning. I'm 17 years old, and I've been in a relationship with "Joe" for 10 months. Joe is 22... and it doesn't even appear that big of an age difference to me. At any case, we have a lot of issues with drinking. For the first three months of our relationship, I was very happy and I had a lot of fun. We would drink together and I trusted him with all my heart. From that point its went all down hill. Its like he doesnt want me involved with that part of his life any more. Sorta like he's trying to hide something.... him drinking or the fact that he has a problem. Joe will go get a case of beer while I'm at work.. or just tell me he's with his dad, and by the time I get there, he's 3 sheets to the wind. He tries to blame this on me. He says I don't look at things the same way he does, and that its because I'm only 17 that I dont understand. I want to be with him for the rest of my life... there's not a minute in the day that goes past that he doesn't cross my mind. Joe has a problem- simply put. Honestly, maybe I'm wrong, but anyone who drinks at least 3 days a week is an alcoholic. And if he's not, he is well on his way. I just want to be happy. Tonight he said he was mowing his grass... I once again let my guard down and didnt have a problem in the world with him doing so. At 6:30 he calls and says he done and that he's coming to pick me up. I could tell by the tone in his voice that he had been drinking... pritty heavily. But beyond my best judgement, I went with him. Within two hours, he was passing out on the couch. What am I supposed to do? Its like 40 degrees outside, and I'm about 3 miles away from my house with no vehicle except his. I finally get him up... and we start arguing over the keys... one thing lead to another and he elbowed me in the face. This is the first time he's ever gotten physical to me. I am not forgiving him for this.. but I dont want to leave him. I almost feel like I've convinced myself that he has a problem. He has a disease, and I think it is wrong for me to leave him in his time of need. My cheek bone is alittle sore- nothing much. But its not only that. When he drinks, he gets emotionally abusive. He tells me I'm acting like "Kimmy"... she's his exgirlfriend. They were together for 2 years, and she was a complete nut. Tonight I lost my temper, I really did... Once he got physical towards me, I got crazy.. I said things I didnt mean, and I just dont know what to do.. I have no clue what to do... I dont know if I should run the other way? Try to talk to him about it AGAIN? Give each other some time... Please any form of advice would help. I just want to be happy again, and to be quite honest.. I dont think I could "leave him" without being harmed?
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